Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 4x10

1. Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

2. Wait, whose baby is that? It's my baby.

3. The one you helped me make.

4. I was just walking by with Hebby,

5. and I thought maybe Rebecca might want to see her,

6. since she's never acknowledged

7. her genetic offspring. (chuckles)

8. So, do you have to, like, study

9. everywhere we go? I have a final.

10. I'm gonna be a lawyer.

11. A lawyer, Scott.

12. Well, you have worked so hard.

13. You're almost there, babe.

14. Why is he here?

15. She gets like this.

16. You ruin a shot again, and I will put you in ICU.

17. Bitch, don't get in my way, bitch. (squeaks)

18. I got to go see my dad. He's sober now.

19. Going to meetings, just like me.

20. There's something I got to tell you.

21. I had sex with your dad.

22. I can't believe that happened. Why did you do that?

23. What are you guys doing here?

24. I wanted to talk to you.

25. About what? Guys! Guys!

26. All of your exes showed up

27. on your doorstep?

28. Are they still into you?

29. I don't know. Mm.

30. I'm so confused.

31. I've never felt loved.

32. Welcome to Rebetzel's. Please try a sample.

33. Yeah. Take it.

34. Sample?

35. Yeah. It's terrible. Just...

36. Take one, AJ.

37. (gagging) No.

38. No. What is this disgusting flavor?

39. I call it the Hot Mess. What?

40. This epitomizes how I feel right now,

41. which is confusion

42. over no matter how hard I try in my life,

43. it always ends up a steaming hot mess.

44. Right.

45. Yeah.

46. Oh, I love a sample.

47. Food claw coming on in.

48. Oh, that is— that is terrible.

49. Ugh. Exactly. It's supposed to taste bad.

50. It's bad, like my life.

51. Why? Is everything okay?

52. Did you hear about what happened on my porch the other night?

53. Oh, you mean when Nathaniel and Greg came over to your house

54. and there was also the other guy there

55. and then Josh came flying out in those man panties

56. and he had that tennis racket?

57. Mm-mm, I hadn't heard.

58. So everyone knows.

59. Great. Wonderful.

60. Darryl, I'm so confused.

61. I mean, Nathaniel and Greg clearly had

62. something super important they wanted to tell me,

63. but I never found out what it was.

64. And I keep texting both of them,

65. and it's radio silence.

66. What were they doing there?

67. (cooing) Ooh. Oh.

68. Hebecca's waking up from her little nappy nap.

69. Who?

70. Oh, my God. You're not serious.

71. Oh! Hebecca. That's the name of your baby.

72. Your baby. That's your baby. Right, right, right.

73. Okay, okay, what is the deal?

74. Why do you always space on the fact that I have a baby,

75. one that you gave me an egg for,

76. one whose name rhymes with yours?

77. I mean, it's kind of like you got a thing about her.

78. I don't have a thing about her. You have a thing about her.

79. Yeah. You're weird around her.

80. It's like you can barely even look at her,

81. because she reminds you of a very traumatic time in your life

82. where you made some rash decisions

83. and contributed to the existence of another person

84. and maybe didn't fully think it through.

85. What? (babbling)

86. I-I don't look at her like that at all.

87. Okay. Well, I don't know how you look at her,

88. because I'm just not a baby person.

89. Everyone is a baby person.

90. All you need to do is sniff her head.

91. I'm telling you, baby sniffs are my CBD oil.

92. I go to a store, they don't have my favorite feta?

93. Sniff the head. Bad day at the office? Sniff the head.

94. Brother has cancer? Sniff that head.

95. Um, your brother has cancer?

96. Not anymore.

97. Hmm.

98. She is kind of cute.

99. Cute? She's the most wonderful baby in the world.

100. And I'd love for you to spend more time with her.

101. Maybe you could even

102. babysit someday. (babbling)

103. Uh...

104. Yeah, I don't know.

105. Maybe. Maybe someday. (chuckles)

106. How's about Saturday at 6:45?

107. Sorry, what?

108. I really need someone.

109. My mom group set me up on a date.

110. And my nanny, Evelyn, she's busy.

111. I-I don't know about babysitting. I've just—

112. I-I don't have much experience with, like, a crying baby.

113. Oh, she doesn't cry at all.

114. It's actually weird how little Hebby cries.

115. Right? (coos)

116. Oh, come on.

117. It isn't that hard to take care of a baby.

118. Lots of people do it just fine.

119. Snooki has a baby.

120. She has two babies.

121. And look at what a great job she's doing

122. with Lorenzo and Giovanna.

