1. Hi. Thank you so much for coming.Copy !req
2. Hi. You said there was
a... an emergency? What?Copy !req
3. Yeah, yeah, I'm so... Something is wrongCopy !req
4. with my garbage disposalCopy !req
5. is completely clogged.Copy !req
6. I don't know what happened.Copy !req
7. And I know that, you
know, you're a real fixerCopy !req
8. from summer camp, wood shop,
making all those lanyards,Copy !req
9. so I figured you could help me.Copy !req
10. And I know that you're wondering, like,Copy !req
11. why haven't I called a service.Copy !req
12. Well, one time, I called
a service in New York,Copy !req
13. and the handyman stole
my grandmother's necklaceCopy !req
14. - from Krakow, so I thought never again.
- Wow.Copy !req
15. - Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow!
- Oh.Copy !req
16. Hi, White Josh. You brought
White Josh. How nice.Copy !req
17. Very cool apartment.
How long you been here?Copy !req
18. That's a sexist term.Copy !req
19. Can you guys stop
singing for just a second?Copy !req
20. The situation's a lot
more nuanced than that.Copy !req
21. Okay! We get it!Copy !req
22. So, uh... so you got a clog, huh?Copy !req
23. Sure it's not an obstruction,Copy !req
24. backup? Could be a stoppage.Copy !req
25. I... I have no idea.Copy !req
26. Let me take a look.Copy !req
27. Whoa. There's like a
crapload of chicken in here.Copy !req
28. It's almost like you tried to break it.Copy !req
29. Okay, um, so, while White JoshCopy !req
30. is fixing the garbage disposal,
why don't you and I catch up?Copy !req
31. So, how have you been?Copy !req
32. Sorry about Whi-Jo.Copy !req
33. You know, Valencia is
still not super psychedCopy !req
34. about you and I hanging out alone together,Copy !req
35. so, in case she finds out I was here,Copy !req
36. I can say White Josh was here, too.Copy !req
37. Valencia... when she gets mad,
she, like... ugh... hulks out.Copy !req
38. But what's she mad about? Like, I don't...Copy !req
39. I don't really understand
what she's mad about.Copy !req
40. Ugh! Are you crazy?Copy !req
41. Why does everyone want to have sex with me?Copy !req
42. It's a circle of love, because
I love you, you love Josh,Copy !req
43. and Josh and I used to love each other.Copy !req
44. Oh, that.Copy !req
45. Yeah. Oh, she's still angry about that?Copy !req
46. Oh, my God!Copy !req
47. It's like, shake it off, girlfriend.Copy !req
48. That was ages ago!Copy !req
49. It was six days ago.Copy !req
50. Well, yeah, I mean, I just
need a buffer, you know.Copy !req
51. Yeah. Especially since Valencia's...Copy !req
52. She's out of town at some yoga retreat.Copy !req
53. Oh, she's out of town?Copy !req
54. You know, it's so funny that she's so angryCopy !req
55. because I've tried to tell her repeatedlyCopy !req
56. that you and I are just friendsCopy !req
57. and that I'm really on the huntCopy !req
58. for, like, cute, single guys, you know.Copy !req
59. It's so hot in here. Aah!Copy !req
60. Hey, buddy, if you're gonna
sweat, can you put down a towel?Copy !req
61. Oh, sorry. I'm actually...
I'm done, anyway.Copy !req
62. Disposal's fixed.Copy !req
63. Oh, great. Then we should jet.Copy !req
64. Oh. Wait, wait, wait, wait!Copy !req
65. Why-why don't we... why don't
we watch a movie, and-and...Copy !req
66. and Buffer can play with my phone? Hmm?Copy !req
67. - Here you go, bud.
- Ah.Copy !req
68. You got a step counter on here?Copy !req
69. Whoa! It is very low.
I'm gonna catch you up.Copy !req
70. Uh, no, we got to go.Copy !req
71. Anyway, don't you have,
like, work or something?Copy !req
72. Um, actually, today is Weekend Tuesday.Copy !req
73. Yeah, it's like, uh, Casual Friday, butCopy !req
74. even more chill and on a Tuesday.Copy !req
75. And, um, we make it upCopy !req
76. by working Saturdays once a quarter.Copy !req
77. That sounds confusing.Copy !req
78. I don't disagree.Copy !req
79. Uh, yeah, come on, dude, we got to go.Copy !req
80. Um, it was great to see you, Becks.Copy !req
81. You know, glad we could help.Copy !req
82. Just a little advice.Copy !req
83. Uh, no chicken in the disposal ever.Copy !req
84. Also, no fish bones, also, uh, no seeds.Copy !req
85. Also, lemons seem bad,
but they're actually good.Copy !req
86. Cool.Copy !req
87. = Thanks for the tips. Thanks for the help.
- Uh-huh. Sure.Copy !req
88. Uh, put on a shirt 'cause
no one wants to see that.Copy !req
89. - I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- It's totally fine.Copy !req
90. Yeah, no. No problem.Copy !req
91. Sorry. See you, Becks.Copy !req
92. All right.Copy !req
93. Oh, God.Copy !req
94. Darryl Whitefeather.Copy !req
95. Hi, Darryl. It's Rebecca.Copy !req
96. Listen, I don't know if I'm
gonna make it in to work today.Copy !req
97. Oh, why?Copy !req
98. I'm just not... I'm not feeling well.Copy !req
99. Oh, really? What-what is it?Copy !req
100. Um... my ovaries are eking outCopy !req
101. into my fallopian tubes,
and they're wrapped around...Copy !req
102. You know what? We'll see you
when you're feeling better.Copy !req
103. Yeah. Okay, thanks.Copy !req
104. Wow. Men are stupid.Copy !req
105. Come in.Copy !req
106. Darryl said your uterus exploded.Copy !req
107. You know, if that's true, shouldCopy !req
108. probably go to the hospital or something.Copy !req
109. I know what this is. This is Chan-itus.Copy !req
110. Again, I just moved here
for a change. I didn'tCopy !req
111. - move here for Josh.
- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.Copy !req
112. - Yeah, yeah. I got it...
- West Covina. Pretzel...Copy !req
113. - Got it.
- Okay.Copy !req
114. Fine. You know, I'll admit it.Copy !req
115. I want to be his friend.Copy !req
116. Okay? Sue me. But now hisCopy !req
117. stupid, dum-dum-face girlfriendCopy !req
118. has officially barred him
from being alone with me.Copy !req
119. Yeah, I saw that coming.Copy !req
120. I don't know what to do.Copy !req
121. Well, that's okay, 'cause I do.Copy !req
122. Huh? Oh, come on.Copy !req
123. It's a classic dilemma.Copy !req
124. How do you see your crush...Copy !req
125. I mean, friend... without
pissing off his girlfriend,Copy !req
126. and look fabu in a super-tight
low-cut dress in the process?Copy !req
127. There's a solution, a loophole.Copy !req
128. It is in every teen movie ever made.Copy !req
129. It's a car wash?Copy !req
130. Throw a big party!Copy !req
131. - No.
- What?Copy !req
132. Yes, throw a big party.Copy !req
133. That way, when Josh comes,Copy !req
134. you're not technically alone with him,Copy !req
135. - and then he can't get in trouble!
- Okay, I see your logic...Copy !req
136. Very sound logic, um, but I don't do that.Copy !req
137. I don't throw parties.
It's not a thing I do.Copy !req
138. - I go to parties.
- Okay. Why?Copy !req
139. Oh, God, um...Copy !req
140. it's, like, a super long story.Copy !req
141. Okay, um, ooh...Copy !req
142. - So, when I was 12...
- Okay.Copy !req
143. No, no. I don't have time for this.Copy !req
144. What happened? The tissues
fell out of your training bra?Copy !req
145. You period-ed on a white
couch? We've all been there.Copy !req
146. I period-ed on an ultra
suede settee in 1987Copy !req
147. at Roberta Janatelli's condo, andCopy !req
148. I got to tell you, it
was still a great party.Copy !req
149. I wrapped a sweater around my waist,Copy !req
150. then hooked up with Bobby Henderson anyway.Copy !req
151. And started the whole, um,Copy !req
152. sweater-around-the-waist
trend while I was at it.Copy !req
153. So, you're welcome.Copy !req
154. Paula, you don't
understand what I am saying.Copy !req
155. I need you to listen to me, okay?Copy !req
156. This was the worst party of all time.Copy !req
157. So, I invited everyone in my
grade to come over to my houseCopy !req
158. and watch the pay-per-view
concert of my favoriteCopy !req
159. boy band, Room Temperature.Copy !req
160. So, I threw this party,Copy !req
161. and this is how many people showed up.Copy !req
162. Concert starts in ten minutes!Copy !req
163. Who's psyched?Copy !req
164. Well,Copy !req
165. that was a tepid response.Copy !req
166. Get it?Copy !req
167. It's a temperature joke.Copy !req
168. And then it happened.Copy !req
169. Keep your voice down. She's having a party.Copy !req
170. You call that a party? That's
her and her three loser friends.Copy !req
171. You couldn't even throw her a decent party!Copy !req
172. Well, then why don't you call your whoreCopy !req
173. and ask her what she would do?Copy !req
174. Um, they're just rehearsing a play calledCopy !req
175. The Worst Parents Ever.Copy !req
176. It's going up at the
Westchester Community Playhouse.Copy !req
177. That's it. I've had it.Copy !req
178. Hey, I'll get you tickets.
Who wants tickets?Copy !req
179. If you walk out that door,Copy !req
180. I don't ever want to see you again!Copy !req
181. - Is that a promise?
- Yes!Copy !req
182. - Can I get that in writing?
- Yes!Copy !req
183. Good luck, kiddo.Copy !req
184. I got to get out of here.Copy !req
185. Don't you dare.Copy !req
186. Don't you dare.Copy !req
187. Don't you dare!Copy !req
188. Don't tell anybodyCopy !req
189. at school about this, okay?Copy !req
190. Oh, my God.Copy !req
191. It's the root of all my party fears.Copy !req
192. Actually, it's the root
of all my fears, period.Copy !req
193. Babe, you don't think
that I get being afraid?Copy !req
194. I wake up every morning in cold sweatsCopy !req
195. worried that I'm wasting my entire lifeCopy !req
196. with a man who spends all his
time with a barbershop quartetCopy !req
197. called The West Brovinas.Copy !req
198. - No, you never told me the name.
- Yes.Copy !req
199. And my children... I
mean, their only hope isCopy !req
200. that they get into a really good gang.Copy !req
201. I mean, honey, I am scared
every day of my life.Copy !req
202. But you can be brave. I know you can.Copy !req
203. All you got to do is stand up
to your fears, do you understand?Copy !req
204. I understand you in theory.Copy !req
205. Listen to me. His GF is out of town.Copy !req
206. The moment is now!Copy !req
207. Or is it, like, some time other than now?Copy !req
208. - Like...
