Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 4x13

1. I own 15 ferrets!

2. Okay, when was the last time you snaked this drain?

3. Never. I only owned this place for five minutes.

4. By the way, why are you doing this?

5. Tell Rebecca to get a plumber.

6. No, dude, I'm just helping out.

7. I owe Rebecca. She gave me a place to stay.

8. You know how much I pay in rent?

9. 80 bucks a month.

10. Also, her best friend

11. just had a heart attack

12. and she just went on antidepressants.

13. I don't know, man,

14. sounds like you love her.

15. What? No.

16. No, she— Dude, shut up.

17. Okay, nothing's going on with us whatsoever.

18. I mean, sure she's completely adorable 24/7,

19. and, yes, we did have a massage moment

20. the other night that almost got out of hand.

21. But she's seeing someone,

22. and that someone is Greg Serrano.

23. Hey, tell yourself what you need to hear,

24. but you got hard feefs for her.

25. I don't have feefs, hard or soft.

26. Rebecca is simply

27. my friend, who needs a hand

28. in her time of heart attacks and antidepressants.

29. Right.

30. Thank you so much for squeezing me in.

31. I'm only free when Paula's visiting hours are over.

32. It's important to check in

33. when you start a new medication.

34. So, how have the antidepressants

35. made you feel so far?

36. Uh, well, it's only been a week,

37. so I know it takes a while for them to kick in.

38. But, honestly, very tired.

39. Hmm. I keep having these episodes

40. where all I want to do is nap.

41. Mm-hmm.

42. Like I'm looking at this couch right now...

43. and it's kind of begging to be napped upon.

44. It's like, mm,

45. how you doing, sexy nap couch?

46. And otherwise?

47. Mostly fine.

48. I haven't talked to Greg yet.

49. And he doesn't know about all the stuff

50. that happened the other night.

51. I mean, he knows we fought

52. and that I was in a bad place,

53. but he doesn't know that I went to Nathaniel's

54. and tried to... you know, and that,

55. then I went home to Josh and tried to... you know.

56. So have you and Greg broken up?

57. Not exactly. We keep meaning to connect.

58. We just haven't had time.

59. You know, I'm busy with Paula

60. and I need to be there for her.

61. I need to try to stay awake, and I need to sort out

62. how I feel about being on meds in the first place.

63. And what do you mean by that?

64. Well, look, I've always been afraid

65. of going on antidepressants, but also it kind of feels

66. like a cop-out to me.

67. Oh. You know, like

68. I should've been able to tough it out on my own.

69. I just... I feel a little ashamed.

70. I understand why you feel that way.

71. But I would ask you to interrogate that feeling.

72. Mm-hmm. Okay. What do you mean?

73. I mean, baby, lots of people are on those pills.

74. Like, everyone.

75. Everyone, really?

76. Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you.

77. You're not alone in this.

78. Walk with me.

79. Okay.

80. I already tried that, didn't work.

81. Have you tried another medication?

82. Yep, but that one made me gain weight.

83. Oh, that totally happened to me.

84. It got better within a few months.

85. Thanks. Cool.

86. Conor, heel.

87. Where are you guys...? Oh, I see,

88. we have nothing else in common,

89. so you're just going back to your lives.

90. Okay, cool, I'll just pose.

91. AJ, thank you so much for covering for me

92. while I've been in the hospital with Paula.

93. And I'm sorry if I'm yawning a lot.

94. I'm still getting used to my new antidepressants.

95. Oh, yeah, that happened to me

96. when I started my antidepressants.

97. Hang in there.

98. And, of course, I'm happy to help.

99. I know how much this place means to you.

100. I love being the chosen custodian of your dream.

101. Hmm?

102. Your dream. This place?

103. What, what makes you think Rebetzel's is my dream?

104. Uh, because of those shirts.

105. "Rebetzel's. Take a bite outta my dream."

106. Oh, okay. Well, that's— no, that's to make people think

107. that it's my dream, so they buy more stuff, right?

108. Like how Kate Hudson pretends to love leggings.

109. Huh. Well, if this isn't it, what is your dream?

110. My dream? I don't... I don't know.

111. Well, if you've got another dream,

112. you might want to get on it.

113. Life is short. And you're not young.

114. Ow.

115. You know what? It's fine.

116. Honestly, AJ, I'm just really happy to be alive

117. and semi-healthy and finally on meds, so...

