Dead Like Me 1x12

1. SOME ALLEGEDLY CLEVER WRITER ONCE WROTE

2. THAT DEATH WAS "THE BIG SLEEP."

3. BIG SLEEP, MY ASS.

4. SERIOUSLY, WHAT A CROCK THAT GUY WAS PEDDLING.

5. I WAS FINDING WHAT HAD HAPPENED TO ME

6. HARDER AND HARDER TO HANDLE AT NIGHT.

7. NIGHTTIME HAD BECOME THE ENEMY.

8. MAYBE TAKING SOULS FOR A LIVING—

9. TAKING SOULS FROM THE LIVING—

10. WAS FINALLY TAKING ITS TOLL ON ME.

11. FUCK IT.

12. I GUESS WATCHING SOMEONE DIE

13. HAD ITS WAY OF STAYING WITH YOU.

14. DEATH WAS A FRAGRANCE THAT LINGERED

15. LONG AFTER THAT PERSON HAD LEFT THE ROOM.

16. HERE WE SEE A ZEBRA GRAZING IN A MEADOW,

17. AND OTHER FLORA IN THE REGION...

18. I WOULD TRY TO DISTRACT MYSELF.

19. I WOULD TRY TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHING OTHER THAN DEATH...

20. ANYTHING.

21. THE LION LIVES OFF THE ZEBRA...

22. AS PART OF THE CIRCLE OF LIFE,

23. THE WAY OF THE JUNGLE.

24. THE DISTRACTIONS WERE, LIKE ME, SHORT-LIVED.

25. SEE YOU LATER, DUDE.

26. THERE WAS NO REAL ESCAPE.

27. IT'S 1:00 IN THE FUCKING MORNING.

28. WHAT IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT, FOR FUCK'S SAKE?

29. WHY DON'T YOU SEE IF YOU CAN USE THAT WORD

30. ONE MORE TIME?

31. I WAS OUT LIKE A LIGHT

32. WHEN YOU CALLED ME.

33. NO, YOU WEREN'T. I HEARD YOUR MICROWAVE

34. DING IN THE BACKGROUND.

35. WHAT WERE YOU HEATING UP IN THERE, SWEETHEART?

36. I LIKE POPCORN.

37. I LIKE TO WATCH

38. OLD BLACK AND WHITE MOVIES AND EAT POPCORN.

39. I WAS IN SOME OF THOSE MOVIES.

40. LIKE WHICH ONES?

41. OH...

42. TOO MANY TO RECOUNT.

43. A LOT OF BACKGROUND,

44. LIKE SO MANY OF US.

45. BUT, MEMORABLE.

46. I WAS BEAUTIFUL.

47. I'M SURE YOU WERE BRILLIANT.

48. CAN I GET SOME COFFEE, PLEASE?

49. KIFFANY, MAKE A FRESH POT.

50. WE'RE HERE A WHILE.

51. OH, PLEASE TELL ME

52. THOSE ARE NOT WHAT I THINK THEY ARE.

53. IT IS. THEY ARE.

54. TIME FOR YOUR SELF-EVALUATIONS.

55. AGAIN?

56. I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

57. UGH.

58. PLEASE, PLEASE.

59. IT'S 1:00 IN THE MORNING. I REALLY DO HAVE A LIFE.

60. 1:00'S ABOUT THE RIGHT TIME.

