Curb Your Enthusiasm 11x4

1. Now, I know that I am no better

2. than any of my fellow nominees

3. or any other human in this room or on this planet.

4. I also believe that interspecies equality is paramount.

5. We use machines to impregnate the innocent dairy cow.

6. Then callously snatch away her baby

7. as she cries out...

8. - Why do they do this? - ... in despair.

9. Even Woody Harrelson makes speeches like this.

10. You know what my speech would be if I win an Oscar?

11. - What? What? - "I wanna thank the Academy

12. and don't allow babies on planes, goodnight."

13. - They'd love that speech. - I know.

14. - You'd be a hero. - Then we take

15. the life milk meant for her calf,

16. and we use it for cream in our lattes.

17. Okay. All this stuff aside, he'd be so great for Uncle Mo

18. for the show, don't you think?

19. - Oh, my God, yes. - Tough to get.

20. Yeah, well, I don't know.

21. Could not hurt at all.

22. Oh, hi, Lar. Oh, hey.

23. Look at this tapestry I'm making for the temple.

24. I've never been more proud of her.

25. - It's the tree of life. - Did you sew that?

26. Yeah! - Yeah. It's a banner

27. for our temple football team.

28. And their defense is ridiculous.

29. They sacked our rabbi six times last season.

30. Speaking of the temple, you know, our rabbi

31. is an amazing guy.

32. Lar, you, of all people would love this guy.

33. - Oh, would I? - He's cool, he's hip,

34. - he's spiritual. He's just fantastic. - Oh, yeah. The hip rabbi. Yeah.

35. - Yeah, sure. - He's a big golfer.

36. Can't afford a fancy-schmancy club like we belong to.

37. Uh-huh. So I think it would be

38. a nice gesture for you to take him as a guest.

39. Take him to the club with me? Yeah. Come on.

40. - Oh, geez. - One round.

41. - This is gonna make you happy? - Very happy.

42. - All right, fine. - Aw. Thank you.

43. Thank you so much.

44. Oh, come on, man! No.

45. - Come on. Come on. - Oh, come on.

46. You think I wouldn't do it for you?

47. I'm old. Come on.

48. I can't waste a day playing golf with a rabbi.

49. Every minute is precious to me now.

50. Oh, let me— - At this time of my life, I—

51. - He's a great guy, Larry. - That's a four-hour favor.

52. And five, if you include lunch.

53. Come on, play golf with the cool rabbi and me.

54. You'd be doing me a big favor, come on.

55. - Oh, it's a favor. - I appreciate it so much.

56. I am doing you a favor.

57. How many times are you gonna remind me of this now?

58. - As often as I can. - Thank you, anyway. Both of you.

59. Oh, that, yeah. That really does a lot.

60. Will you please?

61. He's interested. They're gonna set up a meeting.

62. - Really? - Yeah.

63. - I love Woody. - I love Woody, too.

64. Okay. You know what? I'm gonna give you that.

65. Ah. Very generous of you.

66. Hey, by the way, I'm seeing your girlfriend this week.

67. Heidi? Yeah.

68. - Wait, the eye doctor? - Yeah.

69. Gentlemen, I'm gonna show you how this is done.

70. - Never again. - I know, I know.

71. Uh— I appreciate it.

72. That is just so exciting, is it not?

73. It sure would be nice to see you in temple.

74. Yeah. Okay. Don't hold your breath.

75. It's been a while since you've been to this temple.

76. I think never is the more appropriate word.

77. Well, maybe we can remedy that.

78. - How about a little wager? - Sure, fine.

79. I sink this putt, you come to my temple for services.

80. Sure, yeah. I'll come to your temple.

81. I'll get breast implants, too.

82. That's up to you.

83. Oh, my God.

84. Are you serious?

85. No, I can't.

86. Yes. - Come on.

87. You don't expect me to go there.

88. We were joking.

89. I just— What did you bet? Nothing.

90. You're gonna look beautiful with breasts.

91. - You're gonna look beautiful. - Yeah.

92. I can't go there, I'll suffocate.

93. Nice shot, rabbi.

94. How the fuck did he make that putt?

95. - What was all that? - What's all what?

96. You're like a mouse, scurrying back to your seat.

97. - I was scurrying? - Yeah. What are you up to?

