1. Yeah, and he would be resp—
have to speak at your funeralCopy !req
2. or something like that.Copy !req
3. I would've been perfectly
fine with that.Copy !req
4. - (Kimmel laughs)
- Except the death thing,
you know.Copy !req
5. Yeah, except for the death.Copy !req
6. - Yeah, that would be no good.
- Yeah.Copy !req
7. - (music stops)
- That was the one.Copy !req
8. - Man.
- That was a good take.Copy !req
9. I ain't gonna lie,
you in your bag, LD.Copy !req
10. This has been, what,
the most productive monthCopy !req
11. of my life?
I own a home.Copy !req
12. - (Gata whoops)
- What more can I ask for?Copy !req
13. You speaking your truth
into existence.Copy !req
14. - Thank you.
- Yeah, Chuck. Really speakingCopy !req
15. your truth into existence.Copy !req
16. Especially when you're lying
to everyoneCopy !req
17. on national television.Copy !req
18. What are you referring to?Copy !req
19. Jimmy Kimmel?Copy !req
20. I didn't lie on Jimmy Kimmel,
you can go replayCopy !req
21. all that footage,
I didn't lie once.Copy !req
22. He just twisted facts.Copy !req
23. I didn't twist any facts.Copy !req
24. - I didn't.
- Chuck, you sound like Trump.Copy !req
25. I omitted, like, some details,
but he didn't askCopy !req
26. the questions that would've...Copy !req
27. - (laughing)
- I really did, like,Copy !req
28. learn a lot about life
from that whole experience.Copy !req
29. And I have a whole new lens
that I see the world through.Copy !req
30. From here on out, honesty.Copy !req
31. On that note, earlier today,
I did tell you that a bonerCopy !req
32. was called a boner because a man
has a bone that, like,Copy !req
33. comes out of his pelvis
when he's excited.Copy !req
34. It's not true.Copy !req
35. Dick isn't made of bones.
It's, like,Copy !req
36. - all meat.
- Oh. Okay.Copy !req
37. All right, I need you guys
to leave.Copy !req
38. I'm getting ready for Robyn.Copy !req
39. Chuck, how long is
she gonna stay here?Copy !req
40. I don't know, two weeks.Copy !req
41. - Two weeks?
- Yeah.Copy !req
42. Are you insane?Copy !req
43. Two weeks, it's
like a honeymoon length.Copy !req
44. I couldn't be more excited,
honestly.Copy !req
45. What if she's not even
what you remember her to be?Copy !req
46. You barely know this girl.Copy !req
47. Man, that shit happened to me
one time, I was fuckingCopy !req
48. with this Arabian bitch, man.Copy !req
49. I thought she was gonna be cool.Copy !req
50. But she gonna text me the next
day talking about alimony.Copy !req
51. How you get pregnant in one day?Copy !req
52. Gata, I have no idea what
you're talking about,Copy !req
53. but this is not that.Copy !req
54. I, like, know this girl.
I talk to her, we text.Copy !req
55. If you heard the voice mail
she left when she thoughtCopy !req
56. I was dead,
you would understand.Copy !req
57. So you talk to her about
everything, right?Copy !req
58. She know about the death scam
and all that, huh?Copy !req
59. Never call it the death scam.Copy !req
60. Right? Let's refer
to the death...Copy !req
61. thing as a totally
different thingCopy !req
62. that never even is vocalized.Copy !req
63. And, uh, no, I have not,Copy !req
64. but, like, I will. I just,
like, don't want to start offCopy !req
65. with that conversation, but...Copy !req
66. I'm getting to a fresh
new start too, man.Copy !req
67. You ain't gonna
believe this, nigga.Copy !req
68. I ain't had sex in,
like, two weeks.Copy !req
69. You know?Copy !req
70. I even started beating
my shit again.Copy !req
71. Beating your shit?
What, like jerking off?Copy !req
72. Yeah, jacking off, dawg.Copy !req
73. What? You weren't
jerking off before?Copy !req
74. I ain't jerked off since, like,
12th grade or some shit.Copy !req
75. 12th grade? You haven't
jerked off in, like,Copy !req
76. - 20 years?
- That's insane.Copy !req
77. It's way too many hoes out hereCopy !req
78. for a nigga to just be
jacking off like that, bro.Copy !req
79. Whoa, whoa, whoa, please be
careful about the rosesCopy !req
80. on the way out.
They're perfectly...Copy !req
81. Chuck. Chuck, this is crazy.Copy !req
82. You're gonna freak
this girl out.Copy !req
83. Unless you want her to be
your actual girlfriend,Copy !req
84. - and then I think
it's gonna freak you out.
- (doorbell rings)Copy !req
85. Chuck, it's finally the pointCopy !req
86. in your life where you,
like, ju—Copy !req
87. What are you doing?
You could just be like...Copy !req
88. - Hello?
