Curb Your Enthusiasm 8x2

1. It's okay. Let it go.

2. Let it go. This is pushing buttons, and that's all right.

3. - No, you're safe, you're safe. - Uh...

4. It's all right. Let it go.

5. - Oh my. Oh. - Uh...

6. - Oh. - I just want to get some chubby hubby.

7. Sir, could you please give us a moment?

8. Yeah, aw.

9. Aw aw.

10. Yes, aw.

11. A little to the left... Or the right.

12. - Separate separate. - Excuse, me.

13. I'm trying to get to the chubby hubby.

14. - Yes, you said that. - Yeah.

15. Yes, okay, that's a good girl.

16. Oh oh my.

17. Poor baby.

18. Sir! Excuse me. Now I've tried to be nice.

19. I have asked you to give us some space.

20. - What's this about? - None of your business.

21. Personal— It's a personal thing?

22. - Would you please? - Okay, all right.

23. Thank you.

24. Don't pay attention to that jerk.

25. Oh, it's okay.

26. Oh, are you all right, sweetheart?

27. It's gonna be—

28. You're not going to believe this.

29. Richard is dating a burlesque dancer.

30. - I had dinner with them. - Really?

31. I don't like to sound like a pig,

32. but she has magnificent breasts.

33. - What's she like? - She's dumb.

34. All she wanted to talk about was how she dances,

35. how the crowd loves her and—

36. - Oh, here he is. - I'm sorry.

37. - Huh? - Let me alone. Don't yell at me.

38. They moved the audition. It's in 10 minutes.

39. I was on the phone with an ex-girlfriend who was suicidal,

40. so I couldn't exactly hang up to say I want to go to a salad bar.

41. Wait, she's going to commit suicide and she calls you?

42. A lot of people call me who are suicidal.

43. I don't think you'd be my suicide call.

44. - You're kidding me. - No, I don't think you'd be.

45. What would bring you to the brink of suicide?

46. Can I ask him why he wouldn't call me first?

47. - What would bring you— - Him.

48. - He would? - He would.

49. So you'd be calling the guy who caused you to— Okay.

50. By the way, are you dating a burlesque dancer?

51. - What makes you say that? - We heard.

52. I didn't say anything bad. I said she was beautiful.

53. - Why do you have to blab about my personal life? - What do you mean?

54. You didn't swear him to secrecy. What's the big deal?

55. Hey, if it wasn't for fucking burlesque,

56. we wouldn't have Chaplin or the Marx brothers.

57. Oh, Chaplin was a great pole dancer.

58. Admit it, the only reason you're going out with her

59. is because of her ample bosom.

60. That's despicable to say that to me. Of course not.

61. - For her brains and her sense of worth. - Have you set a date aside

62. when you're going to finally look at her face?

63. That's— That's really funny.

64. Yeah, laugh it up.

65. Listen, I have an audition now, so if you don't mind.

66. - I'll see you later. - That's very funny.

67. That's it? You come for two minutes?

68. - I told you why I'm late. I have an audition. - All right.

69. Quite frankly I'm a little offended

70. by you just focusing on a woman's breasts and nipples

71. when maybe I'm in love with her, all right?

72. - So how does that— - You're always in love.

73. No, I'm not always in love.

74. She also gives to charity and she has a great personality.

75. - She gives to charity? - That's right.

76. - Milk? - Huh?

77. - She gives milk? - That's funny too?

78. You guys are on a fuckin' roll.

79. - I'm out. - Dance for underprivileged kids.

80. - Charity! - Gives to charity?

81. - All right, I gotta go. - Look at the stuff that comes out of his mouth.

82. - I got an idea. - Hmm?

83. Why don't the three of us, one night this week, go see her dance?

84. - Hell yes. - We're not doing anything wrong.

85. No, let's go. He never said we couldn't.

86. We can't say anything to him.

87. Who's gonna— He doesn't need to know.

88. We sit in the back. I say we go.

89. - What are you doing? - I don't need to do that.

90. - I did a hands in. - Please, we don't need a hands in.

91. I'm gonna get going. You got lunch?

92. - I got it. I got it. - Okay, thank you.

