1. Miss Dean?Copy !req
2. Miss Dean?Copy !req
3. Sorry?Copy !req
4. What are the three polymorphic qualities
of the sunflower?Copy !req
5. Polymorphic qualities?Copy !req
6. It can be more than one thing.Copy !req
7. Uh... Right.Copy !req
8. Yes, uh, the sunflower...Copy !req
9. is a food.Copy !req
10. It is also, um...Copy !req
11. an anti-inflammatory medicine,Copy !req
12. and it is also...Copy !req
13. quite fetching.Copy !req
14. Well, not bad for not paying attention.Copy !req
15. Yes, the sunflower is food and medicine,Copy !req
16. but it is also a hyperaccumulator,Copy !req
17. which means it can removeCopy !req
18. radiation and heavy metals
from contaminated soil.Copy !req
19. So it is a very powerful...Copy !req
20. and yes, very pretty...Copy !req
21. flower,Copy !req
22. my queen.Copy !req
23. Hyperaccumulator.Copy !req
24. Okay. So, you can see it's bringing up
all of the heavy metals.Copy !req
25. The lead, the zinc, the nickel...Copy !req
26. Black alert. All students and staff,Copy !req
27. there was a tree nut incident on campus.Copy !req
28. While homemade, gluten-free,
flax meal cupcakes might seem harmless,Copy !req
29. there are invisible dangers
in every kitchen.Copy !req
30. Remember your ABC's.Copy !req
31. A, allergies are serious.Copy !req
32. B, bring packaged food,
that is labeled nut free...Copy !req
33. - Killin' it, Sam.
- Thanks.Copy !req
34. and is not made on shared equipment
with nuts.Copy !req
35. C, carry your EpiPen.Copy !req
36. Luckily, the afflicted individual
only experienced moderate anaphylaxisCopy !req
37. before being treated by Nurse Megan.Copy !req
38. Remember, serious allergies
don't only affect your fellow students,Copy !req
39. but staff as well.Copy !req
40. You never know who might be susceptible.Copy !req
41. Now, let's all enjoy a safe,
nut-free pep rally.Copy !req
42. Buzz! Buzz!Copy !req
43. Too much?Copy !req
44. - Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
45. Homecoming, y'all!Copy !req
46. Whoo!Copy !req
47. - Put them on notice!
- Whoo!Copy !req
48. - We gonna play!
- Whoo!Copy !req
49. Give...Copy !req
50. I'm starving.Copy !req
51. Let's get Postmates.Copy !req
52. What do you fancy?Copy !req
53. Um...Copy !req
54. The Cheesecake Factory?Copy !req
55. You always want the Cheesecake Factory.Copy !req
56. - They have something for everyone.
- We're getting ramen.Copy !req
57. - No. It has hard boiled eggs.
- You can get it without the eggs.Copy !req
58. But it has seaweed.Copy !req
59. You can get it without the seaweed.Copy !req
60. You know, the Cheesecake Factory has soup.Copy !req
61. It's time to expand your horizons, Josh.Copy !req
62. What are you ordering?Copy !req
63. Is it ramen?Copy !req
64. Sam, I really don't like ramen.Copy !req
65. Or is it Mexican?
'Cause I don't like Mexican either.Copy !req
66. I like nachos, but they don't travel.Copy !req
67. Well, I don't like sushi.Copy !req
68. I don't like Chinese. I don't like
Thai food. Lemongrass is disgusting.Copy !req
69. Or falafel.Copy !req
70. No Indian.Copy !req
71. No curry.Copy !req
72. No yogurt.Copy !req
73. Nothing green.Copy !req
74. No phuh.Copy !req
75. Or pho?Copy !req
76. Am I saying it right? Pha?Copy !req
77. Whatever it is, I don't like it.Copy !req
78. Are you seriously not gonna tell me
what you ordered?Copy !req
79. You're just gonna have to wait 43 minutes
until our driver Wyatt arrives.Copy !req
80. So...Copy !req
81. what could we possibly do in 43 minutes?Copy !req
82. Are we...Copy !req
83. Are we really doing sex?Copy !req
84. We are really doing sex.Copy !req
85. And it's not the weed?Copy !req
86. No.Copy !req
87. I mean, it's a smidge of the weed,
but more of the I want to.Copy !req
88. Mm... On a Friday, before lunch?Copy !req
89. - Are you changing the Postmates order?
