1. See? Perfection
is an illusion.Copy !req
2. Oh, did I have a thing?
Thank you. I could feel it.Copy !req
3. Right there.Copy !req
4. Do you still make those
candy cane mochas?Copy !req
5. I know the holidays
are almost over,Copy !req
6. but what the hell,
I'm gonna treat myself.Copy !req
7. Okay.
Thank you.Copy !req
8. Hi.Copy !req
9. Oh! God.Copy !req
10. Okay, let's just
put it out there.Copy !req
11. I've retired from stalking,
but you never lose the skills.Copy !req
12. You know?Copy !req
13. I'm sorry to violate
your boundariesCopy !req
14. and your morning
speed walk,Copy !req
15. but, um, ha,
it's an emergency.Copy !req
16. Dr. Akopian...Copy !req
17. do you watch The Bachelor?Copy !req
18. Huh?Copy !req
19. Look, you know I've been
indecisive aboutCopy !req
20. the whole Josh, Nathaniel,
Greg thing.Copy !req
21. Well, they
proposed that I goCopy !req
22. on a final date
with each of them,Copy !req
23. like The Bachelor.Copy !req
24. And then, I choose.
Like The Bachelor.Copy !req
25. Here you go.
I know it's weird,
and it's insane,Copy !req
26. and it's dumb, and it's lame,Copy !req
27. again, like The Bachelor...Copy !req
28. so, it's bad, right?
I shouldn't do it?Copy !req
29. Do you forbid me from doing it?Copy !req
30. Well,Copy !req
31. um, it's consensual,
right?Copy !req
32. And it's their idea?Copy !req
33. Yeah.Copy !req
34. You go into it with
clear expectations,Copy !req
35. might be helpful to settle
on how you feel.Copy !req
36. Really? Wow.Copy !req
37. Just don't get into
any jacuzzi slap-fights.Copy !req
38. Rebecca, as long as you stay
grounded and present and open...Copy !req
39. I think I can be
all those things, yeah.Copy !req
40. Then I don't think there's
any big harm in it.Copy !req
41. Oh, good. 'Cause I already
told them I'd do it anyway,Copy !req
42. and I got to make a
decision by next Thursday.Copy !req
43. You do realizeCopy !req
44. that next ThursdayCopy !req
45. is Valentine's Day, by the way?Copy !req
46. Oh, I do.
It's apt, right?Copy !req
47. It's, uh, it's rather apt.Copy !req
48. So, what are you drinking?Copy !req
49. Can I have my morning back now?Copy !req
50. Absolutely. I'll see you for
my appointment later today.Copy !req
51. Look at this chair, though.Copy !req
52. It's like,Copy !req
53. (high-
I'm a little ladyCopy !req
54. in a big chair.Copy !req
55. I'm a little lady waiting
for their mommy.Copy !req
56. You know? Okay. Bye.Copy !req
57. (quietly):