98. - What you up to? - I saw it.

99. You didn't see shit.

100. What's that smell?

101. It's not kitchen. It's more floral.

102. Maybe even... fruity?

103. It's nothing— Hey, look, Larry.

104. Larry, calm down. Just relax. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

105. Larry, Larry, get the fuck out of there, man!

106. What is this?

107. - Watermelon? - What?

108. I thought you hated watermelon. What's going on?

109. Okay. I fucking lied, okay?

110. I fucking love watermelon, I love it.

111. But I can't eat this shit in front of white people.

112. - What? That's just ridiculous. - I just can't fucking do it.

113. You can't eat watermelon in front of me? That's so crazy.

114. In front of white people, why? Who gives a shit?

115. Even Black people don't like to see Black people

116. eat fucking watermelon. I feel bad for the fucking watermelon.

117. You probably love it too, don't you?

118. My favorite fucking fruit in the world.

119. I gotta put the frickin' watermelon in a little napkin

120. and go in the bathroom and eat that shit.

121. - Go into the woods? - Yeah. Opening the napkin

122. and eat the fucking watermelon by myself.

123. Okay. Well, you know what?

124. Next time I go to the market, I'm gonna get some watermelon,

125. I'm gonna bring it back, and you're gonna eat it

126. in front of me.

127. We're gonna do this together. We're gonna do it together.

128. - My man. - Okay.

129. All right. Here we go,

130. little cup of joe for the Woodman.

131. - Ah, thank you very much. - Huh?

132. You know, I don't drink it much.

133. but I'll, uh, is this— This isn't biodynamic product?

134. It's dynamic.

135. I don't know if it's biodynamic, but it's definitely dynamic.

136. Do you know what? This is like the sweetest digs, Larry.

137. Hey, you want some of this cream in your coffee?

138. I got it fresh from— Cream?

139. Is that cream, like cow cream?

140. You know what that does, Larry?

141. The cycle of violence that creates that cream?

142. I mean, do you realize the inherent cruelty in that?

143. What happens to the cow, to the calf?

144. Wait a second.

145. I didn't— I didn't get that cream from a market.

146. Is that what you think? Oh, no!

147. I have a— I have a farm. And a cow.

148. I— And the cow has a calf.

149. And after the calf is finished, that's when I take it.

150. - That's extraordinary. - You think I'd go into a market?

151. I'm not a monster.

152. And when I do go, I'm cream-shaming.

153. - I cream-shamed too! - You're a cream-shamer?

154. - Yeah! - Oh, my God!

155. I'm cream-shaming all the time!

156. - Unbelievable! - I thought I was gonna

157. cream-shame you now, but I underestimated you.

158. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Come on.

159. I apologize, and where's the, uh... Where's your farm?

160. It's outside the city, you know.

161. What's your cow's name?

162. - Jessie. - Jessie?

163. Yeah. Jessie, oh, my God.

164. Woody, I got to tell you, I just love that cow.

165. I just— I just love it. Sometimes,

166. I'll just lie in the sun and watch her chew that cud.

167. I don't know, just— You know, I had pets growing up.

168. I had dogs, cats, whatever.

169. But I have never loved an animal the way I love this cow.

170. - I just adore her. - Could I meet Jessie?

171. Could I go to your farm and meet Jessie?

172. I mean, this is right up my alley.

173. You wanna meet Jessie?

174. I would love to. What do you say?

175. Well, yeah, yeah. Sure. Yeah.

176. - Yeah? - Yeah.

177. Hmm. Nah. Thursday is not good.

178. I got... I gotta work on Thursday, yeah.

179. - Oh, okay. Friday? - Friday's not good.

180. Saturday, you're not working, and that's my last day here.

181. We'll do it Saturday, yeah?

182. Yeah. We'll do it. We'll do it. Yeah. Sure.

183. Great. - Yeah.

184. - It's meant to be. - Yeah.

185. But Larry, let's talk about this script.

186. There's a few notes I have.

187. It's nothing. It's not a page-one rewrite,

188. but let's start from page one.

189. Why would you tell him you had a cow?

190. - That's nuts. - Yeah. I was put on the spot.

