1. Okay, here's the thing.Copy !req
2. I just don't want to do this show.
I just don't want to do it anymore.Copy !req
3. I've lost enthusiasm for it.Copy !req
4. I just don't feel jazzed about it...Copy !req
5. and I've kind of had it.Copy !req
6. So let's just walk away from this.Copy !req
7. It's just too much of a headache
and I'm utterly exhausted, okay?Copy !req
8. I can't believe you're saying this.Copy !req
9. It's such a great idea. It's a great idea.Copy !req
10. No, I know, Jeff, I know it's a great idea.
That's not what the issue is.Copy !req
11. The problem,
quite honestly, has been you, Larry.Copy !req
12. Yeah.Copy !req
13. I mean, it's just been a fiasco
from start to finish.Copy !req
14. It just seems
that trouble seems to be following you.Copy !req
15. He's a victim of circumstance.Copy !req
16. Okay, it's his not being
a victim of circumstance, guys...Copy !req
17. and, you know... Lar, come on.Copy !req
18. This has been a joke, it's been too much.Copy !req
19. I don't know what to say,
I'm sorry that you feel that way.Copy !req
20. - It's a shame, because everyone loves it.
- Yeah, everyone loves it.Copy !req
21. It's what's gone on after
that's been the problem, but—Copy !req
22. if we were to continue,
where would we even go at this point?Copy !req
23. Where would we even go?Copy !req
24. What are our choices here, CBS?Copy !req
25. - CBS.
- Fox?Copy !req
26. - No, not Fox, I don't like their politics.
- CBS is where I'd like to go with it.Copy !req
27. - What do you say? Come on, we'll do CBS—
- It's just that it's tiring. This has been tiring.Copy !req
28. He's gonna do it all from now on.
He will do it all.Copy !req
29. At the next meeting,
you don't even have to say a word.Copy !req
30. - I'll pitch the whole show, okay?
- Really?Copy !req
31. You don't even have to come and I'll sell it.Copy !req
32. Just divorce yourself from the whole thing
until there's a script in front of you, okay?Copy !req
33. - You are gonna do all of it?
- I will do the whole thing.Copy !req
34. - The whole pitch.
- Yeah, the whole pitch.Copy !req
35. Come on, one more shot.Copy !req
36. Oh, my God, all right, CBS.Copy !req
37. CBS.Copy !req
38. - That was a little dicey.
- Yeah, you know, I knew we had them.Copy !req
39. - Did you?
- Yeah.Copy !req
40. They needed reassurance, I think, right?Copy !req
41. They needed reassurance,
that's completely what it was.Copy !req
42. - Don't stare, come on.
- Oh, my God, look at that.Copy !req
43. I just read about that in the paper.
It's called "scarlet-letter punishment."Copy !req
44. "Scarlet-letter punishment"?Copy !req
45. - Poor guy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
46. - Larry!
- Rick, how you doing?Copy !req
47. - Good!
- Good.Copy !req
48. You know that guy?Copy !req
49. He works at the restaurant, Moho,
in your hotel.Copy !req
50. The W Hotel.Copy !req
51. Why didn't you say
hello to him? You know him.Copy !req
52. He wanted to do a stop-and-chat.
I didn't want to do a stop-and-chat.Copy !req
53. "Stop-and-chat?"
Where do you come up with these things?Copy !req
54. He wanted to stop and chat with me
and I don't know him that well.Copy !req
55. "Hi, how are you?
Nice to see you. Take care, bye."Copy !req
56. No, it's more than that.
For him, all I need to do is say hello—Copy !req
57. That was kind of rude.Copy !req
58. That was not rude.
I don't have to do a stop-and-chat.Copy !req
59. You always have rules
and phrasings, "stop-and-chat."Copy !req
60. Larry, would you
like to help us stuff some envelopes?Copy !req
61. - No.
- Really?Copy !req
62. - Surprise, surprise.
- That shocks me.Copy !req
63. Guess who I'm going to see.Copy !req
64. - Who?
- Kim.Copy !req
65. Kim nails or Kim psychic?Copy !req
66. - Kim psychic.
- What?Copy !req
67. - Yes, I'm so excited.
