1. SO THEN HE GOES
LIKE THIS...
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2. I GO, "WHAT IS IT, DAD?"
HE GOES...
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3. LIKE THIS.
HE CAN'T TALK.
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4. HE'S IN THE HOSPITAL,
THE BED, YOU KNOW?
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5. SO I LEAN IN,
AND HE WHISPERS IN MY EAR.
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6. HE SAYS TO ME,
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7. "YOU'RE ADOPTED."
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8. - HE SAID THAT?
- I THINK HE SAID THAT.
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9. MAYBE HE SAID,
"YOU'RE A DOCTOR."
I DON'T KNOW.
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10. BUT WHY WOULD HE SAY
I'M A DOCTOR? I WOULD KNOW
IF I'M A DOCTOR.
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11. WHY DO YOU THINK
HE WOULD WAIT UNTIL
NOW TO TELL YOU?
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12. MAYBE HE THOUGHT
HE WAS DYING.
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13. BUT I'M STILL NOT 100% SURE
THAT HE SAID IT.
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14. SO BASICALLY
WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS,
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15. YOU WANT ME TO FIND OUT
IF YOU'RE ADOPTED OR NOT.
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16. YES.
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17. FIRST, HOW DID YOU
FIND ME?
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18. MY FRIEND SAID
HE READ THIS BIG ARTICLE
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19. ABOUT YOU
IN THE L.A. MAGAZINE.
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20. "BEST BEST PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR IN LOS ANGELES."
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21. LOOK, MR. DAVID,
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22. I HAVE TO BE HONEST
WITH YOU.
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23. MY BUSINESS
AND WHAT I DO—
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24. WHAT I DO IS
I SERVICE THE COMMUNITY.
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25. BASICALLYWHAT I'M SAYING IS,
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26. I DON'T SEE A WAY
THAT YOU WOULD, UH,
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27. BE HELPING MY COMMUNITY.
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28. WHAT ABOUT...
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29. CALLING SOME BINGO GAMES
OR SOMETHING?
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30. YOU GOT, LIKE,
A COMMUNITY CENTER
FOR BINGO?
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31. BINGO'S A DISTRACTION.
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32. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE BINGO.
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33. I'VE GOT EXTRA SNEAKERS
THAT I DON'T WEAR ANYMORE
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34. - IN PRETTY GOOD
CONDITION, I MUST SAY.
- EXTRA SNEAKERS?
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35. I'D BE MORE THAN HAPPY
TO DONATE 'EM.
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36. MR. DAVID, I DON'T THINK
THIS IS GONNA WORK.
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37. IT WOULD MEAN
AN AWFUL LOT TO ME.
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38. PLEASE PLEASE,
THINK ABOUT IT.
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39. IF THERE'S ANYTHING
I CAN DO TO CONVINCE YOU,
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40. - I WOULD.
- I CAN'T PROMISE ANYTHING.
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41. WHAT ABOUT A BIG BROTHER
KIND OF THING?
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42. LET ME TALK TO SOME
OF MY COMMUNITY LEADERS
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43. - AND SEE EXACTLY
WHAT THE COMMUNITY NEEDS—
- YEAH, OKAY,
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44. I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT
FOR A LONG TIME.
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45. MAYBE FOR ONE AFTERNOON,
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46. TO A MOVIE OR SOMETHING.
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47. UM, IS THAT A KEY
TO THE MEN'S ROOM?
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48. WELL, IT SAYS "MEN'ON IT. YES.
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49. IT'S A NATURAL QUESTION
TO ASK.
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50. - YES.
- MAY I BORROW THE KEY?
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51. - YES, YOU MAY
BORROW THE KEY.
- THANK YOU.
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52. OKAY.
THANKS, MR. JONES.
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53. - AND YOU'LL THINK
ABOUT IT?
- I WILL.
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54. BY THE WAY...
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55. LOVE THE BOW-TIE.
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56. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- USING THE BATHROOM.
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57. THAT'S MY STALL!
DID YOU SEE THE PLAQUE
ON IT—
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58. YES, I KNOW,
BUT SOMEBODY WAS USING
THE OTHER ONE, SO I—
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59. WELL, THEN YOU WAIT!
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60. I COULDN'T WAIT.
IT WAS AN EMERGENCY.
I HAD TO GO!
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61. THERE'S ONE STALL FOR ME,
AND YOU'RE IN IT!
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62. IF YOU WERE HERE,
I WOULD HAVE GIVEN YOU
FIRST DIBS.
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63. BUT HONESTLY, I HAVEN'T SEEN
A HANDICAPPED PERSON
IN THE BATHROOM,
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64. MAYBE EVER.
SO I THOUGHT I COULD
PERHAPS TAKE MY CHANCES.
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65. "A HANDICAPPED PERSON"?
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66. THAT'S NICE.
OH, THAT'S NICE!
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67. - IT'S CALLED DISABLED.
DISABLED.
- DISABLED?
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68. WELL, THAT DOESN'T
SOUND SO HOT.
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69. I DON'T REALLY CARE WHAT IT
SOUNDS LIKE TO YOU, OKAY?
IT'S DISABLED.
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70. I THINK I WOULD PREFER
HANDICAPPED.
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71. GOD, YOU KNOW
HOW ARCHAIC THAT WORD IS?
"A HANDICAPPED PERSON"!
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72. THAT'S DEMEANING,
DON'T YOU KNOW?
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73. - I'M A DISABLED PERSON.
- OH, SORRY.
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74. YOU'RE SORRY.
- OH, SORRY.
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75. NOW YOU'VE
LEARNED A LESSON.
PLEASE, DON'T EVER GO
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76. - IN MY STALL AGAIN!
ALL RIGHT?
- FINE, OKAY.
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77. - THANKS SO MUCH!
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
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78. - I APPRECIATE IT.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
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79. DOUCHE-BAG.
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80. SO YOU THINK
HE'S A MUSLIM?
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81. - HE HAD THE BOW-TIE.
- HUH?
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82. DO BLACK MEN
WHO AREN'T MUSLIMS
EVER WEAR BOW-TIES?
