Desperate Housewives 1x13

1. Previously on Desperate Housewives...

2. - Were you with a woman? - You said you'd hate him forever.

3. Don't listen to a woman who's had her heart broken.

4. Ending a relationship...

5. - I want to be with you. - I don't think that would be wise.

6. - ... can be very hard. - I was sleeping with your son.

7. - But it's over now. - Keeping secrets...

8. - It's not over. - ... is even harder.

9. - I don't understand what you're saying. - I killed my baby sister.

10. I want the toys picked up.

11. Pick up your toys. You want a spanking?

12. There is a look the parents of well-behaved children

13. give to the parents of the not so well-behaved.

14. Don't look at me like that. I will wipe that smirk off your face.

15. It's a look that says "Control your kids".

16. We're just gonna clean the yard...

17. "After all, they're your responsibility".

18. Hey, I'm not fooling.

19. It was easy for Susan to feel smug with a daughter like Julie.

20. - She brought home straight As. - Oh! You did it again!

21. She was helpful around the house.

22. She was bright, affectionate and considerate of others.

23. To her mother's way of thinking, Julie was the perfect child.

24. Unfortunately, Susan was about to discover that no such creature existed.

25. Mom!

26. Were you just kissing my daughter?

27. - A little. - What are you thinking?

28. - Mom, calm down. - She's 14!

29. I should... I should probably be going.

30. Ya think?

31. Just...

32. - See you Friday. - What's happening on Friday?

33. - He's taking me to the school dance. - No, he's not.

34. Mom, I know you saw us kissing, but you've got to chill now.

35. I have no intentions of chilling.

36. Whatever. I'm taking out the trash.

37. - You will talk about this. - Not while you're freaking out.

38. You will not see him anymore.

39. There is also a look

40. the parents of not-so-well behaved children give to parents like Susan.

41. It says, "Welcome to the club".

42. Suburbia is a place filled with responsible people

43. trying to live responsible lives.

44. Of course, even the most responsible among us

45. has mistakes in their past.

46. Mistakes they'd like to forget.

47. Mistakes that sometimes come back to haunt them.

48. I'm gonna go get the mail.

49. Helen.

50. I don't believe you've met my husband. Bob.

51. Hi. So nice to meet you...

52. We came to talk to you about our son.

53. I haven't seen John in weeks.

54. He's left messages, but I haven't returned any. It's over. I swear.

55. We're not here about that. We need you to do something for us.

56. OK...

57. John announced he was turning down his college scholarship.

58. Instead he's decided to expand his gardening business. Mow lawns full time.

59. Why would he do that?

60. We don't know. Do you think we'd be talking to you if we did?

61. Forgive my wife. She's still upset over the, um...

62. - Statutory rape thing. - Helen!

63. What do you want me to do?

64. He's refusing to talk to us.

65. If you could convince him that he's making a mistake...

66. John and I made a clean break.

67. It's best we just keep our distance.

68. Please. Last week he turned eighteen and moved out of the house. We're stuck.

69. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,

70. I just can't handle this right now. I have my own personal things going on.

71. - I don't care. - Helen...

72. We haven't gone to the police about what you did, but that can easily change.

73. I'll see what I can do.

74. Good.

75. So nice to meet you.

76. You can do this. Scooch down a few inches and I'll grab ya.

77. - No. You'll drop me. - I'm not gonna drop you.

78. I might strangle you for climbing up here in the first place.

79. Come here, ya monsters!

80. Look who I found wandering around the airport.

81. Hey, Rodney!

82. - Is Parker back up on the roof? - Yep.

83. See if he can find that Frisbee while he's up there.

84. I'll get right on that.

85. - How's my favorite girl? - So happy to see you.

86. Shame Allison couldn't make it.

87. Just another business trip for the wandering salesman.

88. She'd be bored to tears. Hey, Parker!

89. Aren't you gonna give me a hug? It's Grandpa!

90. He's scared to climb down.

91. - Can I give it a shot? - Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out.

92. - Yeah. - Be careful.

93. Parker, I got a question for you. It's an important question.

94. A character-defining question. Wanna hear it?

95. Only a girl would be afraid to come down the ladder.

96. You're not a little girl, are you?

97. I'm not looking at a little girlie-girl, am I?

98. - Are you OK? - Come on.

99. - You got him down. How'd he do that? - Sexism.

100. Let's address the division of assets.

101. We're not prepared to discuss the primary residence at this time.

102. Are you prepared to discuss cars?

103. I'd like to discuss country club membership.

104. Access to the facilities is integral to Dr...

105. What are we doing here?

106. I'm sorry, Rex?

107. I'm talking to my wife.

108. With lawyers dividing our stuff.

109. I don't want this. I thought I did, but I don't.

110. Maybe we should talk this over before it's too late.

111. What do you say, Bree? Should we send the vultures home?

112. I wanna keep the club membership. Rex is terrible at tennis

113. and he hates buffets.

