1. Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...Copy !req
2. Does this have something to do
with your dad? Oh...Copy !req
3. You know, my dad is a real jerk, too.Copy !req
4. I have plans, Naomi.Copy !req
5. You're her father. She loves you.Copy !req
6. Are we okay?
The answer doesn't have to be "yes."Copy !req
7. Good, because the answer is "eh."Copy !req
8. - Help! We're stuck!
- Just calm down.Copy !req
9. I just can't be stuck in here
and I cannot be stuck in here with you.Copy !req
10. I acted crazy, and then there was
that rando kiss between us.Copy !req
11. - But it's never gonna happen again.
- Whatever you say.Copy !req
12. I was wondering if I could pay you
an exorbitant amount of moneyCopy !req
13. to move your wedding date?Copy !req
14. - When is it? What's the date?
- It's in two weeks!Copy !req
15. The wedding is in two weeks!Copy !req
16. Rebecca, two weeks is insane.Copy !req
17. Blam!Copy !req
18. Oh.Copy !req
19. Hi, Patrick. Okay.
What do you think of this one?Copy !req
20. Now, don't worry about the walking
'cause I can always shorten the trainCopy !req
21. or the length of the aisle.Copy !req
22. Um, you know, I think I like
the lacy one from Tuesday better.Copy !req
23. Really? The strapless
Gone with the Wind thing? Oh, my God.Copy !req
24. I don't know. I wear the same outfit
every single day.Copy !req
25. Um, aren't you supposed to go to a fancy
lady store to buy a wedding dress?Copy !req
26. Yeah, that's what you normally do,
but this isn't a normal situation.Copy !req
27. I'm getting married
in less than two weeks, Patrick.Copy !req
28. Oh, right, because a spot opened up
at the Malibu place.Copy !req
29. Exactly.Copy !req
30. And that's the only reason
that you moved up the wedding?Copy !req
31. Because, from what you told me,Copy !req
32. it seems like you got locked in
an elevator with your fine boss...Copy !req
33. No, no. I never called him fine.
I may have said, "He's fine."Copy !req
34. In any case, suddenly, lickety-split
planning the wedding of my dreams.Copy !req
35. And I actually tried
to hire a wedding planner,Copy !req
36. but you try getting one of those bitches,
and I do mean bitches,Copy !req
37. on board with an 11-day planning window,Copy !req
38. they're like, "We can't do that.
There's no time for me. The binders."Copy !req
39. Well, maybe you could ask your mom.Copy !req
40. I mean, that seems
like the normal thing to do.Copy !req
41. Help you with your wedding?
Did you help me with my wedding?Copy !req
42. No, you just sat in my uterus
giving me heartburnCopy !req
43. and made me look like a big fat pig.Copy !req
44. - Hold for injectables.
- But, Mom, you're—Copy !req
45. Ow! You call that numbing?Copy !req
46. Rebecca, I can't come early.Copy !req
47. I'm doing a few little things to my face.
Filling, freezing, lasering.Copy !req
48. By the end of this day,
I'm gonna look like an empanada.Copy !req
49. It's gonna take me at least a week
to recover, so forget it.Copy !req
50. Don't be ridiculous.Copy !req
51. I'm not being ridiculous.
I'm trying to be normal.Copy !req
52. Normal shmormal. You'll figure it out.Copy !req
53. Yeah, she's pretty terrible.Copy !req
54. So, after that didn't work, I reached out
to my mother from another mother.Copy !req
55. Paula! Ugh.Copy !req
56. Oh, look, if it isn't
the ingénue beset by tragedy.Copy !req
57. Oh, and if it isn't
the plotting understudy,Copy !req
58. just waiting in the wings
with a bag of marbles.Copy !req
59. Okay, look, we're busy.
We're studying for finals, so—Copy !req
60. Hey, Sunil, stop it.
Hi. Cookie, what's up?Copy !req
61. Hey, I was just wondering
if you had any timeCopy !req
62. to help me with a couple
of wedding things?Copy !req
63. Yes, absolutely.Copy !req
64. No, no, no. Did you not just
hear me say we have finals?Copy !req
65. Paula, you were just telling me how you've
stress-chewed through so many pencils,Copy !req
66. you're gonna have to get
adult braces again.Copy !req
67. You know what? I'm sorry I came over.
I didn't mean to worry you.Copy !req
68. The wedding planning
is actually almost done.Copy !req
69. There's a couple of cherry-on-the-sundae,
nutmeg-on-the-latté things to get done,Copy !req
70. but finals are more important.Copy !req
71. So, I will nutmeg
this wedding latté myself.Copy !req
72. So, I'm handling it all myself.Copy !req
73. I mean...Copy !req
74. Unless you want to help.Copy !req
75. Oh, I would,
but I'm the delivery guy, so...Copy !req
76. Right, right. Right, of course.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.Copy !req
77. This isn't normal. I shouldn't even
be touching you like that.Copy !req
78. - Oh, no, that's cool.
