1. Training montage!Copy !req
2. Slow motion.Copy !req
3. Sick moves!Copy !req
4. Olé.Copy !req
5. Stunt double.Copy !req
6. So, clean this shit up and, uh, your turn.Copy !req
7. What?Copy !req
8. Training montage.Copy !req
9. Ninja!Copy !req
10. Quick hit!Copy !req
11. Oopsie-daisy.Copy !req
12. Fuck, yeah!Copy !req
13. Wow, that is... ironic.Copy !req
14. Dude, I'm a terrible swordsman,Copy !req
15. especially with only one good hand.Copy !req
16. You are in good company:Copy !req
17. Skywalker, Furiosa...Copy !req
18. Jaime Lannister, if you can get past
child-killing, incest, rape.Copy !req
19. Hands give us identity.Copy !req
20. Chefs cut, artists paint, warriors...Copy !req
21. warrior.Copy !req
22. All good Jedi lose a hand.Copy !req
23. I couldn't even get that right.Copy !req
24. Like...Copy !req
25. You know what I love about right now?Copy !req
26. We are free.Copy !req
27. We can do anything.Copy !req
28. I couldn't pull off those pants.Copy !req
29. No. No, you cannot.Copy !req
30. But it's not about having cool shit.Copy !req
31. It's about being cool as shit.Copy !req
32. You define yourself.Copy !req
33. Who are you?Copy !req
34. I'm oni samurai.Copy !req
35. When I get done with my questCopy !req
36. and find redemption,Copy !req
37. they will write songs about me.Copy !req
38. Look, I couldn't save Sam's life.Copy !req
39. I have to avenge her death.Copy !req
40. Those scratches on her body
were made by a butcher's knife.Copy !req
41. I've only seen one douche
with a weapon like that.Copy !req
42. I'm gonna kill Baron Triumph.Copy !req
43. I'm gonna kill Jaden Hoyles.Copy !req
44. I like Josh Wheeler.Copy !req
45. It's nice that
he and Wesley found each other.Copy !req
46. Unlikely friends, but a good team.Copy !req
47. That's what a principal hopes
for his students.Copy !req
48. My name is Michael Francis Xavier Burr.Copy !req
49. I was principal at Glendale High
for 22 years,Copy !req
50. and now I'm dead.Copy !req
51. I had this tradition
at the start of every year.Copy !req
52. I'd spread wildflower seeds around campus.Copy !req
53. Like each flower,
I'd help my students grow.Copy !req
54. It's thrilling.Copy !req
55. You never know what will happen,
who will flourish,Copy !req
56. who will thrive against adversity.Copy !req
57. I believed all kids were flowers
waiting to bloom.Copy !req
58. I was wrong.Copy !req
59. My story is about how one of these seedsCopy !req
60. grew into a pernicious weed.Copy !req
61. A weed I should have pulled
when I had the chance.Copy !req
62. I didn't.Copy !req
63. I made a monster.Copy !req
64. I made Baron Triumph.Copy !req
65. Uh, vandalism with a Sharpie,Copy !req
66. vandalism with paint,
vandalism with semen.Copy !req
67. You can't prove that.Copy !req
68. I can, but the school doesn't have
a budget line for DNA tests.Copy !req
69. I'm sorry. Is this why you asked us here?Copy !req
70. For unsubstantiated rumors?Copy !req
71. Jaden has a D in algebra.Copy !req
72. He's on academic probation.Copy !req
73. One more infraction will result
in expulsion.Copy !req
74. I would hate for Jaden to be
held back... again.Copy !req
75. Mike. May I call you Mike?Copy !req
76. You can call me Principal Burr,
Mr. Hoyles.Copy !req
77. Dr. Hoyles.Copy !req
78. Dr. Hoyles.
You can call me Dr. HoylesCopy !req
79. because I have a PhD...Copy !req
80. in whole-grain oats
and rainbow marshmallows.Copy !req
81. - Yes.