61. YOU'RE NOT SO WELL-DEFENDED AT NIGHT.

62. OKAY, LOOK.

63. AS ALWAYS,

64. MULTIPLE CHOICE, SHORT ANSWER IN THE TEST BOOKS.

65. ESSAYS IN THE BLUE BOOKS.

66. MASON, PLEASE WRITE LEGIBLY.

67. THERE WERE COMPLAINTS LAST YEAR.

68. WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.

69. I ALWAYS HAD REALLY HIGH MARKS FOR PENMANSHIP.

70. SERIOUSLY. I SAW THE THING.

71. YOU WRITE LIKE YOU SPEAK.

72. I COULD BARELY UNDERSTAND A WORD.

73. OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?

74. IN ALL HONESTY,

75. I WAS, LIKE, ON SOMETHING

76. WHEN I FILLED OUT MY FORM LAST YEAR.

77. ARE YOU ON SOMETHING TONIGHT?

78. NO. OH, REALLY?

79. A LITTLE BIT.

80. RUBE, I THINK THERE'S BEEN A MISTAKE.

81. I COMPLETED ONE OF THESE IN NEW YORK

82. JUST BEFORE I LEFT,

83. SO I REALLY DON'T NEED TO BE HERE.

84. DO YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE

85. BETWEEN A NEW YORK-STYLE HOT DOG

86. AND A CHICAGO-STYLE HOT DOG? I DON'T EAT HOT—

87. THE NEW YORK COMES ON A PLAIN BUN,

88. MUSTARD, KETCHUP, SAUERKRAUT,

89. SORT OF A TOMATO-BASED ONION RELISH.

90. IN CHICAGO, IT'S A...

91. IT'S A GREAT FUCKING TOWN,

92. IT COMES ON A POPPYSEED BUN.

93. MUSTARD, EMERALD RELISH,

94. TOMATOES,

95. PICKLES, ONIONS,

96. CELERY SALT, AND YOU'VE GOT CHILI PEPPERS.

97. IT IS A VERY DIFFERENT EXPERIENCE.

98. I WOULDN'T EAT EITHER OF THOSE.

99. DEATH, DAISY...

100. HAS A DIFFERENT QUALITY IN NEW YORK,

101. AS IT DOES IN CHICAGO,

102. NEW ORLEANS,

103. DESTIN, FLORIDA,

104. LUSK, WYOMING.

105. EVERYWHERE,

106. DEATH IS JUST A LITTLE DIFFERENT,

107. THAN IT IS HERE.

108. WHOEVER'S GOING TO READ THIS,

109. WELL, THEY'RE GOING TO WANT TO KNOW

110. IF YOU'RE RIGHT FOR DEATH IN THIS TOWN.

111. IF YOU DO NOT, AS YOU SAY, WANT TO BE HERE,

112. THEN I'M CERTAIN THEY'LL FIND

113. SOME OTHER PLACE FOR YOU.

114. OKAY, YOU HAVE AN HOUR

115. FOR SECTION ONE,

116. OR AS MUCH TIME AS YOU NEED.

117. I'M GOING TO BE HERE. YOU GUYS ARE OVER HERE. LET'S GO.

118. LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

119. TAKE EVERYTHING WITH YOU.

120. HERE, TAKE THIS. TELL YOU WHAT,

121. THIS IS SOME FREEZE-DRIED BULLSHIT.

122. THE CLOCK'S RUNNING, OKAY?

123. WASTE OF MY TIME.

124. I NEED MORE DRUGS.

125. BET THEY'RE ALL ASLEEP.

126. SO THE ESSAY QUESTIONS

127. ARE THE SAME AS LAST YEAR, SO...

128. SWEET.

129. THIS ONE'S DIFFERENT.

130. "IF YOUR LIFE WERE A COLOR,

131. WHAT WOULD IT BE?"

132. BLACK.

133. BLACK.

134. BLACK.

135. NO... PINK.

136. YOU FOLKS HAD BETTER SIMMER DOWN

137. AND START THINKING.

138. WRITING.

139. SHIT.

140. THERE ARE THREE ESSAY QUESTIONS.

141. NO, TELL ME THERE ARE NOT THREE. PLEASE.

142. AND THE SHORT ANSWERS

143. ARE IN TWO PARTS.

144. SHARPEN ANOTHER PENCIL

145. AND I'M BREAKING ONE IN YOUR LITTLE PINK ASS.

146. OKAY.

147. TRIPLE ESPRESSO...

148. PEANUT BUTTER PROTEIN SHAKE,

149. AND TOMATO JUICE WITH LEMON AND GINSENG.

150. WOW, YOU GUYS ARE UP, TOO, HUH?

151. SHH.

152. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

153. GEORGIA, GO AWAY.

154. WHAT, DID YOU ALL GET TOGETHER TO VOTE ME OFF THE ISLAND?

155. I'D GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE WHILE I STILL CAN

156. IF I WERE YOU. GIVE ME MY PENCIL BACK.

157. THANKS.

158. GET OFF.

159. HOW MANY SOULS DID YOU TAKE LAST MONTH?

160. A LOT. LIKE...

161. OVER 40.

162. WOW.

163. YOU MUST BE EXHAUSTED.

164. TO THE BONE, BABY.

165. THE NEXT POST-IT THAT MAN GIVES ME,

166. I'M SHOVING IT UP HIS BUTT.

167. I DON'T MEAN NO DISRESPECT,

168. BUT I AM T-I-R-E-D.

169. THERE'S NO HOB-NOBBING.

170. IT'S NOT A DEBUTANTE PARTY.

171. SEPARATE BOOTHS. OKAY?

172. LET'S GO.

173. GEORGIA?

174. COME HERE, PLEASE.

175. GEORGIA.

176. HAVE A SEAT.

177. WHY ARE YOU HERE?

178. I COULDN'T SLEEP.

179. HOW COME EVERYONE'S TAKING A TEST AND I'M NOT?

180. I THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE UP PAINTING.

181. WHAT ARE THEY DOING?

182. OH, SELF-EVALUATIONS.

183. I'D DO WATERCOLOR TO START.

184. MAYBE ACRYLIC.

185. WHY ARE YOU HERE?

186. I COULD NOT FALL ASLEEP.

187. WHY AM I NOT DOING

188. WHAT THEY'RE DOING?

189. 'CAUSE YOU'RE DOING WHAT YOU'RE DOING.

