Curb Your Enthusiasm 9x9

1. Huh? Is that amazing?

2. That is...

3. Unbelievable story!

4. - You know what?

5. None of it would have happened

6. if I didn't intercede on

7. that guy's behalf in the restaurant.

8. - Unbelievable, Larry.

9. - It saved your life.

10. - Saved my life.

11. - What if he hadn't wanted seconds?

12. None of this would have happened.

13. None of it would have happened.

14. - Bashert.

15. - The fatwa is over!

16. - Yes!

17. - The fatwa is over!

18. Let's drink to that, huh?

19. It's a new me. It's a new me.

20. Well, whatever.

21. We're glad you're back, Larry.

22. - Thank you, Susie.

23. Welcome.

24. Oh, I didn't even tell you

25. the biggest news.

26. Fatwa! The Musical, is back on.

27. - It is?

28. - Wait a second.

29. You're jumping the gun a little bit.

30. We're having a meeting

31. with Lin-Manuel Miranda this week,

32. and if he wants to do it, then...

33. You're meeting with

34. Lin-Manuel Miranda? Oh, my...

35. It's the only way it can go forward,

36. - is if he's in it.

37. - He's in LA now, right?

38. - Aren't they doing the show here?

39. - Yeah, they're doing Hamilton.

40. Yeah, can you get us tickets?

41. I mean, it's here.

42. No, it's here,

43. and we can't even get tickets to it!

44. Already with the Hamilton tickets?

45. Are you kidding?

46. I would love some, too.

47. I don't know if I can get you tickets.

48. I haven't even met the guy yet.

49. - You saw it, right?

50. - Yeah, I saw it in New York.

51. - Fantastic.

52. - Isn't it so fantastic?

53. Oh, my God,

54. I love that show. Incredible.

55. I saw it and I played...

56. 36 holes of golf that day.

57. And I fell asleep

58. before the second act of Hamilton.

59. You're kidding.

60. - I slept through the intermission.

61. No!

62. You fell asleep? Wait a minute.

63. Only you would fall asleep

64. at the hottest show on Broadway.

65. Hey, guys.

66. How did you fall asleep?

67. - It's so exciting and interesting.

68. The Shucker.

69. - Excuse me, the Shucker.

70. - Oh, the Shucker.

71. - Hey, how's everybody doing?

72. Hello.

73. Taste good?

74. Fantastic.

75. It's all good? No grit?

76. - No grit.

77. - Okay, no grit.

78. Just shuck and awe.

79. Okay, well, that's great.

80. - I got a whole bunch of bluepoints.

81. Got some Kusshis for you all.

82. Hope you left some room.

83. Okay. All right.

84. - I know he did.

85. Fantastic. Cute as could be.

86. - Oh, God.

87. Shucking?

88. - What's the matter?

89. - What happened?

90. - He overheard that entire story

91. about me sleeping through Hamilton.

92. What do you care?

93. What difference does it make?

94. I just hope

95. it doesn't get back to Lin.

96. I doubt that, Larry. You're paranoid.

97. He shucks all over town. I don't know

98. what circles he shucks in.

99. He could shuck and tell.

100. - I'll be back.

101. - Do you think we can still

102. - get the tickets?

103. - Who's ringing the bell

104. - this time of night?

105. - It's Lin-Manuel Miranda.

106. - I think he heard about the...

107. Hello, I'm Rose Shapiro. Remember me?

108. - No.

109. - I sold you this house five years ago.

110. Oh, okay.

111. Um... Well, what can I do for you?

112. Well, I was in the neighborhood

113. and I thought I'd just pop in

114. and see how my house is doing

115. if that's okay with you.

116. Actually, I'm sorry,

117. I've got some dinner guests, so...

118. Well, I won't take but a minute.

119. I was so happy in this house.

120. I lived here for 50 years.

121. Raised all my children here.

122. Is that okay?

123. - Yeah, I... Okay.

124. - Thank you.

125. But it can't be

126. too long, though, okay?

127. It won't be, I promise you.

128. I'll be very discreet.

129. What have you done here?

130. You've covered up

131. that cut stone from Italy with a rug!

132. Yeah, well, it needed

133. a little warming up in here.

134. It was very cold,

135. and, uh, I happen to like it.

136. And you know what?

137. It happens to be my house, so...

138. And what have you done in here?

139. Where's the wonderful wallpaper

140. I put up?

141. The wallpaper with the pirates?

142. Are you kidding?

143. It was the first thing

144. I took down when I moved in.

145. Well, I guess it's your house.

146. You can do anything you want to.

147. - Yeah, oh, yes!

148. - I think I'll check over here.

149. That's true!

150. I can do anything I want to!

151. What are you doing? What the fuck?

152. I'm checking the master bedroom.

153. I don't want you to. It's my house.

154. Well, all right.

155. If you wanna be that way.

156. Yeah, I think I do wanna be that way.

157. I do. All right, you know what?

158. I think it's time to go.

159. Let's go. Come on.

160. - Oh, all right.

161. - Come on.

162. - I guess I better go.

163. - Enough. I've had enough.

164. - Oh!

165. Look at this poor ficus!

166. What have you done?

167. I left this with you

168. in good faith to love and cherish.

169. Yeah, no,

170. I've taken very good care of it.

171. - It's old.

172. - It's dropping all its leaves.

173. - Do you water it?

174. - Of course, I water it.

175. All right, come on,

176. I got some people here.

177. You've got to go. Come on.

178. There's the door. Time to go.

179. Thank you.

180. Good-bye. Thank you for stopping by.

181. Don't do it again.

182. No, I know, I know.

183. And then, Todd, this other guy, had...

184. What's the male equivalent of "bush?"

185. Man bush.

186. Man bush.

187. That, like...

188. So, finding his penis was like...

189. I'm searching

190. for the baby bird in the...

191. - In the nest.

192. And then I'm, like, looking.

193. I couldn't even find the goods

194. because the Afro was so intense.

195. Yeah, okay, all right.

196. I think we've heard

197. enough of that story.

198. - Sorry, Lar.

199. - But, Larry,

200. she has so many

201. funny stories about her exes.

202. I've been hearing them for years.

203. - They're hilarious.

204. - Yeah, I'm sure.

205. - Yeah.

206. - Remember the one you told me about?

207. - The guy who... The leaner?

208. - Yeah, the leaner.

209. - Yes.

210. - The Leaning Tower of Pisa?

