1. Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...Copy !req
2. You're more stable and
self-aware than you were.Copy !req
3. And you're a loving
person who deserves love.Copy !req
4. I need to counteractCopy !req
5. my systemic, socioeconomic,
racial and cis-gender advantages.Copy !req
6. Oh, you mean that?Copy !req
7. I am applying to law school!Copy !req
8. I'm old. Maybe-maybe it's too late.Copy !req
9. Maybe this whole law
school thing is dumb, okay?Copy !req
10. It's not dumb. Your dreams are not dumb.Copy !req
11. The first second I came here,
you've been so nice to me.Copy !req
12. This is a joke. You're a joke, Bert.Copy !req
13. I know that me being here
is not your first choice,Copy !req
14. but... you're stuck with me.Copy !req
15. Hector and I bought
a condo in El Segundo,Copy !req
16. so... we're moving.Copy !req
17. I'm moving to New York.Copy !req
18. I am worried that your
body spray is gonnaCopy !req
19. waft into her room and she's
gonna know that you're here,Copy !req
20. so leave... without wafting.Copy !req
21. Someone asked me to change
the water cooler on the way in.Copy !req
22. What is this?Copy !req
23. I eat my own eyelashes.Copy !req
24. Guys, I am so NYC right now.Copy !req
25. My apartment is tiny...Copy !req
26. but I've got this great couchCopy !req
27. that you can pull out to be a bed,Copy !req
28. - then a desk...
- Wow.Copy !req
29. then a dining room table,
and then a Pilates reformer.Copy !req
30. Ooh, très chic!Copy !req
31. It's like your little
first-class cabin.Copy !req
32. Exactly. Especially since
the bathroom is down the hallCopy !req
33. and you share it
with ten other people.Copy !req
34. - Yeah.
- Guys, I love having you both availableCopy !req
35. at the touch of a button.Copy !req
36. Yay, technology, bridging
the endless divides.Copy !req
37. Well, I'm at Home Base, just
2.4 miles from you, so...Copy !req
38. Anyway, how are you, Rebecca?
Is today group therapy day?Copy !req
39. No, V, her group is Thursday,
individual therapy is Friday,Copy !req
40. equestrian share circle is...Copy !req
41. Wednesday, and horses
give me a rash now,Copy !req
42. so I don't even think I'm gonna go
anymore. God, this is exhausting.Copy !req
43. Guys, I know all this emotional workCopy !req
44. is necessary and productive,Copy !req
45. but I'm excited to have a day off.Copy !req
46. For 24 hours, I don't want
to talk about my feelingsCopy !req
47. or my problems or my
personality disorder.Copy !req
48. And I know just what I want to do today.Copy !req
49. So, I was on Instagram,Copy !req
50. and I found this place
called Harry's Hog Shop,Copy !req
51. it's this BBQ place in Irvine...Copy !req
52. Oh, I love that place.Copy !req
53. I peep at their Instagram
all day; it's pure food porn.Copy !req
54. I really want to bone those ribs.Copy !req
55. Awesome. So let's go!
Let's go get some treif.Copy !req
56. Man, I can't. I'm working today
at two diff HB's. Ugh, sorry.Copy !req
57. You should call Paula.Copy !req
58. Isn't that what you
guys like to do together?Copy !req
59. Eat food for fun instead of fuel?Copy !req
60. No, she's studying today.Copy !req
61. - Poop.
- Oh, I know.Copy !req
62. What about the rest of
your old Whitefeather crew?Copy !req
63. You could go with one of them?Copy !req
64. Oh, that's a good idea.Copy !req
65. I don't really spend much
time with any of them anymoreCopy !req
66. and no one really knows me well enoughCopy !req
67. to get into the heavy stuff.Copy !req
68. Yeah, I'll just fire up
that old work text chain.Copy !req
69. And send.Copy !req
70. Hold on. Wait a second, Rebecca.Copy !req
71. Is, um, Darryl on that text chain?Copy !req
72. - Yeah.
- Ugh. Darryl, right.Copy !req
73. My bad. Listen, if you're
looking to keep it light,Copy !req
74. he's not your person. He's so emo.Copy !req
75. Yeah, love him, but he is a
"have a feeling, say a feeling"Copy !req
76. kind of guy.Copy !req
77. It'll be fine. Even if he comes,Copy !req
78. there will be a ton
of other people there.Copy !req
79. It's all good. And he's my friend.Copy !req
80. He'll be fine if I just
explain to him what I want.Copy !req
81. I don't know, can you really ask
people to be not who they are?Copy !req
82. Especially someone who
is so... um, Darryl.Copy !req
83. Ugh.Copy !req
84. Doing baby laundry
makes me want to cry.Copy !req
85. Look at her little socks.Copy !req
86. She's already getting
too big for some of them.Copy !req
87. God, time flies, Evelyn.Copy !req
88. I feel like I'm already losing her.Copy !req
89. Oh, let me do that, Darryl.Copy !req
90. I'm the nanny. It's what I do.Copy !req
91. You've been home every
day since I started.Copy !req
92. The point of hiring meCopy !req
93. is so that you can get
your life started again.Copy !req
94. See friends, have fun.Copy !req
95. Okay. I guess you're right.Copy !req
96. It's just, who would I go with?Copy !req
97. Where would I go?Copy !req
98. I missed a text. Huh.Copy !req
99. Yum!Copy !req
100. Ugh. AJ, listen to thisCopy !req
101. parade of no's.Copy !req
102. "Did you mean to
send this to me? If yes, no."Copy !req
103. "Not allowed within
the Irvine city limits."Copy !req
104. "Eek, sorry, can't.
