1. Hi.
Hi.Copy !req
2. Thank you so
much for coming.Copy !req
3. Hi. You said there was a...
an emergency? What?Copy !req
4. Yeah, yeah, I'm so—
something is wrongCopy !req
5. with my garbage disposalCopy !req
6. is completely clogged.Copy !req
7. I don't know what happened.Copy !req
8. And I know that, you know,
you're a real fixerCopy !req
9. from summer camp, wood shop,
making all those lanyards,Copy !req
10. so I figured
you could help me.Copy !req
11. And I know
that you're wondering, like,Copy !req
12. why haven't I called a service.Copy !req
13. Well, one time, I called
a service in New York,Copy !req
14. and the handyman stole
my grandmother's necklaceCopy !req
15. Wow, wow,
wow, wow, wow!
Oh.Copy !req
16. Hi, White Josh. You brought
White Josh. How nice.Copy !req
17. Very cool apartment.
How long you been here?Copy !req
18. That's a sexist term.Copy !req
19. Can you guys stop singing
for just a second?Copy !req
20. The situation's a lot more
nuanced than that.Copy !req
21. Okay! We get it!Copy !req
22. So, uh...
so you got a clog, huh?Copy !req
23. Sure it's not
an obstruction,Copy !req
24. backup? Could be a stoppage.Copy !req
25. I... I have no idea.Copy !req
26. Let me take a look.Copy !req
27. Whoa. There's like a
crapload of chicken in here.Copy !req
28. It's almost like you
tried to break it.Copy !req
29. Okay, um, so,
while White JoshCopy !req
30. is fixing the garbage disposal,
why don't you and I catch up?Copy !req
31. So, how have you been?Copy !req
32. Sorry about WhiJo.Copy !req
33. You know, Valencia
is still not super psychedCopy !req
34. about you and I hanging out
alone together,Copy !req
35. so, in case
she finds out I was here,Copy !req
36. I can say
White Josh was here, too.Copy !req
37. Valencia— when she gets mad,
she, like— ugh— hulks out.Copy !req
38. But what's she mad
about? Like, I don't...Copy !req
39. I don't really understand
what she's mad about.Copy !req
40. Ugh! Are you crazy?Copy !req
41. Why does everyone want
to have sex with me?Copy !req
42. It's a circle of love, because
I love you, you love Josh,Copy !req
43. and Josh and I used
to love each other.Copy !req
44. Oh, that.Copy !req
45. Yeah.
Oh, she's still
angry about that?Copy !req
46. Oh, my God!Copy !req
47. It's like,
shake it off, girlfriend.Copy !req
48. That was ages ago!Copy !req
49. It was six days ago.Copy !req
50. Well, yeah, I mean,
I just need a buffer, you know.Copy !req
51. Yeah.
Especially since Valencia's...Copy !req
52. She's out of town
at some yoga retreat.Copy !req
53. Oh, she's out of town?Copy !req
54. You know, it's so funny
that she's so angryCopy !req
55. because I've tried
to tell her repeatedlyCopy !req
56. that you and I
are just friendsCopy !req
57. and that I'm really on the huntCopy !req
58. for, like, cute,
single guys, you know.Copy !req
59. It's so hot in here. Aah!Copy !req
60. Hey, buddy, if you're gonna
sweat, can you put down a towel?Copy !req
61. Oh, sorry. I'm actually...
I'm done, anyway.Copy !req
62. Disposal's fixed.Copy !req
63. Oh, great.
Then we should jet.Copy !req
64. Oh. Wait, wait,
wait, wait!Copy !req
65. Why-why don't we... why don't
we watch a movie, and-and...Copy !req
66. and Buffer can play
with my phone?
Hmm?Copy !req
67. Here you go, bud.
Ah.Copy !req
68. You got a step counter on here?Copy !req
69. Whoa! It is very low.
I'm gonna catch you up.Copy !req
70. Uh, no, we got to go.Copy !req
71. Anyway, don't you have,
like, work or something?Copy !req
72. Um, actually,
today is Weekend Tuesday.Copy !req
73. Yeah, it's like,
uh, Casual Friday, butCopy !req
74. even more chill
and on a Tuesday.Copy !req
75. And, um, we make it upCopy !req
76. by working Saturdays
once a quarter.Copy !req
77. That sounds confusing.Copy !req
78. I don't disagree.Copy !req
79. Uh, yeah, come on,
dude, we got to go.Copy !req
80. Um, it was great
to see you, Becks.Copy !req
81. You know, glad we could help.Copy !req
82. Just a little advice.Copy !req
83. Uh, no chicken in
the disposal ever.Copy !req
84. Also, no fish bones,
also, uh, no seeds.Copy !req
85. Also, lemons seem bad,
but they're actually good.Copy !req
86. Cool.Copy !req
87. Thanks for the tips.
Thanks for the help.
Uh-huh. Sure.Copy !req
88. Uh, put on a shirt
'cause no one wants to see that.Copy !req
89. I'm so sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's totally fine.Copy !req
90. Yeah, no. No problem.Copy !req
91. Sorry.
See you, Becks.Copy !req
92. All right.Copy !req
93. Oh, God.Copy !req
94. Darryl Whitefeather.Copy !req
95. Hi, Darryl. It's Rebecca.Copy !req
96. Listen, I don't know if I'm
gonna make it in to work today.Copy !req
97. Oh, why?Copy !req
98. I'm just not...
I'm not feeling well.Copy !req
99. Oh, really? What-what is it?Copy !req
100. Um... my ovaries are eking outCopy !req
101. into my fallopian tubes,
and they're wrapped around...Copy !req
102. You know what? We'll see you
when you're feeling better.Copy !req
103. Yeah. Okay, thanks.Copy !req
104. Wow. Men are stupid.Copy !req
105. Come in.Copy !req
106. Darryl said
your uterus exploded.Copy !req
107. You know,
if that's true, shouldCopy !req
108. probably go to the hospital
or something.Copy !req
109. I knowCopy !req
110. what this is.
