1. So we just had dinner
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2. which means it's time
for dessert.
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3. And where are we gonna
get dessert?
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4. An ice cream shop.
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5. Sania was
a burst of sunshine
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6. and positive energy.
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7. I did it!
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8. Man,
it was infectious.
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9. She was
bold, big and funny.
- Baby.
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10. Everyone felt like her friend
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11. because everyone was.
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12. I can't talk right now.
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13. I'm doing hot girl
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14. She was proud to be
a Pakistani woman.
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15. She was very proud
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16. of how she modernized
her culture.
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17. She made
a lot of women feel
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18. safe, seen, and heard.
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19. But being a Pakistani Muslim
influencer online...
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20. it can get very toxic
very quickly.
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21. Harassment,
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22. bullying,
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23. death threats.
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24. The possibility
of online threats stepping
over into real life is
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25. actually very real.
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26. There was
only positives
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27. until she had that day
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28. where her own life
was actually at risk.
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29. My first introduction
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30. into the world
of the Internet was
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31. through Sania reconfiguring
my Myspace layout.
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32. Her handle was Geminigirl
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33. and mine was Ariesgirl.
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34. Mmm.
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35. Hi, Sania.
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36. I met Sania
in the early 2000s.
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37. We were between
the ages of nine and ten.
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38. That's not on.
You didn't turn it on.
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39. It was New Year's Eve.
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40. I was talking to my cousin,
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41. and this girl just jumps
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42. into the conversation.
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43. "Hi, my name's Sania."
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44. True Sania Khan style, right?
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45. It was just destined.
We became friends.
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46. Early teens,
early 2000s.
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47. No, I didn't.
- You did—
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48. I entered with the front door
with Yusra.
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49. No, I didn't!
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50. This is her family.
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51. Sania's the eldest.
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52. This is Heider uncle,
who is her father.
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53. This is Shazia auntie,
her mother.
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54. They look happy.
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55. In Chattanooga,
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56. the Muslim community is
very conservative,
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57. but we are Pakistani-American.
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58. We have two identities
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59. that are oftentimes
in conflicts with each other.
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60. We tried to be'acchi bacchis", right,
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61. which means good girls...
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62. respect
your elders,
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63. biggest thing,
dressing modestly.
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64. We don't bring shame
to our families.
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65. We want to be assimilated
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66. into the American community,
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67. but our parents did not
understand the culture
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68. and so I think
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69. Sania definitely struggled
with that all her life.
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70. Stop it!
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71. Why?
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72. I don't like it
when you...
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73. I met Sania
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74. in homeroom freshman year,
ninth grade.
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75. Since pretty much
the first week she was there,
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76. we've been friends.
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77. My connection to Sania was
a creative one.
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78. These were some
of the first photos
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79. she took of me
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80. when she was
practicing photography.
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81. Sania's relationship
with her mother and father was
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82. strained and confusing,
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83. at least from my perspective
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84. as a white teenage boy.
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85. They had certain expectations
placed on her
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86. that didn't mesh
with the culture
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87. she was exposed to
at our school.
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88. First semester she met Robert,
started dating.
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89. That was really like
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90. - the formative high school
sweet romance.
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91. She loved him
and vice versa,
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92. but stigma of dating
a non-South Asian man,
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93. I don't know
how she managed it,
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94. but I don't feel
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95. like she would have traded
it for the world.
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96. While she was
in college,
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97. her parents went through
a horrible divorce
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98. that took a toll
on her entire family.
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99. When it comes
to South Asian family norms,
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100. we're really good
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101. at keeping the facade alive
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102. of a happy marriage,
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103. but when things go sour,
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104. they go down sour real quick.
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105. She got to see the other side
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106. of the Chattanooga
Muslim community.
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107. Her mother was
ostracized, shunned,
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108. for initiating the divorce.
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109. She felt for her mom a lot.
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110. She hated
the authoritarian way
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111. that her father may
have handled the situation.
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112. And so her relationship
did become strained
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113. with her father.
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114. She lived with her mother,
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115. and she saw him occasionally.
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116. Like most
immigrant communities,
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117. the Pakistani communities,
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118. "Oh, you have to become
a doctor, or a lawyer,
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119. or an engineer
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120. because those are careers
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121. that will make you
more stable in life."
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122. Sania actually did do
as her parents wished,
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123. and she went to UTC
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124. and pursued a education
in psychology.
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125. But then,
after she graduated college,
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126. she decided to go down
a more creative path,
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127. and she picked photography.
