1. Don't worry, it'll be fine.Copy !req
2. - Okay. Let's lie down
after all that.
- (sighs)Copy !req
3. - Ah. Take the load off.
- (chuckles)Copy !req
4. Get in here.Copy !req
5. - (shutter clicks)
- Oh.Copy !req
6. - Wow. (chuckles)
- Okay.Copy !req
7. I fucked Lil Dicky.Copy !req
8. I promise you, bro.
You cannot get a STDCopy !req
9. going in the pussy raw
for only ten seconds.Copy !req
10. Who says it was ten seconds?Copy !req
11. It could've been ten,
it could've been 48.Copy !req
12. I have no idea.
I fucked the condom off my dickCopy !req
13. trying to give her this, like,
rock star style sexCopy !req
14. that I assume
she wants out of me.Copy !req
15. You are a rock star.
This your first tour.Copy !req
16. You're supposed to go hard.Copy !req
17. That's the whole issue,
in my opinion.Copy !req
18. I feel like all of these girls
just want to fuck Lil Dicky.Copy !req
19. Is it really a crime
to want someone who wantsCopy !req
20. to fall in love with...Copy !req
21. - the real Dave?
- Bro, you got to think
about her needs.Copy !req
22. She got her nails done,
she got her outfit.Copy !req
23. She told all her friends.Copy !req
24. It's gonna be the highlight
of her year.Copy !req
25. You got to beat
the pussy up, bro.Copy !req
26. But I don't even...
I don't fuck like this.Copy !req
27. That's not how I fuck,
Gata, okay?Copy !req
28. I-I do this. It's more...
It's rhythmic.Copy !req
29. Man, that shit look
complicated, man.Copy !req
30. Complicated? It's so simple.
It's missionary.Copy !req
31. Hi.Copy !req
32. You're just gonna
bust those open, bruh?Copy !req
33. - You ain't gonna
pay for them first?
- I'm gonna pay for 'em.Copy !req
34. - Just chill out.
- (scoffs)Copy !req
35. Y'all find everything okay?Copy !req
36. Yeah. (coughs)
Oh.Copy !req
37. I'm sorry.Copy !req
38. You guys have condoms here?Copy !req
39. It's the same condoms
everywhere.Copy !req
40. Why don't they make, like,Copy !req
41. smaller condoms
for the smaller dicks?Copy !req
42. Like, they make Magnums
for, like, big-dicked men.Copy !req
43. I feel like the condom
would stay on the dick easierCopy !req
44. if it was smaller sometimes.Copy !req
45. If you're that concerned
about STDs,Copy !req
46. why don't you just use
the Scroguard, bro,Copy !req
47. that Mike got you—
that plastic diaper shit?Copy !req
48. Uh, that's private business.
Don't talk about it.Copy !req
49. I don't know what he's talking
about, but he's not dangerous.Copy !req
50. - You crazy, man.
- They know I'm joking.Copy !req
51. Man, they got the
Confederate flag in there, bro.Copy !req
52. - It's the Texas flag.
- (scoffs)Copy !req
53. Looked pretty Confederate
to me, man. Hey, Cliff.Copy !req
54. I got the goods.Copy !req
55. - Ooh.
- Pistachios, but I can't...Copy !req
56. - For you.
- Merci.Copy !req
57. - They break my teeth, man.
- For you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
58. - You want to smoke this?
- All right, man. It's hot.Copy !req
59. - Uh, I'll take a hit, I guess.
- (Gata scoffs)Copy !req
60. You just wet m
y fucking blunt.
You're fucking nasty.Copy !req
61. I'm gonna get some color.Copy !req
62. Racist.Copy !req
63. No disrespect.Copy !req
64. Trying to burn off the bacteria?Copy !req
65. I'm just not built for this.Copy !req
66. I can't be, like,
the rapper who goes aroundCopy !req
67. and fucks every night.
That's not my thing.Copy !req
68. But I'm trying
to rewire my brainCopy !req
69. so I can actually
have fun for once.Copy !req
70. You've been stressed.
You've been working so hard.Copy !req
71. I know. And tour is just
the one time in lifeCopy !req
72. - where there's no album
to hand in.