This is Chan-itus.Copy !req
111. Again, I just moved here
for a change. I didn'tCopy !req
112. move here
for Josh.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
113. Yeah, yeah. I got it...
West Covina. Pretzel...Copy !req
114. Got it.
Okay.Copy !req
115. Fine. You know, I'll admit it.Copy !req
116. I want to be his friend.Copy !req
117. Okay? Sue me.
But now hisCopy !req
118. stupid, dum-dum-face girlfriendCopy !req
119. has officially barred him
from being alone with me.Copy !req
120. Yeah, I saw that coming.Copy !req
121. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
122. Well, that's okay, 'cause I do.Copy !req
123. Huh?
Oh, come on.Copy !req
124. It's a classic dilemma.Copy !req
125. How do you see your crush...Copy !req
126. I mean, friend— without
pissing off his girlfriend,Copy !req
127. and look fabu in a super-tight
low-cut dress in the process?Copy !req
128. There's a solution,
a loophole.Copy !req
129. It is in every teen movie
ever made.Copy !req
130. It's a car wash?Copy !req
131. Throw a big party!Copy !req
132. No.
What?Copy !req
133. Yes, throw a big party.Copy !req
134. That way, when Josh comes,Copy !req
135. you're not technically
alone with him,Copy !req
136. and then he can't
get in trouble!
Okay, I see your logic—Copy !req
137. very sound logic,
um, but I don't do that.Copy !req
138. I don't throw parties.
It's not a thing I do.Copy !req
139. I go to parties.
Okay. Why?Copy !req
140. Oh, God, um...Copy !req
141. it's, like, a super long story.Copy !req
142. Okay, um, ooh...Copy !req
143. So, when I was 12...
Okay.Copy !req
144. No, no.
I don't have time for this.Copy !req
145. What happened? The tissues
fell out of your training bra?Copy !req
146. You perioded on a white couch?
We've all been there.Copy !req
147. I perioded on an
ultra suede settee in 1987Copy !req
148. at Roberta Janatelli's
condo, andCopy !req
149. I got to tell you, it
was still a great party.Copy !req
150. I wrapped a sweater
around my waist,Copy !req
151. then hooked up with
Bobby Henderson anyway.Copy !req
152. And started the whole, um,Copy !req
153. sweater-around-the-waist
trend while I was at it.Copy !req
154. So, you're welcome.Copy !req
155. Paula, you don't understand
what I am saying.Copy !req
156. I need you to listen
to me, okay?Copy !req
157. This was the worst party
of all time.Copy !req
158. So, I invited everyone in my
grade to come over to my houseCopy !req
159. and watch the pay-per-view
concert of my favoriteCopy !req
160. boy band, Room Temperature.Copy !req
161. So, I threw this party,Copy !req
162. and this is how many people
showed up.Copy !req
163. Concert starts in ten minutes!Copy !req
164. Who's psyched?Copy !req
165. Well,Copy !req
166. that was a tepid response.Copy !req
167. Get it?Copy !req
168. It's a temperature joke.Copy !req
169. And then it happened.Copy !req
170. Keep your voice down.
She's having a party.Copy !req
171. You call that a party? That's
her and her three loser friends.Copy !req
172. You couldn't even
throw her a decent party!Copy !req
173. Well, then why don't
you call your whoreCopy !req
174. and ask her what
she would do?Copy !req
175. Um, they're just
rehearsing a play calledCopy !req
176. The Worst Parents Ever.Copy !req
177. It's going up at the
Westchester Community Playhouse.Copy !req
178. That's it.
I've had it.Copy !req
179. Hey, I'll get you tickets.
Who wants tickets?Copy !req
180. If you walk out that door,Copy !req
181. I don't ever want
to see you again!Copy !req
182. Is that a promise?
Yes!Copy !req
183. Can I get that
in writing?
Yes!Copy !req
184. Good luck, kiddo.Copy !req
185. I got to get out of here.Copy !req
186. Don't you dare.Copy !req
187. Don't you dare.Copy !req
188. Don't you dare!Copy !req
189. Don't tell anybodyCopy !req
190. at school about this, okay?Copy !req
191. Oh, my God.Copy !req
192. It's the root
of all my party fears.Copy !req
193. Actually, it's the root
of all my fears, period.Copy !req
194. Babe, you don't think
that I get being afraid?Copy !req
195. I wake up every
morning in cold sweatsCopy !req
196. worried that I'm
wasting my entire lifeCopy !req
197. with a man who spends all his
time with a barbershop quartetCopy !req
198. called The West Brovinas.Copy !req
199. No, you never
told me the name.
Yes.Copy !req
200. And my children— I mean,
their only hope isCopy !req
201. that they get into
a really good gang.Copy !req
202. I mean, honey, I am scared
every day of my life.Copy !req
203. But you can be brave.
I know you can.Copy !req
204. All you got to do is stand up to
your fears, do you understand?Copy !req
205. I understand you
in theory.
Listen to me.Copy !req
206. Listen to me. His
GF is out of town.Copy !req
207. The moment is now!Copy !req
208. Or is it, like,
some time other than now?Copy !req
209. Like...
Shh...!Copy !req
210. I don't follow.Copy !req
211. Sit on my lap like I'm
Santa and listen to me.Copy !req
212. Okay, I think I'm starting to
get it— what you're talk...Copy !req
213. Well, that's just dangerous.Copy !req
214. That's not how smoke
or fire works.
