1. No! I won't go!
Copy !req
2. Let me go!
Copy !req
3. You can't make me!
I'll wait in the car!
Copy !req
4. I don't like this at all.
Copy !req
5. Why did I let you
talk me into this?
Copy !req
6. It's time you joined
the lnformation Age.
Copy !req
7. Sounds like a cult.
Copy !req
8. You need a computer, Dan.
Copy !req
9. Yeah. You're the last person in
the world to not have lnternet access,
Copy !req
10. except maybe a weirdo in a cabin
in the woods somewhere.
Copy !req
11. What's so great
about the lnternet?
Copy !req
12. You can watch TV
on your computer.
Copy !req
13. I can watch TV on my TV.
Copy !req
14. You can keep track
of your friends.
Copy !req
15. He's right here!
Plus I had him chipped.
Copy !req
16. Maybe he doesn't
need a computer.
Copy !req
17. We need him
to have a computer.
Copy !req
18. It'll give him something to do
when you and I want to be alone.
Copy !req
19. What's he going to do
on the lnternet?
Copy !req
20. Something I could help you with,
sirs and ma'am?
Copy !req
21. We're trying to explain to my friend
why he needs a computer.
Copy !req
22. - Oh. Do you blog?
- Do I what?
Copy !req
23. Oho, you're one of those.
Copy !req
24. Okay, check this out.
Copy !req
25. Is that "Scotland the Brave"?
Copy !req
26. That cat is playing
the bagpipes
Copy !req
27. without the use
of opposable thumbs.
Copy !req
28. Show me another one.
Copy !req
29. They're dancing!
Copy !req
30. And this is always available
for free?
Copy !req
31. I'll take it!
Copy !req
32. See, Mr. Mumbles?
It's all about rhythm.
Copy !req
33. While not as inventive
as other videos in this genre,
Copy !req
34. "Dancing Cats Video
Number 3,620"
Copy !req
35. is not without
some pedestrian charm.
Copy !req
36. Quaint choreography
and sincere—
Copy !req
37. What? What happened?
Copy !req
38. My computer's broken.
Copy !req
39. We don't work on that model
anymore. It's obsolete.
Copy !req
40. How could it be obsolete?
Copy !req
41. You sold it to me yesterday.
Copy !req
42. I'm very sorry, sir,
Copy !req
43. but that entire platform
has been discontinued.
Copy !req
44. They're releasing
the new platform this weekend.
Copy !req
45. See?
Copy !req
46. Look how happy
that dork is.
Copy !req
47. Make this thing
work like that thing.
Copy !req
48. Well, okay.
Copy !req
49. Please come back when you're
ready to upgrade, sir.
Copy !req
50. TECHNOLOGY!
Copy !req
51. Hey, Dan.
Sorry about your computer.
Copy !req
52. You want me to ask Elise
if she can fix it?
Copy !req
53. The computer is dead.
Copy !req
54. It goes unmourned.
Copy !req
55. Really?
You're letting it go?
Copy !req
56. We need to drive
to Silicon Valley.
Copy !req
57. I've got a score to settle
with Barry Ditmer.
Copy !req
58. Barry Ditmer did not
break your computer.
Copy !req
59. Maybe not personally,
Copy !req
60. but he's the one
who made it obsolete.
Copy !req
61. The guy invents a whole
new computer system every year
Copy !req
62. and inflicts it
on a docile public.
Copy !req
63. He does it with music players,
movie players.
Copy !req
64. You can't stop
technological progress, Dan.
Copy !req
65. People only say that
because no one has tried.
Copy !req
66. This Sunday, Barry Ditmer
is going to onveil
Copy !req
67. the Omnicron Violet
computer system,
Copy !req
68. and we are going to stop him.
Copy !req
69. I can't drive you
to Silicon Valley this weekend.
Copy !req
70. Well, stop hemming and hawing.
I need your help.
Copy !req
71. I am going to destroy
Barry Ditmer.
Copy !req
72. Enter.
Copy !req
73. Sir, one of our
passive listening devices
Copy !req
74. has detected a threat.
Copy !req
75. Play audio.
Copy !req
76. I am going to destroy
Barry Ditmer.
Copy !req
77. Who do you think it is?
Copy !req
78. The Chinese?
Copy !req
79. We don't know for certain.
Copy !req
80. Voice recognition software
came up with a blank.
Copy !req
81. Either it's someone who has
never owned a computer...
Copy !req
82. Maybe some weirdo in a cabin
in the woods somewhere.
Copy !req
83. or they're using
Copy !req
84. some sophisticated
voice-altering device.