- Shh... !Copy !req
209. I don't follow.Copy !req
210. Sit on my lap like I'm
Santa and listen to me.Copy !req
211. Okay, I think I'm starting to
get it... what you're talk...Copy !req
212. Well, that's just dangerous.Copy !req
213. - That's not how smoke or fire works.
- Shh.Copy !req
214. Whoa.Copy !req
215. Who are you singing to?Copy !req
216. Okay, I have so many problems...Copy !req
217. Oh, my God.Copy !req
218. Is face my fears?Copy !req
219. Fears, I-I got it.Copy !req
220. Okay.Copy !req
221. Okay?Copy !req
222. Yeah. That was, like, really convincing.Copy !req
223. I mean, like,Copy !req
224. kind of disturbing but also convincing.Copy !req
225. Yeah, you're right, Paula.Copy !req
226. Now that I've run all thisCopy !req
227. through the logic processor, like,Copy !req
228. of course my dad isn't
gonna walk out on me again.Copy !req
229. So... yes?Copy !req
230. Yes!Copy !req
231. Ooh, yes! Ah, good!Copy !req
232. Okay, pity party over.
Let's throw a real party!Copy !req
233. - Aah! I'm horrified.
- Game plan. Okay.Copy !req
234. - But let's do it!
- Yeah. Yay!Copy !req
235. Oh, you know what would be awesome?Copy !req
236. We need salt.Copy !req
237. Um, since it's Weekend Tuesday, um,Copy !req
238. can we just go home?Copy !req
239. See, it's Weekend Tuesday,Copy !req
240. but it's not the real weekend.Copy !req
241. Now, look, Bill,Copy !req
242. why don't you put on that sombreroCopy !req
243. and then head on back to work?Copy !req
244. - Right.
- Right?Copy !req
245. Weekend Tuesday.Copy !req
246. So, the first thing we need
to do is choose a theme.Copy !req
247. Don't worry about that. I have plannedCopy !req
248. a million parties in my life.Copy !req
249. I will take care of that part.Copy !req
250. You handle the invites.Copy !req
251. - Okay.
- Okay?Copy !req
252. Ladies, are you working
on the Castwick case?Copy !req
253. - Because it's...
- Weekend Tuesday, Darryl.Copy !req
254. Okay.Copy !req
255. Yeah.Copy !req
256. No. Sorry. You're right.Copy !req
257. I may not have thought this day through.Copy !req
258. Hey, Brendan,Copy !req
259. have you seen that tablecloth
with the roses on it?Copy !req
260. What? Haven't seen it.Copy !req
261. Hey, what have I said about
the katana on the table?Copy !req
262. Or...Copy !req
263. you could just stare at
me like a serial killer.Copy !req
264. Scott?Copy !req
265. Scott!Copy !req
266. - Scott!
- Huh? Huh?Copy !req
267. What? Sorry. We have
the semifinals coming upCopy !req
268. against the Glendorables.Copy !req
269. They're the a-cappella group from Glendora.Copy !req
270. - They're the best in the state.
- Okay, I'm lookingCopy !req
271. for that white tablecloth that we have,Copy !req
272. the one with the roses on it.Copy !req
273. - Yeah, I saw it.
- Great!Copy !req
274. - Where is it?
- I threw it out.Copy !req
275. Wait! You threw it out?
That was from our wedding.Copy !req
276. I gave it to Goodwill when you asked meCopy !req
277. to clean out the cabinet.Copy !req
278. Okay, well, if I asked youCopy !req
279. to take out the recyclables,Copy !req
280. would you throw out our wedding album?Copy !req
281. 'Cause it is partly made of paper.Copy !req
282. I don't know what you're asking me.Copy !req
283. You know, the world doesn't
revolve around barbershop.Copy !req
284. Nothing revolves around barbershop!Copy !req
285. Not even a revolving barbershop poleCopy !req
286. revolves around barbershop.Copy !req
287. This damn teacher. Teacher's...Copy !req
288. Stupid...Copy !req
289. What's up, Tommy?Copy !req
290. I have a test tomorrow, and I
don't know any of this stuff.Copy !req
291. I'm stupid.Copy !req
292. You are not stupid.Copy !req
293. You are in the highest
percentiles of kids with ADHDCopy !req
294. and OCD and SAD and a panic disorderCopy !req
295. and restless leg syndrome...Copy !req
296. Mom, I'm gonna fail the test.Copy !req
297. You're not. I know you're not.Copy !req
298. Look, just, you know, don't be afraidCopy !req
299. and-and face your fears.Copy !req
300. Run with scissors, you know?Copy !req
301. What?Copy !req
302. That's bad advice, Mom.Copy !req
303. Hey!Copy !req
304. It's a house warming, get it?Copy !req
305. Yeah. No, I get it. I get it. It's just,Copy !req
306. you know, it kind of
looks like you're goingCopy !req
307. - to light your house on fire.
- No.Copy !req
308. - No, I don't see that. Mm-mm.