Shh.Copy !req
215. Whoa.Copy !req
216. Who are you
singing to?Copy !req
217. Okay, I have so many problems...Copy !req
218. Oh, my God.Copy !req
219. Is face my fears?Copy !req
220. Fears, I-I got it.Copy !req
221. Okay.Copy !req
222. Okay?Copy !req
223. Yeah. That was, like,
really convincing.Copy !req
224. I mean,
like,Copy !req
225. kind of disturbing
but also convincing.Copy !req
226. Yeah, you're right,
Paula.Copy !req
227. Now that I've run all thisCopy !req
228. through the logic processor,
like,Copy !req
229. of course my dad isn't gonna
walk out on me again.Copy !req
230. So... yes?Copy !req
231. Yes!Copy !req
232. Ooh, yes! Ah, good!Copy !req
233. Okay, pity party over.
Let's throw a real party!Copy !req
234. Aah! I'm horrified.
Game plan.
Okay.Copy !req
235. But let's do it!
Yeah. Yay!Copy !req
236. Oh, you know
what would be awesome?Copy !req
237. We need salt.Copy !req
238. Um, since it's
Weekend Tuesday, um,Copy !req
239. can we just go home?Copy !req
240. See, it's Weekend Tuesday,Copy !req
241. but it's not the real weekend.Copy !req
242. Now, look,
Bill,Copy !req
243. why don't you put on
that sombreroCopy !req
244. and then head on
back to work?Copy !req
245. Right.
Right?Copy !req
246. Weekend
Tuesday.Copy !req
247. So, the first thing we need
to do is choose a theme.Copy !req
248. Don't worry about that.
I have plannedCopy !req
249. a million parties in my life.Copy !req
250. I will take care
of that part.Copy !req
251. You handle the invites.Copy !req
252. Okay.
Okay?
Ladies,Copy !req
253. are you working
on the Castwick case?Copy !req
254. Because it's...
Weekend Tuesday, Darryl.Copy !req
255. Okay.Copy !req
256. Yeah.Copy !req
257. No. Sorry. You're right.Copy !req
258. I may not have thought
this day through.Copy !req
259. Hey, Brendan,Copy !req
260. have you seen that tablecloth
with the roses on it?Copy !req
261. What? Haven't seen it.Copy !req
262. Hey, what have I said
about the katana on the table?Copy !req
263. Or...Copy !req
264. you could just stare at me
like a serial killer.Copy !req
265. Scott?Copy !req
266. Scott!Copy !req
267. Scott!
Huh? Huh?Copy !req
268. What? Sorry. We have
the semifinals coming upCopy !req
269. against the Glendorables.Copy !req
270. They're the a cappella
group from Glendora.Copy !req
271. They're the best in the state.
Okay, I'm lookingCopy !req
272. for that white tablecloth
that we have,Copy !req
273. the one with the roses on it.Copy !req
274. Yeah, I saw it.
Great!Copy !req
275. Where is it?
Wait!
I threw it out.Copy !req
276. You threw it out?
That was from our wedding.Copy !req
277. I gave it to Goodwill
when you asked meCopy !req
278. to clean out the cabinet.Copy !req
279. Okay, well, if I asked youCopy !req
280. to take out the recyclables,Copy !req
281. would you throw out
our wedding album?Copy !req
282. 'Cause it is partly made
of paper.Copy !req
283. I don't know
what you're asking me.Copy !req
284. You know, the world doesn't
revolve around barbershop.Copy !req
285. Nothing revolves
around barbershop!Copy !req
286. Not even
a revolving barbershop poleCopy !req
287. revolves around barbershop.Copy !req
288. This damn teacher.
Teacher's...Copy !req
289. Stupid...Copy !req
290. What's up, Tommy?Copy !req
291. I have a test tomorrow, and
I don't know any of this stuff.Copy !req
292. I'm stupid.Copy !req
293. You are not stupid.Copy !req
294. You are in the highest
percentiles of kids with ADHDCopy !req
295. and OCD and SAD
and a panic disorderCopy !req
296. and restless leg syndrome...Copy !req
297. Mom, I'm gonna fail the test.Copy !req
298. You're not.
I know you're not.Copy !req
299. Look, just, you know,
don't be afraidCopy !req
300. and-and face your fears.Copy !req
301. Run with scissors,
you know?Copy !req
302. What?Copy !req
303. That's bad advice, Mom.Copy !req
304. Hey!Copy !req
305. It's a house warming, get it?Copy !req
306. Yeah. No, I get it.
I get it. It's just,Copy !req
307. you know, it kind of looks
like you're goingCopy !req
308. to light your house
on fire.
No.Copy !req
309. No, I don't see that. Mm-mm.
Okay.Copy !req
310. Whatever. You know what,
it's gonna be fine.Copy !req
311. Do you promise?Copy !req
312. Yes, I promise.Copy !req
313. You got this.Copy !req
314. Okay? You are
a smart,
Okay.Copy !req
315. confident womanCopy !req
316. who's in charge
of her own destiny.Copy !req
317. That sounds like a tampon
commercial. But you know...Copy !req
318. you know where I'm going
with this, right?
Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
319. Okay, now, who you gonna pass
these out to?Copy !req
320. Oh, come on, you know people.
You know peopleCopy !req
321. since you've been here.
