1. Seat backs up,
fasten your seatbelts.Copy !req
2. Let me get your seat back.Copy !req
3. This needs to go up.
And fasten your seatbelt, sir.Copy !req
4. - Seatbelt?
- Yeah.Copy !req
5. Just more government
interference.Copy !req
6. Next thing you know,
they won't let me haveCopy !req
7. an abortion on the plane.Copy !req
8. Oh, okay. I'm glad I could help.Copy !req
9. Um, and, sir, if you just wannaCopy !req
10. - close your laptop there.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
11. - And then if you just wanna
turn your phone off. Thanks.
- Sure. Yeah. Okay. Got it.Copy !req
12. At this time we ask you
to fasten all seatbeltsCopy !req
13. and turn off
all electronic devices
as we prepare for takeoff.Copy !req
14. Hey, Larr.
What's up with Lewis?Copy !req
15. I thought he was coming to
Atlanta with us for the trial.Copy !req
16. Oh, no.
He left two days earlier.Copy !req
17. - So he's there now?
- Yeah.Copy !req
18. He went out with this woman
30 years ago.Copy !req
19. They broke up.
She lives in Atlanta now,Copy !req
20. so he's gonna see her.Copy !req
21. - Rekindling?
- Rekindling.Copy !req
22. I hope it works out for him.Copy !req
23. Oh, yeah.
I'm sure it's gonna work out.Copy !req
24. Larry, when we get in the air,Copy !req
25. I'm gonna watch
your little show Seinfeld.Copy !req
26. - Never seen it.
- Oh, yeah? It's about time.Copy !req
27. I'm gonna watch that shit.
I'll tell you how it is.Copy !req
28. I'm not really interested
in your opinion.Copy !req
29. - What do you mean?
- I don't consider you a person.Copy !req
30. We'll see.Copy !req
31. - Excuse me, sir?
- Oh.Copy !req
32. Someone let me know
that your phone is still on.Copy !req
33. We need to put that on
airplane mode or stow it away.Copy !req
34. Who would do
something like that?Copy !req
35. I'm not gonna disclose that.
And your seatbelt's off.Copy !req
36. - But why won't you tell me?
- Why would I tell you?Copy !req
37. Because I'd like to knowCopy !req
38. if there's a squealer
on this plane.Copy !req
39. I'd like to know who it is.Copy !req
40. I'm not comfortable flying
with a squealer.Copy !req
41. Sir, you're not comfortable
with a squealerCopy !req
42. yet you're asking me to squeal?Copy !req
43. That's a different
kind of squealing.Copy !req
44. It seems very hypocritical.Copy !req
45. I could see on its face thatCopy !req
46. - it does seem that way.
- Okay.Copy !req
47. But if you examine it,
it's really not.Copy !req
48. I'm not gonna squeal
on the squealer, okay?Copy !req
49. - And let's keep that phone off.
- Okay. Sure. Yeah.Copy !req
50. - Thank you. Good job. Thank you.
- I got it. Yeah.Copy !req
51. Okay.Copy !req
52. We apologize for the delay.
We are next in line for takeoff.Copy !req
53. Flight attendants,
prepare for departure.Copy !req
54. Sir? Sir, we need you
to buckle up.Copy !req
55. - Huh? What? Huh?
- We need you to buckle up.Copy !req
56. - Oh, yeah. No, no.
I was just— Yeah.
- I know what you were doing.Copy !req
57. - Okay. Just gonna stay seated.
Okay?
- Okay.Copy !req
58. Hey, you told her
that I was on the phone?Copy !req
59. - How dare you
accuse me of squealing?
- Huh? Just asking.Copy !req
60. I'm schlepping all the way
to fuckin' AtlantaCopy !req
61. to support you,
on my anniversary, no less.Copy !req
62. It still doesn't mean
you couldn't have done it,Copy !req
63. - even if you are coming
to support me.
- Oh, please.Copy !req
64. I have better things to do
than squeal on you.Copy !req
65. Well, it's about plane safety.
I'm sure you're interested
in that.Copy !req
66. I don't give a shit.Copy !req
67. You tell her about my phone?
Was that you?Copy !req
68. - You think I did that shit?
- Everyone's a suspect.Copy !req
69. - You think I'm a fuckin' snitch?
- I don't think you're above it.Copy !req
70. - Oh. It's like that?
- Yeah. It's like that.Copy !req
71. Why would I draw attentionCopy !req
72. when I got
my own fucking phone on?Copy !req
73. - Your phone's on?
- Fuck yeah, my phone is on.Copy !req
74. - His phone's on.
- His phone, sir?Copy !req
75. - Check it out. Check it out.
- Come on. Really?Copy !req
76. Look at his phone.
Look at his phone.Copy !req
77. You're squealing on someone now?Copy !req
78. Yeah, he's endangering the rest
of the passengers. He is.Copy !req
79. Okay. Okay.
Look, it came back on by itself.Copy !req
80. - Please turn that off.
- No. He left— he left it on.Copy !req
81. And is your phone now off?Copy !req
82. Yes.Copy !req
83. Show her. Show your phone.
Show it to her.Copy !req
84. Oh, my God. Oh.Copy !req
85. - I thought I turned it off.
- That's on.Copy !req
86. Can you turn that
onto airplane mode?Copy !req
87. - Sure. Yeah.
- Thank you so much.Copy !req
88. Larry. Larry.Copy !req
89. Yeah?Copy !req
90. This guy back here.Copy !req
91. What?Copy !req
92. Oh, it— it flipped on.Copy !req
93. Why would you do that to me?Copy !req
94. Passenger safety.Copy !req
95. You're dealing with three
very disturbed individuals here.Copy !req
96. Thank you. Everyone,
the plane is taxiing, okay?Copy !req
97. I need your phones
to be off or stowedCopy !req
98. and seatbelts fastened.Copy !req
99. - Okay.
- Okay.Copy !req
100. - That's bullshit.
- That's some bullshit.Copy !req
101. That's that bullshit.Copy !req
102. I watched a few, uh,Copy !req
103. Seinfeld episodes
on the plane and shit.Copy !req
104. You never told me
it was a show about weekly ass.Copy !req
105. It's not a show
about weekly ass.Copy !req
106. Jerry just constantly
got ass every week.Copy !req
107. You know what I thought it was
from the beginning?Copy !req
108. I said, "This ain't a fucking,
uh, TV show."Copy !req
109. "This is more
of a fuck documentary."Copy !req
110. That's what it felt like.Copy !req
111. Yeah, man. And how do you
fuck that much, man?Copy !req
112. It's like you need—
you need, like, extra dicks.Copy !req
113. Like— Like you got
your own dick,Copy !req
114. but then you gotta have
a backup dick.Copy !req
115. A dick should be
interchangeable.Copy !req
116. Yeah. Like a pair of glasses.Copy !req
117. - It should be like
a pair of glasses.
- Yeah!Copy !req
118. You could put one on
in the morning.Copy !req
119. Yeah. Quick,
put that motherfucker on.Copy !req
120. That way, you ain't wearing out
your original dick.Copy !req
121. Like when a lady say,
"Oh, more, more."Copy !req
122. "Oh, you want more?Copy !req
123. Oh, I— I'm— I'mma take
my other dickCopy !req
124. out my back pocket."Copy !req
125. - See that?
- Right.Copy !req
126. Oh. Oh. There's our exit.Copy !req
127. Hey, she's not—
She won't let me in.Copy !req
128. Hey, let me in. Let me in!Copy !req
129. Can we get over?Copy !req
130. Hey! Can we get in?
Hey! What's wrong with you?Copy !req
131. We're trying to get in!Copy !req
132. She's speeding up!Copy !req
133. We wanna get off the highway!Copy !req
134. Are you kidding me?
What is with this woman?Copy !req
135. Won't let us in!Copy !req
136. Oh, shit!Copy !req
137. Fuck you too!Copy !req
138. What?
I just wanna get in!Copy !req
139. What kind of person
does something like that?Copy !req
140. Fuck you!Copy !req
141. Appreciate it.
- Thank you.Copy !req
142. Whoo!Copy !req
143. Mr. David, pulling for you, man.Copy !req
144. - Appreciate it. Thank you.
- You got it, brother.Copy !req
145. Look at you, man.Copy !req
146. Most popular White man
in America right now.Copy !req
147. You don't have to buy
a pack of KoolsCopy !req
148. for the rest of your life.Copy !req
149. - Excellent.
- I'll be back.Copy !req
150. Oh, my gosh.Copy !req
151. Preston, come here.Copy !req
152. - I am so sorry, sir. No—
- Hey, that's fine.Copy !req
153. - Here you go.
- Thank you.Copy !req
154. Okay. Preston, what do we say
when we hurt somebody?Copy !req
155. It— it's okay.
It didn't hurt me at all.Copy !req
156. No, no, no.
Just one more second. No, no.Copy !req
157. - Come on.
We just talked about this.
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
158. - Okay? We say I'm... s...
- Okay, I— I—Copy !req
159. Uh...Copy !req
160. - Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
- I'm...Copy !req
161. Please don't help him out.
I want him to learn this. Okay?Copy !req
162. - All right. We're good.
Thank you.
