1. Quick! Burr's gonna—
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2. Keto diet, schmeto diet!
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3. I'm takin' my cheat day!
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4. This was my friend Brian.
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5. He was a comedy writer.
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6. Worked on Modern Family, or—
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7. or maybe it was that other one on CBS
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8. that's like Modern Family, but it isn't.
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9. He used to ask me if I liked his show.
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10. I always said I did, enthusiastically,
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11. but... but I never saw it, not once.
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12. Even though Brian and I were actually—
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13. were actually pretty good friends.
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14. I used to water his tomato plants
for him when he went on vacation.
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15. I lied.
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16. I lied because...
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17. because I didn't want to be an asshole.
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18. - Which made me a liar,
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19. and an asshole.
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20. Keto diet, schmeto diet.
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21. I'm takin' my cheat day.
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22. - Keto diet, schmeto diet...
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23. I'm takin' my cheat...
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24. - ... day!
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25. Keto diet—
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26. Diet...
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27. - Oh!
- Whoa!
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28. Ghoulies, mutant animals,
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29. tribes of psychotic teens are all
grotesque reflections of who we were.
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30. But we have to... burn it down,
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31. set off that nuke at the cereal factory
and start fresh.
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32. I'm gonna take you to someplace nice,
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33. like Palm Springs or...
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34. Lake Arrowhead.
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35. I'm gonna take care of you.
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36. - Yeah.
- Yeah!
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37. To erase Glendale,
we're gonna need some help.
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38. Can someone set off
this conventional missile for me?
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39. It's a great way to fulfill
your service hours.
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40. Anyone?
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41. - You!
- Me?
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42. Yeah. Grab a club.
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43. Fuck!
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44. Ahh!
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45. Keep your head down. Relax!
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46. Keep my head down.
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47. Damn it!
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48. Damn it!
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49. The golf team would be really useful
right about now.
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50. Hit that bomb.
Don't let him down.
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51. It's your time to shine, Fifty-Four.
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52. Okay.
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53. All right. Relax.
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54. Aah!
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55. Oh, shit!
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56. I got everyone outta harm's way
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57. and I had earplugs for all my people.
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58. Safety first.
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59. So we can hear, but you people—
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60. Ah, here we go. Here.
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61. Making pozole with mole
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62. makes me wanna give
a culturally appropriate olé!
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63. Oh... Aw, damn it!
I had a whole Google slide show!
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64. With gifs!
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65. To explain that I'm taking those kids
to be my...
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66. cattle ranch.
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67. But after we leave,
I need you to detonate the nuke.
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68. I need you to detonate...
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69. Detonate...
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70. that nuke.
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71. You, that, boom!
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72. Me...
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73. - Send in the crone.
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74. - No!
- Okay. All right.
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75. I'll do it! I'll do that!
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76. You fucked her?
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77. Hungry.
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78. I...
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79. love you.
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80. I heard that!
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81. I heard that.
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82. I think my hearing's back.
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83. You knew it was confetti?
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84. - Hey, Wes! Wesley!
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85. You guys okay?
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86. Wesley, I—
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87. I'm really sorry.
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88. We're good.
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89. All good?
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90. All good.
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91. Alright.
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92. Hm.
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93. He's all good, too.
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94. Cool.
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95. No way!
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96. My Official Hamilton The Musical
Replica Confetti Pistols!
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97. Did you see my Starlight Express
roller skates signed by Lloyd Webber?
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98. Yeah!
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99. Dope.
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100. - Come on! Over here! Yo!
- Yeah!
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101. Okay, Burr has Angelica,
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102. an army of Jocks, and a big nuke.
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103. What's your plan?
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104. Is there anything
we can't do?
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105. Go, team!
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106. - Principal Burr!
- Burr!
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107. You got it, Principal Burr.
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108. Lake Arrowhead, here we come!
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109. Burr! Burr! Burr!
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110. Kids need the strongest leader.
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111. Turbo isn't that anymore.
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112. Hm.
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113. No, no, no, no, no, no! I...
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114. I can't make a plan.
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115. I'm not a leader! I'm just—
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116. I'm just Josh!
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117. - I'll be your friend!
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118. - No!
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119. - I love you!
- Aww!
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120. What's your name?
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121. Guys, look!
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122. Sorry! Sorry!
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123. - Thought it was cute.
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124. My bad. Too soon.
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125. I wanna apologize for running away.
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126. We came back to help you fight.
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127. And...
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128. we're not the only ones.
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129. Do you have a plan, Josh?
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130. Well, fuck you, loser!
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131. Oh, shit! My sword!
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132. Those are just kids out there.
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133. The only way we're gonna find answers
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134. and survive is if we stay together!
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135. - He's kicking us out?
- I'm sorry!
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136. Don't be a savage! You're above that!
