1. Very nice!
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2. You were saying?
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3. - All right, so that means you need...
- I need a spare to win.
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4. Okay, Larry, you need a spare,
this is for the team.
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5. - How about that!
- Please, don't humiliate me.
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6. - All right.
- You gonna do that little wiggle step again?
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7. That was cute.
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8. I'm not gonna count this
if I hear any talking at all.
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9. I think he's mad.
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10. All right, here we go.
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11. No!
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12. - Nice work.
- Very good.
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13. You know what we should do?
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14. I want change, that's $20.
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15. We should invite...
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16. - We have an idea.
- This weekend...
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17. we're going to go listen to Paul Simon.
We have the luxury box.
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18. - Come join us, it's fun.
- It's gonna be a great concert.
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19. Really?
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20. - No, that sounds great.
- We'll think about it.
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21. I don't know if I can spend
another evening with these people.
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22. He's paying you money, though.
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23. - You owe me $10.
- Okay.
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24. - Need my shoes.
- Thank you.
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25. - You were surprised.
- I was very surprised.
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26. I didn't know you were such a talented...
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27. - You thought I'd choke on that last ball.
- Yes.
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28. - You surprised me, pleasantly surprised me.
- Thank you.
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29. - How was it, did you have fun?
- Yeah.
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30. - Thank you.
- Those aren't mine.
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31. No, they gotta be.
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32. They're not my shoes.
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33. Yeah, they were in your slot.
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34. No, my shoes are brown
and they have sort of tan laces.
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35. - They gotta be here.
- Looks like a sneaker.
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36. Right, yeah, come on, take a look.
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37. They're here, they gotta be here.
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38. You ready?
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39. - See, these were yours.
- They don't have my shoes.
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40. - Are you serious?
- You sure these aren't them?
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41. - What are these here?
- They were in his slot, but your shoes...
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42. - Can't find your shoes?
- No.
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43. Brown shoes, they had tan laces.
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44. - They have, like, bubbles on the soles.
- On the sole.
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45. - It looked like a soccer shoe.
- Yeah, I know.
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46. They were right next to yours.
I put them up there by mistake.
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47. - Guy took them.
- Oh, my gosh.
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48. What about his shoes? Wear those.
Are these his shoes?
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49. Here's what to do. Here, hold on.
Write down your name and number.
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50. What kind of guy would take
somebody else's shoes?
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51. A guy that has these shoes.
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52. Write down your number.
I'll call you immediately when I see them.
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53. - Does this happen to you a lot?
- Yeah, it does.
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54. Can I give you, like, 10 free passes?
Do you guys bowl a lot?
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55. - Yes, go for the passes.
- We'll be happy to take them.
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56. - I don't think we'll be back for a while.
- I can give you the passes.
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57. All right, if he shows up, call me.
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58. I will call you the second anyone calls,
or he comes.
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59. Okay.
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60. Want to go for a walk?
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61. You were so helpful
throughout my little ordeal.
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62. That was fun.
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63. And we managed to get
a Paul Simon concert out of it.
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64. - Can you believe that?
- I can't believe it.
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65. They invited us to see Paul Simon
at the luxury box.
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66. I must've made quite an impression tonight
to get that Paul Simon invitation.
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67. Your bowling skills were shining through.
Was that Friday or Saturday?
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68. - That's Friday.
- It is?
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69. - I heard him tell Mary that it was Friday.
- You heard him say it?
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70. - Yeah.
- Okay, good.
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71. - They are so cute.
- What a great couple.
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72. And so fun.
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73. I wonder if they thought
that we were a good couple?
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74. We were a good couple tonight,
don't you think?
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75. - We presented ourselves really nicely.
- Why aren't we a good couple?
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76. - We were fun.
- Are they saying we're a good couple?
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77. - They have to be.
- That would be nice.
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78. - But they really are, they're a great couple.
- Really like them.
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79. - She's really great.
- Yeah.
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80. - I really love her, she was terrific.
- Yeah, she was really great.
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81. - Him, I can kind of take him or leave him.
- I like him.
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82. He's a little strange.
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83. Why?
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84. Everything's heaven with him.
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85. The piece of gum he had,
"Oh, this is heaven."
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86. Had to taste a chocolate bar.
"I'm in heaven."
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87. The parking space is "heaven."
It's all "heaven."
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88. He's a very happy guy. He enjoys things.
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89. You didn't hear any of this...
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90. but he asked lots of questions
about my personal hygiene, too.