114. OK. On page two of the proposed settlement,

115. you'll find our prioritized list.

116. Right.

117. - They were kissing, huh? - Right at my kitchen table.

118. Must have shocked the hell out of 'em.

119. - I'm glad you can laugh. - They're being kids.

120. You're the father of the boy. I'm the mother of the girl.

121. If things get out of hand...

122. What is it you want from me?

123. Well, I want to know that I am not the only one who's worried about this.

124. If the two of them are over here, I want them supervised.

125. And I want you to stop looking at me like I'm crazy.

126. I'm smiling because it's irrelevant. I've sold the house.

127. Really?

128. We'll be out at the end of the month.

129. You sold the house?

130. - Zach... - Why didn't you tell me?

131. I wanted to wait till it was official.

132. - You told me that you'd reconsidered. - You need to take your medicine.

133. You think pumping me full of drugs is gonna keep me quiet?

134. - Upstairs! Now! - You don't care about me!

135. You didn't care about Mom!

136. You know what? I wish she'd shot you instead.

137. So you're moving. We're all gonna miss you.

138. Checklist means "is it in the car?" not like, "do you remember it".

139. Before Parker Scavo's Little League game had begun...

140. - Hurry! - I'm not the one that forgot my mitt.

141. a major player was about to be tagged out.

142. Hi.

143. I thought you guys were at... at practice.

144. Parker forgot his catcher's mitt.

145. Lynette, this is Lois McDaniel.

146. She's one of my major suppliers. She's in paper products manufacturing.

147. It's nice to meet you.

148. Nice to meet you. You have a lovely home.

149. Thank you.

150. Just working out some of these new contracts.

151. Hammering out some of the little things, the minor details.

152. Overhead, shipping costs...

153. Mommy, look what I found.

154. I'm sorry. These are mine. Thank you. They must have fallen out of my purse.

155. Well, we don't want to be late for the game. Nice to meet you.

156. - Hey. - I'm not speaking to you.

157. Didn't like the settlement talks?

158. You demanded the good china because I love it.

159. You take our timeshare in Aspen and I'm vindictive?

160. - You'll hardly ever use that place. - Hardly? How about never?

161. Fine. I'm gonna use your good china for takeout food. Pizza. Spare ribs.

162. At our next settlement talks, I plan on asking for your golf clubs.

163. Isn't divorce fun?

164. It's time for your heart medication.

165. I meant what I said at that meeting. I will fire my lawyer tomorrow.

166. - Just give me the word. - Sweetie, I think it's too late.

167. - Why? - Because you were unfaithful.

168. But if you could find a way to forgive me,

169. if we could be happy, wouldn't you want that?

170. You know what I really, truly want? Revenge.

171. I mean, if somehow we could level the playing field, then, um,

172. maybe I could find a way to come back.

173. So what does that mean? You want to have an affair?

174. OK. So who are we talking about here? Your dopey pharmacist?

175. Would that hurt you, Rex? If I slept with another man?

176. It would devastate me.

177. Here you go.

178. - Bree, you can't possibly... - Rex. Time to take your medicine.

179. I got it!

180. She doesn't hate you. Mom just worries.

181. - She thinks I'm crazy. - No, she doesn't.

182. Well, maybe a little.

183. You didn't tell her what I told you, about what happened to Dana?

184. Zach, I can keep a secret. I promise I will never tell her.

185. What's that noise?

186. Hi. What... what are you doing here?

187. I was walking outside and I saw you in the window.

188. I never thought of you as a diner person.

189. I'm not. The coffee's just dreadful.

190. Well, it's late and I needed to get out of the house,

191. and it was the only place still open.

192. I didn't mean to interrupt.

193. George?

194. Would you like to join me for a dreadful cup of coffee?

195. It was my first week in college and I went to a... a meeting

196. of the Young Republicans where Rex gave a speech.

197. And I went up to him afterward and introduced myself,

198. told him I agreed with his stance on the death penalty.

199. He took me out to a diner and, uh...

200. we stayed up 'til two talking about big government, gun control,

201. and illegal immigration.

202. It was just...

203. It was just such a magical night.

204. And I knew by the time he got me back to my dorm,

205. that one day I was gonna be Mrs. Rex Van de Kamp.

