1. Welcome back, Glendale High.Copy !req
2. This is Spirit Week, students.Copy !req
3. Our theme,
Armageddon Off This Rollercoaster.Copy !req
4. Monday, wear your Hornet yellow.Copy !req
5. Tuesday is the Annual Toy Drive.Copy !req
6. Wednesday will be Karaoke Lunch.Copy !req
7. I'll be singing the radio edit
of "N-words in Paris."Copy !req
8. On Thursday, we're gonna repentCopy !req
9. for all the terrible things
that we've done.Copy !req
10. And Friday, Pajama Day!Copy !req
11. Hmm?Copy !req
12. Does anybody have any Neosporin?Copy !req
13. You lost your shit, hoss.Copy !req
14. Sweat brigade, take out the trash! Now!Copy !req
15. Now, now.Copy !req
16. What's the rule?Copy !req
17. No yelling.Copy !req
18. Use spirit fingers.Copy !req
19. Let me see you shine.Copy !req
20. Our lives have gotten out of control.Copy !req
21. I'm here to get us back to normal.Copy !req
22. We're going back to the code of conduct.Copy !req
23. Be safe,Copy !req
24. be respectful,Copy !req
25. and be... positive!Copy !req
26. Turbo here has broken the code,Copy !req
27. and that is grounds for expulsion.Copy !req
28. School's now back in session.Copy !req
29. Here we go.Copy !req
30. Epic conclusion time.Copy !req
31. I'm gonna save Sam.Copy !req
32. We'll move some place real nice,
like Montrose.Copy !req
33. Get a two-bed, two-bath CraftsmanCopy !req
34. with a chef's kitchen.Copy !req
35. And a moat.Copy !req
36. That's right. A fucking moat!Copy !req
37. - You're a slut, Samaira.