Oh.Copy !req
58. Bunch and Akops,
back together again!Copy !req
59. All right,
let's get started.Copy !req
60. Now we've all agreed
that there should beCopy !req
61. some ground rules
for this thing,Copy !req
62. so I'll give you
my suggestions first.Copy !req
63. I think there needs to be
a spending limit.Copy !req
64. Hold on.Copy !req
65. Not fair.
Uh, that's a great idea.Copy !req
66. It's not fair
you're a billionaire,Copy !req
67. and you can, like, whisk her
off anywhere in the world.Copy !req
68. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
69. That's exactly right.Copy !req
70. So let's say
a spending cap of... $50?Copy !req
71. What? No.Copy !req
72. What can you do with $50? Park?Copy !req
73. Agreed. $50.Copy !req
74. Fine. Fine.Copy !req
75. Okay, then the next rule is...Copy !req
76. everyone keeps
their shirts on.Copy !req
77. Mm-hmm.
What? No way. No.Copy !req
78. No. Okay, I'm on
a shred right now.Copy !req
79. My trainer always says,Copy !req
80. "When you're on a cut,
you got to strut."Copy !req
81. That's a good point.
Shirts stay on.Copy !req
82. So that eliminatesCopy !req
83. your advantage, Josh,
and yours as well, Nathaniel.Copy !req
84. Which leaves,Copy !req
85. uh, Greg...Copy !req
86. whose advantage is...Copy !req
87. Yeah, what is your thing?Copy !req
88. Yeah, what is the thing you do
that's, like, good?Copy !req
89. I do nothing.
That's my special charm.Copy !req
90. Aw, no.
Don't sell yourself short, bud.Copy !req
91. You're great at, um,
little remarks and comments.Copy !req
92. Oh, yeah, ladies love
remarks and comments,Copy !req
93. and they go nuts
for asides.Copy !req
94. Look, you're right.
You don't need to neutralize me.Copy !req
95. Next to you two,
I lose every day of the week.Copy !req
96. Or do I?Copy !req
97. (chuckles)
Heating up.Copy !req
98. Hi. Hi, hi, hi.Copy !req
99. Thank you for meeting me
for breakfast.Copy !req
100. Oh, my God, Kevin's new
breakfast specialsCopy !req
101. are a huge hit.Copy !req
102. Take one dollar off anything,
people lose their minds.Copy !req
103. Oh, I'm so sorry I can't do
girl group lunches anymore.Copy !req
104. My new job, I actually have
to show up to work.Copy !req
105. I also can't drive carpool,
watch TV,Copy !req
106. or take a bath during the day.Copy !req
107. You take a bath during the day?Copy !req
108. Not anymore.Copy !req
109. Now I barely have time
to shave my armpits.Copy !req
110. I am full European hitchhiker
under this fancy blazer.Copy !req
111. And...Copy !req
112. I am barely making
the standard marital sex quota,Copy !req
113. four times a week.Copy !req
114. (sighs)
No, I know.Copy !req
115. I know, I know,
it's embarrassing.Copy !req
116. We used to be so sexual.Copy !req
117. Well, I'm glad you're here,
because we need to discussCopy !req
118. the real-life dating show
unfolding in front of us,Copy !req
119. Rebecca's three dates.
Yeah, mm,Copy !req
120. I don't know, though,
if we should be gossipingCopy !req
121. about Rebecca's
love life.Copy !req
122. I mean, look, I learned
a long time ago thatCopy !req
123. Rebecca's dating life
is not my entertainment.Copy !req
124. So, I just, you know,
it's just not healthyCopy !req
125. for either of us.
(exhales)Copy !req
126. That's really,
really good, Paula.Copy !req
127. So we'll talk about
it and you can listen.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
128. So, Heath, who do you
think she'll pick?Copy !req
129. Okay. So...Copy !req
130. Josh!Copy !req
131. What?Copy !req
132. Okay, okay. I have come
full circle on this;Copy !req
133. it has to be Josh, and
let me tell you why.Copy !req
134. And then afterwards, I will
never say anything ever.Copy !req
135. (sighs) She and Josh have
such an incredible history.Copy !req
136. And he's so evolved now.Copy !req
137. It is Team Josh!
Okay, I'm done, I'm done.Copy !req
138. I'm not talking anymore.Copy !req
139. Okay, that is insane.
That is crazy talking.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
140. Guys, it's got
to be Nathaniel.Copy !req
141. (both gasp)
Yeah, I know I used to think
she was meant to be with Greg,Copy !req
142. but then Nathaniel became
an actual decent person.Copy !req
143. Okay, volunteeringCopy !req
144. at the jail.
He tipped my staffCopy !req
145. a hundred bucks each
at Christmas.Copy !req
146. Then I heard he put on
that prince costumeCopy !req
147. and sang Rebecca's rewritten
song in that dumb play thing?Copy !req
148. If that's not love, what is?Copy !req
149. Also, he's so hot in
an Armie Hammer kind of way.
(scoffs)Copy !req
150. Call me by his name,
know what I'm saying?Copy !req
151. (scoffs) I can't believe this.Copy !req
152. You used to agree with me
about Greg.Copy !req
153. Okay, you want to talk
about change?Copy !req
154. Let's talk about change.
Greg has also changed a ton.Copy !req
155. He is practically a completely
different actor now.Copy !req
156. And of course I'm saying "actor"Copy !req
157. in the political
and legal sense.Copy !req
158. And ladies, let's not forget,Copy !req
159. Josh left her at the altar.
Right, so listen,Copy !req
160. if you circle back
to Nathaniel...Copy !req
161. Oh, come on...
Nathaniel, the cheater?Copy !req
162. He made a Tanya
out of my Rebecca.Copy !req
163. It is Josh, it is Josh,
I would put money on it.Copy !req
164. Well, I think we learned
in Vegas you'd put money
on anything,Copy !req
165. but you know what?
So would I.Copy !req
166. I would put actual cash,
American, hard currency,Copy !req
167. dollars, on it
being Nathaniel.Copy !req
168. Well, so would I.
On Greg.Copy !req
169. Wait, wait, wait. Are
you guys talking aboutCopy !req
170. putting money on this
whole triple-date thing?