It's Amazon.Copy !req
89. Dropping off a package.Copy !req
90. Okay, coming right up.Copy !req
91. - (stammers)
- One more time.Copy !req
92. - Is it open?
- (lock buzzes)Copy !req
93. Thank you.Copy !req
94. Satin sheets.Copy !req
95. I'm gonna have to cancel
the beach thing tomorrow.Copy !req
96. No, no, no, Chuck,
you can't cancel it.Copy !req
97. The beach is, like, overrated
and one-dimensionally texturedCopy !req
98. anyways. Like, I have to...Copy !req
99. Bro, you gotta come
to the beach, dawg.Copy !req
100. You out of pocket,
you doing way too much.Copy !req
101. - All these roses and shit?
- Guys, I will see you later.Copy !req
102. - Okay?
- What, you're just
canceling plans on us?Copy !req
103. I can't neglect her
on the first day.Copy !req
104. Nigga switched up,
all over a bitch.Copy !req
105. No, I left his food
in the sink to thaw out.Copy !req
106. And then you just
give him a cup.Copy !req
107. Yeah. Thank you so much.Copy !req
108. Hello?Copy !req
109. Hi.Copy !req
110. I'm buzzing you in.Copy !req
111. Holy shit.Copy !req
112. This is— Ugh.Copy !req
113. Hi.Copy !req
114. Hey, girl.Copy !req
115. - Come in.
- Hey.Copy !req
116. Your house is... sick.Copy !req
117. Can you believe you only have
to put 20% of the money down?Copy !req
118. - Yeah, a mortgage.
- Yeah.Copy !req
119. I had no idea. It's like,
you only need to be so wealthy.Copy !req
120. - That is exciting,
actually. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
121. - Well, welcome.
- Thanks.Copy !req
122. Benjamin Moore,
"the professional's choice."Copy !req
123. - On the paint.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
124. - Wow, we're, uh, we're here.
- Yeah.Copy !req
125. - Yeah.
- Look at us.Copy !req
126. Here we are. In person.Copy !req
127. - Uh...
- I'm so happy you're here.Copy !req
128. - Hi. Hi.
- I really am so happy
you're here.Copy !req
129. - Hello.
- Yeah.Copy !req
130. - (laughs)
- I thought we were kissing.Copy !req
131. Yeah, I-I— you're alive.Copy !req
132. I thought you were dead,
so this is...Copy !req
133. Um, let's fucking unwind
or something.Copy !req
134. - Let's-let's celebrate. Okay.
- Let's celebrate.Copy !req
135. - Should we drink?
- Drink?Copy !req
136. Is that such a—
is that weird to just throw outCopy !req
137. - right-right away?
- Uh...Copy !req
138. Wine? Is that...?Copy !req
139. Wine? Uh, don't
often carry wine,Copy !req
140. - but I might have
something over here.
- Okay.Copy !req
141. - Uh...
- Wow.Copy !req
142. I think there's some wine
over here.Copy !req
143. Honestly, you can just take
whatever you want.Copy !req
144. Need a pair
of nice new headphones?Copy !req
145. I— that's—
What are these here for?Copy !req
146. Oh, these brands, they just
send me all this shitCopy !req
147. 'cause my birthday's this week,
so it's like...Copy !req
148. - That's what's going on.
- It's your birthday this week?Copy !req
149. It is, yeah.Copy !req
150. Why wouldn't you tell me that?
Fuck.Copy !req
151. I don't even like attention
on my birthday.Copy !req
152. - I hate it.
- Okay.Copy !req
153. I hate everyone, like,
looking at you,Copy !req
154. expecting you to be, like,
this unreasonableCopy !req
155. level of happy, it's just...Copy !req
156. - It's your birthday this...
- Well, doesn't matter.Copy !req
157. How can I get you this wine?
There is a store.Copy !req
158. - Okay.
- We can go there.Copy !req
159. - (chuckles)
- I'm more of like a weed smoker.Copy !req
160. - Do you smoke?
- (stammers) No, I don't—Copy !req
161. - I'll... Okay.
- I'm gonna get weed for myself.Copy !req
162. You have the wine. We'll escape
our bodies at the same time.Copy !req
163. And it's gonna be
pretty incredible.Copy !req
164. - Okay.
- (footsteps retreating)Copy !req
165. (whispers):
What the fuck?Copy !req
166. So, publicity-wise,Copy !req
167. in the past month,
I think we've got a lot done.Copy !req
168. So I think we're being
very productive.Copy !req
169. So it's working, for sure.Copy !req
170. Yeah, yeah, Kimmel went well.Copy !req
171. So, I'm assuming he
trusts me more now.Copy !req
172. He did say he felt managed.Copy !req
173. Well, that sounds like
a management issue.Copy !req
174. Yeah. Look, Dave is really
starting to trust you.Copy !req
175. - Great.
- But he wants toCopy !req
176. live his honest truth.Copy !req
177. Mm. Honest— well, that's after
he faked his own death?Copy !req
178. - Well, we did talk about that.
