1. I can't believe I'm
getting this number.Copy !req
2. It didn't even
take me that long.Copy !req
3. - We're easy in New York
- Jesus. This is unbelievable.Copy !req
4. - We'll go out to dinner.
- Cool.Copy !req
5. - I'd like to eat.
- And you know what?Copy !req
6. You don't have to worry
about choking becauseCopy !req
7. - I'm great at the heimlich.
- Oh, well, God, I meanCopy !req
8. if I wasn't gonna give you my
number before, that just did.Copy !req
9. - That's an aggressive skill. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
10. Are you leaving right now?
Because I don't think we shouldCopy !req
11. run into each other again.Copy !req
12. - Yeah, that would be so awkward.
- That would be awkward.Copy !req
13. - So, I'm not leaving just yet,
- So, I'm gonna...Copy !req
14. It'd be great if you could
get out of here.Copy !req
15. - We have to save something for dinner...
- There you go.Copy !req
16. Because if we have
too good a time here—Copy !req
17. - I suggest get out.
- I kind of like that, actually.Copy !req
18. - Bye.
- I'm gonna call you.Copy !req
19. Hey hey, look who it is.Copy !req
20. - Hey! Rosie!
- Larry David.Copy !req
21. - Good to see you.
- Good to see you.Copy !req
22. - You look fantastic.
- You know what? So do you.Copy !req
23. - You like the art?
- To tell you the truth...Copy !req
24. - What?
- ... Forget about the art.Copy !req
25. What?Copy !req
26. I met the most
fantastic woman tonight.Copy !req
27. I— I'm—
I can't even believe it.Copy !req
28. - Are you kidding me?
- Swear to God.Copy !req
29. - So did I.
- You're kidding.Copy !req
30. I felt it right away.
You know how you can feel it?Copy !req
31. Yes. I mean, who knows what's gonna happen?
But it's a great start.Copy !req
32. Oh no, I think something's gonna happen.
You know how lesbians are.Copy !req
33. You know what a lesbian brings
on a second date? A u-haul.Copy !req
34. That's right, a u-haul.
They move in together.Copy !req
35. - They move right in.
- I looked at her and I thought hyphen name.Copy !req
36. Kids are gonna get to know her.
It's all gonna work.Copy !req
37. - That's lovely.
- I'm happy for you I really am.Copy !req
38. I'm completely smitten.
She smiled.Copy !req
39. - At you?
- At me. Smiling at an old bald man.Copy !req
40. - Mine is so vivacious.
- Mine's vivacious too.Copy !req
41. And built.Copy !req
42. A body I would like
to get my hands on.Copy !req
43. - Ooh!
- Exactly.Copy !req
44. - I know what you mean. You know what?
- What?Copy !req
45. - She's Jewish.
- No kidding.Copy !req
46. - Yeah.
- Can I tell you something?Copy !req
47. - What?
- Mine too.Copy !req
48. - Really?
- Yes.Copy !req
49. - Unbelievable.
- Cheers.Copy !req
50. - L'Chaim.
- L'Chaim.Copy !req
51. - It's too good to be true.
- Yours is Jewish?Copy !req
52. Yeah, I knew from her name.
O'Donnell, Irish, duh.Copy !req
53. Yeah, right.
Yeah, Cohn, Jewish.Copy !req
54. - Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
55. - What did you say? Cohn?
- Mmm.Copy !req
56. Jane Cohn?Copy !req
57. Holy shit.Copy !req
58. Are you kidding me?
Is this a joke?Copy !req
59. - How's it a joke? Here's the number.
- How'd you get that?Copy !req
60. - She gave it to me.
- She gave it to you?Copy !req
61. What am I, a magician?
I know that you have a card on you?Copy !req
62. Why would she give us both her card?
It doesn't make any sense.Copy !req
63. Obviously she's bi-sexual.Copy !req
64. - Fucking hate that.
- What is that?Copy !req
65. What is that anyway?
I mean, pick a side already, right?Copy !req
66. - Absolutely.
- Can't you make up your mind?Copy !req
67. What is this?
They have to have sex with everyone?Copy !req
68. - They have to do everything?
- Half the population isn't enough for them?Copy !req
69. - They want everybody? They're so selfish?
- I can't believe it.Copy !req
70. She did not seem
the type to me.Copy !req
71. - So what are we gonna do?
- I don't know.Copy !req
72. I guess you'll just have to back
away because most of these womenCopy !req
73. who say they're bi are really
gay and they just can't say it.Copy !req
74. - Back away? Me back away?
- Yeah, I think you should.Copy !req
75. Why would I back away?
This woman is crazy about me.Copy !req
76. - I don't believe you.