211. - That guy?

212. - The Leaning Tower of Peter.

213. Yeah. That's a good one, too.

214. - That was a good one.

215. I know, I know.

216. And then Todd, this other guy...

217. Oh, yeah.

218. Oh, that was so many years ago.

219. Oh, my God. I don't believe it.

220. This room used to be

221. so warm and inviting.

222. Mrs. Shapiro, what... What...

223. What are you doing?

224. - I'm just...

225. - I thought you left.

226. Well, I was just looking around.

227. - It used to be so different.

228. - She used to live in the house.

229. She wanted to look around.

230. And the house was so much better

231. when I had it.

232. - Don't know what he's done with this.

233. - Okay, you need to go now.

234. Well, you don't

235. have to be rude about it.

236. You're the one being rude.

237. You come in here

238. and you're criticizing my house.

239. You don't live here anymore.

240. That's right, keep going.

241. - Yeah, and now, close it. Close it.

242. Go back to the leaner.

243. - Okay.

244. - The Leaning Tower of Peter?

245. And he was a biter, too.

246. He used to bite me on the ass.

247. - Which was not as bad as...

248. - A bite on the damn nipple!

249. Oh, my God, totally.

250. 'Cause that hurts.

251. - Well, that's it, everybody.

252. I'm all done for the night.

253. Thanks. It's been a privilege

254. working for you tonight.

255. And I hope you agree with me

256. that this has been

257. a spectacular "shuck-cess."

258. - Nice. Okay.

259. - Oh, yeah.

260. - Thank you.

261. - I'll walk you out.

262. He's adorable.

263. Yeah.

264. - Bridge, what was the guy...

265. - Anyway,

266. it was great having you here tonight.

267. Everybody really enjoyed it.

268. I hope so. I hope so.

269. - Had a great time.

270. - Yeah, it was great.

271. Um, I just wanna say one thing.

272. You know, earlier, when

273. I was talking about Hamilton,

274. what... What you didn't hear me say

275. was that I played, uh,

276. 36 holes of golf that day

277. and I was exhausted.

278. And that's one of the reasons

279. I was so tired, uh,

280. during the performance.

281. I mean, I loved what I saw.

282. Sure. What I heard

283. was that you fell asleep.

284. Yes, I did fall asleep,

285. but what you didn't hear

286. is why I fell asleep,

287. why I was so tired.

288. - I loved the show.

289. - Sure.

290. You can paint it or dress it up

291. anyway you want,

292. but sleep is sleep.

293. - And you fell asleep.

294. - Yeah.

295. - All right?

296. - True, I did.

297. But I would hope that as you shuck

298. from house to house,

299. that you can afford me some

300. shucker discretion in this matter.

301. I understand.

302. - And I appreciate that.

303. - Oh, good. Thank you.

304. And I would also appreciate, um,

305. two tickets to Hamilton.

306. Huh.

307. - Really?

308. - Yeah.

309. Well, I don't have any access to

310. getting you tickets to Hamilton, okay?

311. - It's most unfortunate.

312. - And why is that?

313. It'd be a shame if Lin-Manuel Miranda

314. ever found out that someone

315. was falling asleep in his show.

316. - I'll see what I can do.

317. - Super.

318. - Yeah.

319. - Okay.

320. I like that guy.

321. - He was adorable.

322. What? Who?

323. - This cake is unbelievable.

324. - I know.

325. - It's the best cheesecake.

326. Um, all right.

327. I think... I think we're good here.

328. I think that's enough.

329. - What?

330. - That's enough.

331. - What are you talking about?

332. - Time to go.

333. We're having

334. after-dinner conversation, Larry.

335. - It's enough.

336. - You know, this is so typical of you.

337. I don't like

338. all the lingering after dinner.

339. You had your dessert. Get...

340. Get the hell out. Come on, get out.

341. All right, thank you for ruining

342. a lovely evening.

343. On the contrary, didn't ruin it.

344. Saved it.

345. - Uh-huh. Bridget, call me tomorrow.

346. - I saved it.

347. Cheryl, Ted.

348. - I'll call you.

349. All right, okay, come on.

350. Time to go, people.

351. - Hey.

352. This is your Larry.

353. - Whose is this?

354. - Oh, I don't know.

355. Maybe... Maybe the Shucker left it.

356. - Yeah?

357. - Yeah.

358. - Man, this is cool.

359. - You know what?

360. Jeffrey.

361. - Keep it.

362. - Yeah?

363. - Yeah.

364. Oh, definitely keep it. I love it.

365. - You do?

366. - It looks fantastic on you.

367. - Really?

368. - Looks good.

369. How about that?

370. Look at me. I'm the sheriff.

371. Now, let's go home, Sheriff. Come on.

372. - Yeah.

373. - All right, people.

374. - Okay, yep.

375. - Let's go.

376. - Time to go.

377. - We're getting kicked out.

378. She's showing me

379. love and affection

380. that I've never felt before.

381. - 'Cause of the hat.

382. - All 'cause of the hat.

383. She listens to what I say.

384. She takes suggestions.

385. And all she wants to do is have sex.

386. - Susie?

387. - Yes.

388. So, I have to keep the hat on

389. during sex.

390. - That's her thing.

391. - What?

392. Yeah. I haven't had

393. this much sex since college.

394. - It's almost like, you know,

395. she's got a thing for cowboys

396. from her past or something.

397. She's got

398. a real perversion, doesn't she?

399. Yeah, she loves the Old West.

400. Where are the women

401. who have a bald perversion?

402. I wonder if there's, like,

403. a place they all hang out.

404. You just walk in and, you know.

405. I wonder if it's worth investigating.

406. You wonder?

407. I would have already investigated it.

408. I would have blown up Google with...

409. If I were you.

410. - Hey, by the way.

411. - Yeah?

412. Today with... With Lin...

413. - Yeah.

414. - Okay?

415. You don't think he's gonna wanna write

416. the songs, do you?

417. Oh, I hadn't thought of that,

418. but I... I don't know.

419. They're my songs. I don't wanna...

420. Your songs. And can I say something?

421. - Yeah.

422. - I love those songs.

423. - Thank you. Thank you.

424. - Yeah.

425. Excuse me, gentlemen?

426. Lin isn't here yet,

427. but if you'd like to go upstairs

428. to Aaron's office, you can.

429. Oh.

430. Ma'am.

431. How you doing?

432. - Larry! Hey.

433. - Hey!

