1. Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...Copy !req
2. You're more stable and
self-aware than you were.Copy !req
3. And you're a loving
person who deserves love.Copy !req
4. I need to counteractCopy !req
5. my systemic, socioeconomic,
racial and cis-gender advantages.Copy !req
6. Oh, you mean that?Copy !req
7. I am applying to law school!Copy !req
8. I'm old. Maybe-maybe it's too late.Copy !req
9. Maybe this whole law
school thing is dumb, okay?Copy !req
10. It's not dumb. Your dreams are not dumb.Copy !req
11. The first second I came here,
you've been so nice to me.Copy !req
12. This is a joke. You're a joke, Bert.Copy !req
13. I know that me being here
is not your first choice,Copy !req
14. but... you're stuck with me.Copy !req
15. Hector and I bought
a condo in El Segundo,Copy !req
16. so... we're moving.Copy !req
17. I'm moving to New York.Copy !req
18. I am worried that your
body spray is gonnaCopy !req
19. waft into her room and she's
gonna know that you're here,Copy !req
20. so leave... without wafting.Copy !req
21. Someone asked me to change
the water cooler on the way in.Copy !req
22. What is this?Copy !req
23. I eat my own eyelashes.Copy !req
24. — Synced and corrected by ChrisKe —
— www.addic7ed.com —Copy !req
25. Guys, I am so NYC right now.Copy !req
26. My apartment is tiny...Copy !req
27. but I've got this great couchCopy !req
28. that you can pull out to be a bed,Copy !req
29. - then a desk...
- Wow.Copy !req
30. then a dining room table,
and then a Pilates reformer.Copy !req
31. Ooh, très chic!Copy !req
32. It's like your little
first-class cabin.Copy !req
33. Exactly. Especially since
the bathroom is down the hallCopy !req
34. and you share it
with ten other people.Copy !req
35. - Yeah.
- Guys, I love having you both availableCopy !req
36. at the touch of a button.Copy !req
37. Yay, technology, bridging
the endless divides.Copy !req
38. Well, I'm at Home Base, just
2.4 miles from you, so...Copy !req
39. Anyway, how are you, Rebecca?
Is today group therapy day?Copy !req
40. No, V, her group is Thursday,
individual therapy is Friday,Copy !req
41. equestrian share circle is...Copy !req
42. Wednesday, and horses
give me a rash now,Copy !req
43. so I don't even think I'm gonna go
anymore. God, this is exhausting.Copy !req
44. Guys, I know all this emotional workCopy !req
45. is necessary and productive,Copy !req
46. but I'm excited to have a day off.Copy !req
47. For 24 hours, I don't want
to talk about my feelingsCopy !req
48. or my problems or my
personality disorder.Copy !req
49. And I know just what I want to do today.Copy !req
50. So, I was on Instagram,Copy !req
51. and I found this place
called Harry's Hog Shop,Copy !req
52. it's this BBQ place in Irvine...Copy !req
53. Oh, I love that place.Copy !req
54. I peep at their Instagram
all day; it's pure food porn.Copy !req
55. I really want to bone those ribs.Copy !req
56. Awesome. So let's go!
Let's go get some treif.Copy !req
57. Man, I can't. I'm working today
at two diff HB's. Ugh, sorry.Copy !req
58. You should call Paula.Copy !req
59. Isn't that what you
guys like to do together?Copy !req
60. Eat food for fun instead of fuel?Copy !req
61. No, she's studying today.Copy !req
62. - Poop.
- Oh, I know.Copy !req
63. What about the rest of
your old Whitefeather crew?Copy !req
64. You could go with one of them?Copy !req
65. Oh, that's a good idea.Copy !req
66. I don't really spend much
time with any of them anymoreCopy !req
67. and no one really knows me well enoughCopy !req
68. to get into the heavy stuff.Copy !req
69. Yeah, I'll just fire up
that old work text chain.Copy !req
70. And send.Copy !req
71. Hold on. Wait a second, Rebecca.Copy !req
72. Is, um, Darryl on that text chain?Copy !req
73. - Yeah.
- Ugh. Darryl, right.Copy !req
74. My bad. Listen, if you're
looking to keep it light,Copy !req
75. he's not your person. He's so emo.Copy !req
76. Yeah, love him, but he is a
"have a feeling, say a feeling"Copy !req
77. kind of guy.Copy !req
78. It'll be fine. Even if he comes,Copy !req
79. there will be a ton
of other people there.Copy !req
80. It's all good. And he's my friend.Copy !req
81. He'll be fine if I just
explain to him what I want.Copy !req
82. I don't know, can you really ask
people to be not who they are?Copy !req
83. Especially someone who
is so... um, Darryl.Copy !req
84. Ugh.Copy !req
85. Doing baby laundry
makes me want to cry.Copy !req
86. Look at her little socks.Copy !req
87. She's already getting
too big for some of them.Copy !req
88. God, time flies, Evelyn.Copy !req
89. I feel like I'm already losing her.Copy !req
90. Oh, let me do that, Darryl.Copy !req
91. I'm the nanny. It's what I do.Copy !req
92. You've been home every
day since I started.Copy !req
93. The point of hiring meCopy !req
94. is so that you can get
your life started again.Copy !req
95. See friends, have fun.Copy !req
96. Okay. I guess you're right.Copy !req
97. It's just, who would I go with?Copy !req
98. Where would I go?Copy !req
99. I missed a text. Huh.Copy !req
100. Yum!Copy !req
101. Ugh. AJ, listen to thisCopy !req
102. parade of no's.Copy !req
103. "Did you mean to
send this to me? If yes, no."Copy !req
104. "Not allowed within
the Irvine city limits."Copy !req
105. "Eek, sorry, can't.
