1. - Hey, folks, it's me,
Eddie Champagne,
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2. the hot tub king of Detroit.
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3. It's me, Eddie Champagne,
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4. the hot tub king of Detroit.
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5. Hey, folks, it's me,
Eddie Champagne,
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6. the hot tub king of Detroit.
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7. - You think the water's
too hot?
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8. - It'll be fine.
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9. - Okay, people.
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10. - All right, let's make
commercial magic.
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11. - Eddie Champagne,
hot tub commercial,
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12. scene ten, take one.
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13. - And... action.
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14. - Hey, folks, it's me,
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15. Eddie Champagne,
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16. the hot tub king of Detroit.
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17. If you don't like my prices,
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18. I'm gonna be the one
in hot water.
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19. Oh, God!
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20. Oh! Aah!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
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21. - Lea, tell me we got that.
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22. - We got it.
- Oh, my God!
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23. It's so hot!
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24. - Oh, Ed, I'm telling ya,
that reaction's
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25. gonna sell
a lot of hot tubs.
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26. - Oh, God.
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27. - It's Felipe.
They're at the Chop House.
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28. Just got their steaks.
We got to go.
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29. - That's a wrap!
Great job, everybody!
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30. Eddie, you nailed it!
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31. - Thanks, guys!
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32. You guys are the ad kings
of Detroit!
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33. - Right over there.
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34. I pay for the coffee.
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35. I pick up the dog,
and I tell the cop
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36. that I'm with animal control,
undercover.
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37. I still have the dog.
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38. Heck yeah, we got a deal.
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39. Carter?
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40. Carter Grant,
VP of marketing, Chrysler?
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41. - Uh, yeah.
Have we met?
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42. - We're about to.
Sam Duvet.
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43. - Uh, hi, Sam.
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44. - Tim Cramblin,
Cramblin Advertising.
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45. - Hello, Tim.
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46. Are you Hank Cramblin's son?
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47. - That I am, yeah.
- Oh.
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48. - You know
Sally Pomerantz?
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49. Head of creative
for Pomerantz and Klein.
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50. - Hank Cramblin,
what a legend.
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51. How is your father?
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52. - He went insane.
He lives in a nuthouse now.
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53. - Oh.
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54. Well, the next time
you see him,
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55. you tell him Sally Pomerantz
from Chicago said hello.
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56. - He won't understand that.
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57. Talking to him is like
talking to Bugs Bunny.
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58. - Well, then you tell him,
"What's up, Doc?"
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59. - Thank you.
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60. That'll mean a lot to him.
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61. - Sally Pomerantz.
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62. Just as lovely
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63. as I'd always imagined.
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64. I mean,
wrong color but...
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65. just as lovely.
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66. - Yeah, he imagines
everyone black.
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67. - I suppose it's because
I'm black.
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68. - Oh, that could be.
- Could be.
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69. - That could...
- Could...
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70. Be.
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71. - Carter, we are
on our way out
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72. because we already
ate here.
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73. Look at these stains
on our ties.
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74. - Look at the receipt.
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75. - I'm guessing
all the agencies are in town
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76. because you're hearing pitches
for your new campaign.
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77. Well, Cramblin would love
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78. to throw our hat in the ring
on that.
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79. - Oh.
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80. Well, have I seen your work?
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81. - Oh, you sure have.
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82. Delta Airlines,
Budweiser—
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83. - No, no, no.
Not your father's.
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84. Yours.
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85. - Oh, uh...
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86. - How about Smith's
baby and teen kid furniture?
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87. Harry Dean, the DUI lawyer?
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88. Frank Franklin Insurance?
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89. - Oh, I've seen that one.
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90. Frank Franklin.
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91. - That's so us.
- That's us!
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92. - No, it's, uh—
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93. that's a very catchy tune,
yeah.
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94. But, you know, I'm just not sure
that your firm
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95. is what we're looking for
right now, gentlemen.
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96. - Oh, sure, 'cause you're
probably gonna go
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97. with these fine folks
from Chicago
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98. 'cause that's where
you make your cars.
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99. Wait a minute.
No, you don't.
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100. Where do they make
their cars, Sam?
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101. - Right here in Detroit.
