- 1. Booyakasha.
- 2. Now class 4B,
- 3. let's talk about
what you want to be
- 4. when you grow up. Emily.
- 5. I want to be a nurse.
- 6. I want to be a teacher just like you.
- 7. I wanna be a badass ghetto pimp.
- 8. You Ali G will never amount to anything.
- 9. You'll spend the rest of your life in Staines
- 10. and you will never be
a gangsta rapper.
- 11. Neeevvverrrrrr
- 12. I used to think that I could not go on
- 13. And life was nothing but an awful song
- 14. There are miracles in life I must achieve
- 15. But first that change
must start inside of me
- 16. I believe
I can fly
- 17. I believe I can
touch the sky
- 18. I think about it every night and day
- 19. I spread my wings
and I fly away
- 20. I believe
I can soar
- 21. I see me running through that open door
- 22. I believe
I can fly
- 23. I can fly...
- 24. I believe
I can fly
- 25. I can fly...
- 26. I believe
I can fly
- 27. I can fly...
- 28. If I just spread my wings
- I can fly
- 29. I can fly ay ay ay ay
- I can fly
- 30. Uhhhhh...
- 31. fly, fly, fly
- 32. I iz hangin in de air - and so is de
futures of a lot of kids out there.
- 33. There are two ways out of the ghetto
- with an AK or with an BA.
- 34. De choice is yours.
- 35. Me went for the 2nd option
- 36. and actually got a GNVQ
in Food Hygiene.
- 37. Me is so concerned with education
- 38. that me spend a lot of me time
around the schools in Berkshire.
- 39. I turn up most days at around
4 o'clock outside de gates,
- 40. and hand out a little bit of me
homegrown wisdom, Aiii.
- 41. Knowledge come at a price -
about 12 squid an eighth.
- 42. One issue we need to start educating
ourselves about is the environment.
- 43. Coz there is a massive hole in de Ozone
an I ain't talkin about
- 44. Jamie Feakstons batty.
- 45. This hole makes our country
getn warmer every year.
- 46. Within ten years time scientists say
Britain could be as hot as Ibetha.
- 47. Let's make it happen.
- 48. Thats why I got three professors
- 49. and a Green Party spokesman
into a room,
- 50. to discuss de environment.
- 51. Can you let me down now?
- 52. Cuz the harnes caught up.
I think I might have trapped one.
- 53. Professor Michael,
what is the idea of recycling?
- 54. The idea of recycling
I would say was to
- 55. cut down on all the materials that go
through our patterns of consumption.
- 56. Ain't it dirty to use something
that has been used before?
- 57. If you think that almost everything
we do has been used before
- 58. even the water we drink,
we bath in...
- 59. What do you mean, used before?
- 60. - Its gone through eight human bodies.
- What do you mean, passed through?
- 61. There are scientists here
who know all about it.
- 62. They ve drunk it, its gone into
the sewage, the river and
- 63. the water treatment and
somebody else has drunk it.
- 64. So you is having a bath in someones,
pardon me french, piss.
- 65. Yes that's right.
- 66. I'm never havin' a bath again,
- 67. - Is you serious about a bath?
- Yeah, absolutely serious, yeah.
- 68. So is it, professor, is it alright
to have a piss in the bath?
- 69. Yeah, as far as the water supply
is concerned, fine.
- 70. Do you think though it is morally right
to use recycled bog role.
- 71. I don't think we have a choice.
- 72. I sometimes use a sheet twice
if it ain't got much on it,
- 73. - much dirt on it. Is that a good thing?
- Yes it's alright.
- 74. Lets take it on to Global warming.
- 75. What would you prefer,
no ozone or stinking pits?
- 76. You don't have to make that choice,
there are different anti deodorants
- 77. without using those awful spray things,
which I react to badly anyway.
- 78. I've never ever used one, in my life
and I don t stink.
- 79. - Here smell my armpit man.
- No I ain't.
- 80. He's scared, he's scared.
