1. Here's Amber, everybody,
Amber, come on out.Copy !req
2. Larry?Copy !req
3. Just move a little bit?Copy !req
4. I asked you to be ready when I got back.Copy !req
5. Have you even moved
since I left this morning?Copy !req
6. Yes, of course, what are you talking about?Copy !req
7. I got up to tip room service.Copy !req
8. Come on, that's funny.Copy !req
9. No, it's not funny.Copy !req
10. It might have been funny a week ago,
but enough is enough.Copy !req
11. Every time I walk in,
you're just sitting here...Copy !req
12. with your chips
and your cookies and watching...Copy !req
13. Maury.Copy !req
14. You know, listen...Copy !req
15. we've got to meet that woman
in a few minutes.Copy !req
16. So, you need to get dressed
so we can go look at that house.Copy !req
17. Let me just finish.Copy !req
18. No, you need to get dressed now.Copy !req
19. No, because they're gonna go
to boot camp...Copy !req
20. and I want to see which ones
get rehabilitated.Copy !req
21. - Please get up.
- They break them down and they cry.Copy !req
22. And then when they're done
with the boot camp...Copy !req
23. they're all better.Copy !req
24. Have you just retired...Copy !req
25. is this what you'll do
for the rest of your life...Copy !req
26. and you're never going to work again?Copy !req
27. Of course I'm gonna work again!Copy !req
28. - When?
- I don't know!Copy !req
29. You're in the prime of your life!Copy !req
30. I'm gonna work
when something comes up that I want to do.Copy !req
31. I would really like for you to get dressed
so we can go look at this house.Copy !req
32. - Fine.
- Fine, thank you.Copy !req
33. All right, here's Brittany,
Brittany, come on out.Copy !req
34. Look at that girl come out, look.Copy !req
35. "You don't know me!
Yeah, you all go fuck yourself!Copy !req
36. "That's right, yeah, come on!Copy !req
37. "Come on, yeah, come on, yeah, fuck you!Copy !req
38. "No, fuck you!"Copy !req
39. It's big.Copy !req
40. - It's really big. I think it's a little too big.
- No.Copy !req
41. Look at the size of this place.Copy !req
42. - It's perfect.
- Perfect?Copy !req
43. This is like for the Osmonds, this place.Copy !req
44. I didn't know
why we had to sell the old place.Copy !req
45. - Just 'cause of the wire?
- It was making me crazy.Copy !req
46. That's not a reason to move.Copy !req
47. That is a reason to move,
when you can't get rid of it.Copy !req
48. There's the real estate agent.Copy !req
49. I don't know why we had to leave the hotel.
I love the hotel.Copy !req
50. I cannot live there any longer.
It's not a house.Copy !req
51. You get the room service, the wake-up calls.Copy !req
52. When do you use the wake-up calls?
You never leave.Copy !req
53. - Naps.
- My God.Copy !req
54. - Hello.
- Hi.Copy !req
55. Hello, isn't this beautiful?Copy !req
56. - Yes, we were just...
- It's awfully big.Copy !req
57. It's very exciting, you're gonna love it.Copy !req
58. - So, here's the scoop.
- Okay.Copy !req
59. They are highly motivated sellers.
I think this one's a slam-dunk.Copy !req
60. If you like it,
we'll go back and write an offer.Copy !req
61. And I asked them about the cash.
They were totally open to a cash offer.Copy !req
62. So, that is the absolute best.Copy !req
63. - Yeah?
- Yeah.Copy !req
64. You could maybe be in here in days.Copy !req
65. What, days?Copy !req
66. They bought another house.
So they are so ready to move.Copy !req
67. - Hello, hi, Susan.
- Hi, how are you?Copy !req
68. - Good, how are you?
- Barbara Schneider, Cheryl and Larry David.Copy !req
69. Hi. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
70. - Hi, Larry.
- Hi.Copy !req
71. My gosh, is that the ocean?Copy !req
72. You get used to that in two days.Copy !req
73. - Come on in.
- No, really.Copy !req
74. - This is gorgeous.
