Dead Like Me 1x6

1. I TOOK THE AFTERNOON OFF AND WENT SHOPPING.

2. WENT TO THREE DIFFERENT HOME DEPOTS TO BUY TOILET SEATS

3. FOR REGGIE'S SCHOOL.

4. JESUS CHRIST.

5. DO I HAVE TO GO TO THERAPY?

6. NOT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO.

7. HERE. TAKE MY PICTURE.

8. TAKE MY PICTURE. WHY?

9. HAPPY THOUGHTS.

10. MY BEAUTIFUL YOUNG FRIEND.

11. I LOVE YOU, SWEETIE.

12. WHAT—WHAT ARE YOU DOING? TIME TO SHAKE THINGS UP A BIT.

13. PIGGYBACK RIDE.

14. NO. RUBE SAID WE CAN'T GO WHERE THEY'RE GOING.

15. OPEN DOOR'S AN INVITATION.

16. GOT TO JUMP WHILE THE DOOR'S OPEN!

17. AND JUST LIKE THAT, SHE WAS GONE.

18. I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHERE DID SHE GO?

19. SHE'S COMING BACK, RIGHT?

20. I DON'T KNOW. WHY DO I KEEP LOSING

21. ALL THE THINGS AND PEOPLE THAT I CARE ABOUT?

22. THAT'S WHAT LIFE IS, PEANUT.

23. SINCE THE DAWN OF MAN,

24. WE'VE YEARNED TO EMULATE A BIRD'S ABILITY

25. TO BREAK FREE FROM ITS EARTHLY BONDS.

26. YOU KNOW, "FLY LIKE AN EAGLE," WHATEVER?

27. BUT WHILE YOU MAY SOAR TO GREAT METAPHORICAL HEIGHTS,

28. NONE OF US REALLY HAS WINGS,

29. AND GRAVITY NEVER REALLY LETS UP.

30. ALL THINGS EVENTUALLY COME BACK TO EARTH.

31. THERE SEEMS TO BE A GRAVITY FOR RELATIONSHIPS, TOO.

32. NO MATTER HOW HIGH THEY FLY,

33. THEY ALWAYS SEEM TO FIND THEIR WAY,

34. WELL... THEY FIND THEIR WAY BACK HOME.

35. GOOD AFTERNOON.

36. AFTERNOON.

37. HAVE I DONE SOMETHING WRONG?

38. I CAN'T TELL FOR SURE. SHE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.

39. ARE YOU NOT TALKING TO HIM?

40. OH, BLOODY HELL.

41. DIET COKE, CHIPPED ICE,

42. BUT NOT TOO MUCH.

43. I THINK THIS IS ABOUT BETTY.

44. I THINK GEORGE HAS HER OWN PERSONAL

45. WARREN COMMISSION IN HER HEAD

46. AND SOMEHOW HAS IMPLICATED ME IN BETTY'S DISAPPEARANCE.

47. AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT?

48. CAN YOU PASS ME THE KETCHUP?

49. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

50. I DON'T THINK SO.

51. THAT'S ALL YOU WANT FROM ME? THE KETCHUP?

52. BECAUSE THE KETCHUP I CAN HANDLE,

53. BUT THE GUILT TRIP ABOUT BETTY, THAT, I CANNOT.

54. I DON'T KNOW WHERE BETTY IS.

55. UM... HELLO?

56. I'M MASON.

57. I DON'T THINK SO.

58. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

59. IT MEANS SHE HATES YOU.

60. YOU LOST YOUR FRIEND, PEANUT, AND I'M SORRY.

61. REAPERS COME AND GO. THAT'S LIFE.

62. I MISSED BETTY LIKE CRAZY.

63. I HAD 1001 QUESTIONS,

64. AND I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN.

65. WHERE WAS SHE? WAS SHE OKAY?

66. WAS SHE COMING BACK?

67. WHAT DID RUBE KNOW?

68. SOMEBODY HAD TO CONFRONT RUBE AND ASK THESE QUESTIONS,

69. AND, HOPEFULLY, THAT PERSON WILL BE ALONG SOON.

70. THIS ISN'T CHIPPED ICE.

71. WE DON'T HAVE CHIPPED ICE. ALL WE'VE GOT'S CUBES.

