Curb Your Enthusiasm 11x2

1. Larry, we are so excited about this show. Right?

2. - We've been talking about it... - Cool.

3. - ... all week long. - Is that so?

4. All right, so just a little bit of housekeeping right up front,

5. uh, on the casting side of things,

6. you guys are pretty keen on this particular young woman

7. to play Marsha Lifshitz, right?

8. - Uh, what's the... Maria Sofia Estrada.

9. Maria Sofia Estrada. Yeah. Where'd you find her?

10. Oh...

11. - We couldn't find her on IMDB. - Is she on TikTok?

12. - Does she do theater? - Does she do theater?

13. Does she do theater! You know what?

14. Okay. Are you ready?

15. - Yeah. All right.

16. A friend of mine, his daughter goes to high school

17. and they're doing a high school production of Romeo and Juliet,

18. and his daughter was playing Mrs. Montague.

19. He asked me if I wanted to go. Sure, I'll go.

20. I love theater. Okay? Sue me.

21. What— what— what am I, crazy? I just love it, you know?

22. I just— I sit there, and I go, "Whoa!"

23. It's theater, you know. It's all alive. It's happening.

24. But anyway, his daughter, sorry to say,

25. she just, you know, didn't have it.

26. - But.. Mm?

27. the girl playing Juliet. Oh!

28. My God, she was sensational.

29. Can you guys believe it?

30. My daughter's gonna be the star of Larry David's new show.

31. I mean, she was incredible. I went backstage.

32. I saw my friend's daughter. I said, "Y—y—y— very good,

33. - where's Juliet?" You know.

34. And I went to find Juliet, and she came in to audition.

35. - She's like a discovery. - Oh, so she read for you already?

36. - She read, yes. Oh, wow.

37. - Oh! The electricity in the room, forget about it. - Oh my God! Oh my God!

38. I'd love to see the tape.

39. Well...

40. I, um, I did not tell you this.

41. What?

42. I accidentally erased the tape yesterday.

43. I know. I've been hesitant to tell you.

44. Oh, my God, Jeff, why did you do that?

45. - You fucking idiot. - Yeah, I know.

46. - You're a fucking idiot, you know that? - Can I tell you something?

47. - It's all right. Yeah.

48. - I am. I am. - You are.

49. I am. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm so sorry.

50. So no tape? Okay. Um...

51. Who told you the tape— Who told you to futz with it?

52. - Look, I got a little crazy. - You got a little crazy.

53. - What do you want from me? - Yeah, shut up. Just shut up.

54. Bit of a ray of sunshine then. Um, we have a kid we think

55. - is fantastic for Young Larry. - Is that so?

56. - Yeah. He's... - Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

57. Dylan O'Brien, you guys know Dylan O'Brien?

58. - Dylan O'Brien. He's so hot right now.

59. He was in Teen Wolf.

60. Uh, he's in the Maze Runner trilogies.

61. - We think he's Young Larry. - Yeah.

62. Attaching someone like Dylan,

63. - this show goes for a very long time. - Uh-huh.

64. So, look, he's in a band. He's got a little pet project.

65. It's Dylan O'Brien and the Entrails.

66. - You know. They're great.

67. Yeah. They are— They're actually pretty good.

68. And he plays guitar and drums. Come to the show tomorrow,

69. you know, bunch of young people will be...

70. - He's gonna be singing? - Yeah. Yeah. He's gonna sing.

71. If you're going, I'm going.

72. - You going? - So, you'll go?

73. - Okay. - Okay, great.

74. Rock concert? Can't stand rock concerts.

75. This is pure torture for me, honestly.

76. So loud, you know?

77. It's a nightclub. There's not even gonna be places to sit.

78. Exact— and— and we're gonna have to go backstage

79. and pretend that we liked it, and it's...

80. - Ow. What the— - Who needs that shit?

81. Geez.

82. Fuckin' tooth is killing me, man.

83. - You got a good dentist? - He retired.

84. He did? I got the guy for you.

85. Really? - Dr. Thanapapalous.

86. - He's fantastic. - Well, maybe I'll go to him.

87. You gotta go to him.

88. However, if you do go,

89. uh, there's a young lady named Angie.

90. Uh, great girl. Great hygienist.

91. I got her pregnant.

92. And, uh, she got an abortion.

93. - And, uh, yeah. - Wow.

94. - Wow. Sorry. Holy cow.

95. - One big headache. - You paid for the abortion?

96. - Of course I paid for the abortion. Yeah, of course.

97. Geez. What are you supposed to do?

98. She's beautiful, flirted with me.

99. - What am I gonna do? - What do you got going for you?

100. I don't get it.

101. By the way, I don't question it.

102. - So that's over now? - Yeah. We're not dating anymore.

103. All right. I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

104. Pee before you leave, that's my credo.

105. It's a good credo.

106. Come on in. Hey.

107. - Sorry to interrupt. - No, no. Not at all.

108. - We were talking about you.