- You know what? I will handle this alone.Copy !req
79. And I mean, plenty of dum-dums plan
perfectly good weddings all the time.Copy !req
80. Hey, bridey, how's the planning going?Copy !req
81. Great, great. Hey, oh!
Let me show you something.Copy !req
82. Look at this. Check this out.Copy !req
83. I already got 50 "yes" RSVPs,
four high-target "maybes,"Copy !req
84. and even the "no's" have
a little colon-end-parenthesis on them.Copy !req
85. Um...Copy !req
86. - Old-school smiley faces.
- Yeah.Copy !req
87. So, this wedding is on.
Isn't that exciting?Copy !req
88. Yeah. Um, your dad didn't RSVP
to your wedding?Copy !req
89. Oh, no, of course not. No.
He never shows up for anything.Copy !req
90. I only invited him
to feel bad about myself.Copy !req
91. Yeah, smart. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
92. Yeah. So, anyway, people are coming,
the wedding is going on,Copy !req
93. and I'm just planning it all myself,
which is, uh, what I am doing now.Copy !req
94. Wait. You're planning
the wedding yourself?Copy !req
95. Like a DIY wedding?Copy !req
96. Do I why wedding? Because I love Josh.Copy !req
97. - No. DIY, do-it-yourself?
- DIY wedding. That's—Copy !req
98. Yes, yes.
That is what our wedding will be.Copy !req
99. DIY Wedding. Oh, look at these.Copy !req
100. In fact, our wedding
is going to be a lot like this one.Copy !req
101. Dustin and Sasha
from Halifax, Nova Scotia.Copy !req
102. - Oh.
- Our wedding is gonna be a lot like...Copy !req
103. Uh, almost like— You know what?
Exactly like their wedding.Copy !req
104. - DIY makes it so much easier.
- It's the opposite.Copy !req
105. 'Cause all I need to do is pick up
some twinkle lights, some burlap sacks,Copy !req
106. some mason jars, more mason jars,
a lot of mason jars.Copy !req
107. Wow, they have mason jars for everything.Copy !req
108. For the candles and cocktails
and succulents and lightning bugs.Copy !req
109. This is great 'cause all I need to do
is spend a day at a craft store.Copy !req
110. - My wedding's done.
- Well—Copy !req
111. I love DIY because it's an easier
yet completely normal wayCopy !req
112. to do a wedding, right?Copy !req
113. Uh-huh, yeah. Are you sure?
'Cause it looks like a lot of work.Copy !req
114. Okay, so let's look at their website.
Look at that.Copy !req
115. They even have a to-do list.
So open source. Thanks, Dust and Sash.Copy !req
116. Valencia?Copy !req
117. Rebecca.Copy !req
118. What are you doing
with all that craft stuff?Copy !req
119. Um...Copy !req
120. Wedding stuff, huh?Copy !req
121. Yeah. I'm doing this whole
DOA, DUI, DIY thing.Copy !req
122. Uh, what are you doing here?Copy !req
123. Oh, I make my own candles
so rooms smell like meCopy !req
124. even when I'm not in them.Copy !req
125. It's basically the only reason
I teach yoga anymore.Copy !req
126. So I get to use my candles...Copy !req
127. Hey, um...Copy !req
128. I know you've probably gotten
all my texts, but...Copy !req
129. - I really miss you.