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83. - I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.
- IT'D BE INTERESTING
TO FIND THAT OUT.
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84. - I'M SURPRISED
YOU DIDN'T ASK HIM.
- YEAH, ME TOO.
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85. I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
I DON'T CARE EITHER WAY,
I'M JUST CURIOUS.
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86. WELL, I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING,
THAT I THINK HE'S A MUSLIM.
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87. HEY, THAT'S
A HANDICAPPED SPOT.
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88. WH-WH-WHAT?
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89. WHAT'S WITH THE WALKING?
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90. FUCK YOU!
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91. I HAVE A STUTTER!
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92. YEAH, BUT YOU CAN WALK.
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93. LOOK AT MY LICENSE PLATE!
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94. I HAVE PERMISSION,
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95. YOU FUCKING PRICK!
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96. OH HEY...
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97. WE GOT A DOG.
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98. REALLY? WHY?
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99. - SHE WANTED A DOG.
- YOU HAVE TO WALK IT
AND EVERYTHING?
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100. - I'M SURE I'LL WIND UP
DOING STUFF.
- OH, DEFINITELY.
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101. I KNOW, YEAH,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S KIND OF CUTE.
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102. - LARRY!
- I KIND OF LIKE IT. HI!
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103. - HI!
- JODI!
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104. - HOW ARE YOU?
- GREAT, GREAT.
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105. - SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!
- GREAT TO SEE YOU.
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106. - HI JODI.
- HI.
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107. - HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- HOW ARE YOU DOING,
MS. JODI FUNKHOUSER?
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108. - SO WHAT'S GOING ON?
- NOTHING.
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109. - SEEKING ATTENTION,
GETTING REJECTED.
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110. - ARE THOSE NEW GLASSES?
- NO, BUT I CLEANED THEM.
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111. YOU'RE SO FUNNY!
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112. - I'M HERE WITH MY DAD.
- OH YEAH?
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113. ARE YOU COMING
TO MY PARENTS'
25th ANNIVERSARY PARTY?
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114. I AM.
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115. - OH. ARE YOU?
- EH...
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116. IT'LL BE FUN, REALLY.
THINK ABOUT IT.
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117. I'M NOT GONNA
THINK ABOUT IT,
BUT WHATEVER.
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118. - I REALLY HOPE YOU COME.
- WELL, THANKS.
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119. - IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
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120. - WOW, GREAT TO SEE YOU.
- YEAH. BYE-BYE.
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121. BYE.
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122. ALL RIGHT,
IS IT MY IMAGINATION?
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123. DOES SHE LIKE YOU
THAT MUCH OR DOES SHE
DISLIKE ME THAT MUCH?
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124. OH, LESBIANS LOVE ME.
THEY LOVE ME.
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125. - HOW IS THAT?
- WELL, WHEN I FIRST
GOT TO L.A.
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126. YOU REMEMBER—
YOU KNOW PATTY,
MY FRIEND PATTY.
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127. - PATTY, YEAH.
- WELL, SHE'S A LESBIAN.
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128. - YES.
- YOU KNOW, SO, OBVIOUSLY,
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129. THEY TALK AMONGST THEMSELVES,
AND THE WORD GOT OUT
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130. THAT I'M A FRIEND
O' LESBIANS.
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131. YOU'RE A FRIEND O' LESBIANS!
- YES, THEY KNOW THAT.
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132. SO THE COMMUNITY
HAS COMPLETELY EMBRACED YOU.
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133. TOTALLY EMBRACED ME.
COMPLETELY.
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134. MORE SO THAN ANY OTHER
COMMUNITY.
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135. INCLUDING JEWS.
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136. - READY? THIS WAY.
- HI, TWO. YEAH.
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137. OH, JEEZ.
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138. THE MEN'S ROOM KEY
FROM THE PRIVATE
INVESTIGATOR'S OFFICE.
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139. I FORGOT
TO BRING IT BACK.
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140. - I'M ALWAYS DOING THAT.
- HEY,
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141. CHECK OUT
THE BOW-TIE HERE.
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142. IT'S A SMART LOOK.
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143. I THINK I'M GONNA
GET ME ONE OF THOSE.
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144. YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU OUGHTTA TRY
WEARING A BOW-TIE.
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145. - IT'D BE A GOOD LOOK
FOR YOU. HI!
- HI.
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146. - HOW ARE YOU DOING?
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- GREAT!
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147. HEY, THANKS FOR SENDING
THE INVITE BACK.
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148. - OH, SURE. I'M EXCITED.
- WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BLAST.
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149. - IT'S GONNA BE—
ARE YOU COMING?
- EH...
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150. - TELL ME YOU'RE COMING.
PLEASE.
- I DON'T KNOW.
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151. 25 YEARS OF MARRIAGE!
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152. - ROSIE'S COMING.
- ROSIE O'DONNELL?
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153. AND I HAVE
LARRY DAVID'S PLACE CARD
RIGHT NEXT TO HERS.
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154. - REALLY? YOU'RE
SITTING ME NEXT TO HER?
- RIGHT NEXT TO HER.
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155. - YOU KNOW ROSIE O'DONNELL?
- I KNOW HER FROM NEW YORK.
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156. - WE USED TO HANG OUT
TOGETHER DOING COMEDY.
- YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME.
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157. - JUST SEND
THE INVITATION BACK, OKAY?
- OH, THANK YOU.
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158. - I'LL SEE YOU GUYS THERE.
I'M EXCITED.
- BY THE WAY,
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159. - JODIE'S REALLY LOOKING GOOD.
- SHE DOES LOOK GREAT.
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160. - DOESN'T SHE LOOK GREAT?
- OH, THANKS A LOT, YEAH.
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161. SHE'S DATING A GUY.
I THINK IT'S SERIOUS.
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162. SHE'S DATING A GUY?
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163. YEAH, SHE'S NO LONGER GAY.
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164. WHAT? YOU'RE KIDDING!
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165. THAT'S FANTASTIC!
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166. CONGRATULATIONS!
GOOD FOR YOU.
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167. SHE'S NOT A LESBIAN
ANYMORE.