- (scoffs)Copy !req
179. You know,
th-the rats on the bus,Copy !req
180. - that was actually a real thing.
- Please. Please, please, please.Copy !req
181. Come on. I'm a publicist.
I know an attention grabCopy !req
182. when I see one.
I make them for a living.Copy !req
183. We just, we just want
to get away from that...Copy !req
184. - Mm.
- That thing, you know?Copy !req
185. It's a— yech— story.
It's a yucky story.Copy !req
186. - Right.
- And Dave's very sensitive
about it.Copy !req
187. You know I love Dave. Right?Copy !req
188. - Yeah.
- And I love a challenge.Copy !req
189. I love you guys.
That's why I took you on.Copy !req
190. But your client is a child.Copy !req
191. I mean, last time he was here
he was playing with putty.Copy !req
192. That's for his ADD.
That's actually not Silly Putty.Copy !req
193. That's prescribed.Copy !req
194. Okay, but it stuck
his pocket closed.Copy !req
195. And he couldn't open it.Copy !req
196. - Yeah.
- Just, we have to be ableCopy !req
197. to control him and, you know,
not let him...Copy !req
198. I can't control Dave, Ava.Copy !req
199. I can't control anything
in my life. Y— He's...Copy !req
200. I...Copy !req
201. But you have me now, Mike. Okay?Copy !req
202. We're gonna do this together.Copy !req
203. Great.Copy !req
204. Great.Copy !req
205. I think
I'd like to get coffee
with you sometime,Copy !req
206. outside of— or, I mean,
we would do business,Copy !req
207. but I mean, outside of
this office 'cause I don't...Copy !req
208. - (phone chimes)
- Oh, you know what?
I have another meeting.Copy !req
209. Sorry. Our conversation
was great, though.Copy !req
210. - Awesome. Loved it.
- It was very productive.Copy !req
211. - And I will...
- Let me get out of here.Copy !req
212. - ... be in touch. Okay.
- Thank you.Copy !req
213. I'm actually free tonight.Copy !req
214. For coffee?Copy !req
215. So why don't you come on by
and annihilate me?Copy !req
216. What?Copy !req
217. Not actually, obviously.Copy !req
218. But I'm just into role-playing
and blurring linesCopy !req
219. between consensual
and non-consensual.Copy !req
220. So, um...Copy !req
221. if that interests you at all,Copy !req
222. here is my address.Copy !req
223. 11:00 p. m.Copy !req
224. Yeah, be easy to get in.Copy !req
225. Okay.Copy !req
226. - (phone rings)
- Yeah, put him through.Copy !req
227. Can't believe yoCopy !req
228. It's your own personal holiday.
I love holidays.Copy !req
229. I just feel like every year
that gets higher,Copy !req
230. the number is more
and more alarming,Copy !req
231. and all I do is think
about, like, my placeCopy !req
232. in the world, and, like,
my-my standing.Copy !req
233. No, man, you got to stay
in the present, dawg.Copy !req
234. - (laughs) Yeah.
- I like the present
right now, dawg.Copy !req
235. Yeah. On my 21st birthday,
we were doing karaoke,Copy !req
236. and I was just, like, ripping
"All Star" by Smash Mouth,Copy !req
237. (voice fading): and I...
whipped my hair into a candle.Copy !req
238. And then, my friends were like,
"You're-you're on fire,"Copy !req
239. and I was like, "You're
goddamn right I'm on fire."Copy !req
240. And I— I just was, on fire.Copy !req
241. And then I ended up in the ER.Copy !req
242. I, uh...Copy !req
243. What are we talking
about, again?Copy !req
244. - My birthday.
- Ah!Copy !req
245. Did you just get so high?Copy !req
246. Yeah, my train of thought
just choo-choo'd bye-bye.Copy !req
247. - Yeah.
- (both giggle)Copy !req
248. Should I just take advantage of
this vulnerability right now?Copy !req
249. - And just rip some questions?
- Yeah.Copy !req
250. All right, if you need to grill
me, I'm ready to be grilled.Copy !req
251. - Favorite color?
- Sunset orange.Copy !req
252. Favorite time of day?Copy !req
253. 4:57, 'cause of
the sunset orange, probably.Copy !req
254. Yeah, favorite, uh, animal?Copy !req
255. - Elephant.
- Elephant?Copy !req
256. Yeah.Copy !req
257. I knew I liked you.Copy !req
258. That's my favorite animal.Copy !req
259. I, uh...Copy !req
260. I'm sorry.
What are we talking about again?Copy !req
261. Elephants.Copy !req
262. Should we...Copy !req
263. You're so high.
I keep forgetting.Copy !req
264. - Yeah.
- You, like, go in—Copy !req
265. You wear it well.
Should we keep going?Copy !req
266. For the wine?Copy !req
267. - Yeah.
- What am I doing?Copy !req
268. - Are you... Should we...
