Curb Your Enthusiasm 9x10

1. Here I am

2. Hiding out now in a hole

3. Barely eating, barely sleeping

4. This shit's taking its toll

5. Fuck writing

6. I got bigger fish to fry now

7. I know I'll die now

8. I need a plan

9. I do not like this man

10. Tarnishing the scripture

11. How he mocks me

12. All this blasphemy and vanity

13. Carnality exhausts me

14. It'll cost me my respect in Iran

15. And so it's time for him to die

16. I do not like this man

17. Come on, don't be silly

18. It was just a book

19. Don't look weak now

20. Can't let him off the hook

21. What a coward

22. God knows that

23. I do not like this man

24. What am I gonna do?

25. His death sentence

26. Is the worst frigging book review

27. His book's like a sickness

28. It won't quit you

29. Talking trash about the scripture

30. Not a pretty picture

31. All I wanted was to win

32. The Booker Prize, guys

33. Not have him slit my throat

34. And gouge out my eyes, my, my

35. I can't allow this desecration

36. This irritation, indignation

37. Not while I lead this nation

38. - It's official

39. - Don't try to call our bluff

40. - Deference, as if

41. - Writing's not hard enough

42. Heathen, tyrant, traitor, violent

43. God knows that

44. I do not like this man

45. Haven't you caught him yet?

46. Stop asking me already, I'm trying

47. Please just express regret

48. Yeah, like I haven't thought of that

49. Come on

50. - Just go cut off his head

51. - Ah!

52. Just hide under the bed

53. I do not like this

54. He doesn't like this

55. I cannot like this

56. He'll never like this

57. I do not like this man

58. Enemies forever!

59. - Terrific! Terrific!

60. Thank you. What a wonderful day

61. of rehearsal, gang.

62. Thanks so much. That was great.

63. I like these men.

64. - Really great job.

65. - Fantastic.

66. - Great job.

67. - My best work.

68. How about Susan Stroman? I mean...

69. - She's the best.

70. - 11:30 call tomorrow.

71. We're gonna start with

72. the new choreography for "Fatwa Sex."

73. - I gotta talk to Lin.

74. - All right.

75. Quick question for you.

76. Cody wants to know which poster

77. you like more.

78. Um...

79. - I think this one.

80. - Cool.

81. - Murray.

82. - Hey.

83. - That was unbelievable!

84. - Thanks.

85. - So great.

86. - Felt good.

87. - Loved it.

88. - Thanks.

89. I got one little, tiny note for you.

90. - Yeah?

91. - It's a small, small note.

92. I noticed that

93. you're denunciating with your fist.

94. And the Ayatollah,

95. actually, he denunciates

96. with his... With his index finger.

97. - He kind of uses it like a...

98. - Yeah?

99. Like a sledgehammer.

100. - That feels good.

101. - You like that?

102. - I think it's terrific.

103. - Yeah.

104. - Thanks.

105. - You're welcome.

106. - Yeah.

107. - And,

108. - I really like your shoes.

109. - Really?

110. - Yeah.

111. - Thank you!

112. Can we go over the choreo for

113. "Fatwa Sex" before we go onstage?

114. Yeah, why don't you come in at 10:45?

115. We'll have the dance captain come.

116. - Are you happy?

117. - Am I happy?

118. - Aren't they incredible?

119. - It's crazy! This is insane!

120. - It's gonna be amazing.

121. I can't believe how excited I am!

122. I've only been excited

123. twice in my life.

124. - Unsnapping my first bra.

125. And this. This is like my second bra.

126. Oh, well, fantastic.

127. If this guy ever asks you

128. to go in the weeds,

129. get in the weeds!

130. - Is that fishing?

131. - No, no, no.

132. - That's work. That's work, yeah.

133. - Yeah. It's the work.

134. - As I was watching it...

135. - Yeah?

136. I'm thinking that old opening

137. - would work great now.

138. - What?

139. There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa

140. Gotta run, I think I oughta...

141. Oh, I totally blocked that out.

142. You know, just sitting there...

143. You can just feel

144. how well that could work.

145. Yeah, yeah. You know what we do?

146. Cast album, bonus track,

147. just for the fans.

148. Give them the bonus now.

149. Why... Why have a bonus then?

150. It's not a bonus if it's already here.

151. Cody, what'd you think of that?

152. - My toe started tapping. I mean...

153. - Yeah.

154. - Gonna get shotta...

155. - It's catchy.

156. - Yeah. It's catchy!

157. But I think this opening number

158. sets up the thing you love so much.

159. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

160. I gotta go to wardrobe and get

161. changed. You wanna walk with me?

162. Yeah. Yeah. I wanna talk

163. to you about something.

164. Great. Thanks, Cody.

165. But honestly,

166. you should reconsider this.

167. Look, watch. Just watch this.

168. One second. I'm running, okay?

169. You're running.

170. There's a fatwa, there's a fatwa

171. Gotta run, I think I oughta

172. Gotta hide, I think I gotta

173. Gonna get scared, gonna get shotta

174. Want my mama

175. And everybody's yelling

176. from the windows.

177. That's your talk show bit.

178. You do that on Late Night and say,

179. "This is what turned into the amazing

180. musical number we actually did."

181. It's gonna be great.

182. Hey, Cody, what'd you think of that?

183. I... I would attend a workshop of it.

184. - It's a workshop.

185. - Hey.

186. - So first preview's in a week.

187. - Yeah.

188. I'm thinking it would be a good idea

189. to do something for the cast and crew.

190. Something fun, you know,

191. maybe like paintball?

192. Well, that's a great idea.

193. - Yeah?

194. - Yeah, absolutely.

195. Lion King used to do that

196. all the time.

197. - Oh, terrific!

198. - Yeah, it might be fun.

199. Great, we'll do it this weekend.

200. You know, I'll pay for it.

201. Great, I'll spread the word

202. with the cast.

203. - Hi, Greg.

204. - Hi.

205. So I think this is not

206. the tweed that we really want.

207. - What is it about it...

208. - I just...

209. - That's not working for you?

210. - It's... It's...

211. It's not quite professorial enough.

212. Do you agree?

213. - I... I like it.

214. - You like it?

215. - Yeah, I think it looks good.

216. - I'd like to see options, then.

217. - Okay.

218. - Yeah.

219. Uh...

220. These are all the vests I pulled.

221. Oh, I wanted to ask you,

222. my cousin Valentina and her husband,

223. their Airbnb fell through.

224. They're coming in to see

225. the first preview.

226. I was wondering

227. if they could maybe stay with you.

228. No hotel?

229. They're... They're

230. a really interesting couple.

231. Hotels are not their thing.

232. But aren't you renting a house?

233. Yeah, but me and V

234. only have one bedroom.

235. There's really not room,

236. and you've got that great big house.

237. Is that okay? Is that... It's cool?

238. Yeah, sure. What the hell?

239. All right. Thank you.

240. Wonder if there's anything else

241. we need to do before tomorrow.