- No, no, no. We're not done yet.Copy !req
163. We're gonna learn
this lesson here,Copy !req
164. 'cause this is a really
important lesson.Copy !req
165. Hey, hey. We don't have
to learn the lesson,Copy !req
166. but I'll tell you what.Copy !req
167. If you want me to participate
in this lesson...Copy !req
168. - Yeah.
- Okay. Here's my two cents.Copy !req
169. Okay. Great. Listen to the man.Copy !req
170. I'm 76 years old and I have
never learned a lessonCopy !req
171. in my entire life.Copy !req
172. Oh-ho!Copy !req
173. - Do you think that's helping?
- I do.Copy !req
174. That's who we don't wanna be
like, okay? Come on. Let's go.Copy !req
175. The trial of
the State of GeorgiaCopy !req
176. versus Larry David
is underway...Copy !req
177. - You're kidding me.
- ... with jury selection
beginning tomorrow.Copy !req
178. Could you do me a favor?
Could you put on ESPN please?Copy !req
179. Thank you.Copy !req
180. So why don't you
wanna come with us?Copy !req
181. We're going
to Auntie Rae's restaurant.Copy !req
182. - It's supposed to be great.
- I know. Send her my love.Copy !req
183. But I'm here to see,
you know, Cynthia.Copy !req
184. We're getting along great.Copy !req
185. In bed, everything is cool.Copy !req
186. - We're still great lovers.
- Ugh.Copy !req
187. What are you—
Why are you annoyed?Copy !req
188. - You can't— Why can't you—
- That's TMI.Copy !req
189. - We don't wanna hear that.
- Why? What is—Copy !req
190. 'Cause it's a—
It's a picture of you, uh...Copy !req
191. - No, no!
- You don't have to picture me.
Picture her!Copy !req
192. We don't wanna picture that.Copy !req
193. - Why can't I—
- No. Please, no.Copy !req
194. I'd rather picture my parents
naked than you naked.Copy !req
195. - Don't mention
intercourse anymore.
- Really.Copy !req
196. A little bit nauseous.Copy !req
197. - Oh, hey.
- Hey, what's up?Copy !req
198. Hey, man.Copy !req
199. - Scotch.
- So you guys—Copy !req
200. It sounds like you were,
like, madly in love.Copy !req
201. We were deeply in love.
- Wow.Copy !req
202. In fact, so much in love
that when I broke up with her,Copy !req
203. - she attempted suicide.
- Ooh.Copy !req
204. - Really?
- What?Copy !req
205. You're telling me
that if she can't have you,Copy !req
206. - she'd rather be dead?
- I guess so.Copy !req
207. You know, sometimes
when you break up with someone,Copy !req
208. to get pity, they say
they attempted suicideCopy !req
209. so the person
will go back with them.Copy !req
210. - It's manipulative.
- It's manipulative. Yeah.Copy !req
211. Wait a minute. You're doubting
her suicide attempt?Copy !req
212. You think
you're suicide material?Copy !req
213. - Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
- Really?Copy !req
214. - Richard.
- Hi, beautiful.Copy !req
215. - Hi.
- Good to see you, baby.Copy !req
216. - Good to see you, too.
- This must be Cynthia.Copy !req
217. - It sure is.
- Yes.Copy !req
218. - Hi.
- Hi. Susie.Copy !req
219. - Susie, nice to meet you.
- My husband, Jeff.Copy !req
220. - Hi, Jeff.
- Pleasure.Copy !req
221. - Hey.
- It's a pleasure
to meet you.Copy !req
222. And Larry. You know Larry.Copy !req
223. - It's her.
- Yeah.Copy !req
224. Yeah, Larry's over here.
Big shot Larry on the news.Copy !req
225. - Larry. Yes.
- Hello.Copy !req
226. - And his friend Leon.
- Hi. Yeah.Copy !req
227. - Hey, how you doin'?
- I'm good. How are you?Copy !req
228. Nice to meet you.Copy !req
229. I think we met
earlier today, actually.Copy !req
230. On I-85.
I was trying to get overCopy !req
231. to the exit.
Yeah.Copy !req
232. And, uh, you wouldn't—
you wouldn't let me in.Copy !req
233. What— I don't think I—
Doesn't sound like me.Copy !req
234. - Do you have a blue Mercedes?
- I do.Copy !req
235. - Huh.
- But it wasn't me.Copy !req
236. I wasn't even on I-85 today.
So you just—Copy !req
237. You weren't on I-85 today?Copy !req
238. I was not on I-85 today.Copy !req
239. You know, this is exciting to
hear this Highway Patrol story,Copy !req
240. but we're gonna go eat dinner
and have some time...Copy !req
241. That's right. Enjoy dinner.Copy !req
242. - Say hello to Auntie Rae.
- Enjoy your evening.
It was very nice to meet you.Copy !req
243. Thanks for everything.
Both of you.Copy !req
244. All right, guys. We gotta go.
We have a reservation.Copy !req
245. I know the Highway Patrol theme.
I was singing it.Copy !req
246. Go.Copy !req
247. That's wonderful, Larr.Copy !req
248. If you need anything else,
let me know.Copy !req
249. - Thank you.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
250. - Hi, guys.
- Hello, Cheryl.Copy !req
251. How's it going?Copy !req
252. - You just got here?
- Yeah.Copy !req
253. Wanna come to dinner with us?Copy !req
254. We're going to Auntie Rae's.
It's gonna be delicious.Copy !req
255. - Oh. No, I'm waiting for Ted.
- Oh.Copy !req
256. He's finishing up an interviewCopy !req
257. because he's protesting
tomorrow.Copy !req
258. - Oh, okay.
- On your behalf.Copy !req
259. No, he's protesting
on his behalf.Copy !req
260. He's not gonna stand by
and let people be mistreated.Copy !req
261. He's not gonna stand by
off cameraCopy !req
262. and let people be mistreated.Copy !req
263. Okay. Anyway, we're gonna go
to dinner after.Copy !req
264. Do you know
of any good places around here?Copy !req
265. Oh, oh. The Mexican place.Copy !req
266. Oh, that place is good,
La Conde.Copy !req
267. No, no.
She doesn't like Mexican food.Copy !req
268. - No?
- No.Copy !req
269. Well, you go to the left
and there's like
a million restaurants.Copy !req
270. - We better go, guys,
because you know Auntie Rae.
- All right. Let's go.Copy !req
271. You cannot be late
for Auntie Rae.Copy !req
272. - See you later, Cher.
- Okay. Yeah. Hey. Excuse me.Copy !req
273. Why would you say that?Copy !req
274. Huh? Say what?Copy !req
275. That I don't like...
Mexican food.Copy !req
276. Well, you don't like
Mexican food.Copy !req
277. Don't say it in front of people.Copy !req
278. - I told you that in confidence.
- What? Confidence?Copy !req
279. I don't know
what your problem with it is.Copy !req
280. Because it's personal to me.Copy !req
281. - No, that's not personal.
- It is.Copy !req
282. Telling people
what sexual positions you like,Copy !req
283. that would be personal.Copy !req
284. - Just keep it to yourself.
- You don't like funnel cake.Copy !req
285. Is it okay
if I tell people that?Copy !req
286. - Yes.
- You didn't like the remakeCopy !req
287. of The Fugitive
with Harrison Ford.Copy !req
288. - Can I tell people that?
- Yes.Copy !req
289. Okay.Copy !req
290. - I won't tell anybody else...
- Thank you.Copy !req
291. that you don't
like Mexican food.Copy !req
292. Thank you.Copy !req
293. - Are you okay?
- I am.Copy !req
294. - I'm not so sure.
- Okay.Copy !req
295. She won't let us in.
She sped up.Copy !req
296. And no doubt that it was her.
Was it not?Copy !req
297. - It was her.
- Huh? She gave us the finger.Copy !req
298. We gave her the finger.
Terrible, terrible person.Copy !req
299. You know what? I'm—
I'm gonna say something to him.Copy !req
300. Oh, don't tell—
Larry, don't be a buttinskiCopy !req
301. and start telling Richard.Copy !req
302. Let him have his illusions,
whatever they are.Copy !req
303. You never learn your lesson.Copy !req
304. - I don't learn my lesson?
- No, you do not.Copy !req
305. When have you ever
learned a lesson?Copy !req
306. Okay, I'll tell you when. Okay.Copy !req
307. When I was 19 years old,
I was in a bar. I had a drink.Copy !req
308. And I looked at the bartender
and I said to him,Copy !req
309. "Hey, Captain,
I'll have another,"Copy !req
310. and he gave me
like the dirtiest look.Copy !req
311. And I've never called
anybody captain since.Copy !req
312. Why would you call him captain?Copy !req
313. What do you mean why?
You've never called
anybody captain?Copy !req
314. Not captain, but I did call
a motherfucker chief,Copy !req
315. and then realized
he was a real Indian and shit.Copy !req
316. All right. We've got
four Rae's Special Salads.Copy !req
317. - Here you go.
- Whoo!Copy !req
318. - Thank you.
- Oh, I also brought y'allCopy !req
319. some extra salad dressing,
because y'all are gonna love it.Copy !req
320. - Hoowee!
- Y'all need anything else?Copy !req
321. I think we're good.
Thank you very much.Copy !req
322. - All right.
- Good. Thank you.Copy !req
323. - Oh, my God.
