1. Whoo-wee!Copy !req
2. These fresh meatballs in here?Copy !req
3. Gotta get that corn on the cob.Copy !req
4. On the cob, off the cob,
it don't matter.Copy !req
5. Y'all ain't playing
around this motherfucker, huh?Copy !req
6. What the fuck
is this right here?Copy !req
7. You guys don't have
the lobster bibs no more?Copy !req
8. - Sorry, hon.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
9. Another plate?
Are you out of your mind? Huh?Copy !req
10. It says all you can eat, right?
So you fucking eat.Copy !req
11. Yeah, I know, but still.Copy !req
12. You are really going at it, man.Copy !req
13. Mm-hmm. Whoo!Copy !req
14. Let me ask you this question.
Have you ever consideredCopy !req
15. how much time you've wasted
in your life urinating?Copy !req
16. - Hundreds of hours.
- You're fucking right.Copy !req
17. I mean, you could be
learning somethingCopy !req
18. in that time, you know?Copy !req
19. Mm-hmm. You know who's gonna be
a billionaire?Copy !req
20. Motherfucker who's gonna, uh,
create a car that runs on piss.Copy !req
21. - Yeah. You know what?
- No more time wasted.Copy !req
22. Now that idiotic brain
of yours has finally...Copy !req
23. You're driving across country—Copy !req
24. You've landed
on something. Yeah.Copy !req
25. You drink water
and Gatorades and shit,Copy !req
26. - fucking coffees and shit
the whole fucking trip.
- Yeah.Copy !req
27. You pull over,
take your dick out,Copy !req
28. put it in that little hole
where the gas goes,Copy !req
29. and fill that motherfucker up.Copy !req
30. You're on your merry way.
The Peeus.Copy !req
31. That's what it's fucking called.
The Peeus.Copy !req
32. - Fantastic idea.
- You know another good idea?Copy !req
33. Hmm?Copy !req
34. Me getting up
and getting another plate.Copy !req
35. Oh, God. No, don't. Don't.Copy !req
36. - Whew.
- Leon, come on, man.Copy !req
37. - And once I undo these pants...
- Oh, jeez.Copy !req
38. - ... and this top buckle...
- You're gonna get sick.Copy !req
39. Watch my smoke.Copy !req
40. Huh?
What's wrong with you?Copy !req
41. I'm going in, Larry!Copy !req
42. - Oh, Jesus.
- Whoo! Oh, yeah.Copy !req
43. Those snow crab legs.Copy !req
44. - Hey, these fresh?
- Yes, sir.Copy !req
45. It's enough already.
Sit down and eat it.Copy !req
46. Whoo-wee!Copy !req
47. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
- Hey!Copy !req
48. We're done. That was
your last plate for today.Copy !req
49. You have four plates.
Too much food.Copy !req
50. I'm cutting you off. That's all!Copy !req
51. Wait. You got a sign outside
that says, "all you can eat."Copy !req
52. You mean to tell me, I can't eat
all the fuck want to eat?Copy !req
53. All you can eat
if you are reasonable.Copy !req
54. You've already ate, my friend.
I've been counting.Copy !req
55. Five pound short rib,
ten pound prawns.Copy !req
56. - Who are you, by the way?
- I'm Shimon.Copy !req
57. - You're Shimon?
- I am Shimon.Copy !req
58. Oh, so you're the Wendy's
of this motherfucker.Copy !req
59. I'm fucking Wendy.
You want me to put on
a little red wig and freckles?Copy !req
60. - Yeah. Yeah.
- How 'bout this?Copy !req
61. - How 'bout you do that?
- I do thatCopy !req
62. after you get the fuck out!Copy !req
63. You're banned forever.
Lifetime ban.Copy !req
64. - Lifetime.
- That's not— that's not fair.Copy !req
65. Oh. You, my friend.Copy !req
66. You still can come when you wantCopy !req
67. because you eat
like reasonable person.Copy !req
68. Yeah. Yeah, I had one plate.
You know why?Copy !req
69. - 'Cause the food stinks.
- You stink!Copy !req
70. - No, you stink!
- No, you stink!Copy !req
71. - You stink!
- You stink!Copy !req
72. - You stink!
- You fucking stink.Copy !req
73. - You stink, Shimon!
- No, you stink.Copy !req
74. Get out. Both of you out.Copy !req
75. Both of you out. You, forever.Copy !req
76. You, maybe—
maybe you have a chance.Copy !req
77. - Fuck you, Wendy.
- Lifetime ban!Copy !req
78. Only person
besides you, Gary Busey.Copy !req
79. If this was a brothel,
I'd be fucking pissed.Copy !req
80. Lifetime ban. You're gone.Copy !req
81. - I'm still good?
- You're still fine.Copy !req
82. You're still fine. Go.Copy !req
83. He did me dirty.
He did me fucking dirty.Copy !req
84. - Yeah, he really did.
- Wow, man. Now I need dessert.Copy !req
85. What, are you nuts?
You had four plates of food.Copy !req
86. - You want something?
- No.Copy !req
87. No? Okay.
Don't fucking leave me.Copy !req
88. Hurry up.Copy !req
89. Hey!Copy !req
90. Look at this. Huh? Wow.Copy !req
91. You know something?
This is— This is perfect.Copy !req
92. I have a favor to ask you.Copy !req
93. - I'm doing—
- Oh, boy, that's a horrible wayCopy !req
94. - to introduce a sentence.
- No, no.Copy !req
95. I'm doing a play.
It's called House Divided.Copy !req
96. - Yeah?
- Yeah. I get to play Lincoln.Copy !req
97. - Wh— You're playing Lincoln?
- Yeah.Copy !req
98. What fun.Copy !req
99. And Lori Loughlin
is playing my wife, Mary Todd.Copy !req
100. - Lori Loughlin?
- Yeah, Lori Loughlin.Copy !req
101. - Oh.
- And here's— here's the thing.Copy !req
102. She loves to play golf,
and I was just hopingCopy !req
103. that maybe you could sponsor her
at the club.Copy !req
104. - There's nobody else
who could sponsor her?
