1. I can't believe
I'm getting this number.Copy !req
2. It didn't even
take me that long.Copy !req
3. - We're easy in New York.
- Jeez, this is unbelievable.Copy !req
4. - We'll go out to dinner.
- Cool, I like to eat.Copy !req
5. And you know what?
You don't have to worry about chokingCopy !req
6. because I'm great
at the Heimlich.Copy !req
7. Oh, well, God, you know, if I wasn't
gonna give you my number before,Copy !req
8. that just did it.
That's an impressive skill.Copy !req
9. - Did that clinch it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
10. Are you leaving right now? 'Cause I don't
think we should run into each other again.Copy !req
11. - Yeah, that would be so awkward.
- That would be awkward.Copy !req
12. I'm not leaving just yet. It would
be great if you can get out of here.Copy !req
13. We have to save
something for dinner.Copy !req
14. - There you go.
- Because if we have too good a time here...Copy !req
15. - so just get out.
- I kind of like that, actually.Copy !req
16. - Bye.
- I'm gonna call you.Copy !req
17. Hey hey, look who it is.Copy !req
18. - Hey! Rosie!
- Larry David.Copy !req
19. - Good to see you.
- Good to see you.Copy !req
20. - You look fantastic.
- You know what? So do you.Copy !req
21. - You like the art?
- To tell you the truth...Copy !req
22. - What?
- Forget about the art.Copy !req
23. What?Copy !req
24. I met the most
fantastic woman tonight.Copy !req
25. I... I'm...
I can't even believe it.Copy !req
26. - Are you kidding me?
- Swear to God.Copy !req
27. - So did I.
- You're kidding.Copy !req
28. I felt it right away.
You know how you can feel it?Copy !req
29. Yes. I mean, who knows what's gonna happen?
But it's a great start.Copy !req
30. Oh no, I think something's gonna happen.
You know how lesbians are.Copy !req
31. You know what a lesbian brings
on a second date? A U-haul.Copy !req
32. That's right, a U-haul.
They move in together.Copy !req
33. - They move right in.
- I looked at her and I thought hyphen name.Copy !req
34. Kids are gonna get to know her.
It's all gonna work.Copy !req
35. - That's lovely.
- I'm happy for you I really am.Copy !req
36. I'm completely smitten.
She smiled.Copy !req
37. - At you?
- At me. Smiling at an old bald man.Copy !req
38. - Mine is so vivacious.
- Mine's vivacious too.Copy !req
39. And built.Copy !req
40. A body I would like
to get my hands on.Copy !req
41. - Ooh!
- Exactly.Copy !req
42. - I know what you mean. You know what?
- What?Copy !req
43. - She's Jewish.
- No kidding.Copy !req
44. - Yeah.
- Can I tell you something?Copy !req
45. - What?
- Mine too.Copy !req
46. - Really?
- Yes.Copy !req
47. - Unbelievable.
- Cheers.Copy !req
48. - L'Chaim.
- L'Chaim.Copy !req
49. - It's too good to be true.
- Yours is Jewish?Copy !req
50. Yeah, I knew from her name.
O'Donnell, Irish, duh.Copy !req
51. Yeah, right.
Yeah, Cohn, Jewish.Copy !req
52. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
53. - What did you say? Cohn?
- Mmm.Copy !req
54. Jane Cohn?Copy !req
55. Holy shit.Copy !req
56. Are you kidding me?
Is this a joke?Copy !req
57. - How's it a joke? Here's the number.
- How'd you get that?Copy !req
58. - She gave it to me.
- She gave it to you?Copy !req
59. What am I, a magician?
I know that you have a card on you?Copy !req
60. Why would she give us both her card?
It doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
61. Obviously she's bi-sexual.Copy !req
62. - Fucking hate that.
- What is that?Copy !req
63. What is that anyway?
I mean, pick a side already, right?Copy !req
64. - Absolutely.
- Can't you make up your mind?Copy !req
65. What is this?
They have to have sex with everyone?Copy !req
66. - They have to do everything?
- Half the population isn't enough for them?Copy !req
67. - They want everybody? They're so selfish?
- I can't believe it.Copy !req
68. She did not seem the type to me.Copy !req
69. - So what are we gonna do?
- I don't know.Copy !req
70. I guess you'll just have to back
away because most of these womenCopy !req
71. who say they're bi are really
gay and they just can't say it.Copy !req
72. - Back away? Me back away?
- Yeah, I think you should.Copy !req
73. Why would I back away?
This woman is crazy about me.Copy !req
74. - I don't believe you.
- You don't believe me?Copy !req
75. - Really?
