1. What is that?
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2. I thought it couldn't get any worse
than those awful crickets!
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3. Man, I hate crickets!
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4. At least they're flammable.
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5. How long has that been there?
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6. Bejabbers!
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7. Manfrangensen Animal Shelter.
Crunchy speaking.
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8. Yeah! I— wait.
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9. - Did you say Crunchy?
- That's my name.
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10. Unbelievable, this jackanape.
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11. Hey, jerk face!
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12. Shut those confounded dogs up!
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13. Oh, I'm sorry about that, sir.
We're overloaded at the moment,
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14. and the animals
are a little agitated.
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15. Why is that my problem?
I didn't ask you
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16. to build an animal jail
across the street.
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17. Shut your prisoners up, warden.
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18. I'll try to calm them down.
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19. You'd better.
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20. That's it!
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21. ANIMAL SHELTER!
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22. Stupid animal shelter...
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23. disturbing the peace.
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24. I bet it's even
a no-kill shelter.
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25. Um, sir, we're closed.
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26. Then why is the door unlocked?
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27. Listen up!
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28. I live across the street,
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29. and this barking
is keeping me awake,
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30. so stop it already!
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31. Oh, you're the dude
who called, right?
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32. And what of it?
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33. I'm sorry, sir.
I tried everything.
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34. I tried feeding them,
petting them,
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35. singing to them,
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36. beat poetry.
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37. Have you tried
just beating them?
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38. If that's a joke, sir,
it is so not funny.
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39. Then it's not a joke.
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40. There's really
nothing I can do, sir.
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41. Here. Have some
complimentary earplugs.
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42. I know it's only
a small consolation, but—
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43. Gimme!
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44. Don't make me come back here.
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45. Next time,
I'll be wearing shoes.
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46. I've had it!
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47. If you want
something done right,
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48. you have to do it yourself.
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49. I've got to call Chris.
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50. - Ah, come on.
- Hi. It's Chris.
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51. Leave a message.
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52. How dare you
let your machine pick up?
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53. You are scum!
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54. You're worthless, spineless,
rotten to the core!
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55. That's it!
We are no longer friends!
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56. I hate you!
We are done!
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57. If you ever try
to speak to me again,
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58. I will literally strangle you!
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59. Come over when you get this.
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60. It's Dan.
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61. That's Chris' knock.
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62. Sounds like he clipped
his nails this morning.
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63. - Uh...
- Finally!
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64. I came as soon
as I got your message.
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65. Hey, do I smell meat loaf?
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66. Got my message?
Why was your phone off?
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67. Well, my doctor
says I'd sleep more
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68. if I didn't take your calls
in the middle of the night.
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69. This is not okay.
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70. You never turn your phone off
ever again.
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71. - Promise me.
- So what do you need me for?
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72. Promise me!
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73. I promise.
Why am I here?
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74. Vengeance.
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75. They built an animal shelter
across the street.
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76. - Another one?
- What do you mean another one?
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77. Well, Manfrangensen
Animal Shelter's been there
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78. since before you moved in.
It's an historic landmark.
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79. I'm sure we've talked
about this before.
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80. What was that?
I wasn't listening.
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81. Ah, what's the problem, Dan?
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82. Well, they won't let me sleep!
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83. Mm-hmm. Who's that?
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84. Would you start
paying attention?
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85. The howling beasts!
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86. But they'll get theirs.
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87. Mm-hmm. How?
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88. You'll distract the incompetent
at the counter.
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89. I'll sneak the poison
into the kennel.
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90. Wait. Wait, are you planning
to poison abandoned animals?
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91. I mean, kind of.
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92. - No!
- Why not?
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93. They're just
gonna go to sleep... forever.
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94. Dan, these are
innocent creatures
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95. that have been abandoned
by an uncaring society!
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96. What if I just poison
the guy who works there?
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97. That would be murder.
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98. But it's for a good cause.
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99. I can release the animals,
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100. and they can run free!
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101. I don't think
that will sway the jury.
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102. So I just wasted my whole day
making this poison meat loaf?
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103. Oh, no.
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104. Dan, have I been poisoned?
Dan?
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105. Have you been eating
my poison meat loaf?
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106. Do you have
more than one meat loaf?
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107. Who has more
than one meat loaf?
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108. Oh, no. Oh, no.
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109. Maybe you should go ahead
and sit down.
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110. I'm feeling pretty
lightheaded.
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111. Yeah.
You've been poisoned.
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112. Seriously, you should sit down.
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113. I think I'm going to faint.
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114. Fall this way.
I'll catch you.
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115. You really should have sat down.
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116. Ah, what are you, made of sand?
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117. Well, I'm not paying
for an ambulance.
