1. The cowboy hat with that bolo string,
what is that?Copy !req
2. Now, was the ball closer to him or to you?Copy !req
3. - Very good question.
- Thank you.Copy !req
4. I think it was, maybe, a little closer to him.Copy !req
5. But you couldn't be polite,
reach down and pick up the ball?Copy !req
6. - I could've.
- But that string...Copy !req
7. Same hat, no string...Copy !req
8. no question, I pick it up.Copy !req
9. - I don't...
- I see certain items, and I recoil in horror.Copy !req
10. How's Jeff?Copy !req
11. - He might have to have a bypass surgery.
- Really?Copy !req
12. - Can you believe that?
- No.Copy !req
13. - I thought he was going in for tests.
- Went in, they wouldn't let him out.Copy !req
14. - That's kind of scary.
- I know.Copy !req
15. I mean, it'll be fine.Copy !req
16. Tell him I said hi and give him my best.Copy !req
17. Yeah, okay.Copy !req
18. And, John Debellis called.Copy !req
19. I forgot to call him back.Copy !req
20. Hello?Copy !req
21. Larry.Copy !req
22. How are you, Gil?
You sounded like my friend John.Copy !req
23. I just called to say hello.Copy !req
24. Saturday night?Copy !req
25. I need directions. Just fax them.Copy !req
26. It's the same as my home number.Copy !req
27. All right, very good.Copy !req
28. Bye.Copy !req
29. Directions for what?Copy !req
30. I dialed the number
under John's by accident.Copy !req
31. I got this guy, Gil Thilander,
at the golf club.Copy !req
32. - Who's Gil Thilander?
- I played golf with him like three times.Copy !req
33. He invited us to this party
on Saturday night at his house.Copy !req
34. Larry, we were gonna
go out to dinner on Saturday.Copy !req
35. I told him we'd go.Copy !req
36. Who is Gil?Copy !req
37. He used to be a porno actor
like 15 years ago.Copy !req
38. - No, I don't wanna go to a porn party.
- It's not a porn party.Copy !req
39. - Please!
- We're not even gonna speak to him anyway.Copy !req
40. We'll go in, it's a party.
We'll just say hello and that'll be it.Copy !req
41. Listen, we'll go out to dinner,
and then we'll stop by the party.Copy !req
42. We'll be out in 10 minutes. We'll say hello,
and we'll leave. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
43. - So you got some kind of blockage?
- Blockage.Copy !req
44. I went in for normal tests,
and he said, "You're not going anywhere.Copy !req
45. "If we don't get this cleaned out,
you're gonna have a heart attack."Copy !req
46. They can tell ahead of time.Copy !req
47. That's pleasant news.
That's nice to hear, isn't it?Copy !req
48. You've gotta do me a favor, though.Copy !req
49. I've got tests all week.Copy !req
50. - Sunday, they're doing the procedure, okay?
- Sunday?Copy !req
51. Susie will be here all day Sunday.
She will not be leaving here.Copy !req
52. The keys in the drawer there.
Grab them, I wanna show you something.Copy !req
53. Just trust me on this for a second.
Get the keys.Copy !req
54. They should be right in the drawer there.
Yeah, okay.Copy !req
55. - This key right here...
- Mysterious.Copy !req
56. Very mysterious. This key right here...Copy !req
57. my front door.Copy !req
58. I need you to go into my house,
go up to my bedroom...Copy !req
59. to the left of the TV,
there's a cabinet by the bookcase there.Copy !req
60. Open it up, move the linens,
move 'em to the side...Copy !req
61. push on the back door, and it'll open up.Copy !req
62. Inside there, I have my porn collection.Copy !req
63. I have, seven, eight porn tapes,
a couple of magazines, all right?Copy !req
64. I need you to get them out of there.Copy !req
65. You've gotta get it out of there,
because if something happens to me...Copy !req
66. You're thinking, the anesthesia,
if something goes wrong...Copy !req
67. Anything goes wrong...
She's not a big porn person.Copy !req
68. You don't want your wife
to discover your porno stuff?Copy !req
69. She doesn't understand that.
I am not embarrassed.Copy !req
70. I don't understand it either.Copy !req
71. That's your own deal, Repression Jones.Copy !req
72. Is there an alarm code,
or anything like that?Copy !req
73. Easy, 99-88.Copy !req
74. I better write that down.Copy !req
75. In there, should be a pen
and a piece of paper.Copy !req
76. "99-88." Okay.Copy !req
77. I can't believe you have to write it down.Copy !req
78. - What am I to do with these things?
