Curb Your Enthusiasm 11x3

1. Thank you guys.

2. but big mitzvah that you brought it over here to Hulu.

3. We're so happy to be here. So happy.

4. So, let's, uh, let's talk tachles.

5. - What is that? - Tachles, real talk.

6. Let's get to it.

7. Young Larry. The rewrite, liked it, didn't love it.

8. Oh, so you didn't like it?

9. - No, no. - No, no.

10. Mm-hmm. - They liked it?

11. Or they liked it?

12. I'm only a they when I'm with a group of people.

13. Are you plural?

14. No, I'm gay.

15. And there you have it. So, casting?

16. - Yeah. - I was thinking, for the role

17. of Uncle Moe, Ted Danson.

18. Y— you can't get away from it. No, he's everywhere.

19. I can't get away from him!

20. I don't know. He's not really the right type.

21. We like Ted. But what do I know? I'm just a Jew from the Valley.

22. I'll tell you what, though. Okay.

23. I've got somebody for Marsha Lifshitz

24. who's a discovery.

25. Oh. Wow. Okay.

26. And her name is Maria Sofia Estrada,

27. - and she's fantastic. - Great.

28. I was just wondering, uh, is she Jewish?

29. Oh, you can't ask that.

30. Why can't she ask that?

31. I think it's illegal.

32. Get the fuck out of here! "Illegal"!

33. Well, well, listen, if you like her, we like her.

34. Just— can we see some tape?

35. That's the process, it's that, you know,

36. we'd like to give it the old...

37. network stamp.

38. It's a visual medium, this TV thing. Yeah.

39. Uh, that's great, we'll get 'em tape.

40. We'll get 'em tape.

41. We'll get some tape. Terrific. We can't wait.

42. And on behalf of everybody, welcome to Hulu.

43. Thank you very much. Okay.

44. Or as we call it in this office, Jew-lu.

45. All right. - Hey, Larry,

46. We had Bari Weiss last Friday night. She's fantastic.

47. - Hmm. - Ow.

48. - Did that guy ever do stand-up? - Not to my knowledge,

49. and if he did, he couldn't have been good.

50. God, he really leans into that Jew stuff,

51. - doesn't he? - Boy, oh, boy.

52. Jew this, Jew that. Jew this, Jew that.

53. - Yeah, I know. - Oh, my God.

54. Terrible.

55. Did you slam the door on your, uh, way out?

56. - No. - I just got a text

57. from them upstairs saying, "Is Larry mad?

58. He slammed the door when he left."

59. No, I'm not mad. You know,

60. In the future, I promise I'll try and be

61. a little more considerate with my door closing.

62. I mean, she's just... She stinks to high heaven.

63. What about an acting coach? Acting class?

64. Cheryl teaches acting now.

65. - You're kidding me? - No. Great idea,

66. - let's ask Cheryl. - Let's ask Cheryl.

67. What are you doing here?

68. - Why didn't you text me? - I could've.

69. But then, you know, I would've missed that—

70. that look of disappointment wash over your face

71. when you opened the door, and that was priceless.

72. Do you wanna come in? Sure.

73. All right. Please.

74. What's that? Hot dog eating contest?

75. This Friday? So disgusting.

76. That's so gross.

77. You know, women do these now too.

78. Hmm! That would be fun,

79. "I'll have a salmon. She'll have 32 hot dogs!" Yeah.

80. Well, you know that, uh, pilot I'm doing?

81. Yeah.

82. - There's an actress in the show. - Okay.

83. Oh, God, how do I even say this? Well, she stinks.

84. - But you cast her? - Yeah. Yeah.

85. Well, why would you cast her if she's not good?

86. I can't get into all this now. Suffice it to say,

87. she has to be in the show,

88. and she has to be better than she is.

89. - Okay. - And we need to have a good tape

90. - for her, to show Hulu. - All right, easy.

91. I mean, we can set up the camera and—

92. - and make a nice tape for Hulu. - Great.

93. - And they'll be thrilled. - Yeah.

94. - Yeah, well... - You know, we'll just, like,

95. serious character study. Maybe do some vocal exercises

96. - that can help. - Okay, please, spare me the bullshit.