- You're welcome.Copy !req
324. Oh, my God.
This is so delicious.Copy !req
325. What is in this that's so good?Copy !req
326. - It's great.
- This is the best dressing
I've ever had.Copy !req
327. It's really good.
I agree with you.Copy !req
328. Oh, my God.
If I had this recipe,Copy !req
329. I would make salads every day,
I'd be losing weight like crazy.Copy !req
330. - Mm, really good.
- Auntie Rae!Copy !req
331. - Hey!
- Hey!Copy !req
332. I hope y'all having a good time.Copy !req
333. - Oh, yeah.
- Let me tell you something,
Auntie Rae,Copy !req
334. this is the best salad dressing
I've ever had in my life.Copy !req
335. I'm happy
that you like it, baby.Copy !req
336. And I would love to be able
to make it back in LA.Copy !req
337. So what's the deal?
What's in it?Copy !req
338. Well, you know, baby,
I'm glad you're enjoying it,Copy !req
339. but that's one recipe
that they can't pull out of me.Copy !req
340. - Oh, come on.
- No.Copy !req
341. - Even for you, baby, I don't do.
- Oh, damn.Copy !req
342. Mm-mm.
That's just the way it is.Copy !req
343. Mic drop!Copy !req
344. So, I'll see y'all
in a little bit, all right?Copy !req
345. What is in this?
It's so fucking good.Copy !req
346. Well, well, well.Copy !req
347. I feel like I won
the jury lottery today.Copy !req
348. I look around here and I see
nothing but good people.Copy !req
349. I can envision having y'all over
on a Sunday after churchCopy !req
350. for a little barbecue sometime.Copy !req
351. Earl Mack. He's good.
He's really good.Copy !req
352. But the circumstances today
call for this question.Copy !req
353. Who here could see themselves
stealing a loaf of breadCopy !req
354. in order to feed
a hungry stranger?Copy !req
355. Yeah?Copy !req
356. I ask they're all dismissed
for cause.Copy !req
357. Dismissed.Copy !req
358. Damn it.Copy !req
359. - I wanted some of those jurors.
- Yeah. No, she was good.Copy !req
360. Defense,
you're up.Copy !req
361. - Thank you, Judge.
- Oh, wait. I have some thoughts.Copy !req
362. What?Copy !req
363. All right.Copy !req
364. That guy's got a string tie him.
Let's get rid of him.Copy !req
365. No liberal would be caught dead
in a string tie.Copy !req
366. Juror number 20, thank you.Copy !req
367. Dismissed.Copy !req
368. Not loving 22. Big hair.Copy !req
369. Shades of Kellyanne Conway.
No good.Copy !req
370. Juror 22, dismissed.Copy !req
371. - Forty.
That's a Fox watcher.
- Dismissed.Copy !req
372. Twenty-three.Copy !req
373. You see that comb over?
He's a self-loathing bald man!Copy !req
374. He hates himself
and he hates other bald men.Copy !req
375. - He's gotta go.
- Okay.Copy !req
376. Juror 23, dismissed.Copy !req
377. Uh, members of the jury,Copy !req
378. as you know, there's lots
of publicity around this case.Copy !req
379. As you see the cameras outside,
there's intense media scrutiny.Copy !req
380. So we're gonna have
to sequester you.Copy !req
381. I know, I know.Copy !req
382. We'll give you a nice hotel,
try to make you comfortable.Copy !req
383. Oh, sequestering. That's awful.Copy !req
384. No watching TV,
no listening to the radio...Copy !req
385. I would hate to be
cooped up like that.Copy !req
386. I don't think I could take it,
you know?Copy !req
387. And I'll bet a lot of them
cheat on it too.Copy !req
388. There's probably
a bad sequesterer among them.Copy !req
389. - Don't you think?
- Larry, I wouldn't worry
about the jury.Copy !req
390. You're the defendant.Copy !req
391. And if you get convicted,
you'll be a felon.Copy !req
392. Dragnet.Copy !req
393. Tomorrow,
the lawyers will give
their opening arguments.Copy !req
394. Court adjourned.Copy !req
395. It is day one of the trial
of Larry David,Copy !req
396. the Seinfeld co-creator
who's run afoul...Copy !req
397. - Is that for Larry?
- ... of the new Georgia
voting lawCopy !req
398. that he views
as partisan, draconian,Copy !req
399. - and unconstitutional.
- Thank you very much.Copy !req
400. How this plays out
could have major ramificationsCopy !req
401. for the next election.Copy !req
402. - Keep it close.
- Yes, ma'am.Copy !req
403. Thank you.Copy !req
404. - Hi.
- Hi, Larry.Copy !req
405. You got that blue Mercedes, huh?Copy !req
406. - Yeah. Nice car.
- Oh, very nice.Copy !req
407. That's the exact model
of the carCopy !req
408. that wouldn't let me
into the lane.Copy !req
409. - That's right. I remember...
- And a woman was driving.Copy !req
410. - Huh!
- But it wasn't me.Copy !req
411. - What a crazy coincidence.
- Yeah.Copy !req
412. So, um, Richard told meCopy !req
413. that you once
contemplated, uh,Copy !req
414. dare I say, attempted suicide?Copy !req
415. Richard told you that?Copy !req
416. Yes. Yes.
We're very close.Copy !req
417. I tell him everything.
He tells me everything. Yeah.Copy !req
418. Yes, I did, Larry.Copy !req
419. Why did you do it?Copy !req
420. Oh, it was the whole...
the breakup?Copy !req
421. It was a very
emotional time for me.Copy !req
422. - I was...
- Hmm.Copy !req
423. very much in love with himCopy !req
424. - and—
- Him?Copy !req
425. - You're Richard's friend?
- Yeah.Copy !req
426. And you don't believe anyone
could be in love with him?Copy !req
427. No.Copy !req
428. Have you ever known love, Larry?Copy !req
429. Have you ever known
the loss of a great love?Copy !req
430. Oh, I've known love
and I've known loss.Copy !req
431. 2004, Yankees lost the last
four games to the hated Red Sox.Copy !req
432. Devastated for weeks.Copy !req
433. Felt like killing myself, actually.Copy !req
434. Different kind of love, Larry.Copy !req
435. And in 1994, of course,
when the Rangers won the Cup.Copy !req
436. Come on. Doesn't get
any better than that.Copy !req
437. When Messier
lofted that trophy,Copy !req
438. I thought my heart
was gonna burst.Copy !req
439. Larry, I was in love
with Richard. I made a choice.Copy !req
440. I'm— I— I was emotionally
distraught.Copy !req
441. And, yes, I did attempt suicide.Copy !req
442. How did you do it?Copy !req
443. I think you're the first personCopy !req
444. who has ever asked me
that question, Larry.Copy !req
445. - Really?
- So inappropriate.Copy !req
446. You know, you're right.
It would be inappropriate,Copy !req
447. if in fact the person actually
attempted suicide.Copy !req
448. Oh, so you're saying you don't
believe I attempted suicide?Copy !req
449. - How'd you do it?
- I don't remember.Copy !req
450. - It was long time ago.
- You don't remember?Copy !req
451. Pills, okay?Copy !req
452. What kind of pills?Copy !req
453. Pink pills.Copy !req
454. - Are you sure?
- Yeah, I'm sure.Copy !req
455. Okay.Copy !req
456. Tell Richard I'll be in the car.Copy !req
457. Hey, what are you doing sitting
with your back to the door?Copy !req
458. Because of my fans.
They just swarm all over me.Copy !req
459. Really? You're kind of like
a Beatle in a way, aren't you?Copy !req
460. - Can you spread that around?
- Yeah.Copy !req
461. Hey, Cynthia, she's waiting
in the car for you.Copy !req
462. What do you mean? No,
she's gonna meet me in here.Copy !req
463. No, no. I had a little...
I had a little thing with her.Copy !req
464. What do you mean?Copy !req
465. You know, I asked her
about the, uh, the suicide.Copy !req
466. Oh, Jesus Christ.Copy !req
467. The woman tried to hang herself.Copy !req
468. - Oh, she did?
- Yes.Copy !req
469. Well, isn't that curious.Copy !req
470. 'Cause she told me
she took pills.Copy !req
471. Well, what's the difference,
pills, hanging?Copy !req
472. What's the difference?
What's the difference?Copy !req
473. You think somebody
would rememberCopy !req
474. how they tried
to kill themselves.Copy !req
475. Why are you doing this
to me again?Copy !req
476. Ruining my potential wives,Copy !req
477. ruining my chance
to have children.Copy !req
478. - Jeez. Yeah. What?
- I want family.Copy !req
479. - How are you gonna do that?
- We'll adopt.Copy !req
480. What are you gonna adopt,
a 40-year-old?Copy !req
481. Yeah. A doctor.Copy !req
482. A doctor?
- A doctor or a lawyer.Copy !req
483. Good. Good idea.Copy !req
484. - Why not?
- Yeah. Why not?Copy !req
485. Well, you better go out.
She's waiting in the car.Copy !req
486. You better go out.Copy !req
487. Oh, God.Copy !req
488. Okay. You ready?Copy !req
489. No.Copy !req
490. Justice for Larry!Copy !req
491. Stop suppressing the vote!Copy !req
492. Stop suppressing the vote!Copy !req
493. Larry, care to comment
on the trial?Copy !req
494. - Can you hear the crowd? Yeah.