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91. I'm not gonna even tell you
what they were...
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92. but really personal.
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93. He's a little off, I think.
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94. - Yeah, but he's so fun.
- Yeah, he's okay.
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95. I don't really know
what she sees in him, but...
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96. It must be hell living with Ted Danson.
That's got to be hard.
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97. - She's really terrific, though.
- Yeah, she is.
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98. What a beautiful person,
not only on the outside...
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99. but she really has an inner beauty,
didn't you think?
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100. And it just kind of radiates?
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101. The shame is that I could never be friends
with her, you know?
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102. - Why couldn't you be friends with her?
- Because she's a woman.
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103. She's married. I'm a married man.
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104. I'd love to have a cup of coffee
with her or something.
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105. But you can never do that because...
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106. society frowns on relationships
between men and women like that.
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107. Well, don't let me stop you, I mean...
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108. If we're gonna be making friends
with them...
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109. I'd just as soon be friends with her.
You can be friends with him.
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110. And you could get
the personal hygiene questions, okay?
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111. All right.
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112. - And how about that Clinton stuff?
- Yeah.
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113. When she talked about Clinton.
She knows Clinton and Hillary.
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114. She's great.
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115. Hello?
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116. Mar'!
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117. Good morning!
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118. No, we were gonna call you.
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119. Yeah, it was fantastic.
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120. What a great time.
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121. Heaven, it was heaven.
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122. He does?
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123. That's interesting.
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124. No, the whole thing.
By the way, I still have his $10.
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125. No, you tell him I'm gonna give it...
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126. I'm gonna give it back to him,
don't worry about it.
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127. What are you doing today?
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128. Really?
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129. Going shopping at Barneys.
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130. You know, I could use
a couple of things, actually.
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131. I don't have any sweaters at all, and...
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132. What time?
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133. It's a little drab, I think.
It looks a little drab.
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134. - Hi, Lar'!
- Hi!
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135. This is so great!
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136. This is my momma, from Arkansas.
This is Anne, this is Larry.
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137. - Hello.
- Hello, how are you?
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138. - Good, Arkansas, I've never been there.
- You must come.
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139. I don't think... They don't let me
into certain states, actually.
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140. Why not?
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141. I'm incorrigible.
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142. You know what? I have some pull there.
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143. - I used to know the governor.
- Your daughter knows the governor?
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144. We both did, yes.
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145. I am so impressed
that you would come shopping.
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146. What, are you kidding? I love to shop.
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147. You love to shop? You're the only man
I know who loves to shop.
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148. - This is great.
- Your daddy certainly didn't!
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149. - This is a nice item you've got here.
- I got this at Barneys.
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150. I got this last week.
I bet they still have this.
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151. This is a man's jacket.
I love buying men's jackets.
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152. This is a very nice item, this thing.
It's a half-jacket, half-shirt.
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153. - You don't know what it is.
- I couldn't help but overhear.
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154. - I happen to have one right here.
- You are good.
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155. - They are good at Barneys.
- I bet you're a 42.
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156. See, Barneys salespeople,
they're practically psychic.
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157. You're good. You are very good.
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158. - I'm going to insist that you buy this.
- This is interesting, isn't it?
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159. It's like a shirt and a jacket.
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160. - I think it's me.
- It's beautiful on you.
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161. - You don't mind us having the same coat?
- I would be so honored.
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162. Twins.
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163. So, Lar', did you like
the silk Giorgio blouse or no?
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164. More than liked, I loved it.
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165. Are you sure?
Because I couldn't tell when I put it on.
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166. There was something in your eyes.
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167. No, I thought it was perfect on you.
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168. Look at this. Shoes.
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169. You know what? I should replace
the shoes from the bowling alley.
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170. Maybe they'll have them.
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171. I'm looking for a pair of shoes.
They're brown...
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172. Okay, they look like a soccer shoe, almost.
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173. You don't know their brand name?
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174. They've got black bubbles on the bottom.
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175. I bet you're talking about Campers.
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176. - That's exactly what they are.
- Okay, let me go see if I can find them.
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177. That's the name of the brand.
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178. What about that blue shirt I had
with the zippered...
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179. Lovely.
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180. - You don't think the sleeves go out too far?
- No, you look so buff in it.
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181. - No, honey, you're handsome in that.
- Really?
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182. - Sir, excuse me. Is this the shoe?
- Yeah, that's it.
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183. I hope that you're a 9.