206. Wow.

207. And even now, after the betrayal,

208. I know that we're supposed to be together.

209. But I don't know how I can be with someone I don't trust.

210. So, what are you gonna do?

211. That I don't know.

212. What do you think I should do?

213. - You're asking me? - I should not have done that. I am...

214. No, it's OK.

215. No, it was insensitive. I know how you feel about me, and I...

216. Bree, I want to help.

217. Thank you.

218. So, does he love you?

219. Yes.

220. Is he a good person?

221. Aside from the adultery, yes.

222. Well, then it's easy.

223. If I could get a good person to love me, I would find a way to forgive them.

224. You are such a special man, George Williams.

225. And you deserve such a special woman.

226. I think so.

227. Where are you going?

228. - I thought I'd eat this in my room. - The house isn't that big, Rodney.

229. You're gonna have to stop avoiding me.

230. OK, OK. Lois isn't a supplier.

231. Really?

232. Yeah, and I want to apologize.

233. I thought you and the kids were gonna be gone all afternoon.

234. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

235. Well, you can wipe that disgusting smirk off your face.

236. Lynette...

237. How could you do this to Allison?

238. I don't know. It happens a little bit at a time.

239. Years go by, the kids burn you out, I'm on the road,

240. we just drifted apart. It's complicated.

241. It's not complicated. It's completely irresponsible.

242. I have stayed married to a woman I don't love,

243. because I made a vow to God. Don't talk to me about responsibilities.

244. So you're the victim?

245. I can see that we're just going to have to agree to disagree.

246. We're not done.

247. Yeah, we are. 'Cause my sex life is my own business, not yours.

248. And there's nothing you can do about it, anyway.

249. - Dad? What are you doing? - I don't want to talk about it.

250. - Does Lynette know you're out here? - Oh, yeah. She knows.

251. - Can you drive me to the airport? - Wait here.

252. - Lynette? - Yeah?

253. Why is my Dad sitting out on the curb?

254. Because I kicked him out of the house.

255. I see. You wanna tell me why?

256. Hold on. I made you a drink.

257. Oh, God, what did he do?

258. Yesterday I came home and I walked in on your dad with a woman.

259. He's having an affair. I am so, so sorry.

260. - God... - I know. I know. Are you OK?

261. Yeah. I should go talk to him.

262. - That's it? - What?

263. I just expected a bigger reaction. I've got knots in my stomach.

264. I never mentioned this because I knew how you'd react. But, um...

265. I'm not that surprised by this.

266. My father's been having affairs for years.

267. - You knew about this? - Yeah. Kinda. Yeah.

268. It was mostly in the past. I didn't know that he was still at it.

269. I figured he was too old. In some strange way, I'm impressed.

270. Impressed? Impressed? I...

271. Tom, don't tell me you're all right with this.

272. I'm not. He should never have brought her here.

273. He shouldn't have been with her at all!

274. I know. But, you know, that's who he is.

275. It's been going on for years. My mom's made peace with it.

276. - I seriously doubt that. - There's no point in this.

277. I'm gonna bring my father back and put him in his room.

278. - And we can all cool off. - He is not coming back in this house.

279. - Yes, he is. - No, he's not.

280. He is my father, this is my house. You can't tell me what to do.

281. I say we kick the door down.

282. Yeah, Dad, you do that. Let me know how that works out for you.

283. Hi...

284. I don't know if I have the right address. Does John Rowland live here?

285. I'm really glad you came by. I was gonna call you again tomorrow.

286. Yeah. I'm sorry I haven't returned any of your calls.

287. It's OK. I'm just happy to see you. I heard about Mr. Solis.

288. - It sucks you had to take a job. - Well, I'll survive.

289. Come here.

290. No. John, I didn't come here for that.

291. What's wrong?

292. You're going into gardening full time. What happened to college?

293. - I decided not to go. - Why?

294. Well, an opportunity has presented itself,

295. and for me to take advantage of it, I need to start making money.

296. John, what opportunity is more important than college?

297. For the longest time, the only thing I had to offer you was my heart.

298. Mr. Solis gave you security and I couldn't compete.

299. But now he can't offer you that. I can.

300. My business is taking off. I can take care of you. We can be together.

301. Mrs. Solis,

302. will you marry me?

303. Why would you want to chaperone the dance?

304. Mrs. Van De Kamp needed volunteers. She begged me.

305. You're so transparent.

306. Anyway, you won't even know I'm there.

307. Well, not too much.

308. - You know you can tell me anything. - Yeah, Mom.

309. So if you had a problem, or some sort of secret was weighing on you...?

310. Of course. I tell you everything.

311. I can't believe you're just uprooting us like this.

312. We need a fresh start.

313. Here. You wanna get it about like this.

314. So many bad things have happened around here

315. and finally I have someone I can talk to and you want to take that away.