97. Just... Thank you, thank you.

98. It's not bullshit. It's actually technique that people—

99. You're welcome.

100. Andy, Cassie, come on, make yourself at home.

101. Come get a drink.

102. from my office every month?

103. You're my business manager. I pay you to take care of that.

104. - Okay, fine. Just wanna know the email's going through. - Jeff?

105. Can you help me in the kitchen please?

106. Mm-hmm.

107. I met this girl a few nights ago at a bar.

108. - She was so gorgeous, like... - Wow.

109. - ... way outside my coverage. - Nice, Harry, beautiful.

110. She just gave me her number, so then I gave her my number.

111. - Look at you! - But then, when I'm going home,

112. I just texted her, "Hey, that was really cool.

113. Do you wanna maybe go get a drink Thursday night?"

114. And she immediately replied, "Oh, yes."

115. Just... bam, right there.

116. "How about some food to go with those drinks?"

117. Oh, no.

118. - Oh, God. You pushed the dinner. - So, I— I blew it, right?

119. I scared the rabbit away and ran at it.

120. The desperation came through.

121. It came through. - You couldn't contain it.

122. I don't know what to do. What can—

123. - Oh, boy. Harry. - Do you have any ideas?

124. Well, you gotta send her something funny.

125. - It's got to be funny. - Something funny, okay.

126. Yeah, it's got to be a funny text.

127. - I think I might have something. - What?

128. Say, "Actually..."

129. "I can't have dinner on Thursday."

130. Okay.

131. and I don't wanna ruin my appetite."

132. - It's funny. - I'm gonna fucking send it.

133. You're saying, "Hey, I fucked up." Okay?

134. - I fucked up 'cause of the— - Yeah.

135. Hey, but look, I'm a funny guy.

136. Let's see what happens. God damn, yes.

137. Yeah, you like it?

138. Hey, nice to see you.

139. - How's the mattress world? - Still the mattress champ.

140. Just opened a new outlet in Victorville.

141. That's fantastic.

142. - Wow. - Honestly.

143. But the thing I'm doing now,

144. - What hotel? - The Funkhouse.

145. It's an interesting space.

146. - Go. - Go get yourself a drink,

147. Thanks again for having me. You look terrific.

148. Hey, guys. Hey.

149. - Hey. Hi. - Hey, hey! My man, how are you?

150. What's this about a hotel you're...?

151. - Yeah. - You bought a hotel?

152. I'm doing the whole thing. It's exciting, huh?

153. - That's amazing, - It is. It's amazing.

154. Well, you know, we'll see how it goes, but I feel very good.

155. What— what are you doing about the minibar?

156. What do you mean, what am I gonna do

157. They're kind of fascinating to me, the minibars.

158. You know, you go into the room, you're kind of excited about,

159. "Oh, what do they have?" Then you see some items,

160. "I don't know why they got that one.

161. - Can I ask you something? - Sure?

162. - Suppose I, Larry David... - Yeah.

163. went shopping for your minibar

164. and picked out your minibar.

165. I'm really gonna open a hotel.

166. Why is somebody better at that than I am?

167. I know potato chips. I know M&M's.

168. They told me not to open up a mattress shop in Temecula.

169. They said it's all credit card junkies and Supercross.

170. I did it, and guess what? I'm slaughtering it.

171. If you think you can do it, I think you can do it.

172. Yeah. The answer for you is yes.

173. Hi. Hi.

174. - Come on in. - Thank you.

175. I can't wait to see what you come up with.

176. I gotta get to work.

177. Larry? Oh, hey.

178. Are you mad at me?

179. No. Why would I be mad at you?

180. I don't know, because I'm doing you a favor

181. - and you slammed the door on me. - Really?

182. You don't hear that as a slamming of the door?

183. I didn't hear a door slam, I'm sorry.

184. Okay, well, then you must be door deaf.

185. Hmm. It's interesting that you would say that,

186. because I've always thought my hearing was a cut above

187. - the average person. - Is that right?

188. Especially disparaging remarks directed at me.

189. - Uh-huh. - "You fucking asshole."

190. I can hear that, like, from 50 yards away.

191. "What a fucking— I hate that fucking guy."