- You don't believe me?Copy !req
77. - Really?
- Because I felt it. My body felt it, okay?Copy !req
78. I came alive in areas that have
been dry like the Sahara desert.Copy !req
79. - You follow me, Larry?
- Look, in baseball the tie goes to the runner.Copy !req
80. In situations like this,
tie goes to the hetero.Copy !req
81. It was no tie, babe.
She hit my base firstCopy !req
82. cleanly before
she even saw you.Copy !req
83. You're intent on going
through this?Copy !req
84. Of course I am.
I don't want you to get hurt, Larry.Copy !req
85. You've been through a lot, right?
A lot of other women here.Copy !req
86. Probably women who are more your speed.
More your level.Copy !req
87. Spare yourself the expense
and embarrassment.Copy !req
88. - Get out of this now.
- Okay, save myself?Copy !req
89. Yes, 'cause you're
gonna be annihilated.Copy !req
90. I'm gonna be annihilated by
you in the love department?Copy !req
91. - We'll just see what happens.
- Game on, Larry David.Copy !req
92. - You've got it, sister.
- All right.Copy !req
93. - Good luck to you.
- You're in over your head, Rosie.Copy !req
94. - You think so?
- I know so.Copy !req
95. She's a dyke.
Deal with it.Copy !req
96. Ho ho! Look who's in
the motherfucking house!Copy !req
97. Ha ha! Leon in
the motherfucking house!Copy !req
98. You drove the car?
Look what you did to the car.Copy !req
99. Let me tell you something.
This motherfucking car has got some heart, man.Copy !req
100. I was surprised.
I thought it was a bitch-ass car.Copy !req
101. This shit got some
fucking heart to it.Copy !req
102. - Why didn't you fly?
- I don't fly, baby.Copy !req
103. You got to have a photo I.D.
for that, you know what I'm saying? Fuck that.Copy !req
104. I don't know how you can give a car
back to somebody in this condition.Copy !req
105. This motherfucker
has some room to it too.Copy !req
106. I got eight motherfuckers
up in this car.Copy !req
107. - Yeah. What?
- I thought it held only four people.Copy !req
108. What did you do?
You picked up hitchhikers?Copy !req
109. See the baby seat back there?
Hell yeah.Copy !req
110. Come on, man.
Let me see your place, man.Copy !req
111. What are you doing here anyway?Copy !req
112. I had to get out of
that fucking house, man.Copy !req
113. - Roommate was driving me crazy and shit.
- The who?Copy !req
114. - The roommate all in my shit.
- Roommate?Copy !req
115. - Let me see the place, man.
- What roommate?Copy !req
116. - The fucking roommate at the
house in California. - What?Copy !req
117. So she gave— She gave
her phone numberCopy !req
118. - to me and Rosie O'Donnell.
- Oooh!Copy !req
119. Whoa, look at this, man!
Are you kidding me, Larry?Copy !req
120. - Renny Harlin's place.
- Oh shit.Copy !req
121. New York City, baby.
I'm here!Copy !req
122. You got to tell people
you're here sometimes, right?Copy !req
123. Anyway, so what do you
think about it?Copy !req
124. I'm in competition
with Rosie O'Donnell.Copy !req
125. - Wow, man.
- I'll tell you what.Copy !req
126. I'm feeling a little
insecure about it.Copy !req
127. Lesbians have kind of
an advantage in a way.Copy !req
128. They some tricky motherfuckers.Copy !req
129. Frankly, I don't know
what I'm doing down there.Copy !req
130. Ladies know that shit.
You're right.Copy !req
131. That's what I'm saying.
I can't compete with a lesbian like that.Copy !req
132. They know every nook and cranny.
You know, every nook and cranny.Copy !req
133. What would happen if we were bi-sexuals?
I couldn't be comfortable now.Copy !req
134. I wouldn't be comfortable right now.
I'd be all fucked up.Copy !req
135. I would have zero interest
in a person like you.Copy !req
136. You're goddamn right. Me too, Larry.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
137. - Oh, you wouldn't be interested in me?
- Fuck no, Larry.Copy !req
138. First of all, I would
fucking throw the fuck up.Copy !req
139. I would regurgitate my own shit.
I would regurgitate and shit.Copy !req
140. You think I'd go out with a guy
wearing a green wife-beater?Copy !req
141. - Look at you.
- First of all, look at this shit right here.Copy !req
142. - This shit on your head.
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
143. - What the hell is that?