- Yeah, it's very nice. Look at this.Copy !req
75. We have vaulted ceilings.Copy !req
76. - Very spacious.
- Beautiful.Copy !req
77. What about this furniture,
it's fantastic, isn't it?Copy !req
78. Yeah, it fits perfectly in this room.Copy !req
79. Beautiful. Beautiful house.Copy !req
80. - Really beautiful.
- Thank you, and this is our amazing view.Copy !req
81. Breakfast every morning, sunrise.Copy !req
82. I love the sea.Copy !req
83. My father was an ltalian fisherman.Copy !req
84. - Really?
- Yeah, from the old country.Copy !req
85. This morning, you'll love this:
I saw a whale breach.Copy !req
86. I've never seen that
here before, it's very rare.Copy !req
87. Can you shoot the whales from the terrace?Copy !req
88. - What?
- 'Cause I like to have blubber for breakfast.Copy !req
89. - Don't pay attention to him.
- No, pay attention.Copy !req
90. - Okay.
- Are these the new suckers?Copy !req
91. Larry David, Jay Schneider.Copy !req
92. I'd call you when you were at Seinfeld.
I was working at the William Morris Agency.Copy !req
93. I would call him up and pitch my clients.
How you doing? Jay Schneider.Copy !req
94. Hi, I'm Cheryl.Copy !req
95. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
96. You won't believe this,
I just signed Jason Alexander.Copy !req
97. - You're kidding, really?
- We're two months into it.Copy !req
98. He's phenomenal, I'm a lucky guy.Copy !req
99. - A tremendous actor.
- Unbelievable.Copy !req
100. Yeah, how's he doing?Copy !req
101. Honestly, he's kind of struggling right now.Copy !req
102. - Is that right?
- Everybody wants George Costanza.Copy !req
103. You know what, he's nothing like George.Copy !req
104. He's nothing at all like...Copy !req
105. He's the antithesis,
'cause Jason is brilliant...Copy !req
106. and George is an idiot,
just an imbecile and, you know...Copy !req
107. It's just tough to branch out with that.Copy !req
108. I mean, the range of characters
this guy can do.Copy !req
109. - You think he's an idiot?
- It's the classic barnacle.Copy !req
110. But every sitcom needs that.Copy !req
111. - What have you been up to?
- Nothing.Copy !req
112. Yeah, I bet.Copy !req
113. You got any ideas?
Anything coming down the pike?Copy !req
114. I've got ideas, but I choose
not to carry them out.Copy !req
115. I say we team up you and Jason again.
Let's get you guys in a meeting.Copy !req
116. You should call him.Copy !req
117. You're not doing anything,
let's take a meeting.Copy !req
118. Yeah, you're not doing anything.Copy !req
119. Let's sit down and just kick around,
just kick around some ideas.Copy !req
120. - I think it's a good idea.
- Don't want to push.Copy !req
121. - Nice sweater.
- Thank you, it's cashmere.Copy !req
122. - Really?
- It's not for sale.Copy !req
123. That's cashmere?Copy !req
124. - 100% .
- It's nice, yeah.Copy !req
125. - Let's go see the rest of the place.
- Yeah, let's see the rest of it.Copy !req
126. I love it. I really think it's perfect.Copy !req
127. Larry, did you love it?Copy !req
128. - I liked it.
- You think it's perfect?Copy !req
129. I really like it, it's a nice house.
It's big, but I like it.Copy !req
130. - All right, that's all I needed.
- The master bedroom?Copy !req
131. I love the master bedroom,
the downstairs, the fireplace.Copy !req
132. Let me ask you something.Copy !req
133. Did you notice that when I asked him
about the sweater...Copy !req
134. he said it was 100% cashmere?Copy !req
135. There's no way
that sweater's 100% cashmere.Copy !req
136. It's, like, maybe 35, 40, 50 at the most,
but 100?Copy !req
137. - That can't be...
