1. Be honest with you...Copy !req
2. It don't bother me so much
in the daytime.Copy !req
3. It's at night when I lay down
and go to bed.Copy !req
4. I can't sleep. I toss, I turn.
It's hell.Copy !req
5. Do you eat a lot of dairy? Milk,
cottage cheese, sour cream?Copy !req
6. Yes, all of it.Copy !req
7. I'm not a doctor,
but it sounds to meCopy !req
8. like you might have
a lactose allergyCopy !req
9. or a lactose intolerance.Copy !req
10. Really?Copy !req
11. My suggestion is that you cut
out dairy from your diet...Copy !req
12. completely.Copy !req
13. It's gonna be tough,
I love cheese.Copy !req
14. Hey, who doesn't love
a delicious CamembertCopy !req
15. on a cracker? Come on.Copy !req
16. "Camden-bear"?Copy !req
17. Camembert.
- What the fuck is that?Copy !req
18. It's a— it's a soft cheese.Copy !req
19. I ain't ever heard of that shit.Copy !req
20. Yeah, it's very good.Copy !req
21. I don't know how
I'm gonna do it, man.Copy !req
22. It's gonna be tough.
It's all I eat.Copy !req
23. I know it's hard.Copy !req
24. I had to give up
Marcona almonds.Copy !req
25. Is that like a nut?Copy !req
26. Yeah, delicious.Copy !req
27. That with some truffle oil
and sea salt.Copy !req
28. Tremendous.Copy !req
29. I don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.Copy !req
30. Eh, okay.Copy !req
31. Larry David, you're free to go.Copy !req
32. - All right, okay!
- Oh-ho! Look at you.Copy !req
33. Lawyer's here.Copy !req
34. Stay in touch, buddy.
Good to meet you.Copy !req
35. Mr. David. I'm Joe D'Angelo.
I'm an attorney.Copy !req
36. Your manager Jeff sent me.Copy !req
37. Hey, Larry. Let me give you
my number, man.Copy !req
38. We can stay in touch, you know?Copy !req
39. Hey, you got a phone on you?Copy !req
40. Sure.
- Mind taking his number down?Copy !req
41. His number?
- Yeah.Copy !req
42. 404-892-8042.
- Okay.Copy !req
43. Yeah.
- Yeah, I got it.Copy !req
44. Hit me up
sometime, Larry.Copy !req
45. Sure.
Take it easy, buddy.Copy !req
46. Thanks, fellas. Let's go.
All yours.Copy !req
47. Listen, Larry.
May I call you Larry?Copy !req
48. Y-yeah, sure.
Okay. Listen to me, Larry.Copy !req
49. Okay, I got you out on an R.O.R.Copy !req
50. They're releasing you
on your own recognizance, okay?Copy !req
51. - Yeah. Yeah.
- What's— what's wrong?Copy !req
52. - Nothing.
- Okay.Copy !req
53. I didn't know it was
against the law to give someoneCopy !req
54. a glass of water.Copy !req
55. Welcome to Georgia, my friend.Copy !req
56. All right, look, all I wanna do,Copy !req
57. all I wanna do is plead guilty
and go home.Copy !req
58. I want to get
the hell out of here.Copy !req
59. That's the plan.
You plead guilty.Copy !req
60. I get you out of here by Monday
with a slap on the wrist. Okay?Copy !req
61. Okay.Copy !req
62. Hey, let me ask you this.
What is it?Copy !req
63. So, this guy flies me out hereCopy !req
64. to make an appearance
at his birthday party.Copy !req
65. Right.
- And now he's not paying me.Copy !req
66. Let's stick with this
criminal case, okay?Copy !req
67. - And then we can sit down
and maybe talk about...
- Yeah, I know, but you could seeCopy !req
68. how upsetting the whole—Copy !req
69. Yeah, Larry! You're a hero.Copy !req
70. Oh!Copy !req
71. We love you, Larry!Copy !req
72. Look at this.Copy !req
73. Looks like you're some kind of
liberal darling.Copy !req
74. Huh? Ah.Copy !req
75. Get the hell out of here.Copy !req
76. - Come on.
- That's right.Copy !req
77. - Look at you.
- How could I notCopy !req
78. - be here for you?
- Oh, what a pal!Copy !req
79. I got an Airbnb for us.Copy !req
80. I got all your luggage there.Copy !req
81. You are all set.Copy !req
82. Hey, this is uh...Copy !req
83. - Joe D'Angelo.
- Yeah, we spoke on the phone.Copy !req
84. How are you?Copy !req
85. Joe.
Yes.Copy !req
86. Yeah.
- Nice to finally meet you.Copy !req
87. Nice meeting you too.Copy !req
88. A pleasure.
Yeah, definitely.Copy !req
89. Thank you for helping us out.Copy !req
90. Oh, sure. Listen, I'll tell you
what I tell all my clients.Copy !req
91. Don't worry.
You're in good hands.Copy !req
92. Nice meeting you, Jeff.Copy !req
93. - Weird.
- It's— it's unbelievable.Copy !req
94. - It's insane.
- He looks just like Mocha Joe.Copy !req
95. Have you ever seenCopy !req
96. an uncanny resemblance
like that in your life?