- Yup.Copy !req
73. There's no songs to make.
I can just be freeCopy !req
74. - and live life to the F.
- Yup.Copy !req
75. It's exactly like the time
I was up in the air. It was oneCopy !req
76. - of those moments...
- This has nothing
to do with skydiving.Copy !req
77. This has everything
to do with skydiving, David.Copy !req
78. - Nothing to do...
- No, when you'reCopy !req
79. hurtling toward the earthCopy !req
80. at 120 miles an hour,Copy !req
81. you're reaching max veloce,
it's incredible.Copy !req
82. And the chute doesn't open,
you start to freak out,Copy !req
83. but that's when you learn.
You learn, David.Copy !req
84. - When the instructor kisses you
- Mm.Copy !req
85. on the small of your neck,
and he says, "I'm sorry!"Copy !req
86. that's when you learn to let go.Copy !req
87. I desperately crave
a genuine romantic connection.Copy !req
88. Like, I need to fall in love.
That's just who I am.Copy !req
89. - Well, maybe you shouldn't
hook up with your fans anymore.
- Okay.Copy !req
90. Maybe you shouldn't...
We don't need thisCopy !req
91. - for the documentary, okay?
- Yeah, we do.Copy !req
92. Don't tell me what to do
with my documentary.Copy !req
93. Uh, I don't
want this footage, Emma.Copy !req
94. You don't know what
you're gonna use.Copy !req
95. Get different stuff.Copy !req
96. I can't listen
to this another time.
It's exhilarating.Copy !req
97. But what I'm saying is when
you're plummeting towardsCopy !req
98. - the earth at terminal velocity,
God, I get it.Copy !req
99. the earth feels like
it's gonna swallow you whole.Copy !req
100. It's so scary, dude,
but you live.Copy !req
101. I love this story. He's still
telling the story, huh?Copy !req
102. Yeah.
- Hey, LD, what's them islandsCopy !req
103. we going to on this tour?Copy !req
104. Uh, I don't know
the specifics, but...Copy !req
105. (whoops) We going
to the Specifics, y'all.Copy !req
106. - Specifics.
- Huh. Um...Copy !req
107. - Are you performing tonight?
- Oh, no.Copy !req
108. Tonight's all about
my sweet baby G right here.Copy !req
109. Gata's night, baby.
- Big dog's night.
- Hey, Lubbock, TexasCopy !req
110. - ain't ready
for a nigga like me.
They're not.Copy !req
111. They never were. They never
were a day. They never will be.Copy !req
112. - That's what I do.
- Uh, that's what
you've been doing.Copy !req
113. - Big G!
- Gata.
- (whooping)Copy !req
114. Aw, LD, do one song
with me, bro.Copy !req
115. No, thank you.Copy !req
116. It's my one night off.
Come on. I-I'm tryingCopy !req
117. - to blend into the background,
be a normal guy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
118. It's hard to meet your wife
when you're onstageCopy !req
119. - being the star.
- Well, some people sayCopy !req
120. - that's the easiest way
to meet your wife.
- Aw.Copy !req
121. You're with him every day?
How do you resist him?Copy !req
122. - Are you serious?
Look,Copy !req
123. I just want to know
if everyone's all inCopy !req
124. to have the best night
they can possibly have.Copy !req
125. 'Cause I need that type
of comradery...Copy !req
126. - Yeah.
- (cheering, whooping)Copy !req
127. Yeah!Copy !req
128. - (indistinct shout)
Dicky! Dicky!Copy !req
129. - Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! Dicky!
- Oh, no, no, no. Gata.Copy !req
130. - Dicky! Dicky! Dicky! Dicky!
- Gata. Gata.Copy !req
131. - Dicky. Dicky.
- Thanks.Copy !req
132. Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo.Copy !req
133. I appreciate the love y'all got
for my boy Dicky, man.Copy !req
134. I've been trying to get him
out here on this stage tonight,Copy !req
135. but he on some
Carmen Sandiego type shit.Copy !req
136. Let's see if we can get him
on stage right now!Copy !req
137. LD! LD! LD!Copy !req
138. LD! LD!Copy !req
139. - LD! LD! LD! LD!
