1. Help! Aah! He—
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2. wait. Dan?
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3. You're probably wondering
why I'm wearing face paint
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4. an attacking you
with a plastic toy hatchet.
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5. Oh, is it Put on Face Paint
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6. and Attack Your Best Friend
with a Hatchet Day already?
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7. That's not till January.
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8. It's Dismemberfest!
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9. Ah, the horrorfilm festival.
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10. You got it.
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11. "Slasher Cats"
starts at noon tomorrow,
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12. followed by "Eek! The Murderer."
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13. I can't go this year, Dan.
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14. Elise's parents are taking us
on a camping trip.
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15. You have got to be kidding me.
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16. Hey, I'm not happy
about it either.
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17. Although I must admit I don't
like those movies anyway.
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18. But it's no fun going
to slasher movies by myself.
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19. Sorry, but I have
an opportunity
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20. to finally get Don
and Elise Sr. To like me.
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21. When are you going to learn
they are your in-laws—
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22. natural enemies,
like sharks and robots?
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23. Anyway, we're going up
to Lake Sequester
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24. - for the weekend, and—
- Whoa, whoa.
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25. - Where?
- Lake Sequester.
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26. Oh, you won't go
to slasher movies,
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27. but you'll go there?
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28. Sure. Why not?
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29. Are you kidding me?
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30. It's where the Hockey Mask Maniac
ran amuck 10 years ago.
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31. It's the basis
for the goriest, bloodiest,
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32. most iconic slasher movie
of them all,
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33. "The Campground
Chain Saw Unpleasantness."
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34. Okay, you should go now.
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35. Well, I'm not leaving
until you agree to—
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36. hey, let me go!
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37. Unhand me, I say!
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38. I'm going on the family
camping trip, Dan,
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39. and that's final.
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40. FAMILY CAMPING TRIP!
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41. What do you mean you can't
mail-order killer bees?
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42. I need killer bees!
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43. You send me—
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44. Oh, hold on.
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45. - Hey, Dan.
- Ah, Chris.
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46. Good. Have you
come to your senses?
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47. I'm still going camping,
if that's what you mean.
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48. Hey, that reminds me.
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49. What food allergies
do Elise's parents have?
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50. You're not going to ruin
the camping trip, Dan.
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51. - Says you.
- Also, I would like you
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52. to stop sending me
creepy emails
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53. about the Hockey Mask Maniac.
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54. They're not creepy!
They're factual news articles!
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55. And what about the clips you keep
sending me from scary movies?
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56. Based on true stories.
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57. You know I don't do well
with this stuff.
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58. I saw "The Campground
Chain Saw Unpleasantness"
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59. as a kid, and it scared
the heck out of me,
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60. completely ruined
the entire genre.
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61. You know, Chris,
if you don't push through,
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62. you're never
gonna get desensitized.
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63. Where was I?
Oh, yeah! Right!
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64. Killer bees!
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65. My folks are here.
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66. They are?
They're three hours early.
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67. Welcome to my world.
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68. Wow. Look at that.
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69. When's the last time
someone watered this grass?
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70. Mom, Dad, you're early.
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71. Ah, we made good time
from Vegas.
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72. Fun drive.
I never saw so much desert.
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73. Until we took a look
at your lawn, junior.
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74. - Mom.
- Hey, Mom.
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75. Welcome back.
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76. Wait. Wait, we're hugging now?
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77. I-I guess not.
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78. No, that's fine.
Give me a hug.
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79. I-I don't want to anymore.
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80. Chris, give my mom a hug.
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81. No hug for me, thanks.
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82. Are you all ready to go?
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83. I haven't finished packing yet.
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84. Why don't we go inside
and have some iced tea?
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85. They hate me.
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86. They don't hate you.
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87. Okay, they kind of hate you,
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88. but it's not your fault.
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89. They haven't liked
anybody I've ever dated.
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90. Except Colby.
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91. Well, sure, him.
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92. Take your time, Chris.
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93. Whenever you're ready.
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94. Dad, knock it off.
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95. I'm just kidding with him.
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96. It's kind of our thing.
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97. Perfect timing.
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98. If we leave now, we can still catch
"Stabbo the Clown."
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99. Now climb out of the window,
and let's go.
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100. I am not going with you.
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101. I am going to Lake Sequester.
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102. To be hunted
by a chain saw-wielding maniac.
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103. They caught him years ago.
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104. Or so they think.
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105. You're just trying
to give me nightmares.