- You're going back to that psychic?Copy !req
68. Yeah, to Kim. I kept calling...Copy !req
69. and finally she said that
somebody cancelled their appointment.Copy !req
70. Last time, she was dead on.Copy !req
71. She's great. Yeah.Copy !req
72. She told Cheryl
that I was gonna get a hole in one in golf...Copy !req
73. and I got a hole in one.Copy !req
74. That's amazing, she's almost magical.Copy !req
75. She also told Cheryl
I was gonna have a bad time in Hawaii...Copy !req
76. - which I did, but, you know...
- But that wasn't so...Copy !req
77. Only you could have a bad time in Hawaii.Copy !req
78. Yeah, anybody could've predicted that.Copy !req
79. And she said that one of my friends
was gonna get pregnant, Carrie...Copy !req
80. and she even said the name
and she's pregnant...Copy !req
81. and she's gonna have a baby,
and they're so happy.Copy !req
82. - It's unbelievable. How weird is that?
- She's amazing. She's spooky.Copy !req
83. You know what I like about her?Copy !req
84. Stuff that's bad, she doesn't hold back.
She'll tell you. Yeah.Copy !req
85. 'Cause a lot of psychics,
they hold back on the bad stuff.Copy !req
86. Who's gonna pay to hear
a bunch of bad shit?Copy !req
87. Nobody want to hear that.Copy !req
88. Do you believe this?
What the hell are they doing?Copy !req
89. Putt it.Copy !req
90. Every hole...Copy !req
91. they line up putts,
from the front, from the back.Copy !req
92. They walk around.Copy !req
93. Are they playing for thousands of dollars?
Come on.Copy !req
94. - I know.
- I've got a five-hour round here.Copy !req
95. - We're fine.
- We're fine?Copy !req
96. - Enjoy yourself.
- I can't enjoy myself.Copy !req
97. They can't feel your tension, okay?Copy !req
98. You're just all wired up.Copy !req
99. You know what? I got a masseuse.Copy !req
100. This weekend you're gonna see her,
my treat.Copy !req
101. You're just all tense.Copy !req
102. You need to relax,
'cause golf doesn't relax you.Copy !req
103. How can you relax
if these guys take a year like this?Copy !req
104. You're right.Copy !req
105. So, my treat.Copy !req
106. Sorry about this,
they're taking a year up there.Copy !req
107. No problem, don't worry about it.Copy !req
108. - I'm telling you—
- All right, fine, I'll get it.Copy !req
109. Finally, they're done.Copy !req
110. I can't hit in front of an audience.
You know, I just can't.Copy !req
111. - Right there, what's that?
- Yeah, that's a bad spot.Copy !req
112. Yeah, let's try to breathe through it,
okay, together?Copy !req
113. - Is that better?
- No, not really.Copy !req
114. You know, sometimes,
the body has a memory...Copy !req
115. and it holds on to traumatic events
from our childhood.Copy !req
116. And do you think this might relate
to anything that may have happened to you?Copy !req
117. My mother did throw me
against a brick wall...Copy !req
118. when I was an infant. Maybe that had—Copy !req
119. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
120. I didn't get hurt at all.Copy !req
121. Yeah.Copy !req
122. And have you ever talked
to her about this, maybe?Copy !req
123. Yeah, I've mentioned it to her
a couple of times.Copy !req
124. - She's okay with that?
- Yeah, she said I was a little prick.Copy !req
125. - How's your chi?
- It's good, it's delicious chi.Copy !req
126. The whole body does better
when there's no blockages anywhere.Copy !req
127. How are you feeling?Copy !req
128. - All right.
- Yeah?Copy !req
129. Would you like me to finish you off?Copy !req
130. Okay.Copy !req
131. Hot.Copy !req
132. Stop.Copy !req
133. - Stop.
- Stop?Copy !req
134. Stop.Copy !req
135. Are you okay?Copy !req
136. I'm just saying
if he gets Sarah Jessica Parker...Copy !req
137. to do a guest shot on our show,
it would be great.Copy !req
138. - Mike.
- How are you, man?Copy !req
139. Good to see you.Copy !req
140. - Good to see you.
- Absolutely.Copy !req
141. - Absolutely. What's going on?
- Is this—Copy !req
142. - What's going on?
- What's going on?Copy !req
143. What's going on?
What in the God's name is wrong with you?Copy !req
144. - You're nuts.