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128. And that's not normal.
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129. She didn't care.
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130. She didn't let,"log kya kehenge",
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131. "what are people
going to say?", dictate that.
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132. Sania and I met
over social media.
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133. We're kind of like
rule breakers,
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134. and don't let,
"What will people say?",
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135. like, hold us back.
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136. She made up her own rules
of what it means
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137. to be a Muslim
and an American.
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138. It's okay for her
to make the religion
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139. what it means to her,
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140. rather than what they say
it should be.
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141. She told me,
"I want to be married.
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142. I want to have a big family.
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143. And I want
my photography to thrive."
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144. She was
the best photographer ever.
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145. She captured moments
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146. in such a beautiful way.
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147. Sania decided
to slide in my DMs.
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148. We bonded in the fact
that we were sent to college,
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149. failure is not an option,
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150. you have to graduate,
be successful.
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151. In 2016,
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152. her photography business
just started going bonkers.
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153. She was out of town
every weekend,
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154. going to, like, awesome places
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155. to shoot people
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156. and then she started
recording herself,
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157. putting her thoughts
out there.
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158. She became
this traveling photographer.
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159. She'd use TikTok as a platform
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160. and expanded her business.
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161. She and I met
on a random night.
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162. Right from the start,
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163. it just felt like we knew
each other forever.
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164. Before you know it,
we're texting each other
every day.
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165. She was
definitely an entrepreneur,
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166. because it was like
she was doing two jobs in one.
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167. And she was
utilizing social media
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168. to get a following
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169. for her photography business.
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170. I'm gonna have
such a good day today!
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171. But we all knew she was
a hopeless romantic.
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172. She wanted to have
a strong relationship
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173. with her mother and father.
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174. So she needed to find
the right person
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175. to make them happy,
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176. to make them proud.
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177. She wanted
to be a wife,
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178. a mother,
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179. have a home, have a full life
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180. that she could not keep
compartmentalized,
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181. but she could not have that
with Robert.
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182. So her relationship
with Robert ended.
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183. She decided on dating
a South Asian person
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184. that she could bring home
to mom and dad.
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185. Sania met Raheel
on Tinder.
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186. He was studying to be
a physician's assistant.
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187. He was
very charismatic,
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188. and he was very sweet.
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189. Like her, he was
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190. Pakistani and Muslim.
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191. I liked him
from the get-go
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192. because he knew
how to present himself.
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193. But she had moved to Dallas.
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194. He was in Atlanta.
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195. And they were long distance.
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196. So there was
no real, like, intimacy
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197. of living with somebody.
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198. Sania and Raheel kept
a relationship
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199. through weekend getaways.
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200. They often did camping trips.
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201. She definitely knew
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202. that she wanted to marry him.
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203. She wanted someone
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204. who had her back
at the end of the day,
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205. that she could
kind of show off
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206. in the community, too.
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207. So part of being
an influencer is
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208. talking about yourself, right?
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209. Being more personable
with your audience.
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210. And Sania did just that.
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211. When you get a following,
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212. it brings in more clients,
more money,
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213. and builds your portfolio.
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214. Sania was a self-confessed,
hopeless romantic,
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215. and she loved
to capture couples.
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216. Quickly, she became
a go-to photographer.
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217. She had a blog
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218. where she shared
about her own relationship
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219. and gave relationship advice.
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220. She talked about
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221. how they supported
one another.
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222. Raheel was very sweet to her.
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223. He would fly in
and surprise her,
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224. would send her
gifts and flowers
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225. on Valentine's Day.
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226. They were dating
for five years
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227. before he proposed to her,
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228. which is a very long time.
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229. "Here's where
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230. - your day turns
fancy and free."
Oh.
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231. "Time to get out
of your comfort zone
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232. and find something naughty
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233. or nice for the bride-to-be."
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234. The reason why
it took the time is
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235. because she came
from a divorced household.
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236. That's still a big stigma.
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237. I know that
there was some resentment
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238. from Raheel's family
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239. in the way
that they saw Sania.
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240. But she can't help
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241. that her parents made
the choices that they did.
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242. Hi.
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243. Bride tribe!
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244. It was very much
"Present the couple,
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245. look how perfect they are,
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246. look how nice the family is."
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247. She had to look like
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248. the perfect South-Asian
glowing bride.
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249. Oh, my God.
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250. Raheel's parents were
still together,
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251. and they painted
that perfect picture
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252. of the way things were
supposed to be.
