Curb Your Enthusiasm 11x7

1. Once in a lifetime, a politician comes along

2. who's not a politician,

3. And that man is here with us today.

4. Please welcome the next mayor of Santa Monica, Jimmy Mayhew!

5. Thank you for that very nice introduction, Susie.

6. You know, you can sit here,

7. but you can't go to Broadway when I'm selling out

8. show after show for ten weeks.

9. We have an obligation imbalance, okay?

10. 'Cause I don't do anything to invite you to,

11. but you do things to invite me to.

12. I offered you... I offered you opera seats.

13. You mean up there on the side, looking down?

14. The Mussolini view? Yeah, those are good.

15. No, I said, "Myoo-solini." You said, "Muss-olini."

16. No, it's not "Myoo-solini" like "muesli."

17. - It's not like a cereal. - No, it's like— I, I compare...

18. I confuse it with Mucilex. I take that for my coughs.

19. Now, as a resident of Santa Monica,

20. I wanna give everyone in Santa Monica

21. the ability to achieve higher education.

22. You never call me. You always pick the restaurants.

23. What are you— What are you— Are we married? I don't—

24. I don't understand. Am I dating you?

25. You hate people.

26. My wardrobe? You're talking about my wardrobe?

27. - Yeah, put this wardrobe down. - Look! Look at you.

28. - I'm one of the best-dressed... - You're the worst—

29. This? You're comparing this—

30. When are you gonna die? Will you just...

31. - Will you, will you please die? - Don't hex my— Don't hex my—

32. As you know, we have an election coming up.

33. And the incumbent, Jay Reimenschneider,

34. entered the office of mayor with great aspirations,

35. but he failed to deliver for the people of Santa Monica.

36. - I will not fail. I have many goals... - Hey.

37. That's the guy who's in, uh, my new show.

38. Young Larry. He's playing me, when I was in my 20s.

39. Hey.

40. - Hmm? - Would you mind tapping him?

41. - Would you tap him? - No.

42. - Excuse me, could you— - What?

43. I wanna get his attention for a second.

44. Maybe he does not want to be tapped.

45. And if he knew that I was here,

46. - ... he'd be upset. - I do not like being tapped,

47. and I will not tap a stranger. Could you two please be quiet?

48. Why don't you be quiet? Hey.

49. You two have been talking, and talking,

50. - I'm... You're talking. - You're talking. You're talking.

51. No, you're talking. You're talking.

52. No, you're talking, and you keep talking!

53. at a substitute teacher designer warehouse?

54. Just— just stop. You know, you mid-level celebrities,

55. you think you're so smart with all your banter.

56. - Just stop! - Shh!

57. They won't shut up.

58. Health and safety

59. are the cornerstones of a great democracy.

60. They are the foundation of the house

61. where the American dream lives. And to me,

62. the American dream means that every person...

63. Don't tap me again. If you touch me again—

64. Don't worry, turn around.

65. Turn around! - I wanna work for you.

66. I need your vote.

67. - Larry! - Asa!

68. Asa, soon to be, uh, soon to be young Larry.

69. Soon to be young Larry, yeah.

70. I am so excited for the table read.

71. - Table read tomorrow. Yeah. - Oh, yeah.

72. And I got you... Why don't you take a pin?

73. Oh, no, no, I don't wear pins.

74. No? But you might change one person's mind,

75. and how incredible would that be, Larry?

76. Let me ask you a question. You see somebody

77. in a hat that says, "St. Petersburg, Florida,"

78. do you wanna go there?

79. - As artists... - As what?

80. we have an obligation. Let me tell you something.

81. Non-pros, there's nothing they love more

82. than when actors tell them what they think.

83. What a mouthful.

84. Yeah, good to see ya. - All right.

85. feel free to ask.

86. - I'm an open book. - Well, okay.

87. An open bad book, that after ten pages

88. - you'll put down, okay? - All right.

