1. Desperate Housewives S02E21 I Know Things NowCopy !req
2. Until the adoption
is legally finalised,Copy !req
3. the birth mother can still
change her mind. And she has.Copy !req
4. Warrants were issued.Copy !req
5. - I'm gonna fire Tom.
- If you just fire him, he'll sue,Copy !req
6. and I'll back him up. You need cause.Copy !req
7. - I guess I'll have to find cause.
- Decisions were made.Copy !req
8. I'm gonna do something so awful,
it's going to rock her world.Copy !req
9. Threats were spoken.Copy !req
10. So, what the hell are we gonna do?Copy !req
11. And plans...Copy !req
12. Phenobarbital?Copy !req
13. It's time to give your brother
the peace he deserves.Copy !req
14. were put into action.Copy !req
15. The most successful
private investigator in FairviewCopy !req
16. was a man named Oliver Weston.Copy !req
17. Try though he might,Copy !req
18. Oliver couldn't remember the exact
moment he stopped believing in love.Copy !req
19. Was it the night he caught an executive
cheating with his secretary?Copy !req
20. Or was it the day he saw a housewife
cheating with her delivery boy?Copy !req
21. Or was it the time
he caught the girl next doorCopy !req
22. cheating with the couple
who lived across the street?Copy !req
23. Whenever the moment, Oliver Weston
was now officially a cynic...Copy !req
24. who only believed
in betrayal and suspicion.Copy !req
25. Luckily for Oliver,
that's what paid his bills.Copy !req
26. OK, you forgot...Copy !req
27. What're you doing?Copy !req
28. Oh, sorry, man.
Are these your bushes?Copy !req
29. I'll clean that all up when I'm done.
It'll be like I was not here.Copy !req
30. - You're done now.
- Oh, easy, big fella.Copy !req
31. I'm a PI doing
a domestic surveillance job.Copy !req
32. For who?Copy !req
33. The blonde lady
at the end of the street.Copy !req
34. - Edie Britt?
- Yeah.Copy !req
35. That's her fiancé. Apparently
he dumped her for another woman.Copy !req
36. - And I just figured out who.
- Susan?Copy !req
37. There's nothing going on there.
They used to be married.Copy !req
38. They have a kid together.Copy !req
39. I heard they're on the way to kid two.Copy !req
40. - You don't know.
- You don't know these soccer moms.Copy !req
41. By day,
they bake cookies and carpool.Copy !req
42. But dim the lights, and bam,
they turn into total pigs.Copy !req
43. - She's not like that.
- Oh, please. Look at her.Copy !req
44. That woman clearly knows
her way around a mattress.Copy !req
45. Yes,
Oliver Weston had become a cynic,Copy !req
46. which is why he couldn't recogniseCopy !req
47. a man who was still in love.Copy !req
48. Every family has a way
of hiding what it doesn't want seen,Copy !req
49. whether it's with a picture
that covers a stain on the wall,Copy !req
50. or with a closet door
that conceals the chaos insideCopy !req
51. or with artificial smiles
that mask years of pain and heartache.Copy !req
52. Every family goes to great lengths
to hide ugly truths.Copy !req
53. Some, of course, go further than others.Copy !req
54. So you're gonna do this tonight?Copy !req
55. No. The ice cream is for tomorrow.Copy !req
56. I'm taking Caleb on a picnic
to Rockwater Lake.Copy !req
57. I'm preparing all of his
favourite foods.Copy !req
58. So when you're done,
you're just gonna...Copy !req
59. leave him lying there?Copy !req
60. No.Copy !req
61. I'll call 911 anonymously.Copy !req
62. But I will be watching
from a distance to make sureCopy !req
63. that...
that they pick up his body.Copy !req
64. You know, you don't have to do this.Copy !req
65. I won't let him hurt another girl.Copy !req
66. And I will not turn him over to people
who will mock and abuse him.Copy !req
67. I just won't.Copy !req
68. His last day on this earthCopy !req
69. is going to be a perfect one.Copy !req
70. Oh, no, thanks, Xiao Mei.Copy !req
71. Poor thing. She was so attached to Lily.Copy !req
72. - Where'd all this food come from?
- The people from Carlos's church.Copy !req
73. So you think you and Carlos
will try for another adoption?Copy !req
74. I don't think I could
go through that pain again.Copy !req
75. I did freeze some of my eggs,
so we might do the surrogacy thing.Copy !req
76. - But I don't know.