- Keep it in your trunk.Copy !req
79. What if I get in an accident
on the way home? What about that?Copy !req
80. - There's porn...
- The porn flies everywhere?Copy !req
81. strewn all over the car,
all over my bleeding body.Copy !req
82. - I am worried about the alarm code.
- Nothing's gonna happen.Copy !req
83. I'm no good with stuff like that.
It's too technical for me.Copy !req
84. 99-88.Copy !req
85. The alarm's gonna go off,
they'll be a SWAT team descending on me.Copy !req
86. This whole thing
has "disaster" written all over it.Copy !req
87. - It'll be fine, trust me.
- Your wife better not show up.Copy !req
88. I guarantee she's not gonna be there.
She'll be here.Copy !req
89. - I appreciate it, you're a great pal.
- Good luck. Try not to die.Copy !req
90. "Try not to die."Copy !req
91. Thank you.Copy !req
92. Shit.Copy !req
93. I don't understand
how you give directions like this.Copy !req
94. I thought this party was in LA.Copy !req
95. I guess he's got...Copy !req
96. a weekend house or something.
I don't know.Copy !req
97. Larry, we've been driving for an hour.Copy !req
98. We're, like, in the boondocks.Copy !req
99. - Why don't you use your navigation system?
- I don't know how to work it.Copy !req
100. - You don't know how to work it?
- No.Copy !req
101. - Then why did you get it?
- I don't know. I wanted to get everything.Copy !req
102. I wanted to have all the loaded things.Copy !req
103. When were you gonna learn?Copy !req
104. I don't know.
I thought somebody would teach me.Copy !req
105. - Why don't you call them again?
- They're not picking up.Copy !req
106. There's a party,
they probably don't hear the phone.Copy !req
107. We left three messages already.Copy !req
108. Are you even reading those directions?Copy !req
109. I'm looking for Jake's Way.Copy !req
110. That's all I'm doing,
is looking for Jake's Way.Copy !req
111. - You should be looking, too.
- I have been looking.Copy !req
112. These directions are shit, you know that?Copy !req
113. There's obviously nothing out here.Copy !req
114. Wait a second, is that somebody?Copy !req
115. - Don't pull over.
- Are you crazy?Copy !req
116. - They could be dangerous.
- We're completely lost here.Copy !req
117. Excuse me, could you help me out here?
I'm trying to get to Jake's Way.Copy !req
118. I was wondering
what you were doing out here.Copy !req
119. - I think I'm a little lost.
- You're lost?Copy !req
120. I made a left at the gas station
a couple of miles back.Copy !req
121. Let me just take a look and I'll steer you.Copy !req
122. Let me put my glasses on.
I can't see a thing without my glasses.Copy !req
123. Now...Copy !req
124. "Take Lakeside..."Copy !req
125. I've already done that,
and then I got to the gas station.Copy !req
126. I made a left.Copy !req
127. - Who wrote this?
- A friend of mine.Copy !req
128. - Is he a doctor?
- No.Copy !req
129. - I know, it's hard to read.
- Terrible handwriting.Copy !req
130. But I can make it out.Copy !req
131. You were at a gas station?Copy !req
132. Why didn't you go in the gas station
and say you were lost?Copy !req
133. I wasn't lost then.Copy !req
134. You didn't know where you were going.
In my book, that's lost.Copy !req
135. I wasn't lost, 'cause I'm supposed
to make a left at the gas station.Copy !req
136. "Make an L-F-T." Left.Copy !req
137. You're on Miller.Copy !req
138. I wasn't lost at the gas station.Copy !req
139. I'm looking for Jake's Way.
I don't know if I passed it or it's up ahead.Copy !req
140. - Jack's Way?
- No, it's Jake's Way.Copy !req
141. Jake's Way, I've never heard of Jake's Way.Copy !req
142. - That's fine, I'll just get going.
