1. All right, come on, Vinny.
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2. Good. Good catch. Get out of bounds!
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3. What did... Get out of... Oh, my God,
why didn't he get out of bounds?
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4. What a moron!
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5. It's only two yards that you're gonna get.
So what? You don't need two yards.
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6. You got two and a half minutes to go,
you got to get out of bounds.
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7. I hate watching them.
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8. They just aggravate me so much.
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9. All right. Yes! Go!
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10. Beautiful, first down, excellent.
That's the call!
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11. - Hi, honey!
- Hi.
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12. Cheryl's home.
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13. No, she went to visit her mother
in Tallahassee for four days.
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14. Okay, I'll see you later.
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15. - Hi. Welcome home.
- Thank you.
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16. Good to be home.
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17. Good to see you.
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18. How've you been? What's been going on?
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19. - Nothing.
- Yeah? You got a little...
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20. What?
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21. You got a little scruff going. It's cute.
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22. The prostitutes don't mind it.
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23. No? Good.
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24. - They give you a discount?
- They do, they get off on it.
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25. - My God, I'm so tired.
- Really?
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26. There was a three-hour difference...
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27. You should go up and take a nap.
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28. I'm too wound up right now.
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29. You know little Griffin,
my youngest nephew?
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30. Yeah.
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31. He wanted to play on the stairs, and
my sister's like, "No, it's too dangerous."
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32. My mom says, "I've raised four kids, I..."
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33. Okay, why don't you just watch your game?
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34. Come on, it's the last two minutes.
I'll be right up, okay?
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35. Man, they shoot themselves in the foot...
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36. every single time they
get in this position.
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37. Somebody told me today
that too much soy makes your brain shrink.
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38. Kind of scared me a little bit.
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39. I've been having soy for breakfast with
my cereal, everyday for the last 10 years.
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40. What am I gonna do, switch to milk now?
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41. I don't know if I could switch to milk.
You know, cholesterol.
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42. Can't win, really.
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43. So tell me about the trip. What...
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44. How's your cousin, Griffin?
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45. Griffin is my nephew.
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46. How's your mother and everything?
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47. She's wonderful.
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48. She's sarcastic wonderful, or just...
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49. Does that mean she's not wonderful or...
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50. - Just the sarcasm, it's...
- No, she really is wonderful.
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51. I'm sorry about...
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52. what happened downstairs
when you got home.
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53. I was watching the game...
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54. and it was the last two minutes.
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55. That's fine.
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56. Doesn't sound like it's fine.
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57. It's, you know...
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58. I'm sensing rancor.
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59. Or is it "ranker"? "Rancor"?
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60. - I know how to spell it.
- Larry, please, it's fine.
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61. I don't know what you want me
to say right now.
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62. How about:
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63. "Honey, I forgive you.
Would you like to have sex?"
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64. How about that?
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65. Or any combination of that.
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66. Either forgiveness or the sex.
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67. Of course, both would be great.
That would be ideal.
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68. I'm not expecting both.
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69. If you were watching the Oscars
or something, okay...
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70. and they were about to announce
the best-actress category...
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71. and I came home...
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72. I would say,
"No, sit down, finish watching it."
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73. I think if you had been gone on a trip...
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74. I could make two minutes for you...
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75. to listen to what happened,
and see how you're doing.
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76. If it was in the third quarter...
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77. easily, I'd give you 15 minutes.
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78. But we're in the last
two minutes of the game.
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79. They've got the ball on the 35-yard line.
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80. You know, the moment has passed.
There's nothing we can do about it now.
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81. How many frequent-flier miles do I need?
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82. I'm gonna call you back.
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83. Hi.
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84. Phil Scheff called. He said you can
call him whenever you want.
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85. - What are you wearing?
- I'm gonna work out later.
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86. You can't wear that. What happened
to the outfit I got you last week?
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87. I'm uncomfortable in it. It's too new.
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88. Wait a second.
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89. You haven't shaved?
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90. - All right, what's going on?
- Nothing.
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91. No, something's up with you.
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92. Cheryl's not talking to me, that's all.
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93. - It's no big deal.
- All right, what did you do?
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94. I was watching the football game.
She'd been away for four days.
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95. She comes home with
two minutes left to go in the game...
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96. and my attention was diverted and...