89. Hey, you forgot your pin, by the way.

90. I thought you did well. Yes.

91. But can I just say a word to you, that's important to me?

92. You know, we've always had possums and coyotes, but...

93. Hey. The hell was that?

94. - The disruptive behavior? - Ah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

95. I was just trying to get in touch with

96. the guy sitting two rows in front of me.

97. That woman, who is she? In the maroon?

98. She's just the worst.

99. She's a city councilwoman, very powerful.

100. The most hideous...

101. disagreeable person. Right? I know.

102. - I know. - Oh, she's just awful. Ugh!

103. I'm friends with her daughter, who's lovely, but...

104. She's repugnant.

105. Yeah, well, go mingle. Maybe you'll meet a nice woman.

106. By the way, great job here. Thank you.

107. - And your speech was terrific. - I worked hard. Thank you, Lar.

108. - Yeah. - Thanks.

109. You're not living with him. Under no circumstances

110. - are you living with him! - Yeah, that's what you think.

111. I don't understand this.

112. - I do. - Why can't you be normal?

113. I'm perfectly normal. Marcia, am I normal?

114. Really?

115. Yes. She told me!

116. Why are you telling me?

117. Well, why not?

118. Uh, you're not living with Moe.

119. Just try a little dark meat.

120. - Why don't you all— - Why don't you all— Oh.

121. - That's my line. - Oh, I'm sorry.

122. He's my son. He's my business.

123. Marcia, do you think it's her business?

124. I've seen the apartment,

125. and it's really nice.

126. And I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time there.

127. So you can see why...

128. this is a toughie.

129. Look at the mess you've made.

130. Ah, go to hell, Rosie. No, you go.

131. Hey. Hey.

132. Yeah, you were right, yeah. - A real mechayeh.

133. - He's a mechayeh, he's a pleasure. - Oh, "pleasure."

134. Listen, I wanna talk to you, uh—

135. I... I know what you're gonna say.

136. Okay. I saw the tape.

137. Wha— what happened to her?

138. She was nervous...

139. - Yeah. - Okay.

140. All right, fellas, let's go. The script is great, by the way.

141. Oh, thanks. Yeah. - Yeah.

142. What are we gonna do?

143. Oh!

144. Hey. - Wow.

145. Got something I wanna run by ya.

146. Hey, put this on my chair.

147. - Yeah. - Okay. What's up?

148. Something's really been weighing me down.

149. Really?

150. I'm having a really difficult time.

151. I had a props guy pull the mugs.

152. Uh-huh.

153. I mean, what lackluster assortment we got going on here.

154. They're mugs. What's wrong with them?

155. I feel these mugs, they're not true.

156. I've been spending a lot of time as Larry.

157. You know, and I feel like I know him more intimately

158. than anybody, and see, I just think

159. coffee was a really important thing for you.

160. It wasn't important at all, Asa!

161. Please, um, would you mind calling me Larry?

162. Okay. It wasn't important at all, Larry.

163. I'm an actor, okay? You know? Yeah.

164. If anything rings as disingenuous, you know,

165. I can't fake it. I can't pretend.

166. Isn't that what actors do? They fake it?

167. Look, look at this. This isn't a real deli.

168. - This is a fake deli, okay? - Yeah, um, well,

169. you know, I did a play my junior year—

170. Okay, spare me. - Yeah.

171. You know what? We'll, um...

172. - Larry... - Thank you, Larry.

173. I will talk to Stan.

174. We'll have five new cups for you tomorrow.

175. - Thank you, Larry. - You're welcome, Larry.

176. All right. Good to see you. All right.

177. Yeah, you too, Larry. Okay.

178. Really, Larry? Did you catch this?

179. Oh, I did. Yeah.

180. He's rejecting everything I'm putting in front of him.

181. He's the biggest mug here, if you ask me.

182. Well...

183. maybe we need to cut him some slack?

184. I heard something. I don't know if it's true or not,

185. but somebody told me that he was sexually abused...