- No.Copy !req
90. This is a consent app.Copy !req
91. It lets each person know what the other
is willing or not willing to do.Copy !req
92. This is a really long list.Copy !req
93. Yeah, well, there's a lot
of different positions,Copy !req
94. different appetites.Copy !req
95. Different people get aroused
by different things.Copy !req
96. What's pegging?Copy !req
97. You wouldn't be interested in that.Copy !req
98. A Lucky Pierre?Copy !req
99. We can't even do that.Copy !req
100. Oh, Strawberry Shortcake.Copy !req
101. What's that?Copy !req
102. It's not the same
as the Cheesecake Factory.Copy !req
103. Huh.Copy !req
104. Okay.Copy !req
105. Josh.Copy !req
106. - Josh.
- Yeah?Copy !req
107. Come on.Copy !req
108. Do you want to have sex with me?Copy !req
109. Yes.Copy !req
110. Do I want to have sex with you?Copy !req
111. Yes.Copy !req
112. We have achieved consent.Copy !req
113. Wait.Copy !req
114. Hang on.Copy !req
115. Just a sec.Copy !req
116. - Oh, your mom's calling.
- Decline.Copy !req
117. She's calling again.Copy !req
118. Do you think she knows we ditched?Copy !req
119. I don't know. Maybe. Probably not.Copy !req
120. Might she be coming back early?Copy !req
121. Uh... No, she's in San Diego today.Copy !req
122. Even if she left now,
she wouldn't be back 'till...Copy !req
123. what? Eight?Copy !req
124. Oh, she's texted.Copy !req
125. What does it say?Copy !req
126. "Call your dad."Copy !req
127. Do you want to call your dad, Josh?Copy !req
128. Josh?Copy !req
129. What are you doing in there?Copy !req
130. Nice sheets.Copy !req
131. Oh, um, they're satin.Copy !req
132. I had a 20% off coupon
at Bed Bath & Beyond.Copy !req
133. I also got them in taupe,
if you prefer that.Copy !req
134. No.Copy !req
135. These are just brilliant.Copy !req
136. Cool.Copy !req
137. Oh, the candle's rosewater scented.Copy !req
138. Oh! Yes it is.Copy !req
139. You have achieved peak chill, my friend.Copy !req
140. Oh...Copy !req
141. - Here.
- Oh.Copy !req
142. Thanks.Copy !req
143. Here.Copy !req
144. Thanks.Copy !req
145. Here.Copy !req
146. Is it in?Copy !req
147. No.Copy !req
148. Okay, um...Copy !req
149. Oh. How about now?Copy !req
150. Uh...Copy !req
151. No.Copy !req
152. I'm sorry. I keep slipping.Copy !req
153. Yeah, it's the sheets.Copy !req
154. Maybe we should switch to taupe.Copy !req
155. I don't think that's the issue.Copy !req
156. Okay, um...Copy !req
157. - Maybe if you just...
- I... Okay.Copy !req
158. Let me do this.Copy !req
159. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
160. Okay.Copy !req
161. Now's the time
when you move around and stuff.Copy !req
162. Great.Copy !req
163. - Got it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
164. Okay.Copy !req
165. Oh!Copy !req
166. Fuck!Copy !req
167. - I'm really sorry I broke your face.
- I'm fine.Copy !req
168. Let me look.Copy !req
169. - It's still bleeding.
- Okay, yeah, just...Copy !req
170. just give it a minute.Copy !req
171. Sam, we should go to the ER.Copy !req
172. Then our parents will know we ditched.Copy !req
173. - You might have a bruise.