No. No.Copy !req
97. I never saw him.
I only talked to him.Copy !req
98. He was recommended.
He was like the best.Copy !req
99. But I have
a natural antipathy towards himCopy !req
100. because of Mocha Joe.Copy !req
101. Yeah. I'm so sorry
that I hired him.Copy !req
102. Still— still the hair dye,Copy !req
103. - still going with it, huh?
- Oh, come on. I like it. I do.Copy !req
104. I don't think you do.
I like it.Copy !req
105. I know you don't.Copy !req
106. You're not being honest
with your pal.Copy !req
107. That's okay.
Let's go greet my public.Copy !req
108. Hello! Thank you.
So nice of you.Copy !req
109. Ah.Copy !req
110. So, this is our rental?
Yep.Copy !req
111. Oh, this is uh,
this is interesting.Copy !req
112. - Mm-hmm.
- I actually read this in jailCopy !req
113. last night
in the Scientific American.Copy !req
114. That for thousands of yearsCopy !req
115. humans have been putting on
their shoesCopy !req
116. using their index fingerCopy !req
117. - as a shoehorn.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
118. And in some kind of
Darwinian way we've adaptedCopy !req
119. and the index finger,
in a couple of thousand years,Copy !req
120. it's gonna look like a shoehorn.Copy !req
121. The fuck are you talking about?
Shoehorn?Copy !req
122. No, look, you can see
it's getting flatter.Copy !req
123. They look like
the other fingers.Copy !req
124. What are you talking about?Copy !req
125. I think it's Bullshit American,
that's what I think.Copy !req
126. - Bullshit American.
- Looks like a shoehorn.Copy !req
127. What? What is this doing
on the lawn?Copy !req
128. It came with the house.
You think I put it on the lawn?Copy !req
129. We didn't know it was there
until we moved in.Copy !req
130. Oh, that's— that's awful.Copy !req
131. - Terrible.
- That's awful.Copy !req
132. Well, I— I can't stay in
a house with that thing there.Copy !req
133. A bottle of water!Copy !req
134. I mean it's an outrageous law,
Willie, but come on.Copy !req
135. You gotta take your hat off
to Larry David.Copy !req
136. - Mm-hmm.
- It had to be done,Copy !req
137. and— and damn it, he did it.Copy !req
138. Oh, hey.Copy !req
139. What's— what's— what's with
that thing out there?Copy !req
140. What thing?
- The lawn jockey?Copy !req
141. Oh, I know.Copy !req
142. - Well, it— We're in the South.
- My God!Copy !req
143. - That's what they have.
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
144. We gotta—
we gotta get rid of that thing.Copy !req
145. - You're not getting rid of it.
- I can't stay in this houseCopy !req
146. with that thing outside.
I'm not comfortable.Copy !req
147. This is an Airbnb.
I gave a security deposit.Copy !req
148. Just leave it the fuck alone.Copy !req
149. You see what's going on here?Copy !req
150. It's a courageous stand.
- Yes.Copy !req
151. You know, maybe it's not
Rosa Parks on the bus,Copy !req
152. but you know,
this is pretty important.Copy !req
153. Oh, this is amazing. Yeah.Copy !req
154. I don't wanna get all preachy
about this, but you go back—Copy !req
155. - What did Jesus say?
- Yeah.Copy !req
156. "I was thirsty
and you gave me water."Copy !req
157. That's what Larry did here.Copy !req
158. And I'm just wondering,
are Republicans, like,Copy !req
159. really going to push
getting this guy sent to jail?Copy !req
160. You go, Larry.
- How about that, huh?Copy !req
161. Wow.Copy !req
162. This story
gaining momentum, too.Copy !req
163. Political figures, celebrities
across the countryCopy !req
164. reacting to Larry David's
brave stand.Copy !req
165. Larry David is about action,
not words.Copy !req
166. He saw an injusticeCopy !req
167. and he did what he could
to right it.Copy !req
168. And that's what we need
today in America.Copy !req
169. It's a cause célèbre.
Larry David took a big risk.Copy !req
170. Oh my God. Yeah.Copy !req
171. He put his name
and his body on the line.Copy !req
172. You're like a hero or something.Copy !req
173. - Wow!
- Involvement.Copy !req
174. That's Larry David's
middle name.Copy !req
175. Larry "Involvement" David.Copy !req
176. Can you believe that?Copy !req
177. This Larry David
they're talking aboutCopy !req
178. seems like quite a fellow.Copy !req
179. - He is.
- Well, that guy is.Copy !req
180. He's really something.
- But we know better.Copy !req
181. You must be exhausted.Copy !req
182. You want a cup of coffee?
I got coffee made.Copy !req
183. That would be great.Copy !req
184. - Thank you very much.
- Yeah.Copy !req
185. Hey, what's, uh,
what's going on with Hulu?Copy !req
186. Uh, 11 o'clock tomorrow morning,
we got a Zoom call.Copy !req
187. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Tomorrow you have a Zoom call?Copy !req
188. Yeah, we got a Zoom call.
- I don't think so, Jeff.Copy !req
189. You're gonna have
to change that.Copy !req
190. What the hell's
the matter with you?Copy !req
191. Oh, shit.Copy !req
192. It's your birthday.
Yes, exactly.Copy !req
193. No Zooming on my birthday.
Oh, w— wait.Copy !req
194. - No work on my birthday.
- No work?Copy !req
195. No.
- What? No Zooming?Copy !req
196. What is that?
A national holiday?Copy !req
197. Well, it's— it's a sacred day
for Jeff and me.Copy !req
198. Is he allowed
to go to the bathroom?Copy !req
199. - Can he go to the bathroom?