- You've got to eat something.Copy !req
77. I don't have an appetite.Copy !req
78. This is all gonna go to waste.
You should take something.Copy !req
79. - No, no, you should keep it.
- I'll take a couple.Copy !req
80. What? Karl dumped me, so I'm alone.Copy !req
81. Food fills the void.Copy !req
82. Xiao Mei, I appreciate your grief,Copy !req
83. but you're bringing everybody down.
Will you pull it together?Copy !req
84. Mrs Solis...Copy !req
85. I don't understand.
It's from the government.Copy !req
86. Gabby, she's being deported.Copy !req
87. Xiao Mei, is this the first letter
like this you've received?Copy !req
88. Oh, my... This can't be happening.Copy !req
89. I can't go home!
My uncle will sell me again.Copy !req
90. Oh, no, no, Xiao Mei,
you're not going anywhere.Copy !req
91. You're much too important
to Carlos and me.Copy !req
92. We're gonna fight, and we're gonna win.Copy !req
93. Gabby, you can't promise her that.Copy !req
94. Bree, you heard what she said. I can't
let this poor kid go back to ChinaCopy !req
95. - and become someone's slave.
- Thank you.Copy !req
96. All right. Look, my friends
wanna take some of this to go,Copy !req
97. so pack it up,
and we're a little low on coffee.Copy !req
98. You're actually gonna let me eat this?Copy !req
99. Well, you've been working so hard,
off on business trips all the time.Copy !req
100. Tonight, we throw caution
and cholesterol to the wind.Copy !req
101. You deserve a little comfort food.Copy !req
102. Oh, no. You're pregnant.Copy !req
103. God, your mind goes to dark places.Copy !req
104. Honey, you just served me
a plate of full-fat Gouda. What's up?Copy !req
105. OK. Well...Copy !req
106. Remember I was helping Ed
spark up his love life?Copy !req
107. Yeah, you sent his wife
those sexy IM's. Why?Copy !req
108. Well, Fran found out that Ed didn't
send them and she blew her top.Copy !req
109. She wants the responsible party fired,Copy !req
110. and Ed lied and told her...Copy !req
111. that you sent them.Copy !req
112. It wasn't me, it was you.Copy !req
113. I know.Copy !req
114. Oh, oh, but Ed
couldn't possibly lose you.Copy !req
115. No, no, no. I'm the expendable one.Copy !req
116. Look, I know it's ridiculous,
but Ed is not a rational person.Copy !req
117. Fran has him whipped,Copy !req
118. and a whipped husband is someone
we must take very seriously.Copy !req
119. OK.Copy !req
120. - How do we handle this?
- You're under contract.Copy !req
121. Ed can't fire you
unless he has just cause.Copy !req
122. So until this blows over,
you have to be a model employee.Copy !req
123. Show up on time,
no more three-martini lunchesCopy !req
124. and, above all,
have ready all your presentations.Copy !req
125. I can't believe
I'm being victimised like this!Copy !req
126. Well, honey, in all fairness,Copy !req
127. those are all things
you should be doing anyway.Copy !req
128. Fine!Copy !req
129. Andrew, I am having Peter over
for dinner tomorrow night,Copy !req
130. and I was wondering
if you would like to invite Justin.Copy !req
131. Yeah, uh, thanks.
I'll... I'll call him tonight.Copy !req
132. Since you two are having your
boyfriends over, can I invite Matthew?Copy !req
133. - Out of the question.
- So let me get this straight:Copy !req
134. You can date a lush,
and he can bring over his gay lover,Copy !req
135. but God forbid I date a hot black guy?Copy !req
136. Until they lock Caleb up, I don't
want you anywhere near that family.Copy !req
137. His brother tried to rape you,Copy !req
138. and his mother keeps
the guy locked up in a basement.Copy !req
139. I mean, let's face it, Danielle.
Even you could do better.Copy !req
140. Since when do you
take Mom's side over mine?Copy !req
141. Your brother and I had a talk,
and we've come to a détente of sorts.Copy !req
142. Really? Even after
she screwed you out of your trust fund?Copy !req
143. Well, he did falsely
accuse me of child abuse.Copy !req
144. I would say we're even, wouldn't you?Copy !req
145. Sure, Mom. We're even.Copy !req
146. You can stop smiling.
I know your face is tired.Copy !req
147. - What?