186. - Oh. - ... as a young actor

187. Okay.

188. Uh, you know, get... get five more.

189. Right. I'll get five more for little prick Larry.

190. And if he rejects those...

191. I can tell you where it'll end up.

192. We're drawing a line there, okay?

193. All right, Stan. Okay.

194. Unequivocally, the worst acting I've ever seen. Ever!

195. Who talks that way?

196. Every sentence is... is different.

197. Like, one sentence isn't attached to the one before.

198. Did you notice that?

199. They were really interested in this.

200. She was? Yeah.

201. You shouldn't have even told me that.

202. You know, what— what good did that do? That can't help. Yeah.

203. It does no good at all. None. No.

204. Hey! What'd you think of Mayhew

205. the other day, huh? Fantastic, isn't he?

206. - He was all right. - All right?

207. The man's gonna be president, Larry.

208. - Trust me. - President?

209. That's a little much, isn't it? He's very impressive.

210. You should get in, and get in good with him.

211. Why don't you canvass?

212. - some canvassing with Susie. - Canvassing?

213. Yeah! - Knocking on doors?

214. - Yeah. - Are you out of your mind?

215. What am I, a Fuller Brush salesman?

216. And you don't change anybody's mind anyway.

217. Hey, you got the basketball package, right?

218. - Yeah. - Yeah. You know,

219. - You think so? - He's gonna get the city council

220. to repeal that— that ordinance

221. He's gonna repeal it? Well, he's gonna try to get the votes.

222. Repeal? - What was that?

223. He promised me the other day,

224. he was gonna get the city council

225. - to repeal the ordinance. - You're saying the...

226. the city council can repeal laws, uh, and ordinances?

227. They make the law, they can repeal the law.

228. It's just a matter of votes. They gotta get the votes.

229. obnoxious woman who was sitting in front of me?

230. - The councilwoman, yeah. - Irma, Irma Kostroski.

231. Irma Kostroski.

232. Hmm. Divorced.

233. I think we need to implement and enhance some of these

234. safety protocols at the Pier and Palisades Park.

235. - Especially for our staff and, um— - Seniors.

236. - And seniors, yes. - Seniors! It's a—

237. - Yes. - It's like a dance with death

238. with those scooters for the seniors.

239. Yes, yes. And the ramp.

240. That's right. - Hey, Simon!

241. - The ramp. - Ramps.

242. Thank you. - Thank you.

243. So, let's put that up to a vote. All in favor?

244. - Aye. - Aye.

245. Fantastic. We will put that on our schedule

246. and try to set up a time to, uh, try to decide on the appointment

247. of those three members of that committee.

248. I thank you all for your time. Uh, meeting is adjourned.

249. Excuse me.

250. I'm Larry David. I just wanna apologize

251. for my behavior at the fundraiser,

252. asking you to tap someone, uh—

253. And you— you poked me.

254. Yeah. I'm really sorry about that, and, uh—

255. - It was disrespectful to Jimmy Mayhew. - Disrespectful, and very rude.

256. Yes. - Of course, all you had to do was just, you know,

257. touch the person in front of you, but yeah...

258. - Needless to say, it— - I—

259. It doesn't matter. I was wrong.

260. Thank you for taking responsibility.

261. Yes. And, uh, by the way. - Yeah?

262. This was very enjoyable, this meeting.

263. Have you ever thought about maybe running for, uh, senator,

264. or congresswoman? Uh, no? What about a congresswoman?

265. I don't wanna move to D.C.

266. - Too cold. - Ah, yeah.

267. But anyway, I have to go.

268. I gotta supervise are-recording

269. of an earthquake emergency announcement.

270. Boy, oh, boy.

271. You're doing great, great work.

272. And, uh, we the people are... are appreciative,

273. - Ms. Kostroski. - Yes. Well, call me Irma.

274. - Irma! What a beautiful name. - Thank you.

275. Oh, but don't tell me it's with an "E."

276. "Erm"? With an— No, an "I." I have to go.