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253. Having
everyone together,
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254. her mother, her father,
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255. both sides of the family,
everything coming together,
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256. that's what she's wanted
since she was a little girl.
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257. But during the signing
of the papers,
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258. there was an event.
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259. Just made everybody
in the room kind of...
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260. pause.
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261. It was very calm
at the beginning
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262. until the energy
in the room changed
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263. suddenly to being hostile,
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264. and just— it was
very uncomfortable.
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265. I remember the look
in Raheel's eyes
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266. and they were—
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267. it was just scary.
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268. Raheel did have a sword,
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269. which is traditional.
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270. And he was like,
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271. "I have a weapon
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272. and I'm willing to use it."
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273. Was there any conflict
at the wedding?
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274. Yes, there was some conflict
at the wedding.
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275. No, I'd rather not get
into details of that.
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276. The conflict was
over something
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277. what I thought was very minor.
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278. It was like
a seating arrangement.
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279. He was telling her father
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280. to sit in a certain place.
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281. But I recalled
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282. her father speaking back
to him that, you know,
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283. "You're not supposed
to be telling us,
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284. like, what to do."
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285. It was
a very vocal altercation.
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286. Her father was screaming,
"I paid for the whole thing,
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287. and you— you can get out."
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288. Raheel banged the sword
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289. on the table.
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290. For anyone to do that
in front of an elder is
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291. a huge sign of disrespect.
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292. It's a really big deal.
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293. That event set the tone
for the rest of the evening.
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294. "May Allah bless the earth
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295. with your progeny."
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296. She's just like,
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297. "I have to let it
wash over me.
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298. I just have to be here
and can't say a word and...
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299. it'll all be okay."
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300. Sorry. I'm just like—
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301. I hated that day.
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302. There was
already tension
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303. between the two families.
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304. Fallout at the wedding
just furthered the divide.
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305. She, at that point, was trying
to support her husband
Copy !req
306. rather than her family.
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307. After their wedding,
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308. Sania and Raheel moved
to Chicago,
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309. where Raheel would go
to medical school.
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310. And they lived
in an apartment building
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311. on the 28th floor.
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312. Sania was thriving
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313. in her business.
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314. Her online presence
was growing.
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315. Everything seemed
to be going really well
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316. for the couple.
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317. On November 7th
of 2021,
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318. Sania was featured
on a podcast—
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319. What would
you say
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320. to the South Asian parents—
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321. to talk
about the issues
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322. faced in her career
as a South Asian woman.
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323. children
entering creative industries?
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324. Support your child,
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325. motivate them.
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326. If you want them to succeed,
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327. if you want them to be happy—
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328. Sania presented herself
and her partner
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329. as a power couple, really.
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330. Life was wonderful
when I got married.
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331. I mean, I love my husband.
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332. - He's actually in school
for medicine
- Mm-hmm.
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333. and he's gonna be in it
for a little bit.
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334. - And so I was like, well—
Yeah.
Copy !req
335. now I need
to be the breadwinner.
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336. He's gonna be providing,
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337. - you know, in the future.
- Yeah.
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338. But
for the time being,
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339. let me be that support.
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340. Sania was
trying to live
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341. between the online world,
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342. and the real world.
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343. Trying to pick
and choose things
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344. that would reflect well,
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345. when in reality,
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346. things weren't going very well
in her relationship.
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347. He was
almost never around.
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348. He was either studying
for school
Copy !req
349. or with his friends.
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350. And she was,
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351. in her words,
"playing housewife."
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352. And just the way
he talked to her,
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353. especially when it came
to her career in photography,
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354. he would say, "No, this is
not, like, a real income."
Copy !req
355. Sania had
expressed to me
Copy !req
356. how much pressure
that she felt
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357. from their family,
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358. because they saw him
as being perfect.
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359. And the girls in his family
were perfect.
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360. So they expected Sania
to be perfect too.
Copy !req
361. So it was just a lot.
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362. We started
communicating less and less.
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363. She was almost never
on social media anymore.
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364. I remember,
Copy !req
365. about four or five months
after her wedding,
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366. I was going to Chicago
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367. to see some friends.
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368. And of course,
I wanted to see her.
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369. But she told me
she wouldn't be able to,
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370. because she had
some family stuff going on.
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371. And that was kind of
a red flag for me,
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372. because she would tell me
what it was.
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373. I just knew that
there was something
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374. that she wasn't telling me.
Copy !req
375. She literally went off
the grid
Copy !req
376. and that was weird.
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377. That was so weird.
