Crazy Ex-Girlfriend 4x1

1. Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...

2. This has been the best summer of my life,

3. and you're the reason why.

4. This is a list of all of the things that I have done.

5. It's bad.

6. How did you get in here?

7. You sent me poop? You tried to kill my Lolo?

8. And you manipulated me and lied to me.

9. Why are you making me move? I have no apartment,

10. no relationship, no career goals.

11. I feel like there's no ground under me.

12. The last few months have meant a lot to me.

13. I'll forget about everything else for you.

14. They say love makes you crazy.

15. No!

16. He was going to kill Nathaniel.

17. They're gonna charge you with attempted second-degree murder.

18. He was trying to hurt you.

19. I want you to plead not guilty...

20. Okay, not guilty.

21. by reason of insanity.

22. You have let me down so many times,

23. and you are never going to be any different.

24. Wow, I'm sorry, I can't do this.

25. I want to face the consequences of what happened on that roof.

26. So I plead responsible.

27. I mean... guilty.

28. I plead guilty.

29. I'd like to get started.

30. The State is here.

31. Where is your counsel, Miss Bunch?

32. I'm so sorry. Nathaniel—

33. Mr.-Mr. Plimpton should be here any second.

34. Yeah, I'm not so sure about that, honey.

35. He stormed out. He seemed really upset.

36. Nathaniel's gone.

37. I called him, but he won't answer.

38. It's okay. It's okay. I expected that.

39. I-I'll-I'll call him later and explain why I did what I did

40. and that I still love him, and hopefully he'll listen to me.

41. So I guess I'll be acting as Rebecca's counsel.

42. Um, full disclosure,

43. I specialize in real estate law.

44. Uh, Judge, can we get this over with? Because the State

45. would like to close its case,

46. and I have to pee. Great.

47. Mean prosecutor has to pee, I'm guilty,

48. so let's just scribble "guilty" on that pizzle pad

49. and let's get this shizzow on the road.

50. Okay, just wait just a... sizzecond.

51. Uh, Your Honor, may-may I just have a word?

52. Are you also her lawyer?

53. Not yet, uh, because I don't graduate

54. for another couple of months,

55. and then I will,

56. like Mr. Whitefeather,

57. specialize in real estate law, but please, I'm begging you,

58. please, please don't accept her plea.

59. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't accept my plea? Paula.

60. What's wrong with you? I thought you knew what I was doing here.

61. I want to finally take responsibility for my life.

62. Do you remember the courtroom?

63. I gave you a knowing smile,

64. you gave me a knowing smile.

65. I thought we were on the same page,

66. but now I guess we were, what,

67. just two idiots smiling at each other?

68. Everybody, just calm down.

69. That's why I brought you into chambers to tell you

70. that I can't accept Miss Bunch's guilty plea.

71. For starters, it wasn't even really a plea.

72. It was more of a speech filled with, uh, irrelevant details

73. that you delivered to this lady

74. with your back to me, and then I find out that

75. you're in a romantic relationship

76. with your actual lawyer, who I'm guessing is also in...

77. Real estate.

78. Right.

79. So, but great. Right?

80. Y-You're not gonna accept Rebecca's plea,

81. which means you-you can release her.

82. No. Your Honor, respectfully,

83. give me one second with my real estate lawyers.

84. Listen. Hey.

85. Listen. What are you guys doing?

86. I really want to plead guilty, okay?

87. I want to go to jail. No.

88. This game is over. You made your statement,

89. and I dug it— I mean, hence the smiling—

90. but you are not gonna go to jail

91. for trying to defend someone from being murdered.

92. Yes, I am. Your Honor, please.

93. I need to do penance.

94. If not only for this crime, then all of my past crimes,

95. both real and metaphorical.

96. I need... I want to go to jail.

97. Oh, well, I'm happy to hear that,

98. 'cause that's exactly where you're going.

99. I'm sending you to county jail

100. for six weeks.