277. - All right. Okay. - Yeah. I have a—

278. I'm so sorry.

279. Gas here, you know?

280. - I get a bubble. - Oh, you get a bubble?

281. - Yeah. Larry with a "Y"? - Yeah.

282. Yeah. - Yeah, funny.

283. It wasn't meant to be funny. I'm just checking.

284. Yeah, but it was. It was funny. Was it?

285. "Larry with a 'Y.'" Yeah. Funny.

286. Oh, boy.

287. Maybe the most unappealing person I've...

288. - ... I've ever met. Truly. - Wow.

289. He took the worst aspects

290. of ten different people and put 'em into her.

291. So you gotta become the... the groom of Frankenstein

292. to get rid of this fucking actress?

293. Yeah. What an appealing prospect.

294. Frankenstein, and then he had the bride of Frankenstein...

295. I don't know if he had any children in this shit.

296. How can Frankenstein have a kid?

297. No. Dr. Frankenstein made love

298. to fucking the bride of Frankenstein,

299. and he had a fucking kid, I guess.

300. - the— the monster bride. - How you make a woman like that

301. - and not tap it? How? How? - Well, I mean, that's a good...

302. that's another question.

303. - That's a good question. - Right there. She's right there.

304. You made her.

305. - Hello. - Hey, L.D.! It's Jimmy

306. - from the golf club. - Hey, Jimmy. What's up?

307. Hey, so I know you have that standing lesson on Monday,

308. but uh, you remember Saul Berman?

309. - He had the heart attack. - Yeah.

310. His widow wants to come in for a golf lesson,

311. and all she can do is Monday.

312. And I was hoping I could slide you over.

313. - She's a widow and all, so... - Sure, I understand,

314. widow priority and all. Yeah, I get it.

315. Can you do Tuesday? Tuesday?

316. Not great. I mean, you know, it's election day and...

317. If you got nothing else, Tuesday, what time?

318. Four o'clock's all I got.

319. All right, see you Tuesday. Bye.

320. Really hate giving up that time slot.

321. Mm-hmm.

322. Can't a motherfucker live a life?

323. - Sometimes, no. - Eh, she's a widow.

324. Yeah. But that golf, that's white man problems.

325. Yeah. We have golf. You have voting.

326. - And now, these... - Okay.

327. - ... these, these... - Perfect.

328. these go in the "what were you thinking" column.

329. Asa, you need to pick a pair. We need to move on.

330. Nope. I can't just pick a pair. I need to... I need to feel it.

331. You have 75 choices here. Pick a pair of fucking glasses.

332. I'll tell you what.

333. Put these in the maybes.

334. Is that— In the maybe pile?

335. - But the maybes— - Okay, these here...

336. Hey! We're gonna find 'em. - One moment.

337. Larry, I can't do it. Can't work with that kid.

338. He's driving me nuts.

339. You know, like I told you, he's...

340. he's a fucked-up kid, he got sexually abused, I hear—

341. Oh. Oh, well, about that. I did my research,

342. and it turns out that little Asa there,

343. when he was a 17-year-old kid, was "taken advantage of"

344. by the beautiful 37-year-old Adrianna Amante,

345. the Italian actress.

346. That's the trauma?

347. - Yeah, apparently. - I... I read about that.

348. And not only that, but he got 400 grand as a payoff.

349. That was him? That was him. Yeah.

350. Formerly known as Andy.

351. Wow. Yeah.

352. Were you as lucky at 17,

353. to be taken advantage of by a supermodel?

354. Yeah, right. I was traumatized because I didn't have

355. any sex at all. Same here.

356. All right. I'm gonna go talk to him.

357. - And take the glasses. - Yeah.

358. And talk to him about what glasses Larry would wear.

359. Yeah, okay. - Lucky little fucker.

360. - Hey, Larry. - Good to see you, Larry.

361. Having some problems picking out glasses?

362. Yeah, it's a real... it's a conundrum.

363. - Yeah, I'll bet. - Yeah. I mean— Yeah.

