1. Booyakasha. Booyakasha. Bo, bo, bo.Copy !req
2. West Staines in the house. AiiCopy !req
3. Can you believe it
I is got me own showCopy !req
4. and I ain't got a clue what to do,Copy !req
5. I'd be shitting meeself
if I weren't so mashed.Copy !req
6. Here's the dillio, channel 4
fought I was well goodCopy !req
7. on this batty show I used to doCopy !req
8. at 10 o'clock or whatever
and they say listen Mr GCopy !req
9. you got a month and 200,000 squids
to make a programme.Copy !req
10. Man me is never had a better
four weeks in me life.Copy !req
11. Me and the West Staines Massive
have been living it large in Amsterdam.Copy !req
12. The girls is so friendly there,Copy !req
13. I tell you I has never seen
ping pong played like that.Copy !req
14. Respect girls. Respect.Copy !req
15. In the show tonight we is
gonna be tackling some serious issues.Copy !req
16. We all know there is a lot of killing
and blood shed out there in the ghetto.Copy !req
17. I is seen it on the streets of Chertsey,
I is seen it on he streets of Eton WhickCopy !req
18. and if we don't start
changing the way we thinkCopy !req
19. Langley Village will be next.Copy !req
20. In the next half hour
there will food for your head,Copy !req
21. Food for your heart
and food for your beast.Copy !req
22. Or for your punani if you're are a lady.Copy !req
23. There is no sexualism
on this show thank you.Copy !req
24. So we is gone all round the globe
in the search for realness.Copy !req
25. First up I flew all the way
to the other side of the planetCopy !req
26. to a place called France.
Check this.Copy !req
27. I is come here to Cannes
that is in FranceCopy !req
28. where the biggest pricks of the world
come to sell their filmsCopy !req
29. and I is going to try
and raise 300 millions squidCopy !req
30. for a little idea I have.
Piece of piss.Copy !req
31. The film is called Booka
- Booka. Ok.Copy !req
32. - Do you like the title?
- What does that mean?Copy !req
33. Booka is like the sound of when
you shoot someone. Booka.Copy !req
34. This is going to be a film
that doesn't run awayCopy !req
35. from the real issues
of violence and drugs.Copy !req
36. This is going to glamorise
drugs and violenceCopy !req
37. - Its going to glamorise it?
- Aii for Real. - Real.Copy !req
38. How much money do you need?Copy !req
39. Well, and I ain't gonna
bullshit you and say you know,Copy !req
40. a fake figure here
I ain't gonna undersell it or whatever.Copy !req
41. But we is looking at 400 mill.Copy !req
42. 400 million dollars?Copy !req
43. We is looking at a whole load of special
effects and all that kind of fing. - OhCopy !req
44. - Is there room in here?
- There is now.Copy !req
45. Is there room for about five of us?Copy !req
46. - Is there room for about five of us?
- No, no. No. Next oneCopy !req
47. What? Is there room?Copy !req
48. - Is there room for about five of us?
- NoCopy !req
49. Let's look at the tape
and see what you got.Copy !req
50. Ok, shall we go down to the room
and look at the tapeCopy !req
51. Ali G that's meCopy !req
52. These are girls that I know,
we can use themCopy !req
53. - or we can chuck them out.
- Oh ok, this is two girls, good stuff.Copy !req
54. As long as its not
just completely thrown in..Copy !req
55. We probably need to show some more skin.Copy !req
56. Yeah, we need. Well, we'll get.
I was trying toCopy !req
57. get her to get her boobs out
but she wasn't interestedCopy !req
58. Well you'll have to find
someone who willCopy !req
59. No we'll do that, no worries.Copy !req
60. I is actually fucking that one.Copy !req
61. No we're going to do the actual thing
in JamaicaCopy !req
62. we didn't have the money
to fly out to JamaicaCopy !req
63. I'm not exactly sure
like story here you know.Copy !req
64. Aii, this is in Jamaica this bit.Copy !req
65. I ain't using bullets
I'm doing that noise with me mouth.Copy !req
66. This is fucking the bird.Copy !req
67. We'll get here with her bra off.Copy !req
68. Try usin that now!Copy !req
69. - Does you want to do the film?