434. Come on in, come on in. Jeff, hi.

435. - How you doing, Aaron?

436. - Aaron Warden.

437. - Yeah. I know you.

438. - Nice to meet you. Hello, hello.

439. - Nice hat.

440. - Thank you.

441. You're just coming back from Vegas?

442. No. This is my new look.

443. I like it. I like how you think.

444. Lin's very excited, by the way.

445. I read the play personally. Great.

446. - Laughed a lot.

447. - Really?

448. Great moments, great comedy.

449. We're really excited, seriously.

450. And you think that he's interested

451. in playing Salman?

452. I think so.

453. The only issue, he's so busy.

454. So busy right now.

455. The world is after him.

456. What's that? Judge Judy?

457. - Oh, you like Judith?

458. - Oh, I love Judge Judy.

459. - Are you kidding?

460. - Good, good. She's my client.

461. If I ever had to go to court,

462. I would like for her to adjudicate.

463. - That's how good she is.

464. - But she's tough.

465. - I'm so sorry I'm late.

466. - Oh, there he is!

467. - Our national treasure.

468. - Hey! Jeff. How are you?

469. Jeff, Lin. Larry, Lin.

470. Nice to see you.

471. - How did it go? Good?

472. - It was good.

473. - Yeah, I think we're done.

474. - Good. I'm excited.

475. All right, I was just telling them

476. how excited we are.

477. Thank you so much

478. for bringing this to us.

479. - It's so exciting.

480. - Oh... Thank...

481. I loved Hamilton, needless to say.

482. - I saw it with you.

483. - Oh, great. Awesome.

484. I know the show's in LA right now.

485. Everybody's loving it.

486. I was wondering, would it be possible

487. to get two tickets for my shucker?

488. For your shucker?

489. Like an oyster shucker?

490. Yeah, yeah, oyster shucker.

491. Yeah. Fantastic shucker. So fast.

492. - He's your personal shucker?

493. - No.

494. He shucks for me from time to time.

495. Hey, if he's important to you,

496. sure, I'll...

497. - No promises, but I'll ask.

498. - Thank you.

499. - Yeah. Yeah.

500. - Thank you so much.

501. All right, I'll let you chat together,

502. and my office is your office.

503. Have a great time.

504. I'm excited about this.

505. - Great work again, Larry.

506. - Thanks again.

507. Thanks for letting us use the office.

508. Appreciate it.

509. Let's have a seat, guys.

510. Okay, let's see. Where do you want...

511. Right.

512. So, Fatwa! The Musical.

513. Where do you guys wanna do it?

514. Well, you know, we're thinking...

515. - Broadway.

516. Broadway? All right. I think you're

517. gonna wanna try it out of town first.

518. You know, why not LA?

519. I think you should do it here.

520. - Okay.

521. - Nice.

522. And who do you see for a cast?

523. Uh... Obviously, we'd like you

524. to play Salman.

525. - "Salmon."

526. - Salman.

527. Yeah, Salmon Rushdie.

528. "Salmon," yeah.

529. And Mandy Patinkin for...

530. - No one but Mandy Patinkin.

531. - For the ayatollah.

532. F. Murray Abraham.

533. - Yeah. Good idea. Let's do that.

534. - Yeah. I'm telling you.

535. - The "F" is for fucking awesome.

536. I'm sorry.

537. I'm getting a...

538. I'm sorry, guys, this is London.

539. Can I just have you guys

540. step outside for a second?

541. Thanks so much.

542. This is really going well. Hello?

543. What the hell's wrong with you?

544. - You said yes to everything.

545. - Yeah.

546. You were so determined downstairs.

547. What the hell happened?

548. - It's the desk.

549. - The desk?

550. Yes. It's the power of the desk.

551. He's up high, I'm down low.

552. Everything he says, I say yes to.

553. He's in the boss chair.

554. It's like he's my boss.

555. This is not good.

556. We gotta do everything we can

557. to get him out from behind the desk.

558. Okay.

559. Hey, you guys

560. can come on back in.

561. Please, make yourselves comfortable.

562. I got an idea.

563. Why don't you sit over here?

564. Yeah, no. I'm comfortable.

565. Thank you so much.

566. - Are you sure?

567. - Yeah, I'm great.

568. I gotta tell you,

569. we could have a real nice,

570. intimate discussion over here.

571. You know, we'll be able

572. to kind of really kick it around.

573. Yeah, I feel like

574. we're at a nice, wide angle.

575. This is a nice bird's-eye view

576. of the piece.

577. I gotta tell you something,

578. I'm getting laryngitis

579. screaming across the room,

580. you're so far away.

581. Well, I'm enthusiastic about it, too.

582. I think we're on the same page.

583. Listen, not only do I wanna play

584. Salmon, I wanna write the songs.

585. Yeah,

586. but I've written all the songs.

587. - Yeah.

588. - That's all done.

589. It's a great starting point for us.

590. What you've written is,

591. it's a great bedrock.

592. It's a great foundation for me to...

593. 'Cause it's inspiring me so much.

594. You know, let's start

595. with the opening.

596. What? The opening?

597. Come on, the opening's terrific as is.

598. There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa

599. Gotta run,

600. I think I oughta, gotta hide

601. - I think I gotta...

602. - Got a pinspotta...

603. - There's more. I'm not done...

604. - Yeah, there's more.

605. Pinspotta on our hero

606. All alone, blood clotta

607. A fatwa, un, deux, trois, quatre

608. Why am I in the middle of this?

609. I'm Biggie and 'Pac, who shot ya?

610. I'm at the top of the rock

611. and I'm hotter than guac

612. What's going on? I gotta stop ya

613. Can I... Where are you going?

614. No, I was just checking out

615. the whole area here.

616. No, have a seat. I'm not done.

617. Oh, okay, okay.

618. Yeah. No, have a seat over here.

619. Yeah, right where you were.

620. Have a seat.

621. Make yourself comfortable.

622. We're in a flow right now.

623. You're doing great.

624. Listen, I feel like

625. I have a lot of ideas

626. and maybe

627. we should call another meeting

628. where I can really download

629. everything that's in my head,

630. 'cause I'm just scratching

631. the surface here.

632. I love what we've all

633. come up with together,

634. so let's have another meeting

635. in a couple weeks to keep working.

636. - Okay.

637. - Great.

638. I have a couple of calls to make

639. to the West End before it closes.

640. Yeah, all right, give me the room.

641. Thanks.

642. - This is just the beginning.

