1. Previously on Crazy Ex-GirlfriendCopy !req
2. if you're getting your butterfly
smashed, I am all for it.Copy !req
3. - As long as it's not Greg.
- Oh...Copy !req
4. He is Josh's best friend,
okay, and if you sleepCopy !req
5. with Josh's best friend,
that ruins any possibilityCopy !req
6. for when you finally come
to your senses and realizeCopy !req
7. that you were meant for Josh.Copy !req
8. Why does Rebecca like him?Copy !req
9. Why is she all buddy-buddy with him?Copy !req
10. He's just a stupid know-it-all.Copy !req
11. You're sleeping with Rebecca.Copy !req
12. All the time. A lot.Copy !req
13. It's Greg? You're sleeping with Greg?Copy !req
14. How could you?Copy !req
15. So you're galloping through
the forest looking for me,Copy !req
16. 'cause I was stolen by the evil witch,Copy !req
17. and you finally find me
in the enchanted woods.Copy !req
18. You gasp!Copy !req
19. You know, gasp?Copy !req
20. Just go like this.Copy !req
21. This is boring, Rebecca.Copy !req
22. Why can't we play with my trucks?Copy !req
23. Shh!Copy !req
24. Jake, you're not getting this.Copy !req
25. When we see each other,
the spell is lifted,Copy !req
26. and a song plays.Copy !req
27. I'm thinking that great songCopy !req
28. from the movie "Slumbered"Copy !req
29. Do you know it?Copy !req
30. It goes like this...Copy !req
31. No way. I'm not doing this.Copy !req
32. What? Come on.Copy !req
33. With that attitude,Copy !req
34. you're never gonna be
anyone's Prince Charming,Copy !req
35. while I'm gonna have a great love story.Copy !req
36. Wow. So Paula was pretty
pissed when she walked out of here.Copy !req
37. Yeah, I don't... I don't
know what her problem is.Copy !req
38. You feeling better, Bunch?Copy !req
39. Yeah.Copy !req
40. Hey, I'm sorry I...Copy !req
41. ruined your hot date.Copy !req
42. What? Nah, I left as
soon as you texted me.Copy !req
43. Actually, I never wanted
to be there to begin with.Copy !req
44. I should've said that right off the bat.Copy !req
45. Yeah, you should've.Copy !req
46. What about your hot dates next week?Copy !req
47. You have, like, eight.Copy !req
48. I made those up.Copy !req
49. Those were fake.Copy !req
50. All eight of them?Copy !req
51. Get out.Copy !req
52. It is my turn now.Copy !req
53. I have calmed down,Copy !req
54. I am ready to speak to Rebecca,Copy !req
55. so get out.Copy !req
56. Don't worry.Copy !req
57. Stepping out.Copy !req
58. I asked you a million times
who you were sleeping with,Copy !req
59. and you lied to me.Copy !req
60. And with Greg Serrano, of all people.Copy !req
61. After everything I've
done for your love story,Copy !req
62. to get you together with
Josh Chan, and you betray meCopy !req
63. by pickingCopy !req
64. sarcastic, alcoholic, unromantic Greg?Copy !req
65. Whoa.Copy !req
66. Why are you still here?Copy !req
67. What... did you bring her flowers?Copy !req
68. Um, she's my friend,
she's in the hospital.Copy !req
69. That's what you do.Copy !req
70. What is that?Copy !req
71. You-you bought her a stupid balloon?Copy !req
72. No, no. No.Copy !req
73. This balloon is not stupid.Copy !req
74. It's genius.Copy !req
75. The messiah is riding a
unicorn over a rainbow.Copy !req
76. It's like the Turducken
of sympathy balloons.Copy !req
77. What are you even doing here?Copy !req
78. I said, I'm-I'm checking up on her.Copy !req
79. Dude, I know you two hadCopy !req
80. a kind of momentary tongue connection,Copy !req
81. but Rebecca isn't into you anymore.Copy !req
82. She's... with me now.Copy !req
83. So maybe you should take those flowersCopy !req
84. back to your girlfriend,Copy !req
85. who you haven't been able to
commit to for over 15 years.Copy !req
86. Oh, don't turn this around on me.Copy !req
87. This is not about me and Valencia.Copy !req
88. Oh, okay. Sure.Copy !req
89. Fine, you give Rebecca these for me.Copy !req
90. But get used to me being her friend,Copy !req
91. because Rebecca and I are close.Copy !req
92. There's nothing you can do about that.Copy !req
93. She and I have a history,Copy !req
94. and whether you're with her or not,Copy !req
95. we're connected.Copy !req
96. Oh, uh-huh?Copy !req
97. Well, doesn't bother meCopy !req
98. and I don't careCopy !req
99. and it doesn't bother me,Copy !req
100. also a weird thing to say,Copy !req
101. and it doesn't bother me.Copy !req
102. Also, circling back,
you have a girlfriend.Copy !req
103. Say hi to your very patient girlfriend!Copy !req
104. Do you have any idea the
things that I have done for you?Copy !req
105. I have devoted my life to you.Copy !req
106. You have no ideaCopy !req
107. the lengths that I have gone to.Copy !req
108. Take Thanksgiving, for example...Copy !req
109. You got me invited
to Josh's house, okay.Copy !req
110. Yes.Copy !req
111. How did I do that?Copy !req
112. How did you just magicallyCopy !req
113. bump into Josh's mother at the market?Copy !req
114. - Huh? Huh?