72. WELL, IF YOU HAVE CUBES

73. AND AN ICE PICK, THEN YOU HAVE CHIPPED.

74. DO YOU, CASEY, HAVE AN ICE PICK?

75. OH, YEAH. NICE ONE.

76. WELL, THEN I THINK WE NEED TO START OVER.

77. UM, YOU SEE THAT DIET COKE?

78. THAT'S ON ME. I'M MASON.

79. YOU'RE A FUCKING MORON.

80. IS YOUR NAME RUBE?

81. IT IS. WELL, I'M DAISY. DAISY ADAIR.

82. WELL YOU'RE TWO DAYS EARLY, DAISY ADAIR.

83. WELL, AREN'T YOU LUCKY?

84. THIS IS MASON,

85. AS WE KNOW,

86. AND THIS IS GEORGE.

87. DAISY'S ONE OF US. DAISY'S A REAPER.

88. GEORGE? IS THAT YOUR GIVEN NAME?

89. GEORGIA.

90. THAT'S MUCH PRETTIER. I THINK I'LL CALL YOU GEORGIA.

91. I HATED HER INSTANTLY...

92. WITH ALL MY GUTS.

93. WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?

94. SHE WAS TRANSFERRED. FROM?

95. NEW YORK. SOHO.

96. WHY WERE YOU TRANSFERRED?

97. WELL, THAT'S KIND OF PERSONAL.

98. ONE DIET COKE.

99. CHIPPED ICE. THANK YOU SO MUCH, CASEY.

100. SO, DAISY, NOW, SERIOUSLY,

101. THAT DIET COKE IS ON ME.

102. EXCUSE ME, MISS? I NEED A REFILL.

103. I HATED HER A LITTLE LESS.

104. OH. I'LL COME BACK.

105. YOU JUST CAME IN.

106. FORGET ABOUT IT. I'LL GO DOWNSTAIRS.

107. DO YOU WANT TO TAKE A BATH?

108. THERE'S PLENTY OF ROOM IN HERE.

109. UM...

110. I'M GRADING PAPERS. I JUST HAD TO PEE.

111. I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR PRIVACY.

112. YOU NEVER USED TO BE PEE-SHY.

113. YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME.

114. YOU BARELY MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH ME.

115. WHERE ARE YOU, CLANCY?

116. I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF GRADING PAPERS, JOY.

117. THAT'S WHERE I AM.

118. GOOD LUCK WITH THAT, THEN.

119. I HAVE GOT 20 PAPERS TO READ TONIGHT,

120. AND THEY ALL SUCK—

121. REGGIE'S PRINCIPAL CALLED.

122. WHAT?

123. IS SHE STEALING MORE TOILET SEATS?

124. JUST A ROUTINE CALL, HE SAID,

125. WHENEVER A STUDENT HAS THREE ABSENCES IN A ROW.

126. WANTED TO KNOW IF REGGIE WAS FEELING BETTER.

127. REGGIE HASN'T BEEN SICK.

128. NO.

129. NOT FEVER, RUNNY NOSE, STUFFY HEAD

130. CAN'T-GET-OUT-OF-BED SICK.

131. WHERE THE HELL'S SHE GOING?

132. TO THERAPY.

133. WELL, DON'T YOU THINK THAT WE OUGHT TO TALK TO HER?

134. SEE WHERE SHE'S GOING BEFORE WE START— WE?

135. AS IN YOU, WHO'S NEVER HERE,

136. AND ME, WHOSE LAP ALL THIS CRAP GETS DUMPED ON?

137. IN.

138. YOU DUMP SOMETHING IN YOUR LAP.

139. YOU GOING TO PEE OR WHAT?

140. THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME I LIVED ALONE,

141. AND I LIKED IT.

142. AT FIRST, IT WAS A LITTLE TOO QUIET,

143. BUT THEN THE QUIET BECAME MY FRIEND.

144. GEORGIA? IT'S DAISY. DAISY ADAIR.

145. FUCK ME.

146. I HEARD THAT. OPEN THE DOOR, GEORGIA.

147. EVENING, ROOMIE.

148. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "ROOMIE"?