- Who?- You.Copy !req
70. Do I, what, right now?Copy !req
71. I would. I mean I'd like to see
the full script before I commit to it.Copy !req
72. Is you getting out the cash?Copy !req
73. No, I'm not getting out the cash.Copy !req
74. Ok listen, dere's one other film
that I've got,Copy !req
75. Its about,
its called the crownCopy !req
76. the story is this some
terrorists has got in to EnglandCopy !req
77. and they've is stuck a granade
up the Queens vag.Copy !req
78. The Queens not going
to like that one very muchCopy !req
79. I don't think
it has to be up her fanny butCopy !req
80. Aii well where would you put it?Copy !req
81. I think just having her held hostage
and have a threat on herCopy !req
82. would be show great importanceCopy !req
83. Ok, so where would you put the granade?Copy !req
84. And Ali has got 48 hours to get it outCopy !req
85. Its going to be really hard
to get the queen to agree to it.Copy !req
86. No, I mean. I'm sure,Copy !req
87. no disrespect to the queen at all.Copy !req
88. Well thanks a lot it has been
a real pleasure to meet youCopy !req
89. You're a nice young manCopy !req
90. and you've got some good ideas and
I wish you all the best in the businessCopy !req
91. Alright well lets do some businessCopy !req
92. And lets talk as soon as I read this ok?Copy !req
93. Ok, wicked, lets talk businessCopy !req
94. Alright you got it. - Wicked.
Respect.Copy !req
95. On the decks, he the bomb
he the lick he the MacCopy !req
96. Daddy the butter flavour
layin down the beatsCopy !req
97. it DJ Tha4orce.Copy !req
98. Easy now, what's up, brother?Copy !req
99. Yeah I is feeling
very well, thank you for askingCopy !req
100. It is now a great honour for me
to introduce me first guest tonightCopy !req
101. libel case loser and totally disgracedCopy !req
102. MP Neil HamiltonCopy !req
103. She's fit innit?
She's one of me dancers.Copy !req
104. She is well stretchy you know,Copy !req
105. She can eat dinner at home
if you know what I is sayingCopy !req
106. So let's just sort this out.
You is the guy that was foundCopy !req
107. with an orange in 'is mouth and
with a stocking over his head. No?Copy !req
108. There is slight
case of mistaken identity.Copy !req
109. Oh ok so yo is the geezer
who went to Clapham CommonCopy !req
110. and shagged a Rasta.Copy !req
111. My case is the one
which everybody now remembersCopy !req
112. by the phrase brown envelopesCopy !req
113. So what is this about the envelopes?Copy !req
114. Well Mohammed Fayed,
you know he owns Harrods.Copy !req
115. Aii.Copy !req
116. He claimes he gave me
lots of cashCopy !req
117. Do you accept that you
stayed at the Ritz Hotel?Copy !req
118. Yes we didCopy !req
119. Aii for real. And is it true
that they have little bottles in thereCopy !req
120. with shampoo and the conditioner?Copy !req
121. Yes.Copy !req
122. Did you use them? - Oh yeah.Copy !req
123. Do you mean by conditioner
what I mean by conditionerCopy !req
124. or is that something different?Copy !req
125. Conditioner it is a thing,
let me explain it to you thatCopy !req
126. you put in your hair to make it look,Copy !req
127. to make it look natural and everything.Copy !req
128. People say that it is just
batty boys that use itCopy !req
129. but it ain't it ain't at all andCopy !req
130. I want to say tonight I use conditioner.Copy !req
131. You know I will probably be killed
in the ghetto tomorrow for saying itCopy !req
132. When you was in this room
did you wear one of them towelsCopy !req
133. that like goes all over
your body like a suit?Copy !req
134. I don't think I did actually.
I wandered round in the nudeCopy !req
135. most of the timeCopy !req
136. Thanks for telling me that.Copy !req
137. So when you got all these
accusation and him telling youCopy !req
138. that he give you the envelope
and everything you must haveCopy !req
139. got loads of respect in the
House of Commons or whateverCopy !req
140. for being the baddest gangster?Copy !req
141. I mean I just want to say
respect to you.Copy !req
142. I said get me the baddest gangster manCopy !req