- I don't know.Copy !req
115. Rebecca, under Lourdes Chan's carCopy !req
116. is a tracking device that is keyedCopy !req
117. into a beeper in my desk at the office.Copy !req
118. I had to smuggle that
device in from Armenia.Copy !req
119. I know where that woman
is every hour of every day.Copy !req
120. - Whoa.
- Yeah.Copy !req
121. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.Copy !req
122. I have done things for youCopy !req
123. that you can't even imagine,Copy !req
124. things that would make your head spin.Copy !req
125. And I did it for you.Copy !req
126. No, no, I didn't ask you
to do any of those things.Copy !req
127. Don't talk... anymore!Copy !req
128. Paula? What are you doing?Copy !req
129. Paula, why are you
shutting the doctors out?Copy !req
130. Want to know all the
things I've done for you?Copy !req
131. If you think you're over Josh,Copy !req
132. you are fooling yourself.Copy !req
133. The other balloon options wereCopy !req
134. "It's a boy" or "Suck it, cancer."Copy !req
135. You wouldn't have preferred
flowers, would you?Copy !req
136. What? No. No. I love flowersCopy !req
137. and I love ironic stick balloons.Copy !req
138. I love them both.Copy !req
139. Right, but you must love oneCopy !req
140. more than the other, though, right?Copy !req
141. I mean, maybe you love
stick balloons a little bit,Copy !req
142. because you think they're
funny and charming, kind of,Copy !req
143. in an, uh, unthreatening way.Copy !req
144. But flowers, you, like,
love, 'cause they holdCopy !req
145. a special place in your heart
and have been there forever,Copy !req
146. and stick balloons should just give upCopy !req
147. because he's wasting his time?Copy !req
148. Hey, what-what-what's wrong with you?Copy !req
149. Hmm? What? Aah!Copy !req
150. I'm fine. You're the one
who's all over the place.Copy !req
151. Really? How much morphine did I have?Copy !req
152. You know what, you've
been through a lot.Copy !req
153. You're... you should rest. I'm gonna go.Copy !req
154. I'm gonna jet and I'm
gonna text you later.Copy !req
155. But... you could...Copy !req
156. Why did you freak out and leave?Copy !req
157. I don't know.Copy !req
158. After I saw Josh in the hospital,Copy !req
159. I realized she always goes back to him.Copy !req
160. I'm just the guy she settles for.Copy !req
161. Greg, she likes you. She chose you.Copy !req
162. You guys have sex 50 times a day.Copy !req
163. Why do... why do I
tell you those things?Copy !req
164. Eh, you got issues, kid.Copy !req
165. Oh, it's awful.Copy !req
166. I... I can't care this much.Copy !req
167. Caring, on me, is very unattractive.Copy !req
168. It'll ruin everything.Copy !req
169. I chased after her for
months, no interest from her,Copy !req
170. I finally force myself to stop caring,Copy !req
171. and that's when she was into me.Copy !req
172. That's what she likes... The not caring.Copy !req
173. Oh, come on, this is embarrassing.Copy !req
174. This is fear talking.Copy !req
175. You're just afraid she's
gonna hurt you again.Copy !req
176. I know what I need to do.Copy !req
177. I need to be...Copy !req
178. Like, the uncaring bad boy.Copy !req
179. Oh, my God, you're an idiot.Copy !req
180. You can look now.Copy !req
181. I thought you weren't supposed
to wear white to a wedding.Copy !req
182. Technically it's ivory and
Jayma's dress is Alaskan Snow.Copy !req
183. Don't you already have
a bridesmaid's dress?Copy !req
184. I need a second look for the reception.Copy !req
185. Don't be insane-brain.Copy !req
186. Also, I look amazing in this dress.Copy !req
187. I ordered some shoes, too,Copy !req
188. but they haven't come in.
I'm just trying to be patient.Copy !req
189. Patient, yeah.Copy !req
190. You're good at that.Copy !req
191. I am?Copy !req
192. With me.Copy !req
193. V, I know you want a commitment.Copy !req
194. Some women wouldn't have
put up with me this long.Copy !req
195. - What are you saying?