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168. OH MY GOD.
GOOD GOING.
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169. ALL RIGHT,
I'LL SEE YOU, UH, SOON.
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170. YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU
AT THE PARTY.
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171. LARRY, WE NEED TO TALK.
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172. IT'S OVER?
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173. WHAT'S OVER?
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174. THE MARRIAGE.
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175. WHY WOULD OUR MARRIAGE
BE OVER?
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176. YOU SAID,
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177. "WE NEED TO TALK."
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178. YEAH, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT
MARTY FUNKHOUSER'S PARTY!
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179. OH, OKAY. I THOUGHT—
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180. - EH, FORGET IT.
- NO NO NO, WHAT DID
YOU THINK?
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181. WELL, YOU KNOW, YOU SAID,
"WE NEED TO TALK."
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182. GENERALLY,
WHEN COUPLES BREAK UP,
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183. THAT'S HOW THEY
INTRODUCE IT, YOU KNOW,
"WE NEED TO TALK."
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184. - SO I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS—
- WELL, WHY WOULD YOU—
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185. WHY WOULD YOU
EVEN THINK THAT?
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186. WELL, BECAUSE WOMEN
HAVE BROKEN UP WITH ME
MANY TIMES,
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187. AND THEY'VE ALWAYS
INTRODUCED IT WITH
"WE NEED TO TALK."
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188. SO I'M JUST
SORT OF CONDITIONED
FOR THAT RESPONSE.
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189. AND WHEN WOMEN
BROKE UP WITH YOU,
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190. DID YOU LIGHT UP
LIKE THAT?
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191. LIGHT UP?
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192. - YEAH.
- DID I LIGHT UP?
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193. "OH, IT'S OVER?"
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194. YOU KNOW,
IT COULD HAVE BEEN
A DEFENSE MECHANISM.
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195. THAT'S HOW I REACT TO THINGS.
I GO THE OTHER WAY,
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196. SO I DON'T GET HURT.
I PROTECT MYSELF.
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197. YOU UNDERSTAND.
SO WHAT ABOUT THE PARTY?
MARTY FUNKHOUSER'S PARTY—
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198. HAVE YOU BEEN THINKING
ABOUT THIS FOR A WHILE?
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199. NO! NOT AT ALL!
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
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200. SO WHAT ABOUT
THE FUNKHOUSER PARTY?
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201. WELL, I WANTED TO KNOW
IF WE'RE GOING OR NOT.
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202. I NEED TO SEND IN
THE RSVP AND—
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203. I WASN'T GOING, AND NOW
I'VE CHANGED MY MIND.
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204. ROSIE O'DONNELL'S
GONNA BE THERE.
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205. OUR TABLE.
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206. AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?
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207. I MIGHT WEAR A BOW-TIE.
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208. - WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THAT?
- YOU'RE GONNA WEAR A BOW-TIE?
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209. - ARE YOU LOVING THAT?
IS THAT FANTASTIC?
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210. HOW ABOUT THAT
FOR AN IDEA, HUH?
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211. I, WELL—
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212. YOU'RE GONNA LOVE IT.
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213. - WELL, LOOK WHO'S HERE.
- WANDA!
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214. - LOOK WHO'S HERE.
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
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215. WELCOME!
THIS IS OUR NEW HOUSE.
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216. - WHAT DO YOU THINK?
- WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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217. - OH, THE RENTAL HOUSE.
- THIS IS A RENTAL.
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218. IT'S JUST FOR A FEW MONTHS
UNTIL THE RENOVATION'S DONE.
YOU KNOW.
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219. SHIT, I MEAN,
YOU'RE RENTING,
SO I CAN BE HONEST.
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220. - Cheryl: YEAH, YEAH.
- I DON'T LIKE IT.
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221. - KINDA COLD, LIKE A HOTEL.
- YEAH.
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222. A HOTEL? HOTELS ARE GOOD.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S A LOT
OF ACTIVITY
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223. IN THE HOTEL LOBBY.
I THINK THAT'S A GOOD THING.
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224. WHY DON'T YOU PUT
A LITTLE BELLMAN'S CAP ON...
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225. - OKAY, I'LL PUT
A BELLMAN'S CAP ON.
- ... AND RUN AROUND.
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226. PUT A LITTLE CONCIERGE DESK
OVER THERE.
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227. - HEY, WANDA, LET ME
ASK YOU A QUESTION.
- WHAT?
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228. IS IT WRONG TO ASSUME
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229. THAT A BLACK MAN
WEARING A BOW-TIE
IS A MUSLIM?
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230. WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME
SOME BULLSHIT LIKE THAT?
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231. WHAT THE FUCK, LARRY?
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232. I'M NOT YOUR LINK
INTO THE BLACK WORLD, OKAY?
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233. SO STOP ASKING ME
SHIT ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE
AND STUFF, ALL RIGHT?
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234. OKAY, BUT LET ME
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235. HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
A BLACK MAN
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236. WEARING A BOW-TIE
WHO'S NOT A MUSLIM?
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237. - WHO GIVES A FUCK?
- IT'S JUST SOMETHING
YOU MAY HAVE OBSERVED.
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238. - HAVE YOU OBSERVED—
- LARRY, I DON'T—
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239. - HAVE YOU EVER OBSERVED
A BLACK MAN...
- LARRY, I DON'T—
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240. WHO'S NOT A MUSLIM WEARING
A BOW-TIE? THAT'S ALL.
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241. YOU THINK FARRAKHAN
WENT OUT AND BOUGHT UP
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242. ALL THE BOW-TIES
OR SOMETHING?
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243. HE'S SITTING THERE
HOLDING ON TO BOW-TIES
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244. AND ONLY MUSLIMS GET 'EM?
WHAT THE FUCK, LARRY?
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245. YOU— WHAT— NO.
I DON'T KNOW.
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246. FAIR ENOUGH.
GOOD ANSWER.
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247. "I DON'T KNOW."
I TOTALLY ACCEPT IT.
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248. - I GOT THE DOG.
- THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO SEE.