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118. I want you to know
you're paying
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119. for that meat loaf
with your own money.
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120. And the poison.
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121. And busfare.
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122. Hey, man, if you're not using
that dead body for anything,
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123. can I have it?
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124. You may not!
He's not dead!
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125. Don't you listen to that man.
You're not dead, pal.
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126. Hang in there.
Only 12 more stops.
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127. Hello, fair nurse.
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128. I would like to check
mine friend into yon hospital.
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129. Does he have insurance?
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130. I'm sure he does.
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131. He's one of "those."
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132. - With which carrier?
- Oh, come on!
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133. This is my friend.
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134. He's been poisoned.
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135. You are a hospital.
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136. Fix him, please.
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137. Does he have
any identification?
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138. Yes, I'm sure he does.
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139. - I'll need his full name to—
- Aah!
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140. You and your
endless bureaucracy!
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141. Sir, I just need his name.
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142. Forget it.
I will take my business
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143. and my dying friend elsewhere.
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144. There's got to be an easier way.
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145. Maybe if you had wheels
or something.
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146. This guy's insurance plan
is really good.
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147. He'll get to see a real doctor,
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148. not the actor in a lab coat
that most people see.
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149. Come on, rookie.
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150. Seriously, if this doesn't work,
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151. I'm leaving you.
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152. I would never leave you.
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153. Really?
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154. Are you with the hospital?
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155. Hey, buddy, you mind taking
the next ambulance? Thanks.
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156. I'm sure one will be here
in a few minutes.
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157. You'll be fine.
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158. Hey, excuse me. Where—
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159. where are you— what?
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160. Oh, yeah.
This is much easier.
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161. Hey, what are you doing
with our patient?
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162. He was trying to escape.
I stopped him.
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163. Oh. Thanks.
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164. Looks like this guy's
been poisoned.
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165. Well, the chart says broken arm.
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166. Someone should contact
this guy's next of kin.
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167. He doesn't look so good.
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168. Oh, fine.
I'll call her.
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169. Hello.
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170. It's Dan. I've got some
good news and some bad news.
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171. - Is Chris with you?
- Chris isn't really...
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172. with us anymore.
He's dead.
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173. - What?
- Well, not dead, but poisoned.
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174. Poisoned?
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175. But the hospital thinks
he has a broken arm.
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176. You're not making any sense!
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177. Yes, I really should have
planned out
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178. what I'd say
before I called you.
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179. - Is Chris okay?
- No, he's dead.
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180. - I mean, no, he's not.
- Where are you?
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181. - I'm at a pay phone.
- And where is Chris?
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182. I don't know!
They took him!
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183. Down the hall somewhere,
I think.
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184. Are you at the hospital?
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185. Of course! What have I been
saying this whole time?
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186. I'll be there in five minutes,
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187. and I am not happy!
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188. Like I am?
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189. Say beep one more time.
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190. Be serious!
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191. He still hasn't woken up!
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192. Oh, he's fine.
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193. They said they got
most of the poison out.
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194. He's in a better place now.
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195. Better place?
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196. He's in a hospital!
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197. This is pretty much
the worst place you can be!
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198. - I would think shark tank.
- Dan!
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199. Well, whose fault
is this anyway?
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200. - Yours!
- No way.
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201. Listen, if you walk
into somebody's house
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202. and you see a meat loaf
on the counter,
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203. do you just dig right in?
He didn't even ask!
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204. You know Chris
is on the see-food diet.
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205. That's no excuse
for monkey-wrenching my plans!
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206. Also, meat loaf isn't sea food.
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207. Oh, see food!
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208. I get it!
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209. It's a good thing
you still have a sense of humor
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210. even though Chris is dead.
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211. Dying. Poisoned.
Whatever. He's fine.
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212. I am going
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213. to get some tea.
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214. Don't touch anything!
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215. Finally.
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216. Do you want to tag along
on my revenge?
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217. "Yes, I do."
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218. Do you want to pay for everything
with your credit cards?
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219. "I don't know."
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220. Oh, come on.
We'll have a blast!
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221. "Well, all right.
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222. Can I get a milk shake later?"
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223. Of course you can, buddy.
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224. This is the third-most
uncomfortable thing
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225. I've had to do all week.
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226. - Doctor.
- Doctor.
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227. Glad I made a copy
of your car key.
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228. Don't worry, buddy!
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229. I'll make you some airholes!
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230. You'll be okay, buddy.
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231. "Well, hello there.
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232. My name is Chris.
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233. I would like to purchase
these here items."
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234. My. That's a lot of dynamite.
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235. "I got some 'sploding to do.
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236. Ha ha ha."
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237. Okay, that will be $3,700.
