1. Desperate Housewives S02E02 You Could Drive a Person CrazyCopy !req
2. Why'd you let them
finger-paint before breakfast?Copy !req
3. It's my job to clean that up now.
it's my call.Copy !req
4. Some households reverse roles.Copy !req
5. Let's give this another shot.Copy !req
6. - Some old flames...
- You want me back?Copy !req
7. - Yeah.
were put out.Copy !req
8. It has to be something you're ingesting.
Who prepares your meals?Copy !req
9. I understand you've
been having marital problems.Copy !req
10. While some learn to forgive...Copy !req
11. Dierdre got pregnant
before I went to jail.Copy !req
12. - Zach is your son, isn't he?
- Yep.Copy !req
13. Wow!Copy !req
14. others could not bring themselves
to forget their past.Copy !req
15. The remarkable thing
about Danny FarrellCopy !req
16. was that he had only been
a paperboy for six months.Copy !req
17. And in that time,Copy !req
18. he had become the enemy
of every woman on Wisteria Lane.Copy !req
19. If there was a puddle
on someone's property...Copy !req
20. he found it.Copy !req
21. If a new rosebush
had just been planted...Copy !req
22. he destroyed it.Copy !req
23. If a cat was enjoying
a moment in the sun...Copy !req
24. he ended it.Copy !req
25. People wondered
if Danny would ever change.Copy !req
26. They should have talked to Susan Mayer.Copy !req
27. She could have told them...Copy !req
28. obnoxious boys
tend to become obnoxious men.Copy !req
29. Just like the one...Copy !req
30. she had been married to.Copy !req
31. Hey!Copy !req
32. Karl, I see you! Just stop right there!Copy !req
33. - Hey, Susie-Q.
- What are you doing?Copy !req
34. Just getting the paper.Copy !req
35. That's Edie's paper.
And this is Edie's house.Copy !req
36. Do we have to do this now?
I haven't had my coffee yet.Copy !req
37. Did you spend the night with Edie?Copy !req
38. - Oh, my God.
- Susie, just calm down.Copy !req
39. You are forbidden from seeing her again.
Do you hear me? Forbidden.Copy !req
40. We're divorced.
You can't tell me who I can date.Copy !req
41. I live on this street.
Your daughter lives on this street.Copy !req
42. I will not have you flaunting
your sexcapades in front of us.Copy !req
43. - Sexcapades?
- Forbidden!Copy !req
44. I would love to continue this,
but it's time for breakfast.Copy !req
45. And Edie is making me a frittata.Copy !req
46. Well, I just bet she is!Copy !req
47. Mrs Mayer, I gotta talk to you.Copy !req
48. Now is not a good time, Danny.Copy !req
49. You're a month behind in your payments.Copy !req
50. I'll take care of it. I promise.Copy !req
51. My dad says if you read something
and don't pay for it,Copy !req
52. - that's the same as stealing.
- Hi, Ida. Can we talk about this later?Copy !req
53. I just found out my ex is dating
my neighbour, and I'm really ticked off.Copy !req
54. Save it!Copy !req
55. I provide you a service, and
I deserve to be paid for that service!Copy !req
56. The women of Wisteria Lane
believed Danny Farrell to be the enemy.Copy !req
57. Deadbeat!Copy !req
58. They also believed,Copy !req
59. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend."Copy !req
60. Beautiful lawns.Copy !req
61. Spacious homes.Copy !req
62. Happy families.Copy !req
63. These are the hallmarks of suburbia.Copy !req
64. But if you look beneath
the veneer of gracious living,Copy !req
65. you will see a battle raging.Copy !req
66. A battle for control.Copy !req
67. - You see combatants everywhere
- Off the grass!Copy !req
68. - engaged in skirmishes...
- Get out!Copy !req
69. fighting fiercely to have dominion
over the world around them.Copy !req
70. - I picked out the tree.