- No.Copy !req
105. Because of that whole college
admissions scandal thing,Copy !req
106. no club will touch her.Copy !req
107. - That's not fair.
- No. She's a lovely lady.Copy !req
108. - Yeah, I'll bet she is.
- And that's why I'm coming—Copy !req
109. - She's being blackballed
from the clubs?
- Yes. Yes.Copy !req
110. Terrible. That's—
I'll sponsor her.Copy !req
111. Oh, Larry. Thanks, man.Copy !req
112. - I really appreciate that.
- Yeah. Happy to do it.Copy !req
113. You know I'm a champion
of the underdog.Copy !req
114. - You know that.
- I do. I do.Copy !req
115. Wait a minute. You worked
with her, didn't you?Copy !req
116. Yeah. Yeah, on— on Seinfeld.Copy !req
117. No, no, that was
the last two years.Copy !req
118. I wasn't there for that episode.Copy !req
119. Huh.
But you did the finale, right?Copy !req
120. - Yeah, Ted, I did the finale.
- That's what I thought.Copy !req
121. Yeah. Anyway, thanks.
I'll— I'll let Lori know.Copy !req
122. Thank you so much, buddy.
I got to run.Copy !req
123. Voilà!Copy !req
124. - Wow.
- Yeah.Copy !req
125. - Look at you.
- "Catch as Caftan."Copy !req
126. My business! All mine.Copy !req
127. Well, I like how you plastered
yourself all overCopy !req
128. - Santa Monica Boulevard here...
- Ah, it's a sales thing.Copy !req
129. Like— like Queen Nefertiti.Copy !req
130. You got to spend money
to make money,Copy !req
131. and it's an investment.Copy !req
132. And I think the business
is just gonna take off.Copy !req
133. Now you see why
I wanted you to come.Copy !req
134. All right, well,
I got to, uh, I got to take off.Copy !req
135. - Uh, I got a big date tonight.
- Wait, Irma's gone, right?Copy !req
136. Yeah. This is my first one.Copy !req
137. - Anyone I know?
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
138. - Who?
- I can't even tell you.Copy !req
139. - Oh, come on! It's me!
- I can't, no.Copy !req
140. You're gonna mock me to death.Copy !req
141. I'm not gonna mock. Tell me.Copy !req
142. Sienna Miller.Copy !req
143. - She's going out with you?
- Yeah!Copy !req
144. - That gorgeous woman?
- Yeah, I'm going to her, uh,Copy !req
145. screening for her
new movie tonight.Copy !req
146. - Oh, get the fuck out of here.
- Yes.Copy !req
147. - She's got a thing for me.
- All right.Copy !req
148. - Well— You know what it is?
- You know why?Copy !req
149. - Yeah, I know.
I know what it is.
- Yeah. Atlanta.Copy !req
150. Listen, when you're out
with Sienna,Copy !req
151. maybe mention the caftans,
'cause they'd look fantastic.Copy !req
152. She's tall, thin.Copy !req
153. - It would flow
beautifully on her.
- Are you—Copy !req
154. Think she's gonna wear
that fucking thing?Copy !req
155. - Yes!
- Get out of here.Copy !req
156. "Catch as Caftan."Copy !req
157. Oh, I love it.Copy !req
158. "Fourscore..."Copy !req
159. "... and seven years ago,Copy !req
160. our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,Copy !req
161. conceived in liberty..."Copy !req
162. "... and dedicated
to the propositionCopy !req
163. that all men are created equal."Copy !req
164. "Fourscore
and seven years ago..."Copy !req
165. By the way,Copy !req
166. if you think you're getting
any of my popcorn,Copy !req
167. you're gravely mistaken.Copy !req
168. Gravely.Copy !req
169. If you think you can go
on a date with someoneCopy !req
170. and not share popcorn,
you're gravely mistaken.Copy !req
171. - Oh, is this— Is this a date?
- Gravely.Copy !req
172. Is this a date?Copy !req
173. I don't know, Larry.
You tell me.Copy !req
174. If you share the popcorn,
it's a date.Copy !req
175. All right, well...Copy !req
176. - Thank you.
- If you must.Copy !req
177. I get a little bit nervous.Copy !req
178. Nervous?
It's friends and family,Copy !req
179. you got nothing to worry about.Copy !req
180. This is the easiest thing
you'll ever go through.Copy !req
181. And aren't you, uh, aren't you
shooting another one?Copy !req
182. - Mm. Right now.
- Very busy gal.Copy !req
183. - Busy gal.
- Yeah.Copy !req
184. I'm like Rachel
and the rug merchants.Copy !req
185. Who?Copy !req
186. Rachel and the rug merchants.Copy !req
187. - What's that?
- It's like a—Copy !req
188. It's a famous Old Testament
Jewish parable.Copy !req
189. - Rachel and the rug merchants?
- Have you never heard of it?Copy !req
190. - Never heard of it.
- Call yourself a Jew?Copy !req
191. What's it about?Copy !req
192. It's about Rachel
and rug merchants.Copy !req
193. What— And what happened?
Did she get cheated on a rug,Copy !req
194. and she had to return the rug?Copy !req
195. Did they give her the wrong rug?
Was there a stain on it?Copy !req
196. I mean,
there's many possibilitiesCopy !req
197. - for what the story...
- No, no stain on the rug. Uh-uh.Copy !req
198. Was the rug too big
for her tent,Copy !req
199. and she got
the dimensions wrong?Copy !req
200. Was it about her relationship
with the rug merchant?Copy !req
201. Did she have an affair
with the rug merchant?Copy !req
202. What happened with her
and the rug merchant?Copy !req
203. Johnny?
Johnny, where are you?Copy !req
204. Johnny?Copy !req
205. Oh my God. Johnny!
Johnny, come on!Copy !req
206. I notice you like to eat
a lot of fruit in your movies.Copy !req
207. I mean,
we're only halfway through this,Copy !req
208. and you've already eaten
a cantaloupe, a nectarine,Copy !req
209. and some mulberries.Copy !req
210. In fact,
now that I think about it,Copy !req
211. didn't you eat a lot of fruit
in Anatomy of a Scandal?Copy !req
212. - Uh...