- Because I felt it. My body felt it, okay?Copy !req
76. I came alive in areas that have
been dry like the Sahara desert.Copy !req
77. - You follow me, Larry?
- Look, in baseball the tie goes to the runner.Copy !req
78. In situations like this,
tie goes to the hetero.Copy !req
79. It was no tie, babe.
She hit my base firstCopy !req
80. cleanly before she even saw you.Copy !req
81. You're intent on going
through this?Copy !req
82. Of course I am.
I don't want you to get hurt, Larry.Copy !req
83. You've been through a lot, right?
A lot of other women here.Copy !req
84. Probably women who are more your speed.
More your level.Copy !req
85. Spare yourself the expense
and embarrassment.Copy !req
86. - Get out of this now.
- Okay, save myself?Copy !req
87. Yes, 'cause you're
gonna be annihilated.Copy !req
88. I'm gonna be annihilated by
you in the love department?Copy !req
89. - We'll just see what happens.
- Game on, Larry David.Copy !req
90. - You've got it, sister.
- All right.Copy !req
91. - Good luck to you.
- You're in over your head, Rosie.Copy !req
92. - You think so?
- I know so.Copy !req
93. She's a dyke.
Deal with it.Copy !req
94. Ho ho! Look who's in
the motherfucking house!Copy !req
95. Ha ha! Leon in
the motherfucking house!Copy !req
96. You drove the car?
Look what you did to the car.Copy !req
97. Let me tell you something. This
motherfucking car has got some heart, man.Copy !req
98. I was surprised.
I thought it was a bitch-ass car.Copy !req
99. This shit got some
fucking heart to it.Copy !req
100. - Why didn't you fly?
- I don't fly, baby.Copy !req
101. You got to have a photo I.D. For that,
you know what I'm saying? Fuck that.Copy !req
102. I don't know how you can give a car
back to somebody in this condition.Copy !req
103. This motherfucker
has some room to it too.Copy !req
104. I got eight motherfuckers
up in this car.Copy !req
105. - Yeah. What?
- I thought it held only four people.Copy !req
106. What did you do?
You picked up hitchhikers?Copy !req
107. See the baby seat back there?
Hell yeah.Copy !req
108. Come on, man.
Let me see your place, man.Copy !req
109. What are you doing here anyway?Copy !req
110. I had to get out of
that fucking house, man.Copy !req
111. - Roommate was driving me crazy and shit.
- The who?Copy !req
112. - The roommate all in my shit.
- Roommate?Copy !req
113. - Let me see the place, man.
- What roommate?Copy !req
114. The fucking roommate at
the house in California.Copy !req
115. What?Copy !req
116. So she gave... she gave
her phone numberCopy !req
117. - to me and Rosie O'Donnell.
- Oooh!Copy !req
118. Whoa, look at this, man!
Are you kidding me, Larry?Copy !req
119. - Renny Harlin's place.
- Oh shit.Copy !req
120. New York City, baby.
I'm here!Copy !req
121. You got to tell people
you're here sometimes, right?Copy !req
122. Anyway, so what do you
think about it?Copy !req
123. I'm in competition
with Rosie O'Donnell.Copy !req
124. - Wow, man.
- I'll tell you what.Copy !req
125. I'm feeling a little
insecure about it.Copy !req
126. Lesbians have kind of
an advantage in a way.Copy !req
127. They some tricky motherfuckers.Copy !req
128. Frankly, I don't know
what I'm doing down there.Copy !req
129. Ladies know that shit.
You're right.Copy !req
130. That's what I'm saying.
I can't compete with a lesbian like that.Copy !req
131. They know every nook and cranny.
You know, every nook and cranny.Copy !req
132. What would happen if we were bi-sexuals?
I couldn't be comfortable now.Copy !req
133. I wouldn't be comfortable right now.
I'd be all fucked up.Copy !req
134. I would have zero interest
in a person like you.Copy !req
135. You're goddamn right. Me too, Larry.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
136. - Oh, you wouldn't be interested in me?
- Fuck no, Larry.Copy !req
137. First of all, I would
fucking throw the fuck up.Copy !req
138. I would regurgitate my own shit.
I would regurgitate and shit.Copy !req
139. You think I'd go out with a guy
wearing a green wife-beater?Copy !req
140. - Look at you.
- First of all, look at this shit right here.Copy !req
141. - This shit on your head.
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
142. - What the hell is that?