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184. No, I'm an 11.
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185. We don't have it in
anything but a 9 right now.
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186. So, I'd be happy to order it for you.
It would take a couple of days.
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187. - All right.
- Is that okay?
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188. I'll need some information from you.
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189. Come with me, please.
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190. I am so blown away by how
amazing were you today at Barneys.
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191. I've never seen a man take to shopping...
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192. the way our Larry took to shopping.
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193. I love to shop.
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194. I've never known a man who loved to shop.
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195. I'm exhausted
from picking up those shopping bags.
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196. I can't even lift my sandwich.
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197. Your wife must be very proud of you.
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198. - No, she's not.
- She's not?
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199. - Not even a little bit.
- She is, too. Cheryl adores you.
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200. - I love to shop, you know what else?
- What?
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201. - Cook. I shop and I cook.
- You don't cook, Larry.
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202. - I'm the double-header.
- Mary, you should have married this man.
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203. Let me tell you something.
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204. Nothing gives me more pleasure
than cracking an egg.
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205. Nothing. I'll make you some omelets.
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206. I will flip you out.
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207. You cook?
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208. That is so sexy.
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209. - Mary!
- I'm sorry.
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210. - We're friends, I can say that.
- No big deal.
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211. I know, I'm sorry.
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212. I'm just very old-fashioned
about that kind of...
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213. No, Larry, honey, that's my water.
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214. Excuse me.
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215. - Hi!
- Oh, hey!
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216. Hi, I'm in here! Where're you going?
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217. - What have you got there?
- Went to Barneys.
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218. I can see that.
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219. - I needed some stuff, so...
- A new jacket?
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220. Yeah. You like it?
It's interesting, don't you think?
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221. It's like half-jacket, half-shirt.
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222. I've never seen you
with shopping bags before.
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223. What made you decide to go shopping?
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224. I was in the kitchen this morning
reading the paper and Mary called.
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225. And she said she was going to Barneys...
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226. and I thought, what the hell,
I needed some stuff, so I met her there.
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227. You just went shopping with Mary?
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228. She called up
to talk about last night, actually...
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229. and what a great time she had,
and I told her we had a great time.
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230. - She says hello.
- Okay.
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231. And I don't know, she just mentioned
she was going shopping...
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232. and the next thing I knew,
I said, "All right, I'll go."
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233. That's bizarre, don't you think?
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234. Why?
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235. I've never been able to get you
to go shopping before.
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236. - I'll go shopping.
- No, you won't.
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237. Any time you want to go shopping,
you let me know.
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238. I've asked you before.
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239. Maybe when you asked me,
I had something to do, I don't know.
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240. You want to go, let's go!
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241. - Not now, you don't need anything now!
- Yes, I do.
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242. I could use some socks and underwear
and stuff.
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243. I've gotta buy a belt.
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244. I've had this belt a long time.
I should have got that today.
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245. Also, her mother was there, too.
I forgot to mention that.
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246. - Mary's mother?
- Very nice woman from Arkansas.
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247. Very nice.
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248. Who the hell's that?
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249. - Who is it?
- Hey, Cheryl.
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250. - It's Ted.
- How are you?
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251. - Good, how are you doing?
- I'm good, thanks.
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252. - What's going on?
- You and Mary switched bags at Barneys.
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253. This one's yours.
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254. Okay. She must have my turtleneck.
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255. - I got it, I think it's in the trunk.
- That's a nice jacket.
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256. - Mary's got the same one.
- Really?
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257. Yeah, matter of fact,
I think she wore it today.
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258. I didn't notice that.
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259. Where are we, out here?
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260. See you, good to see you, Cheryl.
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261. What a day.
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262. Heaven, just heaven.
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263. So, a shopping spree with the girls, Larry?
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264. Where were you? You should've come.
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265. - We had a great time.
- I kind of figured you more as a sports guy.
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266. Maybe you just figured wrong.
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267. Yeah, that's nice.
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268. No, we'll go to a ballgame some time.
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269. - That'd be fun, I'd like that.
- Great.
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270. - See you.
- Paul Simon.
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271. Right, you know what?
Call Mary first, figure out what to wear.
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272. I gotta go.
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273. Did Ted Danson or Mary Steenburgen call?
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274. No.
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275. Okay, but, and I'm not sure this means...
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276. They invited us to this concert for Friday.
It's Wednesday, it's plenty of time, right?
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277. - If they call by tomorrow, you're fine, right?
- Yeah.