- What is that?Copy !req
213. Is that part of your process?Copy !req
214. You take a bite, you act,
you take another bite, you act.Copy !req
215. I'm just trying to watch,
you know.Copy !req
216. - Excuse me? Excuse me?
- Oh, sorry.Copy !req
217. Have you seen
an 11-year-old boy?Copy !req
218. Oh, yeah.
You're doing it again.Copy !req
219. He's wearing like a black
and green checkered shirt.Copy !req
220. No, I'm sorry.Copy !req
221. He's been missing
for, like, three hours.Copy !req
222. I haven't seen him. Sorry.Copy !req
223. Oh, my God.Copy !req
224. Johnny!Copy !req
225. Hey, chief. What's up?Copy !req
226. - Johnny!
- You talking to me?Copy !req
227. Yeah. We got to have
a little powwow.Copy !req
228. Look, what's your problem?Copy !req
229. My problem?
I don't have a problem.Copy !req
230. Your problem
is that you're way in my areaCopy !req
231. - with your jacket.
- No. No.Copy !req
232. That's where a jacket belongs,
on the back of the chair.Copy !req
233. It's my chair.Copy !req
234. - In what world—
- So I get to put it on my back.Copy !req
235. - Just leave it alone.
- This is draped beautifullyCopy !req
236. over the back of my chair.Copy !req
237. It's not disturbing anybody.Copy !req
238. - It's draped...
- Yes.Copy !req
239. like you're giving me
a lap dance, okay?Copy !req
240. Oh, please. Everybody knows
that a jacketCopy !req
241. goes on the back of the chair.Copy !req
242. You drive a car,Copy !req
243. you go drive into
every lane on the parkway, huh?Copy !req
244. - Yeah, no—
- I'm married.Copy !req
245. I can't just go to the mall
and fuck any woman I want.Copy !req
246. Excuse me. Both of you, stop it!Copy !req
247. Why don't you put it
on the front of his chair?Copy !req
248. Put it on the front?
What an idiot you are.Copy !req
249. His neck
is gonna be on my jacket.Copy !req
250. My jacket's gonna be
on his neck.Copy !req
251. That doesn't
make any sense at all.Copy !req
252. - Oh, shut your fucking...
- Both of you, shut up! Sit back!Copy !req
253. Just put it on the lap.Copy !req
254. That's enough!Copy !req
255. Well, we'll keep an eye out.Copy !req
256. Something's happened.
I can feel it.Copy !req
257. I can feel it.Copy !req
258. Johnny!Copy !req
259. Johnny!Copy !req
260. By the way,
you're very good in this.Copy !req
261. "It is for us, rather,Copy !req
262. to be dedicated here
to the great taskCopy !req
263. remaining before us,Copy !req
264. that from these honored dead
we take increased devotionCopy !req
265. to that cause..."Copy !req
266. "... for which they gaveCopy !req
267. their last full measure
of devotion.Copy !req
268. For which they gave their last
full measure of devotion."Copy !req
269. All right, next on the agenda,
we are reviewingCopy !req
270. the membership application
of Lori Loughlin.Copy !req
271. Is there anyone presentCopy !req
272. who wishes to speak
on her behalf?Copy !req
273. I will.Copy !req
274. Oh, Mr. David.Copy !req
275. Nice to see you here.
Floor is yours.Copy !req
276. Members of Ocean View,
our esteemed board.Copy !req
277. Eighty-seven years ago,Copy !req
278. our fathers brought forth
on this propertyCopy !req
279. a new golf club
dedicated to the propositionCopy !req
280. that men can have fun
and women can't.Copy !req
281. But that was a long time ago,
and things have changed.Copy !req
282. For the better.Copy !req
283. The world will little note
nor long rememberCopy !req
284. what we say here
in the Monte Carlo room,Copy !req
285. but it will never forget
what they did here.Copy !req
286. Men like Hiram Goldfarb,Copy !req
287. who started the Turkey Day
best ball scramble,Copy !req
288. and William Jacobson,Copy !req
289. who donated...
that parcel of land...Copy !req
290. where we play pickle ball.Copy !req
291. And I highly resolveCopy !req
292. that she shall not have servedCopy !req
293. her time in vain,Copy !req
294. and that this exclusive club
of specific people,Copy !req
295. by specific people,
and for specific peopleCopy !req
296. shall have a new,
specific member.Copy !req
297. And as much as
that woman in AtlantaCopy !req
298. was thirsty for water,
Lori Loughlin is equally thirstyCopy !req
299. for membership!Copy !req
300. I say we let her drink!Copy !req
301. Yes!Copy !req
302. You did it!Copy !req
303. You did it? I did it.Copy !req
304. What do I mean, "You did it"?
I did it.Copy !req
305. - You did!
- Ah!Copy !req
306. - Could have been a great lawyer.
- Oh. Larry.Copy !req
307. Could've been a great butcher.
And I would have enjoyed it too.Copy !req
308. You— you take a mallet,
you pound the beef.Copy !req
309. - You pound it, you pound it.
- Mm.Copy !req
310. You slice it. That's fun.Copy !req
311. Um, so, uh, as far as the club,
what— what next? What—Copy !req
312. You have to play
two rounds of golf with, uh,Copy !req
313. some of the committee members.
And I'll be playing with you.Copy !req
314. - It'll be a breeze. Yeah.
- Oh, great!Copy !req
315. Larry, I can't thank you enough.Copy !req
316. You know, people say that,
and— and they don't really.Copy !req
317. They stop thanking.Copy !req
318. You'll— Probably won't thank me
again after this.Copy !req
319. In fact, if ever get
another thank you from you,Copy !req
320. uh, I'll be shocked.Copy !req
321. Oh, my God!Copy !req
322. - There's a dick in my mouth?