143. big him up:
Neil Hamilton.Copy !req
144. Respect man.Copy !req
145. So do you sign on now,
now that you ain't employed?Copy !req
146. No that's something
which I never didCopy !req
147. I for real is you ever
gone on holiday this year?Copy !req
148. We are going on holiday.Copy !req
149. Well you can get
one of your mates to sign onCopy !req
150. while you is away.Copy !req
151. So now you is unemployed
you must puff a lot more, what. Aii?Copy !req
152. Yeah I go running in the morning
and that makes me puffCopy !req
153. Aii for real, you know
what I is talking about.Copy !req
154. You know a lot of interviews
you know on the teleCopy !req
155. people just nattering all the time
they just don't chill you know.Copy !req
156. Nice, lets just relax a little bit.Copy !req
157. Sorry I is being very rude.Copy !req
158. Respect.Copy !req
159. Ok well, it has been beautiful speaking
to you, I just want to say massive respectCopy !req
160. I just want to say thank you very much,
Nigel. Respect. Big up yourself.Copy !req
161. I has rights, you have rights
even animals has rights.Copy !req
162. So earlier on I got in two professors,
an animal rights activistCopy !req
163. and a woman with a hedgehogCopy !req
164. to ask them some questions.Copy !req
165. We have an animal here
in the studio - shall we get it out.Copy !req
166. What the fuck is that man?
What is that?Copy !req
167. It's a hedgehog.
A little wild creature.Copy !req
168. When they're afraid
they go into a ballCopy !req
169. Ah that's wicked, that's coolCopy !req
170. Now isn't that?
You like that now.Copy !req
171. But like, after about five minutes
after they done thatCopy !req
172. why would you want to keep that?Copy !req
173. Because they're a part of our heritage
to have wild animalsCopy !req
174. You're asking that question
as though the value of that animalCopy !req
175. or a flower or anything
could only consist in,Copy !req
176. could only be its value to you.Copy !req
177. Ok. - Oii, that's funny I can eat it,Copy !req
178. I'm getting a laugh out of that
or it makes a good football or whatever.Copy !req
179. That would make a good football!Copy !req
180. But that
- What, that is illegal?Copy !req
181. Yes it is, yes it is
- It took a long timeCopy !req
182. What if a kid is poor and don't have enough
money to buy a good quality footballCopy !req
183. You can't buy..
That's very cruelCopy !req
184. Liz, It is interesting because it's only
been in the last three or four of yearsCopy !req
185. that it has been illegal for a child
to kick a hedgehog, because well,Copy !req
186. - hell, I like kicking hedgehogs.
- That's right.Copy !req
187. I'm not talking about anyone
going boof.Copy !req
188. But headers and volliesCopy !req
189. They're little mammals,
to that extent they would feel painCopy !req
190. Well lets talk about people
who teach their petsCopy !req
191. special things. Is that wrong?Copy !req
192. Because me got this mate Dave,Copy !req
193. him teach his pet to like go wickedCopy !req
194. when he slap it.
It's an amazing thing to do.Copy !req
195. The pet can go wicked, this little dog.Copy !req
196. Michael, don't this guy this dog
that is being, just as little jab withCopy !req
197. a fork or whatever, ain't it enjoying that?Copy !req
198. I don't know what
you mean by a little jab with a forkCopy !req
199. or whatever.
That rather worries me.Copy !req
200. That worries me.Copy !req
201. Well it don't hurt, it don't bleed
or anything like that,Copy !req
202. and I ain't never done it.
But this is just a guy I knowCopy !req
203. Just a pin prick
as they say in the laboratoryCopy !req
204. Ok, is it wrong for people to do
experiments on animals in their own home?Copy !req
205. Its wrong and unscientificCopy !req
206. Cos we did a thing years ago
with this mouseCopy !req
207. In this microwave, whatever,
to try about nuclear...Copy !req
208. to do a nuclear test
to see if it couldCopy !req
209. survive the nuclear thing?
It did survive, it came out, it was hot,Copy !req
210. but it was still alive.