- (DJ airhorn blares)Copy !req
140. What's your deal right now?
Why are you so lethargic?Copy !req
141. You just got sucked.Copy !req
142. Sloppy toppy, bro.Copy !req
143. Who sucked you?Copy !req
144. - I had to, man. You...
- Where?Copy !req
145. What does this...
Whatever, I don't care.Copy !req
146. Let's have fun tonight.
Do you want a drink?Copy !req
147. Honestly, bro,
I'm exhausted as fuck, bro.Copy !req
148. - I'm about to go lay down, dawg.
- You're leaving?Copy !req
149. - Yeah, man. Yeah.
- What about my night off?Copy !req
150. What about the plan
that-that you committed to?Copy !req
151. - Man, I'm going, gone.
- Gata.Copy !req
152. - You never honor the plan, man.
- Hey, text meCopy !req
153. when you get to the hotel.Copy !req
154. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
155. - Is this a good time?
- Yeah.Copy !req
156. Great, 'cause
I made something for you.Copy !req
157. - Oh, okay.
- Um...Copy !req
158. Oh, my God.Copy !req
159. It's you.Copy !req
160. - Oh, that's me?
- Yeah.Copy !req
161. - (laughs)
- Oh, wow. It's so heavy.Copy !req
162. It's concrete, that's why.Copy !req
163. It's, like, sharp, too.Copy !req
164. - I'm kind of nervous.
- Don't be nervous.Copy !req
165. This is great.
You're doing great.Copy !req
166. - Hey. Oh. (laughs)
- Oh.Copy !req
167. (laughs)
I appreciate this so much, okay?Copy !req
168. I'm such a big fan of yours.Copy !req
169. - Thank you.
- Um, I love Penith so much,Copy !req
170. and I'm really trying to break
into the industry, so...Copy !req
171. - Yeah.
- Ah, here I am. (laughs)Copy !req
172. Well, let me tell you firsthand,Copy !req
173. things are surprisingly possible
in life, okay? Go for it.Copy !req
174. Wow. (laughs)Copy !req
175. - Yeah.
- Thank you.Copy !req
176. - Sure.
- Lil Dicky, I love you.Copy !req
177. I love you, too, okay?
Be safe.Copy !req
178. - I never knew that.
- Yeah. All right.Copy !req
179. Fuck.
Oh, shit.Copy !req
180. You doing all right?Copy !req
181. What?Copy !req
182. Are you doing all right?Copy !req
183. Oh. Yeah.Copy !req
184. Just a little statutory,
uh, issue I'm taking care of.Copy !req
185. Yeah, I'm just cleaning up
somebody else's mess.Copy !req
186. - Hi.
- Hi. (chuckles)Copy !req
187. - How you doing?
- I'm good. I'm sor...Copy !req
188. I don't-I don't know you.Copy !req
189. Well, how could you?
We're just now meeting.Copy !req
190. No, I know, but I know you're,
like, a singer or something,Copy !req
191. - just here with
my friends, but I just...
- Oh.Copy !req
192. I've never heard of you.Copy !req
193. Honestly, I prefer that.Copy !req
194. Like, great. It's goodCopy !req
195. that you have a clean slate
on my personality.Copy !req
196. - Oh.
- Yeah, I'm a-I'm a rapper,
actually, not a singer.Copy !req
197. I do sing,
song-write, all that.Copy !req
198. Oh, you did that song
about being drunk.Copy !req
199. What was... what was it called?Copy !req
200. - It was...
- "I'm Drunk."Copy !req
201. Oh, yeah, well, I'm on my way.Copy !req
202. You... pig.Copy !req
203. I don't know.
So, what's your deal—Copy !req
204. you just go to live music venuesCopy !req
205. without even knowing who
the person is and you have fun?Copy !req
206. Wednesdays are like my Fridays.
I'm a nurse, so...Copy !req
207. - Ah. A nurse?
- Yeah. Had toCopy !req
208. come blow off some steam,
you know?Copy !req
209. I appreciate everything
you do, uh,Copy !req
210. behind the scenes
for all the sick.Copy !req
211. - Thank-thank you.