In Solvang with Emma Watson."Copy !req
106. Oh, yeah. Who says "eek, sorry" anyway?Copy !req
107. Ooh, AJ, can you come?Copy !req
108. Eek, sorry. I'm working.Copy !req
109. For you. Right now. In front of you.Copy !req
110. - Oh, right. Boo.
- If you're looking for fun,Copy !req
111. why not go on the apps?Copy !req
112. You haven't been on a date
since I started working hereCopy !req
113. and you're afraid your
hymen is coming back.Copy !req
114. Wait, how'd you know that?Copy !req
115. You told me. Repeatedly.Copy !req
116. I was gonna report it
to HR, but you are HR.Copy !req
117. And AJ, I just can't go on the apps.Copy !req
118. I only attract toxic or unavailable men,Copy !req
119. then I fall for them.
It's... a whole thing.Copy !req
120. I should tell you
about it sometime, Oof.Copy !req
121. You've told me about it. You've
done nothing but talk about it.Copy !req
122. I was actually gonna report that, too.Copy !req
123. God, why is this so hard?Copy !req
124. I just want to share a
fun and carefree car tripCopy !req
125. and some smoked meats with someoneCopy !req
126. who's a super chill hang.Copy !req
127. Oh...Copy !req
128. - Darryl's in.
- Huh?Copy !req
129. You said you wanted a
chill hang. That's not Darryl.Copy !req
130. We only met once and ended
up spending the whole timeCopy !req
131. talking about our mothers
and crying our eyes out.Copy !req
132. Dude is extra.Copy !req
133. Well, AJ, everyone else said no.Copy !req
134. So Darryl is what I got.Copy !req
135. And it's gonna work. It has to.Copy !req
136. I need this day.Copy !req
137. Oh, there you are.Copy !req
138. Thought you were
studying for your finals.Copy !req
139. Well, I was about to. In here.Copy !req
140. In my new office.Copy !req
141. Um, but I couldn't get started
because something's missing.Copy !req
142. Your butt in a chair?Copy !req
143. No. A desk.Copy !req
144. I need a desk. I need to study
for finals and soon, the bar,Copy !req
145. and to do that I need
a proper, lawyerly desk.Copy !req
146. I'm gonna be a lawyer.Copy !req
147. A lawyer, Scott.Copy !req
148. Well, you've worked so hard.
You're almost there, babe.Copy !req
149. Sometimes I can't believe it.Copy !req
150. I mean, you know, my
dad always... hold on.Copy !req
151. Let's not restrict this just to my dad.Copy !req
152. Everyone said that I would end
up nothing but a baby factoryCopy !req
153. and yet here I am,Copy !req
154. about to introduce myself
to the world as an attorney.Copy !req
155. And all I need to do to
get to that monumental,Copy !req
156. not-at-all
scary placeCopy !req
157. is study.Copy !req
158. Hence, a desk.Copy !req
159. We have that folding table
in the garage. I'll get it.Copy !req
160. A folding table? Come on. Scott, no.Copy !req
161. I have found the perfect desk.Copy !req
162. It is gorgeous, and it totally
says "big-time lawyer lady."Copy !req
163. The only problem is that
it is in San BernardinoCopy !req
164. and it is too big for our minivan,Copy !req
165. so I found an app called...
"Bro With A Truck."Copy !req
166. They send a bro with a pickup,Copy !req
167. and I'm pretty excited
because my bro is Driver 78.Copy !req
168. He has a five-star
rating, he likes music,Copy !req
169. is a Pisces, and he scuba dived
off the Great Barrier Reef.Copy !req
170. Sounds like you're going on
a date with him or something.Copy !req
171. Tanya!Copy !req
172. Have a great day. Hope it's
a great desk, you deserve it.Copy !req
173. God, I love that. Still
remains a tasty move.Copy !req
174. Here is your burger and cabbage.Copy !req
175. I call it the "No One Wants That," so...Copy !req
176. Okay, you're welcome. Did
you want anything to drink?Copy !req
177. Yes, water.Copy !req
178. Yes, water, please and thank you.Copy !req
179. If you say so.Copy !req
180. Ah.Copy !req
181. Hey, Nathaniel.Copy !req
182. I went to your house
but you weren't there,Copy !req
183. so I called all of the dining
establishments in the cityCopy !req
184. until I found you.Copy !req
185. - Why?