316. - You mean Julie? - Yeah.

317. What bad things do you talk to her about?

318. - Do you talk about your mother? - Yeah. And other stuff.

319. Like what?

320. Zach. Like what?

321. Dad, this is what I've been trying to talk to you about.

322. Ever since Mom died I've started to remember things.

323. Just flashes from when I was little.

324. Nice and taut, like this.

325. What kind of things?

326. Lots of blood. Mom screaming.

327. And Dana.

328. I remember killing Dana.

329. You told this to Julie?

330. I trust her.

331. Did she tell her mother?

332. I don't know.

333. Start from the beginning.

334. Tell me everything that you told Julie.

335. - Hey. - Hey. What's that?

336. I was going to give it to you, but I saw the other girls weren't wearing flowers.

337. I guess it's not that kind of dance.

338. If you don't want to stand out, I'd understand.

339. I like standing out.

340. What's Paul doing here?

341. He's chaperoning. He called and volunteered.

342. - Really? - What's wrong?

343. He could have cared less about Julie and Zach dating.

344. And now he shows up at the dance?

345. Maybe he's trying to be supportive.

346. Maybe.

347. Dr Van De Kamp.

348. My cardiologist phoned in a prescription.

349. Oh, right. I've got it here somewhere.

350. So, have you seen Bree lately?

351. I ran into her last night on Maple Avenue.

352. - We had a nice talk. - That's all you did? Just talked?

353. We're just friends. Nothing more.

354. That's good to hear.

355. If you ever do get a vibe from Bree

356. that she's interested in more than just friendship,

357. I'd be careful if I were you.

358. Excuse me?

359. I just want you to know that she'd only be using you to even the score with me.

360. Don't fall for it.

361. Bree would never do anything like that. She's a lady.

362. Exactly. A very beautiful, classy lady.

363. Remember, they tend to end up with doctors. Not pharmacists.

364. Bree is very beautiful. And very classy. But she's not very perceptive.

365. For instance, she thinks you're a good person.

366. And it's now very clear to me, you aren't.

367. I'd like my prescription now, George.

368. I can't seem to find it. I guess I'll have to have it delivered.

369. Thank you.

370. No, thank you.

371. Paul.

372. Did you notice they're playing a classic?

373. Yeah.

374. Care to dance?

375. I'd love to.

376. I have a little confession to make.

377. I've been so concerned about Julie,

378. that I sort of eavesdropped on her the other day,

379. while she was having a phone conversation with Zach.

380. Really?

381. They were having an interesting conversation.

382. About?

383. Zach was telling Julie about what happened to Dana.

384. - Was he now? - Yes.

385. - How much did you hear? - Everything.

386. You realize it was an accident.

387. Of course. I assumed as much.

388. He didn't mean to kill Dana.

389. He was practically a baby himself. He didn't understand what he was doing.

390. No, of course he didn't. So what happened exactly?

391. Mary Alice and I never really knew.

392. We heard the baby screaming.

393. When we got up to the crib, it was too late.

394. Paul, I am so sorry.

395. Thank you.

396. So you and Mary Alice just kept this to yourselves all these years?

397. It was a very dark chapter in our lives. We preferred not to relive it.

398. It was also a private family matter. I'd appreciate your discretion.

399. Sure.

400. - Did you have a good time? - Yeah, I did.

401. It was great.

402. Look, I want you to know that I'm really sorry I talked to Julie.

403. But she promised not to say anything to her Mom.

404. It's OK. I handled Susan.

405. Good.

406. But we need to talk about these things that you think you remember.

407. They're not true.

408. How can they not be true?

409. Memories lie, Zach.

410. You didn't kill anyone.

411. Dana is very much alive.

412. - Hi. What are you doing here? - Where is it?

413. - What? - The ring. My grandmother's ring.

414. John caught me off guard. I'm going to give back the ring.

415. Well, you'd better. Because make no mistake,

416. if you try to ruin my son's life, I will ruin yours.

417. Helen! OK, go to the car. Come on, please. Just... please.

418. Obviously, I'm not leaving my husband and marrying John.

419. I think that's wise.

420. I'll talk to John tomorrow and give back the ring.

421. Good, good. We appreciate everything you've done.

422. Hey, Bob, I get why she's so angry with me.

423. But what I don't get is why you're so nice.

424. Well, John's a big boy. Whatever happened between the two of you

425. was his mistake as much as yours.

426. I guess. I understand if, uh, if you hate me just a little.

427. When I was a kid, I always played by the rules. I never cheated on a test.

428. Never even missed a curfew. But I can't help but think

429. how wonderful it would have been to have made at least one mistake like you.