Is that wrong?Copy !req
211. Yes, its terrible. - Its appalling
- It's fiendishCopy !req
212. So Mikey. Mikey has you ever
eaten the meat?Copy !req
213. Oh no, I couldn't.Copy !req
214. What happen if you had
like a big Mac here, really nice?Copy !req
215. Did you say a Big Mac? - Aii.Copy !req
216. I'd go straight out of that door! - Why?Copy !req
217. A big Mac. I've never
set foot in a MacDonalds yet!Copy !req
218. What happened
if there was the best best meat.Copy !req
219. and the best, if you
don't like Big Mac, whatever.Copy !req
220. the best Chicken McNuggets, whatever?Copy !req
221. Chicken McNugget, you mean
that colonel that bogus colonelCopy !req
222. - No.
- Colonel.Copy !req
223. What if it was free?Copy !req
224. That makes no difference, does it?Copy !req
225. No, no you have to think.Copy !req
226. Yes or no, what if
it was free? - Of course not!Copy !req
227. What if someone pays you a 100 squid?
I wouldn't.Copy !req
228. What happen if they say
here is a chickenCopy !req
229. you eat this,
or we kill another chicken.Copy !req
230. The chickens going to
be killed anyway for you to eat.Copy !req
231. Ali, you've just asked a question
which was the hardest questionCopy !req
232. that the toughest moral philospher
when I did philosophyCopy !req
233. at university asked us.Copy !req
234. Wicked. Ali G in the house.Copy !req
235. Now everyone knows
that buying drugs is illegal,Copy !req
236. but if you win them
then that is alright, innit.Copy !req
237. That is why I has invented this game.Copy !req
238. Now here is a bag of the
finest skunk that money can buy.Copy !req
239. Look at it. Beautiful.Copy !req
240. Courtesy of the
Amsterdam connection.Copy !req
241. And here with a chance
to win it is Matthew Hines.Copy !req
242. So, tell me Matthew,
is you nervous?Copy !req
243. I'm a bit nervous, yeah.Copy !req
244. Well you should have
had a smoke, innit.Copy !req
245. Alight here's the first question
for a sixteenth.Copy !req
246. An easy one to start.Copy !req
247. Which one of these is the heaviest?
A) an ounce of hashCopy !req
248. b) an ounce of feather
c) an ounce of lead orCopy !req
249. d) they all weigh the same
- d) they're all the sameCopy !req
250. You fool, it's c)
the lead, think about itCopy !req
251. for one second
birds flying in the sky,Copy !req
252. lead drop,
the heaviest thing in the world.Copy !req
253. What, but it sinks.
It sinks down the thing! But what aboutCopy !req
254. like sparrows and things like that,
they'd fall down. Really?Copy !req
255. It seems that you was right.Copy !req
256. You has won
a Louis the sixteenth innit.Copy !req
257. Now do you want double up
and go for an Henry the eighthCopy !req
258. Or will you stick on dis.
I mean not even my NanCopy !req
259. could get mashed off her tits
on this.Copy !req
260. No I'll, err, yeah,
I'll play for the eighth.Copy !req
261. Ok for an eighth.Copy !req
262. What do you do if you has got
some hash in your pocketCopy !req
263. and you is stopped by a copper?Copy !req
264. Do you a) say I is guilty I know,Copy !req
265. I is done wrong
I is very, very sorry.Copy !req
266. Do you b) take it out of
your pocket, tell the copper he has gotCopy !req
267. his shoelaces undone
and then stick it up you arseCopy !req
268. or do you c) tell the copper
he is got his shoe laces undoneCopy !req
269. and then stick it up his arse,Copy !req
270. or do you d) get out your AK
and blow him away.Copy !req
271. You is going to go down anyway,
so why not go down in style?Copy !req
272. Remember you can ask
the audience, go 5050,Copy !req
273. Or ring your dealerCopy !req
274. I'll go bCopy !req
275. Suffer, sussed to the dust,
you is wrong!Copy !req
276. You has been a total fool.Copy !req
277. Well thank you very much
Matthew Hines for coming along.Copy !req
278. Me said bo selecter.
After me get my 5 minutesCopy !req