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249. - I KNOW, YOU'VE GOT
TO SEE HIM. SHERIFF!
- SHERIFF!
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250. - Larry: HELLO BOY!
- Wanda: HE'S A CUTIE!
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251. - WHAT THE HELL—
- Larry: I THINK
IT'S YOU, WANDA.
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252. - ONE OF Y'ALL
WANNA GRAB CUJO?
- UM...
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253. COME ON, IT'S JUST WANDA.
IT'S JUST WANDA.
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254. I'M SORRY.
HE'S VERY FRIENDLY.
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255. WE'RE ALL DONE IN THERE.
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256. JUST, UH, YOU HAVE TO WAIT
OVERNIGHT FOR THE—
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257. HEY! HEY, LITTLE BUDDY.
COME HERE.
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258. WHAT'S WRONG
WITH YOUR DOG?
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259. I DON'T KNOW.
SEE HOW FRIENDLY HE IS?
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260. GOOD DOG!
HE PROBABLY SMELLS MY DOG.
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261. - Repairman #1: OH!
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262. - HEY! SHIT!
- Larry: OH MY GOD!
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263. - GOD!
- HEY, COME ON!
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264. - GET OVER HERE.
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265. - WHAT'S WITH—
- I'M SO SORRY.
I'M SO SORRY.
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266. WHAT DID YOU DO?
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267. - I'M REALLY SORRY.
- IT'S OKAY.
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268. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
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269. - I'VE NEVER
SEEN HIM LIKE THIS.
- I'M REALLY SORRY.
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270. - YOU KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON.
- HUH?
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271. YOU HAVE A RACIST DOG!
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272. - THAT DOG HATES
BLACK PEOPLE.
- WANDA.
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273. LARRY, YOU TRAINED THE DOG
TO HATE BLACK PEOPLE?
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274. NO, I DIDN'T TRAIN IT
TO HATE BLACK PEOPLE.
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275. HAS IT BARKED
AT ANY WHITE PEOPLE?
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276. NO, HE'S— HE'S—
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277. HE HASN'T BARKED
AT ANY WHITE PEOPLE.
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278. EXACTLY.
THE DOG IS RACIST.
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279. SHERIFF'S RACIST?
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280. SHERIFF?
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281. THAT'S A PERFECT NAME
FOR A RACIST DOG.
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282. WHERE DID YOU GET THIS DOG,
THE KLAN MEETING OR SOMETHING?
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283. - LARRY PICKED HIM OUT
AT THE POUND.
- THE POUND.
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284. SHERIFF THE FUCKING DOG
THAT EATS BLACK PEOPLE.
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285. WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT,
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286. Y'ALL STAY HERE
AND PET YOUR CRAZY-ASS
RACIST DOG,
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287. BUT I AM NOT BRINGING
MY BLACK ASS
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288. BACK UP INTO THIS
FUCKING HOTEL
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289. UNTIL Y'ALL GET RID
OF THAT FUCKING KLAN DOG.
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290. GOT A KLAN DOG!
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291. LOOKING AT ME
LIKE I'M A DAMN T-BONE.
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292. - Cheryl: I'LL CALL YOU.
- AW, SHUT UP.
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293. SO WE HAVE THREE CHOICES.
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294. I'M SORRY, THE FIRST
THAT WE HAVE IS
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295. A SKIRT STEAK...
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296. LOOK, I CAN'T—
I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
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297. I CAN'T HEAR.
COULD YOU REPEAT THAT?
WHAT'S THAT?
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298. IT'S A SKIRT STEAK, SIR,
OR STIR FRY,
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299. UH, AND THAT'S—
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300. EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
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301. EXCUSE ME, COULD YOU JUST
KEEP IT DOWN A LITTLE BIT?
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302. WE CAN'T HEAR THE WAITER.
WE'RE TRYING TO ORDER.
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303. - KEEP IT DOWN?
- WE'RE TRYING TO HEAR
THE WAITER.
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304. I'M TRYING TO HAVE A GOOD TIME
WITH MY FAMILY OVER HERE.
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
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305. I'M NOT KEEPING IT DOWN.
I'M SORRY,
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306. - WE NEED TO KEEP IT DOWN
FOR TUCKER CARLSON OVER HERE.
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307. "KEEP IT DOWN"!
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308. - TUCKER CARLSON?
- TUCKER CARLSON.
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309. THERE'S A CHICKEN ROTISSERIE
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310. AND A PORTOBELLO
MUSHROOM SALAD.
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311. - Susie: SALAD?
- YEAH, WELL THE PORTOBELLO
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312. IS CUT UP
ONTO MIXED GREENS.
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313. - Waiter:
ARE YOU A VEGETARIAN?
- Susie: YEAH, IT DEPENDS.
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314. - Jeff: SHE IS.
- Susie: YEAH.
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315. SO THAT WOULD
SORT OF BE THE BEST CHOICE.
IT'S REALLY GOOD.
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316. I'M GONNA GET THE SKIRT STEAK.
WANT ME TO ORDER FOR YOU?
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317. - WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- GET ME THE CHICKEN.
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318. EXCUSE ME.
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319. UH, I'LL HAVE
THE PORTOBELLO, YEAH.
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320. - HEY, SUE.
- WHAT?
Copy !req
321. WHAT'S WITH THE SNUB?
Copy !req
322. OH, COME ON, LARRY.
Copy !req
323. YOU'RE ACTING
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW?
Copy !req
324. WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW WHY—
Copy !req
325. WHAT?
WHAT DID I DO?
Copy !req
326. ALL RIGHT, LET ME
GIVE YOU A CLUE, OKAY?
Copy !req
327. STARTS WITH A "J"
AND IT ENDS WITH AN "I."
Copy !req
328. JEDI?
Copy !req
329. - YOU KNOW—
- WHAT?
Copy !req
330. IT'S JODI, OKAY?
Copy !req
331. WH-WHAT DID YOU HEAR?
Copy !req
332. WELL, I HEARD THAT YOU
JUST GOT SO EXCITED,
Copy !req
333. LIKE YOU WERE SO HAPPY
THAT SHE WASN'T WITH
WOMEN ANYMORE.
