Dead Like Me 1x13

1. SOMETIMES I WONDER IF I HAUNT MY SISTER.

2. WHEN SHE'S LAYING THERE IN THE MORNING

3. AND IT'S ALL QUIET,

4. I WONDER IF SHE'S THINKING ABOUT ME.

5. SHE IS 11.

6. SHE'S PROBABLY JUST THINKING ABOUT A BOY...

7. OR BREAKFAST...

8. OR FLYING AWAY.

9. ONCE A YEAR, MY FAMILY GOES TO THIS CABIN BY A LAKE.

10. ON THE ROAD BY 10:00.

11. THREE HOURS OUT, WE'D STOP AT A STORE

12. WHERE THIS GUY WHO LOOKED LIKE COLONEL SANDERS

13. WOULD GIVE ME SOME HOMEMADE TAFFY.

14. THEN THREE MORE HOURS WITH THE WINDOWS DOWN.

15. JUST AS MY STOMACH WOULD START TO GROWL AGAIN,

16. THERE WE WERE, AT THE RENTAL OFFICE

17. WITH A CLOCK IN THE SHAPE OF A CAT'S FACE.

18. THAT'S WHERE WE'D PICK UP THE KEY.

19. BY THE TIME I GOT TO HIGH SCHOOL,

20. I JUST THOUGHT I WAS TOO COOL

21. TO GO ON VACATION WITH MY FAMILY.

22. I'D COMPLAIN AND ACT ALL SULLEN MOST OF THE TIME I WAS THERE.

23. IT'S WHAT I DID BEST.

24. NOW THEY WERE HEADING UP THERE

25. FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I DIED,

26. AND ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS THAT I WANTED TO GO,

27. THAT I WANTED TO BE ON VACATION WITH THEM.

28. RUBE ONCE TOLD ME

29. THAT HAUNTING IS ALL ABOUT ENVY.

30. I'M BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND.

31. I SAID I HATED GOING TO THAT LAKE

32. WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

33. I WAS LYING.

34. EVERY SUMMER, I COULDN'T WAIT TO GET UP THERE.

35. HEY, REG. HOW YOU DOING?

36. GOOD.

37. DAD'S LETTING ME USE HIS POCKET KNIFE.

38. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH IT?

39. I WAS THINKING OF WHITTLING SOMETHING.

40. TRADE YOU THE FISHING POLE FOR THE KNIFE.

41. OKAY.

42. DID YOU EVER FEEL GOOD AND BAD ABOUT SOMETHING

43. AT THE SAME TIME?

44. YOU KNOW, REALLY CONFLICTED.

45. I ONCE HAD SEX WITH THE PILOT OF A 747 IN FLIGHT.

46. THE SEX WAS GREAT,

47. BUT I WAS SURE WE WERE GOING TO DIE.

48. FLYING USED TO BE AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.

49. IT WAS MORE GENTEEL.

50. YEAH, CAN'T GET INTO THAT COCKPIT ANYMORE,

51. SO TO SPEAK.

52. PEOPLE DRESSED UP.

53. YOU COULD SMOKE.

54. THEY USED TO SERVE A HIGHBALL IN A NICE ROCK GLASS.

55. CAN I HAVE MY ASSIGNMENT, PLEASE?

56. WHERE'S THE FIRE?

57. THAT WOULD BE IN MY PANTS.

58. THAT'S PROBABLY SYPHILIS.

59. HEY, CAN YOU STEAL ME A CAR?

60. FIRST OF ALL,

61. THE CORRECT PHRASE IS "BOOST," GEORGE.

62. SECOND OF ALL, I'M NOT A USED CAR LOT,

63. AND, DARLING,

64. YOU REALLY HAVE TO LEARN TO STEAL YOUR OWN CARS.

65. WHY DO YOU WANT A CAR?

66. YOU GOING TO KNOCK SOMETHING OVER?

67. LIKE A LIQUOR STORE?

68. NO.

69. I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING AWAY.

70. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOCK OVER A LIQUOR STORE.