279. free view on the fantasy channel,Copy !req
280. me feel relaxed enough
to flick around the otherCopy !req
281. foreign satellite stations.Copy !req
282. That's where me saw dis geezer
called BoratCopy !req
283. who on Kazaakstani television where he doesCopy !req
284. a guide to Britain.Copy !req
285. I am here now with Lady Chelsea
to learnCopy !req
286. how to be real gentleman.Copy !req
287. Very nice to meet you.
Very nice. YesCopy !req
288. How can you tell
if someone is politeCopy !req
289. when you first meet them.Copy !req
290. You don't really.
I mean well perhapsCopy !req
291. it's the way that they say hello
and shake your handCopy !req
292. Is the way I dress nice,
is it ok?Copy !req
293. It's not a typically
English way to dressCopy !req
294. And my shoes is a good?Copy !req
295. Your shoes, yes that'sË
That's..Copy !req
296. It is from Shoe Express
in Oxford StreetCopy !req
297. That's fine. Black, yesCopy !req
298. And, err what do.
We will eat a dinner soon? - Lunch.Copy !req
299. Charlotte, this is Borat.Copy !req
300. How do you do, how do you do?Copy !req
301. And Rodrick, Borat. - Hello.Copy !req
302. Excellent. So we have a toast,
Borat, to Jenny.Copy !req
303. A toast - Yes, yes, to Jenny
and to Television.Copy !req
304. To Kazakhstan... And to the viewers.Copy !req
305. Thank you, thank you, thank you.Copy !req
306. Mmm, is nice!Copy !req
307. You have wine,
you have wine in Kazakhstan?Copy !req
308. The real idea if somebody gives you
a nice glass of white wine,Copy !req
309. you should sip it, imagine you're making
love you don't want to do it to quicklyCopy !req
310. - To make love? To have a sex?
- Now you're going to confuse him.Copy !req
311. You don't make love too quicklyCopy !req
312. otherwise it's over too quickly.Copy !req
313. Ah yes, I like to last a long time!Copy !req
314. Perfect, well that's perfect.Copy !req
315. Yes I do, I do.Copy !req
316. And what er subject
do we talk about?Copy !req
317. Anything really,
it depends who starts it,Copy !req
318. I mean you could start off by...Copy !req
319. Oh well anything that
comes into your head really.Copy !req
320. Mmm, this is very nice.
My wife she is deadCopy !req
321. Oh why what happened?Copy !req
322. She die in a fieldCopy !req
323. How, how? - Doing what?Copy !req
324. She die from work,
but with a accident,Copy !req
325. But is not important.
I have a new wife.Copy !req
326. Is it ok to talk about
what I did last night?Copy !req
327. Yes, as long as you
don't go into lots of details,Copy !req
328. whether it be I don't know,
well yes, if you sayCopy !req
329. I went to see
a film last night, orCopy !req
330. Last night I have a sexCopy !req
331. I told you shouldn't mention
your...Copy !req
332. what you did last night.Copy !req
333. No never mention!Copy !req
334. You said I can say
what I did last nightCopy !req
335. No, but you're too direct. - You can say,
you went to see a filmCopy !req
336. But it was nice she was a lovely.Copy !req
337. And how do I say
I do not want to be rudeCopy !req
338. What if I need to do a toilet?Copy !req
339. You just say:
Oh excuse me for a while.Copy !req
340. Excuse me for a while.Copy !req
341. Please excuse me.
I will go for a minute.Copy !req
342. Yes certainly, certainlyCopy !req
343. Here he comes.Copy !req
344. Thank you, sorry.Copy !req
345. Would you like some more
potatoes and peas,Copy !req
346. Because you haven't had any
meat, would you like some more?Copy !req
347. Or we have puddingCopy !req
348. Or do you want to have a Dessert,
a Pudding now? - Sweets?Copy !req
349. Yes, dessert.
Thank you I had a good shit.Copy !req
350. Well you didn't have any...Copy !req
351. You can't say that!Copy !req
352. You know when the Chinese sayCopy !req
353. they've had a good meal
they do a huge amount ofCopy !req
354. a horrendous gurkin
and burbing.Copy !req
355. what they do a...