364. You know what, you're really giving Stan a hard time.

365. You're acting like kind of an asshole, and...

366. because I know how traumatized you were

367. from that horrible incident you had when you were 17

368. and sexually abused by a beautiful, luscious...

369. - ... voluptuous Italian movie star. - You heard about that, huh?

370. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine...

371. - Let me ask you a question. - Yeah.

372. Did she— did she get you in a headlock or, uh...

373. No, I mean, listen, it was a mental... headlock.

374. All right, cut the shit. Okay? Yeah.

375. - You were 17 years old. - Uh-huh.

376. If a cactus touched your penis, you would've been thrilled

377. - at that age. Okay? - Wow! Wow. Wow.

378. - Yeah. - I see what— Okay.

379. Yeah. - And you— and you slept

380. They would've named the high school after me.

381. Okay.

382. Hello?

383. Yeah, it is.

384. This is Larry David calling.

385. What do you want, Larry?

386. I was wondering perhaps if...

387. you might wanna get a cup of coffee.

388. Well, today I'm canvassing for Jimmy Mayhew.

389. Ah! I, I'd love to.

390. I'm really looking forward to it.

391. Yeah. Okay, goodbye.

392. Good afternoon. My name is Irma Kostroski,

393. and we are here to get this man elected

394. as the next mayor of Santa Monica, it's Jimmy Mayhew.

395. Wonderful candidate. He's pro-environment.

396. Loves fresh air. He loves fresh air.

397. He's gonna solve the homeless problem.

398. He's gonna make 'em homed. Homed!

399. Where does he stand on the issues?

400. You can't say "Happy New Year" after January 7th.

401. I— I don't think he— I like that.

402. Very smart. Last year I got a Happy New Year

403. during Black History Month. And, uh, what else?

404. No child under ten allowed in restaurants.

405. - Oh, now that's awesome. - You love that?

406. He's very strong on environmental issues.

407. - Really? Like what? - He respects wood.

408. I like that a lot. Good.

409. A pin for you.

410. I might just have to put it on right now.

411. - Appreciate you guys. - Oh, one more thing.

412. - Yes? - He's eliminating hand shaking.

413. He's my man!

414. A lot of the stuff you're saying isn't true.

415. What, are you kidding? He ate it up!

416. Yes? How do you do?

417. We're canvassing for Jimmy Mayhew.

418. You know, he's for fresh air. He loves fresh air.

419. He likes to breathe in fresh air.

420. - I like fresh air. - And how about this?

421. He wants to get rid of the penny.

422. Is that Larry? - ... but thank you so much.

423. Huh? I hear your voice! I know it's you!

424. Oh, hey. What're you doing here?

425. Could you believe this? Hi.

426. - With Irma. Hi, Irma. - Hey!

427. How are you? - How are you?

428. - Yes. - Why is that so surprising?

429. What do you think, we don't read?

430. What are you reading?

431. - You two are reading Faulkner? - Yes, we are. What?

432. - Oh, is that— - Oh, you're the only intellectual of the bunch?

433. What, you got the Cliff Notes, huh?

434. What are you doing?

435. - for Jimmy Mayhew. - Yeah. Yeah.

436. Didn't you tell me the other day that you would never canvass?

437. No, I wouldn't canvass with you

438. because you turn people off, and I didn't...

439. I didn't want you to turn people off.

440. So you're going door to door to strangers' homes?

441. Yes. Yes. That's weird,

442. because you don't even like people.

443. Well, I hate people individually,

444. - but I love mankind. - Oh, you do?

445. He's very interested in local politics.

446. - He called me, we share similar— - I'm sorry.

447. Yes? - Did you say that Larry called you

448. and asked if he could volunteer?

449. - We got a lot of houses to... - He had a terrific change,

450. a cornerstone of our democracy.

451. I know that you don't care about people,

452. and you don't give a shit about politics.