Copy !req
334. - THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
- IT'S NOT RIDICULOUS.
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335. - I WAS HAPPY FOR HIM.
- I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
HAPPENED TO YOU.
Copy !req
336. I WASN'T REALLY HAPPY
FOR HIM, I WAS PRETENDING
I WAS HAPPY FOR HIM.
Copy !req
337. - OH REALLY?
- BUT THAT'S ALL.
I WAS JUST PRETENDING.
Copy !req
338. - NO NO NO NO.
- NO, I WASN'T SINCERE.
I WASN'T SINCERELY EXCITED.
Copy !req
339. - YOU'RE NOT
BEING SINCERE NOW.
- NO, NOW I'M BEING SINCERE.
Copy !req
340. YOU KNOW,
THE LESBIAN COMMUNITY
USED TO REVERE YOU.
Copy !req
341. - YOU USED TO BE SUCH
A LIBERAL GUY, LARRY.
- I'M LIBERAL.
Copy !req
342. - NO, YOU'RE NOT LIBERAL.
- I AM LIBERAL.
Copy !req
343. LOOK WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.
LOOK AT THE BOW-TIE.
Copy !req
344. THE BOW-TIE—
I JUST TRIED OUT
A BOW-TIE, SO WHAT?
Copy !req
345. EXCUSE ME, EXCUSE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M SORRY.
Copy !req
346. DON'T EVEN WASTE YOUR TIME
TALKING TO THIS MAN.
Copy !req
347. THIS MAN IS A RACIST.
Copy !req
348. HE HAS A RACIST DOG.
Copy !req
349. HE HAS A DOG
THAT ATTACKS BLACK PEOPLE.
Copy !req
350. OKAY, I DO—
THE DOG IS RACIST.
Copy !req
351. - BUT I DIDN'T TRAIN
HIM TO BE RACIST.
- LARRY, FORGET ABOUT IT.
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352. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?
Copy !req
353. BECAUSE WE TALK, LARRY.
Copy !req
354. ARE YOU HAVING FUN
OR WHAT?
Copy !req
355. WHAT DID YOU TELL JODI?
Copy !req
356. I TOLD HER
YOU WERE JUST MAYBE
A LITTLE OVERJOYOUS
Copy !req
357. AT THE FACT THAT SHE
WAS DATING A BOY.
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358. - THAT'S ALL I SAID.
- ALL THE LESBIANS
HATE ME NOW.
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359. - OH, SO IT'S MY FAULT?
- YES IT IS!
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360. - YOU CELEBRATED!
- I WAS PRETENDING TO BE HAPPY
FOR YOUR BENEFIT.
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361. - I DON'T NEED BENEFIT!
- YOU NEED BENEFIT!
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362. - WHAT DO I
NEED BENEFIT FOR?
- YOU NEED BENEFIT.
Copy !req
363. I'M HAPPY IF JODI'S HAPPY.
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364. - YOU'RE OVERBLOWING
THIS WHOLE THING.
- I DON'T THINK SO.
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365. - WE'RE AT A PARTY.
- I DON'T LIKE BEING
SNUBBED BY LESBIANS.
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366. - IT'S THEIR PREROGATIVE.
- I'M THEIR BIGGEST SUPPORTER.
Copy !req
367. - YOU'RE THEIR BIGGEST
SUPPORTER?
- YES I AM!
Copy !req
368. WELL, THEY'RE IN TROUBLE THEN.
Copy !req
369. BY THE WAY,
WHERE'S ROSIE O'DONNELL?
Copy !req
370. SHE'S NOT HERE YET.
Copy !req
371. SURE YOU INVITED HER?
Copy !req
372. SHE'LL BE HERE.
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373. - WHEN?
- SOON.
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374. OKAY.
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375. DAN, DANNY,
COME OVER HERE.
I WANT YOU TO MEET SOMEBODY.
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376. THIS IS JODI'S NEW BOYFRIEND.
THIS IS LARRY DAVID.
Copy !req
377. - HI, HOW ARE YOU?
- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
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378. - HAVE A GOOD TIME.
- OKAY.
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379. HEY, BY THE WAY,
YOU AND JODI—
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380. - FANTASTIC, GREAT NEWS.
- YEAH, YEAH.
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381. - PRETTY GOOD.
- YES IT IS INDEED.
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382. PRETTY, PRETTY,
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383. PRETTY, PRETTY GOOD.
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384. - YEAH.
- TERRIFIC.
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385. AND TO HAVE TO OVERCOME
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386. THE WHOLE SITUATION,
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387. THE WHOLE SEXUAL THING,
YOU KNOW?
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388. OH. OH, THERE'S NOTHING
TO OVERCOME, REALLY.
Copy !req
389. WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE FACT THAT SHE'S BEEN
WITH WOMEN BEFORE YOU.
Copy !req
390. - I KNOW—
- I'D BE REALLY
INTIMIDATED BY THAT,
Copy !req
391. - BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WE REALLY—
- INTIMIDATED?
Copy !req
392. WELL, BECAUSE WE DON'T KNOW
WHAT WE'RE DOING
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393. AS MUCH AS THE WOMEN KNOW.
YOU KNOW, IT'S THEIR
EQUIPMENT.
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394. THEY OWN THE EQUIPMENT,
SO THEY KNOW WHAT TO DO
WITH IT.
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395. YOU KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON DOWN THERE?
Copy !req
396. - I DON'T HAVE ANY IDEA.
- I'D LIKE TO THINK I DO.
Copy !req
397. THAT WHOLE AREA IS SO
MYSTERIOUS TO ME, YOU KNOW?
Copy !req
398. - I'M JUST SAYING IT'S—
- WELL, I MEAN—
Copy !req
399. I'D BE INTIMIDATED,
I KNOW THAT.
Copy !req
400. YEAH.
Copy !req
401. I ALWAYS WONDERED,
DO YOU WALK AROUND IN
YOUR BIKINI AT HOME?
Copy !req
402. - THE WAY HE TALKS,
YOU'D THINK THAT HE'S GOT—
- HEY.
