1. What is that?Copy !req
2. I thought it couldn't get any worse
than those awful crickets!Copy !req
3. Man, I hate crickets!Copy !req
4. At least they're flammable.Copy !req
5. How long has that been there?Copy !req
6. Bejabbers!Copy !req
7. Manfrangensen Animal Shelter.
Crunchy speaking.Copy !req
8. Yeah! I— wait.Copy !req
9. - Did you say Crunchy?
- That's my name.Copy !req
10. Unbelievable, this jackanape.Copy !req
11. Hey, jerk face!Copy !req
12. Shut those confounded dogs up!Copy !req
13. Oh, I'm sorry about that, sir.
We're overloaded at the moment,Copy !req
14. and the animals
are a little agitated.Copy !req
15. Why is that my problem?
I didn't ask youCopy !req
16. to build an animal jail
across the street.Copy !req
17. Shut your prisoners up, warden.Copy !req
18. I'll try to calm them down.Copy !req
19. You'd better.Copy !req
20. That's it!Copy !req
21. ANIMAL SHELTER!Copy !req
22. Stupid animal shelter...Copy !req
23. disturbing the peace.Copy !req
24. I bet it's even
a no-kill shelter.Copy !req
25. Um, sir, we're closed.Copy !req
26. Then why is the door unlocked?Copy !req
27. Listen up!Copy !req
28. I live across the street,Copy !req
29. and this barking
is keeping me awake,Copy !req
30. so stop it already!Copy !req
31. Oh, you're the dude
who called, right?Copy !req
32. And what of it?Copy !req
33. I'm sorry, sir.
I tried everything.Copy !req
34. I tried feeding them,
petting them,Copy !req
35. singing to them,Copy !req
36. beat poetry.Copy !req
37. Have you tried
just beating them?Copy !req
38. If that's a joke, sir,
it is so not funny.Copy !req
39. Then it's not a joke.Copy !req
40. There's really
nothing I can do, sir.Copy !req
41. Here. Have some
complimentary earplugs.Copy !req
42. I know it's only
a small consolation, but—Copy !req
43. Gimme!Copy !req
44. Don't make me come back here.Copy !req
45. Next time,
I'll be wearing shoes.Copy !req
46. I've had it!Copy !req
47. If you want
something done right,Copy !req
48. you have to do it yourself.Copy !req
49. I've got to call Chris.Copy !req
50. - Ah, come on.
- Hi. It's Chris.Copy !req
51. Leave a message.Copy !req
52. How dare you
let your machine pick up?Copy !req
53. You are scum!Copy !req
54. You're worthless, spineless,
rotten to the core!Copy !req
55. That's it!
We are no longer friends!Copy !req
56. I hate you!
We are done!Copy !req
57. If you ever try
to speak to me again,Copy !req
58. I will literally strangle you!Copy !req
59. Come over when you get this.Copy !req
60. It's Dan.Copy !req
61. That's Chris' knock.Copy !req
62. Sounds like he clipped
his nails this morning.Copy !req
63. - Uh...
- Finally!Copy !req
64. I came as soon
as I got your message.Copy !req
65. Hey, do I smell meat loaf?Copy !req
66. Got my message?
Why was your phone off?Copy !req
67. Well, my doctor
says I'd sleep moreCopy !req
68. if I didn't take your calls
in the middle of the night.Copy !req
69. This is not okay.Copy !req
70. You never turn your phone off
ever again.Copy !req
71. - Promise me.
- So what do you need me for?Copy !req
72. Promise me!Copy !req
73. I promise.
Why am I here?Copy !req
74. Vengeance.Copy !req
75. They built an animal shelter
across the street.Copy !req
76. - Another one?
- What do you mean another one?Copy !req
77. Well, Manfrangensen
Animal Shelter's been thereCopy !req
78. since before you moved in.
It's an historic landmark.Copy !req
79. I'm sure we've talked
about this before.Copy !req
80. What was that?
I wasn't listening.Copy !req
81. Ah, what's the problem, Dan?Copy !req
82. Well, they won't let me sleep!Copy !req
83. Mm-hmm. Who's that?Copy !req
84. Would you start
paying attention?Copy !req
85. The howling beasts!Copy !req
86. But they'll get theirs.Copy !req
87. Mm-hmm. How?Copy !req
88. You'll distract the incompetent
at the counter.Copy !req
89. I'll sneak the poison
into the kennel.Copy !req
90. Wait. Wait, are you planning
to poison abandoned animals?Copy !req
91. I mean, kind of.Copy !req
92. - No!