- Yeah. But okay,Copy !req
212. I can't go any further
without knowing your name,Copy !req
213. - so...
- Oh, it's Campbell.Copy !req
214. Campbell?Copy !req
215. Yeah, like the soup.Copy !req
216. That's a perfect name.Copy !req
217. - Thanks?
- Campbell,Copy !req
218. can I ask you a relatively
hard-hitting question?Copy !req
219. Yeah.Copy !req
220. What's your availabilityCopy !req
221. as far as being
hit on right now?Copy !req
222. (chuckles)
Uh...Copy !req
223. Like, would you say you're
open-minded, or not at all?Copy !req
224. Uh...Copy !req
225. Yeah, I think I, uh... I'm...Copy !req
226. I'm definitely open to it.Copy !req
227. This is fun.Copy !req
228. People are actually crazy.Copy !req
229. They were literally
pouring tequila in their eyes.Copy !req
230. Like, why? I wish I had, like,
40 cameras. I keep missing shit.Copy !req
231. Just ask them to redo it.Copy !req
232. I can't do that for my doc.
It's not real.Copy !req
233. Real? None of this is real,
Emma. Are you crazy?Copy !req
234. - What...
- We're on tour right now.
Tour's not real.Copy !req
235. When we come to town, it's like
their version of the Super Bowl.Copy !req
236. Okay, Mr. Big Shot
Who's Been On Tour.Copy !req
237. Do you not understand
that white people act outCopy !req
238. when they see a camera?Copy !req
239. - What?
- Trust me. Come on.Copy !req
240. Wait...
- White boy summer!Copy !req
241. - White boy summer!
- White boy summer!Copy !req
242. Then I'm gonna continue
to smoke this joint, then.Copy !req
243. - All right.
- Oh, hi, man.Copy !req
244. LD!Copy !req
245. Thank you.Copy !req
246. Does that get annoying?Copy !req
247. It's just praise. It's...
All it is is praise.Copy !req
248. - Okay.
- But it's the life I chose.Copy !req
249. - Yeah.
- I always wanted
to be ubiquitous.Copy !req
250. Well, uh... good luck,
and you have a new fan,Copy !req
251. and I really hope
that you make it.Copy !req
252. - Get this out of here.
- (laughs)Copy !req
253. You're saying goodbye?Copy !req
254. - Well...
- You're not about to leave.Copy !req
255. - Uh...
- You can't be. You're not gonnaCopy !req
256. let something like this
totally evaporate.Copy !req
257. No. No, no, no.
I'm engaged.Copy !req
258. - Oh, of course you are.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
259. No, no, no!
No, no, like... (laughs)Copy !req
260. Like, I'm engaged
in the conversation.Copy !req
261. - Oh.
- Yeah.Copy !req
262. So, a bunch of us are gonna
go to my friend Connor's.Copy !req
263. He's having
a little get-together.Copy !req
264. - Oh.
- You want to come?Copy !req
265. 'Cause I like
hanging out with you.Copy !req
266. I like hanging out
with you so much.Copy !req
267. - All right.
- I do have a tour busCopy !req
268. - parked half a block away.
It's so charming.
- Oh, no.Copy !req
269. I'm-I'm not, like, a groupie.
I'm just a regular girl.Copy !req
270. Of course you are.
I respect that.Copy !req
271. - We'll go to... Connor's?
- Yeah, Connor.Copy !req
272. Okay. I have to grab something
off that bus.Copy !req
273. - Will you stay here?
- Yeah.Copy !req
274. Okay, because, in my opinion,
I feel as thoughCopy !req
275. this is what life is all about—
moments like this.Copy !req
276. - (laughs)
- We'll
figure something out
later, but yeah.Copy !req
277. - We'll figure it out.
We'll work on it.
- Okay. All right.Copy !req
278. You're getting ready
to have a blast,Copy !req
279. but you're not sure
about someone's sexual past.Copy !req
280. Part of the skin of
your genital area has a cover,Copy !req
281. but most is still exposed
to your lover.Copy !req
282. Not anymore.Copy !req
283. Now there's Scroguard.Copy !req
284. The powerful new product that
you can wear with any condom.Copy !req
285. The secret is
the high-quality premium latexCopy !req
286. that is thick enough
to cover your genital areaCopy !req
287. - but thin enough
to feel like a second skin.