- All the while knowingCopy !req
71. it's a battle they will lose.Copy !req
72. Oh, hey, honey, um, just stick that
anywhere. I'll take care of it.Copy !req
73. Wow. It's really piling up.Copy !req
74. Uh... Don't worry, I have a system.Copy !req
75. Really?Copy !req
76. Yeah. Every two days I clean.Copy !req
77. Two days?Copy !req
78. Yeah. I let the mess
accumulate for two days,Copy !req
79. and then I clean until it's sparkling.Copy !req
80. And then the cycle
starts all over again.Copy !req
81. And why have I never
seen the sparkling part?Copy !req
82. Because by the time
you get home from work,Copy !req
83. the boys have messed
everything up again.Copy !req
84. See, that's what I would call
a flaw in the system.Copy !req
85. What are you doing?Copy !req
86. I think I'm asking you
to clean the house.Copy !req
87. Really? It sounds
like you're criticising me.Copy !req
88. No!Copy !req
89. No, no, no, no.Copy !req
90. No.Copy !req
91. I'm not saying it has to be sparkling.Copy !req
92. How many times did I come home
to a mess and never said a word?Copy !req
93. Please, don't take this the wrong way.
I think you are doing a terrific job.Copy !req
94. But let's be clear.Copy !req
95. When you came home,
it was to... clutter.Copy !req
96. I mean, come on. This is...Copy !req
97. more than that.Copy !req
98. Thanks. Bye.Copy !req
99. Look at him.Copy !req
100. Just chatting away.
It's so inconsiderate.Copy !req
101. Phyllis, we've only been
waiting here for two minutes.Copy !req
102. I told you when we left the house
that I needed to eat.Copy !req
103. I have low blood sugar.
Do you want to see me keel over?Copy !req
104. No. In theory.Copy !req
105. Here you are.Copy !req
106. Thank you.Copy !req
107. By the way, Mrs Van De Kamp,Copy !req
108. I heard about your husband's passing.Copy !req
109. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
110. Dr Van De Kamp was one
of my favourite customers, truly.Copy !req
111. That's very sweet of you. Thank you.Copy !req
112. I'm not just being polite,
Mrs Van De Kamp.Copy !req
113. How are you feeling?Copy !req
114. Well, Mr Pashmuti...Copy !req
115. We're holding up as best we can
under the circumstances.Copy !req
116. I'm sorry,
this is Rex's mother, Phyllis.Copy !req
117. I'm so sorry about your son.Copy !req
118. Thank you.Copy !req
119. You know, the hardest thing
is to lose a child.Copy !req
120. I can't imagine.Copy !req
121. Come on, Phyllis,
let's get you something to eat.Copy !req
122. We had no warning.Copy !req
123. I was doing dishes when I got the call.Copy !req
124. Really?Copy !req
125. Phyllis, there are people waiting, so...Copy !req
126. Excuse me. I'm so sorry,
but my son just passed away.Copy !req
127. - Oh, I'm so sorry.
- Thank you.Copy !req
128. I mean, I was telling Mr Pashmuti here,Copy !req
129. my life is over.Copy !req
130. My life is over!Copy !req
131. - This is ridiculous. You know that?
- Pen.Copy !req
132. Don't you think I have better things
to do than to bring cheques every day?Copy !req
133. Cheques that I could be signing at home.Copy !req
134. This one's dry.Copy !req
135. You know, taking away my access
to our account, that's just vindictive.Copy !req
136. Thank you.Copy !req
137. Know how long it takes
to schlep to this hellhole?Copy !req
138. Exactly. It's the only way
I can guarantee you'll visit.Copy !req
139. Ridiculous.
You're my husband. I love you.Copy !req
140. Obviously, I would visit.Copy !req
141. I thought it was obvious
that when you loved someone,Copy !req
142. you wouldn't have an affair.
I was wrong, wasn't I?Copy !req
143. I'm getting really tired
of this song, Carlos.Copy !req
144. Isn't it about time you forgave me?Copy !req
145. You want my forgiveness? You got it.Copy !req
146. My trust,
that you're gonna have to earn.Copy !req
147. Be careful, Carlos.Copy !req
148. Up until now, I've been
really lonely in that big bed of ours.Copy !req
149. But when you're rude to me,
it makes me want to be not so lonely.Copy !req
150. Comments like that are why you'll
never again have access to my money.Copy !req
151. Why are all rich men jerks?Copy !req
152. Same reason beautiful women are bitches.Copy !req
153. So. Same time tomorrow?Copy !req
154. Sure, baby.Copy !req
155. What do you mean you know?Copy !req
156. I mean I know.Copy !req
157. What are you saying,
that your father actually told youCopy !req
158. he was gonna be having
a one-night stand with Edie Britt?Copy !req
159. This wasn't a one-night stand. He's been
going out with Mrs Britt for months.Copy !req
160. What?Copy !req
161. How could you not tell me that?Copy !req
162. We share everything! That's what
we're known for. That's our thing!Copy !req
163. Because I knew you'd wig out.Copy !req
164. Haven't you told me
to respect people's privacy?Copy !req
165. I've never applied that to
your father's sex life, and you know it.Copy !req
166. Are you done?Copy !req
167. No! I have not even begun
ripping into Edie Britt yet.Copy !req
168. Oh, that peroxide vulture.Copy !req
169. I just know,
as sure as I am standing here,Copy !req
170. that she went after your father
just to tick me off.Copy !req
171. - Wrong again.