149. WELL, I'M HERE A COUPLE OF DAYS EARLY,

150. SO RUBE SAID I SHOULD BUNK WITH YOU

151. UNTIL I FIND SOMETHING MORE...

152. SUITABLE. HERE.

153. IT'S A HOUSEWARMING- SLASH-THANK YOU GIFT.

154. WOOD CHIPS? NO, SILLY GOOSE.

155. IT'S POTPOURRI. IT'S ENGLISH GARDEN.

156. THOUGH IT DOESN'T QUITE LOOK LIKE YOU'RE READY FOR HOME ACCENTS.

157. HAVEN'T HAD TIME TO DECORATE?

158. IT'S SORT OF LOW ON MY LIST OF PRIORITIES.

159. ARE YOU COLLECTING BODIES AS WELL AS SOULS?

160. OH, RAOUL.

161. POOR STUPID THING.

162. RAOUL? HOMELESS GENTLEMAN.

163. DRUNK AS A SAILOR BUT CURIOUSLY STRONG UPPER BODY.

164. YOU KNOW, DAISY, THIS IS A PRETTY SMALL APARTMENT.

165. UH-HUH, IT REALLY IS.

166. HERE IS THE FIVER WE DISCUSSED...

167. AND ONE COCKTAIL.

168. READY?

169. WHOA! SORRY.

170. OKAY, I'VE REALLY TREASURED THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER,

171. BUT YOU AND YOUR SMELLY SELF

172. REALLY MUST BE GOING...

173. MASON, BE A DOLL AND FETCH ME THAT HANDBAG.

174. ANYTHING FOR YOU, GORGEOUS.

175. WAS THIS WHOLE BUNKING THING

176. REALLY RUBE'S IDEA?

177. BECAUSE I DON'T SEE HIM DOING THAT TO ME.

178. GEORGIA, IF I MAY BE SO INQUISITIVE, HOW DID YOU DIE?

179. WHY DO YOU ASK?

180. WELL, YOU SEEM A LITTLE IRRITATED.

181. I GOT HIT BY A TOILET SEAT THAT FELL FROM THE SOVIET SPACE STATION.

182. OH, MY GOD. YOU'RE TOILET SEAT GIRL? NO WONDER YOU'RE SO ANNOYED.

183. WELL, THEN, I GUESS WE'RE BOTH FAMOUS.

184. WELL, DAISY, HOW DID YOU DIE?

185. I DIED DURING THE MAKING OF GONE WITH THE WIND.

186. I AM AN ACTRESS.

187. NO WAY.

188. YES, SIREE, AND THINGS HAD BEEN GOING VERY WELL FOR ME.

189. THE STAR OF THE MOVIE AND I,

190. WELL, WE HAD BECOME QUITE THE ITEM.

191. HANG ON, YOU AND CLARK GABLE?

192. YEAH. UH-HUH. I WAS YOUNG,

193. AND I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING.

194. SOUNDS LIKE YOU DID.

195. NO, GEORGIA, I DIDN'T.

196. I WAS UNDER THE CRAFT SERVICES TABLE,

197. AND I WAS BLOWING THIS TALL, HANDSOME MAN,

198. AND THEN SOMEONE LEANED OVER AND WHISPERED IN MY EAR,

199. "NO, THAT'S CLARK GABLE."

200. SO WHO WERE YOU BLOWING?

201. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S SUCH A HUGE CAST.

202. SOMEONE FROM THE CONFEDERACY, I THINK,

203. BUT ENOUGH ABOUT ME. LET'S TALK ABOUT WHERE I'M PUTTING MY STUFF.

204. WHAT'S HAPPENING AT SCHOOL TODAY?

205. I DON'T KNOW. WEDNESDAY.

206. WHAT IS WEDNESDAY, HMM? ART OR MUSIC?

207. GYM.

208. WELL, DON'T YOU THINK YOU SHOULD WEAR YOUR TENNIS SHOES?

209. THEY'RE TOO TIGHT.

210. THEY FIT YOU JUST FINE.

211. SO...

212. ART WAS YESTERDAY?

213. MM-HMM.

214. OH, HOW FUN. DID YOU BRING IT HOME?

215. NO.

216. I DIDN'T...

217. IT WASN'T DRY YET.

218. OH, OKAY.

219. I'D REALLY LOVE TO SEE IT.

220. I THINK MR. SCHIFFER WANTS TO PUT THEM UP IN THE CLASSROOM.

221. OKAY, REGGIE, I NEED TO ASK YOU SOMETHING.

222. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR BREAKFAST?

223. I HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH.

224. OCUPADO.

225. DO YOU WORK FOR A LIVING?

226. BECAUSE I DO, AND I HAVE TO BE THERE ON TIME.

227. THAT SOUNDS DREADFUL.

228. YOU KNOW, DAISY, I HAVE A JOB.

229. I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU DO?

230. TODAY, I'M GOING TO BUY THE NEW YORK TIMES

231. SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY DON'T HAVE IT DELIVERED,

232. THEN I'M GOING TO SIT AT THAT LITTLE SHOP ON THE CORNER

233. AND HAVE A GREEN TEA AND A MUFFIN,

234. AND THEN I'M GOING TO LOOK FOR A SWEATER SET.

235. THIS AFTERNOON, IF I'M SO OBLIGATED,

236. I'M GOING TO COLLECT SOMEONE'S SOUL BEFORE THEY DIE,

237. AND IF I LOOK REALLY PRETTY WHILE I'M DOING IT,

238. WELL, THEN GOOD FOR ME. THAT'S WHAT I DO, GEORGIA.

239. YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT A RIDE TO SCHOOL? NO.

240. I HAVE TIME.

241. I LIKE TO WALK. OKAY.

242. WELL, HAVE A GREAT DAY.

243. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.

244. I THINK I CAN HANDLE THIS MYSELF.

245. WHEN I SAW YOU KICKING IT, I FIGURED

246. YOU MIGHT NEED SOME HELP.

247. WE HAVE TO CALL OUT SERVICE ON THIS MACHINE, MICHAEL.

248. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?

249. I SLEPT FUNNY.

250. YOU NEED A BODY PILLOW.

251. I BOUGHT MINE WHEN I THOUGHT I WAS PREGNANT,

252. AND JUST KEPT IT AFTER I PASSED THE CYST.

253. I SLEEP LIKE A BABY.

254. AH-HAH. THERE'S THE BANDIT.

255. WELL, I GUESS WE'LL KEEP YOU.

256. YEAH, WELL, I'LL WD-40 THE FEEDER,

257. BUT SHE'LL HOLD TOGETHER FOR ANOTHER DAY.

258. DOES INFORMATION SERVICES KNOW THEY HAVE

259. SUCH A RENAISSANCE MAN ON THEIR HANDS?

260. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.

261. "THE GEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH."