101. Now, let's see how you like it in there,

102. and then you can come back and have another hearing

103. and decide how you want to plead.

104. We are done here.

105. Okay, okay, great.

106. I can work with this. This isn't so bad.

107. It's six weeks. That gives me plenty of time

108. to get the charges dropped. Nope, nope.

109. I don't care how many hearings we have.

110. I'm gonna plead guilty at every one of them.

111. And the next hearing after that.

112. Guilty. And I forget what happens after that

113. because I also specialize in real estate law,

114. but this I do know:

115. Jail is what I deserve.

116. I deserve this.

117. I deserve this.

118. I deserve this.

119. Next. Contraband check.

120. Lift up your breasts, squat and cough.

121. I deserve this.

122. This one's not bad.

123. Why do you need these again?

124. I mean, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed purchasing them.

125. Nothing like walking up to a cash register

126. with just an armful of murder.

127. Bet I'm not on any watch lists now.

128. I told you, I need a machete for my excursion.

129. Does everyone take a machete on a camping trip?

130. It's not a pansy-ass camping trip.

131. It's an intense outdoor survivalist excursion.

132. That's why it's called Death Wish Adventures.

133. Love that name. Sounds therapeutic.

134. Oh, it is, it is.

135. And for the low, low price of $100,000,

136. I pay this company

137. to beat me up,

138. drive me out to the middle of the woods,

139. and leave me alone to fend for myself.

140. I can't wait!

141. Okay, look.

142. I know that you're going through a rough time, you know,

143. with the woman you love publicly rejecting you

144. in favor of incarceration,

145. but, Nathaniel,

146. why don't you just go and talk to her?

147. Stop. Okay?

148. She chose what she chose. I'm done.

149. I don't want to talk to her, I don't want to talk about her.

150. Look at this place.

151. I'm eating pizza and Chinese food.

152. Obviously, I need a complete reset.

153. Okay, yes, but there's got to be a better way

154. to reset than killing yourself.

155. I'm not killing myself, George, okay?

156. I'm going on a death wish adventure!

157. Go buy me another bag.

158. Machete-proof.

159. Well, I can't go to the same store.

160. I just can't believe Rebecca's in jail for murder.

161. I don't think it's murder.

162. It's pretty clear she was just defending Nathaniel.

163. Maybe. I don't know.

164. I don't know what to think about her anymore.

165. I used to think Rebecca was so innocent and sweet.

166. Well, we all did, right?

167. Not really.

168. Look, I like her and she's my friend,

169. but she's done some crazy things,

170. pretty much from day one.

171. So how did I still miss it? How did I miss it, Hector?

172. Look, you loved her

173. and you missed certain things because of that.

174. And she has mental health issues.

175. She has a disorder.

176. Disorder.

177. Yeah, maybe I also have a disorder.

178. What, dude?

179. Yeah, think about it.

180. Okay, those things about Rebecca,

181. they're not the only things I've missed, like, in life.

182. I-I didn't realize

183. being a priest would be such a bummer.

184. I didn't realize I was dancing at a gay bar

185. for, like, a month. I didn't realize

186. your mom doesn't like it when I whistle in the shower.

187. Now that you bring it up, it's weird you live with my mom.

188. You lived with your mom.

189. She's my mom.

190. Oh.

191. I see what you're saying. Okay, I get it. Yeah.

192. So... that's weird.

193. See? I have a disorder.

194. Maybe.

195. Or maybe you're a little oblivious, self-absorbed,

196. and need to be more aware of the world around you.

197. No. Disorder.

198. Or... Disorder. I have one.

199. I wonder which one.

200. I deserve this. I deserve this.

201. I deserve this. I deserve this. I deserve this.

202. I deserve this. I...

203. Will you shut the hell up?

204. You've been chanting that for days.

205. I'm in here for assault, and I'm trying to be good,

206. but God help me,

207. what you really deserve is a throat punch.