Copy !req
378. I didn't find out
Copy !req
379. about Raheel's
mental-health struggles
Copy !req
380. until she called me crying
on the phone one day,
Copy !req
381. told me what he had tried
to do.
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382. She didn't wanna actually tell
the complete truth
Copy !req
383. until she had that day,
Copy !req
384. where her own life was
actually at risk.
Copy !req
385. December 7th, 2021,
Copy !req
386. Raheel tried to commit suicide
Copy !req
387. from their high-rise apartment
in Chicago.
Copy !req
388. He tried to grab Sania
Copy !req
389. and then jump out
of the window.
Copy !req
390. On December 7th, 2021,
Copy !req
391. Raheel tried to kill himself
Copy !req
392. by jumping from the balcony
of the 28th floor
Copy !req
393. and taking Sania with him.
Copy !req
394. His mother somehow was
able to stop him.
Copy !req
395. Raheel allegedly was
going through a mental break,
Copy !req
396. but the fact that your son
Copy !req
397. or son-in-law has tried
to kill himself is
Copy !req
398. very shameful
and a huge taboo.
Copy !req
399. Unfortunately, Sania's mom
told her specifically
Copy !req
400. not to say anything
to the police.
Copy !req
401. She, like, divulges
everything to me.
Copy !req
402. I was literally in shock.
Copy !req
403. She's like, "My mom just
didn't want anyone to know.
Copy !req
404. I honestly didn't know
what to do."
Copy !req
405. Her in-laws were refusing
to look at the fact
Copy !req
406. that Raheel had
a serious problem.
Copy !req
407. They held him on a pedestal.
Copy !req
408. I think
she truly felt conflicted
Copy !req
409. and isolated during that time.
Copy !req
410. Like, "how did this happen?
Copy !req
411. How did I contribute to that?"
Copy !req
412. And essentially,
she gave this man
Copy !req
413. the benefit of the doubt.
Copy !req
414. There's
this other, like,
Copy !req
415. South Asian pressure
coming towards him
Copy !req
416. about being that, like,
ideal son in a family.
Copy !req
417. She would say that
Copy !req
418. that was contributing
Copy !req
419. to his mental health.
Copy !req
420. His biggest goal,
like, in life,
Copy !req
421. is to become a doctor,
Copy !req
422. is to get there,
Copy !req
423. but he was
definitely struggling.
Copy !req
424. Something else
that came out was his age,
Copy !req
425. that he had lied.
Copy !req
426. He was
actually in his mid-30s.
Copy !req
427. That, for her, was
a huge turning point as well
Copy !req
428. because she actually
doesn't know
Copy !req
429. who the hell she married.
Copy !req
430. Sania was being gaslit
from both sides,
Copy !req
431. from her family
and her in-laws,
Copy !req
432. about keeping quiet,
Copy !req
433. trying to work
on the marriage, etc.
Copy !req
434. Her mother was like,
"It's nothing."
Copy !req
435. It happens."
Copy !req
436. And that evolves to,
Copy !req
437. "Maybe you're
to blame for it."
Copy !req
438. When she finally told
her friends,
Copy !req
439. they helped her realize
Copy !req
440. that she needed to get out.
Copy !req
441. I got a call from her.
Copy !req
442. She was crying.
Copy !req
443. She proceeded to tell me
Copy !req
444. both her family and his family
is telling her
Copy !req
445. that it's all in her head.
Copy !req
446. He's sorry
and she should move on.
Copy !req
447. He'd never do it again.
Copy !req
448. But she told me
she couldn't sleep next to him
Copy !req
449. and feel safe.
Copy !req
450. I told her to pretend
Copy !req
451. that she never called me,
Copy !req
452. and I planned to fly up
the next day
Copy !req
453. and grab her myself.
Copy !req
454. I flew from New York
to Chicago
Copy !req
455. and arrived at her apartment.
Copy !req
456. Raheel had no idea
that I was coming.
Copy !req
457. And she packed a small bag
Copy !req
458. and she brought
her camera...
Copy !req
459. like her baby.
Copy !req
460. We ran to the elevator.
Copy !req
461. We were shaking,
out of breath.
Copy !req
462. Adrenaline was pumping,
Copy !req
463. thinking that he had
followed us.
Copy !req
464. But we made it.
Copy !req
465. Then took a flight back
Copy !req
466. to my apartment in New York.
Copy !req
467. Her getting out
made her realize that
Copy !req
468. what had happened between them
was not normal.