118. So what if I don't have a dream?

119. Maybe I'll find one. Maybe I won't.

120. But I have a lot of life ahead of me.

121. Are you supposed to be studying?

122. Aren't you supposed to be resting?

123. The bar exam is tomorrow, guys.

124. Tomorrow.

125. Yeah, I was thinking,

126. are you sure you want to take

127. the bar exam right now?

128. You can do it next time.

129. Yeah. You just got your heart sliced up

130. like a melon a week ago.

131. I have to think of it as a fruit, so I don't throw up.

132. I mean,

133. Rebecca, what do you think?

134. That's, uh, that's melon,

135. yeah, no, melon, throw up, yep.

136. Sweetie, you are so tired.

137. I know. Listen, guys, they only give the bar exam

138. twice a year.

139. And if I have learned anything

140. from this horrible heart attack experience,

141. it's that I could literally die at any second.

142. So I have no time to waste. The doctor's coming in

143. to tell me when I can get out,

144. and I— you know, where is my doctor, anyway?

145. God, it's so weird how that doctor is the twin

146. of the doctor who treated my UTI,

147. only that Dr. Roth

148. is an aspiring stand-up comedian, and this Dr. Roth,

149. he's not funny at all.

150. Good morning, Dr. Roth.

151. It is before noon.

152. See? No sense of humor.

153. Oh, if you want comedy,

154. you should talk to my idiot brother.

155. But if you want a stent,

156. then you should still not talk to me,

157. because I gave you a stent already.

158. Come on, man.

159. Doc, I am doing so well.

160. I passed all my physical tests.

161. I walked up a flight of stairs.

162. So I was hoping that I could go home today.

163. Yeah, please, she has something really important

164. she needs to do. It has to do with her dream.

165. 'Cause she's one of those people who has a dream, you know?

166. Uh, Mrs. Proctor, you look great

167. and you've had a very quick recovery.

168. But we should stick to you leaving as scheduled.

169. Okay? I'll be back first thing tomorrow morning

170. to sign you out.

171. Okay. First thing in the morning. Right.

172. Just, please, please don't be late.

173. I mean, please, please don't keep me waiting.

174. I'm here to see Paula Proctor.

175. Sorry, buddy. Your friend's room is maximum capacity.

176. You're gonna have to wait.

177. And have your I.D. ready.

178. Okay.

179. You also got bopped on the nose

180. by the maximum visitor rule, I see.

181. Yeah. Cool lady.

182. Got to love a nurse with the aggression

183. and hostility of a nightclub bouncer.

184. Who are you waiting for?

185. Oh, my best friend Paula just had heart surgery.

186. Oh. She's my best friend, but I'm not hers.

187. It's hard to explain.

188. Oh, no. I get it.

189. I can't get the nod from my friend Natalie.

190. She says I'm "one of her best friends."

191. Oh, my gosh, really?

192. I mean, what is that? Yeah, right?

193. Who are you waiting for?

194. My aunt is having her appendix out.

195. Oh. She's gonna be fine, though.

196. Hmm.

197. Hope my bean dip's not bothering you.

198. Some people don't care for the earthy smell.

199. Wait, you-you brought bean dip to a hospital?

200. Oh, are you one of those, um,

201. "time and a place for bean dip" people?

202. I guess I am.

203. And it's every time and every place.

204. Oh, wow! I mean...

205. Look at that. I know.

206. That's crazy.

207. Hi, I'm April.

208. Hi. Darryl. Hi.

209. Wow, it's so nice to meet you.

210. So nice to meet you, too.

211. Hey, you know, I was thinking about going down

212. to the cafeteria to grab a coffee

213. if you want to...

214. Yeah, let's do it.

215. Really? Yeah.

216. Oh— well, okay. I mean,

217. i-if we can talk dip.

218. Hi. Uh, I'm here to see someone

219. who is here to see Paula Proctor.

220. Why would I care about that?

221. I mean, you probably wouldn't,

222. but I really need to talk to her.

223. We were seeing each other.

224. We were actually in the "babe" stage,

225. and it was great, but then we had

226. this really, really bad day at Raging Waters, and...

227. Sir,

228. don't bring your drama onto my floor.

229. Now take a seat behind the rope.

230. Okay. Yeah, I'll just, uh— oh, there is an actual rope.

231. Ah.

232. Hey, man.

233. Hey, Greg.

234. You here to visit Paula?

235. Yeah. Yeah, flowers. Sure.

236. You?

237. Uh, Rebecca and I,

238. we were actually supposed to talk at some point.

