1. Hey, I really shouldn't
pay you, honestly.Copy !req
2. Why should I pay?
You talked during the putt.Copy !req
3. - I could've made that—
- I was talking pre-putt, and you decided—Copy !req
4. - No, it wasn't pre-putt.
- Yes, it was. It was pre-putt.Copy !req
5. - Do you think that was pre-putt?
- It was definitely pre-putt.Copy !req
6. Jeff, did he talk
during my putt?Copy !req
7. I'm not saying anything.Copy !req
8. Jeff, you know what Dante said.
What?Copy !req
9. "The hottest places in hell
are reserved for thoseCopy !req
10. who in time of crisis
retain their neutrality."Copy !req
11. - I don't wanna say anything.
- You're goin' straight to hell.Copy !req
12. - You talked during the putt.
- ... quotes? Quotes from Dante over the putt?Copy !req
13. - Freddy! What's up, kid?
- My man! Hey, buddy!Copy !req
14. How you doing, Larry?
- Hey, Hal! Hey, Hal.Copy !req
15. You look good, buddy.
Thank you.Copy !req
16. What the fuck did I do?Copy !req
17. That was a snub.
That was a total—Copy !req
18. - He looked right at me.
- That was intentional.Copy !req
19. - What the hell happened with you two?
- I set him up on a dateCopy !req
20. with a friend of mine,
producer named Gabby McAfee,Copy !req
21. and, uh,
he hasn't spoken to me since.Copy !req
22. What?
Yeah.Copy !req
23. I have no I—
I have no idea why.Copy !req
24. Did you try and contact him?Copy !req
25. - Well how'd that— What'd he do?
- Ignored me.Copy !req
26. Wow!
I don't get it.Copy !req
27. She's beautiful, she is smart,Copy !req
28. she is kind, she's great.Copy !req
29. How come you didn't fix me up
with her if she's so great?Copy !req
30. I don't know.Copy !req
31. Probably shouldn't even say it,Copy !req
32. but it's probably
common knowledge.Copy !req
33. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. I think the whole club knows.Copy !req
34. I have no idea.Copy !req
35. He slept with his mother-in-law.Copy !req
36. - Hal slept with his mother-in-law?
- Yeah.Copy !req
37. - Shut the fuck up. No way!
- Yeah.Copy !req
38. - Liars!
- Okay. What did you hear?Copy !req
39. I— I only heard that he
fucked his mother-in-law.Copy !req
40. Tell me more. What did you hear?Copy !req
41. And that led to his divorce.
Oh, wow.Copy !req
42. That's what I heard.
Yeah.Copy !req
43. But was it ongoing or one time?Copy !req
44. I think it was
a couple times. Yeah.Copy !req
45. That's what I heard. Yeah.
Oh.Copy !req
46. Wow. Gabby McAfee.
She's something.Copy !req
47. - Yeah!
- Uh-huh!Copy !req
48. She's a beautiful girl.Copy !req
49. You'll set me up?Copy !req
50. Did you fuck your mother-in-law
at any point?Copy !req
51. 'Cause I ain't setting you up
if you did.Copy !req
52. - Well...
- Okay. Yeah, I'll call her.Copy !req
53. - No problem.
- And you know what else?Copy !req
54. Maybe I could do a little, uh,Copy !req
55. - investigation.
- As to, uh—Copy !req
56. As to what happened
on that dateCopy !req
57. that he would never
speak to you again.Copy !req
58. - All right. Thank you.
- That looks good.Copy !req
59. Look at you.
Still with the fries.Copy !req
60. Should I try one?Copy !req
61. Oh, my God!Copy !req
62. I think he's having
a heart attack.Copy !req
63. Oh, my. That's Saul Berman.Copy !req
64. Dad, come down to the floor.
Easy, easy, easy.Copy !req
65. Is there a doctor in here?Copy !req
66. You're all right. Just lay down.Copy !req
67. It looks serious.
Hold my hand.Copy !req
68. - Hold my hand.
- It does.Copy !req
69. I got you. I got you.Copy !req
70. I got you. Hold my hand.
Squeeze my hand. Here you go.Copy !req
71. Okay. Good, good. All right.
Got you. Can you talk?Copy !req
72. Okay.
Okay, okay. Okay.Copy !req
73. Want some water? Huh?
No? We got a doctor coming.Copy !req
74. Just squeeze it! Squeeze as hard
as hard as you can! Okay—Copy !req
75. All right.Copy !req
76. That wraps it up here.Copy !req
77. Knicks 101, Sixers 97.Copy !req
78. Tom, what— what was the problem
with the Sixers tonight?Copy !req
79. Hello?Copy !req
80. Hey, Freddy. It's me.Copy !req
81. How are you?
- I'm on my way to KatsuyaCopy !req
82. to meet Gabby McAfee.Copy !req
83. I just looked in the mirror,
and a button fell off my shirt.Copy !req
84. I've got tons
of T-shirt exposed.Copy !req
85. You can't have more
than three-quarters of an inch
of T-shirt showing.Copy !req
86. Oh, that's terrible.Copy !req
87. I'm right near your house.Copy !req
88. - Come get a shirt.