- Don't. I can't. Please.Copy !req
130. Dear God, I know you're busy
with everything,Copy !req
131. from Afghanistan to the Zika virus,Copy !req
132. but if you have time, we could really use
your help with our fast breaks.Copy !req
133. Oh, and while I have you,Copy !req
134. if you can have Macy's restock
the new Jordan 5, size 10,Copy !req
135. that would be awesome.Copy !req
136. Amen. Okay, break!Copy !req
137. Yeah!
- Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!Copy !req
138. Hustle, hustle! There we go.Copy !req
139. Man, those kids love you
after just a couple of weeks.Copy !req
140. You're a natural, Chan.Copy !req
141. And I mean that with the kids,
not with basketball, obviously.Copy !req
142. What? Okay, that's absurd.Copy !req
143. Clearly, you didn't see me
dunking on Jimmy earlier.Copy !req
144. He's 11. And we lowered the hoop.Copy !req
145. Still, it felt so damn good.
I was like, "I'm 5'8!" Bah!Copy !req
146. Dude! Thanks for coming in today, man.Copy !req
147. Figured you'd be busy
with, like, wedding planning or...Copy !req
148. Oh, no, no, no, it's okay.
I mean, Rebecca's handling most of it.Copy !req
149. See, one of the reasons we decided
to shorten the engagementCopy !req
150. is that she's so good at wedding stuff
and loves it.Copy !req
151. Yeah, Josh, just make sure
this wedding is happening with youCopy !req
152. and not to you, right?Copy !req
153. Like that time you walked around
with curtain bangs for six monthsCopy !req
154. because Valencia thought
she might want to be a hairstylist.Copy !req
155. Dude, um, I'm involved with this wedding.
Very involved, okay?Copy !req
156. Like, I got a ring, I proposed,
I asked you to officiate,Copy !req
157. and obviously, I came up
with the hashtag "bunchofchans."Copy !req
158. I mean, that's a good-ass hashtag.
So you got me.Copy !req
159. - You are on it.Copy !req
160. I never even wash my hands.Copy !req
161. Oh, come on, that's not even a sexy one!Copy !req
162. Wow, that looks disgusting!Copy !req
163. So I am gonna assume that it's healthy.Copy !req
164. It's my restart button.
It cleanses everything out.Copy !req
165. I couldn't find any place
in this stupid town to make it correctly,Copy !req
166. so I made it myself.Copy !req
167. It's got spinach, kale, cauliflower,
Thai mung beans...Copy !req
168. Blagh!Copy !req
169. Why do you have to cleanse?Copy !req
170. I mean, you know, what'd you do?
Gain like, half a pound?Copy !req
171. No. Stop looking at my wrists.Copy !req
172. I just don't feel normal
when I'm packing some extra ounces.Copy !req
173. Anyway, where is Rebecca?Copy !req
174. It's almost 11:00 a.m.
and still no sign of her yet again.Copy !req
175. Uh, well, no. You remember?
She-She called in sick.Copy !req
176. She called in, like, really, totally sick.Copy !req
177. - Hm, I don't believe in sick.
- Okay.Copy !req
178. If it's not cancer, you come to work.
In fact, most cancers are a half-day.Copy !req
179. Wow, okay. So that drink
really cheers you up.Copy !req
180. Rebecca epitomizes
the kind of laissez-faire attitudeCopy !req
181. that I haven't been able
to stamp out around here.Copy !req
182. For example, what is that?Copy !req
183. Hm? What is this?
This has got dead skin all over it.Copy !req
184. Oh, that's mine.Copy !req
185. I have psoriasis.Copy !req
186. Come on, people!
We need to tighten this ship.Copy !req
187. If my father was to walk in this second,Copy !req
188. he would put everyone over his knee
and not do anything, to scare you.Copy !req
189. We need to focus. Okay?Copy !req
190. And you need to start acting
like normal people.Copy !req
191. There's powder at the bottom.Copy !req
192. You need to call your little friend
and tell her to come to work, now.Copy !req
193. Ugh! Gross.Copy !req
194. - Paula said you wanted to see me?
- I wanted to see you?Copy !req
195. No, I wanted you to come in to workCopy !req
196. so I could tell you
you need to come in to work.Copy !req
197. - I don't want to see you.
- Great. I don't want to see you, either.Copy !req
198. - I have a superfast wedding to plan, so—
- Yeah, funny how that happened.Copy !req
199. Elevator, kiss... Boom! Rush to the altar.Copy !req
200. You think I moved up
my entire wedding just 'cause we kissed?Copy !req
201. Don't flatter yourself, okay?
So we're done here? We're done. Great.Copy !req
202. You're not getting paid
for this week, then.Copy !req
203. Coo-coo-cool!Copy !req
204. Okay. Dustin and Sasha.Copy !req
205. Your list is a little longer
than I thought.Copy !req
206. But you know what?
It's manageable. I can do this.Copy !req
207. This was in the tray for you
and there's ten more pages printing.Copy !req
208. - Oh, boy.
- Tiny font, double-sided, no margins—Copy !req
209. - Who formatted this?
- Maya, go away. Go away.Copy !req
210. - Hi, honey!
- Hey.Copy !req
211. Whoa.Copy !req
212. Okay, so check this out.
I got this $200 label maker today and...Copy !req
213. Look at this!Copy !req
214. Sparkling water from Joshbecca Mountain.Copy !req
215. Okay, so what we're gonna do
is fill that bottleCopy !req
216. with homemade bubbly water
that I'm gonna make in that soda makerCopy !req
217. that I just bought today, also for $200.Copy !req
218. So, this is our wedding.
What do you think?Copy !req
219. I think it's great, and I-I-I really
appreciate everything you're doing,Copy !req
220. but I have wedding ideas too, you know?Copy !req
221. Oh, okay. What are they?Copy !req
222. Okay. Like-Like, I want to wear
a forest green tux.Copy !req
223. That's my favorite color.Copy !req
224. Oh, so... Dustin wore a 1930s high-waisted
vintage tux that had a tear in itCopy !req
225. that he patched over with a piece of
gabardine from his father's wedding suit.Copy !req
226. I'm sorry. I went online today and got you
a vintage tux with a hole in itCopy !req
227. that I'm gonna patch over with a swatch
from your father's radiology scrubs.Copy !req
228. Then what about my idea
for a Sugar Ray cover band?Copy !req
229. - Splenda Ray.