239. And she's kind of stuck here, so I thought

240. I'd come by and... and-and, and, yeah.

241. Ah. Got it.

242. Oh, good, it's Josh.

243. Hey, Greg. Hey, Josh.

244. Josh, haven't seen you since... Uh, so, Nathaniel, hey.

245. Oh, you guys already know each other.

246. I talked to Greg, yeah, already. Yeah, we already said hi.

247. You got tall. Did I?

248. You're here to see Paula?

249. Yeah, flowers, so...

250. My sister recently had a baby,

251. so I knew where to get the good ones.

252. You didn't bring flowers?

253. No, I was here to talk to Rebecca.

254. And flowers are already dying by the time you buy them,

255. so you're basically handing a loved one a bag of remains.

256. Cool. Cool.

257. Well, uh, now that that's all settled,

258. I think it's a good moment for us to all go our separate ways,

259. moving in separate directions, maybe quickly.

260. Ah. Yeah.

261. I'm a cough boy! I'm a little cough boy!

262. Oh— hey, hey, buddy. Are you supposed to be running around?

263. No, I'm not! I'm a cough boy!

264. Oh.

265. Oh. Uh...

266. Whoa. Uh, excuse me,

267. did this young man cough within five feet of all of you?

268. The little cough boy? Yes, yes, he did, just now.

269. Oh, that's unfortunate.

270. You've all been exposed to a very rare

271. and super-contagious strain of squirrel flu.

272. What?

273. Who run the world? Squirrels!

274. You three know each other?

275. Oh, uh... Uh, uh, a little bit.

276. Yeah, kind of. Uh, yeah.

277. Great. Well, you're about to spend

278. some quality time together.

279. In quarantine.

280. Let's go, gentlemen.

281. Uh...

282. Where is the doctor? I knew this would happen.

283. He should've been here 30 minutes ago.

284. All the other students are sharpening pencils

285. and knocking back Adderall, and I'm just sitting here.

286. I know, I know,

287. but don't worry. He'll be here, okay?

288. We told the nurse to page him.

289. Okay.

290. Oh.

291. Just wanted to let you know that Dr. Roth's

292. finishing up his surgery.

293. Finally. And he'll be back

294. this afternoon to sign your release.

295. Wait, no— this afternoon? Mm-hmm.

296. Oh, that is way too late.

297. No, no, no. We need, we need another doctor, stat.

298. Can you sign her out? I mean, you're wearing scrubs.

299. You kind of look like a doctor.

300. You'd think. Nurses do all the emotional work,

301. and we are the backbone of the hospital, but...

302. you need to be signed out by your cardiologist.

303. That's the hospital policy.

304. What am I gonna do?

305. This is hell.

306. Guys, I can't sit in this awkward silence anymore. Okay?

307. Is it just because we dated the same girl?

308. She chose someone. Greg.

309. Right? She did choose you, right?

310. Uh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, yes.

311. And, you know, there might be bumpy stuff

312. in your relationship, moments where she got an ATV

313. and went off-road, but at the end of the day,

314. she fired up Waze and she made her way back to you.

315. Right?

316. Yeah.

317. Well, then there's nothing to be awkward about.

318. Right, Josh?

319. Uh, yup. Nope.

320. You know, in fact, I think we could— and should— be friends.

321. After all, Greg, you and I were gym buddies for two seconds.

322. And, Josh, you and I killed game night.

323. Yeah. We realized we have very similar father issues.

324. Dr. Man Akopian high-fived me for making that connection.

325. And you guys were buds from way back.

326. Look, I see a lot of potential for a friend trio here.

327. Like, a real-life Three Musketeers reunion?

328. Who wants to be d'Artagnan? Me.

329. Sure, the three of us could be a cool little crew.

330. And the funny thing is, Greg, you and I could've been friends

331. even earlier. Yeah?

332. Yeah. A few months ago, when White Josh and I were

333. having a beer, and he texted you

334. to come join us?

335. Wait, what?

336. A few months ago?

337. That doesn't make any sense.

338. Greg hasn't been back in, like, two years.

339. I think he's gonna figure it out.

340. Hold on, hold on.

341. Anything could be happening up there.

342. Greg, you came back to town and didn't tell me?

343. You came back to West Covina

344. from Atlanta and saw other people when you were back?