- In your mouth.Copy !req
323. - With balls?
- A drawing. A drawing.Copy !req
324. - With balls. A drawing.
- A drawing.Copy !req
325. - Like a graffiti dick.
- It's not in your mouth.Copy !req
326. It's kind of grazing your lips.Copy !req
327. And...Copy !req
328. They grazed your lips
with a dick.Copy !req
329. - How hilarious is that?
- They ruined my poster,Copy !req
330. - my billboard! They ruined it.
- They did. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.Copy !req
331. I— I have one—
one more detail to share.Copy !req
332. - What?
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
333. You're cradling the balls.Copy !req
334. I'm sorry.Copy !req
335. - Grazing and cradling.
- I'm sorry.Copy !req
336. - Yeah.
- Oh, fuck me.Copy !req
337. What are you laughing at, Jeff?
What's so funny, Jeff?Copy !req
338. - Yeah, that's not funny.
- It's— It's not funny.Copy !req
339. - No, it's not funny. No.
- It is not. I'm... I'm shocked.Copy !req
340. - No, it's not funny.
- It's shock laughing.Copy !req
341. Who the fuck
would do that to me?Copy !req
342. I don't know.Copy !req
343. I don't even put a dick
in my mouth. Right, Je— Jeff?Copy !req
344. I don't give blowjobs.Copy !req
345. What, do you need— you need me
to agree with you? I know.Copy !req
346. Why can't— why can't you give
a blowjob every now and then?Copy !req
347. - Oh, Larry, come on.
- Would that kill ya?Copy !req
348. Would that kill ya?Copy !req
349. - You know, it might kill me.
- Huh? Huh?Copy !req
350. What is this revulsion?Copy !req
351. And what difference
does it make?Copy !req
352. You're a single guy.Copy !req
353. You're out there, single,
hot on the town.Copy !req
354. - Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
355. You probably get 'em
all the time.Copy !req
356. - Hey.
- Oh, all the time. Yeah.Copy !req
357. How did it, uh, how did it go
with Sienna Miller? That's—Copy !req
358. - You didn't get one from her.
- Not good.Copy !req
359. - Not good
- Really? What happened?Copy !req
360. I texted her twice.
She never got back to me.Copy !req
361. Well, it wasn't
gonna work out anywayCopy !req
362. with an old fuck like you.Copy !req
363. What does she want
to be with you for?Copy !req
364. That's what I thought, but
she's the one who started it.Copy !req
365. Yeah, well, it looks like
she ended it.Copy !req
366. I'm gonna go call
the billboard companyCopy !req
367. and get that dick
out of my mouth.Copy !req
368. Speaking of Sienna,Copy !req
369. you know, I— I know
the director on her movie.Copy !req
370. - He says—
- Oh, the one she's filming now.Copy !req
371. Yeah. He says they're having
a ton of problems.Copy !req
372. - What?
- Yeah, they're thinking of,Copy !req
373. uh, firing her.Copy !req
374. - You're kidding.
- Mm-mm.Copy !req
375. It's her acting.Copy !req
376. You know,
I did make a comment to herCopy !req
377. about how she eats
a lot of fruit in her movies.Copy !req
378. I wouldn't be surprised
if that's affectingCopy !req
379. her performance in this movie.Copy !req
380. It's a possibility.Copy !req
381. I'm going to the bathroom.Copy !req
382. All right.Copy !req
383. "Fourscore
and seven years ago,Copy !req
384. our fathers brought forth
on this continentCopy !req
385. a new nation,
conceived in libertyCopy !req
386. and dedicated to the proposition
that all men are created equal."Copy !req
387. Enough already!Copy !req
388. "Now we are engaged
in a great civil war."Copy !req
389. Hey, Shimon! Shimon!Copy !req
390. - Hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
391. Can I talk to you for a second?Copy !req
392. What— What is it?Copy !req
393. Cou... Could you stop
the jogging for a second,Copy !req
394. - so I can talk to you?
- Oh, I can't stop.Copy !req
395. - Huh?
- Why would I stop?Copy !req
396. I'm in the middle of a jog.Copy !req
397. I know, but it's hard
to have a conversationCopy !req
398. with somebody who's bouncing
up and down.Copy !req
399. What is it? What do you need?Copy !req
400. Well, I think
it's a little harshCopy !req
401. to ban my friend for life
from the restaurant,Copy !req
402. - when really—
- Let me ask you a question.Copy !req
403. - Sure.
- In your bedroom,Copy !req
404. you have a sign, let's say.Copy !req
405. Let's say maybe you have a sign,
"Masturbate all you want."Copy !req
406. - Okay.
- After a while, you say,Copy !req
407. "No more. I can't. I don't want
to do it anymore."Copy !req
408. Yeah, because the well runs dry.Copy !req
409. You know,
there's no more water left.Copy !req
410. - You can't.
- Oh, there can be water.Copy !req
411. There can be water,
but it's a shame—Copy !req
412. - You say, "That's too much!"
- No, no, no, there's no—Copy !req
413. If there was shame,
you wouldn't have done itCopy !req
414. - five times to begin with.
- Leon—Copy !req
415. Why is there gonna be
shame on number six?Copy !req
416. Shame, no shame.
Leon, he is banned.Copy !req
417. - Okay?
- You know what? I— I can't.Copy !req
418. I can't. This is so rude.Copy !req
419. - This is rude? I think—
- This is so rude.Copy !req
420. - I think it is rude—
- So rude.Copy !req
421. I think you are rude
for stopping me on my jog.Copy !req
422. No, you're rude
for putting up a signCopy !req
423. that says "all you can eat"
when you don't mean
a word of it.Copy !req
424. You don't have to worry
about thisCopy !req
425. because you are banned for life!Copy !req
426. - Oh, I'm banned?
- You are banned now!Copy !req
427. - Bye-bye!
