1. By the white beard of Zeus,
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2. what is this place?
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3. Normal teenager
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4. lesson number one,
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5. never say stuff like...
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6. "By the white beard of Zeus."
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7. Lesson number two,
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8. you gotta look the part.
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9. Bright colors, big logos,
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10. be bold!
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11. Leather, lots and lots
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12. of leather.
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13. Lesson 3,
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14. your phone is your life.
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15. Pics, emails, texts,
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16. shopping, social media,
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17. every single bit of knowledge
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18. mankind has ever known.
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19. Uh, no leather.
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20. These were all made with
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21. organic cotton from Turkey.
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22. Dress to not draw
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23. attention to yourself.
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24. But not too much,
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25. or you risk drawing
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26. attention to yourself.
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27. Now, get in there
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28. and be normal.
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29. I know. Accessorize!
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30. Whoa!
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31. Have you finished tormenting
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32. this poor girl?
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33. Then, allow me.
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34. - Ta-da!
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35. - Oh, she's good.
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36. Ladies and ladies,
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37. may I present Diana Prince.
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38. Foreign exchange student
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39. from Greece.
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40. Geek chic.
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41. And these garments
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42. give me the appearance
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43. of a typical mortal
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44. female adolescent?
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45. Oh, yes.
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46. Good. Then it is my turn.
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47. If we are to be a team,
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48. then I must know
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49. your skills and abilities.
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50. You! Name, rank, skills.
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51. Uh... Hi, I'm Jess.
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52. I'm a cadet in something
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53. called the Green Lantern Corp.
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54. And...
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55. Oh, boy.
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56. Well, see, I was given
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57. this power ring
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58. by these weird aliens.
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59. They are sort of
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60. like space cops
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61. and they patrol
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62. these different sectors.
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63. You know what,
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64. the whole thing
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65. is really complicated.
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66. I can make stuff
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67. with this ring.
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68. That is so cool!
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69. Do a pogo stick.
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70. A burrito.
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71. A mucho margarita
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72. supremo with the works!
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73. With this ring of the gods,
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74. you may produce
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75. any weapon imaginable
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76. to beat your enemies
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77. into submission?
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78. Well, in theory, yes.
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79. But I don't believe
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80. in violence.
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81. Admirable.
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82. So how shall you be known?
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83. Green Lantern?
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84. Kinda comes with the ring.
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85. Good. And you, Batgirl?
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86. I can do all sorts
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87. of cool stuff.
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88. Even though I don't have
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89. any alien rings or anything,
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90. but I'm really good
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91. at figuring things out.
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92. And I make the coolest
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93. bat gadgets, like this!
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94. Bat barometer and this
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95. glow-in-the-dark bat staff.
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96. And these bat grappling hooks
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97. that I was totally
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98. this close to using
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99. when Batman was fighting
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100. Professor Pyg
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101. on the roof
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102. of this building.
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103. But then Robin showed up,
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104. and Batman had to save him.
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105. And you know how that goes.
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106. And I never actually got to
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107. show him how they work.
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108. And I never even
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109. got to meet him,
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110. but that's a whole
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111. different story, so I...
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112. - You lack focus.
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113. - What?
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114. You can call me
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115. the mysterious,
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116. the fabulous,
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117. the awe-inspring...
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118. Zatanna!
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119. Impressive.
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120. Have you other skills?
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121. I can turn a red heart black.
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122. Ever seen a jumping jack?
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123. Go ahead,
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124. check behind your ear.
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125. What sorcery is this?
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126. I have seen enough.
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127. Though you possess
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128. great quantities of style,
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129. you must learn
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130. to channel your magic
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131. into a cause.
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132. Our cause. And I am afraid
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133. this uniform will not suffice.
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134. - Think of another.
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135. Try a cape.
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136. - What can you do?
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137. I can, um...
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138. I'm still sort of
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139. working out the kinks.
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140. Oh, the wings aren't supposed
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141. to buzz like that.
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142. I'm working on
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143. rocket launchers,
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144. but they malfunction.