345. Like White Josh— I mean, did you see Hector, also?

346. Uh, yeah.

347. I'm sorry, man.

348. Hey, Dad?

349. Hmm. Can we get Arby's on the way home?

350. They have the meats. Sure, honey.

351. We also have to have a talk about how Paula ended up

352. needing heart surgery, at some point.

353. What are you looking for?

354. Nothing. Nada.

355. Oh. Wow.

356. April, hi. Hi.

357. Wow, it's good to see you. How's your aunt?

358. Oh, uh, her appendix burst and she went into septic shock.

359. Oh, no.

360. I'm kidding. She's doing great.

361. I didn't see that coming.

362. See, that's funny...

363. Hello, Chloe.

364. Madison.

365. Wait, you two know each other?

366. You could say that.

367. Can you ever really know

368. someone who deliberately scheduled a sleepover

369. the same night as your cake-decorating party?

370. And can you ever know someone

371. who knew the sleepover was scheduled

372. and refused to move to an earlier cake-decorating time?

373. Because cake-decorating can happen earlier?

374. I knew this would happen.

375. Where is the damn doctor?

376. He is gonna make me miss my bar exam.

377. Okay? You know what?

378. I'm leaving. I'm just gonna walk out.

379. Wait, Paula, if you leave without a signed release,

380. insurance could refuse to pay for the entire procedure.

381. You know a lot about insurance.

382. Yeah, my husband the surfer can't tell the difference

383. between a slippery rock and a stingray,

384. and he loves stepping on both.

385. We're here a lot. I love my husband.

386. Oh— I'm sorry. Whoa.

387. Sorr— oh...

388. So, okay, it's fine.

389. I'll just start my legal career in six months

390. and keep working as a paralegal and keep reading my book

391. on Felix Frankfurter.

392. One of the longest-serving Supreme Court justices.

393. No!

394. Oh, my God, what happened while I was asleep? No!

395. Uh-uh. Ladies.

396. Are we really just gonna stand here while Paula

397. is forced to postpone her dream,

398. so that some doctor can save a life?

399. Nuh-uh, not on my watch.

400. I mean, I think it's clear what we need to do here.

401. We got a big old breakout on our hands.

402. What? No. I've been exfoliating diligently.

403. She meant break out of the hospital.

404. Yeah. Great. Got it.

405. Okay. You know I'm in, so... Mm-hmm.

406. let's do it.

407. Mom, can I have a dollar for the vending machine?

408. Oh.

409. Here you go, sweetie.

410. I guess our girls don't get along.

411. Yeah, I, I got a hint of that.

412. So I guess they won't be doing any playdates or...

413. taking any trips to the mall.

414. Or going to Disney on Ice together

415. and snuggling under a blanket,

416. wondering how all those characters know each other.

417. Oh, you mean us.

418. You're talking about us.

419. Yeah, we can't hang out.

420. This is a bummer.

421. I just thought, you know, for a minute, you and I...

422. It's so hard to meet someone, and this feels...

423. easy.

424. But the kids are the most important thing.

425. Absolutely.

426. I'll always remember your bean dip.

427. Okay, bitches, listen up, I have a plan.

428. So here's what we do.

429. We find some doctors' coats, pretend to be doctors.

430. We also find a gurney, we put Paula on the gurney,

431. pretend she's a dead body,

432. we push the gurney out of the hospital—

433. no one notices a thing—

434. then we sneak her back in after she's taken the bar.

435. But first, I'm gonna nap.

436. Just, no-no longer than 45 minutes, 'cause I'm so tired.

437. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

438. Okay... no, no nap! No nap! No nap, you're right.

439. You're right. No nap. I love my friend.

440. Look, Greg, I know you and I went through some drama

441. because Rebecca was obsessed with me and then

442. she was with you and then you got drunk at a wedding

443. and then I had sex with her in a vintage car.

444. But we had gotten past

445. all that, and then you ghosted me for two years?

446. Look, you were with Rebecca, and engaged to her,

447. and a little distance seemed healthy.

448. I didn't call her

449. when I came back to town, either.

450. No, I-I hear what you're doing, okay?

451. Sounding all evolved and stuff.

452. Well, guess what. I'm in therapy now, so I speak that lingo,

453. and I can tell you that your actions

454. have made me feel judged, which is quite unfair,

455. because I have never judged you, ever.