192. - You know, stuff like that. - You can hear that?

193. - Yeah. - Hey, everybody, supper's ready.

194. Let's go, let's eat.

195. Come on, cousin! - All right, I'm up, I'm up.

196. Sit wherever you want. Jeff, I want you there.

197. All right. Freddy, perfect.

198. - Thank you. - Want me to— Oh.

199. Cass, you sit there. Here?

200. All right. Guess I'll sit here.

201. Look at this! Look at your leopard...

202. So listen, I'm so happy to have you all here.

203. I wanna do a toast. Oh.

204. I just wanna say thank you all for coming.

205. to friendship. Susie!

206. That's beautiful. Cheers!

207. and to be with everyone. Eyes, please!

208. - Cassie, Harry! - Cheers.

209. Cheers.

210. Larry? You can't look me in the eye and toast?

211. Look you in the eye? Yeah.

212. Towards what end?

213. Because that's what people do.

214. What is this? A seance?

215. We're raising people from the dead?

216. Come on, give me a break.

217. I— I don't need to connect, okay? I'm connected.

218. - What are you afraid of? - What does it do?

219. I acknowledge you.

220. Hello! I see you!

221. I acknowledge you!

222. I connect with you.

223. Okay, very funny. You made your point.

224. - I think you're rude. - You see how stupid it is?

225. Ooh, so I'm in a bookstore the other day,

226. okay? Yeah.

227. And I'm looking, and I'm looking under R.

228. Nothing. I go to the Es.

229. A book on Eleanor Roosevelt. It was crazy, it was nuts.

230. Can you imagine?

231. I'm not saying it's definite,

232. maybe somebody younger, and they just didn't know?

233. You know, that's true. I saw people there.

234. Some in their 20s.

235. Okay, maybe it's forgivable.

236. I did.

237. They don't know the Dewey Decimal System anymore.

238. They're not going to libraries. They're going on their computer.

239. I decided to go to a bookstore, and not go online.

240. Have you seen this? - We could get reclaimed wood.

241. That'll work. From, like, a gym.

242. If you're doing a big room, sometimes they don't have

243. enough of the same stuff that matches.

244. If you go to the right supplier, you do.

245. But I'll tell you what I was thinking too.

246. There's a thing, there's resin. Okay? It's two polymers.

247. Is it resin or rah-sin?

248. No, it's resin, R-E-S-I-N.

249. I guess, it's whatever you want it to.

250. Cheryl, have you had to put any new wood or flooring

251. in your house at all?

252. No.

253. That's another thing we haven't decided.

254. Dark wood? Light wood?

255. M— maybe you could stain the mahogany.

256. will you meet me in the kitchen for a second? I need your help

257. - with something. - Sure. Of course.

258. If you get heavy, heavy wood...

259. It's a fucking nightmare.

260. - Yeah, it's a disaster. - It's a disaster.

261. It's a complete disas— My dinner party, done.

262. You know why? Yeah. Because Andy and Cassie

263. are in the middle.

264. You have to be able to carry the conversation.

265. - Yes. - You have to be interesting.

266. You're the point guard there. You're distributing the ball.

267. - They can't fucking middle. - They can't middle.

268. Look at— look at that. whole family loves fishing now.

269. Andy loves it, I love it, Skylar loves it.

270. I can't believe it.

271. - Oh, my G— Fishing? - Yeah.

272. What, can we save this?

273. I'll take care of it. Thank you, Larry.

274. - It's the bucket of bait, okay, which is called chum. - Right.

275. They call it chum, I don't know why.

276. - She knew what she was doing. She was born to it. - Okay, okay.

277. - She's great. - All right. Okay. I'm sorry.

278. This dinner's not going very well.

279. Oh! And the reason it's not going well

280. is because the wrong people are in the middle.

281. What?

282. Yeah. You can't handle the middle.

283. - You're not a middler. - Andy, not everybody

284. has the personality for the middle.

285. It's very presumptuous of you to even be sitting here.

286. Freddy happens to be a great middle, I know that.

287. I'd like Freddy and Cassie to switch,

288. and I'd like Andy and Larry to switch.