190. WHEN IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO DO SOMETHING ELSE, YOU'LL DO THAT.

191. I WANT TO LEARN HOW TO PAINT.

192. I'M LOOKING FOR A MENTOR.

193. AS YOU CAN IMAGINE,

194. ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE DEAD.

195. YOU DON'T THINK THAT I COULD DO A SELF-EVALUATION?

196. I AM A VERY IMPRESSIVE

197. YOUNG WORKER. ASK ANYONE AT HAPPY TIME.

198. ASK DELORES.

199. SHE REALLY LOVES ME.

200. YOU'RE VERY WELL-LIKED HERE.

201. I AM?

202. ABSOLUTELY.

203. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT FILING?

204. I LIKE THE WAY YOU SHOW INITIATIVE, MILLIE.

205. I LIKE IT A LOT.

206. I'D BETTER WATCH MY BACK.

207. PRETTY SOON YOU'LL HAVE MY JOB.

208. I ENVY YOU.

209. COLLATING IS SO ZEN.

210. ISN'T RESPONSIBILITY FUN?

211. I WENT THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH

212. WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE.

213. IT WAS THE '80s,

214. AND EVERYONE WAS DOING SO MUCH COCAINE.

215. HI!

216. HOW'S THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD?

217. MY HEART SWELLS WITH SUCH...

218. PRIDE.

219. THIS ISN'T HAPPY TIME, SWEETHEART,

220. AND BESIDES, YOU DON'T DO ONE THIS TIME AROUND.

221. WHY?

222. BECAUSE YOU DON'T. WHY?

223. YOU JUST DON'T.

224. WHY?

225. WHY?

226. THAT'S A QUESTION.

227. YOU WANT TO SPLIT A CARROT MUFFIN?

228. NO? FINE.

229. I'LL DO IT ALONE.

230. TAKE MONET...

231. IMPRESSIONIST.

232. HERE'S HIS PAINTING OF ROUEN CATHEDRAL.

233. IT'S STUNNING,

234. BUT AT THE SAME TIME,

235. IT... IT DOESN'T CONVEY THE ATMOSPHERIC REALITY

236. OF THE CATHEDRAL.

237. IT'S MORE LIKE A DREAM OF A CATHEDRAL.

238. EYES ON YOUR OWN WORK.

239. SO THEN I HAVE TO ASK, DO I WANT TO PAINT DREAMS?

240. DO I, GEORGIA?

241. I DON'T KNOW.

242. I DON'T CARE.

243. WHY—WHY CAN'T I TAKE THE TEST?

244. CAN I GET SOME COFFEE, PLEASE?

245. I COULD PAINT DREAMS.

246. I COULD REALLY EAT A MUFFIN.

247. UH, T-BONE STEAK AND EGGS.

248. T-BONE, MEDIUM-RARE, EGGS, OVER EASY.

249. I WANT TOAST INSTEAD OF HASHBROWNS,

250. AND HOT SYRUP FOR THE PANCAKES,

251. AND PLEASE, DO NOT SKIMP ON THE BUTTER.

252. AND A SIDE ORDER OF CRISPY BACON,

253. EXTRA, EXTRA CRISPY.

254. YOU KNOW, I'LL NEVER UNDERSTAND

255. THE INSTINCT TO MINIATURIZE FOOD.

256. IT'S BITE-SIZE.

257. THAT'S NOT BITE-SIZE.

258. I CAN'T PUT THIS INTO MY MOUTH.

259. NOW MY FINGERS ARE STICKY. CAN I HAVE A NAPKIN?

260. YOU ATE THREE OF THEM.

261. I DIDN'T EAT THREE OF THEM. THANK YOU.

262. AN UNDEAD PERSON HAS CERTAIN RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES.

263. FOR INSTANCE, I HAVE A PHYSICAL BODY.

264. I CAN ENJOY THE SWEET DELICIOUSNESS

265. OF THIS TASTY KEY LIME PIE.

266. ARE YOU GOING TO EAT YOUR BACON?

267. COME ON, COME ON.

268. I LOVE EGGS.

269. I LOVE THEM FRIED, SCRAMBLED,

270. SOFT-BOILED, FLORENTINED.

271. THESE I DIDN'T LOVE.

272. SO, WHO DO WE BLAME, THE HEN OR THE COOK?

273. LET'S BLAME THE HEN.

274. I'M CONCERNED YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A PATTY MELT IS.

275. A PATTY MELT NOT ONLY IMPLIES WHAT IT IS,

276. BUT ALSO HOW IT'S PREPARED.

277. THE CHEESE IS MELTED ON THE PATTY.

278. I LIKE THE CHEESE MELTED ON THE BREAD.

279. THAT'D BE A BREAD MELT,