- Okay, great.Copy !req
89. Tonight, we're gonna get
something great for you.Copy !req
90. Are you sure
you don't wanna go T-shirt?Copy !req
91. Because I think
it could look good.Copy !req
92. - T-shirt, really?
- Very sinewy!Copy !req
93. You look fantastic!
Sinewy?Copy !req
94. Look at that word
you just threw out.Copy !req
95. people underestimate you.
They do?Copy !req
96. You're actually
a little brighter
than— than you come off.Copy !req
97. I'd bet you're sitting on some
pretty big words too,Copy !req
98. when you need 'em.
Now, let's take a look.Copy !req
99. I wanna try
for the same palette.Copy !req
100. Yeah, I get it.Copy !req
101. Just wanna be comfortable.Copy !req
102. Oh, God!Copy !req
103. Oh, Jesus. I just burned
the shit out of my hand.Copy !req
104. What? Oh, jeez.Copy !req
105. Oh, my hand! It's what?Copy !req
106. You tell me, LD!
You tell me, LD!Copy !req
107. - Really nice item.
- Very nice item.Copy !req
108. All right, this is great.
I'll take it.Copy !req
109. Yeah, I think
this will be great.Copy !req
110. Thank you. Thank you, sir.Copy !req
111. - Yes. May I help you?
- How do you do?Copy !req
112. - Yes.
- Larry David, table for two.Copy !req
113. Oh, you're the first one here!
Uh— Shall I take your umbrella?Copy !req
114. I thought it was gonna rain.
What happened?Copy !req
115. - Huh?
- I don't know.Copy !req
116. - They said rain.
- Okay.Copy !req
117. - I'm not crazy.
- Thank you. Thank you.Copy !req
118. - Yes, yes. Uh— Table?
- Sure.Copy !req
119. Ohitorisama goraiten desu!Copy !req
120. Irasshaimase!Copy !req
121. Oh! Well.Copy !req
122. Thank you, thank you.
I love that greeting.Copy !req
123. Please.
This is your table, sir.Copy !req
124. And your menu.Copy !req
125. And somebody will be
right with you, sir.Copy !req
126. - Thank you.
- Thank you.Copy !req
127. There he is.
May I help you?Copy !req
128. - Oh, okay. Right this way.
- Yeah.Copy !req
129. Irasshaimase!
Ira—Copy !req
130. Whoa! Hello!
Hello!Copy !req
131. I'm Gabby, obviously.
I love it!Copy !req
132. - Huh? Do you love that greeting?
- I love it!Copy !req
133. Is that the best greeting
you've ever had?Copy !req
134. Absolutely!Copy !req
135. Oh, yeah. I speak six languages,
including Guamish.Copy !req
136. - That's what they speak in Guam.
- Island of Guam.Copy !req
137. Could you please not say
"irasshaimase"?Copy !req
138. Thank you.
- What? That's— What?Copy !req
139. - Sorry.
- Thank you for understanding,Copy !req
140. and enjoy your dinner.
Thank you.Copy !req
141. - that I said "irasshaimase"?
- I have been here 100 times.Copy !req
142. I've never been reprimanded
by the host.Copy !req
143. Is this the first time you've
been reprimanded by a host?Copy !req
144. Alas, no.
No?Copy !req
145. You know,
maybe just tonight, first date,Copy !req
146. we— we're on our best behavior.Copy !req
147. - Maybe?
- I'll try.Copy !req
148. This is my favorite place.
Thank you so much.Copy !req
149. Larry, I wasn't even gonna
come on this date.Copy !req
150. I mean, honestly, I've had
such bad luck since my divorce.Copy !req
151. But Jeff told me...Copy !req
152. "Worst thing that happens,
it doesn't work out,Copy !req
153. he's a great person
to break up with."Copy !req
154. - Oh, yeah. I'm great.
- Oof! Really?Copy !req
155. Oh, yeah. Like, if we go out,Copy !req
156. all you gotta do is say, "Hey,
I don't wanna see you anymore."
And I go, "Ah! Okay."Copy !req
157. No drama?Copy !req
158. - Zero.
- That's a good quality.Copy !req
159. I walk away,
and I never give you—Copy !req
160. - Not another thought.
- I don't give you another thought.Copy !req
161. - Wow!
- Yeah.Copy !req
162. That's... That's almost, um...Copy !req
163. like a sociopath, but...Copy !req
164. borderline.Copy !req
165. anyone's ever said to me.Copy !req
166. Well, do you have
any other good qualities?Copy !req
167. Yes, I do.Copy !req
168. Okay.Copy !req
169. So discreet.Copy !req
170. Really? Good at keeping
a secret, you think?Copy !req
171. - Absolutely!