- Oh, I gets mine, Larry.Copy !req
143. I fucking gets mine.
You know I gets mine.Copy !req
144. Okay.Copy !req
145. Where's my room at?
Where the fuck's my room at, Larry?Copy !req
146. Ha ha!
I'm in the house!Copy !req
147. I'm here to pick up
some food to go. David.Copy !req
148. - Okay, one second.
- Okay.Copy !req
149. Larry?Copy !req
150. - Larry, hi.
- Duckstein.Copy !req
151. - We're both in New York.
- Yeah, we're both in New York.Copy !req
152. Look at this, two Angelinos
here in New York.Copy !req
153. - That's something, isn't it?
- What are you here for?Copy !req
154. You know, I just came.Copy !req
155. Hey, here's a thought.
Let's go to lunch.Copy !req
156. - Tomorrow?
- Mmm.Copy !req
157. - Mmm, I don't think so.
- Okay, Thursday.Copy !req
158. No, I-I...
I don't think so.Copy !req
159. Why not?Copy !req
160. Well, we really don't
see each other in L.A.Copy !req
161. So why... if we're in
one city all the timeCopy !req
162. and we never have lunch
in that city,Copy !req
163. why would we have lunch
in the new city?Copy !req
164. I see what this is.
I see what this is.Copy !req
165. You're still holding a grudgeCopy !req
166. because we didn't invite you
to Joanie's bat mitzvah.Copy !req
167. - You'll never forgive me for that.
- No no.Copy !req
168. I'm telling you, we sent it out.
You were on the list.Copy !req
169. - I did get the invitation.
- Yeah?Copy !req
170. Yes, and I paid
so little attention to itCopy !req
171. that I didn't even bother
to R.S.V.P.Copy !req
172. Because I shouldn't have been
invited in the first place.Copy !req
173. I was offended
that I was invited.Copy !req
174. - Let me get this straight...
- There's nothing to get straight.Copy !req
175. I'm gonna eat alone tomorrow.Copy !req
176. Why do you want to eat with me?Copy !req
177. Because we never get
a chance to eat in L.A.Copy !req
178. Because we're not friends.Copy !req
179. We're not friends because
we never spend time together.Copy !req
180. We don't spend time together because
I don't want to spend time together.Copy !req
181. Is it possible that you have
a little room for growth?Copy !req
182. No. Duckstein,Copy !req
183. I think we've taken us
about as far as we can.Copy !req
184. There will be no lunch,
no breakfast or dinner.Copy !req
185. There won't be a snack.
There won't be coffee.Copy !req
186. There won't be a drink.Copy !req
187. And hopefully there won't
even be another bump into.Copy !req
188. I feel badly for youCopy !req
189. because life is like this...Copy !req
190. Yes.Copy !req
191. And what you've done
is made it like this.Copy !req
192. I want to make that smaller.Copy !req
193. - Really?
- Yes. Shrink it.Copy !req
194. Shrink it.
Put the hands together.Copy !req
195. That's what I want.
See ya, Duckstein.Copy !req
196. Bye, Larry.Copy !req
197. - Hello.
- I'm here.Copy !req
198. Awesome.
Thank you for coming over.Copy !req
199. I know we wanted to go out but
my cat will not stop throwing up.Copy !req
200. - It makes me nervous.
- Maybe the cat knew I was coming.Copy !req
201. Oh. Maybe that's why I was
throwing up a minute ago.Copy !req
202. - See, I have that effect.
- I get it, yes.Copy !req
203. - She's got, like, empathetic nausea...
- Exactly.Copy !req
204. - at the potential of your arrival.
- Exactly, yes. Yes.Copy !req
205. Yeah, ever since I met you
I can't stop puking.Copy !req
206. I don't know what it is.Copy !req
207. You're not the first person
who's told me that.Copy !req
208. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
209. You just have that
effect on people?Copy !req
210. I do.
Particularly women.Copy !req
211. - That's hot.
- It's a wonderful quality.Copy !req
212. - So what are we eating?
- Japanese.Copy !req
213. So... ooh, God.Copy !req
214. Um, that's not gonna work.Copy !req
215. - Are you serious?
- Oh, jeez.Copy !req
216. Oh, look at this.
They didn't secure the soup.Copy !req
217. Why didn't they put it
in one of those bags?Copy !req
218. - Oh, Jesus.
- Oh my God.Copy !req
219. The whole thing is ruined.
You know, you're in the take-out business,Copy !req
220. you got two things to do:Copy !req
221. Get the order right,
secure the food.Copy !req
222. Usually they're good.
I don't know.Copy !req
223. You know what?
I'm going back thereCopy !req
224. and I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.Copy !req
225. - Oh, get to the bottom of it?