242. - Something wrong?

243. - I...

244. I just did you a very nice favor.

245. Yeah.

246. And that "thank you" was...

247. It was like I passed you the ketchup.

248. - Yeah, no, no.

249. - It was not commensurate

250. with the gesture.

251. I... I appreciate it.

252. Thank you.

253. Um, what else do you have?

254. You've seen the choices. Um...

255. All right, I'm... I'm...

256. I'm gonna head back.

257. I'll see you later.

258. - Okay. Thanks. Thanks again.

259. - Yeah.

260. What do we think?

261. Yeah, it's a little boxy.

262. Where's Funkhouser?

263. Where is he?

264. - He's always late, this guy.

265. - I know. So rude.

266. I say, next time, we tell him

267. a half-hour earlier.

268. - You know what? Let's just sit down.

269. - All right.

270. We'll have some appetizers,

271. maybe even order dinner.

272. - Who cares? Yeah.

273. - Who cares?

274. - Hi.

275. David. Reservation.

276. Oh, yes. Party of four.

277. - Are you all here?

278. - No, we have three.

279. Well, I'm sorry.

280. We can't seat you until

281. your entire party arrives.

282. - Why?

283. - It's our policy.

284. We don't seat incomplete parties.

285. What's the point of the policy?

286. We have three people.

287. It's the same table.

288. What's the difference?

289. The chef really likes

290. everyone to sit together

291. so they can order together,

292. and he can deliver the food

293. at the same time.

294. Oh, the chef likes everyone

295. to sit together.

296. - Yes.

297. - Isn't that nice?

298. It makes

299. for the optimal dining experience.

300. Okay, you know

301. what the optimal dining experience is?

302. To eat when you're hungry, okay?

303. - I understand.

304. - That's the optimal dining experience.

305. I'm sorry. That's our policy.

306. We do not sit incomplete parties.

307. - Yeah.

308. - No, this is bullshit.

309. - I know.

310. - Guess we'll wait.

311. Hey, I got

312. that paintball thing secured.

313. Oh, good for you. That'll be fun.

314. - They're gonna love it.

315. - What? What is it?

316. I'm taking the cast and crew

317. to do, like, a paintball day.

318. - You know paintball?

319. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fun.

320. - They shoot paint instead of bullets.

321. - It's a good bonding.

322. Yeah, we're gonna do it on Saturday.

323. - Sat... Wait. This Saturday?

324. - Yeah.

325. It's Sammi's wedding this Saturday.

326. I thought it was the week after.

327. Oh, God, I sent you the save-the-date.

328. I sent you the invitation.

329. You never fucking wrote it down?

330. - You sent me too many things!

331. - Don't make it my fault now!

332. It's not my fault. You know what?

333. I'll work it out. I can do both.

334. You're making a speech.

335. You promised Sammi.

336. All right, I'll work it out.

337. I'll work it out.

338. I'm sorry. I'm just a little cranky...

339. - I'm hungry.

340. - Me, too.

341. No, but I'm hungry.

342. - Yeah, I hear you.

343. - Yeah. Shall we leave?

344. We don't have a reservation.

345. You can't get in anywhere.

346. It's crazy. You know how I get.

347. The blood sugar up and down.

348. I know how you get.

349. Up and down.

350. Okay, I'm gonna take care of this.

351. - Stay right here.

352. - All right.

353. The food here is great,

354. and you know it.

355. I do.

356. - Hello.

357. Are you alone by any chance?

358. - Perhaps.

359. - Please do not misconstrue this.

360. This is not a pickup

361. in any way, shape, or form.

362. - Okay.

363. - I don't pick up. I put down.

364. - Okay.

365. - Now, the situation is thus.

366. This restaurant

367. has an idiotic policy...

368. Okay, let's go.

369. We have four.

370. - Four?

371. - Yes, four.

372. Okay. Table six, please.

373. - Thanks for joining.

374. - Of course. I'm... Happy to be here.

375. - So what do you do?

376. - Um, I'm an actress.

377. You know, I just figured at 36,

378. if there's any profession

379. that you can do

380. later in life as a woman, it's acting.

381. Have we seen you in anything?

382. No, but I'm doing

383. some plus-size modeling.

384. - Really?

385. - And then I do stand-in work.

386. Okay, she stands in for the star.

387. - For the camera.

388. - Right, yeah, I understand.

389. - Very good.

390. I'm sorry.

391. You were the guy with the...

392. You have the fatwa on you, right?

393. Yeah, that's a-me.

394. What are you doing out?

395. Aren't you kind of scared?

396. They called it off.

397. - So it's over.

398. - Yeah, but I was out anyway.

399. - Yeah.

400. - Yeah, he did. He was brave.

401. Can I give you a business card?

402. Sorry, 'cause I'm just realizing now

403. you're that writer.

404. - Yeah.

405. - I've never done comedy,

406. but it doesn't seem that hard.

407. Here you go.

408. - Ah, Marie Deschamps?

409. - Hmm.

410. - What are you, French?

411. - No, it's actually my stage name.

412. Johnson's my real last name.

413. - Is Marie your real first name?

414. - No. Jenny.

415. All right, well,

416. I'll put your card in my pocket.

417. I will never call you,

418. but I'll put it in my pocket.

419. And I'm very glad that

420. that fatwa got cleared up.

421. - Thank you.

422. - Does it ever occur to you

423. that maybe this fatwa thing

424. is not as over as you think?

425. You know how the Japanese soldiers,

426. they'd find them on, like, an island,

427. and they wouldn't know

428. the war's been over for a long time?

429. Maybe someone is so off the grid

430. that they have no idea

431. the fatwa's over.

432. Maybe someone is so stupid

433. that they say things

434. they shouldn't be saying.

435. - Maybe.

436. Hello!

437. - Hey, look who's here.

438. - Hello. Marie.

439. Is this a replacement for Bridget?

440. I recruited her from the bar.

441. - She's a stand-in for you.

442. - Oh, great.

443. We gotta get you a chair.

444. Where's the waiter?

445. Yeah. You know what?

446. You need to go now.

447. - What?

448. Yeah.

449. You stood in.

450. Now it's time to stand up.

451. But, hey, very good job.

452. Good stand-in job.

453. - Really?

454. - But first team has arrived, so...

455. And listen, Larry,

456. if you ever need an actor,

457. you call me, okay?

458. You never know.

459. Okay, I'm expecting a call.

460. Okay... Well, I wouldn't go that far.

461. Well, hello there.

462. - That was interesting.

463. - Yeah.

464. - Hi.

465. You know, it's customary

466. when someone is 20 minutes late

467. to offer an apology to their friends.

468. - Am I right?

469. - That's absolutely correct.

470. That's accurate?

471. Yes.

472. Sorry.

473. What? That's a "sorry"?

474. Don't insult us with that.

475. If you're more than 10 minutes late,

476. it's gotta be a profuse apology.