- Josh!Copy !req
38. Hey, look, I'm really sorryCopy !req
39. about not mentioning all that break-up
stuff when we met.Copy !req
40. But I didn't know you.Copy !req
41. I really hope she takes me back.Copy !req
42. I don't know why she would.
I was awful to her.Copy !req
43. I mean, awful.
But my dad just died and...Copy !req
44. Uh...Copy !req
45. I don't want to talk about that.Copy !req
46. I mean it.Copy !req
47. You okay there, kiddo?Copy !req
48. Yeah, Dad.Copy !req
49. You put me in a flashback.Copy !req
50. Fuck you.Copy !req
51. Here.Copy !req
52. I want to show you something.Copy !req
53. Here.Copy !req
54. That's me.Copy !req
55. That's your grandpa,Copy !req
56. and CW, it's Charles Wheeler.Copy !req
57. That's your great-grandpa,
who built this blind in 1955.Copy !req
58. Our family has been coming
every summer since.Copy !req
59. My dad taught me to hunt and track.Copy !req
60. And now,Copy !req
61. it's your turn.Copy !req
62. Yeah.Copy !req
63. All right.Copy !req
64. Oh...Copy !req
65. What's... What's all this for?Copy !req
66. Because...Copy !req
67. All right.Copy !req
68. Boring!Copy !req
69. Is this the part when
the Canadian incest hillbillies attack?Copy !req
70. 'Cause this flashback
is getting ultra-snoozy.Copy !req
71. Eli! How did you get in here?Copy !req
72. You can't keep me out of shit!Copy !req
73. The hell I can't!Copy !req
74. Come here! Come on! Let's do this!Copy !req
75. I come in Reese's Pieces. Okay?Copy !req
76. Like, during my banishment,
I scoped the high school. Okay?Copy !req
77. Turbo is over.
Baron Triumph pulled a true d'état.Copy !req
78. He has your lady.Copy !req
79. No, you're messing with me.Copy !req
80. Look, do you see me
sporting a nose boner?Copy !req
81. I can't lie. Look, I'm verified.Copy !req
82. You just want me to leave,
so you can come back in the mall.Copy !req
83. Josh, Josh, Josh!
Josh, Josh, Josh, Josh!Copy !req
84. Look, I don't...
I don't want to come back. Okay?Copy !req
85. I want it all back.Copy !req
86. I want to be the king of everything.Copy !req
87. Other kids live here now.
You can't just kick 'em out.Copy !req
88. You didn't blink when you booted me.Copy !req
89. And Angelica and Wesley.Copy !req
90. They were trying to help you out,
and you pushed them out of hereCopy !req
91. faster than my bulimic cousin, Nina,
yacks froyo at Souplantation.Copy !req
92. Cold.Copy !req
93. Mavis wants everyone to stay here.Copy !req
94. All of us. She told me so.Copy !req
95. I'm done sharing my toys.Copy !req
96. You can stay and defend these stragglers
from my mad genius,Copy !req
97. or you can go back
and save Sam from Triumph,Copy !req
98. but you can't do both.Copy !req
99. Ooh, and you don't want your girl
to end up like Turbo.Copy !req
100. You okay, Principal Burr?Copy !req
101. Yeah. Never better.Copy !req
102. Sam Dean and Barry Kirkwood,Copy !req
103. meet me in Mademoiselle Woodworth's class.Copy !req
104. And, Matt Rosen, I found your underwear...Copy !req
105. in my desk.Copy !req
106. Still wearing your uniform, Barry.Copy !req
107. It's the only outfit I've ever had.Copy !req
108. You shaved.Copy !req
109. I'm grateful, Sam,Copy !req
110. for this second chance
that you've given me.Copy !req
111. We let you out.
But now, I don't know.Copy !req
112. A tie isn't gonna make us forget
about Baron Triumph.Copy !req
113. And I'm drinking these protein shakes now,Copy !req
114. so no more pesky urges.Copy !req
115. It's not just your previous diet
that raises eyebrows.Copy !req
116. It's the fact you're the only adult left
who can say more than one sentence.Copy !req
117. I tried to save other people
when that bomb went off.Copy !req
118. - No one could hear me.
- Yeah.Copy !req
119. The explosion was so loud,
it was days before my ears worked again.Copy !req
120. They don't make schools like this anymore.Copy !req
121. Solid.Copy !req
122. Sure, the lead paint
caused some brain damage.Copy !req
123. And the asbestos, well,Copy !req
124. the term "cancer cluster"
does come to mind.Copy !req
125. But this school has survived
earthquakes, brush fires,Copy !req
126. and now, biochemical nuclear war.Copy !req
127. This fallout shelter saved my life.Copy !req
128. I spent months down hereCopy !req
129. with only some old programs
from school plays for entertainment.Copy !req
130. In the 1986 production of Grease,Copy !req
131. Gabe Cardanus played Danny Zuko,Copy !req
132. and thanked his mom
for letting him use her hair mousse.Copy !req
133. In 1992,Copy !req
134. Michelle Colt played Ariel in The Tempest,Copy !req
135. and thanked her aunt
for being the wind beneath her wings.Copy !req
136. When I won
the El Caballerro Junior Invitational,Copy !req
137. I thanked my second stepmom.Copy !req
138. Kids need an adult to guide them.Copy !req
139. Okay, fine,
but you need to earn our trust.Copy !req
140. I want to, but it will take
both of us, Sam.Copy !req
141. Your influence and my initiative
to change hearts and minds.Copy !req
142. What am I supposed to do?Copy !req
143. I know how I survived,Copy !req
144. but we don't know how you kids did.Copy !req
145. Sam, what if we could
find out why... together?Copy !req
146. Would be significant.Copy !req
147. Tomorrow, gather together all the smartest
kids in school for a study group.Copy !req
148. And... And me?Copy !req
149. Let's talk about what happened
to the golf team.Copy !req
150. And grieving.Copy !req
151. Come on, buddy.Copy !req
152. I'll make you a smoothie.Copy !req
153. Huh, yeah. That sounds scrumptious.Copy !req
154. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
155. I'd like that.Copy !req
156. We should have a name.Copy !req
157. We're not a tribe.Copy !req
158. We don't have anything in common.Copy !req
159. Not like the Disciples of Kardashia.Copy !req
160. Or the Model U-End.Copy !req
161. - They have a sweet tag.
- We can have a great tag.Copy !req
162. - What can we call ourselves?
- Laser Patrol.Copy !req
163. The Hollywood Foreign Press.Copy !req
164. Yeah!Copy !req
165. - The Stragglers.