262. I'M SURE YOU'VE HEARD JIMMY'S BEING TRANSFERRED.

263. WHAT? THE DECISION WAS MADE

264. WITHOUT EVEN CONSULTING ME.

265. REALLY CHAPS MY HIDE.

266. IS JIMMY THE GUY WITH THE LUNCH BOX

267. FROM DATA PROCESSING?

268. THAT'S JIM. I'M TALKING ABOUT JIMMY IN SUPPLY DISTRIBUTION.

269. LANKY, ONE SIDEBURN LONGER THAN THE OTHER.

270. HE'S GOT A SPASTIC COLON OR SOMETHING.

271. THIS IS A NIGHTMARE. DON'T PANIC.

272. WE CAN, AND WILL, SURVIVE THIS.

273. OH, JIMMY'S THE GUY WHO ORDERS THE HIGHLIGHTERS, RIGHT?

274. AND BOWLS A 210.

275. IF 15 TO 30 HOURS A WEEK OF TEDIOUS,

276. REPETITIVE TASKS WASN'T ENOUGH,

277. THE "HAPPY TIME COBRAS" WERE ALWAYS AN OPTION.

278. YOU'RE HOT TONIGHT, JIMMY.

279. WHOO-HOO!

280. YOU DON'T BOWL, DO YOU, MILLIE?

281. NO. UH-UH.

282. YOU KNOW, MILLIE, WHEN I HAD MY COCAINE PROBLEM,

283. BOWLING HELPED IN WAYS YOU CANNOT IMAGINE.

284. MAYBE RUSS COULD PLAY. NO, RUSS IS A SHOWBOAT.

285. HIS HANDICAP IS SINGLE DIGITS.

286. YES, AND HE'S A P-R-I-C-K, MICHAEL.

287. IT'S A QUALITY OF LIFE ISSUE.

288. YOU NEVER BOWLED?

289. YOU KNOW, WHEN I WAS A KID.

290. MARTY SAID HE'S PRETTY GOOD.

291. IT'S JUST A MATTER OF WHEELCHAIR ACCESS.

292. NO. MY GUT'S TELLING ME MILLIE MAY BE OUR ANSWER.

293. WHAT? WHAT?

294. WE'LL MAKE IT WORK. A TEAM ISN'T THE SUM OF ITS PARTS.

295. IT'S A KARMA THING.

296. REMEMBER SAYEED AND HOW HE SCREWED US OVER.

297. PUNJAB MOTHERFUCKER.

298. I'VE MADE MY DECISION. LET THE OTHERS KNOW.

299. UH, DELORES—

300. DELORES, I'M NOT JOINING THE BOWLING TEAM.

301. IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU, SWEETIE.

302. THEN WHY AM I FEELING

303. LIKE IT'S GOING TO BE ME WHO'S RENTING THE SHOES?

304. IT'S ABOUT YOUR SUBSTANCE-ABUSE PROBLEM.

305. AH, THE REHAB LIE. BACK TO BITE ME IN THE ASS AGAIN.

306. THINK OF BOWLING AS TWO AND A HALF HOURS A WEEK

307. WHERE YOU WON'T HAVE TO THINK ABOUT SUCKING BLOW

308. THROUGH A BENDY-STRAW OFF A FAST-FOOD RESTROOM SINK.

309. WHAT'S WITH YOU?

310. HEY, CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION?

311. IS THERE A NEW COOK IN THE KITCHEN?

312. NO.

313. OVEREASY WAS...

314. IT WAS UNEASY TODAY.

315. YOU WANT MORE EGGS?

316. NO, I WAS LOOKING

317. AT CURING THE DISEASE, NOT THE SYMPTOM.

318. JUST FORGET IT.

319. SO HOW ARE YOU TWO LOVE BIRDS DOING?

320. IT WAS JUST BRILLIANT TO THROW US IN THE SAME POT, RUBY.

321. GEORGIA HERE,

322. SHE'S SWEETER THAN A HARVEST PEACH.

323. UH-HUH. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR NECK?

324. WELL, I DIDN'T HAVE A PILLOW LAST NIGHT.

325. YEAH, WE'LL WORK IT ALL OUT, WON'T WE, SWEETIE?

326. WHO'S COMPLAINING ABOUT THE EGGS?

327. OH, NO COMPLAINTS. JUST OBSERVATIONS.

328. SUCH AS?

329. THE EGGS ARE NOT GOOD.

330. IT'S NORMALLY A MOOT POINT

331. AT THE A LA CARTE PRICE OF $2.95.

332. I LOVE EGGS. I LOVE THEM FRIED, SCRAMBLED,

333. SOFT-BOILED, FLORENTINE,

334. BUT THESE I DIDN'T LOVE.

335. SO, WHO DO WE BLAME? THE HEN OR THE COOK?

336. LET'S BLAME THE HEN.

337. HE'S A NICE GUY.

338. SO, PEANUT,

339. WHY DON'T YOU TAG ALONG WITH OUR LEADING LADY FOR A SOUL GRAB TODAY?

340. I REALLY DON'T THINK I NEED A CHAPERON ANYMORE.

341. I KNOW. SHE DOES.

342. WHEN YOU SAY OBSESSED WITH TOILETRIES,

343. DO YOU MEAN COSMETICS,

344. DEODORANTS, PERSONAL HYGIENE ITEMS?

345. NO. SHE'S OBSESSED WITH A TOILET TREE.

346. A TREE, FULL OF TOILET SEATS.

347. OKAY. GOOD.

348. GEORGE WAS KILLED BY A TOILET SEAT.

349. DO YOU MISS YOUR SISTER, REGGIE?

350. I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE COOKIES.

351. REGGIE. MARY WOLPERT WENT TO A SHRINK

352. AND SHE SAID THAT THERE WERE FIG NEWTONS AND HOT CHOCOLATE.

353. I'M SORRY, REGGIE. WE DON'T DO THAT HERE.

354. WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO, SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE FOR A SNACK?

