1. Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend...Copy !req
2. This is Nathaniel Plimpton,
the new co-owner of the firm.Copy !req
3. We're gonna start running this place
like a real business.Copy !req
4. My father and our firm
demand nothing less.Copy !req
5. You moved here for Josh Chan?
Of course, you would do somethingCopy !req
6. like give up your wonderful life
in New YorkCopy !req
7. to be near that... that loser.Copy !req
8. I know I hurt you,
and I don't blame you for not trusting me,Copy !req
9. but I promise you,
it'll be different this time.Copy !req
10. We'll start over.
Do things the right way.Copy !req
11. Rebecca, I love you.Copy !req
12. You love me? You mean
you love something about me.Copy !req
13. - No, you. I love you.
- Oh, my God, I love you too, Josh Chan.Copy !req
14. Come here.Copy !req
15. Blam!Copy !req
16. Okay, on the count of three.
One, two, three...Copy !req
17. Oh, that's so great.
Let's post to Instagram. Okay.Copy !req
18. Rebecca, leave it to the professional.
#fromthemountaintops, #everafter,Copy !req
19. - Okay, done. Posted.Copy !req
20. Skyler's gonna love this photo.Copy !req
21. Wait, my cousin Skyler?
Why is he following you?Copy !req
22. We're going to his bar mitzvah
this weekend.Copy !req
23. I friended practically his whole class
at Scarsdale Middle School.Copy !req
24. Jonah Leibowitz is playing hard to get,
but I'll get him.Copy !req
25. Oh...Copy !req
26. You know, normally,
I wouldn't look forwardCopy !req
27. to going to a family bar mitzvah,Copy !req
28. but now that you'll be there, it's just
gonna be different and "supes awes."Copy !req
29. Oh, my God, I love it too!
Okay, #supesawes. Let's do it.Copy !req
30. One, two, three, supes awes!Copy !req
31. You know, studies have shown that couples
who post a lot on social mediaCopy !req
32. are often insecure about their attachment.Copy !req
33. Heather, did you just look that up?Copy !req
34. No, I actually started with a hypothesis,Copy !req
35. and then I backed it up
with a Vox article.Copy !req
36. It's standard scientific method.Copy !req
37. Okay, well, you're way offCopy !req
38. because Josh and I just want
to show the world our happiness.Copy !req
39. And maybe once they see
our happiness, it'll spread,Copy !req
40. and then there will be no more war.Copy !req
41. Mwah! That's right, baby.
That's how peace happens.Copy !req
42. Yeah, love fixes everything.Copy !req
43. - I just don't think that's realistic.
Just shut up, Heather!Copy !req
44. Okay? You don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
45. - And you know why?Copy !req
46. Okay, so you guys are,
like, super delusional.Copy !req
47. - Ugh! Go away, Heather.
- Yeah, get out!Copy !req
48. Fine, I guess I'll just soul train
out of here, losers.Copy !req
49. - No. No, it's not... No, no.
- That's... That's not a thing.Copy !req
50. Paula, be totally honest.Copy !req
51. Does this suit say,
"Hey, Nathaniel, I'm a lot like you,Copy !req
52. a successful power player
who deserves respectCopy !req
53. and, at least,
some important responsibilities," hmm?Copy !req
54. Yeah, you know,
it says something more like,Copy !req
55. "irregular, 30 percent off,
the Suit Barn."Copy !req
56. Maybe not that honest.Copy !req
57. No, doofus.
That's what it says on your tag.Copy !req
58. - Oh! Oh! Oh! Good call!
- Yeah.Copy !req
59. - Are there any more?
- Yeah, no, you're... you're... great.Copy !req
60. Hey, there. Wow, you have
the most intense look on your face.Copy !req
61. I'm excited for your other looks,
whenever those get going.Copy !req
62. Wow, so you found
Rebecca's treadmill desk.Copy !req
63. Yes, took maintenance a while
to get out the hot dog smell.Copy !req
64. Well, you know Rebecca.
She loves to jog and dog.Copy !req
65. - Darryl, what can I do for you?
- The question is, "What can I do for you?"Copy !req
66. Because I get it.
You're now the number one.Copy !req
67. I'm the number two, dangling under you,
ready to drop in, make a splash.Copy !req
68. Darryl, stop.Copy !req
69. So, you're not craving a number two?
There's no rumblings for a deuce?Copy !req
70. No.Copy !req
71. Cool, cool. Well, I'm not gonna push it.
I'm just gonna go back one out.Copy !req
72. I mean, I'm just gonna back out.Copy !req
73. Uh-oh.Copy !req
74. You're not even separating out
the buttered popcorn flavored ones.Copy !req
75. - Didn't go well, huh?
- What? No, it went great.Copy !req
76. Yeah, I mean, he doesn't have a lot
for me now, but I know he will soon.Copy !req
77. Absolutely. It's all gonna change
once he gets that big client.Copy !req
78. That what? What client?Copy !req
79. You know, that huge client
that he used to rep in the LA office,Copy !req
80. and his dad said he could
also represent them here.Copy !req
81. Oh, oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big client.
True. I thought you said the "pig" client.Copy !req
82. You don't know about them?
The pork-processing place out in Duarte?Copy !req
83. Oh, you've gotta check that out.
But you said the "big" client.Copy !req
84. That's the one... That's the one that has
the weird name that's hard to pronounce.Copy !req
85. How do— How do you say it?
Just off the top of your head.Copy !req
86. - Say it. Just say it.