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102. - Come on, Carter.
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103. - You make your cars here.
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104. Make your ads here.
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105. Fellas, it took a lot of balls
coming in here like this.
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106. - Well, we were already
eating here, so...
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107. - Receipt, so...
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108. - Right, the receipt, yeah.
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109. Um...
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110. tell you what.
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111. Why don't you come by
tomorrow?
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112. Hmm? 8:00.
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113. I can't at 8:00.
I just can't.
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114. I have dinner with my wife,
and I can't cancel.
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115. - Oh, no, I meant a.m.
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116. - a.m., yeah.
Makes way more sense.
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117. - Yeah.
- A little early.
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118. See you in the morning.
Thank you.
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119. - Okay.
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120. - Gentlemen.
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121. Mrs. Pomerantz.
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122. - Ms.
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123. - Oh.
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124. - Ooh!
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125. Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
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126. Hoo!
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127. Got a lot of work to do.
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128. - Oh, no, there he goes.
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129. - Oh, I was so scared
in there.
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130. - I know you were.
You were great, though.
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131. You honestly were great.
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132. Thanks, buddy.
You were great too.
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133. - No, it's not 'cause—
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134. The food is good.
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135. - Yeah.
Leave room for desser—
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136. - Shh. Let it go.
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137. I'm right here, bud.
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138. I'm right here, buddy.
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139. - Okay, Chrysler.
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140. Chrysler.
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141. - You'll love the visor
in your brand-new Chrysler.
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142. - If I don't get a Chrysler,
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143. I'm gonna cry, sir.
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144. - Jesus Chrysler!
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145. What a car!
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146. - I'm taking off for the day,
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147. unless there's anything
you need,
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148. anything at all, Big Hank.
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149. - Ms. Portnadi,
Hank was my father.
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150. I'm Tim, remember?
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151. - Whoops.
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152. I dropped my pencil.
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153. Can I just leave it there?
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154. - Yes, please.
- For the love of God, do.
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155. - Yes.
- Night, Sheila.
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156. - Okay, Chrysler.
Chrysler.
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157. - You guys ready to edit
the hot tub commercial?
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158. - Lea, that's small potatoes.
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159. We're working
on a big old potato.
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160. You can go ahead
and do it yourself.
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161. - Lea, you're in film school.
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162. I think you can edit
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163. a hot tub commercial
by yourself.
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164. - Thanks, guys.
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165. I will not let you down.
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166. - Uh...
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167. all right, let's stop
screwing around.
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168. It's 12 hours till the pitch.
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169. Be nicer.
Drive a Chrysler.
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170. You suck.
- No, you suck.
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171. - You got nothing.
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172. You got nothing.
- I—everything.
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173. - You got nothing.
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174. !
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175. - Foul!
- That's on me!
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176. - Oh, travel!
Oh, travel!
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177. - Whoa!
- Whoa.
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178. - I can't believe that didn't
break the window.
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179. - I know.
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180. It's almost like
it's unbreakable.
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181. - Stapler.
- Stapler.
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182. - Oh!
- Oh! Oh!
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183. - Oh, my God!
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184. Oh, man!
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185. - Ninja throw!
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186. - Wow, didn't even.
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187. It didn't even.
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188. Coffeepot! Coffeepot!
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189. Coffeepot!
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190. - Go!
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191. - Oh!
- Yes!
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192. Candleholder!
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193. - Candleholder!
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194. - Candleholder.
- Candleholder!
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195. - Candleholder.
- Candleholder!
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196. - Candleholder.
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197. Oh!
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198. - Oh!
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199. - So it did break.
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200. - It didn't break.
It shattered.
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201. One...
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202. Two...
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203. - Whoa.
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204. Oh!
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205. Old diet pills.
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206. These things
were basically speed.
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207. - Huh.
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208. - Expired January 1974.
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209. - You think it's safe
to take some of those?
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210. - I don't know.
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211. Open on dad driving
through the rain
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212. in a brand-new
Chrysler 300.
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213. - Across town, his daughter
walks into a tattoo parlor.
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214. - Hands a pile of cash
to the man at the counter.
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215. - Biker-type dude,
like, a real mean guy,
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216. like, a neo-Nazi.