- I'm not stupid.Copy !req
148. I know you hate her now
as much as ever.Copy !req
149. Mom and I are in a good place right now.
Why can't you believe that?Copy !req
150. Hi. I got your message. What's up?Copy !req
151. Come on in.Copy !req
152. This is Oliver Weston.
He's a PI Edie hired.Copy !req
153. Edie hired a... PI?Copy !req
154. - He's been spying on you and Karl.
- How you doing?Copy !req
155. He thinks you're having an affair.Copy !req
156. Me and Karl?Copy !req
157. Why would you think that?Copy !req
158. Come on, Suze.
You know we're meant to be together.Copy !req
159. Karl, just stop.Copy !req
160. Well, that is Karl being nostalgic.Copy !req
161. You said yourself, the sex
last week was the best you ever had.Copy !req
162. OK, um, first of all,Copy !req
163. it was not the best sex I ever had.Copy !req
164. I just said that
to make him feel better.Copy !req
165. Obviously, you were
the best sex I ever had.Copy !req
166. That explains the punch in the face.Copy !req
167. I'm gonna hit you again
if you don't shut up.Copy !req
168. I know this looks bad...Copy !req
169. You were actually fooling around
with Karl behind Edie's back?Copy !req
170. No, no, no, no! Karl lied to me.Copy !req
171. He told me he and Edie
split up before...Copy !req
172. - You know what? I don't even care.
- Mike!Copy !req
173. - Am I done here?
- Yeah.Copy !req
174. Good night, Susan.Copy !req
175. Hey! Hey, you! Wait! Wait! Wait!Copy !req
176. Uh, OK, you cannot tell Edie about this.
Whatever she's paying, I'll double.Copy !req
177. She paid a two-grand retainer
plus expenses.Copy !req
178. Two thousand dollars?Copy !req
179. Jeez, I gotta get into real estate.Copy !req
180. OK, I... I don't have that kind of cash.Copy !req
181. Well, then I guess
I take the tape to Miss Britt.Copy !req
182. I have a copy!Copy !req
183. Ah!Copy !req
184. OK, let's try this another way.Copy !req
185. You are about to unleash
a nuclear explosion.Copy !req
186. Lives are going to be ruined.Copy !req
187. I'll tell you what,Copy !req
188. I'll hold off till Monday
to report to Miss Britt.Copy !req
189. - Yes!
- That'll give you timeCopy !req
190. - to scrape together a little cash.
- What if I can't?Copy !req
191. I'm sorry, but Xiao Mei
missed all of her appeal deadlines.Copy !req
192. So that's it? You're just
gonna send her back to China?Copy !req
193. My hands are tied.Copy !req
194. If your maid were married
to an American citizen,Copy !req
195. or had a child
who was an American citizen,Copy !req
196. or if she were
a well-known entertainer...Copy !req
197. Uh... What if she was pregnant
with an American citizen?Copy !req
198. Uh, Xiao Mei?Copy !req
199. We spoke to Homeland Security,
and we have good news.Copy !req
200. - I can stay?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
201. - Oh, thank you, thank you!
- Oh! OK, uh...Copy !req
202. Well, there's just
one little thing.Copy !req
203. Um, the immigration laws have
gotten really tough in this country,Copy !req
204. so we're behind the eight ball going in.Copy !req
205. But we pled your case
and we fought tooth and nail.Copy !req
206. And the law says you can stay...
but only if you have our baby.Copy !req
207. What?Copy !req
208. The agent said that if you were
pregnant with an American citizen,Copy !req
209. then they couldn't deport you.Copy !req
210. So we thought,
you need a baby in your belly,Copy !req
211. we need a surrogate. Win, win, win.Copy !req
212. Surrogate?Copy !req
213. Oh, well, it would be our baby.Copy !req
214. It would just be growing inside of you.Copy !req
215. I have... Oh...Copy !req
216. OK, uh, well... Oh! OK. It's like this.Copy !req
217. The three of us are making your
famous Szechwan dumplings.Copy !req
218. And I'm the dough,Copy !req
219. and Carlos is the porkCopy !req
220. and you're the oven.Copy !req
221. I have baby?Copy !req
222. We take care of everything.
You know, uh...Copy !req
223. Hospital bills and maternity clothes
and Lamaze classes.Copy !req
224. And, of course,
you wouldn't have to do any work.Copy !req
225. Well, uh, maybe just
a little light dusting, nothing major.Copy !req
226. No!Copy !req
227. Xiao Mei, you don't have a choice.
It's either this or go back to China.Copy !req
228. No to baby! No!Copy !req
229. Had to push the dusting, didn't you?Copy !req
230. Peter, I don't think
I'm being unreasonable here.Copy !req
231. It's not like I'm gonna
advertise my addiction history,Copy !req
232. but if your kids ask a direct question,
I'm not gonna lie to them.Copy !req
233. Right, uh-huh. Good point.Copy !req
234. Listen, I don't expect
you to lie about the alcoholism.Copy !req
235. They know that's how we met.
It's just...Copy !req
236. - You know, the other thing.