Copy !req
469. It's not okay.
Copy !req
470. She finally said it out loud.
Copy !req
471. She said, "I'm going
to get a divorce."
Copy !req
472. I'm like, you know,
Copy !req
473. maybe I need to stop,
like, thinking.
Copy !req
474. I need to stop, like...
Copy !req
475. considering
other people's viewpoints
Copy !req
476. and, like, really just, like,
Copy !req
477. listen to my intuition,
Copy !req
478. my heart, and, like,
what that's telling me.
Copy !req
479. She went back
to their apartment.
Copy !req
480. And he went back
to his mother
Copy !req
481. in Alpharetta.
Copy !req
482. A self-entitled boy goes
running back to his mom.
Copy !req
483. It caught me off guard.
Copy !req
484. Nothing about
their relationship
Copy !req
485. at any point seemed
Copy !req
486. violent or abusive
Copy !req
487. or "you shouldn't
be with him."
Copy !req
488. It kind of felt like
she was failing at life.
Copy !req
489. I told her,
"You're winning
Copy !req
490. because you're not staying."
Copy !req
491. She got to rebuild herself
Copy !req
492. after being broken.
Copy !req
493. And that was
the most beautiful thing
to watch.
Copy !req
494. Sania had turned
to her online community
Copy !req
495. and shared the realities
Copy !req
496. of what she was going through.
Copy !req
497. A lot of people connected
with her.
Copy !req
498. In the Western culture,
it's quite normalized
Copy !req
499. to talk about your own issues.
Copy !req
500. But in Pakistani culture,
it's not.
Copy !req
501. So for Sania to break
these barriers and say,
Copy !req
502. "No, I am going
to speak on this
Copy !req
503. because there are other women
who go through this"
Copy !req
504. was quite incredible.
Copy !req
505. There's a video that she made
that went viral
Copy !req
506. where she's clearly
visibly upset,
Copy !req
507. talking about how isolating
it was for her.
Copy !req
508. That's the video
that I first saw
Copy !req
509. about Sania online.
Copy !req
510. I didn't know Sania
as a person,
Copy !req
511. but I have family members,
Copy !req
512. women who are going through
exactly what she went through.
Copy !req
513. And it just broke my heart.
Copy !req
514. Sania was
a pretty funny person.
Copy !req
515. She was quite cheeky.
Copy !req
516. But her responses were always
Copy !req
517. very positive
and very supportive.
Copy !req
518. She was rediscovering
who she was.
Copy !req
519. She said, "Girl, my DMs are
filled with people
Copy !req
520. and I can't believe
I'm making a difference.
Copy !req
521. It's great.
Copy !req
522. I want to talk more about it."
Copy !req
523. I'm not surprised
that it kicked off.
Copy !req
524. I love this TikTok of hers.
Copy !req
525. Probably one of my favorites.
Copy !req
526. I know she looked
like a badass
Copy !req
527. and it looked amazing.
Copy !req
528. Her message was
Copy !req
529. "No matter what religion
you come from,
Copy !req
530. you're a woman
and you're beautiful
Copy !req
531. and you can achieve anything
Copy !req
532. that you set your mind to."
Copy !req
533. Social media was
like her virtual diary.
Copy !req
534. She wanted to be vulnerable
Copy !req
535. so that a few months later,
she can be like,
Copy !req
536. "I am totally better off."
Copy !req
537. But going viral online
is a double-edged sword.
Copy !req
538. She faced a lot of harassment
Copy !req
539. and a lot of bullying
Copy !req
540. from all over.
Copy !req
541. Just because she decided
Copy !req
542. to openly talk
about her experience.
Copy !req
543. A lot of people
within the culture were
Copy !req
544. shunning her and...
Copy !req
545. this was the time
where she started
Copy !req
546. to get death threats.
Copy !req
547. So being
a female Muslim influencer
Copy !req
548. can get pretty scary at times,
Copy !req
549. especially when you talk
about taboo subjects.
Copy !req
550. Sania was talking
about her divorce.
Copy !req
551. Her family was upset.
Copy !req
552. The South Asian community
was upset.
Copy !req
553. The Muslim community
was upset.
Copy !req
554. She didn't
focus on that.
Copy !req
555. She was like, "Girl, I'm gonna
delete, block and move on."
Copy !req
556. She brushed them off.
Copy !req
557. You don't really think
someone's gonna, like,
Copy !req
558. lash out like that
Copy !req
559. for just something as silly
as something you post online.
Copy !req
560. Mom finding
these TikToks, saying,
Copy !req
561. like, "what are you doing?