- So funny.Copy !req
230. I got your text about that,
but Dust and Sash,Copy !req
231. they had a jug band
with a guy playing the spoons,Copy !req
232. another guy on the washboard,
and there's just a lady who hums.Copy !req
233. And so, I already went on Craigslist today
and posted an ad for a hummer.Copy !req
234. Um, I've gotten... a lot of responses.Copy !req
235. Wow. Okay, um, so you don't like
any of my ideas.Copy !req
236. No, no. That's not it at all.Copy !req
237. It's just that we're doing
something very specific.Copy !req
238. Look at these pictures with me, okay?Copy !req
239. And pick out something you like
and whatever it is, we'll do it.Copy !req
240. Well, I...Copy !req
241. I do like this.Copy !req
242. Oh, I hadn't seen those before.
What are those?Copy !req
243. Those are origami cranes. I like those.Copy !req
244. I was really into origami
when I was in the fifth grade.Copy !req
245. We could make them together.Copy !req
246. Origami.Copy !req
247. Sounds cool.Copy !req
248. - Great! Let's look for a tutorial online.
- Okay.Copy !req
249. The key to good planning
is good organization.Copy !req
250. And the key to good organization
is foresight.Copy !req
251. Anticipating the needs of the client,
so that—Copy !req
252. - What's wrong? You okay?
- You're turning an odd color.Copy !req
253. That is the sound of my body
defeating fat... is all that is.Copy !req
254. Oh.Copy !req
255. So, um... clearly, someone has passed gas.Copy !req
256. And we don't need to talk
about who did it.Copy !req
257. But if somebody wants to be loyalCopy !req
258. and do the right thing
and take responsibility,Copy !req
259. then we can all move on.Copy !req
260. I did it! I farted in this enclosed room.Copy !req
261. - I'm sorry.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
262. And she might do it again, folks,
so we should all be prepared for that.Copy !req
263. Oh, no. I fell asleep.Copy !req
264. Yeah, you did. It's okay. I was up
all night and I made 25 cranes.Copy !req
265. Three or four of them
might not be usableCopy !req
266. due to the blood from my paper cuts.Copy !req
267. - Oh, God, Becks, I'm sorry.
- No, no, no.Copy !req
268. It's fine. It's fine.
We'll finish it together later.Copy !req
269. Um, I gotta go do some other things
on this list. Is that okay? Yeah?Copy !req
270. No, no! Wait, wait, wait!Copy !req
271. Huh? Yeah. Yes!Copy !req
272. - Come in.Copy !req
273. - Hey!
- Hi!Copy !req
274. I was on my way to work and I thought
I'd stop by and see how it's all goingCopy !req
275. and maybe help you... choose a dress.Copy !req
276. Yeah! It's going great.Copy !req
277. - You have a lot going on.
- Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
278. Oh, what's this? This is cute.Copy !req
279. Oh, no! Don't sit in it! Don't sit in it!
Sorry. Very, very, very bad.Copy !req
280. It's not a chair for sitting.Copy !req
281. It's just for imagining what
it would be like if you could sit in it.Copy !req
282. Okay.Copy !req
283. What are you making?Copy !req
284. Cake pops.
Yeah, they're Dasha and Sustin's favorite.Copy !req
285. Uh, argh! Sorry. Their names are not—Copy !req
286. It's Casha and Justin.Copy !req
287. No, no, it's not. It's fine.Copy !req
288. Okay, I want you to...
I want you to to look at me.Copy !req
289. Okay, I want you to zoom out, focus up,
and just really look in my eyes.Copy !req
290. - Okay, I'm looking. Yeah.
- Postpone the wedding.Copy !req
291. Do it. Do it, I'm begging you.Copy !req
292. Uh, no.Copy !req
293. I can't. I already have 85 RSVPs.Copy !req
294. So it's too late.
Too late. Too, too, too late.Copy !req
295. And also, Paula, why are you trying
to talk me out of getting married?Copy !req
296. - What do you have against this wedding?
- Nothing.Copy !req
297. That's not what I said.Copy !req
298. - I'm—
- I know.Copy !req
299. Look, I know it seems like this is a lot,
but, really, I'm in an okay place.Copy !req
300. - I almost have a dress picked out.