430. That's sweet. You... you're very sweet.

431. Well, I'm a little sweet.

432. Mostly I'm just middle-aged.

433. Are you OK? I know this is a lot to digest all at once.

434. I'm fine. I'm just happy you finally told me the truth.

435. One thing, though. Why are you telling me all this now?

436. I couldn't let you think you killed someone.

437. No one should carry that kind of burden.

438. - You didn't want me running my mouth. - It's not about that.

439. Yes, it is.

440. I won't tell anyone. I'll keep your secret.

441. - Dad? - Thank you.

442. But we're not moving.

443. That's out of the question.

444. I'm not leaving Julie. And if you want my support, that's the deal.

445. - And if I refuse? - You won't.

446. So here's the thing; I feel really awful about how I acted before.

447. You threw me out of my own house.

448. I overreacted. I know. I'm sorry.

449. Look, I know you love my mom. But how she decides to live her life is just...

450. it's entirely up to her.

451. You're right. You're right. I guess I just got so upset because...

452. Oh, whatever. Let's not beat a dead horse.

453. It's over. I'm sorry. Good night.

454. OK. Get it off your chest.

455. You knew he was having a affair and it didn't bother you.

456. And that worries me because if you can condone something like that,

457. then what's gonna happen when you've been on the road for 40 years?

458. Lynette, I'm not my father.

459. I know. Of course. You're not your father.

460. And just so we're absolutely clear, I am definitely not your mother.

461. Because if you ever betray me, I will leave you.

462. I will take the kids, and you will never see any of us again.

463. Whew. Glad to get that off my chest. Thank you. I love you.

464. - Couldn't sleep, huh? - No.

465. Me either. I'm sorry about the ruckus I caused.

466. It's OK. I'm not... I'm not upset about that.

467. - No? - No.

468. What's wrong?

469. There's something Lynette doesn't know.

470. Something that I did.

471. And I don't know what's gonna happen if she ever finds out.

472. The next morning, Gabrielle returned the engagement ring to her former lover.

473. A gesture that was met with

474. measured enthusiasm.

475. - Please, calm down. - This doesn't make any sense.

476. - I know you love me. - Love isn't enough.

477. Where would we live? Here? The only decoration in the bathroom is a bong.

478. - We could get our own place. - You're barely making minimum wage.

479. We'd be poor at first. But we'd be happy.

480. I've tried "poor but happy". Guess what? I wasn't that happy.

481. But Mr. Solis is going to jail. You want to stick around for that?

482. I don't know. You know, every once in a while even I want to do the right thing.

483. Mrs. Solis, I love you so much. I mean, doesn't that mean anything to you?

484. Honestly? No.

485. John, you're a toy. A sweet dumb toy.

486. So you might as well go to college, because you and me,

487. no future.

488. Mrs. Mayer. Hey, is Julie home?

489. She's in the shower.

490. Well, I just came by to give her some good news.

491. What's that?

492. It turns out my that my dad and I aren't moving after all.

493. - What? - He reconsidered.

494. So I guess we're gonna keep living across the street.

495. OK. Wow.

496. Wow.

497. You know, can you sit down? I need to talk to you.

498. Hey...

499. Did you know that Julie is the first girl I ever gave a flower to?

500. - Really? - Yeah.

501. Yeah, I really like her, Mrs. Mayer.

502. Julie is only 14 years old.

503. And sometimes girls, when they're that age, they just don't

504. always make the right decisions.

505. As her mother, it is my responsibility to protect her.

506. You want to protect her from me?

507. No, I just... I think that you should slow things down.

508. I want you to not see her for a while.

509. No.

510. - No? - You're not taking her away from me.

511. I know being dramatic is the birthright of every teenager, but come on.

512. Why are you laughing? Do you think this is funny?

513. Thank you, you have just made this really easy for me.

514. You are forbidden from seeing or talking to Julie ever again.

515. If you come within ten feet of her, I will have you arrested. Now get out.

516. Sooner or later the time comes

517. when we all must become responsible adults...

518. and learn to give up what we want, so we can choose to do what is right.

519. Of course, a lifetime of responsibility isn't always easy.

520. And as the years go on,

521. it's a burden that can become too heavy for some to bear.

522. But still we try to do what is best. What is good. Not only for ourselves.

523. But for those we love.

524. - Hey. - I'm glad you came.

525. Zach, I can't stay long. If my mom catches me, she'll freak.

526. Come here.

527. She said I can't see you anymore. What are we gonna do?

528. I'm not sure.

529. Yes, sooner or later, we must all become responsible adults.

530. No one knows this better than the young.