477. That was an apology

478. like you were one minute late.

479. - Am I right?

480. - He's right.

481. And frankly, your "sorry"

482. was not commensurate with the offense.

483. Can I get a drink?

484. If I was 20 minutes late,

485. I'd be apologizing

486. like I accidentally

487. killed your family.

488. - Guess what.

489. - Yeah?

490. You did accidentally kill my family.

491. My nephew, the joy of my life,

492. was killed by the bulls,

493. and it was your fault!

494. Okay?

495. Sorry.

496. Bottle of wine, anybody?

497. - Yes! Good idea.

498. - Yeah.

499. Red or white?

500. - Love red.

501. So what's happening?

502. I had a colonoscopy.

503. Clean as a whistle.

504. - Hey!

505. - Hey, good morning, Larry.

506. Good morning.

507. Hey, L.D. Thanks for paintball.

508. You're... You're very welcome.

509. Very welcome.

510. Hey, that was so sweet of you.

511. - Thank you. Really.

512. - It was nothing.

513. - Nothing.

514. - It's gonna be fun.

515. - See you inside.

516. - Okay.

517. You know what? Get me the salmon...

518. - Get me the salmon with the salad.

519. - Cool.

520. - Thanks for the paintball, L.D.

521. - You are very, very welcome.

522. Speaking of the paintball,

523. that is so nice.

524. The crew is freaking out.

525. Oh, I'm happy to do it.

526. I love paintball,

527. and I am sorry I can't go.

528. I have a gig booked.

529. Shooting a commercial

530. for this feline distemper medication.

531. I have my shots, so I know how to deal

532. with the cats.

533. Ah. What a shame.

534. How do you have an event like this

535. without Cody Gutcher?

536. - I know.

537. - Huh?

538. What are they paying you

539. for this thing, may I ask?

540. It's my day rate. $1,200.

541. Okay, you know what?

542. I'm gonna take care of that for you.

543. I'll give you the $1,200.

544. Tell them you can't make it.

545. You're going to paintball.

546. - Oh, my God, Larry!

547. - Huh?

548. Thank you!

549. We couldn't do it

550. without you, Cody Gutcher.

551. - You gotta be there.

552. - Thank you so much. You are a prince.

553. You're welcome,

554. and let me just say this.

555. That is a fantastic "thank you."

556. That was a "thank you"

557. commensurate with the gesture.

558. And it's worth it

559. for that "thank you."

560. - What do you think about that?

561. - We're gonna have a blast.

562. I love that "thank you." Love it.

563. My pleasure.

564. Jeremy?

565. - Hey, Murray.

566. - Ah, Larry.

567. Listen, about the, uh...

568. The harem scene.

569. There's too many redheads.

570. - Six?

571. - Yeah.

572. What do you think? Four?

573. Yeah, you're right.

574. I think four. Four is better.

575. Thanks, thanks.

576. Huh. Same pants as yesterday.

577. What, are you tracking my outfits?

578. No, no, just observing, that's all.

579. You know, I was late, and they had

580. the belt in them from yesterday,

581. so I picked them up

582. 'cause I was in a hurry.

583. They're not dirty or anything.

584. Then, by all means, wear them again.

585. You're an outfit tracker, Murray.

586. Nobody likes an outfit tracker.

587. I don't know why a casual observation

588. has made you so uncomfortable.

589. Uh, I just feel like I'm living

590. in some kind of clothing police state,

591. like it's 1984.

592. Big Murray's watching me.

593. - Big Murray's not watching you.

594. - No, Big Murray is watching.

595. Big Murray has other things to do.

596. Apparently, Big Murray has

597. nothing else to do but outfit track.

598. I'm not judging you.

599. I'm just noticing

600. that you wore the same pants.

601. Okay, Big Murray.

602. Robes, robes, robes...

603. Hey, L.D.,

604. psyched about the paintball.

605. - Thank you so much.

606. - Oh, my pleasure! Of course!

607. You are the kindest.

608. Thank you so much.

609. Oh, you're so welcome!

610. - Hey.

611. - What's up?

612. I have great news.

613. Um, we got a signer.

614. For... For deaf people?

615. Yeah, yeah, for deaf people.

616. And anyone who enjoys ASL.

617. I mean, she's basically on the side,

618. and she signs, uh,

619. throughout the performance.

620. - It's awesome.

621. - Do deaf people go to musicals?

622. - Yeah.

623. - Why don't we just have

624. one performance a month

625. for all deaf people?

626. And we don't have to be distracted

627. by a signer onstage.

628. You want to segregate the deaf?

629. No, I don't want to segregate them.

630. Yeah, separate but equal.

631. Special but equal.

632. She's gonna be incredible. You'll see.

633. It's... It's really inclusive.

634. Hey, let me ask you something.

635. Do you like this robe?

636. I... Yeah, it's nice. I like it.

637. That's what I thought.

638. We need to see more robes.

639. You're gonna have

640. to go shopping again.

641. Thank you.

642. Okay, you're driving

643. this poor guy nuts, okay?

644. - That's the gig.

645. - He's gonna quit.

646. No, he's gonna get

647. in the weeds with us.

648. He's gonna emerge

649. with the perfect robe.

650. Okay, well, I'm telling you,

651. he's one foot out the door right now.

652. Well, as long as he's one foot

653. out the door finding the right robe,

654. I don't give a fuck.

655. Hi!

656. - Hi!

657. - Lin! Hi!

658. - Oh, my God, you made it!

659. - So good to see you.

660. - Hi, Ernst.

661. Great to see you. How are you?

662. Larry, this is my cousin

663. Valentina and her husband Ernst.

664. Hey, nice to meet you.

665. - Valentina? Hi.

666. - Hi. Yeah.

667. - Hello.

668. - Hello. Hi.

669. - Hi, nice to meet you.

670. - Nice to meet you as well.

671. So is this the wardrobe area?

672. Tell me about this place.

673. Yes, this is the wardrobe area.

674. This is where all the costumes

675. in the show are.

676. And we're just getting everything...

677. I'm Gregory Michael David.

678. I'm the costume designer.

679. - Hi. Valentina.

680. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

681. - This is your fiefdom.

682. - Yes, yes!

683. This is the workshop,

684. so, yeah, feel free to look around.

685. Yeah, just seems like fun

686. to have people try on your creations.

687. Yes. If you wanna try

688. anything on, please let me know.

689. Yes. Do you have things in turquoise?

690. I could pull some stuff for you, yeah.

691. I would love that.

692. He seems very competent.

693. Yeah. We're a robe away,

694. but he's doing great.

695. I get it.

696. How long you two been married?

697. - Um... A few years.

698. - Yeah.

699. Kids?

700. - Mmm, no.

701. - No.

702. - We're not gonna have kids.

703. - No. Cats.

704. - Why don't you guys go upstairs?

705. - Okay.

706. And I'll give you guys a tour

707. as soon as I get upstairs.

708. They've got the directions

709. to your place.

