1. Quick! Burr's gonna...Copy !req
2. Keto diet, schmeto diet!Copy !req
3. I'm takin' my cheat day!Copy !req
4. This was my friend Brian.Copy !req
5. He was a comedy writer.Copy !req
6. Worked on Modern Family, or...Copy !req
7. Or maybe it was that other one on CBSCopy !req
8. that's like Modern Family, but it isn't.Copy !req
9. He used to ask me if I liked his show.Copy !req
10. I always said I did, enthusiastically,Copy !req
11. but... but I never saw it, not once.Copy !req
12. Even though Brian and I were actually...Copy !req
13. Were actually pretty good friends.Copy !req
14. I used to water his tomato plants
for him when he went on vacation.Copy !req
15. I lied.Copy !req
16. I lied because...Copy !req
17. because I didn't want to be an asshole.Copy !req
18. Which made me a liar,Copy !req
19. and an asshole.Copy !req
20. Keto diet, schmeto diet.Copy !req
21. I'm takin' my cheat day.Copy !req
22. Keto diet, schmeto diet...Copy !req
23. I'm takin' my cheat... ... day!Copy !req
24. Keto diet...Copy !req
25. Diet...Copy !req
26. - Oh!
- Whoa!Copy !req
27. Ghoulies, mutant animals,Copy !req
28. tribes of psychotic teens are all
grotesque reflections of who we were.Copy !req
29. But we have to... burn it down,Copy !req
30. set off that nuke at the cereal factory
and start fresh.Copy !req
31. I'm gonna take you to some place nice,Copy !req
32. like Palm Springs or...
Lake Arrowhead.Copy !req
33. I'm gonna take care of you.Copy !req
34. - Yeah.
- Yeah!Copy !req
35. To erase Glendale,
we're gonna need some help.Copy !req
36. Can someone set off
this conventional missile for me?Copy !req
37. It's a great way to fulfill
your service hours.Copy !req
38. Anyone?Copy !req
39. - You!
- Me?Copy !req
40. Yeah. Grab a club.Copy !req
41. Fuck!Copy !req
42. Ahh!Copy !req
43. Keep your head down. Relax!Copy !req
44. Keep my head down.Copy !req
45. Damn it!Copy !req
46. Damn it!Copy !req
47. The golf team would be really useful
right about now.Copy !req
48. Hit that bomb.
Don't let him down.Copy !req
49. It's your time to shine, Fifty-Four.Copy !req
50. Okay.Copy !req
51. All right. Relax.Copy !req
52. Aah!Copy !req
53. Oh, shit!Copy !req
54. I got everyone outta harm's wayCopy !req
55. and I had earplugs for all my people.Copy !req
56. Safety first.Copy !req
57. So we can hear, but you people...Copy !req
58. Ah, here we go. Here.Copy !req
59. Making pozole with moleCopy !req
60. makes me wanna give
a culturally appropriate olé!Copy !req
61. Oh... Aw, damn it!
I had a whole Google slide show!Copy !req
62. With gifs!Copy !req
63. To explain that I'm taking those kids
to be my...Copy !req
64. cattle ranch.Copy !req
65. But after we leave,
I need you to detonate the nuke.Copy !req
66. I need you to detonate...Copy !req
67. Detonate...Copy !req
68. that nuke.Copy !req
69. You, that, boom!Copy !req
70. Me...Copy !req
71. Send in the crone.Copy !req
72. - No!
- Okay. All right.Copy !req
73. I'll do it! I'll do that!Copy !req
74. You fucked her?Copy !req
75. Hungry.Copy !req
76. I...Copy !req
77. love you.Copy !req
78. I heard that!Copy !req
79. I heard that.Copy !req
80. I think my hearing's back.Copy !req
81. You knew it was confetti?Copy !req
82. Hey, Wes! Wesley!Copy !req
83. You guys okay?Copy !req
84. Wesley, I... I'm really sorry.Copy !req
85. We're good.Copy !req
86. All good?Copy !req
87. All good.Copy !req
88. Alright.Copy !req
89. Hm.Copy !req
90. He's all good, too.Copy !req
91. Cool.Copy !req
92. No way!Copy !req
93. My Official Hamilton The Musical
Replica Confetti Pistols!Copy !req
94. Did you see my Starlight Express
roller skates signed by Lloyd Webber?Copy !req
95. Yeah!Copy !req
96. Dope.Copy !req
97. - Come on! Over here! Yo!