- I'm sayingCopy !req
196. I'm not oblivious.Copy !req
197. I know what the next step is for us.Copy !req
198. I'm going to look for a ring.Copy !req
199. But I'm just asking youCopy !req
200. one thing.Copy !req
201. Just... let me do it in my own way.Copy !req
202. In my own time.Copy !req
203. Is that okay?Copy !req
204. Of course.Copy !req
205. Whatever you need.Copy !req
206. You need to realizeCopy !req
207. that "you up?" Is text
for "are you horny?"Copy !req
208. Okay, whatever, listen.Copy !req
209. I need to talk to somebody.Copy !req
210. And I'm in a huge fight with
my best friend right now,Copy !req
211. and without her I'm feeling
super insecure about Greg.Copy !req
212. Yeah, and since you know him super well,Copy !req
213. I don't know, I thought
you could help me out.Copy !req
214. So... what's the problem?Copy !req
215. I mean, I, of all people,Copy !req
216. know he digs you.Copy !req
217. Right, okay, but we
were in the hospital,Copy !req
218. and he was really sweet,
and then we got home,Copy !req
219. and he was, like, weird again.Copy !req
220. Yeah, that sounds like Greg.Copy !req
221. I mean, you know, he gets,
like, freaked about stuff.Copy !req
222. Plus, you have that
weird thing with Josh.Copy !req
223. So maybe...Copy !req
224. No, no, no, no. He knows
that's over, though.Copy !req
225. He knows that's done.
I want to be with him.Copy !req
226. We need to share how we
feel with the other...Copy !req
227. Yeah, we need, like, a moment, right?Copy !req
228. A moment, like, where the princeCopy !req
229. and princess pledge their troth.Copy !req
230. Feed their pigs?Copy !req
231. No, like, they-they
dance together at a ball.Copy !req
232. Or they kiss in a tower.Copy !req
233. They sail on a magic
carpet through the sky.Copy !req
234. I just want to lookCopy !req
235. into Greg's eyes and,
you know, have a moment!Copy !req
236. It's the moment!Copy !req
237. It's like, oh, it's like
in that movie "Slumbered",Copy !req
238. when the princess wakes up
and then the song starts.Copy !req
239. Oh, God, you're one of those girls.Copy !req
240. Okay, dude, so the moment you're cravingCopy !req
241. isn't anchored in real emotion.Copy !req
242. It's a script dictated to youCopy !req
243. by our society's
patriarchal love narrative.Copy !req
244. Wow, that's fascinating.
Did you learn that in school?Copy !req
245. No, actually that's from
this month's Glamor.Copy !req
246. Look, just tell him how you feel.Copy !req
247. Say, "Dude, I dig you.Copy !req
248. I got the feels."Copy !req
249. I mean, angels don't have
to be singing or some crap.Copy !req
250. But just, like, be chill.Copy !req
251. Just rememberCopy !req
252. I don't care.Copy !req
253. - Hey!
- Yo!Copy !req
254. What up? What up?Copy !req
255. I brought brew dogs!Copy !req
256. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
257. - Hi.
- Thanks.Copy !req
258. - It's good... oh.
- Oh.Copy !req
259. That's fine. We're just hanging!Copy !req
260. It's fine. Oh...Copy !req
261. So I, uh, I just came overCopy !req
262. to, you know, like rap and hang outCopy !req
263. and talk about stuff.Copy !req
264. It doesn't even have to be
the primary activity, though.Copy !req
265. We can do other stuff
while we're talking.Copy !req
266. Do you, uh, do you want to watch TV?Copy !req
267. Yeah, sounds great.Copy !req
268. It's great.Copy !req
269. Turn it on.Copy !req
270. Oh, the way we were.Copy !req
271. I don't want to watch it. I'm sorry.Copy !req
272. I was just like saying, "oh,
it's the way we were, blah."Copy !req
273. There's a monster truck rally on.Copy !req
274. What do you think?Copy !req
275. That could be so bad it's awesome.Copy !req
276. Yeah, that's funny.Copy !req
277. It's really funny.Copy !req
278. Hey, um, so, so the
rea... The reason I-I,Copy !req
279. I came over, um, uh,Copy !req
280. was I, uh, I wanted toCopy !req
281. Tell you that I...Copy !req
282. Did you fart?Copy !req
283. Yeah, I did.Copy !req
284. I, uh, ate a bean burritoCopy !req
285. out of the freezer from the '90s,Copy !req
286. 'cause I don't care, and, uh,Copy !req
287. I have a candle... Do you want it?Copy !req
288. I have a triple wick. I can get it...Copy !req
289. I don't care, though.Copy !req
290. Nah, I don't care, I
mean, it's, you know,Copy !req
291. it's the body. The body makes things.Copy !req
292. - So I get it.
- I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it.Copy !req
293. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just...Copy !req
294. Cool, um... I'll probably
let one rip, too, 'cause...Copy !req
295. Farting is hilarious.Copy !req
296. It's classic humor. What's that?Copy !req
297. Oh, wow, it's Jayma's
wedding invitation.Copy !req
298. Gasp. How romantic.Copy !req
299. It's perfect.Copy !req
300. I found it. This one's extra strength.Copy !req
301. Should do the trick.Copy !req
302. So, what did you want to say?Copy !req
303. Oh, yeah. Did you get that invite?Copy !req
304. Are you going to Jayma's wedding?Copy !req
305. Y-yes.Copy !req
306. I was gonna ask if you were going,Copy !req
307. but I knew you were a
bridesmaid and then you weren't.Copy !req
308. - What happened there?