453. Well, you know, maybe when I was married to you,

454. you held me back from

455. the person I really wanted to be.

456. What's on your... your sweatshirt?

457. A pin for Mayhew.

458. You hate pins 'cause they make holes in your sweater.

459. Well, it's a thin pin.

460. - Oh. - Ah. A thin pin.

461. - A thin pin. - It's a thin pin.

462. - Thank you. - What's wrong with Faulkner?

463. I do! Yeah.

464. Well, you enjoy your book.

465. I don't need a club to read a book, but...

466. Thank you very much for your time.

467. What are you doing?

468. What the fuck is going on? - Goodbye.

469. Get the fuck outta here!

470. You can't ask to use the bathroom.

471. Listen, you never pee when you canvass.

472. Good afternoon!

473. We are campaigning for Jimmy Mayhew

474. for Santa Monica Mayor.

475. Larry? I'm Stan's wife!

476. Stan, prop master on your show.

477. Really? Oh, my God. You live here?

478. Yes. That's amazing!

479. You know how hard they are to find in the Valley?

480. I'm worried sick about him.

481. Gen Z! - That's your husband?

482. Yeah. Little shit!

483. - Oh, my God. - He's got my Stanley running around

484. all over town like a blue-arsed fly.

485. He didn't even give me gas money!

486. Yeah, of course. Okay. Thanks, Larry.

487. Bloody, now it's puffs, for fuck's sake!

488. Hey, Stan.

489. - Oh, Larry. - Hey.

490. - Welcome to puff paradise. - What's going on?

491. Ditch the kid, Lar. He's had me drive all over town

492. - for the last two days, okay? - Oh, Jesus.

493. Everything I give him, he just rejects.

494. And he's looking for a '70s vibe.

495. These ones here are too salty. Too spicy. These?

496. Not vegan, or too vegan.

497. Too vegan? What does too fucking vegan mean, Larry?

498. Such an asshole. And it's everything else.

499. - The pens, the cups. - He wants the cups...

500. Yeah, he wants the cups to be dolphin-friendly.

501. I don't know. I don't know. It's crazy!

502. I'm telling you now, man, I'll shove those fingers

503. so far up his arse, they'll pop out of his mouth

504. and he can use them as a hand puppet.

505. Oh, boy. Ridiculous.

506. He's gotta love these. Look, they look like something

507. from fucking Starsky and Hutch.

508. Seventies written all over that, Lar.

509. He can't reject those. If he turns these fuckers down,

510. I will fucking strangle him!

511. So, it turns out he did this movie when he was 17,

512. - and had sex in her trailer. - He was 17?

513. He claimed that he was abused,

514. and got a 400,000-dollar settlement,

515. and now he's playing the victim!

516. This was his luckiest day of his life.

517. This little motherfucker

518. Then he got 400,000 dollars on top of that shit?

519. Yeah. And the movie paid him.

520. He got paid three fucking times,

521. - and he still complains. - Exactly.

522. How old were you when you first got laid?

523. Fourteen years old.

524. you would've got your, uh, intercourse badge.

525. Fuck, yeah. My first time tapping

526. wasn't some gorgeous-ass actress.

527. It was this lady that made donuts and shit, donut shop.

528. You don't see me coming back years later,

529. asking for 400,000 dollars in donuts.

530. I could've.

531. Cream-filled, jelly. All that shit.

532. I tapped the lady that made the holes,

533. you understand?

534. Hi there. Good afternoon. Uh, before I take your order,

535. I wanna let you know that we do have a special today.

536. There's a fresh Maine lobster, and there's only a few left.

537. Oh! Drawn butter, lemon.

538. - I know who loves that. - Yeah, sounds pretty, pretty,

539. pretty good.

540. so they don't get taken?

541. Dig this, after we eat lunch, I'm gonna go vote for the mayor,

542. so I don't have to wait on all those lines after.

543. Oh, yeah, that's not a bad idea.

544. Someone wanna come with me?

545. I can't. I got a golf lesson.

546. Berman's widow took my time yesterday,

547. so I gotta do it today.