- The Rejects!Copy !req
166. The Dregs.Copy !req
167. - Yeah!
- Ah!Copy !req
168. We are not dregs,
or rejects, or stragglers.Copy !req
169. We're a tribe because we all lived
to see the break of a new day.Copy !req
170. We're Daybreakers.Copy !req
171. You suck at hiding, Josh.Copy !req
172. I'm protecting you from Eli!Copy !req
173. I can handle myself.Copy !req
174. KJ is a badass.Copy !req
175. But Eli is badder and asser.Copy !req
176. These guys don't stand a chance.Copy !req
177. How am I gonna help them and Sam?Copy !req
178. You have to understand your prey.Copy !req
179. You have to understand your prey.Copy !req
180. Elk are solitary, especially the boys.Copy !req
181. Huntin' elk is all about disguise.Copy !req
182. Gotta make 'em believe
you're part of their herd.Copy !req
183. Dad, we've come here every summer
since I was a kid.Copy !req
184. I've never seen an elk.Copy !req
185. Your grandpa and I
once caught a six-point.Copy !req
186. You all right?Copy !req
187. Mom's got a job in Los Angeles.Copy !req
188. She wants to move.Copy !req
189. I know.Copy !req
190. Why wouldn't you say something?Copy !req
191. Wasn't my place.Copy !req
192. I do not want to go to LA.Copy !req
193. Did you tell your mom?Copy !req
194. Yeah, she said it's a good opportunity.Copy !req
195. I guess it is.Copy !req
196. Oh, so you're okay if I leave?Copy !req
197. That's not what I said.Copy !req
198. - Well, then, tell her not to go.
- I can't.Copy !req
199. Of course you can!Copy !req
200. - It's not that simple.
- Why not?Copy !req
201. You wouldn't understand.Copy !req
202. - Yeah. Because I'm a kid?
- No.Copy !req
203. - What, did you cheat on her?