- Oh, I gets mine, Larry.Copy !req
144. I fucking gets mine.
You know I gets mine too.Copy !req
145. Okay.Copy !req
146. Where's my room at?
Where the fuck's my room at, Larry?Copy !req
147. Ha ha!
I'm in the house!Copy !req
148. I'm here to pick up
some food to go. David.Copy !req
149. - Okay, one second.
- Okay.Copy !req
150. Larry?Copy !req
151. - Larry, hi.
- Duckstein.Copy !req
152. - We're both in New York.
- Yeah, we're both in New York.Copy !req
153. Look at this, two Angelinos
here in New York.Copy !req
154. - That's something, isn't it?
- What are you here for?Copy !req
155. You know, I just came.Copy !req
156. Hey, here's a thought.
Let's go to lunch.Copy !req
157. - Tomorrow?
- Mmm.Copy !req
158. - Mmm, I don't think so.
- Okay, Thursday.Copy !req
159. No, I-I—
I don't think so.Copy !req
160. - Why not?
- Well, we really don't see each other in L.A.Copy !req
161. So why— If we're in
one city all the timeCopy !req
162. and we never have lunch
in that city,Copy !req
163. why would we have lunch
in the new city?Copy !req
164. I see what this is.
I see what this is.Copy !req
165. You're still holding a grudgeCopy !req
166. because we didn't invite you
to Joanie's Bat Mitzvah.Copy !req
167. - You'll never forgive me for that.
- No no.Copy !req
168. I'm telling you, we sent it out.
You were on the list.Copy !req
169. - I did get the invitation.
- Yeah?Copy !req
170. Yes, and I paid
so little attention to itCopy !req
171. that I didn't even bother
to RSVP.Copy !req
172. Because I shouldn't have been
invited in the first place.Copy !req
173. I was offended
that I was invited.Copy !req
174. - Let me get this straight—
- There's nothing to get straight.Copy !req
175. I'm gonna eat alone tomorrow.Copy !req
176. Why do you want to eat with me?Copy !req
177. Because we never get
a chance to eat in L.A.Copy !req
178. Because we're not friends.Copy !req
179. We're not friends because
we never spend time together.Copy !req
180. We don't spend time together because
I don't want to spend time together.Copy !req
181. Is it possible that you have
a little room for growth?Copy !req
182. No. Duckstein,Copy !req
183. I think we've taken us
about as far as we can.Copy !req
184. There will be no lunch,
no breakfast or dinner.Copy !req
185. There won't be a snack.
There won't be coffee.Copy !req
186. There won't be a drink.Copy !req
187. And hopefully there won't
even be another bump into.Copy !req
188. I feel badly for youCopy !req
189. because life is like this...Copy !req
190. - Yes.
- ... And what you've done is made it like this.Copy !req
191. I want to make that smaller.Copy !req
192. - Really?
- Yes. Shrink it.Copy !req
193. Shrink it.
Put the hands together.Copy !req
194. That's what I want.
See ya, Duckstein.Copy !req
195. Bye, Larry.Copy !req
196. - Hello.
- I'm here.Copy !req
197. Awesome.
Thank you for coming over.Copy !req
198. I know we wanted to go out but my
cat will not stop throwing up.Copy !req
199. - It makes me nervous.
- Maybe the cat knew I was coming.Copy !req
200. Oh. Maybe that's why I was
throwing up a minute ago.Copy !req
201. - See, I have that effect.
- I get it, yes.Copy !req
202. - She's got, like, empathetic nausea...
- Exactly.Copy !req
203. - ... At the potential of your arrival.
- Exactly, yes. Yes.Copy !req
204. Yeah, ever since I met you
I can't stop puking.Copy !req
205. I don't know what it is.Copy !req
206. You're not the first person
who's told me that.Copy !req
207. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
208. You just have that
effect on people?Copy !req
209. I do.
Particularly women.Copy !req
210. - That's hot.
- It's a wonderful quality.Copy !req
211. - So what are we eating?
- Japanese.Copy !req
212. So— Ooh, God.Copy !req
213. Um, that's not gonna work.Copy !req
214. - Are you serious?
- Oh, jeez.Copy !req
215. Oh, look at this.
They didn't secure the soup.Copy !req
216. Why didn't they put it
in one of those bags?Copy !req
217. - Oh, Jesus.
- Oh my God.Copy !req
218. The whole thing is ruined.
You know, you're in the take-out business,Copy !req
219. you got two things to do:Copy !req
220. Get the order right,
secure the food.Copy !req
221. Usually they're good.
I don't know.Copy !req
222. You know what?
I'm going back thereCopy !req
223. and I'm gonna get to
the bottom of this.Copy !req
224. - Oh, get to the bottom of it?