- It's all right, don't be...Copy !req
143. Let's see, Jake's Way.Copy !req
144. You've been very helpful, thank you.Copy !req
145. Thank you very much.
Can I just have the paper back?Copy !req
146. I have to get going. I'm kind of delayed.Copy !req
147. Don't get so impatient, please.Copy !req
148. I am getting a lot of hostility from you.Copy !req
149. There's a feeling of anger.Copy !req
150. There's no hostility, there's no anger.
Can I just have the paper back?Copy !req
151. Please!Copy !req
152. You snap!Copy !req
153. I hope you stay lost!Copy !req
154. This was a wonderful night.Copy !req
155. I've always wanted to drive around
in this area for hours.Copy !req
156. It's quite scenic, don't you think?Copy !req
157. And they have
some very colorful characters.Copy !req
158. I enjoyed Baby Jane a lot, didn't you?Copy !req
159. - I'd just like to go home.
- I'm trying to get us home.Copy !req
160. You're not trying hard enough.Copy !req
161. I don't know where we're going.
I don't have any directions.Copy !req
162. A good idea is just to keep driving
around and around.Copy !req
163. I'm looking for the highway
and I don't know where it is.Copy !req
164. What do you want me to do?Copy !req
165. - What is that? Is that a car?
- Yeah.Copy !req
166. I'm gonna stop this car.Copy !req
167. - I'm gonna flag the car down.
- Be careful.Copy !req
168. - Hey.
- Hi.Copy !req
169. Thanks so much for stopping.Copy !req
170. I've been so lost. I've been driving
around for a half hour here.Copy !req
171. I'm just trying to get back
to the freeway to LA.Copy !req
172. - You don't recognize me, do you?
- No.Copy !req
173. On the driving range the other day?
You're the guy from the driving range.Copy !req
174. - I was right behind you on the range.
- Right.Copy !req
175. You wouldn't help me with the ball.Copy !req
176. - The ball?
- The range ball.Copy !req
177. It fell and you wouldn't help me out.Copy !req
178. You know what?Copy !req
179. My back was killing me,
I couldn't bend down.Copy !req
180. I didn't pick up on that.
You were hitting the ball so well.Copy !req
181. - You were swinging great.
- That's twisting.Copy !req
182. I could twist, I couldn't bend.Copy !req
183. - Two different things.
- It's a big difference, really.Copy !req
184. My God, you must have thought
I was such an asshole.Copy !req
185. I didn't know why you wouldn't help me.Copy !req
186. What kind of prick
doesn't pick up somebody's ball?Copy !req
187. I thought you could help out,
but I understand.Copy !req
188. I would've picked up the ball
if I could bend down.Copy !req
189. It's your back, right?Copy !req
190. - Completely.
- Sure, I understand.Copy !req
191. - I'm sorry, I apologize.
- It's all right.Copy !req
192. - Wait, are you going to Gil's party?
- Yeah.Copy !req
193. - You know Gil? From the club?
- Yeah.Copy !req
194. I'm old friends with Gil.
We've been buddies for a long time.Copy !req
195. So, can I follow you over there?Copy !req
196. Should you go to the party with your back,
can you bend over with your back?Copy !req
197. Yeah.Copy !req
198. Maybe you should bend over
and kiss my ass.Copy !req
199. Maybe next time you'll remember
to pick up the fucking golf ball.Copy !req
200. How'd it go?Copy !req
201. Good.Copy !req
202. Pretty good.Copy !req
203. Hello?Copy !req
204. We called three times.Copy !req
205. I have no idea, we're completely lost.Copy !req
206. - So, 15 minutes.
- 15 minutes.Copy !req
207. - Absolutely.
- One drink. In and out.Copy !req
208. In and out. I'm with you.Copy !req
209. - I promise, 15 minutes.
- Okay.Copy !req
210. How come there are only
three cars in the driveway?Copy !req
211. I don't know. It's very weird.Copy !req
212. Larry?Copy !req
213. Come on in.Copy !req
214. Good to meet you.Copy !req
215. What happened there?Copy !req
216. I talked to you 15 minutes ago,
you were 5 minutes away.Copy !req
217. You didn't mention that Miller
turns into Jake's Way.Copy !req
218. Jake's Way is not marked,
there's no sign for it.Copy !req
219. You may have included that
in the directions.Copy !req
220. Thanks for telling me.Copy !req
221. - Can I take your jacket?