- Okay.Copy !req
309. Whatever. You know
what, it's gonna be fine.Copy !req
310. Do you promise?Copy !req
311. Yes, I promise.Copy !req
312. You got this.Copy !req
313. Okay? You are a smart,Copy !req
314. confident womanCopy !req
315. who's in charge of her own destiny.Copy !req
316. That sounds like a tampon
commercial. But you know...Copy !req
317. you know where I'm going
with this, right?Copy !req
318. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
319. Okay, now, who you gonna pass these out to?Copy !req
320. Oh, come on, you know
people. You know peopleCopy !req
321. since you've been here. You
go to that spinning class.Copy !req
322. You have people in your apartment complex.Copy !req
323. Yeah... No, no, you're right.Copy !req
324. Now that I'm thinking about it,Copy !req
325. I definitely know a lot of people.Copy !req
326. Tons of people.Copy !req
327. I'm psyched!Copy !req
328. God, this time's gonna
be totally different.Copy !req
329. You're right. It's not
like seventh grade at all.Copy !req
330. I'm Patty!Copy !req
331. Luan.Copy !req
332. Jason and I'm super into
Dance Dance Revolution!Copy !req
333. Girl with mustache!Copy !req
334. Boy with port-wine stain!Copy !req
335. Janitor who lives in
an RV behind the school.Copy !req
336. Oh, yeah!Copy !req
337. I'm Paula!Copy !req
338. Darryl!Copy !req
339. Lady who hit your car!Copy !req
340. Friend of friend from law school?Copy !req
341. Grocery clerk with half an eyelid!Copy !req
342. It went great. I think lots
of cool people are gonna come.Copy !req
343. Yeah. Everybody loved my flyer.Copy !req
344. Oh, and,
B-T-dubs,Copy !req
345. nobody thought it looked
like a house burning down,Copy !req
346. - so, you know...
- Nice. I knew you could do it, girl.Copy !req
347. Now you just got
to get Josh and his friends.Copy !req
348. On it, doin' it, crushin' it, bye.Copy !req
349. Hey, Chris, you seen Chan?Copy !req
350. S-Sorry, what was that?Copy !req
351. Have you seen Josh Chan?Copy !req
352. Nah, but you're lookin' sweet.Copy !req
353. Thank you, young man.Copy !req
354. I'm lookin' sweet.Copy !req
355. Hi, Greg.Copy !req
356. Put those things away. You're
gonna poke a kid's eye out.Copy !req
357. You're funny.Copy !req
358. You're funny in that way that
I'm sure other people like.Copy !req
359. Wow. Charming on you looks really great.Copy !req
360. Okay, let's start over. Look, I
know that you're probablyCopy !req
361. a little, like, miffed at me
from the way things went downCopy !req
362. at Spiders the other night.Copy !req
363. Um, as I remember it, you weren't
too thrilled with me either.Copy !req
364. I was gonna apologize for
that, and then I forgot.Copy !req
365. But I'm sorry.Copy !req
366. So let's just move on. I'm hereCopy !req
367. to invite you to the
biggest event of the season.Copy !req
368. A party.Copy !req
369. Wow. A flyer.Copy !req
370. Is it also, like, a church bake sale, too?Copy !req
371. It's gonna be so fun. And I actually...Copy !req
372. I really would like you to come.Copy !req
373. Let's review. We've been out twice.Copy !req
374. The first time, we kissed
and then you started crying.Copy !req
375. The second time, you kissed
a girl, she didn't like it,Copy !req
376. and she left crying. We don't
have a good track record here.Copy !req
377. Dude, like, that actually
really hurts my feelings,Copy !req
378. because I consider you to be
one of my best friends here.Copy !req
379. - What?
- Yeah, I do.Copy !req
380. True, we've had some “altercations,”Copy !req
381. if that's what you call them,Copy !req
382. yeah, but that's the hallmarkCopy !req
383. of, like, a strong friendship, you know?Copy !req
384. Saying the worst possible
things to each otherCopy !req
385. and then going to a party.Copy !req
386. Wow. It is so tempting.Copy !req
387. It is so tempt... No.Copy !req
388. Okay. Wow. Okay.Copy !req
389. You know, I tried extending
the olive branch to you,Copy !req
390. and you just took those
olives and you plucked 'emCopy !req
391. and you chopped them up into
a tapenade of reproach...Copy !req
392. You know what, never mind.
I don't care anymore.Copy !req
393. Um, good-bye.Copy !req
394. Face your fears.Copy !req
395. Hey, Josh, do you want to come to a party?Copy !req
396. I'm throwing a...Copy !req
397. party. You should come.Copy !req
398. No way! That's awesome!Copy !req
399. Yeah. See? This isCopy !req
400. how a human being respondsCopy !req
401. to another human being's party invitation.Copy !req
402. - You're not a human being.
- Oh, just throw a barbCopy !req
403. at me and then go to the
stockroom. Real mature.Copy !req
404. He's so immature. Sorry about that.Copy !req
405. We have kind of a... like, a
Sam and Diane thing going on,Copy !req
406. except it's, um, unpleasant and un-sexy.Copy !req
407. Yeah, so it's just gonna be a...Copy !req
408. housewarming shindig
with a-a gaggle of peeps.Copy !req
409. And I thought that, you know,
Valencia would be cool with itCopy !req
410. since we won't technically be alone.Copy !req
411. - Right?
- Huh.Copy !req
412. So do you think you might make it?Copy !req
413. Sure.Copy !req
414. Oh, huzzah!Copy !req
415. I mean, that's super...Copy !req
416. that's super cool, just
'cause, like, it's gonna beCopy !req
417. really chill. Yeah.Copy !req
418. Cool. And maybe you could bring, Yeah.Copy !req
419. Uh, Hector and White Josh?Copy !req
420. Oh, man. They're out of town.Copy !req
421. Surf championship in Redondo.Copy !req
422. But I'm sure you have other
people to invite, right?Copy !req
423. Yeah. No, I'm-I'm inviting, like...Copy !req
424. so many people.Copy !req
425. So, um,Copy !req
426. I will... I'll see you at my party?Copy !req
427. Sure.Copy !req
428. Okay. Cool.Copy !req
429. Cool. I'll see you there.Copy !req
430. Hi.Copy !req
431. No solicitors.Copy !req
432. Oh, no, no. I live next-door, remember?Copy !req
433. Oh... yeah.Copy !req
434. Yeah, it's me. You know,Copy !req
435. I was going around, introducing myself,Copy !req
436. handing out those croissantsCopy !req
437. that I made.Copy !req
438. Yeah, I remember you.Copy !req
439. Look, just as a tip, we
don't... actually, like,Copy !req
440. talk to each other around here.Copy !req
441. That guy has lived next-door
to me for, like, 11 years,Copy !req
442. and, like, I say “guy,” but honestly,Copy !req
443. it could be, like...Copy !req
444. - a stack of cats in a jumpsuit.