- No.Copy !req
204. Did she cheat on you?Copy !req
205. No.Copy !req
206. We'll...Copy !req
207. We'll FaceTime and text, and, uh...Copy !req
208. And I'll come down to visit,
and you can take me to the beach.Copy !req
209. And Disney.Copy !req
210. And we'll always have
our summer hunting trip.Copy !req
211. Like Grandpa
and Great Grandpa Charles.Copy !req
212. Dad, I checked.Copy !req
213. There are no elk.Copy !req
214. Their migration patterns changed
because of global warming or something.Copy !req
215. This is all just a stupid waste of time.Copy !req
216. You have to understand your prey.Copy !req
217. It's all about disguise.Copy !req
218. Go for Eli.Copy !req
219. I want your Baron Triumph costume.
I need it to disguise myself,Copy !req
220. so I can get into the school
and get Sam.Copy !req
221. You know, favors are like giving head.Copy !req
222. Either I have to really like you to do it,Copy !req
223. or I expect something back in return.Copy !req
224. Look, if you give me the Triumph costume,
I'll never come back.Copy !req
225. If you promise not to hurt those kids
and you'll let them stay.Copy !req
226. No.Copy !req
227. What if I give you the one thing
that you want the most?Copy !req
228. The one thing that you can't get here?Copy !req
229. Your Magic: The Gathering cards.Copy !req
230. How do you know about those?Copy !req
231. My dad said hunting
is about understanding your prey.Copy !req
232. Well, I know Eli Cardashyan.Copy !req
233. Remember this?Copy !req
234. So, I am the definition
of cultural appropriation.Copy !req
235. You remember this scene,
and you remember Eli was here.Copy !req
236. But what you didn't realize is
Eli was talking about his Magic cards.Copy !req
237. My deck is iconic!Copy !req
238. I got a Mahamoti Djinn, a Lord of Unreal,Copy !req
239. and my Time Vault is worth mad ducats.Copy !req
240. Bull! If they're so valuable,
why would you ever keep them here?Copy !req
241. My mom would toss them
if she found them.Copy !req
242. They're safer in school.Copy !req
243. I booby-trapped my locker.Copy !req
244. You see how much he loves those cards?Copy !req
245. I can use them as leverage
to keep KJ and the other mall kids safe.Copy !req
246. Yo! You can't weaponize flashbacks!Copy !req
247. That's emotional profiling!Copy !req
248. This is just a memory of Eli.
You're not allowed to do this.Copy !req
249. Says who?Copy !req
250. It's my story.Copy !req
251. Well, not anymore, bro.Copy !req
252. I'm jacking your narration,Copy !req
253. and I'm showing everyone
just how awful you are.Copy !req
254. Eli break.Copy !req
255. You see what I'm talking about?Copy !req
256. Josh treats his friends
like garbage people!Copy !req
257. Major douche!Copy !req
258. Josh macks with a sidepiece
while he's still in love with Sam!Copy !req
259. Cheater!Copy !req
260. Uh... I'm sorry. I...Copy !req
261. I just... I don't want a pity peck
for our first kiss.Copy !req
262. You know?Copy !req
263. Bullshit!Copy !req
264. That's right! He called bullshit!Copy !req
265. Josh isn't a superhero!
He just wants his dick wet.Copy !req
266. Pan down. Sporting a mad wood.Copy !req
267. - Boner!
- No... Wait...Copy !req
268. Teenie peenie!Copy !req
269. You're so dead! So dead!Copy !req
270. You're so dead!Copy !req
271. Josh is an asshole! Do you hear me?Copy !req
272. I'm telling everyone the truth!
The truth will set you free!Copy !req
273. Josh is an asshole!Copy !req
274. Oh, goddamn! What's up, ladies?Copy !req
275. Y'all lookin' hella fine.
I'm Eli. Eli Cardashyan. No relation.Copy !req
276. - Hey!
- Oh, shit!Copy !req
277. Hey, you fucking twats
weren't even here for this!Copy !req
278. Get back here! You're dead!Copy !req
279. Eli! You can't hide!Copy !req
280. Eli! Eli Cardashyan!Copy !req
281. Mom!Copy !req
282. Wait, we're in your flashback?Copy !req
283. What're you saying?Copy !req
284. I just wanted Magic cards.Copy !req
285. She wouldn't let you get them?Copy !req
286. My mom was an immigrant.Copy !req
287. She and my dad struggled
to make sure we had food.Copy !req
288. Shit like Magic cards, and fresh kicks,Copy !req
289. and all the toys I wanted were avelord.Copy !req
290. Unnecessary.Copy !req
291. I'm sorry.Copy !req
292. It was just one pack.Copy !req
293. If you give me the Triumph costume,Copy !req
294. - I will get you your cards.
- No, no, no!Copy !req
295. You just want them for yourself!Copy !req
296. - Why would I want your cards?
- They're dope!Copy !req
297. I'm just getting them,
so the other mall kids can stay here.Copy !req
298. - I don't believe you!
- Why would I lie?Copy !req
299. Reverse psychology!Copy !req
300. I'm putting my own life in danger!Copy !req
301. Oh, so you're calling me a coward, huh?Copy !req
302. No!Copy !req
303. Oh, you can't fool me, Josh Wheeler.Copy !req
304. We're both going to the school tomorrow
to get my cards.Copy !req
305. These kids can stay,Copy !req
306. but you are never coming back.Copy !req
307. Sorry I'm late. My mixer broke and I...Copy !req
308. Is this it?Copy !req
309. This is who's gonna solve
the mystery of why you're alive?Copy !req
310. What happened to Harper Fung?Copy !req
311. - Or Scooter Kauffman?
- You ate them.Copy !req
312. - What's that?
- You ate them.Copy !req
313. Well, I didn't eat Terrence Markazian.Copy !req
314. He got monched on by Ghoulies.Copy !req
315. What about that Angelica Green?Copy !req
316. I heard she's a Cheermazon now.Copy !req
317. Isis Goodman?Copy !req
318. She melted like coked-out
Whitney Houston's Jheri curl.Copy !req
319. - I thought only adults disintegrated.