208. I'm sorry.

209. I'm just, I'm... I'm sad and scared.

210. I came here to do penance,

211. but I don't know what that looks like,

212. and I think I just gave up the man I love,

213. and, God, this place is terrible.

214. It's terrible in jail?

215. Wow, really insightful analysis

216. of the criminal justice system, Harvard.

217. How do you know I went to Harvard?

218. Well, other than, "I deserve this,"

219. that's the only thing you've said since you got here.

220. Oh, sounds like I worked it in organically.

221. What?

222. Well, sometimes it sounds like you're bragging.

223. Like, when people ask where you went to college,

224. and you say, "I went to school in Boston,"

225. and they say, "Where in Boston?" and you say, "Cambridge,"

226. and they say, "Do you mean Harvard?" and you say, "Yeah,"

227. and they say, "Well, why didn't you just say Harvard?"

228. and you say, "I didn't want to sound like I was bragging,"

229. and, oh, my God, I'm in jail!

230. You can comfort me.

231. Yeah, I'm good.

232. Oh, thank God, activities time. Yes!

233. Activities?

234. What do they have? Anything good?

235. Eh, there's a nonprofit group that comes in

236. and does theater with us.

237. I'm sorry...

238. does what?

239. Zip. Zap. Zop.

240. Zip. Zap. Zop.

241. Zip. Zap.

242. Zop. Zip.

243. Zap. Zop.

244. Okay, let's pick up the pace, ladies.

245. Don't think, just react.

246. Zip. Zap.

247. Zop. Zip. Zap.

248. Zop. Zip. Zap.

249. Zop. Zop— Zap!

250. Oh, no, no. Oh, I messed up.

251. It was supposed to be z-zap. That's okay, Rebecca.

252. Why don't you start us off on the next round?

253. Okay. I have a question.

254. Um, do you only do theater games in here?

255. No, sometimes we do scenes from plays or films or TV shows.

256. Really? Mm-hmm.

257. Okay, um, I actually have an amazing idea,

258. and I think it's something that could take

259. this theater nonprofit outreach organization to the next level.

260. Okay, so, I am investigating everything to do with Trent.

261. Mm-hmm. We have to prove that Trent was stalking you,

262. but then we can show that your actions

263. were in the defense of others.

264. Uh-huh. Yeah, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

265. Okay, look, I-I-I know you've committed to this whole

266. penance thing here, but this is gonna get old real fast,

267. and when it does, you're gonna be grateful that I am here

268. trying to spring you.

269. Okay, Paula, I'm sorry, I know it's frustrating,

270. but I've told you before, you're wasting your time.

271. I'm sorry, I want to be here. It was the right decision.

272. And now, I just figured out what my penance will be.

273. Making a contribution to my theater class.

274. Okay, so I suggested we do South Pacific,

275. which everyone loved.

276. Uh, sure. And the thing

277. I'm marinating on is: what do we do next?

278. And I'm thinking Pippin.

279. Scottie Pippen from the Bulls?

280. I can't... Oh, my God.

281. Wow, how are we friends? No, Pippin. It's a musical.

282. Uh-huh. So...

283. Okay, it's a musical. Look, honey, I'm-I'm

284. glad that you found a pastime... A penance.

285. Okay, I am going to get you out of here.

286. And the good news is, is that

287. I'll probably be able to do it before you do Cats.

288. Oh, I would never do Cats.

289. Come on. I'm not that much of a dork.

290. Enjoy your campsite!

291. Great beating, guys, thank you!

292. Suck it, maggot!

293. Yeah. Oh. Ooh.

294. Okay.

295. Yes.

296. Ah, that's why they said "maggot."

297. Okay, that's funny. Funny.

298. That's gonna miss the spot.

299. These guys are good. They're good.

300. All right, let's go! Big stick here, big stick!

301. No. No.

302. Oh, a quiz. Ha.

303. All right, Quimblepop.com,

304. thank you for that quiche recipe.

