1. So you're
what's been keeping me up.Copy !req
2. Jerk.Copy !req
3. Sorry, Mr. Mumbles.Copy !req
4. Stupid reading.Copy !req
5. You, George Washington,Copy !req
6. so-called
Father of Our Country.Copy !req
7. Ungrateful troublemaker,
if you ask me.Copy !req
8. After everything
that generous monarch didCopy !req
9. for this country—Copy !req
10. Oh, forget it.Copy !req
11. Now's not the time or the place.Copy !req
12. I'm going back to bed.Copy !req
13. Oh, perfect.Copy !req
14. Oh, no.
My car! My car!Copy !req
15. My car!Copy !req
16. Why, palm tree?Copy !req
17. Why?Copy !req
18. This tree has been murdered...Copy !req
19. but by whom?Copy !req
20. Curious.
These footprintsCopy !req
21. were obviously
made by a buckle-y shoe.Copy !req
22. Wig powder, uncut.Copy !req
23. A puzzle is coming together,Copy !req
24. but what is the picture?Copy !req
25. Of course.Copy !req
26. I should have known.Copy !req
27. GEORGE WASHINGTON!Copy !req
28. Hey, want to come
jogging with me?Copy !req
29. Oh, come on!Copy !req
30. Yesterday you said
you were feeling a little fat.Copy !req
31. No, I thought you said
I was feeling a little fat.Copy !req
32. Hey, either way, it was said.
Let's go!Copy !req
33. Oh, hey, if you're running
by the donut place...Copy !req
34. I'm not running
by the donut place.Copy !req
35. Morning.Copy !req
36. Dan. Ah, you scared
the heck out of me.Copy !req
37. Good.Copy !req
38. What are you doing
in my closet?Copy !req
39. I need your help
and clean socks.Copy !req
40. You can't borrow my socks.Copy !req
41. Too late.Copy !req
42. What are you doing here?Copy !req
43. We are going to destroy
George Washington.Copy !req
44. - The school or the monument?
- The person.Copy !req
45. Okay.
Well, good news.Copy !req
46. George Washington's dead,Copy !req
47. has been for 200 years.Copy !req
48. If he's dead,Copy !req
49. where did I get this?Copy !req
50. Hey, you almost hit my foot.Copy !req
51. Focus. George Washington
is up to his old tricks.Copy !req
52. Clearly, he chopped downCopy !req
53. a palm tree
in front of my apartment,Copy !req
54. and it fell on my car.Copy !req
55. So by "up to his old tricks,"Copy !req
56. you mean that old myth about him
chopping down a cherry tree.Copy !req
57. It's not a myth.
It's American history.Copy !req
58. - It is not.
- Why do you hate America?Copy !req
59. Ah.
Starting early today, Dan?Copy !req
60. Dan thinks George Washington
chopped down a palm treeCopy !req
61. and smashed his car.Copy !req
62. So it's going to be
one of those days.Copy !req
63. I tried reasoning with him.Copy !req
64. - With Dan?
- I see your point.Copy !req
65. When she refers to me
in the third person,Copy !req
66. - it's horribly rude.
- Apologies, Dan.Copy !req
67. You do know that George
Washington is dead, right?Copy !req
68. I have proof otherwise.Copy !req
69. It's next to my foot.Copy !req
70. An ax with "G.W."
scratched in the handle.Copy !req
71. That's your proof?Copy !req
72. What else do you need,
wig powder?Copy !req
73. I'll vacuum later.Copy !req
74. I was going to do some work
around the house today.Copy !req
75. Can you take Dan
somewhere else?Copy !req
76. See, there's that
third-person thing again.Copy !req
77. She might want to watch that.Copy !req
78. Okay, somebody's got to say it.Copy !req
79. George Washington
did not rise from the deadCopy !req
80. to destroy your car.Copy !req
81. I never said
he rose from the dead.Copy !req
82. So, what, he's immortal
like a vampire?Copy !req
83. I never said he's a vampire.Copy !req
84. He could have...Copy !req
85. slept for a long time.Copy !req
86. Okay, assuming you're
not cuckoo,Copy !req
87. how do you expect to find
George Washington?Copy !req
88. He's 200 years old.Copy !req
89. How far could he have gotten?Copy !req
90. I have a better idea.
Let's grab a donut, relax,Copy !req
91. maybe call that doctor
the court ordered you to see.Copy !req
92. George Washington!
Stop the car!Copy !req
93. Is that— can't be.Copy !req
94. Please visit
the hallowed halls of history.Copy !req
95. Gotcha!Copy !req
96. Somebody help!
This guy is crazy!Copy !req
97. Tree murderer!
Car killer!Copy !req
98. - Police!