643. - Yeah.

644. - Awesome.

645. - See you.

646. - Thank you.

647. - Okay, thank you.

648. How can you eat that thing, Riggs?

649. Hey, it's breakfast,

650. the most important meal of the day.

651. What's the name of this show?

652. Chicago Homicide.

653. - Oh, my God, you poor kid.

654. It's not that bad. People love it.

655. Two bullet wounds to the chest...

656. - People love this?

657. - Mmm-hmm.

658. People will watch anything

659. with "Chicago" in the title.

660. - It's been proven.

661. - Yeah.

662. - Yeah.

663. Ow, could this couch

664. be any more uncomfortable?

665. - You could have a new couch.

666. - And that's gonna require people...

667. - That's annoying.

668. - ... lugging something

669. up the stairs, lugging this out.

670. I can't stand to see people doing

671. manual labor in front of me.

672. - Movers in particular.

673. - Right. Right.

674. - Wow.

675. - A piano.

676. - Nightmare. Tears.

677. - Oh, my God.

678. I wouldn't get a piano just because

679. I wouldn't want them to move

680. the piano into my house.

681. - That's so stupid.

682. - It is, but it's true.

683. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

684. Interesting, the things I'm learning.

685. Just like talking to all your friends

686. the other night.

687. They were so, uh, nice. That was fun.

688. Yeah, it was fun.

689. Except maybe, at the end,

690. when you were talking

691. about those guys...

692. Susie loves those stories.

693. I don't know why.

694. Yeah. I guess I kept thinking,

695. "What if that was me

696. she was talking about?"

697. Well, I won't talk about you, Larry.

698. Don't worry.

699. Is there anything

700. you've observed thus far or noticed

701. that you might

702. wanna talk about at a dinner party?

703. No. Everything's

704. completely just regular.

705. They're too much trouble.

706. I'm officially done dating.

707. "Regular."

708. If I get lonely,

709. I'll just rent a penis.

710. Oh!

711. That is an unapproved "penis."

712. I'm so sorry,

713. I gotta call this in before they...

714. It's Bridget for Bill.

715. No, he knows why I'm calling.

716. You hear something?

717. Sorry, I didn't... Yeah.

718. No, tell him I'm holding for him.

719. Don't let him get away.

720. - You're so thirsty.

721. - Oh, my... What?

722. What? What are you doing here?

723. Well, obviously,

724. I'm keeping this plant alive.

725. - It's dying here.

726. - How did you get in here?

727. I have my own keys.

728. You forgot to change the locks.

729. Okay, I want that key back, okay?

730. And you need to go.

731. This is not a college dormitory,

732. where you can visit years later

733. and catch up on things.

734. We don't have alumni weekends, okay?

735. I never should have

736. sold this house to you.

737. You're destroying it and you're

738. certainly destroying this plant.

739. Okay, you listen to me,

740. Shapiro, all right?

741. - Get out!

742. - All right.

743. It's not your house! It's my house!

744. I live here, not you!

745. What a fucking psycho.

746. Fuck me, Tex!

747. You know how she got in?

748. She used her key.

749. - You didn't change the locks?

750. - I never changed the locks.

751. So crazy.

752. - Speaking of crazy.

753. - Yeah, I know.

754. - I mean, what the fuck?

755. - It is the new me. I am all in.

756. - The boots, too?

757. - The boots, too.

758. I'm going for the whole thing.

759. Women love it. They go nuts.

760. The only downside is I gotta keep

761. fucking my wife.

762. - Sick of it?

763. - Oh, so sick of it.

764. Yeah. Hey, we gotta talk about

765. this, uh, this meeting with Lin.

766. - Yeah.

767. - I gotta sit behind the desk today.

768. - Oh, yeah.

769. - Change the whole dynamic.

770. Well, you just don't wanna

771. piss him off, that's all I can say.

772. I'm not gonna piss him off,

773. but, you know, I need... I need

774. to wrest creative control

775. from him somehow.

776. He's taking over

777. the whole goddamn thing.

778. Did you...

779. - Did you overhear what I...

780. - Yes, I did.

781. I hope you'll exercise

782. some receptionist discretion...

783. - Just gotta keep it down.

784. - Everybody's got such a big mouth.

785. - Yeah.

786. - Nobody can hear anything

787. and keep it to themselves.

788. - Hey!

789. - Look at you.

790. - Nice.

791. - Yeah.

792. Yeah, you can pull that off.

793. - You're with this agency?

794. - Yeah.

795. Yeah, I don't know

796. why I bother, though.

797. Yeah, it's enough

798. with the acting already.

799. How long do you have to do it for?

800. - Why don't you quit?

801. - Nah, I got a few more parts

802. in me, come on.

803. Every time I turn on the television,

804. I have to see you.

805. It's enough. Retire.

806. Why don't you retire?

807. Yeah. Maybe I...

808. We gonna see you this weekend?

809. Uh, no, actually, I'm not...

810. Cheryl and I are going up to Tahoe.

811. - Oh. We went there once.

812. - Yeah, I know.

813. She... She told me.

814. Something funny happen in Tahoe?

815. No. Uh-uh.

816. - Something weird?

817. - No. Nope.

818. - I think something happened in Tahoe.

819. - Nothing happened in Tahoe.

820. What happened in Tahoe?

821. Nothing happened

822. in Tahoe, Jeff, okay?

823. Can you look at me

824. and tell me nothing happened in Tahoe?

825. Nothing happened in Tahoe!

826. Something happened in Tahoe!

827. - Nothing happened in Tahoe!

828. - Trust me, something happened.

829. - Hey, guys. Sorry I'm late.

830. - Hey.

831. - Great to see you.

832. - Good to see you.

833. Oh, great to see this.

834. This is developing. I like it.

835. It's working really well.

836. Keep workshopping.

837. - It's great.

838. - Hey, did you get the tickets

839. - for the shucker?

840. - I asked.

841. They weren't able to do it.

842. - I'm sorry.

843. - They? Who's they?

844. Yeah, well, you know, I mean,

845. if it were for you, no problem.

846. You'd go as my guest.

847. It's my pleasure.

848. But a shucker you met once

849. who's good at shucking...

850. Well, he's not just good at shucking.

851. He's great at shucking.

852. Again, for you, no problem.

853. In a second.

854. Anytime you wanna go,

855. please let me know.