- What?Copy !req
172. - He asked her out.
- You lie.Copy !req
173. It's true. He called her
for a date six months ago.Copy !req
174. The day after my birthday party.Copy !req
175. - The one at the piano bar?
- Yeah.Copy !req
176. - What is it?
- Oh, um...Copy !req
177. Your father just came over
that day and told me some stuff.Copy !req
178. You know, some stuff that I haven't...Copy !req
179. And can't tell you.Copy !req
180. Wait. Whatever happened
to "we share everything"?Copy !req
181. Isn't that our thing?
What we're known for?Copy !req
182. Uh... actually, I think what we're
known for is sharing clothes.Copy !req
183. Yeah, I think that's our thing.Copy !req
184. Why does he keep doing that?Copy !req
185. He knows it's annoying.Copy !req
186. He's just trying to get to us.Copy !req
187. Yeah, well, it's working.Copy !req
188. Knock it off down there!
Do you hear what I'm saying?Copy !req
189. Matthew! Matthew!Copy !req
190. Sit down!Copy !req
191. You know we don't talk to him.Copy !req
192. That's part of his punishment.Copy !req
193. How can you just sit here
hour after hour and listen to that?Copy !req
194. Well, that's part of mine.Copy !req
195. Carlos, what is this big emergency?Copy !req
196. I had to cancel my hair appointment
with Eduardo today.Copy !req
197. Baby, what is it?Copy !req
198. I'm completely freaked out.Copy !req
199. Why?Copy !req
200. There's this guy. His name's Richie.Copy !req
201. And he's been saying some stuff to me,Copy !req
202. and I'm getting worried.Copy !req
203. Honey, you and your macho pride.Copy !req
204. Just tell him you're flattered,
but you don't swing that way.Copy !req
205. He's not hitting on me, you idiot.
He's threatening me.Copy !req
206. Really? How?Copy !req
207. He said he's gonna beat me up,
unless I come up with some money.Copy !req
208. - Well, how much money?
- Seven thousand dollars.Copy !req
209. - Seven thousand!
- Keep your voice down.Copy !req
210. Why would he think you have
that kind of money?Copy !req
211. Because yesterday in a visiting room
filled with criminals,Copy !req
212. my wife referred to me as a "rich man".Copy !req
213. Oh, right. Sorry.Copy !req
214. That's why I needed you
to bring the chequebook.Copy !req
215. He's willing to take a cheque?Copy !req
216. No! You're gonna take
the money to his girlfriend.Copy !req
217. And if she doesn't
get it by tomorrow, I'm screwed.Copy !req
218. Honey, I think this is a mistake.
If we give in to extortion,Copy !req
219. the guy's just gonna keep
coming back for more money.Copy !req
220. What choice do I have?Copy !req
221. You're a strong guy.Copy !req
222. You went to college on an
athletic scholarship, for God's sakes.Copy !req
223. Yeah, it was for golf!Copy !req
224. Oh.Copy !req
225. You have all my pants.Copy !req
226. Yeah, I know. Come on in.Copy !req
227. I, uh, thought when I took my stuff
back to my house, I got everything.Copy !req
228. It's fine. They're in the garage.Copy !req
229. OK.Copy !req
230. So, how have you been doing?Copy !req
231. Good. Um...Copy !req
232. Uh... good.Copy !req
233. I got a question for you.Copy !req
234. - Sure. What is it?
- Where are we now?Copy !req
235. - Where are we?