- Yeah.Copy !req
174. Nothing makeup can't fix.Copy !req
175. But you're homecoming queen.Copy !req
176. Gender neutral royalty.Copy !req
177. No.Copy !req
178. No, definitely a queen.Copy !req
179. I've been practicing my wave.Copy !req
180. That's very elegant.Copy !req
181. I am British.Copy !req
182. You know, you're not taking this
very seriously.Copy !req
183. It's just a thing that happened.Copy !req
184. No, you made this happen with your video.Copy !req
185. I just wanted to make people feel good.Copy !req
186. I didn't mean to generate a following,
or become an influencer,Copy !req
187. or a queen.Copy !req
188. You know when my dad
used to take me hunting,Copy !req
189. he'd tell me Arthurian legends.Copy !req
190. Now, I hated hunting,Copy !req
191. but I liked pretending
that I was a knight,Copy !req
192. King Arthur.Copy !req
193. I'd make myself a swordCopy !req
194. and a shield with three crowns,Copy !req
195. just like Arthur.Copy !req
196. I'd go on quests through the forest
searching for my Guinevere.Copy !req
197. Hey. Guinevere was Lancelot's sidepiece.Copy !req
198. Only in some versions, yes.Copy !req
199. In others, she was kidnapped
by King Melwas.Copy !req
200. King Arthur spent a year gathering an army
just to rescue her.Copy !req
201. But Arthur and Guinevere fought monsters,
and witches, and Amazons.Copy !req
202. Guinevere wanted to save the world.Copy !req
203. You wanted to save the world.Copy !req
204. You are a queen.Copy !req
205. I'm sorry I broke your face.Copy !req
206. It'll get better,Copy !req
207. the sex.Copy !req
208. It's just those sheets, man.Copy !req
209. - I thought satin would be romantic.
- Yeah. Very, very romantic.Copy !req
210. Unfortunately, one cannot achieve thrust
against satin.Copy !req
211. I didn't think you wanted to look at Yoda
or Luke Skywalker.Copy !req
212. You know sex doesn't have to be on a bed.Copy !req
213. It could be...Copy !req
214. on a table,Copy !req
215. a chair,Copy !req
216. a sofa,Copy !req
217. the kitchen counter,
if you're both the right height,Copy !req
218. the bathroom, the shower,Copy !req
219. but not every shower.Copy !req
220. The one with the bench or the cubbyhole.Copy !req
221. What you're really looking for
is leverage.Copy !req
222. That is a lot of places.Copy !req
223. Not really.Copy !req
224. I mean, I haven't had sex...Copy !req
225. uh, on a boat, or a train,Copy !req
226. most modes of transportation.Copy !req
227. Blimps. No blimps.Copy !req
228. Not that one does much blimp riding.Copy !req
229. I mean, zeppelins might come
back into fashion,Copy !req
230. but I don't think I'll ever be
into public fornication.Copy !req
231. Your face has gone all pouty.Copy !req
232. I'm... I'm fine.Copy !req
233. No one's first time is good.Copy !req
234. I thought it was our first time.Copy !req
235. The satin sheets.Copy !req
236. - Of course.
- I thought this was special.Copy !req
237. It is special.Copy !req
238. It's not exactly how I pictured it.Copy !req
239. Satin sheets and a broken hymen?Copy !req
240. How many people have you slept with?Copy !req
241. Was it with anyone that I know?Copy !req
242. Does it matter?Copy !req
243. No.Copy !req
244. Okay, that pause was so big,Copy !req
245. they're gonna use it as the mansion
on the next season of The Bachelor.Copy !req
246. It doesn't matter, okay?
Just forget it.Copy !req
247. The peas are melting.Copy !req
248. Twenty-two.Copy !req
249. I've slept with 22 people.Copy !req
250. Wait.Copy !req
251. Thirty...Copy !req
252. ish.Copy !req
253. Or was it 40?Copy !req
254. Forty-three.Copy !req
255. Fifty blokes...Copy !req
256. and girls,Copy !req
257. and a contortionist from Cirque du Soleil,Copy !req
258. and Hoyles.Copy !req
259. Twice.Copy !req
260. It's just a question.Copy !req
261. - I'm just curious.