- Dan, stop.Copy !req
99. But we've got him.Copy !req
100. Look.Copy !req
101. I'm an actor.Copy !req
102. I play George Washington
here at the museum.Copy !req
103. See?Copy !req
104. In that case, I apologize.Copy !req
105. He couldn't be
the real George Washington.Copy !req
106. That's true.
The real George WashingtonCopy !req
107. has been dead
for over 200 years.Copy !req
108. Oh?
I was not aware of that.Copy !req
109. I've been telling you
all morning!Copy !req
110. True.Copy !req
111. So you didn't believe me,
but you believe him?Copy !req
112. Yeah. He's the expert.Copy !req
113. You don't know that.Copy !req
114. What's George Washington's
birthday?Copy !req
115. Presidents' Day.Copy !req
116. Presidents' Day
changes every year. See?Copy !req
117. I believe him.Copy !req
118. So what do you have
against G.W.?Copy !req
119. - He chopped down a tree.
- The cherry tree, right?Copy !req
120. He did it again.Copy !req
121. This time, it hit my car.Copy !req
122. Well, he must have done it from
beyond the grave. Guy's dead.Copy !req
123. Beyond the grave.Copy !req
124. This is why our children
are getting dumber,Copy !req
125. no standards.Copy !req
126. - We don't have children.
- You know what I mean.Copy !req
127. Hey, you want to stop
for donuts?Copy !req
128. No time! We have to get back
at George Washington!Copy !req
129. I've been telling you,Copy !req
130. and that poorly informed
impersonator told youCopy !req
131. George Washington is dead.Copy !req
132. Dead, dead, dead.Copy !req
133. Just because he's deadCopy !req
134. doesn't mean
he didn't chop down that tree.Copy !req
135. That's exactly
what it means, actually.Copy !req
136. It does not!Copy !req
137. George Washington is out there,Copy !req
138. Iaughing in our faces,Copy !req
139. and I think I know
just how to find him.Copy !req
140. That doesn't
sound like donuts.Copy !req
141. Come on, Dan.Copy !req
142. This is crazy, even for you.Copy !req
143. Crazy like someone
who's getting backCopy !req
144. at the long-dead
Founding Father of our—Copy !req
145. Well, okay,Copy !req
146. when you say it out loud...Copy !req
147. Anyway, we're here.Copy !req
148. Who is it that entersCopy !req
149. the sacred warehouse
of Madame Zelda?Copy !req
150. If you're really psychic,
you tell us.Copy !req
151. The spirits are telling meCopy !req
152. that you are skeptical
of my abilities.Copy !req
153. She's good.Copy !req
154. She is not.Copy !req
155. How can you, of all people,
believe in psychics?Copy !req
156. This learned woman
has degreesCopy !req
157. from every major psychic
institution in the country.Copy !req
158. To be fair,
some of these are honorary.Copy !req
159. Let's just get this over with.Copy !req
160. I need to talk
to George Washington.Copy !req
161. - That will be $200.
- Pay her.Copy !req
162. No way.
A: this is your revenge,Copy !req
163. and, B: I'm a little short
right now.Copy !req
164. You have got to learn how
to manage your money better.Copy !req
165. How much do you have?Copy !req
166. On me?Copy !req
167. 40 bucks.Copy !req
168. I can tell your need is great.Copy !req
169. I will perform
my services for $50.Copy !req
170. I just said 40's all I have.Copy !req
171. I sense you are holding out.Copy !req
172. Just my emergency
sandwich money.Copy !req
173. - Pay her!
- Are you gonna pay me back?Copy !req
174. I sense no.Copy !req
175. She is good.Copy !req
176. Can we turn
the spooky music off?Copy !req
177. No. The spirits like it.Copy !req
178. Let us all join hands.Copy !req
179. Ugh. When was the last time
you washed your hands?Copy !req
180. Don't have to.
Cat licks them clean.Copy !req
181. Now I will call uponCopy !req
182. the spirit
of George Washington.Copy !req
183. Are you there,
Mr. President?Copy !req
184. Make a noise
if you are with us.Copy !req
185. - He's here!
- She just kicked the table.Copy !req
186. Someone just kicked me.Copy !req
187. George Washington will take
possession of my body.Copy !req
188. Hello.
It is I, George Washington,Copy !req
189. first President
of the United States,Copy !req
190. commander of the...Copy !req
191. Confederate Army.Copy !req
192. - Continental Army.