710. Yeah, yeah, just go over anytime,

711. make yourself at home,

712. and stay as long

713. as you like, actually.

714. - Thanks.

715. - Thank you.

716. All right.

717. I see where you got

718. your tepid "thank yous" from.

719. That was worse than your "thank you."

720. That seemed like a perfectly

721. appropriate "thank you" to me.

722. - Oh, did it? Really?

723. - Yeah.

724. What is it with you Mirandas?

725. You're missing some kind of

726. "thank you" gene or something.

727. - I think we all said it.

728. - Yeah. Okay.

729. - Okay, I'll see you upstairs.

730. - See you upstairs.

731. Yeah. Let's find a dumpster

732. for this bullshit.

733. Hey, those are

734. from a rental house, Lin.

735. Okay, everybody, we're at places,

736. please, for "Salman, Get Out."

737. Full tech and music.

738. - Is our signer here?

739. - Yes, right here.

740. Come on up here, please.

741. We have a place for you.

742. That spike mark, downstage left.

743. Places, from the top!

744. All right.

745. - Good morning!

746. - Hello, darling.

747. And breakfast for our guest.

748. No granola?

749. Uh, no. I...

750. "You should be grateful."

751. Salman, hey, you should be grateful.

752. I'm grateful.

753. I'm just a little tired of muesli.

754. You can be grateful

755. and tired of muesli.

756. Hey.

757. - Salman, we have to talk.

758. - What do you want to talk about?

759. We took you into our home.

760. You wouldn't have made it on your own.

761. But now it's time for you to go.

762. I have to say I'm a little thrown.

763. - You're a slob.

764. - You're a pig.

765. - You're a lazy lout.

766. - So what are you saying?

767. Salman, get out

768. I'm a great guest

769. You'd hardly know I'm there

770. You walk around in a robe

771. With no underwear

772. If you make me leave

773. I'll be dead, no doubt

774. Close your legs

775. And, Salman, get out

776. And stay out!

777. - Don't come back!

778. - Lose my number!

779. Go stay with the Ayatollah.

780. Salman, Salman, Salman

781. Salman, get out

782. Okay, great!

783. Great work, everybody.

784. It was good. Too bad you missed it.

785. - No, I... I saw it.

786. - Yeah.

787. Thank you, Cody.

788. - Thank you.

789. - Thanks, guys.

790. - Tina, you're a star. Thank you.

791. - Thank you.

792. Hey, Larry,

793. can I talk to you for a sec?

794. I feel like...

795. I feel like the number's not working.

796. - Oh, you know why it's not working?

797. - Why?

798. 'Cause everybody's

799. looking at her tits, that's why.

800. What?

801. Bill didn't see

802. 10 seconds of that number.

803. He was staring at her the whole time,

804. as was every other guy

805. in the audience.

806. It's just the reasons

807. he's getting kicked out of the house

808. are so fucking petty.

809. No, I completely disagree with you.

810. Look, he's a terrible house guest.

811. His life depends

812. on his being a good house guest.

813. He's a pig! He doesn't do the dishes!

814. That's funny!

815. Maybe we just need different reasons.

816. Okay, I'll come up

817. with some other reasons.

818. - How's that?

819. - Okay.

820. - It's not gonna work anyway.

821. - Why not?

822. Because men

823. will look at tits over anything.

824. You could be in the last inning

825. of the World Series,

826. a 3-2 score, bases loaded,

827. somebody changes the channel,

828. and there's tits on,

829. they will not go back

830. to the World Series.

831. We're on the verge

832. of making a great musical,

833. and you're scapegoating tits?

834. - It's the scene.

835. - No, it's the tits!

836. - It's the scene.

837. - Tits!

838. - Scene! Scene! Scene!

839. - Tits! Tits! Tits!

840. Scene, and she stays.

841. Sorry.

842. All right, insufficient "sorry."

843. Terrible, awful, horrible "sorry."

844. Apparently, the Miranda "sorrys"

845. are just as bad as their "thank yous."

846. You heard me. $1,200.

847. 1,200 fucking dollars

848. to skip a day on his real job

849. to come with you guys paintballing?

850. - You're a good guy.

851. - Thank you.

852. - I respect you for that.

853. - People don't think I'm a nice guy.

854. Basically, you're paying

855. this motherfucker

856. to shoot people

857. with a goddamn paint gun.

858. See?

859. - You know what I just realized?

860. - Mmm-hmm?

861. I gave this guy $1,200,

862. but he wasn't gonna make $1,200.

863. That's his gross.

864. They're gonna deduct taxes

865. from what he's getting.

866. He'd only wind up with $700 or $750.

867. The guy just made $500 off me.

868. You fucked up.

869. See, when you give somebody money,

870. you gotta add that shit up

871. in your brain.

872. You FICA.

873. You take the fucking difference out.

874. - You FICA!

875. - I'm not FICA!

876. - You FlC'd up.

877. He just made money on you!

878. Ah.

879. Hello. Ernst, Valentina.

880. - Hi.

881. - Hello, Larry.

882. Please, come in.

883. Yeah. Well, this is it.

884. Looks great.

885. Oh, man.

886. Oh, this is Leon.

887. He lives in my guesthouse.

888. - Hello, Leon.

889. I like that look.

890. - Yeah, I like that jacket.

891. - Thank you very much.

892. My mother gave it to me.

893. - Your mother gave you the jacket?

894. - Yes.

895. It was hers.

896. - Really?

897. - Mmm-hmm.

898. They make that bag for men?

899. Yes, this bag is made for men, women,

900. anybody who enjoys

901. carrying things around.

902. - You two are married?

903. - Yeah. Yes.

904. So you got on one knee

905. - and asked her to marry you?

906. - No, no, no.

907. It was during the intermission

908. of Swan Lake.

909. I just looked to her and said,

910. "Will you marry me?"

911. Okay, that's a ballet,

912. all right? You got it?

913. - Last one.

914. - No, no! No last one.

915. Did you get on top of her

916. on the honeymoon night?

917. Shut... Shut the fuck up.

918. Get out of here.

919. I'm just asking questions.

920. No. Don't ask

921. any more questions, okay? Shut up.

922. Um, you guys interested

923. in a house tour?

924. - Sure.

925. - Okay.

926. Will you be joining us, Leon?

927. Yeah.

928. Cool.

929. Is that good?

930. Dining room, kitchen's that way.

931. By the way, make yourself at home.

932. You know, feel free

933. to use the refrigerator.

934. You've got refrigerator privileges.

935. How's that?

936. - Cool.

937. - Thank you.

938. Before I forget,

939. this little gadget, okay?

940. Watch this.

941. You want the curtains down,

942. you press that button.

943. Now you stop it, and now they go up.

944. Isn't that great? I love this thing.

945. Love it.

946. I don't see why

947. I would ever need that.

948. No, no! Look, look! See?

949. Here, look. Voilà!

950. You're showing us the same function?

951. - Yeah, I guess.