- Yeah.Copy !req
236. We're not moving in together,
and we're not broken up.Copy !req
237. So, where are we?Copy !req
238. I don't know.Copy !req
239. Since the guy who held me hostage
turned out to be your son,Copy !req
240. I think logic dictates
that I should move on.Copy !req
241. Problem is, I'm crazy about you.Copy !req
242. So...Copy !req
243. So I'm thinking
we should keep it casual.Copy !req
244. Casual.Copy !req
245. What the hell does
that mean exactly, "casual"?Copy !req
246. Uh...Copy !req
247. Well, I don't... I don't think
there's anything wrong with usCopy !req
248. seeing a movie once in a while.Copy !req
249. Movie? OK. Is that it?Copy !req
250. Jogging? There's no law against jogging.Copy !req
251. Anything else?Copy !req
252. Shopping. That's casual. That's fun.Copy !req
253. Anything else we can do?
Anything at all?Copy !req
254. Hmm, brunch. Brunch would be nice.Copy !req
255. Sounds good to me.Copy !req
256. All I can do
is take it one day at a time.Copy !req
257. Yes.Copy !req
258. Oh, OK. Well...Copy !req
259. thanks so much for calling.Copy !req
260. Who was that?Copy !req
261. Oh, someone named Allan Hanley.Copy !req
262. My electrician?Copy !req
263. Why were you on the phone
sobbing to my electrician?Copy !req
264. Oh, he called
to offer you his condolences.Copy !req
265. Then why didn't you put me on?Copy !req
266. Well, we got to talking,
and then he had to go.Copy !req
267. He... He had some very
beautiful things to say about Rex.Copy !req
268. For God's sakes, Phyllis.
Don't you ever worry about dehydration?Copy !req
269. Are you saying that I am too emotional?Copy !req
270. I'm saying that even Italians
take a break now and again.Copy !req
271. My son is dead! I'm grieving!Copy !req
272. So am I!Copy !req
273. But no one would ever know it
with your incessant caterwauling.Copy !req
274. - Bree!
- People wanna know how I'm doing.Copy !req
275. But the minute they ask, you...Copy !req
276. you jump into the spotlight,
and they forget all about me.Copy !req
277. I need consoling too, Phyllis.
Have you ever thought of that?Copy !req
278. I'm sorry.Copy !req
279. - It won't happen again.
- Thank you.Copy !req
280. Of course, if you didn't
constantly suppress your emotions,Copy !req
281. people wouldn't forget to console you.Copy !req
282. Excuse me?Copy !req
283. It's true. You're stoic
to the point of being cold.Copy !req
284. I am not cold. I just...Copy !req
285. Well, I don't like
public displays of emotion.Copy !req
286. Well, that's fine.Copy !req
287. But people wonder why
they haven't seen you cry.Copy !req
288. I mean, some people actually wonderCopy !req
289. if you truly mourn Rex.Copy !req
290. People have said that?Copy !req
291. A few. Yes.Copy !req
292. Excuse me. I'm looking for Rita Rivera.Copy !req
293. Hi. Are you Rita?Copy !req
294. Yeah? Who are you?Copy !req
295. I'm, uh... I'm Gabrielle Solis.Copy !req
296. Our husbands
are roommates at the prison.Copy !req
297. Richie and I aren't married.Copy !req
298. Oh, I see.Copy !req
299. Well, your boyfriend asked
my husband to give this to you.Copy !req
300. It's a sort of favour.Copy !req
301. It's all there. Seven thousand dollars.Copy !req
302. Son of a bitch!Copy !req
303. Oh, don't even think about it.Copy !req
304. Um... Hello? Is there a problem?Copy !req
305. - Lady, lemme ask you a question.
- OK.Copy !req
306. This might seem kind of weird,
but what do you think of my breasts?Copy !req
307. - Excuse me?
- I mean, how do they look to you?Copy !req
308. They're... They're nice.Copy !req
309. Thank you.Copy !req
310. I like them too.Copy !req
311. You're right. That was weird.Copy !req
312. You have no idea
what this money is for, do you?Copy !req
313. No. No, you seem
to have everything you need.Copy !req
314. Richie wants me to get a boob job.Copy !req
315. He wants them bigger.
He's obsessed with huge breasts.Copy !req
316. So, are you gonna do it?Copy !req
317. I told him if he came up
with the cash, I would.Copy !req
318. I never thought the moron
would actually come up with it.Copy !req
319. Not that it's any of my business,
but it's your body.Copy !req
320. I wouldn't change anything
unless I really wanted to.Copy !req
321. But if I don't do it, he'll leave me.Copy !req
322. Honey, he's in jail.
How far is he gonna go?Copy !req
323. Maybe it's time
you stood up for yourself.Copy !req
324. Tell him you don't need the surgery.Copy !req
325. It's worth a shot.Copy !req
326. There you go. I'm so proud of you.Copy !req
327. When Lynette
went back to work,Copy !req
328. she was aware her new job
would be demanding.Copy !req
329. What she hadn't anticipated...Copy !req
330. was the night shift.Copy !req
331. Hey, honey.Copy !req
332. God, I thought I heard you
come in about an hour ago.Copy !req
333. I did. I had to load the dishwasher.Copy !req
334. You didn't have to do that.Copy !req
335. Yeah, I sort of did.Copy !req
336. I'm sorry. I've just
fallen behind at my housework.Copy !req
337. I just had so many errands to run today.Copy !req
338. But I'll make up
for it tomorrow, OK? I promise.Copy !req
339. That's the beauty of my system.Copy !req
340. It's flexible.Copy !req
341. You know, for the sake of our marriage,Copy !req
342. please don't mention "the system" again.Copy !req
343. - I said I was sorry.