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403. I THINK I WANT
TO GO HOME.
Copy !req
404. LET'S GO HOME.
Copy !req
405. NO, WE HAVEN'T EVEN
HAD DESSERT YET.
Copy !req
406. SO WHAT?
WE DON'T NEED DESSERT.
COME ON.
Copy !req
407. WELL, IT'S RUDE.
YOU STAY FOR DESSERT.
Copy !req
408. - THEN YOU CAN GO.
- SO WHAT, DESSERT?
IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
Copy !req
409. - WE CAN JUST GO. COME ON.
- WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME?
Copy !req
410. I NEED TO USE
THE BATHROOM.
Copy !req
411. - SO GO USE THE BATHROOM.
- I DON'T WANT TO USE
THIS BATHROOM.
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412. - I WANT MY OWN—
- WHY?
Copy !req
413. THIS PROJECT DEMANDS
I GET BACK TO MY BASE.
Copy !req
414. I NEED MY BASE.
Copy !req
415. - WE'RE NOT GOING HOME—
- Jeff: WHAT'S THE MATTER?
Copy !req
416. - LARRY WANTS TO GO HOME...
- WHAT—
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417. TO USE THE BATHROOM.
IT'S LIKE—
Copy !req
418. CHERYL, YOU NEED TO TELL
THE WHOLE TABLE?
Copy !req
419. - WHY DON'T YOU MAKE
AN ANNOUNCEMENT?
- HOLD ON HERE.
Copy !req
420. YOU'VE NEVER DONE
THAT WITH ME AT LUNCH?
IT'S THE CRAZIEST THING.
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421. IT'S RIDICULOUS.
HE CAN USE THIS BATHROOM.
Copy !req
422. - THAT'S WHAT EVERYBODY—
- YOU'RE A GENTILE.
Copy !req
423. YOU'LL GO IN
THE MIDDLE OF FIFTH AVENUE.
IT'S DIFFERENT FOR JEWS.
Copy !req
424. - NO, YOU'RE AT AN AFFAIR.
- WHAT?
Copy !req
425. YOU CANNOT LEAVE
AN AFFAIR BEFORE
THE DESSERT IS SERVED.
Copy !req
426. WHAT IS THIS DESSERT THING?
WE DON'T HAVE TO LEAVE AFTER.
Copy !req
427. - WE CAN LEAVE BEFORE DESSERT.
- Jeff: BETTER TO LEAVE AFTER.
Copy !req
428. NO, YOU DO NOT LEAVE
BEFORE DESSERT.
Copy !req
429. WHO MADE THIS UP?
WHERE'S THIS RULE?
Copy !req
430. EVERYBODY HERE SEEMS
TO KNOW, BUT THE RULES
DON'T APPLY TO YOU?
Copy !req
431. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?
SIT HERE FOR FOUR HOURS
Copy !req
432. - AND BE UNCOMFORTABLE?
- SHOULD I GO CLEAN IT FOR YOU
BEFORE YOU GO IN THERE?
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433. - IT'S NOT EVEN
THE CLEANLINESS.
- OKAY, JUST GO.
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434. - IT'S NOT A CLEANLINESS ISSUE.
- WE DON'T NEED TO TALK
ABOUT YOUR BATHROOM—
Copy !req
435. - SO JUST GO.
- YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO'S TELLING EVERYBODY
Copy !req
436. - IN THE WHOLE PLACE!
- JUST GO!
Copy !req
437. HEY, WHERE DO YOU
THINK YOU'RE GOING, PAL?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Copy !req
438. I'M GOING TO THE BATHROOM.
Copy !req
439. - THAT'S A HANDICAPPED STALL.
- WE'RE WAITING IN LINE.
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440. I HAVE A STUTTER,
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441. YOU PRICKS!
Copy !req
442. STUTTER MY ASS!
THAT'S FOR PEOPLE
WHO CAN'T WALK.
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443. OH, ALL RIGHT, FINE, OKAY.
Copy !req
444. OH, YOUR STUTTER'S GONE,
JACKASS!
Copy !req
445. - GIVE ME A FUCKING
BREAK, ASSHOLE.
- STUPID ASS.
Copy !req
446. ALL RIGHT, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
Copy !req
447. ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE YOU
IN ABOUT 10-15 MINUTES.
Copy !req
448. ALL RIGHT, GREAT.
HEY.
Copy !req
449. - I'LL SEE YOU
IN A FEW HOURS.
- HUH? FEW HOURS?
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450. - YEAH.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
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451. - I'M MEETING JULIE.
Copy !req
452. - DON'T FORGET
TO TAKE THE DOG OUT.
- HELLO.
Copy !req
453. OUT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
OUT FOR A WALK
OR OUT WITH ME?
Copy !req
454. Hello, Mr. David.
Copy !req
455. - THIS IS OMAR JONES.
- OH, HI.
Copy !req
456. I GOTTA TELL YOU, MR. DAVID,
I WAS THINKING ABOUT
TAKING THE CASE,
Copy !req
457. BUT I GOT A DISTRESSING
CALL TODAY
Copy !req
458. ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR
LAST NIGHT AT THE BANQUET.
Copy !req
459. WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
Copy !req
460. According to one
of the brothers, you said,
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461. "KEEP IT DOWN."
Copy !req
462. NO NO, ALL THAT HAPPENED WAS
I WAS TRYING TO ORDER
Copy !req
463. AND I COULDN'T HEAR
THE WAITER BECAUSE SOME
OF YOUR BROTHERS
Copy !req
464. WERE MAKING TOO MUCH NOISE
AT THE NEXT TABLE, THAT'S ALL.
Copy !req
465. How do you even know
about this?
Copy !req
466. WE TALK, MR. DAVID.
WE TALK.
Copy !req
467. - HUH.
- AND WHAT ABOUT
MY BATHROOM KEY?
Copy !req
468. I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT THAT.
I'M RETURNING IT TODAY,
I PROMISE.
Copy !req
469. Well, like I said,
I'm gonna have to think
about it.