- (coughing rhythmically)Copy !req
269. That was...Copy !req
270. Oh, my God, please don't
come at me like that.Copy !req
271. - I need to sit down.
- Okay.Copy !req
272. I need to sit down.
I'm sorry.Copy !req
273. - In the street.
- What the fuck?Copy !req
274. Fully strobe-lighting.Copy !req
275. Lin-Manuel Manuel
lives down here...Copy !req
276. - (dog barking)
- (screams) What the fuck?Copy !req
277. Hey, Sawyer! Sorry.Copy !req
278. He doesn't usually
bark at people.Copy !req
279. He— The dog knew.Copy !req
280. - Why?
- The dog knew what?Copy !req
281. I'm sorry.Copy !req
282. (chuckles)
Don't be. It's okay.Copy !req
283. - Okay?
- (sighs)Copy !req
284. - (groaning)
- Oh, let me get your shoes.Copy !req
285. These are cool.Copy !req
286. Thank you.Copy !req
287. You're welcome, Dave.Copy !req
288. I-I wrote you a song.Copy !req
289. What?Copy !req
290. I love it.Copy !req
291. I haven't done the verses yet.
I will.Copy !req
292. The hook is fire.Copy !req
293. - (laughs softly)
- Don't you think?Copy !req
294. It is fire.Copy !req
295. (groans)
I just need to reboot.Copy !req
296. I'll be out.Copy !req
297. It's like an actual dictionary.Copy !req
298. Hi. I was just in the areaCopy !req
299. and I'm-I'm returning
Dave's tennis racket.Copy !req
300. - Is he home?
- (lock buzzes)Copy !req
301. I think it should be open.Copy !req
302. - Hi. Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
303. - Robyn?
- Yes.Copy !req
304. - Ally? I've heard
so much about you.
- Yes. Hi.Copy !req
305. - Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
306. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
307. I hope this isn't, uh,
weird, or...Copy !req
308. Oh, my God, no.Copy !req
309. - Sorry, I'm so thirsty.
- Yeah...Copy !req
310. And is he... Where is he?Copy !req
311. Uh, he, uh, got higher
than I've seen any human get,Copy !req
312. and he passed out.Copy !req
313. Wait, he's... he's, like, out?Copy !req
314. Yes.Copy !req
315. - Very out.
- Okay, that's amazing.Copy !req
316. - Oh.
- I was very stressed about
how I was gonna do this.Copy !req
317. Okay, so we have
a major situation on our hands.Copy !req
318. You know how it's his birthday
on Thursday?Copy !req
319. I am now aware of that, yeah.Copy !req
320. Okay, we are throwing him
a surprise party tomorrow.Copy !req
321. And it's unmovable.Copy !req
322. His parents flew in
and Benny is getting thisCopy !req
323. cheesesteak chef
from Philadelphia,Copy !req
324. and originally Benny was
supposed to get him there.Copy !req
325. But that's before we knew
that you would be here.Copy !req
326. So we're kind of wondering if
you can bring him to the party.Copy !req
327. Y-Y... Uh, yeah.Copy !req
328. - Of course. Yeah. Totally.
- Thank you.Copy !req
329. - I know it's, like, a lot...
- Um, what are the...Copy !req
330. like, what-what are the details?
How should I...?Copy !req
331. It's, um, 6:00 at an Airbnb
at the beach.Copy !req
332. We were just, like, talking
about this today.Copy !req
333. He was saying he doesn't really
like attention on his birthday.Copy !req
334. (chuckles)
He, like, loves attention.Copy !req
335. - He loves attention.
- Okay.Copy !req
336. On all of the days.Copy !req
337. - Every single one.
- Yeah.Copy !req
338. - Here, give me your... phone.
- Yeah.Copy !req
339. I am gonna put myself in here
as, um, Mike Triangle.Copy !req
340. I will just send you, like,
the specifics of the location,Copy !req
341. and if you have any issues,
you can...Copy !req
342. Okay. Yeah. Uh, you said
his parents are gonna be there?Copy !req
343. Oh, my God, you're gonna
love Don and Carol.Copy !req
344. - It's gonna be great.
- Uh, um...Copy !req
345. - Great.
- But I'll see you tomorrow.Copy !req
346. - Tomorrow, and we— Yeah.
- I'm gonna get outCopy !req
347. while the getting is good.
And, um,Copy !req
348. - good luck. You've got this.
- Okay.Copy !req
349. Thanks. Uh,
I'll see you tomorrow.Copy !req
350. Ow.Copy !req
351. - Oh, my God.
- What's happening?Copy !req
352. I'm sorry! I— This is...Copy !req
353. - Yeah, okay.
- (alarm stops)Copy !req
354. - Great.
- Fuck!Copy !req
355. - (exhales)
- Hey.Copy !req
356. You wanna go to the wine store?Copy !req
357. Are you okay?Copy !req
358. - I'm still high.
- Yeah, that's...Copy !req
359. - That is clear.