- Ooh!Copy !req
301. I was gonna wear the dress Sasha wore,
but she wore her mother's dress,Copy !req
302. which is not an option for me
'cause my mother burned her wedding dress.Copy !req
303. She was five months pregnant
when she got married,Copy !req
304. and so she decided to get rid
of all of her disgusting fat clothes.Copy !req
305. Look, these-these cake pops here,
they look really complicated.Copy !req
306. Oh, but one's a lady and one's a man.Copy !req
307. It's adorable, but how about,
you know, just forget these?Copy !req
308. Okay? And— Ooh!Copy !req
309. I can go to Costco!
I can order you a sheet cake!Copy !req
310. Oh, God, everybody loves
a Costco sheet cake.Copy !req
311. That's so great.
Oh, my God, that's such a great idea!Copy !req
312. Oh, that's so much easier than the—
Oh, God. What am I even—Copy !req
313. - What am I even doing with this stuff?
- I'll take care of it.Copy !req
314. - Okay.
- Yay!Copy !req
315. - Oh, thank you, matron of honor.
- Matron of honor in the house!Copy !req
316. - Killin' it.
- Yeah.Copy !req
317. - Thank you. You're a lifesaver.
- Okay, I love you, bye.Copy !req
318. Bye! Yeah, okay.Copy !req
319. Yeah, these cake pops
are gonna be amazing.Copy !req
320. - Best wedding ever.Copy !req
321. - Oh!Copy !req
322. Are you supposed to wash kale
before you put it in a smoothie?Copy !req
323. I'm just asking for a friend.Copy !req
324. - Nathaniel?
- Hm?Copy !req
325. You have to go home. You're sick.Copy !req
326. No, I'm not sick! I'm not sick.Copy !req
327. I don't believe in sick.Copy !req
328. It's like my dad always said.Copy !req
329. "If you're not missing a leg,
you walk it off.Copy !req
330. And if you are missing a leg,
you limp it off.Copy !req
331. And if you're missing two legs,Copy !req
332. thank you for your service,
here's a quarter."Copy !req
333. It is so weird. We have nothing in common
and yet, we have the same father.Copy !req
334. Seriously, you guys need
to leave the office right now.Copy !req
335. - I really think—
- No!Copy !req
336. - No, no, no!Copy !req
337. No, no! No, no, no!Copy !req
338. What just...?Copy !req
339. Oh, no.Copy !req
340. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
341. - Is it— Is it still happening right now?
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
342. Oh.Copy !req
343. - And still?
- Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
344. All right.Copy !req
345. You did it. So, when it's all over...Copy !req
346. He didn't do anything. It was me!
I pooped my pants in this enclosed office!Copy !req
347. Let me roll you to the bathroom.
Let me help you.Copy !req
348. No! I'm fine.
I don't need help. I got this.Copy !req
349. Nothing to see here!Copy !req
350. Everyone, go back to work!
There's nothing to see here, okay?Copy !req
351. Oh, hey, Sara.Copy !req
352. I was hoping no one would notice me
sitting here alone.Copy !req
353. Really? You just waved me over here.Copy !req
354. - You okay?
- Yeah, just, uh...Copy !req
355. You know, just a little bummed.Copy !req
356. I had a bunch of ideas for the wedding,Copy !req
357. and she didn't like most of them.Copy !req
358. I don't know. I'm starting to feel likeCopy !req
359. I'll be showing up
at someone else's wedding.Copy !req
360. Well, Josh, what do you really want?Copy !req
361. You want to see?Copy !req
362. - Josh, that is awesome.
- Yeah, but she said—Copy !req
363. No, you gotta go for it.Copy !req
364. Otherwise, you'll always feel
like it wasn't your wedding.Copy !req
365. Yeah, you're right.Copy !req
366. Thank you. God, you're so chill.Copy !req
367. I gave you that suit
so you could drive home in it.Copy !req
368. Darryl, I can't go home.Copy !req
369. We have that meeting.
In fact, we need to get going to that.Copy !req
370. Okay, you know what? You are not ready
for any kind of meeting, sir.Copy !req
371. You look bad and it is not just the suit.Copy !req
372. Yeah, you should rest.Copy !req
373. Hey, tell you what, we'll get started
without you. Take a nap or something.Copy !req
374. - You can join us later.
A nap? I don't nap. I'm a man.Copy !req
375. What?Copy !req
376. Napping is manly.
Bears nap for, like, what, months, right?Copy !req
377. What could be more manly than a bear?Copy !req
378. - A lion?
- Oh, well...Copy !req
379. It's like my dad says. "Naps are
for children, the elderly, and weaklings."Copy !req
380. Wait, your dad has a saying about naps?Copy !req
381. Hey! Your old man isn't here.
You can do whatever you want!Copy !req
382. That's right!Copy !req
383. Your dad's not here and we are
and we're telling you...Copy !req
384. you don't need to take a nap
like a little baby.Copy !req
385. You can take a nap like a man.
Take a man nap! Come on!Copy !req
386. - Oh, God.