- Okay.Copy !req
445. Appreciate the info.Copy !req
446. But... I like to consider
myself a bridge builder,Copy !req
447. and I feel like you and ICopy !req
448. could shake things up around here.Copy !req
449. Yeah, no, I don't see that happening,Copy !req
450. but anyways... nice to meet you,Copy !req
451. stack of cats in a...Copy !req
452. - shirt.
- Wait, wait!Copy !req
453. The reason I'm here is I want to
invite you to an awesome party.Copy !req
454. It's gonna be full-on.
It's gonna be full-on!Copy !req
455. And I really want you to be there,Copy !req
456. 'cause you're the coolest personCopy !req
457. I think I've ever met.Copy !req
458. Um, so I would like you to come to it.Copy !req
459. But I'm sensing the slightest
undercurrent of resistance,Copy !req
460. - so now I'm kind of...
- What time should I come over?Copy !req
461. Wait. You want to come?Copy !req
462. Not to party or anything, but just, like...Copy !req
463. to watch you.Copy !req
464. Okay.Copy !req
465. I kind of think you're
fascinating, actually.Copy !req
466. And I'm taking abnormal psych
at the JC, and I think...Copy !req
467. you would make, like, a really good paper.Copy !req
468. Why, thank you, madam.Copy !req
469. Yeah, see, like that.Copy !req
470. That would just...Copy !req
471. be, like, an “A”
right there. Like, done.Copy !req
472. - Hi.
- Look what I have!Copy !req
473. Oh.Copy !req
474. Isn't it amaz... ? It's like
a box of fantastic-ness.Copy !req
475. Okay, so instead of having just one theme,Copy !req
476. we're having all of the themes.Copy !req
477. And we even have... a
Valentine's Day piñata.Copy !req
478. Okay, you know what, yeah,
it's, like, hipster-y and ironic.Copy !req
479. Like, I could see, like, a
BuzzFeed article about it.Copy !req
480. Okay, cool. I'm down, I'm down.Copy !req
481. Okay, let's go over the guest list.Copy !req
482. So we got Josh, my super
cool neighbor Heather,Copy !req
483. Darryl...Copy !req
484. - No!
- Uh, you know...Copy !req
485. - Why do you hate me?
- What can I do?Copy !req
486. - Come on. He's sad.
- All right. I know.Copy !req
487. Um, Mrs. Hernandez was trending positive...Copy !req
488. I can never tell with her.Copy !req
489. And let's see. Oh, a lot of the peopleCopy !req
490. I handed the flyer to didn't,
like, technically say yes,Copy !req
491. but they gave me a look,
like, “Oh, I'm there.”Copy !req
492. Nice!Copy !req
493. - Nice. Yeah.
- Good for you.Copy !req
494. - Oh, no.
- What?Copy !req
495. What? Is it about the party?Copy !req
496. Are people not coming? Is it Josh?Copy !req
497. Is Josh not coming? Wait, why
does Josh have your number?Copy !req
498. No, no, it's-it's Tommy, okay?Copy !req
499. There's something going on at the school.Copy !req
500. I have to run over...Copy !req
501. What? No, you can't... no,Copy !req
502. you can't leave... The party's in an hour.Copy !req
503. This was your idea.Copy !req
504. What am I gonna do if
you're not here? I haveCopy !req
505. no one helping me. You can't leaveCopy !req
506. for some stupid child thing!Copy !req
507. I'm sorry, that's really insensitive.Copy !req
508. Look, the point is, I get it.Copy !req
509. It's your child. But
please come back soon. Look,Copy !req
510. I'm just gonna go, I'm gonna
take care of this hassle,Copy !req
511. I'm gonna turn right back
around, okay? I promiseCopy !req
512. - I will be back soon. Boop.
- Liar.Copy !req
513. You stole the test?Copy !req
514. What? You wanted me to face my fears,Copy !req
515. and I was afraid of getting
a bad grade on my test.Copy !req
516. Why weren't you afraid of getting caught?Copy !req
517. Well, I was, but thanks to you,Copy !req
518. I overcame that fear.Copy !req
519. Mrs. Proctor.Copy !req
520. Good luck. He's mean.Copy !req
521. Oh, my God.Copy !req
522. Let me be frank.Copy !req
523. Tommy has every issue in the book,Copy !req
524. so I'm afraidCopy !req
525. we're going to have to transfer himCopy !req
526. to a special program in Riverside.Copy !req
527. But that's, like, an hour away!Copy !req
528. We moved to this crap townCopy !req
529. - because us the schools.