123. Okay.

124. I'll do it. Okay.

125. Yay!

126. Hooray!

127. Yay, Auntie Rebecca.

128. Yay! Look!

129. She loves you!

130. I see it.

131. Whew! Good job, Tony.

132. You woke up in that skate park with a belly full

133. of Oxy and booze, but you bounced back and you're here.

134. (exhales) Who else wants to share?

135. I'm on my seventh cup of coffee, and I can't stop talking

136. unless somebody else gets up.

137. I'll go. I'll go.

138. Uh...

139. I came here today because, uh,

140. I-I did a terrible thing to my son.

141. Oh, no, Dad, what are you doing?

142. I want to repair our relationship.

143. What I did to you, sleeping with your ex-girlfriend,

144. that was— that was—

145. it was unforgivable.

146. It was my rock bottom, and I'm-I'm ashamed.

147. Oh, my God. We already talked about this privately.

148. You also talked about this publicly,

149. because we talked about this last week at our meeting.

150. Yeah, but I really want him to know how sorry I am.

151. I-I-I can't say it enough.

152. I know you're sorry.

153. And so does everyone here

154. and everyone from last week who isn't here.

155. So,

156. please, just...

157. You don't have to apologize anymore, okay?

158. Another cup of coffee?

159. I could hear your large intestine screaming.

160. Let me have this.

161. I don't have meth anymore.

162. Hey, are you actually dealing with what happened

163. with your feelings with the daddy-girlfriend sex?

164. Oh, wow, that is an awful term.

165. I mean, have you even talked to Rebecca since she told you?

166. You showed up on that patio with something to say,

167. and you didn't even say it.

168. Greg, if you got

169. something to say to Rebecca,

170. you got to say it.

171. And have a truly happy day.

172. Thank you.

173. Hi, babe.

174. Hi, Mama Cookie.

175. Here is your invite

176. to a game night on Saturday.

177. A game night?

178. Oh, shoot. I just told Darryl

179. that I'd babysit Hebecca on Saturday.

180. Whoa, really?

181. Oh, that's great!

182. I mean, it was a bit unsettling,

183. the way you kept forgetting that your genetic daughter existed.

184. Yeah, but, you know what, no, I can cancel,

185. because you never have parties.

186. I mean, God, for your birthday, we just went

187. grocery shopping and ate premade sushi in the parking lot.

188. Okay, first of all,

189. this is not an actual party.

190. It's a game night.

191. Second, that is how I wanted to celebrate my birthday—

192. with you and some room-temp California rolls.

193. It was perfect.

194. No one stared at me

195. and no one sang "Happy Birthday,"

196. so it was a big win.

197. Okay, seriously, Paula,

198. I can just cancel on Darryl. It's fine.

199. No! No way.

200. You're bonding with Hebecca. That's huge.

201. Do that.

202. I do need an even number, though.

203. Who else can I ask at the last minute?

204. I mean, Darryl's got a date, obviously.

205. And Sunil has another widowers' camping retreat.

206. Those are definitely orgies.

207. And, uh— oh, Mrs. H is the worst at games.

208. Have you seen her play charades?

209. She just waves her arms around.

210. So, you know, unless her clue is

211. "used car lot balloon guy,"

212. it's just— it's a disaster.

213. You know who loves games? Who?

214. Your new best friend Josh Chan.

215. Huh.

216. Oh, since our trip to San Bernardino,

217. I like that guy. Mm.

218. Plus, I need a couch moved,

219. and the water cooler's been empty for weeks.

220. Good call.

221. All right, well, good luck babysitting, Mama.

222. (chuckles nervously) (laughs) You're gonna be great.

223. Oh, uh, hey, after you.

224. No, no, after you, Mr. Man Panties.

225. Excuse me?

226. Yeah, no. That ridiculous underwear

227. you were wearing on the patio the other night.