- Goblin Flakes. The cereal.Copy !req
82. Yum-yum.Copy !req
83. Goblin Flakes has been a bestseller
for Hoyle-Some Cereal... for decades.Copy !req
84. And Jaden here...Copy !req
85. Well, Jaden has been our best spokeskid.Copy !req
86. Gobble them up, JJ.Copy !req
87. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
88. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
89. How about that? It gets me every time.
It's adorable. It still holds up.Copy !req
90. Principal Burr,Copy !req
91. we run a family business
with family values,Copy !req
92. and if people learn
that the face of our companyCopy !req
93. was on academic probation, well, that...Copy !req
94. that would be bad
for the Hoyle-Some image.Copy !req
95. I believe that every student deserves
a second chance.Copy !req
96. And if Mr. Hoyles is willing to do
the hard work and clean up his record...Copy !req
97. and the, uh,Copy !req
98. discharge that was found
on the tampon dispenserCopy !req
99. in the third-floor ladies' restroom...Copy !req
100. I'm sure we can find a path
back to good standing.Copy !req
101. Right, a path, maybe a very short path.Copy !req
102. Like a shortcut, you know.Copy !req
103. A C-minus instead of D.
How about that?Copy !req
104. You want me to change his grade?Copy !req
105. No, no, of course not.
No, no, no.Copy !req
106. I want you to know
that Hoyle-Some CerealCopy !req
107. offers educational grants
to schools in need.Copy !req
108. Yes.Copy !req
109. A bribe?Copy !req
110. No bribe. No, no, bribe.Copy !req
111. No bribe, no.Copy !req
112. A helping hand...Copy !req
113. to refurbish the gym,
to plant a community garden.Copy !req
114. Or get new science equipment to figure out
who blew that man chowder.Copy !req
115. Shut the fuck up!Copy !req
116. Shut up, Jaden!Copy !req
117. Grades are not for sale here.Copy !req
118. You should get back to class, Mr. Hoyles,Copy !req
119. and start the process of extricating
yourself from the hole that you created.Copy !req
120. I believe Mademoiselle Woodworth
is expecting you.Copy !req
121. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
122. I should have expelled him right there.Copy !req
123. It would have prevented so much pain.Copy !req
124. If we don't tell Josh...Copy !req
125. we faked Sam's death,Copy !req
126. he is going to get his testicles
deep fried by Triumph.Copy !req
127. But if we tell Josh the truth,Copy !req
128. he'll still leave the mall
and get his ass smoked trying to save Sam.Copy !req
129. We're forging a tribe here.Copy !req
130. Three people can't even play Spades.Copy !req
131. - Don't forget the Witch.
- She already forgot herself.Copy !req
132. - And what about Eli?
- Megalomaniac.Copy !req
133. - And Eli's girlfriend, Mavis.
- The mannequin?Copy !req
134. We're making something important here.Copy !req
135. More will come, you'll see.Copy !req
136. So, just stop being so gay.Copy !req
137. Uh...
And before you get offended,Copy !req
138. I don't mean stop loving men.Copy !req
139. - I'm saying it like, don't be retarded.
- Uh...Copy !req
140. And I don't mean don't have Down syndrome
or something because...Copy !req
141. you can totally love men,
and you can have Down.Copy !req
142. - Okay.