- Are you having fun?Copy !req
360. Yeah.Copy !req
361. I don't know.
I don't get these people.Copy !req
362. I mean, every time Jon Hamm's
dick-print bulges in his pantsCopy !req
363. when he's walking around
Brooklyn, it's not a story.Copy !req
364. He wears khakis,
he walks around a lot.Copy !req
365. - I know.
- (chair scrapes)Copy !req
366. I'm sorry. Can I call you back?Copy !req
367. Hello?Copy !req
368. Hello...Copy !req
369. Hello. Hey, it's Mike Spera.Copy !req
370. Are you ready?Copy !req
371. Ready for what?Copy !req
372. Are you ready to be scrutinized?Copy !req
373. - (screams)
Get the fuck out of my house!
- No, no, no, no!Copy !req
374. No, no, we talked about—
You told me to come here!Copy !req
375. Remember? You told me your
safe word. And it was memorable,Copy !req
376. - but I don't remember
what it was.
- Bro.Copy !req
377. Come on, man.
(scoffs)Copy !req
378. (panting)
Oh, yeah.Copy !req
379. I will come on.Copy !req
380. I'm gonna come on strong.Copy !req
381. Bro...Copy !req
382. I'm gonna come on myself
when I nut on myself.Copy !req
383. (quietly): Tell me
to suck the pepper spray.Copy !req
384. - What?
- Tell... tell meCopy !req
385. - to suck the pepper spray.
- (growls) I'm gonna make youCopy !req
386. - suck the pepper spray!
- Just, like, take itCopy !req
387. - the fuck out of my hand, and...
- No, what do you mean? I...Copy !req
388. - Be a man. Just...
- Don't tell me to be a man.
I am being a man.Copy !req
389. - I'm just...
- Jesus Christ! Will you
just go with this?Copy !req
390. I don't want to go with it!Copy !req
391. I don't want to go with it.
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Okay?Copy !req
392. Ava, I don't want to do this.
I've never done this before.Copy !req
393. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
394. I think you're smart
and you're beautiful.Copy !req
395. I just want to, like,
do something normal with you.Copy !req
396. Like-like eat a meal...Copy !req
397. Mike, I like you, too.Copy !req
398. Obviously. That's why
I invited you over here.Copy !req
399. (sighs) I am in control
all the fucking time.Copy !req
400. Okay? So, I just, like,Copy !req
401. want something different,
if you know what I mean.Copy !req
402. Like, I guess it's my kink.Copy !req
403. I
just thought maybe you might
have wanted a littleCopy !req
404. control in your life.Copy !req
405. I understand.Copy !req
406. I didn't get it before,
but trust me, I get it.Copy !req
407. I've had some weird kinks
over the years.Copy !req
408. I used to be in love with women
with lopsided breasts.Copy !req
409. I was obsessed.Copy !req
410. Look, I...Copy !req
411. I'm not gonna do
what you want me to do.Copy !req
412. - Okay.
- Because...Copy !req
413. as interesting as it sounds
for you to get what you want,Copy !req
414. you're not getting any of it.
Hmm.Copy !req
415. At all.Copy !req
416. You like the way I rub you?Copy !req
417. - Do you like that?
- Mm. I— Yeah, I do.Copy !req
418. I don't care if you do
or you don't.Copy !req
419. - You understand?
- Yeah.Copy !req
420. Don't. I hope
you don't understand.Copy !req
421. Did you order a brick?Copy !req
422. Wait, a brick?
What do you mean?Copy !req
423. A brick cock.Copy !req
424. 'Cause I'm about
to lay some brick.Copy !req
425. - You wanna come?
- Yes, please.Copy !req
426. Too bad.
Not on my watch.Copy !req
427. Mom, he's very eCopy !req
428. I mean, you have to be
to pull off getting so highCopy !req
429. that I just had to put him
into bed.Copy !req
430. And then when he was asleep,
his ex-girlfriend came,Copy !req
431. 'cause their— his whole
friend group is throwing himCopy !req
432. this surprise party and...Copy !req
433. No. Mom, I don't know
who's prettier.Copy !req
434. It's, like, crazy. I...Copy !req
435. We're both equal...Copy !req
436. - Hi. I gotta go.
- Hi.Copy !req
437. Okay. Love you. Bye.Copy !req
438. - Oh, boy.
- Hi.Copy !req
439. What have I done?Copy !req
440. - Good morning. He is risen.
- Good morning.Copy !req
441. I rose. I fucked it all up.Copy !req
442. - No, you didn't.
- Wow.Copy !req
443. Did you get good rest?Copy !req
444. I mean— that was—
I'm borderline H, still.Copy !req
445. - Okay.
- But...Copy !req
446. I want to make it up to you.Copy !req
447. And I've taken steps towards
making it up to youCopy !req
448. by creating the perfect
romantic plan.Copy !req
449. - Okay.