- Oh, it was nothing. It was just, like,Copy !req
309. a stupid clerical error.Copy !req
310. But, um, yeah,Copy !req
311. no, I'm-I'm definitely...Copy !req
312. definitely going. Sounds like a hoot.Copy !req
313. Um, hey, oh, my gosh,Copy !req
314. this just popped into my nogs.Copy !req
315. Do you want to go... together?Copy !req
316. Yeah. No. Uh, s-sure.Copy !req
317. I don't care. We... I could, um...Copy !req
318. We could... we could go.Copy !req
319. Great! So, let me... I'll just make sureCopy !req
320. I RSVP'd with Josh's Mom.Copy !req
321. Now,Copy !req
322. for my song, I need to be seatedCopy !req
323. exactly 20 feet away, because
I have a 15-second intro.Copy !req
324. Myrna, this is my daughter's
wedding, not a gig at Pechanga.Copy !req
325. I'm her aunt.Copy !req
326. This is my gift to her.Copy !req
327. As God gifted me with my voice.Copy !req
328. Basically, I'm giving
her a gift from God.Copy !req
329. She's registered. She needs dish towels.Copy !req
330. Um,Copy !req
331. just so you know, there's aCopy !req
332. - small person staring at us.
- Oh, God,Copy !req
333. I think it's one of my
fans from Star Search.Copy !req
334. Yeah, that's probably it.Copy !req
335. Oh, boy.Copy !req
336. Rebecca...Copy !req
337. You know her?Copy !req
338. Mrs. Chan. What an
Uber-duber coinkydinkyCopy !req
339. to run into you here. That's so funny.Copy !req
340. Stop. You're Josh's Aunt Myrna.Copy !req
341. I've heard so much about you.Copy !req
342. Mrs. Chan, it is so funnyCopy !req
343. that I very coincidentally ran into you,Copy !req
344. because I, um... I actually
just-just bought JaymaCopy !req
345. a wedding present.Copy !req
346. You got the Iladro cherub on a peacock?Copy !req
347. This retails for $2,499.Copy !req
348. You are an angel.Copy !req
349. Thank you. You know,Copy !req
350. I'm really glad that
I, again, coincidentallyCopy !req
351. ran into you, because I've been
wanting to talk to you aboutCopy !req
352. what happened with
Jayma's wedding dress.Copy !req
353. Yes, that was unfortunate.Copy !req
354. But I know you didn't do it, Rebecca.Copy !req
355. Valencia was involved, and, with her,Copy !req
356. things tend to get complicated.Copy !req
357. Ate, that's not very nice.Copy !req
358. Valencia is a wonderful girl.Copy !req
359. Anyway, so if you could
give this to Jayma for me...Copy !req
360. I have a better idea.Copy !req
361. Deliver it yourself.Copy !req
362. Why don't you come to the wedding?Copy !req
363. Okay!Copy !req
364. That would be great. Thank you!Copy !req
365. Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Guess
what. I have great news.Copy !req
366. So, I used your Armenian tracking deviceCopy !req
367. to follow Lourdes, and
it worked like a dream.Copy !req
368. Let me tell you what happened.
So, I tracked Lourdes downCopy !req
369. at Boba, and I gotCopy !req
370. re-invited to Jayma's wedding.Copy !req
371. So now I can go with GregCopy !req
372. and we can have a moment
and share our feelingsCopy !req
373. and our relationship can
begin. So I wanted to tell youCopy !req
374. Greg stuff can be really
fun and sneaky, too!Copy !req
375. Come on!Copy !req
376. Just take me back.Copy !req
377. Come on. Please, let's go have a donut.Copy !req
378. Right? Let's go have a donut hole.Copy !req
379. Let's go have a donut
hole shoved into a donut.Copy !req
380. I thought of a name for
it... It's called a whole-nut.Copy !req
381. No, Paula, it's a whole-nut.Copy !req
382. A whole-nut.Copy !req
383. I'm looking for something
really pretty, Moshe.Copy !req
384. It's gonna be a very special evening.Copy !req
385. The start of a love story.Copy !req
386. Ah, how wonderful.Copy !req
387. So, have you, uh, found your bashert?Copy !req
388. Your soul mate. Your destiny.Copy !req
389. Have you... Have you found him yet?Copy !req
390. Have I found my soul mate?Copy !req
391. Have I found my s...Copy !req
392. Josh.Copy !req
393. Rebecca, you're-you're, uh...Copy !req
394. Back from the hospital.Copy !req
395. Y-you feeling better?Copy !req
396. Yeah. Thank you.Copy !req
397. You're back, Mr. Chan.Copy !req
398. You want to see the engagement ringsCopy !req
399. you were looking at before?Copy !req
400. Engagement rings. Wow.Copy !req
401. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, just...Copy !req
402. - Been thinkin' about it. It's time.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
403. That's really...Copy !req
404. Great and romantic. Congratulations.Copy !req
405. Congratulations. Oh, my God.
Congratulations.Copy !req
406. Yeah. So, uh, what are
you doing here?Copy !req
407. Right. I'm getting earrings,Copy !req
408. uh, for your sister's wedding, actually.Copy !req
409. - Yeah.