- Okay.Copy !req
222. - Where is everybody?
- Right in there.Copy !req
223. - Can I take your coat?
- No, thanks.Copy !req
224. If you would take your shoes off.
Right there.Copy !req
225. - Okay.
- Thanks.Copy !req
226. - Really?
- Just take them off.Copy !req
227. It's just a custom
my wife started in the house.Copy !req
228. I'll leave mine on, is that okay?
They're completely clean.Copy !req
229. - It's not about that.
- Look, see?Copy !req
230. - That's not the point, just take 'em off.
- Come on.Copy !req
231. Okay... You know what?
I'll put this away, I'll be right back.Copy !req
232. Go on in.Copy !req
233. - What's going on here?
- I don't know, where is everybody?Copy !req
234. - What?
- There's people eating dinner in there.Copy !req
235. This is a dinner party?Copy !req
236. Did he tell you
this was a dinner party, Larry?Copy !req
237. - No, he said "party."
- We just ate.Copy !req
238. He said "party."
I wouldn't go to a dinner party.Copy !req
239. - You guys looking around?
- Great house.Copy !req
240. Great place, my wife jokingly refers
to it as "the house that cum built."Copy !req
241. 'Cause of my porns.Copy !req
242. I never made enough money to buy a house.Copy !req
243. Come on in, though.
I'll show you around later.Copy !req
244. That's a collection...Copy !req
245. of small bottles, and I like them.Copy !req
246. It's very interesting.Copy !req
247. They're not as big as normal.Copy !req
248. Come on in here. Hey, everybody!Copy !req
249. They're here, they made it.Copy !req
250. Hello. Hi.Copy !req
251. I'm so sorry we're late, hello.Copy !req
252. Nice to meet you, I'm Melanie.Copy !req
253. - That's Peter, my trainer.
- How you doing?Copy !req
254. Cinnamon, his wife.Copy !req
255. And next to them, Brian.
You know Brian from the club, right?Copy !req
256. - Glad you made it.
- Thank you.Copy !req
257. Next to him is Jackie and Paul.Copy !req
258. - I'm Cheryl.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
259. How are you doing? Nice to meet you.Copy !req
260. - Sit down.
- Okay.Copy !req
261. - Honey, Larry is wearing his shoes.
- I know.Copy !req
262. - Did you tell him the rule of the house?
- He thinks I was joking.Copy !req
263. Who is this guy?Copy !req
264. He comes an hour late,
and he wears shoes in my house?Copy !req
265. Don't bust my balls on this.Copy !req
266. I'll tell you, we waited.Copy !req
267. I know.Copy !req
268. - Then we decided we just had to eat.
- I don't blame you.Copy !req
269. No, let me fix you a plate.Copy !req
270. We were so hungry, that we had a bag
of potato chips in the car...Copy !req
271. Potato chips on the way to a dinner party?Copy !req
272. What's that?Copy !req
273. That's a mango chutney
that I made with my own hands.Copy !req
274. I'll just have some of that,
for, like, a dessert thing.Copy !req
275. What's in that?Copy !req
276. There's a little bit of jalapeño
and a little bit of Tabasco.Copy !req
277. - Tell us again.
- I am not gonna tell.Copy !req
278. No, c'mon! Can't I ever
have a normal dinner party?Copy !req
279. Can't we talk about stocks?Copy !req
280. Can I tell a porn story?Copy !req
281. She's heard every one of them.
You wanna tell it?Copy !req
282. You know what Tabasco's good for?Copy !req
283. - Keep you hard.
- Really?Copy !req
284. Only you gotta stick it up your ass.Copy !req
285. I'll tell you how I found out about that.Copy !req
286. I was doing a scene and it was supposed
to be a two-girl scene, right?Copy !req
287. - Do you mind if I tell?
- It's your house.Copy !req
288. These guys have heard half these stories.Copy !req
289. I'm doing this scene,
supposedly with two girls...Copy !req
290. and I keep waiting
for the other girl to show up.Copy !req
291. I'm fucking this girl for three hours.Copy !req
292. Pounding, for hours.Copy !req
293. Then suddenly, after a couple hours...Copy !req
294. it feels like some chick's
tea-bagging me, right?Copy !req
295. You should fill her in on tea-bagging.Copy !req
296. Maybe you do, maybe you don't.Copy !req
297. When a woman sucks your balls,
she's tea-bagging you.Copy !req
298. - Or a man.