355. MRS. LASS, IN WHAT WAYS DOES YOUR FAMILY HONOR GEORGE'S MEMORY?

356. WE HAD A FUNERAL, OF COURSE.

357. WHEN...

358. WHEN THE HEADSTONE IS READY,

359. I GUESS WE'LL, YOU KNOW, PUT IT ON HER GRAVE.

360. REGGIE, THOSE AREN'T YOURS. PUT THAT DOWN.

361. IT'S OKAY. DO YOU LIKE TO PLAY WITH YOUR SISTER'S THINGS?

362. DID YOUR SISTER NOT LET YOU TOUCH HER STUFF?

363. SHE PACKED THEM ALL UP.

364. JUST CLOTHES.

365. BOOKS, YOU KNOW. I MEAN, JUST ODDS AND ENDS.

366. YEAH, AND THE REST YOU SOLD AT A YARD SALE.

367. WHAT, AM I SUPPOSED TO SAVE EVERY SCRAP LIKE IT'S SOMETHING SACRED?

368. WHAT ABOUT PHOTOS? YOU MUST HAVE PHOTOS OF GEORGE IN THE HOUSE.

369. SIMPLE OBJECTS THAT SERVE AS REMINDERS

370. HELP US TO REMEMBER STORIES AND INVITE QUESTIONS.

371. REGGIE'S BEEN STEALING TOILET SEATS

372. AND BRINGING HOME DEAD ANIMALS.

373. DO YOU THINK SLAPPING UP A FEW PHOTOS IS GOING TO STOP THAT?

374. I THINK IT WOULD BE MORE PRODUCTIVE

375. IF I TALKED TO REGGIE ALONE FOR THE REST OF TODAY'S SESSION.

376. FINE.

377. ARE YOU HERE TO SEE DR. PLOTKIN?

378. YOU MEAN DR. HANSON?

379. RIGHT. HANSON.

380. PLOTKIN'S MY PODIATRIST.

381. I DON'T KNOW WHY I WAS THINKING ABOUT PLOTKIN.

382. MUST HAVE BEEN STARING AT MY FOOT.

383. ARE YOU HERE TO SEE DR. HANSON?

384. I'VE GOT THE NEXT APPOINTMENT.

385. SHE'S A CHILD PSYCHOLOGIST.

386. INNER CHILD.

387. EXCUSE ME.

388. DO YOU HAVE THE CORRECT TIME?

389. OH, YES. IT'S FIVE AFTER 2:00.

390. THANK YOU.

391. IF YOU DON'T MIND ME PRYING,

392. WHY'S YOUR CHILD SEEING A PSYCHOLOGIST?

393. HER SISTER'S SUDDEN DEATH HAS TRAUMATIZED HER.

394. SHE'S BEEN UNABLE TO...

395. TOO STUBBORN TO MOVE ON.

396. I JUST DON'T GET OUR CULTURE'S OBSESSION WITH MOVING ON.

397. I MEAN, WHAT ARE WE AFRAID OF? BEING SAD?

398. REMEMBERING?

399. YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE TALKING DRUM PEOPLE OF NIGERIA?

400. NO.

401. THEY DO THIS DANCE—

402. AND, MAN, IT IS...

403. IT IS SOMETHING—

404. WHERE THEY INVITE THEIR ANCESTORS

405. INTO THEIR BODIES,

406. AND THEY DANCE AS IS IF THEY WERE THEM.

407. YOU'VE GOT YOUNG GIRLS DANCING LIKE OLD MEN,

408. YOU'VE GOT BOYS DANCING LIKE GRANDMOTHERS.

409. BELIEVE ME, IT IS... IT IS ANYTHING BUT SAD.

410. I'M SUPPOSED TO BE MEETING SOMEONE HERE RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

411. YOU WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW A PERSON BY THE NAME...

412. EXCUSE ME.

413. MR. WATER PERSON?

414. IS THERE ANY WAY ONE CAN GET THAT FRESH, PURE WATER DELIVERED TO ONE'S HOME?

415. JUST CALL TRIPLE-FIVE-THIRSTY.

416. I'LL NEVER REMEMBER THAT. YOU GOT A CARD OR SOMETHING?

417. YEAH, SURE.

418. THANK YOU.

419. YOU'RE A LIFESAVER.

420. NORMAN. WHAT'S YOUR LAST NAME?

421. WHEN I CALL, I WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU GET THE COMMISSION.

422. UH, PLOTKIN, BUT WE DON'T WORK ON COMMISSION.

423. I GUESS IT DOESN'T MATTER.

424. GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR DAUGHTER.

425. DANCE WITH HER SOMETIME.

426. CONJURE UP THE OLD SPIRITS.

427. WHO'S YOUR MOMMA?

428. OKAY, GEORGE, THIS IS IT. READY TO BOWL?

429. OKAY, LET'S GO GET YOU SOME SHOES.

430. SIZE SEVEN AND A HALF AND A KID'S ONE.

431. THESE SMELL FUNNY.

432. THAT'S BOWLING, SWEETHEART.