289. and got laughs!

290. Anyway, let me just finish the story.

291. No! - No more boat.

292. - All right. - Okay.

293. This is how you middle. Okay?

294. Guess who I ran into today.

295. Who? - Callie Lang!

296. No way! - Get outta here!

297. Callie Lang?

298. I thought she was dead!

299. Stage four, man! No, no.

300. She survived her cancer.

301. She's o— okay. Wow.

302. She's living in Bend, Oregon.

303. - Really? - Bend, Oregon?

304. I got to tell you, some of the best advice

305. I ever got in my life was from Callie Lang.

306. When I was starting the business,

307. or do I go mattresses?"

308. "... But everybody's got to sleep." That's right!

309. - Ha! - And I never looked back!

310. It had, like, an impact to it.

311. because she was stage four, we were having a long talk,

312. and she gave me some very good advice

313. and she said, "Don't ever sign a prenup."

314. Whoa! And I didn't!

315. And it was very good advice.

316. That worked out very well for you, Cheryl.

317. It did. It was very good advice.

318. She gave me some advice when she was stage four, and she—

319. She's the one who told you not to sign a prenup?

320. Yes, she had some sort of perspective

321. that other people don't have. It's good advice.

322. You know what she did for us, Jeff, do you remember?

323. We were going through that really rough patch

324. and we were gonna split. Mm.

325. And she said, "Work it out, you guys

326. are meant for each other." Aww.

327. Cheers to that. This is a great conversation.

328. Cheers to that. Bravo. Bravo.

329. To you and to you guys. I'm happy for you.

330. Let me ask you this question, what about stage three advice?

331. - What do you do? - And death is not looming?

332. - What percentage? - Twenty percent.

333. Twenty percent, you listen twenty percent.

334. - What about you? - Sixty-forty.

335. Sixty-forty. Freddy?

336. Harry?

337. Grain of salt. - You couldn't pay me

338. to listen to advice from a stage three.

339. Stage four only! Wow!

340. Stage three doesn't get his ear! I don't believe that.

341. Stage four!

342. You're good.

343. You're very good.

344. What is this?

345. Remember that woman that I was texting with?

346. You said I should tell her

347. Yeah. What— what happened?

348. - She believed me. - Oh, my God. You're kidding?

349. - No, I'm not. - How could she believe that?

350. It's a joke. It's a joke.

351. But you know what happened was,

352. you gave me a lie so fucking crazy

353. that she's like, "Why would he lie about this?

354. This has to be true."

355. - Huh! - Who's the guy that said, uh,

356. the bigger the lie, the more they believe it?

357. - Oh, Goebbels. - Goebbels.

358. Yeah, you gave me a Goebbels-level lie.

359. - Seriously? - Yeah. Well, I don't— Yeah!

360. Are you saying I achieved Goebbels lying status?

361. - Yeah, yeah, you're— - Because Goebbels is the GOAT.

362. And you know what happens when you use a lie from the GOAT?

363. Not only did she believe it, but she's impressed.

364. She's, like, obsessed with it now.

365. - Do you like pork or beef or—" - Wow.

366. I'm so paranoid she's gonna come over to my place.

367. I had to go to Eagle Rock to a little trophy store

368. and have a trophy made up for a hot dog eating contest

369. that I won in 1998 that I was never in.

370. What are you gonna do about the hot dog eating contest?

371. - You're gonna be in the contest? - Fuck no! I'm gonna—

372. I'm gonna keep this going as long as I can.

373. Hopefully, we can hook up,

374. "Oh, you know what, because of your health,

375. I'm gonna have to recommend that you drop out,"

376. I got to have— Fuck! I got to make up a doctor now!

377. - By the way. - What?

378. Clearly, this is...

379. This is the best thing you've got going for you.

380. Well, um, here's your taxes. Enjoy your refund, Goebbels.

381. Sorry, Harry. I did the best I could.

382. Yeah, well, you did too good!

383. Hey, hey, hey!

384. Hey, hey, hey.

385. My man.

386. Hey, what's happening in Mary Ferguson town?

387. I'm having a hard time finding a new Mary Ferguson.

388. I'm surprised you found two.

389. Let me show you my ad for the brand-new one.

390. Look at this shit.

391. "Do you love adventure?