In Solvang with Emma Watson."Copy !req
105. Oh, yeah. Who says "eek, sorry" anyway?Copy !req
106. Ooh, AJ, can you come?Copy !req
107. Eek, sorry. I'm working.Copy !req
108. For you. Right now. In front of you.Copy !req
109. - Oh, right. Boo.
- If you're looking for fun,Copy !req
110. why not go on the apps?Copy !req
111. You haven't been on a date
since I started working hereCopy !req
112. and you're afraid your
hymen is coming back.Copy !req
113. Wait, how'd you know that?Copy !req
114. You told me. Repeatedly.Copy !req
115. I was gonna report it
to HR, but you are HR.Copy !req
116. And AJ, I just can't go on the apps.Copy !req
117. I only attract toxic or unavailable men,Copy !req
118. then I fall for them.
It's... a whole thing.Copy !req
119. I should tell you
about it sometime, Oof.Copy !req
120. You've told me about it. You've
done nothing but talk about it.Copy !req
121. I was actually gonna report that, too.Copy !req
122. God, why is this so hard?Copy !req
123. I just want to share a
fun and carefree car tripCopy !req
124. and some smoked meats with someoneCopy !req
125. who's a super chill hang.Copy !req
126. Oh...Copy !req
127. - Darryl's in.
- Huh?Copy !req
128. You said you wanted a
chill hang. That's not Darryl.Copy !req
129. We only met once and ended
up spending the whole timeCopy !req
130. talking about our mothers
and crying our eyes out.Copy !req
131. Dude is extra.Copy !req
132. Well, AJ, everyone else said no.Copy !req
133. So Darryl is what I got.Copy !req
134. And it's gonna work. It has to.Copy !req
135. I need this day.Copy !req
136. Oh, there you are.Copy !req
137. Thought you were
studying for your finals.Copy !req
138. Well, I was about to. In here.Copy !req
139. In my new office.Copy !req
140. Um, but I couldn't get started
because something's missing.Copy !req
141. Your butt in a chair?Copy !req
142. No. A desk.Copy !req
143. I need a desk. I need to study
for finals and soon, the bar,Copy !req
144. and to do that I need
a proper, lawyerly desk.Copy !req
145. I'm gonna be a lawyer.Copy !req
146. A lawyer, Scott.Copy !req
147. Well, you've worked so hard.
You're almost there, babe.Copy !req
148. Sometimes I can't believe it.Copy !req
149. I mean, you know, my
dad always... hold on.Copy !req
150. Let's not restrict this just to my dad.Copy !req
151. Everyone said that I would end
up nothing but a baby factoryCopy !req
152. and yet here I am,Copy !req
153. about to introduce myself
to the world as an attorney.Copy !req
154. And all I need to do to
get to that monumental,Copy !req
155. not-at-all
scary placeCopy !req
156. is study.Copy !req
157. Hence, a desk.Copy !req
158. We have that folding table
in the garage. I'll get it.Copy !req
159. A folding table? Come on. Scott, no.Copy !req
160. I have found the perfect desk.Copy !req
161. It is gorgeous, and it totally
says "big-time lawyer lady."Copy !req
162. The only problem is that
it is in San BernardinoCopy !req
163. and it is too big for our minivan,Copy !req
164. so I found an app called...
"Bro With A Truck."Copy !req
165. They send a bro with a pickup,Copy !req
166. and I'm pretty excited
because my bro is Driver 78.Copy !req
167. He has a five-star
rating, he likes music,Copy !req
168. is a Pisces, and he scuba dived
off the Great Barrier Reef.Copy !req
169. Sounds like you're going on
a date with him or something.Copy !req
170. Tanya!Copy !req
171. Have a great day. Hope it's
a great desk, you deserve it.Copy !req
172. God, I love that. Still
remains a tasty move.Copy !req
173. Here is your burger and cabbage.Copy !req
174. I call it the "No One Wants That," so...Copy !req
175. Okay, you're welcome. Did
you want anything to drink?Copy !req
176. Yes, water.Copy !req
177. Yes, water, please and thank you.Copy !req
178. If you say so.Copy !req
179. Ah.Copy !req
180. Hey, Nathaniel.Copy !req
181. I went to your house
but you weren't there,Copy !req
182. so I called all of the dining
establishments in the cityCopy !req
183. until I found you.Copy !req
184. - Why?