109. I just wanted to let you know that I was using

110. - the, uh, the unisex bathroom. - Yeah.

111. The toilet seat does not stay up.

112. - Oh, I'm sorry about that. - You know, I was climbing

113. - on the rim, okay? - Oh. Oh.

114. Then I was holding it up with my foot

115. because that thing can't come down in midstream

116. 'cause, you know, I don't have the urethral discipline

117. I had when I was a youth.

118. - You know? So...

119. But it beat the alternative, which is sitting,

120. pants on the floor, you know what?

121. Those pants go right in the incinerator.

122. I swear to you, if those pants touch that floor,

123. I'm going home in my underwear.

124. - That's fantastic.

125. - Anyway— - Yeah. I— I— you know what?

126. Thank you for bringing it to our attention.

127. - I will talk to maintenance. - You'll talk to maintenance?

128. Absolutely. You got it. We're on it.

129. Okay, you go back to your business.

130. - All right, take care. Okay.

131. Thanks, Larry. Bye, Larry.

132. And you're going to Asia with this guy?

133. You don't even know him from a hole in the wall.

134. I like adventure. New places. New man.

135. - I don't know. - See new things. Fuck yeah.

136. Yeah. - I call her Deuce. Number two.

137. - Mary Ferguson Two. - That's right.

138. By the way, let me give you a little tip.

139. Okay. Okay. - Okay?

140. - You're gonna be with this guy? Yeah?

141. Don't walk into any glass doors.

142. - I'll try not to.

143. Okay. Well, I'm still hungry.

144. - My steak was amazing. So good. - Are you gonna finish it?

145. Uh, no, I'm gonna save that for my dog.

146. Oh.

147. Can I have some?

148. Uh, no, I'm gonna give it to my dog.

149. - Really? - Yeah.

150. - I can't have a piece of that? - No, taking it in a doggie bag.

151. Right now, that dog is sitting home anticipating

152. a doggie bag coming home.

153. They're not expecting five slices. Got five slices there.

154. What if you brought home three slices and gave me two,

155. would that kill anybody?

156. No, I'm gonna take it all for my dog.

157. Humans should take precedence over an animal.

158. But pets should take precedence over someone I just met.

159. - So you're not gonna give me any? - No.

160. - Okay. - Makes sense to me.

161. You know what makes sense to me?

162. If you wanna give your dog all your steak,

163. perhaps...

164. perhaps you should pay for it.

165. Wow.

166. - Wow? - Wow.

167. No, no, no. That's not "wow". This is wow.

168. No, asking me to pay. Wow. Wow.

169. No, no, no. Dog over man. That's the wow.

170. No, it's, um, "Oh, I want you to pay for this meal."

171. - That's a wow. - Yeah. No, no.

172. "I'm gonna give my dog five slices of my steak

173. - and not this guy." Wow. Oh, oh—

174. - That's wow. - "Oh, you should pay for the bill,"

175. - yeah, no, that's wow. "Go pay for the bill." - Oh, no. Wow. Wow.

176. - I got the wow. - I got the wow.

177. That's not the wow! That's not the wow!

178. That's not the wow! That's not the wow!

179. So listen, I don't know what to make of this.

180. Angie told me she's having complications

181. - and she needs more money. - From the abortion? Jesus.

182. - Wow. - What complications?

183. Man, oh, man, that sounds a—

184. That sounds a tad suspicious.

185. She might be taking complete advantage of me.

186. How are you supposed to know? She could say anything.

187. Right. That's why you're on a secret mission.

188. When you're at the dentist,

189. you need to find out what's going on.

190. So when you go there, keep an eye out.

191. Hey, Jeff? - Oh, you know, but you say he's good.

192. But that touchdown wasn't a touchdown.

193. - No, no. - No way.

194. - Hey, what are you doing here? - Oh, we got to go, uh,

195. see that kid play at a concert.

196. - The young actor— - Oh, the actor for the show. Yeah. Yeah.

197. - We got the new towels. Fluffy. - Oh, they're beautiful.

198. Feel this, new fluffy towels.

199. - Not like your ratty old towels. - What?

200. What'd you say about my towels?

201. I said not like your ratty old towels.

202. Ratty towels? I have ratty towels?

203. Well, it's just a fact, Larry—

204. It's not a fact, my towels are not ratty.

205. Well, don't take such offense.

206. We get new towels every few years.

207. You need to get some new towels.

208. No, you're wrong. I don't need new towels.

209. Towels are better when they're washed

210. over and over again, like a pair of jeans.

211. - They dry you a lot better. - Okay.

212. They're aged. Because new doesn't dry.

213. You pat dry, I rub dry. That's the difference.

214. You wanna keep patting dry, you have the rest of your life,

215. go pat dry, because you don't know

216. the pleasures of a rub dry.

217. Well, you know I love the fluffy towel.

218. You love a fluffy. - Oh, my God.

219. But when I wanna do a quick dry, and thorough,

220. I'd love to have some aged towels.

221. - Can we keep a couple aged? - All right, you see what you're doing now?