- Peterson Car Sales?Copy !req
87. Mm, close, but it's actually "Petterson."Copy !req
88. It's Petterson Car Sales, yeah.
That's the correct pronunciation.Copy !req
89. Anyway, over and out.
I've got a lot of work to do.Copy !req
90. Oh! You found my old hot dog cooker.Copy !req
91. Pop the cover off, set it to 3.4 MPH,Copy !req
92. slide some Ball Park fatties
on those rollers—Copy !req
93. - Cooks up real nice.Copy !req
94. Yeah. What are you doing to yourself?Copy !req
95. High interval impact training.Copy !req
96. It's intense periodic exertion,
which activates your fight or flight.Copy !req
97. It's not a real workout unless your body
is convinced it's being chased by a lion.Copy !req
98. Mm, that sounds factual.Copy !req
99. So, listen, I wanted to let you know
I'm heading out a little early today.Copy !req
100. I have some unused vacation days,
and you can fact-check that with Karen.Copy !req
101. Okay. Where you going?Copy !req
102. You and Flip Flop going on
a romantic weekend at a Sandals Resort?Copy !req
103. "Sandals."Copy !req
104. That was really good. It's a little sad
no one else was around to hear that.Copy !req
105. I don't know. I might say it again later.
Seriously, where you going?Copy !req
106. We are going to a family bar mitzvah.Copy !req
107. So, he is going to meet
the entire Garfinkel clan.Copy !req
108. That's my mom's side of the family.
It will be wonderful.Copy !req
109. All right. If you say so.Copy !req
110. I do say so because
he is the man of my dreams.Copy !req
111. You know, you say that a lot.Copy !req
112. I've never heard anyone else use the term
"man of my dreams" before you.Copy !req
113. Sounds like something
a super secure person says.Copy !req
114. Uh, well, you don't know us
and you don't know me.Copy !req
115. And you don't know us, so...Copy !req
116. Well, you are gonna miss
something great around here.Copy !req
117. My father is just about to give us
a huge client. Massive.Copy !req
118. Just waiting
for the final go-ahead from him.Copy !req
119. So, go have fun.
I'll be here, being awesome.Copy !req
120. Oh, hey, on your way out, can you just
give me a roar? A loud, fast roar?Copy !req
121. Doesn't have to be a lion. It can be like
a howler monkey or something like that.Copy !req
122. Anything, really. Just a predator.Copy !req
123. A land-based predator would be—
Never mind.Copy !req
124. Have a great weekend.Copy !req
125. - It's a family event. That's a big step.