228. The panties.

229. I was in my own house,

230. and they are not panties.

231. Oh. They are very expensive Fett by Fett Regoso

232. high-performance, moisture-wicking briefs,

233. cut high for gluteal mobility.

234. Mm. Yeah.

235. I post a picture of myself in them every day

236. to attract the attention of Fett Regoso Inc.,

237. who are looking for online brand spokesmen.

238. Wow.

239. Wow with you. Wow.

240. Okay, trust me, I don't like you any more than you like me.

241. So, wow yourself.

242. You know what, Josh,

243. I actually don't dislike you.

244. We are just wildly different people.

245. You are on a different planet.

246. We have absolutely nothing in common.

247. What, you don't wear underwear?

248. Dude, that's really dangerous.

249. Like, what about zippers?

250. Oh, cool. What?

251. Did a bot like one of your panty pictures?

252. No. I got invited to a party at Paula's house.

253. No. (groans)

254. I'm going to that party, too.

255. (sighs) Great. Fun.

256. All right, look, since we're both going to the party

257. and especially since Rebecca will probably be there,

258. why don't we just agree to give each other a wide berth, hmm?

259. Fine. Done.

260. Deal.

261. "Berth."

262. Okay, so, basically,

263. you got the easiest type of babysitting:

264. sleep-time babysitting.

265. She's been fed and changed

266. and she's asleep in her crib.

267. Great. Great. This is gonna be easy.

268. I'm not worried.

269. Also, just in case,

270. I printed out an article from Quimblepop.

271. "37 Things that Calm a Baby."

272. Oh, you're not gonna need that. She will not wake up.

273. Never does. It'll be fine.

274. Listen, just-just get out of here.

275. I got this.

276. Thanks.

277. I'm excited about it. (chuckles)

278. She's a pharmacist.

279. You know what they say...

280. Oh, I don't know what they say.

281. Oh. I was hoping you did.

282. I don't know what to talk about with her.

283. (chuckles) (chuckles) All right. Well,

284. wish me luck. Okay.

285. Bye. Bye.

286. (sighs) Ah.

287. Okay. You're a baby.

288. Yes! 90210 marathon.

289. Just what I needed— a break from the drama.

290. Except for the drama in Beverly Hills,

291. which I am all about.

292. What?

293. Uh...

294. Oh, my God.

295. Uh...

296. Oh, my God.

297. No. No, no, no, no, no.

298. Baby, baby, shh, shh.

299. Quiet sounds, no sounds.

300. No. Please, baby. Please, please, please.

301. A boy is coming over. Please?

302. (quietly): Okay.

303. Okay.

304. Hi. You had something you wanted to say?

305. Oh. This is gonna be a great game night.

306. Well, except Rebecca's not gonna be here.

307. I bet if you told her

308. this game night was your law school graduation party...

309. Uh-uh-uh-uh, shh, Scott, we're not talking about that.

310. Okay, and don't say that to anyone.

311. I don't want to hear the word "graduation" from you.

312. I don't understand why you're being like this.

313. Why didn't you invite everyone to the ceremony?

314. It was just me and Tommy, so we lost the unspoken

315. but very real cheering section competition. Aw.

316. We stood no chance against the family

317. with the air horns and the confetti guns.

318. You have to tell people what the party's for.

319. I don't want attention, I don't want fuss.

320. I just want a fun game night.

321. Thanks, everyone, for coming.

322. So happy you could all make it.

323. You're all a part of my life in different ways.

324. Husband, boss,

325. girl group, partner, girl group, spouse,

326. and... Josh.

327. So exciting

328. to see your living room, Paula, I never been in here before.

329. Where's Bunch?

330. She's coming to this tonight, right?

331. I mean, she's part of your whole girl mob thing.

332. I mean, not that I care. I don't care, obviously. Rebecca is

333. not coming.

334. Um, she's babysitting for Darryl. So,

335. let me tell you about the game

336. we're going to play.