222. You're turning him against my nice new towels.

223. - I didn't need your butt-insky. - All right, come on. We better go.

224. We're not keeping the old towels!

225. Can I get a champagne, please?

226. Oh, my Lord. Look at this. Look who's here.

227. - What? - Fancy meeting you here.

228. I know. How's it going?

229. - Good. What are you doing here? - I came to watch Dylan.

230. My friend Anne is his publicist,

231. so I've known him for a very long ti—

232. What are you doing here?

233. We're scouting this, uh, Dylan O'Brien,

234. maybe he's gonna be in our show.

235. Oh. Well, it's fun to be here, right?

236. - It's kind of seedy. Yeah.

237. A little ratty, like your towels.

238. What?

239. When I say ratty, I think of your towels.

240. Like my towels? Ratty like my towels?

241. Did Susie talk to you about my towels? Huh?

242. I'm just saying your towels are old and ratty.

243. - That's all I'm saying. - Did Susie say that

244. - to you recently, huh? - Does it matter? I'm just saying.

245. Don't talk about my towels,

246. and don't say they're ratty, 'cause they're not ratty.

247. - Don't say the word ratty? - No, don't say the word ratty.

248. Don't use them in your analogies anymore

249. if something is ratty.

250. A ratty towel has holes in it

251. and you use it to— to clean up vomit.

252. So let's just agree to disagree.

253. No, I don't agree to disagree.

254. I disagree to disagree, and I don't wanna hear it again.

255. I love you, Dylan! Whoo!

256. - Enjoy the show. We'll see you. You too.

257. Let's go!

258. I mean, what else did we expect?

259. - It's intolerable. - My ears are bleeding.

260. This is really one of the worst experiences of my life,

261. I'm not exaggerating.

262. Oh no, drums.

263. Thank you. Holy shit.

264. He's eating a lot of peaches!

265. He's...

266. The last peaches verse, I think, best we've ever done.

267. And we— and we're gonna run with it.

268. - Hey! - This fucking guy!

269. - What's going on? - That was fantastic!

270. - Is that so? - Oh, my God. We loved it.

271. It was amazing.

272. Oh, I was clapping and swaying and clapping and swaying.

273. You have no idea how much that means to me.

274. I'm so emotional. It makes me connected to you.

275. You know what I'm saying? I'm sorry.

276. What are you, uh... You got, like, hearing aids?

277. You got fucking tissue in your ear.

278. - Is that to block sound? No? - Oh!

279. - Oh! Look at that! - Can you believe?

280. - "Hey, loved the show. Loved the show." - Oh, my God, look at that.

281. "Loved it so much, I put fucking tissue in my ear."

282. - No, no, no— - Definitely not in there

283. to block the sound out of the show?

284. - Don't wanna hear it. - Oh, no. There was a guy

285. standing behind me.

286. - Huh. - So loud...

287. - Screaming in my ear. - Screaming in the ear.

288. And he was drowning out the show.

289. Okay. - And this way, I was able

290. to drown him out and still get the essence.

291. I think you're full of shit a little bit.

292. To tell you the truth, it was a tad loud for us, okay?

293. All right. See, that's all you got to say.

294. We don't get music. It's not our thing.

295. Okay. - We're— You know, we want you for your acting.

296. All right. Listen, I'll give you one more shot.

297. You say you're a fan of my acting?

298. - Yeah. Yeah. - What performance of mine

299. really resonated with you?

300. - Of your acting? - Yeah.

301. Oh, you know, the— the—

302. - What have you seen? - I've seen, uh...

303. - You like the show? - You know, the one where you were

304. - in the kitchen cooking. - Yeah?

305. - The boat movie. - Yeah. There's no boat.

306. - There's no kitchen. - You never cooked

307. - chicken alfredo with a friend? No.

308. See, my art means a lot to me.

309. - Okay? Uh-huh.

310. Something I do out there every time is profound.

311. Did you write that "Peaches" song?

312. No. Technically I didn't write the "Peaches" song.

313. Huh. Okay.

314. What would prompt a person to sing such an idiotic song?

315. Because the way it's aged 20 years later,

316. don't you see how relevant it is now?

317. - No, I don't. - Okay.

318. - See, I can take the honesty. - Yeah. You can take it.

319. - I can take criticism, you know? - Of course. Yeah. You should be able to.

320. - What great artist couldn't? - Name one who could.

321. - I'll tell you what. You're looking at him. - Yeah?

322. - You want the straight dope? - Give it to me. I promise you.

323. I can take it. I'm ready to grow.

324. - In two words... - Yeah.

325. - ... it stunk. - Go fuck yourself.

326. I thought you said you could take it.

327. You think that you've got a shot in hell at me doing the show?

328. - No, no, no. - Listen,

329. - let's just cut the cord, okay? - Okay, yeah.