856. Okay. Yeah, okay, I'll go.

857. I'll take the tickets.

858. - You'll take them?

859. - Yeah.

860. - For the same day the shucker was...

861. - Yeah.

862. - Now, they're for you?

863. - Yeah.

864. You'll be there at the show?

865. Yeah. Yeah.

866. - Are you sure?

867. - Yeah.

868. - Are you really sure?

869. - I'm really sure.

870. Okay.

871. Gentlemen, Aaron just left the office.

872. You can have it for your meeting.

873. - Let's go to work.

874. - Great.

875. I gotta get that desk.

876. So, uh, how do you like LA?

877. I like it okay.

878. Getting used to driving.

879. - Yeah. Oh... Oh, you drive?

880. - Yeah.

881. Do you have a car in New York?

882. No, not in New York,

883. but I have one here I've been renting.

884. - It's pretty great.

885. - Uh-huh.

886. Yeah, I'm getting used to the traffic.

887. Yeah. How come you don't have

888. a car in New York?

889. Oh, you don't need one

890. with the subway.

891. I know.

892. I wish they'd get some kind of...

893. You know,

894. I pretty much take the train...

895. Fatwa! The Musical.

896. Yeah, have a seat, guys.

897. I had a couple of questions

898. about act two,

899. and a couple of ideas

900. that I think are really gonna help us.

901. There's always a bit of a drag

902. in the middle of act two

903. and I think we can attack that

904. in a really innovative way.

905. - Do you have a pad and a pen?

906. - Yeah, sure.

907. I'll have Lucy get that for you.

908. Lucy?

909. Come on, Larry.

910. Spit that shit out.

911. What happened in Tahoe?

912. Listen, you can ask

913. as many questions as you want.

914. You are not going to find out from me

915. - what happened in Tahoe.

916. - Oh...

917. If you really wanted to find out,

918. go ask Ted Danson.

919. Okay? Let me tell you something.

920. There's just no discretion anymore.

921. I had to give that fucking shucker

922. two tickets to Hamilton.

923. Who knows if he's gonna keep

924. his trap shut?

925. - Yeah.

926. - Yeah, and by the way,

927. you were at the table the other night.

928. Bridget... You heard that,

929. what she was going on about.

930. That's some

931. good-ass dick stories, man.

932. Horrifying. She could be talking

933. that way about me.

934. If you're so goddamn worried about it,

935. make her sign an agreement

936. that she won't fucking talk.

937. What do you mean,

938. like a non-disclosure agreement?

939. Fucking non-disclosure.

940. Make her sign that shit.

941. You know,

942. they have it for housekeepers.

943. You know, so,

944. they can't talk about it.

945. They should have that for sex.

946. They should have it for sex,

947. but they don't.

948. People don't sign fuck-documents.

949. - If you nervous about your johnson,

950. make her sign some shit.

951. Take it.

952. - Huh?

953. - I'm done.

954. - You all right?

955. - No, I'm not. I'm not all right.

956. - Oh, Jesus.

957. - Can we sit down?

958. - Yeah, yeah. Come in here.

959. - All right.

960. Susie sprained my dick.

961. - What?

962. - Wearing that hat has been

963. nothing but a curse for me.

964. She took my dick to places

965. it wasn't meant to go.

966. So far to the right,

967. so far to the left.

968. - Back and forth.

969. - You need a dick chiropractor.

970. Dick chiropractor?

971. There's dick chiropractors?

972. Of course, there are.

973. - Really?

974. You know how many times

975. I fucked my dick up?

976. - Several times.

977. - Oh, it's just...

978. It's... It's the worst thing

979. I've ever experienced.

980. I'm taking these. I'm popping these.

981. This just cuts the pain.

982. - Hmm. Do you have any extra?

983. - Yeah, sure.

984. - Lin-Manuel landed on my shoulder.

985. - I remember.

986. - I'm in terrible pain.

987. - Yeah, I remember.

988. - But be careful.

989. - Thank you.

990. Those are really strong.

991. Take them only if you need them.

992. - Okay. Okay.

993. - Okay?

994. Hey! Great news.

995. I've been so focused on my dick,

996. I forgot to tell you the good news.

997. The good news is

998. I talked to his agent.

999. Lin-Manuel Miranda is in.

1000. - Oh! Oh. Yeah. Hey. Great.

1001. - Yeah! Yeah!

1002. - Yeah! Yeah!

1003. - Yeah, all right.

1004. I'm not surprised.

1005. I told you,

1006. I said it was sure thing.

1007. He's getting everything he wants.

1008. Why shouldn't he be in?

1009. I got Funkhouser invested.

1010. I got Lewis invested.

1011. Of course, I'm still invested.

1012. - Oh, yeah!

1013. Wow.

1014. Huh? What do you think?

1015. - Oh, yeah!

1016. - Wow. Fab.

1017. - You like it?

1018. That is fantastic.

1019. - I gotta check it out in the mirror.

1020. Check it out.

1021. He looks like a smart sheriff

1022. who's also a doctor.

1023. He'll shoot you,

1024. then he'll stitch your ass up.

1025. Oh, my God!

1026. She took the plant!

1027. - Fuck!

1028. Mrs. Shapiro took the plant!

1029. - That's fucked up.

1030. - Oh, my God, that is insane!

1031. She didn't put

1032. her old-ass foot on the door,

1033. but that's still a home invasion.

1034. Yeah. No, I know what it is,

1035. but, I mean, you know, she's mental.

1036. - She's out of her mind.

1037. - She didn't have to steal.

1038. A home invasion's

1039. a fucking home invasion, you know?

1040. That's a home invasion. She came in

1041. your house without permission.

1042. You better get rid of the do-rag.

1043. Black man showing up

1044. at her door with a do-rag?

1045. - She'll have a heart attack.

1046. - She'll be fine.

1047. It's in the same family as a scarf,

1048. as an ascot, as a pocket square.

1049. - Same fucking family.

1050. - I don't think

1051. that's in the scarf, ascot,

1052. pocket square family.

1053. The same goddamn family.

1054. Are you kidding me?

1055. I don't like the optics.

1056. She's gonna be fine.

1057. I promise you, man.

1058. Fuck that.

1059. Knock on that shit aggressively.

1060. The hell you give a fuck about?

1061. This is some bullshit.

1062. Oh, what are you doing here?

1063. Two of you?

1064. - Hey! My plant.

1065. - Wait. Wait a minute.

1066. That's not your plant.

1067. - Yeah.