- Just, um...Copy !req
143. you know...Copy !req
144. Stop being so gay and retarded.Copy !req
145. Boop.Copy !req
146. I'm stoning, atoning
for the things I've done.Copy !req
147. Lying to Josh is a pothole
on my path to redemption.Copy !req
148. If Josh is going to try to kill Triumph,Copy !req
149. then you protect him.Copy !req
150. Take him on a wild-goose chase.Copy !req
151. Just don't get near
the Hoyle-Some Cereal factory.Copy !req
152. I think that's where Triumph hangs.Copy !req
153. So, Jaden Hoyles really is the Baron.Copy !req
154. Dunno.Copy !req
155. I heard one kid sayCopy !req
156. that when Triumph breathes,Copy !req
157. you can hear all the children he ate,
screaming.Copy !req
158. You need to come with us.Copy !req
159. Sorrys! My calendar is crazy booked.Copy !req
160. I have a date with the Witch.Copy !req
161. Why?Copy !req
162. This is Angelica Green.Copy !req
163. Day one of my observation of the Witch.Copy !req
164. Most Ghoulies are mindless blood chuggers,Copy !req
165. but the Witch continues to show signs
of intelligence.Copy !req
166. So I decided to Dian Fossey this shit upCopy !req
167. to get a closer look.Copy !req
168. The Witch is recreating
an arcade game from her youth...Copy !req
169. which is kinda pathetic.Copy !req
170. Nostalgia is like having sex with a hookerCopy !req
171. and pretending she's your prom dateCopy !req
172. when you know full well she's a hooker,
and you're gonna get herpes and die.Copy !req
173. Also, the Witch only consumes
insects or animal blood.Copy !req
174. Is she fighting the urge to eat people?Copy !req
175. My theory is that she wants to return
to the woman she was.Copy !req
176. I need to help her get back.Copy !req
177. Okay.Copy !req
178. Yeah.Copy !req
179. Yeah, yeah. Hell yeah.Copy !req
180. This is what I'm talking about, brother.Copy !req
181. You define yourself.Copy !req
182. Now, come out here and show me
your new killer digits.Copy !req
183. Nice figure, Kim Cattrall.Copy !req
184. Because she was a mannequin.Copy !req
185. In the movie Mannequin?Copy !req
186. About a mannequin who comes to life?Copy !req
187. They made a sequel with Kristy Swanson,
the orig Buffy the Vampire Slayer?Copy !req
188. Okay.Copy !req
189. Let's go hunt Baron Triumph.Copy !req
190. Josh Wheeler!Copy !req
191. You're pulling my brains out.Copy !req
192. Stop squirming,
and I'll give you a quarterCopy !req
193. to ride the mechanical rocket
in the indoor playground.Copy !req
194. Dude, if you want to get those dreads out,Copy !req
195. you need to use conditioner.Copy !req
196. That's finishing spray.Copy !req
197. That's a curling iron.Copy !req
198. That's bikini wax
for rhinestone-encrusted ba-shine-a.Copy !req
199. You're disrupting my experiments.Copy !req
200. Well, this looks as much as like
a science experimentCopy !req
201. as me jacking off looks like
modern interpretive dance.Copy !req
202. Crumble isn't as crazy as you think.Copy !req
203. I'm baked in secret herbs and spices.Copy !req
204. Her old self is in there,
and she wants to get out.Copy !req
205. Maybe if she looked more like a person,
instead of...Copy !req
206. - A sentient hairball?
- A pizza-stealing rat!Copy !req
207. Belly button fuzz!Copy !req
208. A moldy peach that grew more mold.Copy !req
209. King Kong's sweaty taint.Copy !req
210. Steve Harvey's mustache!Copy !req
211. If she looked more like herself,Copy !req
212. her personality might re-emerge.Copy !req
213. Didn't your mom teach you
how to brush your hairCopy !req
214. or apply moisturizer
to protect your alabaster skin?Copy !req
215. Not exactly a girly girl.Copy !req
216. Okay, give me the brush.Copy !req