- That's what I said.Copy !req
193. Is not— ow!Copy !req
194. Is it really you,
Mr. Washington?Copy !req
195. Yes. Now what question
can I help you with?Copy !req
196. Dan, no!Copy !req
197. What are you, a psychopath?Copy !req
198. Chris, hold
George Washington downCopy !req
199. while I get the ax free!Copy !req
200. There is no way I'm going
to help you murder a psychic,Copy !req
201. even a fake one.Copy !req
202. The spell is broken.Copy !req
203. Oh, come on!Copy !req
204. You can't hurt a spirit,
you fool.Copy !req
205. Well, you should have
told me that before we started.Copy !req
206. Just give me
my $50 and get out.Copy !req
207. You don't see dollar oneCopy !req
208. until I speak
with George Washington.Copy !req
209. Remember, get paid first.Copy !req
210. Fine.Copy !req
211. I will summon the great
George Washington once more,Copy !req
212. but you must promise—Copy !req
213. Not to kill you.
We promise, right, Dan?Copy !req
214. Not to kill you.
We promise, right, Dan?Copy !req
215. Dan.Copy !req
216. Fine. It wouldn't hurt George
Washington anyway, apparently.Copy !req
217. But it would land us in prison
for the rest of our lives.Copy !req
218. Ahem, what is it that I,
the great and powerfulCopy !req
219. George Washington,
can help you with?Copy !req
220. This is ridiculous.Copy !req
221. That's not the kind of thing
George Washington would say.Copy !req
222. So you're the expert?Copy !req
223. Okay, professor,
ask him a question, then.Copy !req
224. Fine! What's your
middle name, George?Copy !req
225. I...Copy !req
226. didn't have one?Copy !req
227. Actually, I think that's right.Copy !req
228. You have got to learn
to trust the experts.Copy !req
229. I wanted to tell you
that I know it was youCopy !req
230. who chopped down the tree
outside my apartmentCopy !req
231. and smashed my car,Copy !req
232. and I am going
to make you pay!Copy !req
233. Oh, please.
I'm the Father of Our Country.Copy !req
234. You're just an angry little man
with a smashed car.Copy !req
235. Thousands of people
still visit my home every week.Copy !req
236. Does anyone visit your home?Copy !req
237. I'm waiting until I clean it
before I have company over.Copy !req
238. - Come on. Let's go.
- This isn't over.Copy !req
239. The things I do for 50 bucks.Copy !req
240. Wait!Copy !req
241. Madame Zelda
demands a full payment!Copy !req
242. That was a waste of time.Copy !req
243. Are you kidding me?Copy !req
244. Were we not in the same sГ©ance?Copy !req
245. He bragged about his house.Copy !req
246. That's what he's most proud of,
Mount Vernon,Copy !req
247. so that's what we're
going to take away from him.Copy !req
248. Hey, Elise,Copy !req
249. you never really liked
Mount Vernon, right?Copy !req
250. What are you talking about?Copy !req
251. Dan's going to destroy it.
He wants me to help.Copy !req
252. That seems like a bad idea
for several reasons,Copy !req
253. many of them legal.Copy !req
254. If I don't go,
he'll do it on his ownCopy !req
255. and probably cause
a lot more damage.Copy !req
256. Hey, why don't you
come with us?Copy !req
257. To help you
destroy Mount Vernon?Copy !req
258. I don't think so.Copy !req
259. Not to destroy Mount Vernon,Copy !req
260. to keep Dan from destroying
Mount Vernon.Copy !req
261. Come on. We'll have
a nice road trip, eat out,Copy !req
262. maybe stop Dan from destroying
an historical landmark.Copy !req
263. - It will be romantic.
- With Dan?Copy !req
264. He really likes you.Copy !req
265. I can't believe
you brought her along.Copy !req
266. This is terrible.Copy !req
267. You have been complaining
for the last six hours.Copy !req
268. Yeah, give it a rest.
I'm going with you.Copy !req
269. I'm in the car and everything.Copy !req
270. Can't we drop her off somewhere?Copy !req
271. She'll find her way home.
She always does.Copy !req
272. I'm coming alongCopy !req
273. to help you get revenge
on George Washington.Copy !req
274. The last thing I need is—Copy !req
275. really?Copy !req
276. - Yes.