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97. You gotta get her a gift.
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98. - You can't come home empty-handed.
- Yeah.
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99. We were at this jewelry store
a couple of weeks ago...
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100. 23rd Street Jewelers,
and she was looking at this bracelet...
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101. and it was platinum,
it had little diamonds in it.
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102. Yeah, that's it.
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103. That's what I was afraid of.
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104. You're that chicken I'orange guy.
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105. Oh, yeah!
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106. - How you doing?
- Good, how are you?
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107. - Good to see you.
- Nice to see you.
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108. Thanks a lot for that chicken,
that was highly appreciated.
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109. - Did you like it?
- Man, I loved it!
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110. - You wouldn't have any spare change?
- No.
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111. Anna?
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112. Here's a piece of gum.
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113. Piece of gum?
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114. Look at this. What should we do?
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115. - Okay, take care of yourself.
- Okay.
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116. - No.
- I wasn't with that guy.
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117. I'm not with him.
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118. These are my workout clothes!
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119. Excuse me, sir, could you do me a favor?
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120. I'm gonna dial a number. If a woman
answers the phone, just hang up...
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121. and if a man answers,
hand it back to me, okay?
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122. - Are you putting me on?
- No.
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123. What is this about?
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124. I hate my friend's girlfriend.
I don't wanna talk to her.
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125. Please. Thank you.
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126. - It's a guy.
- Thank you very much.
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127. Richard?
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128. What are you doing now?
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129. I need you to do me a big favor.
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130. L.D.
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131. - Hey.
- Hey, man.
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132. No wonder. Look at you.
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133. What?
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134. You look like the Jewish Ratso Rizzo.
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135. I was gonna work out.
Thank you for doing this.
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136. I mean, all right...
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137. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.
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138. - The bracelet is in the front.
- That's the first thank you in over two years.
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139. I want you to know.
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140. You haven't done anything to thank you for.
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141. Good point.
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142. - So the bracelet is right in the front.
- Right.
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143. It's platinum, it's got little diamonds.
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144. - Is there a name like "Pluto's Tail"?
- I don't know the name of it.
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145. It's right in the front center.
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146. - Of what?
- Of the display case.
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147. - It's prominent.
- Is it on one of the velvet neck things?
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148. - Yeah, it's right in the front center...
- No, it's a necklace...
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149. It's a bracelet. It's not on a hand.
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150. - It's not on a thing?
- There's only two bracelets in...
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151. It has to either be on a hand
or on a mannequin.
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152. Why'd I ever call this guy?
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153. Give me some bread, all right.
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154. Use your credit card.
I'll pay you back later today, I promise.
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155. Thank you.
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156. Smarty pants. Closed.
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157. - Good planning.
- Shit.
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158. I'll do this. I'll do it.
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159. But I'm hungry and we'll come back.
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160. We'll come back, let's go eat.
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161. - Where do you want to go?
- I don't know.
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162. - LA Farm.
- All right, you drive.
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163. It's so gorgeous out,
we haven't talked, let's walk.
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164. You want to walk?
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165. It's about 25 minutes,
a half hour it'll take us.
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166. So what? Come on,
like we're in New York again.
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167. I never walked in New York.
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168. It's only about 20 minutes.
I need it for my cardiovascular.
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169. I told you, 25 relatives
had heart attacks in my family.
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170. - Do me one, let me walk.
- Okay, please.
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171. I'm not lying.
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172. Why do you think?
We're men, right, and men need it more.
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173. No, it's not about that. I got it.
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174. - No. Why?
- I got it, it's fine.
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175. It's because they are so offended...
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176. by our genitalia...
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177. that they have to be
in love with us to have it.
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178. That's why we can have sex
with anyone and they can't.
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179. Because penises don't look
as attractive, and that's why...
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180. Yes, they can't just have sex with any man.
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181. They have to really love the man
to get involved with their penis...
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182. with their grotesque penis.
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183. I'm missing something.
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184. No, I think it's a good theory.
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185. It's a disgusting theory at lunch,
I'll tell you that.
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186. We're already finished,
so it doesn't matter.
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187. - Thanks for lunch, by the way.
- You're welcome, what is this?
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188. What?
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189. There's a space here to tip a captain?
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190. A captain? Instead of a waiter?
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191. No, both.