- You want me to wait outside?Copy !req
145. No, I don't want you to wait outside.
I want you to hear this, okay?Copy !req
146. - Okay.
- He sends me to a masseuse...Copy !req
147. and, you know, after 45 minutes,
I'm on my back...Copy !req
148. she says,
"Do you want me to finish you off?"Copy !req
149. And I go, "Okay."Copy !req
150. I don't know what the hell
she's talking about!Copy !req
151. I think she'll work more on my neck
and that'll be it!Copy !req
152. Then she puts her hand under the sheets
and starts pumping away.Copy !req
153. Wait a minute,
are you messing around with me?Copy !req
154. No, I didn't know
what she was talking about.Copy !req
155. Is this a gag?
'Cause my character goes to a masseuse...Copy !req
156. who wants to give him a happy ending.Copy !req
157. - That happened on your show?
- You don't watch my show?Copy !req
158. - You don't?
- No.Copy !req
159. - I put my foot in my mouth, all right?
- I'm sorry, how's the show going?Copy !req
160. - You don't watch it, why do you care?
- I'm just making conversation.Copy !req
161. That's why I'm not
throwing it back your way.Copy !req
162. - Did you enjoy it?
- I stopped it.Copy !req
163. What do you mean? Who stops a whack-off?Copy !req
164. - I stopped it after 12 pumps.
- No wonder you're still uptight.Copy !req
165. You either do zero pumps
or a thousand pumps.Copy !req
166. I don't know how I did it.Copy !req
167. How did you do that?
What did you summon?Copy !req
168. I don't know how I did it.Copy !req
169. if I stopped at 12 pumps,
I would tell my wife.Copy !req
170. I'd go home and say,
"Honey, I was getting a massage...Copy !req
171. "and I took 12 pumps
and I stopped 'cause I love you."Copy !req
172. - I will never ever tell her.
- I would.Copy !req
173. And if your wife ever finds out,
you're a noble man, you made it stop.Copy !req
174. She's not gonna find out,
don't worry about it.Copy !req
175. All right.Copy !req
176. Oh, my God.Copy !req
177. She's got an appointment with...Copy !req
178. that psychic today.Copy !req
179. - The hole-in-one psychic?
- I told you about that?Copy !req
180. Yeah.Copy !req
181. The psychic told his wife
he would hit a hole in one, and he did.Copy !req
182. - Could a psychic know something like that?
- She knew hole in one.Copy !req
183. You better stop her from going.Copy !req
184. - Larry, good seeing you.
- Good to see you, Mike.Copy !req
185. Don't forget the CBS meeting.Copy !req
186. CBS today, yeah, I'll see you there.
Don't be late.Copy !req
187. She's great, do you want her number?Copy !req
188. - Absolutely.
- Good.Copy !req
189. - Cheryl?
- Yes, I'm up here!Copy !req
190. - Hi.
- Hi.Copy !req
191. - How was your massage?
- Good.Copy !req
192. Good. Guess what?
I have made plans for us tonight.Copy !req
193. - We're gonna celebrate your CBS deal.
- It's not even—Copy !req
194. Listen, I have a limo
that's gonna pick us up.Copy !req
195. It's gonna take us to Moho
for dinner at the W Hotel.Copy !req
196. And then if we're feeling frisky...Copy !req
197. then we can stay all night,
do whatever we want.Copy !req
198. I saw that guy
who manages the place, Rick Crane.Copy !req
199. I ran into him on the street the other day
and I didn't do a stop-and-chat.Copy !req
200. He wanted to stop and talk,
and I just kept walking...Copy !req
201. but I said hello,
but it could be a little touchy.Copy !req
202. Why didn't you stop?Copy !req
203. It's too awkward and horrible
to do those stop-and-chats.Copy !req
204. Don't worry about it.
I wouldn't worry about it.Copy !req
205. - We probably won't even run into him.
- We have the meeting with CBS today.Copy !req
206. It's not a done deal or anything.
I don't even know—Copy !req
207. Come on, it's as good as done, right?Copy !req
208. Have you seen my keys?
I have an appointment with the psychic.Copy !req
209. I'm actually running late. I got them.Copy !req
210. - All right, I will see you later.
- Honey, I got a better idea.Copy !req
211. - What?