- Yes, he can go to the bathroom.Copy !req
200. And you can do
whatever the fuck you want.Copy !req
201. - Oh, don't worry.
- But Jeff is mineCopy !req
202. all day.Copy !req
203. Yeah, like he's ten years old?
Come on.Copy !req
204. You know, if I wasn't born,Copy !req
205. think the whole world
would be shit.Copy !req
206. You know what?
If this was that movieCopy !req
207. with, uh, Jimmy Stewart...Copy !req
208. It's a Wonderful Life?
Yeah.Copy !req
209. And the angel
was taking you around,Copy !req
210. nobody would give a fuck.Copy !req
211. Very funny.Copy !req
212. Getting you coffee.Copy !req
213. This is just insanity.Copy !req
214. - Oh, yeah.
- And you know what?Copy !req
215. I gotta get her a gift.Copy !req
216. I don't know where to go,
what to get her.Copy !req
217. You know,
it's always a disappointment,Copy !req
218. and I don't wanna
break the bank.Copy !req
219. It's so frustrating.Copy !req
220. What a thing to go through.Copy !req
221. You have to think
about another person.Copy !req
222. - It's just terrible.
- Yeah.Copy !req
223. - This is a possibility for you.
- Hmm?Copy !req
224. You don't wanna spend
too much money.Copy !req
225. Yeah.Copy !req
226. And yet you wanna
make her happy.Copy !req
227. - Mm-hmm.
- You get two gifts,Copy !req
228. but you only give her oneCopy !req
229. and see how she reacts
to the one.Copy !req
230. If you see
she's a little disappointedCopy !req
231. 'cause it's just one,Copy !req
232. then you bring out the second.Copy !req
233. If she's happy with the one,
then you return the second.Copy !req
234. How did I not think of that?
So simple.Copy !req
235. - Look at that.
- Thank you.Copy !req
236. Wow. Thanks.Copy !req
237. What the fuck?Copy !req
238. - What is that, man?
- Yeah, I know. It's terrible.Copy !req
239. It's terrible.
You know?Copy !req
240. You guys had to walk by him
when you came in?Copy !req
241. - No, we walked by there.
- Well, I— I don't know.Copy !req
242. I just saw it for the first time
two minutes ago.Copy !req
243. You fist bumped
this motherfucker?Copy !req
244. No, we don't fist bump.
- Hey, what's up?Copy !req
245. You know what?
Let's put it in the garage.Copy !req
246. - This is crazy.
- You wanna?Copy !req
247. - Perfect. Let's do it. Okay.
- Yeah, let's do this.Copy !req
248. Jeez.
Get him the fuck out of here.Copy !req
249. This is heavy, man.
What the fuck?Copy !req
250. Are you guys doing anything?
Yeah, I'm holding it.Copy !req
251. - Whoa!
- Oh!Copy !req
252. Are you okay?Copy !req
253. Oh, shit.Copy !req
254. Oh, man.
Come on.Copy !req
255. Oh, man.Copy !req
256. Look what you did.
What I did?Copy !req
257. I knew you would say that shit.
I had the heaviest part.Copy !req
258. - You two weaklings—
- You got the heaviest part?Copy !req
259. You volunteered
for the heaviest part.Copy !req
260. - You did it.
- You said you wanted
to stay in the back!Copy !req
261. What're you talking about?
You caused it.Copy !req
262. What the hell happened?Copy !req
263. What the hell?
What did you guys do?Copy !req
264. We had an accident.
- Yeah.Copy !req
265. Why did you even move
the fucking thing?Copy !req
266. This is not our house.Copy !req
267. All right. Well, you're gonna
have to just find another one.Copy !req
268. 'Cause I am not eating
the security deposit.Copy !req
269. You hear me? Go buy a new one.Copy !req
270. Right now. The exact same one!Copy !req
271. Can we do it on your birthday?Copy !req
272. Jesus.Copy !req
273. All right. I'm gonna
take a shower and then we'll...Copy !req
274. How are we gonna find
one of these things?Copy !req
275. Don't forget,
we gotta get Susie's gifts.Copy !req
276. - Yeah, the gifts. Right, yeah.
- All right?Copy !req
277. This is
so damn overwhelming.Copy !req
278. Oh my God.Copy !req
279. - I don't know what to get her.
- Yeah, I don't envy you.Copy !req
280. This is an impossible—Copy !req
281. Hey, you're the guy
that gave that lady the water.Copy !req
282. Right, I'm the guy.Copy !req
283. And you're the guy
wearing a sweaterCopy !req
284. tied around
his motherfucking neck.Copy !req
285. How about that?Copy !req
286. Hey, right there.
Look at this place.Copy !req
287. Let's do it.
Let's do it.Copy !req
288. This really looks like
a Susie store.Copy !req
289. Look at this stuff.
It's pretty horrible.Copy !req
290. What about this thing?Copy !req
291. - Hey! Hey!
- Fucking perfect.Copy !req
292. I'm going over to Sunglass Hut.Copy !req
293. Really?
- I'm getting gift number one.Copy !req
294. You two scout
for gift number two.Copy !req
295. - All right. See you in a minute.
- Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
296. - This is stupid. What?