- Why not?Copy !req
93. They're just
gonna go to sleep... forever.Copy !req
94. Dan, these are
innocent creaturesCopy !req
95. that have been abandoned
by an uncaring society!Copy !req
96. What if I just poison
the guy who works there?Copy !req
97. That would be murder.Copy !req
98. But it's for a good cause.Copy !req
99. I can release the animals,Copy !req
100. and they can run free!Copy !req
101. I don't think
that will sway the jury.Copy !req
102. So I just wasted my whole day
making this poison meat loaf?Copy !req
103. Oh, no.Copy !req
104. Dan, have I been poisoned?
Dan?Copy !req
105. Have you been eating
my poison meat loaf?Copy !req
106. Do you have
more than one meat loaf?Copy !req
107. Who has more
than one meat loaf?Copy !req
108. Oh, no. Oh, no.Copy !req
109. Maybe you should go ahead
and sit down.Copy !req
110. I'm feeling pretty
lightheaded.Copy !req
111. Yeah.
You've been poisoned.Copy !req
112. Seriously, you should sit down.Copy !req
113. I think I'm going to faint.Copy !req
114. Fall this way.
I'll catch you.Copy !req
115. You really should have sat down.Copy !req
116. Ah, what are you, made of sand?Copy !req
117. Well, I'm not paying
for an ambulance.Copy !req
118. I want you to know
you're payingCopy !req
119. for that meat loaf
with your own money.Copy !req
120. And the poison.Copy !req
121. And busfare.Copy !req
122. Hey, man, if you're not using
that dead body for anything,Copy !req
123. can I have it?Copy !req
124. You may not!
He's not dead!Copy !req
125. Don't you listen to that man.
You're not dead, pal.Copy !req
126. Hang in there.
Only 12 more stops.Copy !req
127. Hello, fair nurse.Copy !req
128. I would like to check
mine friend into yon hospital.Copy !req
129. Does he have insurance?Copy !req
130. I'm sure he does.Copy !req
131. He's one of "those."Copy !req
132. - With which carrier?
- Oh, come on!Copy !req
133. This is my friend.Copy !req
134. He's been poisoned.Copy !req
135. You are a hospital.Copy !req
136. Fix him, please.Copy !req
137. Does he have
any identification?Copy !req
138. Yes, I'm sure he does.Copy !req
139. - I'll need his full name to—
- Aah!Copy !req
140. You and your
endless bureaucracy!Copy !req
141. Sir, I just need his name.Copy !req
142. Forget it.
I will take my businessCopy !req
143. and my dying friend elsewhere.Copy !req
144. There's got to be an easier way.Copy !req
145. Maybe if you had wheels
or something.Copy !req
146. This guy's insurance plan
is really good.Copy !req
147. He'll get to see a real doctor,Copy !req
148. not the actor in a lab coat
that most people see.Copy !req
149. Come on, rookie.Copy !req
150. Seriously, if this doesn't work,Copy !req
151. I'm leaving you.Copy !req
152. I would never leave you.Copy !req
153. Really?Copy !req
154. Are you with the hospital?Copy !req
155. Hey, buddy, you mind taking
the next ambulance? Thanks.Copy !req
156. I'm sure one will be here
in a few minutes.Copy !req
157. You'll be fine.Copy !req
158. Hey, excuse me. Where—Copy !req
159. where are you— what?Copy !req
160. Oh, yeah.
This is much easier.Copy !req
161. Hey, what are you doing
with our patient?Copy !req
162. He was trying to escape.
I stopped him.Copy !req
163. Oh. Thanks.Copy !req
164. Looks like this guy's
been poisoned.Copy !req
165. Well, the chart says broken arm.Copy !req
166. Someone should contact
this guy's next of kin.Copy !req
167. He doesn't look so good.Copy !req
168. Oh, fine.
I'll call her.Copy !req
169. Hello.Copy !req
170. It's Dan. I've got some
good news and some bad news.Copy !req
171. - Is Chris with you?
- Chris isn't really...Copy !req
172. with us anymore.
He's dead.Copy !req
173. - What?
- Well, not dead, but poisoned.Copy !req
174. Poisoned?Copy !req
175. But the hospital thinks
he has a broken arm.Copy !req
176. You're not making any sense!Copy !req
177. Yes, I really should have
planned outCopy !req
178. what I'd say
before I called you.Copy !req
179. - Is Chris okay?