305. Now tell me what disorder I have.

306. Okay, so there's Pippin, there's Godspell.

307. An unknown gem is Triumph of Love.

308. It's not perfect. It's not perfect, Cybil.

309. Okay, Jasmine, may I have the talking balloon?

310. Rebecca? Yeah. Oh, my God.

311. Of course. I would love to hear your thoughts.

312. Okay.

313. Nicky, you have the balloon on the wrong face.

314. No, it's on the right face. The sad face.

315. I did not like the dumb South Pacific song.

316. None of us liked it.

317. Oh, I thought you guys did.

318. No.

319. Oh, I'm— God, I'm so sorry.

320. It's dumb and it's old-fashioned.

321. Right, right, of course, I see.

322. We all appreciate your enthusiasm.

323. I don't.

324. Yeah, um, no, you're right.

325. Guys, I am so sorry.

326. I mean, look,

327. the song's relevant to me.

328. It symbolizes a time in my life when I was, like,

329. truly happy and I maybe thought, cosmically,

330. that's why I'm in jail— to, like, reenact that song somehow,

331. but that's... that's not relevant

332. to what's actually happening, right?

333. I mean, I've never been to Polynesia. Have you?

334. Who's been to Polynesia?

335. I have. Okay.

336. So what we need to do...

337. Maybe we need to do something more relevant.

338. Right? Yeah.

339. Something that's more relevant to the here and now,

340. to all your lives, to our lives.

341. I like the class the way it was.

342. Me, too. Let's play Zip Zap Zop.

343. Zip zap stop, hear me out.

344. What we do is an original piece.

345. Yes.

346. Put up an original piece.

347. Uh, yes! Oh, man, this is what I can contribute.

348. This is my penance.

349. Okay, we put that piece up.

350. I mean, I'm sure that all of you have the most amazing stories

351. filled with drama and romance and-and meaning.

352. I have the talking balloon. R-Rebecca.

353. Okay, and we put those stories on their feet,

354. and then NPR comes to the jail,

355. and then Lin-Manuel Miranda tweets about it...

356. What? I'll show you what I mean.

357. The hell?

358. Tell-tell your story.

359. My boyfriend had meth in the glove compartment of our car.

360. Ooh! Well, did you dump that good-for-nothing

361. drug-planting boyfriend?

362. No, we're still together. I love him.

363. Oh! Well, did you at least tell the cops

364. that it was his meth?

365. I mean, I could have turned him in,

366. but my boyfriend and I have a son.

367. I can't risk our child having both parents in jail.

368. That's true. That's a good, that's a good point.

369. Ooh! Have you been stealing all your life?

370. Was this the culmination of a lifetime of kleptomania?

371. Or were you doing it to stick it

372. to the problematic fashion industry?

373. No. The heat went out in my apartment

374. and I couldn't afford a sweater, so I stole one.

375. Oh, hey, I stole a sweater, too.

376. I got two months. How long are you in for?

377. Three years.

378. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Mm.

379. Go, tell-tell your story.

380. Tell your story.

381. Okay, sure, I have a story. I'm in here for murder.

382. While I was driving, my daughter texted me

383. that she was in the hospital and I got so distracted that...

384. I hit a teenager who was crossing the street and he died.

385. Oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

386. Please. I'm so sorry. What can I do?

387. Ugh, sorry. Sorry.

388. Okay, you know what?

389. I'm-I'm just gonna share my story.

390. Because you guys aren't really versed

391. with a sense of story structure.

392. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna show you how it's done.

393. I was a no-good, manipulative love addict

394. with undiagnosed borderline personality disorder.

395. I swindled. Drum. I cheated. Drum!

396. I called out a hit on my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend.

397. Drum, drum.

398. Then, one day, this guy Trent came into my life.

399. He was ironically just like me.

400. He tried to kill the man I loved,

401. so I pushed him off a building!