330. I'm a kind person, all right?

331. I'm a very peaceful guy. Dogs are my life, right?

332. I started a restaurant where you can sit

333. and eat a meal with your dog next to you outside.

334. - First of its kind. - You didn't start the first one.

335. - I see people sitting outdoor— - Show me one place.

336. Name one, name one other restaurant that does that.

337. Where you can bring your dog outside.

338. Burger King.

339. - I gotta be honest. Yeah?

340. I took an edible as soon as the show ended,

341. and it's really starting to kick in,

342. so I kind of need to get in my zone right now.

343. - Do some yoga, do some MDMA. Okay. Yeah. Got it.

344. You sure you didn't take that edible before the show?

345. - Get the fuck out, okay? - Okay. Sure.

346. I got a call from his manager, Larry,

347. and, um, Dylan was offended.

348. - Ah. Yeah.

349. Dylan is someone, as I said before,

350. that we are very high on at the network.

351. I'm not sure, after the conversations that we've had,

352. that this show works without Dylan.

353. You know what? I like the kid. - He's great, right?

354. I liked his personality.

355. - Very charming. Funny. Great.

356. Qualities I think I had when I was a young man, right?

357. I think he's a perfect fit for the show.

358. I see him as Young Larry!

359. - So do we, so do we.

360. So what I think would be appropriate

361. is, um, you know, some sort of apology, some sort of...

362. - I will apologize. Fantastic.

363. See that palm?

364. That's what he's gonna be eating out of very soon.

365. Well, I'm glad to hear you say that

366. because if we can land someone like Dylan, you know,

367. that helps us work with your unknown,

368. - Maria Sofia Estrada. - Maria Sofia.

369. Which you guys are still leaning towards?

370. - Absolutely. - Oh! Oh, my God.

371. That performance...

372. We were wondering, um,

373. because it came up from our morning meeting,

374. would she, uh... Would she go back on tape?

375. They wanna see tape, huh? You wanna see tape?

376. Yeah. - We'd love to.

377. - We'll get you tape! - Great!

378. Get out of here. Of course, we'll get you tape.

379. - That would be great. - Unfortunately...

380. can't do it right away, because she's out of town, so...

381. We can send her equipment. We can get her a tripod.

382. She can shoot on a phone. - Yeah, her iPhone's fine.

383. Very busy, very busy. She's too busy.

384. Did she get a gig, is she on set someplace?

385. No, no. She's, uh, she's doing, um,

386. - Habitat for Humanity - Habitat for Humanity.

387. - Oh. Wow. - Well, good for her. Wow.

388. - That's commendable. Pretty great, right?

389. Where's she doing that?

390. - In New Mexico. Yeah. - Oh, wow.

391. Uh, why there?

392. Well, it's close to Mexico.

393. And, uh, she's got family across the border

394. and, um, they like the fact that she's working nearby.

395. Okay. Well, you know, as soon as she's free,

396. we'd love to get her back on tape, and that would, um...

397. - That would— That would— - All right. Well, thank you.

398. Yeah. Thank you guys— - Oh, you know, um...

399. Just... one more thing before we go.

400. Yeah.

401. I used that unisex bathroom before the meeting.

402. - Mm-hmm. And I noticed

403. that the seat, it's still not staying up.

404. Oh.

405. Did you talk to the maintenance guy?

406. Uh, yeah, I did, right after we spoke.

407. Hm. You know, it's an odd thing.

408. 'Cause those maintenance guys, they're usually right on it,

409. you tell them something, they do it right away,

410. especially from, you know, the big— the big cheese.

411. It's a big building. You know?

412. Lots of, uh... Lots of things.

413. - All right. Sounds good. Yeah.

414. - Okay. Yeah. - All right. Great.

415. So are you gonna apologize to the actor?

416. Apology? I don't think that's gonna cut it.

417. Nope. Got to come up with something different.

418. Yeah. Something...

419. - Big. Good. Yeah. - Something... Something... Something interesting.

420. Julio, hi!

421. - How are ya? - Good.

422. Julio works in the building where my dentist's office is.

423. Oh, yeah? And you also work here?

424. - Yes, sir. - Oh, you spoke to Don Jr.

425. about the toilet seat that, uh, won't stay up?

426. No. No one said anything about a broken toilet seat.

427. Don Jr. didn't talk to you about a toilet seat

428. on the sixth floor bathroom that won't stay up?

429. Nobody's talked to me about a toilet that doesn't stay up.

430. Maybe he spoke to somebody else?

431. If it was broken, they would speak to me,

432. 'cause I fix everything in the building.

433. Why would he tell me he spoke to you when he didn't?

434. Junior.

435. Fucking Junior!

436. I notice you got arrival time here.

437. Why do you need arrival time?

438. I can see appointment time, but the arrival time,

439. - that I don't get. - Just standard policy.

440. - Can I be honest with you? - Sure.