- This is her shit.Copy !req
297. I'm looking to shop
for Susie? This is insane.Copy !req
298. What do you buy a person
who already has bullshitCopy !req
299. like this bullshit?Copy !req
300. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
301. I got a big job.Copy !req
302. Oh. Okay, okay.Copy !req
303. I gotta drop kids off
at the pool.Copy !req
304. You think they have
a bathroom here?Copy !req
305. Oh, they have a bathroom,Copy !req
306. but you can't use the bathroom
unless you buy something.Copy !req
307. - That's how they do it.
- Ugh.Copy !req
308. Hello, gentlemen.
Oh, hey!Copy !req
309. Hi, may I help you
find something?Copy !req
310. Oh, no, you know,
we're just browsing.Copy !req
311. We just got some gorgeous
wide brimmed hats.Copy !req
312. Oh! Fedoras?Copy !req
313. - Yes, fedoras.
- Oh, I love a fedora. Yeah.Copy !req
314. Would you like to see any or—Copy !req
315. Uh, y— you know,
uh, I'm wondering,Copy !req
316. do you have a—
a restroom I— I could use?Copy !req
317. Oh, you have to
use the restroom?Copy !req
318. Yeah.Copy !req
319. Right now?Copy !req
320. Kinda, yeah.Copy !req
321. Um, yeah. Right this way.Copy !req
322. - Oh, thank you.
- Mm.Copy !req
323. Look who showed up. Susie.Copy !req
324. Let's go.Copy !req
325. 8Excuse me.Copy !req
326. Is there anything else
I can help you with?Copy !req
327. I know you were interested
in the fedoras.Copy !req
328. I can show you those.Copy !req
329. Yeah, you know,
on second thought, um...Copy !req
330. I don't think so.Copy !req
331. Well...Copy !req
332. the restroom
is for paying customers only.Copy !req
333. Well, I browsed
with intent to buy,Copy !req
334. but unfortunately,Copy !req
335. I didn't really see anything
that was of interest to me.Copy !req
336. In your previous condition,Copy !req
337. how much would you have paid
to use the restroom?Copy !req
338. Five hundred?Copy !req
339. Five hundred? Wow.
Mm-hmm. Yeah.Copy !req
340. I cannot believe I found a pair.Copy !req
341. But I found
the perfect pair for her.Copy !req
342. Fantastic.Copy !req
343. I got mine.
What'd you guys come up with?Copy !req
344. - What did we—
- Come up with?Copy !req
345. - Well, we...
- It's gonna be—Copy !req
346. - We've been browsing—
- All over the store.Copy !req
347. And we've come up with...Copy !req
348. that purse.Copy !req
349. That purse!
That's perfect.Copy !req
350. - Thank you, both!
- Yes!Copy !req
351. - Wow! Great call.
- Yes. We found thatCopy !req
352. in the store.Copy !req
353. See? I'm a customer.Copy !req
354. No, he's a customer.Copy !req
355. You're just his friend
who pooped in our toilet.Copy !req
356. - Can I help you find anything?
- Oh!Copy !req
357. - Hey there.
- How you doing?Copy !req
358. Good. Um...Copy !req
359. interested in buying a, uh...Copy !req
360. a lawn jockey
they're called, right?Copy !req
361. Yeah, that's exactly what
they are. Yeah.Copy !req
362. Yeah. A lawn jockey. Yeah.Copy !req
363. I noticed that they're all
pretty much the same...Copy !req
364. you know, ethnicity.Copy !req
365. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
366. Wondering if, perhaps,
you have any, uh...Copy !req
367. darker ones?Copy !req
368. Darker how?Copy !req
369. Black?Copy !req
370. You— you want a Black one?Copy !req
371. It's not what you think.
Okay? It's not—Copy !req
372. It's not what you think.
It's a long story. Uh...Copy !req
373. Yeah, it's like 400 years long.Copy !req
374. - Yeah.
- Starts in Nigeria.Copy !req
375. I, uh, believe me, I have
the same aversion to themCopy !req
376. as you do. Um...Copy !req
377. But you're looking for one.Copy !req
378. Yeah... ... again,
it's a long story.Copy !req
379. I have nothing to do with it.
I just have to replace it,Copy !req
380. - really. Um...
- So you already had one?Copy !req
381. Uh, okay, uh...Copy !req
382. You know, this one, this one
looks very similar to the...Copy !req
383. you know, the... the...Copy !req
384. - The Black one?
- The Black one.Copy !req
385. Let me ask you this question.Copy !req
386. Do you sell...Copy !req
387. black paint?Copy !req
388. No. No, we don't have
black paint here.Copy !req
389. Shoe polish?Copy !req
390. No, we don't have
any shoe polish,Copy !req
391. we don't have any tar, we don't
have anything like that.Copy !req
392. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
393. Okay.Copy !req
394. You know what?Copy !req
395. I think
I'm gonna get that one.Copy !req
396. And, uh, I think
I can work with that.Copy !req
397. It's white.Copy !req
398. Yeah. I know.Copy !req
399. Something about him, too.
I can't put my finger on it.Copy !req
400. Why didn't you
go to a paint store?Copy !req
401. I looked. I couldn't find
a paint store that was open.Copy !req
402. Susie will be here any minute.
What are we gonna do?Copy !req
403. Got any... shoe polish?Copy !req
404. I don't have shoe polish.Copy !req
405. What are you looking at?Copy !req
406. Pretty good.
This is great.Copy !req
407. Great idea. Susie's here.Copy !req
408. - What?