- Oh.Copy !req
237. - The other thing.
- They're just getting to know you,Copy !req
238. and I want them
to focus on your good qualities.Copy !req
239. I just don't know how they'll react if
they find out that you're a sex addict.Copy !req
240. What are you so happy about?Copy !req
241. Know how you were mad at Mom about
not letting Matthew come to dinner?Copy !req
242. Yeah.Copy !req
243. I just figured out the funniest way
for you to get back at her.Copy !req
244. OK, what's on the schedule for today?Copy !req
245. I have got the Boston Toy
presentation ready to go.Copy !req
246. Actually, I don't have time for
a full pitch. So just give me the gist.Copy !req
247. - Excuse me?
- You know. Boil it down.Copy !req
248. Give me one line.Copy !req
249. OK, basically, it's, "Toys are fun."Copy !req
250. - I hate it.
- How can you hate it?Copy !req
251. - I only gave you three words.
- That's three words I hate.Copy !req
252. OK, I'm gonna take over
the Boston Toy Company account.Copy !req
253. - You cannot...
- In the meantime,Copy !req
254. you should all be aware,Copy !req
255. I don't like the way you people
have filed expense reports.Copy !req
256. There's been a lot of padding.Copy !req
257. Meanwhile, this company's
haemorrhaging money.Copy !req
258. I'm gonna put a stop to it.
So I have hired a forensic accountant.Copy !req
259. He's gonna make sure
everything's kosher.Copy !req
260. I find one receipt,
one bar tab that's fishy,Copy !req
261. it's grounds for dismissal.Copy !req
262. Oh, and, Scavo,
he's gonna start with you.Copy !req
263. I can't believe that son of a bitch
hired a forensic accountant.Copy !req
264. He's more whipped than I thought.Copy !req
265. Well, he has tragically
underestimated us.Copy !req
266. - The gloves are coming off.
- You know, maybe I should just quit.Copy !req
267. What? Yesterday you were up in arms.
Now... now you're ready to cave?Copy !req
268. If Ed is determined to get me,
he's gonna get me.Copy !req
269. - It's just a matter of time.
- No. No.Copy !req
270. We are not backing down.Copy !req
271. I'm gonna walk over to Ed's office now
and make very clearCopy !req
272. that if you're out the door,
I'm behind you.Copy !req
273. - We can't both be unemployed.
- Oh, it'll never happen.Copy !req
274. He knows this place will go down
like a house of cards without me.Copy !req
275. - Honey, wait. Just wait!
- What? What?Copy !req
276. I'm not gonna hide
behind my wife's skirt.Copy !req
277. We're a team. I'm just lending support.Copy !req
278. That's not the way
it's gonna look to everybody else.Copy !req
279. Look... Let me talk to him, man to man.Copy !req
280. If my way doesn't work,
then we'll do it your way.Copy !req
281. OK. Go get him.Copy !req
282. I gotta talk to you.Copy !req
283. This isn't fair. This isn't right.Copy !req
284. Oh!Copy !req
285. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!Copy !req
286. Tom, what happened?Copy !req
287. I think I gave him just cause.Copy !req
288. Susan
knew she couldn't affordCopy !req
289. to keep the PI
from revealing her affair with Karl.Copy !req
290. And since Edie
would learn the truth anyway,Copy !req
291. Susan felt it would be better
if it came from her...Copy !req
292. which is how she came to write
a letter begging Edie for forgiveness.Copy !req
293. Her words were
so sincere and heartfelt,Copy !req
294. from the moment she mailed it,Copy !req
295. Susan knew...Copy !req
296. she was a dead woman.Copy !req
297. You know, Caleb...Copy !req
298. since the day you were born,Copy !req
299. I've always thought of you
as a blessing.Copy !req
300. You do know that, right?Copy !req
301. I guess.Copy !req
302. How come Matty's not here?Copy !req
303. Because this is our special day.
Just you and me.Copy !req
304. Is he mad at me? Because of Danielle?Copy !req
305. No. He knows
that you didn't mean to scare her.Copy !req
306. Because he said
it was OK for me to kiss her.Copy !req
307. - What did you say?