We want in.Copy !req
171. Are we really doing
this? 'Cause I haveCopy !req
172. a state-of-the-art odds
board I want to useCopy !req
173. on the Super Bowl, Oscars
and National Spelling Bee.Copy !req
174. That sweetie is ready to roll!
(laughs)Copy !req
175. I'm so excited, I'd like to bet
my entire life on Nathaniel.Copy !req
176. Ooh, I don't have cash,
but I do have Swiss francs.Copy !req
177. I always carry
them with me.Copy !req
178. In case the
economy collapses.Copy !req
179. There's no exchange rate,
so it's just one...Copy !req
180. Oh, wow, are we
actually gamblingCopy !req
181. on our friend's
love life?Copy !req
182. I mean, it is happening,
whether we do it or not.Copy !req
183. I've spent so much time
and energy on Rebecca's drama,Copy !req
184. the least I can do
is make money off of it.Copy !req
185. Okay, how much?
How much?Copy !req
186. A hundred down for my man
Nathaniel.Copy !req
187. We got a hundred down
on Nathaniel.Copy !req
188. Uh, what's
going on here?Copy !req
189. Who's got twenties?Copy !req
190. People are talking about
betting on the three dates.Copy !req
191. It's messed up.
Unbelievable.Copy !req
192. Hey!Copy !req
193. Hey! Hey, stop it!Copy !req
194. Stop it, you animals. What
is wrong with all of you?Copy !req
195. These are your
best friends.Copy !req
196. These people are human
beings with feelings,Copy !req
197. and you're using
them to make money.Copy !req
198. Ugh.Copy !req
199. I think the word
is just "ma'am."Copy !req
200. Let's do this!Copy !req
201. Oh, interesting.
I'll double that.Copy !req
202. I'll triple that!Copy !req
203. Josh, age 52,
parasailing accident.Copy !req
204. That's so smart. Same.Copy !req
205. Red is also Greg. I-It's Greg.Copy !req
206. Preschool?
No. Priest school.Copy !req
207. Oh.Copy !req
208. What? Okay, thanks.Copy !req
209. Okay, sure.Copy !req
210. Mm-hmm. Sure.Copy !req
211. Bills, bills!
Broadway playbills.Copy !req
212. Flops only appreciate
over time.Copy !req
213. Odds! Sixes!Copy !req
214. Dice! Monogamy!Copy !req
215. Okay, so I'm confused.Copy !req
216. How does this work?Copy !req
217. How do I know
if I'm winning?Copy !req
218. Well, on this board here,Copy !req
219. we've got Greg,
Nathaniel and Josh.
Okay.Copy !req
220. And as the dates
unfold and we getCopy !req
221. more information and
new bets come in,Copy !req
222. Kevin will
input the data,Copy !req
223. and the odds will be
recalculatedCopy !req
224. on the computer.Copy !req
225. Whoever's on the top
is the favorite.Copy !req
226. Hmm, okay, so,Copy !req
227. Nathaniel's on top.
Yes, but that meansCopy !req
228. that Greg is an underdog,
and that pays out more.Copy !req
229. Well, that's great,
so then Greg's good.Copy !req
230. Mm-hmm.
Okay, great.Copy !req
231. Mm-hmm.
All right, well, I have to go.Copy !req
232. I got to sell some of my expired
cosmetics to my relativesCopy !req
233. so I can raise
more money to bet on him.Copy !req
234. Here comes Greg.Copy !req
235. Kevin, you may not
want him to see this.Copy !req
236. I got you.Copy !req
237. So what do you have planned
for your date with Rebecca?Copy !req
238. Not a ton.
Greg,Copy !req
239. seriously,
listen to me.Copy !req
240. You know that Josh and
Nathaniel are gonna pull outCopy !req
241. all the stops
on these dates.
(chuckles)Copy !req
242. They're gonna get things like
hot air balloons and sailboatsCopy !req
243. and-and unicorns.Copy !req
244. Unicorns, Hector?Copy !req
245. They're gonna get
multiple unicorns?Copy !req
246. Maybe. Uh— what
are you gonna do?Copy !req
247. Pick her up in your
crappy car and take herCopy !req
248. to the drive-through?
Maybe.Copy !req
249. You just can't.Copy !req
250. You got to think
of something great.Copy !req
251. I really don't think I need to.Copy !req
252. And that's not me being cocky,
that's just me knowingCopy !req
253. in my heart
when I'm right for someone.Copy !req
254. I don't need to do any of that
goofy "romantic stuff."Copy !req
255. Hey, look at us,Copy !req
256. on time for your last
baseball game.Copy !req
257. Oh, a couple of moms are late.Copy !req
258. Yeah, like, where's Cindy
McCadden? Like, where is she?Copy !req
259. She's probably
on Chardonnay time,Copy !req
260. you know what I'm saying?
(laughs)Copy !req
261. Oh, they say working moms
drop the ball,Copy !req
262. and yet, behold, here I am.Copy !req
263. Can one have it all?Copy !req
264. Nay, I say yes, young Thomas,Copy !req
265. if one tries hard enough.
(chuckles)Copy !req
266. What's that?Copy !req
267. Think it's the, uh, signup
for the banquet dinner.Copy !req
268. Everyone's got
to bring something.Copy !req
269. Ah, that's no problem.Copy !req
270. Let me sign up
for something easy,Copy !req
271. like paper plates
and plastic cutlery.
(both laugh)Copy !req
272. (whispers):
Are you out of your mind?Copy !req
273. Do you really think plastic
cutlery is still available?Copy !req
274. I got here
this morning at 9:00,Copy !req
275. and I had to sign up
to make kosher scones.Copy !req
276. Yeah. One Jew on our team,
and I have to bakeCopy !req
277. under the supervision
of a rabbi.Copy !req
278. Cindy McCadden got
plastic cutlery,Copy !req
279. because she slept
outside the front door.Copy !req
280. (yawns):
Oh, ladies.Copy !req
281. Hi. Louise,
good luck with those scones.Copy !req
282. I can give you Moyshe's number
if you like.Copy !req
283. Cindy, what... what's left?Copy !req
284. What's left on the list?Copy !req
285. Oh, my God.Copy !req
286. Get out of my way!Copy !req
287. Oh, my God.Copy !req
288. (sighs)
Cantaloupe wedges, taken;Copy !req
289. votive candles, taken;