- Yeah.Copy !req
126. Almost as big as when you announced
your relationship status on Waze,Copy !req
127. which I didn't even know was a thing.Copy !req
128. Well, when it feels this great,
you want everyone to know.Copy !req
129. Everyone?Copy !req
130. Thank you for texting me back.Copy !req
131. I, um, used up my data planCopy !req
132. sending you sad Bitmojis
and Golden Girls gifs.Copy !req
133. Jifs? Is it gifs or jifs?
Never mind, it's not your job to tell me.Copy !req
134. Yeah, uh...Copy !req
135. I had to take a few days
once I heard about you and Josh.Copy !req
136. I wanted to make sure you're okay.Copy !req
137. It's not my favorite thing,
you guys being a couple...Copy !req
138. but I'm okay.Copy !req
139. And are we okay?
The answer doesn't have to be "yes."Copy !req
140. Good because the answer is "eh."Copy !req
141. Totally get it.Copy !req
142. But don't worry about me, really.Copy !req
143. If you need to worry about someone,
worry about yourself.Copy !req
144. Me, why?Copy !req
145. Don't you see that Josh
is, like, all over the place and lost?Copy !req
146. But that was before.Copy !req
147. And I saw from a post
you shared on OpenTableCopy !req
148. that you're taking him home
to see your family.Copy !req
149. I know your relationship
with your mom is kinda tough.Copy !req
150. Yeah, but now I have Josh.
So, you know, it won't bother me.Copy !req
151. Love protects you.Copy !req
152. So, the things that used
to annoy me about going homeCopy !req
153. won't annoy me anymore.Copy !req
154. You know? Josh is like a blankie,
a suit of armor, or a bulletproof vest.Copy !req
155. Honey, just because Josh Chan
owns all those thingsCopy !req
156. doesn't mean he is all those things.Copy !req
157. He's not magic.Copy !req
158. It's like magic, FB,
when Rebecca and I are together.Copy !req
159. Yeah, I read about it on your post
on Draw Something.Copy !req
160. - Oh! Shh, shh!Copy !req
161. - Nope. Sorry, go on.Copy !req
162. This family weekend is really important,
and I don't want to screw it up.Copy !req
163. You know Rebecca's mother doesn't like me.Copy !req
164. At Parents Weekend at camp, she asked me
if I had pierced her daughter's hymen.Copy !req
165. And I told her, "No, Rebecca showed up
to camp with those earrings."Copy !req
166. Wow.Copy !req
167. What if people don't like me?
What if I say the wrong thing?Copy !req
168. What if an old person calls me "Oriental"?Copy !req
169. Look, Josh, I'm a man of God and I try
to believe the best about everyone,Copy !req
170. but if you think you're gonna make it
through a whole weekendCopy !req
171. with a bunch of 70-year-olds
and not get called an "Oriental,"Copy !req
172. you're out of your ever-loving mind.Copy !req
173. - Oh!Copy !req
174. Nope.Copy !req
175. Father Brah, I've been bouncing
from girl to girl all year.Copy !req
176. I've told everyone in my life,
including my followers on Moviefone,Copy !req
177. that Rebecca and I are the real deal.Copy !req
178. This relationship has to work out.
It just has to.Copy !req
179. Because it's the main thing
going on in your life right now?Copy !req
180. Yeah, kinda.Copy !req
181. Josh, do you think you're defining
yourself through your relationship?Copy !req
182. You define yourself
by your relationship to Jesus.Copy !req
183. Wow. You got me there, man.
Where are you, you little minx?Copy !req
184. Brah, I didn't know
you were into birdwatching.Copy !req
185. Oh, no, I'm not. I stashed my weed
in one of these trees.Copy !req
186. Oh! Yeah, there it is.Copy !req
187. Okay, so, if my mom asks,
you have no opinion on politics,Copy !req
188. I've been using
the bath salts she sent me,Copy !req
189. and the Garfinkel ring
is in the safe deposit box.Copy !req
190. - What's the Garfinkel ring?
- It's a long story. I'll tell you later.Copy !req
191. Okay, this is gonna be great
because, with you here, I'll be calm.Copy !req
192. - I love you.
- I love you too. It's gonna be great.Copy !req
193. Oh!Copy !req
194. - I forgot you were bringing the Oriental.
- Mom!Copy !req
195. Would you—
Would you please put on a robe?Copy !req
196. I just moisturized. It has to soak in
for an hour or I'm wasting the La Mer.Copy !req
197. La Mer is for your face.Copy !req
198. I know it's for my face,
but, for once, I'm splurging on myself!Copy !req
199. I got you this Hollywood sign magnet
from the airport.Copy !req
200. - What's with the hair?
- Are you gonna say "thank you"?Copy !req
201. Looks stringy. I know that's the fashion,
but you look like a wet rescue dog.Copy !req
202. You know what?
Maybe we should just stay at a hotel.Copy !req
203. - We don't have to stay here.
- Oh, please. Don't be so dramatic.Copy !req
204. You came all this wayCopy !req
205. to see your fakakta cousin
fumble through his haftarah.Copy !req
206. And, Becky, do you know
what Torah portion they gave Skyler?Copy !req
207. - What?
- The one with the menstruationCopy !req
208. and the lepers.Copy !req
209. The one that cousin Stuey got
when he talked about his sister's Kotex.Copy !req
210. Are you guys not mad
at each other anymore?Copy !req
211. Mad? Who's mad? Is he yelling at me?Copy !req
212. - No.
- I'm the one who should be madCopy !req
213. with this hunk of plastic
cluttering up my house.Copy !req
214. What, you couldn't find a See's Candy
walking through the airport?Copy !req
215. I'm sorry. Are you talking to me now?
I'm so confused.Copy !req
216. - No.
- You're confused?Copy !req
217. I've been confused ever since
this one popped out of my vagina.Copy !req
218. Oh, my God, Mom,
do not talk about your vagina.Copy !req
219. Why? It's perfectly good.
I have had some fabulous reviews lately.Copy !req
220. - Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew! Stop it!
- All right, listen up.Copy !req
221. I'm on a grapefruit diet, but for you,
I put whitefish salad in the refrigerator.Copy !req
222. Becca sometimes likes to eat
in the middle of the nightCopy !req
223. and that's why her weight fluctuates.Copy !req
224. Okay, no, one time, one time, one time!Copy !req
225. Yes, I ate a whole marble halvah.
That was the night my father left.Copy !req
226. - It was my party and I was hungry.
- You hear the drama?Copy !req
227. "It was my party, I was hungry,
and my father abandoned me."Copy !req
228. Like we all didn't see that coming?Copy !req
229. Good night.Copy !req
230. Mom!Copy !req
231. I'm gonna moisturize the rest of me.Copy !req
232. - What are you working on, Tim?
Nothing.Copy !req
233. I'm sorry.Copy !req
234. Wait. Weren't you fired, Jordan?Copy !req
235. It's... It is "George,"
and, uh, Nathaniel hired me backCopy !req
236. 'cause I guess you're shorthanded
and the firm has so much work to do.Copy !req
237. Oh, great. Yes, that's right.Copy !req
238. I do remember that now
because that was my idea.Copy !req
239. Hey, look at this busy bee.
How's it going M-Dog?Copy !req
240. Pretty good, D-Money.Copy !req
241. Hey, I have to cancel
Shirley Temples and karaoke tonight.Copy !req
242. I'm so slammed.Copy !req
243. What? Well, I can help—Copy !req
244. Sorry, I was specifically told
not to let you touch any of the work.Copy !req
245. What do you mean?
Wait, what's going on?Copy !req
246. Told that by whom?Copy !req
247. Heads up, folks. I just looked over
the briefs for the Peterson case.Copy !req
248. - It's "Petterson."