- Okay.Copy !req
172. I want us to tell
each other somethingCopy !req
173. we've never told anybody.Copy !req
174. - Bring it on.
- Okay.Copy !req
175. and I...Copy !req
176. slept with one of my students.Copy !req
177. you were a teacher
in high school and...Copy !req
178. you slept with one
of your students?Copy !req
179. - Did I get that right?
- Consenting people.Copy !req
180. - Wow!
- He was 18.Copy !req
181. Was he— Was he a senior?Copy !req
182. - Yeah.
- Did you go to the prom?Copy !req
183. Oh, I'm not gonna go into this.Copy !req
184. What was
his extra-curricular activity?Copy !req
185. He was a basketball player.
That's it.Copy !req
186. - Did you go to the games?
- I told you the secret.Copy !req
187. Did he give you a little wink
when he was playing?Copy !req
188. If he made a shot,
did he look over?Copy !req
189. - You know what?
- What?Copy !req
190. Time for you
to tell me your secret.Copy !req
191. Give it up.Copy !req
192. Okay, look.
I'll tell you this, okay?Copy !req
193. - Okay.
- But honestly...Copy !req
194. you cannot mention this...Copy !req
195. to anyone, ever.Copy !req
196. Larry, trust. Trust.Copy !req
197. Okay.Copy !req
198. I have a fantastic shortcut
to the valley.Copy !req
199. Tremendous.Copy !req
200. - That's your secret?
- Oh, yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
201. I told you...Copy !req
202. that I slept with a student.
Your secret is Waze.Copy !req
203. Let me tell you something.
There's no comparisonCopy !req
204. - between these two secrets.
- No, there's not!Copy !req
205. My secret
improves your quality of life.Copy !req
206. Your secret's just interesting.Copy !req
207. secret is?Copy !req
208. Cosiano, Sepulveda,Copy !req
209. Mulholland, Longbow,Copy !req
210. to Valley— Valley Vista.Copy !req
211. That's your cousin.Copy !req
212. I gotta write this down.
I gotta write—Copy !req
213. You lose it, somebody finds it.
No good.Copy !req
214. Okay, but you can't tell
anybody what I said.Copy !req
215. - What did you say?
- Uh-huh? That's funny.Copy !req
216. - You like that?
- You're funny!Copy !req
217. - Hey, let me ask you something.
- Okay.Copy !req
218. - You went out with Hal Berman?
- A couple times.Copy !req
219. What's the deal? What happened?Copy !req
220. I don't know,
you'd have to ask him.Copy !req
221. Hmm.Copy !req
222. They're amazing!Copy !req
223. Oh.
What the...Copy !req
224. - Irasshaimase!
- Irasshaimase!Copy !req
225. Irasshaimase!
Irasshaimase!Copy !req
226. - Irasshaimase!
- Irasshaimase!Copy !req
227. Irasshaimase!Copy !req
228. I had a great time.
That's all I can tell you.Copy !req
229. - It was a great date.
- Great date?Copy !req
230. I don't know
what Hal's problem was.Copy !req
231. What kinda things
did you talk about?Copy !req
232. We talked about general stores.Copy !req
233. - You did, huh?
- Yeah.Copy !req
234. Okay.
- Yeah.Copy !req
235. I had photos in my phone
of different general storesCopy !req
236. - throughout the country.
- Well, that's your passion.Copy !req
237. - Yeah. That's my passion.
- That's your passion.Copy !req
238. That's your great love.Copy !req
239. She was good at conversation?
Fun?Copy !req
240. The conversation
was flowing so easily.Copy !req
241. I even left my umbrella
at the restaurant.Copy !req
242. I gotta go back
and get it later.Copy !req
243. But the rest of the date
went well?Copy !req
244. I mean,
there was one weird thing.Copy !req
245. - What was the weird thing?
- She wanted, like, to do this thingCopy !req
246. where we kind of...Copy !req
247. swapped secrets,
you know... I don't know.Copy !req
248. What was her secret?Copy !req
249. - You know, I'd feel terrible.
- It's me.Copy !req
250. Why would you not tell me?Copy !req
251. But you don't
like yourself anyway.Copy !req
252. You cannot say a word
about this to anybody.Copy !req
253. - Honestly.
- Come on.Copy !req
254. Yeah.Copy !req
255. - She fucked one of her students.
- She fucked one of her students?Copy !req
256. - Are you fucking kidding me?
- She fucked one of her students?Copy !req
257. Ooh.Copy !req
258. - Yo...
- Boy, that didn't take long.Copy !req
259. You couldn't keep
that secret for five seconds!Copy !req
260. I didn't directly tell him,
I indirectly—Copy !req
261. But you did!Copy !req
262. That's so hot.
Yeah.Copy !req
263. - Crazy hot. Sorry.