402. And then, when I pled guilty

403. just for, like, metaphorical symbolism,

404. the judge knew I was innocent so she didn't accept my plea,

405. but I wanted to go to jail anyway.

406. Wait, what?

407. You don't have to be here?

408. You chose to be here?

409. Yeah!

410. So, surf sponsors.

411. Who are the surf sponsors?

412. So, according to these quizzes,

413. I have ADHD, OCD and synesthesia.

414. Oh. When I think about the number five,

415. I see the color blue and I smell daisies.

416. Daisies have no scent.

417. They do if you have synesthesia.

418. Yeah, Josh, you don't have any of those things.

419. You really don't. Yes, I do.

420. Okay, for example, my OCD is why I list things.

421. Watch. Here are the beers you have here:

422. pilsner, pale ale, lager, hard cider, IPA, porter,

423. stout and Hefeweizen. Explain that.

424. Mm. Yeah, you worked here. That's why you know those.

425. I thought listing was an autism spectrum thing.

426. Exactly. I have that, too. Look right here.

427. Uh-huh. Josh, where did you get these quizzes again?

428. Quimblepop.

429. Quimblepop? Also,

430. they're doing original programming now.

431. Have you seen Terrier Chef? Aw...

432. Josh, online quizzes are just clickbait; they're not real.

433. I once took a quiz,

434. it told me I was Miranda from Sex and the City.

435. When you're clearly a Charlotte.

436. Oh, I thought I was Carrie.

437. No, no, baby, no. I'm Carrie.

438. Look, Josh, I really respect your search for self,

439. but these are actual disorders people suffer from,

440. and you're treating it like you're just,

441. like, identity shopping. Yeah, it's kind of gross.

442. What, Rebecca wants to be in jail,

443. you want to have a disorder?

444. This is, like, a really messed up episode

445. of Sex and the City.

446. Wow, you guys don't want to accept who I am.

447. That is cruel and unfair, but it's your issue, not mine.

448. This is the kind of prejudices

449. we've been dealing with for centuries.

450. Who is "we"? You just named eight communities.

451. Yeah, Josh, if you think you actually, like, have something,

452. you should get some help, like, professional help.

453. I'm just a regional manager.

454. I don't need that. The quizzes point you

455. to some really helpful articles, which are free.

456. No, I think you guys should get on Quimblepop and figure out

457. what disorder you have that makes you such crappy friends.

458. Hey, buddy. It's okay.

459. I'm your friend.

460. That's okay.

461. It's protein.

462. You need protein.

463. Now time for some dew.

464. Okay.

465. Who's there?

466. Hey, pal.

467. Damn it.

468. How did you find me?

469. The company said that my location was confidential.

470. Yeah, I threatened them legally, and it turns out

471. they cannot afford another lawsuit.

472. Did you know some people have died

473. while using Death Wish Adventures?

474. What are you even doing here?

475. Okay, so, long story,

476. my old camp counselor is the real-life guy from 127 Hours.

477. I wasn't there for him that day

478. on that slot canyon,

479. and now he has no arm.

480. So I'm not leaving your side.

481. But don't worry about me,

482. I'll just be roughing it alongside you.

483. And let me know if you want some juicy bratwurst,

484. 'cause I brought a whole bunch of tasty meats.

485. Could you... turn off... the ska?

486. Can I ask you a question?

487. Nope. Cool. I'm gonna keep going, then.

488. Is this whole thing helping you

489. in some way?

490. Is this helping you get over Rebecca?

491. I'm not gonna talk, so...

492. Great, well, you know what? I'll talk.

493. All right? 'Cause I'm not going away.

494. Just like the ska band Less Than Jake didn't go away

495. after their major label release flopped.

496. And don't think The Hippos

497. didn't take notice of that.