71. YEAH?

72. WELL, I COULD HELP YOU OUT THERE.

73. OKAY. WE'LL BE THE NEXT BONNIE AND CLYDE.

74. YEAH? REALLY?

75. NO, NEVER. NOT EVER.

76. FORGET ABOUT THE CAR, OKAY?

77. RUBE, CAN I PLEASE HAVE MY POST-IT?

78. HERE. I'M LEAVING.

79. NO, YOU'RE NOT. SIT DOWN.

80. HELLO, HELLO. I'M SITTING HERE.

81. RUBE, I REALLY HAVE TO GO.

82. JOY, ARE YOU READY TO GO?

83. ALMOST.

84. REGGIE, ARE YOU PACKING?

85. YES.

86. ARE WE GOING TO GET THERE IN TIME TO GO SWIMMING?

87. I DON'T KNOW.

88. MAYBE.

89. WELL?

90. JUST ASK ME, OKAY?

91. FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS,

92. IF YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO DO SOMETHING,

93. ASK ME TO DO IT.

94. JUST DON'T FUCKING START.

95. HELLO? HELLO?

96. YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS KEEP THAT LEDGER IN YOUR HEAD.

97. WHAT? THE MASTER LIST OF ALL THE THINGS I DO WRONG.

98. I WOULD LIKE TO GET THERE BY NIGHTFALL...

99. AND I WANT TO STOP AT THE TAFFY STORE.

100. HELLO?

101. OH, COME ON. HELLO!

102. WHO WAS THAT?

103. MUST HAVE BEEN A WRONG NUMBER.

104. MUST HAVE BEEN.

105. FLASHLIGHT.

106. DO YOU EVEN WANT TO GO?

107. OF COURSE I DO.

108. OH, GOD. YOU'RE LYING.

109. YOU'RE SUCH A LIAR, AND YOU DON'T FOOL ME.

110. I WANTED TO TELL REGGIE IT WOULD BE OKAY,

111. EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T BELIEVE IT WOULD BE.

112. RUBE, I THINK IT'S TIME WE HAND OUT THE ASSIGNMENTS, PLEASE.

113. THERE ARE NO ASSIGNMENTS TODAY.

114. WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

115. NO ONE'S DYING TODAY.

116. REALLY?

117. LOOK OVER THERE.

118. DON'T LOOK RIGHT AT IT.

119. YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK ASKANCE.

120. A-WHAT? ASKANCE.

121. OUT OF THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE.

122. GRAVELINGS ARE TAKING THE DAY OFF.

123. THEY DO IT EVERY FEW YEARS.

124. WHY?

125. THINK OF IT LIKE AN ECLIPSE.

126. IT'S JUST THE WAY THE PLANETS ALIGN.

127. NO ONE DIES TODAY.

128. TELL ME THIS MEANS WE GET A THREE-DAY WEEKEND.

129. COCKSUCKER.

130. AW, FUCK. I'M NOT GETTING IT.

131. DON'T EVEN ANSWER IT.

132. HELLO? HELLO. JUST A SECOND.

133. IT'S SCHOOL NONSENSE.

134. I'M GOING TO TAKE IT IN THE OFFICE.

135. WE'VE GOT TO DO FILING?

136. PAPERWORK FOR EVERY SOUL THE DIVISION'S EVER TAKEN.

137. I'M A LITTLE BEHIND.

138. WHY IS IT MY KARMIC DESTINY TO DO PAPERWORK?

139. WHEREVER I GO, I'M A TEMP.

140. EVERYTHING'S GOT TO BE ORGANIZED AND LOGGED.

141. YOU'RE LOCKING UP MY WHOLE SECTION.

142. WELL, WE'VE GOT WORK TO DO.

143. THEN THE WORK HAS TO ORDER.

144. I HEAR YOU.

145. THIS PILE HERE IS LOOKING FOR A LIGHT SCRAMBLE,

146. SIDE OF BROWNS, THIS PILE WANTS THE BELGIANS,

147. THIS PILE WOULD LIKE THE BENEDICT,

148. EASY ON THE HOLLANDAISE,

149. AND FOUR BLACK COFFEES, FOUR SIDES OF WHITE TOAST,

150. AND MY FRIENDS OVER AT BOOTH SIX

151. ANOTHER PITCHER OF MIMOSAS.

152. BOOTH SIX IS EMPTY.

153. OKAY, J.D., THE FIRST THING WE DO WHEN WE GET THERE,

154. WE JUMP IN THE WATER, 'CAUSE YOU NEED TO KNOW HOW TO SWIM.

155. WE CAN MAKE A FIRE TONIGHT, RIGHT?

156. MM. BLAZING.

157. MAYBE I'LL CATCH A FISH AND COOK IT.

158. I DON'T KNOW IF THERE'S WOOD.

159. I'LL COLLECT IT.

160. GEORGE USED TO COLLECT DRIFTWOOD.

161. I REMEMBER.

162. SO WE'LL HAVE A FIRE.

163. OKAY, EACH WHITE SHEET

164. HAS ALL THE INFORMATION ON A SINGLE DEATH.