217. Oh, yeah, right.Copy !req
218. You just wanna shiv us
so you can take the mall back.Copy !req
219. Settle down. I just want to help, okay?Copy !req
220. The ladies used to call me
Jacques Cousteau at my aunt's salon.Copy !req
221. I was the only one brave enough
to venture into the dark depthsCopy !req
222. where most men fear to thread.Copy !req
223. You need me.Copy !req
224. Survey says...Copy !req
225. Fuck with me, little man,Copy !req
226. and I will fry your pubes
with 5,000 volts.Copy !req
227. Move.Copy !req
228. Second left molar?Copy !req
229. Nice craftsmanship
on the porcelain ceramic filling.Copy !req
230. Your dad taught you a lot?Copy !req
231. A thing or two.Copy !req
232. It was knocked out by Triumph.Copy !req
233. You don't know that.Copy !req
234. I only know one dude in school
with a size-14 shoe,Copy !req
235. 'cause I licked it.Copy !req
236. Hoyles.Copy !req
237. He went east toward San Fernando.Copy !req
238. You're like a Canadian Wolverine.Copy !req
239. Wolverine is a Canadian Wolverine.Copy !req
240. I hunted elk every summer.Copy !req
241. Your dad taught you a lot.Copy !req
242. A thing or two.Copy !req
243. You can track, but you can't fight.Copy !req
244. I think I'll manage.Copy !req
245. It's easy to hack and slash.Copy !req
246. Every eight-year-old with a broom
thinks they're a Jedi.Copy !req
247. The reason you can't wield a blade
isn't for a missing finger.Copy !req
248. It's because you're full of rage.Copy !req
249. Being a swordsman is about control.Copy !req
250. Every stroke has intention, thought,Copy !req
251. knowing that a single swipe
could sever a man from his own life.Copy !req
252. Are you really giving me
the killing-changes-you speech?Copy !req
253. Clichés are tropes 'cause they're true.Copy !req
254. Angelica told me you ran with the Jocks.Copy !req
255. What did Turbo make you do?Copy !req
256. Why won't you talk about it?Copy !req
257. It's not who I am anymore.Copy !req
258. If you had the chance to kill Turbo...Copy !req
259. would you?Copy !req
260. If Josh is going to try to kill Triumph,Copy !req
261. then you protect him.Copy !req
262. Take him on a wild-goose chase.Copy !req
263. Run!Copy !req
264. - What?
- Run!Copy !req
265. Okay.Copy !req
266. No, Josh, over here.
This way, Josh!Copy !req
267. Keep up, man. Keep up!Copy !req
268. Ghoulies, Ghoulies. Don't engage!Copy !req
269. Josh, do not engage. I repeat.Copy !req
270. - Get under the car. They're coming.
- Dude, I don't see anybody.Copy !req
271. That's the whole point.
Get under the car!Copy !req
272. Time to go.
Get out from under the car.Copy !req
273. Wesley, what are you saying?
We just got under the car.Copy !req
274. Let's go. Go, go, go.Copy !req
275. Dude.Copy !req
276. What the hell?Copy !req
277. Dude, there's nobody after us.Copy !req
278. I had the Baron's trail,
and now I'm all lost.Copy !req
279. Why did you do that?Copy !req
280. Go, go, go!Copy !req
281. Stop, stop, stop! Right here.Copy !req
282. Stop.Copy !req
283. Nice drift, man.Copy !req
284. Remember us, Just Josh?Copy !req
285. I remember there being more of you.Copy !req
286. - We're downsizing.
- Yeah, but not by choice, by circumstance.Copy !req
287. That circumstance being death.Copy !req
288. We are currently accepting applications
for new membership.Copy !req
289. Oh? Not interested.Copy !req
290. Not talking to you.
We'll deal with you next.Copy !req
291. - What say you, Fists?
- You ready to come home?Copy !req
292. Listen to fate. Gary, Barry, Larry...
Wesley.Copy !req
293. - Doesn't fit the rhyme.
- There's a Y at the end.Copy !req
294. - Meh, it's kind of a stretch.