1068. - That's my plant.

1069. Oh, no, it's not your plant.

1070. You came to my house

1071. and you stole my plant.

1072. - Come on.

1073. - I'm saving this plant.

1074. I'm letting it live and flourish.

1075. - You were letting it die.

1076. - Oh, come on.

1077. Don't give us that green thumb shit.

1078. - Oh!

1079. See, my dog doesn't like you at all.

1080. Bella will bite you on the ankles.

1081. I'll tell you what. We're gonna take

1082. that dog or this plant.

1083. Oh, no, you're not taking my dog.

1084. - You're not touching my dog.

1085. - What? No, you're not taking the dog.

1086. - Why not?

1087. - You think I want the dog in my house?

1088. - I take the dog...

1089. - What?

1090. - What are you, crazy?

1091. - Why not?

1092. - Who's gonna walk it?

1093. - We'll take turns.

1094. I'm not... I'm not taking turns.

1095. I'm not walking the dog.

1096. You gonna pick up its shit?

1097. - I'll take care of it.

1098. - You'll take care of it?

1099. Yeah, that's what 8-year-olds say

1100. when they wanna get a dog.

1101. "I'll take care of it."

1102. And they don't do a goddamn thing.

1103. See, you guys can't even

1104. make up your minds

1105. what you're gonna do,

1106. so why don't you just leave?

1107. Wait, who's that?

1108. That's Myron,

1109. my dearly departed husband.

1110. You know what? Let's take his hat.

1111. No, you're not taking his hat.

1112. No, take the whole goddamn head.

1113. Take the whole fucking head.

1114. - The head? The whole head?

1115. - The whole goddamn head.

1116. - You think I want that in my house?

1117. - I don't want the fucking hat.

1118. - The hat is dumb as hell.

1119. - I'm... Big shot, I'd rather

1120. have the hat than the head.

1121. I'm not gonna take the head. I don't

1122. want that monstrosity in my house.

1123. He's a lot better-looking than you.

1124. - Oh, is that so?

1125. - Mmm-hmm.

1126. - I'm an Uber four, okay?

1127. - Well, Myron was an Uber five.

1128. - He's not a five.

1129. - Let's get the fuck out of here.

1130. - Hey. Okay, you know what?

1131. You haven't heard the last from me

1132. about this, all right?

1133. You don't go into people's homes

1134. and steal their plants.

1135. - I'll see you in court.

1136. - The hell you will!

1137. - Hello?

1138. - Hi, Larry. It's Lin Miranda.

1139. Oh, hey.

1140. I'm sure you heard it

1141. from Jeff already, but I'm in.

1142. - That's great news.

1143. - I'm clearing my schedule.

1144. It's gonna be you and me

1145. writing this thing toe to tip.

1146. You know what, Lin, I think

1147. we're in pretty good shape.

1148. We don't need to get

1149. into the weeds on this thing.

1150. Oh, the weeds are

1151. where the good stuff is, Larry.

1152. Very dangerous in the weeds.

1153. You can get Lyme disease in there

1154. if you're not careful.

1155. There's treasure in the weeds

1156. and we'll pick for ticks after.

1157. The verses are gonna be satanic.

1158. - Okay.

1159. - Well, the other piece of good news

1160. is that my wife, Vanessa,

1161. and her friend

1162. are gonna be at Hamilton

1163. the same night as you.

1164. - Oh.

1165. - So, she'll be sitting

1166. right next to you at the show.

1167. - She's going?

1168. - Yeah, she's using the other half

1169. of my house seats,

1170. so you'll be right next to her.

1171. And, I mean, she's gonna see you

1172. 'cause you're going.

1173. Oh, yeah.

1174. Yeah, well, if she's going,

1175. she'll see me because I'm going.

1176. Of course. The ticket's for you.

1177. Yes, you got the ticket for me,

1178. and I will use

1179. the ticket you got for me,

1180. and as a result, I... I will be there.

1181. I'm really excited

1182. for you guys to meet.

1183. Fatwa! See you in the weeds, buddy.

1184. Oh, Shucker.

1185. No, I'll be... I'll be right there.

1186. I'll be right there. Oh, hi.

1187. What's going on here?

1188. Oh, it's just a little party.

1189. - How come I wasn't invited?

1190. - To the party?

1191. Yeah, why wasn't I invited?

1192. You just had dinner at my house.

1193. I know. That was so nice,

1194. and we had a great time.

1195. Okay, so,

1196. how come you're not inviting me?

1197. Where's the reciprocity?

1198. Well, I'm gonna reciprocate,

1199. but not this one.

1200. You're gonna reciprocate? This was

1201. the opportunity to reciprocate.

1202. Come to the party!

1203. - I want you to come in...

1204. - I don't wanna go to the party.

1205. Well, now, you have to go.

1206. I wouldn't have come

1207. even if I was invited.

1208. - Then what are you doing here?

1209. - What did you tell Ted about Tahoe?

1210. - Tahoe?

1211. - Because, um, he told me that

1212. you two were going to Tahoe.

1213. - We are going to Tahoe.

1214. - And I said we had been there.

1215. - Right.

1216. - And he said, "Yeah, I know,"

1217. and he snickered, okay?

1218. Leading me to believe

1219. that you discussed it with him.

1220. No offense to you,

1221. but Ted and I don't need to sit around

1222. talking about what you and I did

1223. in hotel rooms.

1224. I just don't understand

1225. why you're talking Tahoe to Ted.

1226. - I wasn't talking Tahoe to Ted.

1227. - No, you did talk Tahoe to Ted.

1228. Otherwise, there'd be no reason

1229. for Ted to talk Tahoe.

1230. - What did he say?

1231. - He... He said you two were going.

1232. So what?

1233. That is not talking Tahoe.

1234. That is mentioning a trip

1235. that's about to happen.

1236. - Is he here?

1237. - No, he's shooting.

1238. More shooting? Another job?

1239. When's it gonna end?

1240. Who's that?

1241. Is that the Shucker?

1242. Oh, yeah.

1243. That's the Shucker from your party.

1244. Oh, I gotta talk to him.

1245. - Hey, there he is.

1246. - Hey. Yeah.

1247. I just wanna thank you

1248. for those Hamilton tickets.

1249. I cannot wait. Over the moon.

1250. Um, guess what? I got your hat.

1251. Oh, thank God,

1252. because I've been sick without my hat.

1253. - Where is it?