441. If my arrival time was after my appointment time,

442. I think I would lie about the arrival time.

443. Why would you lie?

444. I don't know. I'd feel like I'm not being a good patient.

445. We just like to keep track of things.

446. Yeah, keep track of what an uncooperative patient I am.

447. Are you?

448. Well, I'm saying hypothetically, I could be,

449. but you'd never know, because I would lie about it anyway.

450. If you could just put down your arrival time.

451. Here's the Wilson file for you, okay?

452. - Thanks, Angie. - Yeah, of course.

453. - Angie? - Hmm?

454. I'm Larry David, I'm a friend of Jeff Greene.

455. He's the one who recommended me to come here.

456. - Oh, Jeff's so cool. Yeah.

457. - Love Jeff. Yeah.

458. So I guess I'll see you in a minute in the back.

459. - Okay. Okay.

460. Oh, I love those earrings.

461. - They're new. Are they diamonds?

462. Yes, they are! - Means they're expensive.

463. I know, I treated myself.

464. And I don't wanna feel guilty about that.

465. - You shouldn't. No. - I shouldn't. And I won't.

466. I like that.

467. West Side Dental group.

468. You took the middle?

469. Okay, Mr. David.

470. How we doing? We taking good care, huh?

471. - Oh, I'm having such a blast.

472. I wish I could come every day.

473. Somehow, I don't believe you.

474. - Let me ask you something.

475. And please, don't take this the wrong way.

476. How does it feel to know that nobody wants to see you?

477. Well, they probably have problems with other dentists,

478. but once they come here, they wanna come back.

479. Everybody comes back to this one.

480. I know, but they don't want to come back.

481. Okay. Whatever you say, then. Let's get down to work, okay?

482. All right. So we just made the impression, so now...

483. make you a temporary crown. You listening to me?

484. And then you come back in a week,

485. and we'll put the permanent in, and that's it.

486. And then you don't have to see me anymore!

487. No hard foods, no hard candy, taffy, things like that.

488. Now, let me just take a look at your X-rays.

489. No. I'm serious. Four and a half years,

490. I've not taken a single day off.

491. So I deserve like, honestly, like a six-month long vacation.

492. I haven't even taken a Saturday off...

493. I try and eat healthy... - Could you do me a favor?

494. Sure. What?

495. Could you turn the music down, please?

496. You want me to turn down the Greek music?

497. - Yeah. - This is a Greek office.

498. Yeah, I understand.

499. But still, it just— it feels wrong here.

500. It's the music of my ancestors.

501. Yeah. Not necessarily the music of your patients, though.

502. Oh, well, I'm so sorry I offended you.

503. You're not offending me.

504. I just— I'm just asking you to turn it down.

505. You're coming into my office,

506. and you're telling me what to do.

507. I'm not telling you, I'm asking you.

508. What? Does this really bother you that much?

509. - Don't take it personally. - Well, I am!

510. You come in here and you tell me you don't like the music,

511. that it's annoying to you, that you don't like Greek music?

512. - Yeah. - You don't like it? Go.

513. You wanna leave? Okay. We're done here. Fyge!

514. - You're kicking me out? - Yes, I'm kicking you out.

515. - Fine. Good. - Okay, good. We're done.

516. But you didn't finish! You gotta put the crown in.

517. I can't— I— I— My mouth is no good!

518. I don't give a skatá about your crown!

519. And you were late, anyway.

520. Maláka!

521. - Julio? - Yeah. Yes, sir.

522. - Boy, you really get around!

523. So let me ask you something.

524. Don Jr. still hasn't spoken to you?

525. No. And I was there yesterday. On his floor.

526. Well...

527. I just— I don't know what to say.

528. I mean, it's— it's remarkable.

529. - Yep. - Junior, Don Jr.

530. Have a good day.

531. Asshole.

532. So the music is blaring.

533. Going to the dentist, it's excruciating enough

534. without hearing that music. That makes it ten times worse.

535. That Greek music is very specific.

536. You know what I mean? I put that shit in the category

537. of that fucking Feta cheese. You gotta be into that shit.

538. - Do you like Feta cheese? - No. Fuck that.

539. I don't think mice like that shit.

540. What you should do is this, you send that email

541. before you go to the dentist.

542. You know? Let them know what you wanna hear.

543. What kind of music does your dentist play?

544. He plays what the fuck I tell him to play.

545. It's like playlist courtesy.

546. But what do you generally listen to on the chair?

547. One, stripper music, or two, bossa nova. See?

548. - One is for taking off your clothes. - Mmm.

549. And one is for putting clothes on.

550. - I like bossa nova. - I love bossa nova.

551. - Brazilian, you know? Yeah. - Ooh.

552. - I love that music. - Hi, guys.

553. Hey! - Hi, honey.

554. - How you doing?

555. How you doing? All right.

556. So you have everything you need for taking care of him?

557. Oh, yeah. We're gonna have a good time.

558. What? What do you mean?

559. What do you mean, taking care of him?

560. I'm gonna be taking care of the dog for a few days

561. while she does the little job thing.