- That's real hot.Copy !req
264. That's the shit right there.Copy !req
265. that I really wanted
to have sex with.Copy !req
266. There's only one teacher
but I—Copy !req
267. that I wanted. Mrs. Fish.Copy !req
268. I can tell you that Miss RogersCopy !req
269. was not the cause
of any tumescenceCopy !req
270. Yeah.
- What'd she look like?Copy !req
271. She was on death's door.Copy !req
272. Veins popping out
all over her body.Copy !req
273. Oh, man. In my case,
I fucked the school nurse.Copy !req
274. She was fuckin' fine as shit.Copy !req
275. Every time I had a tummy ache,
I tapped that ass.Copy !req
276. So, did you make up that you had
a tummy ache just to go there?Copy !req
277. Yeah. She gave me
a spoonful of Pepto-BismolCopy !req
278. and a fucking hand job.Copy !req
279. He's got a wild imagination.Copy !req
280. So, wait, wait.
What was your secret?Copy !req
281. I— I can't tell my secret.
Why?Copy !req
282. Because then,
it's no longer a secret.Copy !req
283. - Yeah, but it's to me. Go.
- Okay.Copy !req
284. I got a shortcut to the valley.Copy !req
285. You got a shortcut
to the valley?Copy !req
286. Yeah.
- You got a shortcutCopy !req
287. to the valley?
No one's got a shortcut—Copy !req
288. You fucking did it again!
Shortcut?Copy !req
289. - You did it again!
- I apologize. I apologize.Copy !req
290. It was two secrets
in the space of a few minutes!Copy !req
291. But you know a great shortcut
to the valley.Copy !req
292. Yes, I do.
- And you've never told me.Copy !req
293. It never came up.
- Never told him.Copy !req
294. You're not gettin' the shortcut.Copy !req
295. Don't give me that look.
I know that look.Copy !req
296. You're not gettin' it.
Fix the TV!Copy !req
297. I can't fix that TV, man.
That TV is fucked.Copy !req
298. It ain't gonna work.
I tried everything.Copy !req
299. Seriously?
- Seriously.Copy !req
300. I need a new one?
You need a new TV.Copy !req
301. I just got a new TV. It's great.Copy !req
302. - Really?
- Best TV I've ever had.Copy !req
303. - Is that so?
- Yeah, come over and take a look.Copy !req
304. All right, let me get
something to eat.Copy !req
305. Does your TV have, uh,
picture-in-picture?Copy !req
306. Oh, man!
- Picture-in-picture?Copy !req
307. That's old.Copy !req
308. Look at this.Copy !req
309. Oh, my God!Copy !req
310. - Aw, damn.
- What happened?Copy !req
311. I spilled soy sauce on it,Copy !req
312. - You know, just Dial.
- Bar soap?Copy !req
313. - Bar soap!
- That's the worst!Copy !req
314. Really?
Oh, God! Yeah!Copy !req
315. - Soap stains.
- Soap stains?Copy !req
316. Soap stains.Copy !req
317. Who makes a cleaning
product that stains?Copy !req
318. That's like
a Band-Aid that cuts!Copy !req
319. Here's a little secret.Copy !req
320. Freddy's shirt is fucked.Copy !req
321. Hey!Copy !req
322. Hey.Copy !req
323. - Hi, Hal.
- Hey, Larry.Copy !req
324. How's, uh— How's your dad?Copy !req
325. Ah, you know, not great.Copy !req
326. Came to get his
lucky rabbit foot.Copy !req
327. He keeps it in his locker.Copy !req
328. Really? Maybe I should start
playing with a rabbit's foot.Copy !req
329. - Huh?
- Yeah. You never know.Copy !req
330. Well, um, give him my best.Copy !req
331. Yeah. Well, why don't you pray
for him, huh?Copy !req
332. Eh...Copy !req
333. "Eh"?Copy !req
334. - I can't do that.
- Are you kidding me?Copy !req
335. How do you even do it?
Do you get on your knees?Copy !req
336. - Do you put your hands together?
- No, you don't have to—Copy !req
337. I can't do that.Copy !req
338. you know,
getting out of Egypt, right?Copy !req
339. I would submit it's as big
a waste of timeCopy !req
340. - as watching The Kardashians.
- I don't understand you.Copy !req
341. This is why you join a club.Copy !req
342. in a time of need.Copy !req
343. No, I joined for the golf.Copy !req
344. And you know what?
I'm enjoying pickleball too.Copy !req
345. - Have you played?
- What if your prayerCopy !req
346. were the thing that saved him?Copy !req
347. - Wait a second. Are you praying?
- Of course I'm praying.Copy !req
348. So, let me put myself
in God's shoes for a second.Copy !req
349. - Okay.
- "Oh, there's the son!Copy !req
350. Oh, the son's praying!Copy !req
351. Oh! Oh, there— Ah, Larry David!Copy !req
352. Oh! Okay, I'll save him!"Copy !req
353. How do you know
prayers don't work?Copy !req
354. Because I'm bald.Copy !req
355. Hey, Hal!Copy !req
356. - Yeah.