Copy !req
470. THANK YOU.
Copy !req
471. HOW WAS EVERYTHING?
Copy !req
472. - PRETTY GOOD.
- GREAT.
Copy !req
473. DO YOU WANT COFFEE,
DESSERT, ON THE HOUSE?
Copy !req
474. - ON THE HOUSE?
- YEAH.
Copy !req
475. I'LL HAVE A CUPCAKE.
Copy !req
476. - YEAH, I'LL TAKE
A DESSERT ON THE HOUSE.
- OKAY.
Copy !req
477. - FABULOUS. THANK YOU.
- ARE THOSE NEW GLASSES?
Copy !req
478. - NO, I JUST CLEANED THEM.
Copy !req
479. IT'S NICE
TO HAVE YOU BACK, LARRY.
Copy !req
480. YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE BACK
IN THE LESBIAN BOSOM.
Copy !req
481. WOW.
Copy !req
482. - I'M BACK.
- YOU ARE BACK.
Copy !req
483. BY THE LOOKS OF THINGS,
BETTER THAN EVER.
Copy !req
484. BUT WHAT— I WONDER
WHAT TURNED IT AROUND.
Copy !req
485. OH DEAR. UH-OH.
Copy !req
486. WHAT?
Copy !req
487. - WHAT DOES FUNKHOUSER WANT?
- I DON'T KNOW.
Copy !req
488. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
HOW DID HE EVEN KNOW
I WAS HERE?
Copy !req
489. WHAT DID YOU SAY TO DAN?
Copy !req
490. WHAT DID I—
HELLO, BOY.
Copy !req
491. - DID YOU MEET
SHERIFF, MY DOG?
- NO, I DIDN'T.
Copy !req
492. I SAID, "DAN,
THIS IS LARRY DAVID."
THEN I LEFT YOU.
Copy !req
493. - AND I SAID HI,
I SAID HELLO.
- YEAH, YEAH.
Copy !req
494. - I SAID, "HI, DAN."
- YEAH, WHAT ELSE?
Copy !req
495. YOU KNOW,
A LITTLE SMALL TALK,
"HI, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
Copy !req
496. - WHERE ARE YOU FROM?"
AND ALL THAT.
- THAT'S IT?
Copy !req
497. AND THEN, WHAT DID
I SAY? I SAID,
Copy !req
498. "IT MUST BE HARD,
AS A GUY, TO FOLLOW—"
Copy !req
499. WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY,
"HELLO, I'M LARRY.
Copy !req
500. - NICE TO MEET YOU"?
- I SAID THAT AFTER HI.
I SAID HI, THEN I SAID THAT.
Copy !req
501. - WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
- PROBLEM?
Copy !req
502. YEAH, PROBLEM.
NOW SHE'S BACK WITH A WOMAN.
Copy !req
503. NO WONDER WHY
THEY'RE ALL BEING
SO NICE TO ME IN THERE.
Copy !req
504. THEY'RE ALL SMILING AT ME.
OF COURSE, IT MAKES
PERFECT SENSE.
Copy !req
505. - I WANT TO SAY
SOMETHING ELSE.
- UH-HUH.
Copy !req
506. YOU LEFT MY PARTY
BEFORE DESSERT!
Copy !req
507. HOW CAN YOU DO THAT?
Copy !req
508. IT'S NOT PROPER ETIQUETTE!
Copy !req
509. I DON'T SUBSCRIBE
TO THE WAIT-FOR-DESSERT RULE
Copy !req
510. BEFORE YOU CAN LEAVE A PARTY.
Copy !req
511. YEAH, NO ONE CARES
WHAT YOU SUBSCRIBE TO, OKAY?
Copy !req
512. WE WERE TRYING TO RECREATE
WHAT HAPPENED 25 YEARS AGO,
Copy !req
513. AND I SAID,
"LARRY, WOULD YOU LIKE
TO MAKE A TOAST?"
Copy !req
514. AND SOMEONE SAID,
"LARRY WENT HOME
TO TAKE A SHIT."
Copy !req
515. AH.
Copy !req
516. YOU STAY HERE.
OKAY, BOY?
Copy !req
517. YOU STAY, SHERIFF.
Copy !req
518. - HEY!
- HEY, LARRY.
Copy !req
519. - HEY, HI!
- HOW ARE YOU?
Copy !req
520. - GREAT.
- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
Copy !req
521. HEY, BY THE WAY,
I DON'T KNOW
Copy !req
522. IF YOU HEARD ANYTHING
ABOUT WHAT'S BEEN
GOING ON—
Copy !req
523. - OH, COME ON, I HEARD.
RIGHT? I'M IN THE LOOP.
- YEAH, RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH.
Copy !req
524. IT'S ALL RIGHT, THOUGH.
I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD
Copy !req
525. WORRY ABOUT IT. JUST—
IT'S ALL GOOD NOW.
Copy !req
526. YOU KNOW, WHAT HAPPENED
THAT DAY WAS
Copy !req
527. I JUST GOT A
LITTLE EXCITED,
BUT NOT—
Copy !req
528. HEY HEY HEY HEY, LARR.
I STOOD UP AT THE MEETING,
Copy !req
529. I TOLD EVERYBODY,
"I KNOW THE GUY."
Copy !req
530. I VOUCHED FOR YOU.
YOU'RE ALL RIGHT.
Copy !req
531. - YOU'RE SOMETHING,
YOU KNOW THAT?
- COME ON, COME ON!
Copy !req
532. - IT ALL WORKED OUT, RIGHT?
- IT'S GREAT.
Copy !req
533. - LISTEN, SHE'S HAPPY,
WE'RE HAPPY, YOU KNOW?
- FANTASTIC.
Copy !req
534. SHE'S BACK ON THE TEAM.
EVERYTHING'S GOOD.
DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
Copy !req
535. - FANTASTIC.
- ALL RIGHT.
Copy !req
536. - HEY.
- YEAH.
Copy !req
537. YOU KNOW, WE MISSED YOU
AT FUNKHOUSER'S PARTY.
Copy !req
538. THE WHAT?
Copy !req
539. MARTY FUNKHOUSER'S
25th ANNIVERSARY PARTY.