165. WE NEED TO CATEGORIZE THE WHITE SHEETS,

166. AND THEN COPY THEM INTO THESE LEDGERS.

167. HOW ARE YOU GOING TO WANT TO ACCESS THE DATA?

168. WHAT?

169. WHEN IT'S ALL DONE.

170. ARE YOU JUST GOING TO WANT

171. TO ACCESS THEM CHRONOLOGICALLY?

172. 'CAUSE IF YOU WANT TO GET ANY MORE COMPLEX,

173. THEN YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GIVE EACH RECORD

174. A UNIQUE IDENTIFIER SO THAT YOU CAN DO CROSSTABS.

175. WHEN YOU PUT SO MUCH EFFORT INTO HATING YOUR DAY JOB,

176. IT'S EASY NOT TO NOTICE YOU'RE LEARNING SOMETHING.

177. MY SYSTEM WORKS FINE.

178. ARE WE ALPHABETIZING BY FIRST OR LAST NAME?

179. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN ANYONE

180. ALPHABETIZE BY FIRST NAME?

181. I AM SIMPLY TRYING TO UNDERSTAND

182. WHAT IT IS WE ARE DOING HERE.

183. WOW.

184. DAISY DIDN'T ASK YOU THAT QUESTION

185. TO PISS YOU OFF.

186. THANK YOU.

187. SHE ASKED THAT QUESTION BECAUSE SHE CAN'T SHUT UP.

188. NEITHER ONE OF YOU CAN.

189. LISTEN TO THE MAN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP.

190. THANK YOU.

191. THESE ARE FILED BY LAST THOUGHT.

192. LAST THOUGHT?

193. THE LAST THOUGHT IS WRITTEN ON THE BACK OF EACH PAGE.

194. BUT YOU ONLY GIVE US NAMES, ADDRESSES, AND ETDs.

195. YES, THAT IS ALL I GIVE YOU. THAT IS NOT ALL I GET.

196. COME HERE.

197. LAST THOUGHT...

198. "I SHOULD HAVE APOLOGIZED TO MR. ROY

199. ABOUT THE BROKEN PHONOGRAPH."

200. NOW, WHAT THE FUCK AM I MEANT TO FILE THAT UNDER?

201. THE CATEGORIES REVEAL THEMSELVES AS WE GO.

202. OKAY?

203. SO, LET'S GET GOING.

204. IT WAS STRANGE TO THINK THAT WHILE WE GOT TO WORK,

205. ALL OVER TOWN, DEATH WAS TAKING A BREAK...

206. NOT THAT ANYONE NOTICED.

207. DEATH IS KIND OF LIKE SEX IN HIGH SCHOOL.

208. IF YOU KNEW HOW MANY TIMES YOU MISSED HAVING IT,

209. YOU'D BE PARALYZED.

210. WHAT HAVE WE GOT HERE?

211. "SHOULDA, WOULDA, COULDA."

212. HAS ANYONE SEEN A SHEET FOR I.A. NEWMAN?

213. WHO KNOWS?

214. ISIDORE NEWMAN? YEAH.

215. I REMEMBER HIM. PIANO TUNER.

216. LIKED THE SYMPHONY AND PAINTINGS BY DEGAS.

217. HE WAS WORKING ON A BABY GRAND.

218. PIANO STRING SNAPPED RIGHT IN THE FACE.

219. BLINDED HIM.

220. HE STOOD STRAIGHT UP AND KNOCKED THE LID.

221. IT SMACKED RIGHT DOWN ON HIS FIRST VERTEBRAE.

222. BROKE HIS NECK.

223. WHAT TIME IS IT?

224. FIVE PAST 5:00.

225. I'VE GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

226. I DON'T THINK IT'S HEALTHY TO SCHEDULE THAT SORT OF THING.

227. HEY, GEORGE, TELL YOUR MOM THE HEATER'S ON.

228. ABOUT HALF AN HOUR UNTIL WE CAN SHOWER.

229. MOM, HEATER'S ON.

230. HALF AN HOUR UNTIL IT'S HOT.

231. I'M NOT SHOWERING FOR THE NEXT FIVE DAYS.

232. TELL YOUR FATHER HE'S LUCKY IF I EVEN BRUSH MY TEETH.

233. REALLY?

234. NO, AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE BRUSHING YOUR TEETH TOO.

235. DAD, CAN WE ROAST MARSHMALLOWS OVER THE FIRE TONIGHT?

236. WE'LL HAVE ALL WEEK, GEORGE.

237. PLEASE? REGGIE LOVES MARSHMALLOWS.

238. YEAH, I THINK WE'LL STICK WITH BOTTLES FOR REGGIE

239. FOR THE TIME BEING.

240. MOM LOVES MARSHMALLOWS.

241. IT WAS A LONG DRIVE, GEORGE. WHY DON'T WE JUST RELAX?

242. TOMORROW, I PROMISE.

243. OKAY.

244. IT'S VACATION. WE HAVE ALL WEEK.

245. WHATEVER.

246. HEY.

247. GO GET THE MARSHMALLOWS.

248. YES!

249. "I WISH I'D TAKEN BETTER CARE OF LUCY."

250. "I SHOULDN'T HAVE PUT JEZEBEL TO SLEEP." WHAT DO YOU THINK?