string cheese, taken?Copy !req
290. Mom, this is the
only one left.Copy !req
291. "Salmon for 60"?Copy !req
292. Ooh.
Ouch.Copy !req
293. Hey, uh, Paula,
is everything okay?Copy !req
294. Sorry, Greg,Copy !req
295. no— I-I don't have time
to talk right now, Greg.Copy !req
296. I was just trying to, uh...
No, no, no, no,
you don't understand.Copy !req
297. I-I got to get... Yeah, nope.Copy !req
298. Whoa, what was all that about?
I don't know.Copy !req
299. I was just trying to say hi.Copy !req
300. Yeah, she seemed preoccupied.Copy !req
301. Yeah, that's probably it.Copy !req
302. It's not like she
doesn't like me.Copy !req
303. Though, we have had
our ups and downs.Copy !req
304. Don't go out with Greg.Copy !req
305. Greg is just
a whiny little bitch.Copy !req
306. You're sleeping with Greg?Copy !req
307. Sarcastic, alcoholic,
unromantic Greg?Copy !req
308. He is completely shut down,
and he is angry.Copy !req
309. Paula, I get it.
You don't like Greg.Copy !req
310. Huh. Well, you might want
to get into the ups,Copy !req
311. because she and Rebecca
are total besties.Copy !req
312. Uh-huh.
You're in a tight race
right now,Copy !req
313. and that could tip it.Copy !req
314. Well, I don't think
I need to, or do I?Copy !req
315. Well, you got stiff competition.Copy !req
316. She's on date number one
with Josh tonight,Copy !req
317. and that guy's got
a black belt in romance.Copy !req
318. Hmm.Copy !req
319. (sighs):
Oh.Copy !req
320. Here I am,
and I am staying groundedCopy !req
321. and realistic.Copy !req
322. What?
No, Josh, uh,Copy !req
323. just hold— hold on.Copy !req
324. Okay, R-Rebecca, it's okay.Copy !req
325. Re-center.
(inhales)Copy !req
326. And just breathe.
What is it?Copy !req
327. Josh, I'll just be one second,
just one— I'm...Copy !req
328. I'm centered,
I'm present, I'm here.Copy !req
329. You ready?Copy !req
330. Yeah.Copy !req
331. (chuckles)
(laughs): What?Copy !req
332. Oh...Copy !req
333. Oh, my God.Copy !req
334. It's summer camp.Copy !req
335. (exhales):
Oh, wow.
Like it?Copy !req
336. (laughs):
Yeah.Copy !req
337. First...
Hmm?Copy !req
338. we dine alfresco.Copy !req
339. Oh.
(both laugh)Copy !req
340. Let's, let's see...Copy !req
341. Mmm.
(mouth full):
That just tastes so good.Copy !req
342. Mmm.
Mmm.Copy !req
343. You know what, seriously,
I-I hope the hot dogs are okay.Copy !req
344. Yeah.
I spent most of my
money on the tent,Copy !req
345. I borrowed fake grass
from my mom's lawn.Copy !req
346. (stifled laugh)
Hope that's not cheating.Copy !req
347. No, it's not. I would sayCopy !req
348. it's acceptably
within the guidelines.Copy !req
349. Okay, good.Copy !req
350. It's nice to go
into the past like this.Copy !req
351. Oh, I'm not trying
to go back into the past.Copy !req
352. I-I'm trying to bring us
full circle, you know?Copy !req
353. (sighs) Becks, there's always
been this feeling of destinyCopy !req
354. about me and you.Copy !req
355. Like, I-I don't know, like,Copy !req
356. someone out there is
telling a story about us.Copy !req
357. Yeah.Copy !req
358. It does feel that way sometimes.Copy !req
359. Come with me.Copy !req
360. Hello...Copy !req
361. (gasps)
Oh.Copy !req
362. Hey. Real pillows.Copy !req
363. Ah.
Nice touch.Copy !req
364. Well, I remember at camp,Copy !req
365. you brought
your own pillows from home,Copy !req
366. and, uh, you made me cover them
with a rain poncho before we,Copy !req
367. you know, uh...Copy !req
368. I, you know...
(chuckles)Copy !req
369. I didn't want to get them dirty
because they were orthotic.Copy !req
370. So you know, I was careful
not to get your...Copy !req
371. (mumbles) on them
after we (mumbles).Copy !req
372. Yeah.Copy !req
373. Uh, close your eyes.Copy !req
374. I-I have a surprise for you.Copy !req
375. Which is, incidentally, what
you said the night you missedCopy !req
376. and got the pillow
and then my ear, but okay,Copy !req
377. I'll close my eyes.Copy !req
378. Okay, open them.Copy !req
379. Gasp.Copy !req
380. Oh...Copy !req
381. (sighs):
Oh...Copy !req
382. This is so beautiful.Copy !req
383. I spent all night
trying to set it upCopy !req
384. and make sure it was facing
the right way and everything.Copy !req
385. I wanted to make sure
everything in our universeCopy !req
386. was exactly
where it should be.Copy !req
387. It means so much to me
that you did this.Copy !req
388. It was fun.Copy !req
389. And I know
which one the North Star is,Copy !req
390. so I can always find
my way back home...Copy !req
391. to you.Copy !req
392. Oh, Josh.Copy !req
393. Wait, is kissing allowed?Copy !req
394. Ah...
(both chuckle)Copy !req
395. Does anyone
know anything?Copy !req
396. I got to know
how that date went.Copy !req
397. I lost my mind yesterday
and put $600 on Greg.Copy !req
398. Oh, what?Copy !req
399. Guys, the next-door
neighbor called.Copy !req
400. (gasps)
I told him we were
dying for info and thatCopy !req
401. I would cut him in
on my winnings,Copy !req
402. so he peeked
over the fence for me.Copy !req
403. And?
And?