Copy !req
540. - OH, JODI'S DAD?
- YEAH.
Copy !req
541. YEAH, I DON'T REALLY
KNOW HIM. NO.
Copy !req
542. - YOU WEREN'T INVITED TO THAT?
- NOPE, NO NO NO.
Copy !req
543. WAS IT GOOD?
DID YOU GO?
Copy !req
544. - YEAH, YEAH, I WENT.
- YEAH, IT WAS GOOD?
Copy !req
545. AND DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THAT OTHER THING.
Copy !req
546. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW,
GONE, LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED.
Copy !req
547. - OKAY? LIKE IT
NEVER HAPPENED.
- THANKS, SWEETHEART.
Copy !req
548. - ALL THE LESBIANS LOVE YOU.
- OKAY, LOVE YOU.
Copy !req
549. - I LOVE YOU BACK.
- LOVE YOU.
Copy !req
550. I LOVE YOU.
EVERYONE LOVES YOU.
ALL OF US.
Copy !req
551. YOU A A MUSLIM!
Copy !req
552. GO, PRAY, PRAY.
Copy !req
553. LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
Copy !req
554. ARE BROTHERS AND SISTERS
A LITTLE OVERLY SENSITIVE
Copy !req
555. TO BEING TOLD
TO KEEP IT DOWN?
Copy !req
556. BECAUSE I KNOW IN THE MOVIES
YOU GUYS TEND TO MAKE
Copy !req
557. A LOT OF NOISE SOMETIMES.
AM I RIGHT?
Copy !req
558. 'CAUSE THAT'S KIND OF
WHAT HAPPENED AT THE PARTY.
Copy !req
559. - WHAT, DID I—
Copy !req
560. NO, GO BACK.
Copy !req
561. DID I INTERRUPT
THE PRAYING?
I'M SORRY.
Copy !req
562. - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
- ALL RIGHT.
Copy !req
563. - LISTEN, MR. DAVID—
- LOOK AT THE WAY YOU
FOLD THAT UP.
Copy !req
564. IT'S LIKE A YOGA MAT, HUH?
Copy !req
565. I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
Copy !req
566. THAT MUSLIMS ARE
A VERY FORGIVING PEOPLE.
Copy !req
567. THEY ARE?
Copy !req
568. - YES WE ARE.
WE'RE VERY FORGIVING.
- REALLY? HUH.
Copy !req
569. - WELL, IT'S TRUE.
- THERE'S A LOT
Copy !req
570. OF MESHUGANA MUSLIMS,
THOUGH, RUNNING AROUND,
ARE THERE NOT?
Copy !req
571. BEING THAT WE ARE
A FORGIVING PEOPLE,
I HAVE DECIDED
Copy !req
572. TO TAKE ON YOUR CASE.
Copy !req
573. BUT I'M GONNA HAVE
TO CHARGE YOU
Copy !req
574. A HIGHER RATE
THAN I CHARGE MOST PEOPLE.
Copy !req
575. WELL, WHATEVER YOU HAVE
TO DO.
Copy !req
576. - YOU'RE GONNA TAKE THE CASE?
- I'M GONNA TAKE THE CASE.
Copy !req
577. - THANK YOU SO MUCH.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.
Copy !req
578. DO MUSLIMS SHAKE?
Copy !req
579. - YES, WE DO.
- YOU DO?
Copy !req
580. - YES, WE DO.
- GREAT.
Copy !req
581. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH,
Copy !req
582. I'M VERY EXCITED
ABOUT THIS.
Copy !req
583. THE WHOLE ADOPTION THING—
Copy !req
584. I MEAN, THIS COULD BE
A HUGE THING FOR ME.
Copy !req
585. ALL RIGHT, MR. DAVID.
Copy !req
586. OH, GUESS WHAT.
Copy !req
587. BATHROOM KEY.
Copy !req
588. YOU KNOW WHAT?
Copy !req
589. I GOTTA GO AGAIN.
I'M SO SORRY.
Copy !req
590. - ALL RIGHT.
Copy !req
591. WELL, LOOKY HERE!
Copy !req
592. LOOK WHAT'S DOING HERE!
Copy !req
593. AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE IN HERE?
Copy !req
594. IT SEEMS TO ME YOU'RE
USING THE WRONG TOILET.
Copy !req
595. SOMEBODY WAS IN THERE.
I HAD TO USE THE NORMAL ONE.
Copy !req
596. REALLY?
FIRST OF ALL,
Copy !req
597. WE DON'T LIKE
TO BE REFERRED TO
AS "NORMAL," OKAY?
Copy !req
598. WE'RE "ABLE-BODIED."
"ABLE-BODIED," NOT "NORMAL."
Copy !req
599. THAT'S LIKE FROM THE '80s.
WHO DOESN'T KNOW THAT?
Copy !req
600. I HAD TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
SOMEBODY WAS IN THERE.
Copy !req
601. WELL, THEN YOU WAIT.
Copy !req
602. YOU WAIT.
Copy !req
603. ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF!
Copy !req
604. OKAY, GOOD BOY!
GOOD BOY.
Copy !req
605. MR. DAVID.
Copy !req
606. MY BATHROOM KEY.
Copy !req
607. HEY, NICE DOG.
Copy !req
608. NO, DON'T!
Copy !req
609. I LOVE DOGS.
I HAVE A COUPLE OF MY OWN.
Copy !req
610. ALL RIGHT,
JUST GIVE ME MY KEY.
Copy !req
611. OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE
I FORGOT.
Copy !req
612. HOPEFULLY WE
WON'T HAVE TO KEEP GOING
THROUGH THE SAME THING.
Copy !req
613. I'M SORRY.
WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
WON'T HAPPEN AGAIN.
Copy !req
614. - NICE DOG.
- THANK YOU.
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
Copy !req
615. HEY!
Copy !req
616. GOOD BOY, GOOD BOY!
YEAH!
Copy !req
617. OH, LOOK!
Copy !req
618. YOU GOT YOURSELF
A DOGGIE!
Copy !req
619. - SORRY.
Copy !req