- Let's go.Copy !req
409. Fuck!Copy !req
410. Hey.
- Oh!Copy !req
411. Hi.
Hey, hey.Copy !req
412. Okay. Hey.Copy !req
413. Let's see.
Huh?Copy !req
414. - Yeah.
- Hey.Copy !req
415. Okay. It's the same?Copy !req
416. - Oh, yeah. Yeah. I brought the—
- You sure?Copy !req
417. I brought the head
with me. Yeah.Copy !req
418. You brought the head with you.Copy !req
419. Huh.Copy !req
420. Hmm.Copy !req
421. All right. You're off the hook.Copy !req
422. We are off the hook.
- Don't do any more stupid shit.Copy !req
423. - The three of you.
- No, no more stupid shit.Copy !req
424. Wasn't eating
that security deposit.Copy !req
425. No. Yeah. Okay.Copy !req
426. How about that?Copy !req
427. How about them apples?Copy !req
428. Great! Great!Copy !req
429. All right.
Let's clean this shit up.Copy !req
430. All right.Copy !req
431. So, for thousands of years,Copy !req
432. humans have been
putting on their shoesCopy !req
433. using their index fingerCopy !req
434. as a shoehorn. Right.Copy !req
435. And, in time,
our index fingers have been...Copy !req
436. Happy birthday!
- For me?Copy !req
437. Oh-ho! Oh, baby doll!Copy !req
438. Oh, baby!Copy !req
439. Sunglasses?Copy !req
440. Wow.
Fantastic.Copy !req
441. You like 'em?Copy !req
442. - I like 'em. Let me look at 'em.
- She likes 'em.Copy !req
443. - She likes 'em.
- Let's see how they look on.
I do like 'em.Copy !req
444. Let me see,
let me see. Turn—Copy !req
445. As many women
from Long Island would say,Copy !req
446. "To die for."
That's true.Copy !req
447. And you know what? It's a nice
memento of our trip to Atlanta.Copy !req
448. - Yeah, birthday gift.
- I— I—Copy !req
449. I love them. You did good, babe.Copy !req
450. - You did good. Yeah.
- Thank you. I did good.Copy !req
451. Ah, the texts
just keep coming in.Copy !req
452. - The birthday wishes.
- Oh, boy.Copy !req
453. Oh, jeez.
What's the matter?Copy !req
454. Oh, it's... I hate
to bring this up,Copy !req
455. but I got this, um...Copy !req
456. meeting with
my lawyer now, and...Copy !req
457. - Oh!
- All right. Go.
We'll see you later.Copy !req
458. Yeah, I mean, the problem is,
I can't really go aloneCopy !req
459. 'cause I don't know
what the hell I'm doing.Copy !req
460. Oh.Copy !req
461. If I could bring Jeff—
I know it's your birthday.Copy !req
462. I'm sorry to ask,
but this is important and—Copy !req
463. and I just need him there
for support.Copy !req
464. You do realize
it's her birthday?Copy !req
465. I know it's her birthday.Copy !req
466. I tried to change it
to another day,Copy !req
467. but he said the papers
had to be filed by today.Copy !req
468. All right, all right, all right.
You know what?Copy !req
469. This is real life.
This is important. You go.Copy !req
470. - Be— Come right back!
- Back before you know it.Copy !req
471. What is it, an hour?
Hour and a half?Copy !req
472. It's not gonna take long at all.
I promise.Copy !req
473. Oh, Sammy just called.Copy !req
474. Oh, by the way...Copy !req
475. the upshot of the article?
Yeah.Copy !req
476. That in thousands of years,Copy !req
477. our index fingers
are gonna resemble shoehorns.Copy !req
478. Check it out. You can see it.Copy !req
479. You see the shape of it? Look.Copy !req
480. Flat.Copy !req
481. - Oh, yeah!
- Unbelievable, right?Copy !req
482. Look at this.
This is expensive too, huh?Copy !req
483. - Yeah. Hey.
- Yeah.Copy !req
484. You were right.Copy !req
485. Thank you.
Let's go return it.Copy !req
486. Oh!Copy !req
487. Another fucking gift?Copy !req
488. You two sneaky cocksuckers.Copy !req
489. What're they doing with that?Copy !req
490. Fucking idiots.Copy !req
491. Excuse me.Copy !req
492. I'd like to return this.Copy !req
493. You wanna return it?
- Yes, please.Copy !req
494. Hmm.
You feel comfortable with this?Copy !req
495. I feel comfortable?
What are you—Copy !req
496. - What are you talking about?
- After what you did?Copy !req
497. What— what did I do?
I didn't do anything.Copy !req
498. Oh, I used the bathroom.
What a crime I committed!Copy !req
499. I used their precious bathroom.Copy !req
500. Hey, this isn't even mine.
I'm not even the customer.Copy !req
501. He's the customer.
I didn't buy it.Copy !req
502. Yeah, exactly.
You weren't a customer.Copy !req
503. And you had no intention
of ever being a customer.Copy !req
504. You just go into random storesCopy !req
505. and use them
as your public restroom.Copy !req
506. All right. Okay. It's enough!
Okay? I'll buy something.Copy !req
507. - Okay? Will that make you happy?