- Yeah, like I give a shitCopy !req
428. if I ever enter that dump
of a restaurant again.Copy !req
429. I don't care
what shits you haveCopy !req
430. because the shit
is gone from my life.Copy !req
431. - Shalom, bitch
- Okay.Copy !req
432. Uh, hey. Hey, hey.
You're from Israel.Copy !req
433. Are you familiar with Rachel
and the rug merchants?Copy !req
434. - It's a Bible thing.
- I know the Bible.Copy !req
435. I've never heard of RachelCopy !req
436. I've never heard
of rug merchants.Copy !req
437. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
438. - No, you—
- Oh, oh. Uh, Rachel, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
439. Rachel. She looks
at the rug merchantsCopy !req
440. and says,
"You're banned, bitch!" Shalom!Copy !req
441. - Hey, hey.
- Oh, hey, Larry.Copy !req
442. Thank you again
for all your help.Copy !req
443. Of course.
Happy to do it.Copy !req
444. You know, we probably shouldn't
take a cart todayCopy !req
445. 'cause it's cart paths only.Copy !req
446. We can't go on the fairway
'cause they punched the fairway.Copy !req
447. Oh, no, no problem,
I— I got this.Copy !req
448. Yeah, got the blue flag.
We can drive anywhere.Copy !req
449. We can even drive
right up to the green.Copy !req
450. Wait a second.
You got to have a doctor's noteCopy !req
451. - to get one of those.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
452. Well, I— I have Epstein-Barr.Copy !req
453. You have Epstein-Barr?Copy !req
454. One hematologist thinks so.Copy !req
455. What do the other
hematologists think?Copy !req
456. Oh, Larry,
this is gonna be so much fun.Copy !req
457. Isn't that a Jew disease?Copy !req
458. - Wow.
- Yeah!Copy !req
459. - What a putt.
- Thank you!Copy !req
460. Really good.Copy !req
461. - Really good.
- Larry.Copy !req
462. You got to make this putt.Copy !req
463. Come on, let's win some money.
Let's beat these bastards.Copy !req
464. Let's go. You got this.
Let's go.Copy !req
465. Ah.Copy !req
466. Great, Larry.
Way to read a green.Copy !req
467. Great.Copy !req
468. Oh, thank you, you guys.
This was so much fun, really.Copy !req
469. - Oh, sure. That was great
- Thank you.Copy !req
470. - Yeah, it was great.
- Thank you.Copy !req
471. You know, A House Divided,
it— it opens this weekend.Copy !req
472. You guys want to come?
I can get you tickets.Copy !req
473. Oh, you and Ted?
Yeah, I'll see it.Copy !req
474. - I'll come.
- Yeah. Thank you very much.Copy !req
475. - All right. Great.
- Yeah, thank you.Copy !req
476. Oh, you gotta give the guy
your valet ticket.Copy !req
477. Oh, no. I'm— I'm good.
I've got this.Copy !req
478. - A handicapped sticker?
- It's fantastic.Copy !req
479. - I can park anywhere.
- How'd you get that?Copy !req
480. - Oh, you know.
- Oh, yeah, Epstein-Barr.Copy !req
481. - What?
- Epstein-Barr?Copy !req
482. Right. Epstein-Barr.Copy !req
483. - Right.
- Yeah.Copy !req
484. All right, you guys,
enjoy the rest of your day. Bye.Copy !req
485. - Bye.
- Bye.Copy !req
486. And, Larry, short game!
Work on that short game.Copy !req
487. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
488. Oh, my God.Copy !req
489. "Fourscore and seven years ago,
our fathers brought forthCopy !req
490. on this continent a new nation,
conceived in libertyCopy !req
491. and dedicated to the proposition
that all men are created equal.Copy !req
492. Now we are engaged
in a great civil war,Copy !req
493. testing whether that nationCopy !req
494. or any nation so conceived
and so dedicated,Copy !req
495. can long endure.Copy !req
496. We are met on
a great battlefieldCopy !req
497. of that war.Copy !req
498. We are here
to dedicate a portion of itCopy !req
499. as a final resting placeCopy !req
500. for those who here
gave their livesCopy !req
501. so that
that nation might live.Copy !req
502. But in a larger sense,
we cannot dedicate,Copy !req
503. we cannot consecrate,
we cannot hallow this ground."Copy !req
504. "It is rather that
from these honored dead,Copy !req
505. we take increased devotion
to that causeCopy !req
506. and that we here
highly resolve that these deadCopy !req
507. shall not have died in vainCopy !req
508. and that government
of the people,Copy !req
509. by the people,Copy !req
510. for the people,Copy !req
511. shall not perish
from the earth."Copy !req
512. - Yeah, buddy!
- Whoo!Copy !req
513. USA! USA!Copy !req
514. Yeah! Fuck you, Shimon!Copy !req
515. That's five pounds of short ribs
and ten pounds of fuck you!Copy !req
516. Fuck you, Shimon!Copy !req
517. Hey,
you're not gonna believe this.Copy !req
518. I just got off the phone
with my CFO.Copy !req
519. Business, booming.Copy !req
520. - Through the roof
- What?Copy !req
521. Yeah. In the past two weeks.
Unbelievable.Copy !req
522. - It's the penis.
- Oh, it's not the penis.Copy !req
523. - It's the penis!
- It's the product!Copy !req
524. How come it wasn't boomingCopy !req
525. before the penis got up there?Copy !req
526. - It's word of mouth.
- Oh, yeah, word of mouth.Copy !req
527. Hey, I think you're getting
a post-penis bump.Copy !req
528. - How?
- Because people are talk—Copy !req
529. "Hey, did you see the woman
with the billboardCopy !req
530. with the caftans?
There's a penis in her mouth."Copy !req
531. "Penis in her mouth?"
"There's a penis in her mouth."Copy !req
532. Yeah.Copy !req
533. You sound like
you're in a musical.Copy !req
534. Yeah, well, to me,
it's real life.Copy !req
535. - And I want it down.
- No. In fact...Copy !req
536. - You know what you should do?
- What?Copy !req
537. You need a second dick.Copy !req
538. - Second dick.