280. OR AS IT'S COMMONLY KNOWN, A GRILLED CHEESE.

281. CORNED BEEF HASH.

282. I SPEAK NOT ONLY FOR MYSELF,

283. BUT FOR AFICIONADOS OF THE DISH.

284. IT'S TO BE FRIED, WITH A CRISP EXTERIOR.

285. I DO NOT SAY THIS PHRASE LIGHTLY

286. IN THIS HALLOWED PLACE.

287. THIS IS FUCKING INEDIBLE.

288. A DISH IS A COLLECTION OF FLAVORS,

289. CONSISTENCIES.

290. YOU START SWAPPING INGREDIENTS

291. IN THAT CAREFULLY THOUGHT-OUT MELANGE,

292. IT'S LIKE FUCKING WITH THE JENGA TOWER OF TASTE.

293. KIFF, CAN I GET A CARROT MUFFIN ON THE GRILL,

294. EXTRA BUTTER?

295. "WHAT ARE THE GIFTS YOU BRING TO YOUR ORGANIZATION?"

296. HMM.

297. DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?

298. YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING

299. WONDERING WHAT THE WORLD'S GOING TO DO FOR YOU,

300. WONDERING WHO'S GOING TO BEND OVER BACKWARDS,

301. KISS YOUR ASS, AND MAKE YOU HAPPY,

302. WHEN YOU SHOULD JUST THANK GOD FOR ANOTHER DAY

303. AND LEAVE IT THE FUCK AT THAT.

304. ALL RIGHT, YOU CAN TAKE THE—

305. SIR, I'M GOING TO SAY THIS

306. AS POLITELY AS POSSIBLE—

307. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.

308. DO I NEED TO BE CROSSING OVER

309. OR PASSING ON OR SOMETHING?

310. YOU AIN'T GOING NOWHERE

311. UNTIL I FILL MY QUOTA.

312. LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

313. I AM TRYING TO DO MY JOB.

314. IF YOU KEEP FUCKING WITH ME,

315. THERE ARE OTHER SKILLS I CAN EMPLOY

316. THAT WILL GIVE YOUR LIFE A TURN FOR THE STRANGE AND THE PAINFUL.

317. THESE LITTLE BRATS EGGED MY CAR,

318. AND I WAS GOING TO BEAT THEIR ASS,

319. BUT THEN THIS BITCH COMES UP TO ME,

320. $25 TICKET.

321. SO? PAY THE DAMN TICKET.

322. IT'S BEEN A FUCKED-UP WEEK.

323. NO-NONSENSE,

324. COMFORTABLE WITH FIREARMS,

325. AND I KNOW KUNG FU.

326. "WHAT, IN YOUR PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE,

327. WOULD HELP YOU TO CONVINCE THE LIVING

328. THAT YOU ARE ONE OF THEM?"

329. I AM A SUCKER FOR PLATINUM.

330. I ONCE HAD DOROTHY'S ORIGINAL BAG

331. FROM THE WIZARD OF OZ.

332. I KNEW SOMEONE FROM THE PROPS DEPARTMENT.

333. DON'T YOU MEAN YOU BLEW SOMEBODY

334. IN THE PROPS DEPARTMENT?

335. KNEW, BLEW, TOMATO, TOMAHTO.

336. I ONCE GAVE ERROL FLYNN

337. A HANDJOB IN A CONVERTIBLE.

338. THAT'S A NICE STORY.

339. THE STAR OF THE MOVIE AND I,

340. WELL, WE'D BECOME QUITE THE ITEM.

341. YOU—YOU AND CLARK GABLE?

342. I WAS UNDER THE CRAFT SERVICES TABLE

343. AND I WAS BLOWING THIS TALL HANDSOME MAN,

344. AND THEN SOMEONE LEANED OVER AND WHISPERED IN MY EAR,

345. "NO, THAT'S CLARK GABLE."

346. I DID ONCE BLOW BABE RUTH.

347. WHO DIDN'T?

348. SO WHO WERE YOU BLOWING?

349. I DON'T KNOW. IT'S SUCH A HUGE CAST.

350. SOMEONE FROM THE CONFEDERACY, I THINK.

351. DID YOU EVER SLEEP WITH A DWARF?

352. DID YOU BLOW A DWARF?

353. DON'T BE STUPID.

354. THEY'RE CARTOONS.

355. I AM...

356. AN ACTRESS.

357. "WHAT KIND OF COPING SKILLS

358. DO YOU POSSESS IN PRESSURE SITUATIONS?"

359. MOVE.

360. ALL RIGHT, PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN

361. AROUND YOUR ANKLES AND BEND OVER.

362. I'M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAN INTO ME.

363. ARE YOU HIGH?

364. I'VE GOT ILLEGALS IN MY BOTTOM.

365. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF?