- Oh, some mail cameCopy !req
186. for you at the office yesterday,Copy !req
187. so I thought I'd bring it
to you the way, you know,Copy !req
188. coworkers with a good rapportCopy !req
189. bring things to each other on Saturdays.Copy !req
190. Uh-oh.
Burger salad. Are you in trouble?Copy !req
191. My grandmother used to make
that for me and my seven sistersCopy !req
192. when we were bad.Copy !req
193. Great. Mail. Cool.Copy !req
194. Okay, you got me. The
mail was a pretext.Copy !req
195. I wanted to spend some
out-of-office time with you.Copy !req
196. We started off on the wrong foot.Copy !req
197. I'd-I'd really like to
get to know each other.Copy !req
198. Huh. I don't want to do that.Copy !req
199. But I-I do want to do that.Copy !req
200. But... all right,
m-maybe some other time.Copy !req
201. Bye-bye.Copy !req
202. Here you go. I'm sorry.Copy !req
203. He's so rude. I kind of
just think that's who he is.Copy !req
204. He dated one of my best friendsCopy !req
205. and he was also randomly at my weddingCopy !req
206. because my husband is
his surf instructor.Copy !req
207. But... I've always never liked
him. I think he's kind of a dick.Copy !req
208. I don't know. I think he's justCopy !req
209. not very open emotionally,
because he's sadCopy !req
210. about some things in his life.Copy !req
211. I get it.Copy !req
212. When my seven sisters diedCopy !req
213. in that tragic tandem bike accident,Copy !req
214. it took me 14 years to
deal with it, to even cry.Copy !req
215. One good cry and that young man...Copy !req
216. well, he'll probably have a ways to go,Copy !req
217. but, I don't know, maybe it'll work.Copy !req
218. I just think he's broken.Copy !req
219. I'm so sorry about your sisters.Copy !req
220. - Thank you.
- Yeah.Copy !req
221. Ooh, you should have seen the mess.Copy !req
222. Boom!Copy !req
223. Hello?Copy !req
224. Driver 78 is here!Copy !req
225. P-P-P-Paula!Copy !req
226. It is you.Copy !req
227. Customer 99 is you. Yes!Copy !req
228. You? It's you? It's not you.
You don't scuba dive.Copy !req
229. Uh, yeah, I scuba-did. When
I was ten, I scuba-doved.Copy !req
230. That's not... scuba-dove...Copy !req
231. I-I thought you had
another job. You're a DJ.Copy !req
232. Yeah, that's at night.Copy !req
233. During the day I like to
pick up some extra cash.Copy !req
234. Plus, Hector's mom likes
me to be out of the houseCopy !req
235. during the day; that's when she
Jacuzzis and edits the podcast.Copy !req
236. Well, that's good. I mean,
you're saving up moneyCopy !req
237. to move out of her house, then.Copy !req
238. What? No. I'm not moving out.Copy !req
239. Though we could use a bigger placeCopy !req
240. and we do dream about owning.Copy !req
241. Wow. Josh...Copy !req
242. I am, I am, as always,
amazed at your utter Joshness.Copy !req
243. - Thanks.
- Look,Copy !req
244. I just don't know if
I can do this today.Copy !req
245. I thought I was gonna spend
the day with a stranger.Copy !req
246. And maybe I should
just get another driver.Copy !req
247. Do-do it tomorrow.Copy !req
248. Cancellation fee is $200.Copy !req
249. Okay, let's go.Copy !req
250. Damn it!Copy !req
251. Nathaniel?Copy !req
252. What?Copy !req
253. Uh, what happened?Copy !req
254. I forgot to charge my car
and now I'm out of juice.Copy !req
255. I've been trying to get an Uber,Copy !req
256. but these idiot drivers
keep canceling on me.Copy !req
257. Huh. You must have a bad rating.Copy !req
258. The ratings go both ways?Copy !req
259. Socialists.Copy !req
260. Okay, good catching up, bye-bye.Copy !req
261. No, wait, wait, wait. Um... Uh...Copy !req
262. can I have a ride?Copy !req
263. Ugh, sorry.Copy !req
264. Can I have a ride, please and thank you?Copy !req
265. Look at you!Copy !req
266. You look like a small-town
mayor at a 1970s rodeo.Copy !req
267. Or, oh, you look like
the guy in the pornoCopy !req
268. who goes, "Nancy,Copy !req
269. I want those oil reports
on my desk yesterday."Copy !req
270. Thank you.Copy !req
271. I go all-out for
barbecue. It's like I say:Copy !req
272. "It ain't a real mealCopy !req
273. unless you suit up from hat to heel."Copy !req
274. Ha! That's funny.Copy !req
275. Oh, you're fun.Copy !req
276. And anyone who said you would not be funCopy !req
277. or would be super emo is wrong,Copy !req
278. because you're already rhymingCopy !req
279. and you're already in a costume...Copy !req
280. Well, this is not a costume...Copy !req
281. In an outfit that screams "costume,"Copy !req
282. and we're just gonna have fun, fun, fun.Copy !req
283. Hey, before then... um,Copy !req
284. Darryl, you know I'm in an
extensive amount of therapy,Copy !req
285. and I have learned in therapyCopy !req
286. to make my wishes clear.Copy !req
287. So I would like to clearly say...Copy !req
288. I'm just looking for
a fun, easy breezy day,Copy !req
289. no heavy convos... is that cool?Copy !req
290. Yep. No problem.Copy !req
291. Aw, look at us.Copy !req
292. Me and you, heading
out on the open road,Copy !req
293. two old friends that...Copy !req
294. have been through so much together...Copy !req
295. Yep, that's not what you want.Copy !req
296. I will not do that again.Copy !req
297. All right. Let's go.Copy !req
298. Okeydokey, pokey.Copy !req
299. So therapy has given
me a whole new perspectiveCopy !req
300. on the world, a whole new vocabularyCopy !req
301. for talking about my feelings,Copy !req
302. also something to do
on Monday nights, huh?Copy !req
303. That's nice, Josh. Good for you.Copy !req
304. Yeah, I think some of my issues
started with potty training.Copy !req
305. My mother bribed me with candy,Copy !req
306. so I wasn't internally motivated.Copy !req
307. I mean, you really need
to start with what's insideCopy !req
308. and then go outside. At least...Copy !req
309. got hard candy if I went number one,Copy !req
310. I got chocolate if I did number two,Copy !req
311. which I thought was kind of funny,Copy !req
312. because, like, chocolate.