- Oh.Copy !req
277. Thanks.
I would also like shotgun.Copy !req
278. You can't have it.Copy !req
279. How are you planning on
destroying Mount Vernon, anyway?Copy !req
280. I have a bunch of explosives
in the trunk.Copy !req
281. That reminds me,
don't get into an accident.Copy !req
282. And you might want to take
speed bumps very slowly.Copy !req
283. Couldn't we just take himCopy !req
284. to an abandoned house somewhere
and tell him it's Mount Vernon?Copy !req
285. Dan has a very strange
patchwork of knowledge.Copy !req
286. It's anybody's guessCopy !req
287. as to what he knows
about any given topic.Copy !req
288. Watch. Hey, Dan, who
sculpted Mount Rushmore?Copy !req
289. Gutzon Borglum.
Then his son finished it.Copy !req
290. - Why?
- And what state is it in?Copy !req
291. I don't know!
Ecuador or something!Copy !req
292. What's with all the questions?Copy !req
293. So there is a savant half.Copy !req
294. It's just so flat out here!Copy !req
295. For miles and miles, just flat!Copy !req
296. Chris, are you okay?Copy !req
297. Sure, of course!
Why wouldn't I be?Copy !req
298. I mean, okay, I'm a little
creeped out by all the—Copy !req
299. I mean, it's so flat!Copy !req
300. Take a deep breath.Copy !req
301. I can't. I can't,Copy !req
302. not with all the grassland
watching me!Copy !req
303. It's watching me!
Let me out! Let me out!Copy !req
304. Hey, trying to sleep here.Copy !req
305. It's flat!Copy !req
306. Well, this is a setback.Copy !req
307. So much sky!Copy !req
308. - So what's with him, anyway?
- It's everywhere!Copy !req
309. Prairie madness.Copy !req
310. Is that something
you just made up?Copy !req
311. No, it's a conditionCopy !req
312. that's probably somewhat
related to agoraphobia.Copy !req
313. Early settlers would look out
at the vast landscapeCopy !req
314. and be affected by
a profound sense of isolation.Copy !req
315. Flat!Copy !req
316. In some cases, it would
cause them to act radically.Copy !req
317. I have to admit I'm
a little worried about the guy.Copy !req
318. Should we be chasing him
or something?Copy !req
319. Nah. I got it.Copy !req
320. Fla— aah!Copy !req
321. Guys, really, I'm fine.Copy !req
322. Look, I realize I lost it
a little there,Copy !req
323. you know, but, really,
you can untie me now.Copy !req
324. We're almost out of the prairie.Copy !req
325. We'll untie you soon.
I promise.Copy !req
326. I don't know.
I kind of like him like this.Copy !req
327. You're an excellent driver,
by the way.Copy !req
328. Thank you.Copy !req
329. I'm starting to think
you're the smart one here.Copy !req
330. Nice to have a conversation
that doesn't revolve around food.Copy !req
331. I could sing a few bars of that.Copy !req
332. You know
I can hear you guys.Copy !req
333. It looks
virtually unguarded,Copy !req
334. but they do have a perimeter guard
in Continental Army uniforms.Copy !req
335. I've made a map
of their locations.Copy !req
336. They also appear to have
a regular patrol,Copy !req
337. but if we time it right,Copy !req
338. we can get in and out
before they notice us.Copy !req
339. Great.
I'll get the explosives.Copy !req
340. We are going to stop DanCopy !req
341. from blowing up
an historic landmark, right?Copy !req
342. Taken care of.Copy !req
343. Here we go.
And I brought us masks.Copy !req
344. - Hey, trade me?
- Nope.Copy !req
345. We've got to get out of here.
Next patrol's due soon.Copy !req
346. Wait. Who put you
in charge?Copy !req
347. Fine. You're in charge.
What do you want to do?Copy !req
348. Dig in.
We make our stand here.Copy !req
349. Chris, start digging a trench
around the perimeter.Copy !req
350. Elise, go and seduce the enemy
for military secrets.Copy !req
351. Guys?Copy !req
352. Seriously?Copy !req
353. Deserters will be hanged!Copy !req
354. What? Fireworks?Copy !req
355. What happened
to my explosives?Copy !req
356. That's odd. Are you sure
they were explosives?Copy !req
357. Of course I'm sure!Copy !req
358. That's it.Copy !req
359. Wally's Hardware Emporium
and High Explosives DepotCopy !req
360. is going on the list!Copy !req
361. I'll have to remember it
till I start a new notebook.Copy !req
362. He won't remember.
He's like an angry goldfish.Copy !req
363. So when did you swap out
Dan's explosives for fireworks?Copy !req
364. I just modified them.Copy !req
365. Fireworks are basically
explosives anyway.Copy !req
366. Oh. Well, thanks.
Sure makes me feel betterCopy !req
367. to know Dan
doesn't have dynamite anymore.Copy !req
368. I'll admit I sometimes wonder
why you guys are friends,Copy !req
369. but I kind of get it now.Copy !req
370. He's like a big kid.Copy !req
371. So are you happy you came?Copy !req
372. You know,
it's actually kind of funCopy !req
373. making sure Dan
doesn't hurt himselfCopy !req
374. or others or history.Copy !req
375. One does get caught up in it.Copy !req
376. Hey, are you guys awake?
I can't sleep.Copy !req
377. Go back to your tent and try.Copy !req
378. I tried already enough.Copy !req
379. You want to come
in here with us?Copy !req
380. No.Copy !req
381. - Hi, guys.