952. - Mmm-hmm-hmm.

953. Um...

954. Oh, bedrooms are upstairs,

955. and there are

956. two guest rooms if you'd like.

957. Ooh!

958. Why would we need two bedrooms?

959. - No, no... No reason.

960. No reason?

961. We are husband and wife.

962. We sleep in one bedroom.

963. No, but I know a lot of people

964. who sleep in separate bedrooms.

965. Couples. Yeah.

966. - Really? Like who?

967. - Hmm.

968. You want names?

969. Okay, I'll give you names.

970. Um...

971. Pete Rose, Tony Pérez,

972. Johnny Bench, uh,

973. George Foster, Dave Concepción.

974. You've named six old baseball players

975. who are married

976. but sleep in separate bedrooms?

977. Yeah.

978. Even the Hit King?

979. Yeah. Hit King especially.

980. Well, we sleep in a bedroom together.

981. - Yeah.

982. - You know what? Um...

983. Let's forget about it.

984. I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

985. I'm sorry. Was that an apology?

986. No good?

987. There wasn't really any emotion to it.

988. Yeah. Your eyes were bouncing around

989. like a cat with strings.

990. Yeah.

991. - Well, I'm really sorry

992. if my apology was not sufficient.

993. You've just apologized

994. for your apology?

995. Yes!

996. That was better

997. than the first apology.

998. Well, why don't you just use

999. that apology?

1000. You know what, Larry?

1001. We're gonna go upstairs

1002. to, uh, the one guest bedroom.

1003. Perfectly acceptable.

1004. You got yourself

1005. in some shit this time.

1006. They're a couple of freaks, man.

1007. Could you believe this kitchen?

1008. - And you know what a great cook I am.

1009. - Yeah.

1010. The meals I make here... Right, Jeff?

1011. - Yeah.

1012. - It must have cost millions

1013. - upon millions of dollars.

1014. - Well, it's big, but it's intimate.

1015. We sit by the fire.

1016. - It's cozy. It's warm.

1017. - Cozy?

1018. This is cozy?

1019. This is the best party house.

1020. - Right, Jeff?

1021. - Yeah.

1022. So did you figure it out

1023. about Saturday?

1024. Yeah, yeah, I got

1025. the whole thing figured out.

1026. I'm gonna go to paintball,

1027. then I'm gonna go to the wedding.

1028. Because Sammi, when I mentioned

1029. that you had some problems

1030. and conflict, you should have

1031. seen the look on her face.

1032. Susie, let me

1033. tell you something, okay?

1034. I've known Sammi since she was born.

1035. And one of the great joys

1036. in my life has...

1037. Has been watching her blossom

1038. into this beautiful,

1039. sophisticated young lady.

1040. - Mmm-hmm.

1041. - I won't miss her wedding. No way.

1042. Oh, Lar, that's so sweet.

1043. Are you serious?

1044. No.

1045. All right,

1046. just fucking be there, okay?

1047. - Okay.

1048. - Don't disappoint me.

1049. - No, I won't.

1050. - So, uh,

1051. Victor's parents

1052. are coming tonight, Lisa and Paul.

1053. - And they're deaf, you know.

1054. - Oh. What is that, mold?

1055. It's not fucking mold! It's cheese!

1056. - Cheese? Look at it.

1057. - It's cheese.

1058. - Oh, there's the Chesnicks.

1059. Wait till you meet them.

1060. They are just such sweet people.

1061. By the way, this house... Oh, my God.

1062. - It's wrong.

1063. - Yeah.

1064. Unbelievable how life works, isn't it?

1065. Just to get laid. I'm an idiot.

1066. - Oh.

1067. All right.

1068. Okay. Yeah.

1069. Hi!

1070. - How you doing, Victor?

1071. - I'm good, man. How you doing?

1072. - Good.

1073. - Hey, I want to introduce

1074. my mom and my dad, Lisa and Paul.

1075. How do you do? Hello.

1076. - Hi. Larry. Larry.

1077. - Larry.

1078. Rhymes with "Harry."

1079. Hi, babe.

1080. What's going on?

1081. - Ask them how they met.

1082. - Yeah.

1083. How did you two meet?

1084. Were you fixed up because you're deaf?

1085. Stupid fucking question.

1086. No, I'm not asking them that.

1087. - I think it's a good question.

1088. - It's a good question.

1089. I'd be curious, too. I never asked it.

1090. Bathroom? Around that way.

1091. Yeah, there.

1092. - I'm hungry.

1093. - Yeah?

1094. Hungry. Let's eat.

1095. - No. We can't eat yet.

1096. - Why?

1097. - Everybody's not here.

1098. - Who are we waiting for?

1099. - Funkhouser.

1100. - Who else?

1101. What? Again?

1102. He's a guest.

1103. We're waiting for him to eat.

1104. We're not gonna eat

1105. before Funkhouser gets here.

1106. - This is your policy?

1107. - Yes, it's my policy.

1108. Yeah, "hold your horses."

1109. - "Hold your horses"?

1110. - Yeah.

1111. This is... This is "Hold your horses"?

1112. That's a bad sign.

1113. "Hold your horses" is...

1114. Whoa! Pull back!

1115. "Hold your horses."

1116. - Is that it?

1117. - Yeah.

1118. Mine's better than yours.

1119. This? No.

1120. That's "Hold your horses."

1121. Yeah. Thank you.

1122. I'll bet I could come up

1123. with some good signs

1124. that would improve sign language.

1125. How about "dog"?

1126. Yeah. Yeah.

1127. - No.

1128. - What would you do?

1129. - "Dog."

1130. I can improve the whole language.

1131. Bullshit.

1132. - All right, you know what?

1133. No.

1134. I have people I want you to meet.

1135. Come with me. Enough of your nonsense.

1136. Hey, did I tell you

1137. that Lin hired a signer for the show?

1138. And she's got big, big boobs!

1139. Very buxomy, you know?

1140. They're gonna take away from the show.

1141. Huge!

1142. So distracting. She's, like, big!

1143. - Really?

1144. - Yeah.

1145. I can't wait.

1146. The interpreter... At our show...

1147. A show... It's a musical.

1148. Musical. Hey! Hello!

1149. You know, she has a big... Big bosom.

1150. Yeah, the interpreter. Yeah.

1151. Not that big. Yeah.

1152. About... Yeah, there.

1153. He likes the bosom.

1154. Oh, I'm so sorry.

1155. I can't begin to apologize enough.

1156. I know I'm late, and I'm sorry!

1157. I'm sorry! I'm so... Who's this?

1158. - That's Paul.

1159. - I'm sorry.

1160. Hey, it's okay.

1161. - I'm so sorry!

1162. - It's a tremendous apology.

1163. - I know, it's horrible!

1164. - I can't tell you...

1165. - What can I say to make it good?