- Yeah!Copy !req
98. Okay, Burr has Angelica,Copy !req
99. an army of Jocks, and a big nuke.Copy !req
100. What's your plan?Copy !req
101. Is there anything we can't do?Copy !req
102. Go, team!Copy !req
103. - Principal Burr!
- Burr!Copy !req
104. You got it, Principal Burr.Copy !req
105. Lake Arrowhead, here we come!Copy !req
106. Burr! Burr! Burr!Copy !req
107. Kids need the strongest leader.Copy !req
108. Turbo isn't that anymore.Copy !req
109. Hm.Copy !req
110. No, no, no, no, no, no! I...Copy !req
111. I can't make a plan.Copy !req
112. I'm not a leader! I'm just...Copy !req
113. I'm just Josh!Copy !req
114. I'll be your friend!Copy !req
115. No!Copy !req
116. - I love you!
- Aww!Copy !req
117. What's your name?Copy !req
118. Guys, look!Copy !req
119. Sorry! Sorry!Copy !req
120. Thought it was cute.Copy !req
121. My bad. Too soon.Copy !req
122. I wanna apologize for running away.Copy !req
123. We came back to help you fight.Copy !req
124. And...Copy !req
125. we're not the only ones.Copy !req
126. Do you have a plan, Josh?Copy !req
127. Well, fuck you, loser!Copy !req
128. Oh, shit! My sword!Copy !req
129. Those are just kids out there.Copy !req
130. The only way we're gonna find answersCopy !req
131. and survive is if we stay together!Copy !req
132. - He's kicking us out?
- I'm sorry!Copy !req
133. Don't be a savage! You're above that!Copy !req
134. Your skills, Angelica's brains,
my swords?Copy !req
135. Ain't nothing we can't do together!Copy !req
136. - Sam, where are you?
- I can't see! I'm bleeding!Copy !req
137. Let's save the world!Copy !req
138. All right!Copy !req
139. Let's hop in!Copy !req
140. Come on!Copy !req
141. Hi! What the shit?Copy !req
142. I'm relatively confident
this is gonna end well.Copy !req
143. Fighting Baron TriumphCopy !req
144. with the surviving members
of the JV marching band?Copy !req
145. Come on, they don't have
to be any good, just loud!Copy !req
146. Yeah, see?Copy !req
147. Yeah, there we go!Copy !req
148. Yes, that makes total sense. Thank you.Copy !req
149. Okay! Louder!Copy !req
150. - Fuck! Josh!
- Yes!Copy !req
151. - Over here, man!
- Dude! There you go!Copy !req
152. This is literally Chinese to me!Copy !req
153. - Keep it up! Whoa!
- Yeah!Copy !req
154. Hey, Josh!Copy !req
155. Josh?Copy !req
156. Fall in!Copy !req
157. Desperta ferro!Copy !req
158. Guys. Guys, come on.Copy !req
159. Desperta ferro!Copy !req
160. Awaken the iron!Copy !req
161. It's Catalan, a medieval war cry?Copy !req
162. Desperta ferro!Copy !req
163. No?Copy !req
164. What about...Copy !req
165. hike!Copy !req
166. Go, you jackasses.Copy !req
167. - Is this your plan?
- We need an army to fight the Jocks.Copy !req
168. I got us an army.Copy !req
169. Come on!Copy !req
170. Die, you fucker!Copy !req
171. Angelica!Copy !req
172. You came for me!Copy !req
173. - Come on, we have to go.