- He said Danielle liked me.Copy !req
308. And that she wouldn't fight me
if I gave her a kiss.Copy !req
309. Your brother told you that?Copy !req
310. Matty said that she was waiting for me,
and that she wanted a really big kiss.Copy !req
311. What else did your brother tell you?Copy !req
312. Xiao Mei?Copy !req
313. I made you some hot cocoa.Copy !req
314. I guess the baby thing
didn't really appeal to you, huh?Copy !req
315. I know it's a lot to ask, it's just
Carlos and I think of you as family.Copy !req
316. Don't you think of us as family?Copy !req
317. Oh, yes!Copy !req
318. You are like mother to me.Copy !req
319. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
320. Well, if we are so frigging close,
what's the big deal?Copy !req
321. It's nine months out of your life.Copy !req
322. I will be ruined.Copy !req
323. Ruined?Copy !req
324. Down there.Copy !req
325. Wait. Are you a virgin?Copy !req
326. Wow!Copy !req
327. If I have baby, I will be shamed.Copy !req
328. Are you kidding?Copy !req
329. No one cares
about virginity in this country.Copy !req
330. It went out of style in the '50s,
and trust me, honey,Copy !req
331. it ain't making a comeback.Copy !req
332. Seriously, no one cares.Copy !req
333. Husband would care.Copy !req
334. No man want me if I ruined.Copy !req
335. I want husband. So much.Copy !req
336. Well, what kind of husband do you want?
Do you want a rich husband?Copy !req
337. Well, then, rich men don't marry virginsCopy !req
338. for the same reasons they don't
hire chauffeurs who can't drive.Copy !req
339. They value experience.Copy !req
340. Really?Copy !req
341. Would I lie to family?Copy !req
342. - Here are the numbers you wanted.
- Lynette, wait.Copy !req
343. - Have you heard from Tom?
- He's not answering his cell phone.Copy !req
344. But you don't have to worry, OK?
You got what you wanted.Copy !req
345. - He's out of the building.
- Come in here and close the door.Copy !req
346. - You sure? I might punch you too.
- I'll take my chances.Copy !req
347. If this is where you want me
to apologise for my husband,Copy !req
348. I'm not gonna do it.Copy !req
349. He shouldn't have hit you,
but you provoked him.Copy !req
350. - Now, wait a minute...
- No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
351. Tom gets punished because you can't
deal with your screwed-up marriage.Copy !req
352. It is pathetic, Ed!Copy !req
353. If you'd stood up to your wife in
the first place, none of... What?Copy !req
354. I love it. You're giving
me crap about my marriage.Copy !req
355. You know what? Here.Copy !req
356. The forensic accountant found
some stuff in Tom's expense reports.Copy !req
357. It seems on his last three trips east,Copy !req
358. he cashed in his first-class ticket
and took a detour to Atlantic City.Copy !req
359. - What? That can't be right.
- It's all there.Copy !req
360. Hotels. Bar tabs.Copy !req
361. Oh, and on this page,
two tickets to a show.Copy !req
362. And flowers.Copy !req
363. That doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
364. There's got to be some kind
of an explanation for this.Copy !req
365. Before you pass judgment
on someone else's marriage,Copy !req
366. I'd clean up my own house first.Copy !req
367. Sorry, I don't know what's taking
Danielle so long to get dressed.Copy !req
368. Give her a break. I'm sure she's
trying to look nice for our company.Copy !req
369. Well, I hope she doesn't get too dressed
up. I like people to be comfortable.Copy !req
370. Oh, I'm comfortable.Copy !req
371. Honey, what are you wearing?Copy !req
372. You got me this for Christmas, remember?Copy !req
373. Yeah, I just am worried
you might be a little cold.Copy !req
374. Oh, I think it's plenty warm in here.
Don't you, Mr McMillan?Copy !req
375. Uh... sure.Copy !req
376. Well, uh, we should start eating.
We don't want our frittatas to get cold.Copy !req
377. Right, good, um, sorry.
Everybody, dig in.Copy !req
378. Wow! Does anybody else
think this salsa's a little too spicy?Copy !req
379. I always say, the hotter, the better.Copy !req
380. So, Mr McMillan,
I hear you went to Perkins College.Copy !req
381. I'm thinking about
going there after I graduate.Copy !req
382. Uh, Perkins, huh?Copy !req
383. I was there. I made it to every party
and I went to classes in my spare time.Copy !req
384. No, actually, it's a great college.
I... I think you'd like it.Copy !req
385. Isn't this wonderful?
Good food. Pleasant conversation.Copy !req
386. This really is a very special night.Copy !req
387. I feel the same way.Copy !req
388. So, Peter, is it growing?Copy !req
389. - What?