- But...Copy !req
299. So I feel that,
and I think that other girl's shown up.Copy !req
300. Then I feel her fingers on my balls,
and I'm not even looking.Copy !req
301. I'm just so... I'm half asleep.
But I turned around, it's not the girl.Copy !req
302. It is the biggest crew guy we got.Copy !req
303. He's playing with my balls.Copy !req
304. My wood starts going down,
and I haven't even shot yet.Copy !req
305. And I go:Copy !req
306. "I'm going down."
And this guy goes, "I'll take care of it."Copy !req
307. He runs over to the craft service table,
he comes back, his finger is red.Copy !req
308. Sticks it up my ass.Copy !req
309. Tabasco sauce!Copy !req
310. I stayed hard for another two hours...Copy !req
311. because all the blood just goes.Copy !req
312. I keep begging him to let us use it.Copy !req
313. I was renowned for being able
to stay hard for hours.Copy !req
314. That's what I could do.
I wasn't the biggest, all right?Copy !req
315. But I could stay hard the longest.Copy !req
316. Can I see that watch there?
Where'd you get that?Copy !req
317. - It's a beauty!
- Anniversary gift.Copy !req
318. Can I see that? That is really sweet.Copy !req
319. Okay, everyone, let's have a little dessert.
Everyone, please, in the other room.Copy !req
320. Bring your glasses, but leave your plates.
Please do not touch your plates.Copy !req
321. That was great, Mel. Thank you.Copy !req
322. I want to go home now.Copy !req
323. Maybe we can stop
and pick up some Tabasco.Copy !req
324. Do you think this is funny, Larry?Copy !req
325. I don't think you're funny.
I don't think this is funny.Copy !req
326. I don't care what you tell these people.
We need to go.Copy !req
327. Sit down.Copy !req
328. I'll tell them we're leaving.Copy !req
329. - Yeah. I need my coat and my purse.
- Okay.Copy !req
330. My back.Copy !req
331. Oh, shit!Copy !req
332. I'm so sorry!Copy !req
333. Everyone sit down.
There's glass on the floor. No one move.Copy !req
334. I'm so sorry, shit!Copy !req
335. It doesn't affect you, does it,
the glass on the floor?Copy !req
336. Because you're wearing
your fucking shoes in my house!Copy !req
337. When you walk through my door,
you play by my rules!Copy !req
338. You take off your fucking shoes!Copy !req
339. You and your fucking little soccer shoes
in my house!Copy !req
340. My feet have a tendency
to get a little chilly when I take my...Copy !req
341. Get the coats!Copy !req
342. The coats are probably a good idea.Copy !req
343. - I would think.
- He's a psychotic, get him out of the house!Copy !req
344. We're gonna get moseying.Copy !req
345. - Moseying time?
- Yeah.Copy !req
346. Here you go, Cheryl. Honey, you okay?Copy !req
347. Maybe it is best if you go now.Copy !req
348. - I think it probably is.
- I am sorry.Copy !req
349. - Let me pay for the lamp?
- That's not important.Copy !req
350. I'll pay for the lamp.Copy !req
351. I don't even know
if Brian has another in his shop.Copy !req
352. I don't know, they're really hard to get.Copy !req
353. It was rare, we got it in Brian's shop.Copy !req
354. Maybe I have one more, I'll have to look.Copy !req
355. We're gonna take off. Goodbye.Copy !req
356. - Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, too.Copy !req
357. - Goodbye.
- I am sorry.Copy !req
358. Bye, Cheryl. Nice meeting you.Copy !req
359. What's the level of anger here?Copy !req
360. What am I dealing with?Copy !req
361. I'd say...Copy !req
362. at least an 8.7.Copy !req
363. 8.7?Copy !req
364. - That's not that bad.
- No?Copy !req
365. I thought it'll be, like, a 9.Copy !req
366. No, it was. It was up higher.Copy !req
367. Yeah, and then you broke that lamp...Copy !req
368. and that crazy woman screamed at you,
and it got you some pity points.Copy !req
369. Pity points? Fabulous! I love pity points.Copy !req
370. - So how do I get to a 7?