- It's not. It isn't.Copy !req
249. And so sad to say that they're
gonna need a major overhaul.Copy !req
250. Reason? They're garbage.Copy !req
251. I cannot show these
to my father, all right?Copy !req
252. If he's gonna give us this client,
we need to step up our game.Copy !req
253. Our work needs to be Ivy League,
and right now it's Arizona State.Copy !req
254. Go Sun Devils!Copy !req
255. So, we'll all be working on Saturday.Copy !req
256. Oh, now you moan!Copy !req
257. I can't work on Saturday.
I've got the kids alone all day.Copy !req
258. I'm supposed to do an escape room
with my college roommate.Copy !req
259. Some of you might know her.
Zosia Mamet?Copy !req
260. My adult ceramics class
is finally gonna glaze.Copy !req
261. Look, I hear you, Jer—Copy !req
262. Wow! It's George. I literally have
the easiest name in the world.Copy !req
263. Guys, don't worry.
I can handle this. I still matter here.Copy !req
264. My name's still on the wall.Copy !req
265. I am not an emasculated sock puppet!Copy !req
266. What? No one called you that.Copy !req
267. Where did you even come up with that?Copy !req
268. No one said that under their breath?
I'm pretty sure I heard that.Copy !req
269. 'Cause I would not just think that.Copy !req
270. We are not working Saturday.Copy !req
271. Watch. Watch this, guys. Watch... this.Copy !req
272. No.Copy !req
273. He said he'll think about it,
while we're working on Saturday.Copy !req
274. Don't cry. Don't cry,
you emasculated sock puppet.Copy !req
275. God, who said that to me?Copy !req
276. Wait...Copy !req
277. Where's all the candy?Copy !req
278. Um, Jim, do you know
where the good snacks are?Copy !req
279. Why do we have pepitas?
¿Qué es pepitas?Copy !req
280. - Nathaniel made us throw out the candy.
- He what?Copy !req
281. Yeah, he said it was disgusting,
it impacts productivity,Copy !req
282. and it's a tumor waiting to happen.Copy !req
283. I'm sorry we have to sleep on the sofa.Copy !req
284. My mom uses my room to hoard
old issues of Marie Claire magazine.Copy !req
285. Oh, she's nuts.
Are you okay? Is this okay?Copy !req
286. I'm fine. Are you?
She seems to rattle you.Copy !req
287. Yeah, you know, normally, she would,
but you're here, so it's helping.Copy !req
288. Don't touch the air conditioning!
I sweat like a pig!Copy !req
289. It's like the frozen tundra in here!Copy !req
290. Whoa!Copy !req
291. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.Copy !req
292. Um, it's just... this place has
a slight negative energy for me.Copy !req
293. Yeah. Yeah, bad stuff has happened.
Like you see that end table?Copy !req
294. I used to hide under it when I was little
and compulsively scratch groovesCopy !req
295. into the inside leg.Copy !req
296. Yeah, I was a strong, feral little girl.Copy !req
297. That sounds terrible.Copy !req
298. Yep, yep, wasn't great, was not great.Copy !req
299. But... now, we can make good memories.Copy !req
300. And we can pave over the pain
and the suffering.Copy !req
301. I want to do that for you.
I want to help you with that.Copy !req
302. Oh, you're the sweetest.Copy !req
303. Uh, your mom is right upstairs, Becks.Copy !req
304. Oh, no, no. She sleeps like a rock.Copy !req
305. Yeah, glass of wine, sleeping pill,Copy !req
306. Billy Crystal's autobiography
splayed across her chest.Copy !req
307. Boom. Down for the count.Copy !req
308. Now, come on.Copy !req
309. I am ready to turn
my childhood trauma into a kink.Copy !req
310. I don't know.Copy !req
311. I was afraid you might run out,Copy !req
312. so I looked and I found
some extra whitefish in the freezer,Copy !req
313. But I don't know how to thaw this thing.
Oh, please, don't stop on my account.Copy !req
314. Go ahead, get back in there,
get back in there.Copy !req
315. I've seen worse from this one.Copy !req
316. I will never forget
that crime scene I walked in onCopy !req
317. between you and Isaac Berger
of the Model UN.Copy !req
318. They were having...Copy !req
319. Mom! Oh, my God! Just stop ruining this
like you ruin everything!Copy !req
320. Hey, don't yell at me
in front of the Oriental.Copy !req
321. They're a very peaceful people.Copy !req
322. Oh, my God, you are so offensive!Copy !req
323. Okay, you know what, Mrs. Bunch?
Let me help thaw the fish.Copy !req
324. I'm really good at it.
My mom buys fish sticks in bulk.Copy !req
325. Why don't you and I go into the kitchen?Copy !req
326. Finally, someone who's actually offering
to help out around here.Copy !req
327. Finally, someone is not
completely selfish.Copy !req
328. Oh, oh, oh, I'm selfish.Copy !req
329. I mean, when those fish sticks
come out of the oven...Copy !req
330. Come on, then.Copy !req
331. Put your pickle in your pants
and let's thaw some fish.Copy !req
332. - I got this. Get some sleep, okay?