- On the couch.Copy !req
387. I guess. All right.Copy !req
388. - Feet up.
- Come on.Copy !req
389. Hey, can I hang out here?
My house is really stressful right now.Copy !req
390. - I need wines. Do you have wines?
- Yeah. Sure.Copy !req
391. - Thank you.
- Come on in.Copy !req
392. Dude, you cannot believe how hard
Rebecca is bugging out over this wedding.Copy !req
393. It is like...Copy !req
394. Wait, sorry, no, I should not
be talking to you about this.Copy !req
395. Eh, it's okay.Copy !req
396. Really? 'Cause your good friend
is now marrying your ex-boyfriend.Copy !req
397. I mean, if I were you,
I would hate them both.Copy !req
398. I know. It's weird, but I don't.
I truly am over Josh.Copy !req
399. And if Rebecca wants to marry him,
then good luck to her.Copy !req
400. Really? 'Cause you seem
a little out of it lately.Copy !req
401. I took your yoga class, and corpse pose
was basically the whole class.Copy !req
402. Truth is, I actually don't know
what to do with my life right now.Copy !req
403. - You know what I mean?
- Yeah.Copy !req
404. Like, I truly don't miss Josh.
Like, at all. Like, ugh.Copy !req
405. But I had planned
this whole future around him.Copy !req
406. Like, our wedding, our kids, our house,
our couples Halloween costumes.Copy !req
407. And now I have to plan
this whole future for myself,Copy !req
408. and I don't know what it is.Copy !req
409. Like, I don't even know
if it still includes yoga.Copy !req
410. Yeah. That's a bummer.Copy !req
411. That sounds really hard,
but I came here 'cause I was stressed,Copy !req
412. so... wines?Copy !req
413. What are these for?Copy !req
414. I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know, Patrick. I...Copy !req
415. They're probably supposed to go
on something, or in something,Copy !req
416. or be hung,
or maybe they're all just giant pens.Copy !req
417. Whatever it is, I'm doing this all alone,
so I'm gonna screw it up.Copy !req
418. Oh, it's an RSVP from my dad.
What is it?Copy !req
419. Hey, so, um, the answer's no.
My dad's not coming to my wedding.Copy !req
420. But it's okay 'cause he actually sent
a really sweet note.Copy !req
421. "Stuck on a remote
construction site in Alaska.Copy !req
422. Tough to get flights. Can't make it."Copy !req
423. Great, great, great.Copy !req
424. I'm not disappointed.
It's what I expected.Copy !req
425. Of course, my father's not coming to
my wedding and walking me down the aisle.Copy !req
426. Of course! 'Cause that's a normal thing,
and normal things are not for me!Copy !req
427. Oh, man, that's tough.Copy !req
428. Well, I should probably
keep going on my run.Copy !req
429. Hey, hey, Patrick, please don't go.
I really need someone to talk to,Copy !req
430. and you're the only one
that I can talk to,Copy !req
431. um, because I've messed everything up,Copy !req
432. and if anyone knew
how much I messed things up,Copy !req
433. they might never talk to me again.Copy !req
434. Patrick, you were right
about my boss, okay?Copy !req
435. That time in the elevator we got stuck,
there wasn't just chemistry.Copy !req
436. He wasn't just fine. We kissed.Copy !req
437. I know. I kissed him. I kissed him.Copy !req
438. And ever since that happened,Copy !req
439. I have just been scrambling
to make this wedding happen,Copy !req
440. to just smooth everything over.Copy !req
441. And I've been trying to do it
like a normal person,Copy !req
442. but, of course, it's not working
because I'm not a normal person, okay?Copy !req
443. I'm not Dustin and I'm not Sasha.Copy !req
444. I'm not from Nova Scotia
and I'm freakin' out.Copy !req
445. But you're here.Copy !req
446. You're here and you can help me.Copy !req
447. I can?Copy !req
448. Seriously, Patrick,Copy !req
449. was I sick the day in school
they taught you how to be a normal person?Copy !req
450. It just feels like there's something
fundamental I'm missing out on.Copy !req
451. Like, is there an instruction manual?
You get what I'm saying, Patrick?Copy !req
452. It just— It just feels like everyone
is in this cabal of normal people,Copy !req
453. and they're all laughing at me
like I'm the jester in my own Truman Show.Copy !req
454. Patrick, tell me what the secret is.
Just tell me what the secret is.Copy !req
455. Is there a manual? Do you have a manual?
I know you have a manual, Patrick.Copy !req
456. I know it's in your truck, Patrick!Copy !req
457. Patrick, I'm... I'm so tired.Copy !req
458. Oh, my goodness!Copy !req
459. Mr. Plimpton Senior,
how wonderful to see you!Copy !req
460. To what do we owe this enormous privilege?Copy !req
461. I was on my way to Palm Springs.Copy !req
462. I came by to say hello, see how things
were here in the hinterlands.Copy !req
463. - So where is he? Where is Nathaniel?