You go to that spinning class.Copy !req
322. You have people
in your apartment complex.Copy !req
323. Yeah... No, no, you're right.Copy !req
324. Now that I'm thinking about it,Copy !req
325. I definitely know
a lot of people.Copy !req
326. Tons of people.Copy !req
327. I'm psyched!Copy !req
328. God, this time's gonna be
totally different.Copy !req
329. You're right. It's not
like seventh grade at all.Copy !req
330. I'm Patty!Copy !req
331. Luan.Copy !req
332. Jason and I'm super
into Dance Dance Revolution!Copy !req
333. Girl with mustache!Copy !req
334. Boy with port-wine stain!Copy !req
335. Janitor who lives in an RV
behind the school.Copy !req
336. I'm Paula!Copy !req
337. Darryl!Copy !req
338. Lady who hit your car!Copy !req
339. Friend of friend
from law school?Copy !req
340. Grocery clerk
with half an eyelid!Copy !req
341. It went great. I think lots
of cool people are gonna come.Copy !req
342. Yeah. Everybody loved my flyer.Copy !req
343. Oh, and, B-T-dubs,Copy !req
344. nobody thought it looked
like a house burning down,Copy !req
345. so, you know...
Nice. I knew you could do it,
girl.Copy !req
346. Now you just got to get Josh
and his friends.Copy !req
347. On it, doin' it,
crushin' it, bye.Copy !req
348. Hey, Chris,
you seen Chan?Copy !req
349. S-Sorry, what was that?Copy !req
350. Have you seen Josh Chan?Copy !req
351. Nah, but you're lookin' sweet.Copy !req
352. Thank you, young man.Copy !req
353. I'm lookin' sweet.Copy !req
354. Hi, Greg.Copy !req
355. Put those things away. You're
gonna poke a kid's eye out.Copy !req
356. You're funny.Copy !req
357. You're funny in that way
that I'm sure other people like.
Wow.Copy !req
358. Charming on you looks
really great.
Okay,Copy !req
359. let's start over. Look,
I know that you're probablyCopy !req
360. a little, like, miffed at me
from the way things went downCopy !req
361. at Spiders the other night.
Um,Copy !req
362. as I remember it, you weren't
too thrilled with me either.Copy !req
363. I was gonna apologize for that,
and then I forgot.Copy !req
364. But I'm sorry.Copy !req
365. So let's just move on.
I'm hereCopy !req
366. to invite you to the biggest
event of the season.Copy !req
367. A party.Copy !req
368. Wow. A flyer.Copy !req
369. Is it also, like,
a church bake sale, too?Copy !req
370. It's gonna be so fun.
And I actually...Copy !req
371. I really would like you to come.Copy !req
372. Let's review.
We've been out twice.Copy !req
373. The first time, we kissed
and then you started crying.Copy !req
374. The second time, you kissed
a girl, she didn't like it,Copy !req
375. and she left crying. We don't
have a good track record here.Copy !req
376. Dude, like, that actually
really hurts my feelings,Copy !req
377. because I consider you to be one
of my best friends here.Copy !req
378. What?
Yeah,
I do.Copy !req
379. True, we've had
some "altercations,"Copy !req
380. if that's what you call them,Copy !req
381. yeah, but that's
the hallmarkCopy !req
382. of, like, a strong friendship,
you know?Copy !req
383. Saying the worst possible things
to each otherCopy !req
384. and then going to a party.Copy !req
385. Wow. It is so tempting.Copy !req
386. It is so tempt... No.Copy !req
387. Okay. Wow. Okay.Copy !req
388. You know, I tried extending
the olive branch to you,Copy !req
389. and you just took those olives
and you plucked 'emCopy !req
390. and you chopped them up
into a tapenade of reproach...Copy !req
391. You know
what,Copy !req
392. never mind.
I don't care anymore.Copy !req
393. Um, good-bye.Copy !req
394. Face your fears.Copy !req
395. Hey, Josh,
do you want to come to a party?Copy !req
396. I'm throwing a...Copy !req
397. party. You should come.Copy !req
398. No way! That's awesome!Copy !req
399. Yeah. See? This isCopy !req
400. how a human being
respondsCopy !req
401. to another human being's
party invitation.Copy !req
402. You're not a human being.
Oh, just throw
a barbCopy !req
403. at me and then go
to the stockroom. Real mature.Copy !req
404. He's so immature.
Sorry about that.Copy !req
405. We have kind of a... like,
a Sam and Diane thing going on,Copy !req
406. except it's, um, unpleasant
and unsexy.Copy !req
407. Yeah, so it's
just gonna be a...Copy !req
408. housewarming shindig
with a-a gaggle of peeps.Copy !req
409. And I thought that, you know,
Valencia would be cool with itCopy !req
410. since we won't
technically be alone.Copy !req
411. Right?
Huh.Copy !req
412. So do you think
you might make it?Copy !req
413. Sure.Copy !req
414. Oh, huzzah!Copy !req
415. I mean, that's super...Copy !req
416. that's super cool,
just 'cause, like, it's gonna beCopy !req
417. really chill. Yeah.Copy !req
418. Cool. And maybe you could bring,
Yeah.Copy !req
419. uh, Hector and White Josh?Copy !req
420. Oh, man. They're out of town.Copy !req
421. Surf championship in Redondo.Copy !req
422. But I'm sure you have
other people to invite, right?Copy !req
423. Yeah. No,
I'm-I'm inviting, like...Copy !req
424. so many people.Copy !req
425. So, um,Copy !req
426. I will... I'll see you
at my party?Copy !req
427. Sure.Copy !req
428. Okay. Cool.Copy !req
429. Cool.
I'll see you there.Copy !req
430. Hi.Copy !req
431. No solicitors.Copy !req
432. Oh, no, no.
I live next-door, remember?Copy !req
433. Oh... yeah.Copy !req
434. Yeah, it's me. You know,Copy !req
435. I was going around,
introducing myself,Copy !req
436. handing out
those croissantsCopy !req
437. that I made.Copy !req
438. Yeah, I remember you.Copy !req
439. Look, just as a tip, we don't...
actually, like,Copy !req
440. talk to each other around here.Copy !req
441. That guy has lived next-door
to me for, like, 11 years,Copy !req
442. and, like, I say "guy,"
but honestly,Copy !req
443. it could be, like...Copy !req
444. a stack of cats in a jumpsuit.