- No.Copy !req
539. You think I'm gonna get
more business from two dicks?Copy !req
540. - It'll double!
- Uh, yeah.Copy !req
541. You know what I'm thinking?Copy !req
542. - Dick up the ass.
- Oh, stop it.Copy !req
543. - You're disgusting.
- So, two dicks up front,Copy !req
544. - dick up the ass.
- Yeah.Copy !req
545. - And how 'bout some jizz on ya?
- YeahCopy !req
546. You know what?
Let me tell you—Copy !req
547. I mean, you will sell out.
Sell out.Copy !req
548. Little jizz. Jizz will knock it
out of the park.Copy !req
549. Warren Buffett
never made a business planCopy !req
550. having jizz on the face.
All right. Trust me on that.Copy !req
551. Yeah, I'm just saying
as a businesswoman,Copy !req
552. it's incumbent on you
to consider this thing.Copy !req
553. - I'll think about it.
- Stick with the dicks!Copy !req
554. - Go away!
- Sienna, it's Larry.Copy !req
555. - I— I need to talk to you.
- Larry, not now.Copy !req
556. It's a really bad time, Larry.Copy !req
557. It— It'll only take
a few minutes. It's important.Copy !req
558. Yeah, uh...Copy !req
559. What's up?Copy !req
560. Uh, well, first of all,Copy !req
561. I— I just wanted to apologize,
uh, for the other night.Copy !req
562. You know, I put the coat
on the back of the chair.Copy !req
563. That's where coats go.Copy !req
564. That's where coats
have gone for forever.Copy !req
565. Even in Shakespeare's time,Copy !req
566. they put the capes
and doublets on the back.Copy !req
567. - Yeah.
- You know.Copy !req
568. It's the least
of my worries right now, Larry,Copy !req
569. the coat,
but thank you for the apology.Copy !req
570. How's everything going
with the filming?Copy !req
571. It's not good.Copy !req
572. No matter what I do,
I just can't get a handle on it.Copy !req
573. I'm really sorry to hear that.Copy !req
574. It's a nightmare.
They're gonna fire me.Copy !req
575. You know, uh,
I'm looking around this trailer,Copy !req
576. and I notice there's no fruit.Copy !req
577. I don't even—
I don't like fruit.Copy !req
578. I don't even—
I don't— What do you mean?Copy !req
579. Oh. Uh-huh. Oh, you don't—
You don't like fruit.Copy !req
580. - No, I don't like fruit.
- Oh, sure. Yeah.Copy !req
581. I don't care for fruit,
particularly, so...Copy !req
582. You don't care for it?
You don't like it?Copy !req
583. - You don't eat it?
- Mm-mm. Larry, I don't need it.Copy !req
584. I don't care for it,
particularly. I—Copy !req
585. I got you a pear.Copy !req
586. I'll make some coffee.Copy !req
587. Who could that be?Copy !req
588. Hello, ma'am.Copy !req
589. - Are you Tanya Barstow?
- Yes.Copy !req
590. Harold.Copy !req
591. His plane was shot down.Copy !req
592. He's dead.Copy !req
593. He said we'd sail
to the islands,Copy !req
594. just the two of us.Copy !req
595. "I won't be long," he said.Copy !req
596. "When I get back," he said.Copy !req
597. "We have the whole world
in front of us," he said.Copy !req
598. But time doesn't listen,Copy !req
599. and the world doesn't wait.Copy !req
600. I begged him! I begged him
not to go to the Air Force.Copy !req
601. I begged him not to fly.Copy !req
602. It's your fault.Copy !req
603. You encouraged him
to go to flight school.Copy !req
604. You wanted him to die!Copy !req
605. You're the one
who should be dead.Copy !req
606. I hate you!Copy !req
607. Cut!Copy !req
608. That's great.Copy !req
609. - Sienna, oh, that was beautiful.
- Yeah,
that was amazing.Copy !req
610. How great was that?Copy !req
611. - That was sensational.
- Thank you.Copy !req
612. - You were amazing.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
613. - Wow.
- Sienna, that was great.Copy !req
614. I'm just thrilled.
We got it, right?Copy !req
615. - Yes, absolutely.
- Got it.Copy !req
616. - You saved my fucking ass.
- Moving on!Copy !req
617. - Come on.
- Come on, huh?Copy !req
618. - Come on.
- Come on. Come on.Copy !req
619. Come on.Copy !req
620. I cannot believe
that you did that.Copy !req
621. You figured it out for me.Copy !req
622. I'll tell you
what I can't figure out.Copy !req
623. - Mm-hmm.
- Uh, uh—Copy !req
624. I tried doing some research
on Rachel and the rug merchants,Copy !req
625. and I can't— I can't come up
with anything. I can't find it.Copy !req
626. - Weird.
- Yeah.Copy !req
627. Of all the stories
that I read in your religion,Copy !req
628. she was the one that really,
like, spoke to me.Copy !req
629. You're sure you read it?
Is it possible you dreamed it?Copy !req
630. Okay, look, I don't—Copy !req
631. I don't know where I read it.
I don't— I can't remember
where I read it,Copy !req
632. but I know it definitely exists.Copy !req
633. - Okay? Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
634. You know what else I tried
to find was the word schmeitz,Copy !req
635. which...
I couldn't find that either.Copy !req
636. Schmeitz exists.Copy !req
637. - Schmeitz?
- Schmeitz is a real wordCopy !req
638. for "I've got to go."
"I got to schmeitz."Copy !req
639. This wig is killing me.Copy !req
640. It's so uncomfortable.Copy !req
641. I think I have to go
get it adjusted.Copy !req
642. Do you wear a different wig
in every movie?Copy !req
643. Now that I think about it,Copy !req
644. I don't think I've ever seen youCopy !req
645. with the same hair. In fact,Copy !req
646. I don't know if I've ever seen
your real hair.Copy !req
647. Are you blonde?
Are you brunette?Copy !req
648. Are you redhead? What—Copy !req
649. I— I don't even know
what your hair looks like.Copy !req
650. I have alopecia,
you fucking asshole.Copy !req
651. - I didn't know you had alopecia!