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106. Look, this whole insane quest
of yours is pointless.
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107. Your in-laws
will never respect you.
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108. I have to try.
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109. I just hate to see you expending
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110. such an enormous
amount of effort
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111. in what is ultimately
a futile pursuit.
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112. It's not healthy.
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113. Have a good weekend, Dan.
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114. So this should be a good time
of year to spot bears.
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115. Isn't spotting bears a bad thing
when you're camping?
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116. Don't tell me
you're scared of bears.
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117. I am, actually.
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118. Generally speaking, I'm afraid
of anything that can eat me—
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119. bears, sharks, cannibals.
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120. Stop worrying about bears.
We just got to make sure
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121. we hang our food from a tree
every night.
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122. If you think you can make it
10 hours without a snack.
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123. They're tagging the bears
this summer.
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124. Like spray-painting them?
That seems mean.
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125. No, they're luring them in
with artificial hormones
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126. and fitting them
with radio transponders.
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127. It's to track
their migratory patterns.
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128. Speaking of feral creatures,
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129. how's your friend Dan?
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130. The trick to any successful
campaign, Mr. Mumbles,
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131. is the element of surprise.
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132. I think it was Sun Tzu
who said—
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133. I only ask because he
seems to be following us.
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134. Oh, you've got to be kidding me.
I'll handle this.
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135. What was that?
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136. Are you trying to kill me?
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137. Don't tempt me.
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138. What are you doing here?
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139. Obviously,
I'm sneaking up on you.
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140. Just give me
what is rightfully mine,
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141. and I'll go.
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142. - What do you want exactly?
- Chris.
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143. I don't know.
Sounds reasonable.
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144. Don, stop it.
We are not giving him Chris,
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145. even if we'd like to.
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146. Dan, this is
really unacceptable.
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147. It's all your fault.
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148. This is not my fault.
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149. It's kind of your fault.
He's your friend.
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150. If you'd just come with me
to Dismemberfest...
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151. Okay, let's go.
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152. Dan, you are not invited
on this camping trip.
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153. Don't follow us.
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154. You're not the boss of me, lady.
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155. I go where I ple—
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156. Hey, is that my car battery?
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157. I'll put you on the list!
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158. I'll put all of you on the list!
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159. Well, that's reassuring.
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160. Nothing like nature, huh, Chris?
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161. No, sir.
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162. I mean, we're so far away
from civilization,
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163. anything could happen
out here...
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164. anything.
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165. And the nearest help's
not for miles.
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166. That's—
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167. yeah.
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168. How's that fire coming?
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169. You guys know
they invented something
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170. a couple hundred years ago.
They're called matches.
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171. Well, if you can't make fire
with nothing but wood
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172. and some elbow grease,
you're not a real man,
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173. like Chris here.
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174. Have it your way.
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175. I was going to walk
down to the stream.
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176. - You care to join me?
- Love to.
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177. Nearest help's not for miles.
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178. for miles... for miles.
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179. for miles... for miles.
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180. Just think, Mr. Mumbles,
these are the very same woods
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181. where the Hockey Mask Maniac—
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182. wait, who's that?
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183. Can I help you with that?
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184. Sorry.
Didn't mean to scare you.
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185. - Who are you?
- Chris, are you okay?
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186. I heard you scre—
Colby?
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187. Hi, beautiful.
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188. Colby?
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189. See? Just takes
a little elbow grease.
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190. Uh-huh.
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191. I can't believe
you invited Colby
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192. - on our family camping trip.
- Why not?
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193. He's the closest thing
I have to a son.
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194. What about Ben?
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195. - Who?
- Our son.
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196. And why didn't you tell me
Colby was coming?
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197. I didn't want to ruin
the surprise.
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198. I don't recognize
that guy with Chris.
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199. Ah, you're right about that,
Mr. Mumbles.
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200. Whoever he is,
he sure is dreamy.
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201. No matter.
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202. We'll ruin the camping trip
for everyone,
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203. then take Chris
to the movies with us.
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204. So how do we do it?
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205. I know you're hungry,
Mr. Mumbles, but—
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206. You know, you're pretty smart
for a kitty.
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207. Let's see how much fun they have
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208. camping without food.
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209. That's when I knew
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210. I was the only one at the zoo
who could handle the problem.
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211. How big was the gorilla?
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212. Midsize, about 340 lbs.
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213. And you wrestled it back
into its cage all by yourself.
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214. That's my boy.