- Just be careful.Copy !req
333. - I love you.
- I love you.Copy !req
334. What a great job.Copy !req
335. The way you flipped it over
after you soaked it in the eggs...Copy !req
336. I was very impressed.Copy !req
337. - Mm. What's going on?Copy !req
338. Your mom taught me
how to make "holla" French toast.Copy !req
339. No, no, no. "Challah," Josh.Copy !req
340. Ch, ch, ch...
- Holla, holla, holla...Copy !req
341. - I gotta keep working on it.
- You're gonna get it, bubbelah.Copy !req
342. You're gonna get it.Copy !req
343. He's never gonna get it. Why would he?
He's a Pacific Islander.Copy !req
344. Wow, what happened
to calling him Oriental?Copy !req
345. Rebecca, that term is considered
antiquated, Euro-centric,Copy !req
346. and inherently xenophobic.Copy !req
347. Yeah, we Googled it. I knew it was racist.
I just didn't know why.Copy !req
348. So, get woke, Becks.Copy !req
349. - Oh! Yeah!
- Hey!Copy !req
350. I love this woman!Copy !req
351. He's adorable. He's adorable.
He's adorable.Copy !req
352. I love her.Copy !req
353. Joshua, as soon as they open the stations,
we'd better be first in line,Copy !req
354. because rumor has it that Ellen has
only sprung for a one-hour buffet.Copy !req
355. - Can you believe that?
- I can't.Copy !req
356. Well, she's having money troubles.
And her mother has cancer.Copy !req
357. And the youngest daughter
wants to be a man.Copy !req
358. And the husband
is having an affair with a goy.Copy !req
359. - Oh, my God.
- Sorry. No offense.Copy !req
360. No, no, you don't have to laugh at that.
That's very offensive.Copy !req
361. Oh, Becca.Copy !req
362. Excuse me,
I'm gonna go get some dumplings.Copy !req
363. My blood sugar is in the toilet,Copy !req
364. which is where those dumplings
are gonna be.Copy !req
365. Eventually.
Well, they sit there, like rocks.Copy !req
366. Listen, I appreciate
you trying to win her over,Copy !req
367. but you don't have to keep
pretending to like her.Copy !req
368. Oh, I'm not pretending. I do like her.Copy !req
369. In my family, we don't talk about poop.Copy !req
370. I had to learn about it
by watching an episode of 90210.Copy !req
371. - She's awesome.
- Okay.Copy !req
372. Ooh! Should we take a selfie
with our matching little hats?Copy !req
373. They're called "kippahs."Copy !req
374. Oh, okay. So, #kippahingitreal!Copy !req
375. Um, no, you just do it. I'm not...
Sorry. I'm not feeling it.Copy !req
376. - Why are you in a bad mood, Becks?
- Just because... I don't know...Copy !req
377. - Rebecca! Welcome back!
- Hello, Rabbi Shari.Copy !req
378. How are you, my darling?
How is California?Copy !req
379. Have you found a temple out there yet?Copy !req
380. Well, I don't believe in God,
so, no, it didn't make my to-do list.Copy !req
381. Always questioning.Copy !req
382. That is the true spirit
of the Jewish people. Very good.Copy !req
383. - She seems nice.
- She's not nice.Copy !req
384. She's a programmed... robot, who's trying
to incept God into me all the time.Copy !req
385. Whoa. I didn't know that
and I know a ton about robots.Copy !req
386. I know, I know. It's just—
you see the good in everything,Copy !req
387. which is just so, so sweet.Copy !req
388. So...Copy !req
389. - Oh, no, boy.
- Wait, what is it?Copy !req
390. - Look who it is.
- Well, well, well.Copy !req
391. Rebecca Nora Bunch.Copy !req
392. Audra Esther Levine.Copy !req
393. Joshua Felix Chan.Copy !req
394. This is my husband, David.Copy !req
395. Yes, hi, we've met.Copy !req
396. How you doing, Rebecca?Copy !req
397. You guys know each other?Copy !req
398. Yep. Finished quick, rotten lay.Copy !req
399. We both heard that!Copy !req
400. Rebecca, hey, come on.
That's not nice.Copy !req
401. Nice to meet you, man. I'm Josh.
Hey, you know what they say.Copy !req
402. It's not how long you last.
It's how big your penis is.Copy !req
403. - Ah!Copy !req
404. - Hey, man, I was kidding.
- Well...Copy !req
405. I see you two have really been
hitting the social media hard.Copy !req
406. You know you don't have to post
every photo, right?Copy !req
407. So funny that you say that
because I seem to rememberCopy !req
408. your engagement photos
clogging up my feed for weeks.Copy !req
409. I mean, it is so crazy
that a photographer happened to be thereCopy !req
410. when David gave you that ring
on that turn-of-the-century Ferris wheel.Copy !req
411. At least, I'm married
and not living in CaliforniaCopy !req
412. and having a nervous breakdown.Copy !req
413. Right. Hey, remember
when I had sex with your husband? Yeah.Copy !req
414. As he finished he called me "Mom."
Have fun unpacking that. Mazel tov.Copy !req
415. - Hey, Josh!