456. Josh... Okay, guys, let's stay positive here.

457. Like, when you once got so drunk,

458. you had sex with a bush in my front yard.

459. Did I say anything? No.

460. I'm sorry, sex with a... A bush. A bush.

461. He had sex with a bush.

462. In my defense, it looked like a lady.

463. Bush looked like a lady.

464. Don't make jokes. It's not funny.

465. I had to tell my mom an ostrich escaped from the zoo

466. and buried its head in her garden.

467. Okay, quick thinking, Josh,

468. and congrats on your agility, Greg,

469. but let's-let's talk about something else now,

470. anything else.

471. Oh, wow, auditions for an Elliot Ellison revue.

472. Huh. I wonder if they're doing the original arrangements

473. or the crappy ones from the movies.

474. Eh, who am I kidding? I'm front row either way.

475. Take this.

476. Gurney!

477. No, no, I don't want to hear it again.

478. You called me out here to tell me a joke?

479. Oh, no, the Doctors Roth. I don't have time for this.

480. It's important, though. I just came up with a whole new

481. comedy area, airplane food.

482. It's gross, it's tiny.

483. Sometimes it's free but sometimes it's expensive?

484. What?

485. I'm busy. You're gonna have to try it on someone else.

486. No, no, please, please, please, please.

487. You're the only person I trust with this kind of comedy.

488. You have such a good sense of humor.

489. Okay. Okay, great!

490. Okay, have you noticed that they're selling

491. all these chicken wraps, but it's, like, what,

492. have you never heard of a sandwich?

493. I mean, did your bread get run over by a Kia?

494. Ks are a funny sound. Most people love Ks. Is that— Okay.

495. Ha-Have you ever noticed that, like, they're putting

496. the-these wraps on these-these flatbreads?

497. But it's, like, pa-no, panino...

498. panini-no. Uh-uh, pa-no, thank you.

499. Panini, no, thank you. Panina, not now-now.

500. Well, you're giving me dead eyes, and I hate

501. when you give me dead eyes 'cause I love you,

502. but I just don't feel like we're connecting.

503. I have to go.

504. What's this gurney doing unattended?

505. This is not supposed to be here.

506. All right, well, off to the morgue.

507. Uh, Dad.

508. Hmm? Paula's getting out today.

509. We can just see her at home. Why are we still here?

510. No reason. You want to see April.

511. No, no, no, I don't. Yes, you do. You do, you do.

512. Look, I know how you feel about her daughter,

513. and so it can't be. Dad.

514. That's okay. Is it?

515. Yes. I'm your and Hebby's father first.

516. But if you want to spend time with her, you should.

517. Chloe and I will get over ourselves.

518. No, really, it's okay.

519. The fact is, dating is hard and you can get hurt.

520. I'm fine. April is just a nice lady I met in a waiting room,

521. and that is all.

522. But maybe she's your person,

523. and if you don't spend time with her, you'll never know.

524. Madison, it's fine, I promise.

525. She's been gone too long.

526. I called her, but it went straight to voice mail.

527. Oh, I'll do find your iPhone.

528. You know her log-in?

529. I mean, you know the answer to that question.

530. Okay, I got a dot.

531. Huh. She's in the basement of the hospital.

532. The basement? No.

533. This poor guy died two days short

534. of his 30th birthday. So young.

535. Probably thought he had all the time in the world.

536. Yeah, you're right, makes you want to live your life

537. to the fullest, no regrets.

538. I hear you. Smoke break?

539. Yup, if we leave now, we can smoke a couple.

540. What?

541. Hello? No, no, no, no, no!

542. No! Ugh!

543. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

544. Hey!

545. I'm in here. Someone let me out. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

546. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

547. Hey, Rebecca...

548. don't... wait...

549. too... late...

550. what... is... your... dream?

551. What weird places for the voice mail to cut out.

552. Wait.

553. Okay, I get it!

554. "Tuesday, 8:00 p.m.

555. "Please prepare 16 bars.

556. Be prepared to dance."

557. Oh, my God. Are you okay?

558. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm-I'm okay.

559. Okay, come on, let's get Paula out of here.

560. She can still make the bar exam if we hurry.

561. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Okay, let's go, let's go... come on.