Oh, that reminds me...Copy !req
313. Being picked first for kickballCopy !req
314. every single time was at
once an honor and a burden,Copy !req
315. and created a kind
of split in my psyche.Copy !req
316. I mean, it's not that
difficult of a difference.Copy !req
317. Okay... shotokan, tae Kwon do.Copy !req
318. need to count in Korean...
Hana, dul, set, net, dasol,Copy !req
319. yasot, iilgup, yodol.
And then Japanese isCopy !req
320. ichi, Ni, San, shi, go, roku,
shichi, hachi, kyuu, juu.Copy !req
321. I get 'em confused, sometimes,Copy !req
322. but it's really not hard at all.Copy !req
323. When I was working at
Aloha, I felt so trappedCopy !req
324. in that back office.
Sometimes literally,Copy !req
325. because Alex would put
boxes in front of the door,Copy !req
326. and that sucked.Copy !req
327. No, sorry.Copy !req
328. That made me feel sucked. Ugh.Copy !req
329. Josh, what?Copy !req
330. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
331. You're not in therapy.Copy !req
332. You don't get the lingo.Copy !req
333. Well, what's the lingo for,Copy !req
334. "For the love of God,
please stop talking"?Copy !req
335. I think it's, "Let's sit
with that for a minute."Copy !req
336. Right. Dr. A says that a lot.Copy !req
337. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
338. Anyway, what's so special about
this desk that you got to goCopy !req
339. all the way out to San Bernardino?Copy !req
340. There's got to be some
good desks closer to home...Copy !req
341. Josh... I don't want to talk.Copy !req
342. So I'll just drop you off
at your apartment, or... ?Copy !req
343. No, I'm going to Santa Monica.Copy !req
344. Santa Monica, pronto.Copy !req
345. What?Copy !req
346. Oh, God. Sorry.Copy !req
347. Santa Monica, please, pronto.Copy !req
348. Oh, wow, you're a real piece of work.Copy !req
349. You're asking to be
chauffeured to the beach?Copy !req
350. You've got a lot of nerve.Copy !req
351. But lucky for you, I am headedCopy !req
352. to the El Segundo Home
Base, which is at the beach,Copy !req
353. so it's basically on the way and
also I'm a really nice person.Copy !req
354. Okay. Thank you.Copy !req
355. Wow, "thank you"... we're
really getting somewhere.Copy !req
356. God, this car... is disgusting.Copy !req
357. This is like an old mobile garbage can.Copy !req
358. - How do you live like this?
- What?Copy !req
359. There's nothing wrong with this car.Copy !req
360. It gets me where I need to goCopy !req
361. and I have access to all of
my belongings, which is great.Copy !req
362. - Okay.
- Also, it's none of your business.Copy !req
363. Cool. Well, if I need a dirty shirtCopy !req
364. or an empty water bottle
or hair scrunchies, What...Copy !req
365. I'm good to go.Copy !req
366. Oh, yeah, 'cause I'm the weird one.Copy !req
367. Why are you clutching that envelope?Copy !req
368. This envelope is not your concern.Copy !req
369. Just drive, please. Thank you. Pronto.Copy !req
370. Fine, but your rating
is gonna be a zero, so...Copy !req
371. It's a lovely day
to eat some ribs, right?Copy !req
372. - Yeah, it's a beautiful day.
- Mm.Copy !req
373. So, you talk to Valencia
and Heather lately?Copy !req
374. - Uh-huh. Yeah.
- They're doing great, right?Copy !req
375. Must be hard that they moved away.Copy !req
376. How's that make you feel? Heart hurting?Copy !req
377. Oh, sorry.Copy !req
378. No, I-I did it. I see that.Copy !req
379. It's okay. You made a mistake.Copy !req
380. We all make mistakes,
God knows I do. It's fine.Copy !req
381. Um, let's do something
fun. Let's sing a car song.Copy !req
382. Oh, I know a great car song,
let me teach you. It goes...Copy !req
383. "This song
goes in a loop-de-loop.Copy !req
384. I love car songs. It starts... The...Copy !req
385. I love 'em. Oh. They
remind me of my childhood.Copy !req
386. What was your childhood like?Copy !req
387. Oh, was it tough?Copy !req
388. Oh, tell me your-your first sad
memory that you can think of.Copy !req
389. Hey, Darryl, just... can we not?Copy !req
390. I'm begging you.Copy !req
391. Just... can we not?Copy !req
392. - My bad.
- Thank you.Copy !req
393. Hey... could you not do that either?Copy !req
394. Thanks.Copy !req
395. progressively more quietly each time?Copy !req
396. - Nothing.
- Okay.Copy !req
397. So you need a desk for studying!Copy !req
398. How wonderful.Copy !req
399. What are you studying for?Copy !req
400. Uh, law school finals.Copy !req
401. I mean, I haven't started yet.Copy !req
402. I need the right desk. You get it.Copy !req
403. No, not really. But I-I do my billsCopy !req
404. standing over a sink
eating a ripe grapefruit.Copy !req
405. Saves a plate.Copy !req
406. Oh. You need this desk
for your finals, Paula?Copy !req
407. Wow, what an important errand I'm on.Copy !req
408. So honored.Copy !req
409. All right, let's get
this puppy in the truckCopy !req
410. and get you studying ASAP.Copy !req
411. Now? Right now? I...Copy !req
412. Wow, this whole thing is
just gonna take 90 minutes.Copy !req
413. That's so fast.Copy !req
414. Oh, wait a second.
Hold on a second. Uh-oh.Copy !req
415. - There's a scratch here.