- I'm definitely gonna tell them what happened.Copy !req
226. It's fine, 'cause actually
I had sushi last night, so...Copy !req
227. - You had sushi last night?
- Yeah.Copy !req
228. - I didn't even ask you what I was getting.
- Oh, it's fine.Copy !req
229. No, I love sushi.Copy !req
230. I'm just saying it's not a huge
deal that I don't have it again.Copy !req
231. - So where'd you go last night?
- I had sushi at Yankee Stadium,Copy !req
232. which you would not think is good sushi,
but it was actually really good sushi.Copy !req
233. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
234. - Sushi at Yankee Stadium?
- I know.Copy !req
235. I went with, um,
this friend of mine.Copy !req
236. She's very connectedCopy !req
237. and we had a box to ourselves.Copy !req
238. And they brought in catering
and we had sushi.Copy !req
239. - It was unbelievable.
- So who is this person?Copy !req
240. Just this... you know, it's funny.
You might know her.Copy !req
241. Um, I mean it's Rosie O'Donnell.Copy !req
242. I'm sure you've probably
crossed paths with her.Copy !req
243. - No.
- Do you want some wine?Copy !req
244. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
245. - Red or white?
- I don't care.Copy !req
246. So, um...Copy !req
247. What did...Copy !req
248. What did Rosie think
of your apartment?Copy !req
249. She didn't see my apartment.Copy !req
250. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
251. - She wasn't here?
- No.Copy !req
252. Oh.
Poor thing.Copy !req
253. Oh!Copy !req
254. You know, I've got to tell
you it was traumaticCopy !req
255. to open that bag
and see what was going on.Copy !req
256. It was very distressing.Copy !req
257. - You know, I was on a date...
- Yes.Copy !req
258. - With a bi-sexual.
- No.Copy !req
259. And I'm competing for her
affection against a lesbian.Copy !req
260. - You think that's easy?
- Sure sure. I have a...Copy !req
261. Did I mention that I had
a soup and sandwich for dinner?Copy !req
262. You didn't mention.
You talk a lotCopy !req
263. but no sandwich mentioned.Copy !req
264. You've got to secure these bags.Copy !req
265. Secure the bagsCopy !req
266. with tape, staples,
however you've got to do it.Copy !req
267. Right, I understand.Copy !req
268. So I get you another orderCopy !req
269. then you can take home
and everything be okay?Copy !req
270. You know what?
I really appreciate that,Copy !req
271. but that's really not quite
what I had in mind.Copy !req
272. - Oh.
- Basically, man to man,Copy !req
273. I think an apology
would be nice.Copy !req
274. Okay, so I say sorry,Copy !req
275. you believe, you feel something,Copy !req
276. then you move on? You go away?
Everything okay, yeah?Copy !req
277. Yeah, if I like the sorry,
everything will be hunky-dory.Copy !req
278. Okay.Copy !req
279. I am sorry.Copy !req
280. Oh, the bow.
Oh my gosh.Copy !req
281. Oh.Copy !req
282. I can't quibble with the bow.Copy !req
283. I love that bow. Come on, how many
times do you get a bow in your life?Copy !req
284. - Right, yes.
- Fantastic.Copy !req
285. - Bow is very important.
- Fantastic.Copy !req
286. We could learn a lot
of things from Japan.Copy !req
287. You think about on the way home.
I think, yeah.Copy !req
288. But next time,
if I come back againCopy !req
289. to get some take-out,Copy !req
290. are you gonna beef up
the security in the bag?Copy !req
291. Absolutely, sir.
The tape, staples...Copy !req
292. Everything gonna be
secured for you, okay?Copy !req
293. When you're hungry you've got
that take-out order...Copy !req
294. Listen, listen.
You said a deal, right?Copy !req
295. You said I say sorry, you believe,
you move, you go away, okay?Copy !req
296. You long explanation how special bow is.
Okay, we got it.Copy !req
297. Next time we see you come in
we make sure bag secure.Copy !req
298. - Very special for you, okay?
- Okay. Are we good?Copy !req
299. - Can I... do I bow back?
- Yeah yeah. Do.Copy !req
300. Then you got that to follow.Copy !req
301. - You follow?
- Yes.Copy !req
302. - Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
303. Larry David.
Look at this.Copy !req
304. Hey, Rosie.
Look who's here.Copy !req
305. So, Larry, how was your night?Copy !req
306. - Couldn't have gone better.
- No kidding?Copy !req
307. - Yes.
- Same feeling I had. You know that?Copy !req
308. And you saw her when?
Monday?Copy !req
309. - Yes, Monday.