- 81. Ok, I've got here a deodorant can.
Would you as a gesture use this?
- 82. No, thank you.
- 83. I ain't asking you to like nuke a forest
or anything like that.
- 84. Would you at least have a spray of this?
- 85. No, I won't thank you very much.
- 86. Ok what's so good about the rain forest?
- 87. I mean it's not like anyone
has ever lived there.
- 88. Well people do live there Ali.
People do live there.
- 89. What is they living in a forest for?
- 90. Why are you living wherever you live?
- 91. Yeah, but why don't they move
somewhere proper and then...
- 92. How do you define what is
- 93. Well somewhere where they get TV
and where they can have a laugh.
- 94. Your question is a good one.
- 95. Imagine that's the globe.
All the plants on it are working to take
- 96. in carbon dioxide and give out
oxygen or vice versa.
- 97. But what do you need the oxygen for?
- 98. Because you won't live without it.
- 99. So you is saying there is oxygen
in this very room?
- 100. Oh yes, if there weren't we'd
be having a very short discussion. Ali.
- 101. But ain't that something that you is just
led to believe because of the media.
- 102. Ok let's bring it forward again.
- 103. GN food.
- 104. Can you modify any plant?
- 105. Pretty much yeah.
- 106. So is your research in developing
the next generation of superskunks?
- 107. We're actually working on
how plants resist diseases.
- 108. But ain't it true that you is now
growing tomatoes from seeds.
- 109. Tomatoes have always been
grown from seeds.
- 110. Do you think it's right that tomatoes
is been grown from seeds?
- 111. If you look at what gets developed
out of science it depends
- 112. on things that you've said,
is it something we want to eat?
- 113. - And is there money in it.
- That's the one.
- 114. And who funds. Very important,
look at the size of the funds
- 115. of Green Peace or WWF.
And they're unaccountable.
- 116. What has WWF got to do with this.
- 117. They're one of the big
- 118. The wrestlers!
- 119. Can I make a very important
- 120. Wait a sec, wait a sec,
so this W..., is Hulk Holgan in there.
- 121. It's a big organisation
with a lot of money and
- 122. a particular political agenda.
- 123. Ain't they making a mockery of themselves
doing the wild life and the wrestling.
- 124. They're two different organisations.
- 125. Alright. Lets take this down
- 126. we is all come here with different views
- 127. and in this programme we is gonna be
trying to bring them together
- 128. like increasing the peace.
- 129. We had a discussion and there're
lots of agreements between us,
- 130. it's been interesting
and quite moving.
- 131. Erm, its up to the
young people watching
- 132. to decide that agenda
and to listen and decide.
- 133. Alright I is gonna go round and
I want you to say one word
- 134. that you want them at home
to take home with them.
- 135. Margret. - Peace
- Change, this is a restless earth.
- 136. One word.
- 137. Restlessness, no, change.
- 138. - Which one?
- 139. Change, the earth changes all the time
- Right forget the restlessness.
- 140. Commitment.
- 141. Think.
- 142. Peace, restlessness, change
- Commitment- It was?
- 143. Commitment, change.
- 144. Think.
- 145. Think and change
your restless peace.
- 146. Yes, very good, very good
- Very good.
- 147. I do the lyrics.
- 148. So, okay.
My word is...
- 149. Respect.
- 150. Respect yourself,
- 151. respect the environment,
- 152. and respect...
- 153. you know,
- 154. other things.
- 155. No it time for bff, chka,
bff, chka, bff b, borat
- 156. Dzienkuje. I have come here to greatest
University in world, Cambridge,
- 157. where most famous men in world study:
Isaac Newton, William Shakespeare,
- 158. Kenny Daglesh, Tompson Twins.
To find why this is greatest
- 159. university in world.
- 160. Hello. - Hello, welcome.
Your name is Ian.
- 161. I've seen woman here in Cambridge today.
Yes. - Why are they here?
- 162. Well because they also are clever.