- Yes.Copy !req
495. Any comment? Larry.Copy !req
496. Stop suppressing the vote.Copy !req
497. Stop voter suppression!Copy !req
498. Stop— Hold on.
Stop suppressing the vote.Copy !req
499. Stop voter suppression!Copy !req
500. - What are you doing?
- What do you mean
what am I doing?Copy !req
501. What are you doing?Copy !req
502. - I can't sit
this one out, Larry.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
503. Election Integrity Act?
It's bullshit.Copy !req
504. They're stealing votes.Copy !req
505. Yeah. You're stealing
the spotlight.Copy !req
506. By the way,
why are you telling everybodyCopy !req
507. that Cheryl
doesn't like Mexican food?Copy !req
508. Telling everybody?
What, are you kidding?Copy !req
509. I told one person, and so what?Copy !req
510. It's not your story
to tell, Larry.Copy !req
511. There's no story.
It's not a story.Copy !req
512. - What's the shame
in not liking Mexican food?
- Just keep—Copy !req
513. - Keep your voice down.
- Why is that bad?Copy !req
514. Larry, we gotta go. We gotta go.Copy !req
515. - Good luck in there.
- Yeah.Copy !req
516. Hi, Mr. Danson.Copy !req
517. - Stop suppressing the vote.
- Stop voter suppression!Copy !req
518. - Earl.
- Morning, Counsel.Copy !req
519. Captain.Copy !req
520. Oh, my God.
Will you look at this?Copy !req
521. No coasters.Copy !req
522. They want you
to respect the law,Copy !req
523. but the law
doesn't respect wood.Copy !req
524. You see the irony there?Copy !req
525. Hey.Copy !req
526. Oh, hey.Copy !req
527. All rise. The honorable
Judge Whittaker presiding.Copy !req
528. Take your seats.Copy !req
529. Ready for
your opening statements?Copy !req
530. I am, Your Honor.Copy !req
531. Counselor, you may proceed.Copy !req
532. My grandfather...Copy !req
533. told me we are
a country of laws.Copy !req
534. That's all we are.Copy !req
535. You may not like
the Election Integrity Act,Copy !req
536. but that's not the point.Copy !req
537. Larry David broke the law.Copy !req
538. He's gonna admit that to youCopy !req
539. and I'm gonna bring up
a number of witnessesCopy !req
540. who are gonna show you
a pattern.Copy !req
541. It's not a very nice pattern.Copy !req
542. Because Larry David
doesn't respect the law.Copy !req
543. He lives outside.Copy !req
544. Unrestrained by the guardrails
of human decency.Copy !req
545. If we lived
by Larry David's code,Copy !req
546. you know what we'd have?Copy !req
547. Anarchy.
Who'd like anarchy here?Copy !req
548. He'd love it.Copy !req
549. Because that man wants
to burn it all down.Copy !req
550. I don't know
where he gets that from.Copy !req
551. Now, we have to dig deep
and ask ourselves todayCopy !req
552. whether or not this man
deserves the rightCopy !req
553. to walk freely among good,
decent, respectable peopleCopy !req
554. like you and me.Copy !req
555. Thank you, Counselor.Copy !req
556. Larry, you fucked!Copy !req
557. Shut the fuck up.Copy !req
558. - This motherfucker's good.
- Ms. Sanders?Copy !req
559. Yes, Judge.Copy !req
560. Did Larry David break the law?
Of course, he did.Copy !req
561. And yes, Larry is the one
who's on trial here.Copy !req
562. But Larry David is not the one
who should be on trial.Copy !req
563. It is this unconscionable,Copy !req
564. inhumane law
that should be on trial.Copy !req
565. You can't give
another human being waterCopy !req
566. on a hot day?Copy !req
567. The district attorney will say
he broke the law.Copy !req
568. Case closed. Simple as that.Copy !req
569. But what if the law said
that Black peopleCopy !req
570. have to ride
in the back of the busCopy !req
571. or that Jewish people have
to wear stars on their clothes?Copy !req
572. We know this law
is wrong.Copy !req
573. Its only purpose is
to scare people off from voting.Copy !req
574. It is an insult
to democracyCopy !req
575. and it goes against everything
the Bible tells us,Copy !req
576. what our parents taught us.Copy !req
577. Ask yourself this...Copy !req
578. what would Jesus doCopy !req
579. if he saw a line of people
sweltering in the heat,Copy !req
580. crying out for water?Copy !req
581. Would you convict Jesus?Copy !req
582. I think we all know
the answer to that.Copy !req
583. And if you
wouldn't convict Jesus...Copy !req
584. Ha!Copy !req
585. then you can't convict Larry.Copy !req
586. Thank you.Copy !req
587. Thank you, Ms. Sanders.Copy !req
588. - Hey.
- We got 'em.Copy !req
589. Good job.Copy !req
590. Is the state ready
to call its first witness?Copy !req
591. The state calls Joe Boccabella.Copy !req
592. Who's Joe Boccabella?Copy !req
593. Oh, my God.Copy !req
594. That's not Joe Boccabella.
That's Mocha Joe.Copy !req
595. Mr. Boccabella,
I understand at one point,Copy !req
596. you were in the coffee business?Copy !req
597. Yes, I was.
It was called Mocha Joe's.Copy !req
598. Maybe you heard of it.Copy !req
599. Ever have
a problem with anybody?Copy !req
600. Not really. Normal stuff.Copy !req
601. Until one day
Larry David came in.Copy !req
602. Could you tell us what happened?Copy !req
603. He started complaining,Copy !req
604. my scones were like muffins,
too soft...Copy !req
605. Yeah. They were soft.Copy !req
606. my tables were wobbly,
and that my coffee was cold,Copy !req
607. which it was not.Copy !req
608. - Objection, Your Honor.
Relevance.
- No. Which it was. It was cold.Copy !req
609. - Goes to motivation, Your Honor.
- I'll allow it.Copy !req
610. And it ended there?Copy !req
611. I wish. He came back in
and he said he was opening upCopy !req
612. - what he called The Spite Store.
- Oh, here we go.Copy !req
613. A coffee shop, right next doorCopy !req
614. to my store, Mocha Joe's.Copy !req
615. He was trying to put me
out of business.Copy !req
616. This almost
sounds fantastical.Copy !req
617. It got even worse.Copy !req
618. I got a call
in the middle of the nightCopy !req
619. that Mocha Joe's was on fire.Copy !req
620. And when I got there,
he was standing there,Copy !req
621. watching my beans burn.Copy !req
622. What did you do?Copy !req
623. - He burned my beans!
- I didn't burn your beans!Copy !req
624. You burned my beans.Copy !req
625. Joey Funkhouser started
that fireCopy !req
626. with his big new penis.Copy !req
627. Mr. David, shut your mouthCopy !req
628. or I'll have my bailiff
do it for you.Copy !req
629. What's he gonna do?
Hit me?Copy !req
630. What are you gonna do?Copy !req
631. State would like to call
Matsue Takahashi.Copy !req
632. Mr. Takahashi,
could you please tell the juryCopy !req
633. what your occupation is?Copy !req
634. I own the golf club.Copy !req
635. How were Larry David's
interactionsCopy !req
636. - with the other members?
- Oh, he's always disgruntled.Copy !req
637. And, also, he never say fore
when he hit the ball.Copy !req
638. One time,
he hit a member in the backCopy !req
639. with a golf ball.Copy !req
640. - Oh, my God!
- Hey, what the fuck?Copy !req
641. And I understand
there was an incidentCopy !req
642. involving some wildlife
at the club?Copy !req
643. Oh, yes.Copy !req
644. He killed...Copy !req
645. - Hey! Hey! Hey!
- ... my beautiful black swan,
Yoko.Copy !req
646. Hey!Copy !req
647. The swan attacked me!Copy !req
648. It was kill or be killed.Copy !req
649. - You're a murderer. Murderer!
- It was self-defense.Copy !req
650. Order!Copy !req
651. The state is honoredCopy !req
652. to call Lieutenant Colonel
Alexander Vindman.Copy !req
653. Lieutenant Colonel Vindman,
I understand you haveCopy !req
654. a long history
of uncovering corruption.Copy !req
655. I reported
President Donald TrumpCopy !req
656. when he was sitting president
and he attempted to extort,Copy !req
657. in a quid pro quo,
President Zelenskyy,Copy !req
658. who's now fighting
a war against Russia,Copy !req
659. and President Trump
ended up being impeached.Copy !req
660. I continue to expose corruption
wherever I find it,Copy !req
661. and I will not tolerate
corruptionCopy !req
662. from Trump, Putin,
or Larry David.Copy !req
663. Come on.Copy !req
664. Trump, Putin, and Larry David?Copy !req
665. That's an unusual combination.Copy !req
666. I overheard Larry David
attempting to bribeCopy !req
667. a Santa Monica
city councilwoman.Copy !req
668. It was a perfect call.Copy !req
669. A perfect call.Copy !req
670. Vindman, Takahashi,Copy !req
671. they fly all the way out here
to do that?Copy !req
672. They fly to Atlanta?Copy !req
673. I don't know.
What are we gonna do?Copy !req
674. What am I gonna do?
This is looking bad.Copy !req
675. Well, if I think of something,
I'll let you know.Copy !req
676. I gotta get going.Copy !req
677. Tomorrow's my anniversaryCopy !req
678. and Susie made these
big dinner plans for us tonight,Copy !req
679. fancy restaurant.Copy !req
680. And you know what?
I gotta get her a gift.Copy !req
681. I don't even know
what the fuck to get her.Copy !req
682. Another one? You just got her
a birthday gift.Copy !req
683. I know. Yes.Copy !req
684. She loved that—
She loved that salad dressing.Copy !req
685. Couldn't get the recipe
from Auntie Rae.Copy !req
686. - That'd be a good gift.