- For us. Today.Copy !req
450. Today? The whole day?Copy !req
451. The whole day, bucko.
So strap in.Copy !req
452. Um... well, I-I made plans
for us today, too.Copy !req
453. - Dueling plans?
- Yeah.Copy !req
454. Okay. Tit for tat.Copy !req
455. What's yours?Copy !req
456. - What's yours?
- No, you first.Copy !req
457. - Okay. Let me paint a picture.
- Okay.Copy !req
458. I want you to imagine
that outside,Copy !req
459. even though we're
in Los Angeles,Copy !req
460. there are six to nine
inches of snow.Copy !req
461. How? Because I've created
an entire winter wonderlandCopy !req
462. right here in my back area.Copy !req
463. Hot chocolate, toboggins,Copy !req
464. uh, there's like all types
of accoutrementCopy !req
465. that fits the winter
wonderland theme,Copy !req
466. because I remember that
you love snow days.Copy !req
467. - Snow days.
- Yeah.Copy !req
468. - So, we...
- That's...Copy !req
469. What's your plan?Copy !req
470. The beach.Copy !req
471. - Just the beach?
- Yeah.Copy !req
472. - Oh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
473. - Why does everyone...
- The beach.Copy !req
474. - We can...
- Everyone loves the beach.Copy !req
475. - I don't...
- We could just go, relax,Copy !req
476. and chill on the beach,
and we couldCopy !req
477. just, you know, get comfortable.Copy !req
478. - Sit around.
- And go for a swim and get tan.Copy !req
479. It's so cold in there.
I can't tan. I'm on Accutane.Copy !req
480. - But...
- I rented bikes.Copy !req
481. So we can get exercise.
Do you not like...?Copy !req
482. Bikes are...Copy !req
483. Feels like you...Copy !req
484. If I seem forlorn,Copy !req
485. it's 'cause I just don't
know how to ride a bike.Copy !req
486. - You can't ride a bike?
- I struggle riding a bike.Copy !req
487. And it was a big thing
of my childhood,Copy !req
488. all my friends could
ride the bike,Copy !req
489. I couldn't do it.
It really separated me fromCopy !req
490. my entire group of friends
and it's like...Copy !req
491. But life is about learning
new things, it's...Copy !req
492. Is it?Copy !req
493. No snow day?Copy !req
494. I-I would just really love
to get out of the house.Copy !req
495. You know? The, like...Copy !req
496. - Oh, yeah.
- We should...Copy !req
497. Yeah. What am I...?Copy !req
498. Stretch my legs.Copy !req
499. Yeah, so I didn't even
think about thatCopy !req
500. you would never want
to stay here,Copy !req
501. because you've been here for—
I didn't even—Copy !req
502. Let me, uh— I can adapt.Copy !req
503. I can adapt. I'll just
call the whole thing off.Copy !req
504. - Okay.
- One sec. Hey, fellas, uh...Copy !req
505. No, we don't need any more.Copy !req
506. Ix-nay on the ow-snay.Copy !req
507. - This is so thoughtful.
- It's okay.Copy !req
508. I think I might be in the window
of cancellation.Copy !req
509. I doubt it, though.
They are here.Copy !req
510. But it's not that costly.Copy !req
511. This is very sweet.Copy !req
512. You— you're sweet.Copy !req
513. Throwing me on that bike
is sweet.Copy !req
514. - We're gonna do this.
- Yeah.Copy !req
515. You gotta put it somewhere
he can see it.Copy !req
516. All right, yeah,
just this way a little.Copy !req
517. No, that way.Copy !req
518. Just— I'm gonna go— I'm gonna
change it myself later.Copy !req
519. Oh, honey, I would have never
done this at the beach.Copy !req
520. It's dirty and overrated. It's
like trying to throw a partyCopy !req
521. in the wilderness,
and it smells so bad!Copy !req
522. Yeah, what do you expect? Look.Copy !req
523. - There's a fucking dead seal
here. What am I supposed to do?
- (flies buzzing)Copy !req
524. Well, it's the beach.
What did you expect?Copy !req
525. Expect? I didn't expect there
to be a fucking dead seal.Copy !req
526. I've never even seen
a real seal.Copy !req
527. What do we do?
Do we, like, change the time?Copy !req
528. - Do we let the tide come in?
- Nah, man.Copy !req
529. It's fine. All we gotta do is
get that dead-ass sealCopy !req
530. in the ocean.Copy !req
531. Look, let's just go down there,Copy !req
532. we pick it up— the three
of us could get it out of hereCopy !req
533. in like five minutes.Copy !req
534. Hell nah, bro.
That shit look diseased, man...Copy !req
535. Can I, can I help?
What's the task?Copy !req
536. - It's down there.
- Oh, Jesus.Copy !req
537. - Fuck no. Fuck.