And?Copy !req
404. And?
And?Copy !req
405. And he said he saw themCopy !req
406. waking up in each other's armsCopy !req
407. through a very tinyCopy !req
408. window in a tent.Copy !req
409. (phone chimes)
Oh, wait. I'm
getting a text.Copy !req
410. It's from Rebecca.Copy !req
411. Dots.
Okay.Copy !req
412. (phone whooshes)
Oh, oh, no, no.
Oh, no. She says...Copy !req
413. What'd she say?
"It was perfect."Copy !req
414. No!
(groans and cheers)Copy !req
415. Oh, yes!
Josh Chan is in the lead, folks!Copy !req
416. Oh, come on!Copy !req
417. Slay. Slay, slay, slay.Copy !req
418. Slay. Mm-hmm.
I need to figure out how to pay
for this whole thing.Copy !req
419. Mama Cookie knows, girl.
Mama Cookie always knows. Ha!
It's very expensive.Copy !req
420. So, you're talking about
federal administrativeCopy !req
421. and regulatory law and
you're not citing Elena Kagan,Copy !req
422. what are you doing? (laughs)
(laughing)Copy !req
423. Are we sure
this is gonna work?Copy !req
424. You said I needed
to do somethingCopy !req
425. to get into this contest,
so this is what I'm doing.Copy !req
426. Winning over Rebecca's
best friend.Copy !req
427. If you put as much effort
into the dateCopy !req
428. as you put into
poaching 60 fillets...Copy !req
429. You don't understand.Copy !req
430. I can't plan romantic things.Copy !req
431. I'm terrible at contrived stuff.Copy !req
432. I can't even sing
"Happy Birthday."Copy !req
433. Other people sing it and I go,
"Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah"Copy !req
434. because I find it
so embarrassing.Copy !req
435. So, I can't do that.Copy !req
436. So this is what I
have, okay? Fish!Copy !req
437. Oh... what?Copy !req
438. Hi.
Hey.Copy !req
439. Would you normal people
excuse me for just one second?Copy !req
440. Okay. Thanks.Copy !req
441. Uh, what's this?Copy !req
442. A lightly poached cohoCopy !req
443. with a dill reduction
for five dozenCopy !req
444. or, one would say,
salmon for 60. Hi.Copy !req
445. I'm Greg Serrano, let's
try again, shall we?Copy !req
446. Uh... I'm about to step
into a meeting, Greg.Copy !req
447. Yes, yes, I understand and I'll
totally get out of your hair.Copy !req
448. I just wanted to save the day
for a working momCopy !req
449. so you don't disappoint
your son again.Copy !req
450. Oh, dear.Copy !req
451. Oh.Copy !req
452. So you're an expert
on parenting now?Copy !req
453. No, I just— I didn't
mean to criticize.Copy !req
454. That came out wrong.Copy !req
455. Oh.Copy !req
456. I know what this is.Copy !req
457. You overheard me
having a problem,Copy !req
458. so you thought
you'd swoop in and help,Copy !req
459. get in my good graces,Copy !req
460. so I'll put in
a word in with Rebecca.Copy !req
461. Oh, she's good.
You're good, Paula.Copy !req
462. She's very good.Copy !req
463. Greg.
Hmm?Copy !req
464. Rebecca makes her own choices.Copy !req
465. But I gotta say...Copy !req
466. Uh-huh?
You have a lotCopy !req
467. of tough competition,
so I really hopeCopy !req
468. that you have a better plan
than bringing me fish.Copy !req
469. Yes. Yes, ma'am, I do.Copy !req
470. Y-Yes, yes, ma'am. He does.Copy !req
471. Great. Then you're all set.Copy !req
472. I mean, you know,
after you stop by my houseCopy !req
473. and put that salmon
in the fridge.Copy !req
474. Key's under the mat. Thanks.Copy !req
475. Wow.Copy !req
476. You look so beautiful.Copy !req
477. I'm sorry.Copy !req
478. (exhales)
This is kind of weird.Copy !req
479. No, it's okay.Copy !req
480. You and Nathaniel
have a good time.Copy !req
481. Well...Copy !req
482. an okay time.Copy !req
483. A fine time.
(groans softly)Copy !req
484. Ugh.Copy !req
485. Who am I kidding?Copy !req
486. I've been praying all day
for the San Andreas FaultCopy !req
487. to open up
and s-swallow up Nathaniel.Copy !req
488. And then Greg.Copy !req
489. And then Josh Chan from Azusa,Copy !req
490. who continues to mess
with my credit rating.Copy !req
491. Josh, I know this is hard.Copy !req
492. I...Copy !req
493. We had such a good time
the other night.Copy !req
494. But...Copy !req
495. (groans)
Is this what we're doing?Copy !req
496. You know, I don't know
what else to do.Copy !req
497. Yeah, I-I know.Copy !req
498. I thought this would
be simple, but... (scoffs)Copy !req
499. It's not.Copy !req
500. Okay, I'll see you later.Copy !req
501. Nathaniel, where are we going?Copy !req
502. Here, come on.Copy !req
503. Oh.Copy !req
504. Oh, my God.Copy !req
505. Oh, my God.
(chuckles)Copy !req
506. This is just so beautiful,
and it's so thoughtful.Copy !req
507. But what's wrong?
Are you okay?Copy !req
508. No, I'm fine,
it's just...Copy !req
509. I don't know
what's happening.Copy !req
510. This is just
so... (groans)Copy !req
511. And you guys are
so... (groans)Copy !req
512. I know, it's weird.
It's weird.Copy !req
513. You were just
on a date with Josh...