- Yeah. That's a great gift.Copy !req
687. I know,
but she's not gonna give it out.Copy !req
688. She said no.Copy !req
689. I'm gonna give it
a little bit of a try.Copy !req
690. What are you talking about?
- Watch a man in action.Copy !req
691. Hey, there. It's Rae's.
How may I help you?Copy !req
692. My name is Journey Gunderson.Copy !req
693. My wife is in the hospitalCopy !req
694. because of the dressing
on your salad.Copy !req
695. Oh, my goodness.
Oh, my goodness.Copy !req
696. There are numerous doctorsCopy !req
697. and we need to know
what's in that dressing.Copy !req
698. Mr. Gunderson, we never give
that recipe out, sir.Copy !req
699. You need to let us know.Copy !req
700. Oh, that's her.
She's in so much pain.Copy !req
701. Ah!
Journey!Copy !req
702. The doctors need to know
the specific ingredients.Copy !req
703. Journey!
- I'm— I'm— I'm—Copy !req
704. I'm sorry. Mr. McGunderman,
is that your wife?Copy !req
705. That was Karen Gunderson.Copy !req
706. She's all catawampus.Copy !req
707. - I'm sorry. All kind of what?
- Catawampus.Copy !req
708. Wampus? What the heck is wampus,
Mr. Gurney Manunderson?Copy !req
709. Hang in there.Copy !req
710. Uh, Karen Gunderson,Copy !req
711. honey, me and your husband,
Gurney Germerny,Copy !req
712. we gon' get you better, baby.Copy !req
713. Now, listen here.
It's a tablespoon of vinegar.Copy !req
714. One tablespoon vinegar.Copy !req
715. And I use, yeah, three teaspoonsCopy !req
716. - of the olive oil.
- Yeah.Copy !req
717. And some clove garlic.Copy !req
718. And I use a half a teaspoon
of Dijon mustard, a dollop...Copy !req
719. What is this?Copy !req
720. Auntie Rae's salad dressing.
Auntie Rae's salad dressing.Copy !req
721. Aw, that is so thoughtful.
How'd you get this?Copy !req
722. Love finds a way.Copy !req
723. Oh, baby doll.Copy !req
724. But, wait. There's more.Copy !req
725. - More? More?
- Oh, more.Copy !req
726. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Happy anniversary.Copy !req
727. - What is this?
- What? What— What is this?Copy !req
728. It's a recipe.Copy !req
729. - Oh, the recipe!
- It's the recipe
for the salad dressing.Copy !req
730. - You got the recipe.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
731. - How did you get
the fucking recipe?
- It's the recipe.Copy !req
732. This is the best gift
you've ever given.Copy !req
733. Better than any kind
of poem or sonnet.Copy !req
734. You're the best husband
in the whole world.Copy !req
735. What about this young manCopy !req
736. - from Chicago, huh?
- Mm-hmm. Oh, I love this.Copy !req
737. Look at this.Copy !req
738. - Oh. Hi, Leon.
- Oh, boy.
Look who's here.Copy !req
739. - You know what it is.
- Yeah, what?Copy !req
740. That motherfucking Seinfeld,
man.Copy !req
741. I've been catching up
on that shit.Copy !req
742. Binge watching
that bullshit, man.Copy !req
743. Oh, yeah? What do you—
What do you think?Copy !req
744. Man, this goddamn Kramer, man,
he's too much, man.Copy !req
745. Walk into your fucking house
unannounced and shit.Copy !req
746. - Yeah.
- You might as well take off
the fucking doorCopy !req
747. and put a fucking saloon door
on that bitch.Copy !req
748. You know what I'm saying?Copy !req
749. This motherfucker
just walking in when he want to.Copy !req
750. So what's gonna happen today?Copy !req
751. Is it gonna be better
than yesterday?Copy !req
752. 'Cause yesterday was a disaster.Copy !req
753. - I mean, a disaster.
- Yeah.Copy !req
754. I think this judge really
has it in for me.Copy !req
755. He really does.Copy !req
756. - What's it gonna be?
- I don't know.Copy !req
757. Anything you could do about it?
What? What?Copy !req
758. - I don't know.
- You know what you need?Copy !req
759. - Sympathy.
- Oh, really?Copy !req
760. Let me tell you a little story
about Horsecock Williams.Copy !req
761. This motherfucker's always
in trouble.Copy !req
762. Always in fucking court.Copy !req
763. Know what he fucking does?Copy !req
764. He'll come in the courtroom
in a wheelchair.Copy !req
765. And he rolls in there slow
and fucking shaking and shit.Copy !req
766. Everybody's like,
"Oh, my God. That poor man."Copy !req
767. The judge is touched.
The bailiff is touched.Copy !req
768. Sketch artist
is fucking bawling so badCopy !req
769. that the sketch is blurry.Copy !req
770. And that motherfucker wins
every fucking time.Copy !req
771. This motherfucker wins.Copy !req
772. He is a sympathy snatcher.Copy !req
773. Wow.Copy !req
774. Horsecock is fucking amazing.Copy !req
775. He had an idea about
getting wheelchair hookers,Copy !req
776. put 'em out on the street
and shit. You know what I mean?Copy !req
777. Have you ever had sex
with a woman in a wheelchair?
'Cause I have.Copy !req
778. Have you ever tapped some ass
on crutches?Copy !req
779. You ever crutch fuck?Copy !req
780. That's like fucking an animalCopy !req
781. 'cause the crutches
are an extra set of legs.Copy !req
782. Shit. Break that ass off, huh?Copy !req
783. Wheelchair hookers,Copy !req
784. there's a market
for every fucking thing.Copy !req
785. He always had great ideas
and shit.Copy !req
786. Motherfucker's innovative.
Horsecock is fucking amazing.Copy !req
787. Day two of the trial is underway
and it's up to the juryCopy !req
788. to decide
what kind of man Larry David is.Copy !req
789. We're expecting even more
witnesses from the prosecution.Copy !req
790. Free Larry. Free Larry.Copy !req
791. Jurors, I wanna remind youCopy !req
792. not to discuss
this case with anyoneCopy !req
793. until deliberations begin.Copy !req
794. You'll have an opportunity
to deliberate—Copy !req
795. Get your fucking hands off me.Copy !req
796. I got it. I got it.
I'm fine. I'm not helpless.Copy !req
797. Oh, my God. Look at this.
She came, she came.Copy !req
798. - Oh, you're here.
- What is going on?Copy !req
799. - Honey. You came.
- Yeah.Copy !req
800. - I'm here.
- Look, look, look, look.Copy !req
801. Honey's here.Copy !req
802. Why didn't you tell me?
I would've carried you
up the steps.Copy !req
803. - It's fine. It's fine.
- Oh.Copy !req
804. Oh, oh, oh.Copy !req
805. Such a brave girl.
Oh, my God, what a surprise.Copy !req
806. Who is that?Copy !req
807. Just go with it.Copy !req
808. Are you through?
May we continue?Copy !req
809. I'm sorry, Your Honor.
My sweetheart just arrived.Copy !req
810. She got hit by a bus
a few months agoCopy !req
811. and she was lying on the ground,
I rushed over.Copy !req
812. I gave her
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.Copy !req
813. And I carried her to my car.
Not that easy.Copy !req
814. Took her to the hospital,
we fell in loveCopy !req
815. and I moved to Pacoima
to be with her.Copy !req
816. And look at her, the poor thing.Copy !req
817. I saved her life.
Tell— Tell him I saved—Copy !req
818. You just told him.Copy !req
819. - Yeah, we're in love.
- Yeah.Copy !req
820. He's great.
He's a... He's a wonderful man.Copy !req
821. And the... the animals...Copy !req
822. - Oh, oh! Oh.
- Oh, yeah.Copy !req
823. - He works in an animal shelter.
- The animal shelter. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
824. - And the kids...
- And, uh— Oh, the disable—Copy !req
825. - He works with disabled kids.
- Disabled kids.Copy !req
826. Oh, he walks in, "Larry's here!"Copy !req
827. They'd all jump up
if they could jump.Copy !req
828. All right, enough. Uh, please.Copy !req
829. Uh, prosecution, you got
any more witnesses to call?Copy !req
830. Yes. We would like to call, uh,Copy !req
831. witness Rachel Heineman, please.Copy !req
832. Could you please state
your name for the record?Copy !req
833. Rachel Raheli Shuli
Hamda Sarala Heineman.Copy !req
834. And how do you know
the defendant?Copy !req
835. I was unfortunate enough to be
on a ski lift with the accused.Copy !req
836. And for some reason,Copy !req
837. Hashem decided
to stop the ski liftCopy !req
838. as shkiyat hachamah,
that's sundown,Copy !req
839. was approaching,
and as a woman,Copy !req
840. I'm not allowed
to be with a man after sundown.Copy !req
841. So I informed him...Copy !req
842. Somebody's gonna have to jump.Copy !req
843. - To which he said...