1166. You don't have to say anything.

1167. It's a fantastic apology.

1168. One of the best apologies

1169. I've ever heard!

1170. Gave me the chills, that apology.

1171. Oh, my God!

1172. I feel like getting down on my knees.

1173. I don't know what else to do!

1174. I wish that could be broadcast

1175. on national television

1176. so people could hear what

1177. an apology's supposed to sound like!

1178. - That's why you're my friend.

1179. - Thank you.

1180. What a fantastic

1181. fucking apology that was!

1182. Okay, thank you for...

1183. Thank you so much.

1184. That was so great.

1185. - Thank you very much.

1186. - That was great.

1187. Thank you. I feel better.

1188. All right, okay. Everybody's here.

1189. - Let's eat!

1190. - Let's eat! Beautiful!

1191. - Let's do it.

1192. - Come on, everybody. Let's go!

1193. Dinner!

1194. Larry, I want you here.

1195. Sure.

1196. - Everything OK?

1197. - Yes, I've got an idea.

1198. Let's hire an interpreter for the

1199. wedding?

1200. That's a good idea!

1201. Okay, let's try this rewrite.

1202. Darling.

1203. Hello, darling.

1204. Good morning.

1205. - Yes.

1206. - Hey, same pants as yesterday.

1207. What's this?

1208. What, are you tracking my outfits now?

1209. Just an observation.

1210. You know, for a guy

1211. with so many other concerns,

1212. my trousers should be

1213. at the bottom of your list.

1214. Yes.

1215. As long as we're talking about it,

1216. am I crazy, or have you worn them

1217. three days in a row?

1218. - Oh, come on.

1219. - Hey, do me a favor, all right?

1220. Stop the tracking.

1221. No one likes to be tracked!

1222. Yes. How would you like it

1223. if we tracked you?

1224. Do it. I'm in hiding

1225. with four outfits.

1226. You'll never see me doubling up.

1227. You know why? I rotate.

1228. All you gotta do is rotate, baby!

1229. What the hell is going on up there?

1230. What is that? What is that, incense?

1231. Yeah, that's incense, brother.

1232. You don't burn incense

1233. in someone else's house.

1234. It's like cooking fish

1235. or smoking a cigar.

1236. It's a violation.

1237. What the hell are they doing?

1238. - Hi. Is Ernst here?

1239. - And Valentina.

1240. - Upstairs.

1241. - Great.

1242. Oh, lovely home.

1243. Yeah. Yeah, really nice.

1244. Thanks for your hospitality.

1245. - Hello.

1246. - Hi.

1247. They're swinging! They're swinging!

1248. You're a funny guy, man.

1249. You got all this sexual shit going on.

1250. I'm in the guesthouse, chilling.

1251. You don't tell me about it?

1252. - How many people were here?

1253. - Fifteen, at least.

1254. Well, why'd you let it go on?

1255. I thought you were in on it!

1256. I didn't know!

1257. Have you lost your mind?

1258. You think I knew

1259. what was going on here?

1260. I thought maybe

1261. you were sleep fucking.

1262. - I don't know.

1263. - Sleep fucking?

1264. Yeah. You know, subconsciously,

1265. your brain is fucking,

1266. but your conscious mind...

1267. I don't think I was sleep fucking.

1268. I have a hard enough time

1269. wake fucking.

1270. How am I gonna sleep fuck?

1271. - Cousins are gone?

1272. - Everybody left.

1273. All right, look,

1274. I got paintball today.

1275. We gotta get this place cleaned up.

1276. I can't deal with this today.

1277. Okay, I'll do it.

1278. They ransacked the fridge and broke

1279. the goddamn Jacuzzi, too.

1280. - Bastards.

1281. - What are you doing?

1282. Last time I wore these pants,

1283. F. Murray outfit-tracked me.

1284. I can't wear them around him anymore.

1285. My favorite pants.

1286. - That's crazy, man.

1287. - I'm so pissed.

1288. Just wear those.

1289. These? Fine.

1290. Those are nice.

1291. Jesus, I'm so goddamn late.

1292. Josh, I love you.

1293. You're gonna get fucking shellacked

1294. if you're dancing out there.

1295. We're out here playing paintball, man!

1296. I'll go for the big dog.

1297. I actually upgraded mine.

1298. Are you guys getting bitten up?

1299. - Hey. This is amazing.

1300. Hey!

1301. Yeah, first of all,

1302. so glad to see you here.

1303. You did it. You did this.

1304. I... I did, but something

1305. did occur to me, though, um, however.

1306. If you had taken that commercial,

1307. the gross would have been $1,200,

1308. but the net

1309. would have been, like, $700.

1310. Maybe $750.

1311. Yeah, something like that.

1312. I'm actually kind of losing money

1313. on this deal.

1314. 'Cause if you were

1315. only gonna make $700,

1316. and I gave you $1,200,

1317. you know, it kind of feels

1318. like you owe me $500.

1319. Am I wrong?

1320. - Larry, you gave me this gift.

1321. - Yes.

1322. - I called you a prince.

1323. - I am a prince.

1324. Now you're asking me

1325. for a portion of the gift back.

1326. You're making a profit off this!

1327. I'm gonna call you a prick.

1328. With all due respect,

1329. you are the prick.

1330. For accepting your gift?

1331. It shouldn't be a gift, though.

1332. I'm not giving you a gift.

1333. - Wait, hang on, hang on.

1334. - I'm not FICA.

1335. I paid you the gross,

1336. and I should have paid you the net.

1337. Why do you keep hiking

1338. your britches up?

1339. Because I couldn't wear the same pants

1340. two days in a row

1341. because I got an outfit tracker here,

1342. so I had to take these pants,

1343. and they're too big on me,

1344. and I didn't have time

1345. to put a belt on!

1346. I'm not giving you the money back.

1347. Have fun today, Larry.

1348. I'm not the bad guy here.

1349. I'm... I'm losing...

1350. I... I'm not the bad guy.

1351. - Hey, Lar.

1352. - Hey, Carly.

1353. - How you doing?

1354. - Good.

1355. Larry, could I have

1356. a word with you, please?

1357. If it isn't Big Murray. Hey.

1358. You know what, Big Murray?

1359. 'Cause of you, I couldn't wear

1360. my favorite gray corduroys,

1361. and now I'm wearing pants

1362. that are way too big for me.

1363. That's what I wanted to talk to you

1364. about, that scene in the kitchen.

1365. Funny, huh?

1366. Well, it was a little insulting to me.

1367. Why? Nobody knows you're the one

1368. who outfit-tracked me.

1369. You make me very uncomfortable.

1370. - You know, you're judging me.

1371. - I wasn't judging you.

1372. It felt like it was

1373. a thin disguise for insulting me.

1374. No. I would insult you

1375. right to your face, Big Murray.

1376. That's what I would think,

1377. that you should insult me to my face,

1378. but the problem is, now I feel

1379. like I'm being tracked

1380. because of what you did.

1381. I can't get up in the morning anymore

1382. without thinking,

1383. "Oh, gotta be careful.