433. AND IT'S ALL HOT INSIDE.

434. YEAH, THE KID WHO WORE THOSE LAST WAS REALLY FAT.

435. I'LL TAKE THEM.

436. HI, MILLIE!

437. YOU KNOW EVERYBODY, RIGHT?

438. HEY.

439. HI, MILLIE. HI, MILLIE. HEY.

440. WHERE'S YOUR BALL, DEAR?

441. OH. I DIDN'T BRING IT.

442. OKAY, WELL,

443. HOW ABOUT WE GO PICK YOU OUT ONE?

444. KAREN, WHY DON'T YOU WORK ON YOUR CROSS-ALLEY THROW?

445. HOW DO YOU MISPLACE A BALL?

446. SHE DOESN'T HAVE HER OWN BALL?

447. FUCK. WE'RE GOING TO GET OUR ASSES KICKED.

448. IT'S NOT GOING TO PICK YOU.

449. WHY DON'T YOU GET A FEEL FOR ONE?

450. I HAVE A BLACK EBONITE OMEGA L.M.,

451. WITH AN ACRYLIUM COVER STOCK.

452. I LIKE GREEN.

453. WHO'S UP?

454. DELORES, WE KNOW YOU MEAN WELL.

455. YOU'VE NEVER STEERED US WRONG.

456. BUT SHE'S GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING.

457. IS THIS SOME KIND OF COUP?

458. LAST TIME I CHECKED, YOUR PINS

459. ARE ONE POINT EACH, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S.

460. WE DON'T WANT HER TO PLAY.

461. EXCUSE ME?

462. I WAS FINDING THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE OF MY LIFE

463. WAS EQUALLY VALUABLE IN DEATH.

464. QUIT BEFORE YOU'RE FIRED.

465. I COULD JUST KEEP SCORE.

466. NO... NO... NO... NO...

467. REALLY? I BET YOU CAN STILL GET YOUR SHOE MONEY BACK.

468. PEACE AT LAST.

469. MAYBE DAISY WAS OUT BLOWING THE RICH AND FAMOUS.

470. WELL, YOU WORKED LATE.

471. I WAS GOING TO, UH...

472. GOING TO?

473. I CAN'T SLEEP ON THAT CHAIR AGAIN, DAISY.

474. I KNOW. I FELT ABSOLUTELY AWFUL ABOUT THAT, AND...

475. AND? AND...

476. SOMEONE WENT ON A TEAR AT THE MALL TODAY,

477. AND GUESS WHO PURCHASED YOU YOUR VERY OWN PILLOW?

478. REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST TALKED?

479. WE SAID WE WERE GOING TO SHARE THE BED.

480. I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO SWITCH OFF.

481. SWITCH OFF? THE BED.

482. YOU SAID WE WERE GOING TO SWITCH.

483. GOOD GOD.

484. IT'S AS IF YOUR TONGUE IS JUST FLAPPING LOOSE IN YOUR MOUTH.

485. DIDN'T ANYONE EVER TEACH YOU DICTION?

486. UM...

487. SWITCH.

488. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES. SAY IT.

489. I...

490. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

491. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

492. SAY IT THREE TIMES FAST.

493. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

494. ALMOST WHISTLE THAT "SW" BLEND.

495. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

496. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

497. AGAIN. FASTER. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

498. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

499. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES. THE WITCHES SWITCH SWATCHES.

500. THERE. THAT'S THE WAY.

501. OH, GEORGE, YOU'RE SUCH A QUICK STUDY. GOOD FOR YOU.

502. WE'LL WORK ON IT AGAIN TOMORROW, ALL RIGHT? NIGHTY-NIGHT.

503. OKAY, GOOD NIGHT.

504. MAYBE SOMEDAY,

505. WHEN COMPUTERS GET BIG ENOUGH

506. AND CAN KEEP TRACK OF THE UNIVERSE,

507. WE'LL SEE THAT EVERYTHING BALANCES OUT.

508. FOR EVERY DEATH, THERE'S A BIRTH.

509. FOR EVERY TEAR SPILLED, THERE'S A SMILE.

510. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO STOP JOINING TEAMS, RUSS.