- I'm sorry,Copy !req
530. do you have somewhere more important to be?Copy !req
531. No, of course not. I-I...Copy !req
532. The transfer hearing is Monday.Copy !req
533. Y... You can't do this.Copy !req
534. He's-he's been diagnosed
with so many things.Copy !req
535. He just, he needs help.Copy !req
536. I'll see you Monday.Copy !req
537. Hi!Copy !req
538. Here's a present.Copy !req
539. Those are good until midnight.Copy !req
540. Oh, man! I thought the houseCopy !req
541. was literally gonna be on fire.Copy !req
542. You were right... He's terrifying.Copy !req
543. He made me forgetCopy !req
544. everything I was gonna say.Copy !req
545. Are you mad at me?Copy !req
546. You stole a test, you... ding-dong.Copy !req
547. Of course I'm mad at you.Copy !req
548. We'll figure something out.Copy !req
549. Oh.Copy !req
550. Okay,Copy !req
551. come on, I will take you home,Copy !req
552. but we got to stop somewhere along the way.Copy !req
553. Hey!Copy !req
554. I have terrible news.Copy !req
555. Josh isn't coming?Copy !req
556. No. He's coming...Copy !req
557. to this.Copy !req
558. Party like it's Weekend Tuesday!Copy !req
559. Huh?Copy !req
560. This. This is what Josh
is going to walk into.Copy !req
561. Nobody came.Copy !req
562. I handed out all those
flyers, and nobody showed up.Copy !req
563. Even Mrs. Hernandez bagged.Copy !req
564. What's she doing on a Friday night?Copy !req
565. This is exactly what I
thought was gonna happen.Copy !req
566. You were wrong, Paula.Copy !req
567. This is exactly how it feltCopy !req
568. when my father left.Copy !req
569. My life is just about to fall apart,Copy !req
570. just like it did when I wasCopy !req
571. 12 years old. When Josh walks in here,Copy !req
572. he's gonna walk outCopy !req
573. just like my dad did,Copy !req
574. and he's never gonna come back.Copy !req
575. - Don't panic. How long do we have?
- We have 20 minutes.Copy !req
576. He texted me that he would
be here in 20 minutes.Copy !req
577. I'm gonna, I'm gonna call
him, and I'm gonna sayCopy !req
578. that the party's canceled...
That's the easy solution.Copy !req
579. - I'm just gonna say the pa...
- No. No, no. Hey, no! We are not gonnaCopy !req
580. give in to fear... We're gonna stand up.Copy !req
581. My advice works...Copy !req
582. damn it, and I am gonna prove it.Copy !req
583. - Where are you going?
- I'm gonna be backCopy !req
584. in 19 minutes with guests, lots of 'em.Copy !req
585. You just need to do the best you canCopy !req
586. to make it look like you
are having a great time!Copy !req
587. Oh, no, no, no, no offense taken.Copy !req
588. A lot of people think
it's a congenital thing,Copy !req
589. - but actually...
- Oh, really?Copy !req
590. Oh, yeah. But actually,Copy !req
591. I lit a cigarette using a gas burner.Copy !req
592. So not very smart, right?Copy !req
593. Lesson learned.Copy !req
594. Oh, that must
have been horrible for you.Copy !req
595. Oh, yeah.Copy !req
596. The smell alone was a nightmare.Copy !req
597. Okay, party people, let's all haveCopy !req
598. a dance party by the windows!Copy !req
599. - I'm not much of a dancer.
- Oh, yeah!Copy !req
600. - Why the windows?
- Whoo!Copy !req
601. We are raising the roof over here!Copy !req
602. Shut up!Copy !req
603. - Come over!
- No!Copy !req
604. Hey, look... people! Lots of people!Copy !req
605. Oh, something
anonymous just got out.Copy !req
606. I'll take 'em!Copy !req
607. Are you guys drunks?Copy !req
608. Gamblers.Copy !req
609. Perfect!Copy !req
610. Oh! Is that all you got, you wuss?Copy !req
611. Hey, I don't care for that word.Copy !req
612. Oh, wuss, wuss, wuss, wuss.Copy !req
613. Hey, Josh, it's me, Rebecca.Copy !req
614. Um, so I-I think I hadCopy !req
615. some of that weird
garbage disposal chicken,Copy !req
616. um, and I'm not feeling so hot,Copy !req
617. so I've decided to cancel the party.Copy !req
618. I hope that you have a
good... Friday night. Um...Copy !req
619. Hi!Copy !req
620. - Hey!
- Hi!Copy !req
621. - Hi!
- Oh. Hey, what's up?Copy !req
622. - Hello.
- It's so good to see you.Copy !req
623. - Welcome.
- Uh, thanks.Copy !req
624. Nice to see you.Copy !req
625. Do you want to maybe go
for a walk around the block?Copy !req
626. I have to go get some cigarettes.Copy !req
627. I'm a smoker.Copy !req
628. Yeah, big smoker.Copy !req
629. Um...Copy !req
630. What?Copy !req
631. What?Copy !req
632. Whoa.Copy !req
633. What happened here?Copy !req
634. Um...Copy !req
635. Okay, so...Copy !req
636. it's more of, like, an intimate soiree...Copy !req
637. now, because I thought that a partyCopy !req
638. would be too tacky.Copy !req
639. Um...Copy !req
640. No, that's not what I thought.Copy !req
641. Okay, so you know how I, I
wanted to throw this big party?Copy !req
642. Uh-huh. I handed out a ton of flyers...Copy !req
643. and nobody came.Copy !req
644. Wait. You're upset... about this?Copy !req
645. I threw a party...Copy !req
646. and nobody came.Copy !req
647. I know, it's hilarious.Copy !req
648. Of course! You just moved
into town, you banana.Copy !req
649. Of course you don't have a million friends.Copy !req
650. You know, that'd be weird if you did.Copy !req
651. If there had been a ton of people here,Copy !req
652. it would seem like you just invited
random people you didn't know.Copy !req
653. - Oh, my God, that'd be so weird.