366. I DON'T KNOW.

367. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF EXCEPTIONALLY REASONABLE

368. OR EXCEPTIONALLY KIND?

369. EXCEPTIONALLY KIND.

370. WELL, I'M NOT PARTICULARLY REASONABLE.

371. AH! AH!

372. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

373. I'M GETTING THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

374. I SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME.

375. POISED UNDER PRESSURE.

376. DAISY, ANOTHER WRITING INSTRUMENT, PLEASE.

377. PENCIL.

378. YOU SHOULD PAINT LIKE THESE GUYS,

379. LIKE THE IMPRESSIONISTS.

380. YOU'RE EATING MY MUFFIN.

381. IS IT GOOD?

382. MM. IT'S REALLY GOOD.

383. AS REMARKABLE AS THEY ARE,

384. I DON'T WANT TO PAINT THEM.

385. WHY?

386. TOO MUCH LIGHT?

387. I'D RATHER DO SOMETHING A LITTLE DARKER.

388. MAYBE A NIGHTSCAPE.

389. HOLD ON.

390. NOW, THERE WE HAVE SOMETHING.

391. EDWARD HOPPER.

392. LOOK AT YOU.

393. I'M DEAD, I'M NOT STUPID.

394. SHE REMINDS ME OF DAISY.

395. DAISY'S NOT THIS CONTEMPLATIVE.

396. YOU'RE WRONG.

397. I LIVE WITH HER.

398. I WATCH HER SOMETIMES

399. WHEN SHE DOESN'T THINK ANYONE'S LOOKING.

400. SHE'S SAD ABOUT SOMETHING.

401. NIGHTHAWKS.

402. I WONDER WHAT THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT.

403. WAIT... COME HERE.

404. PROBABLY THEMSELVES.

405. I DON'T KNOW.

406. MAYBE SOMEONE ELSE.

407. SOMETHING ELSE.

408. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

409. "WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING BEST DESCRIBES

410. THE IDEAL WORKPLACE?"

411. WHAT?

412. WAIT. "A," A NURSE IN AN EMERGENCY ROOM,

413. "B," A LIFEGUARD AT THE BEACH,

414. OR "C," A NIGHT WATCHMAN IN AN INDUSTRIAL PARK?

415. IS THERE A PROBLEM?

416. NO.

417. NO, I WAS... I WAS JUST THANKING KIFFANY

418. FOR THE BEVERAGE. THE LIFEGUARD.

419. YOU SIT ON YOUR ASS ALL DAY AND JUST MAKE SURE

420. EVERYTHING'S OKAY.

421. THAT'D BE NICE.

422. WHAT?

423. WHA-WHAT? LIFEGUARD?

424. KIFFANY, DARLING, I'VE GOT A LOT OF WORK TO DO HERE,

425. AND IN ALL HONESTY, I CANNOT SIT HERE AND DISCUSS

426. WHATEVER AX YOU'VE GOT TO GRIND WITH LIFEGUARDS, SO...

427. ONE WARNING, MASON.

428. CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED.

429. WHY, SHE'S PISS DRUNK.

430. LOOK AT HER. SHE'S HAMMERED.

431. LOOKS LIKE THEY'RE THINKING ABOUT SOMETHING THEY LOST.

432. I DON'T KNOW.

433. HOPPER'S THE GUY.

434. WHY ARE THEY TAKING THIS TEST THING AT NIGHT?

435. AND WHY ARE YOU HERE?

436. WHY ARE YOU HERE?

437. I CAN'T SLEEP.

438. I HAVE A JOB THIS MORNING.

439. I HAVE TO GO.

440. OH.

441. WANT...

442. COMPANY? NO.

443. I DON'T MIND, REALLY.

444. IT'S NOT LIKE I'M DOING ANYTHING.

445. OI.

446. WHAT DID YOU PUT FOR NUMBER 12?

447. WHERE IS IT, THE JOB?

448. AW, MOTHERFUCK.

449. JESUS. FUCKING TEST.

450. IT'S 3851 BEATRICE LANE?

451. IT'S NOT YOUR POST-IT. THAT'S MY OLD HOUSE.

452. THAT'S WHERE MY FAMILY IS.

453. I'M AWARE.

454. WHO IS IT?

455. IT'S NOT YOUR POST-IT.

456. THERE ARE RULES, GEORGIA.

457. WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN

458. IN MY DRIVEWAY?

459. IT'S NOT YOUR DRIVEWAY ANYMORE.

460. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

461. I DO,

462. AND IT'S NOT YOUR DRIVEWAY ANYWAY.

463. WELL, THEN, I'M COMING WITH YOU.

464. THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

465. SOMEONE DIES AT MY HOUSE,

466. AND YOU DON'T TELL ME ABOUT IT?

467. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

468. EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?

469. EVERYTHING'S FINE.

470. A LITTLE SLIVER OF PECAN PIE FOR MY FRIEND HERE?

471. WARM IT UP. THANKS.

472. WHOEVER'S ON THIS POST-IT,

473. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

474. NOW, YOU SIT YOUR ASS DOWN.

475. NOW.

476. EXCUSE ME.

477. WHAT'S THE FIRST THOUGHT

478. THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD

479. WHEN YOU FINISH A JOB?

480. WHAT?

481. WHAT IS THE FIRST THOUGHT THAT ENTERS YOUR HEAD

482. WHEN YOU FINISH A JOB?

483. I...

484. I HOPE THEY'RE HAPPY.

485. WOW.

486. THAT'S LOVELY.

487. THIS IS SO SUPREMELY FUCKED UP.

488. IT'S LATE. YOU'RE TIRED.

489. WHAT IS THIS?

490. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

491. I DIDN'T DECIDE SOMEONE'S GOING TO DIE

492. IN YOUR DRIVEWAY.

493. IT'S NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU, GEORGIA.

494. WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A LITTLE PIECE OF PIE?

495. TAKE A LOOK AT THIS BOOK.

496. TAKE A LOOK AT THE PAINTINGS.

497. THE WORLD IS A VERY BIG PLACE,

498. AND YOU, YOUNG LADY,

499. ARE NOT THE CENTER OF IT.

500. FUCK YOUR BOOK...

501. AND FUCK YOUR WORLD.

502. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THE RULES, YOUNG LADY,

503. WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME.

504. HMPH.

505. BETTER YET...

506. I HAVE GOT A PROBLEM WITH YOU.

507. WELL, YOU REALLY FUCKED THE DOG, PEANUT.

508. I DIDN'T MAKE AN APPOINTMENT.

509. YOU HAD AN APPOINTMENT.

510. CORRECT ME IF I'M WRONG, BUT...

511. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

512. YOU'RE WRONG. THAT WAS ME CORRECTING YOU.

513. UM, I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.

514. UH, MY LAST GUY

515. DIDN'T SHOW UP.

516. JUST THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW.

517. WHAT'S THE SOUP TODAY?

518. CREAM OF BULLSHIT.

519. YOU PISS ME OFF, TOO. OH, I PISS YOU OFF?

520. DO ME A FAVOR. PRETEND A COUPLE DAYS HAVE GONE BY

521. AND YOU'VE RETHOUGHT THIS LITTLE LIE.

522. YOU'RE SAD, REPENTANT,

523. 'CAUSE YOU HAD AN EPIPHANY. GROW THE FUCK UP.

524. LIFE AND DEATH CAN BE REAL SIMPLE.

525. YOU JUST HAVE TO DO WHAT I TELL YOU.

526. STAY ON HIS GOOD SIDE. HE'S LIKE A VOLCANO, GEORGE.

527. HE ERUPTS AND HE SPEWS LAVA,

528. AND ALL THE LITTLE VILLAGERS, THEY RUN AROUND,

529. AND THEY RUN AROUND FOR THEIR LIVES,

530. BUT YOU KNOW, HE STOPS,

531. AND YOU CAN GO BACK TO THE SAFETY OF YOUR OWN HOME.

532. HOW LONG IS HE GOING TO STAY MAD?

533. DO YOU NOT LIKE ME ANYMORE? WELL, NOT RIGHT THIS MINUTE.

534. YOU'RE A CONSTIPATOR, PEANUT.

535. YOU'VE DISTURBED MY SHIT, AND THAT'S ANNOYING.

536. DO YOU REALLY CARE HOW IT'S GOING WITH ME?

537. SURE.

538. I'LL MAKE MY FACE LOOK LIKE THIS

539. AND THE CONCERNED WORDS COME OUT.

540. YOU'RE A REAL DICKWEED.

541. WHAT YOU'RE FEELING RIGHT NOW,

542. THE RAGE AND FRUSTRATION ALL KNOTTED TOGETHER,

543. BINDING EVERYTHING FROM YOUR HEAD

544. TO YOUR DIGESTIVE TRACT—

545. THAT'S MY LIFE WITH YOU.

546. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME?