1384. Big Larry's watching you."

1385. Big Larry is not tracking Big Murray.

1386. Big Larry is tracking Big Murray.

1387. Big Larry has better things to do

1388. than track Big Murray.

1389. Then why are you writing it all down?

1390. Hey, Larry,

1391. can I talk to you a second?

1392. - Excuse me, Murray. I'm sorry.

1393. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1394. Be careful what you say

1395. around this guy, huh?

1396. He's a Murray tracker!

1397. There's your outfit tracker,

1398. right there.

1399. Hey, what's this I hear about you

1400. asking Cody Gutcher

1401. for his money back?

1402. Yeah, I asked Cody Gutcher

1403. for my money back, yeah.

1404. Not all of it.

1405. Just the money he owed me.

1406. Cody Gutcher is one of

1407. the best company managers

1408. in the fucking country!

1409. We almost lost him

1410. to Spring Awakening,

1411. and we have him!

1412. I don't give a shit if Cody Gutcher

1413. goes to Spring Awakening!

1414. I'm nice enough to give him $1,200,

1415. and he steals $450 of it!

1416. You're nice enough to do the gesture.

1417. Finish the gesture.

1418. I did finish the gesture,

1419. then I was expecting

1420. a gesture from him!

1421. No. "Here's a gesture. Where's

1422. my gesture back, motherfucker?"

1423. - That's your version of a gesture?

1424. - You got something off your chest.

1425. Are you happy?

1426. I got something on my chest, okay?

1427. Go for it.

1428. Valentina Miranda

1429. and her husband Ernst,

1430. who I was generous enough

1431. to let stay in my house...

1432. Yeah, and I said, "Thank you."

1433. - They're swingers.

1434. - Yeah, I know.

1435. You know they're swingers,

1436. you don't tell me?

1437. I told you they were

1438. an interesting couple.

1439. "Interesting" is not swinging!

1440. By the way, I was there

1441. when you met them.

1442. You said, "Make yourself at home.

1443. Stay as long as you want."

1444. So they entertained.

1445. "Entertained"?

1446. That's playing mah-jongg!

1447. This was like a Roman orgy,

1448. like Caligula!

1449. You know what you do

1450. in someone else's house?

1451. - What?

1452. - You tiptoe.

1453. You say, "please." You say,

1454. "thank you." You clean up.

1455. "May I use your refrigerator?"

1456. Guests tiptoe! That's what you do!

1457. Jesus! Oh, no, I wanna have fun

1458. at the fucking Larry David house.

1459. Tiptoe and play mah-jongg,

1460. that's your idea of fucking fun.

1461. You should've seen.

1462. They trashed the whole house!

1463. And you know what else?

1464. They broke my curtain remote!

1465. - What the fuck's a curtain remote?

1466. - A curtain remote?

1467. It opens and closes,

1468. opens and closes the curtains!

1469. Who needs a curtain remote?

1470. You fucking do this.

1471. - That's how you open a curtain.

1472. - You've obviously never used

1473. - a curtain remote.

1474. - Who would need one?

1475. - It's a curtain!

1476. - It's a good thing. It's a fun thing!

1477. If you ever did it,

1478. you wouldn't even think about it!

1479. Well, I'm never coming to your house

1480. 'cause I don't want to tiptoe around

1481. and maybe get refrigerator privileges.

1482. You gesture-rescinding motherfucker!

1483. - That's right. That's right.

1484. At least I don't have cousins

1485. who are sex degenerates!

1486. - What'd you say about my family?

1487. - You Mirandas!

1488. You don't give proper "thank yous."

1489. You don't give proper "sorrys,"

1490. and you're a bunch of sex perverts!

1491. You've besmirched

1492. the honor of my family,

1493. and I demand satisfaction.

1494. Satisfaction, you shall have.

1495. It's a duel.

1496. These proceedings shall fall

1497. under the auspices

1498. of the code duello, Irish version.

1499. I'm given to understand

1500. that one of the gentlemen

1501. has perceived a slight

1502. and demands satisfaction.

1503. That's correct.

1504. This is your final chance

1505. to offer an apology,

1506. thereby saving face.

1507. No apology is forthcoming.

1508. Very well. We shall proceed.

1509. Gentlemen, choose your weapon.

1510. Will anyone present stand

1511. as the second to the offended party?

1512. I will.

1513. Will anyone present stand forth

1514. as the second to the transgressor?

1515. I will.

1516. Swell.

1517. If the principals

1518. would please hand their weapons

1519. to their seconds to be inspected

1520. and loaded with one projectile.

1521. - I don't know how to do this.

1522. - What?

1523. Why'd you volunteer for second

1524. if you don't know what you're doing?

1525. I'm from Newport Beach.

1526. I've never loaded a gun before.

1527. Give me the paintball.

1528. - That's it. There's nothing to it.

1529. - Sorry.

1530. Very well. Please stand back to back.

1531. Gentlemen, on my count,

1532. you will proceed to walk 10 paces,

1533. at which point you will turn,

1534. aim your weapons, and fire.

1535. And 10, nine...

1536. Eight, seven...

1537. Six, five, four,

1538. three, two, one!

1539. - Oh!

1540. Lin!

1541. Oh, my God! It's in his mouth!

1542. Come on, Larry.

1543. - It was... It was an accident!

1544. I was gonna fire in the air!

1545. Aaron.

1546. - Aaron Burr.

1547. I'm not Aaron Burr.

1548. - No, no, no!

1549. - Lin!

1550. Where the fuck is he?

1551. He said he was gonna be here.

1552. - I don't know.

1553. - Oh, I'm gonna fucking kill him.

1554. Family, friends, and loved ones,

1555. we are gathered here today

1556. to celebrate one of

1557. life's greatest moments.

1558. The joining of two lives

1559. in this union we call marriage.

1560. Victor and Sammi have asked you today

1561. to be here to bear witness...

1562. Look at our son, he's getting married.

1563. And to offer your love and support

1564. as they embark on this next chapter

1565. of their lives.

1566. Victor, we would be remiss if we

1567. didn't thank you for your service.

1568. Now, please take each other's hands

1569. for your vows.

1570. Victor, do you take Sammi

1571. to be your wife?

1572. I do.

1573. Do you commit yourself

1574. to her happiness

1575. and self-fulfillment as a person?

1576. I... I do. I do.

1577. Do you promise to love...

1578. - All right, enough, enough.

1579. Excuse me, miss.

1580. - Out. You gotta go.

1581. - What? What?

1582. Get the hell out of here.

1583. - And cover up!

1584. - What?

1585. Sorry, everybody.

1586. It had to be done.

1587. We'll just continue.

1588. Continue. Continue.

1589. I'm not Burr. I'm not Burr.

1590. I was gonna fire in the air.

1591. You shot right at me, Larry.

1592. No, it's Murray's fault

1593. because he was outfit-tracking me,

1594. and I had to put on

1595. a different pair of pants,

1596. and they were too big for me,

1597. and they fell.