- Yes.Copy !req
508. What?
What can I buy in this store?Copy !req
509. I have just the thing.Copy !req
510. I think this
would bring out your eyes.Copy !req
511. Oh.Copy !req
512. Mm-hmm,
does bring out your eyes.Copy !req
513. Really?
Let's try it on.Copy !req
514. Fabulous.
- This is amazing.Copy !req
515. It's not the kind of thing
I would generally wear, but...Copy !req
516. No, it works.Copy !req
517. I'll ring it up.
A Southern gentleman.Copy !req
518. - Poppin'.
- I'll take it.Copy !req
519. - Yeah.
- Brings out my eyes.Copy !req
520. That'll be 650.Copy !req
521. All right.
This won't be long.Copy !req
522. I'll text you when I'm done.Copy !req
523. All right.
Well, good luck to you.Copy !req
524. - Okay.
- Tell the lawyer I said hey.Copy !req
525. Okay.Copy !req
526. And I thought I was
gonna faint, you know?Copy !req
527. And when I told him
how thirsty I was,Copy !req
528. he just went to the car
and got me a bottle of water.Copy !req
529. - I understand.
- And it really made me feelCopy !req
530. - so much better.
- I understand.Copy !req
531. See? Thank you, baby.Copy !req
532. And how long would you say
you were on line at the voting?Copy !req
533. It was over two
and a half hours.Copy !req
534. What a disgrace.Copy !req
535. Okay, so look, as your attorney,
I just wanna be above board.Copy !req
536. And, when we get
in front of the judge,Copy !req
537. you're going to
plead guilty, correct?Copy !req
538. - Yeah.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.Copy !req
539. Larry. Uh-uh.Copy !req
540. I thought that you was gonna
help us fight this evil law.Copy !req
541. - Uh, well...
- You gonna plead guilty?Copy !req
542. What you mean you gonna
plead guilty, Larry?Copy !req
543. - He has to plead guilty.
- No!Copy !req
544. Larry is here to help us fight
for our cause.Copy !req
545. Well, yeah. I am gonna fight.Copy !req
546. You know, I'll fight it
in my own way.Copy !req
547. So what you mean is
you're gonna do it no way.Copy !req
548. Larry. Larry, Larry, Larry.Copy !req
549. I don't wanna go to jail!Copy !req
550. Larry, people are thinking
you a hero.Copy !req
551. I thought you were
better than that.Copy !req
552. I really did.Copy !req
553. I smell s— Leon,Copy !req
554. I smell something burning.Copy !req
555. You better not be throwing
no spaghetti up in my ceiling.Copy !req
556. We ran out of spaghetti sauce,
so I had to use ketchup.Copy !req
557. Boy,
what are you cooking over here?Copy !req
558. I'm doing the best I can
with just Heinz ketchup
and spaghetti!Copy !req
559. You're still
pleading guilty, right?Copy !req
560. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
561. Good.Copy !req
562. Man!Copy !req
563. This woman's coffee. Have you
had this woman's coffee?Copy !req
564. It's amazing.Copy !req
565. You know, I wanted to ask her
where she got the beans, but...Copy !req
566. I, uh...
It's gotta be the beans,
you know?Copy !req
567. It's the beans,
like my old man used to say.Copy !req
568. All about the beans.Copy !req
569. You don't have the beans,
you don't have the coffee.Copy !req
570. You like coffee,
Larry? Hmm?Copy !req
571. Try this coffee. Have a sip
of this coffee, Larry.Copy !req
572. Good coffee
is all about the beans.Copy !req
573. I'm gonna ask her
where she get these beans.Copy !req
574. You don't have the beans,
you don't have the coffee.Copy !req
575. You want a cup of coffee, Larry?
Have a sip of this coffee.Copy !req
576. Have you had this coffee, Larry?
You like coffee, Larry?Copy !req
577. I c—Copy !req
578. Can't do this anymore.Copy !req
579. What's wrong?Copy !req
580. You remind me of someoneCopy !req
581. I detest.Copy !req
582. Sorry.Copy !req
583. How'd it go?Copy !req
584. Fired the lawyer.Copy !req
585. Mocha Joe?Copy !req
586. Mocha Joe.Copy !req
587. Is it a million degrees
or is it my imagination?Copy !req
588. It's unbelievable.Copy !req
589. It's scorching.Copy !req
590. I cannot believe
this weather. Is it hot here?Copy !req
591. This isn't— Crazy.Copy !req
592. It's like nothing
I've ever experienced.Copy !req
593. Yeah.Copy !req
594. Something you wanna
tell me, huh?Copy !req
595. - What?
- Where have you been?Copy !req
596. Um... well, I went to the,
uh, lawyer.Copy !req
597. The lawyer?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
598. You went to the lawyer. Uh-huh.Copy !req
599. With a gift box,
you went to the fucking lawyer?Copy !req
600. Well, it was just a show of myCopy !req
601. - appreciation.
- Appreciation.Copy !req
602. Oh, really? And how did
Perry Mason like his gift?Copy !req
603. Liked it.Copy !req
604. - Oh, yeah. Yeah, he liked it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
605. You are so full of shit,
both of you.Copy !req
606. 'Cause I saw you on the video
up in the tree houseCopy !req
607. taking that box out.Copy !req
608. What do you got?
Like a Georgia whoreCopy !req
609. who you're giving gifts to?Copy !req
610. No Georgia whore.Copy !req
611. Yeah. Well, who the fuck
was that gift for?Copy !req
612. I saw you all taking it out
and all, "Oh, look, I got it.Copy !req
613. I'm all excited."
And you two high fiving.Copy !req
614. - Who was the gift for?