191. You know, the whole thing with the cream.

192. I know nothing about cows. I know the cow's name is Jessie.

193. You told him the cow's name was Jessie.

194. He asked me what the name was, and I said Jessie.

195. Jessie's the worst name for a cow I've ever heard.

196. Fuck you. That's a good name for a cow.

197. - What about Bessie? - Okay. Bessie sounds made up.

198. That's like naming a dog Fido.

199. No. Jessie, you know a young lady who skateboards.

200. That's who Jessie is.

201. By the way, no Jessie, you can forget about Woody.

202. Hey. Oh, you know what? I'm so glad you're here.

203. Thank you. And thank you too.

204. - For what? - Taking the rabbi to golf.

205. - Oh. - It was a mitzvah.

206. Don't you feel good about yourself now?

207. No, I don't.

208. Aha! It'll be good for your soul.

209. It'll be unbelievably boring.

210. And I'll regret every second I spend there.

211. Do you not have any kind of feeling of spirituality...

212. an inkling?

213. Some kind of spiritual—

214. All right. You know what? Get the fuck out.

215. - Fuck you. Both of you. - Hey, Susie!

216. In all seriousness.

217. What am I, Little House on the fucking Prairie here?

218. I don't know cows and farms!

219. Maybe two farmers have come in to mail

220. farmers, Larry.

221. what are they sending out?

222. - Feed? - Larry.

223. We don't know any cows. What's the matter with you?

224. Ah, you're fucked. You gotta find a cow.

225. Okay, Larry. One last time.

226. One? Yeah.

227. Or two?

228. Hmm.

229. One? Mm-hmm.

230. Two? Uh...

231. I, uh— Let me see that again.

232. Okay. Uh-huh.

233. One. Yeah.

234. Two. - Oh, boy. How—

235. Which one can you see better?

236. I know they're different.

237. - Yes. - Yeah, but I can't tell

238. I think two. Two?

239. - Eh! - One more time? One?

240. Yeah. One. Two?

241. Ah. You know what?

242. - Yeah. - Okay. One.

243. Three? Yeah.

244. Or four? Four.

245. Four? - Oh, yeah. Four.

246. That was fast, okay.

247. No. Hold it. Let me see it again.

248. Okay. Three.

249. Three is really growing on me.

250. Here's four again.

251. Eh, uh... Let me see it again.

252. Three. Yeah.

253. Four. Okay.

254. Promise we're not tricking you.

255. - Am I right? Huh? - What...

256. Just three or four. What's the first instinct?

257. Who gets the tie?

258. - Do me just one favor. - Uh-huh.

259. - Okay. - That's why I'm having trouble

260. - with three and four. - Oh.

261. 'Cause I think I made a mistake with one.

262. - Okay. We're back at one now. - Yeah.

263. - Okay. Now, let me see two. - Okay.

264. - Two. - Okay. Yeah. Two, yeah.

265. Two! Perfect. Let's leave this for a second.

266. Let's walk away from this, let this settle.

267. - Okay. - Here's some info.

268. 'Cause that was a lot of decisions.

269. That's been my problem in my life.

270. I don't stay with the first instinct.

271. I go to the second instinct.

272. Hey, by the way, can you believe this weird rally

273. that's going on in Westwood this week?

274. What are they doing? Yeah.

275. Freedom of speech, that's so overrated.

276. There shouldn't be freedom of speech,

277. unless it's me, of course.

278. And that should've been in the constitution.

279. - Freedom of speech... - Sure.

280. Let me dilate your eyes, okay? Wanna take your glasses off?

281. - Sure. - All right.

282. Let's do this real quick.

283. Here we go, boop and boop.

284. Sure you've done that before. All right.

285. Nurse is gonna come in and run a couple more tests.

286. I just wanna say one more thing here.

287. We'll get you a new prescription, okay?

288. All right. You know what?

289. Uh. One. Should've been one.

290. You just hang tight. One, definitely.

291. Stay strong, man.

292. - Son of a... - Geez!

293. - ... bitch! - Oh, my gosh.

294. Look at this. Come on, dude.

295. I'm so sorry. I just came from the eye doctor.

296. They dilated my pupils.

297. And everything's kinda— I didn't see you.

298. Well, look at that. This is totally ruined.

299. I can't believe this is happening.

300. I'm screwed for today.

301. What am I supposed to do? You can't wear that anymore!

302. Would you go to an event like this?

303. You can't wear that to a rally.

304. Can't you just get a sheet?

305. It's not a sheet anyway. This is a robe. Feel it.

306. - Ah. - That's not...