- Does it change how you see me?Copy !req
262. I just don't know why you didn't tell me
about this, Sam.Copy !req
263. I don't know why I would.Copy !req
264. Because we're together?Copy !req
265. It's not 1950. I'm not your girl.Copy !req
266. We're what, then?Copy !req
267. You are such a child.Copy !req
268. The consent app has my sexual history.Copy !req
269. Take a gander
if you're so fucking curious.Copy !req
270. I may not be a virgin, Josh,Copy !req
271. but you did make me bleed.Copy !req
272. That...Copy !req
273. That's my mom's bedroom!Copy !req
274. Sam?Copy !req
275. Sam!Copy !req
276. What are you doing?Copy !req
277. Postmates.Copy !req
278. Hey.Copy !req
279. Good afternoon.Copy !req
280. Um... Sorry it took me so long to get...Copy !req
281. You ordered, like, a lot of food.Copy !req
282. Could you take it to the kitchen?Copy !req
283. It's just there.Copy !req
284. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
285. One more.Copy !req
286. Sam.Copy !req
287. You guys must be really hungry.Copy !req
288. Yeah.Copy !req
289. I'm, like, so, so starving.Copy !req
290. Okay. Um...Copy !req
291. All right.Copy !req
292. Okay, that's, uh...Copy !req
293. everything.Copy !req
294. Do you want me to, you know,
make sure youCopy !req
295. got it all?Copy !req
296. Yeah.Copy !req
297. I'm gonna go.Copy !req
298. An absolute pleasure, darling. Ta-ta!Copy !req
299. Okay.Copy !req
300. This...Copy !req
301. is Bazun Chet Jiao.Copy !req
302. Batsun Chet Jow.Copy !req
303. Bazun Chet Jiao.Copy !req
304. What is it?Copy !req
305. It's Burmese shrimp.Copy !req
306. Right?Copy !req
307. It's good.Copy !req
308. - Okay, next.
- Yeah.Copy !req
309. This dip, here?Copy !req
310. Armenian muhammara.Copy !req
311. Try that.Copy !req
312. Mm.Copy !req
313. Oh. This Shandong beef roll
will change your life forever.Copy !req
314. - That's good.
- The best.Copy !req
315. Wait, what's in here?Copy !req
316. Peanut cup fudge ripple...Copy !req
317. from The Cheesecake Factory.Copy !req
318. You know, just in case you hated all this.Copy !req
319. You're smart and sophisticated
and can say stuff like...Copy !req
320. Bazun Jet Jow.Copy !req
321. Bazun Chet Jiao.Copy !req
322. And I like The Cheesecake Factory.Copy !req
323. You, Josh, are real...Copy !req
324. and terrifically uncomplicated.Copy !req
325. Hey, were you really going to do anything
with that Postmates driver?Copy !req
326. I wanna go swimming.Copy !req
327. You know, we're supposed to wait an hour
to go in the pool after we eat.Copy !req
328. - No, please. I like it.Copy !req
329. I love you.Copy !req
330. Yeah, don't say that.Copy !req
331. No, but I do.Copy !req
332. You don't know enough about me
to know if you love me.Copy !req
333. Whoa, are...Copy !req
334. Are you crying?Copy !req
335. No.Copy !req
336. It's just...Copy !req
337. everyone has this idea about me...Copy !req
338. but no one knows me.Copy !req
339. I mean, they want me to carry roses
on the homecoming float.Copy !req
340. - Roses.
- What's wrong with roses?Copy !req
341. A homecoming queen with roses.
My sash should say #obvious.Copy !req
342. Oh, being homecoming queen is a big deal.Copy !req
343. Why are you hating on it?Copy !req
344. I only won because of that stupid video.Copy !req
345. Everyone loves your video.Copy !req
346. Have you read the comments?Copy !req
347. @LoboLover said,Copy !req
348. "I bet Sam Dean thinks her British accent
makes her sound charming,Copy !req
349. but really she sounds like
Arya Stark's incest baby."Copy !req
350. User 5318008 said,Copy !req
351. "I like Sam's video.