- You.Copy !req
615. You think I'm gonna believe
that bullshit?Copy !req
616. Then where is it?Copy !req
617. I returned it.Copy !req
618. You returned it?Copy !req
619. It was expensive.Copy !req
620. So what?
- Well, you—Copy !req
621. you liked the first one,Copy !req
622. so the second one
was unnecessary.Copy !req
623. You couldn't give me
two fucking gifts?Copy !req
624. What was it?Copy !req
625. A purse.Copy !req
626. So on my birthday,Copy !req
627. you spent your day
returning my birthday gift.Copy !req
628. Oh, that's
a wonderful use of time,Copy !req
629. both of you.Copy !req
630. Oh my God.Copy !req
631. Oh my God.Copy !req
632. What's going on here?Copy !req
633. What the fuck is this?Copy !req
634. Hair dye.Copy !req
635. All right, you two.Copy !req
636. You have really
gone too far this time.Copy !req
637. Go out and get me
a Black jockey right now!Copy !req
638. You better fucking find one.Copy !req
639. And I want that purse back too.Copy !req
640. It's Giuliani!Copy !req
641. No wonder I thought
he looked like an asshole.Copy !req
642. Just go!Copy !req
643. - Giuliani!
- Go! Go! Go!Copy !req
644. Now! It's my fucking birthday.
You're ruining it.Copy !req
645. All right, Leon.
Where do we go?Copy !req
646. You gotta ride
a little further outCopy !req
647. if you wanna find one.Copy !req
648. All right. Well, direct us.
What should we do?Copy !req
649. Just keep fucking driving.Copy !req
650. I'll tell you where
to fucking turn.Copy !req
651. Look, this whole
Black lawn jockey shitCopy !req
652. is bullshit anyway.Copy !req
653. You know, it should be
something more respectable.Copy !req
654. Like a fucking Black lawn doctorCopy !req
655. with a stethoscope
around his fucking neck.Copy !req
656. Totally!Copy !req
657. Giving motherfuckers
checkups and shit.Copy !req
658. - That's perfect.
- O— or— or a fucking lawyerCopy !req
659. holding a briefcase and shit. Yeah.Copy !req
660. Oh, look, right there.
Look, look, look, look.Copy !req
661. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good.Copy !req
662. Hi, good afternoon.
I'm wondering, uh,Copy !req
663. if you might be interested
in selling your lawn jockey.Copy !req
664. No.Copy !req
665. No!Copy !req
666. Get out of here!Copy !req
667. - Yeah?
- Good afternoon.Copy !req
668. I'm so sorry to bother you.Copy !req
669. - I recognize you.
- Ah.Copy !req
670. You're the wing nut
that came down hereCopy !req
671. and is messing with
our elections.Copy !req
672. Yeah. Yep. That's me.Copy !req
673. What the hell you want
with my lawn jockey?Copy !req
674. My sister's an avowed racist,
and she's very sick.Copy !req
675. I thought this might
cheer her up.Copy !req
676. That sounds familiar.
Nothing. No luck.Copy !req
677. Well, what are we gonna do?Copy !req
678. We gotta do something.Copy !req
679. Who you calling?Copy !req
680. Oh, hell!Copy !req
681. Larry! What are you doing,
big guy?Copy !req
682. Hey, Emmett.Copy !req
683. Hey, listen,
I gotta tell you something.Copy !req
684. I cut out dairy like you said,Copy !req
685. and everything is better
in my life.Copy !req
686. I feel like
a million damn dollars.Copy !req
687. That's— that's fantastic.Copy !req
688. It's all 'cause of you, Larry.Copy !req
689. I just can't thank you enough.
I wish there was a—Copy !req
690. a way I could repay you somehow.Copy !req
691. Actually...Copy !req
692. Yeah. Be careful, it's fragile.Copy !req
693. Got it. Now slide it that way.
Pull the bottom down that way.Copy !req
694. - It's bottom heavy.
It should be fine like that.
- There we go. Thank you, Emmett.Copy !req
695. Yeah, no problem.Copy !req
696. Thanks so much.
- Hey, my pleasure.Copy !req
697. Larry, I'll tell you,
ever since I—Copy !req
698. I quit this lactose business,
I'm turning over a new leaf.Copy !req
699. That little statue I got
from the church?Copy !req
700. Yeah.
- That's the last thing
I'm ever stealing.Copy !req
701. Stay right there.Copy !req
702. What?Copy !req
703. - Don't you move.
- All right.Copy !req
704. The hell's this?Copy !req
705. Whoa!Copy !req
706. - What the hell is—
- Go ahead.Copy !req
707. This for me?Copy !req
708. - Try it on.
- You got— Oh, shit!Copy !req
709. - There you go.
- Whoo! Good Lord.Copy !req
710. You know, you do
Larry David a solid,Copy !req
711. - that's what you get in return.
- God almighty, man.Copy !req
712. Woo-wee!Copy !req
713. Wow! You are a real
Southern gentleman.Copy !req
714. Fits perfect.Copy !req
715. - Great to meet you.