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137. Your skills, Angelica's brains,
my swords?
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138. Ain't nothing we can't do together!
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139. - Sam, where are you?
- I can't see! I'm bleeding!
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140. Let's save the world!
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141. All right!
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142. Let's hop in!
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143. Come on!
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144. Hi! What the shit?
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145. I'm relatively confident
this is gonna end well.
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146. Fighting Baron Triumph
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147. with the surviving members
of the JV marching band?
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148. Come on, they don't have
to be any good, just loud!
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149. Yeah, see?
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150. Yeah, there we go!
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151. - Yes, that makes total sense. Thank you.
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152. Okay! Louder!
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153. - Fuck! Josh!
- Yes!
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154. - Over here, man!
- Dude! There you go!
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155. This is literally Chinese to me!
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156. - Keep it up! Whoa!
- Yeah!
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157. Hey, Josh!
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158. Josh?
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159. Fall in!
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160. Desperta ferro!
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161. Guys. Guys, come on.
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162. Desperta ferro!
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163. Awaken the iron!
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164. It's Catalan, a medieval war cry?
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165. Desperta ferro!
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166. No?
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167. What about...
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168. - hike!
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169. Go, you jackasses.
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170. - Is this your plan?
- We need an army to fight the Jocks.
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171. I got us an army.
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172. Come on!
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173. Die, you fucker!
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174. Angelica!
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175. You came for me!
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176. - Come on, we have to go.
- We can't! The nuke is armed!
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177. Get out there! Get out there!
Don't let anybody in!
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178. Go! Go, go, go. Go!
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179. Out. Get out!
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180. Let's go! Come on, let's go!
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181. Fuck!
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182. Mm-hmm.
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183. The instruction manual
is in Mandarin.
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184. Do you see anything
that says "ramjet to turbo fan"
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185. or "anti-material pathogen"?
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186. Okay. This says um...
"Made in Russia."
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187. This says, "Biological Agent."
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188. So, Russia and China teamed up
to make America the Ghoulie fool?
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189. No, it's the same all around the world.
We don't know who did what.
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190. No! We know it's the adults' fault!
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191. I mean, listen to them!
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192. I wanna get solar panels,
but I'mma wait until the price drops.
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193. I have to stay under my mileage
for the lease!
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194. It's dark out. No one will see if I don't
pick up the dog's poop.
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195. Adults had one stupid job:
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196. to teach us how to be good people.
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197. But adults are
the most selfish assholes of all!
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198. And the worst part is
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199. we don't get our chance to grow up
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200. and fuck up the world ourselves!
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201. Fuck you!
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202. Hey... Okay. Then, we'll just unfuck it.
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203. Angelica, you are a Mensa-level genius
with flexible morality.
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204. And I need you.
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205. Okay?
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206. I need help.
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207. There's a biological weapon
on this nuke!
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208. I don't know what it is.
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209. Ms. Crumble does.
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210. I need her.
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211. Well, where is she?
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212. In there. With the other kids.
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213. I'm gonna get them out.
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214. Josh! Get Ms. Crumble quick!
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215. Triumph is gonna kill you!
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216. He's my responsibility!
I let him out of the cage!
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217. Angelica needs Ms. Crumble!
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218. If you can't get her, we're all gonna die!
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219. Shit.
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220. - Hyah!
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221. Get him, Crumble!
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222. - Crumble! We need your help!
- Stop! Stop, stop! Stop!
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223. We got the wrong asshole.
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224. This is just Josh.
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225. - Josh Wheeler?
- Yeah. Yeah.
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226. - Present.
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227. Sam. Sam, I want you to know something.
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228. I thought your viral video was just—
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229. it was just fucking awful.
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230. Such a thirst trap.
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231. A very obvious cry for attention.
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232. You have some very serious
emotional problems.
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233. Josh?
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234. Come on, come on!
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235. Get up! We know you can't be stabbed!
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236. I saw you, remember?
The whole axe thing?
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237. Ah... Aw, come on!
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238. I wanted you to be all confident.
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239. Teenage lovers reunited
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240. after banishing the monster.
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241. You walk off together,
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242. then slowly, I get up behind you
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243. and say something like...
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244. "Where's your hall pass, kids?"
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245. That's kinda lame.
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246. Well, it's a work in progress.
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247. Why'd you stab me
if you knew I wasn't gonna die?
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248. It wasn't the sword
that was meant to kill you.
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249. It's what's on it.
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250. Peanut butter?
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251. Extra crunchy.
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252. How did you know that I have an allergy?
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253. You told me so yourself.
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254. This is a nut-free campus.
I'm sorry that I wasn't clear about that.
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255. Nothing you ever did was about us.
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256. It was always all about you.
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257. serious allergies
don't only affect your fellow students,
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258. but staff as well.