What is a gurkin?Copy !req
356. It is when you go.Copy !req
357. High five, High five!Copy !req
358. Goodness gracious me. - You do one!Copy !req
359. No I can't do it. - I can't do it,Copy !req
360. Oh my god,
that is absolutely outrageous.Copy !req
361. Thank you, I can like that.Copy !req
362. Thank you.Copy !req
363. Oh you, you have
a nose, you've a big nose.Copy !req
364. Er it was very nice
to have met you,Copy !req
365. to have met youCopy !req
366. Correct. Au Revoir
- GoodbyeCopy !req
367. I don't know whether
you know this but I is treasurerCopy !req
368. of the national
campaign against Indie music,Copy !req
369. But instead of fighting them
we is offeringCopy !req
370. to work with them.
So as a gesture of peaceCopy !req
371. we have none other
than Gaz CoombesCopy !req
372. from a band called Supergrass.
Respect.Copy !req
373. How are you, how you doing?Copy !req
374. Very nice to meet you. Respect,
- Nice to meet you Ali.Copy !req
375. Nice, so what type of music
is you doing?Copy !req
376. I suppose its rock and roll.Copy !req
377. And is you hoping to carry on
playing after you leave school.Copy !req
378. - I left school about five years ago!
- Aii for real?Copy !req
379. I've had at least
4 number ones since then.Copy !req
380. Now I ain't got much time
but cos I like youCopy !req
381. I is gonna give you
a little bit of help.Copy !req
382. First up, you gotta
shave those burns, man.Copy !req
383. I mean no one has ever
got in the top tenCopy !req
384. by looking like a monkey.Copy !req
385. The second thing is just cos
your band is called Supertramp,Copy !req
386. it don't mean
that you need to dress like a homeless.Copy !req
387. I is gonna give you
the number of me uncle Jamal.Copy !req
388. He can sort you out.Copy !req
389. Is he a Supertramp fan?Copy !req
390. No but he has dressed Apache Indian.Copy !req
391. - He will sort you out. Ok.
- Alright mateCopy !req
392. Which is the track
that we're gonna work on today?Copy !req
393. I'm having a bit of trouble with
Sun hits the SkyCopy !req
394. Lets hear it and I'll just see
If I can add anythingCopy !req
395. - help improve it a little bit.
- Yeah. Alright.Copy !req
396. Ok. Respect,
this is Gaz from Supergrass.Copy !req
397. I know a place
where the sun hits the skyCopy !req
398. Easy nowCopy !req
399. Everyone's changed
as they turned out the lightsCopy !req
400. Ok I'm gonna add a bit of bassCopy !req
401. Everyone knows
that my sun can't be tiedCopy !req
402. Easy nowCopy !req
403. Cos I want to live
where the sun meets the skyCopy !req
404. Ok me gonna add
a little bit of drumsCopy !req
405. I am a doctor.
I'll be your doctorCopy !req
406. A little bit of samplesCopy !req
407. Live for the right one,
be with the right onesCopy !req
408. Or they'll hold you down
they'll turn your world aroundCopy !req
409. Easy now, Gaz Coombes, easy now.
Me got the chicken, rock with the chicken,Copy !req
410. vibe with the chicken
ho with the chicken,Copy !req
411. eat with the chicken
rock with the chicken,Copy !req
412. me got a nice bit of chickenCopy !req
413. and me just want to say
thank you to all me guests tonight.Copy !req
414. Wanna big them all up!Copy !req
415. This going out to the
West Staines massive,Copy !req
416. to the whole audience
to everyone out thereCopy !req
417. that has been keeping it real
to the whole of Great Britain,Copy !req
418. Europe and to all the posse
in the whole of Berkshlre.Copy !req
419. Respect. Big up yourselves.Copy !req
420. Thanks for watching today.
I hope you have comeCopy !req
421. away with something
Together maybe weCopy !req
422. can understand and only
then change the world.Copy !req
423. I have a dreamCopy !req
424. of little black girls
and little white girlsCopy !req
425. playing with each other.Copy !req
426. Lets make it happen.Copy !req
427. Good night and Jah bless! Respect!Copy !req