- I'm definitely gonna tell them what happened.Copy !req
225. It's fine, 'cause actually
I had Sushi last night, so...Copy !req
226. - You had Sushi last night?
- Yeah.Copy !req
227. - I didn't even ask you what I was getting.
- Oh, it's fine.Copy !req
228. No, I love Sushi.Copy !req
229. I'm just saying it's not a huge
deal that I don't have it again.Copy !req
230. - So where'd you go last night?
- I had Sushi at Yankee stadium,Copy !req
231. which you would not think is good Sushi,
but it was actually really good Sushi.Copy !req
232. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
233. - Sushi at Yankee stadium?
- I know.Copy !req
234. I went with, um,
this friend of mine.Copy !req
235. She's very connectedCopy !req
236. and we had a box to ourselves.Copy !req
237. And they brought in catering
and we had Sushi.Copy !req
238. - It was unbelievable.
- So who is this person?Copy !req
239. Just this— You know, it's funny.
You might know her.Copy !req
240. Um, I mean
it's Rosie O'Donnell.Copy !req
241. I'm sure you've probably
crossed paths with her.Copy !req
242. - No.
- Do you want some wine?Copy !req
243. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
244. - Red or white?
- I don't care.Copy !req
245. So, um...Copy !req
246. What did—Copy !req
247. What did Rosie think
of your apartment?Copy !req
248. She didn't see my apartment.Copy !req
249. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
250. - She wasn't here?
- No.Copy !req
251. Oh.
Poor thing.Copy !req
252. Oh!Copy !req
253. You know, I've got to tell
you it was traumaticCopy !req
254. to open that bag
and see what was going on.Copy !req
255. It was very distressing.Copy !req
256. - You know, I was on a date...
- Yes.Copy !req
257. - ... With a bi-sexual.
- No.Copy !req
258. And I'm competing for her
affection against a lesbian.Copy !req
259. - You think that's easy?
- Sure sure. I have a—Copy !req
260. Did I mention that I had
a soup and sandwich for dinner?Copy !req
261. You didn't mention.
You talk a lotCopy !req
262. but no sandwich mentioned.Copy !req
263. You've got to secure
these bags.Copy !req
264. Secure the bagsCopy !req
265. with tape, staples,
however you've got to do it.Copy !req
266. Right, I understand.Copy !req
267. So I get you another orderCopy !req
268. then you can take home
and everything be okay?Copy !req
269. You know what?
I really appreciate that,Copy !req
270. but that's really not quite
what I had in mind.Copy !req
271. - Oh.
- Basically, man to man,Copy !req
272. I think an apology
would be nice.Copy !req
273. Okay, so I say sorry,Copy !req
274. you believe,
you feel something,Copy !req
275. then you move on? You go away?
Everything okay, yeah?Copy !req
276. Yeah, if I like the sorry,
everything will be hunky-dory.Copy !req
277. Okay.Copy !req
278. I am sorry.Copy !req
279. Oh, the bow.
Oh my gosh.Copy !req
280. Oh.Copy !req
281. I can't quibble with the bow.Copy !req
282. I love that bow. Come on, how many
times do you get a bow in your life?Copy !req
283. - Right, yes.
- Fantastic.Copy !req
284. - Bow is very important.
- Fantastic.Copy !req
285. We could learn a lot
of things from Japan.Copy !req
286. You think about on the way home.
I think, yeah.Copy !req
287. But next time,
if I come back againCopy !req
288. to get some take-out,Copy !req
289. are you gonna beef up
the security in the bag?Copy !req
290. Absolutely, sir.
The tape, staples—Copy !req
291. Everything gonna be
secured for you, okay?Copy !req
292. When you're hungry you've got
that take-out order—Copy !req
293. Listen, listen.
You said a deal, right?Copy !req
294. You said I say sorry, you believe,
you move, you go away, okay?Copy !req
295. You long explanation how special bow is.
Okay, we got it.Copy !req
296. Next time we see you come in
we make sure bag secure.Copy !req
297. - Very special for you, okay?
- Okay. Are we good?Copy !req
298. - Can I— Do I bow back?
- Yeah yeah. Do.Copy !req
299. Then you got that to follow.Copy !req
300. - You follow?
- Yes.Copy !req
301. - Hi.
- Hey.Copy !req
302. Larry David.
Look at this.Copy !req
303. Hey, Rosie.
Look who's here.Copy !req
304. So, Larry, how was your night?Copy !req
305. - Couldn't have gone better.
- No kidding?Copy !req
306. - Yes.
- Same feeling I had. You know that?Copy !req
307. And you saw her when?
Monday?Copy !req
308. - Yes, Monday.