- Asshole!Copy !req
652. Don't schmeitz! Don't schmeitz!Copy !req
653. I didn't know she had alopecia.
Did you know?Copy !req
654. - I had no idea.
- Yeah, who knew?Copy !req
655. - How can you tell?
- You can't.Copy !req
656. Larry! Hey! You ready?Copy !req
657. You feeling like a winner?Copy !req
658. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh, good.Copy !req
659. - Feeling like a big winner.
- Good, Larry, good,Copy !req
660. - 'cause I do not like to lose.
- Hmm.Copy !req
661. By the way, how did you get
the tee time switched to 10:45?Copy !req
662. - I couldn't get the 10:45.
- Oh, crazy thing.Copy !req
663. Starter just likes me. Weird.Copy !req
664. All right,
I'm gonna go to the range.Copy !req
665. - Okay.
- Wanna go to the range?Copy !req
666. I'll— I'll meet you there.Copy !req
667. All right. Less chit chatting
and more chipping.Copy !req
668. - Okay.
- Let's go. All right.Copy !req
669. - Okay.
- We're gonna win, Larry.Copy !req
670. Take some money today!Copy !req
671. - Have fun.
- Hey, Daveed.Copy !req
672. Hey. How you doing?Copy !req
673. - Good morning
- Morning.Copy !req
674. Um, I'm just curious.Copy !req
675. How did Lori get
that tee time moved to 10:45?Copy !req
676. I can think
of 50 reasons.Copy !req
677. Wow.Copy !req
678. Yeah. She's quite a gal, huh?Copy !req
679. Yeah, she's quite a gal.Copy !req
680. - Yes, she is.
- All right. Thank you.Copy !req
681. - Okay. That's good.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
682. - Yeah.
I'm gonna give you that.
- That is five.Copy !req
683. I got a five also,
so we're up by one.Copy !req
684. - That's true. Right. Yes.
- That's right.Copy !req
685. - You're going down, Matt. Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
686. - Hey, you left
your club over there.
- Oh, thank you, Larry.Copy !req
687. You got a five?Copy !req
688. - Yeah.
- How did you get a five?Copy !req
689. - I found my ball.
- You found that ball?Copy !req
690. - I found that ball.
- How'd you get it
out of the woods?Copy !req
691. You were pretty deep in there.Copy !req
692. I had a good lie.Copy !req
693. Yeah, you had a good lie
all right.Copy !req
694. Holy shit!Copy !req
695. Where's Larry?
Where the fuck is he?Copy !req
696. - He said he'll be—
- Late again?Copy !req
697. - No, he'll be here.
Trust me, he'll be here.
- Jesus.Copy !req
698. - I don't even really—
- Hey!Copy !req
699. Hey. You're that lady
with the dick in her mouth.Copy !req
700. Really?Copy !req
701. Hey! Hey!Copy !req
702. - Whoa, whoa.
- Look, I'm sorry for doing this.Copy !req
703. My wife wants me to do this,
so just go along with it.Copy !req
704. On the count of three,
turn your head to the right.Copy !req
705. One, two, three.Copy !req
706. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And keep my wife's businessCopy !req
707. out of your
motherfucking mouth!Copy !req
708. You are really something, boy.Copy !req
709. - Oh, that was hot, baby!
- Hey.Copy !req
710. Oh, Larr,
you're not gonna believe this.Copy !req
711. Oh, no, no,
you're not gonna believe this.Copy !req
712. I drove by the billboard
this afternoon.Copy !req
713. There's a second dick
in your mouth!Copy !req
714. You're gonna make a fortune!Copy !req
715. Wow. Second dick.Copy !req
716. Oh, God.Copy !req
717. You should see this one.
It's huge!Copy !req
718. So, so sorry. So sorry.Copy !req
719. You— you could've gotten up.
It wouldn't've killed you.Copy !req
720. - Oh, hey.
- Hey.Copy !req
721. Well, they're good seats.
It's nice to see you.Copy !req
722. Yeah.Copy !req
723. I'm excited about this.Copy !req
724. - Are you excited to see this?
- Yeah, I am.Copy !req
725. I really like Lori Loughlin.Copy !req
726. Oh, yeah. Quite a gal.Copy !req
727. Hey. I know you.Copy !req
728. You're a waiter at that
Chinese restaurant, right?Copy !req
729. Oh, yes.
I work at Sun Wah Palace.Copy !req
730. How's the dead fish?Copy !req
731. - He—
- Still dead?Copy !req
732. Oh. You the fish guy?
No. We no have dead fish.Copy !req
733. Eh...Copy !req
734. We— Visit downtown restaurant.
You see fish there.Copy !req
735. - Very happy. Doing better there.
- Ah, I'm... I'm gonna go—Copy !req
736. - I'm gonna go this weekend.
- Okay.Copy !req
737. Yeah, what,
are you a big history buff?Copy !req
738. - You like Lincoln?
- Oh, yes.Copy !req
739. One of favorite president.Copy !req
740. You know,
if Lincoln had a fish tankCopy !req
741. and a fish got stuck
in the filter,Copy !req
742. Lincoln would've freed the fish.Copy !req
743. Uh, fish not stuck,
so Lincoln no have fish to free.Copy !req
744. It's a hypothetical.
Lincoln would free fish.Copy !req
745. Uh, why you care so much
about fish?Copy !req
746. - Why you no care about fish?
- Maybe you worry about yourself.Copy !req
747. - Yeah.
- You have problem, sir.Copy !req
748. No, you have problems.
You pathological liar.Copy !req
749. - You pathological liar.
- Hey.Copy !req
750. - No. Fish sick.
- Yeah. Fish stuck.Copy !req
751. - No, fish move.
- Fish dead. Fish dead.Copy !req
752. What are you doing?
We're here to watch a play.Copy !req
753. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
754. - Mary.