498. That's another ska band. So are the Impossibles.

499. There's a lot of s...

500. Okay, shut up, I'll talk.

501. Just stop talking about ska.

502. No. I don't feel better. Yet.

503. But I will.

504. I was pushing myself to the extreme.

505. It's how I work through setbacks.

506. Gets me out of my head.

507. When I got a 1400 on the PSAT, I climbed Mount Whitney.

508. Went Stanford water polo placed third at Nationals,

509. I ran the Death Valley Marathon.

510. And when my best friend Trip

511. joined a cult, I just straight up jumped into a frozen lake.

512. Almost lost a toe.

513. Wow. Hot take:

514. is it possible that this pain is not therapeutic?

515. It's just more emotional cutting?

516. No. No, you're wrong, okay?

517. That's not it at all, all right?

518. Now, I'm done talking to you.

519. You want to be here? I can't make you go away.

520. But leave me alone, all right?

521. Fine. Then I'll just have my flank steak and bratwurst

522. all by myself.

523. Sh...

524. It's so good to see you. What are you eating?

525. You look so tight. Ugh, I wish I was in jail.

526. Yeah, no. Sorry.

527. Okay, Rebecca?

528. We have something to tell you. You know what?

529. I have something to tell you. I figured out something huge.

530. I am privileged.

531. That just occurred to you just right now? Right.

532. It— I know. It's a shock to me, too.

533. But I am privileged. And I'm myopic.

534. Okay, Rebecca, stop. Listen, no, I have some news.

535. Oh, my God, please don't spoil Terrier Chef for me.

536. It's the only thing I have left. Please. No.

537. Oh, I haven't seen it, either. La, la, la, la...

538. No. What? Girl, stop.

539. You have a new hearing.

540. What? Why?

541. It's a miracle. Trent woke up from his coma

542. and confessed to everything.

543. To stalking you, to trying to kill Nathaniel.

544. Yeah. The state has no case anymore.

545. Yep, you got a new hearing tomorrow.

546. All the charges are gonna be dismissed, and you will be out.

547. I just got you out of jail.

548. You're gonna be free!

549. It's great news, right?

550. Oh, you do not

551. still want to stay here?

552. Of course I do.

553. What did you expect? I came here to pay penance,

554. and I have not done that yet.

555. I did the opposite of that.

556. I was selfish and I tried to force my own narrative

557. on these women, and steal their stories for my own purposes.

558. And for what? For what? For a Lin-Manuel Miranda tweet?

559. Oh, he is so inspirational.

560. Did you know he grew that ponytail just for that show?

561. What? Okay, Rebecca,

562. I hate to break it to you,

563. but you know, whatever you do in here, nothing

564. is gonna change the fact that you're a rich white lawyer lady

565. who pled guilty for dramatic effect.

566. It's kind of gross.

567. Exactly. Yeah, it's gross.

568. So now you expect me

569. just to waltz out of here,

570. and not even serve my mandatory six weeks?

571. My theater friends can't do that.

572. Uh-uh-uh, honey, you staying here doesn't help anyone

573. who's been wronged, just like your guilty plea

574. didn't help anyone you'd wronged.

575. Yeah, and none of that matters anyways,

576. because Paula got the charges dropped... Yes.

577. so you're getting out of here whether you like it or not.

578. Well, I don't like it. I'm sorry.

579. Honey,

580. people just don't want to stay in jail.