- (mutters)Copy !req
288. Just fasten any two buttonsCopy !req
289. securely into place,
and when you're ready...Copy !req
290. Hey, Dave...
Oh, shit!Copy !req
291. - Oh!
- Geez. (stammers) Uh...
No shitting on the bus!Copy !req
292. No, I'm not-I'm not shitting!Copy !req
293. I'm just fixing my pants.Copy !req
294. I changed my underwear
'cause I met a girlCopy !req
295. and I was talking to her,
and I-I, like,Copy !req
296. soaked my first underwear
with pre-cum.Copy !req
297. - Okay.
- I-I met a girl.Copy !req
298. Uh, congratulations, man.
I'm happy for you.Copy !req
299. - Wish me luck.
- You deserve love, Dave.Copy !req
300. - No, this is honestly
my fault, uh...
- Anyway, anyway, okay.Copy !req
301. - It was like 3:00 a. m.,
and we're all, like
- Yeah.Copy !req
302. - Sure.
- drunk as piss,
and all of a sudden, we hear,Copy !req
303. like a "bang, bang, bang." Like,
Jurassic Park or something.Copy !req
304. - It was like...
- Oh, my God. What was it—
like, a rapist?Copy !req
305. No, no.
It was actually my goat.Copy !req
306. My goat got out of its pen.
It was, like, ramming its hornsCopy !req
307. - against the glass. Ramming...
- Wait, hold it. You have a goat?Copy !req
308. - Like, you're a goat owner?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
309. Yeah, I got a bunch of goats.Copy !req
310. You're, like, out of a fable.Copy !req
311. Hey, you're the fucking GOAT,
LD. Come on.Copy !req
312. - Hey, y'all, shut the fuck up!
- Thank you, bro.Copy !req
313. Sorry.
Don't even look at that.Copy !req
314. - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- He's fine. Oh.Copy !req
315. - Get in here.
- (laughs)Copy !req
316. Wow, you just broke
the touch barrier.Copy !req
317. - (laughing)
- So nonchalantly,Copy !req
318. you're just gonna break it
like that, and not even... Wow.Copy !req
319. - I mean, someone had to.
- I'm totally on board
with it, FYI.Copy !req
320. - Um...
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
321. I have to pee.Copy !req
322. Yeah.
I understand that.Copy !req
323. I've had to pee in the past, and
you never know when it's coming.Copy !req
324. - Thank you. All right.
- Yeah. I'm right there with you.Copy !req
325. - Get all the piss out.
- All right.Copy !req
326. - I'll be right here. I'm great.
- Okay.Copy !req
327. I'm in heaven.Copy !req
328. What's up, man?Copy !req
329. Hey. You guys hanging?Copy !req
330. How you doing?
- Good.Copy !req
331. - (sighs)
Hey, man, so...Copy !req
332. What?Copy !req
333. You like Ram?Copy !req
334. R-Ram?
Uh, do I like what?Copy !req
335. - Uh...
- What do you mean? Like the...Copy !req
336. - Like the processing power?
It's...Copy !req
337. the L. A. Rams.
Like, Los Angeles Rams.Copy !req
338. - Like, uh, football team.
- Oh, shit.Copy !req
339. Is he okay, or is he on,
like, Oxys or something?Copy !req
340. No, no. I mean...
- Is this Appalachia
that we're in?Copy !req
341. 'Cause I know all about the
opioid crisis that you probablyCopy !req
342. have to deal
with at every moment.Copy !req
343. I've got molly,
if you want some.Copy !req
344. Oh. No, thanks.Copy !req
345. It's, like, dark purple.Copy !req
346. I'm okay.Copy !req
347. I don't even understand the
color spectrum of molly, but...Copy !req
348. - What's your name?
We haven't met.
- Grace.Copy !req
349. - You... Race?
- Hey, are you hiring,
by the way, LD?Copy !req
350. - No.