392. Do you wanna travel to Asia for free?

393. Is your name Mary Ferguson?

394. If the answer to all three of these questions is yes,

395. then contact Leon Black."

396. Perfect. I'm thinking about adding,

397. "I ain't about that bullshit."

398. Yeah, put it in,

399. because that will be a big sell.

400. That'll sell 'em for sure!

401. I'm putting this shit on, like, you know how a motherfucker lose their dog?

402. I'm putting this shit on fucking telephone poles

403. - and trees and shit. - Who's looking at trees?

404. Nobody's walking down the street looking at trees.

405. The nicest people in the world

406. Who's not gonna return a dog? What kind of asshole?

407. I kept a dog for six years one time, I found.

408. What? Did it have a collar? Was there a number to call?

409. Fuck yeah, it had all the goodies.

410. So, why didn't you call?

411. You know how many times I walked by

412. and it was this motherfucker right here?

413. - That's cruel! - I loved that motherfucking dog.

414. By the way, Larry, I've got an idea.

415. It might be perfect for your fucking minibar.

416. Really?

417. Yeah, I understand,

418. So, I take all the elements of an ED pill

419. and I infuse it into a beverage.

420. I call it tap water.

421. - Tap water. - Based on tapping that ass.

422. I understand what it's based on, yeah.

423. That's what people go to hotels to do.

424. It's like an energy drink for your dick.

425. I really think you're onto something there.

426. Good idea. Right?

427. People love to stay hydrated and fuck.

428. - There he is. - Oh, geez.

429. How are ya? - What is this?

430. We were just taking a walk and strolling.

431. - It's a beautiful day. - Yup.

432. I thought we'd stop by, say hello.

433. And if you wanna join us, come.

434. Meh. Come on!

435. I don't really like a purposeless walk,

436. but thank you.

437. The walk is the purpose.

438. The walk has to be the secondary activity.

439. - It can't be a primary activity. - Mm.

440. For example, you walk on a golf course,

441. it's a secondary activity.

442. The primary activity is the golf.

443. - Okay. - All right.

444. She has something to ask you.

445. and we would really like it if you would middle, please.

446. Please?

447. Thursday night.

448. Ah, I...

449. Why? Come on. - I can't.

450. - Come on. Why not? - Why?

451. - Because I'm... - What?

452. I'm in a hot dog eating contest the next day.

453. - Oh, Larry, shut up. - What?

454. True. - No, you're not.

455. and I can't eat that night.

456. Yeah. Not at all?

457. Ah, nah, you can't sit at a table and not eat.

458. - You feel crazy. Yeah. - Hmm.

459. Yeah. - That's...

460. so I got to get going.

461. Okay.

462. Come in. Come in. - Maria Sofia, this is Cheryl.

463. Hi, Maria Sofia. Hi.

464. Really nice to meet you. I've heard a lot about you.

465. Nice to meet you too!

466. This house, beautiful.

467. - Thank you. - You got your bag in the divorce.

468. Okay.

469. Um, this is my little makeshift studio.

470. - You can put your stuff down. - Thank you.

471. I'll be there in one second.

472. - Good luck. - Thank you.

473. Yes!

474. Okay, Maria Sofia.

475. - I'm gonna record this. - Okay.

476. And pretend like this is not even here.

477. - Okay. Okay. - Okay?

478. Marsha, come out here. I wanna talk to you.

479. Marsha steps out into the balcony,

480. weaving through the billowing laundry.

481. Um, you— That— You don't need to read that.

482. That is just, uh, action line.

483. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. That was weird.

484. - Let's start from the beginning. - Okay.

485. I'm right here! Stop screaming!

486. Screaming. I wasn't screaming!

487. Okay. Also, if it's in parentheses,

488. you shouldn't say it either.

489. Fine. I got it. I got it. Okay.

490. I wanted to talk to you about that David boy.

491. Larry.

492. Well, what about him?

493. I feel like you're being seductive right now.

494. You're talking to your mother.

495. Are we not close?

496. No, I don't seduce my mom. What is wrong with you? God!

497. I'm talking to her about my boyfriend, aren't I?

498. Uh, I don't really care for him. I think he's mentally disturbed.

499. He is not mentally disturbed.

500. And the worm.

501. Uh, I— I saw that choice that you made,

502. and maybe it's time to make a new choice.