581. I don't understand.

582. I know you don't, Paula.

583. No one does.

584. Or is it?

585. Oh, hey, guys.

586. Oh, hey. Hi, guys.

587. Why am I here? I didn't see you guys there.

588. Hey, Darryl.

589. H-Hey.

590. Do you know any good therapists?

591. George. Hey.

592. I'll take one of those meats now.

593. Okay.

594. Hi.

595. Let's go.

596. Mmm. Another spicy Italian link?

597. Duh. All right.

598. So good, so spicy.

599. Ah. Ah...

600. Let me try some water. Water?

601. Yeah. Here you go.

602. So much better than dew.

603. Make you feel better?

604. No.

605. Well, now, did the torture make you feel better?

606. No, that's why I gave up on the torture. I don't,

607. I don't know. I don't know what it is, George.

608. Maybe I'm just broken.

609. That is such a sad thing to say.

610. Part one. Part two, really good title for a ska song.

611. Stay with me.

612. Two, three, four.

613. Trumpets now.

614. And then...

615. That's interesting.

616. What— no. Don't-don't tell me what it is, all right?

617. No news from the real world. I'm still on a retreat.

618. Rebecca just got out of jail.

619. What? Let me see that.

620. You see? That news made you feel better.

621. You're right.

622. Of course it did.

623. I need to see her, George.

624. That's what I need. Yes.

625. I have been saying that since the beginning.

626. Yes, you need to go talk to her.

627. Yep. Yep, this feels right.

628. This feels good. This feels good.

629. All right. Let's pack up and go.

630. So that's about it.

631. That's my life story.

632. It really is. You started at conception.

633. Interesting you know that story.

634. So, um, like, how do we treat all these things I have?

635. Like, which do we do first, Dr. Man Akopian?

636. Should we do OCD first? Because I might get OCD about my OCD.

637. Josh, I don't know how to tell you this.

638. Actually, I do.

639. You don't have any of those disorders.

640. I really wish people would stop taking

641. those online quizzes.

642. They're very inaccurate.

643. I mean, on Sex and the City quizzes,

644. I always get Steve, but I'm clearly an Aidan.

645. But... so if-if I don't have a disorder,

646. what can I do?

647. Because something is clearly wrong.

648. You can do exactly

649. what you're doing sitting here with me.

650. Look within.

651. Josh, it's not about

652. checking a box and getting a fancy label, or 12,

653. for what's bothering you.

654. Instead, you can think about the choices you make

655. and why you make them.

656. That sounds hard.

657. Yeah, yeah. But don't worry.

658. It will take a long time.

659. Okay.

660. Nice custom banner, babe.

661. Yeah, they weirdly had it at the store.

662. Wait, whose baby is that?

663. Are you, are you kidding?

664. It's my baby.

665. The one you helped me make?

666. Oh! Right, right, right, right.

667. Hey, Rebecca, I'm making

668. my favorite ceviche. Mm. Family recipe?

669. No, I got it from Quimblepop.

670. Also, took the quiz again,

671. and you're looking at a Carrie.

672. You gamed the quiz to get that, Charlotte.

673. Hey.

674. You okay?

675. Feeling better?

676. Honey.

677. Honey, you're home. You're with your people.

678. What do you want to do next? Pie?

679. Ice cream? Donut?

680. Wow, we really need to find

681. some non food-related activities for us, don't we?

682. Paula, I don't want to do anything.

683. Everything I do is wrong, by definition.

684. Because of my privilege.

685. Okay, that's it. I've had enough.

686. Rebecca, if I hear you

687. say the word "privilege" one more time...

688. You have privilege. I'm glad you acknowledge it.

689. So now you have a choice.

690. Do something good for the world that actually helps people,

691. or shut up.

692. But stop whining.

693. Baller Miranda move.

694. Thank you.

695. You're welcome.

696. You're right. You're right.

697. I need to do something practical, to counteract my...

698. my pri— my, uh,

699. systemic socioeconomic racial and cisgender advantages.

700. Oh, you mean that?

701. Hi.

702. Hi.

703. Can I talk to you for a second?

704. Good banner.

705. Um, look, before you say anything, I-I...

706. I want to say I'm sorry.

707. I stormed out of the courthouse, and I took your plea personally,

708. and I shouldn't have.

709. I'm just...

710. I'm just so glad you're out of jail.

711. Oh, my gosh. Oh, it feels so good to hear you say that.

712. You were so mad at me.

713. Mm. 'Cause you reall— you have to know

714. that all the things I said in that courtroom

715. truly had nothing to do with how I feel about you.