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192. Look at this.
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193. There's a space for a captain,
and a space for a waiter.
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194. So, you give both.
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195. What do you mean I give both?
What am I supposed to give?
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196. You give the waiter what you want
and the captain half.
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197. Half of the waiter's? Half of my
20 percent allotment to the waiter?
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198. - Allotment?
- I have 20 percent allotted to the waiter.
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199. Sound like you're in the schmata business.
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200. The captain's gonna be horning in
now on my allotment?
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201. - On what the waiter's getting?
- No, the waiter was good.
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202. So, it's 30 percent,
is that what you're saying?
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203. 20 and 10.
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204. - 20 and 10?
- Yeah.
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205. What does a captain do?
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206. I think I saw. The guy at the podium.
He pointed.
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207. The captain's horning in on the waiter,
'cause most people are probably...
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208. reducing the tip to the waiter...
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209. - You think he's horning?
- I do.
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210. That's hilarious.
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211. Who is this captain
out of the clear blue sky?
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212. - You're not leaving anything?
- I'm giving the waiter 30 percent.
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213. Let the waiter give the captain 10 percent
if he wants. I'll give the waiter the money.
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214. Let's go. Thanks for lunch, by the way,
and thanks for the penis talk.
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215. Next time, there'll be a space
for a lieutenant...
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216. then maybe a colonel, tip the colonel.
"How much, Colonel?"
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217. What does the colonel get?
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218. I bet in school, you didn't put the little
penny in the UNICEF slots?
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219. - I put a lot of pennies.
- It's unlikely.
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220. - Hello, excuse me?
- Hello.
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221. I can't believe you stopped.
I've been standing here for over an hour...
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222. and you're the first people
that have actually stopped.
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223. Anyway, I hate to impose on you.
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224. I wonder if I could just take up
a few minutes of your time.
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225. I need a little help.
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226. - What do you need?
- Thank you so much.
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227. I just moved into the neighborhood...
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228. and I have these boxes
in the middle of my living room...
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229. and I actually just need
a minute of your time...
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230. to help me move them to the corner,
so I don't trip over them.
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231. - I don't see.
- Where do you live?
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232. Just right around the corner.
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233. It would help me so much
if you could just help me.
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234. I kinda gotta get to the jewelry store.
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235. Yes, I know, it's a terrible imposition.
I'm sorry.
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236. How can you not help a blind man?
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237. How could you say "blind man,"
in front of a blind man?
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238. Please, no.
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239. - I didn't mean that in a bad way.
- No, no.
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240. I meant "sightless."
I respect the blind as much as anybody.
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241. - It's not a problem, believe me.
- I didn't mean that in a derogatory sense.
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242. I got my own problems.
I'm a recovering alcoholic.
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243. - I have intimacy problems.
- Poor guy, terrible intimacy problems.
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244. Can't get close to a woman.
It's a terrible thing.
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245. It happens to be true.
I am just saying, we're all the same.
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246. He can't see,
and you have intimacy problems.
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247. - You guys have a lot in common.
- There are recovering people who are blind.
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248. Your problems are very similar.
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249. - We'll help you move.
- Thank you so much.
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250. - We're right behind you, bro.
- Thank you.
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251. - Are you still there?
- Unbelievable, you could do this to me.
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252. My name is Michael.
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253. - How you doing?
- Hi.
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254. Here it is. Thank you so very much.
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255. This means the world.
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256. Thank you.
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257. What I need is the computer.
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258. Do you see it?
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259. - Very lovely place you got, by the way.
- Really?
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260. Thanks, just put it on the table.
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261. In the corner.
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262. Try to think about
my fingers once, will you?
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263. Great.
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264. Just throw a little chair and I'm good.
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265. - I can handle this.
- The agapanthus, sorry.
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266. This is very heavy.
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267. - Member of the lily family.
- Push it!
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268. I had a colonoscopy two weeks ago.
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269. - Thank you very much.
- It's our pleasure.
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270. You have no strength.
You're so fucking dainty.
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271. You know what?
The wingback chair would be better.
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272. - There's nothing else, is there?
- Where do you think I should put the TV?
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273. - Back up!
- You're like a goddamn lion tamer.
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274. Okay. Listen, thanks. It's Mike.
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275. Thank you so very much, Richard.
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276. - Larry.