- Yeah, I had a date with her.Copy !req
357. I'm seeing her again
on Saturday night.Copy !req
358. Let me guess. Katsuya?Copy !req
359. Yeah! Yeah,
she likes that place.Copy !req
360. Yeah, well. Good luck.Copy !req
361. What ever happened with you two?Copy !req
362. I can tell you this much, Larry.Copy !req
363. What goes around comes around.Copy !req
364. "What goes around comes around."Copy !req
365. Eh.Copy !req
366. - Hey.
- Irasshaimase!Copy !req
367. How you doing?
Good.Copy !req
368. How'd it go?Copy !req
369. - Oh, went great.
- Well, tell me about her.Copy !req
370. Uh— She's everything
Jeff said, uh, she was.Copy !req
371. That's terrific.Copy !req
372. There was, unfortunately,
one casualty from the evening.Copy !req
373. What did you do? What happened?Copy !req
374. Your shirt got ruined.Copy !req
375. What the fuck happened
to the shirt?Copy !req
376. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
377. The chef yelled out
"irasshaimase"Copy !req
378. as I was pouring soy sauce,
and...Copy !req
379. it scared me, and— and I...
got it on the shirt.Copy !req
380. Looks like you were a part
of a home birth or something.Copy !req
381. So, it— So— So soy sauce
spilled all over it.Copy !req
382. I put soap on it, and, uh...Copy !req
383. You never put soap
on a fabric like this.Copy !req
384. I didn't know soap stains.Copy !req
385. Ah, fuck.
I loved this shirt, man.Copy !req
386. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
387. and they don't make it anymore.Copy !req
388. How— How do you replace
someone's favorite shirt?Copy !req
389. What? Favorite shirt?
What are you talking—Copy !req
390. You just don't buy another one.Copy !req
391. - You loaned me your favorite shirt?
- Yes.Copy !req
392. Why would you loan me
your favorite shirt?Copy !req
393. going on the date.Copy !req
394. - Oh, yeah, it's my fault.
- Everybody knows that.Copy !req
395. What do we do?
How do we get out of this?Copy !req
396. - I don't know.
- This is horrible.Copy !req
397. I'm happy to replace it
with any shirt you want.Copy !req
398. We can go shopping or—Copy !req
399. would be you actually...Copy !req
400. That's really biblical,
real eye-for-eye stuff.Copy !req
401. I'm not giving you
my favorite shirt.Copy !req
402. That's out of the question.Copy !req
403. Okay, fine.Copy !req
404. Don't give me
your favorite shirt.Copy !req
405. Just give me the gray and blue,
uh, two-tone shirt.Copy !req
406. You don't give up a two-tone.
That's my favorite shirt.Copy !req
407. You know it.
It's not even up for discussion.Copy !req
408. You never give up
a two-tone, ever.Copy !req
409. Okay. I don't know
that I feel much like eating.Copy !req
410. I'm glad the date went well...Copy !req
411. and that I could be a friend
when you needed one.Copy !req
412. Oh, come on!Copy !req
413. - Sorry, Freddy.
- Yeah.Copy !req
414. Say sorry with the two-tone.Copy !req
415. Any one!Copy !req
416. Irasshaimase!Copy !req
417. Ah! Mr. Takahashi.Copy !req
418. You don't say
"irasshaimase" here!Copy !req
419. You know, I said it
at the Japanese restaurant,Copy !req
420. and they didn't like it either.Copy !req
421. I'm not saying it right?
What— How do you say it?Copy !req
422. - "Irasshaimase."
- "Irasshaimase."Copy !req
423. No, no, no. Terrible.Copy !req
424. Huh?
You know terrible?Copy !req
425. - Yeah.
- That's you.Copy !req
426. Okay. All right. Okay.Copy !req
427. Totemo kanashii.Copy !req
428. - He not make it.
- Oh.Copy !req
429. It's interesting
because you would thinkCopy !req
430. - there'd be doctors around.
- No.Copy !req
431. - Only plastic surgeon here.
- Hmm.Copy !req
432. One more time
"irasshaimase" here, out!Copy !req
433. Bakayarou!Copy !req
434. We're not open, sir.Copy !req
435. Hi. Uh...Copy !req
436. I left my umbrella here
last night.Copy !req
437. It's a green umbrella.
It says, "Dallas Omni Hotel."Copy !req
438. - Hmm.
- Yeah. There— There it is.Copy !req
439. It's right there.Copy !req
440. Oh. You mean this umbrella?Copy !req
441. Yeah. Yes.Copy !req
442. I was staying in the hotel.
It was raining.Copy !req
443. They— They let me take
the umbrellaCopy !req
444. when I went to the airport.Copy !req
445. Should I return it to you
or Dallas Omni Hotel?Copy !req
446. Return it to me!
I'll return it to the hotel!Copy !req
447. Anyway, it's really not
your business.Copy !req
448. You don't need
to return it for me!Copy !req
449. But it's not yours either.Copy !req
450. I borrowed it.
I'll return it. Okay?Copy !req
451. Mr. David, I will be honored
to return this for you.Copy !req
452. No. It would be my honor
if you gave it to me.Copy !req
453. - Oh, it will be more our honor.