- 163. Yes, we say in Kazachstan,
that a woman who goes with book,
- 164. is like a horse with what you put on
the horse. - A saddle. - Yes.
- 165. I mean the point is that half the world
are women, - Yes, that's true.
- 166. and therefore half the intelligence
and ability is with the women.
- 167. The only difference is that
they are not creative.
- 168. Women haven't got creative minds
- Its true.
- 169. - They can't think.
- They cannot think properly.
- 170. We say in Kazakhstan, you find me
woman with brain, I find you a horse with...
- 171. how you say- With wings.
It's true. It's true. - Yes.
- 172. And what is the Cambridge ball?
Everyone say the Cambridge ball.
- 173. Cambridge balls are just big things
you dress up in white or black tie.
- 174. - It is like a party.
- Yeah like a party.
- 175. And they bring women
specially for this.
- 176. No there's no special women brought in
you bring your own woman I'm afraid.
- 177. - And so they do not bring in prostitutes.
- Absolutely not, no prostitutes.
- 178. - So how do you have party without?
- Well in England we don't really use
- 179. prostitutes at parties -
it's one of those odd things.
- 180. - Why not?
- I don't know, just not tradition.
- 181. Will there be wrestling with
no clothes and a horse polo?
- 182. Well there certainly won't be
wrestling with no clothes. - Yes.
- 183. - There might be polo somewhere.
- 184. I think that parties that you're thinking of
you're not going to find here at all.
- 185. And will there be a woman, where
you go and you do like sex with?
- 186. I'm sorry you're going to have to cut that
off, that's an inappropriate question.
- 187. There will be no such partys.
This is a serious university.
- 188. There is not going to be prostitution
that you've just mentioned.
- 189. That would be inappropriate.
- 190. I'm sorry.
Okay, forget the party.
- 191. I'm sorry that's, that's over.
- 192. When Cambridge students do not study,
they like to play english game of cricket.
- 193. I learn to play please. Thank you.
- 194. You're left handed.
- 195. So you hold it with your top hand round
there and your bottom hand there.
- 196. And when the ball comes, hit.
Have your feet further apart.
- 197. Hold your bat there, and when
the ball comes, watch me,
- 198. you pick up the bat there, put your
front foot, no your front foot.
- 199. The right foot forward.
- 200. That's right.
- 201. - Can I just show you!
- Why do you touch me so much?
- 202. No, no. Pick up the bat there no,
no, leave the ball there.
- 203. Leave the ball alone.
- 204. - Up with the bat.
- 205. And out to the ball.
- 206. - Could you try and do that.
- Ok, no problem.
- 207. No, hands the other way round.
- 208. What did I do? No I didn't.
- 209. There, no,
- 210. no, no, no, no you can't.
Just do this. Alright?
- 211. Im strong though, let me. - Alright, watch.
There, that's all I want you to do.
- 212. Okay, okay. - All you have to do.
Now, put your foot there.
- 213. And the bat comes down like that.
But this foot should be over here.
- 214. Your foot, that's where the ball should
be. And that you put there.
- 215. But the ball won't be standing still.
It will bounce here and come up there.
- 216. - And that is a good shot.
- And what do I do here?
- 217. - And you won't forget me?
- No, way. No I'm gonna tell everyone.
- 218. - Borat like Barry.
- What's your name anyway?
- 219. Borat like Barry- Borat like Barry
- But people call me Steve.
- 220. - Steve, okay, Steve.
- Yes they call me Steve, I...
- 221. Can I call you Brian?
- 222. - Yeah, why?
- I don't know.
- 223. - Why, why?
- No reason really.
- 224. In Kazakhstan there was Englishman
he call me Steve.
- 225. Today I look for Steve, there is one Stevie,
one Steven, no Steve.
- 226. Dzienkuje. So today we met the most
intelligent people in Britain.
- 227. In one day in Cambridge I had more fun
than six years at Almati university.
- 228. And best thing of all,
government pay for this.