- Monday? Who goes out on Monday?Copy !req
309. Someone who's really
desperate to have a date,Copy !req
310. I suppose, calls somebody
for a Monday night.Copy !req
311. I won't tell her
that you said that.Copy !req
312. But listen, the thing—
Did you throw your arm out?Copy !req
313. Well, you know what?Copy !req
314. All night long I was like
in this position.Copy !req
315. And then up from this side.
You know what I mean?Copy !req
316. - A lot of that.
- A lot of guys think that's a good move.Copy !req
317. It's funny.
Usually women laugh at it.Copy !req
318. - I don't think she was laughing.
- Really?Copy !req
319. She was too busy moaning
to laugh.Copy !req
320. - Yeah, a lot of that.
- I had the same thing in my neck.Copy !req
321. What did you say?Copy !req
322. Couldn't move my neck
from Tuesday morning.Copy !req
323. It's all right.
Listen, the thing is,Copy !req
324. she just texted me.
We're going to the TonysCopy !req
325. together, okay?Copy !req
326. - The Tonys?
- As my dateCopy !req
327. to the Tony awards.Copy !req
328. Jane.Copy !req
329. Me Tarzan, not you.Copy !req
330. The Tonys.Copy !req
331. You could ask any stranger
on the street,Copy !req
332. they'll go to the Tonys.
That's no great accomplishment.Copy !req
333. She knows all the words
to "Cats," okay?Copy !req
334. Even the British version.Copy !req
335. She enjoyed
"Chess" the musical.Copy !req
336. Saw it three times.
She saw "Carrie."Copy !req
337. It was only open two nights.
She likes Broadway, Larry.Copy !req
338. She likes Broadway!Copy !req
339. She's going to the Tonys?
What the hell am I gonna do?Copy !req
340. You can't compete
against the Tonys.Copy !req
341. I'm dead.Copy !req
342. Good play, Larry.Copy !req
343. All right, Larry.
Two away. Two away.Copy !req
344. Ha ha.Copy !req
345. Come on, little Larry.Copy !req
346. Here we go.
How's your arm?Copy !req
347. - Good enough for you.
- Come on, throw it to mommy.Copy !req
348. Let's go, Larry.Copy !req
349. Oh, fuck!Copy !req
350. - Go go go!
- Ha ha, Larry!Copy !req
351. I don't even have
to run, Larry.Copy !req
352. - I can walk.
- Go go go!Copy !req
353. - Oh, did you get lucky.
- She's going for third, Larry!Copy !req
354. Where's he throwing the ball?Copy !req
355. She's going home, Larry!Copy !req
356. Oooh!Copy !req
357. Whoo!Copy !req
358. I don't feel like
going on this date.Copy !req
359. I swear to God, I'd like
to cancel right now.Copy !req
360. Let me tell you something, man.
I would not be a fucking friendCopy !req
361. sitting around this
plush motherfuckerCopy !req
362. and allow you to go out
there and allow a lesbianCopy !req
363. to beat you
at a fucking game, okay?Copy !req
364. Come on, it's over.
She's taking her to the Tonys.Copy !req
365. And let's face it, she's
got the lesbian advantage.Copy !req
366. We are fucking men, Larry.Copy !req
367. What do we have, man?
What the fuck do we haveCopy !req
368. that she doesn't have?Copy !req
369. You know, I've got the penis.Copy !req
370. You're damn right.
Rosie O'Donnell does not have—Copy !req
371. - Has no penis. Has no penis.
- Doesn't have a penis.Copy !req
372. Women do not have penises.
Men have penises.Copy !req
373. You are absolutely right.
Don't be a fucking victim.Copy !req
374. Okay?
You at bat.Copy !req
375. What's below your fucking bat?Copy !req
376. What dangles below your bat?Copy !req
377. - Huh?
- Balls.Copy !req
378. - We got bats and balls, right?
- Right.Copy !req
379. - Okay, what do ladies have?
- Gloves.Copy !req
380. What do gloves do?
Catch the goddamn balls.Copy !req
381. That's what ladies on this
planet do is catch balls.Copy !req
382. Bats and balls
run the fucking world.Copy !req
383. The woman is on this earth
to catch balls.Copy !req
384. Interesting theory.Copy !req
385. - See what I'm saying?
- Too bad I don't have a daughter.Copy !req
386. I would like to impart
that knowledge to her.Copy !req
387. Gloves don't catch gloves.
We have the advantage.Copy !req
388. Okay? You've got to
realize that though.Copy !req
389. Yeah yeah, I know.
I know.Copy !req
390. But we're talking about
the Tonys here, okay?Copy !req
391. This penis that I have cannot
compete with the Tonys.Copy !req
392. - Tonys are a grand slam.