562. The dog's staying here for a few days?

563. - Yeah. - Are you serious?

564. You don't think you could have asked me?

565. You guys are gonna have so much fun.

566. You're gonna say, "The whole time you were in Asia,

567. I wanna take care of Angel Muffin."

568. - Who? What? - Angel Muffin.

569. - Angel Muffin? Yeah.

570. - Angel Muffin? - Yes.

571. That's her name? Angel Muffin?

572. His name.

573. Him. Him? You named a male Angel Muffin?

574. I did. I did. - Why?

575. Because when I saw him at the rescue, that's the name

576. that popped into my head, Angel Muffin.

577. There's no gender to angels or muffins.

578. You gotta be kidding.

579. That's like a— a five-year-old would name their dog that.

580. - You're gonna fall in love with this damn dog too. - You are.

581. I could never say that name out loud.

582. Never. It's too humiliating.

583. I would never shout out that name

584. under any circumstances.

585. Well, you have to, that's all he responds to.

586. Angel Muffin! Come say hi to Larry.

587. Angel Muffin. See?

588. You can't just call a dog anything,

589. motherfucker won't turn around.

590. Hey, hey. Stop scratching the pillow!

591. What's going on here? Hey. Hey!

592. Angel Muffin, stop.

593. See, you gotta say Angel Muffin first,

594. - then you say stop. - Angel Muffin, off the couch.

595. That's it. Easy.

596. Oh, by the way, how did the dog enjoy the steak?

597. He didn't, actually. It made him really sick.

598. - Oh. - Yeah. He's been throwing up.

599. Wait a second. Throwing up? Where?

600. All over the place.

601. Well, what's he doing in the house?

602. - Get him out of the house! - It'll be fine.

603. I don't want the dog in the house.

604. - What the fuck?

605. Oh, Angel Muffin. How are you doing?

606. He's sick. He's sick. - What? Come on!

607. I told you! Look at that!

608. Oh, poor baby.

609. Angel Muffin, up!

610. - Oh, look at that.

611. Now this is how your towels should feel.

612. Ooh.

613. Okay. So, Angie the hygienist. What do you got for me?

614. I know she was showing off these new diamond earrings.

615. And she said, "Well, I'm treating myself."

616. - She's treating herself. - Yeah, treating herself.

617. With your money. - With my money.

618. Also, I heard something about how she never took a day off.

619. - Who doesn't take a day off for an abortion? - Yeah.

620. How do you get an abortion then clean someone's teeth

621. - in the same day? - Not unless you're a sociopath.

622. You might be getting taken.

623. But the thing is, I don't know. And I wanna do what's right.

624. - Exactly. - We need definitive proof.

625. You know what we need? Private detective.

626. You know who we need? Mr. Barnaby Jones.

627. Is this big enough for him to take?

628. Oh, most definitely.

629. - Going into the office... - Yeah.

630. "Mr. Jones, here's our problem."

631. - Yeah.

632. No, you want Barnaby Jones on this case.

633. - Thank you so very much. You're so welcome.

634. Thank you. - Hello, hello, hello!

635. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.

636. - You started already? - Yeah.

637. Oh, God, you couldn't wait?

638. Now what kind of behavior is that?

639. Who wants to wait? What's the point?

640. What is this meshugaas I'm hearing with you at the dentist?

641. What the hell happened?

642. By the way, you could've warned me about the music.

643. Jeff loves it. - I tune it out.

644. But listen, you gotta talk to him for me,

645. because I— I need the—

646. He's got the crown. I need the crown.

647. I'll work it. Don't worry about it.

648. - Thank you. - I'll work it.

649. Oh, you ran into Cheryl, I heard.

650. Yeah. What are you talking about my towels to Cheryl for?

651. Well, I thought Cheryl would be interested.

652. - Interested? Why? Who cares? - In that the towels

653. went downhill since she lived with you.

654. Stop gossiping about my towels.

655. - They're none of your business. - All right!

656. And you know what? I'm getting new towels now,

657. and I'm gonna make them ratty,

658. and in ten years, you're gonna see

659. - some great towels. - You're getting new towels,

660. you're gonna make them ratty, how?

661. You wash and you wash and you wash,

662. and then you hit 'em against a rock,

663. you hit 'em against the rock, and then you age your towels,

664. until I get it right, but it takes years.

665. You got a big rock in your backyard?

666. Yes, yes. I have a rock in my backyard.

667. And you use it for aging towels?

668. Aging towels, yes.

669. You know what, if your towels weren't so ratty,

670. I wouldn't have to talk about them.

671. You wanna talk about me? Fine.

672. You wanna talk about my relationships? Fine.

673. Do not discuss my towels.

674. So what's going on with the casting and everything?

675. - Everything good? - Oh, yeah.

676. We got to figure out what to do about this Dylan O'Brien.

677. We need to somehow apologize,

678. but that's not gonna do anything.