Okay.Copy !req
445. Appreciate the info.Copy !req
446. But... I like to consider myself
a bridge builder,Copy !req
447. and I feel like you and ICopy !req
448. could shake things
up around here.Copy !req
449. Yeah, no,
I don't see that happening,Copy !req
450. but anyways... nice to meet you,Copy !req
451. stack of cats in a...Copy !req
452. shirt.
Wait, wait!Copy !req
453. The reason I'm here is
I want to invite you
to an awesome party.Copy !req
454. It's gonna be full-on.
It's gonna be full-on!Copy !req
455. And I really want
you to be there,Copy !req
456. 'cause you're the
coolest personCopy !req
457. I think I've ever met.Copy !req
458. Um, so I would like
you to come to it.Copy !req
459. But I'm sensing the slightest
undercurrent of resistance,Copy !req
460. so now I'm kind of...
What time should I come over?Copy !req
461. Wait. You want to come?Copy !req
462. Not to party or anything,
but just, like...Copy !req
463. to watch you.Copy !req
464. Okay.Copy !req
465. I kind of think
you're fascinating, actually.Copy !req
466. And I'm taking abnormal psych
at the JC, and I think...Copy !req
467. you would make, like,
a really good paper.Copy !req
468. Why, thank you, madam.Copy !req
469. Yeah, see, like that.Copy !req
470. That would just...Copy !req
471. be, like, an "A" right there.
Like, done.Copy !req
472. Hi.
Look what I have!Copy !req
473. Oh.Copy !req
474. Isn't it amaz...? It's like
a box of fantastic-ness.Copy !req
475. Okay, so instead
of having just one theme,Copy !req
476. we're having
all of the themes.Copy !req
477. And we even have...
a Valentine's Day piñata.Copy !req
478. Okay, you know what,
yeah, it's, like,
hipster-y and ironic.Copy !req
479. Like, I could see,
like, a BuzzFeed
article about it.Copy !req
480. Okay, cool.
I'm down, I'm down.Copy !req
481. Okay, let's go over
the guest list.Copy !req
482. So we got Josh,
my super cool neighbor Heather,Copy !req
483. Darryl...Copy !req
484. No!
Uh, you know...Copy !req
485. Why do you hate me?
What can I do?Copy !req
486. Come on. He's sad.
All right.
I know.Copy !req
487. Um, Mrs. Hernandez
was trending positive—Copy !req
488. I can never tell with her.Copy !req
489. And let's see.
Oh, a lot of the peopleCopy !req
490. I handed the flyer to didn't,
like, technically say yes,Copy !req
491. but they gave me a look, like,
"Oh, I'm there."Copy !req
492. Nice!Copy !req
493. Yeah. Yeah.
Good for you.Copy !req
494. Oh, no.
What?Copy !req
495. What?
Is it about the party?Copy !req
496. Are people not coming?
Is it Josh?Copy !req
497. Is Josh not coming? Wait,
why does Josh have your number?Copy !req
498. No, no, it's-it's Tommy, okay?Copy !req
499. There's something going on
at the school.Copy !req
500. I have to run over...Copy !req
501. What? No, you can't... no,Copy !req
502. you can't leave—
the party's in an hour.Copy !req
503. This was your idea.Copy !req
504. What am I gonna do
if you're not here? I haveCopy !req
505. no one helping me.
You can't leaveCopy !req
506. for some stupid child thing!Copy !req
507. I'm sorry, that's
really insensitive.Copy !req
508. Look, the point is, I get it.Copy !req
509. It's your child.
But please come back soon.
Look,Copy !req
510. I'm just gonna go, I'm gonna
take care of this hassle,Copy !req
511. I'm gonna turn right
back around, okay? I promiseCopy !req
512. I will be back
soon. Boop.
Liar.Copy !req
513. You stole the test?Copy !req
514. What? You wanted me
to face my fears,Copy !req
515. and I was afraid of getting
a bad grade on my test.Copy !req
516. Why weren't you afraid
of getting caught?Copy !req
517. Well, I was, but thanks to you,Copy !req
518. I overcame that fear.Copy !req
519. Mrs. Proctor.Copy !req
520. Good luck. He's mean.Copy !req
521. Oh, my God.Copy !req
522. Let me be frank.Copy !req
523. Tommy has every issue
in the book,Copy !req
524. so I'm afraidCopy !req
525. we're going to have
to transfer himCopy !req
526. to a special program
in Riverside.Copy !req
527. But that's, like, an hour away!Copy !req
528. We moved to this crap townCopy !req
529. because of the schools.