- Oh, some mail cameCopy !req
185. for you at the office yesterday,Copy !req
186. so I thought I'd bring it
to you the way, you know,Copy !req
187. coworkers with a good rapportCopy !req
188. bring things to each other on Saturdays.Copy !req
189. Uh-oh.
Burger salad. Are you in trouble?Copy !req
190. My grandmother used to make
that for me and my seven sistersCopy !req
191. when we were bad.Copy !req
192. Great. Mail. Cool.Copy !req
193. Okay, you got me. The
mail was a pretext.Copy !req
194. I wanted to spend some
out-of-office time with you.Copy !req
195. We started off on the wrong foot.Copy !req
196. I'd-I'd really like to
get to know each other.Copy !req
197. Huh. I don't want to do that.Copy !req
198. But I-I do want to do that.Copy !req
199. But... all right,
m-maybe some other time.Copy !req
200. Bye-bye.Copy !req
201. Here you go. I'm sorry.Copy !req
202. He's so rude. I kind of
just think that's who he is.Copy !req
203. He dated one of my best friendsCopy !req
204. and he was also randomly at my weddingCopy !req
205. because my husband is
his surf instructor.Copy !req
206. But... I've always never liked
him. I think he's kind of a dick.Copy !req
207. I don't know. I think he's justCopy !req
208. not very open emotionally,
because he's sadCopy !req
209. about some things in his life.Copy !req
210. I get it.Copy !req
211. When my seven sisters diedCopy !req
212. in that tragic tandem bike accident,Copy !req
213. it took me 14 years to
deal with it, to even cry.Copy !req
214. One good cry and that young man...Copy !req
215. well, he'll probably have a ways to go,Copy !req
216. but, I don't know, maybe it'll work.Copy !req
217. I just think he's broken.Copy !req
218. I'm so sorry about your sisters.Copy !req
219. - Thank you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
220. Ooh, you should have seen the mess.Copy !req
221. Boom!Copy !req
222. Hello?Copy !req
223. Driver 78 is here!Copy !req
224. P-P-P-Paula!Copy !req
225. It is you.Copy !req
226. Customer 99 is you. Yes!Copy !req
227. You? It's you? It's not you.
You don't scuba dive.Copy !req
228. Uh, yeah, I scuba-did. When
I was ten, I scuba-doved.Copy !req
229. That's not... scuba-dove...Copy !req
230. I-I thought you had
another job. You're a DJ.Copy !req
231. Yeah, that's at night.Copy !req
232. During the day I like to
pick up some extra cash.Copy !req
233. Plus, Hector's mom likes
me to be out of the houseCopy !req
234. during the day; that's when she
Jacuzzis and edits the podcast.Copy !req
235. Well, that's good. I mean,
you're saving up moneyCopy !req
236. to move out of her house, then.Copy !req
237. What? No. I'm not moving out.Copy !req
238. Though we could use a bigger placeCopy !req
239. and we do dream about owning.Copy !req
240. Wow. Josh...Copy !req
241. I am, I am, as always,
amazed at your utter Joshness.Copy !req
242. - Thanks.
- Look,Copy !req
243. I just don't know if
I can do this today.Copy !req
244. I thought I was gonna spend
the day with a stranger.Copy !req
245. And maybe I should
just get another driver.Copy !req
246. Do-do it tomorrow.Copy !req
247. Cancellation fee is $200.Copy !req
248. Okay, let's go.Copy !req
249. Damn it!Copy !req
250. Nathaniel?Copy !req
251. What?Copy !req
252. Uh, what happened?Copy !req
253. I forgot to charge my car
and now I'm out of juice.Copy !req
254. I've been trying to get an Uber,Copy !req
255. but these idiot drivers
keep canceling on me.Copy !req
256. Huh. You must have a bad rating.Copy !req
257. The ratings go both ways?Copy !req
258. Socialists.Copy !req
259. Okay, good catching up, bye-bye.Copy !req
260. No, wait, wait, wait. Um... Uh...Copy !req
261. can I have a ride?Copy !req
262. Ugh, sorry.Copy !req
263. Can I have a ride, please and thank you?Copy !req
264. Look at you!Copy !req
265. You look like a small-town
mayor at a 1970s rodeo.Copy !req
266. Or, oh, you look like
the guy in the pornoCopy !req
267. who goes, "Nancy,Copy !req
268. I want those oil reports
on my desk yesterday."Copy !req
269. Thank you.Copy !req
270. I go all-out for
barbecue. It's like I say:Copy !req
271. "It ain't a real mealCopy !req
272. unless you suit up from hat to heel."Copy !req
273. Ha! That's funny.Copy !req
274. Oh, you're fun.Copy !req
275. And anyone who said you would not be funCopy !req
276. or would be super emo is wrong,Copy !req
277. because you're already rhymingCopy !req
278. and you're already in a costume...Copy !req
279. Well, this is not a costume...Copy !req
280. In an outfit that screams "costume,"Copy !req
281. and we're just gonna have fun, fun, fun.Copy !req
282. Hey, before then... um,Copy !req
283. Darryl, you know I'm in an
extensive amount of therapy,Copy !req
284. and I have learned in therapyCopy !req
285. to make my wishes clear.Copy !req
286. So I would like to clearly say...Copy !req
287. I'm just looking for
a fun, easy breezy day,Copy !req
288. no heavy convos... is that cool?Copy !req
289. Yep. No problem.Copy !req
290. Aw, look at us.Copy !req
291. Me and you, heading
out on the open road,Copy !req
292. two old friends that...Copy !req
293. have been through so much together...Copy !req
294. Yep, that's not what you want.Copy !req
295. I will not do that again.Copy !req
296. All right. Let's go.Copy !req
297. Okeydokey, pokey.Copy !req
298. So therapy has given
me a whole new perspectiveCopy !req
299. on the world, a whole new vocabularyCopy !req
300. for talking about my feelings,Copy !req
301. also something to do
on Monday nights, huh?Copy !req
302. That's nice, Josh. Good for you.Copy !req
303. Yeah, I think some of my issues
started with potty training.Copy !req
304. My mother bribed me with candy,Copy !req
305. so I wasn't internally motivated.Copy !req
306. I mean, you really need
to start with what's insideCopy !req
307. and then go outside. At least...Copy !req
308. got hard candy if I went number one,Copy !req
309. I got chocolate if I did number two,Copy !req
310. which I thought was kind of funny,Copy !req
311. because, like, chocolate.