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238. "Why, I do believe
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239. I'll pay with my credit card."
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240. Let me get that for you, buddy.
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241. I'm going to need to see
some I.D. with that.
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242. "Why don't you ring yourself up
a 30% tip!"
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243. Thank you, sir.
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244. "And thanks for your help
there, my good fellow!"
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245. Don't worry, buddy.
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246. Your money didn't go to waste.
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247. Thanks again for bankrolling
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248. my sweet, sweet revenge!
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249. Stupid homeless animals.
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250. Uh-oh. Looks like there's
no room for you in the car.
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251. "Hey, that's okay.
I don't mind.
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252. Just stick me
through the sunroof."
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253. You sure you don't mind?
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254. "I don't mind a bit,
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255. but can we stop
for milk shakes now?"
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256. Let's get you that milk shake.
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257. "Thanks, Dan.
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258. You're the best."
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259. Welcome to Burgerphile,
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260. home of the world-famous
burger bowl.
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261. World-famous?
Whatever you say, sweetness.
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262. Get me a plain burger,
small cola,
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263. and a milk shake
for my friend here.
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264. That's a plain burger,
no cheese!
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265. I'm lactose-intolerant!
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266. You put cheese on my burger,
I will die,
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267. but not before
I burn this place to the ground!
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268. That'll be $2.98, sir.
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269. Keep the change, pumpkin.
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270. You're okay, buddy.
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271. Ketchup, the one true condiment.
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272. Here's your milk shake, slugger.
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273. "Thanks, Dan.
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274. You're my best friend."
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275. I know.
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276. "I love you."
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277. I feel somewhat warmly
towards you,
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278. but to be honest,
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279. this conversation's
making me uncomfortable.
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280. Thank goodness.
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281. It's Elise. I'll get it.
Yello.
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282. Where have you taken Chris?
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283. Somebody stole him
from the hospital!
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284. And you just assume it was me.
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285. I saw the security tapes!
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286. You also took our car!
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287. Possession is nine-tenths
of the law, I'll have you know.
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288. Technically Chris is mine now.
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289. Bring him back
to the hospital this instant.
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290. He needs medical care!
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291. Bring him back? Why?
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292. We're having a great time!
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293. Sure, he's a little pale
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294. and his breathing's shallow,
but he's fine.
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295. Plus he's going to help me
blow up—
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296. I mean, run some errands.
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297. I can drop him off
when we're done.
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298. Bring him back now, Dan!
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299. What's that?
You're breaking up!
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300. Crackle! Crackle! Buzz!
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301. You're not even
making the noises.
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302. You're just saying
crackle and buzz!
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303. Crackle! Buzz!
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304. Revenge is hard enough without
these stupid distractions.
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305. Oh, no!
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306. Chris, why did you let me
drink your milk shake?
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307. I've got to get to my medicine!
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308. Come on!
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309. Curse you, Burgerphile!
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310. You're...
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311. going on the list.
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312. Medicine.
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313. Need...
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314. my medicine.
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315. Man.
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316. I need to vacuum.
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317. Of course.
Stay here.
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318. I'm going to run
to the drugstore.
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319. Oh, Chris.
Dan!
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320. You have three seconds
to explain yourself!
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321. We got dynamite.
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322. Okay, just don't jostle me
or anything.
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323. My guts are killing me.
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324. Ohh! My guts.
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325. Hello, floor.
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326. You and I are going to be
spending some time together.
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327. Ah, yes!
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328. Great!
More barking!
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329. There's the icing
on my awfulness cake.
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330. This'll shut your furry faces.
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331. So long, you loud jerks.
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332. Stop looking at me like that.
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333. Bad kitty!
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334. Do you want to be my kitty?
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335. I'm going to call you Mumbles.
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336. Let's go, Mr. Mumbles.
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337. Do you mind that I just changed
your name to Mr. Mumbles?
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338. Fine.
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339. Mr. Mumbles.
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340. You waited for me?
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341. I love you, Mr. Mumbles.
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342. Okay, Mr. Mumbles,
cover your ears.
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343. Three,
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344. two,
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345. one...
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346. Not cool!
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347. Oh, harsh buzz, bro...
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348. Oh, no, dude. My locks!
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349. My locks!
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350. Holy Diver! What is—
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351. Why, Mr. Mumbles? Why?
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352. Are you kidding me?
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353. A firing range?
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354. Sir, the doctor's
ready to see you now.
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355. No, we did not purchase
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356. $4,000 worth of explosives.
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357. Good day, sir.
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358. Okay, let's get those pants off.
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359. I'm here about my face
being all scratched.
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360. Oh, don't worry.
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361. I'm not a doctor.
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