548. Mr. David, I am so sorry.

549. I know you were interested in the lobster special,

550. but by the time I got back to the kitchen,

551. we only had one order left,

552. so we decided to give it to another diner.

553. - What? Who? - Um, Mrs. Berman.

554. I don't know if you know, she's a recent widow.

555. - But we have a lot of other delicious dishes— - Wait a second.

556. We have a— That woman?

557. Uh, yes. Mrs. Berman, there in the black.

558. That's Ruth Berman! She's not the widow.

559. She's Berman's ex-wife.

560. They've been divorced for ten years.

561. She's as much a widow as I'm a widow.

562. Yeah. She took my golf lesson yesterday

563. by claiming she's a widow,

564. - and now she's got my lobster? - Yeah.

565. Oh, boy... - It— it's not right.

566. He's off. This is good.

567. - Ma'am? - Larry!

568. - How's the lobster? - It's wonderful.

569. - Oh! - You really should try it sometime.

570. - And how are you doing, Ruth? - Actually, not really well.

571. Aw. Yeah. - This experience of losing

572. - the love of my life... - Oh, yeah.

573. It must be so awful. - You have no idea.

574. And yet you managed to have a...

575. Saul would've wanted me to do that.

576. - Oh, absolutely. - He loved me, Larry.

577. And I adored this man.

578. - Oh, yeah. - You have no idea.

579. You're saying you're a widow to get widow privileges.

580. - Okay? - I'm sorry, excuse me?

581. You're not a widow, okay?

582. You're the ex-wife of a dead man.

583. - Oh, please. - What's wrong with you?

584. She just lost her husband!

585. Oh, she lost her husband?

586. an affair with a tennis instructor.

587. This is very painful, Larry.

588. It's just like Saul. Oh, my... Give me a break!

589. Oh, boy, look at this.

590. Geez.

591. It's ridiculous. It's not even moving.

592. Yeah. I had to move my golf lesson

593. or I would've been here much earlier,

594. if not for this so-called widow. "Widow"!

595. Thank you for voting.

596. - Thank you for— - Yeah, nah, no, thanks.

597. - I'm good. - Take the pin.

598. - It's a thin pin. Yeah. - Thin pin? You give me that line?

599. - Yeah, let me show you. - I've used that line myself.

600. No such thing as a thin pin, okay? It doesn't exist.

601. - Thin pin. - Didn't hurt.

602. You happy? Very happy.

603. Larry! Hey!

604. Hey, look at you! You changed your pin policy.

605. No, I didn't change my pin policy, I just...

606. I succumbed to pin pressure.

607. I'm human. Yeah. Well, listen,

608. I've been, uh, taking these glasses out

609. - for a little test run. - Yeah, I see. Look at that.

610. - Yeah. - They're no good.

611. We gotta get rid of the prop guy.

612. You know what? You're driving him crazy.

613. I'm not here to make friends. I'm here to make art.

614. Yeah. Well, he's gonna have a nervous breakdown,

615. and it's gonna be real trauma,

616. not like the fake trauma that you went through.

617. Wow. Okay?

618. Oh, that's where you're gonna go?

619. - It was real trauma. - Oh, yeah.

620. I suffered very, very real abuse.

621. Hey, what are you— what are you doing?

622. - Larry, what are you doing? - Hey.

623. - What's going on? - How old are you?

624. - Eighteen. - Eighteen?

625. If a woman who looks like this

626. was interested in you, what would you say?

627. Yeah, I'd... I'd like that.

628. And what if she, uh, touched you down there?

629. - Down there? - Yeah.

630. back to her apartment to have sex with her,

631. and then she gave you 400,000 dollars?

632. - Who wouldn't take that? - Yeah. Who wouldn't take that?

633. Sign me up.

634. - Thank you. - Well...

635. is, is she here? When's this happening?