- Really? I-I don't see how.Copy !req
416. I stored it away from my
leopard and my anteaters.Copy !req
417. Uh, no, I mean, well, look right here.Copy !req
418. It's a big old scratch
that wasn't in the photos,Copy !req
419. so because it wasn't previously
disclosed... lawyer term...Copy !req
420. Um, it's just not gonna work out
for me, Mrs. Beattie, I'm sorry.Copy !req
421. But, um, that's okay,Copy !req
422. because I was looking at another desk.Copy !req
423. It's in San Diego, and if we
take all the right freeways,Copy !req
424. it's only three hours.Copy !req
425. No, Paula, you need this desk now.Copy !req
426. It's an important step
to you becoming a lawyer.Copy !req
427. Don't worry, this won't
hold us up. I got this.Copy !req
428. I brought a wood finishing pen
in case there were any dingsCopy !req
429. or nicks in the moving process.Copy !req
430. Oh, well, aren't you... clever.Copy !req
431. See, works like a charm.Copy !req
432. Wow, it really does. Well done.Copy !req
433. So let's load it in the truck.Copy !req
434. Well, n-no, we can't go now.Copy !req
435. I mean, that would be
rude. We just got hereCopy !req
436. and I'm sure Mrs.
Beattie wants to show usCopy !req
437. all of her beautiful trash... sures.Copy !req
438. Oh, excuse me, honey.Copy !req
439. You really want to hear all
about my wonderful belongings?Copy !req
440. - Yeah.
- Well, this owl right here...Copy !req
441. Has no eyes.Copy !req
442. I don't like them looking at me.Copy !req
443. So, the whole ride, you're
just not gonna tell meCopy !req
444. why you're cuddling a puffy envelopeCopy !req
445. like a toddler clutching
a stuffed animal?Copy !req
446. - Why do you care?
- Oh, I don't.Copy !req
447. I'm just annoyed that you won't tell me.Copy !req
448. I mean, you were at my wedding.Copy !req
449. So what?Copy !req
450. So that, like, bonds us.Copy !req
451. It really doesn't.Copy !req
452. I was at Kate Middleton's weddingCopy !req
453. and we barely speak anymore.Copy !req
454. Okay.Copy !req
455. Why is your car making weird noises?Copy !req
456. Oh, yeah. Those aren't weird.Copy !req
457. I know exactly what those are.Copy !req
458. It happens every 12 miles or so.Copy !req
459. I just duct tape the coolant
hose and then I'm good to go.Copy !req
460. Wow. Crafty. Very Etsy.Copy !req
461. Mm-hmm. Yep.Copy !req
462. I am gonna pull over though,
'cause this is pretty dangerous,Copy !req
463. so... Yes.Copy !req
464. Oh, this place is so cool!Copy !req
465. Yeah, yeah, it's real awesome.Copy !req
466. Howdy!Copy !req
467. - How many buckaroos will you be?
- Just two.Copy !req
468. Two buddies sharing a
special day I our lives.Copy !req
469. No, it-it's just a regular day.Copy !req
470. Uh, he's being a little extra right now.Copy !req
471. - Oh.
- What does that mean?Copy !req
472. What does "extra" mean?Copy !req
473. I hope you don't mind,
the only table we have leftCopy !req
474. is what we call our
"Hitched At The Hip" table.Copy !req
475. It's facing the same
way, cuddled in together.Copy !req
476. Okay. Uh-huh, uh-huh.Copy !req
477. Fun. Fun, fun, fun. Fun.Copy !req
478. Yeah, as long as I don't
talk about any heavy stuff.Copy !req
479. This one wants to keep it light today.Copy !req
480. Okay, Darryl, I'm sure the nice ladyCopy !req
481. doesn't want to hear about us.Copy !req
482. Yeah, you see, she's been through a lot;Copy !req
483. she has a disorder.Copy !req
484. Oh, my God, Darryl, will you stop?Copy !req
485. I'm sorry.Copy !req
486. - Why are you mad?
- You know why I'm mad.Copy !req
487. I just wanted to have a fun day.Copy !req
488. - Why is that too much to ask?
- I tried. I was trying.Copy !req
489. Okay, well, not hard enough.
You know what?Copy !req
490. Let's just go. This was a bad idea.
It's not your fault.Copy !req
491. You just happen to be
everything I didn't want today.Copy !req
492. I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean that.Copy !req
493. - Yeah, you did.
- Okay.Copy !req
494. Let's just, let's just leave.Copy !req
495. No. No, no. I'm not about
to get into a car with you.Copy !req
496. I can't believe that I used the first
day away from Hebby to be with you.Copy !req
497. Darryl, come on.Copy !req
498. You know, sometimes
I think we're close,Copy !req
499. like when you give me
parts of your genetic codeCopy !req
500. to make a person, but
sometimes it feels likeCopy !req
501. you just don't like me.Copy !req
502. And I look past it,Copy !req
503. because I like the good parts of you,Copy !req
504. and I know you have some challenges,Copy !req
505. but that is no excuse
for you to be unkind.Copy !req
506. And this is Terrence.Copy !req
507. He's missing an eyeball.Copy !req
508. My husband hit him over
the head with a shovelCopy !req
509. and the eyeball went flying.Copy !req
510. Actually, I think it's in
this candy tin right here.Copy !req
511. Oh, you know, Paula, we got to go.Copy !req
512. W-While you guys are talking
about eyeballs and stuff,Copy !req
513. I'll put the desk in the truck,
okay? Just meet me out there.Copy !req
514. By yourself? That seems heavy.Copy !req
515. Maybe I should call for another bro.Copy !req
516. Nah, I got this.Copy !req
517. - Oh, dear.