93. Yeah, let's go see her. What the hell?

94. Oh, you'll love it, believe me.

95. Excuse me, I've just gotta run out for one second.

96. Could you just keep an eye on my computer for me?

97. - Sure. - Thanks.

98. Excuse me.

99. Would you mind keeping an eye on that computer?

100. - The guy asked me, but I have to go. - Um, yeah sure, okay.

101. Good, thanks.

102. Aha!

103. Ha ha!

104. Okay, this is the dog.

105. This is the dog that's been going on my lawn.

106. - No bag? Where's your bag? - Well...

107. You know, life— It gets so crazy sometimes.

108. - Oh, life gets crazy? - Yeah.

109. If you're gonna have a dog, you have to have a bag.

110. I will bring a bag. I didn't bring a bag today.

111. - I'm really sorry about that. - Because the dog without the bag— It's incomplete.

112. It's a marriage. The bag and the dog, they go together.

113. I just don't see why you had to yell at me.

114. I'm yelling for society, for everybody.

115. - It's not just me. - Got it.

116. - People make mistakes. - Every day?

117. Roscoe, come.

118. Don't you love this place?

119. - This shit is fucking amazing. - It's great.

120. - Yeah. - Do you love it?

121. - What are you doing? - I'm looking for Lewis.

122. Let loose. He's not here. Have a good time.

123. We ought to do this more often.

124. Come to disgusting strip clubs?

125. - Why is it disgusting? - Disgusting? Fuckin'-- That's a harsh word.

126. Watch this shit.

127. - That's her. That's her. - That's her?

128. It's like jell-o pudding inside of those motherfuckers.

129. She is communicating right now. You understand?

130. In Hawaii they move hands and hips.

131. Out here it's titties.

132. The fuckin' titties are talking right now.

133. And what exactly are they saying?

134. Those titties are a blabbermouth, you know what I'm talking about?

135. They're fuckin' just yippity-yapping right now.

136. - Did you have fun? - No, not really.

137. - Boy, I had a blast. - You know what I think?

138. - What? - I think Lewis has lost his mind.

139. - Why? - I just saw his girlfriend's tits, that's why.

140. So what? He's not gonna marry her. He's just having fun.

141. How can you not tell me you were going to see Stella?

142. - She's my girlfriend, for Christ's sakes. - Yeah, you're right.

143. We probably should have told you.

144. But you didn't say we shouldn't go.

145. And by the way, if you're dating somebody who takes their clothes off in public,

146. then what's the difference? Everybody's gonna see her.

147. You went there like a pervert.

148. Hey, I didn't even see that much.

149. What percentage of the show did you look at her breasts?

150. - I saw like— - Hello, tiger.

151. Hi, honey. Good to see you.

152. Hi, sweetie. Sorry I'm late.

153. This is Larry, one of my oldest friends.

154. - Hi, nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you. - Hi.

155. I thought you said he was old.

156. - You don't seem that old. - Well—

157. - Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you. - Mrs. Cole,

158. I didn't know Marilyn Monroe was on the base, sir.

159. He made out like you were a granddad, you know?

160. You called me old?

161. You're two days older than I am.

162. You're a dissipated alcoholic. How dare you?

163. - Recovering alcoholic. - All right, recovering.

164. Okay, listen, sorry. I didn't mean to start an argument or anything.

165. That's okay. By the way, I actually did see your show last night.

166. - You came to see my show? - Yes, I enjoyed the presentation.

167. What do you know about burlesque?

168. I saw the movie "Gypsy" with Natalie Wood.

169. Oh, then you should be a Professor at Ohio state and teach this.

170. It sounds like you appreciate the art form.

171. Well, I appreciate naked women.

172. Did you like the air fucking number I did?

173. - The air fucking was sensational. - You liked that?

174. - Yeah, yeah? - Yes.

175. But let me just say this, okay?

176. Your breasts are magnificent.

177. - Oh, thank you. Thank you. - What did you just say?

178. You're not dissecting a frog in 12th-grade biology.

179. - It's okay. I take it as a compliment. - She's not a specimen.

180. By the way, I did notice in the show

181. that there's a small mole

182. on the underside of your right breast

183. that you might want to get checked out.

184. - Are you being serious? There's a mole? - Yeah yeah yeah.