1598. - Anyway, I'm so sorry.

1599. I'm really, really sorry.

1600. Really, truly sorry.

1601. - That's a pretty good apology.

1602. - Really?

1603. - It's commensurate with the offense.

1604. - Yes?

1605. Do you wanna apologize

1606. - for falling asleep during Hamilton?

1607. - Oh!

1608. My wife told me you were

1609. practically on her shoulder.

1610. Okay, what happened was,

1611. I had a pain pill in my pocket

1612. that Jeff gave me

1613. because I injured my shoulder

1614. wrestling with you.

1615. So in a way, you're a little...

1616. I'm at fault

1617. for you sleeping through my show?

1618. I did see part of the show.

1619. I have to say, I loved it.

1620. - It was terrific.

1621. - Thank you.

1622. My name is Alexander Hamilton

1623. I didn't see the end of the first act.

1624. And there's a million things

1625. I haven't...

1626. - That's the very first song.

1627. - Yeah.

1628. - I'm gonna go back.

1629. - Okay.

1630. Any chance you could...

1631. I have to see what they say,

1632. if they have tickets.

1633. Two tickets. What's the...

1634. I don't run

1635. the ticket office, Larry David.

1636. Make a phone call.

1637. What do you mean? You wrote the show.

1638. Oh, my God.

1639. You're spitting on me.

1640. - Cover your mouth when you cough.

1641. - Man, fuck you.

1642. Oh, my God. I gotta get

1643. to Jeff's daughter's wedding.

1644. - I'm late.

1645. - What?

1646. Yes, yeah, I'm speaking there.

1647. - Hey. Driver.

1648. - Hey, what the...

1649. Can we make a quick stop?

1650. It's just at that light.

1651. It's about a half a mile

1652. and you go up the hill.

1653. You can drop me off. It's two minutes.

1654. No. This is not no fucking Uber.

1655. We gotta get this man to the hospital.

1656. He's injured.

1657. It's gonna be a lot worse for me.

1658. You don't know this woman.

1659. Fuck that woman! And fuck her wedding.

1660. Get in the back.

1661. - Okay.

1662. - Fuck!

1663. Somebody strap him in!

1664. Oh, yeah. Wait a second.

1665. Wait a second, Charlie.

1666. - Who are you calling, Larry?

1667. - This woman I met at a bar.

1668. You're trying to get laid

1669. on the way to the hospital?

1670. Hey, Marie. It's Larry David.

1671. Remember, I met you in the bar,

1672. and you came and sat

1673. at the table with us?

1674. Hey, I've got a job for you.

1675. Jeffrey, where's Larry?

1676. He's still not here?

1677. - I don't know.

1678. - But we have to start the speeches.

1679. - Well, start the speeches!

1680. - Get the fuck out of my face!

1681. - Go away! Do the patrons.

1682. What are you doing?

1683. Go do your job somewhere. Go!

1684. She's crazy...

1685. Jeff, can you call him again?

1686. I'm not trying him again.

1687. I called him. He didn't answer.

1688. I'm here. Hi. Sorry I'm late.

1689. I'm Marie from the restaurant.

1690. - Oh, yeah, yeah.

1691. - What are you doing here?

1692. Hi. Larry couldn't be here,

1693. - but he asked me to stand in.

1694. And don't worry. I have his speech.

1695. "Hi. I'm Larry David."

1696. Oh, no.

1697. Her name's Marie. Larry rents her.

1698. "And I just want to say

1699. how thrilled I am to be here today,

1700. "and I am especially honored

1701. to have been asked

1702. "to speak at this blessed event.

1703. "I have known Sammi...

1704. What the fuck?

1705. "... for her entire life, and frankly,

1706. "I don't even think

1707. she likes me very much.

1708. "But I'm pretty sure I feel

1709. that way about everybody.

1710. "Sammi, I wish I had

1711. advice to offer you

1712. "on how to have a successful marriage,

1713. "but I'll just offer you two words,

1714. - "separate bathrooms."

1715. - Separate bathrooms.

1716. Okay, that's fine.

1717. Thank you very much.

1718. "So Sammi and..."

1719. - Thank you very much.

1720. - What's your name again, sir?

1721. - Victor.

1722. Ah, Victor!

1723. You need to be going right now.

1724. Thank you.

1725. - I'm sorry, everyone...

1726. - Excuse me. Can I,

1727. - for my reel, get a copy of that?

1728. - Yeah, goodbye.

1729. Enjoy... Enjoy the rest of the party.

1730. I talked to Lin's doctors.

1731. They said he'll be fine

1732. in about six months.

1733. But he's moving on to other projects.

1734. He's done. Fatwa is over.

1735. Our investments are gone.

1736. Lewis lost money. Danson lost money.

1737. I lost a ton, okay?

1738. I told all these ladies

1739. I was a big-time Broadway producer.

1740. Now I ain't shit.

1741. So how much did we lose, Jeffrey?

1742. We lost a lot of money.

1743. We're gonna have to sell the house.

1744. We are not selling that fucking house.

1745. Didn't you wear

1746. that sweater yesterday?

1747. What did you say?

1748. What the fuck did you just say?

1749. - Well, don't get so excited. It was...

1750. - Yeah, I wore this sweater yesterday.

1751. So what?

1752. What, are you outfit-tracking me?

1753. I'm not outfit-tracking you.

1754. I asked you a simple question.

1755. Sure sounds like

1756. you're outfit-tracking. So what?

1757. I didn't work out in it.

1758. I wasn't on the subway.

1759. I didn't go in public toilets.

1760. The sweater's clean.

1761. You can wear a sweater

1762. two days in a row.

1763. It's not a shirt. I don't wear a shirt

1764. two days in a row.

1765. - It's just a sweater.

1766. - What are you, a fucking lunatic?

1767. You're an outfit tracker,

1768. and I don't like it!

1769. You can wear

1770. the same sweater two days in a... Oh!

1771. Here's your fruit salad

1772. and your veggie burger.

1773. Oh, veggie burger.

1774. Beautiful, beautiful. Thank you.

1775. Hello?

1776. - Where's my food?

1777. - Oh.

1778. We'll start.

1779. This is fantastic!

1780. Mmm!

1781. Great.

1782. For a spoonful of sugar

1783. Helps the medicine go down

1784. The medicine go down

1785. The medicine go down

1786. For a spoonful of sugar...

1787. Hey! Hey!

1788. I know who you are.

1789. Yeah. You're Larry David.

1790. No, no, no.

1791. The fatwa's... The fatwa's over!

1792. - They called the fatwa off!

1793. - I don't believe you!

1794. You're a liar! You're a blasphemer!

1795. - No! No! Didn't they tell you?

1796. No! No, it's true! They called it off!

1797. No! No!

1798. - They called it off!

1799. - Stop! Stop!

1800. No! No!

1801. Larry David, I am gonna kill you!

1802. It's over!