- Wow.Copy !req
518. Oh, uh, your, uh, water cooler's empty.Copy !req
519. Ah.Copy !req
520. There we go.Copy !req
521. Don't worry, Paula,Copy !req
522. I'll have you studying in no time.Copy !req
523. I won't let you down.Copy !req
524. Let's hug.Copy !req
525. Oh...Copy !req
526. All right.Copy !req
527. I'm gonna put this on my sad
cowboy Instagram meme account.Copy !req
528. I just want to wait in
peace for my Uber, thank you.Copy !req
529. Darryl, I'm really sorry.Copy !req
530. And there's no excuseCopy !req
531. for how I spoke to you.Copy !req
532. But I needed a break from being askedCopy !req
533. to explore and express and
expand upon my feelings.Copy !req
534. I do it all the time,
and I'm just exhausted.Copy !req
535. But that's not your fault.Copy !req
536. And I really am
very sorry for what I said.Copy !req
537. And for how I've been all day.Copy !req
538. Okay.Copy !req
539. Thank you.Copy !req
540. I don't think an Uber's even coming.Copy !req
541. I've got a two-star,
"too-talkative" rating.Copy !req
542. You know what?
I got an idea. Let's do this,Copy !req
543. let's just go get something to eat.Copy !req
544. I personally am starving.Copy !req
545. Oh, my God, me, too.Copy !req
546. Let's just get down on some ribs.Copy !req
547. - Okay?
- Ah.Copy !req
548. No more emotional sharing,Copy !req
549. no more probing, none of it.Copy !req
550. Really? 'Cause I would love that.Copy !req
551. Oh, well, it's happening.Copy !req
552. Boom!Copy !req
553. - What?
- Ha-ha-ha!Copy !req
554. Oh, my God, that's awesome.Copy !req
555. - That's for you, my friend.
- No!Copy !req
556. - Come on, little lady.
- Okay.Copy !req
557. Let's get our feed on!Copy !req
558. I can't believe this
is your car, this is what you drive.Copy !req
559. Aren't you supposed to be, like,
a branch manager or something?Copy !req
560. And you drive around in an old junker?Copy !req
561. Is that what you think of yourself?Copy !req
562. I did not ask for your opinion.Copy !req
563. Okay. It's just that peopleCopy !req
564. who respect themselves
usually drive decent carsCopy !req
565. they keep clean; it's just a fact.Copy !req
566. You know, I've had about enough
of you. You're being a dick.Copy !req
567. Pardon me?Copy !req
568. No, pardon you.Copy !req
569. Oh, my God, you think the
world revolves around youCopy !req
570. because you're all smart and tallCopy !req
571. and rich and white and spoiledCopy !req
572. and male with playful hair.Copy !req
573. - Hey, don't talk about my hair.
- Let me tell you something.Copy !req
574. I know you think you're awesome,
I get that, but I don't like you.Copy !req
575. I never liked you. I don't
like how you talk to people.Copy !req
576. I never got what Rebecca saw in you.Copy !req
577. I think you're a rich, entitled bully,Copy !req
578. and you're hiding
what's in that envelope,Copy !req
579. and it's so freaking
weird! You're weird.Copy !req
580. I'm weird? You drive Archie's jalopy,Copy !req
581. and I'm the weird one?Copy !req
582. Just shut up and just give meCopy !req
583. - that envelope.
- No. Hey.Copy !req
584. Oh!Copy !req
585. Oh, my God.Copy !req
586. What is all this?Copy !req
587. It's Heidi.Copy !req
588. I'm sorry, what?Copy !req
589. These are the ashes of Heidi,Copy !req
590. my beloved, dead Au pair.Copy !req
591. Oh.Copy !req
592. Mmm. Mmm.Copy !req
593. Mmm, God. Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
594. So... good.Copy !req
595. Mmm. Oh.Copy !req
596. Oh, I guess you guys hated it.Copy !req
597. It was disgusting.Copy !req
598. - No, we are never coming back here.
- Uh-uh. Oh!Copy !req
599. Ah. There you go.Copy !req
600. - Thank you.
- Thank you, guys. Thank you.Copy !req
601. - Hey, you want to get back to the maze?
- Yes!Copy !req
602. Mmm. Choose your weapon.Copy !req
603. Mmm. Mmm, mmm.Copy !req
604. Okay, so, let's see, we
start at the sexy cowgirl.Copy !req
605. The weirdly sexy cowgirl.Copy !req
606. Mm-hmm. And that pony's not
too bad, either. And then we...Copy !req
607. - You know what?
- What?Copy !req
608. I'm really happy that you
just wanted to have fun today.Copy !req
609. - Really?
- Yeah.Copy !req
610. 'Cause you're right,
sometimes I can be too...Copy !req
611. probe-y and disclose-y
and look inward-y.Copy !req
612. I mean, you'd make a great gynecologist.Copy !req
613. But now, look at us.Copy !req
614. We are fun.Copy !req
615. You know, we're fun people,
we're really fun people.Copy !req
616. - Probably the best table.