- Um, he's—Copy !req
464. Well, he's actually currently engaged
in a very important male rite of passage.Copy !req
465. Isn't this his office right here?Copy !req
466. - Yes, um...Copy !req
467. Pop, you're here!Copy !req
468. Um...Copy !req
469. Were you asleep?Copy !req
470. Are you suddenly a baby,
an elderly, a weakling?Copy !req
471. Were you feeling ti-ti?Copy !req
472. I was, uh... No, I was, um...Copy !req
473. I was... sick?Copy !req
474. Sick? Really? You look fine to me.Copy !req
475. Actually, I feel a lot better.
It's amazing what a nap can do.Copy !req
476. What are you wearing? What is this suit?
You look like an unsuccessful oil tycoon.Copy !req
477. I'm sorry, Dad.Copy !req
478. We'll discuss this later...
when I can safely breathe through my nose.Copy !req
479. Don't pity me! I pity you!Copy !req
480. Dude, just don't touch anything.Copy !req
481. Oh, my God, I want to see all of Rebecca's
wedding stuff. I just love wedding stuff!Copy !req
482. Drinking in the daytime is fun.Copy !req
483. - Oh, no, no, no!
- Yeah.Copy !req
484. Rebecca, what is going on in here?Copy !req
485. Did you murder a wedding?
Seriously, this is a disaster.Copy !req
486. - Why are you doing this all by yourself?
- I don't know. Because I don't need help,Copy !req
487. and, you know,
I'm doing it do-it-yourself myself.Copy !req
488. Oh, you're right. Right, this is a fiasco.Copy !req
489. I give up. I'm just gonna have
to settle for the factCopy !req
490. Josh and I are gonna have
an F-minus weddingCopy !req
491. at an A-plus venue,Copy !req
492. which means it'll be a C,
which everyone knows is actually an F.Copy !req
493. All right, just...
If you want any of this stuff, take it.Copy !req
494. Really? Those are
the pricey pussy willows.Copy !req
495. Just help yourself. I'm gonna go to bed
'cause it's the one thing I'm good at.Copy !req
496. Ow!Copy !req
497. What are you doing here?Copy !req
498. Thought you were planning
your fancy weddingCopy !req
499. and couldn't be bothered to do your job.Copy !req
500. I was. Um...Copy !req
501. But I'm kinda giving up.Copy !req
502. I don't know. I'm gonna move
the date back or something.Copy !req
503. Maybe then my mom can help me
and my dad can even show up.Copy !req
504. Um, did you guys want to sit
at the same table?Copy !req
505. Wait, your father's not coming
to your wedding?Copy !req
506. No. No, he's, um...Copy !req
507. He's stuck on a remote
construction site in Alaska, which...Copy !req
508. now that I'm saying it out loud,
that is a total lie, yeah.Copy !req
509. He just doesn't want to come.
I mean, even if I move the date.Copy !req
510. It hurts. I wish it didn't, but it does.Copy !req
511. My father and I e-mail each other
Westworld theories every Monday.Copy !req
512. V, what are you doing here?Copy !req
513. I brought you a wedding.Copy !req
514. - My wedding.
- What?Copy !req
515. I had this at home.
It's everything you need.Copy !req
516. It has a table of contents, an index,
and up-to-date vendor cards.Copy !req
517. Oh, my God. Thank you.Copy !req
518. Thank you so much.
Do you not want me to have this?Copy !req
519. No, I do. You just need to pull
a lot harder. This is hard for me.Copy !req
520. Okay, totally.Copy !req
521. Nope, nope, nope. No, no, no.Copy !req
522. I can't give this to you.
You're gonna mess it all up.Copy !req
523. - Oh.Copy !req
524. - I'm gonna do it. I'll do it.
- Do what?Copy !req
525. I'm gonna plan you
the wedding of my dreams.Copy !req
526. - I'm gonna be your wedding planner.
- Wait, what?Copy !req
527. You need one. Desperately.Copy !req
528. Like in the movies with the headsets
and the black pantsuits?Copy !req
529. Yeah, wow, I would actually
totally crush that look.Copy !req
530. Oh, my God, she so would.Copy !req
531. Valencia, you would
actually do this for me?Copy !req
532. No, it's not for you.
It's for the institution of weddings.Copy !req
533. I don't care what anyone says, I love it!Copy !req
534. Oh, hey, Josh.Copy !req
535. - Where's Rebecca?