307. I always thought it was a sheet.

308. But what about just temporarily?

309. It's like a spare tire, you know.

310. Yeah. Yeah. You gotta get that cleaned.

311. - It's really a shame. - Yeah.

312. I'll tell you what I could do.

313. But I've got a rally in Tucson and one in Santa Fe coming up.

314. And those things are the real deal.

315. - They're the big ones. - Okay.

316. How about this, you know? For the rally today,

317. you know, you go robe-less, it's not the end of the world.

318. And then, um, you'll have that robe spanking clean

319. - in two days. - You promise?

320. They stain so easily, you guys, you're out all the time

321. in the fields, with the burning, and the ashes,

322. you must spend a lot of money at the cleaners for this thing.

323. Well, it's tradition.

324. - You know tradition? - Of course.

325. "Who, day and night, must scramble for a living,

326. feed the wife and children, say his daily prayers?"

327. - Yes. - "Who has the right,

328. The papa! Tradition."

329. Tradition. Yeah, exactly.

330. If I was starting your organization,

331. I would've opted for a black robe.

332. You can't see black in the middle of the night.

333. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right.

334. - You wanna see the white. - Got you.

335. - Okay. - Just put it in there.

336. Hurrah! - Hurrah!

337. Stay strong! - Stay strong, brother.

338. White is right!

339. - You should call me— - Great.

340. - Thank you so much. - Okay. Sure.

341. Yeah. Let's get this, uh, taken care of.

342. Again, I— My apologies.

343. And you have my word, on my honor.

344. You will have this robe for your hate rallies

345. in Tucson and Santa Fe.

346. All right. Hey, thanks. I really appreciate it.

347. - Yeah. Sure. - I really appreciate it.

348. No starch in the robe? - Right.

349. Good morning! Hey, good morning.

350. How can I help ya?

351. - Sure. Let's have a look. - Hey, there's nothing to see.

352. Just throw it in the bin.

353. - Is that what I think it is? - Yeah.

354. Yeah. It's— Some Klansmen are over,

355. and I spilled coffee on it.

356. - I spill, I clean. - So if it's your responsibility,

357. then it's your responsibility to take it somewhere else

358. because I don't want it in my store,

359. I don't wanna clean it, I don't wanna touch it.

360. I get the reluctance, I do.

361. But let me just say this, as far as Klansmen go,

362. he's a decent Klansman, yeah.

363. - A decent Klansman... - Yeah.

364. - ... is a Klansman. - True. True.

365. But, you see what you're doing here?

366. What you're doing is what they're doing.

367. You don't wanna have anything to do

368. And now that's what you're doing.

369. - This group hates me. - Yeah.

370. - I'm a Jew. They hate me. - I understand.

371. - See this cheek? - Mm-hmm.

372. I'm turning that cheek. Turn the cheek!

373. Turn your cheek! Let's not be like them.

374. Let's show them that we're different.

375. We don't discriminate.

376. - Okay. - Thank you. Thank you.

377. I really don't like this, but I'll do it.

378. I really appreciate that.

379. And, um, is there any way I could get this robe, uh,

380. by tomorrow, he's got big rallies coming up

381. in Santa Fe and Tucson.

382. - Three o' clock, tomorrow. - By the way, you know anyone

383. who... owns a cow?

384. We're in the middle of the city, there's no cows.

385. If someone comes in and they look a little farm-ish,

386. if you have a farm-ish customer...

387. Thank you so much. Really appreciate it.

388. Uh, you know what? I don't have any change.

389. You know, it takes bills.

390. It's very narrow, I see.

391. Not that hard. By the way,

392. no starch, no crease.

393. See you tomorrow.

394. The blowing of the shofar symbolizes many things.

395. In the Torah, it is said the blowing of the shofar

396. is a call to assemble for battle.

397. - Hey. - Hey.

398. It's a High Holy Day miracle,

399. - look who's here. - Yeah.

400. intolerance and hate that are amassing right here

401. in our very city.

402. A mere few blocks away, people are gathering

403. to spread their lies and disinformation and venom.