- Monday? Who goes out on Monday?Copy !req
310. Someone who's really
desperate to have a date,Copy !req
311. I suppose, calls somebody
for a Monday night.Copy !req
312. I won't tell her
that you said that.Copy !req
313. But listen, the thing...
Did you throw your arm out?Copy !req
314. Well, you know what?Copy !req
315. All night long I was like
in this position.Copy !req
316. And then up from this side.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
317. - A lot of that.
- A lot of guys think that's a good move.Copy !req
318. It's funny.
Usually women laugh at it.Copy !req
319. - I don't think she was laughing.
- Really?Copy !req
320. She was too busy moaning
to laugh.Copy !req
321. - Yeah, a lot of that.
- I had the same thing in my neck.Copy !req
322. What did you say?Copy !req
323. Couldn't move my neck
from Tuesday morning.Copy !req
324. It's all right.
Listen, the thing is,Copy !req
325. she just texted me.
We're going to the TonysCopy !req
326. together, okay?Copy !req
327. - The Tonys?
- As my dateCopy !req
328. to the Tony awards.Copy !req
329. Jane.Copy !req
330. Me Tarzan, not you.Copy !req
331. The Tonys.Copy !req
332. You could ask any stranger
on the street,Copy !req
333. they'll go to the Tonys.
That's no great accomplishment.Copy !req
334. She knows all the words
to "Cats," okay?Copy !req
335. Even the British version.Copy !req
336. She enjoyed "Chess" the musical.Copy !req
337. Saw it three times.
She saw "Carrie."Copy !req
338. It was only open two nights.
She likes Broadway, Larry.Copy !req
339. She likes Broadway!Copy !req
340. She's going to the Tonys?
What the hell am I gonna do?Copy !req
341. You can't compete
against the Tonys.Copy !req
342. I'm dead.Copy !req
343. Good play, Larry.Copy !req
344. All right, Larry.
Two away. Two away.Copy !req
345. Ha ha.Copy !req
346. Come on, little Larry.Copy !req
347. Here we go.
How's your arm?Copy !req
348. - Good enough for you.
- Come on, throw it to mommy.Copy !req
349. Let's go, Larry.Copy !req
350. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
351. - Go go go!
- Ha ha, Larry!Copy !req
352. I don't even have to run, Larry.Copy !req
353. - I can walk.
- Go go go!Copy !req
354. - Oh, did you get lucky.
- She's going for third, Larry!Copy !req
355. Where's he throwing the ball?Copy !req
356. She's going home, Larry!Copy !req
357. Oooh!Copy !req
358. Whoo!Copy !req
359. I don't feel like
going on this date.Copy !req
360. I swear to God, I'd like
to cancel right now.Copy !req
361. Let me tell you something, man.
I would not be a fucking friendCopy !req
362. sitting around this
plush motherfuckerCopy !req
363. and allow you to go out
there and allow a lesbianCopy !req
364. to beat you
at a fucking game, okay?Copy !req
365. Come on, it's over.
She's taking her to the Tonys.Copy !req
366. And let's face it,
she's got the lesbian advantage.Copy !req
367. We are fucking men, Larry.Copy !req
368. What do we have, man?
What the fuck do we haveCopy !req
369. that she doesn't have?Copy !req
370. You know, I've got the penis.Copy !req
371. You're damn right.
Rosie O'Donnell does not have...Copy !req
372. - has no penis. Has no penis.
- Doesn't have a penis.Copy !req
373. Women do not have penises.
Men have penises.Copy !req
374. You are absolutely right.
Don't be a fucking victim.Copy !req
375. Okay?
You at bat.Copy !req
376. What's below your fucking bat?Copy !req
377. What dangles below your bat?Copy !req
378. - Huh?
- Balls.Copy !req
379. - We got bats and balls, right?
- Right.Copy !req
380. - Okay, what do ladies have?
- Gloves.Copy !req
381. What do gloves do?
Catch the goddamn balls.Copy !req
382. That's what ladies on this
planet do is catch balls.Copy !req
383. Bats and balls
run the fucking world.Copy !req
384. The woman is on this earth
to catch balls.Copy !req
385. Interesting theory.Copy !req
386. - See what I'm saying?
- Too bad I don't have a daughter.Copy !req
387. I would like to impart
that knowledge to her.Copy !req
388. Gloves don't catch gloves.
We have the advantage.Copy !req
389. Okay? You've got to
realize that though.Copy !req
390. Yeah yeah, I know.
I know.Copy !req
391. But we're talking about
the Tonys here, okay?Copy !req
392. This penis that I have cannot
compete with the Tonys.Copy !req
393. - Tonys are a grand slam.