- Let's fool around.Copy !req
212. Right now? Listen, I have an appointment.Copy !req
213. Forget the psychic. Let's fool around.Copy !req
214. It took me a long time to get this.
No, not right now!Copy !req
215. No means no!Copy !req
216. God, no, save it for tonight!Copy !req
217. Larry, no. Listen, I have got to get going.Copy !req
218. - You're gonna make me late.
- I've got a lump.Copy !req
219. I'm afraid she's gonna tell you about it!Copy !req
220. Do you hear what I'm saying? I'm dying!Copy !req
221. And that's the name of the show.:
Aren't you Evelyn?Copy !req
222. I like the edge of it because it's funny,
but it's a little quirky, too.Copy !req
223. This is all Larry's idea.
He came to my office and pitched it...Copy !req
224. and I immediately
just thought it was superb.Copy !req
225. And, Lar, hello?Copy !req
226. Hello? We're pitching.Copy !req
227. Did she offer you coffee or water
or something?Copy !req
228. She did. I don't want any,
but perhaps you'd like an espresso?Copy !req
229. - We can make you a latte here.
- I'm okay, thank you.Copy !req
230. - All right.
- You know, the thing that's hard...Copy !req
231. about having been on a successful show...Copy !req
232. is that it's great...Copy !req
233. but everybody identifies me with Elaine.Copy !req
234. Okay, so for instance...Copy !req
235. recently, I was skiing
with my family in Jackson Hole.Copy !req
236. And I was wearing the helmet, the goggles...Copy !req
237. the big, baggy clothes,
covered in snow, blah, blah, blah...Copy !req
238. I see your husband Larry.Copy !req
239. - Yeah, he getting a massage.
- Right.Copy !req
240. He getting more than just a massage.Copy !req
241. He's very happy.Copy !req
242. Yeah, he having sex with her hand!Copy !req
243. She pump 32 times, then...Copy !req
244. So, that is an example, don't you think?Copy !req
245. Larry, isn't that a good example...Copy !req
246. - of trying to...
- Like the skiing thing.Copy !req
247. - Like, when she was skiing.
- No, that's just what I said.Copy !req
248. I know. She was skiing
and then she had the problem.Copy !req
249. No, I said that, so—Copy !req
250. Situations like that
are gonna come up on the show.Copy !req
251. - Just like that.
- So, I'm thrilled that you're here.Copy !req
252. - I'm a huge fan of both of you, obviously.
- Thank you.Copy !req
253. And I love your idea...Copy !req
254. and we would love
to be in business with you.Copy !req
255. Great, terrific, fantastic!Copy !req
256. Talk further about casting
and further, you know.Copy !req
257. I've kind of gotta take off, I'll see you soon.Copy !req
258. - Thank you.
- Nice to see you.Copy !req
259. We'll be in touch.Copy !req
260. How did it go?Copy !req
261. It went well, I think...Copy !req
262. I think they really liked the show. I think...Copy !req
263. I think they want to do it.Copy !req
264. Aren't you gonna ask me
how my appointment went?Copy !req
265. Right, the psychic. How did it go?Copy !req
266. I know everything, Larry.Copy !req
267. I know what happened.Copy !req
268. What happened?
What do you mean, "What happened"?Copy !req
269. What happened, what happened?Copy !req
270. What are you talking about,
did something happen?Copy !req
271. - Yeah.
- What happened?Copy !req
272. That you're having an affair.Copy !req
273. I'm not having an affair!Copy !req
274. I know about it, she told me about it.Copy !req
275. She told you what? What did she tell you?
That's insane!Copy !req
276. She said that you're having an affair
with a woman with long, red hair...Copy !req
277. and a tattoo of a star.Copy !req
278. I have not touched another woman,
that's ridiculous.Copy !req
279. - I'm not having any affair!
- You're not having an affair.Copy !req
280. - No.
- Why would she make up a story like that?Copy !req
281. I don't know why she would.
Maybe she's an anti-Semite.Copy !req
282. I don't think so.Copy !req
283. - You don't think so?
- No.Copy !req
284. I'm sure there's some Korean anti-Semites.Copy !req
285. She's not Korean.Copy !req
286. She's American.Copy !req
287. She's American?
I thought you said her name was Kim.Copy !req
288. Her name is Kim.Copy !req
289. This is not the point.Copy !req
290. The point is that she told me
this whole thing about you having an affair.Copy !req
291. - She's wrong.