- No, he's dead.Copy !req
180. - I mean, no, he's not.
- Where are you?Copy !req
181. - I'm at a pay phone.
- And where is Chris?Copy !req
182. I don't know!
They took him!Copy !req
183. Down the hall somewhere,
I think.Copy !req
184. Are you at the hospital?Copy !req
185. Of course! What have I been
saying this whole time?Copy !req
186. I'll be there in five minutes,Copy !req
187. and I am not happy!Copy !req
188. Like I am?Copy !req
189. Say beep one more time.Copy !req
190. Be serious!Copy !req
191. He still hasn't woken up!Copy !req
192. Oh, he's fine.Copy !req
193. They said they got
most of the poison out.Copy !req
194. He's in a better place now.Copy !req
195. Better place?Copy !req
196. He's in a hospital!Copy !req
197. This is pretty much
the worst place you can be!Copy !req
198. - I would think shark tank.
- Dan!Copy !req
199. Well, whose fault
is this anyway?Copy !req
200. - Yours!
- No way.Copy !req
201. Listen, if you walk
into somebody's houseCopy !req
202. and you see a meat loaf
on the counter,Copy !req
203. do you just dig right in?
He didn't even ask!Copy !req
204. You know Chris
is on the see-food diet.Copy !req
205. That's no excuse
for monkey-wrenching my plans!Copy !req
206. Also, meat loaf isn't sea food.Copy !req
207. Oh, see food!Copy !req
208. I get it!Copy !req
209. It's a good thing
you still have a sense of humorCopy !req
210. even though Chris is dead.Copy !req
211. Dying. Poisoned.
Whatever. He's fine.Copy !req
212. I am goingCopy !req
213. to get some tea.Copy !req
214. Don't touch anything!Copy !req
215. Finally.Copy !req
216. Do you want to tag along
on my revenge?Copy !req
217. "Yes, I do."Copy !req
218. Do you want to pay for everything
with your credit cards?Copy !req
219. "I don't know."Copy !req
220. Oh, come on.
We'll have a blast!Copy !req
221. "Well, all right.Copy !req
222. Can I get a milk shake later?"Copy !req
223. Of course you can, buddy.Copy !req
224. This is the third-most
uncomfortable thingCopy !req
225. I've had to do all week.Copy !req
226. - Doctor.
- Doctor.Copy !req
227. Glad I made a copy
of your car key.Copy !req
228. Don't worry, buddy!Copy !req
229. I'll make you some airholes!Copy !req
230. You'll be okay, buddy.Copy !req
231. "Well, hello there.Copy !req
232. My name is Chris.Copy !req
233. I would like to purchase
these here items."Copy !req
234. My. That's a lot of dynamite.Copy !req
235. "I got some 'sploding to do.Copy !req
236. Ha ha ha."Copy !req
237. Okay, that will be $3,700.Copy !req
238. "Why, I do believeCopy !req
239. I'll pay with my credit card."Copy !req
240. Let me get that for you, buddy.Copy !req
241. I'm going to need to see
some I.D. with that.Copy !req
242. "Why don't you ring yourself up
a 30% tip!"Copy !req
243. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
244. "And thanks for your help
there, my good fellow!"Copy !req
245. Don't worry, buddy.Copy !req
246. Your money didn't go to waste.Copy !req
247. Thanks again for bankrollingCopy !req
248. my sweet, sweet revenge!Copy !req
249. Stupid homeless animals.Copy !req
250. Uh-oh. Looks like there's
no room for you in the car.Copy !req
251. "Hey, that's okay.