- No, it's my honor!Copy !req
454. - No, my honor!
- My honor!Copy !req
455. It is not your umbrella.Copy !req
456. All right. Enough of this. Just—Copy !req
457. You have no right to do this!Copy !req
458. No right! You're stealing!Copy !req
459. - Oh! Let's call the police!
- You're stealing!Copy !req
460. What do you care
about the Dallas Omni Hotel?Copy !req
461. Because there's a rule
and regulation for everything.Copy !req
462. - Ah.
- Ah!Copy !req
463. Yeah, I see.
Now, I get the whole thing.Copy !req
464. You're upset about—
that I irasshaimased
last night, right?Copy !req
465. No, no, no, no—Copy !req
466. - I didn't know. Nobody told me.
- Oh, I told you.Copy !req
467. All right, but—Copy !req
468. Oh, I'm sorry if I didn't follow
the irasshaimase rules.Copy !req
469. Oh, no. Umbrella rule
you didn't follow either.Copy !req
470. Oh... Oh...
The precious irasshaimase rule!Copy !req
471. "Only chef irasshaimase!"
What a bunch of crap!Copy !req
472. I'll irasshaimase
any time I want!Copy !req
473. I like irasshaimaseing!
It's very welcoming!Copy !req
474. It feels very good
to irasshaimase,Copy !req
475. and I'll continue
to irasshaimase!Copy !req
476. I didn't steal
the umbrella, okay?Copy !req
477. You're stealing the umbrella!Copy !req
478. The irasshaimase! Oh! So sacred!
Irasshaimase! Irasshaimase!Copy !req
479. Oh, come on!Copy !req
480. This makes four, Inspector.Copy !req
481. Four defenseless women
here in the heart of London.Copy !req
482. And every one
with the right forefingerCopy !req
483. - hacked off.Copy !req
484. Cleanly, expertly severed.Copy !req
485. Is there no way
of stopping this, Mr. Holmes?Copy !req
486. There's a way, somehow.Copy !req
487. Well, at least we know what the motives were not.Copy !req
488. because they all came
of totally unrelated families.Copy !req
489. Steady, Inspector. Steady.Copy !req
490. Sorry, Mr. Holmes.
Yes, it's horrible.Copy !req
491. Come on, let's get a drink.Copy !req
492. "Let's get a drink."Copy !req
493. On the contrary, my dear fellow.Copy !req
494. and ruthless intellect
the world has ever known.Copy !req
495. - I do.
- Oh, steady, Holmes.Copy !req
496. "Steady Holmes,
you've got him on the brain."Copy !req
497. - What are you doin'? What are you doin' here?
- Oh! Hey!Copy !req
498. Um...Copy !req
499. and Jeff said you have
a great one.Copy !req
500. He told me to come overCopy !req
501. and let myself in
and check it outCopy !req
502. and, you know, make myself
at home. So, you know—Copy !req
503. Clearly you did,
just lying on the couch, huh?Copy !req
504. - Oh, my feet weren't on there.
- Uh-huh?Copy !req
505. Did you notice
where my feet were,Copy !req
506. I hope you saw that.Copy !req
507. I don't understand what you're
doing here in the first place.Copy !req
508. You looked at the TV, now leave!Copy !req
509. I'm in the middle of this movie.Copy !req
510. In my house!
Sherlock Holmes!Copy !req
511. Somebody's chopping off
women's fingers, okay?Copy !req
512. - Uh-huh?
- And Holmes is on the case!Copy !req
513. He's on the case,
he'll solve it. You could leave.Copy !req
514. Okay, fine. Can I tape it?Copy !req
515. No, because that would requireCopy !req
516. you returning to the scene
of the crime to watch it!Copy !req
517. Is there any way you could
DVR it and then email it?Copy !req
518. What am I, the fucking AV Squad?Copy !req
519. No, I don't think so!Copy !req
520. - Fine. I'll leave.
- Thank you.Copy !req
521. By the way, there was somebody
who rang bell earlier.Copy !req
522. Who was it?
- I don't know, I didn't answer.Copy !req
523. It was my dress.
It was my dress being delivered.Copy !req
524. I need it
for the event this weekend.Copy !req
525. Why didn't you
fucking answer it?Copy !req
526. This is not my house.
I'm not even supposed
to be here.Copy !req
527. - Why am I answering your door?
- But you were here!Copy !req
528. Yeah, I was here literally,
but not figuratively.Copy !req
529. All right, you know what?
You go pick the dress up for me.Copy !req
530. All right? 'Cause you couldn't
get off your ass
to go to the door,Copy !req
531. then you can go drive
all the wayCopy !req
532. to the dressmaker
and pick it up for me!Copy !req
533. I don't understand.
If I wasn't here,
the guy knocks,Copy !req
534. nobody answers, and you still
don't get your dress.Copy !req
535. So how's it my fault?Copy !req
536. - "Steady, Inspector. Steady."