- What in the world?Copy !req
344. Don't... Don't touch that.Copy !req
345. Penny had a little, um,
spitty-uppy on the sheets.Copy !req
346. - You didn't change them?
- The towel's very clean.Copy !req
347. That's disgusting.Copy !req
348. No. It's just a little spit-up,
milky spit-up on the sheets.Copy !req
349. I made a judgment call,
please respect that.Copy !req
350. No, I can't respect that,
and do you know why?Copy !req
351. It's stupid. I'm gonna get new sheets.Copy !req
352. We are not changing the sheets!Copy !req
353. Why are you yelling at me?Copy !req
354. I'm not yelling at you,
and this isn't about spit-up.Copy !req
355. - Of course it is.
- No, it's about control.Copy !req
356. And as you and I both know,
you have some issues in this area.Copy !req
357. Why are you fighting so hard
to sleep on baby vomit?Copy !req
358. I'm fighting for a principle.Copy !req
359. Being too lazy to change
the sheets is not a principle.Copy !req
360. Know what?
You're not going to win this one.Copy !req
361. So you better just crawl back into bed,Copy !req
362. and let's go to sleep.Copy !req
363. No. Tom.Copy !req
364. - No.
- Tom.Copy !req
365. Come on...Copy !req
366. Change...Copy !req
367. - Come on.
- No, you come on.Copy !req
368. - Just get up! Get up!
- That's it.Copy !req
369. All right, fine. Fine! Fine! Fine!Copy !req
370. Normally, Lynette would
have spent a sleepless nightCopy !req
371. telling herself
she didn't have control issues.Copy !req
372. But she couldn't.Copy !req
373. She was too busy figuring out
how to bend Tom to her will.Copy !req
374. Hello!Copy !req
375. Hi.Copy !req
376. Hey.Copy !req
377. Welcome to the Promised Land.Copy !req
378. Go on. There.Copy !req
379. Good job.Copy !req
380. Betty! Betty!Copy !req
381. Betty, can I ask you a question?Copy !req
382. Of course.Copy !req
383. - It's Susan, right?
- Yes, hi.Copy !req
384. I was just wondering,Copy !req
385. are you having some remodelling
done on your house or something?Copy !req
386. No. Why?Copy !req
387. Well, I work at home.Copy !req
388. So I'm home a lot, working.Copy !req
389. And I just keep
hearing these noises lately.Copy !req
390. It's hard to concentrate.Copy !req
391. Well, I haven't noticed anything.Copy !req
392. Really?Copy !req
393. Well, it sounds like
it's coming from your house.Copy !req
394. It's like a clanging, clanging...Copy !req
395. There, there!
That was it. Did you hear it?Copy !req
396. Oh, yes. Matthew's very handy.Copy !req
397. He's always doing projects
around the house.Copy !req
398. I guess I just don't
notice the noise anymore.Copy !req
399. Even at two in the morning?
Cos that's kinda hard to miss.Copy !req
400. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
401. Matthew is something
of an insomniac, Susan.Copy !req
402. But I will talk to him,
and we'll put a stop to it.Copy !req
403. Afternoon, Mrs Mayer.Copy !req
404. Hi... Matthew.Copy !req
405. Well, it was nice
chatting with you, Susan.Copy !req
406. This is my third phone
call, Mr Flannery, and if someoneCopy !req
407. doesn't call me back soon,
I'm going to be irritated.Copy !req
408. Is everything all right?Copy !req
409. That darned insurance company
is dragging its heelsCopy !req
410. on paying Rex's policy,
and I don't understand why.Copy !req
411. Well, he died unexpectedly,
and that brings up a lot of questions.Copy !req
412. It's probably easier
when people are just diseased.Copy !req
413. Probably.Copy !req
414. Hi. Hi.Copy !req
415. - Hi, Lynette.
- I'm sorry. Am I interrupting?Copy !req
416. No, no. Not at all.Copy !req
417. I saw you walk in, and I've been
meaning to call since the service,Copy !req
418. but work's been so crazy.Copy !req
419. So... How are you doing?Copy !req
420. I'm all right.Copy !req
421. - Well, you look amazing.