- Um, I majored
in-in golf course management.Copy !req
351. - Uh-huh.
- Um, but there's a lotCopy !req
352. - of crossover between the two.
- Yeah, I thinkCopy !req
353. you're better off on the greens
there, 'cause, like,Copy !req
354. - we're just so fully staffed.
- No, yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
355. Yeah.Copy !req
356. Um, normally,Copy !req
357. like, shit's like way
more popping, you know? Like...Copy !req
358. - No.
- It's pretty low-key,
'cause it's Wednesday nightCopy !req
359. - and shit, and, like...
- All good. All G.Copy !req
360. But, yo, like, normally,
we're playing, like,Copy !req
361. Mancala or, like,
Cards Against Humanity,Copy !req
362. - or, like, fucking...
- Sure.Copy !req
363. - If you came back, like, on a...
- Yeah.Copy !req
364. No, don't... No presh, man.
I'm, like, just happy to be...Copy !req
365. I'm honestly here
'cause of Campbell.Copy !req
366. - Bro.
- Yeah.Copy !req
367. I heard
her pussy's a straight-up V.Copy !req
368. I... Yeah, I believe you. Um...Copy !req
369. Hey, you know what? Fuck it.
Hey, Hey, Travis!Copy !req
370. Hey, fire that shit up!
We're playing Hot Seat, bitch.Copy !req
371. - (people whooping)
- What are we doing?Copy !req
372. It's a prank phone call-
based game?Copy !req
373. - Mm-hmm. Shh.
- How often do you play it?Copy !req
374. All right. All right.Copy !req
375. Hello?
- Hey.Copy !req
376. I'm... I'm with your brother.Copy !req
377. Wait, Tim's with you?
He okay?Copy !req
378. - He's OD'ing.
- Oh, fuck, fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck!Copy !req
379. Did you call 911?Copy !req
380. Yeah, but they can't...Copy !req
381. Come on.
- revive... Aah!Copy !req
382. - (laughing cheering)
- It's the hot seat! Fuck!Copy !req
383. Okay, I'm gonna
get another drink.Copy !req
384. - Where you going?
- (indistinct chatter)Copy !req
385. - I'm getting another drink.
Hurry back.
- Hey, LD.Copy !req
386. Wait. You probably got all sortsCopy !req
387. of celebs and shit
in your phone.Copy !req
388. - (laughs)
- Wait. I...Copy !req
389. Come on.Copy !req
390. Alfonso Ribeiro?Copy !req
391. That a pasta?Copy !req
392. Carlton? That doesn't mean
anything when I say it? Carlton?Copy !req
393. All right, all right, all right.
LD, come on. It's your turn.Copy !req
394. - Oh, no. I'm...
- Come on. Get on that hot seat,Copy !req
395. - for old times' sake.
- You...Copy !req
396. Let me watch how you...Copy !req
397. Fuck you.
- What are you doing?Copy !req
398. - Wow. What?
- (laughs) Okay.Copy !req
399. So you're really not
gonna kiss me right now?Copy !req
400. Why-why would you think that?
It's crazy of you.Copy !req
401. - (Grace mutters)
- Campbell, would you
come out here?Copy !req
402. Your friends are getting
a little dicey.Copy !req
403. - Oh.
- Need you back here.Copy !req
404. Fuck. She blew it.Copy !req
405. - What do you mean?
- I mean, fucking passed out.Copy !req
406. - No, she's not.
Yeah.Copy !req
407. (laughs) I'm drunk.Copy !req
408. - She's drunk.
Guns up!Copy !req
409. Guns up!
Guns up, motherfuckers!Copy !req
410. Aw, that sucks. Her mission
was to fuck you tonight.Copy !req
411. Wait, what do
you mean,
you said it was her mission?Copy !req
412. - Like, going into the night?
- Yeah.Copy !req
413. Then why did she tell me
when I met herCopy !req
414. that she had never heard
of Lil Dicky?Copy !req
415. - (laughing)
- Oh, is that what she told you?Copy !req
416. She probably just said thatCopy !req
417. 'cause she's watched
all your interviews.Copy !req
418. She knows that's
what you want to hear.Copy !req
419. She's a die-hard. I mean,
she knew what to tell you.Copy !req
420. Okay.
I'm-I'm gonna leave.Copy !req
421. No, no, no, no, no.
No, come on, man. No, no, no.Copy !req
422. - Yeah.