Yes.Copy !req
514. and now you're here
with me, and I bought...
(sighs)Copy !req
515. a bunch of cheese
and crackers,Copy !req
516. so many different types
of crackers.
(chuckles)Copy !req
517. I don't know why.Copy !req
518. Why don't...
why don't we just...Copy !req
519. just forget
everything elseCopy !req
520. and just try
to enjoy this?Copy !req
521. You know?Copy !req
522. (exhales)
Okay.Copy !req
523. Thank you.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
524. Yeah.
Here, sit down.Copy !req
525. Okay.
(clears throat)Copy !req
526. Oh. Wow.
(sniffles)Copy !req
527. This is just...Copy !req
528. it's the most
beautiful view.Copy !req
529. You know, on a clear day,
you can see Gardena, Torrance,Copy !req
530. and if you squint,Copy !req
531. the Rancho Dominguez
Cineplex 23.Copy !req
532. (laughs) I do love that place.
They have so many movies.Copy !req
533. Almost two dozen.
Right...Copy !req
534. (laughing):
You know what I mean.Copy !req
535. Not quite, but almost.Copy !req
536. (laughing): Not
quite, just short.
Just shy.Copy !req
537. What is that?Copy !req
538. Oh.Copy !req
539. There it is.
What?Copy !req
540. You know what you did.
Oh, yeah?Copy !req
541. You hired a band.
I knew you'd play dirtyCopy !req
542. and spend all your money.Copy !req
543. I knew you would.
I knew it.
No, I...Copy !req
544. I did no such thing.
I played by the rules.
Uh-huh.Copy !req
545. Sure. Uh-huh.
I did. No, no.Copy !req
546. What I did do was, I found
the perfect spot to sitCopy !req
547. right above
the Greek TheatreCopy !req
548. and listen
to a concert for free.Copy !req
549. Tonight is
"The Greatest Hits of BroadwayCopy !req
550. with Michael Bublé."Copy !req
551. Huh. I wonder what...Copy !req
552. Broadway standard this is.
I don't recognize it.Copy !req
553. Maybe it's from
Starlight ExpressCopy !req
554. or Once on This Island.
I don't know.Copy !req
555. Those are the two
shows I know the least.
Hang on.Copy !req
556. Oh.Copy !req
557. No, I screwed this up.Copy !req
558. It's not Broadway's
greatest hits; it's...Copy !req
559. "'70s Groove Night
with Marty MacaroonCopy !req
560. and the Funky Town Eight."Copy !req
561. Wow.Copy !req
562. This is a disaster.
I'm...Copy !req
563. I'm so sorry. This is awful.Copy !req
564. Hold on.
No, no.Copy !req
565. (scoffs)
I actually kind of like it.Copy !req
566. No, you don't.
Yes, I do.
I wouldn't humor you.Copy !req
567. No one likes this.Copy !req
568. Marty Macaroon
doesn't like this.Copy !req
569. I'm gonna like anyone
with the name Macaroon.Copy !req
570. (funk music continues)
Shall we dance?Copy !req
571. To this?
Come on. Yeah. Let's dance.
Dance with me. Come on.Copy !req
572. Oh, you want to stand up
and dance. Oh, my gosh.
Stand up and dance with me.Copy !req
573. All right.
Try and salvage this.Copy !req
574. Feel the Macaroon rhythm.Copy !req
575. There we go.
Ooh. I mean,
that bass line is crunchy.Copy !req
576. It is so crunchy.
It's a crunchy bass.Copy !req
577. Ooh, let's bite
our lower lips.
What does that do?Copy !req
578. I think this is how...Copy !req
579. It's just the
funk face, right?Copy !req
580. Nice. (whistles)
Okay. Oh.Copy !req
581. And back. Oh, drop
the beat, Marty.
Yeah, Marty!Copy !req
582. Then I'll pull you in.Copy !req
583. I don't want to give you
a whole big pitch.Copy !req
584. I've done that
so many times before.Copy !req
585. But I think...Copy !req
586. we're meant to be together.Copy !req
587. And if you pick me,Copy !req
588. it'll be because
you feel the same way.Copy !req
589. I thought so.Copy !req
590. So, where did Rebecca
and Nathaniel go for their date?Copy !req
591. Probably somewhere boring.Copy !req
592. If it was me, I would've
taken Rebecca to seeCopy !req
593. Marty Macaroon and
the Funky Town Eight.Copy !req
594. You're a Macarooner? Oh!Copy !req
595. We should swap cassettes.Copy !req
596. Yeah, I've got April '93
at Red Rocks.
(gasps)Copy !req
597. No!
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
598. The drone images are in.
What?Copy !req
599. I got a buddy
to follow NathanielCopy !req
600. and toss up a drone.
No biggie.Copy !req
601. Okay.Copy !req
602. (shocked reactions, chatter)
What?Copy !req
603. (cell phone dings)
Oh, got a text. Wow.Copy !req
604. It says...Copy !req
605. "It was heaven."