404. Can you believe this, there's a hate group in Westwood?

405. Yeah. I ran into one, I spilled coffee on his robe,

406. I had to bring it to the dry cleaner.

407. You had a confrontation with the hate group?

408. - Yes. - What kind of robe was it,

409. It's more like bone or ecru.

410. Huh! How was the eye doctor? You see Heidi?

411. - Yes. She's a great doctor. - Great doctor.

412. God.

413. I knew you would be happy when you saw her, she's terrific.

414. However, there's something I have to tell you.

415. Okay.

416. - Bring what up? - When the exam was over,

417. she dropped a Pirate's Booty on the floor.

418. Didn't pick it up.

419. Did you see her drop the Pirate's Booty?

420. I saw her do it. I saw her look at the Pirate's Booty,

421. make the decision not to pick it up

422. and walk out of the room.

423. No, she didn't.

424. - You know why? - Why?

425. 'Cause I picked it up.

426. No, I don't like it.

427. That's terrible.

428. I know, it's awful.

429. I don't know what you should do.

430. Keep me out of it. Could never—

431. on the floor. Didn't pick it up.

432. It's not a good thing to drop the booty

433. - and not pick it up. - Not good.

434. There's a sense of entitlement there,

435. it's not a good quality.

436. Please rise.

437. Do you like Pirate Booty?

438. I don't like a cheesy snack, do you?

439. - A cheesy snack is not good. - No!

440. All right.

441. Man, he's good.

442. - Unbelievable. - Yeah.

443. Thank you all for coming.

444. - Shanah tovah. - Shanah tovah.

445. I can tell you this,

446. You didn't enjoy, you didn't have fun?

447. Rabbi Freedman.

448. - Thank you. - Hello.

449. I wasn't sure you were gonna make it.

450. Come on, I'm a man of my word. Are you kidding?

451. - Yes, you are. - Very nice service,

452. and by the way, fantastic on that shofar.

453. - Oh, thank you. - He's pretty amazing.

454. - I don't know how you do it. - Just blow.

455. I've tried 50 times, I've never ever been able

456. to get anything out of it.

457. Why don't you give it a try?

458. How do you know? You might be a regular Dizzy Gillespie.

459. I can't. Okay, I'll give it a try.

460. Nothing personal.

461. to blow that thing.

462. Blow that thing.

463. You're a master in the making, I can tell.

464. - Ridiculous. - Please keep it as a gift.

465. What? I can't possibly take this from you.

466. It was such a lovely day on the golf course.

467. - I want you to have this. - All right. Okay.

468. - Thank you so much. - Enjoy.

469. - Thank you. - It's good to see you here.

470. Nice to see you guys.

471. Oh, please. I'm never gonna pick this up for the rest of my life.

472. - Hey, guys, how you doin'? - Doing swell. How are you?

473. Great. Cannot complain.

474. Yeah? You got any fun plans for today?

475. Thinking about having my leg amputated.

476. Oh, well, good luck.

477. - You find everything okay? - Yes, we did, yeah.

478. I would like to, uh...

479. Go ahead.

480. buy this watermelon.

481. He said he'd like to buy the watermelon.

482. - Yeah. - Because it's not a crime

483. for a Black man to like watermelon, is it?

484. Sir, do you like watermelon?

485. It's really none of my business, man, it's...

486. Just doing my thing, you know.

487. Tell me the truth. Do you like watermelon?

488. Yeah, I like watermelon.

489. - You like it a lot? - I do.

490. I like watermelon.

491. I like it. I like watermelon!

492. He likes watermelon! Of course, you like it,

493. because it's delicious!

494. - Right! - Why wouldn't you like it?

495. - Thank you! - You know what?

496. Get yourself a watermelon, on me.

497. - I will! - And you know what else?

498. I love gefilte fish.

499. Yeah, you heard me, gefilte fish.

500. And I'm gonna have it with a smear of cream cheese

501. on a bagel.

502. And I might even have some herring.

503. And that's okay too. Ring up that watermelon.

504. Ring up the gefilte fish. All right.

505. My man.

506. Yeah, I've looked everywhere.

507. I can't find the robe. It's lost.

508. - Okay, that's bullshit. - It's lost.

509. - Give me the robe. - You know what?