- Best table on the block.Copy !req
617. And...Copy !req
618. thank you.Copy !req
619. Hey. Should we get some more food?Copy !req
620. Nah. I'm stuffed.
I couldn't eat another bite.Copy !req
621. Ha! Kidding.Copy !req
622. - Waitress!
- Oh-ho-ho-ho!Copy !req
623. I have human remains on me.Copy !req
624. That's your fault, okay?Copy !req
625. You grabbed the bag. This is your fault.Copy !req
626. What is your deal?Copy !req
627. Why are you driving around
clutching someone's ashes?Copy !req
628. And don't tell me it's
none of my business,Copy !req
629. because it is all over me.Copy !req
630. Why are you carrying aroundCopy !req
631. a dead Heidi, and what is an Au pair?Copy !req
632. An Au pair is rich for "babysitter."Copy !req
633. She took care of meCopy !req
634. from the day I was born until I was 17.Copy !req
635. She passed away this year,Copy !req
636. and her family...Copy !req
637. they gave me a portion of her
ashes to scatter in the ocean,Copy !req
638. because that's where we
went to a lot together.Copy !req
639. That's what she wanted.Copy !req
640. Wait, what?Copy !req
641. You were so close to someoneCopy !req
642. that they wanted you
to scatter their ashes?Copy !req
643. It's that hard for you to believeCopy !req
644. that I was ever close to someone?Copy !req
645. Uh, yeah.Copy !req
646. Well, I was.Copy !req
647. I was close to her.Copy !req
648. I loved her.Copy !req
649. And she loved me. She
practically raised me.Copy !req
650. If I needed somebody, she was there.Copy !req
651. Then she went back to Austria.Copy !req
652. And the very next personCopy !req
653. to love me like that was Rebecca.Copy !req
654. And now they're gone.Copy !req
655. They're both gone.Copy !req
656. The people I cared
about most in my life...Copy !req
657. are gone.Copy !req
658. Oh, my God, that is
such a great song!Copy !req
659. - Right, it's so...
- Oh! Oh, my God.Copy !req
660. - You're so gross...
- Oh.Copy !req
661. - We can't go home like this.
- No.Copy !req
662. We put the "ew" in "barbecue."Copy !req
663. I'm kind of meat-drunk,
so I really likeCopy !req
664. that dad joke right now, actually.Copy !req
665. Ooh, ooh. Wait, there's a truck stop.Copy !req
666. Do you want to go wash up?Copy !req
667. And also, I'm weirdly still hungry,
so maybe get some dessert, right?Copy !req
668. Let's do it!Copy !req
669. Yeah! Okay.Copy !req
670. So you got that from a manCopy !req
671. named Grover in Cleveland
who was not Grover Cleveland?Copy !req
672. Exactly.Copy !req
673. Exactly. Ah...Copy !req
674. That's a good one, though.Copy !req
675. Paula. What are you doing?Copy !req
676. The desk is in the truck.Copy !req
677. We got to go. I-I have a gig tonight.Copy !req
678. What? Well, we can't leave
before we see the collectionCopy !req
679. of vintage tuna containers.Copy !req
680. Ooh, and Mrs. BeattieCopy !req
681. has invited us over for dinner!Copy !req
682. That's it, Paula! Enough!Copy !req
683. I can't stay here all night enablingCopy !req
684. your procrastination caused
by an inner fear of successCopy !req
685. that's making you put off
studying for your finals.Copy !req
686. Wow. Josh.Copy !req
687. Did I get that right?Copy !req
688. Oh, my God, I think you did.Copy !req
689. Sounds right to me.Copy !req
690. But what do I know?Copy !req
691. I got 43 porcelain cats.Copy !req
692. Only 43, huh?Copy !req
693. There, there.Copy !req
694. I'm lonely.Copy !req
695. So lonely.Copy !req
696. I don't know why I can't have
that closeness with anyone else.Copy !req
697. Huh.Copy !req
698. Well, you could try
being nicer to people.Copy !req
699. That could be a good first step.Copy !req
700. You think I don't know that?Copy !req
701. You think I don't know that I'm a jerk?Copy !req
702. I don't want to be that way.Copy !req
703. When I'm hurt, I clam up and I lash out.Copy !req
704. It's kind of a...
clamming and a lashing.Copy !req
705. Well, you're not doing that right now.Copy !req
706. No, I'm weeping right
now. It's pathetic.Copy !req
707. No, it's human.Copy !req
708. And... you should show more
people this side of you.Copy !req
709. Heidi would be proud.Copy !req
710. I mean, I think. I didn't know her.Copy !req
711. I'm just inferring a
lot from what you said.Copy !req
712. All she wanted was to
get back to the ocean,Copy !req
713. and I failed.Copy !req
714. I failed her.Copy !req
715. Sorry I couldn't get you
where you needed to go, Heidi.Copy !req
716. Yeah, you did.Copy !req
717. You kind of did.Copy !req
718. This is a clear health violation.Copy !req
719. Auf Wiedersehen, Heidi.Copy !req
720. Hey, I think you were
right about my car.Copy !req
721. Yeah, I am.Copy !req
722. Dang, cowboy!Copy !req
723. - You don't look like a dang cowboy.