- Close enough for Armageddon.Copy !req
295. Three is not a team.
Four can play Spades.Copy !req
296. Just because you have balls,
doesn't make golf a sport.Copy !req
297. Gotta start somewhere to earn your way
back into his good graces.Copy !req
298. He says he wants to fight.Copy !req
299. Man to man.Copy !req
300. No weapons.Copy !req
301. To the death.Copy !req
302. You got all that from a look?Copy !req
303. I speak Turbo.Copy !req
304. What did I even do?Copy !req
305. He said he doesn't like to lose.Copy !req
306. This isn't Mario Kart.Copy !req
307. You tried to capture us.Copy !req
308. We got away.Copy !req
309. Who cares?Copy !req
310. God, this is...
There is no your side or my side.Copy !req
311. Hoyles is out there
trying to kill all sides.Copy !req
312. He's killed our friends.Copy !req
313. I'll be your friend.Copy !req
314. I love you.Copy !req
315. Let's be besties.Copy !req
316. It's a Mr. Bearman.Copy !req
317. I used to have one of these
when I was a kid.Copy !req
318. Mine was named David!Copy !req
319. They had their names stitched
on their butts.Copy !req
320. What's your name, guy?Copy !req
321. Huh? Yeah.Copy !req
322. Larry, put the bear down!Copy !req
323. I'll be your friend.Copy !req
324. I love you.Copy !req
325. Get the fuck out of here!Copy !req
326. Jaden Hoyles needed discipline.Copy !req
327. But he wasn't the only one.Copy !req
328. I took the bribe.Copy !req
329. I had a budget shortfall that I could fix
by pushing up one D to a C-minus.Copy !req
330. Everyone wins.Copy !req
331. A victimless crime.Copy !req
332. Oh! Whoa!Copy !req
333. Oh...Copy !req
334. Oh, now. Careful. Careful there.Copy !req
335. Hi.Copy !req
336. I am walking through all 13 chambers
of a cockroach heart right now.Copy !req
337. What's that like?Copy !req
338. Uh... Nicer than my shitty condo.Copy !req
339. Oh, wow.Copy !req
340. You could lose yourself in here.Copy !req
341. This is gonna change the way
we teach biology.Copy !req
342. I don't know how you got this, but I...Copy !req
343. Hoyles acted like
he could get away with anything...Copy !req
344. because he could.Copy !req
345. Suck it, losers!Copy !req
346. If I wrote him up on any infraction,Copy !req
347. he'd tell everyone I took a bribe.Copy !req
348. I sold my soul to save the school.Copy !req
349. Hi. Okay, so...Copy !req
350. Fuck, Hoyles!Copy !req
351. God...Copy !req
352. You have to stop Hoyles.Copy !req
353. Do you even know what he's doing
with Isis?Copy !req
354. - Hoyles is in ISIS?
- Not the terrorist group.Copy !req
355. Isis, the unfortunately named sophomore,Copy !req
356. who's fucking Hoyles in the bathroom.Copy !req
357. Look, you asked me to be
your human Sorting HatCopy !req
358. to help you and the school, and I did.Copy !req
359. I know everyone.Copy !req
360. I made a video to show
how awesome they are,Copy !req
361. and now I have a million subscribers.Copy !req
362. I get tweets everyday asking me why
Principal Burr isn't stopping the bully.Copy !req
363. So?Copy !req
364. Why aren't you?Copy !req
365. You know how I got this pencil?Copy !req
366. I don't know. Did you...
buy it at Staples?Copy !req
367. To get this pencil,Copy !req
368. I have to complete budgetary requisition
Form 18B-234.Copy !req
369. Great.Copy !req
370. That form is then sent to a school board
sub-committee for review.Copy !req
371. The board will deny several items
and therefore invalidate the request.Copy !req
372. I then have to revise Form 18B-234Copy !req
373. and resubmit the amended requisition.Copy !req
374. Once the board approves the request,Copy !req
375. - I still don't get my pencil.
- Copy.Copy !req
376. I have to send the form to admin.Copy !req
377. Admin gets hundreds of forms a dayCopy !req
378. from 900 schools across the district.Copy !req
379. It takes them weeks to purchase,Copy !req
380. and when they do, their budget
for the year has already been spent.Copy !req
381. And so, my simple request
for a pencil has been denied.Copy !req
382. Yeah, you're right.Copy !req
383. I bought this pencil at Staples
with my own money.Copy !req
384. You think I'm not fighting,
but I'm doing what's best for you kids.Copy !req
385. Thank you?Copy !req
386. Glad I came in.Copy !req
387. Psst.Copy !req
388. Psst.Copy !req
389. Pucker, pucker.Copy !req
390. Good. No, no, no, don't... don't eat it.Copy !req
391. Stay still.Copy !req
392. I'm a crisp autumn morning.Copy !req
393. - Yeah.