I don't mind.Copy !req
252. Just stick me
through the sunroof."Copy !req
253. You sure you don't mind?Copy !req
254. "I don't mind a bit,Copy !req
255. but can we stop
for milk shakes now?"Copy !req
256. Let's get you that milk shake.Copy !req
257. "Thanks, Dan.Copy !req
258. You're the best."Copy !req
259. Welcome to Burgerphile,Copy !req
260. home of the world-famous
burger bowl.Copy !req
261. World-famous?
Whatever you say, sweetness.Copy !req
262. Get me a plain burger,
small cola,Copy !req
263. and a milk shake
for my friend here.Copy !req
264. That's a plain burger,
no cheese!Copy !req
265. I'm lactose-intolerant!Copy !req
266. You put cheese on my burger,
I will die,Copy !req
267. but not before
I burn this place to the ground!Copy !req
268. That'll be $2.98, sir.Copy !req
269. Keep the change, pumpkin.Copy !req
270. You're okay, buddy.Copy !req
271. Ketchup, the one true condiment.Copy !req
272. Here's your milk shake, slugger.Copy !req
273. "Thanks, Dan.Copy !req
274. You're my best friend."Copy !req
275. I know.Copy !req
276. "I love you."Copy !req
277. I feel somewhat warmly
towards you,Copy !req
278. but to be honest,Copy !req
279. this conversation's
making me uncomfortable.Copy !req
280. Thank goodness.Copy !req
281. It's Elise. I'll get it.
Yello.Copy !req
282. Where have you taken Chris?Copy !req
283. Somebody stole him
from the hospital!Copy !req
284. And you just assume it was me.Copy !req
285. I saw the security tapes!Copy !req
286. You also took our car!Copy !req
287. Possession is nine-tenths
of the law, I'll have you know.Copy !req
288. Technically Chris is mine now.Copy !req
289. Bring him back
to the hospital this instant.Copy !req
290. He needs medical care!Copy !req
291. Bring him back? Why?Copy !req
292. We're having a great time!Copy !req
293. Sure, he's a little paleCopy !req
294. and his breathing's shallow,
but he's fine.Copy !req
295. Plus he's going to help me
blow up—Copy !req
296. I mean, run some errands.Copy !req
297. I can drop him off
when we're done.Copy !req
298. Bring him back now, Dan!Copy !req
299. What's that?
You're breaking up!Copy !req
300. Crackle! Crackle! Buzz!Copy !req
301. You're not even
making the noises.Copy !req
302. You're just saying
crackle and buzz!Copy !req
303. Crackle! Buzz!Copy !req
304. Revenge is hard enough without
these stupid distractions.Copy !req
305. Oh, no!Copy !req
306. Chris, why did you let me
drink your milk shake?Copy !req
307. I've got to get to my medicine!Copy !req
308. Come on!Copy !req
309. Curse you, Burgerphile!Copy !req
310. You're...Copy !req
311. going on the list.Copy !req
312. Medicine.Copy !req
313. Need...Copy !req
314. my medicine.Copy !req
315. Man.Copy !req
316. I need to vacuum.Copy !req
317. Of course.
Stay here.Copy !req
318. I'm going to run
to the drugstore.Copy !req
319. Oh, Chris.
Dan!Copy !req
320. You have three seconds
to explain yourself!Copy !req
321. We got dynamite.Copy !req
322. Okay, just don't jostle me
or anything.Copy !req
323. My guts are killing me.Copy !req
324. Ohh! My guts.Copy !req
325. Hello, floor.Copy !req
326. You and I are going to be
spending some time together.Copy !req
327. Ah, yes!Copy !req
328. Great!
More barking!Copy !req
329. There's the icing
on my awfulness cake.Copy !req
330. This'll shut your furry faces.Copy !req
331. So long, you loud jerks.Copy !req
332. Stop looking at me like that.Copy !req
333. Bad kitty!Copy !req
334. Do you want to be my kitty?Copy !req
335. I'm going to call you Mumbles.Copy !req
336. Let's go, Mr. Mumbles.Copy !req
337. Do you mind that I just changed
your name to Mr. Mumbles?Copy !req
338. Fine.Copy !req
339. Mr. Mumbles.Copy !req
340. You waited for me?Copy !req
341. I love you, Mr. Mumbles.Copy !req
342. Okay, Mr. Mumbles,
cover your ears.Copy !req
343. Three,Copy !req
344. two,Copy !req
345. one...Copy !req
346. Not cool!Copy !req
347. Oh, harsh buzz, bro...Copy !req
348. Oh, no, dude. My locks!Copy !req
349. My locks!Copy !req
350. Holy Diver! What is—Copy !req
351. Why, Mr. Mumbles? Why?Copy !req
352. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
353. A firing range?Copy !req
354. Sir, the doctor's
ready to see you now.Copy !req
355. No, we did not purchaseCopy !req
356. $4,000 worth of explosives.Copy !req
357. Good day, sir.Copy !req
358. Okay, let's get those pants off.Copy !req
359. I'm here about my face
being all scratched.Copy !req
360. Oh, don't worry.Copy !req
361. I'm not a doctor.Copy !req