562. Oh, God, let's get out of here.

563. I— She— We have no time to waste.

564. Okay. Yeah, totally.

565. Oh, it stinks in here.

566. Okay, this way, this way, this way.

567. You know what? I don't care we're not friends anymore.

568. Actually, that's great news

569. because now I can tell you how I really feel.

570. You don't deserve Rebecca.

571. I'm sorry, what?

572. You heard me.

573. Look, I've had my issues with Rebecca over the years,

574. but I was always nice to her. You were a dick to her.

575. You're not good enough for her, and you never will be.

576. Oh, you were always nice to her? Oh, okay.

577. Well, so sweet of you to leave her at the altar. Really nice

578. of you to join the priesthood and not even let her know.

579. Honestly, I am shocked

580. she even talks to you after the way you treated her.

581. Ah!

582. Oh, my God. Ow.

583. Look what you made me do!

584. Okay... I promised my sensei

585. I would never use my karate on someone

586. who is not my physical equal.

587. Are you calling me weak? I'm not weak!

588. I've been hitting the gym. Ask Nathaniel.

589. I've been going to Cardio Boxing

590. three times a week at 9:00 a.m.

591. Catalina says I'm almost ready for the big gloves.

592. I love the noon class, personally.

593. Are we doing this? Oh, we're doing this?

594. Guys, let's take a breath for a second here, huh? Nope.

595. Way too late to be cool.

596. I got him! I got him! Aw, this is getting bad.

597. Oh... oh, my.

598. Kiai! Kiai! Oh, wow.

599. What?

600. Oh, that tickles.

601. Ow! Oh.

602. That was cheap.

603. I don't know what to do now. I don't know what to do.

604. Yeah. I'm confused. Yeah.

605. You for— here you go. You... forgot the chassé. Thank you.

606. Aha. So, and one, cross, two, three, four,

607. chassé, five, and six,

608. jump, seven, eight. Gather everything.

609. A-one, look, two. One, snap. That's fun.

610. You got it? You got this. Contraction.

611. You got this, you got this. Have a good show.

612. Thank you. Oh, my God, you're doing great.

613. Ready? You're gonna have a good show. Are you sure?

614. 'Cause I'm really just a singer who moves, but...

615. No, but that's really good. Thank you. It's a dream role.

616. Whoa.

617. Uh, I'm sorry. I— this is...

618. Take it easy.

619. Okay.

620. Wow. Okay. I don't even know...

621. Well, I don't know. I don't know.

622. So, Shwammy, tell us how the squirrel flu began.

623. The squirrel flu began in the jungle,

624. spread to domesticated cows, then back to squirrels again.

625. You'll have to ask your parents

626. how the cows gave it to the squirrels.

627. Oh, my God. Whoa,

628. is this part of the show?

629. No, it's not!

630. MR. No, it's not.

631. Oh, hey, kids. Um, these two grown-ups

632. are being very silly,

633. fighting over a girl. I'm gonna get 'em to stop.

634. The Little Cough Boy wants a fight!

635. Fight for the Little Cough Boy!

636. Guys, guys...

637. Come here. Come on...

638. No... Get off me. Hey, hey, hey.

639. Easy, easy. Come on.

640. It's definitely in here, Mom.

641. And I need my phone. It's prime Gram hour,

642. and I need to check the likes.

643. Hi. Hi.

644. I lost my phone. Have you guys seen it?

645. Oh, no, but we-we'll take a look for it.

646. You know what we should do is just call it.

647. Oh, uh, that's-that's a great idea.

648. Wait, now, where— where is my phone?

649. Wait, where's Madison?

650. Wait, where's Chloe?

651. The Cough Boy

652. is free!

653. Folks, you've been exposed to a rare flu.

654. Come with me.

655. Have a fun quarantine.

656. Yeah, enjoy

657. spending lots and lots of time together.

658. This way, folks.

659. Thank you.

660. Watch it, watch it.

661. Slow down but hurry up.

662. Good job. You, too.

663. Hey, should we Gram this moment?

664. I'll Gram, you're tagged. Let's just start there.

665. Fizzy.

666. You know, after Rebecca dumped me

667. and said a bunch of devastating things about my character,

668. I went out and I bought a bunch of books

669. about ethics and morals

670. and-and people and-and kindness and all that stuff.

671. And one of the things I learned is,

672. the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.

673. You guys fought

674. because you care about each other.

675. Yeah. He's right.

676. Look, we grew apart, but I still care about you, dude,

677. and I always will.