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278. Can you figure this out?
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279. Louis from the bowling alley called
and he said to call back right away.
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280. - What's that?
- The guy must be in with my shoes.
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281. What shoes?
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282. - Larry, glad you're here.
- Right here, that's the guy.
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283. - Those are your shoes, right?
- Yeah.
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284. - Is he a tough guy, this guy?
- No, go ahead, I'm here.
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285. You watch this, okay?
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286. - Don't leave your post.
- I'm right here.
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287. - Nice shoes.
- Thanks.
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288. I think they're mine.
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289. - You're kidding.
- No, they're my shoes.
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290. - They're your shoes?
- Yeah.
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291. - How can they be your shoes?
- How can they be?
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292. Because that guy gave them to you
by mistake the other day.
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293. That's weird.
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294. What's weird?
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295. That he would give me those shoes?
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296. No, that's not weird.
What's weird is that you would put them on.
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297. It's not weird
that he would give me these shoes?
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298. No, that's a mistake.
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299. - They're not mine and he gave them to me.
- Yeah, that's an honest mistake.
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300. What's weird is that you'd take shoes
that don't belong to you and put them on.
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301. Or even weirder that you left
without even your shoes.
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302. That's not that weird,
I had nothing else to wear.
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303. That would be, that'd be kind of weird.
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304. No, that's gonna be weird for you now,
after I get the shoes back.
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305. - You want them back?
- Yeah, I do.
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306. - They're comfortable shoes.
- I know they are.
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307. He gave them to me. What was he thinking?
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308. - He's a little nutty, isn't he?
- Yeah.
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309. - He's a little crazy.
- He's just a little crazy.
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310. - Those are comfortable shoes.
- I'm glad you liked them.
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311. Crazy, Jesus.
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312. - Hi, remember me?
- Sure do.
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313. - Yeah, the shoes?
- I know the ones.
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314. - How'd you do?
- Perfect.
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315. - Good.
- I used desalter liquid with a scrub brush...
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316. and then I used a deodorizer spray.
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317. - They smell like new shoes.
- No kidding.
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318. - All fumigated?
- Perfect.
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319. So, I can wear them? All safe?
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320. - Yeah, enjoy them.
- Thanks. I'm gonna put them on.
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321. Please, do.
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322. Listen to this:
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323. Smokey got me floor seats to Paul Simon.
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324. - You're kidding, really?
- Yep.
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325. That's great.
I still haven't heard from Ted and Mary.
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326. We don't know where to go...
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327. where to pick up the tickets,
we don't know anything.
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328. - It's Thursday and I'm concerned.
- Want me to call them?
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329. Hi, I'm the salesman from Barneys, Danny.
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330. - You ordered shoes.
- The shoes!
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331. - How you doing?
- Good.
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332. They haven't come in yet,
but as soon as they do...
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333. - Those are Campers.
- Yeah, what happened was...
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334. - You're still coming in to get...
- Let me tell you what happened.
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335. - Somebody took my original shoes...
- I don't need to hear the whole story.
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336. You're coming in to purchase the shoes,
though, right?
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337. I don't really need the shoes now...
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338. because I got them back
at the bowling alley.
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339. You asked me to waive the deposit
and I did that for you.
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340. You looked like an honest person
and I trusted your face.
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341. He is an honest person. He's very honest.
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342. - This doesn't concern you.
- I haven't done anything dishonest.
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343. I don't need the shoes anymore.
That's not dishonest.
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344. Sir, you asked a favor of me
and I helped you out...
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345. but as long you're taken care of,
I guess that's all that really matters.
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346. No, that's not what's
all that really matters.
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347. I mean, do you want me to buy two pairs?
What should I do?
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348. No, I work on commission, okay?
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349. So, now I'm put in a bad situation.
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350. All right? I'm stuck with these shoes.
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351. And so, I can't even...
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352. How much is the commission? I'll pay it.
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353. That is so insulting. How dare you?
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354. That's not a "How dare you."
What do you mean, dare? I'm not dare...
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355. - I am not a shoe whore.
- I didn't accuse you of being a shoe whore.
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356. I'm trying to rectify the situation.
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357. You cannot buy your way out
of this situation.
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358. - People like you are the problem.
- I'm the solution.
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359. I'm the solution to the problem, okay?
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360. This is outrageous, it really is.
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361. What kind of people invite you
to go to a concert...
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362. and then they don't call you?
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363. It's 4:30 p.m. Maybe we should call them.