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217. - Yeah, she points
to the sign
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218. that says "Nipple Piercing,"
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219. takes off her shirt,
pulls down her bra.
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220. We see everything.
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221. - Yes.
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222. - Cut to...
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223. - Dad races across town.
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224. - Close-up.
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225. - Biker's meaty, hairy hand
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226. grabs the daughter's nipple.
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227. - Pulls it out
as far as it'll go.
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228. - Oh, it's farther
than you think.
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229. - Yeah, it's way farther, man.
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230. - Biker pierces the nipple.
Daughter moans.
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231. Drop of red blood rolls down
her milky black breast.
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232. - No, milky white breast.
- I pictured black.
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233. - Keep going.
- In the reflection,
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234. the drop of blood rolling down
the daughter's breast,
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235. we see the father
standing in the window.
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236. - He sighs.
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237. He smiles.
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238. Says, "My baby's
all growed up.
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239. Got to let her fly."
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240. - Chrysler.
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241. Time to fly.
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242. Yes.
- Yes.
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243. Yes.
- Yes!
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244. Yes!
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245. - You know, the more
I think about it,
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246. I don't think we can show
a boob in a commercial.
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247. - No. No, we can't.
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248. They wouldn't let us air
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249. that nursing home commercial
with a boob in it.
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250. And that was just
an accident.
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251. Two more beers.
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252. - You got it.
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253. Two beers.
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254. Hot or cold?
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255. - Well, cold.
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256. - Come on, man.
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257. - Oh, it's time
for Eddie's commercial.
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258. Uh, Judy, can you
turn on the TV?
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259. - Sure.
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260. - And that's one murder that...
had a happy ending.
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261. We'll be right back with sports
and weather after this.
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262. - Hi, folks, it's me,
Eddie Champagne,
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263. the hot tub king of Detroit.
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264. The hot tub king of—
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265. The hot tub king of Detroit.
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266. - Oh... no.
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267. - And all the king's horses
and all the king's men
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268. couldn't put Eddie
together again.
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269. - Oh!
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270. - Did he just eat that
off the ground?
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271. Ew!
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272. This is not the commercial.
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273. - My God, you're beautiful.
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274. You really knock me out,
you know that?
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275. You wouldn't want to...
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276. ever kiss a guy like me,
would you?
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277. No.
Probably got a boyfriend.
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278. He's young and... virile.
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279. I must disgust you.
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280. Wish I would have met you
when I was 18.
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281. I was amazing then.
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282. - Eddie Champagne,
the hot tub king of Detroit.
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283. - Wow.
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284. Normally I don't comment
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285. on the commercials,
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286. but that was very bad.
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287. - Oh, we're in trouble.
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288. - Looks like rain
is headed our way, but...
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289. - Let's get out of here.
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290. Thank you, Judy.
- Thanks, Judy.
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291. - You want a doggie bag
for your beers?
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292. - That's a dumb idea.
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293. We're dead.
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294. Eddie's gonna kill us,
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295. and we have got nothing
on this Chrysler pitch.
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296. - We'll come up
with something.
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297. - No, we won't, man.
We're dumb.
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298. - Hey.
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299. Hey.
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300. You remember when we first
took over your dad's company
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301. and everybody quit
and all the clients left
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302. all in the same day?
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303. - Yeah, of course
I remember.
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304. - Well, you remember,
like, a year later,
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305. we got our first client?
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306. - Sure, Stan
from the carpet store.
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307. - Yeah, what'd he want
to call himself?
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308. - What'd he want
to call himself?
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309. - Big Stan the Carpet Guy.
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310. - Big Stan the Carpet Man.
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311. - 'Cause it rhymed.
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312. - 'Cause it rhymed.
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313. - Yes.
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314. We did it then.
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315. We'll do it...
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316. - Now.
- Again, buddy.
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317. It's—'cause it rhymes
with "then."
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318. - It's got to rhyme
for it to work.
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319. - That's the whole point of it.
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320. Oh, here come the trucks!
- Here we go!
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321. Here come the big rigs!
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322. - Here we go, Big Steve.
- Go get 'em, pal!