- Uh, the campus.Copy !req
390. Has it grown since you've been there?Copy !req
391. Um...Copy !req
392. Yeah, it's, uh...
It's grown con... considerably.Copy !req
393. I would just love
to get my hands on a brochure.Copy !req
394. The alumni association
is always sending me stuff,Copy !req
395. I'll get you something!Copy !req
396. Oh, my God, are you OK?Copy !req
397. I just remembered,
this guy I'm sponsoring,Copy !req
398. he said he needed to see me tonight,
so I should go to him.Copy !req
399. I guess that's important, so...Copy !req
400. Yeah. So I should go.
No need to show me out.Copy !req
401. What a shame.Copy !req
402. I really wanted him to have
a chance to get to know you guys.Copy !req
403. Don't worry.
I... I think we made an impression.Copy !req
404. Hey, hey!Copy !req
405. I didn't know if you were coming back.Copy !req
406. I waited
until the parking lot cleared.Copy !req
407. So, um...Copy !req
408. What happened? You said you
were gonna go in there and talk.Copy !req
409. I know, I know. I know
I shouldn't have hit him.Copy !req
410. But what's done is done.Copy !req
411. Anything else going on?Copy !req
412. - Like what?
- I don't know.Copy !req
413. Anything you want to talk about?Copy !req
414. Cos there's nothing you
couldn't tell me. I would understand.Copy !req
415. No. I feel good about this.Copy !req
416. It's OK,
cos I didn't fit in around here.Copy !req
417. I'll get another job someplace else.
Everything's good.Copy !req
418. And you, I love.Copy !req
419. I love you too.Copy !req
420. - You know what's weird?
- No, what?Copy !req
421. In all the years we have been married,Copy !req
422. I have never seen you
lead with your fists.Copy !req
423. Well...Copy !req
424. maybe I still
got some surprises in me.Copy !req
425. Maybe you do.Copy !req
426. Is it done?Copy !req
427. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
428. Wow.Copy !req
429. We can mourn your brother later.Copy !req
430. Right now there are things
that still need to be done.Copy !req
431. We need to get rid of everything:Copy !req
432. Mattress, clothes, all of it.Copy !req
433. Mom, the... the door's locked.Copy !req
434. I know.Copy !req
435. Mom! You need to open this door,
right now!Copy !req
436. Mom!Copy !req
437. Honey, why aren't you dressed yet?Copy !req
438. We have to be
at the fertility clinic in 40 minutes!Copy !req
439. Oh, shoot. Is that today?Copy !req
440. Uh, give Xiao Mei a kick in the pants.
I haven't seen her all morning!Copy !req
441. Hey.Copy !req
442. Today's the, uh, big day.Copy !req
443. You ready to, uh, make a baby?Copy !req
444. Ready.Copy !req
445. Please. Be gentle.Copy !req
446. Honey, come on, we're gonna be late.Copy !req
447. Hmm, uh...Copy !req
448. I think she's confused as to how
we're gonna make this baby happen.Copy !req
449. And were you planning
on setting her straight?Copy !req
450. - Next thing out of my mouth.
- Hmm.Copy !req
451. Come on! The guy is ready to explode.Copy !req
452. I don't care!
I'm not sleeping with Mom's boyfriend.Copy !req
453. You can't back out. You were great.
You got Peter on the hook. He's primed.Copy !req
454. I was messing with his head
to get back at Mom.Copy !req
455. But why stop there?
She's keeping you from Matthew.Copy !req
456. Now, come on. She deserves this.Copy !req
457. I am not that stupid.
Go grind your own axe.Copy !req
458. I don't have time.
Strip down to your bra and panties!Copy !req
459. Get out of my room, you psycho.Copy !req
460. My mom won't be back for a while.
You probably don't want to wait.Copy !req
461. That's OK. I just wanted to make
sure you got the Perkins catalogue.Copy !req
462. Uh, your mom told me you're
going on a tour there tomorrow.Copy !req
463. - Yeah.