- Yeah, totally.Copy !req
654. Don't be sad, Becks.Copy !req
655. You have a lot of cool
stuff going on in your life.Copy !req
656. Great job, um, sweet apartment, plus...Copy !req
657. you're, like, a kick-ass career gal.Copy !req
658. Well, I... I am a prime earnerCopy !req
659. at Whitefeather already.Copy !req
660. Yeah, damn straight you
are. Whatever that is.Copy !req
661. I mean, you're crushing it.Copy !req
662. Look at you.Copy !req
663. You just moved to town,
you throw a big party.Copy !req
664. You're fearless.Copy !req
665. Oh.Copy !req
666. I am.Copy !req
667. You know, Becks,Copy !req
668. if you really wanted
more people at your party,Copy !req
669. that's easy... any idiot can do that.Copy !req
670. Is... that what you want?Copy !req
671. Sweet. Let's do it.Copy !req
672. All right, get over
here, guys. You, Dreads,Copy !req
673. over here. You, Fun Guy,Copy !req
674. I need you over... yeah.Copy !req
675. You're gonna wear my shades. Awesome sauce.Copy !req
676. You, Mr. Tall Man, you stand there.Copy !req
677. Okay, now the key to a good party selfieCopy !req
678. is attitude... what? Yes!Copy !req
679. Swag.Copy !req
680. Ooh.Copy !req
681. Good.Copy !req
682. That's good. Okay, and...Copy !req
683. a killer smile.Copy !req
684. Ready guys? That's good. Ok, come on...Copy !req
685. Say “selfie.”Copy !req
686. Selfie... !Copy !req
687. Ha!Copy !req
688. Ha-ha! Then we post this puppy online.Copy !req
689. "This houseCopy !req
690. is on fire!"Copy !req
691. Exclam-Exclamation point. Ah... send!Copy !req
692. Then we see what happens. Huh.Copy !req
693. Who's ready to party...?Copy !req
694. You got dice?Copy !req
695. I can find some!Copy !req
696. Oh, uh, this is ArielleCopy !req
697. and Chuck.Copy !req
698. And this guy!Copy !req
699. Hi. What-What's his name?Copy !req
700. I don't know, I just call him “this guy"Copy !req
701. I've known him since kindergarten.Copy !req
702. Yeah, I'm just so bad in school.Copy !req
703. Dude, let me tell you something right now.Copy !req
704. Being good at school means nothing.Copy !req
705. Like, see her?Copy !req
706. Oh, do it, do it! You got it!Copy !req
707. She went to Harvard.Copy !req
708. Okay?Copy !req
709. And she's a mess.Copy !req
710. - Yeah.
- Dude,Copy !req
711. I was horrible at school,Copy !req
712. but that's because instead
of reading their stupid books,Copy !req
713. I was busy reading everything
Salinger ever wrote.Copy !req
714. And you're, like, totally
successful and rich now, right?Copy !req
715. Not at all.Copy !req
716. But I'm cool,Copy !req
717. and that's what really matters.Copy !req
718. I like you. I like you so...Copy !req
719. I, can I... can I just,Copy !req
720. just grab it? There you go. It's fine.Copy !req
721. It's my personal boundaries...Copy !req
722. We're fine. I swallowed the barf!Copy !req
723. - Oh, she swallowed the barf!
- I swallowed my barf!Copy !req
724. She swallowed the barf!Copy !req
725. Oh!Copy !req
726. Oh! Oh, my God.Copy !req
727. You know, at first, I had
my doubts about this party.Copy !req
728. I mean, it's no Weekend Tuesday,
you know what I'm saying?Copy !req
729. But now? I mean, this is a blast.Copy !req
730. Oh, and I even met this great girl MeganCopy !req
731. who said she found your flyer in a gutter.Copy !req
732. Oh, she's such a good listener.Copy !req
733. And I told her all about my divorce.Copy !req
734. But I think she's from
England, because, I mean,Copy !req
735. her teeth are not good. But she gave meCopy !req
736. this terrific menthol cigarette.Copy !req
737. Mmm.Copy !req
738. Um...Copy !req
739. I think Megan might be a meth addict.Copy !req
740. Oh, yeah? I think you
maybe just smoked meth.Copy !req
741. Oh. Okay. Well, you know, that'd explainCopy !req
742. why I've been digging
a hole in the backyardCopy !req
743. for the last hour.
But it's still fun!Copy !req
744. Hey, Megan, honey,Copy !req
745. let's clean something.Copy !req
746. Wow.Copy !req
747. This party is a real who's-who of...Copy !req
748. who?Copy !req
749. Well, if it isn't Mr. I
Can't Come to Your PartyCopy !req
750. Because I Have a Bunch
of Complicated Reasons,Copy !req
751. I Probably Have to Buy More Black Clothing,Copy !req
752. Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah.Copy !req
753. That's a long name I have. Polish?Copy !req
754. All right.Copy !req
755. Sincerely, thank you for coming.Copy !req
756. It means a lot to me that you're here.Copy !req
757. Well, you took all my customers.Copy !req
758. I usually get the gamblers
after their meeting.Copy !req
759. Then I started thinking,Copy !req
760. “I've got to show up to this party to seeCopy !req
761. in what gruesome way it
could all go wrong.”Copy !req
762. I figured at least a porch collapse.Copy !req
763. But, now that I'm here...Copy !req
764. - It's not that bad.