- Fuck the Tonys.Copy !req
393. Fucking Tony.
Who the fuck is Tony?Copy !req
394. Want a grand slam?Copy !req
395. Hmm.Copy !req
396. Juice?Copy !req
397. You want me to juice?Copy !req
398. I want you to win.Copy !req
399. That was amazing.Copy !req
400. The penis is an extraordinary
instrument, Jane.Copy !req
401. Sometimes it surprises even me.Copy !req
402. And it's not just
a one-time thing.Copy !req
403. That's what you get on
a consistent basis with me.Copy !req
404. - Really?
- Absolutely.Copy !req
405. - I can't even move.
- Well, speaking of that.Copy !req
406. Shall we do this again
on Friday?Copy !req
407. I don't want to wait that long.Copy !req
408. - How about Thursday?
- Thursday?Copy !req
409. - I thought you had plans on Thursday.
- I'll cancel them.Copy !req
410. - You'll cancel them?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
411. Wow.
Too bad for that person.Copy !req
412. All right, Janie.Copy !req
413. It's been swell.
Hope you had fun.Copy !req
414. Ah.Copy !req
415. Oh!Copy !req
416. Excuse me.
Do you speak English?Copy !req
417. Yes, I am fluent.
Yes.Copy !req
418. Oh, I noticed that when
you apologized to this manCopy !req
419. you gave him a rather deep bow.Copy !req
420. Almost 90°.Copy !req
421. Yes, I spilled ice cream.Copy !req
422. So I very sorry.
So I apologize to him, yes.Copy !req
423. Now the other night a Japanese
fellow apologized to me.Copy !req
424. - Yes?
- But he only went down a few degrees.Copy !req
425. - Kind of like that.
- Like that?Copy !req
426. - Yeah.
- Oh oh.Copy !req
427. That is not apology to you.Copy !req
428. No, he was not sorry at all.Copy !req
429. - He wasn't sorry?
- No no.Copy !req
430. He a little dismissive of you.Copy !req
431. - Dismissive?
- Yes. Yes.Copy !req
432. - I got a dismissive bow?
- Yes.Copy !req
433. A little bit...
Shit bow.Copy !req
434. - Shit bow?
- Shit bow.Copy !req
435. - Shit bow.
- Shit bow.Copy !req
436. - A shit bow I got.
- Yes.Copy !req
437. - I got a shit bow.
- No bow would be better than that bow.Copy !req
438. - No bow better?
- Yes.Copy !req
439. Little insulting to you.Copy !req
440. Do you hear—
Not a bow like that.Copy !req
441. - Not sorry at all. Little bitty bow.
- No.Copy !req
442. I'm sorry to tell you,
but that was not apology.Copy !req
443. Thank you very much.
This has been very helpful to me.Copy !req
444. - You're very welcome.
- Can you bow for a thank you?Copy !req
445. - You can bow for thank you.
- You can bow for thank you?Copy !req
446. - Sure, yes.
- That's a thank you bow.Copy !req
447. Thank you, yes.
Very good.Copy !req
448. - Good day to you.
- Thank you very much. Good luck.Copy !req
449. How you doing, Lar?Copy !req
450. - Doing good.
- Yeah?Copy !req
451. I guess you heard.Copy !req
452. - Heard what?
- Jane canceled our date to the Tonys.Copy !req
453. - Really?
- Really.Copy !req
454. I didn't know.Copy !req
455. It's funny 'cause, you know, something
doesn't figure out of the whole thing.Copy !req
456. I've known like four decades
of women that you've dated.Copy !req
457. None of them ever ever talks
about your performance.Copy !req
458. You're a singles hitter
your whole life,Copy !req
459. now all of a sudden
you're Mr. power hitter?Copy !req
460. You're Mr. grand slam? Mr.
get anybody, even Jane, huh?Copy !req
461. You doing something, Lar?
What do you do?Copy !req
462. - Can you explain this to me?
- Well, I'm—Copy !req
463. I'm on a new regiment.
I'm working out.Copy !req
464. I've changed my diet.
Makes a big difference.Copy !req
465. - You're working out?
- Yeah.Copy !req
466. - That's it?
- That's it.Copy !req
467. What, are you juicing, Larry?Copy !req
468. Are you juicing now?Copy !req
469. I have never taken performance
enhancing drugs ever.Copy !req
470. Period.Copy !req
471. No no no no no no no.Copy !req
472. Got it.
But it doesn't make sense, Larry.Copy !req
473. I've known you
too long, all right?Copy !req
474. Something just does not add up.Copy !req
475. Outfield in.
Play to first.Copy !req
476. All right, let's go, Larry.Copy !req
477. Easy out.Copy !req
478. - Yeah!