- LD, no. There's a bunch
of people still coming.Copy !req
423. This shit's just
getting started.Copy !req
424. - Come on.
- It's so late.
We leave tomorrow.Copy !req
425. This is literally the best night
of my entire life, man.Copy !req
426. That's... Really?Copy !req
427. Yes.Copy !req
428. Uh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
429. Or congrat...Copy !req
430. I don't know what
to say to that.Copy !req
431. Tell us what it's like.Copy !req
432. Just tell us what
it's really, really like.Copy !req
433. - It's not like anything, man.
Yeah, man,Copy !req
434. do the girls just
fap for you, nonstop?Copy !req
435. Fap?Copy !req
436. - All right, sit down.
- (laughs) Okay. All right.Copy !req
437. - You guys want
to know what it's like.
- Oh, fuck, yeah.Copy !req
438. I'll tell you
what it's really like. Yeah.Copy !req
439. Here's what it's like.
I go around AmericaCopy !req
440. and I meet people like you,
and every single time,Copy !req
441. they look at me exactly the wayCopy !req
442. you guys are staring
at me right now.Copy !req
443. It's weird. And people
have preconceived notionsCopy !req
444. about the way that I behave,
about the way that I fuck.Copy !req
445. (sputters)
I feel that.Copy !req
446. Fucking ain't easy, broham.Copy !req
447. Not easy at all. I've had so
many insane sexual encounters.Copy !req
448. And truthfully, the thing
that I want the mostCopy !req
449. is incredibly simple, but
I could never really ask for it.Copy !req
450. What?Copy !req
451. So, my dick is shaped
like a manatee.Copy !req
452. In the sense that, like,
you know how, like,Copy !req
453. the manatee is...
have, like, a bendCopy !req
454. and, like, a...
So my dick is bent.Copy !req
455. The thing that
satisfies me most in lifeCopy !req
456. is when that bend
simply gets straightened.Copy !req
457. There's no STD threat
whatsoever.Copy !req
458. It's truly my heaven on Earth,
but I could never ask for thatCopy !req
459. because it's so weird,Copy !req
460. and the women would
tell all their friends.Copy !req
461. But that wouldn't happen
with my soulmate.Copy !req
462. I'm looking for love.Copy !req
463. I'm looking for my wife, okay?Copy !req
464. - Hey, let us see your dick.
- (laughs)Copy !req
465. (chuckles) No.
But you asked me what it's like.Copy !req
466. It's not even that interesting.Copy !req
467. - It's actually...
- Come on, Dicky.Copy !req
468. - Come on.
- Uh... I love it.Copy !req
469. Hey, come on, Lil Dicky.Copy !req
470. Come on, Lil Dicky, come on.Copy !req
471. Let me see it.Copy !req
472. You always talk all this shitCopy !req
473. about your dick,Copy !req
474. but you never
show it to anybody.Copy !req
475. - Come on, Lil Dicky.
- Come on!
- (overlapping chatter)Copy !req
476. - Show us your fucking dick!
- Come on!
- Come on!Copy !req
477. - (Dave groans)
- Show us your fucking dick!Copy !req
478. What the fuck is that?Copy !req
479. (laughs) A diaper?Copy !req
480. No, uh... It's, uh,Copy !req
481. it's called the Scroguard.
It's, uh...Copy !req
482. Look it up on YouTube. It's the
funniest thing you'll ever see.Copy !req
483. It's, like, STD prevention,Copy !req
484. but, like, the comedy version.Copy !req
485. - Show us your dick, Lil Dicky!
(Dave whimpers)Copy !req
486. - (bottles rattle)
- Oh...Copy !req
487. Connor?Copy !req
488. Who's that?Copy !req
489. Yo, they're all in there.
They're still chillin'.Copy !req
490. Lil Dicky!Copy !req
491. Turn around!Copy !req
492. - It's him, it's him!