Copy !req
85. We traced the signal
Copy !req
86. to this apartment building
in the San Fernando Valley.
Copy !req
87. It's obviously a front.
Copy !req
88. Why do you say that?
Copy !req
89. Please don't show me that!
Copy !req
90. You know I can't stand filth!
Copy !req
91. Yes, sir.
Copy !req
92. At any rate, it's probably
Copy !req
93. a derelict apartment
peopled by squatters.
Copy !req
94. All this leads me to believe
Copy !req
95. that we have a credible threat
on our hands.
Copy !req
96. Hmm. Recommendations?
Copy !req
97. Just one.
Copy !req
98. Dancing Shadow,
Copy !req
99. your mission is
to provide security
Copy !req
100. to prominent technology tycoon
Barry Ditmer.
Copy !req
101. Our government has determined
that his safety
Copy !req
102. - is priority Alpha One Venti.
- When do I leave?
Copy !req
103. Sky-Tender will drop in 20,
Copy !req
104. 19, 18, 17,
Copy !req
105. 16, 15...
Copy !req
106. I'm starving.
Copy !req
107. Why didn't you pack any food?
Copy !req
108. I didn't know we were going
on a road trip, did I?
Copy !req
109. Well, do you at least
have any water in the car?
Copy !req
110. Bottled, preferably.
Copy !req
111. As opposed to tap?
Copy !req
112. Hello. Mr. Ditmer?
Copy !req
113. Thank you, llsa.
Copy !req
114. Forgive me
if I don't shake hands.
Copy !req
115. Human contact of any kind
is my primary phobia.
Copy !req
116. Don't worry about
offending me, sir.
Copy !req
117. I'm here to help with security,
not make friends.
Copy !req
118. Excellent.
That's what I like to hear.
Copy !req
119. I'll take a quick tour
of the facility,
Copy !req
120. then report back
with some recommendations.
Copy !req
121. Human beings are so...
Copy !req
122. analog. Ugh.
Copy !req
123. Where are we, anyway?
Copy !req
124. I don't know.
We're not on my map anymore.
Copy !req
125. This is your fault.
Copy !req
126. Hi. It's Elise.
Leave a message.
Copy !req
127. Hey, gorgeous, it's me.
Copy !req
128. I just wanted to check in.
We're a little lost,
Copy !req
129. and I thought maybe you could
help us get back to the freeway.
Copy !req
130. And you'd better
not use the lnternet.
Copy !req
131. Shh. Do you mind?
I'm trying to leave a message.
Copy !req
132. Oh, just tell her
you've left her.
Copy !req
133. He's left you!
Copy !req
134. I didn't leave her.
I haven't left you.
Copy !req
135. He's left you,
and he's never coming back.
Copy !req
136. Dan, let go! The phone
is attached to my head.
Copy !req
137. - Just watch the road!
- Give my phone back.
Copy !req
138. I'm trying to leave
a message for my wife.
Copy !req
139. You should be trying
not to kill—
Copy !req
140. Dan! Are you okay?
Copy !req
141. Are you hurt?
Copy !req
142. Noggin' boppin'.
Copy !req
143. I got noggin' boppin'.
Copy !req
144. If you're hurt,
Copy !req
145. we should get you to a hospital.
Copy !req
146. Ah, it's just like lizards.
Copy !req
147. Rainbows are nature's rainbows.
Copy !req
148. Oh, man.
Copy !req
149. I'm going to find my phone
and call the paramedics.
Copy !req
150. No one ever returns
Copy !req
151. from los paramГ©dicos.
Copy !req
152. It's a little spooky out here.
Copy !req
153. You are such a baby.
Copy !req
154. Are you sure you're okay?
Copy !req
155. You were even
less coherent than usual.
Copy !req
156. It was just a little
massive head trauma.
Copy !req
157. Hey, I've had
some of that myself!
Copy !req
158. That accident
sure looked like a doozy.
Copy !req
159. - You saw it?
- I always keep an eye
Copy !req
160. on the road, just in case
someone breaks down.
Copy !req
161. It's part of what I do.
Copy !req
162. That sounds very fulfilling.
Copy !req
163. On a related note,
is there a garage near here?
Copy !req
164. Sure, there is.
What you do, friend,
Copy !req
165. is you go a mile that way...
Copy !req
166. This is all technology's fault.
Copy !req
167. Now do you see
why we have to stop it?
Copy !req
168. You boys trying
to stop technology?