- The sooner the better, I'm ready to...Copy !req
138. Wait a second, do you trust this guy...Copy !req
139. 'cause the guy's lying
about a cashmere sweater.Copy !req
140. You feel comfortable with that?Copy !req
141. We're not buying a sweater,
we're buying a house.Copy !req
142. Okay, listen, we have to
talk about how much to offer.Copy !req
143. Absolutely.Copy !req
144. What kind of person lies...Copy !req
145. about a percentage of cashmere
in his sweater?Copy !req
146. You know, fake cashmere and all...Copy !req
147. I do think it's a good idea
for you to work with Jason.Copy !req
148. You know, I love Jason.Copy !req
149. I just don't want to go back and do TV.Copy !req
150. - Come on, TV is a great medium.
- Too much work.Copy !req
151. - Too much work? You have to work.
- It's a pain in the ass, I can't do it.Copy !req
152. No, you need to work.Copy !req
153. I'm married, that's plenty of work.Copy !req
154. Okay, but you need to start writing.Copy !req
155. Just, you know, I think for your own good,
for your own sanity.Copy !req
156. Why, I'm not insane. You think I'm insane?Copy !req
157. Listen, Richard Lewis
wants me to manage him.Copy !req
158. - Really.
- Yeah.Copy !req
159. But I need you to be honest with me.Copy !req
160. - Sure.
- No, really honest with me.Copy !req
161. - Okay.
- Is he a high-maintenance guy?Copy !req
162. - What, are you kidding?
- So, his act is pretty close to...Copy !req
163. Yeah, but so what?Copy !req
164. I'm gonna sign him, you like that.Copy !req
165. Good.Copy !req
166. I can't believe he didn't even
mention that to me.Copy !req
167. Hey, Tom!Copy !req
168. - How are you, man?
- Jeff, hi, good to see you.Copy !req
169. Good to see you, too.Copy !req
170. Tom Clark, Larry David.Copy !req
171. Larry David, nice to meet you.Copy !req
172. - Nice to meet you.
- Tom, sit down, man.Copy !req
173. - Tom sold me my Toyota Sequoia.
- Toyota of Hollywood?Copy !req
174. - Toyota of Hollywood, yeah.
- You're a car dealer?Copy !req
175. - Dealer, yeah.
- Really?Copy !req
176. - But I like to sell, too.
- Do you?Copy !req
177. Somebody special comes in, a bigwig...Copy !req
178. - He's a bigwig?
- Yeah, he manages.Copy !req
179. That's good, I'm managed by a bigwig.Copy !req
180. - What do you drive?
- I drive a Prius.Copy !req
181. You're happy with the Prius?Copy !req
182. Very happy, and the Prius
is extremely happy with me.Copy !req
183. Let me ask you a question.Copy !req
184. How does somebody
become a car salesman?Copy !req
185. Do you have to have a lot of experience
for that?Copy !req
186. It was in my blood, yeah.
I mean, it takes years to be a car salesman.Copy !req
187. You know, I always felt
I could be a great salesman.Copy !req
188. You gotta have the gift.Copy !req
189. 'Cause believe me,
I could talk anybody into anything.Copy !req
190. Except women into sex,
that's one thing I can't do.Copy !req
191. Besides that, I know how
to manipulate people, I'm very good at it.Copy !req
192. - Car salesmen are not bullshit. I mean...
- No, of course, they're not.Copy !req
193. We're an honest pack, between ourselves.Copy !req
194. To be honest with you,
I like to make money.Copy !req
195. But I love to sell cars, I really do.Copy !req
196. If I wanted to do that for one day...Copy !req
197. - Sell cars.
- Yeah.Copy !req
198. Just for a day.Copy !req
199. I don't think so.Copy !req
200. I want to see if I can do it.
I thought that I'd be great at it.Copy !req
201. You can't do it, you're a writer.Copy !req
202. - What do you do?
- Do you know who he is?Copy !req
203. That's Larry David, he created Seinfeld.Copy !req
204. Okay.Copy !req
205. - Forget that, I just want to try it for a day.
- I think that would be great.Copy !req
206. Come in and work for me.Copy !req
207. Maybe I'll do it for two or three days.
Who knows?Copy !req
208. What're you doing?
What are you talking about?Copy !req
209. - What do you mean two or three days?