510. to a member of an inferior race, you gotta expect us

511. to screw it up.

512. A lot of trouble.

513. He is a decent Klansman, but he's still a Klansman!

514. He's got rallies coming up in Santa Fe and Tucson.

515. He's not gonna have his robe. He's not gonna be happy!

516. That's a real shame.

517. What do you mean he lost it?

518. Yeah, said he lost it.

519. - I fucking trusted you. - Yeah.

520. You go to the cleaners,

521. - Yeah. - ... and they're supposed to give it back to you.

522. They're supposed to give it back to you.

523. It's a— It's a disgrace.

524. - Yeah. - So, what are you

525. gonna do about it?

526. That's not my problem.

527. You're the one who took the robe.

528. Yeah, it's my responsibility.

529. You know what?

530. You can't believe the stuff that she can sew.

531. - Yeah? - She kind of owes me a favor.

532. Still, it's not gonna be an easy ask, but...

533. I think I can get her to do it.

534. - Like a custom job? - A custom job.

535. You think she can get it done.

536. I've never had a custom one done.

537. Huh, you like that?

538. They'll look at you, they'll go,

539. "Hey, what, did you see Joe's robe?

540. You'll get invited to the Grand Wizard's house for dinner.

541. That's my prediction.

542. I'd say that comes out to be a pretty fair trade.

543. - Yeah. - Great, great.

544. Maybe you could do me a small favor.

545. Anyway, I hope I'm not disturbing you.

546. No, I'm just making dinner. You know, the usual.

547. You know, I'm not one for pop-ins, you know.

548. - You pop in all the time. - Eh? You know.

549. By the way, I cannot stop thinking

550. - about that banner. - Uh, yeah.

551. That was an incredible work of art.

552. That makes me so happy that you appreciate it.

553. How could I not? I wouldn't be a human being, for God's sake!

554. With all due modesty, it's a masterpiece,

555. I mean, it's amazing.

556. from the rooftops, "Hey, look at me everybody."

557. You have that need. I'm more secure.

558. Yeah.

559. Oh, what a delightful man.

560. I knew you would like him.

561. - And fun to play with. - Fun.

562. Sense of humor, just like you said.

563. - Right. - And hip, whoo!

564. - Yeah. - Those four and a half hours

565. just flew by.

566. Anyway, I was thinking maybe you could sew

567. something for me.

568. Uh, I'm so touched.

569. You'll do it?

570. I don't think it's that difficult.

571. I think you could knock it off...

572. You have something in mind?

573. It's not for me. It's for a friend of mine.

574. - What is it? - It's kind of a robe.

575. What kind of a robe, like a bathrobe?

576. No, more like a sheet-y kind of thing.

577. Sheet, like a kaftan, kind of a...

578. - It's kaftan-ish, yeah. - Uh-huh.

579. - There's a hood and— - Is it for a man or a woman?

580. - Oh, it's for a man. - What kind of a man?

581. - A Klansman. - What do you mean, a Klansman?

582. Yeah, a Ku Klux Klansman.

583. - What? - Yeah.

584. What are you, fucking crazy?

585. I could see how you would react like that, okay?

586. How do you even know a Klansman?

587. it's my responsibility to replace the robe.

588. The dry cleaner said he lost it.

589. Larry, it goes against everything I believe in.

590. Next thing you're gonna do is tell me some of them

591. are very good people.

592. I did play golf with the rabbi.

593. He was the slowest player I've ever been with.

594. You do owe me a favor.

595. I'll do it.

596. - Thank you so much. - Just go. Just go.

597. And by the way, don't worry about the pointy hat

598. because that didn't get coffee on it.

599. - Oh, some good things. - Yeah. Also,

600. don't make the sleeves too floppy

601. I'm sorry you weren't here the other night.

602. We had a fabulous square dance.

603. - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, right in the barn.

604. - You square... - Yeah.

605. I'm picturing you square dancing.

606. Oh, yeah, yeah! Grab your partner,

607. do-si-do, oh, yeah. I do-si, yeah.

608. Oh, hey, hey, look at this.

609. - Look at Jessie. - Oh.

610. I'd like you to meet my friend, Woody.

611. - Jessie. - Huh?

612. You're a beautiful mother.

613. - She's my baby. - Oh, yeah.