(cheers and groans)Copy !req
606. Yes. Yes!
Yeah!Copy !req
607. Papa's got a winner.Copy !req
608. And mama's got a winner!Copy !req
609. Oh, wait, my thing
sounded like your thing.Copy !req
610. Mm, just a little bit.Copy !req
611. Hi.Copy !req
612. Well, hello, sir.Copy !req
613. I'm Bernie. Looking
for a little...Copy !req
614. high-altitude romance?
Oh.Copy !req
615. Wow, we're going with that tone
right out of the gate.Copy !req
616. Okay, uh, yeah. Well,
here's what I'm looking for:Copy !req
617. something romantic.Copy !req
618. No irony involved.Copy !req
619. Just the thing that people do
that is the thing people do.Copy !req
620. I love a girl and need
to show her how much.Copy !req
621. Ah, our standard
$50 package. Got it.Copy !req
622. Our magical journey beginsCopy !req
623. with your choice of pattern
for your hot-air balloon:Copy !req
624. rainbow, carnival stripes,
polka dots.Copy !req
625. You know what?Copy !req
626. Let's do it.
For once in my life,Copy !req
627. I got to really go all out.Copy !req
628. Great! Done.Copy !req
629. Oh. Oh, cool, that's it?Copy !req
630. I-I thought you were gonna give
me more of a song and dance.Copy !req
631. From me? No, no, no, never.Copy !req
632. Okay.Copy !req
633. Well, th-there is
one other thing. It's...Copy !req
634. J-Just a word of warning.Copy !req
635. Warning?Copy !req
636. Ah, a-all right.
Got it.Copy !req
637. I wasn't planning on it.Copy !req
638. You know, it's-it's happened
a couple times,Copy !req
639. and, uh, it's a nightmare. Ugh.Copy !req
640. Very hard to get poop
out of wicker.Copy !req
641. Cool tux.Copy !req
642. Yeah, came with
the rainbow package.Copy !req
643. Not gonna even
show you my socks.
Wow.Copy !req
644. You know what?
I'm impressed.
Yeah?Copy !req
645. I mean, you hate this stuff,
and you're doing it.Copy !req
646. Feeling good?Copy !req
647. Uh, I don't know.
I have no idea.Copy !req
648. I mean, I used to feel
so confidentCopy !req
649. about Rebecca,
and now...Copy !req
650. This week, I've just been
steaming a whole bunch of fishCopy !req
651. and agreeing to sail over
the Temecula ValleyCopy !req
652. in a stripy balloon.Copy !req
653. Are you having
second thoughts?Copy !req
654. Yeah, yeah, I'm having
second thoughts,Copy !req
655. but still gonna do it.Copy !req
656. Is this bow tie
straight?Copy !req
657. I doubt it.Copy !req
658. Oh, come on.Copy !req
659. Oh, Dr. Akopian? What are...
What? You go to this wine bar?Copy !req
660. Okay, look.Copy !req
661. Yeah, I'm stalking you again.
We've established this.Copy !req
662. It's a very
problematic behavior,Copy !req
663. and we should discuss it
the next time I'm in therapy,Copy !req
664. but listen, I need some help.Copy !req
665. Okay, these dates aren't
clarifying anything.Copy !req
666. They're just... they're
fogging up all my windows—Copy !req
667. my front window, my back window
and my side windows.Copy !req
668. And I don't know what to do.
Can I have a sip of your wine?Copy !req
669. Oh, no.
No, that-that's not appropriate.Copy !req
670. I don't know how I'm gonna
face this Greg date coming up.Copy !req
671. It's gonna ruin my life.Copy !req
672. I cannot go on yet anotherCopy !req
673. romantic and perfect date.Copy !req
674. Then don't.Copy !req
675. Just follow
what's in your heart.Copy !req
676. Follow what's in my heart?Copy !req
677. What kind of
therapist advice is that?Copy !req
678. Look, I-I'm-I'm just trying
to have a glass of wine.Copy !req
679. I am not on the clock
right now, okay, Rebecca?Copy !req
680. Okay, that's fair. You're right.
Self-care is important.Copy !req
681. Thanks for not dropping me
as a patient.Copy !req
682. See you at 4:00 tomorrow.Copy !req
683. Help.Copy !req
684. Greg?Copy !req
685. Wow.
So, what's, um...Copy !req
686. What's happening here?Copy !req
687. Well, in order
of importance,Copy !req
688. I'm wearing a real
uncomfortable tuxedo,Copy !req
689. I possibly just split my pants,
and my crappy car won't start.Copy !req
690. How about you?Copy !req
691. About the same.Copy !req
692. Let's get you
to the shop.
Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
693. Yeah.Copy !req
694. Oh, my God, no one
ate the salmon.
Oh.Copy !req
695. They never do.Copy !req
696. Then why do we do this?Copy !req
697. Paula, that's how
it's always been.Copy !req
698. Oh... Louise,Copy !req
699. this whole process needs a redo.Copy !req
700. We should be
working together.Copy !req
701. I mean, no sign-up sheets,
no competition;Copy !req
702. just-just a community of moms
collaborating.Copy !req
703. Oh, God.Copy !req
704. Oh-oh-oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.Copy !req
705. Guys, guys, guys, stop.Copy !req
706. Stop, stop, everybody,
stop what you're doing.Copy !req
707. Bernie called. They never showed
up for their balloon ride.Copy !req
708. What?
What? No, no.Copy !req
709. No, Hector, you put his bow tie
on him. You said he was going.Copy !req
710. Well, he was, but he seemed
a little wigged outCopy !req
711. about the whole thing, honestly.