- What?Copy !req
537. All right.
I'll pick up your dress for you,Copy !req
538. but I feel it's only fair
to warn youCopy !req
539. that this path you're on
is quite treacherous...Copy !req
540. and can lead
to unforeseen consequences.Copy !req
541. Oh! No shit, Sherlock!Copy !req
542. Just get the fucking dress,
okay?Copy !req
543. I'm so sorry
for your loss.Copy !req
544. What? Oh, no!Copy !req
545. Oh, my God.Copy !req
546. - Hello.
- Hey, it's me.Copy !req
547. Uh— Where are you?
The thing's about to start.Copy !req
548. I'm on Longbow.Copy !req
549. I took my shortcut,
but it's not working.Copy !req
550. There's traffic.
Oh, you're kidding.Copy !req
551. Oh, come on!Copy !req
552. Why is there so much traffic?Copy !req
553. There's never traffic
on this shortcut!Copy !req
554. And I think Gabby
must have told people about it.Copy !req
555. Ah...
- I knew it!Copy !req
556. I knew I shouldn't
have told her!Copy !req
557. How long till you're here?Copy !req
558. I think I'm just gonna
turn around and go home.Copy !req
559. What?
So, you'll be a little late.Copy !req
560. Yeah. I—
I can't sit in traffic.Copy !req
561. You have to have done something
stupid to be in traffic.Copy !req
562. I don't belong here.
I'm gonna turn around.Copy !req
563. Larry's not coming.
Too much traffic.Copy !req
564. - Turned around and went home.
- Ah.Copy !req
565. Why did you give him
your favorite shirt?Copy !req
566. I guess it's my fault.
You think it's my fault?Copy !req
567. No.Copy !req
568. Uh... If it's my friend,
I'd give it to 'em.Copy !req
569. And then if they spilled,
what would be your expectation?Copy !req
570. That they'd get it cleaned
and or replace it.Copy !req
571. Yeah.Copy !req
572. That's right.Copy !req
573. I'm sorry for your loss.Copy !req
574. caring and loving father
to his sons, Hal and Caleb,Copy !req
575. and, on occasion,Copy !req
576. not a bad golfer.Copy !req
577. I know he would've been
very gratifiedCopy !req
578. to see all his friends
and colleaguesCopy !req
579. who came out to pay tributeCopy !req
580. to this wonderful,
wonderful man,Copy !req
581. one of whom
I'd like to bring up right now.Copy !req
582. - Freddy Funkhouser.
- I miss him.Copy !req
583. Thank you.Copy !req
584. Saul was a terrible golfer.Copy !req
585. Unless there was a little
scratch on the line.Copy !req
586. Then, he was Jack Nicklaus.Copy !req
587. I loved him.
- Ah, Freddy. He loved you.Copy !req
588. These moments matter.Copy !req
589. And to look out and see...Copy !req
590. everyone here who made
such a sacrifice to be here,Copy !req
591. I know for the family,
it means everything.Copy !req
592. Larry David, uh,
couldn't make it here today.Copy !req
593. He got stuck in traffic,Copy !req
594. You know,
Saul was the kind of guyCopy !req
595. even if it was his favorite one.
He wouldn't care.Copy !req
596. And if he was the one to stain
that shirt? Guess what.Copy !req
597. He would've given you
his favorite shirt back.Copy !req
598. He wouldn't just put his head
in the sand...Copy !req
599. and make it uncomfortable
for everybody.Copy !req
600. Probably would've given you
two shirts.Copy !req
601. What the hell's
going on here?Copy !req
602. I'm gettin' a lot
of dirty looks.Copy !req
603. - Uh... Freddy.
- What?Copy !req
604. Well, when he spoke,Copy !req
605. he said, "Larry David
couldn't be here todayCopy !req
606. because he got stuck in traffic
and turned around."Copy !req
607. What? Is he nuts?
Why would he do that?Copy !req
608. - I don't know. I don't know.
- That's crazy!Copy !req
609. It's 'cause I ruined
his favorite shirt.
I stained it.Copy !req
610. Who gives
their favorite shirt out?Copy !req
611. You don't do that.
No. No.Copy !req
612. And by the way,
so what if I missed the funeral?Copy !req
613. I went to his second wedding,Copy !req
614. I went
to his 60th birthday party.Copy !req
615. Then throw in a graduation
on top of it, a bar mitzvah!Copy !req
616. - Yeah.
- I mean, there's no end to it!Copy !req
617. What do they want from you?Copy !req
618. - 'Cause she's got a big mouth...
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
619. - All right. You ready for this?
- What?Copy !req
620. I know what happened with Hal.Copy !req
621. - I figured it out.
- What?Copy !req
622. She must've asked
for a secret on their date...Copy !req
623. then told everybody
about the mother-in-law.Copy !req
624. No doubt about it.Copy !req
625. - That's it.