678. Yeah, me, too.

679. So we're not best friends anymore, but...

680. we're still bros, right?

681. Yeah, man. Bros.

682. All for one...

683. Oh, man...

684. Guys, do it. Do it.

685. Get your hands in there.

686. And one for all— I'm d'Artagnan.

687. I called it.

688. Okay. There and back without anyone noticing.

689. Our breakout was a roaring success,

690. not one complication or problem, just like Ocean's 8.

691. I think that this was the best day of my life.

692. A heist and a long legal exam that I was totally prepared for.

693. I mean, just heaven.

694. God, you know, watching you there,

695. in the bar exam room, just taking that test, it...

696. it was amazing.

697. You were so happy. Aw.

698. You watched for a few minutes?

699. Actually, I watched for the whole six hours.

700. What?

701. I did take some standing naps,

702. but it was just so inspiring, I had to.

703. Okay, there is something behind that smile. Come on.

704. I... You okay?

705. I... Yeah, you know what?

706. To be honest, I envy you. Really.

707. The way that you've gone after your dream, just unabashed,

708. I-I don't think I would have the courage to do that.

709. You have Rebetzel's. Wait, you're not happy at Rebetzel's?

710. I am. I just...

711. I haven't found my thing.

712. And Rebetzel's isn't my thing,

713. it's just the thing that I did next.

714. But there's a thing. I mean, there's-there's

715. something you've dreamt about.

716. No, not really.

717. Well, yes.

718. Mm... There is.

719. But...

720. I don't know. It's dumb.

721. It's dumb, and I've just never had the courage to pursue it.

722. Well, honey,

723. if we know one thing,

724. it is that we are all gonna end up in the hospital basement,

725. for reals, at some point.

726. Okay? So,

727. before that happens,

728. maybe you should give this dumb thing a try.

729. Okay, so I have some exciting news.

730. I just signed up to audition

731. for a local community theater production.

732. Do you think I'm insane and delusional and a weirdo?

733. Uh, no way. I mean,

734. it clearly makes you happy.

735. I mean, look at you.

736. I know. I'm so excited.

737. Oh, God, this just— it feels really right.

738. Theater always keeps coming up in my life.

739. Just the other day, I fooled two medical professionals

740. into thinking that I was dead.

741. And I really took on the role, you know?

742. I felt so alive, being dead.

743. Well, I-I know you're gonna be amazing.

744. Thank you.

745. Thank you. You're so supportive and sweet.

746. Oh... I'm really glad you're my roommate.

747. I mean, God, who would've thought we could be just friends?

748. Yeah. Yeah, we are just totally, completely only friends.

749. Yes. Exactly.

750. Thank you.

751. Oh, that's Greg.

752. I'll, uh— just give me a second.

753. Greg. Right.

754. Hi.

755. Hey.

756. What happened?

757. Oh, yeah. Well, you should see the other guy.

758. Oh.

759. How's Paula?

760. She's so much better. Thank you.

761. Good. Um...

762. So, you were right the other day about...

763. me being behind on therapy.

764. I was... I was really behind.

765. And, uh, I started doing the work again,

766. and I'm finally on meds.

767. Yeah. And I'm still

768. getting used to them, so if I fall asleep

769. during this conversation, that's why.

770. Well, that's great.

771. About the meds.

772. Yeah. Um...

773. and so, after we fought, I felt really abandoned,

774. which is a major trigger for me.

775. And I got...

776. really drunk...

777. and then I kind of went to Nathaniel's apartment,

778. and then kind of had a weird massage moment with Josh.

779. Not kind of. I did. Um, I did.

780. And nothing happened, but yeah.

781. Rebecca.

782. Come on.

783. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

784. And look, I just...

785. we started dating, and I got really behind

786. on my mental health stuff, and that is on me,

787. that is not on you.

788. And I think I just need to take a beat now

789. before I get into anything serious.

790. Yeah, I would say so.

791. Wow.

792. But I still really care about you, like...

793. so much.

794. Me, too.

795. I don't know, friends?

796. Okay, yeah.

797. Probably for the best.

798. Yep.

799. Hey, man.

800. Hey. You okay?

801. Didn't see you at the noon class.

802. Catalina and I missed you. She brought your gloves.

803. Yeah, I, uh...

804. Rebecca and I, we're just friends again.

805. It didn't work out.

806. Oh, man.

807. I'm sorry.

808. Thanks, man.