- Well, get it in!Copy !req
479. How are you doing?Copy !req
480. - Did you hear about Duckstein?
- No.Copy !req
481. Some lady walking her dog
found him on the ground choking.Copy !req
482. - What? Is he okay?
- Yeah.Copy !req
483. He's in the hospital, but
they say he's gonna be fine.Copy !req
484. You know how to do the heimlich.
You could have, you know.Copy !req
485. Yeah, I know how to do
the heimlich.Copy !req
486. You do. If you only
went to lunch with him.Copy !req
487. Yeah, you're right.
I could have helped him.Copy !req
488. I feel terrible.Copy !req
489. So how's things with Jane?Copy !req
490. Oh, it's fantastic.
She loves baseball.Copy !req
491. - I love that.
- She's taking me to Cooperstown on Sunday.Copy !req
492. She blew off
the Tonys with Rosie.Copy !req
493. - This woman blew off the Tonys...
- Blew off the Tonys.Copy !req
494. - ... To take you to Cooperstown?
- To take me to Cooperstown.Copy !req
495. It's not like being with a guy.
It's like being with a great guyCopy !req
496. who happens to have a vagina and knows the
statistics of what Roy White hit in 1971.Copy !req
497. - Exactly.
- Unbelievable.Copy !req
498. And I beat Rosie.Copy !req
499. Hi. Here to pick up
an order for Larry David.Copy !req
500. Oh, it's right over there.
Should be ready in a second.Copy !req
501. Hello.Copy !req
502. I got the stapler, tape.Copy !req
503. Your soup is—
Look at this.Copy !req
504. - Wow.
- You could run marathon and no spill it.Copy !req
505. Can I turn it upside down?Copy !req
506. - That's the test.
- Yeah, sure. Turn down.Copy !req
507. Wow.Copy !req
508. - Good.
- That's how you run a restaurant.Copy !req
509. You secure
the take-out order.Copy !req
510. You know, there is
one more little issueCopy !req
511. I just wanted to mention.
I was in the parkCopy !req
512. and there was a Japanese fellowCopy !req
513. and I saw him bowing,Copy !req
514. but he bowed to 90°.Copy !req
515. Your bow was like 15°.Copy !req
516. I asked him about it
and he saidCopy !req
517. that what you did
is actually dismissive.Copy !req
518. So I just thought I would
let you know about it.Copy !req
519. Sure yeah, thank you.Copy !req
520. Listen, a bow is a bow, right?Copy !req
521. No, he said a bow is not a bow.Copy !req
522. - Yeah, a bow is a bow.
- No, this is not a bow.Copy !req
523. You were short
of the authentic bow.Copy !req
524. I had authentic bow.
Bow is a bow.Copy !req
525. He is not authentic.
He doesn't know.Copy !req
526. Is it possible you
don't know the bow rules?Copy !req
527. Bow rules?
I understand the bow rules.Copy !req
528. - You know your bow rules?
- I was raised by bow rules.Copy !req
529. - Did they mention a degree?
- No, they didn't mention degreeCopy !req
530. because a bow is a bow.Copy !req
531. Do you know what the Japanese guy in
the park actually said about your bow?Copy !req
532. No, what did he say?Copy !req
533. - He said...
- Yeah. Uh-huh.Copy !req
534. It's a shit bow.Copy !req
535. He said shit bow?Copy !req
536. Yes, those were his words.
Shit bow.Copy !req
537. My bow is a shit bow?Copy !req
538. I'm not saying that.
Let's find out.Copy !req
539. I'll go on the Internet,
we'll do a little research,Copy !req
540. then I'll come back
and we'll see ifCopy !req
541. your bow is right.Copy !req
542. Okay, sure.
I do that for you.Copy !req
543. - we'll do contest.
- All right, we'll look it up.Copy !req
544. Also, future reference,
just to noteCopy !req
545. there's other good
restaurants around too.Copy !req
546. You should try sometime.
There's good places here.Copy !req
547. - I really enjoy this food.
- Yeah, you do.Copy !req
548. - Yes.
- For you, here we go.Copy !req
549. That looked good.Copy !req
550. - Okay.
- That looked good.Copy !req
551. - Okay okay.
- I'm still gonna research.Copy !req
552. Yeah, sure.
Yeah, research.Copy !req
553. - Okay?