- Girl talk or crazy talk?Copy !req
394. No. She's right.Copy !req
395. She's an autumn.Copy !req
396. Let me see.Copy !req
397. Wow, perfecto.Copy !req
398. Muy bueno, huh?Copy !req
399. Huh? You likey? You likey?Copy !req
400. Uh, okay. No, um...Copy !req
401. Maybe don't... Don't smile.Copy !req
402. I thought you might like one of these.Copy !req
403. Why don't you try them on?Copy !req
404. Your turn. Your ends are so split
they need a divorce attorney.Copy !req
405. You know you wanna.Copy !req
406. For someone who knows so much,Copy !req
407. you know absolutely dick about beauty.Copy !req
408. I had tutors in moral relativism
and molecular chemistry.Copy !req
409. My mom had high expectations for me.Copy !req
410. Hmm. My mom made me scrape her bunions.Copy !req
411. At least you got to be with her.Copy !req
412. Dr. Winifred Green is head
of Marine Sciences at Caltech.Copy !req
413. She didn't really have time for manis,
or pedis, or... me.Copy !req
414. Aww. Poor baby.Copy !req
415. Did you ask her?Copy !req
416. Well, that would be reasonable.Copy !req
417. But as my therapist often said,Copy !req
418. I was prone to fits of illogical
and abnormal behavior.Copy !req
419. - You?
- I know, right?Copy !req
420. My mom made sure
I knew the scientific method.Copy !req
421. Present a hypothesis,Copy !req
422. test with an experiment,Copy !req
423. draw a conclusion.Copy !req
424. - So I did that.
- Hmm.Copy !req
425. Well, what was the hypothesis?Copy !req
426. If my mom didn't have a job,Copy !req
427. she would make more time for me.Copy !req
428. What was the experiment?Copy !req
429. I secretly played her subliminal tapes
with previously published worksCopy !req
430. on magmatic effects on biodiversity
in Arctic waters.Copy !req
431. My hope was that she would think
the ideas were her own,Copy !req
432. and then she would get fired
for plagiarism.Copy !req
433. - Was she axed?