- You nailed it!Copy !req
626. She's a blabbermouth.Copy !req
627. - What an idiot!
- Yes.Copy !req
628. Who goes on a date and goes,Copy !req
629. I know, it's so crazy.
It's crazy!Copy !req
630. But that's why
he's not talking to you.Copy !req
631. - Oh. No, I'm gonna see her.
- Oh, you are?Copy !req
632. - Oh, yeah.
- Oh.Copy !req
633. Mr. Takahashi!Copy !req
634. In honor of Saul Berman,
the club will be mourning.Copy !req
635. So, no revelry.Copy !req
636. - Smiling okay?
- No. Not even smiling.Copy !req
637. - Chuckling?
- No chuckling.Copy !req
638. Hey, let me ask you a question.Copy !req
639. Do you ever go to Katsuya?Copy !req
640. Oh, Katsuya?
Yeah.Copy !req
641. Yes, my favorite.Copy !req
642. Could you do me a favor?Copy !req
643. I left an umbrella there,Copy !req
644. and they won't
give it back to me.Copy !req
645. Why not get new umbrella?Copy !req
646. It holds up in gale-force winds.
It never goes inside out.Copy !req
647. It's the best umbrella
I ever had.Copy !req
648. No umbrella like that.Copy !req
649. This umbrella is like that.Copy !req
650. - Sou desu ka?
- What does that mean?Copy !req
651. - "Is that right?"
- Oh... "Sou desu ka."Copy !req
652. - "Sou desu ka."
- "Sou desu ka."Copy !req
653. "Desu ka."
- "Sou desu ka."Copy !req
654. "Sou desu ka."
Anyway, what do you think?Copy !req
655. Could you get it back for me?Copy !req
656. No!Copy !req
657. Coming!Copy !req
658. Are you fucking kidding me?Copy !req
659. You're a sharp dresser,
you know that?Copy !req
660. - It's one of my two-tones.
- What's a two-tone?Copy !req
661. It's got, uh,
two different colorsCopy !req
662. for the inside and the outside.Copy !req
663. Do you ever dress up?
Do you have a tux?Copy !req
664. Yes.
Of course I have a tux.Copy !req
665. It's not the dressing up part
that's disturbing to me,Copy !req
666. it's where you go
after you're dressed up.Copy !req
667. - Tuxedo itself is fine. Yeah.
- Yeah.Copy !req
668. Like, if I just sat in the house
with a tuxedo on,Copy !req
669. that would be okay.Copy !req
670. Yeah. As long as I don't
have to go to the placeCopy !req
671. where I have to wear the tux.Copy !req
672. - Mmm.
- Imagine my surprise...Copy !req
673. when the traffic was backed up
to Sunset Boulevard.Copy !req
674. You...Copy !req
675. opened your big,
gentile mouth.Copy !req
676. I told two friends.Copy !req
677. Two friends
with very long commutes,Copy !req
678. by the way. But that's—Copy !req
679. That is not enough
to make a— a— a—Copy !req
680. - a traffic jam to Sunset.
- No, no! It is!Copy !req
681. Two friends
tell two other friendsCopy !req
682. tell two other friends!Copy !req
683. and I promise
I won't tell anybody else.Copy !req
684. You know what? Even though...Copy !req
685. you gabbed and gave away
a precious secret...Copy !req
686. Yes?Copy !req
687. I'm not taking it off the table.Copy !req
688. You're not taking it
off the table?Copy !req
689. - No, no. For now.
- Okay.Copy !req
690. - Yeah.
- Okay.Copy !req
691. Eh...Copy !req
692. We'll see how it goes.Copy !req
693. So many things
to find out about you!Copy !req
694. Oh, welcome back!
- Thank you.Copy !req
695. Oh, you're back too.
That's right.Copy !req
696. Uh— I asked for the same table.Copy !req
697. Right this way.
That— That's okay.Copy !req
698. We'll find it. Yeah.Copy !req
699. Did you mail that umbrella?Copy !req
700. - Uh— Please, enjoy your dinner.
- Yeah, thank you. Yeah.Copy !req
701. - Irasshaimase!
- Irasshaimase!Copy !req
702. He steal umbrella
from Dallas Omni Hotel!Copy !req
703. - She slept with student!
- He ask her to prom!Copy !req
704. What?Copy !req
705. - You told them?
- No, I didn't.Copy !req
706. - You swore to me.
- I didn't say anything.Copy !req
707. He was captain
of basketball team!Copy !req
708. She blew him in car!Copy !req
709. Gochisousama deshita!Copy !req
710. Arigatou gozaimashita!Copy !req
711. - Thank you for coming, Mr. David.
- Oh, yeah. Sure.Copy !req
712. Oh, my God! Look! Look at this!
Look what's going on here!Copy !req
713. Look! Look at this!Copy !req
714. Hey!
That's my umbrella!Copy !req
715. No.Copy !req