- What do you care?Copy !req
210. - What do I care?
- What if I'm good at it? Excuse me.Copy !req
211. - What if you're good at it?
- Yeah.Copy !req
212. You're not gonna sell a car the first day.Copy !req
213. I guarantee you...Copy !req
214. I will sell more cars
than anybody in your showroom.Copy !req
215. You won't sell a car the first day.
Nobody does it the first day.Copy !req
216. - You'll see, okay, fine.
- I'll tell you what. Come by...Copy !req
217. get some brochures,
you know where we are.Copy !req
218. I'll get the brochures, I'll study up...Copy !req
219. and I'll learn everything,
don't worry about it.Copy !req
220. - I'll have it down when I get there.
- Come by on Monday?Copy !req
221. I really appreciate this,
it's like a fantasy that I have.Copy !req
222. - This'll be great. Monday morning.
- You got it. Great.Copy !req
223. Thank you.Copy !req
224. I'm pretty excited.Copy !req
225. My gosh, that's wonderful.
No, that is no problem.Copy !req
226. Larry just walked in, I can't wait to tell him.
Okay, bye.Copy !req
227. You're not gonna believe this.
We can move into the house on Monday.Copy !req
228. - Really?
- Yeah, it's all done.Copy !req
229. So fast?Copy !req
230. Yeah, it was a cash deal,
there was no escrow.Copy !req
231. They've already
moved their stuff out, we're ready.Copy !req
232. So, make sure
that you are clear on Monday...Copy !req
233. which I'm sure is not
going to be a problem for you.Copy !req
234. I actually can't do it on Monday.Copy !req
235. Why?Copy !req
236. - I got a job.
- You did?Copy !req
237. That's good, did you call Jason?Copy !req
238. I'm selling cars.Copy !req
239. What?Copy !req
240. I was having lunch today
with a guy who owns a Toyota showroom.Copy !req
241. He sold Jeff some cars and...Copy !req
242. So, now you're going to be a car salesman?Copy !req
243. Yeah, you know, he said I could try it.Copy !req
244. - What is wrong with you?
- Why? What?Copy !req
245. You've committed to this?Copy !req
246. Yeah. It's only for, like, a couple of days.Copy !req
247. Or however long I want to do it.
I just want to get it out of my system...Copy !req
248. You can't do it on Monday.Copy !req
249. I have to do it on Monday.
I have to show up for my first day at work.Copy !req
250. What, am I supposed to call in sick?Copy !req
251. That's not gonna fly.Copy !req
252. Prius? That's ours, that's easy.Copy !req
253. "Can I help you?"Copy !req
254. What do you think?Copy !req
255. "Excuse me, sir, perhaps
the Land Cruiser would interest you.Copy !req
256. "And we have, Corolla, Canola...Copy !req
257. "and Rave." Is it Rav?Copy !req
258. - This is so stupid.
- Why is it stupid?Copy !req
259. It's insane.Copy !req
260. Some people, they run in marathons,
they want to see if they can do that.Copy !req
261. Others, they swim the English Channel.Copy !req
262. All I want is work in a showroom for a while.Copy !req
263. So, what's the big deal?
Who's more insane?Copy !req
264. And then on Monday
when I come home from work...Copy !req
265. I'll help with the pictures
or whatever you need me...Copy !req
266. to help around the house with,
I'll help when I come home.Copy !req
267. But I'll be a little tired, too, probably.Copy !req
268. Yeah. Alan, guess what.Copy !req
269. Larry David just walked in.Copy !req
270. - Who you talking to?
- Alan.Copy !req
271. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
272. - Say hello for me.
- Okay, you take care, I'll talk to you later.Copy !req
273. Man, how you doing? It's great to see you.Copy !req
274. - How come you didn't say hello?
- There wasn't an opening.Copy !req
275. - Boy, you look great.
- Yeah.Copy !req
276. Come on, come sit down.
You want water or a coffee or...Copy !req
277. - No, I'm good.