- Fuck the Tonys.Copy !req
394. Fucking Tony.
Who the fuck is Tony?Copy !req
395. Want a grand slam?Copy !req
396. Hmm.Copy !req
397. Juice?Copy !req
398. You want me to juice?Copy !req
399. I want you to win.Copy !req
400. That was amazing.Copy !req
401. The penis is an extraordinary
instrument, Jane.Copy !req
402. Sometimes it surprises even me.Copy !req
403. And it's not just
a one-time thing.Copy !req
404. That's what you get on
a consistent basis with me.Copy !req
405. - Really?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
406. - I can't even move.
- Well, speaking of that.Copy !req
407. Shall we do this again
on Friday?Copy !req
408. I don't want to wait that long.Copy !req
409. - How about Thursday?
- Thursday?Copy !req
410. - I thought you had plans on Thursday.
- I'll cancel them.Copy !req
411. - You'll cancel them?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
412. Wow.
Too bad for that person.Copy !req
413. All right, Janie.Copy !req
414. It's been swell.
Hope you had fun.Copy !req
415. Ah.Copy !req
416. Oh!Copy !req
417. Excuse me.
Do you speak english?Copy !req
418. Yes, I am fluent.
Yes.Copy !req
419. Oh, I noticed that when
you apologized to this manCopy !req
420. you gave him a rather deep bow.Copy !req
421. Almost 90°.Copy !req
422. Yes, I spilled ice cream.Copy !req
423. So I very sorry.
So I apologize to him, yes.Copy !req
424. Now the other night a Japanese
fellow apologized to me.Copy !req
425. - Yes?
- But he only went down a few degrees.Copy !req
426. - Kind of like that.
- Like that?Copy !req
427. - Yeah.
- Oh oh.Copy !req
428. That is not apology to you.Copy !req
429. No, he was not sorry at all.Copy !req
430. - He wasn't sorry?
- No no.Copy !req
431. He a little dismissive of you.Copy !req
432. - Dismissive?
- Yes. Yes.Copy !req
433. - I got a dismissive bow?
- Yes.Copy !req
434. A little bit...
Shit bow.Copy !req
435. - Shit bow?
- Shit bow.Copy !req
436. - Shit bow.
- Shit bow.Copy !req
437. - A shit bow I got.
- Yes.Copy !req
438. - I got a shit bow.
- No bow would be better than that bow.Copy !req
439. - No bow better?
- Yes.Copy !req
440. Little insulting to you.Copy !req
441. Do you hear...
Not a bow like that.Copy !req
442. - Not sorry at all. Little bitty bow.
- No.Copy !req
443. I'm sorry to tell you,
but that was not apology.Copy !req
444. Thank you very much.
This has been very helpful to me.Copy !req
445. - You're very welcome.
- Can you bow for a thank you?Copy !req
446. - You can bow for thank you.
- You can bow for thank you?Copy !req
447. - Sure, yes.
- That's a thank you bow.Copy !req
448. Thank you, yes.
Very good.Copy !req
449. - Good day to you.
- Thank you very much. Good luck.Copy !req
450. How you doing, Lar?Copy !req
451. - Doing good.
- Yeah?Copy !req
452. I guess you heard.Copy !req
453. - Heard what?
- Jane cancelled our date to the Tonys.Copy !req
454. - Really?
- Really.Copy !req
455. I didn't know.Copy !req
456. It's funny 'cause, you know, something
doesn't figure out of the whole thing.Copy !req
457. I've known like four decades
of women that you've dated.Copy !req
458. None of them ever ever talks
about your performance.Copy !req
459. You're a singles hitter
your whole life,Copy !req
460. now all of a sudden
you're Mr. Power Hitter?Copy !req
461. You're Mr. Grand Slam?
Mr. Get Anybody, even Jane, huh?Copy !req
462. You doing something, Lar?
What do you do?Copy !req
463. - Can you explain this to me?
- Well, I'm...Copy !req
464. I'm on a new regiment.
I'm working out.Copy !req
465. I've changed my diet.
Makes a big difference.Copy !req
466. - You're working out?
- Yeah.Copy !req
467. - That's it?
- That's it.Copy !req
468. What, are you juicing, Larry?Copy !req
469. Are you juicing now?Copy !req
470. I have never taken performance
enhancing drugs ever.Copy !req
471. Period.Copy !req
472. No no no no no no no.Copy !req
473. Got it.
But it doesn't make sense, Larry.Copy !req
474. I've known you
too long, all right?Copy !req
475. Something just does not add up.Copy !req
476. Outfield in.
Play to first.Copy !req
477. All right, let's go, Larry.Copy !req
478. Easy out.Copy !req
479. - Yeah!