- Do I?Copy !req
422. Absolutely.Copy !req
423. Oh.Copy !req
424. Well, I can't imagine
what you're going through.Copy !req
425. Phyllis.Copy !req
426. You're going to have to stop that.Copy !req
427. I can't help it.Copy !req
428. When people talk about Rex,
I just get emotional.Copy !req
429. Well, I'm very sorry
for your loss too, Phyllis.Copy !req
430. He was my first-born.Copy !req
431. I don't know what I will do
without him.Copy !req
432. Oh, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
433. Is she gonna be OK?Copy !req
434. Um... Yeah, sure. Hold on a second.Copy !req
435. There we go. Feel better?Copy !req
436. Lynette, you were saying?Copy !req
437. - I forgot.
- That's all right.Copy !req
438. It was really sweet of you to stop by.Copy !req
439. OK.Copy !req
440. So, uh, are we ready to order,
or do you need a little more time?Copy !req
441. I've been in the
insurance industry for 15 years.Copy !req
442. I've never received
a phone call like this.Copy !req
443. I'm having second thoughts
about Rex's death.Copy !req
444. I've known Rex and Bree
for nearly 20 years,Copy !req
445. and I've never had
any reason to suspectCopy !req
446. they were anything
but a happy, loving couple.Copy !req
447. Which is why... this seemed so strange.Copy !req
448. I found it
in Rex's room after he coded.Copy !req
449. "I forgive you."Copy !req
450. George. What are you doing here?Copy !req
451. I'm here to kidnap you.Copy !req
452. What?Copy !req
453. Get your purse.
I'm gonna take you bowling.Copy !req
454. I... I... I don't know how to bowl.Copy !req
455. Or to the movies.
Or for a frozen yogurt.Copy !req
456. Whatever you want.Copy !req
457. Um... Thank you, but I just couldn't.Copy !req
458. Bree, I'm sure you haven't
gone anywhere in weeks.Copy !req
459. You gotta get out and do things.
It'll help. Trust me.Copy !req
460. I do. I'm just...Copy !req
461. I'm just not ready yet.Copy !req
462. But it was very
sweet of you to think of me.Copy !req
463. Well, you know. I tried.Copy !req
464. And I appreciate that.Copy !req
465. It's all right.Copy !req
466. Let it out.Copy !req
467. You want me to die in here, don't you?Copy !req
468. - What happened?
- What do you mean?Copy !req
469. You talked Rita out of taking the money.Copy !req
470. Is that what Richie said?Copy !req
471. Yeah. The subject came up
in between kidney punches.Copy !req
472. She didn't want the money.Copy !req
473. Why wouldn't she want $ 7,000?Copy !req
474. - Because it's for a boob job.
- So?Copy !req
475. So her boobs are fine.Copy !req
476. And, honestly, what he's doing
to her self-esteem is just cruel.Copy !req
477. - I feel sorry for her.
- Please.Copy !req
478. You don't care about her
self-esteem any more than I do.Copy !req
479. You didn't want
to give up all that money.Copy !req
480. I do think it's silly to give someone
$ 7,000 if they don't want it.Copy !req
481. Listen to me.Copy !req
482. You're gonna go back there.Copy !req
483. You're gonna put
that money in Rita's hands,Copy !req
484. and you're gonna convince her
that life is not worth livingCopy !req
485. unless she has jugs the size of Texas.Copy !req
486. Do I make myself clear?Copy !req
487. I just realised Rita and I
have a lot in common.Copy !req
488. Please don't tell me
you have low self-esteem.Copy !req
489. Cos if I laugh now,Copy !req
490. I'm gonna crack
the one good rib that I have left.Copy !req
491. We're both controlled by husbands, which
is idiotic, 'cause they're behind bars.Copy !req
492. - We should have power.
- I'm not trying to control you.Copy !req
493. - I don't wanna end up in the morgue.
- This isn't about that.Copy !req
494. The morphine's wearing off.
I don't have time for games.Copy !req
495. Me either, Carlos.Copy !req
496. If you expect me to go backCopy !req
497. and sweet-talk her
into getting the operation,Copy !req
498. - I can't show up empty-handed.
- Fine.Copy !req
499. Bring me the chequebook,
I'll make out a cheque for some cash.Copy !req
500. See, I was thinking
I'd be writing the cheques.Copy !req
501. - Gabrielle...
- Careful, Carlos.Copy !req
502. You're not in a position to argue.Copy !req
503. Hoo hoo!Copy !req
504. - Susan!
- Hey, Edie.Copy !req
505. So, uh... Wee!Copy !req
506. - How much do you hate me?
- What?Copy !req
507. Karl said that you know
all about our dirty little secret.Copy !req
508. - Yes. Yes, I do.