- Okay.Copy !req
278. - So, L.D.
- Yeah?Copy !req
279. What it be?Copy !req
280. I like how our representatives
got us together here.Copy !req
281. Right, Schneider, yeah.Copy !req
282. They set us up.
Did he tell you that I was buying his house?Copy !req
283. Yeah.Copy !req
284. So, this is good, how's everything going?Copy !req
285. Things are, you know, things are good.
I don't know, I've got this set up...Copy !req
286. and did some directing and
trying to produce some stuff.Copy !req
287. You know, the acting thing is,
frankly, coming a little hard.Copy !req
288. I'd love to go back to TV, that seems good.
But I can't shake this George thing.Copy !req
289. They all see me as George.Copy !req
290. I mean, the thing about it
is that you're not even close to George.Copy !req
291. I tell this to people all the time.Copy !req
292. "You can't imagine
what a great actor this guy is.Copy !req
293. "He is nothing like that character."Copy !req
294. - Thank you.
- Nothing.Copy !req
295. I know, I go in and I talk to them...Copy !req
296. and, you know, I try to present differently.Copy !req
297. But they see the idiot...Copy !req
298. they see the schmuck, so, I don't know.Copy !req
299. What do you mean "schmuck"?
I don't get that.Copy !req
300. The yutz, the idiot.Copy !req
301. - You know.
- No, frankly, I don't know.Copy !req
302. How can you say
he's a schmuck, a yutz and an idiot?Copy !req
303. I don't see him that way,
I just see him as funny.Copy !req
304. I mean, of course, it was funny.Copy !req
305. But he was the fall guy, the jackass role.Copy !req
306. You know, this is the guy
that never got the girl...Copy !req
307. he finally gets the girl and he kills her...Copy !req
308. with the envelope.
Doesn't know what he wants.Copy !req
309. That's funny, that's not schmucky.Copy !req
310. What is more jerky or putzy
than going to a girl's house...Copy !req
311. and stealing a tape
out of her answering machine?Copy !req
312. I went to a girl's house...Copy !req
313. and took a tape out of
an answering machine.Copy !req
314. Larry, he's eating éclairs
out of a garbage can?Copy !req
315. So what, I ate an éclair out of a garbage can!Copy !req
316. And, masturbation contests,
four people agreeing...Copy !req
317. I was in a contest and you know I was in it.Copy !req
318. So, I'm a schmuck for being
in a masturbation contest?Copy !req
319. It's not an incredibly
noble experiment, was it?Copy !req
320. I'm sorry that you hate
the character so much.Copy !req
321. I don't hate the character,
I'm a little tired of it.Copy !req
322. I mean, I'm an actor.
I have a range of characters that I can play.Copy !req
323. Why am I relegated to this?Copy !req
324. Everywhere I go on the street,
"Hey, Costanza!Copy !req
325. "Hey, jackass!"Copy !req
326. I just had this idea.Copy !req
327. I don't know, I'll throw it out at you, okay?Copy !req
328. For a series, an idea for a series, okay?Copy !req
329. You played a character...Copy !req
330. based on what you're going through now.Copy !req
331. In other words, you play an actor...Copy !req
332. and the actor is having
a tough time getting work...Copy !req
333. because he was on this mega-hit series,
like a Seinfeld kind of series...Copy !req
334. and now this actor,
after the series goes off the air...Copy !req
335. he can't get work anymore...Copy !req
336. because he's so identified
with this character...Copy !req
337. that they won't let him do anything else.Copy !req
338. And he becomes embittered
and grows to hate the character.Copy !req
339. That's pretty funny.Copy !req
340. You son of a bitch, that's pretty damn good.Copy !req
341. All right, let's do it.
Come on, let's go, you wanna do it?Copy !req
342. I'd like to.Copy !req
343. I'm actually working.Copy !req
344. You working on another thing,
another show or something?Copy !req
345. I'm selling cars.Copy !req
346. I start on Monday.Copy !req
347. Hello?Copy !req
348. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
349. See you in the new house.Copy !req
350. - Okay.