Copy !req
562. This is bringing
so much shame on us."
Copy !req
563. This video
really hurts.
Copy !req
564. I don't understand
Copy !req
565. why, in our community,
Copy !req
566. when women act a certain way,
Copy !req
567. dress a certain way,
Copy !req
568. why the reaction is always
Copy !req
569. that "We're going
to kill ourselves
Copy !req
570. or we're going to kill you."
Copy !req
571. As long as
she's been on social media,
Copy !req
572. there's been people making
negative comments about her.
Copy !req
573. But that didn't stop her.
Copy !req
574. And that's
Copy !req
575. one of the bravest things
about her.
Copy !req
576. Sania knew how powerful
her social media account was.
Copy !req
577. It was her moneymaker.
Copy !req
578. And she would say it
often to me. She was like,
Copy !req
579. "I don't know
how I'm going to pay my rent,
Copy !req
580. so I'm just going
to get on here.
Copy !req
581. I'm going to post every day."
And she did.
Copy !req
582. And it worked.
Copy !req
583. I met Sania at a tea shop
Copy !req
584. in Chattanooga, early 2019.
Copy !req
585. We just instantly hit it off.
Copy !req
586. She didn't live in Chattanooga
at the time.
Copy !req
587. So we kept tabs
on one another.
Copy !req
588. It wasn't until after Raheel,
Copy !req
589. early 2022,
that we really, like,
Copy !req
590. fell in love with each other.
Copy !req
591. Soulmate, soul sister,
everything.
Copy !req
592. Best friend, twin flame,
Copy !req
593. whatever you want
to call all that.
Copy !req
594. She was defining herself
Copy !req
595. as a new way to be
within her culture.
Copy !req
596. But to still hold on
to the things
Copy !req
597. that mattered with it.
Copy !req
598. I did it!
Copy !req
599. She got
the Roman numerals 28.
Copy !req
600. It was her year of waking up.
Copy !req
601. Twenty-eight was
also the floor she lived on
Copy !req
602. in her apartment building.
Copy !req
603. She was excited.
She was excited to date.
Copy !req
604. She was excited
to fall in love again.
Copy !req
605. She didn't really tell me
she was, like,
Copy !req
606. thinking of reconnecting him.
Copy !req
607. It was more of a she told me
after the fact of, like,
Copy !req
608. "Oh, I didn't tell you."
Copy !req
609. So this is just
a lot of my speculation.
Copy !req
610. I mean, it goes back
Copy !req
611. to the two different
identities she had
Copy !req
612. between her Pakistani side
and her American teenage side.
Copy !req
613. And that was such a...
Copy !req
614. strong, significant
relationship for her.
Copy !req
615. It made sense for her
to find comfort...
Copy !req
616. in him.
Copy !req
617. We were like, "Absolutely,
we have to live together."
Copy !req
618. I found us a house
in Chattanooga.
Copy !req
619. And it was happening.
Copy !req
620. We were so, so excited.
Copy !req
621. So excited about it.
Copy !req
622. Yeah.
Copy !req
623. I was just ready
to go get her.
Copy !req
624. Sania bought my plane ticket
Copy !req
625. to meet her in Chicago,
Copy !req
626. pack,
Copy !req
627. drive back and have
a little adventure.
Copy !req
628. I landed.
Copy !req
629. And I asked her,
Copy !req
630. "What train do I need
to get on?"
Copy !req
631. And I hadn't heard from her.
Copy !req
632. So that worried me
a little bit.
Copy !req
633. Uh, I still—
I called her a lot.
Copy !req
634. I received a phone call
on Instagram.
Copy !req
635. They did not know me.
Copy !req
636. They just knew that...
Copy !req
637. Sania was supposed
to see me today.
Copy !req
638. They sounded
really freaked out
Copy !req
639. because someone had sent them
Copy !req
640. a message on Instagram.
Copy !req
641. At this point,
I'm alarmed.
Copy !req
642. It feels really surreal.
Copy !req
643. Two, three minutes
later, her dad called me.
Copy !req
644. I'd never seen her family.
Copy !req
645. Um, I'd never talked to them.
Copy !req
646. He said something to me
Copy !req
647. like, "She's gone."
Copy !req
648. In my mind,
Copy !req
649. I already knew what happened.
Copy !req
650. At this point,
I'm like freaking out.
Copy !req
651. I'm trying
to hold myself together.
Copy !req
652. A minute
or two later,
Copy !req
653. her mom called me.