Copy !req
169. Sounds crazy, I know.
Copy !req
170. Crazy like my socks!
Copy !req
171. What?
Copy !req
172. I hate technology too!
Copy !req
173. Makes me all bloop, boing...
Copy !req
174. Finally, a kindred spirit.
Copy !req
175. Nice to meet you...
Copy !req
176. Hiram.
Copy !req
177. Hey, I'll tell you what.
Copy !req
178. Why don't I help you
push your car
Copy !req
179. to that all-night ge-rage.
Copy !req
180. Then you two can spend the night
at my house while they fix it!
Copy !req
181. I think maybe a hotel.
Copy !req
182. I think that sounds great.
Copy !req
183. Thank you, Hiram.
Copy !req
184. What if he's
some kind of wackadoo?
Copy !req
185. Hey, later tonight,
Copy !req
186. we can sit around
in our jammies, eat some jerky,
Copy !req
187. and I'll teach you
how to throw a hatchet
Copy !req
188. so it'll split a skull
clean in half.
Copy !req
189. Seems fine to me.
Copy !req
190. I see you noticed
Barry's antigravity waterfall.
Copy !req
191. It has to do with the ionic
charge of the water molecules
Copy !req
192. - versus the surface area—
- I see how it works.
Copy !req
193. Home, sweet home.
Copy !req
194. Lovely place you have here.
Copy !req
195. Now, if you boys are thirsty,
Copy !req
196. that kettle's where I sterilize
my drinking water.
Copy !req
197. Actually, I am a bit parched.
Copy !req
198. It's also where I take my baths.
Copy !req
199. What time is it, by the way?
Copy !req
200. Well, let's see.
According to the stars,
Copy !req
201. it's nigh on 8:53.
Copy !req
202. Where's your television?
My stories are about to come on.
Copy !req
203. Television?
Oh, not in my house.
Copy !req
204. Tell you what, why don't
you entertain yourself
Copy !req
205. with my zoetrope.
Copy !req
206. So does this guy ever
Copy !req
207. blow up or something?
Copy !req
208. I mean, there's not even
a story arc.
Copy !req
209. Oh, I got one
Copy !req
210. of a plus-size woman
in a bubble bath,
Copy !req
211. but it's—
Copy !req
212. it's for my eyes only,
if you get me.
Copy !req
213. We get you.
Copy !req
214. Holograms are
so last millennium,
Copy !req
215. don't you think?
Copy !req
216. Barry's been working
on direct synaptic interface.
Copy !req
217. You mean mind control.
Copy !req
218. Isn't it exciting?
Copy !req
219. Soon his signal will go out
to the entire world.
Copy !req
220. I named her Peggy.
Copy !req
221. Yeah, still prefer television.
Copy !req
222. I'm getting a feeling
Copy !req
223. you don't hate technology
as much as I do.
Copy !req
224. Probably not as much.
Copy !req
225. I do like television.
Copy !req
226. So that's how it is.
Copy !req
227. Well, let me tell you
Copy !req
228. I got something
way better than television.
Copy !req
229. Have a seat.
Copy !req
230. We should probably get going.
Copy !req
231. Sit down!
Copy !req
232. We'll call this puppet Dean.
Copy !req
233. Oh, hang on.
Something's missing.
Copy !req
234. That's better.
Copy !req
235. I think these characters
are based on us.
Copy !req
236. Don't be ridiculous.
Copy !req
237. No one would do that.
Copy !req
238. And here's Dean's
big, dumb friend.
Copy !req
239. We'll call him Moose.
Copy !req
240. Moo!
Copy !req
241. Wait a minute.
Copy !req
242. I think these characters
are based on us.
Copy !req
243. Eagle's Nest,
this is Dancing Shadow.
Copy !req
244. We have a situation.
Copy !req
245. Barry Ditmer is developing
mind control technology.
Copy !req
246. Recommend
immediate neutralization.
Copy !req
247. Negative, Dancing Shadow.
Your job is to provide security,
Copy !req
248. - not investigate Mr. Ditmer.
- But—
Copy !req
249. Stay on mission,
Dancing Shadow.
Copy !req
250. Forget the mission.
I didn't give up antiquing
Copy !req
251. so some nerd
could control people's minds.
Copy !req
252. And now that I've knocked
Moose unconscious
Copy !req
253. with the plowshare,
Copy !req
254. I'm going to do unspeakable
things to you, Dan.
Copy !req
255. Oh, I mean Dean.
Copy !req
256. "Oh, no.
What will become of us?"
Copy !req
257. Well, I'll be honest.
Copy !req
258. I'm probably going
to cook and eat you.