- Nope.Copy !req
434. She got a grant to explore
the South China Sea with the U.S. Navy...Copy !req
435. and she took it.Copy !req
436. The conclusion to my experiment
was painfully clear.Copy !req
437. My mom would rather be
in a nuclear submarineCopy !req
438. at the bottom of the ocean...Copy !req
439. than spend another minute with me.Copy !req
440. The night the bombs fell,Copy !req
441. Dr. Green was 3,000 feet underwater.Copy !req
442. She's still there...Copy !req
443. for now... I hope my mom is fine...Copy !req
444. and safe.Copy !req
445. But as soon as that submarine surfaces,Copy !req
446. whatever affected the adults...Copy !req
447. will turn my mom
into something like Ms. Crumble.Copy !req
448. I need to help the Witch...Copy !req
449. so I can help my mom.Copy !req
450. Are you okay?Copy !req
451. Yes. Yeah.Copy !req
452. Shit.Copy !req
453. Shit.Copy !req
454. I didn't do it! It wasn't me.Copy !req
455. Thank you. Thank you so much.Copy !req
456. Ugh, damn it.Copy !req
457. Hurry, get me outta here.Copy !req
458. It's broken.Copy !req
459. Um...Copy !req
460. Where are the keys?Copy !req
461. What do you mean?Copy !req
462. Keys?Copy !req
463. What did she say? What did she...
I don't understand!Copy !req
464. Jesus!Copy !req
465. Hoyles?Copy !req
466. If you're not Triumph, then who is?Copy !req
467. Shh. Shut the fuck up. Shut up.Copy !req
468. Hi, Josh.Copy !req
469. How are you even alive?Copy !req
470. How are you Baron Triumph?Copy !req
471. What do you want?Copy !req
472. Oh, your parents really donate
the finest equipment.Copy !req
473. Where is everyone?Copy !req
474. Uh, I asked for some privacy.Copy !req
475. I wanted you to be the first to see
a plaque honoring your family legacy.Copy !req
476. Is this a fucking joke?Copy !req
477. Oh, I've been wanting to get rid of you
for years,Copy !req
478. but you can't expel a student
for being an asshole.Copy !req
479. I needed to have a perfect plan.Copy !req
480. It started when your dad
offered me that bribe.Copy !req
481. I set you up when I strenuously
turned down his offer.Copy !req
482. So that when I did accept the money,Copy !req
483. you would think you had leverage,Copy !req
484. and you would blatantly act out.Copy !req
485. When I didn't stop you,
you just got bolder,Copy !req
486. and bolder, and bolder.Copy !req
487. Isis is 15. You're a lot older.Copy !req
488. Hey... No, no, no.
That shit was consexual.Copy !req
489. Consensual.Copy !req
490. Yes, but sex with an underage girlCopy !req
491. is a lot more than a minor infraction,
Mr. Hoyles.Copy !req
492. It's a major felony.Copy !req
493. What do you want?Copy !req
494. I want you to gobble up my shit.Copy !req
495. Fine.Copy !req
496. No, no.Copy !req
497. No, you have to say the line.Copy !req
498. Say it.Copy !req
499. Go ahead. Say it. Say the line.Copy !req
500. Gobble up my shit, JJ.Copy !req
501. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
502. Oh, you can do better than that.Copy !req
503. Gobble up my shit, JJ.Copy !req
504. Mmm-hmm.Copy !req
505. Come on, one more time.
Gobble up my shit, JJ.Copy !req
506. Mmm-hmm!Copy !req
507. Ah, yeah.Copy !req
508. Pretty good.Copy !req
509. - But you said I...
- Yeah, I know. I just...Copy !req
510. I just really, really wanted
to hear you beg.Copy !req
511. This is bullshit, Burr!Copy !req
512. Look, I'm gonna tell my dad.Copy !req
513. He's gonna kick the shit outta you.Copy !req
514. You messed with the wrong fucking family!Copy !req
515. It's cold.Copy !req
516. I'm gonna make some tea.Copy !req
517. You're Baron Triumph?Copy !req
518. That doesn't mean I'm uncivilized.Copy !req
519. You like osso buco, Josh?Copy !req
520. There's a recipe I've been dying to try.Copy !req
521. So, Josh...Copy !req
522. Josh, you survived the apocalypse.
Good for you.Copy !req
523. I told your mother when I saw her
at back-to-school night.Copy !req
524. "There's something special
about Josh Wheeler."Copy !req
525. Even if you did get C's
in just about everything.Copy !req
526. I never write anybody off.Copy !req
527. No, no, it's the underachieversCopy !req
528. who continually surprise me.Copy !req
529. Look what you've overcome, Josh.Copy !req
530. You're dealing with
an incapacitating injury.Copy !req
531. You're now a person with a disability.Copy !req
532. We say person with a disability,
not a handicap.Copy !req
533. It's all about
positive self-identification.Copy !req
534. I, for example, now self-define
as a compulsive bi-pedophiliac.Copy !req
535. - You mean you eat people.