- Well, my outfitCopy !req
724. was trashed, so I, uh, bought
new duds in the gift shop.Copy !req
725. And then the, uh,
molasses wouldn't budge,Copy !req
726. so I just... buzzed the old duster.Copy !req
727. Oh, my God. You shaved your mustache.Copy !req
728. I didn't notice.Copy !req
729. But I did save it for the scrapbook.Copy !req
730. Wait, Darryl, are you okay?Copy !req
731. That mustache was a...
big part of your identity.Copy !req
732. If you want to cry right now,Copy !req
733. I will not yell at you, I promise.Copy !req
734. No, I feel good. I feel fine.Copy !req
735. I'm just happy to be here with you.Copy !req
736. - Oh... Oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
737. Oh, my God.Copy !req
738. Oh, whoa, Nelly.Copy !req
739. Yeah.Copy !req
740. Um...Copy !req
741. I'm gonna get in the car.Copy !req
742. There it is. Looks great.Copy !req
743. You're gonna be a great lawyer.Copy !req
744. - How do you know?
- Because you really care about it.Copy !req
745. If you didn't care about it,
you wouldn't have been so worriedCopy !req
746. and done the thing with the desk.Copy !req
747. But you are and you did, so...Copy !req
748. - you will.
- Thanks.Copy !req
749. Thanks for saying that.Copy !req
750. Here, this came in the mail.Copy !req
751. It's apartment listings in the area.Copy !req
752. Uh-huh.Copy !req
753. Dude, you have got to move
out of Hector's mom's house.Copy !req
754. You mean so I can
establish my own boundaries,Copy !req
755. spread my wings, find my own path?Copy !req
756. No. Because it's sad and weird.Copy !req
757. A lot of people keep saying that to me.Copy !req
758. Mm, all right.Copy !req
759. - So...
- Yeah.Copy !req
760. - That was a very quiet ride home.
- Yeah, it sure was.Copy !req
761. Um... so, listen, Darryl,Copy !req
762. I think we're on the
same page about this,Copy !req
763. but... to be clear,Copy !req
764. I don't think you and
I are meant for romance.Copy !req
765. Oh, God. Oh, good, Okay.Copy !req
766. 'Cause that was why
I didn't say anything.Copy !req
767. Oh, my God, that's why
I didn't say anything.Copy !req
768. I mean, I thought we were on the same...Copy !req
769. Okay. Okay.Copy !req
770. Whew!Copy !req
771. You know, I was thinking,
the fact that I was attracted to you...Copy !req
772. it gives me hope.Copy !req
773. - Yeah?
- I mean,Copy !req
774. I was attracted to someone nice.Copy !req
775. I mean, if that can happen,Copy !req
776. maybe I can be attracted
to a different type of guy.Copy !req
777. You know? Guys who aren'tCopy !req
778. withholding or cold
or jerks or unavailableCopy !req
779. or dating other people or
immoral or married or...Copy !req
780. Nathaniel or Greg or Josh.Copy !req
781. I hope one dayCopy !req
782. to find someone who is as
kind and as loving as you are.Copy !req
783. That is so sweet of you to say.Copy !req
784. You know what? I've
just decided something.Copy !req
785. I'm gonna start dating again.Copy !req
786. - Well, good for you!
- Yeah.Copy !req
787. I'm gonna fire up the
apps, I'm gonna do it,Copy !req
788. and if I'm lucky,Copy !req
789. maybe there are other Darryls
out there in the world.Copy !req
790. Oh...Copy !req
791. Oh.Copy !req
792. - Mmm.
- Mmm.Copy !req
793. Okay.Copy !req
794. You know, just for the record,Copy !req
795. I bet you're great in bed.Copy !req
796. Oh, yeah. I also have an enormous penis.Copy !req
797. Good for you, buddy.Copy !req
798. I'm gonna head out.Copy !req
799. But I'm gonna need a check.Copy !req
800. And much like your penis,
it's gonna be a big one.Copy !req
801. You wanted to see me?Copy !req
802. Something in particular you
wanted to yell at me about?Copy !req
803. No. I... Please, sit down.Copy !req
804. I, um...Copy !req
805. I wanted to apologize.Copy !req
806. I-I've been...Copy !req
807. been horrible to you.Copy !req
808. - Yeah. Yeah, you have.
- And, um...Copy !req
809. I'm sorry.Copy !req
810. Well, that's okay, Nathaniel.Copy !req
811. You're a good kid.Copy !req
812. I've always seen that.Copy !req
813. Thanks.Copy !req
814. Um...Copy !req
815. I, um...Copy !req
816. have something for you.Copy !req
817. Oh.Copy !req
818. Whew.Copy !req
819. Why'd you do that?Copy !req
820. Um... well, I'm new to
expressing affection.Copy !req
821. Was that not... right?Copy !req
822. Well... not exactly.Copy !req
823. But it's a start.Copy !req
824. I think you're on your way.Copy !req
825. Much like my sisters were on
their way to a Gouda festivalCopy !req
826. when they were obliterated.Copy !req
827. I... I don't know what to say to that.Copy !req
828. Yeah. Yeah, it's a toughie.Copy !req
829. Hey, Nathaniel.Copy !req
830. - Hmm?
- Guess who just leasedCopy !req
831. - a brand-new Civic, bitch.
- There you go.Copy !req
832. Did you know there's
Bluetooth in cars now?Copy !req
833. - Everyone knows that, yeah.
- That's crazy.Copy !req
834. I did that.Copy !req
835. I do nice things now.Copy !req
836. Damn it.Copy !req
837. Evelyn?Copy !req
838. Can you comfort Hebby?Copy !req
839. I'm with my baby.Copy !req
840. — Synced and corrected by ChrisKe —
— www.addic7ed.com —Copy !req