- I'm going. I'm, um... I'm going...Copy !req
410. Oh. Yeah. Right.Copy !req
411. Um, uh, well, I'm going with-with Greg.Copy !req
412. Right. Yeah. Great. Of
course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.Copy !req
413. Wow, those are really beautiful.Copy !req
414. Like something out of a fairy tale.Copy !req
415. Oy vey. What, what's
with these sad faces?Copy !req
416. My best to you and
Valencia both and always.Copy !req
417. Thank you. I-I also give to youCopy !req
418. and all of yours also my-my best.Copy !req
419. Okay. Yeah.Copy !req
420. So, you ready to make a choice?Copy !req
421. Well, Becky, today's the day.Copy !req
422. Today you are gonna tell GregCopy !req
423. that you want to start a life together,Copy !req
424. and it's gonna be perfect.Copy !req
425. God, pep talks into a mirror do nothingCopy !req
426. but enhance the loneliness.Copy !req
427. Well, hello, Mr. Love Bird!Copy !req
428. Are you here to help me
get ready for the ball?Copy !req
429. You are? Well, that's lovely.Copy !req
430. And I'm so glad you're here.Copy !req
431. Because todayCopy !req
432. I'm gonna declare my love to a prince,Copy !req
433. and it's gonna be oh-so-romantic.Copy !req
434. A perfect moment.Copy !req
435. Rebecca!Copy !req
436. Who you talking to?Copy !req
437. No one! Who are you... Talking to?Copy !req
438. And now, the kingdom of ScarsdaleCopy !req
439. presents the beautiful daughterCopy !req
440. of Silas and Naomi Bunch...Copy !req
441. Me!Copy !req
442. Okay, so just-just imagine
I'm, like, floating,Copy !req
443. like, on a pillow of magic.Copy !req
444. And there are men with trumpets
lining the walkway.Copy !req
445. Wow.Copy !req
446. It's the movie "Slumbered". It's fine.Copy !req
447. I, uh...Copy !req
448. I don't... know what to say.Copy !req
449. Am I overdressed? Is this too... ?Copy !req
450. - I don't know. Is this too much?
- No.Copy !req
451. You look all right.Copy !req
452. All right. Okay.Copy !req
453. I will take that.Copy !req
454. Oh. You're wearing sneakers?Copy !req
455. Yeah, well, I didn't know
you were gonna get all fancy.Copy !req
456. I didn't know it was gonna
be like a whole thing.Copy !req
457. Um, yeah. No, it's a
wedding, uh, but I should haveCopy !req
458. been clearer, so it's fine.Copy !req
459. Let's go. It'll be so fun,Copy !req
460. and you'll say nice things there.Copy !req
461. Okay, I'm gonna float out.Copy !req
462. Floating out, floating out.Copy !req
463. It was... oh, that ceremony...
It was so beautiful.Copy !req
464. I cried so much. I just love weddings.Copy !req
465. Of course you do, you
poor unmarried thing.Copy !req
466. Josh,Copy !req
467. when are you gonna put a ring
on this lovely girl's finger?Copy !req
468. Oh, my God, this is lovely.Copy !req
469. Yeah, I guess.Copy !req
470. No. Isn't it romantic?Copy !req
471. I don't know.Copy !req
472. If you think about it,
it's kind of the epitomeCopy !req
473. of Southern California pastiche.Copy !req
474. A chain hotel with vaguely French decor,Copy !req
475. and Italian food is
being served tapas-styleCopy !req
476. while a Filipino girl
is marrying a Jewish guy,Copy !req
477. all with a lightly Arabian
nights-style wedding.Copy !req
478. What was this Pinterest board
Ironic juxtaposition?Copy !req
479. I like that kind of mélange.Copy !req
480. We're way too sober for this wedding.Copy !req
481. How about I get us some shots?Copy !req
482. - Okay.
- Okay. Hold on.Copy !req
483. Okay. Shots. I mean, I
could also go for champagne,Copy !req
484. but shots are funny, too. Okay.Copy !req
485. I love this.Copy !req
486. A chain hotel with French decorCopy !req
487. and Italian food served tapas-styleCopy !req
488. while a Filipino girl
marries a Jewish guyCopy !req
489. in a lightly Arabian
nights-style wedding.Copy !req
490. It is so romantic.Copy !req
491. Sure we're supposed to
be wearing tuxes, dude?Copy !req
492. We are here to celebrate love,Copy !req
493. and we're gonna do that
at a ten, am I right?Copy !req
494. - Yeah. Yeah!