Copy !req
654. And she was hysterical.
Copy !req
655. And her brother took the phone
from her mom and...
Copy !req
656. basically calmly told me
what happened.
Copy !req
657. I just kept saying
to myself, like,
Copy !req
658. "This can't be real.
This can't be real.
Copy !req
659. It can't be real."
Copy !req
660. July 18th...
Copy !req
661. At 4:30 p.m.,
Copy !req
662. police were called
to Sania's apartment.
Copy !req
663. Upon arrival, they heard
a gunshot.
Copy !req
664. They broke in
Copy !req
665. and found
Sania's body unresponsive.
Copy !req
666. They then found another body
Copy !req
667. with a gunshot wound
to the head.
Copy !req
668. It was Raheel.
Copy !req
669. One of her friends
sends me a message.
Copy !req
670. And I ask,
Copy !req
671. "Is Sania all right?"
Copy !req
672. She says...
Copy !req
673. "No".
Copy !req
674. And then I ask her,
Copy !req
675. "Is Sania alive?"
Copy !req
676. She says, "No".
Copy !req
677. Raheel shot her
and then shot himself.
Copy !req
678. I wake up.
Copy !req
679. I look at my text messages.
Copy !req
680. I was in reaction mode.
Copy !req
681. I still think,
to a certain degree, I am.
Copy !req
682. Immediately, I was angry.
Copy !req
683. And I just fell on the floor
Copy !req
684. and I just could not
control myself.
Copy !req
685. It was
the absolute worst feeling.
Copy !req
686. The part that hurt
the most was just
Copy !req
687. knowing how excited she was
Copy !req
688. for this new chapter.
Copy !req
689. She had just overcome
so much in that year.
Copy !req
690. And the way that
Copy !req
691. that just took
her life like that.
Copy !req
692. Like this, she was gone.
Copy !req
693. Even when I was coming
to talk to you today,
Copy !req
694. I was like, "Oh, we're going
to talk about Sania."
Copy !req
695. And in my head,
she's very much here.
Copy !req
696. She's very much...
Copy !req
697. in Chicago.
Copy !req
698. Yeah.
Copy !req
699. He knew when I was coming.
Copy !req
700. That's the part of it
that really...
Copy !req
701. really bothers me a lot.
Copy !req
702. He took his opportunity
to take her away
Copy !req
703. when he could.
Copy !req
704. Let's rewind
to what actually happened
Copy !req
705. on that day.
Copy !req
706. Raheel drove over 700 miles
Copy !req
707. from Georgia to Chicago
to the apartment
Copy !req
708. that he once shared
with Sania.
Copy !req
709. It's been six months
since their separation
Copy !req
710. and he was banned
from the apartment.
Copy !req
711. But he reached out
to a real estate agent
Copy !req
712. and asked for a tour
Copy !req
713. of another apartment
in the building.
Copy !req
714. After the tour, he told
the real estate agent
Copy !req
715. that he was going to visit
a friend.
Copy !req
716. And at 11:00 a.m.,
he knocked on Sania's door.
Copy !req
717. What happened after that
is just speculation.
Copy !req
718. What is believed
to have happened
Copy !req
719. is Raheel told her that
Copy !req
720. he had her wedding dress
in a garment bag.
Copy !req
721. Sania opened the door
Copy !req
722. and Raheel immediately
shot her.
Copy !req
723. Police were called
to Sania's apartment
Copy !req
724. for a welfare check
Copy !req
725. that was done
by Raheel's family
Copy !req
726. as he had been gone
for a day and a night.
Copy !req
727. They reported him as missing.
Copy !req
728. Once the police arrived
to the apartment,
Copy !req
729. they heard a second gunshot—
Copy !req
730. and they broke in.
Copy !req
731. Once they were
in the apartment,
Copy !req
732. they found Sania unresponsive
Copy !req
733. and declared her dead
on the scene.
Copy !req
734. Shortly after,
they found Raheel
Copy !req
735. with a gunshot wound
to the head
Copy !req
736. and transported him
to the hospital.
Copy !req
737. Upon arrival,
he was also declared dead.
Copy !req
738. The medical examiner reported
Copy !req
739. Sania's death as a homicide
Copy !req
740. and her estranged husband
Raheel's death as a suicide.
Copy !req
741. She separated
from the person
Copy !req
742. that was trying to hurt her.
Copy !req
743. She was physically moving
to another location.
Copy !req
744. She changed her locks.
Copy !req
745. She did everything right
Copy !req
746. and still...