- She seemed very sure of it.Copy !req
292. No, it's not true. I'm not having an affair.
I have never touched another woman.Copy !req
293. Never ever...Copy !req
294. ever, ever.Copy !req
295. if you were having an affair,
you'd probably lie about it, wouldn't you?Copy !req
296. I would imagine I would.Copy !req
297. Then how do I know that this just isn't a lie?Copy !req
298. Because if I just told you
the truth about that...Copy !req
299. it means that I'm just a truthful person
who would tell you the truth about anything.Copy !req
300. No affair, sorry.Copy !req
301. - Promise.
- Who's gonna have an affair with me?Copy !req
302. I'm not a cool guy.
You gotta be cool to do that.Copy !req
303. - That's true.
- I couldn't do that.Copy !req
304. - I won't know how, what would I do?
- I don't know, you won't be good at it.Copy !req
305. It took me six months
to even put a move on you.Copy !req
306. I know.Copy !req
307. She didn't say anything
about my health, right?Copy !req
308. - No.
- Come on.Copy !req
309. Seriously.Copy !req
310. I know, because I had this whole night
planned for us—Copy !req
311. We'll still have a great night.
Come on, I want to, we're gonna celebrate.Copy !req
312. - I got the thing, CBS, come on!
- I know.Copy !req
313. Come on, don't listen to this nonsense.Copy !req
314. - Thank you.
- You're very welcome.Copy !req
315. - You don't have to do that, I got it.
- I got it, it's my job.Copy !req
316. So what are you gonna do now?Copy !req
317. - I'll be in the car.
- You're waiting in the car?Copy !req
318. I'll be waiting in the car. I'll wait for you.Copy !req
319. - Okay, we'll be a couple of hours, I guess.
- That's great.Copy !req
320. - All right?
- That's fine, that's how it works.Copy !req
321. - Thank you. You guys enjoy your meal.
- Great, we're going to.Copy !req
322. - You'll be all right here?
- I'll be fine.Copy !req
323. Okay, thank you.Copy !req
324. Look at the size, why'd you get
a stretch limo? It's gigantic.Copy !req
325. - 'Cause we're celebrating.
- I know, but we could've got a town car.Copy !req
326. But that doesn't say we're celebrating.Copy !req
327. - What is this?
- A little bit of a line.Copy !req
328. - I'm not gonna wait for this.
- Just wait your turn.Copy !req
329. I'm joking, what's the matter with you?
I'm gonna push them out of the way.Copy !req
330. - You don't know sometimes.
- Good evening.Copy !req
331. - Hi, so nice to see you.
- So glad you could join us.Copy !req
332. - Thank you. Nice to meet you.
- How's it going?Copy !req
333. Good.Copy !req
334. - I'll seat you myself.
- Great.Copy !req
335. - Right this way.
- Thank you.Copy !req
336. - I hope this table's to your liking.
- Sure, thank you.Copy !req
337. - Very good, thank you.
- My pleasure.Copy !req
338. - A little chilly in here.
- Yeah, isn't it?Copy !req
339. - This is lovely.
- Did you hear this guy?Copy !req
340. Have you been catching on
what's going on here?Copy !req
341. - What's going on here?
- With this guy, what's going on?Copy !req
342. He's been completely snubbing me.Copy !req
343. It's not even subtle, it's ridiculous.
Thank you.Copy !req
344. - Hi, I'll be back for your drink order.
- Okay, thanks.Copy !req
345. You gotta stop and talk to people like
there's so much information to exchange.Copy !req
346. "Hello, how you doing?"
"How are you?"Good."Copy !req
347. "How's it going with you?"Good."Copy !req
348. "Okay, take it easy."Copy !req
349. Are you gonna get an appetizer
or are you going straight to the main dish?Copy !req
350. I don't know.Copy !req
351. What'll we do about that driver, let him sit
in the car for the next couple of hours?Copy !req
352. That's his night?Copy !req
353. That's why he gets paid,
he sits there and waits. It's not a bad job.Copy !req
354. I know. But I'm uncomfortable with him
just sitting out there waiting for us.Copy !req
355. - I feel like I have to hurry, you know?