Oh, that reminds me...Copy !req
312. Being picked first for kickballCopy !req
313. every single time was at
once an honor and a burden,Copy !req
314. and created a kind
of split in my psyche.Copy !req
315. I mean, it's not that
difficult of a difference.Copy !req
316. Okay... shotokan, tae Kwon do.Copy !req
317. need to count in Korean...
Hana, dul, set, net, dasol,Copy !req
318. yasot, iilgup, yodol.
And then Japanese isCopy !req
319. ichi, Ni, San, shi, go, roku,
shichi, hachi, kyuu, juu.Copy !req
320. I get 'em confused, sometimes,Copy !req
321. but it's really not hard at all.Copy !req
322. When I was working at
Aloha, I felt so trappedCopy !req
323. in that back office.
Sometimes literally,Copy !req
324. because Alex would put
boxes in front of the door,Copy !req
325. and that sucked.Copy !req
326. No, sorry.Copy !req
327. That made me feel sucked. Ugh.Copy !req
328. Josh, what?Copy !req
329. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
330. You're not in therapy.Copy !req
331. You don't get the lingo.Copy !req
332. Well, what's the lingo for,Copy !req
333. "For the love of God,
please stop talking"?Copy !req
334. I think it's, "Let's sit
with that for a minute."Copy !req
335. Right. Dr. A says that a lot.Copy !req
336. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
337. Anyway, what's so special about
this desk that you got to goCopy !req
338. all the way out to San Bernardino?Copy !req
339. There's got to be some
good desks closer to home...Copy !req
340. Josh... I don't want to talk.Copy !req
341. So I'll just drop you off
at your apartment, or... ?Copy !req
342. No, I'm going to Santa Monica.Copy !req
343. Santa Monica, pronto.Copy !req
344. What?Copy !req
345. Oh, God. Sorry.Copy !req
346. Santa Monica, please, pronto.Copy !req
347. Oh, wow, you're a real piece of work.Copy !req
348. You're asking to be
chauffeured to the beach?Copy !req
349. You've got a lot of nerve.Copy !req
350. But lucky for you, I am headedCopy !req
351. to the El Segundo Home
Base, which is at the beach,Copy !req
352. so it's basically on the way and
also I'm a really nice person.Copy !req
353. Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
354. Wow, "thank you"... we're
really getting somewhere.Copy !req
355. God, this car... is disgusting.Copy !req
356. This is like an old mobile garbage can.Copy !req
357. - How do you live like this?
- What?Copy !req
358. There's nothing wrong with this car.Copy !req
359. It gets me where I need to goCopy !req
360. and I have access to all of
my belongings, which is great.Copy !req
361. - Okay.
- Also, it's none of your business.Copy !req
362. Cool. Well, if I need a dirty shirtCopy !req
363. or an empty water bottle
or hair scrunchies, What...Copy !req
364. I'm good to go.Copy !req
365. Oh, yeah, 'cause I'm the weird one.Copy !req
366. Why are you clutching that envelope?Copy !req
367. This envelope is not your concern.Copy !req
368. Just drive, please. Thank you. Pronto.Copy !req
369. Fine, but your rating
is gonna be a zero, so...Copy !req
370. It's a lovely day
to eat some ribs, right?Copy !req
371. - Yeah, it's a beautiful day.
- Mm.Copy !req
372. So, you talk to Valencia
and Heather lately?Copy !req
373. - Uh-huh. Yeah.
- They're doing great, right?Copy !req
374. Must be hard that they moved away.Copy !req
375. How's that make you feel? Heart hurting?Copy !req
376. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
377. No, I-I did it. I see that.Copy !req
378. It's okay. You made a mistake.Copy !req
379. We all make mistakes,
God knows I do. It's fine.Copy !req
380. Um, let's do something
fun. Let's sing a car song.Copy !req
381. Oh, I know a great car song,
let me teach you. It goes...Copy !req
382. "This song
goes in a loop-de-loop.Copy !req
383. I love car songs. It starts... The...Copy !req
384. I love 'em. Oh. They
remind me of my childhood.Copy !req
385. What was your childhood like?Copy !req
386. Oh, was it tough?Copy !req
387. Oh, tell me your-your first sad
memory that you can think of.Copy !req
388. Hey, Darryl, just... can we not?Copy !req
389. I'm begging you.Copy !req
390. Just... can we not?Copy !req
391. - My bad.
- Thank you.Copy !req
392. Hey... could you not do that either?Copy !req
393. Thanks.Copy !req
394. progressively more quietly each time?Copy !req
395. - Nothing.
- Okay.Copy !req
396. So you need a desk for studying!Copy !req
397. How wonderful.Copy !req
398. What are you studying for?Copy !req
399. Uh, law school finals.Copy !req
400. I mean, I haven't started yet.Copy !req
401. I need the right desk. You get it.Copy !req
402. No, not really. But I-I do my billsCopy !req
403. standing over a sink
eating a ripe grapefruit.Copy !req
404. Saves a plate.Copy !req
405. Oh. You need this desk
for your finals, Paula?Copy !req
406. Wow, what an important errand I'm on.Copy !req
407. So honored.Copy !req
408. All right, let's get
this puppy in the truckCopy !req
409. and get you studying ASAP.Copy !req
410. Now? Right now? I...Copy !req
411. Wow, this whole thing is
just gonna take 90 minutes.Copy !req
412. That's so fast.Copy !req
413. Oh, wait a second.
Hold on a second. Uh-oh.Copy !req
414. - There's a scratch here.