185. - Okay. - How did you see a small mole from where you were sitting?

186. I have breast vision and that's how I'm able to—

187. - You have breast vision? - Yes.

188. Why don't you go to every burlesque show

189. and just stare at all the breasts?

190. I could be a burlesque dermatologist.

191. - We'll get it checked out. - Thank you very much.

192. - For sure. - You're welcome.

193. Well well well, look who's here.

194. - You don't remember me? - No.

195. I'm the idiot who asked you

196. to look after my computer yesterday, remember?

197. - Yeah. So where is it? - You didn't get that back?

198. No, I didn't get it back. Why am I asking you?

199. I didn't get it back and it's gone and so were you.

200. You were taking such a long time.

201. I had to get going and I gave it to someone.

202. - Who did you give it to? - I don't know.

203. - I gave it to some black guy. - You gave it to some black guy?

204. - Yeah. - You gave it to a black guy?

205. Because that's— I mean—

206. What I was about to say was

207. why wouldn't you give it to a black person?

208. In fact, that day when we were in there,

209. I had been looking for a black person

210. to leave my computer with.

211. I didn't see one, so I left it with you.

212. Left it with me. Good good.

213. I'm sure it's gonna turn up.

214. - I'll keep my eyes peeled for him. - I'm gonna go in.

215. - He's probably dropped it off in there. - Probably dropped it off.

216. - Take care. - Okay.

217. Larry!

218. What up, man?

219. Oh, uh... nothing.

220. - Who's that dude, man? - Well, I mean it's not a big deal.

221. He gave me his computer to watch...

222. - Uh-huh. - ... And I had to leave.

223. And I gave it to this guy

224. and he never gave the computer back.

225. Who the fuck did you give it to?

226. It was a guy. Not important.

227. Who the fuck did you give it to?

228. A black guy.

229. - Wow. - I'm sorry.

230. - God damn. - I didn't want to tell you.

231. - A fuckin' black dude in there— - You forced it out of me.

232. I feel fuckin' bad now. Know what I mean?

233. You trusted that black motherfucker.

234. - You know what I'm saying? - Yeah.

235. I don't want you thinking that shit about me,

236. you understand?

237. I could've stole this motherfucker...

238. Plenty of times, but I didn't.

239. I know the code to the fuckin' house and shit.

240. 3948, right? The last four

241. of your social security card number is 4938.

242. All you did was change it around.

243. All that shit I fuckin' know.

244. Remember that time you gave me the ATM card

245. to get gas for the car and shit?

246. And your signature— Come on.

247. It's a big I. It's real clear, right?

248. Then the "arry David" is sloppy.

249. Any man can do that shit. Your mom's maiden name— Ratner. You know what I mean?

250. - All they wanna know is that part. - Where are the car keys?

251. - Inside the car. - I'll drive.

252. Who the fuck told you my mother's maiden name?

253. - I must've overheard it. - You're going through my shit!

254. There's shit laying around the house!

255. Where the fuck did you find out my mother's maiden...

256. - Oh, hi. - Hello.

257. I'm your neighbor Margaret.

258. Actually, I'm realizing now

259. - that we've run into each other before. - The supermarket.

260. Oh yeah, that was kind of an awkward thing there.

261. I was just trying to get some ice cream.

262. - I understand that. I understand that. - Chubby hubby.

263. You wouldn't move over. It was odd.

264. Well, there was a little more to it than that.

265. I know the woman was crying. I saw that.

266. - Right, yeah. - But still,

267. she could have cried a foot or two over.

268. You see, the reason she was crying

269. is she's a new member of our safe house

270. that I'm the housemother for.

271. - Safe house? - Yes.

272. Some people call them battered women.

273. - I choose not to use that phrase. - Oh, they're battered.

274. I think it's very pejorative.

275. - So anyway— - Oh, where's the house?

276. - It's just a couple of doors down. - Seriously?

277. And speaking of those women, a couple of days ago

278. I think there was a little incident

279. with one of our members and her dog.

280. She's also part of the sorority over there?

281. Well, we don't call it a sorority.

282. - But yes, she is one of our members. - Oh my God.

283. And Saundra was so upset when she came home.

284. - She was upset? - Yes.