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
495. Yeah. We're fancy.Copy !req
496. Deal with it.Copy !req
497. Hey.Copy !req
498. Hey.Copy !req
499. Wow.Copy !req
500. Look at you.Copy !req
501. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Do
you think it's a bit much?Copy !req
502. No. You look amazing.Copy !req
503. Like a princess.Copy !req
504. Look, this is none of my business,Copy !req
505. but I have to say something.Copy !req
506. If you get mad at me, I understand.Copy !req
507. Okay.Copy !req
508. Are you sure Greg is what you want?Copy !req
509. I mean, he's so sarcasticCopy !req
510. and dark, and you're not that.Copy !req
511. You're sweet.Copy !req
512. Um, Josh...Copy !req
513. I'm just afraid you're
going to get hurt.Copy !req
514. I've known Greg since I was five,Copy !req
515. and I love the dude,
but he's complicated.Copy !req
516. He quits on things as
soon as they get hard.Copy !req
517. Did you know he wanted to beCopy !req
518. a professional dodge ball player?Copy !req
519. And then we're not even allowed
to ask him about that now.Copy !req
520. I'm just afraid there will be
a moment when he lets you down.Copy !req
521. He's gonna disappoint you somehow.Copy !req
522. I-I feel it.Copy !req
523. That's very sweet of you, but I'm okay.Copy !req
524. I'm okay. I-I know what I'm doing.Copy !req
525. Okay.Copy !req
526. - That's all I wanted to say.
- Okay.Copy !req
527. I'm back.Copy !req
528. Anything, uh, interesting
happen while I was away?Copy !req
529. Uh, no. As soon as they open
the ballroom, let's cut a rug?Copy !req
530. Yeah, I'm not so much of a dancer.Copy !req
531. I'm more of an I-hate-dancing.Copy !req
532. Let's do a shot and then
let's go dance, okay?Copy !req
533. Okay.Copy !req
534. Okay, come on.Copy !req
535. Please? Just one? Come on.Copy !req
536. It'll be fun.Copy !req
537. Oh, that's really pretty.Copy !req
538. - Oh, this is so...
- lovely.Copy !req
539. - All right.
- Shall we?Copy !req
540. - You ready for this?
- I'm so ready.Copy !req
541. - Oh.
- And... dip.Copy !req
542. - And dip.
- Okay.Copy !req
543. - And dip.
- Okay.Copy !req
544. - And another dip.
- No!Copy !req
545. Okay. Okay. No, that's fun.Copy !req
546. That's really funny,
but let's dance for...Copy !req
547. Let's dance for real now.Copy !req
548. Oh, you want the real stuff?Copy !req
549. - I... I do.
- Oh... ss... !Copy !req
550. Look, I'm sizzling bacon.Copy !req
551. - Ss...
- I'm sorry. I...Copy !req
552. You know, just stop, stop, stop. I...Copy !req
553. Let's really dance,
dude. Please. Come on.Copy !req
554. Please? For me?Copy !req
555. Thank you. That's better.Copy !req
556. Look, there's been something
I want to say to you tonight.Copy !req
557. And that's...Copy !req
558. Ladies and gentlemen, thank
you for joining us this evening!Copy !req
559. It is my pleasure to introduce to you...Copy !req
560. Phillip and Jayma dancing
for the very first timeCopy !req
561. as Mr. and Mrs. Epstein!Copy !req
562. - That's so cute.
- It's so corny.Copy !req
563. No! It's two people in
love, and they're dancing.Copy !req
564. What's wrong with that?Copy !req
565. Now everyone please
join the bride and groomCopy !req
566. - on the dance floor.
- What's up with you tonight?Copy !req
567. You're, like, extra
snarky for no reason.Copy !req
568. Guess I'm just a bad boy.Copy !req
569. What?Copy !req
570. Yeah, I'm sorry. I-I'm...
I'm-I'm trying...Copy !req
571. What are you trying to do?Copy !req
572. What... what is all this?Copy !req
573. You know what? You're right.Copy !req
574. Let's dance for real.Copy !req
575. - Let's show off your dress. Come on.
- Oh.Copy !req
576. And now the groomsmen have a
surprise for the special couple.Copy !req
577. There's a lot of events.Copy !req
578. What is this? Oh, my God.Copy !req
579. How funny is this?Copy !req
580. It's really funny.Copy !req
581. Sorry. Tell Janice I'm sorry.Copy !req
582. Hey, multiple Aladdins!Copy !req
583. You're not really hovering!Copy !req
584. I can see your wheels!Copy !req
585. Hoverboard dancing is not dancing.Copy !req
586. - Their feet are frozen.
- Mm-hmm.Copy !req
587. You take the board away, mainly
what they're doing is leaning.Copy !req
588. It's synch... it's
synchronized leaning, basically.Copy !req
589. Yeah, well, you couldn't do it.Copy !req
590. Yeah, well, I couldn't
shake your hand with my foot,Copy !req
591. or... but you don't want that.Copy !req
592. You're not really making a lot of sense.Copy !req
593. - Amn't I?