614. Do you ever milk her?

615. Joe. Do I milk?

616. - Joe, tell him about my... - Larry milk.

617. - Huh? - He milk.

618. she's ready to pop. Let's pull up a stool and get it going.

619. Uh, it's a great idea, but I milked so much last week.

620. I got milky fingers, you know what that is?

621. I never heard of that.

622. and your fingers get very stiff and you can't close them up.

623. And what about the calf? What's the calf's name?

624. The calf? Oh, yeah, that's, uh, that's Rebecca.

625. Oh, it's very, uh, gendery-bendery of you

626. to have a male calf with a female name.

627. You know, uh, we don't see gender here on this farm.

628. We're kind of a woke farm.

629. - Are you? - Oh, yeah.

630. of Nancy Pelosi on his tractor.

631. - It's funny. Yeah. - Yeah.

632. So anyway, you know, we should, uh,

633. we should probably take off. I could—

634. If you want some of those apples back there,

635. Right, I won't let the Jew charge you.

636. Oh.

637. We harass each other all the time, yeah.

638. Well, what do you call him?

639. I just call him a racist cocksucker.

640. - It's good stuff. - It works. It works.

641. It's life on the ranch.

642. - Yeah? - Yeah.

643. Wow. What an honor to meet you.

644. - Bye Jessie, yeah. - You gonna pet her goodbye?

645. I gotta have lunch in a minute.

646. You okay?

647. Yeah, I'm great. Great.

648. Freddy.

649. Okay. What's wrong? What? What's going on?

650. Now that you've mentioned something,

651. someone that we both know...

652. - Mm-hmm. - ... was in your office.

653. Okay.

654. And that the Pirate Booty fell on the ground.

655. And that you made a decision not to pick the Pirate Booty

656. up off the floor, and it's been bothering me.

657. - Is this a joke? - It's a simple question.

658. Did you drop the Pirate Booty or did you not?

659. No, but who would tell you something so insane?

660. - The who's not important. - It's very important.

661. - What? It was a dog walker... - Freddy, who?

662. It was a mutual friend. What does it matter?

663. - It was Larry David. - Oh, for fuck's sake.

664. - you were eating— - Larry David,

665. - Why is this about... - One or two.

666. Did you drop the Pirate Booty?

667. What would he gain from it?

668. that fell on the ground, I would pick it up?

669. - It's ridiculous. - Yeah, one would hope.

670. So I'm gonna ask you one more time.

671. - That's it. - Freddy?

672. - Okay. - Yes.

673. Wasn't a big deal, we have a team of people.

674. I was busy.

675. Didn't care then, don't care now.

676. Yeah, and you know what?

677. - Wait, I put you through? - Yeah.

678. This is all fucking Larry David.

679. because you'll grow from this.

680. Ew, you know what, I'm growing now.

681. I'm outta here. Oh, God.

682. And you know what? You know what?

683. That's not gonna solve anything. That's not gonna solve anything.

684. This is how you handle— Okay, all right.

685. I see it now. I don't know how I didn't see it before.

686. I hope someone can pick that up.

687. By the way, super great way of handling this.

688. - How about that? - Uh, fantastic.

689. - Right? - Thank you so much.

690. - The grapes, the apples. - Of course, of course.

691. And I'm looking forward to talking about Uncle Mo.

692. That's very exciting. Thank you.

693. You got it made out here, you know.

694. It's a pleasure there, Woody.

695. - Thank you, Joe. - Yeah.

696. You take care of yourself, man.

697. Good man. These are good. I'll see you guys.

698. Hey, what— Whoa. What the fuck?

699. What?

700. It's just— Well, no, no.

701. Yeah, but I wouldn't drop a grape on your porch

702. - and then walk off. - It's just a grape.

703. It doesn't matter.

704. Hollywood left— Larry. Come on.

705. - Eh... Should pick up the grape. - That's not cool.

706. It looks like it is a sense of entitlement there.

707. It's gonna biodegrade, Larry.

708. Pick up the fucking grape, Woody!

709. Here, here's your grape.

710. Fuck you with your fucking grape!

711. And there's a whole fucking fistful of grapes.

712. And guess what? Here's a fucking apple.

713. - Don't you fucking do it. - Fuck you.