- There were kids too.Copy !req
320. Helvetica Samuelson, Mannie Romero.Copy !req
321. Hermione and Luna Chapman.Copy !req
322. I will never forget the stench
of that muddy puddleCopy !req
323. wearing Lee Dinswell's Birkenstocks.Copy !req
324. Stinks worse than vag.Copy !req
325. Um...Copy !req
326. Did I just hear some dumb-ass shit?Copy !req
327. 'Cause what?
Your balls are a bouquet of roses?Copy !req
328. Uh, ball sweat has pheromones.Copy !req
329. My musk propagates the speciesCopy !req
330. whereas vagina tastes like
landlocked sushi.Copy !req
331. Okay! I call bullshit.Copy !req
332. I'm putting an end to this
whole "pussy stink" myth right now!Copy !req
333. My minge is a whole ecosystem!Copy !req
334. It has more sweat glands and bacteria
than a Costa Rican rain forest.Copy !req
335. So, yeah. I do an hour
of kettlebells and deadlifts,Copy !req
336. you'd better fuckin' believe
my whisker biscuit's gonna beCopy !req
337. all buttered!Copy !req
338. So does it smell dank
or does it smell like victory?Copy !req
339. - The second one.
- That's what the fuck I thought!Copy !req
340. Why do you have to use words like pussy,Copy !req
341. and vag, and minge?
What's wrong with you kids?Copy !req
342. This is the way we talk.Copy !req
343. That language is not
in the code of conduct.Copy !req
344. Remember Hornets: Be...Copy !req
345. Positive.Copy !req
346. Come on, dude. Let's go!Copy !req
347. Time to get your thumb out of your ass!Copy !req
348. What is it?Copy !req
349. Tag for Daybreakers.Copy !req
350. It's a sunrise.Copy !req
351. Hey!Copy !req
352. See you later?Copy !req
353. Right.Copy !req
354. Here we go.Copy !req
355. The epic conclusion, for real this time!Copy !req
356. I'm gonna save Sam, move to Montrose,Copy !req
357. get a house, the end!Copy !req
358. That is, if this works.Copy !req
359. It'll work. I'm a master of disguise.Copy !req
360. I learned everything I know
from my Magic cards.Copy !req
361. Playing Magic: The Gathering
isn't gonna make you a real life wizard.Copy !req
362. Well, it's better than Pokémon!Copy !req
363. Pokémon is a multimedia empire!Copy !req
364. Yeah! For children!Copy !req
365. Whatever. I bet I could beat you.Copy !req
366. Game on!Copy !req
367. We don't have any cards!Copy !req
368. Well, mental Pokémon. Like mental chess.Copy !req
369. Pokémon isn't like chess.Copy !req
370. You're gonna cheat
and play a Shadow Lugia.Copy !req
371. Please! Jumbo cards are banned!Copy !req
372. - All right.
- Who goes first?Copy !req
373. - Pick a number between one and ten.
- Seven.Copy !req
374. Yeah, that was it.Copy !req
375. You go first.Copy !req
376. Charizard is my active,
Venusaur and Entei on my bench.Copy !req
377. Well, Gastly's my boy!
Wurmple's benched.Copy !req
378. Attaching one Dark Energy to Charizard.Copy !req
379. One Psychic Energy to Gastly!Copy !req
380. Oh, you're attacking me now?Copy !req
381. Rare Candy evolving into Beautifly!Copy !req
382. Well, I'm gonna evolve
into Mega Charizard EX...Copy !req
383. and my Entei can help.Copy !req
384. No way!Copy !req
385. - Attaching Fire Energy.