- You're gonna love it.Copy !req
464. The campus is beautiful,
the teachers are amazingCopy !req
465. and the student body
is such a great mix.Copy !req
466. You know, they're all about diversity.Copy !req
467. Whatever. All right, well,
I'll let my mom know you stopped by.Copy !req
468. OK.Copy !req
469. Andrew,Copy !req
470. I also wanted to apologise
for leaving so fast the other night.Copy !req
471. I...Copy !req
472. I started to get the feeling
your sister was coming on to me,Copy !req
473. - which was upsetting because...
- You're a sex addict?Copy !req
474. - Your mom told you about that?
- Let's just say the word's out.Copy !req
475. But, um, I'm curious.Copy !req
476. Back in the day, what...
what kind of stuff were you into?Copy !req
477. I don't know
that I want to talk about that.Copy !req
478. I wanna make sure
you're not into anything too freaky.Copy !req
479. I mean, you are dating my mom
and I'm kind of protective of her.Copy !req
480. Well, you can relax.
I wasn't some sort of pervert.Copy !req
481. You know, all I can say
is I went through a dark periodCopy !req
482. and I slept with a whole lot of people.Copy !req
483. "People"?Copy !req
484. What's wrong?Copy !req
485. No, it... it's just that
when most guys discuss their conquests,Copy !req
486. they don't say "people."Copy !req
487. Oh. Well...Copy !req
488. No, it's OK.Copy !req
489. I appreciate the fact
that you value diversity.Copy !req
490. - Who is it?
- Mike.Copy !req
491. - Susan?
- Hi. Sorry.Copy !req
492. I'm just on the lookout for Edie.Copy !req
493. Oh, well, you can relax.
Edie won't be coming after you.Copy !req
494. Why?Copy !req
495. I talked to the PI
and he's not gonna tell her anything.Copy !req
496. - What did you say?
- I paid him off.Copy !req
497. So it's over.
I just thought you should know.Copy !req
498. Well, wait!Copy !req
499. Why would you do that?Copy !req
500. People will just get hurt
if it gets out. I didn't see the point.Copy !req
501. Uh... Oh... Uh...Copy !req
502. Hey there! You look thirsty.Copy !req
503. This is really nice of you, Mrs Mayer.Copy !req
504. To be honest with you,
I wasn't even sure that you liked me.Copy !req
505. And you know why? Because we're all
so busy and detached from each other.Copy !req
506. You're at my house every day.
And sure, we wave and we say hello.Copy !req
507. But we barely even know each other.Copy !req
508. How long have you been
delivering my mail, for God's sake?Copy !req
509. Three and a half weeks.Copy !req
510. Really? Seems like forever.Copy !req
511. - Let me top you off.
- Oh, no, I couldn't.Copy !req
512. This is my third glass. I...
Seriously, I'm sloshing.Copy !req
513. You'll probably want to use
the bathroom before you leave?Copy !req
514. - No, I'm good.