251. "PET REGRETS," "SPOUSE REGRETS,"

252. OVER ON THAT TABLE.

253. I'M GOING TO GO WITH "PET REGRETS."

254. WHICH STACK? BIG ONE.

255. HEY, DAISY,

256. OUT OF THE MASSIVE COLLECTION OF SEX STORIES YOU'VE TOLD US,

257. I'VE NOTICED THERE'S NO BRITS IN THE BUNCH.

258. WHY IS THAT?

259. ALEC GUINNESS, REX HARRISON, RICHARD BURTON—

260. RICHARD BURTON'S WELSH.

261. I CAN'T BELIEVE HE NEVER WON AN OSCAR.

262. DO YOU THINK THAT WAS HIS LAST THOUGHT?

263. DAISY, LET'S NOT PRETEND.

264. ME AND YOU, NASTY LITTLE SPARK THERE.

265. NO, NON, NYET, NEIN, NADA, NEVER.

266. ALL RIGHT, THEN. WAGER. IF I WIN, YOU KISS ME.

267. FINE. CALL IT.

268. TAILS.

269. AW... MASON...

270. YEAH.

271. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY,

272. YOUR HYGIENE, IT'S SUSPECT,

273. YOUR CLOTHES ALONE DISQUALIFY YOU,

274. AND YOU'RE NOT EVEN ALIVE.

275. PET REGRETS.

276. MORE COFFEE?

277. THANKS.

278. HOW'RE YOU DOING?

279. THANKS FOR ASKING.

280. PEOPLE DON'T ASK THAT MUCH ANYMORE,

281. OR IF THEY DO, THEY DON'T REALLY CARE.

282. THAT'S THE TRUTH.

283. PEOPLE MOSTLY JUST WANT TO HEAR THEMSELVES TALK.

284. MM-HMM.

285. LIKE WHEN MY SON CALLS, EVERY TWO MONTHS TO NEVER,

286. HE ONLY WANTS TO BORROW MONEY

287. OR ELSE HE WANTS TO COMPLAIN ABOUT HIS SISTER.

288. NOW, SHE'S THE SMART ONE, UNTIL IT COMES TO THE OTB.

289. THEN IT'S 500 ON THE TRIFECTA.

290. I MEAN, I CAN UNDERSTAND THE RUSH,

291. BUT $500?

292. CAN WE ALL GO DOWN TO THE WATER?

293. I THINK J.D. WANTS TO GO.

294. CAN I GO FISHING?

295. I WOULDN'T HAVE THOUGHT YOU'D GET RECEPTION UP HERE.

296. WHY DON'T WE UNPACK THE CAR,

297. AND THEN WE'LL SEE ABOUT FISHING?

298. WHY'D YOU BRING THE CELL PHONE?

299. IN CASE ANY OF US GOT INTO TROUBLE.

300. WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE MAKE ALL THE PILES?

301. WE COPY EACH SHEET IN ORDER INTO THE LEDGERS.

302. BY HAND?

303. YES, BY HAND.

304. THIS IS USELESS.

305. YOU KNOW WHAT'S A LOST ART, PEANUT?

306. CALLIGRAPHY.

307. NO ONE EVEN USES FOUNTAIN PENS ANYMORE.

308. IT'D BE MUCH FASTER TO COPY THEM INTO A COMPUTER FILE.

309. WELL, DEATH HASN'T REALLY EVOLVED MUCH

310. SINCE PRE-GUTENBERG-BIBLE DAYS.

311. REAPING DOESN'T REALLY LEND ITSELF TO MICROSOFT OUTLOOK.

312. YOU MEAN EXCEL, NOT OUTLOOK.

313. IT'S JUST ANOTHER WAY OF ORGANIZING INFORMATION.

314. DEATH MAY NOT HAVE EVOLVED,

315. BUT DATA ENTRY HAS.

316. WHY DON'T WE HAVE A COMPUTER?

317. AMEN!

318. UM, I MAY REGRET SAYING THIS,

319. BUT MY OLD OFFICE

320. WAS ALWAYS EMPTY AT THIS HOUR.

321. THIS IS WHAT I USED TO DO

322. AT HAPPY TIME.

323. USED TO DO.

324. I STILL HAVE KEYS.

325. WELL, IF WE ALL JUST BUCKLE DOWN,

326. I'VE GOT FRESH FOUNTAIN PENS FOR EVERYBODY...

327. RUBE, I HAVE DELICATE HANDS.

328. AND SERIOUSLY,

329. WE CANNOT COPY DOWN ALL THIS INFORMATION BY HAND.

330. YOU KNOW, IF YOU FOCUS AND START RIGHT NOW—

331. FUCK THAT SHIT, RUBE.

332. I NEED A GODDAMN LAPTOP.

333. HAPPY TIME IT IS.

334. THERE'S MONOPOLY IN THE LIVING ROOM.

335. MAYBE WE COULD PLAY.

336. YOU KNOW WHAT, REG? I'M WIPED OUT.

337. YOU AND YOUR MOTHER GO AHEAD AND PLAY.

338. YOU CAN'T REALLY PLAY MONOPOLY WITH JUST TWO PEOPLE.

339. I'M EXHAUSTED, SWEETIE.