- Pleasure meetin' you.Copy !req
716. All right, boys.Copy !req
717. Y'all drive safe, all right?Copy !req
718. You come back to Atlanta
any time.Copy !req
719. Ah! Pastor, y'all having
a good time?Copy !req
720. Yes, Miss Rae.Copy !req
721. Listen here now. I want y'all
to eat as much as you can,Copy !req
722. - all right?
- Sure will.Copy !req
723. Chester, you better put
some more ribs on this plate.Copy !req
724. One rib.
What are you thinking, boy?Copy !req
725. Yes, ma'am, I got ya.
All right,
I'm coming.Copy !req
726. God,
look at all these people.Copy !req
727. Yeah, church barbecue.Copy !req
728. All right. See you later.
Hey, Leon!Copy !req
729. - Hey!
- Listen, is— is Larry with you?Copy !req
730. Larry's right there.
Hey, Larry!Copy !req
731. Come on, Larry.
Come on. Get out the car.Copy !req
732. Hey.
- Everybody, this is Larry David.Copy !req
733. Give him a big round
of applause, y'all.Copy !req
734. Say, "Hi, Larry."Copy !req
735. Hello, everyone.Copy !req
736. Larry. See all these people?
They love you.Copy !req
737. I know you not gonna
disappoint them.Copy !req
738. No, we-we—
So come on. Uh-uh.Copy !req
739. Get out that car and get you
something to eat, boy.Copy !req
740. All right. Okay, I'm coming.Copy !req
741. All right. Okay.Copy !req
742. Give him another
big round of applause, y'all.Copy !req
743. Larry David. Yes!Copy !req
744. Least I could do.Copy !req
745. Oh, uh, Jeff, right?Copy !req
746. Yeah.
- Come on and get you some too.Copy !req
747. You know what? I want you
to meet Pastor Sherman, okay?Copy !req
748. Yeah. Hey, would it be okay
if I use the bathroom?Copy !req
749. Oh, absolutely.
Right through there. Go ahead.Copy !req
750. Hey, you see this guy
right here?Copy !req
751. That does not look like
his jacket.Copy !req
752. Let's light him up.Copy !req
753. What the hell is this?Copy !req
754. You gotta be kidding me.Copy !req
755. Where you get this jacket, sir?Copy !req
756. What? It was a gift.Copy !req
757. A gift? Why is the tag
still on there, sir?Copy !req
758. Honestly, I didn't know
it was on there.Copy !req
759. Let me see
your driver's license.Copy !req
760. Shit.Copy !req
761. - Come with me.
- What?Copy !req
762. - You're under arrest.
- This is bullshit, man.Copy !req
763. What the fuck? Ow!Copy !req
764. I didn't fucking steal it!
Get in the car, sir.Copy !req
765. It was from my friend Larry. Yeah.Copy !req
766. Some crazy old man I met in jail
talking about almonds.Copy !req
767. Come on. Fuck!Copy !req
768. Hey, Jeff.Copy !req
769. How you enjoying them ribs?Copy !req
770. They got a kick to them.
You know that?Copy !req
771. - Ma'am, they're delightful.
- I'm glad you loving them.Copy !req
772. Chester, I need you to box up
some more of those ribsCopy !req
773. so that Jeff can take
them home with him.Copy !req
774. Coming up.Copy !req
775. Ah, Larry David. Larry David.Copy !req
776. - I'm Pastor Sherman.
- Pastor Sherman!Copy !req
777. - Pleasure to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.Copy !req
778. Come on.
Let me introduce youCopy !req
779. - to the congregation.
- Oh, no, no.Copy !req
780. Uh, Saints, listen, listen.Copy !req
781. Listen up.
This man!Copy !req
782. This man is an inspiration.Copy !req
783. - Oh, yes.
- It's gone a little overboard.Copy !req
784. You see, Larry David...Copy !req
785. Or— or— or should I call you
Larry Daniel?Copy !req
786. Because just like Daniel,
he walked into the lion's denCopy !req
787. without fear.Copy !req
788. You know what? I like the sound
of that. Larry Daniel.Copy !req
789. Maybe I'll change my last name.Copy !req
790. You see, like Larry
is that powerful man todayCopy !req
791. for the Black community
here in Atlanta.Copy !req
792. What the... Hey! Hey, hey!Copy !req
793. Oh, no. Don't, don't, don't,
don't, don't, don't. No!Copy !req
794. What the fuck?Copy !req
795. Motherfucker's
got a lawn jockey!Copy !req
796. What is wrong with you, man?Copy !req
797. It makes me sick!Copy !req
798. Oh, no, no, no!Copy !req
799. Get out of here, man.Copy !req
800. Hey, hey! It's not mine!
Bye, Larry!Copy !req
801. Mr. David, uh,
you've been chargedCopy !req
802. with one count of obstruction
of the election processCopy !req
803. in the state of Georgia.Copy !req
804. And if you're found
guilty at trial,Copy !req
805. you'll be subject
to a fine of 10,000 dollarsCopy !req
806. and up to a year in prison.Copy !req
807. How do you plead, sir?Copy !req
808. Not guilty.
Oh!Copy !req
809. Now, that's
the Larry David I know!Copy !req
810. Trial set for 90 days hence.
Next case!Copy !req
811. That's why I already made
a big ole potCopy !req
812. of those
put-yo-foot-in-it greens,Copy !req
813. and I got some of that shotgun
shoot-it-'fore-they-run-nowCopy !req
814. spicy fried chicken!Copy !req
815. You know I'm going.
We going back
to the house!Copy !req