I'm sorry,Copy !req
530. do you have somewhere
more important to be?Copy !req
531. No, of course not. I-I...Copy !req
532. The transfer hearing is Monday.Copy !req
533. Y... You can't do this.Copy !req
534. He's-he's been diagnosed
with so many things.Copy !req
535. He just, he needs help.Copy !req
536. I'll see you Monday.Copy !req
537. Hi!Copy !req
538. Here's a present.Copy !req
539. Those are good until midnight.Copy !req
540. Oh, man! I thought the houseCopy !req
541. was literally gonna be on fire.Copy !req
542. You were right—
he's terrifying.Copy !req
543. He made me forgetCopy !req
544. everything I was gonna say.Copy !req
545. Are you mad at me?Copy !req
546. You stole a test,
you... ding-dong.Copy !req
547. Of course I'm mad at you.Copy !req
548. We'll figure something out.Copy !req
549. Oh.Copy !req
550. Okay,Copy !req
551. come on, I will
take you home,Copy !req
552. but we got to stop
somewhere along the way.Copy !req
553. Hey!Copy !req
554. I have terrible news.Copy !req
555. Josh isn't coming?Copy !req
556. No. He's coming...Copy !req
557. to this.Copy !req
558. Party like
it's Weekend Tuesday!Copy !req
559. Huh?Copy !req
560. This. This is what Josh
is going to walk into.Copy !req
561. Nobody came.Copy !req
562. I handed out all those flyers,
and nobody showed up.Copy !req
563. Even Mrs. Hernandez bagged.Copy !req
564. What's she doing
on a Friday night?Copy !req
565. This is exactly what I thought
was gonna happen.Copy !req
566. You were wrong, Paula.Copy !req
567. This is exactly how it feltCopy !req
568. when my father left.Copy !req
569. My life is just about
to fall apart,Copy !req
570. just like it did when I wasCopy !req
571. 12 years old.
When Josh walks in here,Copy !req
572. he's gonna walk outCopy !req
573. just like my dad did,Copy !req
574. and he's never gonna come back.Copy !req
575. Don't panic.
How long do we have?
We have 20 minutes.Copy !req
576. He texted me that
he would be here in 20 minutes.Copy !req
577. I'm gonna, I'm gonna call him,
and I'm gonna sayCopy !req
578. that the party's canceled—
that's the easy solution.Copy !req
579. I'm just gonna say the pa...
No. No, no. Hey, no!
We are not gonnaCopy !req
580. give in to fear—
we're gonna stand up.Copy !req
581. My advice works...Copy !req
582. damn it,
and I am gonna prove it.Copy !req
583. Where are you going?
I'm gonna be backCopy !req
584. in 19 minutes with guests,
lots of 'em.Copy !req
585. You just need to do
the best you canCopy !req
586. to make it look like
you are having a great time!Copy !req
587. Oh, no, no, no,
no offense taken.Copy !req
588. A lot of people think
it's a congenital thing,Copy !req
589. but actually...
Oh, really?Copy !req
590. Oh, yeah.
But actually,Copy !req
591. I lit a cigarette
using a gas burner.Copy !req
592. So not very smart, right?Copy !req
593. Lesson learned.Copy !req
594. Oh, that must
have been horrible for you.Copy !req
595. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
596. The smell alone
was a nightmare.Copy !req
597. Okay, party people,
let's all haveCopy !req
598. a dance party
by the windows!Copy !req
599. I'm not much of a dancer.
Oh, yeah!Copy !req
600. Why the windows?
Whoo!Copy !req
601. We are raising the roof
over here!Copy !req
602. Shut up!Copy !req
603. Come over!
No!Copy !req
604. Hey, look— people!
Lots of people!Copy !req
605. Oh, something anonymous
just got out.Copy !req
606. I'll take 'em!Copy !req
607. Are you guys drunks?Copy !req
608. Gamblers.Copy !req
609. Perfect!Copy !req
610. Oh! Is that all you got,
you wuss?Copy !req
611. Hey, I don't care
for that word.Copy !req
612. Oh, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss.Copy !req
613. Hey, Josh, it's me, Rebecca.Copy !req
614. Um, so I-I think I hadCopy !req
615. some of that weird
garbage disposal chicken,Copy !req
616. um, and I'm not feeling so hot,Copy !req
617. so I've decided
to cancel the party.Copy !req
618. I hope that you have a good...
Friday night. Um...Copy !req
619. Hi!Copy !req
620. Hey!
Hi!Copy !req
621. Hi!
Oh. Hey,
what's up?Copy !req
622. Hello.
It's so good to see you.Copy !req
623. Welcome.
Uh, thanks.Copy !req
624. Nice to see you.
Do you want to maybe
Um, yeah, nice to...Copy !req
625. go for a walk
around the block?Copy !req
626. I have to go get
some cigarettes.Copy !req
627. I'm a smoker.Copy !req
628. Yeah, big smoker.Copy !req
629. Um...Copy !req
630. What?Copy !req
631. What?Copy !req
632. Whoa.Copy !req
633. What happened here?Copy !req
634. Um...Copy !req
635. Okay, so...Copy !req
636. it's more of, like,
an intimate soirée...Copy !req
637. now, because I
thought that a partyCopy !req
638. would be too tacky.Copy !req
639. Um...Copy !req
640. No, that's not what I thought.Copy !req
641. Okay, so you know how I, I
wanted to throw this big party?Copy !req
642. Uh-huh.
I handed out a ton of flyers...Copy !req
643. and nobody came.Copy !req
644. Wait. You're upset...
about this?Copy !req
645. I threw a party...Copy !req
646. and nobody came.Copy !req
647. I know, it's hilarious.Copy !req
648. Of course! You just moved
into town, you banana.Copy !req
649. Of course you don't have
a million friends.Copy !req
650. You know, that'd be
weird if you did.Copy !req
651. If there had been
a ton of people here,Copy !req
652. it would seem like
you just invited random
people you didn't know.Copy !req
653. Oh, my God, that'd be so weird.
Yeah, totally.Copy !req
654. Don't be sad, Becks.Copy !req
655. You have a lot of cool stuff
going on in your life.Copy !req
656. Great job, um, sweet
apartment, plus...Copy !req
657. you're, like, a
kick-ass career gal.Copy !req
658. Well, I...
I am a prime earnerCopy !req
659. at Whitefeather already.Copy !req
660. Yeah, damn straight you are.
Whatever that is.Copy !req
661. I mean, you're
crushing it.Copy !req
662. Look at you.Copy !req
663. You just moved to town,
you throw a big party.Copy !req
664. You're fearless.Copy !req
665. Oh.Copy !req
666. I am.Copy !req
667. You know, Becks,Copy !req
668. if you really wanted more
people at your party,Copy !req
669. that's easy— any
idiot can do that.Copy !req
670. Is... that what you want?Copy !req
671. Sweet. Let's do it.Copy !req
672. All right, get
over here, guys.