- Really? I-I don't see how.Copy !req
415. I stored it away from my
leopard and my anteaters.Copy !req
416. Uh, no, I mean, well, look right here.Copy !req
417. It's a big old scratch
that wasn't in the photos,Copy !req
418. so because it wasn't previously
disclosed... lawyer term...Copy !req
419. Um, it's just not gonna work out
for me, Mrs. Beattie, I'm sorry.Copy !req
420. But, um, that's okay,Copy !req
421. because I was looking at another desk.Copy !req
422. It's in San Diego, and if we
take all the right freeways,Copy !req
423. it's only three hours.Copy !req
424. No, Paula, you need this desk now.Copy !req
425. It's an important step
to you becoming a lawyer.Copy !req
426. Don't worry, this won't
hold us up. I got this.Copy !req
427. I brought a wood finishing pen
in case there were any dingsCopy !req
428. or nicks in the moving process.Copy !req
429. Oh, well, aren't you... clever.Copy !req
430. See, works like a charm.Copy !req
431. Wow, it really does. Well done.Copy !req
432. So let's load it in the truck.Copy !req
433. Well, n-no, we can't go now.Copy !req
434. I mean, that would be
rude. We just got hereCopy !req
435. and I'm sure Mrs.
Beattie wants to show usCopy !req
436. all of her beautiful trash... sures.Copy !req
437. Oh, excuse me, honey.Copy !req
438. You really want to hear all
about my wonderful belongings?Copy !req
439. - Yeah.
- Well, this owl right here...Copy !req
440. Has no eyes.Copy !req
441. I don't like them looking at me.Copy !req
442. So, the whole ride, you're
just not gonna tell meCopy !req
443. why you're cuddling a puffy envelopeCopy !req
444. like a toddler clutching
a stuffed animal?Copy !req
445. - Why do you care?
- Oh, I don't.Copy !req
446. I'm just annoyed that you won't tell me.Copy !req
447. I mean, you were at my wedding.Copy !req
448. So what?Copy !req
449. So that, like, bonds us.Copy !req
450. It really doesn't.Copy !req
451. I was at Kate Middleton's weddingCopy !req
452. and we barely speak anymore.Copy !req
453. Okay.Copy !req
454. Why is your car making weird noises?Copy !req
455. Oh, yeah. Those aren't weird.Copy !req
456. I know exactly what those are.Copy !req
457. It happens every 12 miles or so.Copy !req
458. I just duct tape the coolant
hose and then I'm good to go.Copy !req
459. Wow. Crafty. Very Etsy.Copy !req
460. Mm-hmm. Yep.Copy !req
461. I am gonna pull over though,
'cause this is pretty dangerous,Copy !req
462. so... Yes.Copy !req
463. Oh, this place is so cool!Copy !req
464. Yeah, yeah, it's real awesome.Copy !req
465. Howdy!Copy !req
466. - How many buckaroos will you be?
- Just two.Copy !req
467. Two buddies sharing a
special day I our lives.Copy !req
468. No, it-it's just a regular day.Copy !req
469. Uh, he's being a little extra right now.Copy !req
470. - Oh.
- What does that mean?Copy !req
471. What does "extra" mean?Copy !req
472. I hope you don't mind,
the only table we have leftCopy !req
473. is what we call our
"Hitched At The Hip" table.Copy !req
474. It's facing the same
way, cuddled in together.Copy !req
475. Okay. Uh-huh, uh-huh.Copy !req
476. Fun. Fun, fun, fun. Fun.Copy !req
477. Yeah, as long as I don't
talk about any heavy stuff.Copy !req
478. This one wants to keep it light today.Copy !req
479. Okay, Darryl, I'm sure the nice ladyCopy !req
480. doesn't want to hear about us.Copy !req
481. Yeah, you see, she's been through a lot;Copy !req
482. she has a disorder.Copy !req
483. Oh, my God, Darryl, will you stop?Copy !req
484. I'm sorry.Copy !req
485. - Why are you mad?
- You know why I'm mad.Copy !req
486. I just wanted to have a fun day.Copy !req
487. - Why is that too much to ask?
- I tried. I was trying.Copy !req
488. Okay, well, not hard enough.
You know what?Copy !req
489. Let's just go. This was a bad idea.
It's not your fault.Copy !req
490. You just happen to be
everything I didn't want today.Copy !req
491. I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean that.Copy !req
492. - Yeah, you did.
- Okay.Copy !req
493. Let's just, let's just leave.Copy !req
494. No. No, no. I'm not about
to get into a car with you.Copy !req
495. I can't believe that I used the first
day away from Hebby to be with you.Copy !req
496. Darryl, come on.Copy !req
497. You know, sometimes
I think we're close,Copy !req
498. like when you give me
parts of your genetic codeCopy !req
499. to make a person, but
sometimes it feels likeCopy !req
500. you just don't like me.Copy !req
501. And I look past it,Copy !req
502. because I like the good parts of you,Copy !req
503. and I know you have some challenges,Copy !req
504. but that is no excuse
for you to be unkind.Copy !req
505. And this is Terrence.Copy !req
506. He's missing an eyeball.Copy !req
507. My husband hit him over
the head with a shovelCopy !req
508. and the eyeball went flying.Copy !req
509. Actually, I think it's in
this candy tin right here.Copy !req
510. Oh, you know, Paula, we got to go.Copy !req
511. W-While you guys are talking
about eyeballs and stuff,Copy !req
512. I'll put the desk in the truck,
okay? Just meet me out there.Copy !req
513. By yourself? That seems heavy.Copy !req
514. Maybe I should call for another bro.Copy !req
515. Nah, I got this.Copy !req
516. - Oh, dear.