- Didn't you used to drive a limo?Copy !req
356. - Did you do waiting? You had to wait.
- Yeah, I know, and I hated it.Copy !req
357. I've decided that
this is my favorite restaurant.Copy !req
358. - It's really good, isn't it?
- The shrimp is so good, I can't get over it.Copy !req
359. Shrimp are great,
but I hate ordering the same thing.Copy !req
360. - What do you mean?
- We both got the same dish.Copy !req
361. Why? I wouldn't give you any of mine
if I had something different.Copy !req
362. What are we gonna do about dinner for,
what's his name, Greg, the driver?Copy !req
363. Should we buy him dinner?
I don't know what to do.Copy !req
364. - The limo guy?
- Yeah.Copy !req
365. How many times
are we gonna talk about Greg?Copy !req
366. He'll be hungry.
Should we order a dinner for him?Copy !req
367. No, I think it's too late for that.Copy !req
368. I got some leftovers here. Maybe I'll just
get him a doggie bag or something.Copy !req
369. Is that bad?
I don't have to eat these two shrimp.Copy !req
370. Are you gonna finish that shrimp?
Your last shrimp?Copy !req
371. Yes, I am gonna finish that, thank you.Copy !req
372. Boy, I'm almost full already.
And you're a shrimp ahead of me.Copy !req
373. What do you think, are you gonna eat that?Copy !req
374. No, I'm gonna give it to the limo driver.Copy !req
375. You don't have to,
you want to finish it, go ahead.Copy !req
376. - No, I don't want it now.
- Go ahead—Copy !req
377. No, I'm telling you I'm done.Copy !req
378. - I got you some food.
- That's great, thanks.Copy !req
379. Thank you so much.Copy !req
380. Yeah, there's some shrimp in there and...Copy !req
381. Just, like, leftovers?Copy !req
382. There's shrimp and...Copy !req
383. There's some rice in there.
But I didn't touch any of the shrimp.Copy !req
384. I divided the rice very carefully.
It's all clean, it's all good.Copy !req
385. How am I supposed to eat?
There's no fork, there's no napkin.Copy !req
386. - I can't eat this.
- I'm sorry, I forgot the fork.Copy !req
387. I'll go...Copy !req
388. - I'll go get you a fork and a napkin.
- All right. That'd be great.Copy !req
389. - Sorry.
- That's fine.Copy !req
390. We should've got the guy a dinner.Copy !req
391. Giving him leftovers like that,
that was crazy.Copy !req
392. He should be happy
that you got him something.Copy !req
393. - Just sit down, honey.
- I gotta get him a fork.Copy !req
394. I didn't give him a fork.Copy !req
395. - You haven't even eaten your pie yet?
- I'm waiting for you.Copy !req
396. Okay. I'll give him a fork, I'll be right back.Copy !req
397. - You're going back out there?
- I gotta give the guy a fork.Copy !req
398. I'll be right back, okay? I'll be right back.Copy !req
399. Larry, how's it going?Copy !req
400. - The food was sensational.
- Excellent.Copy !req
401. Yeah, really spectacular.Copy !req
402. Wonderful, do you mind telling me
what you got in your pocket?Copy !req
403. - A pen.
- I was thinking of the other pocket.Copy !req
404. I got a napkin and a fork.Copy !req
405. There's a driver outside.Copy !req
406. Pardon me for suggesting this, but it seems
like you're walking out with our silverware.Copy !req
407. I am, in a way, but I'm not stealing it.Copy !req
408. I'm just borrowing it for a minute, and
letting him eat his meal, then I'll get it back.Copy !req
409. We're having dessert. I'll give him
two minutes, and get back the fork.Copy !req
410. I call that stealing.Copy !req
411. Okay, I know what this is about.Copy !req
412. You're upset, the other day
when I saw you on the street...Copy !req
413. and I didn't do a little stop-and-chat.Copy !req
414. You know what,
I'm not good at artificial small talk.Copy !req
415. - "Hello, how are you?" kind of thing.
- I don't know what you're talking about.Copy !req
416. - Could you wait right there?
- What? What are you doing?Copy !req
417. I'm gonna call the police.Copy !req
418. You'll be appearing
at the West Los Angeles municipal court.Copy !req
419. - Judge Katz.
- That's a lovely building.Copy !req
420. - Yeah, you're gonna like that.