337. I made it up myself, and it's called...

338. Trial by Fire.

339. Ha, ha! Interesting name, Paula.

340. What is this game, and how is it played?

341. Well, Scott, I'm so glad you asked.

342. (laughs) It's a combination

343. of Celebrity and charades, and the twist is...

344. all the famous people

345. are people from famous trials.

346. Huh. Hmm.

347. That sounds so... great,

348. but if you're open about games,

349. I do love traditional charades.

350. Or Mafia is fun.

351. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes.

352. Water polo.

353. Not an option? It is a game.

354. Yes. No. Thanks, everyone, for those wonderful suggestions,

355. but, you know,

356. tonight, for no particular reason,

357. I would like to play a law-themed game.

358. I think you'll really like it.

359. So, now,

360. everybody, pick a number out of the hat.

361. Huh. So we're gonna pick a number,

362. and then square off and compete

363. against each other in your living room,

364. and that's what middle-class people do, and that's cool?

365. Yeah, it's a game night, dude.

366. Oh, this is exciting. I love competing,

367. and, you know, I really like winning, so... (laughs)

368. I'm gonna win this. I'm gonna win!

369. Team One! Who's got it?

370. (sighs) Uh, me.

371. Oh. Uh... Huh. You know, actually,

372. I think, now that I'm looking at it,

373. it looked more like a "seven" or an "L."

374. You know, I'm not that excited, either. You're mean.

375. I'm not mean, okay? I'm nice now!

376. Baby, are you a "three"?

377. Uh, no, I'm "four."

378. Me, too. Cool. Yes.

379. Team Two!

380. Oh! Yay! Me, too!

381. Ha, ha! (whoops)

382. So that means, the other person who is "three" is...

383. Yup. It's me.

384. Huh.

385. They have a history.

386. I don't exactly know what happened,

387. but Valencia is always really mean to Hector.

388. Oh, I know. Trust me. I've heard all about it.

389. Okay, everyone, let's play!

390. Don't worry. This is gonna stop soon, because Darryl said

391. she barely cries, so she'll stop crying soon,

392. and then you can finally tell me what you want to tell me.

393. You want me to try? No. No, no, no.

394. I don't know what you could do that I'm possibly not doing,

395. 'cause, you know, if anyone should be able to soothe her,

396. it's me, 'cause we're related, so... (shushes)

397. You know what? I'm just gonna... Shh...

398. What? (shushing)

399. What?

400. (whispering): What just happened? How did you do that?

401. I don't know. I just...

402. Can I try? Yeah.

403. Let me try. (cooing)

404. Shh...

405. (cries loudly) Oh!

406. Okay. Okay. All right. All right.

407. Okay, okay. (cooing)

408. What the...? I can't soothe her at all,

409. and you just did it like... that.

410. Yeah, so, listen, Rebecca, I wanted to tell you...

411. (crying) You know, I'll just, I'll stay in this position.

412. What I wanted to tell you...

413. Hey, I really want to hear what you have to say,

414. but just a quick, tiny question.

415. What do I do about the fact that this baby hates me?

416. Okay, so, round one.

417. Scott and I will go first.

418. You ready, babe?

419. Oh, you bet. Honey, let's do this! Okay, go.

420. (Scott clears throat) Um, uh...

421. Heathers, shoplifting.

422. Uh, Winona Ryder! Yes! Okay.

423. Uh, um... duel, britches.

424. Aaron Burr! Yes.

425. Uh, oh, his dad shot him.

426. Marvin Gaye.

427. Right.

428. Uh... oh, she axed her parents.

429. Lizzie Borden.

430. Yes.

431. Uh, evolution trial!

432. John T. Scopes! Yes!

433. Time!

434. (laughs) Oh!

435. Oh! Oh,

436. I learned so much about the law from your flash cards, honey.

437. Mm. It's almost like I'm the one who grad... ually...

438. learned about the legal system through flash cards.

439. Well, wait. Um, what happened to Marvin Gaye?

440. Oh, his dad murdered him. Anyway...

441. As an adult?

442. No, Josh, as a baby.

443. Marvin Gaye was murdered as a baby.

444. All the music that he made that you love, he made as a baby.

445. Whoa.

446. Fun! (laughs)

447. Fun talking! Um... okay, Valencia and Hector.

448. Your turn.

449. Uh...

450. Uh, okay, uh, just, uh, as a reminder,

451. uh, in this game, everyone has to be nice to everyone else.