- You okay, Dan?Copy !req
382. My plan didn't work.Copy !req
383. I can't sleep
until my plan works.Copy !req
384. I need to fix
that Revolutionary jerk.Copy !req
385. I'm sure we can
find some wayCopy !req
386. for you to get back
at George WashingtonCopy !req
387. that involves
less wanton destruction.Copy !req
388. But I like wanton destruction.Copy !req
389. I know you do, sweetheart.Copy !req
390. Okay, everybody back
to their tent now.Copy !req
391. Tell me a story.Copy !req
392. There was once a little princeCopy !req
393. who was so very angry.Copy !req
394. Was his name Dan?Copy !req
395. I'm glad we didn't
blow this place up.Copy !req
396. I've always wanted
to visit here.Copy !req
397. Look, a guided tour.Copy !req
398. It's the perfect way
to sneak in,Copy !req
399. walk right through
the front door.Copy !req
400. It's not really sneaking,
then, is it?Copy !req
401. Not really.Copy !req
402. Welcome to the plantation home
of George Washington.Copy !req
403. As you walk
through the house,Copy !req
404. please note the neoclassical
Georgian architecture.Copy !req
405. Noted.
What's in there?Copy !req
406. Oh, that room is off-limits.Copy !req
407. Several items
of historical importance,Copy !req
408. including many possessions
of George Washington himself,Copy !req
409. are stored in that room.Copy !req
410. I see.Copy !req
411. Now as we proceed
into the next room,Copy !req
412. I think you'll
be able to notice...Copy !req
413. Let's go.Copy !req
414. We're not supposed
to go in there.Copy !req
415. Then why
did they leave it open?Copy !req
416. They didn't.Copy !req
417. Sure, they did.Copy !req
418. Wait. No!Copy !req
419. Isn't this room lovely?Copy !req
420. Weren't there more of you?Copy !req
421. Weren't there?Copy !req
422. Maybe we could break
his wooden teeth.Copy !req
423. Actually, George WashingtonCopy !req
424. had teeth made
from hippopotamus ivory.Copy !req
425. You will believe anything.Copy !req
426. Look.Copy !req
427. That looks like
a couple of nails.Copy !req
428. It's where the ax was hangingCopy !req
429. until the ghost
of George Washington took itCopy !req
430. to chop down the tree
outside my apartment.Copy !req
431. Of course.Copy !req
432. - Hey, it's a diary.
- Give me that!Copy !req
433. The artifacts room!Copy !req
434. Stop right there!Copy !req
435. Teeth!Copy !req
436. Stop!Copy !req
437. Don't fire until you see
the whites of their eyes!Copy !req
438. We don't have anything to fire!Copy !req
439. I only regret that I had
but one pile of explosives.Copy !req
440. Get in!Copy !req
441. So long, Continental Army!Copy !req
442. What are you so happy about?
You didn't get revenge.Copy !req
443. Didn't I?Copy !req
444. I just saw you
get chased away from the houseCopy !req
445. by a group of militiamen.Copy !req
446. But before that,Copy !req
447. I activated plan "B."Copy !req
448. So what's this plan "B"?Copy !req
449. Let's just sayCopy !req
450. I left a little footnote
in history.Copy !req
451. "Today a gentleman
named Dan,Copy !req
452. who is much
stronger, smarter,Copy !req
453. and better-looking
than I am,Copy !req
454. pulled my pants downCopy !req
455. and paddled my bottom
in the middle of the street.Copy !req
456. I was humiliated,
to say the least.Copy !req
457. Dan is great,Copy !req
458. and I, George Washington,
have a very red bottom!"Copy !req
459. Dan!Copy !req
460. lnventive.Copy !req
461. Yet only slightly destructive
to history.Copy !req
462. - Not bad.
- Flat!Copy !req
463. Yeah, I'm pretty brilliant.Copy !req
464. - It's really peaceful out here.
- Featureless!Copy !req
465. - Absolutely featureless!
- Look at all those stars.Copy !req
466. Help!Copy !req
467. - He'll tire himself out.
- Help!Copy !req