- Wow.Copy !req
517. Oh, uh, your, uh, water cooler's empty.Copy !req
518. Ah.Copy !req
519. There we go.Copy !req
520. Don't worry, Paula,Copy !req
521. I'll have you studying in no time.Copy !req
522. I won't let you down.Copy !req
523. Let's hug.Copy !req
524. Oh...Copy !req
525. All right.Copy !req
526. I'm gonna put this on my sad
cowboy Instagram meme account.Copy !req
527. I just want to wait in
peace for my Uber, thank you.Copy !req
528. Darryl, I'm really sorry.Copy !req
529. And there's no excuseCopy !req
530. for how I spoke to you.Copy !req
531. But I needed a break from being askedCopy !req
532. to explore and express and
expand upon my feelings.Copy !req
533. I do it all the time,
and I'm just exhausted.Copy !req
534. But that's not your fault.Copy !req
535. And I really am
very sorry for what I said.Copy !req
536. And for how I've been all day.Copy !req
537. Okay.Copy !req
538. Thank you.Copy !req
539. I don't think an Uber's even coming.Copy !req
540. I've got a two-star,
"too-talkative" rating.Copy !req
541. You know what?
I got an idea. Let's do this,Copy !req
542. let's just go get something to eat.Copy !req
543. I personally am starving.Copy !req
544. Oh, my God, me, too.Copy !req
545. Let's just get down on some ribs.Copy !req
546. - Okay?
- Ah.Copy !req
547. No more emotional sharing,Copy !req
548. no more probing, none of it.Copy !req
549. Really? 'Cause I would love that.Copy !req
550. Oh, well, it's happening.Copy !req
551. Boom!Copy !req
552. - What?
- Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
553. Oh, my God, that's awesome.Copy !req
554. - That's for you, my friend.
- No!Copy !req
555. - Come on, little lady.
- Okay.Copy !req
556. Let's get our feed on!Copy !req
557. I can't believe this
is your car, this is what you drive.Copy !req
558. Aren't you supposed to be, like,
a branch manager or something?Copy !req
559. And you drive around in an old junker?Copy !req
560. Is that what you think of yourself?Copy !req
561. I did not ask for your opinion.Copy !req
562. Okay. It's just that peopleCopy !req
563. who respect themselves
usually drive decent carsCopy !req
564. they keep clean; it's just a fact.Copy !req
565. You know, I've had about enough
of you. You're being a dick.Copy !req
566. Pardon me?Copy !req
567. No, pardon you.Copy !req
568. Oh, my God, you think the
world revolves around youCopy !req
569. because you're all smart and tallCopy !req
570. and rich and white and spoiledCopy !req
571. and male with playful hair.Copy !req
572. - Hey, don't talk about my hair.
- Let me tell you something.Copy !req
573. I know you think you're awesome,
I get that, but I don't like you.Copy !req
574. I never liked you. I don't
like how you talk to people.Copy !req
575. I never got what Rebecca saw in you.Copy !req
576. I think you're a rich, entitled bully,Copy !req
577. and you're hiding
what's in that envelope,Copy !req
578. and it's so freaking
weird! You're weird.Copy !req
579. I'm weird? You drive Archie's jalopy,Copy !req
580. and I'm the weird one?Copy !req
581. Just shut up and just give meCopy !req
582. - that envelope.
- No. Hey.Copy !req
583. Oh!Copy !req
584. Oh, my God.Copy !req
585. What is all this?Copy !req
586. It's Heidi.Copy !req
587. I'm sorry, what?Copy !req
588. These are the ashes of Heidi,Copy !req
589. my beloved, dead Au pair.Copy !req
590. Oh.Copy !req
591. Mmm. Mmm.Copy !req
592. Mmm, God. Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
593. So... good.Copy !req
594. Mmm. Oh.Copy !req
595. Oh, I guess you guys hated it.Copy !req
596. It was disgusting.Copy !req
597. - No, we are never coming back here.
- Uh-uh. Oh!Copy !req
598. Ah. There you go.Copy !req
599. - Thank you.
- Thank you, guys. Thank you.Copy !req
600. - Hey, you want to get back to the maze?
- Yes!Copy !req
601. Mmm. Choose your weapon.Copy !req
602. Mmm. Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
603. Okay, so, let's see, we
start at the sexy cowgirl.Copy !req
604. The weirdly sexy cowgirl.Copy !req
605. Mm-hmm. And that pony's not
too bad, either. And then we...Copy !req
606. - You know what?
- What?Copy !req
607. I'm really happy that you
just wanted to have fun today.Copy !req
608. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
609. 'Cause you're right,
sometimes I can be too...Copy !req
610. probe-y and disclose-y
and look inward-y.Copy !req
611. I mean, you'd make a great gynecologist.Copy !req
612. But now, look at us.Copy !req
613. We are fun.Copy !req
614. You know, we're fun people,
we're really fun people.Copy !req
615. - Probably the best table.