- No. You am not.Copy !req
594. What is going on with you, dude?Copy !req
595. What does that mean?Copy !req
596. Well, your date is
over there by herself,Copy !req
597. and you're here by yourself
getting, like, plowed.Copy !req
598. Okay.Copy !req
599. Put on some kind of dress.Copy !req
600. - What?
- We're going to a wedding.Copy !req
601. Have you lost your mind?Copy !req
602. Rebecca is sad. She needs you.Copy !req
603. We're not friends anymore, okay?
And it's her fault. All right.Copy !req
604. I did everything for her.Copy !req
605. I gave her the best advice,
and she chose to ignore it.Copy !req
606. So, I mean, I was the great friend.Copy !req
607. Oh, my God, are you serious?Copy !req
608. You think that's what a friend is?Copy !req
609. Someone who tells you what to do?Copy !req
610. That is not friendship.Copy !req
611. I'd never do that to you.Copy !req
612. And, Paula, you and I are best friends!Copy !req
613. What?Copy !req
614. Oh, yeah. No. Yes, we are.Copy !req
615. Yes, we are.Copy !req
616. Now go get your dress
on and let's boogie.Copy !req
617. You're not having the
best time, are you?Copy !req
618. I don't know what's wrong with me.Copy !req
619. You're at a crossroads.Copy !req
620. I see that.Copy !req
621. And I think I can help.Copy !req
622. You can?Copy !req
623. This belonged to your grandma.Copy !req
624. It would be perfect on Valencia.Copy !req
625. Whenever you're ready.Copy !req
626. Wow! Tita Myrna,Copy !req
627. I... I don't know what to say.Copy !req
628. It's nice of you to...Copy !req
629. Wait. Did Valencia put you up to this?Copy !req
630. I am so sorry.Copy !req
631. - I am so sorry.
- No, I am so sorry.Copy !req
632. - This is all my fault.
- It's all my fault.Copy !req
633. No, I wanted to tell you
about Greg so many times.Copy !req
634. I should have been a better friend.Copy !req
635. - I was racked with guilt.
- I should have just listened to you.Copy !req
636. - Every time I saw you, I wanted to tell
you everything. - And I felt so bad.Copy !req
637. Every time I saw your name,
I wanted to pick up the phone.Copy !req
638. - I've been having so much sex.
- You look like a princess.Copy !req
639. - Oh, my God, you look like a princess.
- You look beautiful.Copy !req
640. You look like a sea
princess and you're, like,Copy !req
641. - wearing a necklace with crabs.
- I feel so bad.Copy !req
642. And I wish I'd been with you
to buy that crab necklace.Copy !req
643. - I should have been better.