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145. The whole thing is
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146. all messed up.
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147. I wanted to be big and strong,
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148. so people would notice me,
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149. but...
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150. my growth tech backfired,
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151. and now I'm even smaller
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152. and more invisible
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153. than before.
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154. I should just go home.
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155. You possess far more strength
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156. than you know.
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157. You simply lack confidence,
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158. little Bumblebee.
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159. I actually prefer
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160. the indestructible,
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161. gamma phase, 1000 k—
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162. Bumblebee.
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163. Trust me, it's way better.
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164. And you, we've seen
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165. your incredible strength.
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166. Is there anything more
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167. you have to offer?
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168. Not to you.
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169. I'm no hero, "Princess."
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170. That racket's for chumps.
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171. You could be
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172. the greatest hero
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173. the world of man
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174. has ever known.
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175. You simply lack
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176. proper motivation!
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177. Have you lost your mind?
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178. Okay, fine.
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179. I am a super hero, all right.
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180. So what?
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181. Again!
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182. Again, again, again!
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183. Oh, thank goodness.
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184. Ugh, I conjured
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185. a new outfit
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186. to hang out in a junkyard?
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187. Shh. She knows
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188. what she's doing.
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189. Soldiers! Our mission
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190. is to save the world of man.
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191. - That's right.
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192. - In order to do this...
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193. - Right, sister!
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194. - ... we must learn to save...
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195. - Whoo-hoo.
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196. - ... man himself.
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197. Um, I think those are ladies.
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198. And now, it is your turn.
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199. Normal teenager
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200. lesson number four.
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201. Pop culture.
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202. - Culture? Is she kidding?
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203. O-M... No way!
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204. It's the super-rare Batman
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205. giant super-special
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206. with limited edition
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207. pull-out Batman poster.
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208. I would kill for this!
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209. Have you learned nothing?
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210. We must protect the innocent,
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211. not engage
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212. in needless slaughter
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213. over material goods.
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214. Diana, it's just
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215. an expression.
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216. A figure of speech.
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217. For instance,
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218. if you are hungry,
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219. you might say,
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220. "I'd kill for a burrito."
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221. Go on, you try.
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222. - I will kill you
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223. for a burrito!
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224. Accept my payment or die!
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225. Normal teenager
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226. lesson number 26.
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227. Uh, what are we doing again?
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228. Pampering ourselves.
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229. Isn't it relaxing?
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230. An important part
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231. of being a teenage girl
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232. is taking care of yourself.
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233. And, in the world of man,
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234. the toe-nail is the point
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235. of focus?
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236. Precisely. Isn't this fun?
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237. Such enormous calluses.
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238. - Ugh!
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239. - Time for the big gun.
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240. - Weapon!
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241. Uh, those weren't bad guys?
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242. Normal teenager
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243. lesson number 86...
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244. Romance.
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245. I never wanted
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246. to love her, Alexandra.
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247. But she's the most important
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248. thing to me now.
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249. The most important thing
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250. to me, ever.
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251. So, why hasn't
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252. Caitlyn texted me?
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253. She just needs time, Aidan.
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254. It's only been two days.
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255. If she texts after three days,
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256. that's irrevocable love.
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257. What is happening?
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258. Aidan just realized
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259. he can't live without Caitlyn.
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260. But Alexandra is telling him
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261. that Caitlyn won't text
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262. until tomorrow,
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263. because that's exactly
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264. what Michael didn't do to her
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265. when they broke up.
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266. And, isn't it all
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267. just so sad and beautiful?
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268. Teenage males
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269. are very confusing.
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270. Tell me about it!
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271. Caitlyn!
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272. You will be mine, Caitlyn.
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273. Forever.
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274. Beware, Caitlyn!
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275. Aidan attacks!
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276. No, Diana!
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277. He's just going to...
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278. Kiss her.
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279. She is just not getting it,
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280. you guys.
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281. No! I am not giving up
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282. on this team.
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283. There's got to be
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284. some place to loosen up,
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285. an uptight warrior princess.
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286. Oh, I know.
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