- 229. We have lot of lesson to learn.
- 230. You probably know that there
has been some agro goin down
- 231. between my boys and the
Walthom St. Lawrence crew.
- 232. If you lot don't stop making
those phone calls to me nan
- 233. this is what I is gonna
do to you Hassam B.
- 234. Nuff said.
- 235. We have one of the brightest
young fings to have hit
- 236. our TV screen over da past few years.
- 237. She is one of the most fascinating
young woman in Britain today and she is
- 238. a role model for thousands of girls
in the new Millelium.
- 239. Brothers and sisters, nuff said,
- 240. - Hello.
- Hi - How are you?
- 241. Nice.
- 242. Do I call you Ali or Mr G?
- 243. Yeah, whatever.
- 244. Got a first question.
- 245. Me mate Dave sais
he has shagged you, is that true?
- 246. - I don't know him.
- 247. So how did you get
into the tele?
- 248. Erm, I worked behind the scenes for a bit
you know made coffee and tea
- 249. and was a runner.
- 250. Oh cool. I've heard you
got an HND. - Yes.
- 251. Has you been to the clinic
to sort it out.
- 252. I've got very effective cream,
- 253. - The rash is gone.
- That is nice.
- 254. Although with a rash
you would be nice too.
- 255. Let's talk about some of these pictures,
because they is well nice.
- 256. Is it true they h'airbrushed
your ass for that?
- 257. I just heard it through the tabloids
and you know what they're like.
- 258. What did they say?
- 259. They phoned up and said they'd made
my bottom a bit bigger.
- 260. Because they didn't hairbrush,
it could have just had a quick shave of it.
- 261. Usually I wax, like I do my chaste.
But I didn't, yeah.
- 262. Me Julie uses Immac. She has her thing
done in da shape of Jamaica. Beautiful.
- 263. It make me feel spiritual
when I is down there you know.
- 264. So what is your ambition?
- 265. I'm just going to make lots of money,
be very famous and get a house in NY.
- 266. You are so fit.
- 267. Has you ever been to Berkshire?
- 268. Erm, I've been to Newport Pagnall.
- 269. Your should come to Berkshire, they have
a dry slope skiing thing at Bracknell.
- 270. - Do you live there?
- I live close.
- 271. It's a bit bright in here.
Do you mind,
- 272. - if I turn down the lights?
- Not at all.
- 273. It's a bit cold in here, innit?
- 274. Do you wanna sit a bit closer?
- 275. I'm quite comfy, do you want
to sit over here? - Yeah.
- 276. - Nice.
- My mum's watching. - Yeah.
- 277. If this goes well,
you lot can fuck off out there.
- 278. - You got nice big eyes.
- Thanks, so have you.
- 279. - Can I touch them?
- If you want.
- 280. - Can I hold your hand?
- If you want.
- 281. - Is this clean?
- 282. I've just been to the toilet,
but I've just washed them.
- 283. Is that the Puff Daddy
or the Sting Version?
- 284. The Puff Daddy version.
I'm not a batty Boy.
- 285. So yes or no?
- 286. Alright.
- 287. - Oh really?
- 288. Wicked. I'll finish up the rest
of the show and get on with it.
- 289. Funk you very much, Gail Porter.
- 290. Check this. In America, it is legal to
- 291. carry machine guns for children
as young as 14 years old. Wicked!
- 292. That's why I has come to the NRA.
The National Rifle Organisation.
- 293. Check it.
- 294. - Has anyone ever been killed by a gun?
- 295. - When?
- I don't know, I...
- 296. So, what is the
'One gun a month' scheme?
- 297. One gun a month,
you know, there's a proposal,
- 298. that would prohibit purchasing
more than one gun a month.
- 299. - So that would only be like ten a year?
- Twelve, or so. - Well, whatever.
- 300. I mean, if that law came into... place,
and it was Christmas and
- 301. you wanted to get your niece a gun,
- 302. then her brother would be jealous
if you ain't got him one as well.