340. I'LL CATCH YOU NEXT TIME.

341. I SAY WE IGNORE THESE DISHES AND BREAK OUT THE MONOPOLY.

342. FORGET IT.

343. REG...

344. IT DOESN'T WORK WITH JUST TWO PEOPLE.

345. REGGIE...

346. WHAT?

347. WE'LL GO FISHING IN THE MORNING.

348. OKAY.

349. WE CAN SET UP IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM,

350. AND THEN WE CAN USE SOME OF THESE CUBICLES

351. FOR THE DATA ENTRY.

352. OH, I WANT THIS ONE.

353. IT SMELLS LIKE POTPOURRI.

354. THAT'S MARIE'S. SHE HAS GUM DISEASE.

355. WHAT TIME DO YOUR FELLOW COGS ROLL IN?

356. WELL, SOME GUY COMES IN AROUND DAWN

357. TO CALL THE PHILIPPINES ON THE W.A.T.S. LINE.

358. LOOKS LIKE THE CLEANING CREW'S COME AND GONE.

359. WHAT TIME IS IT?

360. IT'S 8:30.

361. GOODNIGHT, GEORGE.

362. IS SHE SLEEPY?

363. SHE'S GETTING THERE.

364. SHE'S SO BORING.

365. ALL SHE DOES IS SLEEP AND POOP.

366. SAME AS YOU DID, YOUNG LADY.

367. DO YOU THINK SHE'S GOING TO BE AS SMART AS I AM?

368. OH, I HOPE SO.

369. GOODNIGHT, GEORGIA.

370. LEAVE IT OPEN.

371. OH, WELL, WE'RE GOING TO BE UP

372. TALKING FOR A WHILE, SWEETIE.

373. I LIKE THAT.

374. NIGHT-NIGHT.

375. IF WE SPLIT UP INTO PAIRS,

376. WE CAN CATALOG IT ALL BY MORNING.

377. WHY PAIRS?

378. ONE PERSON READS, ONE PERSON TYPES.

379. HEAR THAT, DAISY? PAIRS.

380. I'M GOING TO WORK ALONE. I WORK BETTER ALONE,

381. AND THERE ARE FIVE OF US,

382. SO SOMEBODY HAS TO BE ALONE.

383. I'M SUPERVISING.

384. WHAT IS THERE TO SUPERVISE?

385. I'M GOING TO COPY SOME OF THEM DOWN IN THE LEDGER,

386. JUST TO BE SAFE.

387. YOU DON'T NEED TO DO THAT.

388. WHAT IF THE MATERIAL GETS LOST?

389. THERE'S A TAPE BACK-UP,

390. AND IT AUTO-SAVES TO AN OFF-SITE SERVER.

391. CHIM-CHAM, AND IT GEEGAWS TO A HOO-HA WHIMMY-WHIZZLE.

392. FINE, YOU WANT TO USE YOUR FOUNTAIN PEN,

393. YOU GO FOR IT,

394. BUT AT THE END OF A LONG NIGHT,

395. AND YOU'VE MANAGED TO COVER THREE PAGES,

396. FEEL GOOD ABOUT IT.

397. WHAT WAS THAT?

398. FUCKING GRAVELINGS.

399. THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO ON THEIR DAY OFF?

400. "I SHOULD HAVE GONE

401. TO ART SCHOOL."

402. "I SHOULD HAVE SAID YES."

403. "I SHOULD HAVE—"

404. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. "I SHOULD HAVE" WHAT?

405. SAID YES.

406. OH. THERE'S A LOT OF THAT GOING AROUND, HUH?

407. PLEASE.

408. OKAY, I'M NOT YOUR TYPE.

409. SO WHO IS?

410. "I SHOULD HAVE HELD HER HAND." DAISY, DAISY, DAISY.

411. COME ON, SERIOUSLY. TELL ME.

412. MY TYPE?

413. WHERE TO BEGIN?

414. THERE NEEDS TO BE SOMETHING ABOUT THE WAY THE MAN LOOKS

415. THAT GIVES ME CHILLS ON THE BACK OF THE NECK.

416. RICH IS GOOD.

417. OKAY, RICH IS IMPERATIVE.

418. RICH AND FAMOUS, A LETHAL COMBINATION.

419. I ONCE HAD A GUY, WHO SHALL REMAIN BING CROSBY,

420. WHO SENT ME TWO DOZEN LILIES

421. EVERY SINGLE DAY

422. FOR THE SEVEN MONTHS WE WERE TOGETHER.

423. AFTER WE BROKE IT OFF,

424. I FELL FOR A BIG CHEESE OVER AT MGM.

425. HE PROMISED ME AN EXCLUSIVE STUDIO CONTRACT

426. JUST AS SOON AS HIS DIVORCE CAME THROUGH,

427. AND THEN THERE WAS... THE SENATOR.

428. HE MIGHT'VE BEEN...

429. "IT'S FREEZING."

430. "MAMA. OH, MAMA."

431. "I GIVE UP."

432. "FUCK, IT'S JUST SEAWEED."