285. Her dog pooped all over my lawn three times.

286. She doesn't clean it up. She doesn't bring bag.

287. What we would love as neighbors and friends—

288. To invite you in to start a discussion.

289. And you can talk to Karen and you can talk to Saundra

290. and you can bring up your issues

291. and perhaps apologize...

292. - Apologize? - . For any discomfort you caused them.

293. I don't know why I would apologize.

294. - I didn't really do anything. - Well—

295. - All I want to do is buy some ice cream. - I know.

296. - All I want to do is have a clean lawn... - I understand.

297. - ... Without poop on it. - Exactly.

298. I didn't really do anything.

299. And you know what would be wonderful, Larry?

300. Is that so many of the women have a negative connotation

301. - as far as a male perspective goes. - Of course, yes.

302. So it would be so great

303. to have a safe man in their midst

304. that could give them a male perspective

305. that they could feel good about hearing.

306. So I would be representing men.

307. In a safe place, yes.

308. - What do you say? - I'm happy to be the male representative.

309. Oh my goodness, that's wonderful.

310. Maybe I could drum up a date over there, huh?

311. Oh, now Larry, let's remember boundaries.

312. Hi. A little bit of a surprise for all of you.

313. - I'd like to introduce our neighbor and friend Larry. - Hello.

314. What a great pleasure to meet you all.

315. By the way, very nice house, if you don't mind my saying.

316. - Beautiful. - Isn't it nice?

317. I don't know where you were living before,

318. but I would think this probably would be a step up.

319. You hit the jackpot with this place, huh?

320. You know what, Larry? Thank you for admiring our home.

321. You're really hitting the cake here, huh? And donuts?

322. You're welcome to help yourself.

323. I hope you guys are working out eating this—

324. My father would call this crap.

325. That's a lot of crap.

326. Larry, I think you might remember our friend Saundra.

327. - A pleasure. - Hi.

328. Did you have anything you wanted to say to Saundra?

329. I do have something I'd like to say.

330. First off, I want to apologize

331. if I hurt your feelings in any way

332. as a result I want of the dog pooping.

333. I was just going to say

334. th your anger is your problem

335. and it's not my problem anymore.

336. - Huh, interesting. - Okay, but it really was great

337. that Larry acknowledged your feelings and apologized.

338. - I guess, yeah. - Hmm, she doesn't seem to be too overwhelmed by it.

339. But you know what?

340. I feel very good about that interaction and—

341. It's just that dogs don't really have control of when they go.

342. Yeah, but the owner has control of where the dog goes.

343. - Right. You know what? - Do you want to apologize to my dog?

344. Because you really yelled at my dog.

345. Yeah, it's very hard to apologize to a dog

346. because they're a stupid animal.

347. You know, okay, ain—

348. We're going to move on down the couch.

349. And I think you may also remember Karen.

350. Karen!

351. I would just like to apologize to you as well

352. if I made you uncomfortable in any way at the market...

353. You did. It's okay.

354. - Wow. - ... When you were bawling in front of the refrigerator.

355. I have no problem with crying in a grocery store.

356. - I was very upset. - I know, I see.

357. I would suggest, however, that the next time

358. you feel overwhelmed by something

359. to go to a different section,

360. a section that's not used as much as the ice cream

361. which gets a lot of action.

362. I would go maybe to the— Where the Japanese food is.

363. The hoisin sauce I don't think is a big—

364. It's not like buying ice cream.

365. - It's a different— Again, I am going to say

366. we're going to concentrate

367. on the positive part of what you had to say.

368. - So— - Who's that one?

369. - That is Dale. She's one of our members. - Dale?

370. - Yes. - Wow.

371. Why don't you finish what you were saying to Karen?

372. What a bovine she is, huh?

373. - Jesus. - Well, okay, so—

374. She's like the capo here, huh?

375. No. No, she's not, Larry.

376. Does she run the show? Tell me the truth.

377. No, she doesn't. Nobody runs the show.

378. Is this the inspirational speaker that we're getting?

379. No, that's next week.

380. This is our friend and neighbor Larry.

381. Oh my God. What happened to you?

382. We are again going to stay in the present moment,

383. - being grateful and being... - Inspirational speaker?