- David!Copy !req
416. His solo's coming up.Copy !req
417. This guy is the best! Turns out
we both love Dave Matthews Band!Copy !req
418. We should all go skiing in Mammoth!Copy !req
419. - Totally. This December?
- Done!Copy !req
420. - Yes!
- Yes!Copy !req
421. - You're still a bitch.
- So are you.Copy !req
422. - Yeah, it's not as fun now.
- No, it's not.Copy !req
423. Paula!Copy !req
424. Paula!Copy !req
425. Shh!Copy !req
426. Skittle me this...Copy !req
427. What is a way to get back
at a sugar dictator, hmm?Copy !req
428. You're freaking me out a little bit.Copy !req
429. Okay, hey. You know what?Copy !req
430. I'm starting to think that maybe this
whole thing is not actually about candy.Copy !req
431. You're right. It's about freedom!Copy !req
432. Oh, God, Darryl, would you get real?Copy !req
433. You regret selling the firm to Nathaniel,
which you should.Copy !req
434. It was a dumb move and he's a jerk.Copy !req
435. But you did it,
and now you gotta live with it.Copy !req
436. Seriously, you gotta calm down.
Your eyes are just— They're vibrating.Copy !req
437. Do you have any aspirin?Copy !req
438. - And... bam!Copy !req
439. That's how you do selfies, you guys.Copy !req
440. - That's masterful work right there.
- Hi. Cousin Rifka, thank you. Hi.Copy !req
441. Hey, there you are!
You want to do a photo?Copy !req
442. You want a boa? An old-timey hat?
A mustache stick?Copy !req
443. - I'm... I'm really good.Copy !req
444. But they will tweet, Facebook, Instagram,
and Snapchat your photo automatically.Copy !req
445. Josh, I can't do this anymore.Copy !req
446. What do you mean?Copy !req
447. It's just— you're not supposed
to be having this much fun.Copy !req
448. Koala...Copy !req
449. I thought you wanted me
to pave things over.Copy !req
450. I know. I know I said that, but what I...Copy !req
451. I don't know. What I think I wanted
was just for you and I to sit in a cornerCopy !req
452. and laugh about how miserable
and terrible everyone is?Copy !req
453. But they're not miserable.Copy !req
454. - They're having fun.
- No, they're not having fun.Copy !req
455. They don't know how to have fun.
Okay, listen, you don't understand. Okay?Copy !req
456. You are, forgive me,
a non-Jew from the West Coast.Copy !req
457. Let me explain how it goes.
East Coast: dark, sad.Copy !req
458. West Coast: light, happy.Copy !req
459. All right, these people...
They don't understand what fun is.Copy !req
460. Trust me.Copy !req
461. All right, everyone,
in honor of the bar mitzvah boy...Copy !req
462. a hora!Copy !req
463. But it looks like they're about
to do some kind of fun dance.Copy !req
464. Case in point. Perfect example.
Okay, do you remember the ceremony?Copy !req
465. They made a 13-year-old boy
say the Kaddish.Copy !req
466. That's a prayer for the dead.Copy !req
467. People like us only know
how to be miserable.Copy !req
468. What do you mean?Copy !req
469. No, listen, Josh. It sounds
like one thing, but means another.Copy !req
470. My grandma's a survivor.Copy !req
471. When I say "we," you say "suffered."Copy !req
472. - We! We!
- Suffered! Suffered!Copy !req
473. I can't hear you!Copy !req
474. - Okay, so... see what I mean?