679. - So maybe a gift. - What kind of gift?

680. - I don't know. I don't know. - What does he like?

681. I don't know what he likes.

682. I know nothing except that he likes dogs, which we know.

683. Yeah, we know he likes dogs.

684. He's just crazy about dogs.

685. Loves them. He can't get enough of dogs.

686. - How do you do?

687. Who's such a good doggy?

688. Who's such a good boy?

689. - Who's a good boy? - Larry?

690. - Hey. Hey.

691. What are you doing at my place?

692. Oh! Oh, this is the place you were telling me about.

693. - Yeah. Yeah. It's my restaurant. - Oh, wow.

694. What do you got— Are you walking a dog?

695. Oh, do I have a dog! I sure do. Look at this guy.

696. Oh, wow.

697. You didn't mention that you had a dog.

698. No, I've had him about two and a half years.

699. He a rescue or you get him— You didn't get him from a breeder, right?

700. - No. A literal rescue. - Oh.

701. Crazy story. I'm walking down 26th Street,

702. and I hear this whimper coming from a dumpster.

703. That's so fucked up.

704. I go over there, and I hear the whimper again.

705. - It gets louder. - He's scared.

706. I dive into that dumpster. It was disgusting.

707. I had ravioli all over me.

708. I sift through the garbage.

709. I come out with this amazing miracle.

710. - Unbelievable. - Took him home, gave him a bath.

711. - He's my best friend. We watch TV together. - Yeah?

712. He retrieves golf balls. I hit 'em at the high school.

713. - No way. - I love this kid.

714. Aren't they amazing? Dogs save your life.

715. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Aw!

716. Sorry. I can't. Dogs are just my whole heart, so...

717. - Why don't you join me? - Really?

718. Yeah. Bring that little guy over here. Come on.

719. Oh, I'd love to. That would be great. Yeah.

720. What's, uh... so, what's your little guy's name?

721. - What's up, little sweetie? - Oh. Oh, uh, Dumpster.

722. - Dumpster? Right. 'Cause you found him... - Found him in a dumpster.

723. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah.

724. - Oh, shut up. Shut up.

725. You shouldn't talk to him like that.

726. No, no, no, no. You got to be strict with these.

727. Yeah. You gotta be strict. Shut the fuck up, okay?

728. Hey, by the way...

729. I just wanna apologize again for the other night.

730. - The tissue thing. - Uh, yeah. The tissue thing.

731. Look. You know, I'm sorry, too.

732. 'Cause I can get a little testy.

733. Yes, of course. You're a sensitive artist. Yes.

734. To be honest, I reflected on that night,

735. and I think I was feeling a lot of insecurities, you know?

736. - And I'm actually kind of glad I ran into you... - Yeah.

737. - ... because I'm seeing a new side of you today, that—

738. - Oh, yes, yes, yes.

739. Oh, you want daddy? What's that? You gotta poopie?

740. You gotta do a poopie? You know what?

741. He's gotta go poopie! - I think it's poopoo time.

742. Listen, I'll be right back,

743. and why don't we talk a little more about Young Larry?

744. Oh! Yeah!

745. - Great. - All right.

746. - I'll be back. - Okay.

747. Ugh, shut up.

748. Okay. I can't wait.

749. I am so excited. I've never been here for lunch.

750. I've heard so much about this place.

751. - Oh, it's expensive. - No, don't worry about it.

752. I'm gonna get it. Yeah.

753. Okay. - It's on me.

754. Shut up.

755. So, I'm gonna be taking some time off.

756. You are? - Yes. Because I'm gonna go

757. - on a 10-day retreat.

758. Shh. Quiet. Quiet.

759. Costa Rica? That's a little far.

760. Read about a quarters.

761. I'm gonna go into this, like, four-star resort...

762. - Don't bark! Shut up!

763. Bad doggy. Bad dog.

764. Hey! Hey!

765. No. Don't—

766. Hey! Angel Mu...

767. Angel Muff... Dog!

768. - Dog, dog!

769. Hey, buddy! What the fuck?

770. Why didn't you call your dog's name?

771. Couldn't say it.

772. Wow.

773. All right.

774. Well, needless to say, Dylan is out.

775. Not doing the show.

776. There's plenty of people. We're gonna be fine.

777. Just get another actor. He's not the only actor.

778. Well, we'll get some names together

779. - and see what we can do. - There you go, there you go.

780. Okay. Let's get going.

781. - All right. Get going. - Yep, yep, yep.

782. - All right. We'll get going. Come on. Come on. Thank you.

783. A little puppy got grazed by a car.

784. He's okay. Not the end of the world.

785. - We're going. Thank you. - All right.

786. Thank you for your time. - Thank you.

787. Oh, you know what?

788. Forgot to mention.

789. - I spoke to the maintenance guy.

790. And he said that you guys never spoke.

791. I'm sorry. We're talking about the toilet again?

792. Yeah, because you said that you spoke to him,

793. and he said that you never spoke.