I'm here!Copy !req
538. What is the catastrophe?
Oh, God.Copy !req
539. (whistling)
Birds! Come on, eat the...Copy !req
540. Just eat the dead seal
down there!Copy !req
541. I gotta get my assistant
to deal with this.Copy !req
542. She does shit like this
all the time.Copy !req
543. Oh, my God.Copy !req
544. Y'all like the sea?Copy !req
545. Uh, not— No, not really.Copy !req
546. Wow, you really
weren't exaggerating.Copy !req
547. No. I mean, yeah.Copy !req
548. It's the starting and stopping
and turning that I'm...Copy !req
549. - Just commit to it.
- Commit?Copy !req
550. I'm pretty committed right now.Copy !req
551. What do I—?
There's a car!Copy !req
552. Hey, there's a car, Robyn. What
do I do? I'm not leaving thisCopy !req
553. - to human error.
- Go to the sidewalk.
Go to the sidewalk.Copy !req
554. Ah!Copy !req
555. I like the sidewalk.Copy !req
556. You know, until now,
I would've thought you couldCopy !req
557. either ride a bike or not,
I've never actually seenCopy !req
558. - this middle ground.
It's pretty impressive.
- Well...Copy !req
559. - You're doing great.
- This is nice.Copy !req
560. - Uh...
- Really...Copy !req
561. Uh, sir!
Okay.Copy !req
562. - Ho— Homeless man!
Dave, just breathe.
- (bell dinging)Copy !req
563. - Dave, just-just go around him.
- I can't turn. I can't turn.Copy !req
564. - Just turn around him. Dave!
- Sir, I can't turn.Copy !req
565. - Sir— Ah!
- Dave!Copy !req
566. - (yells) Fuck.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
567. - Are you— Did you...?
Ah, goddamn it!Copy !req
568. - You okay?
- No.Copy !req
569. - (groans) My knee.
- Ah, how's your knee?Copy !req
570. - Not good.
- Okay, well...Copy !req
571. I'm, like, fully skinned, so...Copy !req
572. (exhales forcefully)
Okay.Copy !req
573. We tried.Copy !req
574. I gave it my all.
Today is not our day.Copy !req
575. Let's go home.Copy !req
576. - (phone buzzing)
- This isn't working.Copy !req
577. You know what
is the most healing?Copy !req
578. - (Dave groans)
- The salt a-and...Copy !req
579. the sun.Copy !req
580. I'm just gonna be totally
frank with you.Copy !req
581. There is a zero percent chance
I'm going to the beach.Copy !req
582. Okay, but we had planned
to go to the beach.Copy !req
583. I don't know, plans, like,
change, like...Copy !req
584. Blockbuster had plans to not
have the streaming era exist.Copy !req
585. Come on. Let's...
Let's just, like, see...Copy !req
586. - Yeah, you can get up.
- (groans) No, it hurts.Copy !req
587. So we can get these in,
like, an Uber.Copy !req
588. No. I'm-I'm hurt.
I can't put any weight on it.Copy !req
589. But we had plans
to go to the beach.Copy !req
590. Robyn... it's not happening.Copy !req
591. - I'm trying to put on...
- That's...Copy !req
592. - (phone buzzing)
- That's what?
- I...Copy !req
593. This is no indictment on you.
I fell.Copy !req
594. - I tried to ride a bike.
- No, it's just— Come on.Copy !req
595. - I'm skinned.
I'm a skinned person.
- Yeah.Copy !req
596. I came all the way
from Wisconsin, Dave.Copy !req
597. I want to go enjoy myself
and get some R&R on the beach.Copy !req
598. I heard that there's...Copy !req
599. Let me tell you firsthand as
a guy who's from the East Coast,Copy !req
600. who never went to the beach,
and now he lives on the beach,Copy !req
601. it's so overrated.Copy !req
602. Well, you should let me
experience that for myself.Copy !req
603. - I...
- A different day,Copy !req
604. when I'm not, like,
fully injured.Copy !req
605. This isn't Madden.
You can't turn off injuries.Copy !req
606. You're not fully...Copy !req
607. - Let's— I don't know...
- (phone buzzing)Copy !req
608. what to do.
Let's fuck on the beach.Copy !req
609. - What?
- (whispers): Let's
fuck on the beach.Copy !req
610. - Ah!
- Let's...Copy !req
611. I'm, like, so
weirded out by that.Copy !req
612. I don't know
how to react to that.Copy !req
613. - I'm not gonna...
- You owe me outdoor sex.Copy !req
614. I owe you outdoor sex?
Are you serious?Copy !req
615. - (stammers)
- You really believe that?Copy !req
616. Nah, I don't know.Copy !req
617. Look, I'm not the guy
that's gonna, like,Copy !req
618. get hurt for you like Rambo,Copy !req
619. or fuck you on the beach
like a gladiator, okay?Copy !req
620. That's not who I am.Copy !req
621. And maybe we just don't
know each other,Copy !req
622. and we're forcing
this whole thing.Copy !req
623. Like, please,
let's just go home.Copy !req
624. I'm going home, personally.
I hope you come with...Copy !req
625. Fuck it. Dave, I'm trying
to get you to a surprise party!Copy !req
626. - What?