452. Is that correct?

453. That's-that's one of the rules, right?

454. Of course we'll be nice to each other.

455. I've always been nice to you, Hector.

456. We go way back.

457. Si arruinas esto, te mataré y arrojaré tu cuerpo a un río.

458. Okay?

459. Oh, you guys are bonding in Spanish!

460. So great!

461. Oh! Okay, well, come on up!

462. Yup.

463. Huh. I dropped out of Spanish,

464. but I definitely heard the word "kill."

465. Also, "river," so not great.

466. Maybe— kill, river— they're planning a fishing trip.

467. Maybe.

468. Okay.

469. I don't know this one.

470. Mm. Pass.

471. Pass. Pass.

472. Pass. Pass.

473. Pass. Pass.

474. Pass. Pass.

475. Pass.

476. Pass.

477. Pass. Pass. Pass.

478. And time. Yes! Done!

479. Perfect. Nicely done, Hector.

480. Strong work.

481. Stop. She does that with her eyebrow

482. when she's about to assassinate me.

483. And yet you're still alive.

484. Okay.

485. She's finally asleep.

486. We did it.

487. What? No. You did it.

488. I didn't do anything.

489. She hates me.

490. Yeah, this is it.

491. This is why I've been avoiding this baby.

492. It's 'cause I knew that she would hate me.

493. Well... I knew that she would know

494. that I am dangerous and destructive.

495. Rebecca... Greg.

496. Darryl says she never cries, and she's around me

497. for two seconds, and she turns into The Exorcist?

498. No. The best thing for her

499. is for me to just stay as far away from her as possible.

500. I mean, I've-I've done enough damage

501. bringing her into this world and giving her my garbage genes.

502. I just... I just need to stay far away from her,

503. because, also, I bring out the worst in her,

504. because I bring out the worst in everybody, even babies.

505. Come on, stop. I mean, you know it's true.

506. You left West Covina just to get away from me,

507. and look how well you're doing.

508. So, clearly,

509. everyone is better off without me, just face it.

510. Rebecca, stop.

511. If everyone was better off without you,

512. then why did I come here to tell you

513. that I can't stop thinking about you, and I miss you,

514. and I clearly still have feelings for you?

515. Wait. I think something slipped out there.

516. Did something slip out?

517. You still have feelings for me?

518. Oh, yeah, that's what slipped out.

519. You, um...

520. I'm sorry. What?

521. Look, the thing is, I realized how I felt about you,

522. came over to tell you, and all those guys were there,

523. and that was not enjoyable, but I don't care.

524. I can't stop thinking about you.

525. What do you think?

526. I think that I feel... the exact same way.

527. We should really get the baby out of this room.

528. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We should do that. Yeah. Yeah.

529. Okay, and...

530. (singsongy): Everyone is still having fun.

531. Uh...

532. Josh... and Nathaniel,

533. come on, show 'em how it's done.

534. All right, buddy, come on, let's crush it!

535. Come on! Okay.

536. Okay, uh, okay, this is, um, three names.

537. Uh, first one is a, uh, creature

538. in an animated movie about a cat,

539. and last name is... another movie, uh, not animated,

540. uh, about a guy who's

541. super smart and... speaks in an accent.

542. Uh... what?

543. Well, it says "Oliver Wendell Holmes."

544. That's a Supreme Court justice.

545. No one knows that.

546. No one knows who plays a creature in an animated movie.

547. Yeah, they do. It's called Oliver & Company,

548. so... Oliver.

549. Okay, let's just keep... just...

550. And time.

551. How many did we get? How many did we...?

552. Zero. We got zero.

553. We need a strategy.

554. We're getting creamed out there.

555. Yeah, I know. But it's just a dumb game night.

556. It's not a big deal, all right?

557. Not a big deal?

558. It's a competition.

559. All right? It's something that we can win.

560. It's a symbol of our strength.

561. We need to be a team. I don't know

562. if I want to be on the same team as you.