511. YOU'RE RUNNING OUT OF ROOM.

512. I'M TEMPING AT THREE DIFFERENT PLACES

513. AND EACH ONE'S GOT A BOWLING TEAM.

514. YOU MAKE UP YOUR MIND YET?

515. NO, NOT YET.

516. WHAT'S POPULAR?

517. ANYTHING PATRIOTIC.

518. UNCLE SAM, STATUE OF LIBERTY.

519. ONE LADY WANTED THE WORLD TRADE CENTERS.

520. A TOWER ON EACH CHEEK. GO FIGURE.

521. WHAT'S THAT BLOKE GETTING?

522. COBRA. YEAH?

523. MIND IF I COME AND LOOK?

524. BE MY GUEST.

525. OH, YEAH, YEAH.

526. VERY NICE WORK.

527. WELL, LISTEN, I CAN'T REALLY DECIDE WHAT I WANT,

528. SO I'LL COME BACK.

529. OKAY.

530. DON'T DO IT, WILLIE. IT'S A VERY PRETTY FLOWER.

531. HE GAVE ME AN IRIS.

532. IT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME, WILLIE.

533. WELL, IT MATTERS TO ME, ALL RIGHT?

534. BECAUSE I'M THE ONE WITH A TATTOO OF AN IRIS ON MY ASS.

535. I DON'T CARE, WILLIE. PLEASE. I'LL CHANGE MY NAME TO IRIS.

536. IF YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME TO IRIS,

537. WE WOULDN'T BE WILLIE AND LILY THEN, WOULD WE, HUH?

538. NO, I ASKED FOR A LILY,

539. AND THIS SHIT-FOR-BRAINS GIVES ME A FUCKING IRIS.

540. TATTOO THIS, ASSHOLE!

541. ONE DAY YOU'RE HERE, THE NEXT YOU'RE NOT?

542. SHIT.

543. DELORES, YOU SCARED ME.

544. YOU ALL RIGHT, MILLIE?

545. YEAH, I JUST DIDN'T KNOW ANYONE WAS HERE.

546. IT'S 10:00 P.M. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

547. WELL, I CAN'T REALLY GO HOME.

548. I WAS JUST DOING SOME...

549. FILING.

550. I UNDERSTAND.

551. I'VE BEEN "FILING" TOO.

552. IT'S HARD TO KNOW WHERE TO PUT THIS.

553. YEAH.

554. I NEVER EVEN GOT TO SEE HIM BOWL.

555. I HEARD HE BOWLED A PERFECT GAME ONCE.

556. DID HE?

557. DAMN.

558. WELL, HE'S BOWLING FOR ANOTHER TEAM NOW.

559. YES, HE IS.

560. YOU KNOW, I THINK HIS CUBICLE IS A LITTLE BIGGER THAN MINE.

561. OH, THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S FILLED WITH LOVE.

562. YOU WANT TO STEAL SOMETHING, DON'T YOU?

563. WHAT?

564. DO YOU WANT HIS MUG?

565. THAT'S CREEPY.

566. WHY?

567. EVERYBODY NEEDS TO STEAL A BIT OF SOMEONE THEY LOVE.

568. I HARDLY KNEW HIM.

569. YOU SHARED THE SAME OFFICE,

570. DRANK FROM THE SAME WATER COOLER,

571. STOOD UNDER THE SAME FLUORESCENT LIGHTS.

572. YOU KNEW HIM.

573. TAKE SOMETHING.

574. I HAVE A MUG.

575. WELL, IT CAN BE ANYTHING.

576. WHAT REMINDS YOU OF RUSS?

577. JUST A PIECE OF THAT SOMEBODY IN REMEMBRANCE,

578. A TANGIBLE CONNECTION

579. TO WHO THAT PERSON WAS TO YOU.

580. I TOOK THAT LITTLE QUARTZ DUCK HE HAD.

581. IT JUST SCREAMED "RUSS" TO ME.

582. GODDAMN. SHE'S SELLING MY SHIT.

583. OKAY.

584. I'LL TAKE THIS.

585. HIS MONITOR SQUEEGEE.

586. YEAH, RUSS'S MONITOR SQUEEGEE.

587. GOD, THAT IS SO RUSS.

588. YEAH.

589. DAISY'S LIKE AN OIL SPILL THAT JUST KEEPS CREEPING

590. FURTHER AND FURTHER INTO MY LIFE.

591. OKAY.

592. I HAVEN'T REALLY SLEPT IN TWO DAYS.

593. IT'S YOUR APARTMENT, RIGHT?

594. TELL HER THAT.

595. YOU TELL HER. SHE DOESN'T LISTEN TO ME.

596. WELL, THEN YOU'RE NOT SPEAKING LOUD ENOUGH.

597. YOU DIDN'T GET ME A PLACE WHEN I FIRST ARRIVED.

598. WHY DID YOU TELL HER SHE COULD STAY WITH ME?

599. I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WOULD HIT IT OFF.

600. I'D LIKE TO HIT HER.

601. CAN'T YOU JUST TALK TO HER?

602. ALL RIGHT, FINE. REALLY?

603. NO.

604. IT'S NOT MY BATTLE.

605. I'M CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO GET BETWEEN TWO WOMEN

606. FIGHTING OVER SOME CRAPPY APARTMENT.

607. MY CRAPPY APARTMENT.

608. MINE. WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?

609. SHE THINKS SHE'S SOMEONE, AND SHE SENSES THAT YOU DON'T.

610. THAT I DON'T THINK SHE'S SOMEONE?

611. THAT YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE SOMEONE.

612. WHAT?