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323. - Whoo! Thataway, Clint!
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324. - You the man, Steve!
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325. Oh, happy birthday!
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326. Big Lou!
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327. - Lou!
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328. - Oh, and Wolf Man.
- Oh, Wolf Man!
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329. - Yeah, I know
it's a long shot,
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330. but I really want to nail
this Chrysler pitch.
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331. - I know.
We will, pal.
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332. - Yeah, not just for us.
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333. For everyone,
for the whole city.
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334. Go, Kathy.
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335. - Norman Drummond!
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336. - I mean, Chrysler
isn't just a company.
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337. It's—it's these guys.
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338. It's our friends.
It's our family.
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339. - Yeah, every Chrysler
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340. is the city of Detroit
on four wheels.
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341. That's it.
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342. - That's the pitch.
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343. - That's the pitch.
We got the pitch.
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344. - We got the pitch, buddy.
- We got the pitch!
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345. - We got the pitch!
- We got the pitch!
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346. - We got the pitch!
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347. - And that's why
every Chrysler
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348. is like the city of Detroit
on four wheels.
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349. - On four wheels.
- On four wheels.
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350. - Yes.
- Gentlemen.
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351. Your morning hot dogs
arrived.
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352. - Thank you, Sheila.
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353. - Knock 'em dead,
Big Hank.
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354. - I don't...
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355. Well, there she is.
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356. - As I live and breathe.
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357. - Hey, did you guys
like the commercial?
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358. - No!
- No, Lea, you tanked it.
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359. - You shit the bed.
- Absolutely blew it.
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360. - You blew it!
- And it sucked!
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361. - Here we go.
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362. You ready?
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363. - Sure am.
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364. We did it, pal.
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365. - We sure did.
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366. - I paid for the coffee,
I picked up the dog,
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367. and I told the cop I was
with animal control, undercover.
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368. Oh!
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369. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
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370. Let's get the hell out of here.
- Uh-uh.
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371. Let's dump his body
in the woods
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372. and walk in there
like nothing happened.
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373. - What if he wakes up
and sees us?
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374. - Leave the bag out.
- Yeah.
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375. It'll just be like
a piece of bag out there.
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376. Nobody's gonna
ask anything.
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377. - No, I know.
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378. - He's not answering.
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379. I'm so sorry.
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380. He has never missed a meeting
like this.
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381. - It's fine.
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382. Just very unprofessional.
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383. - Let me call his cell phone.
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384. What are you gonna call it?
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385. What?
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386. - You have to do stand-up.
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387. - I will, I promise.
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388. - That's weird.
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389. Someone's coming
out of the woods
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390. with a bag of chips
on their head.
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391. - You know, that is weird.
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392. - That's Carter Grant!
- Oh, my God!
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393. - Call 911!
- Hold his head! Hold his head!
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394. - Over there!
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395. - I still have that dog.
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396. - Oh!
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397. - Hey, Carter.
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398. - Hey.
- Hey!
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399. Remember us?
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400. Like, when's the last time
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401. you remember seeing us?
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402. - At—at the steak house.
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403. - Yes, because that's
the last place we saw you.
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404. - Great.
- We—we just—
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405. we brought you these.
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406. - Oh. Thank you.
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407. - We just want to say...
- Yeah.
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408. - You know, get well.
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409. Feel better.
- Thanks.
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410. - And, uh, also, you know,
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411. we've got a great pitch
for you,
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412. when you're ready
to hear it.
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413. - Ah.
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414. I'm sorry, guys.
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415. I really appreciate you
coming down here,
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416. but, um, we ended up going
with Pomerantz and Klein.
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417. Why didn't you wait
until you heard our pitch?
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418. - Honestly, I only
scheduled that meeting
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419. out of respect
for your father.
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420. - Well, we'd still love
for you to hear the pitch.
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421. Who knows?
You may reconsider.
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422. - Well, fellas,
with all due respect,
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423. you do late-night commercials
for furniture stores.
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424. Don't you think Chrysler's
a little bit out of your league?
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425. You know?
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426. Out of our league?
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427. - Oh, man!
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428. - Now you're definitely
gonna hear the pitch.
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429. - No, I'm not.