- What, are you fucking nuts?Copy !req
844. And so I was forced...Copy !req
845. to jump 45 feet.Copy !req
846. I broke both my knees,
my ankles.Copy !req
847. I put together a little diagram.Copy !req
848. I'm still traumatized.Copy !req
849. Yeah.Copy !req
850. Larry David pissed on a portrait
of Jesus Christ in my home.Copy !req
851. What?Copy !req
852. He tinkled on it.Copy !req
853. - He sprayed Jesus.
- Oh!Copy !req
854. And not just a little.Copy !req
855. He came to our restaurant.
He screamed.Copy !req
856. Larry David is a sad seniorCopy !req
857. with long balls
and mental issues.Copy !req
858. You've seen the big piles
of shoes in a Holocaust museum.Copy !req
859. What kind of monster
takes some of those shoesCopy !req
860. out of there and wears them?Copy !req
861. Who can do that?Copy !req
862. What kind of guy is Larry David?Copy !req
863. He's the kind of man
who carelessly,Copy !req
864. maybe even maliciously,
had me drink from his glassCopy !req
865. and gave me COVID.Copy !req
866. He gave me COVID.Copy !req
867. - Bullshit.
- Ruining the biggest night of myCopy !req
868. and some of my fans' lives.Copy !req
869. And he doesn't give a damn.Copy !req
870. And I still can't smell
a fucking thing.Copy !req
871. State would like to callCopy !req
872. - Tara Michaelson.
- Who's that?Copy !req
873. - I don't know.
- Ms. Michaelson,Copy !req
874. how many years of therapy
have you had?Copy !req
875. I started therapy
when I was about nine.Copy !req
876. So, um, 21 years.Copy !req
877. And is there
one particular incident?Copy !req
878. When I was
about eight years old,Copy !req
879. I went with my parents
to a movie premiere.Copy !req
880. And right before
the movie started,Copy !req
881. I went by myself
to the women's restroom.Copy !req
882. And I found
Larry standing there.Copy !req
883. - Hello.
- Thank you
for fixing Judy's hair.Copy !req
884. Oh, you're welcome.Copy !req
885. He gave me a hug.Copy !req
886. Mommy! Mommy!
That bald man's in the bathroomCopy !req
887. and there's something hard
in his pants.Copy !req
888. Thank you, Ms. Michaelson.Copy !req
889. I believe the prosecution rests,
Your Honor.Copy !req
890. The defense will now call
their first witness, please.Copy !req
891. Yes, Your Honor,
I'd like to call Rae Black.Copy !req
892. That's my auntie right there.Copy !req
893. She carries candy in her bra.
If we're all lucky,Copy !req
894. we're gonna get
some of that titty-taffy.Copy !req
895. I'm so glad she's here.
So far, it's been a disaster.Copy !req
896. It was supposed to be so easy.Copy !req
897. Now, it's all gone catawampus.Copy !req
898. - What was that?
- Ah!Copy !req
899. What is happening?Copy !req
900. Mrs. Black,
Larry David gave you waterCopy !req
901. on that hot day.Copy !req
902. But it's not the first time
he took care of you.Copy !req
903. He took you and your family
in after Hurricane Katrina.Copy !req
904. Well, his wife did.Copy !req
905. But you did live with him
for quite some time.Copy !req
906. It's true.Copy !req
907. Long enough for him
to use the N-word around me.Copy !req
908. He did that shit.Copy !req
909. - What?
- And long enough for himCopy !req
910. to hug me and have a hard-on,
an erection that heCopy !req
911. - was rubbing all up against me.
- We don't need
to talk about that.Copy !req
912. And the last time I saw him,Copy !req
913. he was carting around
a Black lawn jockey.Copy !req
914. - Move to strike, Your Honor.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
915. - That's her witness, Your Honor.
- Denied. It's your witness,Copy !req
916. you're stuck
with the answers she give.Copy !req
917. Why is she doing this
to you, Larr?Copy !req
918. And another thing.Copy !req
919. No, no, no.
No further questions.Copy !req
920. Thank you, Ms. Sanders.Copy !req
921. What the hell?Copy !req
922. You sons of bitches. It was you!Copy !req
923. I know it was you,
Bernie Bonderman,Copy !req
924. and you, Karen Bonderman,Copy !req
925. trying to steal my recipe.Copy !req
926. - How could you?
- You stole that recipe, Jeff?Copy !req
927. No.Copy !req
928. - You stole the recipe?
- No, I didn't—Copy !req
929. Fuck you, Larry David.Copy !req
930. - Ms. Black—
- And fuck
your monkey ass-friend...Copy !req
931. - Miss—
- ... Bashiba Munderman.Copy !req
932. Ms. Black, I will have order
in this court.Copy !req
933. You know what, fuck it!Copy !req
934. You lying piece of shit, Jeff.Copy !req
935. That is the lowest form
of anything I've ever heard.Copy !req
936. Stealing a fucking
anniversary gift.Copy !req
937. Take that recipe, Jeff,Copy !req
938. and shove it up
your fat fucking ass.Copy !req
939. Oh, my God. She's walking.Copy !req
940. She's walking!Copy !req
941. It's a miracle. It's a—
Look, it's just a miracle.Copy !req
942. How did she do it?
I can't even believe it.Copy !req
943. - Walking.
- Order.Copy !req
944. - She's walking. Oh. Oh.
- Mr. David.Copy !req
945. - Mr. David.
- Oh. She's walking.Copy !req
946. That's enough,
Mr. David.Copy !req
947. Pick this up tomorrow.Copy !req
948. This day is over.Copy !req
949. Massive protests outside
the Atlanta courthouse today,Copy !req
950. - including multiple
Emmy-winning actor Ted Danson.
- Stop voter suppression!Copy !req
951. These are a little tight.Copy !req
952. There you go. Freedom to vote.Copy !req
953. - Maybe Ted Danson gives a damn
about democracy...
- Yeah.Copy !req
954. that's why people love him.Copy !req
955. That's why people respect him.
Mika...Copy !req
956. - I know.
- That's why the guy's my hero.Copy !req
957. - Yeah. He's an amazing actor.
- Oh, I love you, guys.Copy !req
958. No, no, don't,
don't touch the hair.Copy !req
959. What if Ted Danson had given
that woman in the line water,Copy !req
960. instead of Larry David?Copy !req
961. I think everything
would be different, right?Copy !req
962. Larr!
Yeah.
Likability, certainly...Copy !req
963. - Hey, you made it. Oh!
- Look at you. Oh, my God.Copy !req
964. - Hey.
- Oh, my God.Copy !req
965. It's a bottle of water.
I mean, it's not your fault.Copy !req
966. - Exactly. I didn't do anything.
- Pure, decent human beingCopy !req
967. is all you're trying to be.Copy !req
968. - Let that be a lesson to me.
- Right.Copy !req
969. So, how are you getting
through this?Copy !req
970. You're sitting in court all day?Copy !req
971. - Yeah.
- Well, what do you think about?Copy !req
972. - Let me give you a hypothetical.
- Okay.Copy !req
973. Suppose you're friends
with someoneCopy !req
974. - who's in the circus.
- Sure.Copy !req
975. - He knows
the bearded lady very well.
- Okay.Copy !req
976. And you go to the performance
at the Garden, he says,Copy !req
977. "Hey, the bearded lady's having
a little shindig,Copy !req
978. - why don't you join us?"
- A little get-together.Copy !req
979. You go to
the bearded lady's apartment.Copy !req
980. - It's a normal apartment.
- Nothing freakish.Copy !req
981. - No, nothing freakish at all.
- Yeah.Copy !req
982. You wouldn't know you were
in a freak's apartment.Copy !req
983. - No.
- Okay.Copy !req
984. Now, you see this picture.Copy !req
985. - This gorgeous woman.
- Yeah.Copy !req
986. And your friend says to you,
"That's the bearded lady."Copy !req
987. - She has no beard.
- Clean-shaven bearded lady.Copy !req
988. She's quitting the circus.
She's got a big crush on you.Copy !req
989. - Really?
- She'd love to go out with you.Copy !req
990. - She's gonna start shaving.
- Really?Copy !req
991. - But at the party
when we're there...
- At the party.Copy !req
992. - ... she's got the beard on.
- She's got the beard on.Copy !req
993. - Rabbinical?
- Very rabbinical.Copy !req
994. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah. Wow.Copy !req
995. Yeah. Any interest?Copy !req
996. - She's sexy.
- Everything.Copy !req
997. - Charming.
- Got it all.Copy !req
998. - Wow.
- The kind of womanCopy !req
999. - you used to dream about...
- Yeah.Copy !req
1000. - ... when you were a teenager.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1001. - Fly in the ointment, though.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1002. And this is a big fly,
and he's alive.Copy !req
1003. What's the worst
that could happen?Copy !req
1004. The worst that could happen
is it's a paper napkin...Copy !req
1005. and she wipes her mouth,Copy !req
1006. and, uh, there's some—
part of it snags.Copy !req
1007. Is there
a Fred Flintstone kind of line?Copy !req
1008. - No, there's no line.