- Best table on the block.Copy !req
616. And...Copy !req
617. thank you.Copy !req
618. Hey. Should we get some more food?Copy !req
619. Nah. I'm stuffed.
I couldn't eat another bite.Copy !req
620. Ha! Kidding.Copy !req
621. - Waitress!
- Oh-ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
622. I have human remains on me.Copy !req
623. That's your fault, okay?Copy !req
624. You grabbed the bag. This is your fault.Copy !req
625. What is your deal?Copy !req
626. Why are you driving around
clutching someone's ashes?Copy !req
627. And don't tell me it's
none of my business,Copy !req
628. because it is all over me.Copy !req
629. Why are you carrying aroundCopy !req
630. a dead Heidi, and what is an Au pair?Copy !req
631. An Au pair is rich for "babysitter."Copy !req
632. She took care of meCopy !req
633. from the day I was born until I was 17.Copy !req
634. She passed away this year,Copy !req
635. and her family...Copy !req
636. they gave me a portion of her
ashes to scatter in the ocean,Copy !req
637. because that's where we
went to a lot together.Copy !req
638. That's what she wanted.Copy !req
639. Wait, what?Copy !req
640. You were so close to someoneCopy !req
641. that they wanted you
to scatter their ashes?Copy !req
642. It's that hard for you to believeCopy !req
643. that I was ever close to someone?Copy !req
644. Uh, yeah.Copy !req
645. Well, I was.Copy !req
646. I was close to her.Copy !req
647. I loved her.Copy !req
648. And she loved me. She
practically raised me.Copy !req
649. If I needed somebody, she was there.Copy !req
650. Then she went back to Austria.Copy !req
651. And the very next personCopy !req
652. to love me like that was Rebecca.Copy !req
653. And now they're gone.Copy !req
654. They're both gone.Copy !req
655. The people I cared
about most in my life...Copy !req
656. are gone.Copy !req
657. Oh, my God, that is
such a great song!Copy !req
658. - Right, it's so...
- Oh! Oh, my God.Copy !req
659. - You're so gross...
- Oh.Copy !req
660. - We can't go home like this.
- No.Copy !req
661. We put the "ew" in "barbecue."Copy !req
662. I'm kind of meat-drunk,
so I really likeCopy !req
663. that dad joke right now, actually.Copy !req
664. Ooh, ooh. Wait, there's a truck stop.Copy !req
665. Do you want to go wash up?Copy !req
666. And also, I'm weirdly still hungry,
so maybe get some dessert, right?Copy !req
667. Let's do it!Copy !req
668. Yeah! Okay.Copy !req
669. So you got that from a manCopy !req
670. named Grover in Cleveland
who was not Grover Cleveland?Copy !req
671. Exactly.Copy !req
672. Exactly. Ah...Copy !req
673. That's a good one, though.Copy !req
674. Paula. What are you doing?Copy !req
675. The desk is in the truck.Copy !req
676. We got to go. I-I have a gig tonight.Copy !req
677. What? Well, we can't leave
before we see the collectionCopy !req
678. of vintage tuna containers.Copy !req
679. Ooh, and Mrs. BeattieCopy !req
680. has invited us over for dinner!Copy !req
681. That's it, Paula! Enough!Copy !req
682. I can't stay here all night enablingCopy !req
683. your procrastination caused
by an inner fear of successCopy !req
684. that's making you put off
studying for your finals.Copy !req
685. Wow. Josh.Copy !req
686. Did I get that right?Copy !req
687. Oh, my God, I think you did.Copy !req
688. Sounds right to me.Copy !req
689. But what do I know?Copy !req
690. I got 43 porcelain cats.Copy !req
691. Only 43, huh?Copy !req
692. There, there.Copy !req
693. I'm lonely.Copy !req
694. So lonely.Copy !req
695. I don't know why I can't have
that closeness with anyone else.Copy !req
696. Huh.Copy !req
697. Well, you could try
being nicer to people.Copy !req
698. That could be a good first step.Copy !req
699. You think I don't know that?Copy !req
700. You think I don't know that I'm a jerk?Copy !req
701. I don't want to be that way.Copy !req
702. When I'm hurt, I clam up and I lash out.Copy !req
703. It's kind of a...
clamming and a lashing.Copy !req
704. Well, you're not doing that right now.Copy !req
705. No, I'm weeping right
now. It's pathetic.Copy !req
706. No, it's human.Copy !req
707. And... you should show more
people this side of you.Copy !req
708. Heidi would be proud.Copy !req
709. I mean, I think. I didn't know her.Copy !req
710. I'm just inferring a
lot from what you said.Copy !req
711. All she wanted was to
get back to the ocean,Copy !req
712. and I failed.Copy !req
713. I failed her.Copy !req
714. Sorry I couldn't get you
where you needed to go, Heidi.Copy !req
715. Yeah, you did.Copy !req
716. You kind of did.Copy !req
717. This is a clear health violation.Copy !req
718. Auf Wiedersehen, Heidi.Copy !req
719. Hey, I think you were
right about my car.Copy !req
720. Yeah, I am.Copy !req
721. Dang, cowboy!Copy !req
722. - You don't look like a dang cowboy.