716. I still love you, Nathaniel.

717. I love you, too.

718. Oh, I'm so glad all this drama's behind us.

719. What happened to your face?

720. Oh, it was, uh, camping. Long story.

721. What? Yeah. I'm just so glad we can be

722. free and clear now.

723. Yeah. Well, I mean, I still have some work to do.

724. A lot of work to do, actually.

725. Going to jail was totally misguided,

726. but I meant what I said in the courtroom.

727. You know? About being a better person.

728. I want to do that, somehow.

729. Right. You want to make some donations, serve on some boards.

730. No, more than that. I want to...

731. I don't know, I want to get in there and make a difference.

732. Okay. Sounds vague,

733. but, um, why don't we talk about that

734. after dinner, or better yet, after Hawaii?

735. Hawaii? Yeah.

736. I called the Four Seasons Hualalai, and I got us a room.

737. I— mm.

738. Mm.

739. You know what? I'm so sorry, I just,

740. I have, I have a lot to think about right now.

741. I got to figure a lot of stuff out,

742. so, yeah, I can't.

743. Hawaii-Hawaii has to wait.

744. Rebecca, you are being so silly.

745. I'm being silly?

746. And selfish, too. I mean, I-I, I just want us

747. to be happy and together.

748. That's what I want.

749. Y-You just said you love me, right?

750. So can you just do that for me?

751. Can you stop overthinking everything?

752. Okay, I'm not overthinking things,

753. I'm just trying to be a good person.

754. Really? Because from where I'm sitting,

755. every time we're happy, you try to ruin it.

756. Um... I-I...

757. Yeah, you should go right now.

758. Okay, fine.

759. Oh! She's coming. Go, go, go, go.

760. Mmm.

761. I'm loving this ceviche.

762. Darryl, you don't have anything in your hands.

763. So...

764. what happened?

765. I heard him mention Hawaii, and then you started whispering.

766. Which is rude.

767. Look, I'm in love with him. I am, but...

768. we just don't have the same priorities right now.

769. Maybe we won't ever, I-I don't know.

770. I truly don't know.

771. All I know is I need to find my own answer,

772. and it lies somewhere

773. between jail and Hawaii.

774. So amazing those are your choices.

775. You know what? I'll figure it out.

776. Hey, Darryl? Hmm?

777. Hook me up with some of that ceviche. Sure.

778. Oh. Thanks.

779. This is so confusing.

780. I actually made ceviche.

781. So what's next, Cookie?

782. Zip. Zap. Zop.

783. Zip. Zap.

784. Zap.

785. I think they were on zop.

786. Sorry. Zop.

787. What is she doing here?

788. Rebecca would like to volunteer.

789. But not with, not with theater. Don't worry.

790. Um...

791. So when I'm not forcing my opinions and entitlement

792. on everybody else—

793. sorry for that—

794. I'm actually a pretty good lawyer.

795. And I don't know much about criminal cases,

796. but I can study up and with your permission,

797. I would love to try and help you

798. and any of the other women in here.

799. I told her I thought

800. it was a great idea.

801. And the warden approved it.

802. So what do you guys think?

803. So she's not gonna sing?

804. Or pick the songs?

805. No. Again, I'm just, I'm here to give legal advice.

806. And she can't mention Sondheim. Duly noted.

807. I do kind of like the show Cats, though.

808. Cats is cool. We should do Cats.

809. Let's do Cats.

810. Great. Sign me up for front row tickets.

811. Who doesn't like Cats?

812. It's delightful. Who cares if there's no plot?

813. Trent.

814. Wake up!

815. Wake up.

816. Trent!

817. I am not buying this for a second.

818. Coma my ass.

819. Wake up, you psychotic,

820. turtlenecked piece of crap.

821. If you do not wake up right now and confess to everything,

822. I am gonna call Princeton

823. and tell them to take back your degree.

824. Actually, I went to school in Boston.

825. Aha!

826. Damn it.

827. Trumpets now.