Copy !req
259. But first,
let's have a little fun.
Copy !req
260. "Oh, no.
Copy !req
261. This isn't my idea of fun."
Copy !req
262. Oh, my.
Look at the stars.
Copy !req
263. We should really get going.
Copy !req
264. You're not going anywhere!
Copy !req
265. Yeah, Chris, sit down.
I want to see how this ends.
Copy !req
266. Not great for us.
Copy !req
267. Hey, Hiram!
Copy !req
268. Peggy!
Copy !req
269. Hey! Be careful!
Copy !req
270. Nice throw, by the way.
How did you—
Copy !req
271. It's all in the wrist.
Copy !req
272. You got to flick it out
at the end of the throw.
Copy !req
273. Ah. Thanks.
Copy !req
274. All my things!
Copy !req
275. No!
Copy !req
276. I'll get you boys for this
Copy !req
277. if it's the last thing
I ever do!
Copy !req
278. I promise you you will pay!
Copy !req
279. That guy is so angry.
Copy !req
280. Well, you did just burn
all of his stuff.
Copy !req
281. Yeah, but to be fair,
it wasn't very good stuff.
Copy !req
282. I've completed my
preliminary report, Mr. Ditmer.
Copy !req
283. The bad news is
that I've discovered
Copy !req
284. your long-distance
mind control device.
Copy !req
285. "Mind control"
is such an ugly term.
Copy !req
286. I prefer "guiding synaptic
processes from afar."
Copy !req
287. But your signal's too weak.
Copy !req
288. At least I got here
before you perfected it.
Copy !req
289. It needs some work, true,
but in time,
Copy !req
290. the entire population
will be hopelessly compelled
Copy !req
291. to buy whatever pointless
new gadget I bring to market.
Copy !req
292. You do not want to be
trapped in here with me.
Copy !req
293. Here's the Mark ll—
shorter range,
Copy !req
294. but a much more powerful signal.
Copy !req
295. And who's going to try
to put that thing on my head?
Copy !req
296. I am.
Copy !req
297. Let me introduce the lndependent
Logistics and Security Android,
Copy !req
298. ILSA for short.
Copy !req
299. So can we go home now?
Copy !req
300. Have we derailed
Barry Ditmer's plans yet?
Copy !req
301. Have we stopped the momentum
of technological progress?
Copy !req
302. You have to let this go, Dan.
Copy !req
303. Don't you see the parallels
between yourself and Hiram?
Copy !req
304. What are you talking about?
Copy !req
305. Oh, well, you hate technology.
He hates technology.
Copy !req
306. He's incredibly angry.
You're incredibly angry.
Copy !req
307. Who's angry?
How dare you?
Copy !req
308. - I'll strangle you!
- See?
Copy !req
309. I'll admit there does seem to be
a tenuous connection.
Copy !req
310. If you don't change your ways,
you'll end up just like him.
Copy !req
311. Oh, I think that's a stretch.
Copy !req
312. You know what?
Copy !req
313. We are going to talk about this.
Copy !req
314. We should probably
get further away
Copy !req
315. from the ax murderer
before we stop the car.
Copy !req
316. We've gone 30 miles.
Copy !req
317. There's no way he could cover
that kind of distance on foot.
Copy !req
318. To the ends of the Earth!
Copy !req
319. Well, I've been wrong before.
Copy !req
320. Don't let her touch me!
Copy !req
321. I shall obey.
Copy !req
322. She almost touched me.
Copy !req
323. Okay, let's go
destroy Omnicron Violet,
Copy !req
324. ruin Barry Ditmer's day,
Copy !req
325. and go home.
Copy !req
326. How are we going to get inside?
Copy !req
327. I'm thinking grappling hooks
and climbing equipment.
Copy !req
328. Always taking the easy way.
Copy !req
329. Think you're so great
Copy !req
330. just because you're
one of the richest
Copy !req
331. and most important people
in the world.
Copy !req
332. Jerk.
Copy !req
333. Voice recognition complete.
Copy !req
334. That is the individual
who threatened you.
Copy !req
335. Would you please
terminate them for me?
Copy !req
336. I hear and obey.
Copy !req
337. Where could he be?
Copy !req
338. He is the boss, right?
Copy !req
339. I imagine he'd be
on the top floor.
Copy !req
340. What was that?
Chris?
Copy !req
341. Chris evaporated?
Copy !req
342. No. It's too chilly for that.
Copy !req
343. Elise?
Where did you come from?
Copy !req
344. What are you doing here?
Copy !req
345. Eliminating a threat
to Mr. Ditmer.