- Well, I feel awful.Copy !req
509. I should have told you
I was doing your ex.Copy !req
510. Well, it would have been
the classy thing to do.Copy !req
511. Etiquette is a lost art
for a lot of people.Copy !req
512. You've gotta believe me.Copy !req
513. I never ever thought anything
would happen with us.Copy !req
514. But on our first date,
Karl took me to a Mexican restaurant.Copy !req
515. You know what I get like
when I drink tequila.Copy !req
516. A couple of shooters
and my bra unhooks itself.Copy !req
517. Circumstances beyond your control.
I get it. So if you'll excuse me.Copy !req
518. Hey. Hey, hey, I am
offering you an opportunity here.Copy !req
519. And go ahead, vent. Lemme have it.Copy !req
520. Come on, tell me what a bitch I am
for snacking on your leftovers.Copy !req
521. - I deserve it. Come on. Bring it on.
- Honestly, Edie, I don't mind.Copy !req
522. You can skate off into the sunset
with Karl. Be my guest.Copy !req
523. Well, that's good to know.Copy !req
524. You know, I probably
shouldn't tell you this, but...Copy !req
525. Well, we were in my Jacuzzi last night.Copy !req
526. Karl said it was the best sex
he's ever had. Bar none.Copy !req
527. Actually, I'm glad that you shared that
because here's a titbit for you.Copy !req
528. Karl said he's still in love with me.Copy !req
529. Come on. Come on.Copy !req
530. Yep. Grab his hand. Let's go.Copy !req
531. Come on, come on, come on.Copy !req
532. Edie, what are you doing?Copy !req
533. - You are a lying liar!
- We're in the middle of the street!Copy !req
534. - Get out of here!
- Karl never said that.Copy !req
535. Karl asked me to get back together
the day after Julie's birthday.Copy !req
536. I said no, which I'm guessing
is the reason for the now-legendaryCopy !req
537. tequila bra-popping incident.
Please let go.Copy !req
538. Oh, no. We're not finished here.Copy !req
539. Well, yes, we are. I'm gonna go.Copy !req
540. You don't have the guts.Copy !req
541. In five seconds, I'm gonna punch it.Copy !req
542. Oh, yeah? I'll key your car.Copy !req
543. Not if you're sucking
my exhaust you won't.Copy !req
544. - Take back what you said.
- I won't.Copy !req
545. Admit it. You'd do anything
to destroy my happiness.Copy !req
546. Edie, for God's sake!Copy !req
547. Why would I care
if you end up with a man I despise?Copy !req
548. Cos you and Mike are finished.Copy !req
549. Yeah, word's out.Copy !req
550. Now that you can't be happy,
you don't want anyone else to be.Copy !req
551. Period.Copy !req
552. What? Edie! Come back here!
We're not finished yet!Copy !req
553. It was an accident, Karl.
Edie knows it was an accident, right?Copy !req
554. She knows you could have killed her.Copy !req
555. As it is, she's got a shattered tibia.Copy !req
556. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
557. I sent roses. Did she get the roses?Copy !req
558. Yep.Copy !req
559. - She cut herself on the thorns.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
560. Why'd you tell Edie
about our little conversation?Copy !req
561. Well, she was gloating
about sleeping with you,Copy !req
562. and I just wanted to shut her up.Copy !req
563. Oh.Copy !req
564. So, you were jealous?Copy !req
565. No! No.Copy !req
566. It's just... We were married.Copy !req
567. And she's trying to make this
tawdry little affair you guysCopy !req
568. have going on par with that,
and it just... I got mad.Copy !req
569. Susan, you remember the morning
you saw me with Edie's paper?Copy !req
570. Well, the night before, I had asked her
if she'd like to live together.Copy !req
571. And she said yes.Copy !req
572. Susan?Copy !req
573. Just give me a moment,
I'm asking God to kill me.Copy !req
574. Look, she's fun.
She goes with the flow.Copy !req
575. You know, at this time in my life,
I need that.Copy !req
576. Are you in love with her?Copy !req
577. Would you care if I were?Copy !req
578. I want you to be happy.Copy !req
579. I even sort of want Edie
to be happy. I...Copy !req
580. - But what?
- I want to be happy first.Copy !req
581. Mike and I were supposed
to move in together, you know?Copy !req
582. This was supposed to be my time.Copy !req
583. I heard you and the plumber
were having problems.Copy !req
584. Is it over?Copy !req
585. I don't know.Copy !req
586. It's really complicated.Copy !req
587. So you never answered my question.Copy !req
588. Are you in love with her?Copy !req
589. I don't know.Copy !req
590. But I can promise you this much,Copy !req
591. I've never loved another woman
the way I loved you.Copy !req
592. You walked out on me.Copy !req
593. Yeah. But look at how far I got.Copy !req
594. I'm just up the street.Copy !req
595. Mommy, Mommy!Copy !req
596. - Thank God you're home!