547. YES, MA'AM, I DO,

548. AND ONE THING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME BY NOW...

549. I AM A PROBLEM SOLVER.

550. HOW DO I PUT THIS DELICATELY?

551. DOES THIS CONCERN YOU?

552. TRY AND CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY.

553. BLOW ME.

554. I WASN'T SCARED OF RUBE.

555. I WASN'T MUCH SCARED OF ANYTHING.

556. I WAS A REAPER.

557. I WAS NEAR DEATH ALL THE TIME.

558. BUT NOW, TONIGHT, THIS MORNING,

559. IT WAS IN MY FRONT YARD.

560. WHO WAS GOING TO DIE IN MY DRIVEWAY?

561. ONE ARNOLD PALMER.

562. THANK YOU.

563. LIKE I SAID...

564. THANK YOU.

565. DO YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE?

566. OH, NO, I'M COOL

567. WITH MY LEMONADE ICED-TEA MIXTURE HERE.

568. I MEANT, DO YOU NEED HELP?

569. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DO I NEED HELP?

570. OH, THE OTHERS,

571. THE OTHER TWO, BOTH OF THEM SEEMED TO NEED HELP...

572. WITH THE QUESTIONS.

573. I KNOW THINGS.

574. UH...

575. NO, I'M COOL BY MYSELF.

576. BUT THANK YOU.

577. MASON.

578. FUCKING CHEATER.

579. I'M LEAVING.

580. I'LL BE BACK.

581. JUST TRY TO BE HONEST.

582. OKAY.

583. IT'S NOT FOR ME, YOU UNDERSTAND.

584. I DON'T REALLY CARE.

585. GO BACK TO BED, MOM.

586. MOM, I CAN DO THIS. HANDS OFF!

587. I'M DOING IT. I'M DOING IT!

588. AND I'M NEVER COMING BACK!

589. THIS SUCKS.

590. GEORGIA, YOU ARE NOT SIX YEARS OLD.

591. 18 YEARS

592. OF CODDLING IS ENOUGH FOR YOU, YOUNG LADY.

593. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE

594. SUCKLING ON MY RETIREMENT FUND,

595. YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING.

596. YOU WILL GET OUT OF BED AND YOU WILL GO TO WORK.

597. YOU WILL COLLECT A PAYCHECK

598. AND YOU WILL MOVE OUT OF THIS HOUSE.

599. UNDERSTOOD?

600. HOW DID YOUR DAUGHTER DIE?

601. I DON'T THINK I WANT TO HAVE

602. THIS CONVERSATION WITH YOU.

603. WELL... WHAT WAS SHE LIKE?

604. WHY DO YOU CARE?

605. I JUST THINK IT'S COOL

606. SHE HAD THE DOLL, IS ALL.

607. I MEAN, FRANKENFRUITY IS THE SHIT.

608. SHE DROVE ME CRAZY, IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.

609. WHAT?

610. SHE WAS STUBBORN.

611. I THINK THAT'S ONLY BECAUSE SHE WAS SMART,

612. PROBABLY TOO SMART.

613. SHE FIGURED A LOT OF THINGS OUT WAY BEFORE HER FRIENDS.

614. THAT'S FOR SURE.

615. WE NEVER REALLY GOT ALONG.

616. I DON'T THINK I WAS A VERY GOOD MOTHER.

617. I ACTUALLY THINK IT'S NICER

618. FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BEACH.

619. WHAT?

620. THAT LIFEGUARD THING.

621. I THINK IT'S NICE TO BE AT THE BEACH WITH YOUR CHILDREN

622. AND TO SEE YOU SITTING UP THERE

623. IN YOUR RED TRUNKS.

624. LIKE, "WHAT THE HELL,

625. IF HE'S HERE, I'M GOING IN THAT WATER."

626. YEAH.

627. MORE COFFEE?

628. BACK TO NORMAL.

629. LET'S JUST PRETEND.

630. EVERYTHING IS BACK TO NORMAL.

631. SO LET'S JUST PRETEND THAT WE HAVE A NORMAL CHILD.

632. UGH! GROSS.

633. AND SHE'S LOST.

634. SHE LIVES IN HER HEAD.

635. GOD KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE.

636. SHE'S INSCRUTABLE.

637. EVERY TIME I TALK TO YOU,

638. I FEEL LIKE WE'RE THESE LITTLE RATS

639. IN A CAGE,

640. AND WE KEEP TOUCHING THAT GODDAMNED BAR

641. AND WE KEEP GETTING SHOCKED.

642. REGGIE, OPEN THE DOOR.

643. GO AWAY. I HAVE DIARRHEA.

644. HOW DO YOU KNOW IT WAS HER?

645. DO YOU MISS YOUR DAUGHTER?

646. WHEN, UM...

647. WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER,

648. WE'D BEEN VERY CLOSE.

649. I THOUGHT IT WAS THIS BOND THAT COULD NEVER BE BROKEN.

650. BUT IT WAS...

651. ALMOST EFFORTLESSLY.

652. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT WAS ALL THE TIME WE'D HAVE.