The only thing it's missing is tits...Copy !req
352. because she has none."Copy !req
353. Those are just haters and trolls.Copy !req
354. Everyone needed to see
how amazing you are.Copy !req
355. But that's not me, Josh.Copy !req
356. It's the best parts of me cut together
with great music.Copy !req
357. I wish you hadn't posted it.Copy !req
358. What kind of flower
would you rather carry?Copy !req
359. A sunflower.Copy !req
360. Sunflowers are polymorphs.Copy !req
361. They can be more than one thing at once.Copy !req
362. They're food, medicine,Copy !req
363. and they can even
absorb heavy metals and radiation.Copy !req
364. We, you and I, Josh,Copy !req
365. we've gotta be sunflowers.Copy !req
366. This is the timeCopy !req
367. we're supposed to experiment,Copy !req
368. find who we are.Copy !req
369. But how can I when I am terrifiedCopy !req
370. that some asshole out there is going
to post a comment that shreds my soul?Copy !req
371. I should be able to fuck whoever I want,
whenever I want without judgment.Copy !req
372. Before today, you thought I was a virgin,Copy !req
373. and now I'm what?Copy !req
374. The neighborhood bicycle?Copy !req
375. Queen Guinevere, the Skunked of Avalon?Copy !req
376. Why do you get to be
a stud if you bang me,Copy !req
377. but I'm an easy fuck oven
if I have sex with anyone else?Copy !req
378. You want a girly-friend.Copy !req
379. A sweetheart.Copy !req
380. A blow-up doll who will do the things
that you want her to do.Copy !req
381. Well, guess what, Wheeler?Copy !req
382. I might wanna be polyamorous.Copy !req
383. I might wanna join a thruple,Copy !req
384. or be asexual, or demi, or gyne.Copy !req
385. The dusty, old names
like "virgin" and "slut"Copy !req
386. were made by men to put womenCopy !req
387. in Barbie doll packages
with easy to read labels.Copy !req
388. Well,Copy !req
389. I'm no queen.Copy !req
390. I am not a queen.Copy !req
391. I am not a queen.Copy !req
392. Not a queen,Copy !req
393. or a slag,Copy !req
394. or the saint that everyone seems
to think I am on social media.Copy !req
395. I'm a kid.Copy !req
396. I don't know who I am.Copy !req
397. I know who you are.Copy !req
398. Who am I?Copy !req
399. You're Sam Dean.Copy !req
400. You okay?Copy !req
401. Yeah.Copy !req
402. - It's your mom.
- Decline.Copy !req
403. She's called, like,
four times this afternoon.Copy !req
404. - I'm gonna pick up.
- No.Copy !req
405. - Don't.
- Hello, Mrs. Wheeler.Copy !req
406. No, sorry, Josh is absent
and can't come to the phone right now,Copy !req
407. and as you know, I am the reigning queen
of Glendale, and my noble knight is...Copy !req
408. Yeah. Yeah, he's here.Copy !req
409. Hey, Mom. Sorry, I meant to call you back.Copy !req
410. What's happened?Copy !req
411. Josh, what's going on?Copy !req
412. Josh?Copy !req
413. Is everything okay?Copy !req
414. My dad...Copy !req
415. My dad died.Copy !req
416. Josh, I am so sorry. I...Copy !req
417. Is there anything I can do?Copy !req
418. You're gonna be late
for your homecoming game.Copy !req
419. I can miss it.Copy !req
420. Just go.Copy !req
421. Please.Copy !req
422. - I don't think you should be alone.
- I mean it, Sam. Go!Copy !req
423. Leave me alone!Copy !req
424. What?Copy !req
425. Why are you mad at me?Copy !req
426. He was dying.Copy !req
427. And I was too distracted trying to get
into your pants.Copy !req
428. That's not fair.Copy !req
429. You think you're so smart...Copy !req
430. and experienced, that the world
is this amazing place, but it's not.Copy !req
431. People are awful.Copy !req
432. And you have no idea what pain
and rejection feel like.Copy !req
433. You have no idea how real people feel.Copy !req
434. How I feel!Copy !req
435. You have all of these friendsCopy !req
436. and people that love you,
genuinely love you.Copy !req
437. You're beautiful. You're homecoming queen.Copy !req
438. Yeah.Copy !req
439. I feel so awful for you.Copy !req
440. Your life must be terrible.Copy !req
441. You have everything in the world
that normal people want,Copy !req
442. and you're still complaining.Copy !req
443. I mean, come on!
Do you even hear yourself?Copy !req
444. You're upset.Copy !req
445. You don't mean any of that.Copy !req
446. Yeah.Copy !req
447. Why don't you go and fuck Andy...Copy !req
448. or Scooter...Copy !req
449. or Noah?Copy !req
450. Fucking Hoyles!Copy !req
451. You looked on my phone.Copy !req
452. You looked at the consent app!Copy !req
453. Josh!Copy !req
454. You wanna know who you are?Copy !req
455. You're a slut, Samaira.Copy !req
456. You look like a homecomin' queen!Copy !req
457. We're supposed to be spending this time
finding out who we really are,Copy !req
458. and you, my friend, are the only one
who's brave enough to try.Copy !req
459. That is why you're royalty.Copy !req
460. I'm just tryin' to survive.Copy !req
461. I got friends.Copy !req
462. Finding that one person who really gets...Copy !req
463. There are so many conditions
on unconditional love.Copy !req