- Are you sure?Copy !req
515. Uh, I mean, you have such a long route.Copy !req
516. That iced tea'll go right through you.Copy !req
517. Better here
than Mrs McCluskey's hydrangeas.Copy !req
518. You know, uh,
maybe I will use your bathroom.Copy !req
519. Great! The one down here is broken.
Why don't you use the one upstairs.Copy !req
520. It's right off my bedroom.Copy !req
521. Yeah. OK.Copy !req
522. Got it.Copy !req
523. I still can't believe it.Copy !req
524. I mean, why would Xiao Mei
just offer herself up to me like that?Copy !req
525. Well, honey, she's a virgin.
Who knows why virgins do anything?Copy !req
526. She's a virgin? Are you serious?Copy !req
527. Yeah. I wouldn't
just slam her for no reason.Copy !req
528. Mr Solis?
It's time to collect your DNA.Copy !req
529. Oh! OK, honey.
Only good swimmers, now.Copy !req
530. If you like, we have a variety
of magazines and videos available.Copy !req
531. Mmm, I think I'm good.Copy !req
532. Gus? You OK up there?Copy !req
533. Gus!Copy !req
534. Uh, do you want me to keep the hat on?Copy !req
535. I know it's a fantasy for some women.Copy !req
536. Uh...Copy !req
537. Mom?Copy !req
538. Is the mailman here?Copy !req
539. That's my daughter! Get dressed!Copy !req
540. Mom?Copy !req
541. Yes, honey! Gus the mailman is here.Copy !req
542. He's using the bathroom. He'll be down.Copy !req
543. Darn it.Copy !req
544. I guess we'll have
to take a rain check, huh?Copy !req
545. I can come back on Tuesday.Copy !req
546. Tuesday?Copy !req
547. No, no, Tuesday's not good.Copy !req
548. Because Tuesday's the day
I, uh... become a lesbian.Copy !req
549. Andrew? Honey, where are you?Copy !req
550. I got your message.
What's the emergency?Copy !req
551. Andrew!Copy !req
552. Andrew?Copy !req
553. Andrew?Copy !req
554. Honey, what are you doing in my bed?Copy !req
555. Have you seen my pants?Copy !req
556. Now we're even.Copy !req
557. Did you forget that we're supposed to
take that tour of Perkins College today?Copy !req
558. Seriously?Copy !req
559. After last night,
I didn't exactly think you'd be too keenCopy !req
560. on sitting next to me
in a car for three hours.Copy !req
561. Consider me a cheerleader
for anything that expedites meCopy !req
562. getting you out from under my roof.Copy !req
563. Glad we can come to an understanding.Copy !req
564. Why'd we stop here?
We have half a tank left.Copy !req
565. There are so many things
I want to say to you, Andrew.Copy !req
566. But mostly I just want you
to know how sorry I am.Copy !req
567. Sorry for what?Copy !req
568. Every child deserves
to be loved unconditionally.Copy !req
569. And I thought that
was the kind of love that I had for you.Copy !req
570. Maybe if I had,
it would've been different.Copy !req
571. Why do I
suddenly get the feelingCopy !req
572. we're not gonna make it out
to Perkins College today?Copy !req
573. - What are you doing?
- I packed up some of your things.Copy !req
574. There's also, um,
an envelope in here with some money,Copy !req
575. and that should tide you over
until you can get a job.Copy !req
576. What, you're gonna?Copy !req
577. You're gonna leave me out here,
in the middle of nowhere?Copy !req
578. I noticed a bus stop about a mile back.Copy !req
579. You can go anywhere you want.Copy !req
580. Mama... Mom, please don't do this.Copy !req
581. I have to.Copy !req
582. I can't be around you anymore.
I'm just not strong enough.Copy !req
583. You know what the good news is? I win.Copy !req
584. You win?Copy !req
585. I remember the look in your eyes
when I told you I was gay.Copy !req
586. And I knew that one day
you would stop loving me.Copy !req
587. So here we are. I was right.Copy !req
588. So I... I win.Copy !req
589. Well, good for you.Copy !req
590. Hi. I made you a "thank you" pie.Copy !req
591. And by "made," I mean "bought."Copy !req
592. So, what exactly
are you thanking me for?Copy !req
593. For keeping Edie
from smashing my face in.Copy !req
594. That's the nicest thing
anybody ever did for me.Copy !req
595. Just trying to keep peace on the Lane.Copy !req
596. Well, you keep telling yourself that.
I know why you really paid that guy off.Copy !req
597. You still care about me.Copy !req
598. What?Copy !req
599. You're always
worried about Julie and me,Copy !req
600. and you beat up my new boyfriend.Copy !req
601. And now you're protecting me from Edie.Copy !req
602. Do you know what all that means?Copy !req
603. That you're high maintenance?Copy !req
604. All right,
you go ahead and be coy. Fine.Copy !req
605. I'll be the one to break the ice.Copy !req
606. I've never stopped caring about you.Copy !req
607. That why you jumped in bed with Karl?Copy !req
608. I would have never even gone thereCopy !req
609. if I had thought
there was a chance with us.Copy !req
610. You just closed
the door so completely, I...Copy !req
611. Can we just not talk about him?Copy !req
612. Have some more pie.Copy !req
613. I know you like pie.Copy !req
614. I know you like me.Copy !req
615. Listen, I'm not asking
for us to get back together.Copy !req
616. I just want us to be friends.Copy !req
617. - Susan...
- Yes?Copy !req
618. Your house is on fire.Copy !req
619. My whole house is on fire! Oh!Copy !req
620. When the truth is ugly,
people try to keep it hidden,Copy !req
621. because they know if revealed,
the damage it will do.Copy !req
622. So they conceal it within sturdy walls,Copy !req
623. or they place it behind closed doors,Copy !req
624. or they obscure it
with clever disguises.Copy !req
625. But truth, no matter how ugly,
always emerges.Copy !req
626. And someone we care about
always ends up getting hurt.Copy !req
627. I'm on it!Copy !req
628. And someone else
will revel in their pain.Copy !req
629. And that's the ugliest truth of all.Copy !req