- No line?Copy !req
1009. No, there's no line.
She gets a good shave.Copy !req
1010. - Electric or blade?
- Blade. She shaves every day.Copy !req
1011. But at the end of the day,
she's five o'clock shadow lady.Copy !req
1012. She'll shave twice a day
for you.Copy !req
1013. What if I happen
to be home at 4:30?Copy !req
1014. Guess who's on the ledge.Copy !req
1015. Today, Larry David
will take the stand,Copy !req
1016. and he will get a chance
to explainCopy !req
1017. his motivations on election day.Copy !req
1018. And defend himself
from the accusationsCopy !req
1019. hurled at him
by yesterday's witnesses.Copy !req
1020. Larry David...Copy !req
1021. Mr. David has got
his work cut out for him,Copy !req
1022. the picture that's been painted
by the prosecution so farCopy !req
1023. is that of a petty, conniving,
and, frankly,Copy !req
1024. spiteful man.Copy !req
1025. And how hot was it
that day?Copy !req
1026. - It was a scorcher.
- Mm.Copy !req
1027. Even I was sweating,
and let me tell you something,Copy !req
1028. I don't sweat,
it's the craziest thing.Copy !req
1029. Like I could be playing
basketball in the summer,Copy !req
1030. I won't sweat.Copy !req
1031. You know,
occasionally for some reason,Copy !req
1032. I'll sweat during intercourse
sometimes, which is odd.Copy !req
1033. - You know, all of a sudden,
"Oh, I'm sweating!" You know?
- He needs to stop talking.Copy !req
1034. And how long
was the line to vote?Copy !req
1035. It was really long.Copy !req
1036. All those people
having to wait in the hot sun.Copy !req
1037. No trees.Copy !req
1038. No grass.Copy !req
1039. And was there any shade?Copy !req
1040. No shade.Copy !req
1041. I know I speak
for Ms. Black and all of usCopy !req
1042. when I say thank you
for your actions.Copy !req
1043. Oh, God bless you.Copy !req
1044. And may God bless us all.Copy !req
1045. - Yes. Yes.
- Thank you, Ms. Sanders.Copy !req
1046. - Prosecution, you got a cross?
- Yes, Your Honor.Copy !req
1047. Proceed.Copy !req
1048. Let's talk about laws,
Mr. David.Copy !req
1049. Do you ever remember
taking anythingCopy !req
1050. that didn't belong to you?Copy !req
1051. You ever remember
stealing anything?Copy !req
1052. - No. No.
- No?Copy !req
1053. - You don't remember
taking flowers...
- No.Copy !req
1054. - ... from a dead woman's...
- No.Copy !req
1055. memorial?Copy !req
1056. Oh, that? Well...Copy !req
1057. Do you remember taking
a golf club out of a coffin?Copy !req
1058. It was my 5-wood.Copy !req
1059. You pried the club
out of a dead man's hand?Copy !req
1060. Okay. So you know
when you get attached to a club,Copy !req
1061. you don't wanna give it up
even if it's in a coffin?Copy !req
1062. Well, that was that 5-wood
for me.Copy !req
1063. Did you ever bribe
a city councilman?Copy !req
1064. Do you remember breaking in
to the houseCopy !req
1065. of the head of the city councilCopy !req
1066. in order to take a letter
from Mr. VindmanCopy !req
1067. that incriminated you?Copy !req
1068. Ladies and gentlemen,
Larry David underminesCopy !req
1069. our free and fair elections.Copy !req
1070. He is exactly
who the Election Integrity ActCopy !req
1071. was built to protect us from.Copy !req
1072. - Objection, Your Honor.
- Overruled.Copy !req
1073. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1074. Let's go back
to the year 2000,Copy !req
1075. if we could, please.Copy !req
1076. Larry David, this is
from the Los Angeles Times.Copy !req
1077. It's an obituary written by you.Copy !req
1078. Could you read it
to the jury please, sir?Copy !req
1079. "Devoted sister, beloved cunt."Copy !req
1080. Huh?Copy !req
1081. It's a typo. Don't you see?Copy !req
1082. It's a typo.Copy !req
1083. The fact is...Copy !req
1084. I've heard that she actually
was a bit of a cunt.Copy !req
1085. But that's still no excuseCopy !req
1086. to put that in a newspaper.Copy !req
1087. I have no further questions.Copy !req
1088. Thank you, Counselor.Copy !req
1089. - I've talked to Larry
about Seinfeld and shit.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1090. So...Copy !req
1091. my question is,
where the fuck are the tapes at?Copy !req
1092. - Tapes?
- Larr— The tapes.Copy !req
1093. Larry won't give that shit up.
The tapes.Copy !req
1094. - What tapes?
- The fuck tapes.Copy !req
1095. You know what the fuck
I'm talking about.Copy !req
1096. - No, I don't.
- Every week,Copy !req
1097. you getting new ass, right?Copy !req
1098. Every fucking show...Copy !req
1099. - Mm-hmm.
- ... you meet some new chick.Copy !req
1100. - Well.
- And I know you fucking.Copy !req
1101. - You probably fucking people.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
1102. I did. I did. I had 'em all.Copy !req
1103. - Of course, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1104. - Come on.
- And it's all on tape.Copy !req
1105. I don't know how you knew.Copy !req
1106. I figured that shit out,
that's why.Copy !req
1107. Yeah. Yeah.
But they're on laser disc.Copy !req
1108. - Oh!
- Do you have a player?Copy !req
1109. - Fuck me, man.
- Yeah, sorry.Copy !req
1110. - No way to convert that shit
to something else?
- Yeah. No.Copy !req
1111. That's a shame.
It's 13 unbelievable hours.Copy !req
1112. - What a fucking waste, man.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1113. I might sell it to Netflix.Copy !req
1114. But it doesn't change the factCopy !req
1115. that this law
is unconstitutional.Copy !req
1116. Yes, Larry David
did a lot of things wrong.Copy !req
1117. But this time,
he did something right.Copy !req
1118. And now,Copy !req
1119. you have the opportunity
to do something right too.Copy !req
1120. Thank you.Copy !req
1121. - Look at her.
- Terrific.Copy !req
1122. Thank you, Counselor.Copy !req
1123. Mr. Mack.Copy !req
1124. - Yes, Your Honor.
- Wow. That was great.Copy !req
1125. I know some of you
may not like this law.Copy !req
1126. But he broke it.Copy !req
1127. And this is
an incredible opportunityCopy !req
1128. to put away somebody before
they hurt other good people.Copy !req
1129. We are just scratching
the surface of the depthsCopy !req
1130. that this monster will go to.Copy !req
1131. There's a police report
that existsCopy !req
1132. stating that Larry David
would not give candyCopy !req
1133. - to children on Halloween.
- Trick or treat.Copy !req
1134. I don't— I don't think so.Copy !req
1135. - God, asshole! Fuck you.
- Thanks for nothing, asshole.Copy !req
1136. He broke into a graveyard
to move his mother's body.Copy !req
1137. - This is nice.
- Oh, yeah?Copy !req
1138. He brought a sex offender
to a Passover seder.Copy !req
1139. He ate a dying dog's last meal.Copy !req
1140. Oh, that is really good.Copy !req
1141. And he fornicated...Copy !req
1142. with a blowup doll
in broad daylight.Copy !req
1143. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1144. I made you a pillow sham.Copy !req
1145. - He taught a child
how to make a swastika.
- What the...Copy !req
1146. What was his name again,
Larry?Copy !req
1147. Hitler?Copy !req
1148. - Get in the car.
- He hired a prostituteCopy !req
1149. so that he could drive
in the carpool lane.Copy !req
1150. I had sex with my uncle.Copy !req
1151. And he pretended
to be an incest survivor...Copy !req
1152. named Todd.Copy !req
1153. This man was asked to go
to a dinner and just be cordialCopy !req
1154. and he couldn't even do that, folks.Copy !req
1155. He couldn't even be cordial.Copy !req
1156. Good people,
you have one decision to make.Copy !req
1157. I trust you'll make
the right one.Copy !req
1158. Thank you, Mr. Mack.Copy !req
1159. Jury will now begin
their deliberations.Copy !req
1160. All rise.Copy !req
1161. Court is adjourned.Copy !req
1162. How you feeling?Copy !req
1163. Confident.Copy !req
1164. Jerry. Jerry Seinfeld.Copy !req
1165. - Oh, my word. Sorry, man.
- Hey, how you doing?Copy !req
1166. Can I have two seconds
of your time, please?Copy !req
1167. I can't. I'm having dinner
with my friends.Copy !req
1168. My name's Michael Fouchay.Copy !req
1169. I'm actually
a legitimate businessman.Copy !req
1170. - I run Fouchay Enterprises.
- All right.Copy !req
1171. You might have heard of us.Copy !req
1172. - We own several businesses.
- I have not,
but I like the accent.Copy !req
1173. - South African?
- Yes.Copy !req
1174. - Yeah, I like that accent.
- I'm amazed you recognize it.Copy !req
1175. - Yeah, I do.
- Thank you.Copy !req
1176. I mean, I think accents
in general are moronic.Copy !req
1177. - Right.