- Yeah,Copy !req
765. it's pretty great, right?Copy !req
766. And I have one person to thank for that.Copy !req
767. Hey, girl.Copy !req
768. I know that as a kid you never got to seeCopy !req
769. that boy band concert
on pay-per-view.Copy !req
770. But it's okay.Copy !req
771. Because I'm here now.Copy !req
772. And I'm all the boy band you'll ever need.Copy !req
773. And the guy is like, “Me, I'm fine.Copy !req
774. See that girl over there"Copy !req
775. Um...Copy !req
776. is everything okay?Copy !req
777. Uh... no, it's...Copy !req
778. it's-it's not important.Copy !req
779. I-I can get back to them later.Copy !req
780. I am having a blast right now.Copy !req
781. - Great.
- Yeah.Copy !req
782. - Great.
- So...Copy !req
783. I should go.Copy !req
784. Tommy just called us an Uber.Copy !req
785. 'Cause I am... wuz-asted.Copy !req
786. Which is a word I just learnedCopy !req
787. playing pai gow with a charming manCopy !req
788. from Azusa.Copy !req
789. Boop.Copy !req
790. You threw a great party.Copy !req
791. No. We threw a great party.Copy !req
792. And you...Copy !req
793. You are a brave little cookie.Copy !req
794. Okay. Come on. Show Mommy
where the front door is.Copy !req
795. Hey, so,Copy !req
796. thanks for the party. Real fun.Copy !req
797. And I'll see you at the store, Betsy.Copy !req
798. Actually, my name is Rebecca.Copy !req
799. Don't care.Copy !req
800. Hey, um...Copy !req
801. I saw that you gotCopy !req
802. a text from Valencia earlier.Copy !req
803. I hope I'm not causing any problems.Copy !req
804. No, no, no, no. I realized,Copy !req
805. you know, I-I shouldn't
have listened to her.Copy !req
806. I shouldn't be afraid
of my girlfriend, right?Copy !req
807. So I told her,Copy !req
808. “I'll-I'll come home when I want to.”Copy !req
809. Actually, it was a little scary.Copy !req
810. Yeah. Actually, you know,
I-I faced a fear earlierCopy !req
811. and turned out pretty okay.Copy !req
812. You know, from now on,
uh, since we're friends,Copy !req
813. we should just, you know, hang outCopy !req
814. whenever we want to, don't you think?Copy !req
815. Yeah. That...Copy !req
816. I mean, yeah. Let's do it.Copy !req
817. - The world be damned.
- All right, yeah.Copy !req
818. Wha... It's just...Copy !req
819. - Well, I got to go.
- Yeah, yeah,Copy !req
820. let's get you out of here. I'll-I'll...Copy !req
821. don't worry about that.Copy !req
822. Oh. It was a great party.Copy !req
823. Thanks. Thank you.Copy !req
824. - This house was on fire!
- Oh!Copy !req
825. - Yeah!
- Oh, I get it. Oh.Copy !req
826. Later.Copy !req
827. Later.Copy !req
828. Sooner rather than...Copy !req
829. Uh, hi.Copy !req
830. I didn't know you were still here.Copy !req
831. I thought you already left.Copy !req
832. Oh, I don't leave
when there's whiskey left.Copy !req
833. Oh.Copy !req
834. Hey, you know what?Copy !req
835. Take it home.Copy !req
836. That's my gift to you.Copy !req
837. Thank you.Copy !req
838. You know, I get it now.Copy !req
839. What do you get?Copy !req
840. How you feel about Josh.Copy !req
841. I saw it on your face.Copy !req
842. It was weird and sad and...Copy !req
843. also kind of beautifulCopy !req
844. in a pure and un-ironic way.Copy !req
845. I don't know what you're talking about.Copy !req
846. Josh and I are just friends.Copy !req
847. You guys are just friends.Copy !req
848. We guys are just friends.Copy !req
849. Everyone guys are just friends.Copy !req
850. Okay, okay.Copy !req
851. - Drunkie.
- Drunkie.Copy !req
852. Let's call you... whoa!Copy !req
853. Let's get a ride-sharing service, right?Copy !req
854. You know, you're really
starting to fit in here.Copy !req
855. Thank you.Copy !req
856. That's not a compliment.Copy !req
857. I can't do this.Copy !req
858. Yes, you can. And I'll
be right here, I promise.Copy !req
859. What if I forget all the
stuff I'm supposed to say?Copy !req
860. You are not kicking Tommy out.Copy !req
861. I know what my rights are.Copy !req
862. 'Cause I looked 'em up.Copy !req
863. And there is a statute and it is called...Copy !req
864. the fair access rule.Copy !req
865. And if you expel Tommy, then you are...Copy !req
866. liable for aCopy !req
867. $26,000-per year stipendCopy !req
868. for... special education.Copy !req
869. If you drop the transfer hearing,Copy !req
870. then... I will let you off the hook.Copy !req
871. See,Copy !req
872. this is your problem:Copy !req
873. I'm not afraid of you anymore.Copy !req
874. That is right.Copy !req
875. That went well.Copy !req
876. Much better than I thought.Copy !req
877. So tell me some other
stuff about my future.Copy !req
878. Okay, so you're gonna
go to Harvard and Yale.Copy !req
879. Yeah, yeah, so when exactly
do I get those boobs?Copy !req
880. Oh. Um, I think age 14?Copy !req
881. I see.Copy !req
882. So, at Yale, you're
gonna be editor in chiefCopy !req
883. of the law journal.Copy !req
884. Sounds great. Back to
the boobs for a second,Copy !req
885. when you say 14,Copy !req
886. are we talking by my birthday party?Copy !req
887. Are we talking swimsuit season?Copy !req
888. Also, do they float?Copy !req
889. Yeah.Copy !req
890. Nice! Girl with Mustache
owes me ten dollars.Copy !req