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364. Do you know how awkward that is?
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365. They know they invited us to the concert.
They're obviously deliberately not calling.
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366. How could I call them up and go,
"We're waiting for your call."
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367. And then they'll say,
"Well, we don't want to go with you."
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368. At least lie to us.
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369. - Right, something.
- Call us and lie.
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370. - Don't let us sit here like schmucks.
- Yeah.
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371. A lie is a gesture, it's a courtesy.
It's a little respect.
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372. This is very disrespectful.
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373. Why would they decide
that they don't want to go with us?
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374. - I don't know.
- Didn't we all have a good time bowling?
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375. - Was that fun? That was fun.
- Yeah.
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376. That was a good time.
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377. Did we do something to offend them?
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378. What?
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379. After Barneys the other day,
we went out to lunch.
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380. Right.
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381. And I took a sip from a glass of water.
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382. And her mother said to me,
"That's my glass."
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383. And I went... Like that.
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384. I can't believe you're even acting like
you don't know why we're not invited.
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385. - I didn't think of it.
- Unbelievable.
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386. Of course they're not gonna call us.
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387. Mary's mother?
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388. What's wrong with you?
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389. - I really wanted to go to that concert.
- So did I, I like Paul Simon.
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390. Hi, how are you?
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391. - Good, I'd like to return this, please.
- What seems to be the problem?
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392. You know, it's kind of half-jacket,
half-shirt, half-man, half-beast.
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393. - I don't know.
- It looked so great on you the other day.
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394. Excuse me. No, sir, no, I'm sorry.
We will not be accepting that from you.
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395. Why, what are you talking about? Why not?
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396. I know your little game,
and I'm not playing it.
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397. There's no game! What do you mean?
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398. I haven't worn this. I only wore this
in the store the day I bought it.
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399. I did a favor for you,
and you messed me over once.
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400. - I won't let it happen again.
- When did I mess you over?
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401. I don't know what you're talking about.
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402. - You're so innocent.
- I'm not diabolical, you think I'm diabolical?
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403. I don't want to hear about it, okay?
Here's the thing:
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404. I did a favor for you
and you walked over me.
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405. I didn't even wear this thing.
I should be allowed to return this.
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406. - It is ridiculous.
- Larry?
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407. - How are you?
- Good, how you doing?
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408. Just fine.
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409. - What are you doing here?
- I had a little zipper problem. It's okay.
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410. - Were you at that concert last night?
- Yes.
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411. I mean, the box was entirely full.
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412. - Is that so?
- Yes.
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413. Did Ted or Mary say anything about me?
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414. I don't think anybody mentioned your name.
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415. - Is that right?
- Yeah.
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416. - It wasn't even mentioned at all?
- I didn't hear anybody say anything.
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417. - Where's Mary?
- She's right over there.
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418. Mrs. Steenburgen!
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419. How weird to run into you at Barneys again.
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420. - Yeah.
- What have you got?
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421. I've got a zipper problem.
I was gonna bring it over there.
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422. I thought you were taking it back.
I was gonna say, are you crazy?
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423. - I love this thing.
- It looks so great on you.
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424. Yeah, I love that.
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425. - Can I ask you a question?
- Yeah.
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426. Cheryl and I were...
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427. You invited us to the concert
and then never called us about it.
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428. The Paul Simon concert?
You're coming with us tomorrow night.
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429. We're counting on you being there.
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430. Sunday night? We thought it was last night.
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431. No, we went last night.
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432. He's playing three nights,
Friday, Saturday, Sunday.
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433. We were gonna go two nights,
Friday and Sunday.
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434. We're fans. And we wanted you
to come Sunday night.
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435. - You thought that we'd forgotten you.
- I thought that.
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436. I can't believe it.
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437. We would never do that. Tomorrow night.
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438. - So you're going on Sunday?
- So are you.
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439. - Are you going?
- I hadn't planned to go.
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440. No, you're coming.
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441. - She's coming.
- You're coming, Mom.
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442. Momma, you have to come.
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443. All right, okay.
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444. Where's Ted and Mary?
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445. Bill and Hillary flew in this morning...
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446. and this evening was the only time
they could all get together.
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447. They said to tell you they were sorry
and they'll call you tomorrow.
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448. Where's your wife?
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449. Allen and Pam from Philadelphia,
her cousins, flew in.
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450. So she couldn't come.
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451. I guess it's you and me, huh?
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452. Guess so.
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