433. WHAT PILE IS THIS?

434. MID-OCEAN DEATHS.

435. LET ME TYPE, RUBE. I'M GETTING BETTER.

436. NO, YOU'RE NOT.

437. IT'S THE KEYS.

438. YOU BREATHE ON THEM, THEY GO DOWN.

439. I HAD AN OLD MANHATTAN B,

440. AND THE THING WAS A GATLING FOR YOUR THOUGHTS.

441. LET ME TYPE, RUBE.

442. I'M GETTING BETTER.

443. THEY'RE ALL... EVERYTHING'S IN CAPS.

444. OH, FUCK.

445. MOM?

446. DID I WAKE YOU?

447. WHAT ARE YOU READING?

448. IT'S CALLED CAT'S CRADLE.

449. SOMEONE LEFT IT. I LOVE IT.

450. I LOVE THE BOOKS THAT PEOPLE LEAVE HERE.

451. WHY DON'T PEOPLE STEAL THEM?

452. I DON'T KNOW.

453. THEY'RE THE KIND OF BOOKS YOU WOULDN'T READ AT HOME.

454. I WANT TO TAKE THEM ALL HOME.

455. WHY?

456. BECAUSE THEY MAKE YOU HAPPY.

457. NOW, WHO'S HAPPY?

458. EVERYBODY.

459. WHAT TIME IS IT?

460. I GUESS I'M ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE

461. WHO CAN KNOW IT FOR SURE,

462. BUT THE ONLY THING

463. AS RANDOM AND UNLIKELY AS MY DEATH

464. WAS MY BIRTH.

465. HELLO, LARRY.

466. YEAH.

467. JOHNNY. JOHNNY-BOY.

468. HOW'S IT HANGING? YES.

469. MARY, COME ON.

470. WHAT'S THE 411?

471. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?

472. OH, I'M PRETENDING TO CARE ABOUT ALL THESE PEOPLE.

473. OH.

474. WELL, THE GUY WHO SITS IN THAT CUBICLE

475. HAS A WEBSITE DEDICATED TO RARE BUTTONS,

476. AND THE WOMAN WHO SITS IN THERE HAS PHONE SEX

477. WITH A HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR FROM NEW MEXICO—

478. NATIVE AMERICAN—

479. AND THE WOMAN WHO SITS OVER THERE...

480. IS SITTING OVER THERE.

481. CRYSTAL?

482. WE HAVE A PROBLEM.

483. I DON'T THINK IT'S A PROBLEM.

484. GRAVELINGS?

485. HMM. WEIRDER.

486. IT'S FINE.

487. SHE SAID SHE CAME HERE TO WATER HER PLANTS,

488. AND SHE OFFERED TO HELP.

489. DOES SHE KNOW YOU'RE NO LONGER EMPLOYED HERE?

490. IT'S REALLY HARD TO TELL WHAT CRYSTAL KNOWS.

491. IT'S 2:30.

492. WE HAVE A LOT MORE TO DO.

493. DOES IT TYPE?

494. "HOW COULD SHE DO IT?"

495. "HOW COULD HE DO IT?"

496. "WHY DID SHE DO THIS?"

497. AM I GOING TOO FAST? YOU SURE? UH-HUH.

498. "THIS'LL SHOW HER."

499. "HE WON'T FORGET ME NOW."

500. "NO."

501. "YES."

502. "NOW, THAT'S IRONIC."

503. OLDER MEN ARE FINE.

504. WELL, OLDER MEN CAN BE DELIGHTFUL.

505. THEY DEMAND LESS,

506. THEY'RE EXTRA ATTENTIVE TO THEIR PERSONAL HYGIENE,

507. THEY GIVE FABULOUS GIFTS,

508. THEY'RE ALWAYS REALLY GRATEFUL,

509. THOUGH THEY VERY, VERY RARELY LEAVE THEIR WIVES.

510. THAT WAS INFORMATIVE.

511. SHALL WE TAKE ANOTHER STAB AT THESE?

512. YEAH. YOU READ, I TYPE.

513. "WHY?"

514. BECAUSE I'M CERTAIN I'M THE BETTER TYPIST.

515. LAST THOUGHT.

516. OH, WHY. SHORT AND SWEET.

517. HMM. "I WISH I HAD SOMEONE."

518. "I WISH I HAD SOMEONE."

519. "IS ANYONE THERE?"

520. "WHY CAN'T SOMEBODY BE WITH ME?"

521. "BORN ALONE, DIE ALONE."

522. "I FEEL EMPTY."