Copy !req
747. lost her life.
Copy !req
748. "I told her
I couldn't live without her
Copy !req
749. and had the gun pointed
to my head,
Copy !req
750. but she tried to take it
away from me
Copy !req
751. and it went off."
Copy !req
752. The suicide note was
a complete fake.
Copy !req
753. "I can't live with myself
Copy !req
754. knowing me being here
caused this accident.
Copy !req
755. I am so sorry."
Copy !req
756. No accountability.
Copy !req
757. Whatever mental break
he had
Copy !req
758. fueled by failing at school,
Copy !req
759. failure at marriage,
Copy !req
760. his humiliation led him to do
what he did.
Copy !req
761. Take it out on the two people
he can blame, her and himself.
Copy !req
762. I think
the pressure from school,
Copy !req
763. the pressure from the divorce,
Copy !req
764. the pressure from his family,
Copy !req
765. it all got to him
and that's why he did it.
Copy !req
766. I don't believe
he could stand
Copy !req
767. the thought of her having
Copy !req
768. this incredible life
she was certainly
Copy !req
769. and absolutely going to have
without him.
Copy !req
770. "If I can't have you,
no one will."
Copy !req
771. Here, yet again,
Copy !req
772. we have a South Asian woman
going through domestic abuse,
Copy !req
773. who has now been murdered
by her estranged husband,
Copy !req
774. and yet the community is
absolutely silent.
Copy !req
775. Time and time again,
in our communities,
Copy !req
776. we talk about how women need
to be complicit
Copy !req
777. to the abuse that they face.
Copy !req
778. So myself and some other
social media influencers
Copy !req
779. that I know from our community
Copy !req
780. spoke up about this.
Copy !req
781. In our society, women are
seen as commodities
Copy !req
782. for our labor and
our childbearing capabilities.
Copy !req
783. We're not seen
as human beings at all.
Copy !req
784. The community response
was quite interesting.
Copy !req
785. On one hand, you had
a lot of people,
Copy !req
786. men mostly,
Copy !req
787. trying to justify
what Raheel did.
Copy !req
788. Some people were
blaming her murder on her.
Copy !req
789. Mental health is
a serious issue
Copy !req
790. in a lot of communities,
Copy !req
791. but that is not an excuse
for bad behavior
Copy !req
792. and it's definitely not
an excuse to murder somebody.
Copy !req
793. Because lots of folks have
mental health issues
Copy !req
794. but lots of folks don't
go around murdering people.
Copy !req
795. And on the other hand,
you had
Copy !req
796. a lot
of South Asian women talking
Copy !req
797. about the realities
of domestic violence,
Copy !req
798. the realities of divorce
Copy !req
799. and the realities
of the pressures
Copy !req
800. that women go through
in these situations.
Copy !req
801. Her platform was one
of positivity and hope
Copy !req
802. and she made
a lot of women feel
safe, seen and heard.
Copy !req
803. We need
to let our women know
Copy !req
804. that their safety
Copy !req
805. is above pride,
is above religion,
Copy !req
806. is above
"what will people say."
Copy !req
807. All of
her closest friends
Copy !req
808. came to this idea
Copy !req
809. of getting
the exact same tattoo
Copy !req
810. in the exact same spot
Copy !req
811. for the exact same reason.
Copy !req
812. Twenty-eight is the year
Sania's life changed.
Copy !req
813. She never wanted
to forget it
Copy !req
814. because she overcame it.
Copy !req
815. I did it!
Copy !req
816. It's so good.
Copy !req
817. I love it.
Copy !req
818. Aww. I'm so happy.
Copy !req
819. I just had to mark my body
Copy !req
820. with her memory.
I have to.
Copy !req
821. So I actually
had it put
Copy !req
822. into my wedding henna.
Copy !req
823. Same spot as her in honor.
Copy !req
824. It's very special
Copy !req
825. because it means that
Copy !req
826. she's always with me.
Copy !req
827. She's still here with me.
Copy !req
828. I keep her here.
Copy !req
829. Not too tightly though
Copy !req
830. because I really want her
to be where she is,
Copy !req
831. wherever she is.
Copy !req
832. She had a purpose
and that was to help people,
Copy !req
833. but as an influencer,
there will be people who
Copy !req
834. hate you for no reason.
Copy !req
835. When the hate steps out of
cyberspace into the real world
Copy !req
836. Hey, Bianca?
Copy !req
837. it just becomes
10 times scarier.
Copy !req