613. YOU WANT TO BE A BOWLING PIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE,

614. JUST STANDING THERE, PERFECTLY CONTENT TO BE KNOCKED DOWN

615. TIME AND TIME AGAIN,

616. OR WOULD YOU RATHER BE THE BALL?

617. I'VE GOT TO TELL YOU,

618. BEING A BALL FEELS A HELL OF A LOT BETTER.

619. YES.

620. DAISY'S A BALL, YOU'RE A PIN.

621. AM NOT.

622. WHATEVER YOU SAY, PEANUT.

623. YOU'RE NOT A PIN.

624. COME ON, PLAY ANOTHER. YOU CAN GET BACK AT ME.

625. PIN THERAPY.

626. NICE WAY TO WORK OUT A LITTLE AGGRESSION.

627. I WANT THESE.

628. THEY'RE NOT GOING TO FIT.

629. YES, THEY WILL.

630. SEE? THEY'RE TOO TIGHT.

631. I DON'T CARE.

632. THE COTONIO MEMORIAL BOWLING TOURNAMENT?

633. WE PLACED SECOND IN THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER COMPETITION.

634. YOU AND GEORGE?

635. SHE BLEW THAT LAST FRAME.

636. I NEVER SAW GEORGE BOWL.

637. SHE WAS A GREAT ATHLETE.

638. YOUR SISTER DIDN'T LIKE TEAM SPORTS.

639. I AM NOT A FUCKING PIN.

640. WELL, WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

641. DAISY?

642. LISTEN, I HAVE SOME THINGS I WANT TO SAY TO YOU.

643. YOU CAN'T JUST MOVE YOUR SHIT INTO MY APARTMENT

644. AND KICK ME OUT OF MY OWN BED.

645. I NEVER EVER GET A BREAK.

646. MY MOTHER ABANDONED ME.

647. MY FATHER...

648. WAS NEVER A FATHER.

649. NEVER REALLY HAD A REAL HOME

650. OR EVEN A PLACE THAT I FELT LIKE I BELONGED.

651. WHY CAN'T I BELONG?

652. WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT ME?

653. I JUST WANT YOU TO...

654. HOLD ME.

655. THIS LIFE HAS BEEN A COLLECTION

656. OF DISAPPOINTMENTS AND...

657. HEARTACHE.

658. END SCENE.

659. "A COLLECTION OF PROBLEMS, DISILLUSIONMENT,

660. "AND UNHAPPINESS."

661. WHY DO I ALWAYS MUTILATE THAT LINE?

662. WILL YOU BE A DOLL

663. AND HELP ME RUN MY LINES?

664. AND PLEASE DON'T BE AFRAID TO STOP ME

665. IF I'M EVEN OFF BY ONE SYLLABLE.

666. OKAY?

667. COME ON, IT'S MAGIC TIME.

668. OKAY, AND ACTION.

669. WHY CAN I NEVER GET A BREAK?

670. REGGIE, ARE YOU STILL UP? IT'S TIME FOR BED.

671. JESUS CHRIST.

672. REGGIE,

673. WE TALKED ABOUT UNPACKING A FEW OF GEORGE'S THINGS.

674. WE DIDN'T TALK ABOUT TURNING YOUR BEDROOM

675. INTO A HOLY SHRINE.

676. IT'S NOT.

677. THIS IS NOT A SHRINE?

678. NO.

679. IT'S MY ROOM.

680. MOM?

681. YES, REGGIE?

682. GET OUT.

683. THEY'RE AHEAD BY NINE PINS.

684. NINE TO TIE. 10 TO WIN.

685. YOU DO THE BEST YOU CAN. THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

686. THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I NEVER JOINED A TEAM.

687. BULLSHIT CAMARADERIE LEADS TO BULLSHIT PRESSURE.

688. COME ON, MILLIE.

689. A STRIKE AND WE BEAT THESE MOTHERFUCKERS.

690. OH, CRAP.

691. DID I TIVO IRON CHEF?

692. SHOULD WE GO TO CHILI'S AFTER THE GAME?

693. I COULD SUCK BACK SOME RIBS.

694. MISS. MISS. MISS.

695. SHE'S KIND OF HOT.

696. AND BULLSHIT PRESSURE

697. BUILDS TO A MOMENT OF PARALYZING FEAR.

698. IT'S BIZARRE WHAT GOES THROUGH YOUR HEAD,

699. STANDING FROZEN IN A MOMENT OF SHEER PANIC,

700. AND MY THOUGHT WAS...

701. WHY DID I DIE?

702. OR MORE TO THE POINT, WHY DIDN'T I LIVE?

703. WHY DIDN'T I MOVE?

704. WHY DID I JUST STAND THERE LIKE A BOWLING PIN?

705. WHAT MADE ME SO DEAD-SET AGAINST HAVING AN EXPERIENCE?

706. WHY DIDN'T I TALK TO THE PEOPLE WHO LIKED ME?

707. WHY DIDN'T I EVER TALK TO MY LITTLE SISTER?

708. WHY DIDN'T I LIVE WHEN I COULD HAVE?

709. AW... ... SHIT.

710. YOU DID IT!

711. I GUESS I DID.

712. I FELT SOMETHING I HAD NEVER FELT BEFORE...

713. A HAND ON MY ASS.

714. WHO THE HELL WAS CUPPING MY ASS?

715. PROBABLY THAT PERV FROM I.S.

716. OH, GOD, I HOPE IT WAS THAT PERV FROM I.S.

717. I ALSO FELT SOMETHING ELSE...

718. THAT IN SOME STRANGE, UNDEAD WAY,

719. I WAS ALIVE.

720. I WAS FLYING.