523. WE'RE MAKING GOOD PROGRESS, PEANUT.

524. AHEAD OF SCHEDULE.

525. DELORES ALWAYS SAID I WAS "EXCELLENT

526. AT IMPLEMENTING ACTION PLANS."

527. WELL, THEY WERE LUCKY TO HAVE HAD YOU.

528. HAD YOU STAYED,

529. MAYBE YOU WOULD HAVE BEEN NAMED

530. HAPPY TIME WORKER OF THE YEAR.

531. I GUESS.

532. WHY ARE WE DOING ALL THIS?

533. YOU MEAN, IF A TREE FALLS IN THE FOREST,

534. WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK?

535. YEAH.

536. LIKE, WHO WAS ALL THIS WORK FOR?

537. KNOW WHAT HENRY WARD BEECHER'S LAST WORDS WERE?

538. NO.

539. NOW COMES MYSTERY.

540. BEAUTIFUL.

541. KNOW WHAT HIS LAST THOUGHTS WERE?

542. NO.

543. ME NEITHER.

544. HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO FIND HIS PAPERWORK.

545. WE'RE WITNESSES, PEANUT.

546. EVERYONE MATTERS.

547. BUT WHO IS ALL THIS WORK FOR?

548. ANYONE WHO'S INTERESTED.

549. ARE YOU?

550. YES.

551. YOU CAN'T SMOKE IN HERE.

552. OH, FUCK THAT BULLSHIT. THEY CAN BLOW ME.

553. I'VE GOT A QUESTION.

554. YES, YOU'RE BURNING IT.

555. NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT IT.

556. NO.

557. WHY CAN'T WE LIVE HERE?

558. HERE? IN THIS CABIN.

559. GEORGIA, YOU COULDN'T FIT HALF YOUR TOYS IN THERE.

560. I DON'T NEED MY TOYS.

561. YEAH, I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT.

562. I COULD LIVE HERE.

563. LET'S DO IT, FOR REAL.

564. SOMETIMES I LOOK AT ALL THE CRAP IN OUR HOUSE,

565. ALL THOSE THINGS WE NEEDED...

566. I COULD DO WITHOUT.

567. I'M GOING TO MAKE GEORGE JUMP IN THE LAKE, JOY.

568. I'M NOT JUMPING IN THE LAKE.

569. I'M SERIOUS.

570. I MEAN, IF WE DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK SO HARD TO MAKE THE MONEY,

571. WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND THE MONEY

572. TO MAKE OURSELVES FEEL BETTER ABOUT WORKING SO HARD.

573. WE COULD REALLY LIVE OUT HERE.

574. DEEP.

575. SHUT UP.

576. NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. WE COULD HAVE A MUCH SIMPLER LIFE.

577. LET'S DO IT. I DON'T NEED ANYTHING BACK THERE.

578. I CAN TEACH REGGIE ABOUT FISHING AND EVERYTHING.

579. WHAT WOULD WE DO ALL DAY?

580. THIS.

581. "I DON'T UNDERSTAND."

582. THAT'S WHERE THAT ONE ENDS.

583. "I'M SO ALONE."

584. "THERE'S NOBODY."

585. ARE WE ALMOST FINISHED?

586. YEAH. A COUPLE MORE.

587. WHAT DO YOU SAY THE VERY SECOND WE'RE DONE HERE,

588. WE GO BACK TO MY PLACE FOR A DRINK?

589. DON'T FUCK WITH ME, DAISY.

590. I PROBABLY WON'T,

591. BUT A DRINK OR TWO ISN'T GOING TO KILL ANYBODY,

592. LEAST OF ALL US, RIGHT?

593. WHAT'S YOUR POISON? I'M GUESSING JAMESONS.

594. UH, YEAH.

595. YOU'RE NOT SUCH BAD COMPANY.

596. I'M GUESSING WITH SOME DISINFECTANT SOAP

597. AND AMERICAN DENTISTRY,

598. YOU'D CLEAN UP JUST FINE.

599. "I WISH I'D TAKEN BETTER CARE OF LUCY."

600. THAT IS IT FOR THIS ONE.

601. ARE YOU JUST CHECKING IT OVER?

602. GOOD.

603. DO YOU LIKE YOUR JOB?

604. I HEAR YOU, GIRL.

605. IT'S ALL JUST ONE BIG SHRUG.

606. PAPER CLIPS?

607. OH, I'M ORGANIZED LIKE THIS, TOO.

608. I DO NOT UNDERSTAND PEOPLE WHO CAN'T FIND THEIR OWN SHIT.

609. YOU?

610. PUT THINGS IN THEIR PLACE.

611. THEN THEY CALL YOU ANAL,

612. LIKE HOLDING ALL YOUR SHIT IN AT FOUR

613. HAS SOMETHING TO DO

614. WITH WHY YOU PUT THE STAPLES IN A BOX NEXT TO THE STAPLER.

615. KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

616. "PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE."

617. "I WANT TO HEAR A VOICE."

618. "WHY AM I SO LONELY?"