- Wish me luck.Copy !req
351. Good luck.Copy !req
352. Anything else you have?Copy !req
353. If I'm closing in on something, price,
always come to you.Copy !req
354. You really do have to come back
and talk to me.Copy !req
355. - Okay.
- Just have fun.Copy !req
356. - All right, thank you.
- The cars sell themselves.Copy !req
357. I'll see you at lunch.Copy !req
358. - Hi, I'm Larry.
- Larry, Archie.Copy !req
359. You know what?
My wife's name is Veronica.Copy !req
360. - So, this is the Camry I heard about?
- This is the big boy, the top of the line.Copy !req
361. This is as good as it gets.Copy !req
362. You know, you hear "Lexus."Copy !req
363. We don't hear "Camry,"
but that's what you should be hearing.Copy !req
364. Tell me, what's in the engine here?Copy !req
365. What's in it?Copy !req
366. Big stuff, big charging,
crazy pistons, nutty pistons.Copy !req
367. - Is it twin cam?
- Yeah, twin cam.Copy !req
368. - What other colors...
- This is a fucking work of art.Copy !req
369. - What's your name?
- Shirley.Copy !req
370. - Shirley, that's my mother's name.
- Tilt-wheel steering, which I really like.Copy !req
371. Does this car have that? Is it standard?Copy !req
372. You know, you don't have the need
to tilt in this car.Copy !req
373. I've never had a tilting need.Copy !req
374. My wife calls it Pepe. "Are we taking Pepe?"Copy !req
375. 'Cause we have two cars.Copy !req
376. What kind of gas mileage am I going to get?Copy !req
377. - 52.
- 52 in the city.Copy !req
378. Depending on the city, of course.
Duluth is a city, it's considered a city...Copy !req
379. but it's not as big as Brooklyn or whatever.Copy !req
380. Okay.Copy !req
381. That's my brother's name.Copy !req
382. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
383. What's the wheel base?Copy !req
384. My wife is concerned
about a car being solid.Copy !req
385. It's a thick base, it's a thick wheel base.Copy !req
386. I heard that these SUVs...Copy !req
387. that they sometimes
they roll over rather easily.Copy !req
388. Roll over, are you kidding?
Look at this thing.Copy !req
389. Jesus Christ.Copy !req
390. Dana.Copy !req
391. Dana, that's my middle name,
Larry Dana David.Copy !req
392. I notice this is a GT...Copy !req
393. and the brochure says
there's a model called the GTS.Copy !req
394. What is the difference
between the GT and the GTS?Copy !req
395. Okay, the GTS
is "guaranteed tremendous safety."Copy !req
396. So, without the "S,"
it's just "guaranteed tremendous."Copy !req
397. - How you doing?
- Fine.Copy !req
398. Hi, can I help you folks?Copy !req
399. - Apheon.
- Apheon.Copy !req
400. That's my step-brother's name, Apheon.Copy !req
401. That might be for me, one second.Copy !req
402. No, okay.Copy !req
403. I want to find out more about the car.Copy !req
404. I want to see the features
so we can negotiate...Copy !req
405. Don't be acting like...Copy !req
406. you going to put a whole bunch
of stuff back here.Copy !req
407. - I like it.
- What you need a big car for?Copy !req
408. - I don't need to... I like this car.
- Okay, could you excuse us for one second?Copy !req
409. What the hell are you doing over here?
You're fucking up my shit.Copy !req
410. Why you pushing hard to get this...Copy !req
411. Because she likes the car,
she wants to be happy in it.Copy !req
412. Maybe she won't be able to afford the car
if she takes it off the lot.Copy !req
413. Is there somebody else
who could help me with this car?Copy !req
414. Look, sir, I'm sorry, thank you.Copy !req
415. I'm really not interested
in buying today, okay?Copy !req
416. What? What are you doing? Shirley?Copy !req
417. - Ever seen the Seinfeld show?