653. DON'T YOU THINK THAT WE OUGHT TO TALK TO HER?

654. SEE WHERE SHE'S GOING BEFORE WE START— WE?

655. AS IN YOU, WHO'S NEVER HERE,

656. AND ME, WHOSE LAP ALL THIS CRAP GETS DUMPED ON?

657. THIS IS A LOST CAUSE.

658. WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD SPLIT UP.

659. OH, THAT'S GREAT.

660. THAT'S GREAT.

661. YOU GO, BUT YOU BETTER FIND YOURSELF

662. ONE HELL OF A LAWYER.

663. SPLIT UP TO FIND THE DOG.

664. OH...

665. THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

666. THE LAST TIME I SAT ON THIS PORCH

667. I WAS AN 18-YEAR-OLD GIRL.

668. IT WAS A PRETTY SUMMER MORNING.

669. I WAS WEARING OVERALLS...

670. SOMETHING TO KEEP YOU WARM?

671. THANKS.

672. WHY ARE YOU HERE?

673. TO FIND OUT IF SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY

674. IS ON YOUR POST-IT.

675. THAT'S WHY.

676. ASSHOLE.

677. AND IF YOU KNEW WHO WAS ON THIS POST-IT,

678. COULD YOU STOP IT?

679. MAYBE.

680. NO ONE YOU KNOW IS GOING TO DIE TONIGHT.

681. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

682. IF YOU KNEW WHO WAS ON THE POST-IT,

683. COULD YOU STOP IT?

684. NO.

685. NO.

686. YOU CAN'T.

687. I CAN'T SLEEP.

688. WHY CAN'T I SLEEP?

689. IF YOU STAND TOO CLOSE TO A PAINTING...

690. ALL YOU SEE ARE PATCHES OF COLOR.

691. IF YOU STAND TOO FAR BACK,

692. YOU CAN'T SEE ANY OF THE DETAIL.

693. RIGHT NOW, THIS IS YOUR PARTICULAR PERSPECTIVE.

694. AND IF YOU ASK ME...

695. I'M A LITTLE TOO CLOSE.

696. YES.

697. I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HERE.

698. I GUESS TO SEE IF EVERYONE'S OKAY.

699. I DON'T KNOW.

700. I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

701. I'M JUST...

702. I'M SO TIRED.

703. ARE THEY OKAY?

704. I DON'T KNOW.

705. I REALLY CAN'T SEE.

706. DRINK YOUR COFFEE, PEANUT,

707. BEFORE IT GETS COLD.

708. "WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

709. WHY THE FUCK AM I HERE?

710. "WHY ARE YOU HERE?"

711. IT'S THE MILKMAN.

712. YEAH. LOOKS THAT WAY.

713. WHAT DID HE EVER DO TO ANYONE?

714. I DON'T KNOW,

715. BUT SOMEBODY SURE IS GOING TO FUCK THE MILKMAN.

716. MORNING.

717. MORNING. YOU'RE UP EARLY.

718. NICE TIME OF DAY... NIGHT.

719. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS.

720. QUIET TIME. YEAH.

721. MAKES YOU FEEL A LITTLE APART FROM THINGS, YOU KNOW?

722. LIKE YOU'RE IN THE WORLD,

723. BUT NOT OF IT.

724. YEAH...

725. WELL SAID.

726. YOU GOT A NICE ROUTE HERE, HUH?

727. WELL, YEAH, SURE. IT'S A GREAT ROUTE.

728. NICE FAMILIES,

729. AND GETTING TO WATCH THE SUN RISE ALL BY YOURSELF,

730. WELL, THAT'S ITS OWN REWARD.

731. IT'S REAL PRETTY,

732. EVEN WHEN IT'S STILL DARK OUT,

733. YOU KNOW? YEAH.

734. IT SURE IS. YEAH.

735. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

736. THAT'S OKAY.

737. I'LL GET IT.

738. WAIT... OH!

739. HMPH.

740. I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO LIKE THE NEW ROUTE.

741. HE WASN'T ANYONE I KNEW

742. AND IT WAS STILL HARD.

743. EVERYBODY OKAY IN THERE?

744. SEE YOU LATER.

745. SO, UH...

746. YOU A TWO-PERCENT GUY, MR. KOLAS?

747. NO, NO.

748. WHOLE MILK ALL THE WAY.

749. TWO PERCENT'S FOR SISSIES.

750. YEAH.

751. HOW'S YOUR CHOLESTEROL?

752. HEY, RUBE! WAIT UP.

753. GOOD NIGHT, GUYS.

754. GOOD NIGHT. GOOD NIGHT, DAISY.

755. THANKS FOR A WONDERFUL EVENING.

756. I THINK I'M GOING TO START A PAINTING TOMORROW.

757. IT IS TOMORROW.

758. MAYBE TODAY.

759. HEY, BUB,

760. CAN YOU GET ME A CUP OF BLACK COFFEE

761. AND SOME CINNAMON TOAST?