563. We don't even like each other.

564. Like I said, you're mean.

565. Not anymore!

566. Look... look, who cares about "like"?

567. We're teammates. You think I liked

568. all the testosterone jerks on my water polo team?

569. Of course— they're my brothers and I love them.

570. But did I always like them? No. But we had to work together

571. to get the little ball into the net.

572. Right, I-I hear that.

573. I mean, I don't like all the guys at my dojo,

574. but I have to trust them because they hold the wood

575. for board-breaking. Wait a minute.

576. That's it.

577. (snaps fingers) Sports.

578. You're an athlete, I'm an athlete.

579. That's what we have in common.

580. Wow, we actually have something in common.

581. Look, you and I

582. are very different,

583. but, really, we speak the same language.

584. We do? Yeah, we do.

585. Hike!

586. All right, let's get these shots.

587. Wait-wait-wait-wait. Come on. Come on, here we go.

588. One, two, three, here we go.

589. Sh-Sh-Sh-Shoot one more. Ready? Okay. Mm.

590. Come on! We can do it, we can do it.

591. Here, cheers.

592. What'd you think, Dad?

593. I don't know.

594. Come on.

595. Please?

596. Yes.

597. (sighs): Okay.

598. Baby's moved.

599. Should we un-pause? Press play?

600. I was really enjoying the kissing

601. from a few minutes ago, but...

602. Yeah, something feels... weird.

603. Um...

604. So, listen.

605. You know me— I'm usually the first person

606. to impulsively throw myself into any really romantic moment,

607. but I think I got to just...

608. take a beat and deal with the fact

609. that right before you so sweetly kissed me, I was...

610. in the middle of a shame spiral.

611. Which isn't just a me thing.

612. That's a thing that happens with my disorder, BPD.

613. Um, and basically, it's what you saw.

614. I can spiral out about things, in this case...

615. oh, my fear that everyone hates me

616. and that I'm a contagious plague in the form of a woman,

617. even though intellectually I know that I'm not.

618. Yeah.

619. Hey, I'm sorry if I bombarded you in that moment.

620. No, it's totally fine, and I loved it.

621. I just, I need to make sure that I'm not relying on your feelings

622. for my own sense of self-worth.

623. Right, and I totally hear that.

624. And you are very wise.

625. (sighs): Oh...

626. So can we kiss again, or not?

627. Yes.

628. Un-pause.

629. We can resume kissing.

630. Great.

631. I'm so glad we un-paused.

632. Me, too. (laughs)

633. Ow, ow, ow. There's something under me.

634. Oh, okay.

635. (toy squeaks) Ooh!

636. (laughs) What...?

637. Oh, there's a toy halfway up my ass. (toy squeaks)

638. This is all a big mess.

639. Where did Josh and Nathaniel even go?

640. We don't know, but... would you mind if we left?

641. Hector is very triggered.

642. No! Wha...

643. Uh, come on, you guys,

644. we just got started.

645. I mean, you can't leave.

646. (voice cracks): No one leave. Please.

647. (sighs): Everything's going wrong.

648. Rebecca couldn't come, everyone sucks at the game

649. or is ignoring the game or fighting or all of these things.

650. Honey, maybe we should play a different game.

651. Or-or no games.

652. A-And maybe we should tell people why they're here.

653. No. No way!

654. I don't want to tell people that I graduated

655. and that's what this party is.

656. That kind of attention makes me feel so uncomfortable

657. and awkward and anxious

658. and-and pressured to be something or say something.

659. This is my own private victory.

660. The little girl who loved People's Court made it

661. all the way, and I want to savor it

662. in my own way, on my own, with everyone coming over

663. and doing exactly what I want them to do

664. at every moment without being asked.

665. Babe. You can't expect people to know what you want

666. without telling them.

667. No one here is a mind reader,

668. except maybe Valencia.

669. She's into that occult stuff.

670. Whatever.

671. (chuckles) It doesn't matter.

672. Let's... just go back in there

673. and call it off.

674. No.

675. We're gonna go out there

676. and tell people you graduated right now.

677. But... Hon.

678. I listen to you most of the time—

679. almost all the time— because you're smart

680. and I respect you,

681. but you're wrong about this.