1254. - Yeah, it's in my car.

1255. So, um, if you can get a little break,

1256. we can go take a walk,

1257. and I'll give it to you.

1258. Sure, that'd be great.

1259. And, uh, I got another little thing

1260. I wanna talk to you about.

1261. Ted is shooting

1262. a limited series in Vancouver.

1263. I'm borrowing your Shucker

1264. for two minutes.

1265. Ma'am.

1266. There it is.

1267. - Oh, baby.

1268. - Oh, fuck.

1269. Come to Papa.

1270. Oh, I have missed you.

1271. Well, got my hat.

1272. Thanks again for those tickets.

1273. Yeah, that's kind of what

1274. I wanna talk to you about.

1275. Um, Lin called me up,

1276. told me his wife

1277. was gonna be sitting next to me.

1278. He thinks the tickets are for me,

1279. and so I have to go now.

1280. So, I need... Sorry to say,

1281. - I need the tickets back.

1282. - Well, what do you mean?

1283. That's like a bad horse trade.

1284. What are you talking about?

1285. How are you gonna show up

1286. and sit... Sit there?

1287. Because if she sees you there,

1288. I am gonna be in a lot of trouble.

1289. - All right.

1290. - Come on.

1291. - All right, I'll get you your tickets.

1292. - Yeah?

1293. For $2,500.

1294. Take it or leave it.

1295. You're quite a prick, aren't you?

1296. It's the Shucker's way.

1297. I don't have

1298. that kind of cash on me.

1299. It's okay, we take credit cards.

1300. Yeah.

1301. Thank you.

1302. (ON TV) Jarvis isn't living up

1303. to his potential.

1304. - What's on?

1305. - Chicago Teachers.

1306. - No.

1307. - Yeah!

1308. - Oh, my God.

1309. - Oh, yeah.

1310. It's worse than the other thing

1311. - we were watching.

1312. - They don't try to curse that much

1313. on that one, though, so, it's okay.

1314. - Oh, really?

1315. - Yeah.

1316. - Oh, that's good.

1317. - What do you wanna do?

1318. - What do I wanna do?

1319. - Mmm-hmm.

1320. - You mean right now?

1321. - Mmm-hmm.

1322. Oh.

1323. I mean, if we could do

1324. anything right now,

1325. what would it be?

1326. - Sexually. Mmm-hmm.

1327. - Well...

1328. Uh...

1329. What?

1330. - You know.

1331. - Tell me.

1332. I just like to get an erection,

1333. put it in a vagina.

1334. - That's a...

1335. - That's it?

1336. That's about it, yeah.

1337. That's your biggest fantasy?

1338. I would just get on the top

1339. and thrust until orgasm.

1340. - Hmm.

1341. - I'm sexually a very simple man.

1342. Hmm.

1343. Hmm.

1344. But there is something

1345. that can change that.

1346. Oh...

1347. - I got something. I got something...

1348. - There we go.

1349. - That's pretty interesting.

1350. - Ooh... Oh.

1351. - There you go.

1352. This is a "Relationship

1353. Nondisclosure Agreement?"

1354. Yeah.

1355. Is this a joke?

1356. No, no.

1357. This is a non-disclosure agreement

1358. that you... You want me to sign?

1359. Yeah, we both...

1360. We both have to sign it.

1361. This is terrible! This is...

1362. What's wrong with you?

1363. It's just a discretion thing.

1364. You know, it's a...

1365. "Partners prohibited from disclosing

1366. the quality of the sexual experience

1367. "or the degree

1368. of satisfaction attained?"

1369. - It's fairly boilerplate.

1370. - There is no boilerplate, Larry.

1371. This has never existed before.

1372. - This is insane.

1373. - I know, it's brilliant.

1374. - It's not brilliant.

1375. - It locks in discretion, it's...

1376. "Partners shall not

1377. divulge any details

1378. "including the use

1379. of toys, lotions, ointments..."

1380. What are you talking about?

1381. - Fantastic idea.

1382. - Larry, you are out of your mind.

1383. - No...

1384. - This is horrible.

1385. It'll be great for our sex life.

1386. - We can go wild.

1387. - No, it won't.

1388. This is a great idea.

1389. I wish I thought of it years ago!

1390. I wish my ex-wife had signed one,

1391. I can tell you that!

1392. 'Cause I know she's talking,

1393. she's blabbing.

1394. She's telling Ted Danson everything!

1395. What happened in Tahoe...

1396. She's told him

1397. what happened in Tahoe!

1398. You're presenting me

1399. with a legal document.

1400. It's the least sexy thing

1401. anyone has ever done, ever!

1402. - It's like a prenup!

1403. - Bye.

1404. You're not thinking this through!

1405. This is a good idea!

1406. Bridget! Bridget!

1407. Bridget, if we had this,

1408. it'll take the boredom away!

1409. Sign this and you'll have the wildest

1410. sex you ever imagined!

1411. - No.

1412. - Just sign it!

1413. - No.

1414. - Orgasms galore!

1415. That's what I'm promising you, baby!

1416. Orgasms galore! You won't regret it!

1417. I'm not signing

1418. your dumb piece of paper, Larry.

1419. Should've known

1420. this was not gonna work out.

1421. Eddie never liked you!

1422. Oh, the...

1423. The kid you pretended has Asperger's?

1424. It is not pretend. He has Asperger's.

1425. What's your excuse?

1426. You're missing out on Tahoe Larry!

1427. You are about to enter the courtroom

1428. of Judge Judith Sheindlin.

1429. This is Judge Judy.

1430. Larry David is suing Rose Shapiro

1431. for trespassing at his home

1432. and stealing his ficus plant.

1433. Larry David says that Mrs. Shapiro

1434. has made him feel unsafe

1435. in his own home.

1436. The defendant

1437. is countersuing Mr. David

1438. for sole custody of the plant

1439. on grounds of plant abuse.

1440. All rise.

1441. Oh, my God.

1442. Your Honor, it's case number 249

1443. on the calendar in the matter

1444. of David vs. Shapiro.

1445. - Thank you.

1446. - You're welcome, Judge.

1447. Parties have been sworn in.

1448. You may be seated.

1449. Oh, my fucking God!

1450. When was that?

1451. - Five years ago.

1452. Subsequently, several weeks ago,

1453. you, without invitation,

1454. - came into the house.

1455. - Oh!