794. Hmm. Well, Larry, I can assure you

795. that I spoke to the maintenance guy

796. - about the toilet seat problem. - Really?

797. Why would he say that you didn't?

798. Larry? Are you calling me a liar?

799. I don't know. Who am I supposed to believe?

800. The maintenance guy?

801. Or Don Jr.?

802. - What is that supposed to mean? - I think you know what it means.

803. - No, I don't know what that means, Larry! - You know what Don Jr. means?

804. You know what? You should take your show

805. and I think you should find a better home for it.

806. - With pleasure, Don Jr. Fantastic.

807. Good seeing you, Larry.

808. - Goodbye, Don Jr. Yeah. Thank you, Larry.

809. - Thank you, Larry. - Yeah, no, thank you.

810. - Bye, Larry. - See you, Don Jr.

811. - Thank you, Larry. - Okay, Don Jr.

812. Mary Ferguson is gone, Larry. And it's your fault!

813. It's so hard to find fucking Mary Fergusons, man.

814. That's two Mary Fergusons you've cost me.

815. Mary Fergusons don't fucking grow on trees, Larry!

816. You think I'm happy?

817. Okay. My show's over at Netflix 'cause I didn't wanna work with a liar.

818. And your precious Mary Ferguson is bilking me for more money.

819. - How? - The dog needed hip surgery.

820. Fine. I paid for that.

821. Now she's saying there are complications.

822. You know what I think? I think it's a scam!

823. The same way that that hygienist is scamming Jeff

824. about the abortion.

825. Let me tell you something, man. Taking a dog to the fucking vet

826. is like taking your fucking car to the dealership. They add shit on.

827. Veterinary, uh, teeth cleanings, all kinds of dumb shit.

828. They clean the ass out, all kinds of— Cut the nails.

829. Dogs get worms and shit.

830. They gotta deworm these motherfuckers.

831. Take the worms out these motherfuckers.

832. Okay. I don't give a fuck. I want you to talk to her, okay?

833. I didn't yell the dog's name, fine. But this is not fair.

834. What the fuck is she gonna do?

835. She over this shit. You understand?

836. I invested in that ass.

837. And who the fuck's gonna go on my trip now?

838. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

839. But there is some good news.

840. - Ta-da! - Mm. Fuck.

841. Oh, yeah. That's nice.

842. - Oh, shit. - That's a soft towel.

843. I'm done with coarse towels.

844. This is the way to go. I was wrong.

845. I'm looking forward to my next shower.

846. Yeah, fuck that.

847. I'm taking this shit to my fuckin' room.

848. What? What are you talking about? What are you doing?

849. Fuck you mean, "I'm talking about?" - Hey, give me those towels.

850. - What are you doing? Fuck you, Larry.

851. Anyway, I'm so sorry for what happened the other day.

852. That's really not a true representation of who I am.

853. - Really? - Yes. Since that visit,

854. I've been listening to Greek music

855. and it turns out, you know what?

856. I really like it.

857. - It's so fun. - Are you kidding me?

858. All right. Okay.

859. - Don't hurt yourself. - I love it. I love it.

860. I knew you would like Greek music.

861. You were so right, Dr. Thanapapalous.

862. You know, my father always said it takes a great man

863. to be able to recognize that he was wrong,

864. and I accept your apology.

865. I guess you're saying I'm a great man.

866. Okay. You know what?

867. Your permanent crown is waiting for you.

868. I'm gonna go get it and we'll take care of you.

869. Thank you, Dr. Thanapapalous.

870. You, too, are a great man.

871. Okay, Mr. David.

872. How you doing?

873. - Uh-huh. - You good?

874. You like it?

875. And next is the sailor dance in the weddings.

876. You know, they crash plates and everything.

877. - Have you ever seen that?

878. Opa!

879. Oh, you're really getting into it, huh? I love it.

880. - Excuse me, Dr. Thanapapalous. - Yeah. Uh-huh?

881. The urinal is still broken in the men's room,

882. and people are complaining.

883. - Julio didn't fix it? - No.

884. I talked to him twice this week.

885. - Okay, okay. I'll call him. Thank you. - Okay.

886. That son of a bitch janitor.

887. This Julio, he promised me, he looked me in the face

888. and he said he was gonna fix the urinal, and he didn't.

889. - He's a fucking liar. - Uh-huh.

890. I asked him twice.

891. - Ah! - I think he drinks.

892. - Yeah. - You never lie to a Greek.

893. - Especially the Greek mafia.

894. - I'm just kidding. - Yeah, yeah.

895. Just kidding.

896. Here you go, Doctor.

897. Oh, efcharisto, Angie.

898. Oh, do you need anything else right now?

899. No. No, no. I'm good. Thank you.

900. Poor thing. She's really down.

901. Uh-huh?

902. - She had an abortion last week. - Good.

903. But you know what? She didn't miss one day of work.