682. It's time for you to listen to me.

683. Hey, guys.

684. So, um...

685. I graduated from law school.

686. Whoa. What? When?

687. Last week.

688. And you didn't tell or invite anyone?

689. Who was your graduation speaker?

690. Was it Mindy Kaling?

691. She spoke at Harvard Law in 2014.

692. What? I stan. I just...

693. I have trouble celebrating myself,

694. and it may stem from an incident at my 11th birthday party

695. where my dad told everyone I had breast buds.

696. Dads.

697. Yep. But...

698. Scott is right.

699. And, um, I need to learn

700. how to tell people what I want

701. and what I need and how I feel.

702. Look, you guys, if you don't want to play

703. my law-themed game or any game tonight, that is fine.

704. We can just relax and talk and drink and...

705. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

706. Not play games? Screw that.

707. Chan and I got a game to win.

708. Really? Yeah, we do.

709. Yeah, come on, Chan, batter up.

710. (grunts) Ready?

711. Yeah. All right.

712. (exhales) Look right here, right here.

713. Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, right there.

714. Okay. He coached a team in L.A.,

715. uh, made up of women who murdered celebrity opponents.

716. Charles Manson?

717. Yes!

718. What? Wow.

719. Um, all right, um, okay.

720. This dude lied about an at-bat with an opponent

721. who wore a blue uniform she saved in her closet.

722. Bill Clinton! Yes!

723. Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

724. Okay, so this is the lady who tells you how

725. to sweep home plate and grill the hot dogs for the game,

726. and she went to jail for something financial,

727. but it's too confusing for you to understand.

728. Martha Stewart! Yes!

729. Time!

730. Yes! Whoo!

731. Did we win? No, no. Paula and Scott scored, like,

732. twice as many as we did.

733. But, dude, come on, what a great showing, right?

734. I'm proud of us!

735. You played the game right!

736. We played the game right!

737. Yeah! Yeah! Come on!

738. Played the game right. Yes...

739. played the game right.

740. All right, look, I get that you're scared of me.

741. And there's a reason for that.

742. Because you're very mean to me?

743. Right. I'll admit it. I am.

744. Why? Why, Valencia?

745. I've always just been nice to you.

746. Yes, exactly.

747. You're nice to me and to everyone else.

748. You're nice and easygoing and fun,

749. and everyone likes you more than me.

750. Our kindergarten class, our Sunday school teacher,

751. the bus driver, and even Josh.

752. It's so easy for you, and it makes me jealous.

753. That's not true.

754. Not everyone likes me.

755. There is one person who I liked

756. who never liked me.

757. Oh, please, who? The smelly gym teacher?

758. Hector, why did you care if he liked you? He smelled.

759. No. You.

760. You, Valencia.

761. You like me?

762. Of course I do.

763. You're smart and cool and hella fashionable.

764. I want to be friends.

765. Why didn't you ever say that?

766. You were too busy yelling at me.

767. Oh.

768. I'm sorry.

769. I won't do that anymore.

770. You won't?

771. No way. Now that I know you're a fan?

772. I love my fans.

773. Okay. Cool.

774. We'll have to practice that.

775. (sighs) Wow.

776. This was a surprise. Yeah.

777. I'm glad you came over. Me, too.

778. Hey, Greg? Hmm.

779. I, uh...

780. I don't want to mess this up.

781. I still have a teeny, tiny tendency to mess things up.

782. So what? We both do. Everyone does.

783. So you think we can do this?

784. You think we can...

785. start again for the...

786. 80th time?

787. (laughs): Yeah.

788. I'll get her.

789. No, no. I'll go.

790. Okay.

791. Nope.

792. Hey, man, what you doing?

793. Oh, uh, this fridge has good light, and, like I said,

794. I'm trying to get this Fett Regoso sponsorship.

795. Oh. You want me to take a photo?

796. Oh, that'd be great.

797. Thanks, man. Yeah.

798. All right. Obviously you want the underwear in there, right? Yeah.

799. (camera clicking) Oh, and...