- Yeah, Wikipedia.Copy !req
554. Yeah, sure you're goddamn right.
I'm living large.Copy !req
555. I just had a croissant filled
with motherfucking champagne.Copy !req
556. Hey, I've got to talk to you.Copy !req
557. Hold the fuck on, bitch.
Hold the fuck up. God damn.Copy !req
558. - What's up, Larry?
- Got a date with Jane.Copy !req
559. - Oooh.
- I need a...Copy !req
560. Supplement.Copy !req
561. - A what?
- You know, a supplement.Copy !req
562. A supplement?
What the fuck is that?Copy !req
563. You know, one of the pills.
I need a pill.Copy !req
564. Oh, I'm out of pills, man.
I don't have no pills.Copy !req
565. - That's it.
- Since when?Copy !req
566. I'm out. You're popping these
motherfuckers like candy.Copy !req
567. - Why didn't you tell me?
- I got to tell you when I'm out of pills?Copy !req
568. - You know I'm depending on it.
- You got to go solo, man.Copy !req
569. - What? Solo?
- Go fucking solo.Copy !req
570. She'll notice the drop off.
How am I gonna do that?Copy !req
571. Yeah, that's fucked up.
You can't go into a fuck fightCopy !req
572. with no goddamn weapon.
That ain't cool.Copy !req
573. Fucking walking in with a goddamn jump
rope hanging from your fucking pants.Copy !req
574. Get off the phone.
Who are you talking to?Copy !req
575. - I'll call you back
- Come on, I've got to pick her up in two hours.Copy !req
576. Can you think of anything?
I need some help.Copy !req
577. Oh, I've got an idea.Copy !req
578. Here's what I want
you to do, okay?Copy !req
579. Go around to Washington
Square park, all right?Copy !req
580. Got any—
Got any of that stuff?Copy !req
581. The money.Copy !req
582. Come on.Copy !req
583. - That's it? Two?
- Yeah.Copy !req
584. - I thought there were three.
- That's it. Now beat it.Copy !req
585. - Get out of here.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
586. Yeah.Copy !req
587. - All right, I've got one.
- Okay.Copy !req
588. Who holds the record for
most postseason home runs?Copy !req
589. Most post season homeruns?
Come on, Jane.Copy !req
590. What are you doing?
Give me a test.Copy !req
591. - Come on.
- Bernie Williams.Copy !req
592. Wrong. Manny.Copy !req
593. - Manny?
- Manny Manny man— Whoa!Copy !req
594. Jeez, I'm so sorry.Copy !req
595. - I took your shoe right off.
- No, it's fine.Copy !req
596. - Are you really sorry? Really?
- Yes. Yes.Copy !req
597. - Okay, then give me a bow.
- I don't know if I'm bow sorry.Copy !req
598. No, I need bow sorry
or I'm not forgiving you.Copy !req
599. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
600. - You want the bow?
- I do.Copy !req
601. - Jane.
- Larry.Copy !req
602. - You've got it.
- Yay.Copy !req
603. Whoa, you dropped something.Copy !req
604. What is this?Copy !req
605. Are you juicing?Copy !req
606. No no.Copy !req
607. Look, it's not for performance.Copy !req
608. - It's just for recovery.
- Bullshit, Larry.Copy !req
609. No, seriously.
Are you kidding?Copy !req
610. I can put up those
numbers anytime.Copy !req
611. You think anybody else
could do what I doCopy !req
612. just by taking one of those pills?
I have skills.Copy !req
613. Hey, what are you doing?
Where's my ticket?Copy !req
614. - What about the hall of fame?
- You're not getting in.Copy !req
615. Everybody's doing it!
I was just leveling the playing field!Copy !req
616. I'm sorry!Copy !req
617. So sorry!Copy !req
618. Anyway, I heard
about what happened.Copy !req
619. I really felt terrible
and thought I should—Copy !req
620. Forget it. You know why?
Because the important thing isCopy !req
621. whatever brought you here is now
the beginning of a friendship.Copy !req
622. - I approached you, I asked you, you let it sink in...
- Mr. Duckstein.Copy !req
623. - Lunch.
- ... And here we are. Oh, lunch time.Copy !req
624. Lunch time.
You know something? 1:00.Copy !req
625. What do we have today?
Salisbury steak.Copy !req
626. - Would you like to stay for lunch?
- No no.Copy !req
627. This could be our first meal together.
Get my friend some lunch.Copy !req
628. My new friend some lunch.
You know something?Copy !req
629. This is so ironic.
We're having lunch after all.Copy !req
630. Talk about destiny.
I feel it, I know you feel it.Copy !req
631. This is gonna be the firstCopy !req
632. of God knows how many lunches.
Because this is the beginning.Copy !req