503. - Like, what kind of dance? - No, not a—

504. No, I don't find— You want a little bit of salsa?

505. Let's just keep going. Let's just keep...

506. You want bald children with no brains, go right ahead.

507. I don't have to listen to you. If I wanna see Larry,

508. oh, I will see...

509. Larry.

510. Let's just take five.

511. Black licorice? - Perfect.

512. Yeah, I think so. Okay. We got our first item.

513. Olives! - Black or green or both?

514. Maybe both.

515. Oh, figs!

516. I can't even believe how good this is.

517. This is... Already, we're packed.

518. Oh, fudge!

519. Wasabi-flavored peas.

520. Huh? This is the best minibar of all time.

521. Yeah.

522. Hello?

523. Uh, can you call her and just see if she can look for it?

524. Um... All right. Hold on.

525. Okay. Thank you.

526. Hey. Hey, it's me.

527. So, um, Maria Sofia called me.

528. She thinks she left her jacket at your house.

529. Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's not here.

530. I haven't seen any jacket.

531. Okay. All right. Thanks. - Okay.

532. Okay, bye.

533. She liked the flowers and shit, so I don't know,

534. maybe she, you know, she doesn't wanna actually look for it.

535. What are you suggesting, that she's keeping your jacket?

536. Well, she said she liked it.

537. Now she's saying that she can't find it.

538. - So what am I supposed to think? - Oh, my God.

539. Are you out of your mind?

540. All right. Okay.

541. You know, I hate to sound immodest,

542. but I don't think you're gonna find a better minibar display,

543. not just in the country, in the world.

544. This is just amazing stuff here.

545. Do we love the sound of that, wasabi peas?

546. People love wasabi peas.

547. They're gonna slide out that drawer.

548. - They're gonna freak out. - Hmm.

549. "They got peas, wasabi peas!"

550. What else do we got here? Oh, my God. What is this?

551. It's a parmesan crisp.

552. This is one of the world's great crackers.

553. There's parmesan in this! Mm-hmm.

554. - Parmesan! You like Parmesan? - Mm...

555. Freddy, I've seen you at an Italian restaurant!

556. Come on. This, you're not gonna find anywhere.

557. - That's true, not in a minibar. - Mm-hmm, no.

558. No, you're not gonna find that in a minibar.

559. Yeah, okay. Come on.

560. Figs? You ever seen that at a minibar?

561. No. Of course not. Why? Nobody's thought of it!

562. I have! I have!

563. Do you like figs? You like 'em?

564. - You like figs? - Mm, I'm not a big fig fan.

565. I'm giving you gold here.

566. Figs! All right. The coup de grâce.

567. Peppermint Pattie.

568. - Classic. - It's classic.

569. I can't say I'm a big fan.

570. What do you eat? What is your story?

571. You don't seem to like anything.

572. It doesn't matter what I like,

573. it matters what our customers like.

574. All right. So here's the headline here. Okay?

575. We're liking this, but not loving it.

576. What do you mean? Who?

577. and we let them enjoy the experience.

578. And we got numbers on all of this stuff,

579. So if I talk to you about men over 25 on, say, the figs.

580. Uh, about 15 percent.

581. Now, if you deal with educated men,

582. men that have four years of college?

583. Um, it's a little higher, at 20 percent.

584. But if you go to the uneducated men,

585. you know, high school or less?

586. Right. What we wanna try to do is we want everyone

587. at least in the 70s, 80s. Mm-hmm, exactly.

588. So the bottom line here is we need a four-quadrant minibar.

589. So would you possibly be open to working

590. and collaborating with a co-curator?

591. Forget it, Freddy. It's not gonna happen.

592. There's no co-curator. I'm the curator.

593. This is my minibar. These are my ideas.

594. And if you don't like it, I go.

595. I wish you could've been there in La Cañada. 'Cause again...

596. - Okay. - ... liking, just not loving the ideas.