- Dude!Copy !req
386. A hundred and twenty damage!Copy !req
387. See you, Beautifly!Copy !req
388. You forgot about Miraculous Scales!Copy !req
389. Stops all damage from a Pokémon EX!Copy !req
390. Beautifly lives.Copy !req
391. Respect the Whirlwind.Copy !req
392. Nice moves.Copy !req
393. Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
394. Got your Insta story.Copy !req
395. Thanks for coming.Copy !req
396. Can you help?Copy !req
397. Well, my real expertise is
computer programming and seeding chaos.Copy !req
398. But I brought someone else.Copy !req
399. "I'm not a doctor, but I play one on TV."Copy !req
400. Ugh...Copy !req
401. So I'm glad you finally found a home.Copy !req
402. Well, honestly,Copy !req
403. I thought you, me, and Josh
were pretty good together.Copy !req
404. Some things just aren't meant to be.Copy !req
405. Do you want to go back?Copy !req
406. When I was five,Copy !req
407. I went to 7-Eleven
with my cool Uncle Jack.Copy !req
408. He said I could get anything.Copy !req
409. I wanted a Fanta.Copy !req
410. Grape or orange?Copy !req
411. Strawberry.Copy !req
412. Respect.Copy !req
413. Cool Uncle Jack didn't think so.Copy !req
414. He said, "Don't be drinking
none of that faggot shit!"Copy !req
415. You must hate me.Copy !req
416. I'm not the most sensitive.Copy !req
417. I'm really sorry.Copy !req
418. It's different...Copy !req
419. being black.Copy !req
420. And it's different being gay.Copy !req
421. And it's different, different
being black and gay!Copy !req
422. That's why I found kung fu.Copy !req
423. It is so straight,Copy !req
424. and so queer!Copy !req
425. It's martial arts and dance!Copy !req
426. So, you can be down with Wu-Tang...Copy !req
427. and silk pajamas!Copy !req
428. The best way to kill two birds
with one stoneCopy !req
429. is to be a great, big stone.Copy !req
430. I've always been a club of one.Copy !req
431. Is that why you wanna save Turbo?Copy !req
432. The wound is clean,
and the bleeding has stopped.Copy !req
433. And I ran an IV,
so you can do a transfusion.Copy !req
434. Check out Little Miss
Got-Her-Shit-Together over here!Copy !req
435. Bless her heart.Copy !req
436. Look,Copy !req
437. I know that you're crushing,Copy !req
438. but you don't have to go back to Turbo.Copy !req
439. You're better than this.Copy !req
440. It's what I have to do.Copy !req
441. You stole all the food
from my garden for your protein shake?Copy !req
442. What?Copy !req
443. - That's our food!
- I can't... What?Copy !req
444. How do you expect people to trust you
if you keep acting like a chunder bucket?Copy !req
445. Hang on. I'm making edible slime.Copy !req
446. And it's not for me. It's for you.Copy !req
447. Are you a ten-year-old girl now?Copy !req
448. Do you remember
the fall immunization drive?Copy !req
449. "You Down With HPV?"Copy !req
450. "Yeah, you know me!"Copy !req
451. Is that meant to be clever or...Copy !req
452. I'll tell you just how clever I am.
Check out my desk.Copy !req
453. Isis, Helvetica...Copy !req
454. These are all the kids
that died when the bomb went off.Copy !req
455. None of them had the HPV vaccine.Copy !req
456. Their parents refused to immunize themCopy !req
457. despite simple facts like science,Copy !req
458. or common sense.Copy !req
459. You think this is why they died?Copy !req
460. I think this is why you lived.Copy !req
461. - The HPV vaccine?