- Larry, thank you.
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277. Thanks so much. Okay, thanks, all right.
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278. - Be well, take care of yourself.
- Okay, just the mattress.
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279. Where do you want the mattress?
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280. In the bedroom.
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281. Good. Thank you so very much.
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282. - Okay, you're happy? You sure?
- Yeah.
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283. And it looks great, by the way.
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284. Thank you very much,
from the bottom of my heart.
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285. You should be very happy,
the place looks great.
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286. Thank you, Larry. Thanks, Richard.
And, you rule. Thank you.
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287. Thank you so very much.
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288. Just bring the TV in and stick it...
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289. in the fireplace there...
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290. and go.
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291. Get the TV from the bedroom?
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292. Stick it in the recess of the fireplace.
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293. Why did we move it in the bedroom then?
Why is it in the bedroom?
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294. - I don't know why we moved...
- You told us to move it in the bedroom.
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295. No, I did not!
Richard said bring it in the bedroom.
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296. You don't even want it.
Why do you want it over here?
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297. For my guests!
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298. It doesn't work over here.
You'll ruin the whole hearth effect.
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299. What in the name of God am I gonna do
with a TV in my room? I'm blind.
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300. But it doesn't work in here!
It just doesn't fit!
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301. That's where it belongs!
Are you questioning my sense of space?
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302. - I'm not questioning your sense of space...
- Thank you.
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303. Bring in the goddamn TV
and be done with it!
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304. - This is not a marriage, can we just do this?
- Thank you.
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305. Because I have a lot of things
going on in my life, too.
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306. - Just bring it in!
- So you know, I...
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307. - Richard!
- I'm sorry.
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308. We did a good thing, but I... Who knew?
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309. The blind man misled us, though.
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310. - It's true, but...
- He did mislead us.
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311. He didn't tell us the truth
about what we had to move.
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312. He was a deceptive blind man.
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313. I think if you're blind, you have some...
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314. You got a license, you got a blind license?
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315. I can finish my own thought...
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316. - You weren't doing a very good job of it.
- I'm exhausted.
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317. - You like that?
- Shit happens.
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318. Shit happens. That's great.
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319. Let me see this thing that
we wasted our whole lifetime trying to get.
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320. - See, in the front, in the center?
- On that little ramp thing?
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321. It's beautiful.
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322. I know, it's nice.
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323. Wave goodbye. It's good to see you.
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324. Yeah.
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325. I gotta tell you this.
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326. You helped a blind man, and,
to me, this was a great day.
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327. - It was?
- Yeah.
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328. Every day's a great day for me.
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329. Look at you, Norman Vincent Lewis.
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330. - No, I'm not Norman Vincent Lewis.
- Are you Norman Vincent Lewis?
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331. Is it true or not that I have more,
I don't know, serenity than you?
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332. You are never filled with any gratitude.
You have no gratitude.
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333. - You have more serenity?
- In my own way I do.
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334. I am in pretty bad shape,
if that's the case.
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335. - I mean, I love you.
- You are just a babbling brook of bullshit.
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336. - I'll see you.
- Thanks for your help.
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337. I hear what you're saying,
but I gotta tell you, Richie-boy...
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338. I don't think you know
what you're talking about.
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339. If they punt, the way the Giants' defense
is playing, they won't get the ball back.
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340. Let me ask you something.
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341. You didn't happen to pick up my credit card
at lunch today, did you?
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342. I don't know, I must have left it
on the table or something.
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343. Great, we're all made up.
Everything's great.
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344. Got her some roses.
Boy, it's amazing how these roses work.
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345. You want to buy the bracelet?
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346. Is it her birthday?
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347. Yeah okay, go ahead.
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348. They're running, what idiots!
Do you believe this team?
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349. I gotta go. Cheryl's home.
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350. Hi!
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351. - How are you, honey?
- Hi.
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352. Okay.
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353. How's it going? It's football again.
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354. - Is there a game on?
- You didn't know that?
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355. Right now, on the TV?
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356. - You're kidding?
- No. Not kidding.
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357. How was your NRDC meeting?
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358. It was great.
We're gonna have a big beach-cleaning day.
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359. - Beach-cleaning day?
- Yeah.
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360. Like, thousands of volunteers,
and we're gonna have booths...