- You're my daughter,Copy !req
644. and I should have
been a better mother.Copy !req
645. Oh, my God, I feel
like you're my Mom.Copy !req
646. So I just thought this was
gonna be mine and Greg'sCopy !req
647. romantic evening, and, oh, I'm sorry.Copy !req
648. I know you don't want
to hear about this.Copy !req
649. Hey, I'm not telling you what to
do anymore. I am done with that.Copy !req
650. But if you really like Greg,
you should tell him right away.Copy !req
651. I mean, don't waste a single second.Copy !req
652. I'm sorry, that was advice-y.Copy !req
653. No, it's okay, I liked it.Copy !req
654. Thank you.Copy !req
655. I love you, Paula.Copy !req
656. I love you, too.Copy !req
657. Okay, you called my auntCopy !req
658. and asked her to bring a family heirloomCopy !req
659. to my sister's wedding
without asking me?Copy !req
660. Well, I knew she had it and
would love to give it to usCopy !req
661. and I wanted to get it
before your cousin Ruby.Copy !req
662. Oh, my God, Valencia!Copy !req
663. You didn't have any faith in me.Copy !req
664. Y-you couldn't trust
me with this one thing.Copy !req
665. I just asked for a
little time, that's all.Copy !req
666. A little time, I see.Copy !req
667. Because 15 years isn't enough time.Copy !req
668. I was looking. For rings.Copy !req
669. And did you buy one?Copy !req
670. You know what, I have been patient.Copy !req
671. I have been patient through
college and through New YorkCopy !req
672. and through all of our
friends getting engagedCopy !req
673. and married and I was patientCopy !req
674. when you cheated on me with Rebecca.Copy !req
675. The reason I asked for that
ring is because, deep down,Copy !req
676. I didn't believe you were gonna do it.Copy !req
677. Were you going to?Copy !req
678. You have a ring.Copy !req
679. In your hand.Copy !req
680. You said that you were
ready for the next step,Copy !req
681. so let's do it.Copy !req
682. Let's take that ring and
get up on the bandstandCopy !req
683. and steal some wedding thunder
and get engaged right now.Copy !req
684. You're not listening to me.Copy !req
685. You never listen to me. You...Copy !req
686. You pretend to, but...Copy !req
687. You never do.Copy !req
688. You know,Copy !req
689. for the last few monthsCopy !req
690. I thought Rebecca Bunch was our problem.Copy !req
691. But it's not.Copy !req
692. It's you.Copy !req
693. I'm done, Josh. We're over. For good.Copy !req
694. Hey. Hey, I want to talk to you.Copy !req
695. So...Copy !req
696. Tonight's gotten... Pretty off track.Copy !req
697. Like, this isn't us.
This isn't how we are.Copy !req
698. And... and I think it's my fault.Copy !req
699. Yeah, because I had an artificial viewCopy !req
700. of how I wanted this night to go.Copy !req
701. No, it's my fault. It's
my fault. It's my fault.Copy !req
702. I should not have worn sneakers tonight.Copy !req
703. Justin Timberlake wore
sneakers with a suitCopy !req
704. and I thought I was
cool, but I'm no JTimbo.Copy !req
705. You're hilariously wasted.Copy !req
706. I knowCopy !req
707. what you want to say to me.Copy !req
708. You want to break up with me.Copy !req
709. Break up with you? Oh, my...Copy !req
710. No. Greg, okay.Copy !req
711. Listen...Copy !req
712. This, like, this emotion
stuff can be scary.Copy !req
713. My parents split up when I was little,Copy !req
714. your Mom left, we don't have
the greatest role models here.Copy !req
715. But... there's been somethingCopy !req
716. I've been wanting to tell you all night.Copy !req
717. And... even though it
scares me to death,Copy !req
718. I'm gonna be brave.Copy !req
719. So, uh,Copy !req
720. even though we've only
been seeing each otherCopy !req
721. for a short time...Copy !req
722. I, um...Copy !req
723. I care about you.Copy !req
724. Like, a lot.Copy !req
725. So, tell me...Copy !req
726. Tell me how you feel. If
you have any feelings. And...Copy !req
727. I don't care how you
tell me, Greg, okay?Copy !req
728. I don't care if you fart
while you're saying it,Copy !req
729. just please tell me.Copy !req
730. Can you say something?Copy !req
731. Okay.Copy !req
732. I... think...Copy !req
733. you're cool.Copy !req
734. You...Copy !req
735. Sorry, after, like,
everything we've been through,Copy !req
736. you just, you just think I'm cool?Copy !req
737. Yeah. I think...Copy !req
738. We have fun together, yeah.Copy !req
739. But let's not...Copy !req
740. Like, plan out our future.Copy !req
741. Let's just focus on, um...Copy !req
742. On tonight and have fun, okay?Copy !req
743. Wait, what?Copy !req
744. Uh, but right now I, um...Copy !req
745. I need to... I need to take
a... I need to take a nap.Copy !req
746. Greg?Copy !req
747. Greg? Hey. Hey, Greg?Copy !req
748. Ah, yes, the classic Serrano pass-out.Copy !req
749. I'll get him an Uber.Copy !req
750. Um, yeah, and I'll go with you.Copy !req
751. No, you will not. You stay
here. You don't want to seeCopy !req
752. what's on the other side of this.Copy !req
753. War movie.Copy !req
754. I'm sorry he blew it.Copy !req
755. I know that he cares, but...Copy !req
756. It's Greg, it's just who he is.Copy !req
757. Hey, everybody, time to get inside.Copy !req
758. Aunt Myrna's going to sing.Copy !req
759. Ladies and gentlemen, Aunt Myrna.Copy !req
760. Oh, my gosh. Oh, hello, everyone.Copy !req
761. I would like to dedicate this songCopy !req
762. to JaymaCopy !req
763. and Phillip. You may
already know this one.Copy !req
764. I sang this on Star Search in 1984Copy !req
765. and I got 33/4 stars.Copy !req
766. She's just the worst.Copy !req
767. Come with me.Copy !req
768. It's over.Copy !req
769. What?Copy !req
770. Rebecca, Valencia and I are done.Copy !req
771. Becks, I have tried
not to think about you.Copy !req
772. I have.Copy !req
773. You have no idea how hard I've tried.Copy !req
774. Just, no matter what I do...Copy !req
775. I feel you with me.Copy !req
776. Oh, my God, it's my letter from camp.Copy !req
777. You keep this with
you, like, all the time?Copy !req
778. Look, I know you're with Greg, but...Copy !req
779. Stop.Copy !req
780. I love you, Rebecca.Copy !req
781. I should have said "I love you."Copy !req
782. Hey, Josh?Copy !req
783. Yeah, Becks?Copy !req
784. Can I tell you something?Copy !req
785. Yeah.Copy !req
786. I moved here for you.Copy !req
787. What?Copy !req
788. The second I saw you on the
street in New York, I knew.Copy !req
789. I j... I just knew you were
the answer to all my problems.Copy !req
790. And I lost sight of it for a minute,Copy !req
791. but now I know for sure.Copy !req
792. Mmm.Copy !req
793. This is our moment, Josh Chan.Copy !req
794. I'm so excited that our
love story can finally begin.Copy !req