You, Dreads,Copy !req
673. over here.
You, Fun Guy,Copy !req
674. I need you over— yeah.Copy !req
675. You're gonna wear my shades.
Awesome sauce.Copy !req
676. You, Mr. Tall Man,
you stand there.Copy !req
677. Okay, now the key to
a good party selfieCopy !req
678. is attitude— what? Yes!Copy !req
679. Swag.Copy !req
680. Ooh.Copy !req
681. Good.Copy !req
682. That's good. Okay, and...Copy !req
683. a killer smile.Copy !req
684. Ready, guys?
Come on.Copy !req
685. Okay. Say— ready?Copy !req
686. Say "selfie."Copy !req
687. Selfie...!Copy !req
688. Ha!Copy !req
689. Ha-ha! Then we post
this puppy online.Copy !req
690. And write #This houseCopy !req
691. is on fire!Copy !req
692. Exclam-Exclamation point.
Ah... send!Copy !req
693. Then we see
what happens.
Huh.Copy !req
694. Who's ready to party...?Copy !req
695. You got dice?Copy !req
696. I can find some!Copy !req
697. Oh, uh,
this is ArielleCopy !req
698. and Chuck.Copy !req
699. And this guy!Copy !req
700. Hi. What-What's his name?Copy !req
701. I don't know, I just
call him "this guy."Copy !req
702. I've known him
since kindergarten.Copy !req
703. Yeah, I'm just so bad in school.Copy !req
704. Dude, let me tell you
something right now.Copy !req
705. Being good at school
means nothing.Copy !req
706. Like, see her?Copy !req
707. Oh, do it, do it!
You got it!Copy !req
708. She went to Harvard.Copy !req
709. Okay?Copy !req
710. And she's a mess.Copy !req
711. Yeah.
Dude,Copy !req
712. I was horrible at school,Copy !req
713. but that's because instead of
reading their stupid books,Copy !req
714. I was busy reading everything
Salinger ever wrote.Copy !req
715. And you're, like, totally
successful and rich now, right?Copy !req
716. Not at all.Copy !req
717. But I'm cool,Copy !req
718. and that's what
really matters.Copy !req
719. I like you.
I like you so...Copy !req
720. I, can I— can I just,Copy !req
721. just grab it?
There you go.
It's fine.Copy !req
722. It's my personal
boundaries...Copy !req
723. We're fine.
I swallowed the barf!Copy !req
724. Oh, she swallowed the barf!
I swallowed my barf!Copy !req
725. She swallowed the barf!Copy !req
726. Oh!Copy !req
727. Oh! Oh, my God.Copy !req
728. You know, at first, I had
my doubts about this party.Copy !req
729. I mean, it's no Weekend Tuesday,
you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
730. But now?
I mean, this is a blast.Copy !req
731. Oh, and I even met
this great girl MeganCopy !req
732. who said she found
your flyer in a gutter.Copy !req
733. Oh, she's such a good listener.Copy !req
734. And I told her
all about my divorce.Copy !req
735. But I think she's
from England, because, I mean,Copy !req
736. her teeth are not good.
But she gave meCopy !req
737. this terrific menthol cigarette.Copy !req
738. Mmm.Copy !req
739. Um...Copy !req
740. I think Megan might
be a meth addict.Copy !req
741. Oh, yeah?
I think you maybe
just smoked meth.Copy !req
742. Oh. Okay.
Well, you know, that'd explainCopy !req
743. why I've been digging a hole
in the backyardCopy !req
744. for the last hour.