1456. That's him! That's the guy.

1457. That's the guy

1458. I was telling you about.

1459. This is the guy you had

1460. all those sex stories about?

1461. Yes, that's Larry Long Balls.

1462. Finally, I shoo her away.

1463. She comes back

1464. another time, uninvited,

1465. uses her key, steals the plant.

1466. Miss Shapiro, I see that

1467. you have some evidence here.

1468. This is the way the plant looked

1469. when I found it in his house.

1470. - I wanna object. Objection.

1471. - Yeah.

1472. - Total objection to that plant.

1473. - Just a second.

1474. Who are you?

1475. This is Leon Black. He's my witness.

1476. Does he have

1477. any relevant information

1478. that would help...

1479. That would help your case?

1480. I do. This plant is like a person.

1481. Certain parts of the year,

1482. that plant turns darker, like myself.

1483. When I go to Florida, I turn

1484. a little darker, a shade darker.

1485. Most of the time, I carry myself

1486. in a mocha tone,

1487. but there are some parts of the year

1488. when I'm more mahogany.

1489. Let's get finished

1490. with the various tones of Mr. Black

1491. and let's move on to something else.

1492. Your Honor,

1493. is it possible I could pace

1494. while you're asking me the questions?

1495. Would you put him in his seat?

1496. - Mrs. Shapiro.

1497. Yes?

1498. You have another exhibit

1499. underneath that

1500. to show me what the plant

1501. looks like now?

1502. Yes, I do.

1503. Anybody want a cough drop?

1504. You want one, Judge?

1505. Judge Sheindlin?

1506. - You want a cough drop?

1507. - It's so hard to be fair.

1508. Byrd, give her a cough drop.

1509. So, this is the guy

1510. you're working with?

1511. Go...

1512. - Yeah.

1513. You went back to Mr. David's home

1514. - and you stole the plant.

1515. I would say rather

1516. than stole, rescued.

1517. Judge, yoo-hoo! Is this filtered?

1518. What is he asking me?

1519. If it's filtered, Judge.

1520. - It's...

1521. - Is it filtered?

1522. - Yes, it's filtered.

1523. I'm sorry.

1524. That is not filtered water.

1525. Don't drink it. Don't drink it.

1526. Put it down.

1527. What are you putting

1528. unfiltered water...

1529. Tap water on the table for?

1530. That's it. That's it. I'm done.

1531. Mr. David, while I understand

1532. that Mrs. Shapiro did the wrong thing,

1533. I can only say to you, sir,

1534. that anyone who would neglect a plant

1535. in that fashion

1536. doesn't deserve to have it.

1537. - Your case is dismissed.

1538. We're done. There you go.

1539. - This is... What?

1540. - Goodbye.

1541. Parties are excused. You may step out.

1542. This is crazy! I'm shocked! Shocked!

1543. Are we no better than

1544. the beasts in the field?

1545. And by beasts, I'm not talking

1546. about the chicken.

1547. I'm talking about the oxen

1548. and the donkey...

1549. - Oh, un-fucking-believable.

1550. - With its slack-jawed stare and...

1551. - What's going on?

1552. - Oh, nothing.

1553. Come on into bed, cowboy.

1554. Yes, ma'am.

1555. Forget it, forget it.

1556. - Hi.

1557. - Hey.

1558. - Hello.

1559. - Vanessa.

1560. - Hi, Vanessa.

1561. - So nice to meet you.

1562. - Nice to meet you. I'm Larry David.

1563. - Hi, Larry, yeah.

1564. Hi. I'm bald, I wear glasses,

1565. and this is my ticket.

1566. Here to see the show.

1567. I'm very excited.

1568. I'm right here.

1569. I'm sitting right next to you.

1570. - How about that?

1571. - Yeah.

1572. This is my friend, Joanna,

1573. from college.

1574. - Hi.

1575. - Hello, hi.

1576. - Larry.

1577. - Nice to meet you.

1578. I'm not a shucker. I enjoy clams.

1579. I do.

1580. I like oysters, but I don't shuck.

1581. I know a shucker,

1582. but that doesn't mean

1583. that the shucker's gonna be here.

1584. I'm here, not the shucker.

1585. Do you like clams and oysters?

1586. - They're okay.

1587. - Yeah, okay.

1588. Well, but if you eat them,

1589. somebody's gotta shuck them.

1590. Lin is so excited about Fatwa!

1591. - Oh... Fatwa! Come on!

1592. - Yeah.

1593. This is gonna be a big thing, though.

1594. He's so excited.

1595. He can't wait to just get in there

1596. and start rewriting.

1597. He shouldn't be getting into there,

1598. he should be getting into you,

1599. and I don't mean that in a sexual way.

1600. I mean it in terms of time.

1601. Don't get into the weeds of the show.

1602. Get into your weeds,

1603. again not sexual,

1604. but delve into you, you know.

1605. And again, delve into you...

1606. Nonsexual delving is what I'm saying.

1607. A nonsexual delve.

1608. Gosh. Shoulder. Killing me.

1609. How'd you hurt your shoulder?

1610. Wrestling with Lin

1611. in his agent's office.

1612. - He threw me to the ground.

1613. - Seriously?

1614. Yeah, yeah.

1615. I've got pain pills.

1616. My friend gave me pain pills.

1617. - Fantastic!

1618. - You want some water?

1619. - Thank you.

1620. - Here you go.

1621. Oh, you can keep it.

1622. How does a bastard, orphan

1623. Son of a whore and a Scotsman

1624. Dropped in the middle of a forgotten

1625. Spot in the Caribbean by providence

1626. Impoverished, in squalor

1627. Grow up to be a hero and a scholar?

1628. - So, what happens if we win?

1629. - I go back to France

1630. I'll bring freedom to my people

1631. if I'm given a chance

1632. - We'll be with you when you do

1633. - Go lead your men

1634. I'll see you on the other side

1635. - Till we meet again

1636. - I am not throwing away my shot

1637. - I am not throwing away my shot...

1638. - Hey!

1639. Hey, yo, I'm just like my country,

1640. I'm young, scrappy, and hungry

1641. And I'm not throwing away my shot

1642. I am not throwing away my shot

1643. Till the world turns upside down

1644. Till the world turns upside down

1645. I imagine death so much,

1646. it feels more like a memory

1647. This is where it gets me,

1648. on my feet, the enemy ahead of me

1649. If this is the end of me,

1650. at least I have a friend with me

1651. Weapon in my hand, a command

1652. and my men with me...