- Yeah. Your friends,Copy !req
627. they are texting me right now,
all day,Copy !req
628. and they— I— they told me
to get you to the beach,Copy !req
629. - 'cause they're all there
just waiting for you.
- Now?Copy !req
630. - And I...
- That's why you've been
acting this way?Copy !req
631. Yes! That's why
I'm acting like this.Copy !req
632. I don't even like the beach!Copy !req
633. I hate the beach.
And I hate lying.Copy !req
634. I'm so bad at lying.
This is so...Copy !req
635. stressful, I'm sweating so much.Copy !req
636. I hate lying, too.Copy !req
637. Yeah, I've...Copy !req
638. I faked my own death.Copy !req
639. Well, I didn't
fake my own death,Copy !req
640. but I did pretend
to be dead for longer,Copy !req
641. because the views and
the streams were just goingCopy !req
642. so fucking crazy.Copy !req
643. I got your voice mail,
I wanted to call you back,Copy !req
644. I didn't, and I haven't really
told anyone this, and...Copy !req
645. I'm a piece of shit, I guess.Copy !req
646. And now you know that I am.Copy !req
647. No. I...Copy !req
648. I faked my own personality
the past 24 hours.Copy !req
649. So, that's just human nature.Copy !req
650. I guess, you know? When you just
want something bad enough,Copy !req
651. you just... do it.Copy !req
652. So, I...Copy !req
653. Let's go to the surprise party.
No more lying.Copy !req
654. Except for pretending to know
about the surpriseCopy !req
655. - situation.
- That's acting, that's acting.Copy !req
656. I know exactly how to play this.Copy !req
657. I still am injured,
but I'm gonna act not.Copy !req
658. - Come on, let's go.
- Are you okay?Copy !req
659. - Yeah.
- Do you need an Advil?Copy !req
660. I don't need
anything except you.Copy !req
661. - I have your bCopy !req
662. - I'm watching... Okay.
- Watch this acting.Copy !req
663. Surprise!Copy !req
664. Mom, Dad, I didn't know
you were here! Hi!Copy !req
665. You flew in.
You got cheesesteaks.Copy !req
666. You knew about this?Copy !req
667. - I did. Yeah.
- (sighs)Copy !req
668. - You did it!
I did.Copy !req
669. - You earned this.
- Thank you.Copy !req
670. - Good work.
Hi.Copy !req
671. Great work.
Did you not know?Copy !req
672. - I had no idea.
- You really didn't know?Copy !req
673. Thank you, Gata.
Thank you, Gata.Copy !req
674. Give it to me. Hey, brother.Copy !req
675. Gata, do you really
need this shot?Copy !req
676. I'm just trying to show them
what this hard workingCopy !req
677. - gets you.
We on the beachfront, man.
- Yeah. Oh...Copy !req
678. - (beeping)
- It's your alarm.Copy !req
679. It says you gotta go to
bed soon so you can getCopy !req
680. - your 11 and a half
hours of sleep.
- Ah, okay.Copy !req
681. - All right, keep working hard.
- Hey, Mike! How's it going?Copy !req
682. Hey, Don.Copy !req
683. It's good. Really good.Copy !req
684. - Happy b
irthday.
- Thank you. I can't believeCopy !req
685. that you guys
flew out here for me.Copy !req
686. - I love you. Yeah.
Hey. We love you.
Are you kidding? Honey!Copy !req
687. It's your birthday.
Oh, hold on, hold on,
you know what?Copy !req
688. I want to introduce you guys
to somebody.Copy !req
689. - Yes.
- Come here.Copy !req
690. - Oh. Hi.
- This is Robyn.Copy !req
691. - Hi.
- Oh, this is the famous Robyn?Copy !req
692. - Hi, it's so nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
693. Oh, you are lovely.Copy !req
694. - Dave, you have a little
white...
- Okay. What are you doing?Copy !req
695. Dave and Robyn
are actually kind of cute.Copy !req
696. Yeah.Copy !req
697. - You know what else is cute?
- What?Copy !req
698. What the fuck?Copy !req
699. - (both laughing)
- You missed!Copy !req
700. - It's okay.
- Oh, fuck it.Copy !req
701. Can I show you your present?Copy !req
702. - You got me something?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
703. A photograph of an elephant.Copy !req
704. Not just any elephant.
He's yours.Copy !req
705. What do you mean, he's mine?Copy !req
706. Well, I found an organization
that rescues them,Copy !req
707. and I adopted him in your name.Copy !req
708. - In Africa.
- No, you didn't.Copy !req
709. Yeah, so you—
we pay for, like, his food,Copy !req
710. and his little
elephant medicine.Copy !req
711. That's— his name's Esoit.Copy !req
712. - Do you like it?
- "You-so-it."Copy !req
713. "You-so..."Copy !req