- Yeah, think about it, Sam.Copy !req
462. The HPV vaccination only works
on teenagers.Copy !req
463. Adults are too old to get the inoculation.Copy !req
464. The teenagers survived, the adults died.Copy !req
465. And Isis, Helvetica, and Mannie...Copy !req
466. My pro-vax agenda saved your lives.Copy !req
467. So what's the slime for then?Copy !req
468. It's an immunity booster.Copy !req
469. Your bodies are fighting
whatever cancer that bomb caused,Copy !req
470. but cancer wants to devour everything,Copy !req
471. and a lot of you haven't had
your second or third HPV shot.Copy !req
472. Until we find more vaccine,Copy !req
473. this slime will help
to keep you all healthy.Copy !req
474. Something smells awful in here
by the way.Copy !req
475. It's echinacea and blueberries.Copy !req
476. The recipe came straight
from the Slime Queenpin.Copy !req
477. And there's no nuts in it.
Everybody can eat it.Copy !req
478. For me to earn the kids' trust,Copy !req
479. I need your help.Copy !req
480. If they see you eating that slime,
then they'll try it.Copy !req
481. You're saving their lives.Copy !req
482. Hmm.Copy !req
483. Okay.Copy !req
484. I've been thinking about us...Copy !req
485. a lot.Copy !req
486. We were really good together.Copy !req
487. Our relationship is kinda like
the 1984 Cannon Films' classic,Copy !req
488. Ninja III: The Domination.Copy !req
489. Ninja III is an exquisite combinationCopy !req
490. of The Exorcist and Flashdance
with ninjas.Copy !req
491. It's about Christie.
She's this telephone line repair woman,Copy !req
492. who side hustles
as an aerobics instructorCopy !req
493. and gets possessed by an evil ninja.Copy !req
494. Shô Kosugi plays Yamada.Copy !req
495. Yamada is the evil ninja's former BFF.Copy !req
496. Be careful. It's hot.Copy !req
497. Yamada is responsible
for the actions of the evil ninjaCopy !req
498. and dedicates his life
to ending his reign of terror.Copy !req
499. At least I think that's what it's about.Copy !req
500. It's loose on plot,Copy !req
501. and it's full
of break-dancing ninja battles.Copy !req
502. See...Copy !req
503. you...Copy !req
504. are the sexy aerobics instructor...Copy !req
505. possessed by evil.Copy !req
506. And I'm your salvation.Copy !req
507. I love you,Copy !req
508. but I can't forgive what you did.Copy !req
509. People are dead because of you.Copy !req
510. And me.Copy !req
511. We have to own up to thatCopy !req
512. if we're ever going to be right
with the world again.Copy !req
513. A rōnin...Copy !req
514. A rōnin can only be a samuraiCopy !req
515. after he eliminates his sins.Copy !req
516. You and I are gonna have a duel
to the death.Copy !req
517. This is the path.Copy !req
518. I'll be redeemed,Copy !req
519. or I'll be dead.Copy !req
520. All right. Get in.Copy !req
521. Are you sure this is gonna work?Copy !req
522. Oh, yeah. I saw it in Star Wars.Copy !req
523. - You're gonna be like Chewbacca.
- Oh, what? And you're gonna be Han Solo?Copy !req
524. Hell to the fuckin' yeah!Copy !req
525. All right.Copy !req
526. Time to get into character.Copy !req
527. You better not stab me in the back.Copy !req
528. Trust me, if I were to stab you,
I'd do it right in your dumb face.Copy !req
529. This plan is gonna kill.Copy !req
530. Where the fuck are my keys?Copy !req
531. Hey!Copy !req
532. What are you doing?Copy !req
533. Hi, Baron Triumph! Die!Copy !req
534. Hoyles, you twat, that's not Burr!
That's Eli Cardashyan!Copy !req
535. 'Sup, turd?Copy !req
536. Fuck! Fuck!Copy !req
537. Hey! Let me outta here!Copy !req
538. Yeah! You better fuckin' run!Copy !req
539. Hoyles, you asshole! Hey!Copy !req
540. Get back here! Let me out!Copy !req
541. Hoyles!Copy !req
542. - No...
- Holy shit!Copy !req
543. Ooh!Copy !req
544. No!Copy !req
545. Goddamn!Copy !req
546. Mutant pug mating season.Copy !req
547. Please stop!Copy !req
548. Hey, man. Are you okay?Copy !req
549. I'm the Lord of Illusion.Copy !req
550. I even fooled Hoyles.Copy !req
551. Nah, man. It's fine.Copy !req
552. I got you. Uh...Copy !req
553. No! Eli! Help!Copy !req
554. Somebody!Copy !req
555. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
556. 'Sup, turds?Copy !req
557. This blood is gonna get the Ghoulies
fucking fast.Copy !req
558. No, man. Don't die!
Eli, don't fucking die!Copy !req
559. I will drive you back to the mall, okay?Copy !req
560. We'll get Mavis. We'll help you.Copy !req
561. Dude,Copy !req
562. Mavis is a mannequin.Copy !req
563. Stop fucking around!Copy !req
564. If eating pillow stuffing is intelligent,
I'm Stephen Hawking.Copy !req
565. My IQ level is Gucci!Copy !req
566. I'm delicious!Copy !req
567. Just... when you get to the high school...Copy !req
568. What? What, man? Anything.Copy !req
569. You touch my Magic: The Gathering cards,Copy !req
570. and I will haunt your ass.Copy !req
571. You don't want to fuck
with paranormal Eli.Copy !req
572. I'm terrifying as shit.Copy !req
573. Eli...Copy !req
574. Eli...Copy !req
575. No. No, man.Copy !req
576. Wake up. Wake back up, man!Copy !req
577. Get up!Copy !req
578. Get up!Copy !req
579. Wake up.Copy !req
580. Principal Burr actually did it.Copy !req
581. School is back to normal.Copy !req
582. I told you it would work.Copy !req
583. - Stuff tastes good like...