Why didn't you tell us that?Copy !req
712. Oh, God, I bet
my rowing machine on Greg.Copy !req
713. Oh, my God, what's going on?
We don't know what's going on.Copy !req
714. If they don't complete
their date,Copy !req
715. it's a push.
Nobody loses,Copy !req
716. nobody wins.
No!Copy !req
717. What? No!Copy !req
718. Hey. What are you
doing here?Copy !req
719. Oh, well, I can't drink
over at Home Base.Copy !req
720. Not with all that
betting going on.Copy !req
721. Oh, you heard
about that, too?Copy !req
722. Yeah, of course. Think I wasn't
gonna put $1,000 on myself?Copy !req
723. Well, how was your date?Copy !req
724. Honestly? Really good.Copy !req
725. Yours?Copy !req
726. Oh, couldn't have gone
any better.Copy !req
727. Well, we'll find out
soon enough.Copy !req
728. Yeah.Copy !req
729. Hey, whatever happens,
good game, man.Copy !req
730. Same.Copy !req
731. Cheers.Copy !req
732. Yeah, cheers.Copy !req
733. God, I hope I win, though.Copy !req
734. I really hope you lose.Copy !req
735. I also hope Greg dies.Copy !req
736. Ooh, were you thinking
San Andreas Fault?Copy !req
737. I was actually thinking
lightning bolt.Copy !req
738. It's quick,
it's painless.
Mm.Copy !req
739. You know, I do
like the guy.Copy !req
740. Oh, yeah. Me, too.Copy !req
741. Well, it's gonna take
a long time to fix it.Copy !req
742. Something about the
trans... carburetor...Copy !req
743. I'm being lied to, and it's
gonna be very expensive.Copy !req
744. (laughs)
And our date's
already ruinedCopy !req
745. because we're gonna
miss our start timeCopy !req
746. for our takeoff, so...Copy !req
747. Uh, takeoff?Copy !req
748. It's a long story.
Never mind.Copy !req
749. Just... Hey, can I
be honest with you?Copy !req
750. Yeah.Copy !req
751. I've been dreading
this whole thing.Copy !req
752. Not being with you.
That part I love.Copy !req
753. Just the date I had
planned, it's so not me.Copy !req
754. It's so very Bernie.
Weird guy.Copy !req
755. Who's...
The bow tie.Copy !req
756. Oh, okay.
Mm-hmm.Copy !req
757. I got to tell you something.
When I ran into you,Copy !req
758. I was literally seconds away
from texting youCopy !req
759. and canceling the date.Copy !req
760. Not because I don't like
spending time with you,Copy !req
761. but I just...
All these dates,Copy !req
762. it's just so exhausting,
it's so much pressure.Copy !req
763. Right.Copy !req
764. So... this date is off?Copy !req
765. Looks like it.Copy !req
766. Oh, thank God.Copy !req
767. Oh...Copy !req
768. Well, if you're gonna be here
for the next few hours,Copy !req
769. I'll just wait
with you.Copy !req
770. Really?
You would do that?Copy !req
771. Yeah. I got
nothing to do.Copy !req
772. I just found out
my date canceled.Copy !req
773. (chuckles) Hey, so,
uh, did you eat yet?Copy !req
774. No, I was waiting for you
to eat, but I would eat now.Copy !req
775. Do you want
to go somewhere?Copy !req
776. Uh, I more feel
like ordering.Copy !req
777. Ooh, I would do that.Copy !req
778. Yeah? What do you want?Copy !req
779. What are you in
the mood for?Copy !req
780. Um, Italian?Copy !req
781. I have that all
the time at work.Copy !req
782. Right, of course.
Yeah. What about Thai?Copy !req
783. I had that for lunch,
but any other place.Copy !req
784. Really, you pick.Copy !req
785. Okay, well,
I picked last time.Copy !req
786. Oh, you did, and we went to that
Indian place, which I loved.Copy !req
787. Mm-hmm. Do you want
to do that again?Copy !req
788. No, you know what I want?
I want that new taco place.Copy !req
789. The one on East Cameron?
I heard that's amazing.
Yes.Copy !req
790. Right? It's... Okay.
Okay.Copy !req
791. So I-I want to see
if they deliver.
Yeah, sure.Copy !req
792. I'll pull up the menu.Copy !req
793. Let's see.Copy !req
794. Okay, I'm gonna
pull up the menu.Copy !req
795. You have to decide what you want
beforehand because, no,Copy !req
796. I cannot be on the phone
and have youCopy !req
797. shouting your order
in my ear.Copy !req
798. It's not my fault that
I realize what I wantCopy !req
799. when I hear what
you're getting.Copy !req
800. I understand
it's not your fault,Copy !req
801. but it's very irritating
and very annoying,Copy !req
802. and we've had many
discussions about it,Copy !req
803. so just make a...
Here you go, here's the menu.Copy !req
804. Do I like chilaquiles?Copy !req
805. Yeah, of course you do,
with the verde.Copy !req
806. Right, right,
right, right, yes.Copy !req
807. Okay, I want to get that.Copy !req
808. Okay.Copy !req
809. Hey.Copy !req
810. You're the love of my life.Copy !req
811. You know that, right?Copy !req
812. Well, I do now.Copy !req