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259. You never know who might be susceptible.
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260. But the Hoyle-Some Cereal Factory
is nut-free.
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261. That's why you holed up in here.
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262. I really—
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263. I really wanted to help.
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264. I was—
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265. I was trying to prevent you...
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266. from experiencing the pain...
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267. that's to come.
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268. Whoa!
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269. - Fuck...
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270. Ooh!
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271. Ew!
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272. Ooh! Easy! Easy, boy! Easy, boy!
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273. Whoa, whoa!
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274. Easy. Easy, easy.
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275. What the fuck is that?
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276. You're so busy fighting each other,
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277. you haven't seen the real threat coming.
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278. Right, Ms. Crumble?
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279. I want to help kids,
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280. not eat them.
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281. You're all alone, Principal Burr.
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282. Hey, Josh...
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283. fuck you.
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284. That's why you don't fuck
with those nut allergies!
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285. - I got this one!
- Yeah!
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286. Whoa, whoa, whoa!
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287. - Hey, guys!
- Hi, Sam!
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288. - Nice jacket!
- Thank you, Michael!
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289. Okay, so, if we could all just... relax.
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290. Principal Burr is dead.
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291. - But we need to get Ms. Crumble here...
- Hi!
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292. up there to disarm that nuke...
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293. and save everyone.
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294. Good?
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295. You got it, Sam!
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296. Thank you! Cooperative!
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297. It's a plasmid that transmits DNA
and resequences genes.
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298. - Okay. Crazy talk or teacher talk?
- This is for reals!
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299. The plasmid
and the radiation made Ghoulies.
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300. This missile... made me me.
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301. - Disable the nuke.
- I can't!
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302. I've been trying, but the bioweapon
and the nuke are coupled.
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303. If I deactivate one,
the other will explode.
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304. The way of the samurai is death,
but I'm still finna get my Emily Blunt on
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305. before I kiss the infinite.
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306. What? No!
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307. - Put that out!
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308. We're on a rocket!
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309. We're on a rocket.
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310. We're on a phallic symbol
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311. filled with fuel, designed by men
who wanted to fuck the world!
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312. I got it! Just move. I got it!
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313. Okay.
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314. - We can fire the missile!
- Yeah!
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315. Yeah! We can fire it!
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316. And with the fuel left,
it can reach the mesosphere.
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317. And hopefully, we'll be fine!
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318. - Okay. Do it!
- But...
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319. But what?
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320. It can only be launched manually...
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321. from right here.
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322. I'll do it.
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323. What? No, you'll die!
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324. You'll be incinerated in 5,000 degrees
of liquid hydrogen hell.
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325. Silly, I will turn myself into a mist.
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326. Huh? Huh?
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327. No! You can't do that!
You're not able to! Okay?
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328. Come on. We have to go
and find shelter before it goes off.
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329. Come on.
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330. Come on.
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331. Come on.
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332. Go.
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333. Angelica!
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334. No! I'm not leaving you here!
I'm staying with you!
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335. I won't! I won't!
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336. - It's gonna be okay.
- No, I won't! No!
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337. Let's go!
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338. Get to the trucks!
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339. I'm sorry.
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340. What are we looking at?
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341. - Hey, whoa! Hey!
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342. Okay.
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343. I told you.
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344. What are you?
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345. I don't know.
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346. But aren't we gonna have fun
figuring it out together?
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347. Yeah!
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348. Stop playing. Go get her, man.
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349. Yeah. Okay.
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350. Sam!
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351. - Sam!
- Hey!
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352. - We did it!
- We did it!
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353. We're alive!
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354. Hey, let's go to the mall.
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355. Yeah, I got a spot for us
in the furniture store.
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356. It looks like a craftsman home
in Montrose.
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357. It can be our little "Happily Ever After."
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358. No.
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359. No?
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360. Yeah, no.
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361. But I love you.
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362. No, you don't!
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363. You love this antiquated notion
that I'm a damsel needing to be rescued,
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364. but... that's not my story.
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365. But you left me a note to find you.
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366. Six months in the apocalypse,
and you haven't changed a bit.
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367. Still so very earnest.
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368. I fought and struggled,
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369. and I even lost a finger
to try to get to you!
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370. And yet you still don't know me!
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371. I mean, I hate craftsman homes!
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372. Okay. What about a mid-century modern?
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373. I'll always be thankful to you, Josh.
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374. When you posted that video,
you showed me who I could be.
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375. And who are you?
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376. I'm Sam Dean.
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377. This is my life now.
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378. These are my people,
and they need a leader.
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379. They need me.
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380. The apocalypse wasn't the best thing
to happen to you, Josh.
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381. It was the best thing to happen to me.
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382. Follow me.
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383. Hoo, hoo, ha!
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