But it's still fun!Copy !req
745. Hey, Megan, honey,Copy !req
746. let's clean something.Copy !req
747. Wow.Copy !req
748. This party is a real
who's-who of...Copy !req
749. who?Copy !req
750. Well, if it isn't
Mr. I Can't Come to Your PartyCopy !req
751. Because I Have a Bunch
of Complicated Reasons,Copy !req
752. I Probably Have to Buy
More Black Clothing,Copy !req
753. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.Copy !req
754. That's a long name I have.
Polish?Copy !req
755. All right.Copy !req
756. Sincerely, thank
you for coming.Copy !req
757. It means a lot to me
that you're here.Copy !req
758. Well, you took all my customers.Copy !req
759. I usually get the gamblers
after their meeting.Copy !req
760. Then I started thinking,Copy !req
761. "I've got to show up
to this party to seeCopy !req
762. in what gruesome way
it could all go wrong."Copy !req
763. I figured
at least a porch collapse.Copy !req
764. But, now that I'm here...Copy !req
765. It's not that bad.
Yeah,Copy !req
766. it's pretty great, right?Copy !req
767. And I have one person
to thank for that.Copy !req
768. Hey, girl.Copy !req
769. I know that as a kid
you never got to seeCopy !req
770. that boy band
concert on pay-per-view.Copy !req
771. But it's okay.Copy !req
772. Because I'm here now.Copy !req
773. And I'm all the boy band
you'll ever need.Copy !req
774. And the guy is like,
"Me, I'm fine.Copy !req
775. See that girl
over there?"Copy !req
776. Um...Copy !req
777. is everything okay?Copy !req
778. Uh... no, it's...Copy !req
779. it's-it's not important.Copy !req
780. I-I can get back to them later.Copy !req
781. I am having a blast right now.Copy !req
782. Great.
Yeah.Copy !req
783. Great.
So...Copy !req
784. I should go.Copy !req
785. Tommy just
called us an Uber.Copy !req
786. 'Cause I am... wuz-asted.Copy !req
787. Which is a word I just learnedCopy !req
788. playing pai gow
with a charming manCopy !req
789. from Azusa.Copy !req
790. Boop.Copy !req
791. You threw a great party.Copy !req
792. No.
We threw a great party.Copy !req
793. And you—Copy !req
794. you are a brave little cookie.Copy !req
795. Okay. Come on. Show Mommy
where the front door is.Copy !req
796. Hey, so,Copy !req
797. thanks for the party.
Real fun.Copy !req
798. And I'll see you
at the store, Betsy.Copy !req
799. Actually, my name is Rebecca.Copy !req
800. Don't care.Copy !req
801. Hey, um...Copy !req
802. I saw that you gotCopy !req
803. a text from Valencia earlier.Copy !req
804. I hope I'm not causing
any problems.Copy !req
805. No, no, no, no.
I realized,Copy !req
806. you know, I-I shouldn't
have listened to her.Copy !req
807. I shouldn't be afraid
of my girlfriend, right?Copy !req
808. So I told her,Copy !req
809. "I'll-I'll come home
when I want to."Copy !req
810. Actually, it was a little scary.Copy !req
811. Yeah. Actually, you know,
I-I faced a fear earlierCopy !req
812. and it turned out pretty okay.Copy !req
813. You know, from now on,
uh, since we're friends,Copy !req
814. we should just, you know,
hang outCopy !req
815. whenever we want to,
don't you think?Copy !req
816. Yeah. That...Copy !req
817. I mean, yeah. Let's do it.Copy !req
818. The world be damned.
All right, yeah.Copy !req
819. Wha... It's just...Copy !req
820. Well, I got to go.
Yeah, yeah,Copy !req
821. let's get you out of
here. I'll-I'll...Copy !req
822. don't worry about that.Copy !req
823. Oh. It was a great party.Copy !req
824. Thanks. Thank you.Copy !req
825. This house was on fire!
Oh!Copy !req
826. Yeah!
Oh, I get it. Oh.Copy !req
827. Later.Copy !req
828. Later.Copy !req
829. Sooner rather than...Copy !req
830. Uh, hi.Copy !req
831. I didn't know
you were still here.Copy !req
832. I thought you already left.Copy !req
833. Oh, I don't leave
when there's whiskey left.Copy !req
834. Oh.Copy !req
835. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
836. Take it home.Copy !req
837. That's my gift to you.Copy !req
838. Thank you.Copy !req
839. You know, I get it now.Copy !req
840. What do you get?Copy !req
841. How you feel about Josh.Copy !req
842. I saw it on
your face.Copy !req
843. It was weird
and sad and...Copy !req
844. also kind of beautifulCopy !req
845. in a pure and unironic way.Copy !req
846. I don't know
what you're talking about.Copy !req
847. Josh and I are just friends.Copy !req
848. You guys are just friends.Copy !req
849. We guys are just friends.Copy !req
850. Everyone guys are just friends.Copy !req
851. Okay, okay.Copy !req
852. Drunkie.
Drunkie.Copy !req
853. Let's call you— whoa!Copy !req
854. Let's get
a ridesharing service, right?Copy !req
855. You know, you're really
starting to fit in here.Copy !req
856. Thank you.Copy !req
857. That's not a compliment.Copy !req
858. I can't do this.Copy !req
859. Yes, you can. And I'll be
right here, I promise.Copy !req
860. What if I forget all the stuff
I'm supposed to say?Copy !req
861. You are not kicking Tommy out.Copy !req
862. I know what
my rights are.Copy !req
863. 'Cause I looked 'em up.Copy !req
864. And there is a statute
and it is called...Copy !req
865. the fair access rule.Copy !req
866. And if you expel Tommy,
then you are...Copy !req
867. liable for aCopy !req
868. $26,000-per year stipendCopy !req
869. for... special education.Copy !req
870. If you drop the
transfer hearing,Copy !req
871. then... I will let you
off the hook.Copy !req
872. See,Copy !req
873. this is your problem:Copy !req
874. I'm not afraid of you anymore.Copy !req
875. That is right.Copy !req
876. That went well.Copy !req
877. Much better
than I thought.Copy !req
878. So tell me some other
stuff about my future.Copy !req
879. Okay, so you're gonna
go to Harvard and Yale.Copy !req
880. Yeah, yeah, so when exactly
do I get those boobs?Copy !req
881. Oh. Um, I think age 14?Copy !req
882. I see.Copy !req
883. So, at Yale, you're
gonna be editor in chiefCopy !req
884. of the law journal.Copy !req
885. Sounds great. Back to
the boobs for a second,Copy !req
886. when you say 14,Copy !req
887. are we talking by
my birthday party?Copy !req
888. Are we talking
swimsuit season?Copy !req
889. Also, do they float?Copy !req
890. Yeah.
Nice! Girl with Mustache
owes me ten dollars.Copy !req
891. Fixed & Synced By MoUsTaFa ZaKiCopy !req