- Hey, sweet pea.Copy !req
597. Why? What's wrong?Copy !req
598. Daddy found a rat!Copy !req
599. Wow! Did he now?Copy !req
600. Honey...Copy !req
601. I'm home.Copy !req
602. - Hey, babe.
- Hey.Copy !req
603. - Hi. How was your day?
- It was good.Copy !req
604. But more importantly, how was yours?Copy !req
605. - Parker told you about the rat?
- Yep.Copy !req
606. Oh, my God. It was so disgusting.Copy !req
607. I came down the steps and there it was,Copy !req
608. sitting on the counter, eating
a leftover grilled cheese sandwich.Copy !req
609. The sandwiches from yesterday?Copy !req
610. OK, yes. The house has been too messy.Copy !req
611. Obviously, my system
has some kinks in it.Copy !req
612. But check it out,
I got my act together.Copy !req
613. Wow! So I take it
you took the rat outside?Copy !req
614. Oh, no. I smashed it with a shovel.Copy !req
615. You killed it?Copy !req
616. Not with the first blow.Copy !req
617. Disgusting.Copy !req
618. Hey... little guy.Copy !req
619. I just wanted to say I'm really sorry
about what happened...Copy !req
620. with the shovel.Copy !req
621. Neither one of us saw that coming.Copy !req
622. I know it's not much consolation,
but you really helped my marriage.Copy !req
623. That's a lot for a little rat
to accomplish in one lifetime.Copy !req
624. Well, it's getting late, so...Copy !req
625. hats off to you.Copy !req
626. So, you'd say the abuse started
a few years into your marriage?Copy !req
627. It started so slowly,
I didn't realise what was happening.Copy !req
628. He'd slap me over some little problem.Copy !req
629. But he'd always apologise.Copy !req
630. Then it got worse.Copy !req
631. And one day, eight years ago,Copy !req
632. my son spilled soda on our new carpet.Copy !req
633. Before I could move to protect him,Copy !req
634. Virgil had knocked him
on the ground and began kicking him.Copy !req
635. I went to protect my baby,
but I didn't get there in time.Copy !req
636. What happened to your son?Copy !req
637. Well, he died.Copy !req
638. I came across one of his
baby pictures last weekend.Copy !req
639. That's when
the nightmares started again.Copy !req
640. The last doctor I saw said
that I needed to let go of my guilt,Copy !req
641. and then I would start sleeping again.Copy !req
642. Of course,
that's easier said than done.Copy !req
643. And I am getting so tired.Copy !req
644. I'm gonna start you on nitrazepam.Copy !req
645. That should do the trick.Copy !req
646. Thank you.Copy !req
647. I hope your husband
was punished for what he did.Copy !req
648. Oh, there was retribution.Copy !req
649. I made sure of that.Copy !req
650. - Where are you off to?
- I'm, uh, going to see Rex's lawyer.Copy !req
651. We're gonna go over
some details involving Rex's will.Copy !req
652. Phyllis.Copy !req
653. Obviously, I am
just mortified over slapping you.Copy !req
654. I've just been in a...Copy !req
655. weird place since Rex's death,
but that's no excuse.Copy !req
656. I'm very, very sorry.Copy !req
657. No need to apologise.Copy !req
658. You're family.Copy !req
659. All is forgiven.Copy !req
660. Really?Copy !req
661. It's been a difficult time
for all of us.Copy !req
662. I totally understand. Now go.Copy !req
663. You don't want to be late
for your meeting about Rex's will.Copy !req
664. Claims, this is Joe Flannery.Copy !req
665. Hello.Copy !req
666. Could I speak to someone
about the death benefitsCopy !req
667. for Rex Van De Kamp, please?Copy !req
668. This is his mother.Copy !req
669. Yes, we've already spoken
to his wife several times.Copy !req
670. We are moving as quickly as we can.Copy !req
671. Are you aware that
my daughter-in-law has a boyfriend?Copy !req
672. I'm listening.Copy !req
673. Control.Copy !req
674. It's extraordinary, the tactics
people employ to obtain it.Copy !req
675. Some rely on deception...Copy !req
676. while others engage
in outright trickery.Copy !req
677. Then there are those
who resort to extortion.Copy !req
678. Why do we fight so hard for control?Copy !req
679. Because we know to lose itCopy !req
680. is to put our fate
in the hands of others.Copy !req
681. And what could be more dangerous?Copy !req