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215. Hey, anyone mind if I find out
how the game's going?
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216. Washington with a commanding lead
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217. going into
the seventh-inning stretch.
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218. In breaking news,
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219. a fire at the Corbin State Prison
for the Criminally lnsane
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220. was the opportunity several
inmates needed to escape.
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221. That's the prison
where they were holding
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222. the Hockey Mask Maniac.
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223. I read an article about him
this morning.
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224. While details are fuzzy at this time,
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225. several inmates
are unaccounted for,
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226. including most notably—
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227. Don, did you hear that?
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228. Washington ahead.
Yeah, I heard it.
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229. He means the jailbreak.
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230. We should probably
get out of here. It's not safe.
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231. Oh, Chris,
don't be such a worrywart.
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232. There's a lunatic out there,
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233. and you want to stay here
and camp?
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234. Have you never seen
a horror movie?
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235. Honestly, the way
you carry on sometimes,
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236. you'd think—
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237. What was that?
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238. Someone's in the woods.
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239. I'm sure it's nothing.
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240. Stay here.
I'll go check it out.
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241. No, don't.
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242. It's the maniac.
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243. If it's a bear, take a picture.
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244. You got it, Mom!
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245. What do you think
you're doing?
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246. Aah! Dreamboat!
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247. Mr. Mumbles, attack!
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248. Fine.
I'll do it myself.
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249. - What's happening?
- I'll go see if he needs help.
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250. No, wait! That's just what
the maniac wants you to do.
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251. - Taken care of, folks.
- What happened?
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252. Ah, somebody was
trying to steal our food.
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253. I chased him off.
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254. That's my boy!
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255. Wait.
What did he look like?
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256. Ah, little guy wearing a t-shirt
that said "Jerk" on it.
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257. Of course. Dan.
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258. What stupid stunt
is he trying to pull now?
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259. He's not just dreamy.
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260. He's got the strength of 10 men.
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261. And was it just me,
or were his eyes
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262. even more
captivating close up?
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263. I think he won the fight
because I got lost in them.
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264. Yeah, all right.
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265. We've ruled out
a direct assault.
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266. And by the way,
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267. thank you for doing nothing
while I was getting beaten up.
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268. Aw, I can't stay mad at you.
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269. And did you hear
that thing on the radio
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270. about the prison break?
For all anyone knows,
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271. the Hockey Mask Maniac
is on the loose.
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272. Which gives me an idea.
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273. Okay, this will
just take a second.
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274. That's strange.
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275. Oh, well.
Gift horse and all that.
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276. First stop, sporting goods.
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277. Next, landscaping supplies.
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278. No chain saw?
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279. Why doesn't anything ever
go right for me?
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280. Was that sarcasm, Mr. Mumbles?
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281. Well, I guess
this will have to do.
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282. Just need some overalls,
and we're done.
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283. Okay, scary story time.
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284. Who wants to go first?
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285. Why don't you, dear?
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286. I love spooky stories.
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287. Me too.
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288. All right.
This is the story
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289. of the Hockey Mask Maniac.
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290. About 10 years ago,
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291. in these very woods...
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292. Oh, stupid Spider-Man.
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293. And as they dragged him
away to prison,
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294. he screamed,
"I'll be back someday!
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295. My bloody work
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296. is not yet done!"
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297. It's just a story.
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298. Except that it's not.
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299. Here we go.
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300. All shall perish!
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301. Mommy!
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302. Whoops. Wrong campsite.
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303. It's okay, kids.
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304. You can come back now.
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305. No maniacs here.
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306. What? I got turned around
in the woods.
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307. It happens.
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308. Got you, bear friend.
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309. Friend?
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310. Let me get those for you, Elise.
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311. He still likes you.
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312. Of course he does.
I'm awesome.
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313. But I like you.
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314. We've had multiple sightings
of the Hockey Mask Maniac.
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315. We need you to clear
these woods immediately.
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316. Sorry, Commodore,
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317. but I have, like,
many more bears to tag.
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318. Can't you guys
do something?
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319. Afraid not.
Every man I've got
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320. is up in a tree
with a sniper rifle,
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321. itching to shoot a hole in
the first hockey mask they see.
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322. Maybe not the best time
to be dressed as the Maniac.
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323. Just make sure everyone
evacuates the campgrounds.
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324. You can count on me, sir.
I'll get right on it.
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325. Thank you, son.
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326. As soon as I'm done
tagging these bears.
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327. Tee-hee.
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328. Bears.