- Yeah.Copy !req
418. I'm the co-creator of the show.Copy !req
419. No, it's true.Copy !req
420. Please, buy one, please?Copy !req
421. You'll sell a lot of them,
you're a good salesman.Copy !req
422. Cheryl?Copy !req
423. Hi.Copy !req
424. Isn't this weird,
coming home to your new house?Copy !req
425. Yeah, hi.Copy !req
426. - So, how did it go today?
- Pretty good.Copy !req
427. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
428. Did you sell a lot of cars?Copy !req
429. You know, that's not
how the business works.Copy !req
430. You know, you don't just sell them.Copy !req
431. People, they think about it
and they're, you know...Copy !req
432. - you get back in touch with them and...
- Are you over it now?Copy !req
433. - What does that mean?
- The whole car-selling thing.Copy !req
434. No, I'm not going to quit
just after one day, you know...Copy !req
435. I want to do it right. I want to...Copy !req
436. I want to show them I can do it.Copy !req
437. - Okay.
- But, I'll tell you, it's exhausting.Copy !req
438. Tell me, I have been unpacking all day.Copy !req
439. House seems different
than it did the other day.Copy !req
440. Yeah, it's definitely different.Copy !req
441. It feels strange, that's all.Copy !req
442. Maybe after we hang everything up...Copy !req
443. and finish unpacking.Copy !req
444. Maybe, I don't know.Copy !req
445. What's that noise?Copy !req
446. Do you hear a noise?Copy !req
447. Yeah.Copy !req
448. What is it?Copy !req
449. It's probably just
a house sound or something.Copy !req
450. A house sound?Copy !req
451. - Yeah.
- What's a house sound?Copy !req
452. - You know, noises that a house makes?
- Houses make noises?Copy !req
453. - Plumbing, or it's settling.
- What? Settling?Copy !req
454. I can't sleep with that.Copy !req
455. You'll get used to it, just ignore it.Copy !req
456. Our last house didn't make any sounds.Copy !req
457. Yes, it did, you'll get used to this.Copy !req
458. I don't know,
this is coming from somewhere.Copy !req
459. I'm going to be up all night with this thing.
Gotta be fresh in the morning.Copy !req
460. Told you I didn't trust that Schneider.Copy !req
461. He didn't say anything
about a house sound.Copy !req
462. It's like you're driving a bus up there.Copy !req
463. - Yeah, looking over the traffic.
- Didn't you envy bus drivers?Copy !req
464. With the big, round steering wheel
like that, you know.Copy !req
465. Makes you, gives you a little ego boost.Copy !req
466. - Oversee the traffic.
- Yeah, that's right.Copy !req
467. You've got a great view.Copy !req
468. - You know what? I think I'm ready to buy.
- No kidding.Copy !req
469. - Yeah.
- Great.Copy !req
470. You get the wood grain,
we might do this today.Copy !req
471. We could get some wood grain.
What's so hard about getting wood grain?Copy !req
472. - Wood.
- Wood grain is not going to stop us from...Copy !req
473. - That's what I like to hear.
- This is a joke, right?Copy !req
474. Could you please excuse us for a minute?
I'm talking to somebody.Copy !req
475. - This is a practical joke, right?
- A practical joke? I'm sorry.Copy !req
476. Would please excuse us for a second?Copy !req
477. I'm talking to somebody.
I'll meet you outside.Copy !req
478. - Excuse who?
- Excuse me, just wait outside, okay?Copy !req
479. Go outside, go outside, okay?Copy !req
480. I'm with a customer,
you see I'm with somebody?Copy !req
481. You're with a customer, selling cars...Copy !req
482. - Sir!
- I'll come back another time.Copy !req
483. - Forget him.
- You just cost me a customer.Copy !req
484. What did you just say?Copy !req
485. - You cost me a customer.
- I cost you...Copy !req
486. - I had him!
- How can you have a customer?Copy !req
487. I was about to take him
to the manager's office.Copy !req
488. What are you, fucking Willy Loman?
What are you doing here?Copy !req
489. - I'm doing business here!