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361. all up and down the beach,
and hopefully get more people involved.
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362. Hopefully, but not me, of course,
but I wish everybody good luck.
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363. Thank you, I would not
expect you to get involved.
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364. It's a lot of work for volunteering.
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365. And you know what?
I passed by that jewelry store on 23rd...
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366. and I think,
I really do want that bracelet.
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367. You know what?
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368. I was gonna buy you...
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369. that bracelet today.
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370. - I almost bought it.
- Really?
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371. - You did?
- Unfortunately, the store was closed.
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372. You can get it tomorrow.
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373. You know, I was...
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374. I was talking to Richard Lewis
on the phone earlier...
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375. and he was with me today...
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376. and he just asked me
if he could buy it for his girlfriend...
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377. and I guess I kinda told him "okay."
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378. Why would you do that?
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379. We'd already made up.
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380. So, I don't want the bracelet
because we made up?
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381. - That doesn't make sense.
- I know it doesn't, it was stupid.
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382. Let's call him and tell him it was a mix-up,
and not to get it for his girlfriend...
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383. I'll get it for you
first thing tomorrow morning.
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384. I don't want to call him.
His girlfriend picks up the phone...
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385. - and I don't want to talk to her...
- I'll call.
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386. No. He's got caller ID,
and I'm gonna be on the phone...
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387. for five hours, explaining to him
why I hung up, and I don't want that.
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388. I'll get up and go down there.
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389. I will be there when they open the store.
I will turn the key.
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390. I'll greet them in the morning.
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391. - It's all done.
- Uncle Larry is here.
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392. What's this all about?
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393. I have to get dressed up
to go to this jewelry store.
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394. - My God, you look great.
- Thank you very much.
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395. Would you mind handing me
that sport jacket, please?
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396. I can barely move. I'm just shocked.
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397. The restaurant called
while you were in the shower.
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398. - They have the credit card? Great.
- So, you don't need mine?
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399. No, I'm gonna go pick it up
before I go to the jewelry store.
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400. - Excuse me.
- Hi.
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401. - Hi, I called earlier about the credit card.
- Yeah, okay, let's see.
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402. - What's your name?
- Larry David.
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403. All right, it's yours.
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404. Thank you so much.
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405. - Good morning.
- Hi, Perry, good morning.
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406. Fuck!
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407. - The only table I have that night is...
- Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt.
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408. My car's blocked in.
I don't know if it's from this restaurant.
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409. - It's a black BMW, it's a convertible.
- It's probably Perry's car.
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410. - Who's Perry?
- The captain.
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411. He's right over there.
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412. Could you please do me a favor?
I think you're blocking my car.
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413. Did you park
in an employee-reserved space?
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414. I did. I left my credit card here.
I just had to run in for 30 seconds.
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415. You're the guy from yesterday.
So, you got your card?
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416. - Yes, I did.
- You had this table, too, right?
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417. And the table was good?
It was great, wasn't it?
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418. - It was okay.
- The service was good?
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419. - It was fine, yeah.
- We did everything, I just want to make sure.
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420. Normally, when we have good service,
we get tips.
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421. I think you left something like
30 percent for the waiter...
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422. and you just drew a line
through my waiter-captain tip.
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423. - I thought maybe it was something...
- Wait. Hold on a second.
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424. The waiter didn't give you any money?
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425. No. Waiters don't tip out to waiter captains,
and I make a living off my tips.
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426. - That waiter didn't share that tip with you?
- No, he didn't.
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427. That is so unfair. That's terrible.
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428. - Really terrible.
- Yeah, isn't it?
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429. I mean you make a living off your tips.
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430. And here is a 30 percent tip,
and he gets the whole thing.
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431. And a line right through
the waiter captain.
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432. I was emphasizing what an extravagant tip
it was in some ways.
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433. No, the waiter's...
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434. I was calling attention to it.
You know, "Here, share this."
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435. Actually, I'm in the
middle of something right now, so...
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436. I'll move the car for you.
Just give me the keys.
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437. I'll move your car,
I'll put it in the space...
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438. - It's got a special code.
- It'll take two seconds.
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439. Stay here, do your work,
and I'll just go move the car.
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440. You better find yourself
another mode of transportation.
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441. Richard!
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442. Wait!
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443. Wait!
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444. Anna?
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