384. - ... Happy. - What in the fuck is she talking about?

385. We have somebody coming in next week.

386. And I think she just got confused.

387. - But instead— - Yeah, I could see that.

388. - Um, now— - The washing machine's fucked.

389. Thank you, Dale.

390. That darn washing machine. I'll tell you, we—

391. We use it so much, as you can imagine, with all of our members.

392. I'll tell you what I'll do for you.

393. If you need a machine, you're welcome to come

394. and use my machine anytime you want.

395. - Oh my goodness. - How about that?

396. - Wow. Oh, is that generous. - Huh huh?

397. - That is incredible. - Isn't that a beautiful gesture?

398. - That is great. - Give me a little round of applause if you want to.

399. It won't kill you. Go ahead.

400. That would be fine. Sure. Why not?

401. - You deserve that. - That's kind of tepid.

402. - Anyway, thank you. That was very kind of you. - You're welcome.

403. How about the marm here, huh? How about this marm?

404. Okay, well— That's all right, Larry.

405. - How about this marm? - Okay, thank you.

406. - I think that I'm just gonna say goodbye. - Okay.

407. If you touch it it's yours.

408. Again, thank you, Larry.

409. Thank you so much.

410. Ladies, I'm just going to walk our guest to the door.

411. - Mm, krispy kreme? - Oh yeah yeah.

412. And thank you so much. Okay.

413. - This fuckin' thing is unbelievable! - All right, okay.

414. Larry, thank you again for coming by.

415. Couldn't be happier.

416. Did you put one of these disgusting things

417. back in here after eating it?

418. I might have. I have bad manners.

419. There's a whole side dish here for the remnants.

420. - This is the remnant plate. - Hello, boys.

421. - Hi, beautiful. - Hi.

422. - Oh! - Oh hi.

423. - Hello. - I am so happy.

424. I just came from the doctor

425. and the mole is absolutely fine.

426. - Fantastic! You see that? - I know, I know.

427. - I knew. - That's good.

428. - Believe me, I knew all along. - I was so worried for a while.

429. I'm very happy for you.

430. Although if you told me that it wasn't fine,

431. I still would have been happy because I would have said,

432. "see? Good thing I told you to go to the doctor."

433. And something happened when I saw the doctor.

434. I started talking about how much pain

435. I'm always in with my boobs...

436. - What do you mean pain? - ... And that I get these backaches.

437. And I've decided that I—

438. I'm going to get my breasts reduced.

439. - You're going to what? - I'm going to get them reduced.

440. - That's— - What?

441. - She's hilarious. - That's funny.

442. - That's funny. - No.

443. - That's a good joke. - I'm serious. Yeah.

444. - Really? - Yeah.

445. I get backaches all the time.

446. It's really really painful.

447. You take an advil for that stuff.

448. You throw a couple of stones behind your brassiere.

449. - You just even it out. - What's the big deal?

450. - Oh my God. - Like a seesaw.

451. Okay, boys, you obviously don't understand.

452. Imagine you had huge balls.

453. - Yeah? - Balls?

454. Enormous, sweaty, just filled with spunk—

455. You're comparing breasts with balls?

456. People hate balls. Balls are reviled.

457. You can't even mention balls and breasts in the same breath.

458. - Of course you can. Balls are male boobs. - What?

459. Balls are disgusting they're hideous.

460. Everybody wants to see those. Who wants to see balls?

461. - Right. - People want to see those.

462. - Sorry. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

463. Wow, I am talking to two schoolboys right now.

464. - How much are you planning on taking off? - Maybe half.

465. - Half? Did you say half? - I'll be able to go jogging.

466. - Half? - Half, yeah.

467. You don't just love me for my tits, do you?

468. Larry, please, do I have to defend myself in this?

469. Hold it, hold it. There's many things you can say about this guy.

470. - But not that. - Not that.

471. - Thank you. - Right right right.

472. How could you even suggest that I would think that?

473. Look, you hurt the man. You hurt the man.

474. Look at him. It's insulting.

475. - As his friend I'm insulted. - Okay, sorry.

476. - I just, you know— - Listen, we'll discuss this.