- Mona?Copy !req
584. Mona!Copy !req
585. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
586. Hey, Sam!Copy !req
587. Barry, what happened to...
What happened to your other leg?Copy !req
588. Burr said Tiger Woods' dad
did the same thing to improve his game!Copy !req
589. I always help my students grow.Copy !req
590. Sometimes it's addition by subtraction.Copy !req
591. - You want me to handle her, boss?
- Uh, no. No. Give us a moment.Copy !req
592. You have a more important mission.Copy !req
593. What have you done?Copy !req
594. No yelling. No yelling!
What's the rule?Copy !req
595. Spirit fingers!Copy !req
596. I'm waving mine!Copy !req
597. And just look at you shine.Copy !req
598. You're drinking Barry smoothies.Copy !req
599. You asked me for a second chance!Copy !req
600. And I got one. I know what I am now.Copy !req
601. I saved your lives with the HPV vaccine.Copy !req
602. I can't be killed.Copy !req
603. Check me out, Sam.
I'm Armageddon Jesus.Copy !req
604. God would never poison us!Copy !req
605. You are foul, disobedient children.Copy !req
606. - Saving your lives wasn't a coincidence.
- No.Copy !req
607. You're gonna help me to start over.Copy !req
608. - First, we'll blow up Glendale.
- No.Copy !req
609. Then we'll build a new world
in my image: safe,Copy !req
610. respectful, and most
importantly, positive!Copy !req
611. Unfortunately, change...Copy !req
612. Change can be violent.Copy !req
613. Principal Burr?Copy !req
614. Load the others. She can burn here.Copy !req
615. Here we go.Copy !req
616. Epic conclusion: Sam, Montrose, house.Copy !req
617. Happily ever after.Copy !req
618. Why didn't you fight for me
to stay with you?Copy !req
619. Did you not want to be with me?Copy !req
620. Am I not worth being with?Copy !req
621. Don't worry.Copy !req
622. I know why you're not answering.Copy !req
623. It's not because you don't love me.Copy !req
624. It's because I wasn't here.Copy !req
625. This never happened.Copy !req
626. I didn't come on this hunting trip.Copy !req
627. I stayed in LA.Copy !req
628. And you went alone.Copy !req
629. Forty-four years of tradition...Copy !req
630. and I broke it...Copy !req
631. to hurt you.Copy !req
632. And then you died.Copy !req
633. Uh... I understand why I'm here now.Copy !req
634. I get why I pushed Angelica,Copy !req
635. and Wesley, and Sam away.Copy !req
636. So I wouldn't hurt them.Copy !req
637. And so they wouldn't hurt me.Copy !req
638. The same way that you hurt me.Copy !req
639. I just... I don't get why you didn't
want me to be with you.Copy !req
640. You know?Copy !req
641. Maybe you didn't like being a dad.Copy !req
642. Maybe you knew you were dying.Copy !req
643. Maybe you just didn't want me
to see you get sick.Copy !req
644. I guess...Copy !req
645. kids never really get to know
their parents.Copy !req
646. You should know
that you did a good job.Copy !req
647. Yeah, I can fish, and hunt,
and rig solar panels,Copy !req
648. and purify water from my own urine.Copy !req
649. Which is grosser than it sounds.Copy !req
650. I survived because of you.Copy !req
651. Josh.Copy !req
652. Oh, Josh, I wish you could see this.Copy !req
653. I love you.Copy !req
654. I love you, too.Copy !req
655. Sam?Copy !req
656. Oh, Sam.Copy !req
657. Sam!Copy !req
658. No...Copy !req
659. Sam...Copy !req
660. Quick! Burr is gonna...Copy !req