- Why don't you talk the way
we talk?Copy !req
1178. You're here. You can hear it.Copy !req
1179. Listen, my brother's
having a birthday.Copy !req
1180. He's turning 40.
I've got a lovely house.Copy !req
1181. No one ever turned 40 before.
Yeah, go ahead.Copy !req
1182. You come, you smile,
take a few photos,Copy !req
1183. shake a few hands,
just be cordial.Copy !req
1184. Yeah. Can't do it.Copy !req
1185. - Why not?
- Can't be cordial.Copy !req
1186. Um... Uh...Copy !req
1187. - Uh, excuse me. No, I'm sorry.
- Oh. Excuse me. Pardon me.Copy !req
1188. - No, go ahead. No, I'm so sorry.
- So sorry. No, you go.Copy !req
1189. - No, go ahead.
- Hey, you know,
you look a lot like Joe Pesci.Copy !req
1190. - Anybody ever tell you that?
- Really?Copy !req
1191. - Yeah.
- You think I'm fucking funny?Copy !req
1192. - You think I'm a clown?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1193. Am I here
to make you fucking laugh?Copy !req
1194. Yeah, that's what he says
in the...Copy !req
1195. The jury has reached a verdictCopy !req
1196. in the trial of the people
of the state of GeorgiaCopy !req
1197. versus Larry David.Copy !req
1198. It's not about what this man
has done or the poor decisionsCopy !req
1199. he's made in the past,
it is about this heinousCopy !req
1200. and needlessly cruel law.Copy !req
1201. Huh?Copy !req
1202. - You're here?
- Hey, LD.Copy !req
1203. Don't worry.
I broke up with Cynthia.Copy !req
1204. Oh, jeez. Really?
That's too bad.Copy !req
1205. Yeah, well,
I'm a little worried.Copy !req
1206. - She bought a gun.
- She's gonna kill herself?Copy !req
1207. No. You.Copy !req
1208. That's funny.Copy !req
1209. It's not a joke.Copy !req
1210. Hey, man.Copy !req
1211. I binged
all those Seinfeld episodes.Copy !req
1212. Oh, yeah?Copy !req
1213. All I got left
is the fucking finale.Copy !req
1214. Wow.Copy !req
1215. Although, I heard
some terrible things about it.Copy !req
1216. I heard you fucked it up.Copy !req
1217. - All rise.
- Good luck today, man.Copy !req
1218. Ladies and gentlemen
of the jury,Copy !req
1219. - have you reached a verdict?
- We have, Your Honor.Copy !req
1220. I don't understand,
why does the judgeCopy !req
1221. have to peek at it?Copy !req
1222. Yeah, and I gotta see it,
and then ma— then you go back.Copy !req
1223. This makes no sense.Copy !req
1224. Yeah.
They can't make two copies?Copy !req
1225. On the charge of violating
the Election Integrity Act,Copy !req
1226. how do you find the defendant?Copy !req
1227. We find the defendant guilty.Copy !req
1228. - What?
- Oh, come on.Copy !req
1229. - This is a travesty of justice.
- Come on.Copy !req
1230. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1231. Mr. David,
seems you have a historyCopy !req
1232. of doing the same things wrong
over and over.Copy !req
1233. And I truly hope this time
you finally learned your lesson.Copy !req
1234. And to make sure of that,
I'm gonna sentence youCopy !req
1235. to the maximum the law allows.Copy !req
1236. One year in prison.Copy !req
1237. - What? Come on. Seriously?
- Larry, look.Copy !req
1238. When you get there,
get a job at the library.Copy !req
1239. No, I think the infirmary.Copy !req
1240. Maybe something
in reception.Copy !req
1241. "Hello, jail. Can I help you?"Copy !req
1242. Bailiff.Copy !req
1243. Take Mr. David into custody.Copy !req
1244. Hey, Larry. Don't worry.Copy !req
1245. I'm gonna take real, real
good care of that house of ours.Copy !req
1246. - Oh, my God.
- Bye, Larr.Copy !req
1247. Hey,
let me ask you something.Copy !req
1248. What do you do about,
you know, toothpasteCopy !req
1249. and shaving cream and Q-tips?Copy !req
1250. Is— Is there a store
or is it like a hotelCopy !req
1251. where they just leave it out
for you?Copy !req
1252. And can I bring
my own toilet paper?Copy !req
1253. Oh, and my phone charger.Copy !req
1254. Leon, Leon,
I need my phone charger.Copy !req
1255. - You don't got a charger.
- I loaned it to you.Copy !req
1256. - I gave it back.
- Bullshit! That's my charger!Copy !req
1257. I should probably go do
some interviews.Copy !req
1258. Where should we eat?Copy !req
1259. Hey. Look at this.Copy !req
1260. That happens to me too.Copy !req
1261. - What do you call that?
- It's a pants tent.Copy !req
1262. - Pants tent.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1263. I got a five-inch bunch up here.Copy !req
1264. You know something,Copy !req
1265. I stopped wearing corduroys
because of that.Copy !req
1266. Yeah, I'm wearing corduroys now.Copy !req
1267. Yeah, and women,Copy !req
1268. they don't know
what a pants tent is.Copy !req
1269. They— It could lead
to misunderstandings.Copy !req
1270. They get confused.Copy !req
1271. Hey.Copy !req
1272. Somebody's here to see you.Copy !req
1273. All right, Chuckles.
Let's get you out of here.Copy !req
1274. - What? Wait.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1275. What are you— What are you—
What are you talking about?Copy !req
1276. It's over.Copy !req
1277. - It's over?
- You're a free man.Copy !req
1278. - I'm a free man?
- That's right.Copy !req
1279. - How am I a free man?
- I'll tell you how.Copy !req
1280. You know that Mexican restaurant
near the hotel?Copy !req
1281. I go there
to get something to eat.Copy !req
1282. I don't even like Mexican food.Copy !req
1283. That's okay.
I won't tell anybody.Copy !req
1284. - What do I care?
- Well, some people care.Copy !req
1285. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1286. Anyway, there's this guy there,
looks like Joe Pesci.Copy !req
1287. So I go up to him,
talking to him.Copy !req
1288. I go you really look like PesciCopy !req
1289. - from Goodfellas.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1290. He goes, "Oh, what am I,
a clown for you?"Copy !req
1291. I go, "Ah, that's a Pesci line."Copy !req
1292. - Yeah, yeah.
- You know?Copy !req
1293. - He doesn't like that too much.
- Uh-huh.Copy !req
1294. Anyway, today in the courtroom,
I look in the jury box.Copy !req
1295. That's that guy. Same guy.Copy !req
1296. The hair, Pesci.Copy !req
1297. Yeah, yeah,
that's the guy in the jury.Copy !req
1298. - The juror. I know that guy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
1299. - The big pompadour. Yeah, yeah.
- With the hair.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
1300. He's not supposed to be
in a Mexican restaurantCopy !req
1301. because he's under sequester.Copy !req
1302. - He broke his sequester?
- Broke his sequester.Copy !req
1303. - He's supposed to sequester.
- He's supposed to sequester.Copy !req
1304. - He's a bad sequesterer.
- You can't not sequesterCopy !req
1305. - when you're supposed
to sequester, right?
- You should be sequestering.Copy !req
1306. Yeah. I tell the judge,
judge calls the restaurant,Copy !req
1307. they look
at the security footage.Copy !req
1308. Mistrial declared.
Sentence thrown out.Copy !req
1309. You're done.Copy !req
1310. How about that, sport fans?Copy !req
1311. Uh— I— Well, you know...
Come on.Copy !req
1312. - Ah!
- I mean, crazy.Copy !req
1313. You don't wanna end up
like this.Copy !req
1314. Nobody wants to see it.Copy !req
1315. Trust me.Copy !req
1316. Wow.Copy !req
1317. Breathe the free air, young man.Copy !req
1318. Yes.Copy !req
1319. Oh, my God.Copy !req
1320. This is how
we should've ended the finale.Copy !req
1321. Oh, my God, you're right.Copy !req
1322. How did we not think of that?Copy !req
1323. Ladies and gentlemen,
we've reached our cruising...Copy !req
1324. Wow.Copy !req
1325. - Yeah.
- Try that one.Copy !req
1326. - You know what?
- Yeah.Copy !req
1327. Handcuffs look tight
on that one.Copy !req
1328. They do. Did they hurt?Copy !req
1329. - Uh-uh.
- No?Copy !req
1330. Montgomery Clift.Copy !req
1331. - Whoo! Hey.
- Hey, what is that?Copy !req
1332. - I need it for the light.
I need it to read.
- The what? I'm—Copy !req
1333. I'm trying to read.
I can't see. You're blinding me.Copy !req
1334. Well, I need it to read.
I need—Copy !req
1335. Why don't you use
the overhead light?Copy !req
1336. Just let her keep the shade up.Copy !req
1337. I'm trying to watch a movie,
all I see is glare.Copy !req
1338. It's like I'm watching
a fucking radio right now.Copy !req
1339. My retinas are burning.Copy !req
1340. This is bullshit.
This is bullshit.Copy !req
1341. Cheryl and I want it open.Copy !req
1342. It's a community shade.
She doesn't own that shade.Copy !req
1343. - Go fuck yourself, Larr.
- We'll take a vote.Copy !req
1344. Go back to fucking jail, Larry.Copy !req
1345. - Oh, nice. That's nice.
- I vote with them.Copy !req
1346. - I vote with them.
- It's not your window.Copy !req