- I don't know, Rebecca.Copy !req
475. It seems like the only person
who's miserable here is you.Copy !req
476. What the hell!Copy !req
477. Darryl. I can see you.
There are slats here.Copy !req
478. Have you ever hidden before?
Do you know what hiding is?Copy !req
479. If you stocked these cabinets with candy
when you knew I had it removed,Copy !req
480. that's gonna be a very big problem for us.Copy !req
481. Hmm? Tell me you didn't do this, Darryl.Copy !req
482. Tell me the truth.Copy !req
483. You want to know the truth?Copy !req
484. Oh, I'll tell you truth. The truth is...Copy !req
485. I did it!Copy !req
486. It was me. I got the Snickers.Copy !req
487. And I got the Skittles.Copy !req
488. I got the Milk Duds.Copy !req
489. I got the Toblerone.Copy !req
490. And I brought gummy vitamins.Copy !req
491. You can take our candy...Copy !req
492. but you can never take our candy!Copy !req
493. What do you have to say to that?Copy !req
494. Well, I say
you're all a bunch of children.Copy !req
495. Now, go back to work!Copy !req
496. Rebecca! What are you doing
sitting by yourself?Copy !req
497. Are you not having fun?Copy !req
498. No, I'm not having fun.
My boyfriend is, though.Copy !req
499. Yeah, he's making everyone really happy.
He loves it here.Copy !req
500. And that's not what you wanted?Copy !req
501. No! I wanted him to see
how unhappy everything makes meCopy !req
502. and that I'm right
and that everyone here is miserable.Copy !req
503. Why is everyone here miserable?Copy !req
504. Uh, I don't know.
Maybe because Jewish people's DNACopy !req
505. is literally imprinted
with our past trauma?Copy !req
506. It's something called epigenetics.
Look it up.Copy !req
507. Hey, don't be condescending.Copy !req
508. You think you're the only person
who reads Tablet Magazine on Twitter?Copy !req
509. Rebecca, our people is not responsible
for your life. You are.Copy !req
510. Maybe. I don't know. I just...
I hate it here. I hate all this stuff.Copy !req
511. Oh, well, this stuff, this town,
these people... they're you.Copy !req
512. And if you hate that stuff,
you hate yourself.Copy !req
513. Oy, here you go.Copy !req
514. And if you hate yourself,Copy !req
515. it doesn't matter
how great your boyfriend is.Copy !req
516. You'll always be unhappy.Copy !req
517. But I thought that when you loved someone,Copy !req
518. it just fixed everything
and made your life great.Copy !req
519. That's a lot to put on a human being.Copy !req
520. Yeah, but he's not a human being.
He's Josh Chan.Copy !req
521. When we were kids,
he made me feel so happy. And...Copy !req
522. I guess I just thought
that if I could get back to that place,Copy !req
523. that my life would magically be okay.Copy !req
524. That's not love, my dear.
It's fantasy. It's not real.Copy !req
525. - Um...Copy !req
526. - Your father's on line one.
- Close the door.Copy !req
527. Pops! Papa! Papa-doodle-doo!
What's the word?Copy !req
528. We're all gearing up
to get going on Peterson,Copy !req
529. so once we lock them in,
we can hit the ground running.Copy !req
530. Uh-huh.Copy !req
531. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Yep, yep. Yeah, yeah, yeah.Copy !req
532. Okay, so that's a "no."
That's fine. I hear you.Copy !req
533. Yeah, I know. You gotta earn it.
Nothing gets handed to you.Copy !req
534. I love that. That's how we do.Copy !req
535. "Once you stop improving,
you start losing."Copy !req
536. I know. I hear you, sir.
I love that saying. Mm-hmm.Copy !req
537. - Okay. Bye-bye.Copy !req
538. That's it. I've had it.
I can't take it anymore.Copy !req
539. I'm responsible
for that jerk being in our office,Copy !req
540. so I should be the one
to stand up to him.Copy !req
541. What's going on?Copy !req
542. Gotta burn the calories.
Gotta work hard.Copy !req
543. I had a brief lapse in judgment
with that stupid candy!Copy !req
544. But it's okay. I'll just burn it off.Copy !req
545. I gotta burn the mistakes.
I mean, burn the calories.Copy !req
546. Always improving, never a loser.Copy !req
547. Always improving, never a loser.Copy !req
548. No, no! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
I don't think that's safe!Copy !req
549. Nathaniel, are you okay?Copy !req
550. I'm so sad.Copy !req
551. Are you okay?Copy !req
552. Yeah, I'm fine.
They gave me a temporary tooth.Copy !req
553. I'm sorry you had to see that, Darryl.
That was... not professional.Copy !req
554. - You know, it's okay to be upset.
- No, it's not. It's weak.Copy !req
555. Does this have something to do
with your dad?Copy !req
556. Did he not give you the account?Copy !req
557. Oh...Copy !req
558. You know, my dad is a real jerk too.
Oh! He used to yell at me all the time.Copy !req
559. He used to call me
an emasculated sock puppet.Copy !req
560. Oh! That's where that's from.Copy !req
561. I'm gonna bury that again.Copy !req
562. Hold on.Copy !req
563. Done. Ha!Copy !req
564. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
565. You're doing really well, Nathaniel.Copy !req
566. No, I see how hard you work,
how talented you are,Copy !req
567. how little food you eat.Copy !req
568. You're a very disciplined young man,Copy !req
569. and you don't need your dad
to tell you that.Copy !req
570. You have to know that for yourself.Copy !req
571. I've been kind of a jerk to you, Darryl.Copy !req
572. And I'm gonna pay to have the tooth blood
cleaned out of your car.Copy !req
573. Well, thank you.Copy !req
574. You're a good kid. Apology accepted.Copy !req
575. Well, I didn't apologize.Copy !req
576. Well, you kinda did.
I mean, basically, you did.Copy !req
577. Nope. Never happened.Copy !req
578. Babe, I'm sorry things didn't work out
the way you wanted.Copy !req
579. I was trying really hard, but I feel
like you wanted something from me,Copy !req
580. and I didn't give it to you.Copy !req
581. No, you were fine.
It's— It's honestly all fine.Copy !req
582. Let's just go home.Copy !req
583. - Are you mad at me?