- Oh, she's taking a bathCopy !req
536. and doing a moisturizing treatment
on those damaged cuticles and flaky heels.Copy !req
537. No bride of mine is gonna be shedding
like a snake while walking down the aisle.Copy !req
538. I'm planning your wedding.Copy !req
539. What are you wearing, by the way?Copy !req
540. You look like the guest of honor
at a park ranger gala.Copy !req
541. Oh, V, thank you. I feel so much better.Copy !req
542. - Mm-hmm.
- Hi, Josh.Copy !req
543. You, um... She-She's...Copy !req
544. So, I finally asked for help.Copy !req
545. Great. So, Josh,
that tuxedo goes in the garbage,Copy !req
546. along with the weird vintage tux
Rebecca ordered.Copy !req
547. I scheduled a fitting for you tomorrow,
9:00 a.m. sharp.Copy !req
548. Put it down.
From now on, you're on a strict diet.Copy !req
549. Don't forget, I know
what gluten does to your face.Copy !req
550. Sorry.Copy !req
551. Patrick, I am so glad you called me.Copy !req
552. I had no idea what was going on
with Rebecca.Copy !req
553. But she's not confiding in me at all.Copy !req
554. - Both of her parents letting her down?
- Yeah, I thought you'd want to know.Copy !req
555. Oh...Copy !req
556. I always want to know.Copy !req
557. Hey, Rebecca.
Something came for you from New York.Copy !req
558. - Did you order anything?
- No, I didn't.Copy !req
559. It's from my mother.Copy !req
560. - Really?
- What could it be?Copy !req
561. Hm.Copy !req
562. This is perfect.Copy !req
563. I don't understand. How did this happen?Copy !req
564. You useless piece of crap
that calls herself a mother!Copy !req
565. Your daughter calls you to beg you
for help and you refuse her?Copy !req
566. After a lifetime of treating her
like a dog with scurvy?Copy !req
567. No, you shut up, Naomi!Copy !req
568. You get your ass to the most expensive
bridal boutique you can find right now!Copy !req
569. Pull out your credit card
and get something in a size sixCopy !req
570. that is beautiful and magical
and will make everyone cry,Copy !req
571. you horrendous excuse for a person!Copy !req
572. You do it today
and you send it overnight!Copy !req
573. Sometimes, moms just come through.Copy !req
574. Thank you, Lucia.Copy !req
575. That is such a great dress.Copy !req
576. - Well done, Naomi. She has good taste.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
577. It's really disturbing
how normal you look in that dress.Copy !req
578. I do?Copy !req
579. Thank you!Copy !req
580. - Ooh. Okay, fitting is now over.Copy !req
581. Time for the wedding shower, or we'll
be late for the bachelorette tonight.Copy !req
582. Rebecca, I put your outfit on your bed.
Ladies, chop-chop. It's about to begin.Copy !req
583. Mm!Copy !req
584. Is it gonna be weird for you
to see your never-in-laws?Copy !req
585. Heather, I'm a professional.
Also, they kinda treated me like ass.Copy !req
586. Baby food jars are the new
mason jars! Aren't they the cutest?Copy !req
587. The personal succulents,
you can pick up on your way out.Copy !req
588. - You're really good at this.
- Yeah, duh.Copy !req
589. - Can we get a drink?
- Oh, my! Hi!Copy !req
590. Baby food jars, totally trending.
Have one!Copy !req
591. Mine's like a Christmas tree.
It has, like, berries and a cute...Copy !req
592. - Yeah, should I just keep holding it?
- Yeah, just...Copy !req
593. - You're doing great.
- Anyone want another one?Copy !req
594. - Cheers to the bride!
- Cheers!Copy !req
595. Rebecca.Copy !req
596. That zoning motion you just turned in,
are you serious?Copy !req
597. Darryl and I need to see you
in his office ASAP.Copy !req
598. - What?
- Come on!Copy !req
599. Usually when someone poops their pants,
they gain a little bit of humility.Copy !req
600. Heard about that, huh?Copy !req
601. Where is the...?Copy !req
602. Dad?Copy !req
603. - What are you doing here?
- Someone sent a private plane.Copy !req
604. It barely gets used.Copy !req
605. You're here.Copy !req
606. You're really here!Copy !req
607. Thank you.Copy !req
608. Why would you do this?Copy !req
609. Because I know what it's like
to care about your dadCopy !req
610. and what he thinks,Copy !req
611. even if you wish you didn't.Copy !req
612. Thank you.Copy !req
613. Reminds me of Marley and Me.Copy !req
614. You're the Labrador...Copy !req
615. and he's the owner.Copy !req
616. Okay, just a few more touches
and press "Live."Copy !req
617. Guys, check this out. I outdid myself.Copy !req
618. Oh...Copy !req
619. Oh, V, that's... that's just beautiful.Copy !req
620. Over my dead body.Copy !req