- Well, get it in!Copy !req
480. How are you doing?Copy !req
481. - Did you hear about Duckstein?
- No.Copy !req
482. Some lady walking her dog
found him on the ground choking.Copy !req
483. - What? Is he okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
484. He's in the hospital,
but they say he's gonna be fine.Copy !req
485. You know how to do the Heimlich.
You could have, you know.Copy !req
486. Yeah, I know how to do
the Heimlich.Copy !req
487. You do. If you only
went to lunch with him.Copy !req
488. Yeah, you're right.
I could have helped him.Copy !req
489. I feel terrible.Copy !req
490. So how's things with Jane?Copy !req
491. Oh, it's fantastic.
She loves baseball.Copy !req
492. - I love that.
- She's taking me to Cooperstown on Sunday.Copy !req
493. She blew off
the Tonys with Rosie.Copy !req
494. - This woman blew off the Tonys...
- Blew off the TonysCopy !req
495. - to take you to Cooperstown?
- to take me to Cooperstown.Copy !req
496. It's not like being with a guy.
It's like being with a great guyCopy !req
497. who happens to have a vagina and knows the
statistics of what Roy White hit in 1971.Copy !req
498. - Exactly.
- Unbelievable.Copy !req
499. And I beat Rosie.Copy !req
500. Hi. Here to pick up
an order for Larry David.Copy !req
501. Oh, it's right over there.
Should be ready in a second.Copy !req
502. Hello.Copy !req
503. I got the stapler, tape.Copy !req
504. Your soup is...
Look at this.Copy !req
505. - Wow.
- You could run marathon and no spill it.Copy !req
506. - Can I turn it upside down?
- Yeah, sure.Copy !req
507. - That's the test.
- Yeah, sure. Turn down.Copy !req
508. Wow.Copy !req
509. - Good.
- That's how you run a restaurant.Copy !req
510. You secure the take-out order.Copy !req
511. You know, there is
one more little issueCopy !req
512. I just wanted to mention.
I was in the parkCopy !req
513. and there was a Japanese fellowCopy !req
514. and I saw him bowing,Copy !req
515. but he bowed to 90°.Copy !req
516. Your bow was only like 15°.Copy !req
517. I asked him about it and he saidCopy !req
518. that what you did
is actually dismissive.Copy !req
519. So I just thought I would
let you know about it.Copy !req
520. Sure yeah, thank you.Copy !req
521. Listen, a bow is a bow, right?Copy !req
522. No, he said a bow is not a bow.Copy !req
523. - Yeah, a bow is a bow.
- No, this is not a bow.Copy !req
524. You were short
of the authentic bow.Copy !req
525. I had authentic bow.
Bow is a bow.Copy !req
526. He is not authentic.
He doesn't know.Copy !req
527. Is it possible you
don't know the bow rules?Copy !req
528. Bow rules?
I understand the bow rules.Copy !req
529. - You know your bow rules?
- I was raised by bow rules.Copy !req
530. - Did they mention a degree?
- No, they didn't mention degreeCopy !req
531. because a bow is a bow.Copy !req
532. Do you know what the Japanese guy in
the park actually said about your bow?Copy !req
533. No, what did he say?Copy !req
534. - He said...
- Yeah. Uh-huh.Copy !req
535. It's a shit bow.Copy !req
536. He said shit bow?Copy !req
537. Yes, those were his words.
Shit bow.Copy !req
538. My bow is a shit bow?Copy !req
539. I'm not saying that.
Let's find out.Copy !req
540. I'll go on the Internet,
we'll do a little research,Copy !req
541. then I'll come back
and we'll see ifCopy !req
542. your bow is right.Copy !req
543. - Okay, sure. I do that for you.
- All right?Copy !req
544. - We'll do contest.
- All right, we'll look it up.Copy !req
545. Also, future reference,
just to noteCopy !req
546. there's other good
restaurants around too.Copy !req
547. You should try sometime.
There's good places here.Copy !req
548. - I really enjoy this food.
- Yeah, you do.Copy !req
549. - Yes.
- For you, here we go.Copy !req
550. That looked good.Copy !req
551. - Okay.
- That looked good.Copy !req
552. - Okay okay.
- I'm still gonna research.Copy !req
553. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, research.Copy !req
554. - Okay?