636. Don't be an idiot. No. Of course not.

637. Hey.

638. Can I ask you a personal question?

639. What? - Who are you voting for?

640. Reimenschneider.

641. Hmm. I have a proposition for you.

642. I'm voting for Mayhew. We kinda cancel each other out.

643. You know, this line?

644. Why don't we get the hell outta here?

645. - I like it. Yeah. - Huh? Yeah? Beautiful! Let's go.

646. - Pleasure. - Yeah.

647. Hi, everybody. Welcome back to KTLA 5's coverage

648. of election night across the Southland.

649. Let's take you now to Santa Monica,

650. are neck-and-neck at this point. Take a look at these numbers.

651. With 82 percent of the vote in,

652. only 89 votes separate these two candidates.

653. We're good. Yeah, we're good. We got this.

654. So, Larry, I hear

655. Councilwoman Irma tells me that you were out with her

656. - just really canvassing and... - Oh.

657. - ... going and knocking on doors... - Enjoyed it.

658. Met some wonderful people.

659. And I think we changed come minds.

660. I think so too. - You know?

661. - So nice to catch up with you both. - Yes.

662. I'm gonna go check on Jimmy. All right, bye.

663. You've got nothing to worry about.

664. It's gonna be great.

665. - There's such a feeling going. - Totally.

666. Oh, isn't she lovely?

667. - lovely, lovely people, Angela. - Oh, lovely, so, so, lovely.

668. - And the family, they— - Oh, the family, my God.

669. - Those children are so polite. - Those kids. Have you ever seen

670. - kids so gorgeous in your life? - I know, they're gorgeous,

671. - and they helped out. - Oh, my God.

672. - Everyone was lovely. - Lovely.

673. I gotta eat something. I'm so nervous, my—

674. - You want a samosa? - No, thank you.

675. - Mini quiche? - Nah.

676. - Crudité? - No, thank you.

677. No? - No, I'm good.

678. Hey.

679. Hey.

680. So, you're dating the councilwoman now, huh?

681. I wouldn't say "dating." I would say, um,

682. you know, I'm, like, exploring the situation.

683. Really? You said she was the most obnoxious woman alive.

684. I stand by that statement.

685. Mm-hmm. - And yet for some reason...

686. I'm inexplicably drawn to that which repels me.

687. You're so full of shit. You're up to something.

688. - I know you too well. - No!

689. for the Santa Monica mayoral contest, and wow.

690. With 100 percent of the precincts reporting,

691. the winner is Jay Reimenschneider.

692. - Oh, my God! - Oh, no!

693. Oh, my God.

694. Oh, no, no! - One vote?

695. Oh! That's historical.

696. I'm not sure that's ever happened before.

697. is gonna have a hard time sleeping tonight.

698. - How you lose by one vote? - I don't know.

699. - This is ridiculous. - So, if anybody out there

700. decided not to vote today for whatever reason,

701. you could've changed the future of our city.

702. So true. One vote makes a difference.

703. One vote! This is why you...

704. I know!

705. I know how we lost by one vote.

706. Larry David thought the line was too long,

707. so he didn't vote.

708. You didn't vote?

709. - Is that true, Larry? - What?

710. I watched the whole thing.

711. I watched you walk away from the line,

712. and throw your voting pin in the trash can.

713. Isn't that right, Larry?

714. All right, all right, let me explain what happened, okay?

715. - One damn vote. - No! Let me explain! Let me explain!

716. All the canvassing. I don't believe it.

717. I made a deal with a Reimenschneider voter.

718. You don't care about Santa Monica.

719. - You only care about yourself! - No! I made a deal!

720. The line was so long, so we both decided to leave,

721. because we would cancel each other out, so it didn't make a difference.

722. - Bullshit! I call bullshit. - Absolutely selfish.

723. The family is lovely, just lovely people.

724. Fry him! Fry him! Get him!

725. What's the difference who voted?

726. He would've lost anyway. It's not my fault.

727. It was that fucking widow, Ruth Berman!