- I came from Jeff's office.Copy !req
490. He tells me you're here selling cars,
which I say has gotta be a joke.Copy !req
491. But I'm here because
you told him I'm high maintenance?Copy !req
492. He's my manager. What if he goes
to a studio, to the Palm or Spago...Copy !req
493. tells people,
"l love Richard but he's high maintenance"?Copy !req
494. And what if he does?Copy !req
495. I spent seven years
getting my life together...Copy !req
496. and now they can think I'm a fucking,
you know, sex maniac or drinking again.Copy !req
497. No, you won't get
the remake of From Here To Eternity.Copy !req
498. I thought I had dark secrets?
What the hell is this about?Copy !req
499. - It's not a dark secret.
- Larry David selling cars is not a secret?Copy !req
500. Is that a cashmere sweater?
This guy had the same one.Copy !req
501. - Of course it's a cashmere sweater.
- Is that 100% cashmere?Copy !req
502. - What are you doing here?
- Is that 100% cashmere?Copy !req
503. - What, you don't believe me?
- Would you mind if I check the label?Copy !req
504. My word's not good enough for you?Copy !req
505. - Let me just take a look.
- No.Copy !req
506. - I don't like people touching me.
- I won't touch you.Copy !req
507. Stop it. I want you to call Jeff...Copy !req
508. You call Jeff and tell him
I'm not high maintenance.Copy !req
509. What the hell is going on here?Copy !req
510. That's it, Larry, you're fired.Copy !req
511. - Happy?
- Christ.Copy !req
512. - I had that sale.
- I'm happy for you, Larry.Copy !req
513. - I had that guy.
- You're fired.Copy !req
514. I locked him up and I wish
you could have heard it. It was beautiful.Copy !req
515. Leave.Copy !req
516. - Hi.
- Hello!Copy !req
517. - What are you doing home so early?
- I got fired.Copy !req
518. - You did?
- I got the boot!Copy !req
519. - Why'd you get fired?
- I got 86ed.Copy !req
520. He's checking for the house sound.Copy !req
521. - Yeah, hi, I'm Jim.
- Hi, I'm Larry.Copy !req
522. I've checked all over the house...Copy !req
523. and I can't find the house sound
that you were talking about.Copy !req
524. - Tell him what it sounds like again, Larry.
- It's like a camera whirring.Copy !req
525. - You sure it's not the ocean?
- It's not the ocean, I know the ocean.Copy !req
526. Sorry, I just haven't found anything.Copy !req
527. You don't really hear it very well
until after 10:00 at night.Copy !req
528. When we're in bed, that's when I hear it.Copy !req
529. I don't hear it during the day.
Can you come back tonight?Copy !req
530. Wait, what?Copy !req
531. Yeah, I could,
I just have to call and get a sitter.Copy !req
532. - Great.
- Yeah, if it's trouble...Copy !req
533. He just says he has to call and get a sitter.Copy !req
534. - That's no problem, I can just do that.
- It makes perfect sense to me.Copy !req
535. Why don't we discuss this
and we will let you know, okay?Copy !req
536. Okay.Copy !req
537. I think I'm going to call
Jason Alexander tomorrow.Copy !req
538. You are? That is good news.Copy !req
539. - You like that?
- Yeah.Copy !req
540. - We'll go over the show, and...
- That's so good.Copy !req
541. Maybe pitch it to
some networks or something.Copy !req
542. Why not? Look at you, back in the saddle.Copy !req
543. - Maybe I'll call him right now.
- You can't call him now, it's 10:45.Copy !req
544. It's 45 minutes past the cutoff.Copy !req
545. So what? You get like an hour
dispensation for good news.Copy !req
546. - Who told you that?
- Who told me that? It's common knowledge.Copy !req
547. - What are you saying?
- That's common knowledge?Copy !req
548. Everybody knows that.Copy !req
549. What happens with deaths and babies?
You go all night.Copy !req
550. - This isn't a baby.
- It's still good news.Copy !req
551. Quiet!Copy !req
552. Sorry!Copy !req
553. - It's news that can wait till the morning.
- Shut up, he's trying to work in there.Copy !req