597. I think we're done.

598. No, I really don't. I'm really not interested.

599. I'm sorry you feel that way. Big mistake.

600. And you know what else?

601. I'll fucking sue you.

602. You're just gonna be throwing your money away.

603. If you don't have the vision... I don't.

604. to know how amazing a wasabi pea

605. would be in a minibar,

606. I don't really want anything to do with you.

607. Thank you for your time.

608. All right, let's go with the other guy.

609. - Yeah. - Okay.

610. Hi. Hey.

611. - How are you? - I'm good.

612. - How are you? - Good.

613. reading up on the Jews. They use their hands a lot.

614. So I think I would do, you know, some, like...

615. Ah! Something like this.

616. I don't think that's such a good idea.

617. Okay. Why don't you go ahead

618. and get comfortable in the studio,

619. and I will be there in just a minute.

620. Good idea.

621. Can I talk to you for a second?

622. Um, she is the worst actress I have ever seen in my life.

623. An eating disorder?

624. I mean, she reads her character's name

625. before she reads the line. She reads the stage directions.

626. Larry and Marsha sit at the table eating!

627. She also does weird things with her body physically.

628. I mean, she's gyrating.

629. She's practicing her lines and she's gyrating.

630. Look at her. Look.

631. Eat them latkes!

632. She's so awful.

633. Just get the best tape you can and send it to casting.

634. - Okay? Please? - Okay. Okay.

635. She was wearing the yellow dress!

636. Larry, she's gonna kill your show like a cancer.

637. Like a cancer?

638. Oy vey, motherfucker!

639. You got it?

640. - Hey! - Hey.

641. - Hey, what do you say? - There he is.

642. This is my friend, Jeff. Hey, Jeff.

643. This is Marcos. - Hello, Marcos.

644. He is the world's greatest

645. taco connoisseur. Oh!

646. So they say.

647. What?

648. - Check out the menu. - Okay.

649. Eh, poor guy. He's got, uh, cancer.

650. - I feel so terrible for him. - You know how bad it is?

651. Stage four.

652. Man.

653. he's possessed with stage four wisdom.

654. Stage four. Yeah. He knows so much.

655. You mind if I ask him some questions?

656. Yeah, you should.

657. Hey, uh, Jeff?

658. - Yeah. - I'm Marcos.

659. Um, I was wondering if I can ask you a question.

660. - Now is the time. - Yeah.

661. This place is doing okay, it's just,

662. I was wondering if you had any advice on,

663. you know, taking it to the next level.

664. - Do you serve breakfast? - We don't, no.

665. That would be an addition you need.

666. People love breakfast burritos.

667. You never have anyone turn down a breakfast burrito.

668. Oh, my God. So true.

669. You want my own personal favorite?

670. - Please? - Waffle and a breakfast burrito.

671. You wrap the waffle?

672. You wrap the waffle amongst itself.

673. And, uh, rice pudding.

674. And also, you're gonna have to do a lot of social media.

675. I'm not good at it, you know. You're not good at it.

676. If you don't like it, maybe you have

677. a son or a daughter who enjoys social media.

678. I do have a daughter, but she doesn't have time

679. for that stuff. She's gonna be an actress.

680. You know, I've been in showbusiness a long time.

681. And I'm gonna tell you something that I tell every parent.

682. Don't do it.

683. - Really? - I've met many

684. a good young actress... Yeah.

685. whose life has been ruined by the business.

686. That's what I feel.

687. - Thank you. - Sure.

688. Man, I thought she was gonna be a star, but, uh...

689. I guess I was wrong.

690. What are you gonna do?

691. I'll get you guys a taco.

692. Thank you. Okay. Yeah.

693. Yeah!

694. What can I get you guys?

695. Okay. So, what's really important about this

696. is the emotion behind it.

697. Think about something that makes you mad

698. - Yeah. Yeah. - Yeah, you've got a good attitude.

699. All right. Let's do it from there, then.

700. You want bald children with no brains, go right ahead.

701. I don't have to listen to you! If I wanna see Larry,

702. I am gonna see Larry.

703. You are a horrible mother. I never wanna see you again.

704. Yeah.

705. And I know that you stole my jacket!

706. - What are you talking about? - Oh, back up. Don't touch me.