- Yes, Abe.Copy !req
755. Have you seen my red stockings?Copy !req
756. You mean the ones
that were riddled with holes?Copy !req
757. I hadn't noticed.Copy !req
758. I had, and I had Miranda
throw them out.Copy !req
759. Or to put it a way
you might appreciate,Copy !req
760. they've been emancipated.Copy !req
761. Perhaps we should arrive
a little later to the Sewards'Copy !req
762. than we planned.Copy !req
763. Punctuality is the politeness
of kings. We shan't be late.Copy !req
764. Ah. If he talks about wanting
to purchase AlaskaCopy !req
765. one more time,
I will join the Confederacy.Copy !req
766. Frances Seward
thinks I'm dirt.Copy !req
767. - If she looked down her nose...
- Hey.Copy !req
768. any further at me,
I swear her eyes would fall out.Copy !req
769. - What?
- You have not draped the coatCopy !req
770. over the back
of the seat properly.Copy !req
771. - My coat fine.
- Coat long.Copy !req
772. Coat fine.Copy !req
773. Coat long. And fish dead.Copy !req
774. Fourscore and seven years ago,Copy !req
775. our fathers brought forth
on this continent a new nation,Copy !req
776. conceived in liberty
and dedicated to the propositionCopy !req
777. that all men are created equal.Copy !req
778. Now we are engaged
in a great civil war,Copy !req
779. testing whether that nation,
or any nation so conceived...Copy !req
780. and so dedicated,Copy !req
781. can long endure.Copy !req
782. Hey.
I have to go to the bathroom.Copy !req
783. - No.
- I have to pee.Copy !req
784. No—Copy !req
785. He's in the middle—Copy !req
786. I've been memorizing
the Gettysburg AddressCopy !req
787. every time I pee,Copy !req
788. and I'm conditioned to pee
when I hear it.Copy !req
789. For those who here
gave their lives...Copy !req
790. - This—
- It's like a Pavlovian response.Copy !req
791. Okay, that's ridiculous.Copy !req
792. - No, it's not ridiculous
- He— Hey.Copy !req
793. - He's in the middle of it.
- I understand.Copy !req
794. You're just gonna
have to hold it.Copy !req
795. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
796. But in a larger sense,
we cannot dedicate,Copy !req
797. we cannot consecrate,
we cannot hallow this ground.Copy !req
798. The brave men,
living and dead...Copy !req
799. who struggled here
have consecrated it...Copy !req
800. I can't—Copy !req
801. It's bad. It's bad.Copy !req
802. Get this coat
out of the way! My foot!Copy !req
803. - What are you doing?
- Foot stuck!Copy !req
804. - Foot not stuck.
- Foot stuck!Copy !req
805. - Foot not stuck.
- Foot... stuck!Copy !req
806. Is he okay?Copy !req
807. Oh, boy.Copy !req
808. - Ew!
- And that governmentCopy !req
809. of the people, by the people,
for the people shall not perishCopy !req
810. from the earth.Copy !req
811. Larry, come on, man, what the—Copy !req
812. What the fuck!Copy !req
813. Huh? Oh, my God.Copy !req
814. Wha—Copy !req
815. Oh, Sienna. Oh, my God.Copy !req
816. Oh, boy.Copy !req
817. Heh? Huh?Copy !req
818. Oh, come— Me?Copy !req
819. What? Oh, please.Copy !req
820. - Good evening, sir.
- Hey, good evening.Copy !req
821. You realize you made
an illegal U-turn back there?Copy !req
822. Honestly, officer,
had I known it was illegal,Copy !req
823. would I have done it?
Of course, not.Copy !req
824. Is there any reason that you
weren't paying attention?Copy !req
825. You see that billboard up thereCopy !req
826. with Sienna Miller?Copy !req
827. You see what's going on
up there?Copy !req
828. You do know we've had a rash
of these penises on billboardsCopy !req
829. - all over this neighborhood?
- Terrible. Terrible.Copy !req
830. The thing is,Copy !req
831. I saw that billboard,
and I went,Copy !req
832. "Oh, my God, I got to get
a picture of this.Copy !req
833. It's Sienna Miller."
I had a date with her.Copy !req
834. - We had a— Yeah.
- You?Copy !req
835. Sir, you're—
you're like 50 yearsCopy !req
836. - older than she is.
- Yes, yes,Copy !req
837. I am considerably older,
but she pursued me, actually.Copy !req
838. To tell you the truth.
I know it's hard to believe,Copy !req
839. but she did.Copy !req
840. By the way, that movie's
gonna do gangbustersCopy !req
841. - with those penises up there.
- Sir, that's sick.Copy !req
842. No, my friend's wife
had a caftan business,Copy !req
843. and she had a billboard,
and somebody drew dicksCopy !req
844. in her mouth
and business took off.Copy !req
845. Uh, Mr. David,Copy !req
846. can you explain to me why
you have a box of spray paintCopy !req
847. in the back of your car?Copy !req
848. I'm gonna be perfectly honest
with you.Copy !req
849. My friend and I went to this
all-you-can-eat restaurant.Copy !req
850. He ate too many crabs,
and they banned us.Copy !req
851. And so we went back
and spray painted,Copy !req
852. "Not all you can eat."Copy !req
853. You just admitted
to another crime.Copy !req
854. - Step out of the car, sir. Sir.
- But it's not all you can eat.Copy !req
855. - It's bullshit.
- Now.Copy !req
856. - It's not all you can eat.
- Out of the car now.Copy !req
857. - Oh, I didn't do that.
- That's disgusting.Copy !req
858. You think I drew those dicks
up there?Copy !req
859. - Yeah.
- I can't even draw a dick.Copy !req
860. I don't know how to draw.Copy !req
861. I can draw—
I can draw a breast maybe.Copy !req
862. - Yeah.
- I can't draw a dick.Copy !req
863. - That— that's—
- Yeah.Copy !req
864. - I would never draw a dick.
- Still disgusting.Copy !req
865. I didn't know she had alopecia!Copy !req