- Well, my outfitCopy !req
723. was trashed, so I, uh, bought
new duds in the gift shop.Copy !req
724. And then the, uh,
molasses wouldn't budge,Copy !req
725. so I just... buzzed the old duster.Copy !req
726. Oh, my God. You shaved your mustache.Copy !req
727. I didn't notice.Copy !req
728. But I did save it for the scrapbook.Copy !req
729. Wait, Darryl, are you okay?Copy !req
730. That mustache was a...
big part of your identity.Copy !req
731. If you want to cry right now,Copy !req
732. I will not yell at you, I promise.Copy !req
733. No, I feel good. I feel fine.Copy !req
734. I'm just happy to be here with you.Copy !req
735. - Oh... Oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
736. Oh, my God.Copy !req
737. Oh, whoa, Nelly.Copy !req
738. Yeah.Copy !req
739. Um...Copy !req
740. I'm gonna get in the car.Copy !req
741. There it is. Looks great.Copy !req
742. You're gonna be a great lawyer.Copy !req
743. - How do you know?
- Because you really care about it.Copy !req
744. If you didn't care about it,
you wouldn't have been so worriedCopy !req
745. and done the thing with the desk.Copy !req
746. But you are and you did, so...Copy !req
747. - you will.
- Thanks.Copy !req
748. Thanks for saying that.Copy !req
749. Here, this came in the mail.Copy !req
750. It's apartment listings in the area.Copy !req
751. Uh-huh.Copy !req
752. Dude, you have got to move
out of Hector's mom's house.Copy !req
753. You mean so I can
establish my own boundaries,Copy !req
754. spread my wings, find my own path?Copy !req
755. No. Because it's sad and weird.Copy !req
756. A lot of people keep saying that to me.Copy !req
757. Mm, all right.Copy !req
758. - So...
- Yeah.Copy !req
759. - That was a very quiet ride home.
- Yeah, it sure was.Copy !req
760. Um... so, listen, Darryl,Copy !req
761. I think we're on the
same page about this,Copy !req
762. but... to be clear,Copy !req
763. I don't think you and
I are meant for romance.Copy !req
764. Oh, God. Oh, good, Okay.Copy !req
765. 'Cause that was why
I didn't say anything.Copy !req
766. Oh, my God, that's why
I didn't say anything.Copy !req
767. I mean, I thought we were on the same...Copy !req
768. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
769. Whew!Copy !req
770. You know, I was thinking,
the fact that I was attracted to you...Copy !req
771. it gives me hope.Copy !req
772. - Yeah?
- I mean,Copy !req
773. I was attracted to someone nice.Copy !req
774. I mean, if that can happen,Copy !req
775. maybe I can be attracted
to a different type of guy.Copy !req
776. You know? Guys who aren'tCopy !req
777. withholding or cold
or jerks or unavailableCopy !req
778. or dating other people or
immoral or married or...Copy !req
779. Nathaniel or Greg or Josh.Copy !req
780. I hope one dayCopy !req
781. to find someone who is as
kind and as loving as you are.Copy !req
782. That is so sweet of you to say.Copy !req
783. You know what? I've
just decided something.Copy !req
784. I'm gonna start dating again.Copy !req
785. - Well, good for you!
- Yeah.Copy !req
786. I'm gonna fire up the
apps, I'm gonna do it,Copy !req
787. and if I'm lucky,Copy !req
788. maybe there are other Darryls
out there in the world.Copy !req
789. Oh...Copy !req
790. Oh.Copy !req
791. - Mmm.
- Mmm.Copy !req
792. Okay.Copy !req
793. You know, just for the record,Copy !req
794. I bet you're great in bed.Copy !req
795. Oh, yeah. I also have an enormous penis.Copy !req
796. Good for you, buddy.Copy !req
797. I'm gonna head out.Copy !req
798. But I'm gonna need a check.Copy !req
799. And much like your penis,
it's gonna be a big one.Copy !req
800. You wanted to see me?Copy !req
801. Something in particular you
wanted to yell at me about?Copy !req
802. No. I... Please, sit down.Copy !req
803. I, um...Copy !req
804. I wanted to apologize.Copy !req
805. I-I've been...Copy !req
806. been horrible to you.Copy !req
807. - Yeah. Yeah, you have.
- And, um...Copy !req
808. I'm sorry.Copy !req
809. Well, that's okay, Nathaniel.Copy !req
810. You're a good kid.Copy !req
811. I've always seen that.Copy !req
812. Thanks.Copy !req
813. Um...Copy !req
814. I, um...Copy !req
815. have something for you.Copy !req
816. Oh.Copy !req
817. Whew.Copy !req
818. Why'd you do that?Copy !req
819. Um... well, I'm new to
expressing affection.Copy !req
820. Was that not... right?Copy !req
821. Well... not exactly.Copy !req
822. But it's a start.Copy !req
823. I think you're on your way.Copy !req
824. Much like my sisters were on
their way to a Gouda festivalCopy !req
825. when they were obliterated.Copy !req
826. I... I don't know what to say to that.Copy !req
827. Yeah. Yeah, it's a toughie.Copy !req
828. Hey, Nathaniel.Copy !req
829. - Hmm?
- Guess who just leasedCopy !req
830. - a brand-new Civic, bitch.
- There you go.Copy !req
831. Did you know there's
Bluetooth in cars now?Copy !req
832. - Everyone knows that, yeah.
- That's crazy.Copy !req
833. I did that.Copy !req
834. I do nice things now.Copy !req
835. Damn it.Copy !req
836. Evelyn?Copy !req
837. Can you comfort Hebby?Copy !req
838. I'm with my baby.Copy !req