800. That's... No, that's... Yeah, there.

801. That's better. Uh-huh. Is that better? Okay, cool.

802. Hmm.

803. Huh.

804. Right there?

805. Selfies for that Fett thing? Yeah.

806. I think you need a fill light.

807. Oh, yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah, that'd be dope.

808. I'm gonna get low.

809. Here we go. Yeah, this is good.

810. Yeah, should I open, like... Yeah, open up, but just relax.

811. Just relax. Okay. Hmm.

812. Is this for the Fett thing?

813. You know, this is gonna look too staged.

814. I'll be candid in the back.

815. Good call. Yes.

816. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

817. Cool. Super natural.

818. Right? Just relax. Everything's normal.

819. Now think about the underwear. Hmm.

820. This is a great graduation party. Josh, flex that left tricep.

821. Oh, there we go. That's it. Oh!

822. (overlapping chatter) That's the money.

823. Three, two, one, laugh. (all laugh)

824. Why are you laughing?

825. Hey there.

826. Hey.

827. I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot.

828. And I'm sorry I've been avoiding you.

829. I was scared.

830. But I hope we can be friends now.

831. I'm Rebecca.

832. Heaven.

833. Hey, Greg.

834. What, uh...? Oh.

835. Hey. I just came over to see Rebecca.

836. Nothing more than that happened.

837. Hey, can I wash some of these toys?

838. No reason. Just want to help out.

839. I would just love to wash some of these floor toys for you.

840. That's so nice. Sure.

841. A single parent has to take his/her/their help

842. wherever you can find it.

843. Can never be too clean. Mm-mm.

844. Where's, uh, Hebby?

845. Where's Rebecca?

846. Aw, look at you two. Best buds.

847. I mean, not yet, but we're getting there.

848. She pooped on me a ton.

849. I smelled it. So maybe that's a compliment?

850. Oh, this is the sweetest thing.

851. Oh, this is so great.

852. Darryl, we got to go. Hmm?

853. I got a text. Paula needs us.

854. So, lucky for us,

855. Gary's friends

856. never picked up his cake.

857. And Paula's friends got it for 50% off.

858. Oh, my God.

859. Oh, thank you.

860. It's perfect. (chuckles)

861. And I'm just, uh...

862. I'm just so happy for... Gary.

863. Just, he's-he's worked so hard for this.

864. And, oh, my God.

865. Thanks so much, both of you, for coming.

866. Paula, are you kidding? Of course we're here.

867. Yeah, we wouldn't have missed it for the world.

868. I mean, we did miss it because you didn't tell us about it,

869. but, hey, we're here. Shh.

870. How was your date?

871. Oh, not great. She's a pharmacist,

872. but she wants to be an influencer,

873. so she got up on the chairs and took pictures of our food.

874. But at least I'm back out there.

875. Hey, wait a minute. If you two are here, who's with the baby?

876. "Speak softly.

877. "Feed frequent snacks.

878. Give them something to suck on"?

879. Wow.

880. You know, some of this works for adults, too.

881. Paula, you know I would have loved

882. to go to graduation with you.

883. I know. I know.

884. I messed up.

885. I mean, I-I should've told everyone,

886. but, I mean, most of all,

887. I really should have told you.

888. Yeah, it's okay. It's okay. It's in the past.

889. Okay.

890. I'm so proud of you.

891. Oh! Come here.

892. So proud. Thank you.

893. Oh. (chuckles)

894. And, Paula, I got something to tell you, too. Yeah?

895. So, tonight I was babysitting Hebby,

896. and Greg was there. Uh-huh.

897. And, uh...

898. we kissed.

899. Oh. And then...

900. we had some sex.

901. What? Where?

902. On the floor of Darryl's living room.

903. Oh! Oh! (laughs)

904. I mean, so romantic?

905. It actually was really romantic.

906. Really? It was so romantic. It feels different, Paula.

907. It's different this time.

908. Greg makes me feel like I'm...

909. like I'm okay

910. because he's so much more okay now, you know?

911. And like...

912. maybe we could be the best versions of ourselves

913. if we're together.

914. So, what does that mean? What now? I don't know.

915. But...

916. I really think there's something there.

917. So, keep that under your hat.

918. I will. I'm not gonna say a word. Cheers.