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430. - Yes, you are
gonna hear the pitch.
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431. We worked the pitch,
and you're gonna hear it.
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432. - You're not gonna pitch to me
in a hospital!
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433. - Uh-huh.
- Open on...
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434. Joe Louis' fist.
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435. - Mm-mm. No, no, no, no, no.
- We see an auto worker
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436. driving through town,
looking at the sights he knows.
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437. - The people, the places.
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438. - His friends, his dad.
- I'm not listening.
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439. Mm-mm.
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440. He's not listening.
He doesn't want to hear it.
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441. Very well, I'm pulling the plug
on your ass.
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442. - Do it! Kill him!
- Wait!
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443. - Say good night, pal!
- Bye!
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444. - I'm not on life support,
you idiot!
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445. - Yeah, I'm sorry.
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446. I'm sorry, okay?
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447. Let's just all calm down here
a little bit, okay?
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448. - I'm sorry.
- Okay, we're all sorry.
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449. Best of luck, guys.
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450. It's nothing personal.
It's just business.
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451. - It's just business.
- We understand.
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452. Just business.
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453. - And this is the business
we're in.
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454. - Yes. For sure.
- Yes.
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455. - Every Chrysler
is like the city of Detroit
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456. on four wheels.
- Come on, man.
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457. - And this is the top, top
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458. of the bottom line.
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459. - Now, this one—
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460. this one's a three-seater.
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461. It's not virgin plastic,
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462. so it's made from other stuff.
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463. This could be a bottle—
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464. Can you excuse me
for one second?
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465. - Eddie, we are so sorry.
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466. - Boys, I got to tell you,
when that commercial aired,
Copy !req
467. wife and I went at it
pretty bad.
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468. I mean, I had
my bags packed.
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469. I was out the door.
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470. And we decided, "You know,
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471. let's just make love
one last time."
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472. For the first time ever,
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473. we tried woman on top.
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474. It was amazing.
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475. Then we tried it again,
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476. woman on top.
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477. Wasn't a fluke.
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478. I was able to last longer.
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479. It was like
I was able to stall
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480. while she got what she needed.
Copy !req
481. And then, when she was done,
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482. I flipped her over,
and I went real fast,
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483. so I got what I needed.
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484. - That's great, Eddie.
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485. - Very cool,
very cool.
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486. - Spent the rest of the night
in the hot tub,
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487. just laughing and talking.
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488. I found out her favorite show
is "Scandal."
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489. I didn't know that.
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490. I love "Scandal."
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491. - Oh!
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492. - That night, I remembered
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493. I was married
to my best friend.
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494. - We thought
you were gonna be mad.
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495. Your commercial
saved my marriage.
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496. - Great.
- Thanks, guys.
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497. - Hey, babe.
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498. - Hey, hon.
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499. How was your day?
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500. - You won't even believe
what happened.
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501. A truck axle fell
on the assembly line
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502. and pinned Fred
to the ground.
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503. - Well, you know Tony.
- Yeah.
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504. - He just ran around
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505. like a chicken
with his dick cut off.
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506. - Classic Tony.
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507. - I had to lift
the dang thing up myself
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508. so little Joey could come
drag him out from under it.
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509. - You wore your hernia belt,
right?
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510. - You worry too much.
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511. - I worry about you.
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512. - Baby.
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513. You coming upstairs?
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514. - I sure am.
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515. - Sam!
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516. Sam!
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517. - Sammy!
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518. - Just wanted to say
great work today, pal.
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519. - Thanks.
You too, buddy.
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520. - You talking
to my brother?
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521. - Mm-hmm.
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522. - How's flipping that house
going, you idiot?
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523. - You're the idiot,
Chrissy.
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524. I bought this house
for $20,000.
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525. And it's a lot harder
than I thought.
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526. - Sorry-ass.
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527. - Man, shut up, dummy.
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528. - Good night.
- Night, buddy.
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529. - I love you.
- Love you too.
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530. Who even cares?
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531. - Candleholder!
- Candleholder.
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532. Candleholder.
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533. Oh!
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534. - Candleholder.
- Oh.
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535. So it does break.
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536. - So it does break.
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537. - So it does break,
turns out.
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