- if you could sign right here, please.Copy !req
421. All right, I guess in hindsight...Copy !req
422. I probably should've
let the guy eat with his hands.Copy !req
423. That would've been
the better thing to do, right?Copy !req
424. Just have him get it all over his face...Copy !req
425. and have dogs come up maybe
and lick it off him.Copy !req
426. That's really what I should've done.Copy !req
427. Sir, you'll have every opportunity
to present your case to Judge Katz.Copy !req
428. - The court date is on the back.
- Okay.Copy !req
429. - And you have a good evening.
- Yes, you, too, thank you very much.Copy !req
430. Oh, God, the driver.
Shit, I completely forgot.Copy !req
431. I am so sorry.Copy !req
432. I had the fork, and the guy caught me taking
the fork out of the restaurant...Copy !req
433. and he called the police.Copy !req
434. - I have to go before a judge!
- Don't worry about it, I'm okay, thanks.Copy !req
435. - Did you eat the food?
- No, I'll get something on the way home.Copy !req
436. - Don't worry about it, I'm good.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
437. So I'll maybe call you next week?Copy !req
438. - That was great, thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
439. Excuse me.Copy !req
440. I'm sorry, I know
this sounds strange. I just...Copy !req
441. Do you have a tattoo of a star?Copy !req
442. How did you know that?Copy !req
443. - Can I just—
- Yeah, on my arm, that's wild.Copy !req
444. Cheryl, what are you doing?Copy !req
445. Larry?Copy !req
446. In the matter of Larry David,
the record reflect the presence of Mr. David.Copy !req
447. This case is here for sentencing.Copy !req
448. Mr. David, you wish to be heard
before I impose sentence on you?Copy !req
449. Yes, Judge Katz.
And may I say, "Shabbat shalom. "Copy !req
450. What happened is simply
that I was trying to...Copy !req
451. bring a fork to a working man...Copy !req
452. who was a driver, a limousine driver...Copy !req
453. and he had dinner,
but he did not have a fork to eat it...Copy !req
454. All I was did was attempted
to bring him a fork and a napkin...Copy !req
455. so he wouldn't have to eat with his hands
and get it all over his face and his clothing.Copy !req
456. And it was only
out of some personal animus...Copy !req
457. that the restaurateur had toward me
because I ran into him on the street...Copy !req
458. and I didn't stop
and have a little chat with him.Copy !req
459. You know, I don't like to make
little chit-chat on the street.Copy !req
460. I like to have a real conversation
with people.Copy !req
461. It's touching what you tell me.
It seems to me there was an indication...Copy !req
462. that you were gonna do what you wanted,
when you wanted...Copy !req
463. because you feel because of your celebrity...Copy !req
464. somehow you can do things
without consequences.Copy !req
465. Mr. David, I need your help in this.Copy !req
466. Obviously, a fine isn't going to do anything.Copy !req
467. It just won't mean anything to you,
you have too much money.Copy !req
468. So, what do you expect this court to do
for the public to understand...Copy !req
469. I'm not according you
any special treatment?Copy !req
470. I could work at the temple
on Saturday mornings...Copy !req
471. hand out tallises and yarmulkes.Copy !req
472. And you think this is a fitting punishment?
isn't it a joy?Copy !req
473. Temple can be quite grueling,
as you well know.Copy !req
474. You know, Mr. David,
I've been thinking about this.Copy !req
475. And you know what I'm gonna do?Copy !req
476. I'm gonna give you a sentence
that will guarantee...Copy !req
477. that you will never, ever do this again.Copy !req
478. I swear to God, I'm not lying.Copy !req
479. Hi, Larry.Copy !req
480. I didn't beat my wife.Copy !req
481. How's the shrimp, Al?Copy !req
482. Are you enjoying the shrimp
from the Chinese restaurant?Copy !req
483. Evening.Copy !req
484. That was a water bottle in my pants.Copy !req
485. A water bottle!Copy !req
486. Here's a good question
for Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.:Copy !req
487. "What idiot runs ABC?"Copy !req
488. But I'm not gonna...Copy !req
489. It's a long story.Copy !req
490. I was trying to help a driver,
a working man...Copy !req
491. so he wouldn't have to eat with his hands...Copy !req
492. Miss CBS bigwig.Copy !req