619. IT'S THE SECOND-TO-LAST PAGE, RIGHT?

620. THIS ONE SHOULD BE "WHY AM I SO ALONE?"

621. SORRY.

622. WELL, YOU CAN DO THE LAST ONES WITHOUT ME.

623. I'M GOING TO TAKE A QUICK BREAK.

624. DON'T FORGET ABOUT THAT DRINK.

625. I WON'T.

626. ALL RIGHT.

627. SO I TOLD THE GIRL,

628. "IF WE'RE GOING TO SHARE THE MAN,

629. WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST CUT HIM IN HALF,"

630. BECAUSE I'M NOT GOING TO BE DATING

631. SOME DOUBLE-DIPPER,

632. ESPECIALLY WHEN ALL THREE OF US KNOW ABOUT IT.

633. WOULD YOU? UH-UH.

634. I GUESS SHE THOUGHT WE WERE JUST GOING TO CHAT OVER DINNER.

635. HUH. I MOVED OUT.

636. YOU THINK I DID THE RIGHT THING?

637. WE'RE ON THE SAME PAGE, GIRL.

638. I DIDN'T KNOW ANYONE WAS IN HERE.

639. RUBE DEMANDED A COPY OF THE HARD COPY.

640. HE'S STILL A LITTLE SKITTISH ABOUT THE WHOLE DIGITAL THING.

641. WELL.

642. YOU GUYS ALMOST FINISHED?

643. UH-HUH.

644. DAISY?

645. DOESN'T IT BOTHER YOU, GEORGIA?

646. WHAT?

647. EVERYBODY'S THOUGHTS ARE THE SAME.

648. TWO-THIRDS ARE PEOPLE WHO REGRET.

649. THE REST ARE PEOPLE WHO FORGOT TO DO STUFF

650. OR ARE PRAYING OR... ARE ALONE.

651. SHOULDN'T THERE BE MORE?

652. MORE WHAT?

653. MORE PILES. MORE WORDS. MORE THOUGHTS.

654. I GUESS.

655. AND THEN... AND THEN YOU DIE,

656. AND YOU MIGHT BECOME A REAPER,

657. AND THE MAGIC OF CREATION,

658. WELL, THAT TURNS OUT TO BE A 9:00 TO 5:00 GRIND

659. WITH LOTS OF PAPERWORK.

660. IT'S JUST... IT'S SO... IT'S SO EVERYDAY.

661. LOTS OF PEOPLE LEAVE.

662. THERE'S NOTHING EVERYDAY ABOUT WHERE THEY'RE GOING.

663. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT'S TRUE?

664. MAYBE WE JUST KEEP MOVING FROM ONE FILING JOB TO THE NEXT.

665. OH, MY GOD.

666. WE'RE ALL TEMPS.

667. IT WAS STRANGE TO HEAR THE SECRET OF THE UNIVERSE

668. TUMBLE OUT OF THE MOUTH OF A FALLEN STARLET

669. IN A COPY ROOM AT 3:00 IN THE MORNING,

670. BUT CONSIDERING WHAT THE SECRET WAS,

671. IT WAS PERFECT.

672. I HATE SPIDERS. PLEASE KILL IT.

673. THAT'S A BIG SUCKER.

674. JUST PLEASE KILL IT FOR ME.

675. CLANCY, DON'T BE SUCH A PUSSY.

676. JOY, YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE A PHOBIA ABOUT SPIDERS.

677. USE YOUR CELL PHONE.

678. SEE IF YOU CAN FIND SOMEONE WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK.

679. "I SHOULD HAVE HELD HER HAND."

680. THAT'S THE THING ABOUT LIFE... ISN'T IT?

681. HOW CAN SOMETHING BE SO BORING AND EXTRAORDINARY

682. AT THE SAME TIME?

683. GEORGIA, TIME TO GO!

684. COMING!

685. YOU READY FOR THAT DRINK?

686. YOU KNOW WHAT? MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME, EH?

687. COME ON. I'LL WALK YOU OUT, DAISY.

688. THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP.

689. I LIKE YOUR FRIEND ROXY.

690. I'M SURE SHE LIKES YOU TOO.

691. HEY, CRYSTAL...

692. I WON'T TELL ANYONE.

693. THANK YOU.

694. HEY, RUBE, CAN I BORROW YOUR TRUCK?

695. MY GOD, YOU'RE UP EARLY THIS MORNING, REG.

696. WANT SOME HOT CHOCOLATE?

697. UM, NO.

698. HOW ABOUT SOME OATMEAL?

699. NO, THANK YOU.

700. HOW DID J.D. SLEEP?

701. FINE.

702. GOOD.

703. YOU OKAY?

704. NO.

705. ARE YOU?

706. NO.

707. HEY, ARE THE FISH BITING THIS MORNING?

708. I MISS HER.

709. MAYBE WE COULD GO SOMEPLACE DIFFERENT NEXT SUMMER.

710. OKAY.

711. MAYBE DAISY WAS RIGHT.

712. MAYBE DEATH WAS THE TEMP JOB AND LIFE WAS THE VACATION,

713. A VACATION

714. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO SPEND WITH THE PEOPLE YOU LOVED,

715. WITH PEOPLE WHO LOVED YOU,

716. AND IF LIFE WAS THAT KIND OF VACATION,

717. WHAT THEN?

718. WHAT WOULD YOUR LAST THOUGHTS BE THEN?