- No, no, I'm not mad.Copy !req
584. I just don't want to talk about it. Um...Copy !req
585. I left something in the bathroom.
I'll be right back.Copy !req
586. End of trip selfie?
#shalommeansbothhelloandgoodbye.Copy !req
587. No, I'm— I'm good. Thanks.Copy !req
588. I'm gonna wrap this lox up
so you have something to eat on the plane.Copy !req
589. Now, I know it may not be enough,Copy !req
590. but those nitwits at the deli
were running short and I...Copy !req
591. Josh...Copy !req
592. Huh? What?Copy !req
593. What's wrong?Copy !req
594. Uh, it's just...Copy !req
595. Rebecca seems like she's mad at me.Copy !req
596. And I wanted this weekend
to bring us together,Copy !req
597. but it feels like she's pulling away.Copy !req
598. And you have no idea how much
this relationship means to me.Copy !req
599. I told everyone about it.
It can't fall apart now.Copy !req
600. Well, it won't...
because I won't let that happen.Copy !req
601. You won't?Copy !req
602. No, I actually think you and Rebecca
are pretty wonderful together.Copy !req
603. You soften some of her sharp edges,
thank God.Copy !req
604. Wow.Copy !req
605. Thanks, Naomi.
That's nice of you to say.Copy !req
606. But what do I do now?Copy !req
607. Joshua, I am your Jewish mother now,Copy !req
608. and there are two things
I will always have.Copy !req
609. Indigestion and all the answers.Copy !req
610. So, just listen to me
and do exactly as I say.Copy !req
611. You know what?Copy !req
612. I do eat a bit too much candy.Copy !req
613. My liver is basically 40 percent
high fructose corn syrup.Copy !req
614. Well, good choice.Copy !req
615. You know, I was thinking, Darryl—
I'm so slammed.Copy !req
616. Maybe you would like to take over
the Crestfield account?Copy !req
617. The what? That's...
That's, like, our biggest client.Copy !req
618. Yeah, and I need a co-pilot.Copy !req
619. Co-pilot Darryl C. Whitefeather
reporting for duty, sir.Copy !req
620. Maya, could you please get that?
I'm very busy. Got a ton of work to do.Copy !req
621. Your office is that way.Copy !req
622. I don't know.
I've been giving it a lot of thought.Copy !req
623. And maybe Rabbi Shari's right.Copy !req
624. About me not loving myself.Copy !req
625. You know, maybe there's...Copy !req
626. there's something else
at the core of my unhappinessCopy !req
627. that I didn't realize.Copy !req
628. I'm sorry, what did you say?Copy !req
629. Well, she said that I wouldn't find
my answers in another person, and...Copy !req
630. I don't know.
That's starting to make a lot of sense.Copy !req
631. Go on.Copy !req
632. Well, I moved to West CovinaCopy !req
633. 'cause I thought my problems
would be solved by a boy.Copy !req
634. Now, I'm with that boy, and...
I still have the same problems.Copy !req
635. So... I don't know.
Maybe it's something else.Copy !req
636. And if he is not the answer,Copy !req
637. what could it be about?Copy !req
638. It could be...Copy !req
639. my own issues.Copy !req
640. Oh, what's wrong?Copy !req
641. Nothing. It's just... I'm...Copy !req
642. I'm so... happy.Copy !req
643. Oh.Copy !req
644. Could you stay a little longer today?Copy !req
645. Candace! Cancel my next five appointments!Copy !req
646. Rebecca, do you think
that you're finally really readyCopy !req
647. to confront your issues?Copy !req
648. I think... I think maybe...Copy !req
649. Yes. Yes, I am.Copy !req
650. - What's that noise?
- Nothing. It doesn't matter.Copy !req
651. You were saying
you can't be happy in lifeCopy !req
652. until you're happy with yourself?Copy !req
653. Yes, but figuring out what that is,
being happy with myself...Copy !req
654. That's a hard and scary road
that I don't know if I want to go down.Copy !req
655. - What is that noise?Copy !req
656. Don't-Don't— Stay with me.
Come on. Stay with me.Copy !req
657. So, maybe...Copy !req
658. maybe I need to just take
some time on my own...Copy !req
659. to figure—Copy !req
660. - Josh?
- What are you doing here?Copy !req
661. The Garfinkel ring. But how did you—?Copy !req
662. You told me you pawned it, so I went
to the pawn shop on East Cameron—Copy !req
663. Rebecca, stay with me.Copy !req
664. You're working on yourself,
you're taking time out to be alone...Copy !req
665. Oh, my God, you remembered me
saying that? This is so romantic.Copy !req
666. Oh, no! No! No! No!Copy !req
667. Oh, my God, this is like a fairy tale.
This is everything I've ever wanted.Copy !req
668. Get up, Josh. Get up.Copy !req
669. - Get up, Josh!
- Rebecca Nora Bunch...Copy !req
670. - ... will...
- No!Copy !req
671. - ... you...
- Wait!Copy !req
672. - ... marry...
- Please!Copy !req
673. - ... me?
- Yes!Copy !req
674. No!Copy !req
675. - So, you live in Los Angeles?
- Basically.Copy !req
676. - Do you know Jeremy Stein?
- No.Copy !req
677. - Do you know Josh Berger?
- No.Copy !req
678. - Do you know Sam Goldberg?
- Nope.Copy !req
679. - Do you know Sammy Goldberg?
- No.Copy !req
680. - Did you go to Camp Nock-A-Mixon?
- No.Copy !req
681. - Did you go to Camp Winadu?
- No.Copy !req
682. - Have you ever met a Jew before Rebecca?
- No.Copy !req
683. Yeah, probably should've started
with that question.Copy !req
684. - I love Adam Sandler.
- Me too.Copy !req