- We can't! The nuke is armed!Copy !req
174. Get out there! Get out there!
Don't let anybody in!Copy !req
175. Go! Go, go, go. Go!Copy !req
176. Out. Get out!Copy !req
177. Let's go! Come on, let's go!Copy !req
178. Fuck!Copy !req
179. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
180. The instruction manual
is in Mandarin.Copy !req
181. Do you see anything
that says "ramjet to turbo fan"Copy !req
182. or "anti-material pathogen"?Copy !req
183. Okay. This says um...
"Made in Russia."Copy !req
184. This says, "Biological Agent."Copy !req
185. So, Russia and China teamed up
to make America the Ghoulie fool?Copy !req
186. No, it's the same all around the world.
We don't know who did what.Copy !req
187. No! We know it's the adults' fault!Copy !req
188. I mean, listen to them!Copy !req
189. I wanna get solar panels,
but I'mma wait until the price drops.Copy !req
190. I have to stay under my mileage
for the lease!Copy !req
191. It's dark out. No one will see if I don't
pick up the dog's poop.Copy !req
192. Adults had one stupid job:Copy !req
193. to teach us how to be good people.Copy !req
194. But adults are
the most selfish assholes of all!Copy !req
195. And the worst part isCopy !req
196. we don't get our chance to grow upCopy !req
197. and fuck up the world ourselves!Copy !req
198. Fuck you!Copy !req
199. Hey... Okay. Then, we'll just unfuck it.Copy !req
200. Angelica, you are a Mensa-level genius
with flexible morality.Copy !req
201. And I need you.Copy !req
202. Okay?Copy !req
203. I need help.Copy !req
204. There's a biological weapon
on this nuke!Copy !req
205. I don't know what it is.Copy !req
206. Ms. Crumble does.Copy !req
207. I need her.Copy !req
208. Well, where is she?Copy !req
209. In there. With the other kids.Copy !req
210. I'm gonna get them out.Copy !req
211. Josh! Get Ms. Crumble quick!Copy !req
212. Triumph is gonna kill you!Copy !req
213. He's my responsibility!
I let him out of the cage!Copy !req
214. Angelica needs Ms. Crumble!Copy !req
215. If you can't get her, we're all gonna die!Copy !req
216. Shit.Copy !req
217. Hyah!Copy !req
218. Get him, Crumble!Copy !req
219. - Crumble! We need your help!
- Stop! Stop, stop! Stop!Copy !req
220. We got the wrong asshole.Copy !req
221. This is just Josh.Copy !req
222. - Josh Wheeler?
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
223. Present.Copy !req
224. Sam. Sam, I want you to know something.Copy !req
225. I thought your viral video was just...Copy !req
226. It was just fucking awful.Copy !req
227. Such a thirst trap.Copy !req
228. A very obvious cry for attention.Copy !req
229. You have some very serious
emotional problems.Copy !req
230. Josh?Copy !req
231. Come on, come on!Copy !req
232. Get up! We know you can't be stabbed!Copy !req
233. I saw you, remember?
The whole axe thing?Copy !req
234. Ah... Aw, come on!Copy !req
235. I wanted you to be all confident.Copy !req
236. Teenage lovers reunitedCopy !req
237. after banishing the monster.Copy !req
238. You walk off together,Copy !req
239. then slowly, I get up behind youCopy !req
240. and say something like...Copy !req
241. "Where's your hall pass, kids?"Copy !req
242. That's kinda lame.Copy !req
243. Well, it's a work in progress.Copy !req
244. Why'd you stab me
if you knew I wasn't gonna die?Copy !req
245. It wasn't the sword
that was meant to kill you.Copy !req
246. It's what's on it.Copy !req
247. Peanut butter?Copy !req
248. Extra crunchy.Copy !req
249. How did you know that I have an allergy?Copy !req
250. You told me so yourself.Copy !req
251. This is a nut-free campus.
I'm sorry that I wasn't clear about that.Copy !req
252. Nothing you ever did was about us.Copy !req
253. It was always all about you.Copy !req
254. serious allergies
don't only affect your fellow students,Copy !req
255. but staff as well.Copy !req
256. You never know who might be susceptible.Copy !req
257. But the Hoyle-Some Cereal Factory
is nut-free.Copy !req
258. That's why you holed up in here.Copy !req
259. I really...Copy !req
260. I really wanted to help.Copy !req
261. I was... I was trying
to prevent you...Copy !req
262. from experiencing the pain...Copy !req
263. that's to come.Copy !req
264. Whoa!Copy !req
265. Fuck...Copy !req
266. Ooh!Copy !req
267. Ew!Copy !req
268. Ooh! Easy! Easy, boy! Easy, boy!Copy !req
269. Whoa, whoa!Copy !req
270. Easy. Easy, easy.Copy !req
271. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
272. You're so busy fighting each other,Copy !req
273. you haven't seen the real threat coming.Copy !req
274. Right, Ms. Crumble?Copy !req
275. I want to help kids,Copy !req
276. not eat them.Copy !req
277. You're all alone, Principal Burr.Copy !req
278. Hey, Josh...Copy !req
279. fuck you.Copy !req
280. That's why you don't fuck
with those nut allergies!Copy !req
281. - I got this one!
- Yeah!Copy !req
282. Whoa, whoa, whoa!Copy !req
283. - Hey, guys!
- Hi, Sam!Copy !req
284. - Nice jacket!
- Thank you, Michael!Copy !req
285. Okay, so, if we could all just... relax.Copy !req
286. Principal Burr is dead.Copy !req
287. - But we need to get Ms. Crumble here...