- Yeah, Wikipedia.Copy !req
555. You're goddamn right.
I'm living large.Copy !req
556. I just had a croissant filled
with motherfucking champagne.Copy !req
557. Hey, I've got to talk to you.Copy !req
558. Hold the fuck on, bitch.
Hold the fuck up. God damn.Copy !req
559. - What's up, Larry?
- Got a date with Jane.Copy !req
560. - Oooh.
- I need a...Copy !req
561. Supplement.Copy !req
562. - A what?
- You know, a supplement.Copy !req
563. A supplement?
What the fuck is that?Copy !req
564. You know, one of the pills.
I need a pill.Copy !req
565. Oh, I'm out of pills, man.
I don't have no pills.Copy !req
566. - That's it.
- Since when?Copy !req
567. I'm out. You're popping these
motherfuckers like candy.Copy !req
568. - Why didn't you tell me?
- I got to tell you when I'm out of pills?Copy !req
569. - You know I'm depending on it.
- You got to go solo, man.Copy !req
570. - What? Solo?
- Go fucking solo.Copy !req
571. She'll notice the drop off.
How am I gonna do that?Copy !req
572. Yeah, that's fucked up.
You can't go into a fuck fightCopy !req
573. with no goddamn weapon.
That ain't cool.Copy !req
574. Fucking walking in with a goddamn jump
rope hanging from your fucking pants.Copy !req
575. Get off the phone.
Who are you talking to?Copy !req
576. - I'll call you back.
- Come on, I've got to pick her up in two hours.Copy !req
577. Can you think of anything?
I need some help.Copy !req
578. Oh, I've got an idea.Copy !req
579. Here's what I want
you to do, okay?Copy !req
580. Go around to Washington
Square Park, all right?Copy !req
581. Got any...
Got any of that stuff?Copy !req
582. The money.Copy !req
583. Come on.Copy !req
584. - That's it? Two?
- Yeah.Copy !req
585. - I thought there were three.
- That's it. Now beat it.Copy !req
586. - Get out of here.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
587. Yeah.Copy !req
588. - All right, I've got one.
- Okay.Copy !req
589. Who holds the record for
most postseason home runs?Copy !req
590. Most post season homeruns?
Come on, Jane.Copy !req
591. What are you doing?
Give me a test.Copy !req
592. - Come on.
- Bernie Williams.Copy !req
593. Wrong. Manny.Copy !req
594. - Manny?
- Manny Manny man... whoa!Copy !req
595. Jeez, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
596. - I took your shoe right off.
- No, it's fine.Copy !req
597. - Are you really sorry? Really?
- Yes. Yes.Copy !req
598. - Okay, then give me a bow.
- I don't know if I'm bow sorry.Copy !req
599. No, I need bow sorry
or I'm not forgiving you.Copy !req
600. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
601. - You want the bow?
- I do.Copy !req
602. - Jane.
- Larry.Copy !req
603. - You've got it.
- Yay.Copy !req
604. Whoa, you dropped something.Copy !req
605. What is this?Copy !req
606. Are you juicing?Copy !req
607. No no.Copy !req
608. Look, it's not for performance.Copy !req
609. - It's just for recovery.
- Bullshit, Larry.Copy !req
610. No, seriously.
Are you kidding?Copy !req
611. I can put up those
numbers anytime.Copy !req
612. You think anybody else
could do what I doCopy !req
613. just by taking one of those pills?
I have skills.Copy !req
614. Hey, what are you doing?
Where's my ticket?Copy !req
615. - What about the Hall of Fame?
- You're not getting in.Copy !req
616. Everybody's doing it!
I was just leveling the playing field!Copy !req
617. I'm sorry!Copy !req
618. So sorry!Copy !req
619. Anyway,
I heard about what happened.Copy !req
620. I really felt terrible
and thought I should...Copy !req
621. Forget it. You know why?
Because the important thing isCopy !req
622. whatever brought you here is now
the beginning of a friendship.Copy !req
623. I approached you, I asked
you, you let it sink in...Copy !req
624. - Mr. Duckstein. Lunch.
- And here we are. Oh, lunch time.Copy !req
625. Lunch time.
You know something? 1:00.Copy !req
626. What do we have today?
Salisbury steak.Copy !req
627. - Would you like to stay for lunch?
- No no.Copy !req
628. This could be our first meal together.
Get my friend some lunch.Copy !req
629. My new friend some lunch.
You know something?Copy !req
630. This is so ironic.
We're having lunch after all.Copy !req
631. Talk about destiny.
I feel it, I know you feel it.Copy !req
632. This is gonna be the firstCopy !req
633. of God knows how many lunches.
Because this is the beginning.Copy !req