477. I'm there for you, regardless of what you have to do, because I love you.

478. - Everything will be fine. - I'm so happy you're so supportive!

479. Thank you, sweetie. I'm just going to the loo, okay?

480. - Back in a sec. - You're the woman of my dreams,

481. for Christ's sake.

482. - You fucking idiot. - What?

483. You did this. You're responsible for this.

484. You looked at her mole with a goddamn telescope

485. like Galileo jerking off from 40' away.

486. I had breast vision, I told you.

487. Because of you I'm going to lose this beautiful woman

488. with that figure, with those boobs.

489. - I thought you didn't care about her breasts. - All right, I lied.

490. What am I supposed to do now? Go from a double D to a—

491. - What's half of double d? - B+? No, B-.

492. B-. It's closer to the D, yes.

493. What's closer to the D, the minus or the plus?

494. I don't give a shit, quite frankly.

495. This is not algebra. This is my life.

496. - Life is short. How dare she? - How dare she?

497. Yeah, what gives her the right? It's self-centered.

498. - It really is. - It is selfish.

499. - Isn't it? - Totally.

500. She's getting half of it taken off.

501. Reduce them by half.

502. There shouldn't be a motherfucker cutting titties down.

503. You don't fuckin' wanna reduce your titties by half

504. and expect a motherfucker to be happy with that shit.

505. - You know what I'm saying? - I do.

506. - I do know what you're saying. - You know what I'm saying?

507. Why do you keep asking me that? I know what you're saying.

508. Sometimes you don't know what the fuck I'm saying.

509. I know what the fuck you're saying.

510. I explain it to you and you don't fucking get it.

511. I get it. You want to give me a test on it?

512. You like fucking full titties or half titties?

513. You got two half titties, right?

514. - Know no better. - All right, you know what?

515. We could talk till we're blue in the face.

516. I don't mean that as a racial thing either.

517. Would I ever turn fucking blue?

518. - It's an expression. - Who turns fuckin' blue?

519. You say that to white people too. You can't turn blue?

520. - Hell no I can't turn blue. - Blacks blush. You blush?

521. - Blacks don't fuckin' blush. - You never saw a black blush.

522. Never seen a black blush in my fuckin' life.

523. Blacks don't fuckin' blush.

524. - Hey, Laura. - Hey, Larry.

525. - Thank you so much. We really appreciate it. - You're very welcome.

526. - Did you use the downey? - Yes, I did.

527. - Hi, Dale. - Hey.

528. - Wow. - Huh?

529. - Whew. - Did you get a load of that one?

530. - Yo, she's something else, man. - Isn't she?

531. - Who could fuck her up? - I know.

532. Me and you couldn't take that bitch.

533. She must have made up a story or something to get in there.

534. I bet she heard about it from a friend in there.

535. And my guess is she's living in some dump

536. and decided to move over.

537. Gotta find out what the fuck the story is.

538. I'm going to find out right now.

539. Shit.

540. Yoohoo!

541. - How's the laundry coming along? - It's coming along.

542. - Huh? Coming along? - Yeah.

543. - You ever ice skate? - No.

544. Maybe I'll take you ice skating sometime.

545. - That'd be fun. - I guess.

546. So, Dale, if you don't mind my saying,

547. with all due respect, I was just wondering

548. how you kind of...

549. You know, wound up over there.

550. Because it looks like you could...

551. Take care of yourself.

552. - It's none of your business. - Ah, okay.

553. Because the thing about it is that

554. I just don't see anybody taking you down.

555. Ahh!

556. That is some shiner you got there.

557. Can you tell me how it happened?

558. I was home and I was talking to somebody.

559. And... I said something I shouldn't have said.

560. So this person struck you?

561. No. I fell.

562. Yeah, I fell. I'm clumsy.

563. I'm really clumsy. I trip all the time.

564. But, you know, I kind of—

565. I deserved it actually.

566. - I was wrong. - Larry.

567. - Excuse me, we're— - I need some money.

568. You need money? I gave you $40 yesterday.

569. - What for? - I'm fuckin' hungry waiting around

570. all this fuckin' time and shit.

571. Can't you see I'm in pain here?

572. I know. I'm sorry.

573. But I'm fuckin' hungry right now.

574. - What are you going to get? - Fuckin' fruit chews.