- Hi!Copy !req
288. Up there to disarm that nuke...Copy !req
289. and save everyone.Copy !req
290. Good?Copy !req
291. You got it, Sam!Copy !req
292. Thank you! Cooperative!Copy !req
293. It's a plasmid that transmits DNA
and resequences genes.Copy !req
294. - Okay. Crazy talk or teacher talk?
- This is for reals!Copy !req
295. The plasmid
and the radiation made Ghoulies.Copy !req
296. This missile... made me me.Copy !req
297. - Disable the nuke.
- I can't!Copy !req
298. I've been trying, but the bioweapon
and the nuke are coupled.Copy !req
299. If I deactivate one,
the other will explode.Copy !req
300. The way of the samurai is death,
but I'm still finna get my Emily Blunt onCopy !req
301. before I kiss the infinite.Copy !req
302. What? No!Copy !req
303. Put that out!Copy !req
304. We're on a rocket!Copy !req
305. We're on a rocket.Copy !req
306. We're on a phallic symbolCopy !req
307. filled with fuel, designed by men
who wanted to fuck the world!Copy !req
308. I got it! Just move. I got it!Copy !req
309. Okay.Copy !req
310. - We can fire the missile!
- Yeah!Copy !req
311. Yeah! We can fire it!Copy !req
312. And with the fuel left,
it can reach the mesosphere.Copy !req
313. And hopefully, we'll be fine!Copy !req
314. - Okay. Do it!
- But...Copy !req
315. But what?Copy !req
316. It can only be launched manually...Copy !req
317. from right here.Copy !req
318. I'll do it.Copy !req
319. What? No, you'll die!Copy !req
320. You'll be incinerated in 5,000 degrees
of liquid hydrogen hell.Copy !req
321. Silly, I will turn myself into a mist.Copy !req
322. Huh? Huh?Copy !req
323. No! You can't do that!
You're not able to! Okay?Copy !req
324. Come on. We have to go
and find shelter before it goes off.Copy !req
325. Come on.Copy !req
326. Come on.Copy !req
327. Come on.Copy !req
328. Go.Copy !req
329. Angelica!Copy !req
330. No! I'm not leaving you here!
I'm staying with you!Copy !req
331. I won't! I won't!Copy !req
332. - It's gonna be okay.
- No, I won't! No!Copy !req
333. Let's go!Copy !req
334. Get to the trucks!Copy !req
335. I'm sorry.Copy !req
336. What are we looking at?Copy !req
337. Hey, whoa! Hey!Copy !req
338. Okay.Copy !req
339. I told you.Copy !req
340. What are you?Copy !req
341. I don't know.Copy !req
342. But aren't we gonna have fun
figuring it out together?Copy !req
343. Yeah!Copy !req
344. Stop playing. Go get her, man.Copy !req
345. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
346. Sam!Copy !req
347. - Sam!
- Hey!Copy !req
348. - We did it!
- We did it!Copy !req
349. We're alive!Copy !req
350. Hey, let's go to the mall.Copy !req
351. Yeah, I got a spot for us
in the furniture store.Copy !req
352. It looks like a craftsman home
in Montrose.Copy !req
353. It can be our little "Happily Ever After."Copy !req
354. No.Copy !req
355. No?Copy !req
356. Yeah, no.Copy !req
357. But I love you.Copy !req
358. No, you don't!Copy !req
359. You love this antiquated notion
that I'm a damsel needing to be rescued,Copy !req
360. but... that's not my story.Copy !req
361. But you left me a note to find you.Copy !req
362. Six months in the apocalypse,
and you haven't changed a bit.Copy !req
363. Still so very earnest.Copy !req
364. I fought and struggled,Copy !req
365. and I even lost a finger
to try to get to you!Copy !req
366. And yet you still don't know me!Copy !req
367. I mean, I hate craftsman homes!Copy !req
368. Okay. What about a mid-century modern?Copy !req
369. I'll always be thankful to you, Josh.Copy !req
370. When you posted that video,
you showed me who I could be.Copy !req
371. And who are you?Copy !req
372. I'm Sam Dean.Copy !req
373. This is my life now.Copy !req
374. These are my people,
and they need a leader.Copy !req
375. They need me.Copy !req
376. The apocalypse wasn't the best thing
to happen to you, Josh.Copy !req
377. It was the best thing to happen to me.Copy !req
378. Follow me.Copy !req
379. Hoo, hoo, ha!Copy !req