- 303. Thats a very good point.
Parents might feel that way.
- 304. And that could split up the family.
- 305. I don't know if you has got a brother
or a sister?- I've a little brother.
- 306. Do you have any brothers or sisters?
- 307. I has got a sister, but she's a bit...
Got one eye that go right. Bit nana.
- 308. Do you think there's a middle ground
- 309. between you and the gun people?
- 310. Well, we've tried, we've tried.
- 311. There's no middle ground there.
- 312. What about allowing guns
but banning bullets?
- 313. What about that?
- 314. We would like to see
great restrictions on bullets.
- 315. So, what about allowing bullets
but banning guns?
- 316. Again, we wanna have strong
restrictions on guns.
- 317. We would like to have strong restrictions
on guns and bullets.
- 318. So what about... allowing guns and
- 319. No, I has done that one.
- 320. Okay, what about allowing guns
but having bullets
- 321. that don't fit the guns?
Would that be a way?
- 322. Again, in this country to pass a law
we have to get past the
- 323. people who are making the money,
making and selling the guns
- 324. and making the bullets
and selling the bullets.
- 325. But the girls, they like the guns?
The girls. They like the guns.
- 326. You got a little uzi, you was get
some serious bitches.
- 327. But how much are they gonna like you
after you've been shot and
- 328. you're in a wheelchair and
can't go to the bathroom by yourself.
- 329. - Yeah, they ain't gonna like you then.
- Or after you've been shot
- 330. and you're in a hospital
and you're brain damaged going err...
- 331. How much are the
girls gonna like you then?
- 332. Not much, but until that happen,
they is gonna be well into you.
- 333. Yeah, but that's gonna happen
pretty quick man.
- 334. - I am Ali.
- Bob Kahn, how are you?
- 335. Very good. Very nice to see
such a lovely shop.
- 336. Do you give these guns
away to charity?
- 337. No. We used to give guns to the
boy scouts. - Aii, that's a good idea.
- 338. That's heavy. So this is for,
just walking down the street?
- 339. No, this is for police use.
A lot of people have these on their boats
- 340. for protection on private boats.
- 341. - Can I go like that?
- 342. It won't go off?- No.
You promise? - I promise.
- 343. Ah. Fuck. - Wait a minute. Do it now.
- 344. Yes, that's a good feeling.
- 345. And then you press that?
Then you press the trigger.
- 346. - It ain't gonna go off?
- No, try it.
- 347. - Respect. Big up yourself.
- 348. - You wanna give a shout out to anyone?
- I've nothing to say, uh...
- 349. All right. You've got
nothing to say to us at all?
- 350. Not anything, except I don't like,
- 351. your political system
and I don't like your laws,
- 352. always regarding the guns.
- 353. Dis show an in fact me life is about
keepin it real.
- 354. Realness come from remembrin who u is
an where u is come from.
- 355. Me will always keep me roots an me will
always live in Staines,
- 356. even when I hopefully move to Los Angeles.
- 357. Amazing Staines,
- 358. how sweet that sound.
- 359. Me grew up on de wrong side of de tracks
- 360. - me didn't know right from wrong
I iz made me mistakes
- 361. - an yes I iz been burned.
- 362. I ain't been in a drive-by yet,
- 363. but god knows I iz been
in plenty of drive-throughs
- 364. an me confess tonite I iz left some
- 365. without even payin for me Ketchup.
- 366. If u watchin dis please
forgive me Mr. Ronald Macdonald.
- 367. I iz now makin a go of me life
- 368. don't let dem put me away-
- 369. Amazing Staines,
- 370. how sweet the sound.
- 371. Iver Heath,
- 372. Langley,
- 373. Eton Wick.
- 374. Chertsey,
- 375. Slough
- 376. and Maidenhead,
- 377. Heathrow,
- 378. Hounslow
- 379. and Staines.
- 380. From me and the Ministry of Praise,
- 381. good night... bo!