707. - But wh— I don't understand. - You wanna touch me all of a sudden?

708. This is not in the— What are you saying? The jacket?

709. I don't know what you're talking about!

710. Cheryl, what are you doing?

711. Let her go.

712. - Ted! - Get off me, Uncle Moe.

713. Oh, my God!

714. What is wrong with you?

715. Hang on, Cheryl!

716. I want my jacket back! Let her go!

717. Get off me! I want my jacket back!

718. Bring it on! I can take both of you!

719. Okay. Dinner is served.

720. We have no place cards.

721. - So wherever you'd like. - Right here.

722. Grab a seat. Just take a seat.

723. No, I'd rather sit here. I don't wanna middle.

724. - Cheryl, please. - Oh, oh, you know, I'm gonna sit

725. - next to Susie, thank you. - No, it's so lovely!

726. No, no, Andy. Thank you, thank you.

727. - Greg, please. - No, no, we're good.

728. - I'm a lefty. - We're left-handed.

729. Harry, if you'd like to...

730. Oh, I really don't feel like middling.

731. I probably can't see over those.

732. Oh, you know, where's Larry? He's the middle.

733. - He's always been good. - He's supposed to be here.

734. He has a hot dog eating contest tomorrow morning.

735. Wait! Is it the same one you're in, Harry?

736. a hot dog eating contest with Larry tomorrow.

737. You are? I am.

738. Oh, I'd love to see that.

739. No, you don't. No, you don't.

740. Please. Oh, my God. I would love to see it.

741. Um... For sure.

742. Yeah. Oh. All right. Yeah.

743. Oh, my God. This is gonna be so fun! We'll be there.

744. Harry, why don't you grab a seat in the middle

745. and you can tell us all how it came about?

746. But you better not eat anything.

747. Greg, come on, come on. Over here. Please?

748. So, how are we doing so far? I mean, J to J.

749. We're delighted.

750. And I hope we're in agreement about Maria Sofia,

751. - because we watched her video. - Uh-huh.

752. And we didn't like it.

753. - Ah. - It happens.

754. We loved it.

755. I mean... Obsessed.

756. - The passion! - Natural talent.

757. Well, I'm glad you liked it, but, uh—

758. I got to see it again. I'm sorry.

759. We've been watching it all morning and just dying from it.

760. No, but it doesn't— Let's just watch it.

761. - And I know... - I mean...

762. that you stole my jacket!

763. That is acting.

764. She did, yeah.

765. - Exactly. - Yeah, yeah.

766. And look at the physical comedy.

767. No, that's not comedy.

768. You can't teach that.

769. Here comes Ted. Here comes Ted. There he is.

770. And there he goes. What a takedown.

771. Maria steals it. She steals the whole damn thing.

772. - I've never seen Ted— - She's not stealing anything.

773. getting pummeled by this maniac short order cook!

774. That's the show.

775. She's quitting acting,

776. her father's not letting her do it anymore.

777. It's sad. It's a shame.

778. Okay, here's the thing. Yeah.

779. - by this audition. - Called who?

780. Maria. Her dad gets on the phone.

781. - A mensch, by the way. - What?

782. And she's back. She's in.

783. You called her father?

784. It's all good.

785. What's the matter?

786. Is he mad?

787. - Ah. - Oh.

788. And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.

789. First Fridays Frankfurter Fest.

790. I don't get you. I really don't.

791. - You don't get me? - Yeah.

792. Come on. Whoo!

793. Why'd you tell them they can come?

794. 'Cause they got excited because of a text

795. you told me to fucking send. All right?

796. So what, they got excited? So you say no!

797. You know, "You can't come.

798. And then neither one of us would be here now.

799. Yeah, a fucking girl that I'm excited about

800. and I go, "Oh, no, no. Don't do that."

801. Oh, you're a big celebrity now.

802. You're in a hot dog eating contest.

803. On your marks...

804. You told them.

805. I thought it would work on two more idiots, and it did.

806. You're the one who told me to send the goddamn text.

807. God damn it!

808. Eat it! Come on!