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329. Once I douse the family tents
in these hormones,
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330. they'll attract so many bears
looking for mates
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331. that they won't be able
to camp.
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332. Then Chris and I
can catch the end
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333. of the slasher movie festival—
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334. Ugh. Gross.
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335. Well, that's a waste of—
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336. Oh no.
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337. Well, that was
completely unpleasant.
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338. And where were you
when I was being attacked
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339. by a bear who thought
I was her mate?
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340. That is the second time
in so many days
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341. that you abandoned me
in my time of need.
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342. Forgiven.
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343. Hey, folks.
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344. We've gotten reports
that the Hockey Mask Maniac
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345. is running around here
somewhere.
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346. It's important for your safety
that you leave immediately.
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347. I would have told you
last night,
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348. but I forgot.
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349. Sound like Dan to anyone else?
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350. Yeah. We're pretty sure it's not
the Hockey Mask Maniac.
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351. Shouldn't we go
just to be safe?
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352. Yeah, you probably should.
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353. Well, we're not.
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354. Okay, in that case,
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355. I have some forms
for you to fill out
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356. acknowledging
that the Park Service
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357. will not be held responsible
if you all meet a grisly fate
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358. or a grizzly bear.
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359. I know, but it's the only set
of clothes I have nearby.
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360. All units. Repeat— All units,
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361. Hockey Mask Maniac sighted
near the river.
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362. All units proceed
to the following coordinates.
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363. Come on, Officer Puddles.
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364. Dispatch said this way.
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365. Did you hear that?
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366. With the cops gone, we can
finally get back to plan A.
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367. I know, Mr. Mumbles.
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368. I'll get you a hockey mask
for next time.
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369. Promise.
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370. Look, maybe I'm wrong,
but wouldn't it be better
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371. to cut the trip short,
just in case?
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372. Scary!
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373. We know it's you, Dan.
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374. What? It is not.
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375. We recognize your voice.
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376. Besides, the Hockey Mask Maniac
uses a chain saw,
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377. not a weed whacker.
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378. I know that, but the store
was out of chain saws.
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379. Plus the real Maniac is
supposed to be seven feet tall.
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380. Like him.
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381. Oh, no.
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382. Who are you supposed to be?
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383. Oh, Dan, run!
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384. Oh, thanks.
Hadn't thought of that.
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385. We should probably go.
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386. Uh-huh.
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387. Mom! Dad!
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388. Elise, no.
You can't help them.
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389. Let me go!
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390. I can't let you endanger— ow!
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391. Any chance
we can talk this out?
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392. It's been a good life, I guess.
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393. Hey, ugly!
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394. Why don't you pick on someone
your own crazy?
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395. Jerk.
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396. Are you taking pictures?
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397. Yeah. When will I ever
see this again?
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398. Fair enough.
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399. Again? You get rid
of a Hockey Mask Maniac,
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400. then you have to deal
with a bear? Typical.
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401. Hey, anyone see a bear
come through—
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402. Oh, there she is.
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403. Gotcha, bear.
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404. Oh, and the Maniac!
Cool!
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405. Don't you worry, folks.
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406. That's the last you'll see
of the Hockey Mask Maniac.
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407. Unless he escapes again,
but what are the odds of that?
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408. Well, this has been fun.
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409. - You didn't have to hit me.
- I think I did.
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410. What I don't get is why
did that bear attack the Maniac?
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411. She thought
she was protecting her mate.
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412. - What was that?
- I said
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413. she thought she was
protecting her mate, okay?
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414. I don't want to talk about it.
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415. Well, our supplies are gone,
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416. and our tents are ruined.
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417. Looks like we'll
have to cut this trip short.
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418. Oh, thank goodness.
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419. Hey, I guess there's still time
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420. to catch the end
of Dismemberfest.
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421. Nah, I think
I'm pretty burned out
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422. on slasher films for a while.
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423. Plus I'd like to go home
and wash the bear hormones off.
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424. Come on, Mr. Mumbles.
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425. Chris, you put yourself
in harm's way
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426. to try and protect us.
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427. Oh, yeah. I guess I did.
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428. I know we've been hard on you
from time to time,
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429. but you really showed
your true colors today.
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430. - Don, give Chris a hug.
- What?
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431. That's really not necessary.
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432. Now, Don.
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433. I'll get you for this.
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434. Don...
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435. you're squeezing me too hard.
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436. He doesn't hug me like that.
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437. Well...
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438. let's go home.
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