575. Fruit chews? You know how bad those are for your teeth?

576. You want to spend the winter in the dentist's office?

577. - Put this shit on my fuckin' tab. - On your tab?

578. - Yeah. - Like you're going to pay me back.

579. You know I got you. Give me a few dollars.

580. All right. I'll give you some.

581. - I love you, Larry. - Yeah, I love you too.

582. - I'm sorry, you know him? - Yeah, he lives with me.

583. - You live together? - Yeah, we live together.

584. Uh-huh.

585. You know, I didn't even ask him to move in.

586. He just moved in, doesn't pay any rent

587. and he eats all my food.

588. He knows all about me. He knows my mother's maiden name.

589. I've got to get this guy out of my house.

590. - It's driving me crazy. - Mr. David, is there anything

591. that you'd like to tell me about this accident?

592. This is completely in confidence.

593. - No, mm-mm. - Are you sure?

594. - Yeah. - Okay.

595. - Hello? - Larry. Lewis.

596. - Hey! - Hey, how are you doing?

597. Good. What's happening?

598. Stella is going through with the breast reduction on Friday.

599. - Oh, I am so sorry. - So on Thursday

600. I'm going to throw myself and those breasts a farewell party

601. like they've never seen in their lives.

602. - A breast blowout. - A breast blowout. Exactly right.

603. Because I'm going to go to the Biltmore downtown.

604. I'm going to have all their favorite

605. frozen margaritas and put flowers there.

606. It's like the last time you're going to see them,

607. - like going off to war. - Absolutely.

608. I never went to 'nam and I feel like this is sort of like— In a way

609. - sort of the same thing for me. - All right, good luck.

610. - I'll speak to you soon. - Okay.

611. Oh my God, so I asked you to watch this computer for two minutes.

612. I told you to give it to the guy when he comes back in, and what?

613. You— You—

614. You're not the guy.

615. All right, I made a mistake.

616. I thought you were somebody else.

617. - Sorry. - Who did you think I was?

618. I thought you were this guy who I told to watch

619. this computer and... He stole it.

620. Oh. So was this guy black or white?

621. Pfft, happened to be black.

622. So you think that all black people look alike?

623. I think all computers look alike.

624. Have a nice day.

625. One statement.

626. It's hard to make decisions in the moment.

627. So buy a bunch of one thing

628. and then we have a lot of one things to choose—

629. - Excuse me, I gotta get in here. - Sir, don't ever touch me.

630. Sorry, we're from a battered women's shelter.

631. Well, it looks like you could take care of yourself, honestly.

632. Ahh!

633. - Oh my God. - Hey. I know.

634. It's me, Bob, from the restaurant,

635. - your neighbor. - Oh my God, are you serious?

636. Yes. I'm so sorry. I had to take off.

637. I know you asked me to watch the computer,

638. but nobody else looked trustworthy.

639. I couldn't leave it there, so I took it with me

640. and I figured I'd track you down.

641. And now we can find the rightful owner.

642. Nobody else looked trustworthy. And I thought you took it!

643. - Well, I did, but I'm bringing it back. - Yeah, right.

644. You know what? I gotta return some laundry to some neighbors.

645. - Okay. - You got two minutes?

646. - Can you wait in the house for me? - Yeah yeah, sure.

647. - Make yourself at home and I'll be right back. - Okay.

648. Hi, sir. We're responding to a domestic battery call.

649. I don't live here.

650. The owner of the house, he just left.

651. Sir, you match the description of somebody who's been reported

652. - for domestic battery at this address. - No no no no no.

653. See, the owner, he just walked out. He'll be right back.

654. Apparently you've been living here with Mr. David

655. and he's been trying to get rid of you.

656. It's all in the doctor's statement.

657. No no no no no. Look, we can just talk to Mr. David.

658. - He'll explain everything. - You won't be speaking to Mr. David.

659. - He's being moved to a safe house. - What?

660. - No no! I was just returning a computer. - You're going to jail now.

661. A computer. I don't live here. You're making a mistake.

662. Wait for the guy to come back. He'll tell— God damn it!

663. Hello.

664. Hey, Richie boy!

665. How's it going? Having fun?