- Hoyles isn't a person.Copy !req
536. He's a taco.Copy !req
537. Human flesh has
more protein than a glass of milk.Copy !req
538. Eating kids makes me strong.Copy !req
539. And I'll turn Hoyles
into what he really is.Copy !req
540. Little pieces of shit.Copy !req
541. Hurry up, Wheeler!
Hurry up, he's coming back.Copy !req
542. Just help me get the keys.Copy !req
543. My fucking eyes. That really hurt.Copy !req
544. Fuck that! Hoyles out!Copy !req
545. Asshole!Copy !req
546. Uh...Copy !req
547. I've been marinating Hoyles for days.Copy !req
548. I guess I can have
Josh carpaccio instead.Copy !req
549. Josh?Copy !req
550. Come out, come out wherever you are.Copy !req
551. Don't ask the guards for help.
They don't speak English.Copy !req
552. That's why I use exchange students.Copy !req
553. You can't help each other
if you don't understand each other.Copy !req
554. You're the principal.Copy !req
555. I thought you said kids
were like wildflowers.Copy !req
556. Yeah. Yes, I was right,
but for the wrong reasons.Copy !req
557. The lesson is wildflowers are invasive.Copy !req
558. They spread everywhere,
damaging everything.Copy !req
559. Adults blew up the world. Not us!Copy !req
560. Yeah.Copy !req
561. Yeah, you survived.Copy !req
562. You could've done anything,Copy !req
563. but all the adults leave,
and what happens?Copy !req
564. You go all Fortnite and kill each other.Copy !req
565. You're such dicks.Copy !req
566. No, not Sam.Copy !req
567. Sam was decent and kind.Copy !req
568. Sam Dean was the worst.Copy !req
569. Sam would have grown up
to be a life coach...Copy !req
570. who sent Linkedln requests twice a week.Copy !req
571. You killed her,
left her for dead.Copy !req
572. I didn't kill Sam.Copy !req
573. Well, if you didn't kill her,
then who did?Copy !req
574. My point exactly, Josh.Copy !req
575. You're all assholes.Copy !req
576. It took Jaden Hoyles
to show me the truth.Copy !req
577. I've wasted my entire life.Copy !req
578. Twenty-two years being kind
and supportive.Copy !req
579. Twenty-two years of buying pencils
out of my own paycheck.Copy !req
580. Twenty-two years teaching you kidsCopy !req
581. to be upstanding students of the world.Copy !req
582. You learned nothing!Copy !req
583. You're all Hoyles on the inside.Copy !req
584. Completely immoral,Copy !req
585. full of gross cereal.Copy !req
586. So I'm gonna stuff you.
I'm gonna stuff you like foie gras,Copy !req
587. and then I'm gonna gobble you all up.Copy !req
588. Mmm-hmm!Copy !req
589. You love kids.Copy !req
590. There must be a part of you
that still remembers that.Copy !req
591. Don't Darth Vader me.Copy !req
592. I'm not your father.Copy !req
593. I'm changing.Copy !req
594. With every bite, I want more.Copy !req
595. I'm changing. I don't know into what,
but I...Copy !req
596. I like it.Copy !req
597. Kill him! Kill him!Copy !req
598. Kill him!Copy !req
599. You missed.Copy !req
600. No...Copy !req
601. I didn't.Copy !req
602. Fucking go!Copy !req
603. Let's go!Copy !req
604. You're a monster.Copy !req
605. Go away.Copy !req
606. You're a monster.Copy !req
607. - Stop.
- You're a monster.Copy !req
608. - Go away.
- You're a monster.Copy !req
609. You're a monster.Copy !req
610. - You're a monster.
- Stop it, please!Copy !req
611. - You're a monster!
- Stop!Copy !req
612. What are you doing?Copy !req
613. Stop!Copy !req
614. What?Copy !req
615. Let's be monsters.Copy !req
616. Yeah.Copy !req
617. Yeah, let's be monsters.Copy !req
618. Hey, we're home!Copy !req
619. So I brought some friends.Copy !req
620. Cool if they crash here?Copy !req
621. Fuck to the no.
How many times do I got to say...Copy !req
622. Yeah. It's cool, I guess.Copy !req
623. My name is Michael Francis Xavier Burr,Copy !req
624. and I was principal at Glendale High
for 22 years.Copy !req
625. I helped my students,Copy !req
626. like flowers,
grow into their best selves.Copy !req
627. All the flowers are gone,Copy !req
628. but today I inspired one kid
to be better...Copy !req
629. to find his true self.Copy !req
630. In this apocalypse,Copy !req
631. we all have to stare in the mirrorCopy !req
632. and admit we are not the people
we thought we were.Copy !req
633. We are not good.Copy !req
634. We have terrible secrets.Copy !req
635. And those secrets eat us up from insideCopy !req
636. and turn us into monsters.Copy !req