- I don't know.Copy !req
371. I know I can't get a 6,
that's out of the question.Copy !req
372. But we could have
a very decent ride home with a 7.Copy !req
373. - You think so?
- Yes, I do.Copy !req
374. I'll tell you what, if we ride home as a 7...Copy !req
375. as soon as we get home,
you can go right back to an 8.Copy !req
376. - All right, it's a deal.
- It's a deal?Copy !req
377. - As long as I can go back.
- Beautiful.Copy !req
378. - Come on, we'll go home.
- Okay.Copy !req
379. What?Copy !req
380. - My God.
- What?Copy !req
381. Remember that trainer...Copy !req
382. who asked to look at my watch?
He never gave it back.Copy !req
383. - Go back there and get it.
- No, come on.Copy !req
384. - Don't send me back there.
- We're right here, just go back in.Copy !req
385. I don't wanna do a double-goodbye.Copy !req
386. I've already said goodbye
under the worst circumstances.Copy !req
387. You want me to go
and do the double-goodbye?Copy !req
388. Yeah, I do.Copy !req
389. Larry, I gave that to you
as an anniversary gift.Copy !req
390. I'll call Gil and
he'll have the trainer send it to him.Copy !req
391. That is idiotic, we're here, just go in.
It'll take three minutes.Copy !req
392. - It's so awkward.
- I'm not leaving here without the watch.Copy !req
393. This is stupid. Just go.Copy !req
394. I gotta take my shoes off now.Copy !req
395. - Hey, Larry, what's going on?
- I think your trainer has my watch.Copy !req
396. - He does?
- Excuse me.Copy !req
397. Do you have my watch, by any chance?Copy !req
398. You know what? I do.Copy !req
399. Go on.Copy !req
400. Also, I'm gonna need directions
to get back to the freeway.Copy !req
401. I'll go get you another copy.Copy !req
402. Oh, jeez, look at this. What a mess.Copy !req
403. - Sorry.
- That's okay, no problem.Copy !req
404. Bye.Copy !req
405. - See you at the store.
- Yeah, so long.Copy !req
406. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
407. Here you go. These are good.Copy !req
408. Just watch for the barn.Copy !req
409. - You got to take a right at the barn.
- Right at the barn. Thank you.Copy !req
410. All right, take care, goodbye.
Say goodbye everyone.Copy !req
411. Goodbye.Copy !req
412. - You all right?
- It was an accident.Copy !req
413. - Sounded like you knocked.
- No.Copy !req
414. Okay.Copy !req
415. Is that a barn?Copy !req
416. Think it was too small for a barn.
It looked more like a stable.Copy !req
417. There was a cow there,
does that mean, what?Copy !req
418. That it could have been a barn?
There's no cows in barns.Copy !req
419. There are cows on a farm.Copy !req
420. Are there always barns on farms?Copy !req
421. There's stables on farms, right?
Not necessarily barns.Copy !req
422. I don't think that was the barn.Copy !req
423. I think we made the wrong turn.Copy !req
424. Go up to my bedroom.Copy !req
425. To the left of the TV, there's a cabinet
by the bookcase there.Copy !req
426. Open it up, move the linens, move 'em
to the side, push on the back door.Copy !req
427. Inside there, I have my porn collection.Copy !req
428. - Who is it?
- Hotel security, ma'am, open up.Copy !req
429. Thank God you're here.Copy !req
430. There's a prowler outside. I'm really scared.Copy !req
431. - I can hear noises.
- Take it easy, sit down.Copy !req
432. Listen, we've had some reports
of prowlers in the area.Copy !req
433. What the hell was that?
Come out of there with your hands out.Copy !req
434. - Put your hands out!
- It's okay, it's my girlfriend.Copy !req
435. - Looks safe. I'm gonna go back to the hotel.
- You can't leave us.Copy !req
436. - But there's other people.
- There's a prowler outside.Copy !req
437. - You can't leave us.
- All right.Copy !req
438. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
439. Come on.Copy !req
440. Yeah, you called security...Copy !req
441. you got it.Copy !req
442. Oh, my God!Copy !req
443. Hi.Copy !req
444. That's a friend of mine.Copy !req
445. Gil Thilander.Copy !req
446. I had dinner at his house...Copy !req
447. - yesterday.
- You like that?Copy !req