It's him, it's him!Copy !req
493. Hey, motherfucker. What
the fuck are you thinking, boy?Copy !req
494. Whoa! Hey! Stand your ground!
Stand your ground!Copy !req
495. - What?
- I'm standing my ground!Copy !req
496. You stand your ground, I'm
standing mine, so no reason!Copy !req
497. - That ain't how it works.
- Uh...Copy !req
498. Lil Dicky! I'm Lil Dicky!Copy !req
499. Please don't, please just...Copy !req
500. - Lil Dicky?
- Yeah.Copy !req
501. - The rapper?
- Yeah! Yes!Copy !req
502. The rapper. That's me.
I'm, uh, I'm here.Copy !req
503. - So, I got to use
your phone, it's...
- No, you ain't.Copy !req
504. Yes, I am. What do you mean
I'm not? Of co... Uh, uh...Copy !req
505. Obviously this is...
Look at the situation, man.Copy !req
506. Can't you tell by my posture?Copy !req
507. Prove it.Copy !req
508. (exhales sharply)
Prove it. Uh...Copy !req
509. What's that?Copy !req
510. Like... Or...Copy !req
511. It's...
You-you know it's me.Copy !req
512. Please, I got to use
your phone, man.Copy !req
513. Aren't you a "gayman?"Copy !req
514. You...Copy !req
515. I couldn't hear what you said.Copy !req
516. Aren't you a "gayman?"Copy !req
517. Like the dinosaur lizard?Copy !req
518. Nah, like aren't you a faggot?Copy !req
519. Oh. I don't know exactly
how you're using that word,Copy !req
520. but I suspect that depending on
how you define it,Copy !req
521. that, like...Copy !req
522. like, to an extent, yeah, yes.Copy !req
523. Tom, what's going on out there?Copy !req
524. I'll be there in a minute, Pat.Copy !req
525. Hey!Copy !req
526. (clears throat) Hello?Copy !req
527. Mike. Oh, thank God
you picked up.Copy !req
528. I need you to come
grab me right now.Copy !req
529. - You're in room 207.
- No, no.Copy !req
530. - I'm not at the hotel. Uh...
- Where are you?Copy !req
531. (whispers): Thank you so much
for everything. I appreciate it.Copy !req
532. - Hello?
(normal volume): I don't knowCopy !req
533. how to explain it to you,
but you justCopy !req
534. got to come get me
right now, okay?Copy !req
535. Are you all right?
Where are you, man?Copy !req
536. I'm fine. I'm fine.
I'm at, uh,Copy !req
537. 4218 Fannin Boulevard.
Okay?Copy !req
538. - Yeah, no problem, man.
I'll be there soon.
- (scribbling)Copy !req
539. - Thank you, Mike. Thank you.
- Just got to get upCopy !req
540. and get dressed.Copy !req
541. You know, I'm always
losing one sock.Copy !req
542. - Wha... Mike?
- Yeah?Copy !req
543. Uh, bring a couple
hundred bucks.Copy !req
544. You'll see, like, when
the dick's fully blooded,Copy !req
545. there's, like,
a little bit of a bend.Copy !req
546. My ideal way for this to happen
is if you take that bendCopy !req
547. and you just simply
straighten it.Copy !req
548. Uh, the bend, and if you
just take the bendCopy !req
549. and you straighten
and then just wait.Copy !req
550. No, no, no, no mueva.Copy !req
551. Yeah, uh, do
you know what
a manatee is? Manatee.Copy !req
552. Manatee, the sea. Sea.Copy !req
553. Manatee?
(speaks Spanish)Copy !req
554. I am an animal. I am.
We're all a...Copy !req
555. I am an animal.
You know what?Copy !req
556. - No...
- We-we don't-we don't
even have to...Copy !req
557. - We don't have to do it.
- No. No, no, no, no, no.Copy !req
558. - (speaking Spanish)
- I'm okay. Okay.Copy !req
559. It's totally cool.Copy !req
560. Oh, so... Oh.Copy !req
561. Yeah. Just s-still.Copy !req
562. Uh-huh.Copy !req