Copy !req
346. Don't take this the wrong way,
but chrome is not your color.
Copy !req
347. Prepare to be terminated.
Copy !req
348. How does one prepare to be—
whoa!
Copy !req
349. - Seriously?
- Seriously.
Copy !req
350. I knew it!
You never liked me!
Copy !req
351. Go away.
Copy !req
352. Nobody in here but us boxes.
Copy !req
353. It's all in the wrist.
Copy !req
354. You got to flick it out
at the end of the throw.
Copy !req
355. Where am I?
Copy !req
356. I'm sorry!
Don't kill me!
Copy !req
357. Dan, it's okay.
I'm myself again.
Copy !req
358. Forgive me
if I'm not entirely reassured.
Copy !req
359. That was an amazing throw!
Copy !req
360. You cut off
the mind control headband
Copy !req
361. without hurting me at all.
Copy !req
362. Yeah? I mean, yeah.
Copy !req
363. That is what I meant to do.
Copy !req
364. Stay with Chris.
Copy !req
365. I am going to shut down
Barry Ditmer.
Copy !req
366. Nuh-uh.
Copy !req
367. I'm going to shut down
Barry Ditmer
Copy !req
368. and break his computer.
Copy !req
369. You will find a penny.
Copy !req
370. Your pockets are full of sand.
Copy !req
371. - That's weird, isn't it?
- Beats elevator music.
Copy !req
372. You sure he can't
just trap us in here?
Copy !req
373. Every computer system
can be overridden.
Copy !req
374. This one was a piece of cake.
Copy !req
375. You can't see me, but I can see you.
Copy !req
376. Rainbows are nature's rainbows.
Copy !req
377. Don't think I didn't notice,
by the way.
Copy !req
378. - Notice what?
- Chris, you knock unconscious.
Copy !req
379. Me, you try to kill.
Copy !req
380. I was under
mind control, Dan.
Copy !req
381. It wasn't my fault.
Copy !req
382. All I ever do
is reach out to you.
Copy !req
383. Well, it looks like
Copy !req
384. my new security consultant
has failed me.
Copy !req
385. Would you
destroy them, please?
Copy !req
386. - With pleasure.
- Thanks.
Copy !req
387. I got this one.
Score to settle.
Copy !req
388. I completely understand that.
Copy !req
389. No!
Copy !req
390. Barry!
Copy !req
391. ILSA!
Copy !req
392. Nooo!
Copy !req
393. Activate security protocol
"Barry's in trouble."
Copy !req
394. Prepare to be terminated.
Copy !req
395. - Uh-oh.
- Man, I hate technology.
Copy !req
396. There you are.
Copy !req
397. - Hiram!
- Barry?
Copy !req
398. You two know each other?
Copy !req
399. I'll say.
We used to be partners
Copy !req
400. until Barry here
stole my ideas,
Copy !req
401. froze me out, and stole
my half of the company.
Copy !req
402. How dare you
Copy !req
403. treat this unstable cannibal
that way?
Copy !req
404. I dropped off the grid
after that.
Copy !req
405. I've lived off the land
for 15 years.
Copy !req
406. And the occasional
stranded motorist.
Copy !req
407. You never had
the vision, Hiram.
Copy !req
408. Oh, I have a vision, Barry.
Track with me on this.
Copy !req
409. First I'm going to finish
with the little guy here.
Copy !req
410. Little guy?
Copy !req
411. How about I show you
my little fist, hill person?
Copy !req
412. And then I'm coming after you.
Copy !req
413. Not if my security robots
have anything to say about it.
Copy !req
414. Destroy them,
Copy !req
415. all of them.
Copy !req
416. - With pleasure.
- Hey, technophobe!
Copy !req
417. TV is awesome!
Copy !req
418. No!
Copy !req
419. Destroy.
Copy !req
420. Destroy. Destroy.
Copy !req
421. Destroy.
Copy !req
422. This isn't over!
Copy !req
423. Dude. Whoo!
Copy !req
424. Don't touch me!
Copy !req
425. Destroy. Destroy. Destroy.
Copy !req
426. We've got to get Chris
and get out of here.
Copy !req
427. The whole place
is coming down!
Copy !req
428. Wow. Those structure fires
really get out of hand.
Copy !req
429. - You would know.
- I sure would.
Copy !req
430. Take that, technology.
Copy !req
431. Take that, Barry Ditmer.
Copy !req
432. You know, I retract
my previous statement.
Copy !req
433. You look fine in chrome.
Copy !req
434. Thank you, Dan.
Copy !req