714. Fuck this shitty farm. And guess what?

715. Your show, good luck with it, because I ain't doing it.

716. You know what? Fuck this. Stay right there, boy.

717. - Where's he going? - I think he's getting a gun.

718. Teddy was right about you, Larry.

719. Ted Danson? What did he say?

720. You should've picked up the grape!

721. I'm not seeing well out of the lenses, you know.

722. I just made bad decisions.

723. I took two, I should've taken one.

724. And I took three and I should've taken four.

725. My whole life, always wrong decisions.

726. - I'm plagued with them. - Sir, we'll get you a new prescription.

727. I just need to dilate your pupils.

728. This might feel a little cold. Okay.

729. Your eyes are gonna be a little sensitive to light

730. for the next 30 minutes, so stay out of direct sunlight.

731. I'll take it from here.

732. - I'm gonna do one. - Thank you.

733. I'm gonna do one, and I'm gonna do...

734. What the fuck, Larry?

735. fucking Pirate's Booty on the floor? Are you nuts?

736. Why didn't you pick it up?

737. It's not that I care. There's a sense of entitlement there

738. - that I thought was wrong... - What?

739. and I needed to let my friend know about that.

740. Larry, I was gonna pick it up, okay?

741. Oh, you were going to pick it up?

742. I was going to pick it up.

743. How do you know and why do you care?

744. No one asked you to clean it up, Larry.

745. You know what you could've done?

746. You think I can leave a Pirate's Booty on the floor?

747. - No. - No one fucking cares

748. about the Pirate's Booty, Larry.

749. I care about the Pirate's Booty.

750. Huh?

751. Oh!

752. Was that a one or a two?

753. What the fuck?

754. I'm so, so sorry. Are you okay?

755. I— Yes, I'm fine. Are you okay?

756. I'm fine, yes. I'm telling you—

757. Great, my car is not doing great.

758. Uh, look, I'll pay for the whole thing.

759. she shoved the thing in my face.

760. You're not supposed to drive after that.

761. Oh, but she shoved it. She shoved it.

762. You're supposed to have someone pick you up.

763. It doesn't matter.

764. - Can we do the exchange so... - Uh, yeah, yes.

765. - Yeah, I'm so sorry. - Thanks.

766. Larry.

767. Mary. I'm Mary.

768. You can take a picture of it with your phone,

769. so you can maybe read it later.

770. - Mary Ferguson? - Yes.

771. - Seriously? - Yes. What's happening?

772. Oh, my God. Your name's Mary Ferguson?

773. - Yes, it is. - This is incredible.

774. - Is it? - This is kismet.

775. This is unbelievable.

776. Larry.

777. a recurring dream about going to Asia.

778. - Get out of here. - Right.

779. So I'm getting excited. So tell me about this guy.

780. - Leon? - Yeah.

781. Okay.

782. I'm excited. - Take my word.

783. I can't wait.

784. What the fuck was that?

785. That... was a Mary Ferguson.

786. I brought her back here to meet you.

787. - She was perfect! - Lost another one.

788. That's three, Larry.

789. Who told you to have a watermelon orgy?

790. You told me that shit. You said it, Larry.

791. - Can I join you? - Fuck yeah, come on, man.

792. Get in on this sweet meat.

793. What happened to your eyes, man?

794. Like a fucking racoon.

795. - Cheers! - Cheers!

796. Cheers! Yeah, cheers.

797. You will not replace us!

798. Shit, shit, shit, I'm late.

799. Oh, wow

800. Here we go.

801. You will not replace us!

802. Geez. Sorry I'm late, guys.

803. You will not replace us! You will not replace us!

804. Look at this guy! He's a Jew!

805. Huh?

806. No! Stop! Some lady made it!

807. Stop! Help!

808. Larry!

809. Larry!

810. Larry!

811. Open this fucking door or I'll break it down.

812. Larry!

813. You wanna see what they did to me?

814. I'll beat your bald ass, boy!

815. You crossed the line, buddy. You think you're real funny!

816. Nobody else did.

817. I got my ass beat in Santa Fe.

818. I'll show you something funny. Get down here!

819. Fucking race traitor.

820. Larry!

821. I know that you're home.

822. Come down here.

823. Larry, get down here!

824. Shut the fuck up, Larry.

825. Shit.